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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,542
(birds chirping)
2
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,577
Hi.
3
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,491
(Dave humming)
4
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,527
(instrumental music playing
over computer)
5
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,562
Dave, we don't have time.
6
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,498
(Dave vocalizing)
7
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,700
(auto-tuned): * Slow down,
come be with me... *
8
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,236
Okay, I've got everything
you need right here.
9
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,437
(hums)
10
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,005
* You're the best... *
11
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,241
Dave, how much longer
are you gonna be doing this?
12
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,743
* So long, I can't stop... *
13
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,178
-Dave.
-Do it with me.
14
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,214
I'm leaving.
15
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,916
* Have it your way *
16
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:51,785
* I know I'm late *
17
00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:55,089
-* But it's okay... *
-No.
18
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:57,758
(auto-tuned): * We don't have
time to wait... * Oh.
19
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,461
* We're gonna have
the best time... *
20
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,130
-Dave, you have to change.
-(grunts)
21
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,398
* Do you remember
when you got all mad *
22
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,634
* 'Cause I threw out
that flyer? *
23
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:10,271
That was not a flyer.
I told you.
24
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,473
-* Yes, it was *
-(laughs)
25
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,908
* No, it was a save the date *
26
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,710
* It's the same thing,
it's gonna end up *
27
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,912
* On a fridge either way... *
28
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,548
-Fine.
-* This weekend *
29
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,316
* You're gonna dance with me *
30
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:25,219
* Yes, of course, I love you *
31
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:28,088
* But we really got
to go right now *
32
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,224
* Fine, it was fun
while it lasted. *
33
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,460
Mm-hmm.
(chuckles)
34
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,235
I got to export this.
35
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:44,972
That was high art. Oh, my God.
36
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,574
-Great work.
-(chuckles): Yeah.
37
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,409
Okay. We got to go.
38
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,911
-Can I use this on my album
as an interlude?
-Dave.
39
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,913
-* Hi, I'm Dave *
-* I'm Lil Dicky *
40
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,348
-* Hi, I'm Dave *
-* Who's Dave? *
41
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:55,516
* Hi, I'm Dave. *
42
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,017
ALLY:
"If there was one word
43
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,787
I would use to describe
my big sister,
44
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,590
-it would be 'hilarious.'"
-Hmm.
45
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,193
"When I wanted to invite Anthony
Turner to my eighth grade dance,
46
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:08,996
Julie was all,
'But, Ally, how will he dance?'"
47
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:11,432
-(whispers): Why?
-Because Anthony Turner
had actually--
48
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,033
He broke both
of his legs in, like,
49
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,003
a really bad skiing accident.
50
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,105
But I-I guess people don't--
Should I say that
51
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,107
-at the beginning
or at the end of the joke?
-Wait a minute.
52
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,643
I'm very-- Like, I thought you
were giving the speech, and now,
53
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,178
like, you're talking
t-- I'm like, just--
54
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,813
I don't know
when the fourth wall broke,
55
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:27,681
when you started talking to me,
it's all very...
56
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,383
I'm asking if you think
it's, if that's...
57
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,151
-Oh.
-Well, that's like--
people are gonna laugh.
58
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,787
You know, I don't know,
I wouldn't make fun of a kid
59
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,357
for being crippled or whatever
you just spoke about.
60
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,891
I don't know
how I'm expected to give, like,
61
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,228
an even okay
maid of honor speech,
62
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,863
when I have no idea
why I'm the maid of honor.
63
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,299
Like, we-we're not even friends.
64
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,335
Use that. Start with that--
that's raw.
65
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,737
There's, like, emotion there.
There's, like, earnestness.
66
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,473
There's a real, you know, zeal.
67
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,476
No matter what I do,
my family's gonna judge it.
68
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:59,146
-Hmm.
-You know both of my parents
are Libras? Both of them.
69
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,148
Uh, I never understand why
people say "don't judge me."
70
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,550
That-- I mean,
we human beings judge.
71
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,318
That's, like,
our total predisposition.
72
00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:06,320
That's how we select.
73
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,556
-Or-or not "select," but...
-(phone vibrating)
74
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:12,393
Oh. Mike.
75
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,528
-Hey, man.
-Hi, Mike.
76
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,196
MIKE (over phone):
Yes, hi, Ally. Whatever.
77
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,831
Dave, heads up.
78
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,668
Uh, Jim Moreno
from Random Gem called, and, uh,
79
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:25,072
he says they're gonna have a
deal memo by the end of the day.
80
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:28,709
All right. Um, and that--
What does that mean?
81
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,545
Like, you know, for real.
82
00:03:31,579 --> 00:03:33,547
Dude, it is a precontract,
right?
83
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,082
It's establishing
a relationship with you
84
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,718
as an artist without, you know,
85
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,186
getting fully into a contract.
