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1
00:02:44,471 --> 00:02:47,241
ERNEST: Sloughing my way
up the Kantezi river,
2
00:02:47,441 --> 00:02:49,811
fighting malaria,
river blindness
3
00:02:50,410 --> 00:02:54,882
and savage Matabele
warriors, I, Indiana Worrell,
4
00:02:54,982 --> 00:02:58,853
have at last come face to face
with the pinnacle of my quest.
5
00:03:01,889 --> 00:03:04,892
The two-by-four temple of pine.
6
00:03:05,793 --> 00:03:07,094
[chatter]
7
00:03:07,194 --> 00:03:08,662
Hey, bring my
those two-by-fours.
8
00:03:08,762 --> 00:03:09,596
Sure.
9
00:03:09,696 --> 00:03:12,666
I got 'em here.
10
00:03:12,766 --> 00:03:16,270
[equipment running]
11
00:03:20,775 --> 00:03:22,978
The royal guard
has left their watch.
12
00:03:23,178 --> 00:03:24,287
And the sacred
treasure of Nefertiti
13
00:03:24,687 --> 00:03:26,364
lies just within our grasp.
14
00:03:26,564 --> 00:03:26,983
(NEW ORLEANS ACCENT) Nuh-uh.
15
00:03:27,183 --> 00:03:29,919
Don't you go and be takin'
nothin' from no Nefertiti.
16
00:03:30,019 --> 00:03:31,821
She mighty particular
about that jewelry.
17
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:33,590
(AS OLD MAN) Now, Nefertiti?
18
00:03:33,690 --> 00:03:35,691
Yeah, I remember Nefertiti.
19
00:03:35,791 --> 00:03:38,394
She used to drive
a '36 Chrysler.
20
00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:40,430
(AS HIMSELF) Men, a narrow
window of opportunity
21
00:03:40,630 --> 00:03:42,565
has been made available to us.
22
00:03:42,665 --> 00:03:45,335
And we'd be fools
not to take it.
23
00:03:45,535 --> 00:03:47,504
I'm going in.
24
00:03:47,604 --> 00:03:49,506
(AS OLD MAN) Don't worry,
Indy, I'm right behind you.
25
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:53,043
Yes sir, I'm a-stickin'
to ya like glue.
26
00:03:53,143 --> 00:03:54,744
You're waitin' on me,
you're backin' up.
27
00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:57,381
[chatter]
28
00:03:58,215 --> 00:04:01,685
[metal detector humming]
29
00:04:04,254 --> 00:04:08,392
Ooh, a soon-to-be-discovered
marvel sings
30
00:04:08,492 --> 00:04:11,062
out its haunting love call.
31
00:04:11,262 --> 00:04:13,664
Ah, to find a diamond.
32
00:04:13,864 --> 00:04:19,704
A flawless, 30-carat, D-grade,
10-power water-white crystal.
33
00:04:19,804 --> 00:04:22,873
I believe cut in
Antwerp, an exact match
34
00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:27,879
to the one Fitzgerald died for
whilst coating on the Zambezi.
35
00:04:27,979 --> 00:04:28,812
[horn honks]
36
00:04:28,913 --> 00:04:29,380
[beeping]
37
00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:31,582
Ah, what's this?
Yes.
38
00:04:32,688 --> 00:04:35,200
A diamond of this
brilliance and quality
39
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,936
could only have come
from one source.
40
00:04:38,136 --> 00:04:40,192
From the diamond
necklace which surrounds
41
00:04:40,392 --> 00:04:42,959
Cleopatra's crystal skull.
42
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:46,880
But to find that, I
must delve even deeper
43
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,929
into the bosom of mother earth.
44
00:04:49,129 --> 00:04:51,067
[horn blares]
Ow!
45
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,267
[beeping]
46
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:55,698
Could it be?
47
00:04:55,898 --> 00:04:57,338
Is it possible?
48
00:04:57,538 --> 00:04:59,791
[zapping]
49
00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:04,306
Yes!
50
00:05:04,506 --> 00:05:06,290
It's Cleopatra's crystal skull.
51
00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:07,947
[zapping]
52
00:05:08,147 --> 00:05:09,547
[saw buzzes]
53
00:05:14,266 --> 00:05:15,755
Ow!
54
00:05:15,955 --> 00:05:17,106
Ow!
55
00:05:17,306 --> 00:05:20,131
[nail gun firing]
56
00:05:20,331 --> 00:05:22,265
Ahh!
57
00:05:22,465 --> 00:05:25,043
[nail gun firing]
58
00:05:31,527 --> 00:05:33,387
[tires squeal]
[screams]
59
00:05:33,587 --> 00:05:35,746
[thud]
60
00:05:35,946 --> 00:05:38,145
[moaning]
61
00:05:38,345 --> 00:05:40,386
Wow.
[grunts]
62
00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:42,474
[thud]
63
00:05:44,456 --> 00:05:46,387
[engine hums]
64
00:05:46,587 --> 00:05:48,036
[engine revs]
65
00:05:48,236 --> 00:05:50,078
[screaming]
66
00:05:52,196 --> 00:05:53,726
[tires squeal]
67
00:05:58,283 --> 00:06:00,274
[fearful panting]
68
00:06:05,435 --> 00:06:06,675
[engine rumbling]
69
00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:07,813
What's all this about?
70
00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:09,332
I never did anything to you.
71
00:06:09,532 --> 00:06:10,454
[tires squeal]
That's it.
72
00:06:10,654 --> 00:06:13,415
Every time a power tool cops an
attitude, I get blamed for it.
73
00:06:13,615 --> 00:06:14,822
They're going to
blame me for all this!
74
00:06:15,022 --> 00:06:16,182
[buzzing]
75
00:06:16,382 --> 00:06:18,022
What are you doing
this to me for?
76
00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:19,429
I'm not your enemy.
77
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,377
Some of my best friends
are power tools.
78
00:06:22,577 --> 00:06:23,888
[engine revving]
79
00:06:24,088 --> 00:06:26,201
Go away.
80
00:06:26,401 --> 00:06:28,056
[engine revs]
81
00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:30,393
How'd you like to
come over to my house?
82
00:06:32,496 --> 00:06:34,304
I could introduce you to
a nice little skill saw.
83
00:06:34,504 --> 00:06:36,288
You're going to
get me in trouble.
84
00:06:36,488 --> 00:06:38,144
I'm going to get framed.
85
00:06:38,344 --> 00:06:39,760
[tires squeal]
86
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,848
[engine revs]
87
00:06:43,048 --> 00:06:45,600
[nervous panting]
88
00:06:48,788 --> 00:06:49,749
[screaming]
89
00:06:49,949 --> 00:06:51,332
[nail gun firing]
90
00:06:51,532 --> 00:06:53,444
Ow!
91
00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:55,925
[pop]
92
00:07:01,924 --> 00:07:04,186
Good thing it hit the hard end.
93
00:07:04,386 --> 00:07:06,042
[engine revs]
94
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:08,426
[buzzing]
95
00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:09,750
Ah!
96
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:13,243
[screaming]
97
00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:15,370
[saw buzzing]
98
00:07:15,570 --> 00:07:17,282
Ow!
99
00:07:17,482 --> 00:07:18,154
Get out of here!
100
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,482
This place is going to kill me!
101
00:07:21,682 --> 00:07:23,549
[saw buzzing]
102
00:07:27,771 --> 00:07:28,995
[laughs]
103
00:07:29,195 --> 00:07:32,243
With stealth and
agility, Indiana evades
104
00:07:32,443 --> 00:07:34,434
the serpent of endless teeth.
105
00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:36,922
[buzzing]
106
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,127
[screams]
107
00:07:42,482 --> 00:07:44,923
[cracking]
108
00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:47,061
[screams]
109
00:07:49,258 --> 00:07:51,002
[birds chirping]
110
00:07:51,202 --> 00:07:52,410
[laughs]
111
00:07:52,610 --> 00:07:53,657
[thud]
112
00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:56,313
[buzzing]
113
00:07:56,513 --> 00:07:57,320
[tires squeal]
114
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,313
[explosion]
115
00:08:07,328 --> 00:08:11,104
[groans]
116
00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,824
Wow!
117
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,272
Look at this.
118
00:08:14,472 --> 00:08:19,552
It's a genuine prehistoric
television antenna component.
119
00:08:19,752 --> 00:08:22,123
Wait'll Dr. Melon sees this.
120
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,400
Uh-oh.
121
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,406
Makita warriors.
122
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:32,688
Hey, what's the-- what--
123
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,683
Look at that!
124
00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,570
What?
125
00:08:38,770 --> 00:08:39,756
[wood cracking]
126
00:08:39,956 --> 00:08:41,932
Uh-- ha-- uh--
127
00:08:42,132 --> 00:08:42,717
Hey you!
128
00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:44,925
Come here!
129
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,989
Believe it or not,
I didn't do this!
130
00:08:47,189 --> 00:08:48,117
[workers shouting]
131
00:08:48,317 --> 00:08:50,679
The saw did it!
I just watched!
132
00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:53,587
[bells ringing]
133
00:09:00,783 --> 00:09:03,479
Dr. Mellon, this
university has worked hard
134
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:04,967
to build a good reputation.
135
00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:08,063
And you, with one
preposterous paper,
136
00:09:08,263 --> 00:09:10,093
have come close
to destroying it.
137
00:09:10,293 --> 00:09:11,733
But my theory is sound.
138
00:09:11,933 --> 00:09:13,350
History is not dead pursuit.
139
00:09:13,550 --> 00:09:15,014
It grows and changes every day.
140
00:09:15,214 --> 00:09:16,422
Not here.
141
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:20,590
Here, you teach the curriculum
as approved by this board.
142
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:22,085
But my theory,
the Green Mountain
143
00:09:22,285 --> 00:09:24,174
regulars, it has validity.
144
00:09:24,374 --> 00:09:26,887
Until your theory
is fact, it is
145
00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:32,087
fiction, and belongs in
the English department,
146
00:09:32,287 --> 00:09:34,683
not history.
147
00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:39,388
[sighs]
148
00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:41,580
Yes, sir.
149
00:09:41,780 --> 00:09:43,500
Ladies and gentlemen,
that concludes
150
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:46,492
our meeting for today.
151
00:09:46,692 --> 00:09:51,242
Thank you very much for
your time and consideration.
152
00:09:51,442 --> 00:09:53,962
[chatter]
153
00:09:54,162 --> 00:09:56,578
That reference book you
have there is irreplaceable.
154
00:09:56,778 --> 00:09:59,026
I hope you're not planning
to take it off campus.
155
00:09:59,226 --> 00:10:00,681
No.
156
00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:02,090
I'll be careful with it.
157
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,957
See that you are.
158
00:10:04,157 --> 00:10:06,540
(WHISPERING) We've been
having trouble with Dr. Melon.
159
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,116
It's a troubled time.
160
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,852
[chatter]
161
00:10:11,052 --> 00:10:13,893
Dr. Melon, I'm Dr.
Radner Glencliff.
162
00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:16,156
Dr. Radner Glencliff, I'm
honored to meet you, sir.
163
00:10:16,356 --> 00:10:17,436
I've read so much about you.
164
00:10:17,636 --> 00:10:18,308
Well, thank you.
165
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:20,268
I must apologize for
my fellow trustees.
166
00:10:20,468 --> 00:10:22,916
But both you and I know that
the infighting in academia
167
00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:25,116
is so vicious only because
the stakes are so small.
168
00:10:25,316 --> 00:10:27,053
Exactly, so small.
169
00:10:27,253 --> 00:10:30,664
Let's assume for the moment
that your theory is true.
170
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,185
Well, that would
mean that the crown
171
00:10:32,385 --> 00:10:34,504
jewels residing in the
Tower of London are fakes.
172
00:10:34,704 --> 00:10:36,656
And the real jewels are
hidden inside a cannon
173
00:10:36,856 --> 00:10:38,200
somewhere in Virginia.
174
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,360
Absolutely.
175
00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:43,096
Listen, I have more of an
open mind than my colleagues.
176
00:10:43,296 --> 00:10:44,993
If you should come
across anything that
177
00:10:45,193 --> 00:10:46,895
might help substantiate
your article,
178
00:10:47,095 --> 00:10:48,727
you be sure and
call on me first.
179
00:10:48,927 --> 00:10:51,568
I think I may have a
better chance than you
180
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,159
of getting them to accept it.
181
00:10:53,359 --> 00:10:54,519
Oh, well, thank
you very much, sir.
182
00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:56,241
I will.
You're a good man.
183
00:10:56,441 --> 00:10:56,992
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
184
00:10:57,192 --> 00:10:58,217
- Take care.
- Yes.
185
00:10:58,417 --> 00:11:00,141
GLENCLIFF: Bye-bye.
186
00:11:01,824 --> 00:11:04,744
[sighs]
187
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:06,193
Hmm, let's see.
188
00:11:06,393 --> 00:11:06,970
Mosquito repellent?
189
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:08,786
Yeah, that ought to scare them.
190
00:11:08,986 --> 00:11:10,994
Blasting caps.
191
00:11:11,194 --> 00:11:14,107
A brain is a terrible
thing to waste.
192
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,507
Map, map, where's the map?
(BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, come now,
193
00:11:16,707 --> 00:11:18,674
don't tell me you've lost
that bloody map. (AS PIRATE)
194
00:11:18,874 --> 00:11:19,642
Oh no, sir.
195
00:11:19,842 --> 00:11:22,251
That map's around
here somewheres.
196
00:11:22,451 --> 00:11:24,274
Hey, professor!
197
00:11:24,474 --> 00:11:25,962
What's new in the history biz?
198
00:11:26,162 --> 00:11:27,042
Nothing.
199
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:28,867
Well, why the long face?
200
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,107
I thought you were a
hysterical professor.
201
00:11:31,307 --> 00:11:34,122
Well, look, no time
for games today, OK?
202
00:11:34,322 --> 00:11:35,850
I just had a meeting with
the Board of Regents.
203
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,292
And it really
didn't go that well.
204
00:11:37,492 --> 00:11:38,541
Hey, you got
something on your shirt.
205
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:39,286
- Where?
- Gotcha.
206
00:11:39,486 --> 00:11:39,960
Ah!
[laughs]
207
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,713
Ernest! Why do you insist
on playing these
208
00:11:41,913 --> 00:11:43,632
outdated sophomoric pranks?
209
00:11:43,832 --> 00:11:47,821
Hey, speaking of
outdated, look what I found.
210
00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:49,261
I don't have the
time nor inclination.
211
00:11:49,461 --> 00:11:51,036
No look, you see,
it's curved here,
212
00:11:51,236 --> 00:11:52,902
- and it's got a beveled edge.
- Great.
213
00:11:53,102 --> 00:11:55,919
And I bet it would
make a swell boomerang.
214
00:11:56,119 --> 00:11:58,663
[grunts]
215
00:11:58,863 --> 00:12:00,106
It'll be just the weapon
we need (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
216
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:03,058
when our mates are thrashin'
about in the water,
217
00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:06,529
trying to keep away from them--
right, all right-- sharks.
218
00:12:06,729 --> 00:12:08,625
[swooshing]
219
00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:11,451
Ah!
220
00:12:11,651 --> 00:12:14,092
[thud]
221
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:17,736
Sorry.
[laughs]
222
00:12:17,936 --> 00:12:19,440
Oh, Ernest, you
are unbelievable.
223
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,672
You really are.
224
00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:21,872
That's the university's book.
225
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:23,904
I'm responsible for it.
226
00:12:24,104 --> 00:12:25,296
Well, it's OK.
227
00:12:25,496 --> 00:12:26,481
I'll fix it.
228
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:29,571
And they'll be none
the wiser. Hmm.
229
00:12:29,771 --> 00:12:30,498
[squeaking]
230
00:12:30,698 --> 00:12:31,729
- Just pull this out.
- What?
231
00:12:31,929 --> 00:12:34,672
[moans]
232
00:12:34,872 --> 00:12:36,746
- Oh, Ern...
- I'm sorry.
233
00:12:36,946 --> 00:12:38,416
Oh, please... look,
I have an idea.
234
00:12:38,616 --> 00:12:40,800
Next time you see me,
just don't speak or wave
235
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,457
or say anything like, hey Dr.
Miller, look what I found!
236
00:12:43,657 --> 00:12:44,896
OK?
237
00:12:45,096 --> 00:12:47,249
Pl--please.
238
00:12:47,449 --> 00:12:48,639
Where did you get that?
239
00:12:48,839 --> 00:12:49,504
I found it.
240
00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:51,264
- Where did you find it?
- In France.
241
00:12:51,464 --> 00:12:52,104
I found it in France.
242
00:12:52,304 --> 00:12:53,001
Where in France?
243
00:12:53,201 --> 00:12:53,865
Outside Paris.
244
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,240
Where outside-- you've
never been to Paris.
245
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:56,097
Let me see it.
246
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,416
Where did you find it?
247
00:12:57,616 --> 00:13:03,280
Well, I found it
near some, uh, ruins.
248
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,560
ABNER: If this is
what I think it is,
249
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,295
we are on the verge
of a major discovery.
250
00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,408
You mean it's part of an
alien spaceship or something?
251
00:13:08,608 --> 00:13:09,618
You want your pickle?
252
00:13:09,818 --> 00:13:11,321
Stamped out insignia
like these were used
253
00:13:11,521 --> 00:13:13,457
as identification plates
on American battlefield
254
00:13:13,657 --> 00:13:15,568
- wagons in the 1700s.
- Well, why?
255
00:13:15,768 --> 00:13:17,633
Didn't the wagons
know who they were?
256
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:20,585
If (LAUGHING) by some
miracle, there is a 3, a 1,
257
00:13:20,785 --> 00:13:23,818
and a 4 on this
plane, it will prove
258
00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:27,193
that the Green Mountain Regulars
Unit 314 really did exist.
259
00:13:27,393 --> 00:13:30,090
And at least part of
my theory is true.
260
00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:33,378
Yes.
261
00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:35,009
There's a 4.
262
00:13:35,209 --> 00:13:38,034
You see, I told you being
buddies would pay off.
263
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,673
Professional
collaborators, perhaps.
264
00:13:39,873 --> 00:13:40,822
- Buddies?
- No.
265
00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:43,438
[chewing loudly]
266
00:13:43,638 --> 00:13:45,901
Who makes this bread anyway?
Goodyear?
267
00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:48,229
ABNER: I believe King George
III sent the Crown Jewels
268
00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:51,261
of England to America, to remind
those revolutionary colonists
269
00:13:51,461 --> 00:13:53,564
they were still subject
to the British crown.
270
00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:56,013
But the old 314th ambushed
the English guard unit
271
00:13:56,213 --> 00:13:58,789
and stole the Crown Jewels
right here in Virginia,
272
00:13:58,989 --> 00:14:00,404
then hid them in the
barrel of a gigantic
273
00:14:00,604 --> 00:14:03,029
regiment mechanical Goliath.
274
00:14:03,229 --> 00:14:04,717
There's a 1.
275
00:14:04,917 --> 00:14:07,469
Vindication is so close.
276
00:14:10,213 --> 00:14:11,189
Look!
277
00:14:11,389 --> 00:14:12,804
There's a 3!
278
00:14:13,004 --> 00:14:15,754
Yes! There was a 314th!
[grunts excitement]
279
00:14:15,954 --> 00:14:16,723
Finally it's true!
280
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:17,676
My theory is true!
281
00:14:17,876 --> 00:14:18,923
It's true!
282
00:14:19,123 --> 00:14:20,962
[gagging]
283
00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:23,262
[groans]
284
00:14:27,005 --> 00:14:28,557
DOCTOR: Yes, absolutely, Doctor.
285
00:14:28,757 --> 00:14:31,174
I agree.
286
00:14:31,374 --> 00:14:34,021
I've tried mutual funds,
money market CD's, and I just
287
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:35,981
can't seem to keep
ahead of inflation.
288
00:14:36,181 --> 00:14:38,909
Risk, Dr. Keen, is
the fuel of wealth.
289
00:14:39,109 --> 00:14:41,252
Take the conquistadors
of the 1500s.
290
00:14:41,452 --> 00:14:44,126
They risked everything to
find wealth in the New World.
291
00:14:44,326 --> 00:14:45,133
And they found it.
292
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:45,837
Didn't they?
293
00:14:46,037 --> 00:14:46,853
Yes.
294
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:50,693
But many men died.
295
00:14:50,893 --> 00:14:52,165
MR. BILL: So your
doctor friend will know
296
00:14:52,365 --> 00:14:54,133
what my metal boomerang is?
297
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:55,141
ABNER: Oh, absolutely.
298
00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:57,829
Dr. Radner Glencliff is the
preeminent private collector
299
00:14:58,029 --> 00:14:59,925
of historical artifacts
in the nation.
300
00:15:00,125 --> 00:15:01,782
And fortunately for
us, he's a wise man
301
00:15:01,982 --> 00:15:04,428
with no preconceived notions
about how history was written.
302
00:15:04,628 --> 00:15:05,988
ANNOUNCER (ON PA): Dr. Wong,
please report to Emergency.
303
00:15:06,188 --> 00:15:07,405
Can I help you?
304
00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:08,205
Yes.
305
00:15:08,405 --> 00:15:09,988
I had a preconceived
notion once.
306
00:15:10,188 --> 00:15:11,316
But it turned out
to be something
307
00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:12,357
I'd already thought of.
308
00:15:12,557 --> 00:15:13,957
When he sees this,
he'll get behind my theory
309
00:15:14,157 --> 00:15:16,364
and the Board of Regents
will listen to him.
310
00:15:16,564 --> 00:15:18,007
Well, what can I do for you?
311
00:15:18,207 --> 00:15:20,541
Dr. Abner Melon to see
Dr. Radner Glencliff please.
312
00:15:20,741 --> 00:15:21,589
Oh, I'm sorry.
313
00:15:21,789 --> 00:15:24,367
Dr. Glencliff is not
available at the moment.
314
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:26,165
Oh.
315
00:15:26,365 --> 00:15:26,916
Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
316
00:15:27,116 --> 00:15:28,377
But I did have an appointment.
317
00:15:28,577 --> 00:15:29,313
Oh?
318
00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:31,809
MR. BILL: Let me handle this.
