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1
00:00:00,383 --> 00:00:02,335
Everyone has a morning routine.
2
00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:03,430
For a doctor like Bow,
3
00:00:03,499 --> 00:00:05,544
that routine used to start early.
4
00:00:08,423 --> 00:00:09,990
Farmer early.
5
00:00:10,062 --> 00:00:12,738
She got dressed in the dark
so I could sleep,
6
00:00:12,785 --> 00:00:15,085
which is something
I would have done for her.
7
00:00:15,154 --> 00:00:16,441
Probably.
8
00:00:16,504 --> 00:00:17,660
Maybe.
9
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,188
Baby.
10
00:00:24,243 --> 00:00:26,180
Take my wife! Take my wife!
11
00:00:26,274 --> 00:00:27,790
Dre, what is going on?
12
00:00:27,892 --> 00:00:29,659
Nothing...
13
00:00:29,761 --> 00:00:31,060
I didn't think you were a home invader.
14
00:00:31,162 --> 00:00:32,695
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:32,797 --> 00:00:34,597
She left way before the kids got up,
16
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:36,966
but she did what she could
in order to see them.
17
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,235
I love you. And I love you.
18
00:00:39,304 --> 00:00:40,703
- Have a good day, mommy.
- Peace.
19
00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:42,605
Bye, guys. Bye!
20
00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:44,708
Oh, okay.
21
00:00:44,747 --> 00:00:47,109
This feels slightly unprofessional.
22
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:53,649
You will feel less angry in 5, 4, 3...
23
00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:55,251
Bye.
24
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,487
With Bow out the door by 5:00
and saving lives by 6:00,
25
00:00:58,556 --> 00:01:00,289
mornings were my thing,
26
00:01:00,391 --> 00:01:02,725
and I was good at my thing.
27
00:01:02,794 --> 00:01:04,927
All right, waffle up!
28
00:01:05,964 --> 00:01:07,330
What? This is still frozen.
29
00:01:07,432 --> 00:01:09,179
Come on, it's 7:25!
30
00:01:09,242 --> 00:01:11,500
However you look now
is how you're gonna go to school!
31
00:01:14,138 --> 00:01:16,339
You can be late.
32
00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:17,874
But now that Bow
33
00:01:17,976 --> 00:01:19,242
was home full time and not working,
34
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things were starting to change.
35
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All right, however you look now
36
00:01:23,081 --> 00:01:24,614
is how you're going to school.
37
00:01:25,984 --> 00:01:27,550
Hey, where'd you get that?
38
00:01:27,619 --> 00:01:28,851
Mom made it.
39
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,386
I made it.
40
00:01:30,455 --> 00:01:32,788
Jack, no crust, Diane, crust,
41
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:34,023
and, Junior, don't forget
42
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,825
that you are driving carpool
after school today.
43
00:01:35,927 --> 00:01:37,560
I put cheese sticks
in the car last night.
44
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,861
I am ready to go.
45
00:01:38,930 --> 00:01:41,364
You're leaving cheese
in a hot car all day long?
46
00:01:41,432 --> 00:01:43,466
Didn't think it through.
47
00:01:43,568 --> 00:01:45,067
These are the hands you're
putting our lives in?
48
00:01:45,169 --> 00:01:47,003
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that reminds me.
49
00:01:47,105 --> 00:01:48,237
Forgot my driving gloves.
50
00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:49,505
Really? Driving gloves?
51
00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:50,740
- Hey, babe.
- Hm?
52
00:01:50,808 --> 00:01:53,876
I would be happy to pick up
your dry-cleaning
53
00:01:53,945 --> 00:01:56,579
between doing our taxes
four months early
54
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,681
and putting traps out for that gopher
55
00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:00,549
that's been tearing up our yard.
56
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,218
Oh. Well, it seems like
57
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,753
you have all of this under control.
58
00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:05,688
- Mm.
- What do I do?
59
00:02:05,794 --> 00:02:07,560
- Whatever you want, sweetie.
- Oh.
60
00:02:07,662 --> 00:02:08,828
Mwah!
61
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,263
With the house to myself,
62
00:02:10,365 --> 00:02:11,864
I did what any man would do
63
00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:14,968
when he's left alone
with his own shameful desires.
64
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:16,436
...respected your daughter.
65
00:02:16,538 --> 00:02:17,603
I'm just saying, man, don't do that.
66
00:02:17,706 --> 00:02:18,705
We didn't do that.