86
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,188
I love it when you talk dirty.
87
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,856
It's the best thing that's come
across our desk so far.
88
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,892
-Oh, my gosh! Oh! (gasps)
-(thumping)
89
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,227
What the f-- Uh...
90
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:49,897
Hello?
91
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,098
Whatever.
92
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,302
ALLY:
Oh, my God.
93
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:57,305
Oh, my God, Dave.
It's a little bunny.
94
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,772
DAVE:
Man down.
95
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,642
-Oh, my God.
-(chittering)
96
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,144
Fuck! He's still alive.
97
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:06,146
His little foot is twitching.
98
00:04:06,179 --> 00:04:08,148
Very sad.
99
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,983
Dave.
100
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,152
-What?
-We can't leave him.
101
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:14,087
He's, u-uh, suffering.
102
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,089
We got to, like,
call a vet or something, right?
103
00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:17,991
Do you think there's, like,
a vet nearby, or...?
104
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,893
I don't know where vets are.
And, no.
105
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,895
Like, vets don't apply
to vermin. This thing's wild.
106
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,564
This is a free-range rabbit.
I mean...
107
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,766
-Oh, my God.
-I don't think
you can call a vet
108
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,901
when you don't have ownership of
the cr-- you know, the creature.
109
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,738
He's in pain, Dave.
110
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,806
He looks like he's--
Yeah, it looks...
111
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,642
I think he's fucking dying.
112
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:38,011
-Okay, well, we have to kill it.
-What?
113
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:40,448
-It-It's suffering. It's, like,
slowly dying. What are you--
-You want me to...?
114
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,816
-We got to put him out of
his misery. That's like...
-You want me to kill it?
115
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:45,285
Like, uh, what do you want me
to do? Stomp its head?
116
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,287
Smother-- Like,
I'm not gonna kill this thing.
117
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,957
You-you got to get back in
the car and then run him over.
118
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,126
Again? You want me to run it
over twice? I'm not Suge Knight.
119
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,128
-Run him over, but directly.
-How is that better for him?
120
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,431
Direct? Uh, he's fucking--
I nailed him. I mean...
121
00:04:57,465 --> 00:04:59,967
-No, you didn't!
Or else he'd be dead!
-I did.
122
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,135
Put yourself in his shoes.
You want to be lying
123
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,871
in the middle of the road,
bleeding, dying?
124
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,106
This thing isn't wearing shoes,
Al! This is vermin.
125
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,042
Dave! It's a living thing
and it's suffering.
126
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,478
You have to kill it.
127
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,745
(rabbit chittering)
128
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,950
You have to cut
more this-this way.
129
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,852
-Left?
-You have to go on my right.
130
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,954
-Dave, you have to go more
right. You're not gonna...
-All right,
131
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,723
I'm not a precision
fucking driver. Stop yelling.
132
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,892
Dave, you just have to hit
the fucking bunny.
133
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,960
-Uh...
-No.
134
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,061
-(shouts) Dave!
-(rabbit squealing)
135
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,864
You just got its ears! My God!
136
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,666
It's screaming.
137
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,402
Dave, just... do it again.
138
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,804
Move out of the way.
139
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,472
(rabbit squealing)
140
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:41,709
(screaming)
141
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,977
-(singing gibberish)
-* Suck it in, if you're
Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn *
142
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,846
* Make a desperate move,
or else you'll win *
143
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:48,682
* And then begin to see
what you're doing to me *
144
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,151
* This MTV is not for free,
it's so PC, it's killing me *
145
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:54,321
* So desperately I sing
to thee of love, sure... *
146
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,924
This is a great Airbnb. Wow.
147
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,326
Here comes my stress headache.
148
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,894
Why? It's gonna be fine.
149
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,730
I'm gonna blow them away
like I always do.
150
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,165
Yeah. Nothing blows
parents away like,
151
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:08,035
"Here's my boyfriend.
He's an aspiring rapper."
152
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:09,403
There they are.
153
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,772
Please, look at this man.
Your dad wants to fuck me.
154
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,273
-The weary travelers.
-DAVE: Hey!
-ALLY: Hi, Dad.
155
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,008
-Well, you guys
made some great time.
-DEBBIE: H-Hey!
156
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:17,678
-Ah.
-Yeah. Waze is very accurate.
-Yeah. Yeah.
157
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,047
-TERRY/DAVE: Hey.
-Oh, Allison,
you're getting skinny again.
158
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,015
-TERRY: Let me take that.
All right.
-Oh...
159
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,884
-You hungry?
-No, not really. I...
-I'm starving.
160
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,619
-Oh, well, come on in.
We'll get you something.
-Yeah. Hey.
161
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,855
-Yeah, we have food.
You bet. Come on.
-Thank you. Thanks.