319
00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:34,593
My good woman, kindly
tell the doctor
320
00:15:34,793 --> 00:15:37,217
that the two persons
waiting in the anteroom
321
00:15:37,417 --> 00:15:39,369
are in possession
of a metal plate
322
00:15:39,569 --> 00:15:42,377
from a giant cannon
called Goliath.
323
00:15:42,577 --> 00:15:43,441
[zapping]
324
00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:44,709
Oh!
325
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:46,796
[beeping]
326
00:15:46,996 --> 00:15:49,195
You stand over there.
327
00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:51,838
- Over there?
- Over there.
328
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,563
- Over there!
- Over here?
329
00:15:55,818 --> 00:15:56,985
I'm supposed to be doing this.
330
00:15:57,185 --> 00:16:00,418
I've got the D-R-period in front
of my name, not you, Ernest.
331
00:16:00,618 --> 00:16:03,311
Could I have my
boomerang back please?
332
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:04,770
[swooshing]
[clang]
333
00:16:04,970 --> 00:16:06,977
Ow.
[grunts]
334
00:16:07,177 --> 00:16:08,213
I don't know him.
335
00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:09,725
He followed me here.
336
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,708
He did.
337
00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:17,189
Gentlemen, gentlemen,
come right in.
338
00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:19,266
Sorry to interrupt
you, doctor.
339
00:16:19,466 --> 00:16:20,721
Oh, this is overwhelming.
340
00:16:20,921 --> 00:16:24,393
Look, the Greco-Roman
bust of Zeus.
341
00:16:24,593 --> 00:16:25,881
Oh, Cleopatra's--
342
00:16:26,081 --> 00:16:28,617
Tube top.
343
00:16:28,817 --> 00:16:30,329
Ben Franklin's kite.
344
00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:33,073
Doctor, I've seen pictures
of these items in magazines.
345
00:16:33,273 --> 00:16:34,491
But to see them
in person is truly
346
00:16:34,691 --> 00:16:35,753
a breathtaking experience.
347
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,513
I've spent a lifetime
and service fortunes
348
00:16:37,713 --> 00:16:39,234
collecting what you see here.
349
00:16:39,434 --> 00:16:41,289
I knew a guy who
collected roach wings.
350
00:16:41,489 --> 00:16:42,634
He's got one from Africa.
351
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:45,329
It's as big as a fly swatter.
352
00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:51,001
Ms. Wilson said something
about an ID plate.
353
00:16:51,201 --> 00:16:52,993
Yes.
354
00:16:53,193 --> 00:16:54,721
Ernest found this at
the construction site
355
00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:55,857
at the Fairway Estates.
356
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:56,665
See?
357
00:16:56,865 --> 00:16:58,666
3, 1, 4.
358
00:16:58,866 --> 00:16:59,311
GLENCLIFF: Hmm--
[shutter clicks]
359
00:16:59,511 --> 00:17:00,467
Certainly has the
right markings.
360
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:02,708
Seemed like the right
alloys for the period.
361
00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:04,179
Have you done a
carbon dating yet?
362
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:06,291
No but the chip
points are so obvious.
363
00:17:06,491 --> 00:17:07,739
GLENCLIFF: Yes they are.
364
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,524
[boing]
365
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:10,723
I agree with you.
366
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:11,924
This could be the
genuine article.
367
00:17:12,124 --> 00:17:13,124
Well, good for you.
368
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,236
ABNER: Then you'll
support my theory
369
00:17:14,436 --> 00:17:15,434
with the Board of Regents?
370
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,922
GLENCLIFF: Now, Abner, we
can't go off half-cocked here.
371
00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:19,338
[crackles]
372
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,434
Other than this little bit
of evidence that the regiment
373
00:17:21,634 --> 00:17:23,907
existed, you have nothing.
374
00:17:24,107 --> 00:17:26,819
Now, Dr. Melon, even if
we were to accept this--
375
00:17:27,019 --> 00:17:27,771
[disgusted groans]
376
00:17:27,971 --> 00:17:29,842
--as proof that the Green
Mountain Regulars were not just
377
00:17:30,042 --> 00:17:32,267
a fiction, surely you
can see that we're still
378
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:34,795
a long way from having
any real evidence
379
00:17:34,995 --> 00:17:39,203
that the crown jewels of England
were hidden inside a cannon.
380
00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:40,946
Now, if this
artifact were to lead
381
00:17:41,146 --> 00:17:42,986
to some remnant of
Goliath, well, then you'd
382
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:45,731
have something I could support.
383
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:48,203
Well, if I could
find Goliath, I--
384
00:17:48,403 --> 00:17:49,747
I'd have the proof I need.
385
00:17:49,947 --> 00:17:50,771
GLENCLIFF:
Dr. Melon, believe me.
386
00:17:50,971 --> 00:17:52,819
I want your theory
validated as much as you do.
387
00:17:53,019 --> 00:17:54,563
But I've just got to have more.
388
00:17:54,763 --> 00:17:55,538
More?
389
00:17:55,738 --> 00:17:56,451
Let's go, Dr. Melon.
390
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:57,834
GLENCLIFF: I'm expecting great
things from you, Abner.
391
00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,077
The university
doesn't appreciate
392
00:17:59,277 --> 00:18:00,603
what an asset they have in you.
393
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:01,667
Well, thank you very much.
394
00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:03,034
Now, if you should come
up with anything more--
395
00:18:03,234 --> 00:18:04,379
- Ernest, let go.
- --you be sure and call me.
396
00:18:04,579 --> 00:18:05,987
I'll have my girl
call your girl.
397
00:18:06,187 --> 00:18:07,372
We'll take a meeting.
We'll do lunch.
398
00:18:07,572 --> 00:18:08,627
Right now we're vapor trails.
- Excuse me.
399
00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:09,650
We're out of here.
400
00:18:09,850 --> 00:18:11,531
As they say in your
hobby, we're history.
401
00:18:11,731 --> 00:18:12,515
[laughs]
- Sorry, doctor.
402
00:18:12,715 --> 00:18:14,506
Let's go, Abner.
403
00:18:14,706 --> 00:18:15,387
How could you do that?
404
00:18:15,587 --> 00:18:17,130
He's my only friend
on the board.
405
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,715
Do you remember
when Indiana Jones
406
00:18:18,915 --> 00:18:21,618
grabbed the idol and the big
rock started rolling after him?
407
00:18:21,818 --> 00:18:24,813
I think we've got that same
kind of situation here.
408
00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:29,437
[crackling]
409
00:18:34,244 --> 00:18:37,450
[birds chirping]
410
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:38,627
This neighborhood looks like--
411
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:40,787
--a Mighty Workboy
neighborhood.
412
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:41,440
Look.
413
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:43,328
FRANK: - A customer.
JOE: - A doctor.
414
00:18:43,528 --> 00:18:46,233
A good customer.
415
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:48,217
- A real--
- Good--
416
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:48,685
--customer.
417
00:18:48,885 --> 00:18:50,612
BOOK: (SINGING) I am Mighty Workboy,
and I will work for you.
418
00:18:50,812 --> 00:18:52,556
I do upholstery and
watch it as a I do.
419
00:18:52,756 --> 00:18:54,581
I'm the Mighty Workboy.
I work for all I do--
420
00:18:54,781 --> 00:18:56,100
- Good morning, ma'am.
- Fine morning.
421
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:57,608
- Nice car.
- Pay cash?
422
00:18:57,808 --> 00:18:59,331
You know, unless this is
the cure for the common cold,
423
00:18:59,531 --> 00:19:00,876
fellas, I'm afraid
you're wasting your time.
424
00:19:01,076 --> 00:19:02,436
[laughter]
425
00:19:02,636 --> 00:19:04,308
Ma'am, we are just so
terribly pleased to be
426
00:19:04,508 --> 00:19:05,717
able to offer you the amazing--
427
00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:07,380
--Mighty Workboy
vacuum cleaner.
428
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:08,356
For only $22.
429
00:19:08,556 --> 00:19:09,388
And 75 cents.
430
00:19:09,588 --> 00:19:11,309
$22.00?
431
00:19:11,509 --> 00:19:12,988
BOTH: And 75 cents.
432
00:19:13,188 --> 00:19:14,212
- Really.
- No strings attached.
433
00:19:14,412 --> 00:19:15,197
Really?
434
00:19:15,397 --> 00:19:16,597
Ooh, and such a good price?
435
00:19:16,797 --> 00:19:18,555
Although there is a
small financing charge.
436
00:19:18,755 --> 00:19:20,028
- And carrying cost.
- Plus cord.
437
00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:21,244
- And the motor.
- Handle.
438
00:19:21,444 --> 00:19:22,012
And attachments.
439
00:19:22,212 --> 00:19:23,260
And taken together
with the price of--
440
00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:24,548
- The cute little headlight.
- Wheels.
441
00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:25,500
And the dirt container bag.
442
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,436
And of course, the
amazing Mighty Workboy--
443
00:19:27,636 --> 00:19:30,028
--bug fogger.
It comes to a total of 235--
444
00:19:30,228 --> 00:19:31,012
- --dollars--
- --and 16--
445
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:31,716
--cents.
446
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:32,726
And that's American money.
447
00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:33,856
Well, good luck to you both.
448
00:19:34,056 --> 00:19:34,573
Yeah--
449
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:35,764
- That's our only--
- ...copy.
450
00:19:35,964 --> 00:19:40,253
- Get it.
- Can't.
451
00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:41,293
- Get it.
- Stuck!
452
00:19:41,493 --> 00:19:42,924
Really?
453
00:19:43,124 --> 00:19:44,149
NAN: Abner?
454
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,456
Honey?
455
00:19:45,656 --> 00:19:46,680
Guess what I bought?
456
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,240
It just spoke to me.
457
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,162
- Not more clothes.
- Oh, it's such a good move.
458
00:19:50,362 --> 00:19:51,794
Nan, I thought I told you
that we can't afford any more--
459
00:19:51,994 --> 00:19:55,027
No, that new car I've been
wishing and dreaming for.
460
00:19:55,227 --> 00:19:57,706
- A car?
- Mhm.
461
00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:58,714
A new one?
462
00:19:58,914 --> 00:19:59,635
Well, of course, dear.
463
00:19:59,835 --> 00:20:00,657
A new car?
464
00:20:00,857 --> 00:20:02,227
On what I make?
465
00:20:02,427 --> 00:20:03,994
Abner, don't yell at me.
466
00:20:04,194 --> 00:20:05,402
You're a well-respected
university professor,
467
00:20:05,602 --> 00:20:06,402
and I'm your loving wife.
468
00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:07,770
I just knew you wouldn't
want me to go to the Dean's
469
00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:09,322
tee in that rickety
beat-up old Dodge Dart now
470
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:12,706
would you, honey?
471
00:20:12,906 --> 00:20:14,073
And this spring,
of course, we'll
472
00:20:14,273 --> 00:20:15,930
be invited to the
Chancellor's Easter Egg hunt.
473
00:20:16,130 --> 00:20:17,226
Now we can arrive in style.
474
00:20:17,426 --> 00:20:20,586
So how'd it go today
the Board of Regents?
475
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:21,730
Did they like your article?
476
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:22,794
Hmm?
477
00:20:22,994 --> 00:20:23,938
Uh, they-- um--
478
00:20:24,138 --> 00:20:25,348
They what?
479
00:20:25,548 --> 00:20:28,228
Well, they were, uh,
somewhat reluctant.
480
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,045
I-- I would say.
481
00:20:29,245 --> 00:20:30,052
You embarrassed me
again, didn't you?
482
00:20:30,252 --> 00:20:31,068
No, no, no, no.
I didn't, Nan.
483
00:20:31,268 --> 00:20:31,724
I--
484
00:20:31,924 --> 00:20:34,076
Mm, you brought up that
theory again, didn't you?
485
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,779
Maybe a little bit at
first, I brought it up look.
486
00:20:35,979 --> 00:20:37,020
But look, look.
487
00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:38,540
Ernest found a cannon
plate at Fairway Estates
488
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:39,452
in the subdivision.
489
00:20:39,652 --> 00:20:40,589
Ernest?
490
00:20:40,789 --> 00:20:42,332
Abner, how many times have
I told you never to be seen
491
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,764
socializing with that bonehead?
492
00:20:44,964 --> 00:20:46,069
Now, you're a
professor of standing.
493
00:20:46,269 --> 00:20:48,485
You will ruin our
sterling reputation.
494
00:20:48,685 --> 00:20:50,876
But I think he's made a
pretty incredible discovery.
495
00:20:51,076 --> 00:20:53,100
Now, you keep your little
discoveries to yourself.
496
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:54,829
Especially when that
Ernest is involved,
497
00:20:55,029 --> 00:20:56,292
and everything'll be just fine.
498
00:20:56,492 --> 00:20:57,845
Your tenure will
lock in our future
499
00:20:58,045 --> 00:20:59,068
and we will have
nothing to worry about.
500
00:20:59,268 --> 00:20:59,772
OK?
501
00:20:59,972 --> 00:21:01,308
Tell me I'm pretty.
502
00:21:01,508 --> 00:21:02,340
Pretty.
503
00:21:02,540 --> 00:21:04,964
Gimme a kiss.
504
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,391
Really hate that tie, dear.
Really do.
505
00:21:06,591 --> 00:21:09,449
Ooh, yummy.
506
00:21:11,649 --> 00:21:13,025
[sighs]
507
00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:17,273
[birds chirping]
508
00:21:17,473 --> 00:21:18,241
Hey, so what's next?
509
00:21:18,441 --> 00:21:21,873
A press release. (AS REPORTER)
New find proves lost regiment.
510
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,456
Hey, "The Enquirer"
will call for sure.
511
00:21:23,656 --> 00:21:25,880
"Nightline,"
"Unsolved Mysteries."
512
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,567
If it's sweets week, we might
even get to meet Madonna.
513
00:21:28,767 --> 00:21:29,833
Oh now, Ernest, please.
514
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:30,575
Hold on.
515
00:21:30,775 --> 00:21:33,176
We should go to DC and
talk to those Smithsonians.
516
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:35,736
Now, there's a family that
knows a lot about old stuff.
517
00:21:35,936 --> 00:21:37,567
No, Ernest, you
go back to your job.
518
00:21:37,767 --> 00:21:38,544
I go back to mine.
519
00:21:38,744 --> 00:21:39,399
We do nothing.
520
00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:40,456
Boy, aren't we a team?
521
00:21:40,656 --> 00:21:41,651
And what about that Goliath.
522
00:21:41,851 --> 00:21:43,319
Don't you just love big cannons?
523
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:45,711
Taking those big wire brushes
and running them up and down
524
00:21:45,911 --> 00:21:46,416
that barrel?
525
00:21:46,616 --> 00:21:47,423
Please, Ernest,
enough with the cannon!
526
00:21:47,623 --> 00:21:48,168
Enough!
527
00:21:48,368 --> 00:21:49,327
If I even mention
my theory again,
528
00:21:49,527 --> 00:21:51,736
the university will lock me
up and throw away the key.
529
00:21:51,936 --> 00:21:55,543
Come on, Dr. Melon, through a
stroke of incredibly dumb luck,
530
00:21:55,743 --> 00:21:58,000
you have the chance to
have a 40-pound adventure
531
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,032
on a 5-pound test line.
532
00:22:00,232 --> 00:22:02,024
So what do you say, huh?
What do you say?
533
00:22:02,224 --> 00:22:03,440
- You got something on your tie.
- Huh?
534
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,836
- Gotcha. [laughs]
- Ernest! I hate that!
535
00:22:05,036 --> 00:22:06,044
Do you think that's clever?!
536
00:22:06,244 --> 00:22:07,195
Because I don't
think it's funny!
537
00:22:07,395 --> 00:22:07,844
Look at me!
538
00:22:08,044 --> 00:22:10,684
I'm not laughing!
See?
539
00:22:10,884 --> 00:22:12,148
I'm sorry, Dr. Melon.
540
00:22:12,348 --> 00:22:14,293
I-- I was just trying
to cheer you up.
541
00:22:14,493 --> 00:22:15,781
Ernest, don't bother!
542
00:22:15,981 --> 00:22:16,868
Please!
543
00:22:17,068 --> 00:22:18,516
Dreaming of finding
Goliath was nothing more
544
00:22:18,716 --> 00:22:21,908
than a fiction, a soap bubble.
545
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:23,924
Nobody believes my theory.
546
00:22:24,124 --> 00:22:26,140
I'm not even sure I do anymore.
547
00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:29,508
Well, I have faith
in you, Dr. Melon.
548
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:35,813
[music playing]
549
00:22:36,013 --> 00:22:37,356
Just my luck.
550
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:40,516
Ernest P. Worrell
is my only ally.
551
00:22:40,716 --> 00:22:43,611
As the day is long.
552
00:22:43,811 --> 00:22:44,941
Really?
553
00:22:45,141 --> 00:22:46,724
Really.
554
00:22:46,924 --> 00:22:48,428
So what's it going to be, huh?
555
00:22:48,628 --> 00:22:50,728
Is it to going to be (IMITATES
STUDENT) Oh, Dr. Melon,
556
00:22:50,928 --> 00:22:52,151
I forgot my homework.
557
00:22:52,351 --> 00:22:54,808
Oh, do I have to
take that test again?
558
00:22:55,008 --> 00:22:56,144
My foot's asleep.
559
00:22:56,344 --> 00:23:02,043
Or are we going to walk over to
that car, roll those big dice,
560
00:23:02,243 --> 00:23:04,499
never mind the
consequences, come what may,
561
00:23:04,699 --> 00:23:06,644
the sky's the limit
for adventure.
562
00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:07,835
Come on, we're a
team, aren't we?
563
00:23:08,035 --> 00:23:08,717
Aren't we?
564
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,773
Stanley and Livingston?
565
00:23:10,973 --> 00:23:12,252
Lewis and Clark?
566
00:23:12,452 --> 00:23:13,987
Sonny and Cher?
567
00:23:14,187 --> 00:23:15,292
Worrell and Melon?
568
00:23:15,492 --> 00:23:16,628
- Melon are Worrell?
- Yes!
569
00:23:16,828 --> 00:23:17,196
Yes!
570
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:18,476
We're going to tie one on!
571
00:23:18,676 --> 00:23:19,211
Tear one loose!
572
00:23:19,411 --> 00:23:20,379
Rip one off!
573
00:23:20,579 --> 00:23:21,955
- Muckle onto some antlers!
- Yes!
574
00:23:22,155 --> 00:23:22,940
- Yes!
- Yes!
575
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:24,789
No!
576
00:23:24,989 --> 00:23:26,412
I have to teach a class.
577
00:23:26,612 --> 00:23:27,867
I'd have to have the
brain of a six-year-old
578
00:23:28,067 --> 00:23:30,148
to even consider it.
579
00:23:30,348 --> 00:23:31,081
Ready when you are.
580
00:23:31,281 --> 00:23:33,226
[laughs]
581
00:23:33,426 --> 00:23:34,145
OK!
582
00:23:34,345 --> 00:23:35,186
But I'll drive!
583
00:23:35,386 --> 00:23:37,905
Nan's insurance is very
specific on that point!
584
00:23:38,105 --> 00:23:40,042
Gosh, I never get
to drive new cars.
585
00:23:40,242 --> 00:23:42,154
Can I just take it out
of the parking space?
586
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:44,618
GLENCLIFF: Finally,
direct evidence.
587
00:23:44,818 --> 00:23:47,546
Computer access the
Oxford Historical Library.
588
00:23:47,746 --> 00:23:49,722
I want to know everything there
is to know about King George
589
00:23:49,922 --> 00:23:52,467
III, the crown jewels,
the Green Mountain
590
00:23:52,667 --> 00:23:56,434
Regulars and a pre-Revolutionary
War siege cannon named Goliath.
591
00:23:56,634 --> 00:23:58,497
If we start the research,
we may be exposed.
592
00:23:58,697 --> 00:24:00,947
What we need is an
alias, or a buffer.
593
00:24:01,147 --> 00:24:06,907
Use J. Quentin
University, Dr. Abner Melon.
594
00:24:07,107 --> 00:24:11,826
[british music playing]
595
00:24:12,026 --> 00:24:15,824
[spy music playing]
596
00:24:24,274 --> 00:24:26,138
This information just
came through from the Oxford
597
00:24:26,338 --> 00:24:27,202
Library, sir.
598
00:24:27,402 --> 00:24:29,827
They thought you needed to
be notified straight away.
599
00:24:30,027 --> 00:24:30,858
Hmm.
600
00:24:31,058 --> 00:24:34,786
Well, well, after a silence
of more than 200 years,
601
00:24:34,986 --> 00:24:37,618
someone is finally
poking their nose about.
602
00:24:37,818 --> 00:24:38,954
The Goliath, sir?
603
00:24:39,154 --> 00:24:41,098
And perhaps, the Crown Jewels.
604
00:24:41,298 --> 00:24:42,922
You know what this means
for Britain, don't you?
605
00:24:43,122 --> 00:24:44,258
I'm afraid so sir.
606
00:24:44,458 --> 00:24:49,282
A change in the status quo.
607
00:24:49,482 --> 00:24:50,570
Whew.
608
00:24:50,770 --> 00:24:52,042
New car smell.
Boy.
609
00:24:52,242 --> 00:24:53,875
- This is where you found it?
- Yeah.
610
00:24:54,075 --> 00:24:56,371
I found it in that construction
site, right over there.
611
00:24:56,571 --> 00:24:58,658
[chatter]
612
00:24:58,858 --> 00:25:00,034
Then what are we
doing sitting here?
613
00:25:00,234 --> 00:25:02,074
Well, now's not a good time.
614
00:25:02,274 --> 00:25:03,322
Uh, Makita warriors.
615
00:25:03,522 --> 00:25:04,106
What?
616
00:25:04,306 --> 00:25:05,082
Shh.
617
00:25:05,282 --> 00:25:06,595
Well, it was certainly the
right time when you pulled
618
00:25:06,795 --> 00:25:08,331
me away from my classroom.
619
00:25:08,531 --> 00:25:10,131
Hey, lunch guys.
620
00:25:10,331 --> 00:25:13,362
[chatter]
621
00:25:13,562 --> 00:25:16,203
OK, now's a good time.
Let's go.
622
00:25:16,403 --> 00:25:17,730
Roll up the window.
