All language subtitles for Ben.And.Kate.S01E03_English

MAN (on TV):
* Sleepy time sale at...
(banging on door)

* Sleep, sleep, sleep,
sleepy time, kids *

* Sleepy time sale...

Is this 10720-and-a-quarter
Hemmingway Drive?

It is, indeed.
Congratulations.

You passed my first test.

You see, I sent myself that
package that you're holding.

I wanted to see
if I could trust you.

What's your name?
Uh, Shawn.

You see, Shawn, my sister
and her daughter live

in that front house,
so I need to know

what kind of shady characters
are living on the block.

Uh, I'm not allowed
to divulge any information

about people's mail.

No one's asking you to.

Thought we were asking him to.

I just want
to make sure

nothing untoward
is being delivered

to any of our neighbors.

You know,
people across the street,

maybe that red-headed
single guy on the corner.

What's that dude's story, Shawn?

Again, I'm not allowed
to talk about that.

Seems like you want to,
Shawn. You've had

multiple opportunities
to get out of here.

Your silence
is speaking volumes, Shawn.

I think we know
who to keep an eye on.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah.

Thank you, Shawn.

Um...

o-okay.

No, you open it.
It's for you.

* Wake up

* Look around

* There's a feeling today

* Fall down

* Get up again

* Get in the game

* Hey, hey, hey

* We're all here anyway.

(ringing)

Hello?

Business school?

Oh, no. Sorry, not interested.

No, unless you're looking
for a professor.

(chuckles)

Well, no. Unaccredited.

Hey, you called me, pal!

Ben, who was that?

Some business school
cold-calling,

trying to drum up,
of all things, business.

That was not
a cold call, Ben.

They were calling me back.

I was thinking of taking
some management classes.

(scoffs)

What? Really?

I don't know, what if I want
to run my own business someday?

People who run businesses are
born with a certain skill set:

thinking outside the box,
leadership, resourcefulness.

You don't think I
have the right skill
set? I could do it!

Dye my hair gray and you could
call me "The Silver Fox."

Doesn't mean I'm going to
give you any of my brandy.

What?

Look, maybe I just
don't want to be

a bar manager for
the rest of my life.

Look, you don't have to, okay?
Because I have that skill set.

Tommy and I are working
on this awesome new idea,

and when it hits,

you don't have to work
at the bar anymore.

(mocking):
Oh, my God, really?

I'm so excited.

You and Tommy
have a new idea?

That's great. I'm gonna
start pricing vacation homes.

All right, well, take
a beat. We're still in
the planning stage,

Okay.
but, yeah...

Do you actually think
you're smarter than me?

No. No, I don't.

I just, um...

How can I explain this to you in
a way that you'll understand it?

It's just not
your strong suit

to think creatively
and/or originally,

and that's kinda why

you always lost the Fox Hunt.
What's a Fox Hunt?

It's a scavenger hunt your
grandpa used to make us do.
It was awesome!

At least, it was for me
because I always won.
I almost beat you

in '97, okay, and
I would have beat you

the next year if it
hadn't been cancelled.

Why'd it get cancelled?
Because the day that we
were supposed to do it,

your grandpa had to go
live somewhere else.

With Step-Grandma Lorene?

I think it was pre-Lorene.

I want to say it
was, like, Janice.

I think it was Diane.
She had super-big hands.

Yeah, she could never get
change out of her pocket,

but the point is

that I beat you in '97 and
I would have beat you in '98.

You're my little
sister, Kate.

I'm supposed to beat you
at stuff,

but we'll never know, right?

What?

Hmm, hmm.

Boom!

I can't believe you kept that.

I keep everything, Ben.

That's actually
kind of sweet.

Yeah, but it's not as
sweet as it's gonna be

when I kick your sweet ass.

Felt weird right then
when I said it.
Don't ever call my ass "sweet."

I didn't. I didn't!
Ever. Kate,
it's disgusting!

Ben, shut up!
I'm your brother!

KATE:
He's basically saying

that I am a worker bee
and he is a queen. Or a king.

A queen. Wait. The king.
Do bees have kings, even?

Whatever. The point is
it's insulting. Insulting.

Hmm.