162
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,723
-DEBBIE: How was your drive?
-DAVE: Easy.
163
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:31,525
-A little bit
of an obstacle, but...
-What's up, man?
164
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,360
-You here to help me out,
muscle man? Aw...
-ALLY: Jules!
165
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,562
-Hi.
-ALLY: Oh, my God!
166
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,096
-You look so pretty.
-Hi.
167
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,632
Hi. Oh. Okay.
Um, I just lotioned my hands.
168
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,267
I don't want to get it
on your little romper.
169
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,370
Oh. Uh, that's why
you smell so nice. (chuckles)
170
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,573
Oh, no, this is unscented.
That's just my natural smell.
171
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,074
Oh...
172
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,909
-Okay. Let's go. Come on.
-Do you have any Advil?
173
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,649
Jules, you know just as well
as I do, that's such a straw man
174
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,084
argument. The guy got four
consecutive life sentences.
175
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,952
-What are you talking about?
-I completely disagree with you.
176
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,988
-You know it's far more
nuanced than that.
-It's not.
177
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,623
Yes, it is. It is.
178
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,658
Let me ask you lawyers this
while I have you here.
179
00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,327
Why do they even give people
multiple life sentences?
180
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,762
Is the government
really implying
181
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,564
that reincarnation
is a possibility?
182
00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:12,800
That can't be right, because
then it's a total s-separation
183
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,669
of church and state violation
by the government.
184
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,838
N-Nobody's saying that,
and it's far more complicated.
185
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,107
-More complicated?
-More complicated.
186
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,743
-Than reincarnation?
-More complicated.
187
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,245
-Hey, how's school going, Al?
-Really great.
188
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,447
Uh, the kids just put on
a play about global warming
189
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,816
-that went really well.
-Mm-hmm.
190
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,183
It was great. I was there.
191
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,819
And it was a really big
project for me.
192
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,854
Mm, I'm surprised
they let you delve
193
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,857
into such political topics.
194
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,592
I mean, it's not
a-a political issue.
195
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:42,195
It's, like, a... human issue.
196
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,998
You ca-- It has pulp.
You can't...
197
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,434
-What?
-Do you think you can
shake the pulp out of it?
198
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,269
Isn't that-- The shake--
No? You can't?
199
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,704
-I thought it disintegrates
if you shake it.
-No.
200
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,372
-No.
-No.
-TERRY: So, Dave,
201
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:54,808
last time you were here,
you were an ad man.
202
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,476
-Ugh, the dog days.
Am I right, Terry?
-(chuckles): That's right.
203
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,145
DEBBIE:
Oh, David, please tell me.
204
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,013
How's this whole
"rap" thing going? Huh?
205
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,849
You know what?
No need for quotes anymore.
206
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,350
It's actually
completely legitimate
207
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,219
and borderline
unbelievably successful.
208
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:08,021
-NICK: No way.
-Yeah, no. It's, uh,
it's kind of absurd.
209
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,723
Like, every single one
of my songs
210
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,292
has millions and millions
of streams across platforms.
211
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,328
-Really?
-Yeah. So many different labels
are courting me left and right,
212
00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:17,565
-trying to throw
so much money at me.
-Huh.
213
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,400
I was just in the studio
last week with Justin Bieber.
214
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:21,635
-What?
-TERRY: Wow.
-What?
215
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,871
-Justin Bieber? Wow.
-Justin Bieber, yeah.
216
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,573
-Oh, my goodness.
-It's not a huge deal,
but it's certainly something
217
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,008
-that we should talk about.
-I'm so proud of you.
218
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,743
You know what a good metaphor
is? I feel like, you know how
219
00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:31,178
when a snake sheds its skin
220
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,846
and gets that fresh layer
of epidermis?
221
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,147
That's where I'm at.
222
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,348
I'm in that transitional phase.
223
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:36,483
And I'm shedding
my skin and, like,
224
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,386
this new layer of skin
has so much sheen.
225
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,822
-TERRY: Sheen.
Like, yeah, shiny.
-Just gloss.
226
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,356
-Oh, that's beautiful.
-JULIE: Well, Dave,
227
00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:45,893
you certainly have confidence.
228
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,761
Oh, I know. If only he could
share some with Ally.
229
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:50,397
-JULIE: I know.
-What does that mean?
230
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,599
I just meant you have
so much potential.
231
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,100
I wish sometimes you would...
232
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,869
use it on some kids who might
remember you, that's all.
233
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:59,506
I remember
my kindergarten teacher.
234
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,908
And I love my job.
235
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:04,544
I teach the future. Which...
236
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:08,515
-Oh, yeah.
-...is a big deal, I--
in some people's minds.
237
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,283
I don't remember
my kindergarten teacher, but,
238
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,285
-uh, I do like my job, though.
