All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S03E08.Motel.Review.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

(Birds chirp)

Johnny: Listen, I've gotta step
out for a bit,

I told Stevie
if she needed any help--

- Well, where are you off to?

- To pick up the motel coasters.

- Oh, you were serious.

- Yeah, custom coasters

are a very effective
marketing tool.

- Says who?!

The guy who invented custom
beer cozies?

- Coasters work.

- Yes, the last thing
we want to do

is stain these exquisite
table tops.

- Moira, you're having a drink,

you glance down at your coaster,

it says, "tweet us on Facebook!"

Or uh, "leave us a review!"

And you say, yeah, yeah,

okay, I think I will.

- Is that what it says?

- Yes David,
that's what it says,

you're not the only one with
an online presence.

- No, no...

- Well, aren't you
Mr. Futuristic!

- Listen, we had samples made.

Take a look.

- There's no address on this.

- Oh, wow!

Aren't we stuck
in the Dark Ages.

Huh? Let me break it down
for you, junior.

If they're at the motel
using the coasters,

they don't need to know
where the motel is.

- Um, I was referring
to a web address.

Or a Twitter handle.

- Oh.

- Hmm, that might be something
you'd wanna put on there.

- Or a Facebook page.

- All right, let me write
this down.

- Or a hashtag.

- A hashtag?
Is that two words?

- No, it's not.

♪ ♪

(Birds chirp, cars rumble)

(Knocks)

(Door creaks open)

- Hi, sorry to bother you.

- I'm afraid Mr. Rose
has just stepped out,

he's gone to get coasters.

- Yeah, wait, he said that you
might be available to help.

- Did he?!
- It's just that we have um,

a bunch of guests checking in,

and I could really use
some help.

Now!
- Now?

Well then, I am here
for you, Stevie.

Uh, let's see...

something in a supervisory
capacity, perhaps?

- Then you can work
the front desk.

- Ooh, receptionist work
is not my strong suit,

that's more Alexis' bailiwick.

- The other option is changing
the sheets,

and mattress covers.

- Then I shall keep watch
over this front desk.

(Door slams)

♪ ♪

(Students chatter)

Jocelyn: Okay, I'll see you
after lunch.

Alexis, do you mind sticking
around for a minute?

- Okay.

(Clears throat)

(Chair rasps)

- I'm assuming that you know
why I wanna talk to you today?

- Is it because I was texting
in class?

- Uh, nope.

I wanna talk about your paper.

There are parts of this
that sound like

they've been written
by someone else.

- Oh my God, thank you!
- No, no, no.

I'm saying that I think
it's plagiarized.

Are you sure you wrote
this yourself?

- Trust me, if I could've
gotten someone else

to write this, I would've.

I definitely wrote this.

- Okay, there are just
parts of this

that make me think
that's not true.

For example,

"we should begin
by scrutinizing

the duplicitousness
of such businesses,

whose practices,
or lack thereof,

can only be described
as untoward."

Duplicitousness?!

I can barely say that.

And untoward?

- Okay, yeah, no,
I did not write this.

Can I see?

- Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.

Can you just look?
Can-- eyes, eyes!

Hi. You're gonna write
a new paper,

and I am gonna grade
that one instead.

Otherwise it's a fail.

- Okay, like, I didn't even
choose this font!

It's horrible.

- Okay, look at her.

But don't really look at her,
look at me.

Look at her, and look at me.

Oh, that's good,
that's good, closer.

Closer.

- Yeah, we had an appointment
this morning.

- Okay, here we go,
one, two...

(Flash)
oh, that was good.

Uh remind me, are you here
for a photo series,

or travel planning,

or our newest service,

closet organization?

- Um, I'm here to file
my incorporation papers

for my business.

- Oh, that's right.
Patrick!

Uh, B13.

- Ah, this is for you.

- Patrick.
- David.

- David Rose, you bought
the General Store.

- Leased.

Leased the General Store, yeah.

- That's a big deal.
- Is it?

- Yeah, it's pretty big.

Yeah, you wanna have a seat?

Ray: Your parents tell me
you're very sporty,

so Will, why don't you grab
the paddle,

and Theresa,
a badminton racket?

- So, why don't we start with
the name of the business?