67
00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:20,969
- You better tell 'em, Whoopi!
- We made it a point, because...
68
00:02:21,047 --> 00:02:24,539
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
69
00:02:26,047 --> 00:02:28,748
Security guard just waved me in, guys.
70
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:32,018
I am a regular now.
71
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,821
I can actually smuggle
something into the school,
72
00:02:34,923 --> 00:02:38,925
- like a knife or... or a peanut.
- Shh!
73
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:40,760
Don't say "peanut" around here.
74
00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:41,794
You want to get us killed?
75
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,130
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
76
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,199
Hey, guys, let's take a selfie.
77
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:48,201
Let's... Wait. Let's tak... Hey!
78
00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:50,303
Okay, we can take it out there.
79
00:02:50,405 --> 00:02:51,971
Wait for me, though, guys.
80
00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:53,439
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
81
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,575
- Most moms stay in the car.
- I know.
82
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,777
I just want to take a quick selfie of us
83
00:02:57,879 --> 00:02:58,845
- for the 'gram...
- Bye, Mom.
84
00:02:58,947 --> 00:02:59,846
for Instagram.
85
00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:01,447
Okay, bye. Okay, you know what?
86
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,715
I'll just take it of your backs.
87
00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:05,018
It's #dropoffqueen.
88
00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:07,186
Hey, Rainbow.
89
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,155
Oh, hey!
90
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,124
- You look amazing.
- Oh, thank you.
91
00:03:11,226 --> 00:03:12,458
Staying home has worked wonders
92
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,793
for those bags under your eyes.
93
00:03:13,895 --> 00:03:15,795
- They're almost gone.
- Thank you?
94
00:03:15,897 --> 00:03:17,430
Will you please join us for yoga today?
95
00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:18,498
- Oh...
- Please?
96
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,767
Oh, God, guys,
like I told you last week,
97
00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:22,468
I'm just... I'm really busy
98
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,104
doing all the stuff
I've been, like, dying to do
99
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,172
for the last 18 years.
100
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,740
- An affair?
- Plastic surgery?
101
00:03:27,842 --> 00:03:29,509
Telling your father
you deserved to be loved?
102
00:03:29,611 --> 00:03:32,412
The reason that I stopped working
is not to do yoga.
103
00:03:32,514 --> 00:03:33,679
It was actually...
104
00:03:33,782 --> 00:03:35,548
I just really want to spend time
with my kids, so...
105
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,749
Well, of course.
106
00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:38,251
That's why I took a break
from neurosurgery
107
00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:39,419
and Kayla left her law firm.
108
00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:40,354
- Yes.
- Oh.
109
00:03:40,417 --> 00:03:42,188
But you need to make time for self-care.
110
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,657
When I first started at home,
I tried to do everything,
111
00:03:44,759 --> 00:03:47,093
and I had a teeny-tiny
heart attack in Whole Foods.
112
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,461
Come on, Bow. You don't want to end up
113
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,029
twitching on the floor
of the kombucha aisle,
114
00:03:50,131 --> 00:03:51,842
- do you?
- No, I don't.
115
00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,199
Then join us.
116
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,500
You know the yoga class
117
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,702
that Zoe Kravitz teaches
in "Big Little Lies?"
118
00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:58,438
- Oh, uh-huh.
- Ours is based on that.
119
00:03:58,540 --> 00:03:59,806
Oh.
120
00:04:01,142 --> 00:04:02,675
I mean, gosh, I guess...
121
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,177
I can take, like, one yoga class.
122
00:04:04,279 --> 00:04:05,411
Yay!
123
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,448
You guys are, like,
really good at peer pressure.
124
00:04:08,550 --> 00:04:10,383
Thank you. I was a cheerleader.
125
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:14,754
- Ha! Ha! Morning.
- Oh, why are you in such a good mood?
126
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:16,789
Did a new Tyler Perry movie
come out today?
127
00:04:16,891 --> 00:04:18,891
Well, there's a new Tyler Perry movie
128
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:20,326
out every day,
129
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,861
but that's why I'm in a good mood.
130
00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:24,397
Thanks to Bow staying home,
131
00:04:24,499 --> 00:04:26,599
I had the whole morning to myself.
132
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:27,600
- Oh!
- Oh.
133
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,335
I, too, had the morning to myself.
134
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,604
Had poached eggs on toast at home,
135
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:35,508
visited an ATM, took a spin class,
136
00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,143
just in case the police ask.