-TERRY: So, Dave,
239
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,388
are you diversifying
your revenue streams?
240
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,791
Like, uh, like, that rapper--
the one that's, uh,
241
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,893
part owner of the Nets. Um...
242
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,061
-Jay-Z.
-Jay-Z.
243
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,030
-Like Jay-Z?
-DEBBIE: Ooh. He's the one
244
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,531
that's married to Beyoncé.
I love her.
245
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,533
-She's so beautiful.
-DAVE: You know, I'm working
246
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,201
-on a few different things.
-TERRY: Mm.
247
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,137
-DAVE: I-I...
-I need water. Excuse me.
248
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,872
I'm actually,
I'm-I'm trying to get in,
249
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,641
like, the condiment space.
250
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,308
-You know, different sauces.
-TERRY: Mm-hmm.
251
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,911
-DAVE: Food goes in and out
of style. Sauce...
-He's so fun.
252
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,647
He is fun.
253
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,915
Hey, um, I wanted
to talk to you.
254
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,117
Don't worry about giving Chloe
any money for my bachelorette,
255
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,919
because honestly, you didn't
even get a chance to go.
256
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,288
Oh, no, but I'm-I'm--
of course I'm still gonna help
257
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,556
pay for it.
258
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,158
No, I know, I know.
It's just...
259
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,960
like, it-it wasn't cheap,
260
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,262
so I don't want you
to get stressed out, or...
261
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,264
No, but as a gift, I should...
262
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,967
How about you get us something
off the registry?
263
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,234
Something small.
264
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:05,172
-Something small? Perfect.
-Okay. Great. Perfect.
265
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,608
Oh, that's the one where
George Clooney's the fox, right?
266
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,811
No-no-no.
Breaking Bad is a TV show.
267
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,646
It's, like, about meth.
268
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,248
-You're thinking of
Fantastic Mr. Fox...
-Yeah, that's right.
269
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,684
David, you're not
gonna try my carrots?
270
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,118
I got them
at the farmers market.
271
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,120
No, that is a nonstarter
for Dave.
272
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,856
He doesn't eat fruits
or vegetables.
273
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:24,257
But I'll say this.
274
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,759
I feel like you guys
are embracing me right now,
275
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,995
-and I'm willing to try
my first carrot.
-NICK: Do it, man.
276
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,930
I'll try the typical
orange Bugs Bunny one.
277
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,265
-Why does it look like a witch?
-TERRY: Mmm.
278
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:35,535
-It does.
-Do-do I take the tail off,
or you eat the tail?
279
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:36,670
-Yeah, eat the whole thing.
-JULIE/NICK: Yeah.
280
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:39,773
-Okay.
-TERRY: A little more.
281
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,309
-(gags, coughs)
-TERRY: Yeah.
282
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,145
It's good, right? Yeah?
283
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,314
-TERRY: Mmm...
-He did it.
284
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,216
-Can I spit it out or no?
-ALLY: No, Dave.
285
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,451
(chuckling): Your mother
never made you eat vegetables?
286
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,453
She said it wasn't worth
ruining her own life.
287
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,455
-(Debbie chuckles)
-Makes sense.
288
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,859
And then she said, "You can
just get something small
289
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,627
off of the registry."
290
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:05,032
Like, do you not remember
the $90 olive oil decanter
291
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,566
that we got for your engagement?
292
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,369
Do you, do you not
decant your olive oil
293
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,537
every night, Julie?
294
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,505
Are you listening?
295
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,541
I'm almost done
with my 15 minutes of daily
296
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:15,976
fan interaction.
297
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,712
There are so many comments
lately about me being "hot."
298
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,213
-(chuckles)
-Hey,
299
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,349
when did I make the transition
from cute to hot?
300
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,351
Is there a moment
you can point to?
301
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:28,055
Are you gonna be like this
all weekend, or...?
302
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:31,191
My bad, they've been working me
late at the Hot Guy Factory;
303
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,860
I can't even remember
how to think.
304
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,527
What's going on? Julie's being
305
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,764
-mean to you, or something?
-(chuckles) Yeah.
306
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,565
I'm sorry that's happening, but
it-it is her wedding weekend.
307
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,067
You kind of have to let it go.
308
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,270
I'm let-- I'm letting it go.
I'm telling you about it.
309
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:46,506
Enough is enough!
You need to shut your yap!
310
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:47,775
(laughs) What?
311
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:48,876
-(grunts)
-Hmm.
312
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,110
Do you want to work
on your speech?
313
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:52,512
-I should, but I don't want to.
-Okay.
314
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,414
-Let me just
inspect you for a second.
-(laughs): No.
315
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,349
-I don't want an inspection.
-Ooh.
316
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,418
Can we finish season two of
Handmaid's Tale?
317
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:00,253
I feel like I've had enough
woman-on-woman abuse
318
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,022
for one day.