623
00:25:17,930 --> 00:25:21,866
Lock the door.
624
00:25:22,066 --> 00:25:23,930
And don't slam it.
625
00:25:24,130 --> 00:25:25,564
- You slammed it!
- Shh.
626
00:25:25,764 --> 00:25:26,276
Makita warriors.
627
00:25:26,476 --> 00:25:29,319
Makita warriors.
It's expensive.
628
00:25:31,013 --> 00:25:31,948
[buzzing]
629
00:25:32,148 --> 00:25:34,229
ERNEST: Man oh man, you should
have been with me the day
630
00:25:34,429 --> 00:25:36,558
I found Cleopatra's
crystal skull.
631
00:25:36,758 --> 00:25:39,030
That was a red-letter
day to remember.
632
00:25:39,230 --> 00:25:41,350
The Tencholocator 2000-C
is the world's greatest
633
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:42,855
finding device.
[beeps]
634
00:25:43,055 --> 00:25:45,183
It eliminates any unnecessary
digging for worthless objects.
635
00:25:45,383 --> 00:25:46,311
Ow!
636
00:25:46,511 --> 00:25:48,279
I had a finding device once.
637
00:25:48,479 --> 00:25:49,558
I lost it.
638
00:25:49,758 --> 00:25:52,599
Doesn't seem to be turning
up any evidence of a cannon.
639
00:25:52,799 --> 00:25:54,950
Well, maybe I should just look
for it the old-fashioned way.
640
00:25:55,150 --> 00:25:56,495
Oh, I have the
utmost confidence
641
00:25:56,695 --> 00:25:57,326
in the Tencho, Ernest.
642
00:25:57,526 --> 00:26:00,456
Any other method would
be entirely superfluous.
643
00:26:00,656 --> 00:26:03,799
Abner, listen to the
voice of experience.
644
00:26:03,999 --> 00:26:06,517
[cracking]
[screams]
645
00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:08,002
[groans]
646
00:26:08,202 --> 00:26:09,099
Ernest, are you dead?
647
00:26:09,299 --> 00:26:10,106
[groans]
648
00:26:10,306 --> 00:26:12,891
Well, I guess I would be
if I weren't just that close
649
00:26:13,091 --> 00:26:15,223
to being an actual cartoon.
650
00:26:15,423 --> 00:26:16,623
- Oh.
- Oh.
651
00:26:16,823 --> 00:26:18,125
Ouch.
- What is it?
652
00:26:18,325 --> 00:26:19,279
What?
653
00:26:19,479 --> 00:26:19,522
Ow.
654
00:26:19,722 --> 00:26:21,395
Swing your detector over here.
655
00:26:21,595 --> 00:26:22,474
[beeping]
656
00:26:22,674 --> 00:26:23,891
ABNER: Some sort of
round metal object.
657
00:26:24,091 --> 00:26:25,084
A hubcap?
658
00:26:25,284 --> 00:26:27,526
Its density is too
high for a hubcap.
659
00:26:30,252 --> 00:26:30,914
Hmm.
660
00:26:31,114 --> 00:26:32,043
It's a cannonball.
661
00:26:32,243 --> 00:26:32,762
A can--
662
00:26:32,962 --> 00:26:34,042
A-- a real cannonball, Abner.
663
00:26:34,242 --> 00:26:35,977
A really, really,
real cannonball.
664
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:37,736
Not the cannonball
you did in the pool
665
00:26:37,936 --> 00:26:40,168
when your sister was wearing
her graduation dress, no.
666
00:26:40,368 --> 00:26:43,384
A real boom-boom cannonball, the
kind they used to use to storm
667
00:26:43,584 --> 00:26:44,904
mighty fortresses and--
668
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:46,296
Ernest?
Dig.
669
00:26:46,496 --> 00:26:47,992
Oh, right.
Right.
670
00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:49,136
Ow.
Hey!
671
00:26:49,336 --> 00:26:50,609
Hey!
Hey!
672
00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:52,622
Ow!
Ernest!
673
00:26:52,822 --> 00:26:53,838
[sighs]
674
00:26:54,038 --> 00:26:55,880
[humming]
675
00:27:01,630 --> 00:27:04,006
(SINGING) Didn't
really wanna--
676
00:27:04,206 --> 00:27:07,574
you-- Abner, you didn't.
677
00:27:07,774 --> 00:27:10,998
Darling, it's my
car, not our car.
678
00:27:11,198 --> 00:27:13,343
Where is my car?!
679
00:27:13,543 --> 00:27:15,905
[music playing]
680
00:27:23,598 --> 00:27:24,666
Stop the car!
[tires squeal]
681
00:27:24,866 --> 00:27:25,762
Hey!
682
00:27:25,962 --> 00:27:27,362
Take me to the university now.
683
00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,507
This is an emergency.
684
00:27:29,707 --> 00:27:30,515
Opportunity knocks--
685
00:27:30,715 --> 00:27:31,779
- --more than once--
- --whenever your work--
686
00:27:31,979 --> 00:27:32,435
--the neighborhood.
687
00:27:32,635 --> 00:27:33,547
[laughter]
688
00:27:33,747 --> 00:27:35,106
BOTH: Well, hello.
689
00:27:35,306 --> 00:27:37,002
- Move it.
- Oh!
690
00:27:37,202 --> 00:27:38,307
You're sitting on
my loose change!
691
00:27:38,507 --> 00:27:39,291
Ah, quiet.
692
00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:40,698
Give it to the homeless.
693
00:27:40,898 --> 00:27:42,150
[car backfires]
694
00:27:42,350 --> 00:27:44,767
From the markings on this
ball and it's unusual size,
695
00:27:44,967 --> 00:27:47,430
there is no doubt in my mind
it was fired from the Goliath,
696
00:27:47,630 --> 00:27:48,967
the largest cannon ever cast.
697
00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:53,162
Made at the Delacroix Foundry
in [inaudible], France, in 1727.
698
00:27:53,362 --> 00:27:55,143
I can start a fire with
that magnifying glass.
699
00:27:55,343 --> 00:27:57,326
Roll it over.
Roll it over.
700
00:27:57,526 --> 00:28:00,255
The Goliath fired a maximum
load of 18.9 kilograms
701
00:28:00,455 --> 00:28:01,422
of black powder.
702
00:28:01,622 --> 00:28:04,254
A ball of this diameter and mass
would have an effective range
703
00:28:04,454 --> 00:28:06,111
of 1,300 yards.
704
00:28:06,311 --> 00:28:08,029
You didn't cut a lot of
classes in school did you?
705
00:28:08,229 --> 00:28:11,317
From the striations on those
rocks there, it's obvious.
706
00:28:11,517 --> 00:28:13,364
The shot was fired
from that grassy knoll.
707
00:28:13,564 --> 00:28:13,940
Yeah.
708
00:28:14,140 --> 00:28:15,396
I never believed that
Warren guy anyway.
709
00:28:15,596 --> 00:28:17,244
Did you?
710
00:28:19,852 --> 00:28:20,646
- Makita warriors!
- What?
711
00:28:20,846 --> 00:28:21,590
Run, Dr. Melon!
Run!
712
00:28:21,790 --> 00:28:22,591
Whoa!
Where?
713
00:28:22,791 --> 00:28:25,582
Away!
714
00:28:25,782 --> 00:28:30,008
Chow mein, chopped
suey, sweet and sour--
715
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:32,998
[music playing]
716
00:28:33,198 --> 00:28:40,183
[wood cracking]
717
00:28:40,383 --> 00:28:41,559
Wait--
718
00:28:41,759 --> 00:28:44,667
[cracking]
719
00:28:49,351 --> 00:28:50,927
- I left my detector!
- Me too!
720
00:28:51,127 --> 00:28:52,007
But it was a Tencho!
721
00:28:52,207 --> 00:28:53,471
Mine was an 11-cho!
722
00:28:53,671 --> 00:28:54,607
But why are we running?
723
00:28:54,807 --> 00:28:56,268
Because our legs are
moving very, very fast!
724
00:28:56,468 --> 00:28:57,756
Oh.
725
00:28:57,956 --> 00:28:58,749
Open the door, Dr. Melon.
726
00:28:58,949 --> 00:28:59,828
Open the door.
- Let me see.
727
00:29:00,028 --> 00:29:01,260
That one's for the ignition.
This is for the--
728
00:29:01,460 --> 00:29:02,929
Unlock the door!
unlock the door!
729
00:29:03,129 --> 00:29:05,153
If I scratch the paint,
Nan will have a fit.
730
00:29:05,353 --> 00:29:06,400
How's she going to
feel about scraping
731
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:08,081
your brains off the hood?
732
00:29:08,281 --> 00:29:10,832
Good point.
733
00:29:11,032 --> 00:29:12,889
It's him!
734
00:29:13,089 --> 00:29:14,639
Get him!
735
00:29:14,839 --> 00:29:16,289
The one in the
ball cap's mine.
736
00:29:16,489 --> 00:29:18,537
ABNER: Watch the
door handle, Ernest.
737
00:29:18,737 --> 00:29:18,951
Ah!
ABNER: Thank you.
738
00:29:19,151 --> 00:29:20,231
[men shouting]
[engine starts]
739
00:29:20,431 --> 00:29:21,174
Let's move!
Come on!
740
00:29:21,374 --> 00:29:21,998
Let's go!
Let's go!
741
00:29:22,198 --> 00:29:23,494
I have to let
it warm up first.
742
00:29:23,694 --> 00:29:25,574
Oh!
743
00:29:25,774 --> 00:29:26,114
[engine revs]
744
00:29:26,314 --> 00:29:28,874
ABNER: Whoa!
745
00:29:29,074 --> 00:29:33,265
[men shouting]
746
00:29:33,465 --> 00:29:35,769
ERNEST: Aim for the big ones.
747
00:29:35,969 --> 00:29:37,269
- Be a moving target.
ABNER: - Oh!
748
00:29:37,469 --> 00:29:40,148
You guys are in trouble
when my wife finds out!
749
00:29:40,348 --> 00:29:41,565
She's definitely--
750
00:29:41,765 --> 00:29:42,605
--taking the bait.
751
00:29:42,805 --> 00:29:44,372
Now all we have to do is--
752
00:29:44,572 --> 00:29:46,588
BOTH: --reel her in.
753
00:29:46,788 --> 00:29:48,468
[laughter]
754
00:29:48,668 --> 00:29:50,180
Well, Abner is not here.
755
00:29:50,380 --> 00:29:51,774
I just know he's
with that Ernest,
756
00:29:51,974 --> 00:29:52,972
looking for some
imaginary cannon.
757
00:29:53,172 --> 00:29:53,996
Did we mention--
[grunts]
758
00:29:54,196 --> 00:29:55,268
- --the Mighty Workboy--
- --is ideal--
759
00:29:55,468 --> 00:29:56,260
--for cleaning
swimming pools--
760
00:29:56,460 --> 00:29:56,885
--septic tanks--
761
00:29:57,085 --> 00:29:57,565
--oil spills--
762
00:29:57,765 --> 00:29:59,492
--and other natural disasters?
763
00:29:59,692 --> 00:30:01,308
Is my nose bleeding?
764
00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:04,192
The Goliath had a
range of 3/4 of a mile.
765
00:30:04,392 --> 00:30:05,968
So it's got to be
around here somewhere.
766
00:30:06,168 --> 00:30:08,081
[music playing]
767
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,768
Hey.
768
00:30:19,968 --> 00:30:21,089
Isn't this one of
those little lizards
769
00:30:21,289 --> 00:30:25,809
that when the tail falls off,
it can grow another lizard?
770
00:30:26,009 --> 00:30:27,600
Oh, what am I doing here?
771
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,202
How did I let you
convince me that Goliath
772
00:30:29,402 --> 00:30:31,034
could be anywhere around here?
773
00:30:31,234 --> 00:30:32,728
Oh I know, it's obvious.
774
00:30:32,928 --> 00:30:34,384
I must be losing my mind.
775
00:30:34,584 --> 00:30:37,433
What I want to know is,
when it does lose its tail,
776
00:30:37,633 --> 00:30:39,960
does it grow one back
real fast like, overnight?
777
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,489
Or does it take a couple weeks?
778
00:30:43,689 --> 00:30:48,690
I'm a well-read, intelligent,
literate man with two PhDs.
779
00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:51,858
So how is it I'm on a wild
goose chase with a refugee
780
00:30:52,058 --> 00:30:53,649
from "Sesame Street?"
781
00:30:53,849 --> 00:30:57,317
Gosh, going two weeks without
a tail would be tough.
782
00:30:57,517 --> 00:30:59,438
That's it. Forget it.
I'm finished.
783
00:30:59,638 --> 00:31:01,007
No more, Ernest.
784
00:31:01,207 --> 00:31:03,007
It's probably not here anyway.
785
00:31:03,207 --> 00:31:05,670
We're just wasting time.
786
00:31:07,919 --> 00:31:11,335
Oh, is your
little nest in here?
787
00:31:11,535 --> 00:31:13,311
Hello?
788
00:31:13,511 --> 00:31:15,655
(ECHOES) Hello?
789
00:31:15,855 --> 00:31:17,856
Dr. Melon, come up here.
790
00:31:18,056 --> 00:31:19,230
You've got to hear this.
791
00:31:19,430 --> 00:31:21,095
It's really neat.
792
00:31:21,295 --> 00:31:26,062
Herpetology is not
my field, Ernest.
793
00:31:26,262 --> 00:31:32,479
(ECHOING) Budd, Shackleton,
Perry, don't worry lads.
794
00:31:32,679 --> 00:31:35,895
We're going to lower a line
down into the ice cave!
795
00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:39,374
And you'll be up here with
us in now time, sipping tea,
796
00:31:39,574 --> 00:31:42,526
before you can say Jack B--
797
00:31:42,726 --> 00:31:43,607
[echoing screams]
798
00:31:43,807 --> 00:31:45,757
Ernest!
799
00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:49,335
[wincing]
800
00:31:49,535 --> 00:31:53,377
Ouch.
801
00:31:56,743 --> 00:31:58,255
That little lizard's got to
be around here somewhere.
802
00:31:58,455 --> 00:31:59,399
[creaking]
803
00:31:59,599 --> 00:32:01,541
Are you all right?
804
00:32:03,295 --> 00:32:04,286
[clang]
- Oh!
805
00:32:04,486 --> 00:32:05,199
Ow!
806
00:32:05,399 --> 00:32:07,620
Is there anything there?
Did you find something?
807
00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:11,309
No.
808
00:32:11,509 --> 00:32:13,981
There's nothing down here.
809
00:32:14,181 --> 00:32:16,588
Ouch.
810
00:32:16,788 --> 00:32:18,893
We came so close
to catching them.
811
00:32:19,093 --> 00:32:20,567
- They took off up there.
- Thank you.
812
00:32:20,767 --> 00:32:22,438
We'll send somebody
by to pick it up.
813
00:32:22,638 --> 00:32:23,424
OK.
814
00:32:23,624 --> 00:32:25,438
Oh!
815
00:32:25,638 --> 00:32:28,823
[laughs]
816
00:32:29,023 --> 00:32:30,518
Oh, it actually exists!
817
00:32:30,718 --> 00:32:31,856
Oh, I can't believe it.
818
00:32:32,056 --> 00:32:33,695
Look at the size of it.
819
00:32:33,895 --> 00:32:35,278
Oh, oh, it's true.
820
00:32:35,478 --> 00:32:37,799
All my theories are true.
821
00:32:37,999 --> 00:32:39,375
Oh, oh, look, look, look!
822
00:32:39,575 --> 00:32:41,511
The fuse is even still intact!
823
00:32:41,711 --> 00:32:44,063
Oh, those irregulars must
have left in an awful hurry.
824
00:32:44,263 --> 00:32:46,518
I was irregular once.
825
00:32:46,718 --> 00:32:47,694
Oh, it's too tight.
826
00:32:47,894 --> 00:32:48,839
I can't get in to see.
827
00:32:49,039 --> 00:32:50,894
(WITH ACCENT) Well,
Dr. Jones, I see
828
00:32:51,094 --> 00:32:52,735
you have found the arc for us.
829
00:32:52,935 --> 00:32:53,871
[laughs]
830
00:32:54,071 --> 00:32:55,614
Give your adventure
delusions a rest for a second
831
00:32:55,814 --> 00:32:57,038
and give me your hand.
832
00:32:57,238 --> 00:32:58,215
No problemo.
833
00:32:58,415 --> 00:32:59,984
I'll just move this chalk.
834
00:33:00,184 --> 00:33:00,894
ABNER: What are you doing?
835
00:33:01,094 --> 00:33:02,254
Don't.
836
00:33:02,454 --> 00:33:03,511
And roll it back for you.
837
00:33:03,711 --> 00:33:06,366
ABNER: Oh, be careful, Ernest.
838
00:33:08,566 --> 00:33:11,191
(WITH ACCENT) You know,
June, I'm sure glad that cobra
839
00:33:11,391 --> 00:33:13,087
venom didn't zap my strength.
840
00:33:13,287 --> 00:33:14,526
I don't mind
telling you, Ernest,
841
00:33:14,726 --> 00:33:15,935
that made me a little nervous.
842
00:33:16,135 --> 00:33:17,574
(WITH ACCENT) Not
to worry, Zahib.
843
00:33:17,774 --> 00:33:20,878
I had complete control of
the situation at all times.
844
00:33:21,078 --> 00:33:22,752
Thanks for shopping with us.
845
00:33:22,952 --> 00:33:24,318
[creaking]
846
00:33:24,518 --> 00:33:25,279
It's going to go.
847
00:33:25,479 --> 00:33:25,895
It's--
848
00:33:26,095 --> 00:33:28,831
Hey, I can stop it.
849
00:33:29,031 --> 00:33:31,255
[laughs]
850
00:33:31,455 --> 00:33:33,711
[screaming]
851
00:33:33,911 --> 00:33:36,490
[rumbling]
852
00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:45,631
[music playing]
853
00:33:45,831 --> 00:33:48,720
No!
854
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,695
No!
855
00:33:50,895 --> 00:33:52,311
[crashing]
856
00:33:52,511 --> 00:33:53,991
Neat.
857
00:33:54,191 --> 00:34:00,703
[birds chirping]
858
00:34:00,903 --> 00:34:03,770
[spy music playing]
859
00:34:18,959 --> 00:34:21,302
Why didn't I stay at school?
860
00:34:21,502 --> 00:34:23,895
This is Nan's brand-new car.
861
00:34:24,095 --> 00:34:25,646
Not anymore.
862
00:34:25,846 --> 00:34:27,510
But hey, don't sweat it.
863
00:34:27,710 --> 00:34:29,935
As soon as we get those
Crown Jewels out of there,
864
00:34:30,135 --> 00:34:33,006
we'll just reach around, pluck
out a couple of diamonds,
865
00:34:33,206 --> 00:34:35,023
and you can buy
her two new cars.
866
00:34:35,223 --> 00:34:37,590
Just think of it,
his-and-her Humvee's.
867
00:34:37,790 --> 00:34:39,135
Know what I mean?
868
00:34:39,335 --> 00:34:42,111
Let's get to work.
869
00:34:42,311 --> 00:34:44,814
I always wanted a Humvee.
870
00:34:46,863 --> 00:34:49,895
It looks like there's some
leaves and mud and sticks
871
00:34:50,095 --> 00:34:51,031
and stuff.
872
00:34:51,231 --> 00:34:52,590
I-- I can't make
out exactly what.
873
00:34:52,790 --> 00:34:54,095
Here.
874
00:34:54,295 --> 00:34:56,943
Give me a toe up, and I'll
kind of scooch in here.
875
00:34:57,143 --> 00:34:58,248
Yeah.
876
00:34:58,448 --> 00:34:58,992
How'm I doing?
877
00:34:59,192 --> 00:35:01,682
ERNEST: - Dr. Melon?
- Oh.
878
00:35:01,882 --> 00:35:03,346
I'm not very good at
this toe-hold thing.
879
00:35:03,546 --> 00:35:05,864
ERNEST: Push, doctor.
Push!
880
00:35:06,064 --> 00:35:08,724
[grunting]
881
00:35:11,025 --> 00:35:12,057
ERNEST: Dr. Melon.
882
00:35:12,257 --> 00:35:13,456
Dr. Melon, I'm stuck!
883
00:35:13,656 --> 00:35:14,392
Pull me out!
884
00:35:14,592 --> 00:35:15,713
I-- I could help you
if you'd just hold still.
885
00:35:15,913 --> 00:35:17,232
Ugh!
886
00:35:17,432 --> 00:35:18,665
ERNEST: Dr. Melon!
887
00:35:18,865 --> 00:35:20,016
Dr. Melon?
888
00:35:20,216 --> 00:35:23,008
You can pull me out
now if you want to.
889
00:35:23,208 --> 00:35:24,561
Dr. Melon?
890
00:35:24,761 --> 00:35:26,367
It's awful cramped in here.
891
00:35:26,567 --> 00:35:30,440
I wouldn't mind at all if
you'd pull me out right now.
892
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:31,658
Dr. Melon?
893
00:35:31,858 --> 00:35:34,432
There might be bugs in here!
894
00:35:34,632 --> 00:35:36,096
Or vampires!
895
00:35:36,296 --> 00:35:37,743
Or a dentist!
896
00:35:37,943 --> 00:35:39,495
Dr. Melon!
Help!
897
00:35:39,695 --> 00:35:42,046
[music playing]
898
00:35:42,246 --> 00:35:44,446
For the very last time,
gentlemen, I am not-- repeat--
899
00:35:44,646 --> 00:35:47,599
not even a tiny bit interested
in buying, renting, or lease
900
00:35:47,799 --> 00:35:49,047
purchasing a vacuum cleaner.
901
00:35:49,247 --> 00:35:50,415
- Perhaps that's because--
- --you haven't seen--
902
00:35:50,615 --> 00:35:51,350
--all the attachments.
903
00:35:51,550 --> 00:35:52,854
Some are quite unique.
904
00:35:53,054 --> 00:35:53,831
Watch the road.