137
00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:40,646
If they don't ask,
I punched Justin Bieber.
138
00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:44,717
At least I hope that was Justin Bieber.
139
00:04:44,819 --> 00:04:46,519
Hey, come on, having your wife at home
140
00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:47,720
is the best, isn't it?
141
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,455
What else... what else
is she doing for you?
142
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,591
Well, it's more about her
being home for the kids.
143
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,960
Okay, that's just insane, okay?
144
00:04:54,062 --> 00:04:56,262
The whole point of
keeping your woman at home
145
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,897
is that she takes care of you.
146
00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,165
- Mm-hmm.
- Like mine...
147
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:00,500
she cooks my meals for me,
148
00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:01,934
she keeps a spotless toilet,
149
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,971
and she does it all
in a sexy maid outfit.
150
00:05:05,073 --> 00:05:07,240
That's because she's your maid.
151
00:05:07,342 --> 00:05:08,674
Was my maid.
152
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,309
I promoted her to wife.
153
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,711
The key point here, Dre,
154
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,846
is I don't have to pay her anymore.
155
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,227
Yeah, Dre, my lady,
156
00:05:15,313 --> 00:05:16,836
she used to make me three meals a day,
157
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:18,851
fold my laundry, take me to karate...
158
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,753
All right, are you talking
about your mother?
159
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,990
Not if you think it's weird.
160
00:05:25,126 --> 00:05:27,393
Bieber's in Dallas.
161
00:05:27,462 --> 00:05:31,397
Turns out the guy in front of
Starbucks selling incense wasn't him.
162
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:34,200
Wasted a punch.
163
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,570
Thanks for riding up front.
164
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,972
I couldn't do another day with Mason.
165
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:41,374
What would you do
166
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,776
if I chucked this thermos
through the windshield?
167
00:05:44,546 --> 00:05:46,546
What would you do if I called the police
168
00:05:46,648 --> 00:05:48,181
and said you kidnapped me?
169
00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:50,183
What would you do
170
00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:52,952
if I opened my mouth
and a snake came out?
171
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,223
I just hope Jack isn't too annoyed.
172
00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:58,791
What kind of snake?
173
00:05:58,893 --> 00:06:00,593
Cobra, obviously.
174
00:06:00,695 --> 00:06:01,661
Wow.
175
00:06:01,763 --> 00:06:03,729
You're really making me think.
176
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:04,897
I guess I'd want to know
177
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:05,932
how the snake got in your mouth.
178
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,533
Good question.
179
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,902
So...
180
00:06:10,004 --> 00:06:11,571
So...
181
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,207
So...
182
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:15,875
this car has all-wheel drive,
183
00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:18,878
and it has the heated steering wheel.
184
00:06:20,181 --> 00:06:21,948
It's 80 degrees outside.
185
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,717
This is fun.
186
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,219
We don't usually get to kick it,
187
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,154
so let's kick it.
188
00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:29,388
Please stop saying "kick it."
189
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,790
Yeah, sure.
190
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:34,493
Uh... tons of other stuff to talk about.
191
00:06:34,596 --> 00:06:36,696
Let's let the conversation find us.
192
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,108
Yep.
193
00:06:49,177 --> 00:06:50,977
Silence could work, too.
194
00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:53,112
Jack, what would you do
195
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:54,247
if I opened the door
196
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:56,415
and just rolled out of this moving car?
197
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,284
- Are you good at rolling?
- No.
198
00:06:58,353 --> 00:07:01,487
What would you do
if I opened my lunch box
199
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,256
and it was just full of wasps?
200
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,494
What would he do
201
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,929
if I gagged him with his seat belt?
202
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:13,633
Finally shut the heck up?
203
00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:15,735
What would he do if I opened my mouth
204
00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:16,836
and a fist came out
205
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:18,704
and it punched him right in the face?
206
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,841
Damn, we are bad.
207
00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,676
I'mma hit the gas.
208
00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,978
Let's see what 25 feels like.
209
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,950
Devante, what are you doing
down here by yourself?
210
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:34,153
Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two.
211
00:07:34,222 --> 00:07:35,788
My name is Erica.
212
00:07:35,857 --> 00:07:37,923
Your wife had me wear a name tag
for two weeks.
213
00:07:38,026 --> 00:07:38,924
For what?