319
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,690
-Oh, I see.
-Sorry. (laughs)
320
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,459
-I know what you want.
-(laughing): Oh, yeah,
what do I want?
321
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,196
-You want me to get
in the nooks and the crevices.
-(laughing)
322
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,099
-I hate when you say "crevices."
-You want me to inspect--
You want me to get in the nooks?
323
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,034
(laughing):
I don't like "nooks," either.
324
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,203
I'm picking up
what you're putting down.
325
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,939
And just so you know, I'm ready.
326
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:21,041
Start it off.
Get the ball rolling, I'm ready.
327
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,776
-Do something to me.
-(laughs)
328
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:26,880
I-I'm sensing all the cues,
I'm picking it up. Fuck me.
329
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,648
My parents are in the next room.
330
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,984
-(whispers): Just fuck me.
-Just-- My parents
are in the next room.
331
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,420
You can fuck me quick.
Really?
332
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,288
If so, you're parents
aren't listening, A;
333
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,224
B, we can do it very quietly.
334
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,658
I require very little friction.
335
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,660
Yeah, that doesn't sound
like fun to me.
336
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,429
You know I can ejaculate
hands-free?
337
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,597
-I did not know that.
-You know what that means?
338
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:48,435
-Nope.
-That-that means that I can
literally lie down...
339
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:50,237
think...
340
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,440
push my innards out...
341
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,608
and in the right circumstance,
I will cream.
342
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:59,980
Well... sounds like
you don't need me then,
343
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:03,616
for your, uh, Bluetooth orgasm.
344
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,754
-It's not
the preferred method, but...
-(sighs)
345
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,457
I guess I'll take
what I'm given.
346
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:12,625
I'm not gonna do it right now.
347
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,928
Okay. I wasn't worried.
348
00:13:14,962 --> 00:13:18,331
-I'm gonna let the cream brew.
-Mm-kay.
349
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,671
MIKE:
This is a really
good deal, Dave.
350
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,373
-I think we should take it.
-I don't know, man.
351
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,341
200 grand for my whole catalog
and my first album?
352
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,010
Yes, Dave, that's how
deals work, okay?
353
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,278
And just to be clear, dude,
354
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,380
they're offering you $200,000
355
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:36,216
for two songs about your penis
and your first album, okay?
356
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,118
I can't believe
we're having a conversation
357
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,288
-about this right now.
-All right, I need you
to turn over a few more stones.
358
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,290
Get it to the ideal place, okay?
359
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,724
Okay, bud.
360
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,294
I'll keep turning over stones.
(clears throat) You got it.
361
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,797
Turn it over.
Good morning, my little cherub.
362
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,165
Are you ready to hike?
363
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:56,469
Um... I--
This is a required activity?
364
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,538
-Dave...
-I'm just joking.
365
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,840
My whole family is going.
This is a whole thing.
366
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,375
Well, then, I'd better
saddle on up,
367
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,843
'cause I got a hike to hike.
368
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,212
Okay, thank you.
369
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,014
Is this the type of thing
where I could potentially
370
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,482
hop on a horse?
371
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:13,053
Or maybe even, like, ride a yak?
372
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,422
(indistinct chatter nearby)
373
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:19,159
-Jesus Christ.
-What is wrong now?
374
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,861
There's terrible footing
out here, and I lost my step.
375
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,263
This hike is so robust,
376
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,598
and I'm, like, very close
to being out of water, so...
377
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,035
Okay, Dave, it's a hike.
So you can get a grip.
378
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,904
Fuck hikes.
I'm saying it right now.
379
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:34,707
Uh, fuck hikes. That's actually
an interesting song title.
380
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,543
"Fuck Hikes."
381
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,845
-* Fuck hikes, fuck hikes *
-(giggles)
382
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,347
* They really hurt my back *
383
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,449
* Wait, fuck hikes,
huh, fuck hikes *
384
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,717
* I'd rather ride a yak. *
385
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,753
You know, you know it sounds
like you're saying,
386
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,556
"Fuck Jews," right?
But, like, worse?
387
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,691
How am I saying "fuck Jews"?
Fuck hikes.
388
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,926
"Fuck kikes"?
389
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,294
Oh, my God. Controversy sells,
so, you know...
390
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,895
-Dave...
-I got to write this down.
391
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,797
-No, come on.
-Got to write-- I got
to write it down.
392
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,599
What are you talking about?
I got to write this down.
393
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,935
I get one good idea
every three months.
394
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,470
Okay, if you're
feeling creative,
395
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,772
can we talk about my speech?
396
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,575
So now you want to brainstorm
on the hike, huh?
397
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,078
Of course, let's... where you
at with it? Let's talk about it.
398
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:14,281
-I got nothing.
-Really? No progress
been made, okay.