And he thinks that he's
so original and amazing

and superior,
and he's not, obviously!

And I need you
to help me to show him

that I'm not just this... I'm
not his little sister anymore,

and that I'm, like... I'm an...

Do you know... are you
listening to me?

Yeah, kind of.

Ben said something awful,

so now you want us
to go on a... game show.

No.
No.

The scavenger hunt.
Scav... enger hunt.
Scavenger hunt, yeah.

That my dad made for us...
Your dad did.

when we were kids.
Kids.

Yes. I... yeah.

BJ?
Yeah?

I need you to be my partner.

It's gonna be really fun.

And good exercise.
(groaning)

That's a very tempting
sales pitch,

but absolutely not.

(crashing)

(laughing):
Oh, God.

How do those pharaohs do it?

Are you really not
going to help me?

Kate, I'm lazy.
Alert the media.

Besides, I've also got
to get all my stuff
out of Jeremy's place.

That you broke up with
three months ago.
Mm-hmm.

Why is your stuff
still at his place?

Because I'm lazy, Kate.

Alert the media again.

Follow-up special

tonight at 9:00.

BJ.

Please?
Ah, don't do that face.

Please? Please?

Okay, fine. Yeah, I'll do it.
Yay!

When is it? Tomorrow?
Tomorrow.

Before we open,
while Maddie's at school.

And it's gonna be so fun,

and we are gonna crush Ben
and whoever he brings.

Well, Tommy, I imagine.
No.

He's not bringing Tommy,
and do you want to know why?

I'll tell you.
Tommy is working
all day tomorrow.

Booked solid teaching lessons
at the country club.

What?

Advantage: Team Kate.

Now, the main
important thing is

to keep your eye
focused on the ball.

Tommy, I need you.

I'm in.

Dude, why does this say
"winner"? You've never won.

Okay.
You should... and it
shouldn't be in blue.

That's kinda like
first-place color.

Okay, you don't know.
It should probably be,
like, purple.

Strap in, BJ.

I was there for all the Fox
Hunts, and things get ugly.

Okay, listen, you guys,
eyes on me. Hello.

Inside this envelope are
two identical lists.

We meet back here
in three hours,

no more, no less.

The prize is that the loser has
to do something for the winner

that is enclosed inside.

Okay, any questions?

Yes, BJ, go.

Um, guys, how do we feel
about these sneakers?

I don't usually do flats,

but I'm actually
really liking them.

I didn't even notice them.

I mean, they blend
right into the outfit.
Do you think so?

Thank you.
BJ, those are stylish
and they look comfortable.

Oh, Tommy!
And that's a tricky
intersection.

(all chattering)

Stop it! You guys,
are you ready?

Okay, let the
Fox Hunt begin.

(mimics trumpet fanfare)

No, you're on my team.
Okay.

Run!

All right,
so, Hawaii license plate.

You have one of those
from that trip.
Do I?

Yeah, the...
I don't think...

Okay, that's uncalled for!

What is wrong with you?

Wow, while he's
on the ground?
Hey!

Ow!
What is happening right now?

Ow! You're not supposed
to slap a man with glasses!

That's not cool!

Look at this list.

We are totally
gonna win, BJ.

"Capture a wild bird."

Ben is afraid of birds.

We are gonna crush
these guys,

because do you know who
our other teammates are?

Is one of them
Jesus or something?

Preparation and hard work.

(groans)

Even worse.

Dude, we have
a mounted fish

in the banquet room
of the country club,

which should be empty,
but I'll defer to you.

What do you want
to do first?

Nothing.

What? What do you,
what do you mean?

We're gonna let them win.

Okay, I don't understand
that, but I love it.

Tomato juice,
tomato juice.

Excuse me. Hi.

Do you, do you even
have tomato juice here?

Hey. Stop it. No more.

No, no, no, no, no more
running now, Kate.

Why?
I'm-I'm getting
really winded,

and these stupid,
adorable little shoes

are giving me a blister.

Oh! Look at this: tomato juice.

I got it! Ten points.

Shh.
Okay,

now we just need hot sauce,
celery, horseradish...

Ooh, Bloody Marys. Yummy.

Mm-hmm, no. Um...