214
00:07:39,027 --> 00:07:39,959
I'm not gonna forget
215
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:41,627
that your name is Black Nanny Two.
216
00:07:42,697 --> 00:07:44,463
And this is why you don't
drop out of college
217
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,998
with only three credits left.
218
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,733
Hey, little man. Hey, Erica.
219
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:48,834
- Hey.
- Hey, honey.
220
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,836
Hey, baby. Um...
221
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,305
did somebody get their hair did?
222
00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,907
- I did.
- Oh, looking good.
223
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,442
Feeling good.
224
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,445
I went to yoga.
225
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,647
- Mm.
- And then I went to the farmer's market,
226
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,815
and I tried, like,
227
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,517
17 different kinds of hummus.
228
00:08:04,619 --> 00:08:06,085
- You got the hummus?
- Nah, I didn't get any.
229
00:08:06,187 --> 00:08:07,653
Oh. That's okay.
230
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,189
Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
231
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,624
I forgot to pick up your dry-cleaning,
232
00:08:11,726 --> 00:08:13,125
- but I will do it tomorrow.
- No, it's okay.
233
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,810
- No rush. It's cool.
- Okay. All right.
234
00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:16,289
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Mom.
235
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,030
- Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
236
00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:20,166
You know, Diane is a delight.
237
00:08:20,268 --> 00:08:22,735
Diane from "Cheers"?
238
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:24,603
Uh, Diane Keaton?
239
00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:25,838
Diane Sawyer?
240
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,673
No, our Diane.
241
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:28,974
We had a lot of fun today.
242
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:30,142
Okay.
243
00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,244
Babe! You did get some hummus.
244
00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:33,913
No, it's pure garlic.
245
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,281
Sounds like that's your problem.
246
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,783
Yeah, nunh-unh.
247
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:40,019
So Bow was home,
and I couldn't be happier.
248
00:08:43,424 --> 00:08:44,957
I got a new 'do.
249
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:46,292
Baby, you should walk around the block
250
00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:47,793
so the neighbors can see
how hot you look.
251
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,096
You're cute.
252
00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:52,164
Ooh, seriously, babe, get out there.
253
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,332
Yeah...
254
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,101
She was taking time for herself...
255
00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:56,569
and her yoga class...
256
00:08:56,671 --> 00:08:57,737
Oh, hey.
257
00:08:57,839 --> 00:09:00,005
...and her hair...
258
00:09:00,108 --> 00:09:02,074
It's only been three days
since the last one.
259
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:03,509
Mm.
260
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,644
Is it safe to have that
much heat on your scalp?
261
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,179
...and her nails...
262
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:08,647
Got wet nails, wet nails!
263
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,116
Hi, honey. Hi, honey.
264
00:09:10,218 --> 00:09:12,518
- Black Nanny Two.
- It's Erica.
265
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,420
But not time for the necessities
266
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:16,322
that a family needs for survival,
267
00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:18,157
like my clothing.
268
00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:27,266
It's okay, baby.
269
00:09:27,368 --> 00:09:28,768
You can sleep in today.
270
00:09:28,870 --> 00:09:31,771
I'll just get ready for my day...
271
00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:33,806
at work.
272
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:46,252
Huh, really?
273
00:09:57,231 --> 00:09:58,798
What are you doing?
274
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,267
Oh. I'm just getting ready for my day.
275
00:10:01,369 --> 00:10:03,102
I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
276
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:05,053
- Yeah.
- Hm.
277
00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:08,654
Oh, look at that. It's almost 7:00.
278
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:12,287
Don't you think you're cutting it
kind of close?
279
00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:13,245
Mnh-mnh.
280
00:10:13,294 --> 00:10:14,660
Erica's bringing the twins to school.
281
00:10:14,707 --> 00:10:15,940
Who?
282
00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:18,876
- Black Nanny Two?
- Oh.
283
00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:20,378
Don't you think you should be the one
284
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,679
that's taking them to school?
285
00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:24,282
Does it matter as long as it gets done?
286
00:10:24,384 --> 00:10:27,051
Plus I have yoga
with Blair and the girls.
287
00:10:28,087 --> 00:10:29,887
- The stay-at-homes?
- Mm-hmm.
288
00:10:29,989 --> 00:10:30,988
You look down on them
289
00:10:31,057 --> 00:10:32,890
like I look down on Under Armour shoes.
290
00:10:32,959 --> 00:10:33,991
Oh, Dre, I don't have
291
00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:36,160
that kind of hate in my heart
for anyone.