399
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,616
Think back to your childhood.
What did you guys do?
400
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,485
Where did you go as a group?
401
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:21,454
I don't know. I mean,
my parents would bring us to,
402
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:25,425
-like, circuses
and random shows and stuff.
-What?
403
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,927
Oh, wait-wait-wait.
(gasps)
404
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:31,965
-Oh, I do have something.
Oh, I do, I do.
-We do.
405
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,634
Oh, Dave, we did it,
I'm so happy!
406
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,770
-And I could, like,
tie it in as a cool...
-Oh... I'm sorry.
407
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:40,173
-Huh... just-- oh...
-What is wrong?
408
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,574
Shh. I have to poop.
409
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,310
Please don't say another word
for a second.
410
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:47,314
-You have to poop?
-Yes. Please stop talking to me
for one second.
411
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,349
Okay, can we walk it off?
412
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,818
I don't believe so, no.
This is not a drill at all.
413
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:54,121
Please turn away or something.
I need to figure this out.
414
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,355
You have to hold it in.
415
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:57,090
You can't, like, erase the past.
416
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,358
If you can make
your innards come,
417
00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,993
you can make 'em stay.
Let's go.
418
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,328
I'm not
a fucking scientist, man.
419
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,795
-What?
-There's honestly no time.
420
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:04,497
What do I-- Can I shit right
here? Can I do it right here?
421
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:05,632
-No, you can't shit right here,
Dave.
-Why? Why?
422
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,267
Grow up, and let's go!
423
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,637
-It's the fucking carrots!
-Dave, you had one bite
of a carrot.
424
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,205
You're not fucking exploding!
425
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:14,041
Oh, my God.
426
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,209
Oh, my God.
Look away! Look away! Look away!
427
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,877
-(exclaims)
-ALLY: No, no!
428
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,947
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
429
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,549
(groaning)
Oh, my God.
430
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:25,485
-(groaning)
-No! No, no, no!
431
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,520
(groaning)
432
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:28,955
Okay. Oh.
433
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,758
(exhales)
I reinvented diarrhea.
434
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:36,329
DAVE:
Mmm...
435
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,731
Thank you.
436
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,500
You know, I had an interesting
thought for your speech.
437
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,235
-Really?
-What if you, like, twisted...
438
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:45,472
Excuse me. I'm such
a huge fan of yours.
439
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,507
-DAVE: Oh.
-Your music always puts a smile
on my face.
440
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,741
Any way we can flick up?
441
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:49,742
Sure, yeah.
442
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,511
Awesome. Thanks, man.
443
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,579
Let's flick up.
444
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,281
Can you take it for us?
445
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,084
Yeah.
446
00:16:58,085 --> 00:16:59,052
Thanks, puddin'.
447
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,522
WAITER:
Horizontal, please.
448
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,591
The man has preferences.
449
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,759
Thanks so much.
450
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,428
Hey, uh, y-you smoke?
451
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,762
I'd love to burn you down,
brother.
452
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,731
Oh! Yeah,
I like the way you think.
453
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,732
Any interest in smoking
454
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,934
-after this?
-No. No.
455
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,503
-Oh. Not tonight.
-It's all good.
456
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,171
Really, really appreciate
everything you do, man.
457
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:20,507
I appreciate the way you guys
make Shirley Temples here.
458
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,908
Great ratio.
459
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,676
I'm sorry.
I am getting mobbed tonight.
460
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,846
-What was the speech idea?
-Uh...
461
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,548
-You said, the beginning
of the speech, I should...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.
462
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,084
Let me get back to it.
Oh, I have the worst memory.
463
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,519
I forgot it.
464
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,521
I'll get it back.
Hold on, let me...
465
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,922
(phone chimes)
466
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:36,923
What was it?
467
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,625
It was about the...
468
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:39,926
Hold on.
469
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:42,262
Hang on.
This is Mike about the thing.
470
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,763
I got to...
471
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,299
Geez, Louise.
472
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:49,736
(sighs)
473
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,072
This entire thing is...
474
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:55,508
(indistinct chatter)
475
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,482
Hey. Where you going?
476
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,983
I'm going to bed. I'm tired.
477
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:05,585
-What's wrong?
-Nothing.
478
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,987
-Let me inspect you. What do...
-I-- It's...
479
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,323
Like, is it something I did?
Tell me.
480
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,159
I mean...
(chuckles softly)
481
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,595
You haven't been here
all weekend, Dave.
482
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,264
You're, like, thinking
about other stuff.
483
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,466
-It's like...
-Thinking about other stuff?
484
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,468
Yeah. You're thinking
about this record label
485
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,903
or songs about hikes,
and I-I'm--
486
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,938
I-- It's tiring. I'm tired.
487
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,508
-Well, how can I not...
-And I-I...