Kate, this whole
part of the list

is just your parents making
you shop for their groceries.

Oh, my, look at it!

It was super
important to me

to win this thing
when we were kids,

'cause my dad used to make,

like, a huge deal about
me winning anything.

Participant medal?

They give those
to everybody.

(scoffing):
Another way to say "loser."

But I'm an adult now,

and Kate's got this bug
up her butt about it,

so I just decided
to let her have this one.

Now maybe the bug can exit her
butt and rejoin its family.

(chuckling)

KATE:
Where are we?

I thought you were
taking us somewhere

where we could get a bunch
of stuff for the list.

Now, a lot of
that was true.

We are getting
a bunch of stuff.

Is this Jeremy's apartment?

Does... Is it...
Does Jeremy live here?

I just thought that you
could pop in quickly

and, like, pick up some
of my bits and bobs for me.

Just nip in.

Why?
Because he thinks I'm dead.

That's kind of how
I broke up with him.

No. We do not have
time for this.
Hey, hey.

Get down, get down!

Look at his pants!

Okay, go and talk to him.
No!

Shh! Do it.

No, we only have an
hour and a half left.

I am the leader of this team.

You need to start the car.

You have to do what I say.

(fake sobbing):
It was so sudden,

and the most tragic part,
Jeremy...

of her bad thing...

...is that I don't have
anything to remember her by.

Not one thing.

I don't even have anything

like her grandmother's
watch, or, like...

a pair of sunglasses.

(fake sobbing)

Or three pairs
of high-heeled shoes.

(car horn honking)
Four.

Four pairs
of high-heeled shoes.

This is great. You know what,
we needed this time

to work on the
prototype anyway, right?

All right,
kill the water.
Got it.

All right, here
goes nothing.

Body of a recliner.
Soul of a water bed.

The Aqualounger 2 point oh...

Aw, dude, nice landing.

Okay, and reclining.

(groans)

Every man cave in America is
gonna want one of these things.

It's gonna be huge, Ben.
Yeah, it is.

Tommy, I'm stuck.

I can't... Help me.

It's riding up high
in the front!

Ah! It hurts! Ow!

That thing is a death trap!

That thing will kill
senior citizens!

Well, what if we
just adjust the...
No.

Nah, dude, we gotta put
a hold on this thing.

This is beginning
to feel like

the office sleep
system all over again.

(chuckling)

(metal clattering)

I feel like a lot of the details
were lost in translation

with that Hungarian
manufacturer.

You know,
we should grab

some Fox Hunt stuff
and put it in a bag.

You know, so it at least
looks like we tried.

And since the
loser has to do

the winner's homework
for a month,

and Kate obviously
has no homework,

kinda perfect crime.

That's not what
the paper said.

The paper said housework.
No, it's said homework.

Nah, Ben,
it said housework.
Look.

"Loser will do
the winner's...

BOTH:
...housework for one month."

That's what I said.

But Kate's housework
is... everything.

How much time do
we have left?

Less than 72 minutes.
Start the car.

But what about...?
Start the car!

Oh, man.

I thought you said
this place would be empty.

I forgot, there was
a private event.

It's the Donninger's
50th anniversary luncheon.

Unbelievable.
I agree.

Walter says the secret

is to constantly keep
surprising each other.

But if you
ask me...
Tommy,

we need that fish!
(sighs)

Look, maybe we can pretend
we're waiters or something.

Hey, Tommy.

Hey, Roger. How are you?
Good to see you.

I can't pass as
a waiter, Ben.

I'm beloved around here.

Well, we need a distraction.

I got it. I got it.
Look at this.

"Sing a song in front
of a large crowd."

20 points, dude.
Boom! Two for one!

No!

Come on. I can't
sing in public.

Look, man, maybe it's
not such a bad thing

if we just let Kate win
this thing. I mean...

No. Tommy,
I'm her big brother.

Losing to her is
against the laws of nature.

Don't you think that a room
full of old, rich white people

are gonna think it's weird

if a black guy is just singing
for their entertainment?

* When the night has come

* And the land is dark

* And the moon
is the only light we see *

* No, I won't be afraid

* No, I won't
be afraid *

* Just as long
as you stand... *

No, please don't stand.