- Oh um, I'm oscillating

between two names
at the moment,

so if we could just leave
that one blank,

that would be great.
- Sure, sure.

- Give you more time to...
oscillate.

Um, business address?

- Okay, so I'm working on that.

Um, I'm currently staying
in a motel,

and I think it might be
confusing if I gave you

the address to another business.

- Y-Yeah, for sure.

We'll leave that blank as well.

Battin' a thousand here, David.

- I don't know what that means.
- (Laughs)

Hey, here's an easy one.

A brief description
of the business.

- Um well, it's- um,

it's a General Store,

but it's also a very
specific store.

- Huh.

- And it's also
not just a store,

it's like a place where people
can come and get coffee,

um, or drinks,
but it's not a coffee shop,

nor is it a bar.

- Okay, so we're pretty clear
on what it's not.

- Yeah, it's an environment.

And yes, we will be
selling things,

but it's more like...

more like a branded
immersive experience.

- Right, I love the buzzwords,
David,

but I do need to put
something down here.

- Okay, you couldn't use
anything I just said?

- I'll tell you what.

Why don't you take these
home with you,

and just fill them out
when you have a...

a clearer idea of what you want
to do with your business.

- Okay, um...

I do have a clear idea.

- Oh! You've settled
on a name, then?

- Um... you're either
very impatient,

or extremely sure of yourself.

- I threw you a bit
of a change-up there, huh?

- Yeah, again, I don't know
what that means,

I don't play cricket.

- (Laughs)

Look, take this, it's my card,

and I feel like you
will need it.

- Uh, you know what,
I think I'm good.

Um, so thank you for this.

- It's nice to meet you, David.

- Yeah.

Ray: Okay Teresa,
remember to breathe!

(Door slams)

(Car whooshes by)

- I'd like to check in, please.

- Oh my God,
where did you come from?

- I said hello twice.

- Well, hello, hello, then.

Here you go, room three.

- Uh, don't you need
my credit card?

- My associates will deal with
all that when you depart.

- Also, how many beds
are in the room?

- Two.

- Would it be possible
to get a cot,

or a roll away bed
put in the room?

- Oh, you're expecting company?

- No, I use it to lay out
my clothes.

- The chest of drawers
should suffice, no?

- I like to see all my clothes
at once.

- Might the other bed not do?

- Yes...

Except I haven't decided
which bed to sleep in,

so that's tricky.

Really, the cot would be best.

- A cot it is, then.
- Thank you.

Oh, and are the pillows
feather, or foam?

- Yes.
- Sorry, which one?

- I don't care.
- I'm sorry?

- I don't know!

I'm not entirely versed
on the contents

of the motel's pillow
collection.

- I was just asking.

- And I'm very much
looking forward

to the moment when that stops!

- Well!

- Enjoy your stay.

(Door rattles)

(Birds chirp)

Johnny: Oh hi, honey!

How was school?

- Um, not great.

Jocelyn failed
my economics paper.

- What?!

You worked so hard on that!

- Yeah, which is why
it was super upsetting

when she said it wasn't good.

- She what?

- Yeah, she said it was bad.

No, sorry, um...

"poorly written,
and under-researched."

- Well, that's just not true!

Well, you have to go back
and tell Jocelyn

that information was founded

on practical experience
in the field!

- It should've been founded
on my research.

- Oh, well yes, I'm sure--

well, your research
was all over it.

- Dad, what did you do
to my paper?!

- I didn't do anything!

I didn't do anything
with your paper.

your laptop was open, I did...

a little editing, nothing major.

- I've been accused
of plagiarism!

- What?

- Yeah!

Jocelyn thought I cheated
because "someone"

used words like duplexity,

and backtowards!

- Untoward.
- Whatever!

And now I have to do
the whole thing again,

when my original paper
was totally fine!

- Well, it wasn't totally
fine, honey.

There was questionable grammar,

and a few spelling mistakes,
and I mean--

- Dad!
- All right, I'll back off.

- Thank you!

- Just out of curiosity,

did she happen to say anything
about that quote

from Lee Iacocca?

(Suitcase rattles)

(Birds chirp)

- That's for you.

- Those are the clean sheets.

- No, I know.

Um, so I went to incorporate
earlier today,

and some guy basically told me

that my business was a failure.