292
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:38,095
It's not hate.
293
00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:40,498
It's just that Steph Curry
thinks we can't tell
294
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:41,832
he'd rather be in Jordans.
295
00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:43,935
Okay, listen.
296
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:46,003
I know I said stuff about those moms,
297
00:10:46,072 --> 00:10:48,773
but I actually have
a lot in common with them.
298
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,374
Hm.
299
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:54,378
And I would really like
to get a little bit more sleep
300
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,280
before yoga.
301
00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:58,349
So can you turn the light out for me
302
00:10:58,374 --> 00:10:59,317
on your way out?
303
00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:00,651
Sure, babe.
304
00:11:00,753 --> 00:11:02,086
Thank you, sweetie.
305
00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:09,961
- Seriously?
- Namaste.
306
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,598
God.
307
00:11:15,935 --> 00:11:17,268
I'm sorry, I was just talking about...
308
00:11:17,337 --> 00:11:19,537
All right. Get it out.
309
00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:20,905
Say what y'all are thinking.
310
00:11:21,007 --> 00:11:22,340
I've been eating
small bites of your lunch
311
00:11:22,442 --> 00:11:23,607
for three years.
312
00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:24,809
I'm cheating on my maid
313
00:11:24,911 --> 00:11:26,410
I tell people
my dad adopted you and Charlie
314
00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:28,012
and we all grew up together
in an apartment.
315
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:30,147
What? I'm talking about my clothes.
316
00:11:30,249 --> 00:11:32,917
This is clearly a Fri-Dre look
being worn on a Thurs-Dre.
317
00:11:33,019 --> 00:11:33,985
- Oh!
- Right. Right.
318
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:35,453
So, then why are you wearing it?
319
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:39,156
Because Bow hasn't picked up
my cleaning in weeks.
320
00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:40,758
All I keep thinking about is
321
00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:43,094
my poor little Gucci sweater
there at night,
322
00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:44,929
sandwiched in between
323
00:11:45,031 --> 00:11:47,999
a Karl Kani jacket and a bedspread.
324
00:11:48,101 --> 00:11:49,767
You're supposed to clean your bedspread?
325
00:11:49,869 --> 00:11:53,604
Dre, a land-owning man
can't pick up laundry.
326
00:11:53,706 --> 00:11:56,173
Now, you need to have
a stern word with Bow,
327
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:57,575
and do not be shy
328
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,844
about threatening
to take away her healthcare.
329
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,479
I can't do that.
330
00:12:01,581 --> 00:12:03,814
Oh, right, right.
331
00:12:03,916 --> 00:12:06,317
'Cause you married for love,
like an idiot.
332
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:07,318
No.
333
00:12:07,387 --> 00:12:08,519
I can't say anything
334
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:09,720
because I'm the one
335
00:12:09,822 --> 00:12:11,355
who pushed for her to stay at home.
336
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,490
Oh, please.
337
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,158
You can say whatever you want to a woman
338
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:16,861
if you have proof of her
neglecting her duties.
339
00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,030
Now, you have a home-security camera?
340
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,866
Yeah. We have a Nest.
341
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:23,000
But I don't see how that's gonna...
342
00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:25,236
Let's go watch your wife immediately.
343
00:12:25,338 --> 00:12:26,904
What?
344
00:12:28,274 --> 00:12:29,807
Oh, penny for your thoughts on Mason.
345
00:12:29,909 --> 00:12:31,175
Ladies first.
346
00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:34,278
Okay, Mason's parents wrote a note
347
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:35,946
and put it in his pocket that says
348
00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:38,049
"if found, don't call."
349
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,291
He for sure squeezed a bird to death.
350
00:12:42,338 --> 00:12:44,572
Oh, my God.
351
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,124
All righty, Mason. See you tomorrow.
352
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,827
- Bye.
- The bird was sick when I found it!
353
00:12:51,742 --> 00:12:52,763
Mason, wait!
354
00:12:54,801 --> 00:12:55,866
Not cool, guys.
355
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,468
Seriously. Not cool.
356
00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:58,869
That was harsh.
357
00:12:58,971 --> 00:13:01,226
- I guess he heard us.
- Yeah, he heard you.
358
00:13:01,308 --> 00:13:02,820
Oh, well.
359
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:06,043
I've never been the kid
360
00:13:06,145 --> 00:13:08,612
running away from a carpool in tears.