* Stand by me

* So, darlin',
darlin', stand... *

Okay, half this stuff
that you got from him

doesn't even belong to me.

I cannot believe

he is seeing someone else

so soon after I was
essentially decapitated, Kate.

I'm keeping this.
I really need you to focus.

Okay, we only have
45 minutes left.

Look, we're gonna take
the hunting knife...

Yeah.
For... ten points.

Yeah.
And then one

of those autographed balls
for another ten.

(air hissing)
What are you doing?! Why?

I am angry and upset,

and I was curious
what sound it would make.

Who does that?!

What are you doing?

And what did you do to my
Rebecca Lobo basketball?!

You can't take my stuff!
Well, I already did,
so, boo-hoo. (laughs)

Looks like you're gonna have
to use your superior brain

to try and win another way.
Maybe you should

be outside trying
to catch a bird.

Oh, wait.
You're scared of birds.

Ha. Okay, first of all,
I'm not scared of birds, okay?

They're just gross, disgusting,
unnatural, and I hate them.

Second of all,
I wasn't saying

that I was smarter, okay?

We're just different.
I'm sizzle.

You know,
you're steak.

You're a think, I'm a doer.
Are you a doer?

What have you actually
ever done?

Where are all
your patents?

Where's your
million dollar business?

You live in my garage, dude.

You sleep five feet away
from a hot plate.

I'm inventing a new soup!

You start a lot of things,
but you never, ever finish.

Wow.

Tommy, do you think
you'd cry if I died?

I'll tell you one thing
I am gonna finish.

What, that sentence?
No, you're not.

I'm taking this.
Taking both.

I think this is
the perfect opportunity

for you two to have
an open dialogue.

The gloves are off, Tommy.

It's time to go nuc-u-lar.

I think it's pronounced
nuclear.
Nuclear?

It's nuclear.
It's nuc-u-lar.

I don't think
you need to take it there, Ben.

I have no choice. She
made it personal, okay?

Now I've got to bust
out a big, bold move,

even if it means
playing dirty.

Hi. Hi. I'm Kate Fox.

I'm Maddie's mom.
I got a call that she was sick.

Oh, really?
Maddie, are you sick?

No. I'm fine.

Hey, baby.
Um, what's going on?

Your brother
called us.

He said you were picking her up

because you're gonna take her
on a family outing.

Is everything okay?

Well, I have
an epic blister,

and my former lover forgot
to grieve my murder, so...

no, everything isn't okay.

Mom, did I make you
lose the game?

No, baby. No. I
wasn't having any fun,

so I came to pick you up.

Can I sign her
out for the day?

Sure.
Thanks.

You smell like alcohol.

KATE:
One... One-ten.

We're not gonna
make it, BJ!

We don't have
enough points.

Oh, no!

(sighs)
It's over.

Ben had a great idea,
and he wins again.

It's just a stupid
game. It's fine.

Well... I'm glad
you're not upset.

Of course I'm upset,

because he was
right about me.

I'm not the resourceful one,

and I'm not a leader,
whatever, like he is.

That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.

You are the most resourceful
person I know.

Everything
that happened today--

who had the answers? Hmm? You.

In your head,

or in your extremely
unflattering, magical handbag.

(sighs)

That's just
being a mom, BJ.

Which happened by surprise.

You're incredible
with that child.

If it had been me today at the
school, I would have told her

she was a crippling handicap
and lost the game for us.

But you somehow managed to
pretend to be happy to see her.

(laughs)
I don't know how
you do it, Kate.

You know what?
You're actually right.

Why do you always say "actually"
when I'm right?

I'm the ultimate
outside-of-the-box thinker.

I'm a single mom.

Yeah, you are.
I can be a leader.

Yeah.
I am a leader.

Go, Kate!
This starts now.

You have not done
anything all day,

so you are gonna
get off your ass,

and you're gonna help
me win this Fox Hunt.

I built you up, and it just
explodes in my face.

You're gonna make
this about you?

I don't think
I can get up.
Get up.

Hey, remind me to get
a picture of the look

on her face
when she loses.

I want to make it the
background on my phone.