- What?!
- Yeah!

- Who told you that?

- Some guy who's working
at Ray's.

- Some guy who's working
at Ray's

told you your business
was a failure?

- Basically, yeah.

- Oh well, what did he say?

- He told me to come
back to him

once I had a clearer idea
of what my business was.

- And then he told you
it was a failure?

- Well no, not like--
not exactly.

- I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to figure out

when he called your business
a failure.

- Okay, maybe he didn't call
my business a failure,

but it was insinuated.

- Okay.

So you know that I think your
business is a good idea,

and you know that I mean that,

because I'm incapable
of faking sincerity.

I'm also just incapable
of sincerity in general.

- Okay, you know what,
I'm going through it right now,

and I actually think that
I might've been the one

that insinuated that
my business was a failure.

- Wait, you blew something
out of proportion?

- No, what if he's right?

I am sitting on a big,
empty space,

and I couldn't even tell him
what I wanted to do with it!

- You're freaking out.
- Uh--

- Because you know what you
wanna do with your business,

you have walked me through it
one too many times.

So he was probably just
trying to help.

- No, I mean,
he was very snippy.

- Okay, um...

I found this under
the bed in room two,

so do you wanna take a break?

- That's disgusting!

Uh, and yes. Yeah.

♪ ♪

(Piercing hum)

(Dog barks in the distance)

(Exhales)

(Chair clatters)

(Footsteps thud)

(Chair clatters)

(Cars rumble outside)

(Tapping)

- Hi David, it's Patrick.

I um... was just calling
to run my business plan

uh, by you in a little
more detail.

So feel free to give me
a call back,

and I will be happy
to walk you through it.

Okay, ciao.

Ciao! I said ciao
to that person.

Hi Patrick.

Yeah, I think I--
I think I called you David.

Which that's not-
that's not your name.

You can just delete that text,

the-the voicemail
that I left you.

Um, just thought it might be
a good idea

to give you some background
information about...

the-the store.

It's basically a General Store.

Um, that will support
local artists

under the brand of the store,

which-which would
also be my brand-oh.

(Phone dings)

Sorry, I just got a text.

Oh God!

Yeah, the text cut us off.

- Oh my God!

(Door opens, slams)

- Well, at least I finished
my book.

- Moira, what-what happened
this morning?

- John, you'd be
so proud of me.

I manned that front desk
with the vigor

of a wartime radio operator.

- Really?!

- I checked in one whole guest.

Answered his questions,
and believe me,

it was a laundry list!

- I see, and is there any
chance you might've been...

a little brisk with this guest?

- Not in the slightest.

It was a master class
in patience.

- Moira, I just got an alert,

that someone has posted
a terrible review

of this motel.

- Oh no, John!

Well dear, if I've learned
anything from the theatre,

it's whatever they say,

you cannot take it personally.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure
this is not about me.

- "I was served
by an intimidating woman

at the front desk,

with an unrecognizable accent,

and scary-looking attire."

And what might this
have to do with me?

- Moira?
- Oh, that...

fussy little fucker!

After niggling me with
relentless demands!

- It doesn't matter!

Our job is to welcome people,

to make them feel at home!

- I did!

John, do you know
a better hostess?

- You're gonna have
to talk to him!

Apologize!
- You can't be serious!

- Moira, one bad review
could sink this motel!

We had four good reviews,

and this just brought down
the whole average!

- Okay, John.

For you I will talk to that
odious little man,

and set things straight.

- Good.
- But unlike him,

I will not hide behind
the internet!

♪ ♪

(Cars rumble)

- Hi.

Um...

So I messed up my form.

And I'm going to need
another...

form from you.

- Oh, okay.

- What?

- Nothing, I'm just uh,

I'm so glad you made such good
use of my business card.

I'm sorry I didn't pick up,
I was at a thing.

- Well, best you didn't.

- But I got all your messages.

- Ah, um, and just listened
to the first one,

and then erased the rest?

- No, no, no, no.
- No?

- No, I listened
to all of them,

I kinda had to,
to piece them together.

Actually, I played them
for a few friends of mine,

I was at a birthday party,

so there were a lot of people
weighing in.

- Okay, um...

- Just kidding, I didn't
play them for anybody.