905
00:35:54,031 --> 00:35:54,959
Now, if you'll just
take a look at this,
906
00:35:55,159 --> 00:35:55,790
I know you'll agree--
907
00:35:55,990 --> 00:35:57,238
--that the Mighty Workboy
home-cleaning system--
908
00:35:57,438 --> 00:35:58,391
--is simply the
most versatile--
909
00:35:58,591 --> 00:35:59,255
--and the most economical--
910
00:35:59,455 --> 00:36:00,598
--as well as the
most entertaining--
911
00:36:00,798 --> 00:36:01,686
--combination vacuum cleaner--
912
00:36:01,886 --> 00:36:03,023
--and video
cassette recorder--
913
00:36:03,223 --> 00:36:04,496
- --on the market today.
- Try one.
914
00:36:04,696 --> 00:36:05,606
- Ow!
- And they're cheap.
915
00:36:05,806 --> 00:36:06,606
- Try two.
- Ow!
916
00:36:06,806 --> 00:36:07,623
My kids are in private school.
917
00:36:07,823 --> 00:36:08,495
Shut up and drive.
918
00:36:08,695 --> 00:36:11,807
We have got to find my husband.
919
00:36:12,007 --> 00:36:12,928
What's that--
920
00:36:13,128 --> 00:36:13,911
--smell?
921
00:36:14,111 --> 00:36:14,871
Oh, do you like it?
922
00:36:15,071 --> 00:36:16,110
It's called Night Chill.
923
00:36:16,310 --> 00:36:17,830
[sniffs]
924
00:36:18,030 --> 00:36:18,952
BOTH: Very nice.
925
00:36:19,152 --> 00:36:19,759
- Thank you.
- Smells like--
926
00:36:19,959 --> 00:36:20,615
--road kill.
927
00:36:20,815 --> 00:36:26,863
[laughter]
928
00:36:27,063 --> 00:36:28,831
ERNEST: Help!
929
00:36:29,031 --> 00:36:30,086
Dr. Melon!
930
00:36:30,286 --> 00:36:31,199
Pull me out!
931
00:36:31,399 --> 00:36:33,383
Dr. Melon?
932
00:36:33,583 --> 00:36:34,821
Dr. Melon?
933
00:36:35,021 --> 00:36:37,405
ERNEST: I'm real sorry if
I got you into hot water
934
00:36:37,605 --> 00:36:39,301
- with that fancy--
- Dr. Glencliff?
935
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:40,064
Oh.
936
00:36:40,264 --> 00:36:41,521
ERNEST: --that
mummy was real old.
937
00:36:41,721 --> 00:36:42,458
And--
938
00:36:42,658 --> 00:36:43,400
Oh, what a pleasant surprise.
939
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,297
As you can see, (LAUGHING)
we have located Goliath.
940
00:36:47,497 --> 00:36:48,193
Huh?
941
00:36:48,393 --> 00:36:49,650
Dr. Melon?
942
00:36:49,850 --> 00:36:53,065
Talking to yourself is not
a sign of mental stability.
943
00:36:53,265 --> 00:36:55,089
Oh, Ernest, it's
Dr. Glencliff!
944
00:36:55,289 --> 00:36:56,489
He's here to help us.
945
00:36:56,689 --> 00:36:58,912
ERNEST: Dr. Melon?
946
00:36:59,112 --> 00:37:00,864
[grunting]
947
00:37:01,064 --> 00:37:01,665
Ouch!
948
00:37:01,865 --> 00:37:02,833
Ouch!
949
00:37:03,033 --> 00:37:04,169
Oh!
950
00:37:04,369 --> 00:37:05,785
[grunting]
951
00:37:05,985 --> 00:37:06,442
Ow!
952
00:37:06,642 --> 00:37:07,201
He's-- he's stuck, doctor.
953
00:37:07,401 --> 00:37:10,137
We'll take it to the
clinic and cut him out there.
954
00:37:10,337 --> 00:37:11,161
Well, you can't cut Goliath.
955
00:37:11,361 --> 00:37:12,305
It's a priceless relic.
956
00:37:12,505 --> 00:37:15,576
Who said anything
about cutting Goliath?
957
00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:17,426
[laughs]
958
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:20,138
Oh, oh, good
joke, Dr. Glencliff.
959
00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:21,793
Humor's a little
dark for my taste.
960
00:37:21,993 --> 00:37:23,488
But as I say, to each his own.
961
00:37:23,688 --> 00:37:24,928
Huh?
962
00:37:25,128 --> 00:37:25,568
[laughs]
963
00:37:25,768 --> 00:37:26,521
I'm laughing.
964
00:37:26,721 --> 00:37:27,897
See?
965
00:37:28,097 --> 00:37:29,520
[laughs]
966
00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:30,713
Oh, you're not joking, are you?
967
00:37:30,913 --> 00:37:33,920
How else would I get
the crown jewels out?
968
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:35,081
Put him in the wrecker.
969
00:37:35,281 --> 00:37:36,041
Hey!
970
00:37:36,241 --> 00:37:37,369
I warn you!
971
00:37:37,569 --> 00:37:39,568
I'm skilled in the
Oriental discipline.
972
00:37:39,768 --> 00:37:41,570
ERNEST: Ouch!
Help!
973
00:37:41,770 --> 00:37:42,152
Ow!
974
00:37:42,352 --> 00:37:43,192
Skipping school like
some eighth grader.
975
00:37:43,392 --> 00:37:44,177
I mean, this theory of--
976
00:37:44,377 --> 00:37:45,305
[shrieks]
977
00:37:45,505 --> 00:37:47,441
My god!
978
00:37:47,641 --> 00:37:48,640
Oh boy.
979
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:49,825
What a shame.
980
00:37:50,025 --> 00:37:50,513
Totalled.
981
00:37:50,713 --> 00:37:51,760
- That's what I'd say.
- Totalled.
982
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:52,897
Complete write off.
983
00:37:53,097 --> 00:37:54,417
No insurance.
984
00:37:54,617 --> 00:37:56,480
You know, a good
low-mileage car--
985
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:57,032
--like that--
986
00:37:57,232 --> 00:37:58,209
- --could probably sell for 25--
- --26--
987
00:37:58,409 --> 00:37:59,440
- --thousand--
- --dollars.
988
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:00,369
Of course, this one has a few--
989
00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:00,945
--glitches.
990
00:38:01,145 --> 00:38:02,417
But with a little body work--
991
00:38:02,617 --> 00:38:03,505
BOTH: Some Bondo--
992
00:38:03,705 --> 00:38:04,272
--we could fix it, sure.
993
00:38:04,472 --> 00:38:05,273
No problem.
994
00:38:05,473 --> 00:38:09,793
I'm going to kill somebody.
995
00:38:09,993 --> 00:38:10,961
We sell some
really nice guns too.
996
00:38:11,161 --> 00:38:12,240
And bullets, lots of bullets.
997
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,840
- Lots of bullets, yeah.
- I think they're in the--
998
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,193
--trunk.
999
00:38:15,393 --> 00:38:17,625
Just-- just take me home, OK?
1000
00:38:17,825 --> 00:38:18,177
Your chariot--
1001
00:38:18,377 --> 00:38:19,009
--awaits.
1002
00:38:19,209 --> 00:38:19,992
I think I'll poison him.
1003
00:38:20,192 --> 00:38:20,729
Mhm.
1004
00:38:20,929 --> 00:38:22,368
ABNER: For Heaven's
sake, drive carefully.
1005
00:38:22,568 --> 00:38:23,473
That's a very old cannon.
1006
00:38:23,673 --> 00:38:25,040
GLENCLIFF: Shut up.
ERNEST: Watch the curb!
1007
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:25,905
Watch the curb!
1008
00:38:26,105 --> 00:38:27,888
Ow!
1009
00:38:28,088 --> 00:38:29,113
Boy, when they
designed this thing,
1010
00:38:29,313 --> 00:38:31,673
passenger safety wasn't the
first thing on their list.
1011
00:38:31,873 --> 00:38:32,664
Ow!
1012
00:38:32,864 --> 00:38:35,112
Let me out!
1013
00:38:35,312 --> 00:38:36,849
Can't stand tight places.
1014
00:38:37,049 --> 00:38:40,601
And I've got claustrophobia too!
1015
00:38:40,801 --> 00:38:41,867
When we get back
to the clinic,
1016
00:38:42,067 --> 00:38:44,473
do whatever it takes to
get him out of there.
1017
00:38:44,673 --> 00:38:45,721
Doctor--
1018
00:38:45,921 --> 00:38:48,273
Something unclear?
1019
00:38:48,473 --> 00:38:50,345
What do we do
with the leftovers?
1020
00:38:50,545 --> 00:38:52,385
Use the surgical
disposal system.
1021
00:38:52,585 --> 00:38:54,097
ERNEST: Watch the bumps.
1022
00:38:54,297 --> 00:38:55,049
Ouch.
1023
00:38:55,249 --> 00:38:56,801
Oh!
1024
00:38:57,001 --> 00:38:58,168
It's getting awful
tight in here.
1025
00:38:58,368 --> 00:38:59,889
I sure wish I had
started the day
1026
00:39:00,089 --> 00:39:01,875
with a good 24-hour deodorant.
1027
00:39:02,075 --> 00:39:04,889
My armpits are really
starting to chafe.
1028
00:39:05,089 --> 00:39:06,697
[grunting]
1029
00:39:06,897 --> 00:39:09,225
Oh, how cute.
1030
00:39:09,425 --> 00:39:10,625
Oh yes.
1031
00:39:10,825 --> 00:39:14,097
Eight beautiful little
hairy legs and--
1032
00:39:14,297 --> 00:39:17,121
200 cute little
beady eyes, and--
1033
00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:20,025
ahh!
1034
00:39:20,225 --> 00:39:22,249
[music playing]
1035
00:39:22,449 --> 00:39:24,385
[grunting]
1036
00:39:24,585 --> 00:39:31,209
Ow!
1037
00:39:31,409 --> 00:39:32,353
Hit him.
1038
00:39:32,553 --> 00:39:34,097
[tires squeal]
1039
00:39:34,297 --> 00:39:36,745
[screams]
1040
00:39:36,945 --> 00:39:40,505
[groans]
1041
00:39:40,705 --> 00:39:41,385
You didn't do the job!
1042
00:39:41,585 --> 00:39:42,497
Put it in reverse!
1043
00:39:42,697 --> 00:39:45,265
[tires squeal]
1044
00:39:45,465 --> 00:39:47,826
Catch the idiot!
1045
00:39:48,026 --> 00:39:49,152
[music playing]
1046
00:39:49,352 --> 00:39:50,081
Run, Ernest!
1047
00:39:50,281 --> 00:39:53,385
Run!
1048
00:39:53,585 --> 00:39:54,713
THUG: Come-- get back here!
1049
00:39:54,913 --> 00:39:55,777
- Oh!
- Oh!
1050
00:39:55,977 --> 00:39:56,824
See--
1051
00:39:57,024 --> 00:39:59,040
[music playing]
1052
00:40:05,504 --> 00:40:06,217
Hey!
1053
00:40:06,417 --> 00:40:08,255
Hey!
1054
00:40:08,455 --> 00:40:09,182
- Don't!
- Left.
1055
00:40:09,382 --> 00:40:11,801
- Hey!
- No.
1056
00:40:12,001 --> 00:40:13,405
- Come on!
- No.
1057
00:40:13,605 --> 00:40:15,721
Gotcha! [boink]
Ah.
1058
00:40:16,063 --> 00:40:18,760
[music playing]
1059
00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:31,150
Young man, do you
realize you're trespassing
1060
00:40:31,350 --> 00:40:33,742
on private property?
1061
00:40:33,942 --> 00:40:36,215
Look, lady, did you see
a goopy guy in a brown hat?
1062
00:40:36,415 --> 00:40:37,455
No respect.
1063
00:40:37,655 --> 00:40:39,760
That's the trouble with
young people today.
1064
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:41,846
They have no respect
for their elders.
1065
00:40:42,046 --> 00:40:44,631
You're just like my
second son, Jaime.
1066
00:40:44,831 --> 00:40:46,439
I had to teach him manners.
1067
00:40:46,639 --> 00:40:47,767
He's dead now.
1068
00:40:47,967 --> 00:40:49,623
Listen, you old
bag, you tell me
1069
00:40:49,823 --> 00:40:51,974
where the goofball is
right now, or somebody's
1070
00:40:52,174 --> 00:40:53,054
going to get hurt.
1071
00:40:53,254 --> 00:40:55,198
Well, aren't we being testy?
1072
00:40:55,398 --> 00:40:58,343
I suspect we don't have
enough bran in our diet.
1073
00:40:58,543 --> 00:41:00,542
Oh, is that a .44?
1074
00:41:00,742 --> 00:41:03,175
Ugh!
1075
00:41:03,375 --> 00:41:06,575
Looks just like Jaime.
1076
00:41:06,775 --> 00:41:09,183
[creaking]
1077
00:41:13,735 --> 00:41:14,471
ABNER: You don't
honestly believe you're
1078
00:41:14,671 --> 00:41:15,872
going to get away with this?
1079
00:41:16,072 --> 00:41:17,830
You must realize they have
very effective statutes
1080
00:41:18,030 --> 00:41:20,039
and criminal penalties in
order to combat the theft
1081
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:21,823
of historical antiquities.
1082
00:41:22,023 --> 00:41:24,167
And furthermore, young man,
may I be so bold to say,
1083
00:41:24,367 --> 00:41:25,975
I think you'd have more
control of your life
1084
00:41:26,175 --> 00:41:27,839
if you had a proper
post-secondary education.
1085
00:41:28,039 --> 00:41:29,983
Ugh!
1086
00:41:30,183 --> 00:41:31,375
[music playing]
1087
00:41:31,575 --> 00:41:33,431
ERNEST: Using his
Olympic-trained legs,
1088
00:41:33,631 --> 00:41:35,999
Indy rockets to the
Professor's rescue.
1089
00:41:36,199 --> 00:41:39,500
[music playing]
1090
00:41:42,190 --> 00:41:43,287
Hang on, Dr. Melon!
1091
00:41:43,487 --> 00:41:45,288
I'm coming!
1092
00:41:45,488 --> 00:41:47,758
[music playing]
1093
00:41:56,607 --> 00:41:58,070
(BRITISH ACCENT) Stop
in the name of the Sheriff
1094
00:41:58,270 --> 00:41:58,960
of Nottingham!
1095
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,512
Or be issued a sound thrashing!
1096
00:42:02,712 --> 00:42:06,407
[engine roaring]
1097
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:09,464
[screaming]
1098
00:42:09,664 --> 00:42:10,719
[thud]
1099
00:42:10,919 --> 00:42:11,631
Hey, no fair!
1100
00:42:11,831 --> 00:42:12,503
You hit Ernest!
1101
00:42:12,703 --> 00:42:13,950
Ya!
1102
00:42:14,150 --> 00:42:15,175
Oh!
Ow.
1103
00:42:15,375 --> 00:42:16,690
Oh!
1104
00:42:22,791 --> 00:42:23,776
Ugh!
1105
00:42:23,976 --> 00:42:26,072
[music playing]
1106
00:42:26,272 --> 00:42:28,039
[grunting]
1107
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,434
[groans]
1108
00:42:38,799 --> 00:42:39,719
Dr. Melon?
1109
00:42:39,919 --> 00:42:40,583
Wake up!
1110
00:42:40,783 --> 00:42:41,501
It's me, Ernest.
1111
00:42:41,701 --> 00:42:44,309
I'm one of the new
boys on the hood.
1112
00:42:45,902 --> 00:42:46,742
Wake up!
1113
00:42:46,942 --> 00:42:48,527
This is no time for taking naps!
1114
00:42:48,727 --> 00:42:52,620
Dr. Melon!
Please!
1115
00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:55,285
Dr. Melon!
1116
00:42:55,485 --> 00:42:56,765
[tires squealing]
1117
00:42:56,965 --> 00:42:57,965
Ow!
1118
00:42:59,310 --> 00:42:59,940
[grunting]
1119
00:43:00,140 --> 00:43:02,053
Ow!
1120
00:43:02,253 --> 00:43:02,973
What's going on up there?
1121
00:43:03,173 --> 00:43:04,238
He's going to throw the cannon.
1122
00:43:04,438 --> 00:43:05,068
[tires squealing]
1123
00:43:05,268 --> 00:43:06,964
Whoa!
1124
00:43:07,164 --> 00:43:08,916
[grunting]
1125
00:43:13,661 --> 00:43:16,078
THUG: Doesn't that
guy ever give up?
1126
00:43:16,278 --> 00:43:17,341
[grunts]
1127
00:43:17,541 --> 00:43:18,349
I'll show you.
1128
00:43:18,549 --> 00:43:20,081
[grunting]
1129
00:43:20,615 --> 00:43:24,089
THUG: Get off my truck!
1130
00:43:26,621 --> 00:43:28,237
[grunting]
1131
00:43:28,437 --> 00:43:30,229
Oh, how about a
public works enema?
1132
00:43:30,429 --> 00:43:32,476
[screams]
1133
00:43:32,676 --> 00:43:33,653
Hold on!
1134
00:43:33,853 --> 00:43:35,641
How did he catch up to us?
This is ridiculous!
1135
00:43:35,841 --> 00:43:36,441
No!
1136
00:43:36,641 --> 00:43:37,873
Not the cones!
Ow!
1137
00:43:38,073 --> 00:43:38,713
Ow!
1138
00:43:38,913 --> 00:43:40,193
THUG: Take that!
1139
00:43:40,393 --> 00:43:41,288
Ow!
1140
00:43:41,488 --> 00:43:42,872
Ow!
1141
00:43:43,072 --> 00:43:44,089
Ow!
1142
00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:45,496
Ah!
1143
00:43:48,545 --> 00:43:49,106
Ernest!
1144
00:43:49,306 --> 00:43:50,032
Whoa!
1145
00:43:50,232 --> 00:43:50,848
THUG: Stupid redneck!
1146
00:43:51,048 --> 00:43:52,545
Must have Stick-Em on his hands.
1147
00:43:52,745 --> 00:43:54,665
[grunting]
1148
00:43:58,609 --> 00:43:59,889
Let go of my set!
1149
00:44:00,834 --> 00:44:02,737
Ah!
1150
00:44:02,937 --> 00:44:03,937
[grunting]
1151
00:44:04,137 --> 00:44:05,725
THUG: Let go of me!
Let go of me!
1152
00:44:05,925 --> 00:44:06,708
[grunting]
1153
00:44:06,908 --> 00:44:09,485
[screams]
1154
00:44:09,685 --> 00:44:11,141
[laughs]
1155
00:44:11,341 --> 00:44:13,432
Just shoot him!
1156
00:44:16,357 --> 00:44:17,133
Real bullets!
1157
00:44:17,333 --> 00:44:18,717
They're shooting
real bullets at us!
1158
00:44:18,917 --> 00:44:20,293
Be a moving target, Dr. Melon.
1159
00:44:20,493 --> 00:44:21,229
Be a moving target.
1160
00:44:21,429 --> 00:44:22,349
Nobody's driving the truck!
1161
00:44:22,549 --> 00:44:23,437
I can't help that.
1162
00:44:23,637 --> 00:44:24,412
Let's get to the cannon.
1163
00:44:24,612 --> 00:44:25,853
But the trucks'
out of control!
1164
00:44:26,053 --> 00:44:27,270
Welcome to my world!
1165
00:44:27,470 --> 00:44:28,645
- Let's be sensible!
- No.
1166
00:44:28,845 --> 00:44:30,037
Let's stay alive.
1167
00:44:30,237 --> 00:44:31,605
[bullets zinging]
1168
00:44:31,805 --> 00:44:33,445
ABNER: Ooh, ah, ah, ooh.
Moving target.
1169
00:44:33,645 --> 00:44:34,700
Moving target.
Ernest?
1170
00:44:34,900 --> 00:44:35,532
Ah!
1171
00:44:35,732 --> 00:44:36,197
Where are you going?
1172
00:44:36,397 --> 00:44:39,621
Those cretins are
trying to get on Goliath.
1173
00:44:39,821 --> 00:44:40,373
Ah!
1174
00:44:40,573 --> 00:44:41,419
ERNEST: Dr. Melon?
1175
00:44:41,619 --> 00:44:43,429
I'm going to pull the pin.
1176
00:44:43,629 --> 00:44:45,221
That's a good way to
lose a finger, Ernest.
1177
00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:47,189
[grunts]
1178
00:44:47,389 --> 00:44:49,037
ERNEST: Uh-oh.
1179
00:44:49,237 --> 00:44:50,469
ABNER: Ernest!
1180
00:44:50,669 --> 00:44:52,388
Jump to the cannon!
1181
00:44:52,588 --> 00:44:53,661
Jump!
1182
00:44:53,861 --> 00:44:55,340
[bullets zinging]
1183
00:44:55,540 --> 00:44:57,885
Ah!
1184
00:44:58,085 --> 00:44:58,813
[grunts]
1185
00:44:59,013 --> 00:44:59,804
Come on, jump, Dr. Melon!
1186
00:45:00,004 --> 00:45:01,269
Jump!
1187
00:45:01,469 --> 00:45:01,860
No, no!
1188
00:45:02,060 --> 00:45:03,301
To the cannon! to the cannon!
1189
00:45:03,501 --> 00:45:03,980
Are you crazy?
1190
00:45:04,180 --> 00:45:05,188
That must be 13 feet!
1191
00:45:05,388 --> 00:45:06,541
This is no time
to be superstitious!
1192
00:45:06,741 --> 00:45:07,182
Jump!
1193
00:45:07,382 --> 00:45:08,572
I-- I can't!
1194
00:45:08,772 --> 00:45:09,732
[gunshot]
1195
00:45:09,932 --> 00:45:10,908
Take my hand!
1196
00:45:11,108 --> 00:45:14,596
[grunting]
1197
00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:16,517
I can't!
I don't jump!
1198
00:45:16,717 --> 00:45:18,044
I teach history!
1199
00:45:18,244 --> 00:45:18,757
I'm a history professor!
1200
00:45:18,957 --> 00:45:21,644
Just goes to show you,
history won't keep you alive!
1201
00:45:21,844 --> 00:45:24,133
- Now, jump!
- I can't, Ernest!
1202
00:45:24,333 --> 00:45:27,264
I just can't do it!
1203
00:45:27,464 --> 00:45:28,298
Oh--
1204
00:45:29,564 --> 00:45:33,001
[music playing]
1205
00:45:38,072 --> 00:45:39,769
Dr. Melon!