361
00:13:08,681 --> 00:13:11,515
This doesn't feel familiar at all.
362
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:15,219
He would've been eaten by bigger birds.
363
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:17,321
I did that bird a favor.
364
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,293
Mm.
365
00:13:23,863 --> 00:13:24,895
Okay, she's not doing anything.
366
00:13:24,997 --> 00:13:26,330
Bow is just sitting there on the couch.
367
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:29,033
Yeah, she is.
368
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:31,702
Whoa, hey, is that a delivery man?
369
00:13:31,804 --> 00:13:34,338
Ooh, I wonder what she bought.
This is so exciting!
370
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,508
If the wish I made
on that loose eyelash came true,
371
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,343
that right there is a box of leotards.
372
00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:40,344
What?
373
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:42,646
Wow, that's a generous tip.
374
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:45,216
Okay, that's enough spying
on my wife for the day.
375
00:13:45,418 --> 00:13:47,718
- Mm-hmm.
- Charlie.
376
00:13:47,787 --> 00:13:49,854
So, uh... same time tomorrow?
377
00:13:49,922 --> 00:13:52,656
I knew spying on Bow was wrong,
378
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:55,059
but I real bad feeling
about what was in that box.
379
00:13:55,161 --> 00:13:56,260
Wow.
380
00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:58,229
Right?
381
00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:02,967
It's actually exactly
like the one in my yoga class.
382
00:14:03,069 --> 00:14:05,035
- Isn't it soothing?
- Sure.
383
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:07,838
You know, if you want
water and electricity
384
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,006
near a baby.
385
00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:10,674
- You don't like it.
- No, it just doesn't fit
386
00:14:10,743 --> 00:14:13,402
the California casual style
of our living room, babe.
387
00:14:13,464 --> 00:14:14,612
Does it?
388
00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:16,347
Okay, well, I just feel like
389
00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:19,416
I'm the one that's home all the time,
390
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:22,119
so I should get to choose
what it looks like.
391
00:14:22,221 --> 00:14:23,487
Okay, I get it.
392
00:14:23,589 --> 00:14:25,956
But moving forward,
can you at least check with me
393
00:14:26,025 --> 00:14:27,725
before you buy
something like this again?
394
00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:31,829
Check with you? What?
395
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,497
I mean, you know, take a picture
of it with the price tag
396
00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:34,565
and send it to me,
397
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:35,699
and I'll let you know if it's cool.
398
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:38,936
Since when have I had to run
my purchases by you?
399
00:14:39,038 --> 00:14:40,504
You don't.
400
00:14:40,606 --> 00:14:42,940
But maybe since it's money that I make
401
00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:44,375
that's both of ours,
402
00:14:44,477 --> 00:14:46,710
it comes from the job
that I go to every day
403
00:14:46,812 --> 00:14:50,981
to make that money that's both of ours,
404
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,083
maybe we could talk
about things like this
405
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:55,286
before you make these decisions
on your own.
406
00:14:55,388 --> 00:14:58,856
So, are you saying
that this is your money?
407
00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:00,291
No.
408
00:15:00,393 --> 00:15:03,794
Did you hear how many words
I said to not say that?
409
00:15:03,896 --> 00:15:05,596
I heard it, too, Bow.
410
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:07,398
Leave his ass.
411
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:13,945
Okay, whoa, okay. Okay, Dre.
412
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,746
You're the one
that wanted me to stay home.
413
00:15:17,811 --> 00:15:19,477
Yes, but I thought you'd be doing
414
00:15:19,579 --> 00:15:20,512
a lot more than this.
415
00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:22,247
- What do you mean?
- Okay.
416
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:25,550
For starters, not sleeping all morning.
417
00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:29,020
I had no idea you were
monitoring my time, Dre.
418
00:15:29,089 --> 00:15:30,655
What exactly do you want me to be doing?
419
00:15:30,757 --> 00:15:31,690
I-I don't know.
420
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,358
You know, stuff around the house?
421
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,427
You know, since I have to get up
and go to work every day,
422
00:15:35,495 --> 00:15:37,228
maybe you could get up and...
423
00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:39,264
- and make me breakfast.
- What?
424
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,765
I have never made you breakfast.
425
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:42,000
I know.
426
00:15:42,069 --> 00:15:44,235
But I thought maybe
now that you had the time,
427
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:45,236
you'd want to.