488
00:18:28,541 --> 00:18:30,510
I don't want
to take pictures of you, okay?
489
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:33,079
I-I want to be in pictures
with you.
490
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,981
Okay, let's go up there,
kick that guy's ass,
491
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,283
and flick up together.
I'll take any...
492
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,450
No, I'm not joking.
I'm not, like,
493
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,018
-making a joke, Dave.
-Okay.
494
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,520
I'm being serious.
495
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,822
-All right. I'm sorry.
-You're not present.
496
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,257
Okay?
497
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,825
And I'm not just talking
about here.
498
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,160
Like, you're never present,
499
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,662
and I need you
to be present with me.
500
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,431
-Really, I'm never present?
-You're...
501
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,999
Our whole rela--
I'm just never present?
502
00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,867
That seems like
a big blanket statement.
503
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,603
I know that I have
so much going on right now,
504
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,938
but, like, I have to be
thinking about this stuff and
505
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,007
be thinking ahead at all
times with the music...
506
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,477
Right, okay, do you ever
think ahead about us?
507
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,145
About me and you?
508
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,281
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah, of course.
What do you mean?
509
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,383
What do you mean,
what do I mean? Like, you...
510
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,718
Are you asking--
like, what do you--
511
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:13,052
like, what, do you want
to marry me or something?
512
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,487
Like, what are we doing?
Is this...?
513
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,956
No, I'm not asking you
to marry me, Dave.
514
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,826
I'm not, like, on one knee
right now. I'm...
515
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,794
Okay, so, like, please...
give me clarity.
516
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,197
I don't know what you mean--
like, speak to me with clarity.
517
00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:28,067
I want to be in a relationship
where I'm not always put second.
518
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,669
You're not always put second.
519
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,339
-I'm...
-Look-look right now, look where
we are!
520
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,906
You realize that I have,
like, the biggest decision
521
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,742
to make of my whole career
this weekend.
522
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,511
-I know.
-Has to be made this weekend.
I'm here with you
523
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:40,046
and your family, didn't
even consider staying back.
524
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:41,481
Mike's like, "Why the fuck
are you not there?"
525
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,749
-I'm not saying...
-What-what do you want me to do?
526
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,917
De-prioritize my dreams?
527
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,819
-That's not what I'm asking.
-Just so you don't feel bad
every now and then?
528
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,088
-Like, that'd be kind of crazy.
-It's not crazy.
529
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,990
It is not crazy to want
530
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,893
your boyfriend to be
emotionally present with you.
531
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,928
And I know that you are, like...
532
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:59,866
an undeniable superstar,
or whatever, but it's
533
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,768
kind of turning you
into a shitty boyfriend.
534
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,770
Okay, well, listen
to how you're saying that,
535
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:05,037
'cause you're a shitty-- yeah,
536
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,105
you're a shitty girlfriend
for using my own
537
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,106
self-belief against me
538
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,174
in an argument.
539
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,409
You have no idea what it's like
540
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,177
to be dating a narcissist.
541
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,212
It is so draining.
542
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:15,382
It's not narcissism
when it's real, okay?
543
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:16,616
-Like, no...
-It's...
544
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,185
-Do you hear yourself?!
-I do!
545
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,920
I know it's, I know it's not,
but you don't realize,
546
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,290
like, how high
the stakes are for me, okay?
547
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,692
Thank God I believe in myself
the way that I do,
548
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,394
-or I'd never get anything done!
-Do you...?
549
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,862
-What?
-Because you treat it like it's
your whole life!
550
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,864
There, like, has to be something
else in life besides this one,
551
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,566
-like, fucking
single-minded goal!
-Something else in life?!
552
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,235
Something more than, like,
actualizing my sense of self
553
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:38,204
-and feeling like I'm maximizing
my potential?!
-Oh, my God, Dave.
554
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,806
-You don't...
-You're asking me
to sacrifice that?!
555
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:41,140
That's fucking absurd!
556
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:43,109
-All I do is...
-Dave, you don't get it!
557
00:20:43,142 --> 00:20:45,612
No, you don't get it, and I,
and I can't keep apologizing
558
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,414
for my ambition
just 'cause you don't have any.
559
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,081
(short laugh)
560
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,650
(exhales)
561
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,185
(sighs)
562
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,189
Listen, just...
563
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,929
(sighs)
564
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,839
Okay, everyone look at me,
and squish together.
565
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,342
One, two... smile.
566
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,809
-Perfect.
-All right.
567
00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,978
-Good, we done?
-Yeah.
568
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,581
-(exhales)
-What are you, uh, doing next?
569
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,082
(indistinct chatter)
570
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,885
*
571
00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:30,056
(phone buzzing)
572
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:35,962
Yo. Give me a sec.