1206
00:45:40,169 --> 00:45:41,802
Dr. Melon!
1207
00:45:42,002 --> 00:45:42,472
Jump!
1208
00:45:42,672 --> 00:45:43,584
I can't do it!
1209
00:45:43,784 --> 00:45:45,322
Ah!
1210
00:45:52,081 --> 00:45:54,338
[laughs]
1211
00:45:54,538 --> 00:45:56,937
Well, safe at last.
1212
00:45:57,137 --> 00:46:02,161
I'm off of this thing.
1213
00:46:02,361 --> 00:46:04,936
I knew it was too
good to be true!
1214
00:46:05,136 --> 00:46:06,817
Oh!
1215
00:46:07,017 --> 00:46:10,264
[music playing]
1216
00:46:10,464 --> 00:46:12,200
He's on my cannon!
1217
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:16,520
[groaning]
1218
00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:18,217
[screams]
1219
00:46:18,417 --> 00:46:20,624
[screams]
1220
00:46:20,824 --> 00:46:22,644
[music playing]
1221
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:25,080
GLENCLIFF: Follow him!
1222
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,382
Follow him!
1223
00:46:30,128 --> 00:46:32,928
[music playing]
1224
00:46:33,128 --> 00:46:34,369
Ernest!
1225
00:46:34,569 --> 00:46:36,784
I jumped!
1226
00:46:36,984 --> 00:46:37,513
Wait up!
1227
00:46:37,713 --> 00:46:39,041
I'm coming!
1228
00:46:39,241 --> 00:46:40,680
FRANK: Year of the Woman.
1229
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:41,944
It's enough to make you sick--
1230
00:46:42,144 --> 00:46:43,281
--to your stomach.
1231
00:46:43,481 --> 00:46:45,417
Look, lady, we can't be
driving you all over town
1232
00:46:45,617 --> 00:46:47,585
just because you think we're
your personal chauffeurs
1233
00:46:47,785 --> 00:46:48,688
- or something.
- Or something.
1234
00:46:48,888 --> 00:46:50,256
- We got our territory.
- Our territor--
1235
00:46:50,456 --> 00:46:51,184
Yeah.
1236
00:46:51,384 --> 00:46:52,841
Stuff your territory.
1237
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:53,879
- No!
- Don't!
1238
00:46:54,079 --> 00:46:56,884
Hey, hey, hey!
1239
00:46:57,084 --> 00:46:58,835
[sighs]
1240
00:46:59,035 --> 00:47:00,902
- Too much...
- Coffee.
1241
00:47:01,102 --> 00:47:02,254
BOTH: Oh well.
1242
00:47:02,454 --> 00:47:03,234
Let's go.
1243
00:47:03,434 --> 00:47:04,475
Oh!
Ah!
1244
00:47:04,675 --> 00:47:06,330
Left!
1245
00:47:06,530 --> 00:47:08,970
Help!
1246
00:47:09,170 --> 00:47:09,938
Whoa!
1247
00:47:10,138 --> 00:47:10,578
Whoa!
1248
00:47:10,778 --> 00:47:12,082
Yee-haw!
1249
00:47:12,282 --> 00:47:14,164
[chatter]
1250
00:47:23,913 --> 00:47:25,488
Let's go, honey.
We're going to be late.
1251
00:47:25,688 --> 00:47:28,151
[chatter]
1252
00:47:28,351 --> 00:47:33,687
WOMAN: It's so good to see you.
1253
00:47:33,887 --> 00:47:35,277
[rumbling]
1254
00:47:35,477 --> 00:47:39,070
[screaming]
1255
00:47:39,270 --> 00:47:40,446
ERNEST: Get out of the way!
1256
00:47:40,646 --> 00:47:41,983
I don't want to kill anybody!
1257
00:47:42,183 --> 00:47:43,750
Not even that bad mime!
1258
00:47:43,950 --> 00:47:44,679
Watch out!
1259
00:47:44,879 --> 00:47:45,839
Get out of the way!
1260
00:47:46,039 --> 00:47:46,344
Oh.
1261
00:47:46,544 --> 00:47:47,982
ERNEST: You badly-dressed
women, move!
1262
00:47:48,182 --> 00:47:49,967
[screaming]
1263
00:47:50,167 --> 00:47:51,423
Mayday!
1264
00:47:51,623 --> 00:47:52,319
Mayday!
1265
00:47:52,519 --> 00:47:53,359
Can't control this thing!
1266
00:47:53,559 --> 00:47:54,673
Get out of the way!
1267
00:47:54,873 --> 00:48:00,958
[screaming]
1268
00:48:01,158 --> 00:48:02,279
Watch out!
Stop!
1269
00:48:02,479 --> 00:48:03,094
Get out of the way!
1270
00:48:03,294 --> 00:48:04,429
Watch out!
1271
00:48:04,629 --> 00:48:07,131
[shouting]
1272
00:48:10,894 --> 00:48:12,423
Get out of the way!
1273
00:48:12,623 --> 00:48:13,342
[screaming]
1274
00:48:13,542 --> 00:48:15,574
Sticker bushes!
1275
00:48:15,774 --> 00:48:16,678
Ow.
1276
00:48:16,878 --> 00:48:18,030
MAN: I can't believe this.
1277
00:48:18,230 --> 00:48:19,823
[wincing]
1278
00:48:20,023 --> 00:48:21,610
Ow.
1279
00:48:23,030 --> 00:48:23,887
Look, lady--
1280
00:48:24,087 --> 00:48:25,332
- --we have to go.
- We're late.
1281
00:48:25,532 --> 00:48:26,533
Since it doesn't look
like you're going to--
1282
00:48:26,733 --> 00:48:27,428
BOTH: --buy anything--
1283
00:48:27,628 --> 00:48:28,076
--we'll just be--
1284
00:48:28,276 --> 00:48:28,692
--on our way.
1285
00:48:28,892 --> 00:48:30,877
You two will do
exactly as you are to--
1286
00:48:31,077 --> 00:48:34,820
[spy music playing]
1287
00:48:35,020 --> 00:48:37,092
Excuse me.
1288
00:48:37,292 --> 00:48:37,924
Who are you?
1289
00:48:38,124 --> 00:48:40,420
And what are you
doing in my house?
1290
00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:41,620
Sorry to impose, madam.
1291
00:48:41,820 --> 00:48:43,141
But we are here to inquire
as to the whereabouts
1292
00:48:43,341 --> 00:48:45,700
of your husband,
Dr. Abner T. Melon.
1293
00:48:45,900 --> 00:48:48,092
You are Mrs. Melon, I presume?
1294
00:48:48,292 --> 00:48:49,204
Who wants to know?
1295
00:48:49,404 --> 00:48:51,613
Madam, it is imperative we
know where your husband is.
1296
00:48:51,813 --> 00:48:56,365
The severity of the situation
is beyond your imagination.
1297
00:48:56,565 --> 00:48:58,629
You're not from
around here, are you?
1298
00:48:58,829 --> 00:49:01,588
You're from--
England, aren't you?
1299
00:49:01,788 --> 00:49:02,517
JOE: English--
1300
00:49:02,717 --> 00:49:04,892
- Big...
- Spender.
1301
00:49:05,092 --> 00:49:07,164
So Abner was right.
1302
00:49:07,364 --> 00:49:09,739
That tedious story of the Crown
Jewels getting stolen is true,
1303
00:49:09,939 --> 00:49:11,121
or the British government
(BRITISH ACCENT)
1304
00:49:11,321 --> 00:49:13,449
would not be so
interested, what?
1305
00:49:13,649 --> 00:49:14,625
- Jewels?
- The Crown--
1306
00:49:14,825 --> 00:49:15,152
--Jewels.
1307
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:18,169
[ernest screaming]
1308
00:49:18,369 --> 00:49:19,682
ABNER: Ernest!
- Look out for the neighbor's cat!
1309
00:49:19,882 --> 00:49:22,466
[cat snarls]
Abner?
1310
00:49:22,666 --> 00:49:24,473
Let's roll.
1311
00:49:24,673 --> 00:49:26,602
[laughter]
1312
00:49:26,802 --> 00:49:28,491
[music playing]
1313
00:49:28,691 --> 00:49:32,706
[ernest screams]
1314
00:49:32,906 --> 00:49:34,217
Come on, Dr. Melon!
1315
00:49:34,417 --> 00:49:34,866
Come on!
1316
00:49:35,066 --> 00:49:35,755
You got the brains!
1317
00:49:35,955 --> 00:49:37,610
Get me off of this!
1318
00:49:37,810 --> 00:49:43,330
Come on, Dr. Melon!
1319
00:49:43,530 --> 00:49:45,969
[engine revs]
1320
00:49:46,169 --> 00:49:47,330
Wait for me, Ernest!
1321
00:49:47,530 --> 00:49:48,977
I'm coming!
1322
00:49:49,177 --> 00:49:50,751
[chatter]
1323
00:50:15,321 --> 00:50:17,975
Move on.
1324
00:50:18,175 --> 00:50:19,303
Starboard!
1325
00:50:19,503 --> 00:50:21,111
Leeward!
1326
00:50:21,311 --> 00:50:21,990
Edward!
1327
00:50:22,190 --> 00:50:22,966
Anybody!
1328
00:50:23,166 --> 00:50:26,206
Oh.
1329
00:50:26,406 --> 00:50:27,639
Whoa!
1330
00:50:27,839 --> 00:50:32,486
No!
1331
00:50:32,686 --> 00:50:33,174
Call Marabone.
1332
00:50:33,374 --> 00:50:34,438
Tell him we've seen Goliath.
1333
00:50:34,638 --> 00:50:35,614
- Yes, sir.
- Get in.
1334
00:50:35,814 --> 00:50:36,446
Get in.
Get in.
1335
00:50:36,646 --> 00:50:37,750
We have to save
those Crown Jewels.
1336
00:50:37,950 --> 00:50:39,710
And you know, of course,
my darling husband.
1337
00:50:39,910 --> 00:50:41,006
- Whoa--
- Ho-ho.
1338
00:50:41,206 --> 00:50:42,499
- Whose car is this?
- Whose car?
1339
00:50:42,699 --> 00:50:44,044
- Is it stolen?
- Oh, it's not stolen.
1340
00:50:44,244 --> 00:50:45,052
- Or swiped.
- So it's yours.
1341
00:50:45,252 --> 00:50:46,012
- Lock--
- --stock--
1342
00:50:46,212 --> 00:50:47,476
--and barrel.
It's ours.
1343
00:50:47,676 --> 00:50:48,492
- Ours.
- Ours.
1344
00:50:48,692 --> 00:50:49,348
- Ours.
- Well, good.
1345
00:50:49,548 --> 00:50:50,844
I'm glad we established that.
Now, get in.
1346
00:50:51,044 --> 00:50:51,644
Ah.
1347
00:50:51,844 --> 00:50:53,228
You said something
earlier about jewels?
1348
00:50:53,428 --> 00:50:54,268
- The Crown--
- --Jewels?
1349
00:50:54,468 --> 00:50:55,916
So?
1350
00:50:56,116 --> 00:50:58,948
Unless you agree to give
us a cut of whatever you get,
1351
00:50:59,148 --> 00:51:00,432
- we're not moving an inch.
- Not one inch.
1352
00:51:00,632 --> 00:51:02,568
- Not one.
- Not one.
1353
00:51:02,768 --> 00:51:04,536
Gentleman, that is blackmail.
1354
00:51:04,736 --> 00:51:05,960
[laughter]
1355
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:07,784
- You got--
- That right.
1356
00:51:07,984 --> 00:51:09,246
- A federal offense.
- In most states.
1357
00:51:09,446 --> 00:51:11,233
But we suggest that
you think about--
1358
00:51:11,433 --> 00:51:12,582
- Think about how far--
- --you'll get--
1359
00:51:12,782 --> 00:51:13,581
--on foot.
1360
00:51:13,781 --> 00:51:14,844
Shanks' mare.
- Hoofing it.
1361
00:51:15,044 --> 00:51:15,948
[laughter]
1362
00:51:16,148 --> 00:51:17,429
- All right, 10%?
- 25--
1363
00:51:17,629 --> 00:51:18,238
Would be better.
1364
00:51:18,438 --> 00:51:19,388
Oh, I think I said, 10.
1365
00:51:19,588 --> 00:51:21,030
- Ah, OK!
- OK!
1366
00:51:21,230 --> 00:51:21,799
15!
1367
00:51:21,999 --> 00:51:23,295
Or Frank here swallows the keys.
1368
00:51:23,495 --> 00:51:24,367
I've seen him do it at parties.
1369
00:51:24,567 --> 00:51:27,207
Uh-huh.
1370
00:51:27,407 --> 00:51:28,676
[crying]
1371
00:51:28,876 --> 00:51:30,405
Sorry, guys.
1372
00:51:30,605 --> 00:51:31,397
Sorry.
1373
00:51:31,597 --> 00:51:33,860
I mean, I'm just
so stressed out.
1374
00:51:34,060 --> 00:51:35,500
I just-- Abner and--
1375
00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:37,213
sorry.
1376
00:51:37,413 --> 00:51:38,381
Oh, OK.
1377
00:51:38,581 --> 00:51:40,293
OK.
1378
00:51:40,493 --> 00:51:41,174
BOTH: - 12.
- Done.
1379
00:51:41,374 --> 00:51:42,021
Get in.
1380
00:51:42,221 --> 00:51:42,701
Hey!
1381
00:51:42,901 --> 00:51:44,613
Ah, deal's a deal.
1382
00:51:44,813 --> 00:51:45,357
What a witch.
1383
00:51:45,557 --> 00:51:47,410
I think I'm in love.
1384
00:51:51,564 --> 00:51:54,173
[music playing]
1385
00:51:54,373 --> 00:51:56,533
Ernest!
1386
00:51:56,733 --> 00:51:57,901
Over here!
1387
00:51:58,101 --> 00:52:00,292
Dr. Melon!
1388
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:01,997
Jump the ditch!
1389
00:52:02,197 --> 00:52:02,893
I don't jump!
1390
00:52:03,093 --> 00:52:04,597
I thought I told you that!
1391
00:52:04,797 --> 00:52:07,061
I'll try to find a crossroad!
1392
00:52:07,261 --> 00:52:09,762
[music playing]
1393
00:52:13,108 --> 00:52:15,516
Doesn't this feel fine?
1394
00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:19,853
Getting away from all the
smog and crime and violence?
1395
00:52:20,053 --> 00:52:21,862
Can't believe we
didn't do it earlier.
1396
00:52:22,062 --> 00:52:24,482
[music playing]
1397
00:52:26,444 --> 00:52:27,980
Oh, these thorns hurt.
1398
00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:29,148
Ow.
1399
00:52:29,348 --> 00:52:30,612
Ow.
1400
00:52:30,812 --> 00:52:31,973
Ow.
1401
00:52:32,173 --> 00:52:33,225
Ow.
1402
00:52:33,425 --> 00:52:36,017
Life is so serene
on the open road.
1403
00:52:36,217 --> 00:52:38,065
Amen.
1404
00:52:38,265 --> 00:52:41,020
[music playing]
1405
00:52:45,401 --> 00:52:47,561
What's that?
1406
00:52:47,761 --> 00:52:48,737
No!
1407
00:52:48,937 --> 00:52:50,728
Come on, turn!
1408
00:52:50,928 --> 00:52:51,801
Help.
1409
00:52:52,001 --> 00:52:52,857
Ah.
1410
00:52:53,057 --> 00:52:54,768
It's some sort
of alien spaceship.
1411
00:52:54,968 --> 00:52:56,562
It's no alien spaceship.
1412
00:52:56,762 --> 00:52:57,753
It is.
1413
00:52:57,953 --> 00:53:01,825
[grunting]
1414
00:53:02,025 --> 00:53:04,441
This must have been what it
was like before power steering.
1415
00:53:04,641 --> 00:53:06,385
It's some kind of advertising.
1416
00:53:06,585 --> 00:53:07,632
No, it's in our lane.
1417
00:53:07,832 --> 00:53:08,753
It's not an advertisement.
1418
00:53:08,953 --> 00:53:09,577
Put your blinker on.
1419
00:53:09,777 --> 00:53:10,528
What do you mean,
put my blinker on?
1420
00:53:10,728 --> 00:53:11,712
Put your blinker on.
1421
00:53:11,912 --> 00:53:15,888
[grunting]
1422
00:53:16,088 --> 00:53:17,609
Uh-- uh-- uh--
1423
00:53:17,809 --> 00:53:18,561
Brake!
Brake!
1424
00:53:18,761 --> 00:53:19,841
- Brake!
- I'm braking!
1425
00:53:20,041 --> 00:53:21,209
I'm trying!
1426
00:53:21,409 --> 00:53:22,481
Brake!
1427
00:53:22,681 --> 00:53:24,131
[screaming]
1428
00:53:29,265 --> 00:53:31,297
Sorry to bust in on
you folks like this!
1429
00:53:31,497 --> 00:53:32,289
Whoa!
1430
00:53:32,489 --> 00:53:34,336
It's one of those carjackings!
1431
00:53:34,536 --> 00:53:35,249
Don't shoot!
1432
00:53:35,449 --> 00:53:36,908
Don't shoot!
1433
00:53:39,233 --> 00:53:42,307
[rumbling]
1434
00:53:45,313 --> 00:53:48,545
WOMAN: Stop pushing us or we'll
be forced to do something ugly!
1435
00:53:48,745 --> 00:53:50,073
Do something, Frank!
1436
00:53:50,273 --> 00:53:50,865
Frank!
1437
00:53:51,065 --> 00:53:52,241
FRANK T: Just what exactly
would you have me do?!
1438
00:53:52,441 --> 00:53:53,329
Let's go.
1439
00:53:53,529 --> 00:53:55,057
We'll cut 'em off.
1440
00:53:55,257 --> 00:53:57,146
[music playing]
1441
00:53:57,346 --> 00:53:59,641
Believe me, folks,
this wasn't my idea!
1442
00:53:59,841 --> 00:54:01,809
Whip it with the rod, Frank!
1443
00:54:02,009 --> 00:54:03,305
I'll get the bug juice!
1444
00:54:03,505 --> 00:54:04,881
All right!
1445
00:54:05,081 --> 00:54:05,816
WOMAN: Go on, Frank!
1446
00:54:06,016 --> 00:54:06,682
Cast away!
1447
00:54:06,882 --> 00:54:08,097
Get him!
1448
00:54:08,297 --> 00:54:09,105
Oh!
Cast!
1449
00:54:09,305 --> 00:54:09,961
Go, Frank!
1450
00:54:10,161 --> 00:54:12,329
I'll teach you
to knick my camper.
1451
00:54:12,529 --> 00:54:13,762
WOMAN: Go on!
- Gotcha!
1452
00:54:13,962 --> 00:54:15,098
Ow!
WOMAN: You got him, Frank!
1453
00:54:15,298 --> 00:54:16,018
No reel him in!
- Ow!
1454
00:54:16,218 --> 00:54:17,489
WOMAN: - Come on!
- Catch and release!
1455
00:54:17,689 --> 00:54:18,681
WOMAN: Reel him in, Frank!
1456
00:54:18,881 --> 00:54:21,096
Let go of my camper,
you car jacker!
1457
00:54:21,296 --> 00:54:22,825
Take that, you highway man!
1458
00:54:23,025 --> 00:54:23,777
ERNEST: Don't, lady!
1459
00:54:23,977 --> 00:54:25,232
Don't!
1460
00:54:25,432 --> 00:54:27,464
[coughing]
1461
00:54:27,664 --> 00:54:29,097
WOMAN: You're dead meat, buddy!
1462
00:54:29,297 --> 00:54:30,528
ERNEST: Ow!
Ow!
1463
00:54:30,728 --> 00:54:32,082
Ouch!
1464
00:54:32,282 --> 00:54:33,032
[groaning]
1465
00:54:33,232 --> 00:54:33,728
Ow!
1466
00:54:33,928 --> 00:54:35,065
Don't you use Marvelous hooks?
1467
00:54:35,265 --> 00:54:36,232
Ow!
1468
00:54:36,432 --> 00:54:38,304
All right, plow into the
back of that cannon now.
1469
00:54:38,504 --> 00:54:39,360
- But there's a man--
- --on that--
1470
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:40,521
- --cannon.
- Yeah, I can see that!
1471
00:54:40,721 --> 00:54:41,848
Do it!
- Think of the danger.
1472
00:54:42,048 --> 00:54:42,689
Think of the horror.
1473
00:54:42,889 --> 00:54:43,456
Think of the humanity.
1474
00:54:43,656 --> 00:54:45,458
Think of the jewels.
1475
00:54:45,658 --> 00:54:48,544
BOTH: He'll live.
1476
00:54:48,744 --> 00:54:49,640
WOMAN: He's tiring, Frank!
1477
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:50,968
He's laying on his side!
1478
00:54:51,168 --> 00:54:52,072
Reel him in, baby!
1479
00:54:52,272 --> 00:54:53,608
Ow!
1480
00:54:53,808 --> 00:54:54,793
Stand your ground, men.
1481
00:54:54,993 --> 00:54:58,041
Only fire if they don't stop.
1482
00:54:58,241 --> 00:55:00,561
Fire!
1483
00:55:00,761 --> 00:55:01,353
Stop, Frank!
1484
00:55:01,553 --> 00:55:02,794
His gang is shooting at us!
1485
00:55:02,994 --> 00:55:05,976
If we go down, this
one's going with us!
1486
00:55:06,176 --> 00:55:07,282
Ow!
1487
00:55:07,482 --> 00:55:13,657
[music playing]
1488
00:55:13,857 --> 00:55:15,080
Run!
1489
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:18,000
Get out of the way!
1490
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:19,776
A diversion?
1491
00:55:19,976 --> 00:55:21,321
A demonstration.
1492
00:55:21,521 --> 00:55:24,313
BOTH: --the bug fogger!
1493
00:55:24,513 --> 00:55:26,344
Three, two, one.
1494
00:55:26,544 --> 00:55:27,272
Works every time.
1495
00:55:27,472 --> 00:55:28,608
[laughter]
1496
00:55:28,808 --> 00:55:31,069
[coughing]
1497
00:55:37,128 --> 00:55:37,936
WOMAN: He's still on!