- I thought the first few
were very humorous, David,

and then I lost interest.

- I may have played them here
on speaker phone.

- Okay.

Can I just get the paperwork,
and then I can--

- You know, the good thing
about the messages

was that I was able to get
enough information

to fill out your forms.

- Oh.

- I wish I could remember.

- It's a good idea,
your business.

Rebranding local products
and crafts,

it's very inventive.

- Thanks.
- And I like the name.

"Rose Apothecary," you know,

it's just pretentious enough.

- Would we call
that pretentious,

or... timeless?

- So I'll call you when
I hear something.

And hey, if I don't get
a hold of you,

I'll just uh,

leave a message.

- Okay, thanks.

- Ciao!

(Door thuds)

- Hard at it, huh?

- Mhmm.

- You know honey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for interfering,
I was only trying to help.

- Why couldn't you have helped
me cheat in private school,

like everyone else's parents?!

- Because I wasn't around
to help you cheat back then,

and I regret it!

Not being around, I mean.

And I think that's part
of the reason

I wanted to help you cheat
this time.

Although...

I don't really consider
it cheating.

- Mmm. okay, well, it is.

- It is, but is it...

really plagiarism to take
something your dad wrote,

and put it in your paper,
and claim it as your own?

- Yes, that's exactly
what it is.

- Well...

I'm sorry.

And I may have underestimated
you before,

but that is certainly
not the case now.

- Thank you.

- And you know why, honey?
because you're better...

"than" that.

- Thank you.

- N-No, you're better...

"than" that.

- Okay, I'm better then that.

- Not better then that,
better...

than that.

- Okay, I don't know what
you're talking about right now!

- All right, well if you don't
want my help,

"than" I guess I'll leave.

- Okay, thank you!

- Okay, I'll see you later...
"than."

- Bye!

Ugh!

(Coins rattle)

(Can clunks)

- Hi.

- The drinks out of this
machine are very cold.

- Oh, good.
- Too cold.

When I hold them,
they sting my hands.

- We'll have to find you
some mittens.

- I'm quite prone to frostbite.

- I know you wrote that review.

- It's my responsibility
to relate my experience

to other customers.
- Is it?

- I didn't even mention that
the hot water runs brown

for three seconds.

- All right, I'll agree,

this motel could use
some improvements.

But your review will scare off
the guests we need

to afford those improvements.

- I was just being honest.

- I see.

Then I suppose I should
be honest.

My daughter married a man
who turned out to be her uncle.

- I'm sorry?

- The lowlife uncle she
believed to have been executed

years before by the Indian
cartel.

This is all on my ex-husband's
side,

I'm good people,
and so's my daughter.

She had nothing to do
with Raven's accident.

When the Bangalores
finally found Dagger,

and gave him what he deserved,

they threatened to burn
down the motel,

and leave my pregnant baby
penniless.

- This motel?

She begged them
to let her keep this place,

and she promised them a cut
of the profits in return.

They laughed, and left,

but not without first shaving
all her beautiful hair!

When people ask me, why do you
work here for nothing?

I tell them, this is my flesh
and blood!

I do this for her!

Nothing! She is my everything!

- Okay, wow, I had no idea.

I can take down that review.

- Oh, I--
- I'll take it down.

- Oh, do what you must.

(Sobs)

(Birds chirp)

(People chatter, dishes clink)

- Good morning, Roses.

I just wanted to pop by
to congratulate Alexis

on her economics paper.

Johnny: Oh honey,
that's great news!

- Our little woman of academia!

David: I would love to read
this economics paper.

- I will admit that your thesis

of "why shop in store when
you can buy online"

was a little off-topic,

but still a really fresh take.

- Thank you.

- Well, look at you, Alexis,
acing your paper!

- Oh, no, no, God no.

I gave her a solid C plus.

- Oh, so she did
write it herself.

- It was a noticeable
improvement

over the first paper.

- Um well, I should hope so!

- Well, m-maybe not
a noticeable improvement,

but um, a different
improvement.

- No, no, this one
was definitely better.

Because no one helped her
write it.

Enjoy your breakfast.

David: Mm!

Have you seen Dad's coasters?

- "Follow us on tweeters!"

Tweeters!

- We're going to get lots
of disciples, dear.