428
00:15:45,305 --> 00:15:48,733
- We've been married for 20 years.
- Mm-hmm.
429
00:15:48,795 --> 00:15:50,742
So you thought I was
gonna get some free time
430
00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:53,278
and just, like, magically
become a different person?
431
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,512
- Yes.
- Oh, God.
432
00:15:54,614 --> 00:15:55,613
Get away from me.
433
00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:57,782
Okay, well, no.
434
00:15:57,851 --> 00:16:00,485
But, babe, you've got to start
doing something.
435
00:16:00,587 --> 00:16:01,920
What?
436
00:16:02,022 --> 00:16:04,656
A kept woman isn't a good look on you.
437
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:06,791
A kept woman?
438
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:07,753
Okay, it seems as if
439
00:16:07,832 --> 00:16:09,589
- I've struck a chord with you black side.
- Oh, my God.
440
00:16:09,628 --> 00:16:10,795
Is it possible that
I can talk to your white side...
441
00:16:10,897 --> 00:16:12,430
No. No.
442
00:16:13,175 --> 00:16:14,260
- Bow?
- A kept woman?
443
00:16:14,285 --> 00:16:15,300
Unbelievable.
444
00:16:15,402 --> 00:16:17,635
Bow, that's not what I was...
445
00:16:17,738 --> 00:16:19,004
Damn it.
446
00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:21,706
Shut up, fountain.
447
00:16:24,745 --> 00:16:27,178
Damn it.
448
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,414
Going to battery-operated mode.
449
00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:31,383
How much did she pay for this thing?
450
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,553
Hey. You got a minute?
451
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,022
You mean 59 more seconds
452
00:16:37,124 --> 00:16:38,423
than it took the Lord to create Mason?
453
00:16:38,492 --> 00:16:41,092
- Wow, that's good.
- Yeah.
454
00:16:41,194 --> 00:16:43,528
But I can't keep doing this anymore.
455
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:44,629
What are you talking about?
456
00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:47,165
I can't keep making fun
of Mason with you.
457
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:48,166
What, because he cried?
458
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,668
We toughened him up.
459
00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:53,738
Imagine if I was able
to taunt you at his age.
460
00:16:53,807 --> 00:16:56,174
You'd be captain of the football team.
461
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,243
Or dead.
462
00:16:58,311 --> 00:16:59,677
Either way, a full page in the yearbook.
463
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:02,514
I appreciate that, but it's over, Diane.
464
00:17:02,582 --> 00:17:05,750
I've already apologized
to Mason and his family
465
00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:08,820
and taught his mom how to use Excel.
466
00:17:08,889 --> 00:17:11,489
But I hope you and I can find
something else in common.
467
00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:13,625
Choke on it, weirdo.
468
00:17:19,366 --> 00:17:20,498
This feels right.
469
00:17:22,402 --> 00:17:23,902
I don't know why
I'm supposed to feel bad
470
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,537
for asking her
to do more around the house.
471
00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:26,771
She's home.
472
00:17:26,873 --> 00:17:28,873
I'm gonna tell you a very wise thing
473
00:17:28,975 --> 00:17:31,242
my father and three of my uncles told me.
474
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:35,914
When a long-term marriage
hits a snag, bounce.
475
00:17:35,982 --> 00:17:37,482
What? No.
476
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:39,350
Dre, thank you.
477
00:17:39,453 --> 00:17:41,419
I took your advice,
and I switched to Nest
478
00:17:41,521 --> 00:17:45,523
so I can track my maid...
my wife... all day long.
479
00:17:45,592 --> 00:17:46,791
Hey, that's not what I told you to do.
480
00:17:46,893 --> 00:17:48,326
No, no, no, you're right.
481
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:50,862
Our wives need to be held
accountable for their days.
482
00:17:50,964 --> 00:17:52,997
That's not what I was saying.
483
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,233
Look, when we're here and they're there,
484
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,035
they need to be as productive as we are.
485
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:59,904
Oh, guys, by the way,
massages at 4:00 today.
486
00:18:00,006 --> 00:18:01,806
I don't need her to be accountable.
487
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,908
I just want her to do the things
I want her to do
488
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:05,910
when I want her to do them.
489
00:18:06,012 --> 00:18:08,246
Oh, my God.
490
00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:09,347
I'm you.
491
00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:13,118
Mm, with, uh...
one important difference.
492
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:17,055
Are you eating my lunch?