Now, see, this is exactly why
I hate the Fox Hunt, man.

Oh, check it.
There they are.

Hand me the
nautical telescope.

Oh, no, no,
that's not Kate.

That woman's leading a small
army of people. That's...

No. Kate would...
She'd never...

Oh, my God.

Tommy, we need
more points.

Uh...
Uh...

Uh...

No. No, Ben.
Tommy.

I'll meet you at
the finish line.

Okay, you guys, we have three
minutes. We have to get all

of this stuff, and then we have
to run to the finish line, okay?

Yes.
I'm too tired.
Can you carry me?

Oh, well...
Oh, okay.

Okay. Uh, come
on. (sighs)

We're gonna need
to take two trips.
No. BJ, I have been carrying

ten grocery bags on one arm
and a small child on the other

once a week for six years.

We are not taking two trips.

Fine. Fine.

*

*

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Drop the bear.

Okay.
I couldn't get him.

We needed that.
It was unruly.
Oh!

I don't know why
those stupid things exist!

The thing was all over
the place.
Aah!

How many points
do you guys have?

How many do you have?

She asked you first.

(mutters)
190.

How many
do we have?
You have 190?

BOTH:
Yeah.
After all that.

Oh, God.
'Cause we have 200.

Oh!
Ah, cheese
and rice!

(Tommy groans)
Ah, shish kabob.

(gasping)
Dude.

KATE:
We have 200 points.

TOMMY:
Dude, wait, wait.

Dude, there's still
eight second left.

That gets us to 210.

(laughs)
Still undefeated champion!

In your face!

(whoops)

Get it!

Still undefeated
champ... No! No!

Yes! Yes!
BEN:
No, no! No!

And that's time.

Mommy, did we win?
Yes, we won.

We won. I finally
beat Uncle Ben.

It's unofficial.
We still...

There's still a lot of... It's
got to go through the system.

Let's do the
we won dance.

* We won!
I-I barely care.

It's, like, not even
a big deal to me.

I want to apologize
for what I said earlier

about you never
finishing anything.

Yeah. When did you get
so mean?
Dude,

you say mean stuff to me
all the time.

Yeah, but that's me, like,
making fun of you.

What you said was... true.

None of my ideas
have paid off yet.

It's because you give up
too easily.

Take the Aqualounger 2.0.

Body of a recliner

BOTH:
...and the soul of a water bed.

Yeah, we had to put
that thing on hold.

Oh. You know,

it's weird on the...
on, like, the...

It's, like, nice,
but then, it's weird

on your back when you
try to get out of it.

Yeah, we need to put, like,
a couple safety bars,

and, like, a kill switch...
situation.
Oh!

Tommy thinks ejection seat,
but I don't...

I still have reservations
about that or something.

Do you know why I wanted to take
those management classes?

I want to open my
own bar some day.

But you're a girl.
(laughs)

I'm just kidding.
You'd be awesome at that.

All I know so far is
that I-I want to have,

like, a wide variety of
gluten-free beers and...

Ew.
...spirulina
chips, and...

That's so gross.

That's a horrible idea.
Seriously.

You should take
those classes, though.

Whatever you need,
I got your back.

Well, that reminds
me, because I know

that you must be going through a
really difficult time right now,

um, having just lost the Fox
Hunt to your younger sister.

That it was incredibly
emasculating.

So, I thought that you
should have a little prize

for participating.

That is my old spelling medal.

Mm-hmm.

I threw this away.
How do you still have this?

'Cause I got your back,
too, dumb-dumb.

Wow.

That's...

What's wrong?

Ooh.

Uncle Ben's gonna cry.
No, I'm not.

Yes, he is.

There's tears
in your eyes.

I'm not.
Oh, my God.

I'm not crying.
I just need a second alone.

There's tissues
by the sink, Ben.

I don't need them!
Okay.

He's gonna cry.

(crying)

Get it together, dude!

Get it together,
you stupid dude!

God, I didn't have that medal
for so long!

(crying)

You're a man!
You're a man! You're a hard man!

Yeah, you did it.

You're the best stopper
of crying in the world!

(crying) What are you doing?
What are you doing?

(laughs)

I'll see you again
in five years,

you son of a bitch.