1498
00:55:38,136 --> 00:55:39,264
Get that hook in deeper, Frank!
1499
00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:40,240
[grunting]
1500
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:41,793
FRANK T: Let go of my camper!
1501
00:55:41,993 --> 00:55:43,305
Try to swing him
off now, Frank!
1502
00:55:43,505 --> 00:55:44,465
I'm swinging!
1503
00:55:44,665 --> 00:55:45,817
I'm swinging!
1504
00:55:46,017 --> 00:55:46,777
Throw me back!
1505
00:55:46,977 --> 00:55:47,473
Ow!
1506
00:55:47,673 --> 00:55:48,753
I'm out of season!
1507
00:55:48,953 --> 00:55:51,153
Let go of my wheel.
1508
00:55:51,353 --> 00:55:53,041
[tires squeal]
1509
00:55:53,241 --> 00:55:54,929
[fishing pole reeling]
1510
00:55:55,129 --> 00:55:56,618
He's running!
1511
00:55:56,818 --> 00:55:57,673
He's running!
1512
00:55:57,873 --> 00:55:59,801
ERNEST: Owww!
1513
00:56:00,001 --> 00:56:02,753
[music playing]
1514
00:56:08,953 --> 00:56:10,787
Whoa!
1515
00:56:10,987 --> 00:56:11,723
[western music playing]
1516
00:56:11,923 --> 00:56:12,737
Ah, hey!
1517
00:56:12,937 --> 00:56:14,802
Hey, on the road!
1518
00:56:15,002 --> 00:56:15,650
Hey!
1519
00:56:15,850 --> 00:56:16,651
get 'em up!
1520
00:56:16,851 --> 00:56:18,323
Move 'em back!
[whistles]
1521
00:56:18,523 --> 00:56:18,978
Ya!
Ya!
1522
00:56:19,178 --> 00:56:20,030
Ya! Yee-haw!
1523
00:56:20,230 --> 00:56:22,318
GLENCLIFF: Go! Go!
Catch up to him
1524
00:56:23,590 --> 00:56:29,166
[music playing]
1525
00:56:29,366 --> 00:56:30,759
That-- that's Ernest up there.
1526
00:56:30,959 --> 00:56:31,671
All right, stop him.
1527
00:56:31,871 --> 00:56:33,199
- We can't.
- Ram him!
1528
00:56:33,399 --> 00:56:34,271
- We can't!
- This is a--
1529
00:56:34,471 --> 00:56:35,038
--Mighty Workboy--
1530
00:56:35,238 --> 00:56:37,382
--company car.
1531
00:56:37,582 --> 00:56:39,734
[engine putting]
1532
00:56:39,934 --> 00:56:40,574
Ernest!
1533
00:56:40,774 --> 00:56:42,478
I'm back!
1534
00:56:42,678 --> 00:56:44,183
Is that-- that's Abner!
1535
00:56:44,383 --> 00:56:44,839
That's Abner!
1536
00:56:45,039 --> 00:56:45,494
Go around.
1537
00:56:45,694 --> 00:56:47,439
- Go around!
- Go around?
1538
00:56:47,639 --> 00:56:48,254
We can't!
1539
00:56:48,454 --> 00:56:49,287
Look, the-- this thing--
1540
00:56:49,487 --> 00:56:50,495
- --whatever it is--
- --its taking up
1541
00:56:50,695 --> 00:56:52,054
BOTH: --the whole road.
1542
00:56:52,254 --> 00:56:53,006
[bawks like chicken]
1543
00:56:53,206 --> 00:56:54,623
ERNEST: - Follow me!
- Ernest!
1544
00:56:54,823 --> 00:56:56,175
Glencliff is right behind me!
1545
00:56:56,375 --> 00:56:56,982
What do I do?
1546
00:56:57,182 --> 00:56:58,135
Jump the ditch!
1547
00:56:58,335 --> 00:56:59,263
I can't do that!
1548
00:56:59,463 --> 00:57:00,983
Evil what's-his-name
can do it!
1549
00:57:01,183 --> 00:57:03,558
Well, I'm not
Evil-what's-his-name, am I?
1550
00:57:03,758 --> 00:57:07,310
You see that drain pipe?
1551
00:57:07,510 --> 00:57:08,319
Crawl out on it.
1552
00:57:08,519 --> 00:57:09,839
And I'll snatch you
over there like a mail
1553
00:57:10,039 --> 00:57:11,327
bag on the Pony Express.
1554
00:57:11,527 --> 00:57:12,223
OK, OK, OK.
1555
00:57:12,423 --> 00:57:13,479
I can do it if I want to.
1556
00:57:13,679 --> 00:57:14,599
I'm just not sure if I want to.
1557
00:57:14,799 --> 00:57:15,887
That's all.
1558
00:57:16,087 --> 00:57:17,207
GLENCLIFF: Hurry!
1559
00:57:17,407 --> 00:57:19,415
I'll try!
1560
00:57:22,615 --> 00:57:25,512
[western music playing]
1561
00:57:33,412 --> 00:57:35,995
THUG: I'll get him.
1562
00:57:36,495 --> 00:57:38,039
GLENCLIFF: Grab him!
1563
00:57:38,239 --> 00:57:39,031
Grab him!
1564
00:57:39,231 --> 00:57:41,127
I want him alive!
1565
00:57:41,327 --> 00:57:44,559
[suspenseful music playing]
1566
00:57:48,759 --> 00:57:49,551
ERNEST: Dr. Melon!
1567
00:57:49,751 --> 00:57:51,087
Dr. Melon!
1568
00:57:51,287 --> 00:57:52,047
Hang out on the end!
1569
00:57:52,247 --> 00:57:54,151
Know what I mean?
1570
00:57:57,351 --> 00:57:59,159
OK, jump as I pass!
1571
00:57:59,359 --> 00:58:00,414
We've been through this!
1572
00:58:00,614 --> 00:58:03,695
But you can do it this time!
1573
00:58:06,895 --> 00:58:08,591
Come on.
1574
00:58:08,791 --> 00:58:10,342
Found him!
1575
00:58:10,542 --> 00:58:12,703
[music playing]
1576
00:58:12,903 --> 00:58:14,480
Abner, get down
from there, darling!
1577
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:16,359
It's very dangerous!
1578
00:58:16,559 --> 00:58:18,447
Ooh, this is going to hurt.
1579
00:58:18,647 --> 00:58:20,630
I'm sure glad this isn't me.
1580
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,575
Come on, you can do it!
1581
00:58:22,775 --> 00:58:24,749
Rocket fire!
Rocket fire!
1582
00:58:24,949 --> 00:58:25,471
He's not going to--
1583
00:58:25,671 --> 00:58:26,817
--make it.
1584
00:58:27,017 --> 00:58:27,898
[panting]
1585
00:58:28,098 --> 00:58:29,505
Oh!
1586
00:58:29,705 --> 00:58:30,720
[metal clangs]
Ugh.
1587
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:32,064
Great form.
1588
00:58:32,264 --> 00:58:34,175
Your toes were curled,
but I'll still give you--
1589
00:58:34,375 --> 00:58:36,223
[music playing]
1590
00:58:36,423 --> 00:58:37,344
I did it!
1591
00:58:37,544 --> 00:58:38,455
I did it!
1592
00:58:38,655 --> 00:58:39,487
What a rush!
1593
00:58:39,687 --> 00:58:40,512
I did it!
1594
00:58:40,712 --> 00:58:43,750
[laughs]
1595
00:58:43,950 --> 00:58:46,182
Oh, for Pete's sake,
they're shooting at us.
1596
00:58:46,382 --> 00:58:47,039
- Bullets?
- Real--
1597
00:58:47,239 --> 00:58:48,103
--bullets?
1598
00:58:48,303 --> 00:58:49,327
[gunfire]
1599
00:58:49,527 --> 00:58:50,638
Oh!
1600
00:58:50,838 --> 00:58:52,127
[tires squealing]
1601
00:58:52,327 --> 00:58:54,046
[screaming]
1602
00:58:54,246 --> 00:58:57,176
[gunfire]
1603
00:58:57,376 --> 00:58:58,838
You hear that?
1604
00:58:59,038 --> 00:59:00,071
It's obvious somebody
else is joining
1605
00:59:00,271 --> 00:59:01,759
the pursuit of the crown.
1606
00:59:01,959 --> 00:59:04,110
Tap into Northstar
and get me Marabone.
1607
00:59:04,310 --> 00:59:08,615
[gunfire]
1608
00:59:08,815 --> 00:59:10,959
Trigger-happy idiots.
1609
00:59:11,159 --> 00:59:13,127
Get in the car!
1610
00:59:13,327 --> 00:59:14,470
- Go!
- OK!
1611
00:59:14,670 --> 00:59:15,844
[laughter]
1612
00:59:16,044 --> 00:59:17,525
- We did it!
- Wow!
1613
00:59:17,725 --> 00:59:18,964
For once we've made it!
1614
00:59:19,164 --> 00:59:20,261
Oh-ho!
1615
00:59:20,461 --> 00:59:23,269
[big ben chiming]
1616
00:59:23,469 --> 00:59:24,909
Bandish, you know
you're not to contact
1617
00:59:25,109 --> 00:59:27,108
us unless absolutely necessary.
1618
00:59:27,308 --> 00:59:28,636
We've lost them, sir.
1619
00:59:28,836 --> 00:59:29,461
Hmph.
1620
00:59:29,661 --> 00:59:31,885
Well, we'll transmit
satellite photos of your area
1621
00:59:32,085 --> 00:59:33,261
over Taikon 4,000.
1622
00:59:33,461 --> 00:59:34,230
Talk to the links.
1623
00:59:34,430 --> 00:59:36,076
I don't have to remind
you what happens
1624
00:59:36,276 --> 00:59:37,741
if the hat is on the wrong cat.
1625
00:59:37,941 --> 00:59:38,869
No, sir, you don't.
1626
00:59:39,069 --> 00:59:41,037
Bandish, over and out.
1627
00:59:41,237 --> 00:59:43,501
England will have a new king.
1628
00:59:46,029 --> 00:59:48,965
[air hissing]
1629
00:59:49,165 --> 00:59:50,445
Well, don't just stand there.
1630
00:59:50,645 --> 00:59:51,708
Fix it!
1631
00:59:51,908 --> 00:59:52,837
- Look, lady--
- --this may come--
1632
00:59:53,037 --> 00:59:53,597
- --as a big surprise--
- --to you.
1633
00:59:53,797 --> 00:59:55,494
But one cannot fix--
BOTH: --two flat tires!
1634
00:59:55,694 --> 00:59:56,696
Oh!
1635
00:59:56,896 --> 00:59:59,522
You two are as worthless as
the useless junk you sell!
1636
01:00:00,376 --> 01:00:01,276
Do you realize that
my husband has found
1637
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:03,700
the Crown Jewels of England?
And he needs me!
1638
01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:05,124
But then, that's about loyalty!
1639
01:00:05,324 --> 01:00:06,931
And you wouldn't know
anything about that!
1640
01:00:07,131 --> 01:00:07,668
Would you?!
1641
01:00:07,868 --> 01:00:10,300
- We know a lot--
- About loyalty!
1642
01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:12,692
BOTH: (SINGING) I'm the Mighty
Workboy, and I will work--
1643
01:00:12,892 --> 01:00:13,900
- Hey!
- What about--
1644
01:00:14,100 --> 01:00:15,116
- --our percentage?
- Our cut!
1645
01:00:15,316 --> 01:00:17,988
What about it?!
1646
01:00:18,188 --> 01:00:20,218
[truck engine rumbles]
1647
01:00:23,611 --> 01:00:24,331
Isn't this sweet of you?
1648
01:00:24,531 --> 01:00:26,488
DRIVER: Hop in, lady.
1649
01:00:28,964 --> 01:00:29,628
Who needs--
1650
01:00:29,828 --> 01:00:31,540
- --12%--
- --when we can have--
1651
01:00:31,740 --> 01:00:34,359
- 100--
- Percent?
1652
01:00:34,559 --> 01:00:36,105
[laughter]
1653
01:00:36,305 --> 01:00:37,521
BOTH: (SINGING)
I'm the Mighty Workboy.
1654
01:00:37,721 --> 01:00:38,978
And I will work for you.
1655
01:00:39,178 --> 01:00:41,762
I do rugs, upholstery,
and wash your dishes too.
1656
01:00:41,962 --> 01:00:43,225
I'm the Mighty Workboy.
1657
01:00:43,425 --> 01:00:44,794
I work the whole day through.
1658
01:00:44,994 --> 01:00:47,495
Just plug me in and turn me
on and see what I can do.
1659
01:00:47,695 --> 01:00:48,168
Hey!
1660
01:00:48,368 --> 01:00:49,968
You bet!
You bet!
1661
01:00:50,168 --> 01:00:51,655
[metal rattling]
1662
01:00:51,855 --> 01:00:52,704
BOTH: It really sucks!
1663
01:00:52,904 --> 01:00:54,544
Get my helicopter in
the air immediately.
1664
01:00:54,744 --> 01:00:56,768
Let me know as soon
as you spot it.
1665
01:00:56,968 --> 01:00:58,912
What-- well, it shouldn't
be too hard to locate.
1666
01:00:59,112 --> 01:01:00,407
It's a giant cannon.
1667
01:01:00,607 --> 01:01:01,624
The size of New Jersey!
1668
01:01:01,824 --> 01:01:02,464
Now, get moving!
1669
01:01:02,664 --> 01:01:04,016
ABNER: I said, stay on the road.
1670
01:01:04,216 --> 01:01:04,897
This is off the road.
1671
01:01:05,097 --> 01:01:05,913
There's a difference, Ernest!
1672
01:01:06,113 --> 01:01:07,655
Pull the emergency brake!
1673
01:01:07,855 --> 01:01:09,663
[screaming]
1674
01:01:09,863 --> 01:01:13,296
[slow creaking]
1675
01:01:13,496 --> 01:01:16,820
[wind howling]
1676
01:01:23,351 --> 01:01:24,886
Wow.
1677
01:01:25,086 --> 01:01:26,774
Would you look at that?
1678
01:01:26,974 --> 01:01:27,853
[metal creaks]
1679
01:01:28,053 --> 01:01:28,518
Ah!
1680
01:01:28,718 --> 01:01:29,238
Uh, don't look.
1681
01:01:29,438 --> 01:01:31,718
You'll throw us off balance.
1682
01:01:31,918 --> 01:01:34,490
OK now, now, real easy, easy.
1683
01:01:34,690 --> 01:01:37,962
Now kinda scooch toward me.
1684
01:01:38,162 --> 01:01:38,979
I can't move.
1685
01:01:39,179 --> 01:01:40,306
I'm petrified.
1686
01:01:40,506 --> 01:01:41,608
Yes you can.
1687
01:01:41,808 --> 01:01:43,216
Just kinda scooch.
1688
01:01:43,416 --> 01:01:44,560
[screaming]
ABNER: OK!
1689
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:46,144
OK!
OK!
1690
01:01:46,344 --> 01:01:47,760
OK!
OK!
1691
01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:49,200
You looked.
1692
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:50,648
I wasn't looking.
1693
01:01:50,848 --> 01:01:51,481
Ah!
1694
01:01:51,681 --> 01:01:53,066
- You hopped.
- Hop?
1695
01:01:53,266 --> 01:01:54,225
How can you say that was a hop?
1696
01:01:54,425 --> 01:01:55,578
How could I hop on
a five-ton cannon
1697
01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,291
with my underwear in a wedgie?
1698
01:01:57,491 --> 01:02:00,218
I told you to
scooch and you hopped.
1699
01:02:00,418 --> 01:02:01,466
This is a scooch.
1700
01:02:01,666 --> 01:02:02,769
This is a hop--
- Oh!
1701
01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:04,065
Oh!
All right!
1702
01:02:04,265 --> 01:02:04,994
I'm scooching!
I'm scooching!
1703
01:02:05,194 --> 01:02:06,162
You're scooching and looking.
1704
01:02:06,362 --> 01:02:08,124
I was not looking.
I'm scooching.
1705
01:02:08,402 --> 01:02:09,305
You were scooching
and looking.
1706
01:02:09,505 --> 01:02:10,393
And that counts as a hop.
1707
01:02:10,593 --> 01:02:11,922
- Says who?
- Says gravity.
1708
01:02:12,122 --> 01:02:12,714
Fact.
1709
01:02:12,914 --> 01:02:14,321
Ah!
1710
01:02:14,521 --> 01:02:15,625
OK, OK, you win!
1711
01:02:15,825 --> 01:02:16,843
OK!
1712
01:02:17,043 --> 01:02:18,339
Yeah.
1713
01:02:18,539 --> 01:02:20,186
[creaking]
1714
01:02:20,386 --> 01:02:21,146
- OK, OK.
- OK.
1715
01:02:21,346 --> 01:02:22,378
All right.
1716
01:02:22,578 --> 01:02:24,579
I think it's settling.
1717
01:02:24,779 --> 01:02:27,314
Now, I'm going to
slowly turn, see if I
1718
01:02:27,514 --> 01:02:29,394
can safely dismount the cannon.
1719
01:02:29,594 --> 01:02:30,978
- OK.
- OK?
1720
01:02:31,178 --> 01:02:32,531
All right.
1721
01:02:32,731 --> 01:02:33,850
All right.
1722
01:02:34,050 --> 01:02:35,822
OK.
1723
01:02:36,022 --> 01:02:42,774
[screaming]
1724
01:02:42,974 --> 01:02:45,566
[western music playing]
1725
01:02:45,766 --> 01:02:46,190
Ow!
1726
01:02:46,390 --> 01:02:48,190
I'm in the jungle!
1727
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:49,805
Ernest, make this thing stop!
1728
01:02:50,005 --> 01:02:51,901
I'm trying to make it stop!
1729
01:02:52,101 --> 01:02:52,838
Ow!
Jeez!
1730
01:02:53,038 --> 01:02:53,630
Ow!
Ah!
1731
01:02:53,830 --> 01:02:54,487
- Dr. Melon.
- What?
1732
01:02:54,687 --> 01:02:55,502
Look.
Spit on your hands.
1733
01:02:55,702 --> 01:02:58,830
Rub them together, and
use them like brake shoes.
1734
01:02:59,030 --> 01:03:00,886
You need a CAT scan, Ernest.
1735
01:03:01,086 --> 01:03:02,565
Dr. Melon, stick your
legs in the spokes.
1736
01:03:02,765 --> 01:03:03,294
That'll stop us.
1737
01:03:03,494 --> 01:03:04,398
You stick your
leg in the spokes!
1738
01:03:04,598 --> 01:03:05,656
- You're the idea man!
- I can't.
1739
01:03:05,856 --> 01:03:08,127
I've got anti-lock legs.
1740
01:03:08,327 --> 01:03:09,712
- Ah!
- Whoa!
1741
01:03:09,912 --> 01:03:10,832
What's happening?
- Don't look!
1742
01:03:11,032 --> 01:03:12,512
Just duck!
1743
01:03:12,712 --> 01:03:14,344
[western music playing]
1744
01:03:14,544 --> 01:03:17,784
[grunting]
1745
01:03:17,984 --> 01:03:22,503
[chicken clucking]
1746
01:03:22,703 --> 01:03:28,553
[groaning nonsensically]
1747
01:03:28,753 --> 01:03:31,416
Look, Billings, a ghost cannon
can't crash a roadblock now,
1748
01:03:31,616 --> 01:03:32,409
can it?
1749
01:03:32,609 --> 01:03:34,137
You take me for a bloody fool?
1750
01:03:34,337 --> 01:03:35,160
Me?
1751
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:38,001
Now, listen, if your bird
can read the serial numbers
1752
01:03:38,201 --> 01:03:39,495
of an Iraqi scud
missile, it ought
1753
01:03:39,695 --> 01:03:42,921
to be able to find a cannon
wreaking havoc in traffic!
1754
01:03:43,121 --> 01:03:47,400
Well, use another satellite!
1755
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:48,368
ABNER: It's amazing, isn't it?
1756
01:03:48,568 --> 01:03:50,015
Well, I can't believe it.
We did it.
1757
01:03:50,215 --> 01:03:51,268
We found Goliath.
1758
01:03:51,468 --> 01:03:53,173
We found the Crown Jewels.
1759
01:03:53,373 --> 01:03:54,740
Well, it's amazing.
1760
01:03:54,940 --> 01:03:56,251
What's so amazing?
1761
01:03:56,451 --> 01:03:57,395
We're adventurers, aren't we?
1762
01:03:57,595 --> 01:03:58,069
True.
1763
01:03:58,269 --> 01:03:59,972
I mean like, Bonnie
and Clyde, Donald
1764
01:04:00,172 --> 01:04:02,459
and Ivana, Wilbur and Mr. Ed.
1765
01:04:02,659 --> 01:04:04,212
The stars have aligned.
1766
01:04:04,412 --> 01:04:05,636
The planet has tilted.
1767
01:04:05,836 --> 01:04:08,044
And the fat lady is on
the last three bars.
1768
01:04:08,244 --> 01:04:09,157
Oh yeah.
1769
01:04:09,357 --> 01:04:11,444
Hey, this isn't half bad.
1770
01:04:11,644 --> 01:04:14,291
Just part of the
knowledge of the open road.
1771
01:04:14,491 --> 01:04:18,436
You know, it may be sad
to realize that Nan never
1772
01:04:18,636 --> 01:04:20,660
believed the jewels existed.
- Yep.
1773
01:04:20,860 --> 01:04:22,267
I'll tell you, it's
tough on a man's ego
1774
01:04:22,467 --> 01:04:25,203
when his life mate doesn't
support his life's work.
1775
01:04:25,403 --> 01:04:27,219
Yeah.
1776
01:04:27,419 --> 01:04:28,475
[hot water hisses]
1777
01:04:28,675 --> 01:04:30,195
Mm, may come as a shock to
you, but up until this point,
1778
01:04:30,395 --> 01:04:31,436
I was afraid.
1779
01:04:31,636 --> 01:04:32,236
Yes.
1780
01:04:32,436 --> 01:04:33,443
I was afraid.
1781
01:04:33,643 --> 01:04:35,412
You know, my-- my life
just wasn't turning
1782
01:04:35,612 --> 01:04:37,228
out the way I expected it to.