493
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:19,090
Does it look...
Now why would you think that?
494
00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:20,458
N-No, no.
495
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,133
Hey.
496
00:18:28,235 --> 00:18:29,701
Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry.
497
00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:30,802
- I shouldn't be sitting.
- Bow.
498
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,003
- I haven't earned my break yet.
- Bow.
499
00:18:32,105 --> 00:18:34,506
No, no, no, I will go get a pencil
500
00:18:34,608 --> 00:18:36,641
and I will write down
your breakfast order.
501
00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:38,743
- Babe, babe.
- So, ye... Oh.
502
00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:39,821
- Sit down, please.
- Sure.
503
00:18:39,966 --> 00:18:43,581
Do some laundry or something...
504
00:18:43,683 --> 00:18:45,984
- I just want to say that...
- Mm?
505
00:18:46,086 --> 00:18:48,386
I'm sorry I got all crazy.
506
00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,955
It's just that
when you said you'd stay home,
507
00:18:51,024 --> 00:18:53,224
I didn't expect it to be like this.
508
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:54,859
Obviously.
509
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:56,394
To tell the truth,
510
00:18:56,463 --> 00:18:57,595
I spent all my time
511
00:18:57,697 --> 00:18:59,097
imagining what you being home
512
00:18:59,166 --> 00:19:00,465
would be like for me and the kids
513
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:02,200
and not what it would be like for you.
514
00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:07,172
Sweetheart, this is the first break
515
00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:09,073
that I have had
516
00:19:09,176 --> 00:19:11,743
- in 18 years.
- I know.
517
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,811
So maybe I got a little,
518
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,780
you know, high on the free time,
519
00:19:15,882 --> 00:19:17,649
went a little... little overboard,
520
00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:21,119
but... it's gonna balance out
eventually.
521
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:25,024
- I'm gonna have to learn to roll with it.
- Yeah.
522
00:19:25,092 --> 00:19:26,891
- But it's gonna take a minute.
- Okay.
523
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:29,271
And I know you're used to me
being easygoing...
524
00:19:30,263 --> 00:19:33,097
...flexible,
and cool with change, but...
525
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,134
- What?
- Yes.
526
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:38,136
You are not the guy who picketed Subway
527
00:19:38,205 --> 00:19:40,038
when they started toasting the bread.
528
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,540
- Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos.
- Of course.
529
00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:43,841
And Togo's gets no respect.
530
00:19:43,944 --> 00:19:45,276
Right, of course.
531
00:19:45,378 --> 00:19:48,012
- But this, I'm cool with.
- Okay.
532
00:19:48,114 --> 00:19:49,948
And I would be even cooler
533
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,883
if we could get rid of that fountain.
534
00:19:51,985 --> 00:19:53,117
Oh.
535
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:54,285
Fountain's gone.
536
00:19:55,188 --> 00:19:57,088
I was peeing constantly.
537
00:19:57,190 --> 00:19:59,791
Hey, did you send me a box of leotards?
538
00:19:59,893 --> 00:20:02,594
What? No.
539
00:20:02,696 --> 00:20:04,662
Oh. So weird.
540
00:20:04,764 --> 00:20:06,598
I didn't order them.
They all fit, though.
541
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:07,746
Hm.
542
00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:12,425
So Bow found a way to balance
her self-care with childcare.
543
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:13,937
Then what did you say?
544
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:15,972
- I said, "Get out."
- Good for you.
545
00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:17,507
- Yeah.
- Good for you!
546
00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:20,043
Don't think of it as
him being out of your life.
547
00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:23,346
Think about it as you being into yours.
548
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:24,714
Yeah, you're worth it, Tina.
549
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:25,815
- Thank you.
- So worth it.
550
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:26,983
You know what?
551
00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:28,851
I will do the 10-minute foot massage.
552
00:20:28,954 --> 00:20:30,320
- That is such a good call.
- Yeah.
553
00:20:30,422 --> 00:20:31,721
Okay, guys.
554
00:20:31,823 --> 00:20:33,456
As soon as we're done here,
we got to go over to soccer.
555
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:36,125
Ooh, you know what?
556
00:20:36,227 --> 00:20:38,962
We really should've done the mani-pedis
557
00:20:39,064 --> 00:20:40,263
after the game.
558
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,431
Yeah.
559
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,800
I am not putting goalie gloves
over these acrylics.
560
00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:45,301
No.
561
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:49,925
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