1783
01:04:37,428 --> 01:04:40,715
But now, Ernest, thanks to
your help, we found Goliath.
1784
01:04:40,915 --> 01:04:43,484
World's largest
cannon, thank you.
1785
01:04:43,684 --> 01:04:46,644
And when I get those Crown
Jewels in that barrel,
1786
01:04:46,844 --> 01:04:50,221
oh boy, the world's going to
know that my theory was true.
1787
01:04:50,421 --> 01:04:51,508
I can't wait to see the
look on their faces.
1788
01:04:51,708 --> 01:04:53,044
Oh, just can't wait.
1789
01:04:53,244 --> 01:04:53,996
Life is good.
1790
01:04:54,196 --> 01:04:56,153
And all because of you, Ernest.
1791
01:04:56,353 --> 01:04:59,474
Well, thanks, Dr. Melon.
1792
01:04:59,674 --> 01:05:03,722
Oh please, Abner.
1793
01:05:03,922 --> 01:05:05,241
Abner.
1794
01:05:05,441 --> 01:05:06,314
Abner, yeah.
1795
01:05:06,514 --> 01:05:07,962
Well, I-- I guess
that means we're like,
1796
01:05:08,162 --> 01:05:09,010
real buddies now, huh?
1797
01:05:09,210 --> 01:05:11,610
Like-- like a real team.
1798
01:05:11,810 --> 01:05:14,434
Huh, I guess it does.
1799
01:05:14,634 --> 01:05:15,827
You got some
corn on your shirt.
1800
01:05:16,027 --> 01:05:17,313
- Huh?
- Gotcha.
1801
01:05:17,513 --> 01:05:19,264
Ernest!
I told you never to do that!
1802
01:05:19,464 --> 01:05:19,565
No!
No no!
1803
01:05:19,765 --> 01:05:22,940
I'm now Dr. Melon
to you, mister!
1804
01:05:23,140 --> 01:05:25,099
[helicopter whirring]
1805
01:05:25,299 --> 01:05:28,555
Stop it.
Shh.
1806
01:05:28,755 --> 01:05:29,707
Shh.
1807
01:05:29,907 --> 01:05:31,252
[sheep baaing]
1808
01:05:31,452 --> 01:05:32,291
Did you hear that?
1809
01:05:32,491 --> 01:05:33,252
(WHISPERS) NO.
1810
01:05:33,452 --> 01:05:36,075
Boy, I sure did.
1811
01:05:36,275 --> 01:05:38,499
I'll be right back.
1812
01:05:40,699 --> 01:05:43,482
Whoa--
1813
01:05:43,682 --> 01:05:45,720
[tires squeal]
1814
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:47,330
NAN: Yeah, this was
your truck, buddy!
1815
01:05:47,530 --> 01:05:49,025
NAN: - Get out of here!
- What are you doing?
1816
01:05:49,225 --> 01:05:50,274
Hey, come on!
1817
01:05:50,474 --> 01:05:51,745
Open that door.
Please!
1818
01:05:51,945 --> 01:05:52,959
NAN: I said get off!
1819
01:05:53,159 --> 01:05:56,751
Oh, jeez!
1820
01:05:56,951 --> 01:06:01,223
Ernest, you are American
ingenuity at its finest.
1821
01:06:01,423 --> 01:06:03,863
Batman and Robin ride
to glory with the stolen
1822
01:06:04,063 --> 01:06:05,999
jewels in tow.
(IMITATES VILLAIN)
1823
01:06:06,199 --> 01:06:09,108
Diamonds are forever, Mr. Bond.
1824
01:06:09,308 --> 01:06:10,319
This will work.
1825
01:06:10,519 --> 01:06:11,511
[engine starts]
1826
01:06:11,711 --> 01:06:12,463
Yeah.
1827
01:06:12,663 --> 01:06:16,043
Yeah, it'll work.
1828
01:06:16,243 --> 01:06:22,579
[music playing]
1829
01:06:22,779 --> 01:06:23,747
[phone rings]
1830
01:06:23,947 --> 01:06:25,085
Got him?
1831
01:06:25,285 --> 01:06:27,367
Good.
1832
01:06:27,567 --> 01:06:30,998
Gentlemen?
1833
01:06:31,198 --> 01:06:35,405
ERNEST: Ah, fresh air, birds,
the absence of small arms fire.
1834
01:06:35,605 --> 01:06:38,645
Yeah, your country life ain't
like your city environments.
1835
01:06:38,845 --> 01:06:41,367
And the folk out here, they
have their way of-- well,
1836
01:06:41,567 --> 01:06:43,709
lending a fellow
citizen a helping hand.
1837
01:06:43,909 --> 01:06:47,357
Like that farmer John guy,
lending us his tractor.
1838
01:06:47,557 --> 01:06:48,862
Then why is he following us?
1839
01:06:49,062 --> 01:06:50,373
Oh, exercise, I suppose.
1840
01:06:50,573 --> 01:06:53,495
That's why he's wearing
those massive jogging boots.
1841
01:06:53,695 --> 01:06:55,430
Tractor nappers!
1842
01:06:55,630 --> 01:06:58,461
[beeping]
1843
01:06:58,661 --> 01:07:00,341
Taikon 4,000 found them.
1844
01:07:00,541 --> 01:07:01,566
Lock us in on the coordinates.
1845
01:07:01,766 --> 01:07:03,117
Let's go.
1846
01:07:03,317 --> 01:07:05,582
[engines start]
1847
01:07:05,782 --> 01:07:07,930
[rumbling]
1848
01:07:15,262 --> 01:07:16,645
ERNEST: Oh no.
1849
01:07:16,845 --> 01:07:19,286
Stopped by apple maggots again.
1850
01:07:19,486 --> 01:07:22,212
Well, we can turn this
thing around, can't we?
1851
01:07:22,412 --> 01:07:24,668
[tires squeal]
1852
01:07:24,868 --> 01:07:25,684
[music playing]
- Uh-oh.
1853
01:07:25,884 --> 01:07:27,348
It's that crazy doctor
in the Batmobile.
1854
01:07:27,548 --> 01:07:29,787
Oh, oh!
1855
01:07:29,987 --> 01:07:33,404
[music playing]
1856
01:07:33,604 --> 01:07:35,076
Oh! oh, we're in it now.
1857
01:07:35,276 --> 01:07:36,855
We're trapped.
1858
01:07:39,139 --> 01:07:40,636
Boy, this is just great.
1859
01:07:40,836 --> 01:07:42,164
This is like that
John Wayne movie,
1860
01:07:42,364 --> 01:07:44,243
when him and Butch
Cassidy were surrounded
1861
01:07:44,443 --> 01:07:45,036
by all those army guys.
1862
01:07:45,236 --> 01:07:45,884
Ernest!
1863
01:07:46,084 --> 01:07:47,475
Yeah, see, you're
Butch because you
1864
01:07:47,675 --> 01:07:48,204
do all the thinking.
1865
01:07:48,404 --> 01:07:50,404
And I'm Sundance because well,
I'm slightly better looking.
1866
01:07:50,604 --> 01:07:53,372
Anyway, they're surrounded by
the Mexican army in Bulgaria.
1867
01:07:53,572 --> 01:07:54,436
Bolivia.
They were in Bolivia.
1868
01:07:54,636 --> 01:07:56,077
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Bolivia.
1869
01:07:56,277 --> 01:07:57,221
They were killed.
1870
01:07:57,421 --> 01:07:58,685
Well, maybe they should've
stayed in Bulgaria.
1871
01:07:58,885 --> 01:08:00,998
Anyway, Butch and the
Kid didn't have Goliath.
1872
01:08:01,198 --> 01:08:03,310
And we do.
1873
01:08:03,510 --> 01:08:04,461
Oh no!
1874
01:08:04,661 --> 01:08:05,885
Oh-ho-ho!
1875
01:08:06,085 --> 01:08:06,869
Oh, Ernest, please.
1876
01:08:07,069 --> 01:08:07,981
You can't be serious.
1877
01:08:08,181 --> 01:08:10,982
Its' just like Davy Crockett
and Jim Bowie at the Alamo.
1878
01:08:11,182 --> 01:08:12,774
Right before Santa
Anna rushes in!
1879
01:08:12,974 --> 01:08:14,286
- Ernest, you can't.
- Sure I can.
1880
01:08:14,486 --> 01:08:16,134
I'm always Davy Crockett.
1881
01:08:16,334 --> 01:08:17,653
Please, Ernest, please.
1882
01:08:17,853 --> 01:08:19,502
Well, surely we can
reason with them.
1883
01:08:19,702 --> 01:08:20,629
They seem like
reasonable people.
1884
01:08:20,829 --> 01:08:21,405
Look.
1885
01:08:21,605 --> 01:08:22,813
Look, look, they have a
nice car and everything.
1886
01:08:23,013 --> 01:08:24,837
Faster!
Faster!
1887
01:08:27,121 --> 01:08:28,608
You can't reason
with the Mexican army.
1888
01:08:28,808 --> 01:08:31,792
We don't even speak Bulgarian!
1889
01:08:31,992 --> 01:08:32,912
Ernest!
Don't!
1890
01:08:33,112 --> 01:08:34,849
Please, look, consider
the ramifications!
1891
01:08:35,049 --> 01:08:36,744
We don't have
any ramifications!
1892
01:08:36,944 --> 01:08:38,505
All we have is this cannon!
1893
01:08:38,705 --> 01:08:39,328
The Jewels!
1894
01:08:39,528 --> 01:08:41,137
You'll destroy the Jewels!
1895
01:08:41,337 --> 01:08:43,008
Goliath must speak!
1896
01:08:43,208 --> 01:08:44,472
No, no!
Ernest!
1897
01:08:44,672 --> 01:08:45,480
Ernest!
Ernest!
1898
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:46,217
Don't please!
1899
01:08:46,417 --> 01:08:47,227
Ernest, now, look!
Look!
1900
01:08:47,427 --> 01:08:48,914
Use your head for
once in your life!
1901
01:08:49,114 --> 01:08:50,425
Look, put the fire down!
[lighter flicking]
1902
01:08:50,625 --> 01:08:51,562
There they are!
1903
01:08:51,762 --> 01:08:54,721
Now you can shoot them.
1904
01:08:54,921 --> 01:08:55,769
[gunfire]
1905
01:08:55,969 --> 01:08:57,151
Be a moving target.
Be a moving target.
1906
01:08:57,351 --> 01:08:59,967
Abner, it's us or the jewels.
1907
01:09:00,167 --> 01:09:01,703
[gunfire]
1908
01:09:01,903 --> 01:09:03,941
[music playing]
1909
01:09:09,215 --> 01:09:13,465
No!
Stop!
1910
01:09:13,665 --> 01:09:15,873
[boom]
1911
01:09:16,721 --> 01:09:18,393
Oh!
1912
01:09:22,177 --> 01:09:23,581
Stop the car.
1913
01:09:23,781 --> 01:09:24,910
The brakes!
The brakes!
1914
01:09:25,110 --> 01:09:27,294
[crash]
1915
01:09:37,494 --> 01:09:39,592
Some kick.
1916
01:09:41,792 --> 01:09:45,488
[groaning]
1917
01:09:45,688 --> 01:09:48,631
It fired.
1918
01:09:48,831 --> 01:09:53,215
It fired.
1919
01:09:53,415 --> 01:09:56,008
Phil Gunner Worrell,
reporting the directive, sir.
1920
01:09:56,208 --> 01:09:57,054
The cannonball.
1921
01:09:57,254 --> 01:09:59,942
Yep, about a 500-pounder,
if I'm any judge of artillery.
1922
01:10:00,142 --> 01:10:01,174
And I am.
1923
01:10:01,374 --> 01:10:02,687
There were no jewels.
1924
01:10:02,887 --> 01:10:04,598
No, but that big
mama came smoking
1925
01:10:04,798 --> 01:10:06,726
out of there about 500 FPS.
1926
01:10:06,926 --> 01:10:09,103
There were no
Crown Jewels, Ernest!
1927
01:10:09,303 --> 01:10:11,918
This is all your fault!
1928
01:10:12,118 --> 01:10:13,518
You've ruined my life!
1929
01:10:13,718 --> 01:10:14,670
But I thought
you and me were--
1930
01:10:14,870 --> 01:10:16,439
Oh, you and me, nothing!
1931
01:10:16,639 --> 01:10:21,079
I'm a figure of
ridicule, a buffoon!
1932
01:10:21,279 --> 01:10:23,639
And none of it would have
happened if I hadn't have
1933
01:10:23,839 --> 01:10:25,543
joined you in this--
1934
01:10:25,743 --> 01:10:27,039
this idiot's adventure.
1935
01:10:27,239 --> 01:10:28,391
But I believed in you, Abner.
1936
01:10:28,591 --> 01:10:29,895
Oh, get out of my sight.
1937
01:10:30,095 --> 01:10:31,534
Never talk to me again.
1938
01:10:31,734 --> 01:10:33,047
I'm going home to
scrape together
1939
01:10:33,247 --> 01:10:36,238
what's left of my life.
1940
01:10:36,438 --> 01:10:39,222
But we were
Butch and Sundance.
1941
01:10:39,422 --> 01:10:41,775
Get in the real world, Ernest.
1942
01:10:41,975 --> 01:10:43,423
And keep out of mine.
1943
01:10:43,623 --> 01:10:45,911
I mean it.
1944
01:10:47,119 --> 01:10:49,797
Luke and Han Solo.
1945
01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:54,183
Ren and Stimpy.
1946
01:10:54,383 --> 01:10:56,991
Boy, this is just great.
1947
01:10:57,191 --> 01:11:00,190
Robin Hood finally finds
Little John and what happens?
1948
01:11:00,390 --> 01:11:02,936
He runs him out of
the Sherwood Forest.
1949
01:11:03,136 --> 01:11:06,663
Well, guess I just
tried too hard.
1950
01:11:06,863 --> 01:11:07,831
I guess I--
1951
01:11:08,031 --> 01:11:11,287
I'm just a lone wolf,
doomed to travel alone
1952
01:11:11,487 --> 01:11:13,207
on the highway of adventure.
1953
01:11:13,407 --> 01:11:15,255
[metal clangs, echoes]
1954
01:11:15,455 --> 01:11:17,663
Ow.
1955
01:11:17,863 --> 01:11:18,951
[grunting]
1956
01:11:19,151 --> 01:11:20,615
Ow!
1957
01:11:20,815 --> 01:11:23,424
[metal clangs, echoes]
1958
01:11:23,624 --> 01:11:24,928
Ow!
1959
01:11:25,128 --> 01:11:26,552
Ow!
1960
01:11:28,311 --> 01:11:30,144
Ow!
God!
1961
01:11:30,344 --> 01:11:32,799
Ow!
1962
01:11:32,999 --> 01:11:35,124
[coughing]
1963
01:11:49,367 --> 01:11:50,887
I don't believe this.
1964
01:11:51,087 --> 01:11:52,025
What is this?
1965
01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:53,112
It weighs 600 pounds.
1966
01:11:53,312 --> 01:11:56,024
ERNEST: As Indiana
approaches and reaches
1967
01:11:56,224 --> 01:12:01,604
for his sacred prize, all his
senses are attuned to the power
1968
01:12:01,804 --> 01:12:04,232
that it brings.
1969
01:12:04,432 --> 01:12:09,389
As he unearths his
treasure, the entire focus
1970
01:12:09,589 --> 01:12:14,636
of the civilized world is
trained on this moment.
1971
01:12:17,558 --> 01:12:21,540
[imitates fanfare]
1972
01:12:28,301 --> 01:12:31,773
(WITH ACCENT) Stand back
you groveling minions.
1973
01:12:31,973 --> 01:12:37,108
And prepare to meet
your sovereign.
1974
01:12:37,308 --> 01:12:39,711
Abner!
Abner!
1975
01:12:39,911 --> 01:12:41,471
I haven't seen anything like
this since the Bay of Pigs.
1976
01:12:41,671 --> 01:12:43,453
ERNEST: Hey, Abner!
I found 'em!
1977
01:12:43,653 --> 01:12:45,084
I found the Crown Jewels!
1978
01:12:45,284 --> 01:12:47,411
They were in the
secret compartment!
1979
01:12:47,611 --> 01:12:48,445
They weren't in the barrel!
1980
01:12:48,645 --> 01:12:49,725
They were in the barrel.
1981
01:12:49,925 --> 01:12:51,293
The keg barrel!
1982
01:12:51,493 --> 01:12:52,573
Abner!
1983
01:12:52,773 --> 01:12:54,333
Hey, Abner!
1984
01:12:54,533 --> 01:12:56,901
Gentlemen.
1985
01:12:57,101 --> 01:12:58,110
Abner!
1986
01:12:58,310 --> 01:12:59,212
Come back!
1987
01:12:59,412 --> 01:13:02,829
Your entire life's work
has achieved its purpose!
1988
01:13:03,029 --> 01:13:03,934
Look, Abner!
1989
01:13:04,134 --> 01:13:09,573
I'm wearing the Crown
of England right on my--
1990
01:13:09,773 --> 01:13:13,210
head.
[laughs]
1991
01:13:13,410 --> 01:13:16,022
Just uh, trying it
on to see if it fits.
1992
01:13:16,222 --> 01:13:19,391
You know, king for
a day and all that.
1993
01:13:19,591 --> 01:13:22,576
Nothing like a little
royalty to boost a guy's ego.
1994
01:13:22,776 --> 01:13:25,035
Know what I mean?
[laughs]
1995
01:13:25,235 --> 01:13:26,371
Well, just a moment.
1996
01:13:26,571 --> 01:13:27,939
I'll-- I'll pop this thing
right off and give it to you.
1997
01:13:28,139 --> 01:13:29,347
[laughs]
1998
01:13:29,547 --> 01:13:31,435
Yes, sir.
No problem.
1999
01:13:31,635 --> 01:13:35,002
[squeaking]
2000
01:13:35,202 --> 01:13:35,739
Oh.
2001
01:13:35,939 --> 01:13:37,371
Get it off of him.
2002
01:13:37,571 --> 01:13:39,155
[grunting]
2003
01:13:39,355 --> 01:13:41,259
Ow!
2004
01:13:41,459 --> 01:13:43,971
[metal clanks]
2005
01:13:44,171 --> 01:13:46,091
[squeaking]
2006
01:13:46,291 --> 01:13:49,163
[grunting]
2007
01:13:49,363 --> 01:13:51,666
Oh, God, no, no, no.
2008
01:13:51,866 --> 01:13:53,067
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
2009
01:13:53,267 --> 01:13:54,755
Oh, ow!
2010
01:13:54,955 --> 01:13:55,743
Ah!
Ah!
2011
01:13:55,943 --> 01:13:57,471
- Me turn.
- Ugh!
2012
01:13:57,971 --> 01:13:58,636
Ugh!
Ugh!
2013
01:13:58,836 --> 01:14:00,135
Ow.
THUG: Push!
2014
01:14:00,335 --> 01:14:01,783
We've wasted enough time.
2015
01:14:01,983 --> 01:14:03,975
We'll take him to the clinic.
2016
01:14:04,175 --> 01:14:05,479
(SINGING)
I'm the Mighty Workboy
2017
01:14:05,679 --> 01:14:06,847
and I will work for you.
2018
01:14:07,047 --> 01:14:08,365
That's the chaps who
were with Melon's wife.
2019
01:14:08,565 --> 01:14:09,342
Assemble the unit.
2020
01:14:09,542 --> 01:14:10,971
BOTH: (SINGING)
...wash your dishes too.
2021
01:14:26,260 --> 01:14:27,205
Abner.
2022
01:14:27,405 --> 01:14:28,228
Oh!
2023
01:14:28,428 --> 01:14:29,164
Turtledove!
2024
01:14:29,364 --> 01:14:30,564
Are you all right?
2025
01:14:30,764 --> 01:14:31,676
Oh, you look a mess.
2026
01:14:31,876 --> 01:14:33,725
[gasps]
There's a wittle bwuise.
2027
01:14:33,925 --> 01:14:36,308
Let nammy-nam make
'em all better.
2028
01:14:36,508 --> 01:14:37,500
There.
2029
01:14:37,700 --> 01:14:39,516
I saw that Ernest riding
that cannon thing.
2030
01:14:39,716 --> 01:14:41,253
And you were chasing
right after it.
2031
01:14:41,453 --> 01:14:42,613
And I thought to
myself, my widdle baby's
2032
01:14:42,813 --> 01:14:44,052
going to get a boo-boo.
2033
01:14:44,252 --> 01:14:46,125
Was that the thing you
were looking for, dear?
2034
01:14:46,325 --> 01:14:47,636
Yes, Nan, that's the thing.
2035
01:14:47,836 --> 01:14:49,230
Well, let's take those
troublesome jewels,
2036
01:14:49,430 --> 01:14:50,093
put them in the
back of the truck,
2037
01:14:50,293 --> 01:14:51,532
and I'll just make all
the press arrangements.
2038
01:14:51,732 --> 01:14:53,340
You know, I will have to
have a new outfit if I'm
2039
01:14:53,540 --> 01:14:54,781
going to be on "Donahue."
2040
01:14:54,981 --> 01:14:55,797
[laughs]
2041
01:14:55,997 --> 01:14:58,484
Tell me I'm pretty.
2042
01:14:58,684 --> 01:14:59,373
You're pretty.
2043
01:14:59,573 --> 01:15:00,766
Oh, this is so exciting.
2044
01:15:00,966 --> 01:15:03,229
My little Abner's found the
Crown Jewels of England.
2045
01:15:03,429 --> 01:15:04,174
Gimme a kiss.
2046
01:15:04,374 --> 01:15:05,781
No we didn't.
2047
01:15:05,981 --> 01:15:06,516
What?
2048
01:15:06,716 --> 01:15:08,909
We didn't find
any jewels, Nan.
2049
01:15:09,109 --> 01:15:09,980
You didn't find any jewels?
2050
01:15:10,180 --> 01:15:11,934
That's what I said.
2051
01:15:12,134 --> 01:15:13,456
[sighs]
2052
01:15:13,656 --> 01:15:17,572
You know, this has that
Ernest written all over it.
2053
01:15:17,772 --> 01:15:19,091
It is a complete
mystery to me how
2054
01:15:19,291 --> 01:15:20,468
you can even stand to
be in the same room
2055
01:15:20,668 --> 01:15:21,708
with that inane redneck.
2056
01:15:21,908 --> 01:15:23,036
I just don't
understand it, Abner.
2057
01:15:23,236 --> 01:15:24,539
He embarrassed
you, not to mention
2058
01:15:24,739 --> 01:15:26,036
me, at Dr. Glencliff's clinic.
2059
01:15:26,236 --> 01:15:28,428
More to the point, he has now
caused you to lose your job.
2060
01:15:28,628 --> 01:15:30,083
Now, what on God's
green earth has
2061
01:15:30,283 --> 01:15:32,180
that Ernest ever done for you?
2062
01:15:32,380 --> 01:15:32,956
A lot!
2063
01:15:33,156 --> 01:15:34,003
Oh really?
2064
01:15:34,203 --> 01:15:35,100
Really.
2065
01:15:35,300 --> 01:15:39,427
As a matter of fact,
he's changed my life.
2066
01:15:39,627 --> 01:15:40,412
Well, I'm sorry, darling.
2067
01:15:40,612 --> 01:15:43,032
I just don't see it.
2068
01:15:47,232 --> 01:15:50,703
[romantic music playing]
2069
01:15:50,903 --> 01:15:54,559
[moaning]
2070
01:15:54,759 --> 01:15:55,999
(IMITATES ELVIS) Clear
enough for you now, baby?
2071
01:15:56,199 --> 01:15:59,063
Yeah.
2072
01:15:59,263 --> 01:16:00,767
A hubba hubba.
2073
01:16:00,967 --> 01:16:02,632
[music playing]
2074
01:16:02,832 --> 01:16:07,872
Ooh.
2075
01:16:08,072 --> 01:16:09,714
Ernest!
2076
01:16:18,191 --> 01:16:20,671
They got him.
2077
01:16:20,871 --> 01:16:21,959
Wait.
2078
01:16:22,159 --> 01:16:23,655
Listen, shouldn't you guys
have those little paper
2079
01:16:23,855 --> 01:16:26,311
masks on so your bad breath
won't give me any infections?
2080
01:16:26,511 --> 01:16:27,136
Ow!
2081
01:16:27,336 --> 01:16:28,599
I wouldn't worry
about infection.
2082
01:16:28,799 --> 01:16:29,455
No, of course not.
2083
01:16:29,655 --> 01:16:32,320
I've got medical insurance with
an 800-number and everything.
2084
01:16:32,520 --> 01:16:33,711
Cranial bone saw.
2085
01:16:33,911 --> 01:16:34,929
Have you been a
good blood donor?
2086
01:16:35,129 --> 01:16:37,264
Oh, not as good as I
should be, I suppose.
2087
01:16:37,464 --> 01:16:38,775
You're about to catch up.
2088
01:16:38,975 --> 01:16:40,303
[buzzing]
2089
01:16:40,503 --> 01:16:41,311
[grunts]
2090
01:16:41,511 --> 01:16:43,511
Oh, um, don't I get an
anesthetic, like an aspirin
2091
01:16:43,711 --> 01:16:44,543
or a bullet to bite?
2092
01:16:44,743 --> 01:16:46,024
Hold his head still.
2093
01:16:46,224 --> 01:16:48,207
Modern anesthetic has been
used successfully in operating
2094
01:16:48,407 --> 01:16:50,215
theaters since the early 1840s.
2095
01:16:50,415 --> 01:16:54,544
And who are we to scoff at the
success of modern medicine?
2096
01:16:54,744 --> 01:16:56,632
How about a couple of games
of golf to kind of, you know,
2097
01:16:56,832 --> 01:16:57,664
loosen this up a bit.
2098
01:16:57,864 --> 01:16:58,648
Ow.
2099
01:16:58,848 --> 01:16:59,839
[buzzing]
2100
01:17:00,039 --> 01:17:01,967
Oh-- ahh!
2101
01:17:08,167 --> 01:17:09,060
Whew.
2102
01:17:09,063 --> 01:17:10,479
I'm glad it was the hard end.
2103
01:17:10,679 --> 01:17:11,511
[laughs]
2104
01:17:11,711 --> 01:17:12,671
I don't believe this.
2105
01:17:12,871 --> 01:17:13,912
Whoa!
2106
01:17:14,112 --> 01:17:16,882
Ah!
2107
01:17:17,082 --> 01:17:19,090
Ow!
2108
01:17:19,290 --> 01:17:21,186
[grunting]
2109
01:17:21,386 --> 01:17:22,826
[beeping]
2110
01:17:23,026 --> 01:17:23,818
[swooshing]
2111
01:17:24,018 --> 01:17:24,602
Get back!
2112
01:17:24,802 --> 01:17:26,058
I'll call the cops!
2113
01:17:26,258 --> 01:17:29,073
Ah!
2114
01:17:29,273 --> 01:17:29,882
[grunting]
2115
01:17:30,082 --> 01:17:31,249
Leave me alone!
2116
01:17:31,449 --> 01:17:32,953
Stop it!
2117
01:17:33,153 --> 01:17:34,808
Oh no you guys don't!
2118
01:17:35,008 --> 01:17:37,161
Stop!
2119
01:17:37,361 --> 01:17:37,865
FRANK: Those jewels--
2120
01:17:38,065 --> 01:17:38,663
JOE: --have got to
be around here--
2121
01:17:38,863 --> 01:17:39,736
FRANK: --somewhere.
2122
01:17:39,936 --> 01:17:42,375
Look!
2123
01:17:42,575 --> 01:17:44,872
BOTH: The stretch limo.
2124
01:17:45,072 --> 01:17:47,368
[laughter]
2125
01:17:47,568 --> 01:17:48,783
[beeping]
2126
01:17:48,983 --> 01:17:49,999
[groans]
2127
01:17:50,199 --> 01:17:55,114
[beeps]
2128
01:17:55,314 --> 01:17:56,283
Get up.
2129
01:17:56,483 --> 01:17:57,963
Get up. get up.
2130
01:17:58,163 --> 01:17:59,107
Worrell!
2131
01:17:59,307 --> 01:18:00,996
I'm going to gut you
like a dead fish.
2132
01:18:01,196 --> 01:18:02,219
[grunts]
2133
01:18:02,419 --> 01:18:04,323
(AS ANNOUNCER) It's demolition
derby night at the fairgrounds.
2134
01:18:04,523 --> 01:18:06,643
And reverse is the
gear of choice.
2135
01:18:06,843 --> 01:18:08,052
[groaning]
2136
01:18:08,252 --> 01:18:10,587
Sunday, Sunday,
Sunday, kids eat free.
2137
01:18:10,787 --> 01:18:16,363
[music playing]
2138
01:18:16,563 --> 01:18:18,109
[grunting]
2139
01:18:28,891 --> 01:18:30,003
[laughs]
2140
01:18:30,203 --> 01:18:32,523
Oh no!
2141
01:18:32,723 --> 01:18:34,763
[suspenseful music playing]
2142
01:18:41,779 --> 01:18:43,792
Time out.
2143
01:18:46,492 --> 01:18:48,372
King's X. Safeties.
2144
01:18:48,572 --> 01:18:50,843
Uh-- ah-- ah--
2145
01:18:51,043 --> 01:18:52,430
[whirring]
2146
01:19:04,924 --> 01:19:08,924
Ah!
2147
01:19:09,124 --> 01:19:14,195
[screams]
2148
01:19:14,395 --> 01:19:16,163
Boy, this baby
really sucks dirt.
2149
01:19:16,363 --> 01:19:17,084
And scum.
2150
01:19:17,284 --> 01:19:19,476
I'll kill you!
2151
01:19:19,676 --> 01:19:20,764
Hold him back--
2152
01:19:20,964 --> 01:19:23,276
--further.
2153
01:19:23,476 --> 01:19:29,148
[vacuum stops]
2154
01:19:29,348 --> 01:19:31,196
Well, I-- I think that
that concludes our uh--
2155
01:19:31,396 --> 01:19:32,228
--dem-- dem-demonstration.
2156
01:19:32,428 --> 01:19:32,900
Of the--
2157
01:19:33,100 --> 01:19:37,955
BOTH: --M-M-Mighty Workboy
h--h--home cleaning system.
2158
01:19:38,155 --> 01:19:39,139
Um-- (SINGING) I
am Mighty Workboy.
2159
01:19:39,339 --> 01:19:40,123
Oh!
2160
01:19:40,323 --> 01:19:42,074
DISPLAY: (SINGING) I do upholstery
and wash your dishes too.
2161
01:19:42,274 --> 01:19:44,172
BOTH: I will work-- for-- you.
2162
01:19:44,372 --> 01:19:47,507
[crunches]
2163
01:19:47,707 --> 01:19:49,671
[music playing]
2164
01:19:59,339 --> 01:20:01,883
[creaks]
2165
01:20:02,083 --> 01:20:03,795
ERNEST: Ow!
2166
01:20:03,995 --> 01:20:05,436
[groaning]
2167
01:20:05,636 --> 01:20:08,011
Ouch.
2168
01:20:08,211 --> 01:20:10,204
Ow.
2169
01:20:10,404 --> 01:20:11,483
Ow.
2170
01:20:11,683 --> 01:20:13,675
Ow.
2171
01:20:13,875 --> 01:20:15,619
Ow.
2172
01:20:15,819 --> 01:20:17,153
Ow.
2173
01:20:17,353 --> 01:20:18,643
Oh, sorry.
Sorry about--
2174
01:20:18,843 --> 01:20:19,617
- Oh sorry!
- Oh!
2175
01:20:19,817 --> 01:20:22,072
Pardon me,
pardon me.
2176
01:20:22,272 --> 01:20:24,017
Oh.
2177
01:20:24,217 --> 01:20:26,104
Where is he?
2178
01:20:26,304 --> 01:20:28,273
[music playing]
2179
01:20:35,824 --> 01:20:38,352
[gulps]
2180
01:20:38,552 --> 01:20:40,674
Ow.
2181
01:20:40,874 --> 01:20:44,176
- Ow.
- [laughs]
2182
01:20:44,376 --> 01:20:48,321
[grunts]
2183
01:20:48,521 --> 01:20:49,224
[sniffs]
2184
01:20:49,424 --> 01:20:50,760
Ew.
2185
01:20:50,960 --> 01:20:52,712
Need a good doctor?
2186
01:20:56,912 --> 01:20:58,401
Come on, we can
get this crown off.
2187
01:20:58,601 --> 01:20:59,792
I know we can.
Let's be creative.
2188
01:20:59,992 --> 01:21:00,888
Hold still.
2189
01:21:01,088 --> 01:21:04,304
We haven't even tried
Mrs. Butterworth's.
2190
01:21:04,504 --> 01:21:06,200
GLENCLIFF: Hold still.
2191
01:21:06,400 --> 01:21:10,313
There we go.
2192
01:21:10,513 --> 01:21:12,441
Ah.
2193
01:21:12,641 --> 01:21:13,201
[laughs]
2194
01:21:13,401 --> 01:21:14,965
Or olive oil.
2195
01:21:15,165 --> 01:21:18,628
[grunts]
2196
01:21:18,828 --> 01:21:20,909
Or automatic transmission fluid.
2197
01:21:21,109 --> 01:21:23,277
[grunts]
2198
01:21:23,477 --> 01:21:24,949
[laughs]
2199
01:21:25,149 --> 01:21:26,453
Or lip gloss.
2200
01:21:26,653 --> 01:21:28,845
Lip gloss, you--
2201
01:21:29,045 --> 01:21:31,667
[grunts]
2202
01:21:31,867 --> 01:21:34,757
Ha!
2203
01:21:34,957 --> 01:21:36,671
ERNEST: Moving target.
2204
01:21:36,871 --> 01:21:38,359
Moving target.
2205
01:21:38,559 --> 01:21:40,424
You can't hit a moving target.
2206
01:21:40,624 --> 01:21:41,808
Hurry. Hurry.
Step right up.
2207
01:21:42,008 --> 01:21:43,528
Three shots for $1.
2208
01:21:43,728 --> 01:21:44,880
for the little girl.
2209
01:21:45,080 --> 01:21:47,851
You couldn't hit the
broad side of a barn.
2210
01:21:52,871 --> 01:21:53,975
Hey you.
2211
01:21:54,175 --> 01:21:56,304
Stop.
2212
01:21:56,504 --> 01:21:57,670
You got some ID?
2213
01:21:57,870 --> 01:21:59,063
I'm Dr. Abner Melon.
2214
01:21:59,263 --> 01:22:04,935
I'm here to see Dr.
Radner Glencliff.
2215
01:22:05,135 --> 01:22:08,199
He-- he uh-- he wants to buy
this off me for $100,000.
2216
01:22:08,399 --> 01:22:08,909
Can you imagine?
2217
01:22:09,109 --> 01:22:10,567
Go figure.
2218
01:22:10,767 --> 01:22:13,439
Hey, I didn't say
you could pass.
2219
01:22:13,639 --> 01:22:16,479
Oh, uh, when dealing with
items of such rare antiquity,
2220
01:22:16,679 --> 01:22:17,455
it's best to go
right on through.
2221
01:22:17,655 --> 01:22:18,767
I don't know
nothing about that.
2222
01:22:18,967 --> 01:22:20,663
Now blow.
2223
01:22:20,863 --> 01:22:22,287
But surely you know
the danger of taking--
2224
01:22:22,487 --> 01:22:23,559
I'm done talking with you.
2225
01:22:23,759 --> 01:22:25,832
Now, beat it, pipsqueak.
2226
01:22:32,655 --> 01:22:33,551
Excuse me, sir,
I couldn't help
2227
01:22:33,751 --> 01:22:35,847
but admire that marvelous
uniform you're wearing.
2228
01:22:36,047 --> 01:22:38,880
And I was wondering, is
that a Wilson whistle?
2229
01:22:39,080 --> 01:22:42,913
[grunts]
2230
01:22:43,113 --> 01:22:49,281
[laughs]
2231
01:22:49,481 --> 01:22:52,993
Ran out of bullets,
didn't you, doc?
2232
01:22:53,193 --> 01:22:56,288
GLENCLIFF: I'll tear your
head off with my bare hands!
2233
01:22:56,488 --> 01:23:00,566
[grunting]
2234
01:23:00,766 --> 01:23:01,550
[inhaling]
2235
01:23:01,750 --> 01:23:07,256
[gulps]
2236
01:23:07,456 --> 01:23:09,288
[choking]
2237
01:23:09,488 --> 01:23:10,697
Ow!
2238
01:23:10,897 --> 01:23:12,487
Ow!
2239
01:23:19,473 --> 01:23:20,865
Old football injury, huh?
2240
01:23:21,065 --> 01:23:24,480
[laughs]
2241
01:23:24,680 --> 01:23:26,225
Oh no, I'm Bigfoot.
2242
01:23:26,425 --> 01:23:28,617
[music playing]
2243
01:23:34,369 --> 01:23:35,129
Wait a minute!
2244
01:23:35,329 --> 01:23:38,568
[laughs]
2245
01:23:38,768 --> 01:23:39,545
[grunts]
2246
01:23:39,745 --> 01:23:42,448
GLENCLIFF: You wrecked my limo,
ruined my cranial bone saw.
2247
01:23:42,648 --> 01:23:44,537
ERNEST: You're tearing your rug.
2248
01:23:44,737 --> 01:23:47,104
GLENCLIFF: And worst of
all, demolished my mummy.
2249
01:23:47,304 --> 01:23:50,744
Aren't you forgetting
the Hippocratic Oath?
2250
01:23:50,944 --> 01:23:53,360
Weren't those axes
outlawed in Geneva?
2251
01:23:53,560 --> 01:23:54,528
Hold on, Ernest.
2252
01:23:54,728 --> 01:23:58,960
I'm coming.
2253
01:23:59,160 --> 01:24:00,184
You dear, sweet man.
2254
01:24:00,384 --> 01:24:01,216
What happened?
2255
01:24:01,416 --> 01:24:02,827
- He caught me off guard.
- Oh dear.
2256
01:24:03,027 --> 01:24:04,905
Tell me, which way to
Dr. Glencliff's office?
2257
01:24:05,105 --> 01:24:06,184
It's in the rear
of the building.
2258
01:24:06,384 --> 01:24:06,929
But you're not allowed--
2259
01:24:07,129 --> 01:24:08,521
Oh, but I think I am.
2260
01:24:08,721 --> 01:24:10,097
There we go.
2261
01:24:10,297 --> 01:24:12,601
[music playing]
2262
01:24:15,801 --> 01:24:16,336
Oh!
2263
01:24:16,536 --> 01:24:17,473
I should have
got the crown off
2264
01:24:17,673 --> 01:24:18,592
like this in the first place.
2265
01:24:18,792 --> 01:24:19,352
Wait a minute.
2266
01:24:19,552 --> 01:24:21,769
Has that thing been sterilized?
2267
01:24:21,969 --> 01:24:22,441
[grunts]
2268
01:24:22,641 --> 01:24:23,888
[screams]
2269
01:24:24,088 --> 01:24:24,808
No!
2270
01:24:25,008 --> 01:24:26,289
The dog ate my homework!
2271
01:24:26,489 --> 01:24:27,217
My foot's asleep!
2272
01:24:27,417 --> 01:24:29,585
I've got to go to the bathroom!
2273
01:24:29,785 --> 01:24:31,329
I haven't had a vaccination!
2274
01:24:31,529 --> 01:24:32,897
Don't kill me!
2275
01:24:33,097 --> 01:24:33,673
Don't kill me!
2276
01:24:33,873 --> 01:24:37,705
Don't kill me!
2277
01:24:37,905 --> 01:24:40,465
[groaning]
2278
01:24:40,665 --> 01:24:41,105
[thud]
2279
01:24:41,305 --> 01:24:42,632
Yes!
2280
01:24:42,832 --> 01:24:46,425
[screams]
2281
01:24:46,625 --> 01:24:47,281
Ernest, are you OK?
2282
01:24:47,481 --> 01:24:49,897
Are you all right?
2283
01:24:50,097 --> 01:24:52,353
[groans]
2284
01:24:52,553 --> 01:24:54,168
Oh, whoa.
2285
01:24:54,368 --> 01:24:56,224
Well, that Dr.
Glencliff is sure lucky
2286
01:24:56,424 --> 01:24:58,385
I didn't use the
Worrell death grip.
2287
01:24:58,585 --> 01:24:59,065
Uh-huh.
2288
01:24:59,265 --> 01:25:00,136
Look at the crown.
2289
01:25:00,336 --> 01:25:00,881
And the jewels!
2290
01:25:01,081 --> 01:25:01,929
Just look at it!
2291
01:25:02,129 --> 01:25:03,273
Unbelievable!
2292
01:25:03,473 --> 01:25:04,216
My theory is true!
2293
01:25:04,416 --> 01:25:04,921
We did it!
2294
01:25:05,121 --> 01:25:06,617
We did it!
[laughs]
2295
01:25:06,817 --> 01:25:07,697
Feels good, doesn't it?
2296
01:25:07,897 --> 01:25:08,816
Uh-huh.
2297
01:25:09,016 --> 01:25:11,353
NAN: Ernest, you take that
crown off this instant
2298
01:25:11,553 --> 01:25:12,192
and you give it to my Abner.
2299
01:25:12,392 --> 01:25:13,528
You know, you are always
trying to take credit
2300
01:25:13,728 --> 01:25:14,530
for something you didn't do.
2301
01:25:14,730 --> 01:25:16,440
(AS ELVIS) Nan, cool it, baby.
2302
01:25:16,640 --> 01:25:18,752
Although those sapphires
really do bring out your eyes.
2303
01:25:18,952 --> 01:25:19,473
[laughs]
2304
01:25:19,673 --> 01:25:21,216
Hey, hunk of burnin' love.
2305
01:25:21,416 --> 01:25:22,841
Ernest and I are going
to rewrite history, Nan.
2306
01:25:23,041 --> 01:25:25,393
BANDISH: I don't think so.
2307
01:25:25,593 --> 01:25:27,776
Her Majesty's Secret Service
is here to return the Jewels
2308
01:25:27,976 --> 01:25:29,889
to their rightful home.
2309
01:25:30,089 --> 01:25:32,384
The crown, please.
2310
01:25:32,584 --> 01:25:33,840
Well, it won't budge.
2311
01:25:34,040 --> 01:25:34,888
Believe me, we've all tried.
2312
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,968
It won't come off.
2313
01:25:37,168 --> 01:25:39,945
Well then, by the laws
of Great Britain, he who
2314
01:25:40,145 --> 01:25:42,546
wears the crown shall be king.
2315
01:25:42,746 --> 01:25:44,851
Oh no, no, I don't take
well to responsibility.
2316
01:25:45,051 --> 01:25:47,219
And besides, I'd-- I'd
have to learn the language.
2317
01:25:47,419 --> 01:25:48,827
Know what I mean?
2318
01:25:49,027 --> 01:25:51,171
I'm going to miss you, buddy.
2319
01:25:51,371 --> 01:25:52,610
Hey, what's that's
on your shirt?
2320
01:25:52,810 --> 01:25:53,384
[laughs]
2321
01:25:53,584 --> 01:25:54,671
- I hate it when you do that!
- Hey!
2322
01:25:54,871 --> 01:25:56,039
Let go of my head!
- Noogie.
2323
01:25:56,239 --> 01:25:57,454
No noogies!
Time out!
2324
01:25:57,654 --> 01:25:58,247
No time out!
2325
01:25:58,447 --> 01:25:59,714
ABNER: King's X then!
ERNEST: No! No King's X!
2326
01:25:59,914 --> 01:26:01,819
Time out, King's X
counts as a scooch!
2327
01:26:02,019 --> 01:26:02,899
ABNER: What?
2328
01:26:03,099 --> 01:26:04,075
I wasn't scooching!
I was hopping!
2329
01:26:04,275 --> 01:26:05,507
ERNEST: You were
scooching and looking
2330
01:26:05,707 --> 01:26:06,387
and that counts as a hop!
2331
01:26:06,587 --> 01:26:07,275
ABNER: Give me a second!
2332
01:26:07,475 --> 01:26:09,634
You said that
counted as a schooch!
2333
01:26:09,834 --> 01:26:13,272
[music playing]
2334
01:26:14,492 --> 01:26:18,877
Subtitles: Kilo
150524
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