573
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,765
(indistinct chatter)
574
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,468
I'm really not ready to make
this decision right now, dude.
575
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:44,103
Dave, their responses
are getting not good, okay?
576
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:46,773
A-And they're gonna pull the
deal, which I got up to 250,
577
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,375
by the way, all right?
578
00:21:48,408 --> 00:21:50,343
Dude, this is
the best possible scenario
579
00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,311
that we're gonna see--
you need to move on it.
580
00:21:52,345 --> 00:21:53,880
There are so many
horror stories of people
581
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,548
that sign to labels and,
like, lose creative control.
582
00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,283
-You know that's true.
-Yeah.
583
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,318
I do know that
and we've talked about this
584
00:21:59,352 --> 00:22:01,120
with them, remember?
585
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,055
Th-They're not gonna
step on your toes.
586
00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:05,992
Dave, they like your song
"My Dick Sucks."
587
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:08,461
Like, come on, man, they know
who they're signing, dude.
588
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:10,129
If you want this
to be your career,
589
00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,731
you got to start
making money doing it.
590
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,299
That's the only way to succeed.
591
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,134
You're, you're waiting for,
like, a perfect moment.
592
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,636
This is it, dude.
593
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,837
Like, this is it right now.
594
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:18,905
I need more time.
595
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:20,473
I-If you don't sign the deal,
596
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,308
they're gonna pull it,
all right?
597
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,411
And then we have to start this
whole fucking thing over again.
598
00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,645
These people get you.
599
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:26,713
You like them, dude.
600
00:22:26,746 --> 00:22:28,147
Sign the deal!
601
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,749
-Sign the deal, Dave.
-(glass clinking)
602
00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:31,183
-It's that easy.
-I got to go, I got to go.
603
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:33,352
I got to go right now,
I got to go, bye.
604
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,726
So, I'm Ally,
605
00:22:39,759 --> 00:22:42,194
Julie's sister.
606
00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:45,598
And as sisters,
Julie and I competed
607
00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:47,567
for everything.
608
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,437
The slice of pizza with
the most pepperoni on it,
609
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,905
our Harry Potter books,
610
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:55,442
our parents' attention,
of course.
611
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:57,243
-(laughter)
-And when Julie and I
612
00:22:57,276 --> 00:23:00,513
competed, she always won.
613
00:23:00,547 --> 00:23:05,217
Because Julie is one of the most
ambitious people I know.
614
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:09,355
When she wants something,
she works for it tirelessly
615
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:12,925
until inevitably she gets it.
616
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:15,294
It's, uh, a personality trait
617
00:23:15,327 --> 00:23:17,964
I can't seem to get away from.
618
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:20,066
Uh, I want to tell
619
00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:22,401
a quick story.
620
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:26,238
When we were little, our parents
brought us to a magic show.
621
00:23:26,272 --> 00:23:29,542
And the magician needed
a volunteer, so, of course,
622
00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:31,644
he picked Julie.
623
00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:33,412
And she went onstage.
624
00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:36,215
The magician counted
to three and poof!
625
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,817
Julie was gone.
626
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:41,821
And in her place was
this cute little bunny.
627
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:43,723
And everyone clapped
and it was great.
628
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:45,825
Then Julie came back,
629
00:23:45,858 --> 00:23:49,462
and I played it cool
for maybe ten seconds
630
00:23:49,496 --> 00:23:52,264
before I had to know
where did she go?
631
00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:53,633
What's the secret?
632
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:54,834
Just tell me.
633
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:56,569
But all she would say was,
634
00:23:56,603 --> 00:23:59,806
"Ally, I got turned
into a bunny."
635
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:01,774
(laughter)
636
00:24:01,808 --> 00:24:03,676
-Do you remember this?
-Yeah.
637
00:24:03,710 --> 00:24:05,277
Of course she does.
638
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:08,347
Because to this day,
all she'll say about it is,
639
00:24:08,380 --> 00:24:10,850
"I got turned into a bunny."
640
00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:13,953
Which has always
made me really angry.
641
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:16,422
Because, honestly,
I want to know.
642
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,125
I still want to know.
(chuckles)
643
00:24:19,158 --> 00:24:21,360
But then this weekend...
644
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,831
I realized something
about magic.
645
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:26,999
And honesty.
646
00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:29,201
And love.
647
00:24:29,235 --> 00:24:32,672
The magic behind... magic,
648
00:24:32,705 --> 00:24:34,974
uh, isn't the illusion.
649
00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,677
It's that someone cared enough
650
00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:40,813
to create the illusion for you.
651
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,782
The real magic is all
652
00:24:42,815 --> 00:24:44,851
of the work that goes
into making somebody believe
653
00:24:44,884 --> 00:24:48,454
that magic is real.
654
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,290
So... what I thought for years
655
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,325
was you messing with me...
656
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:57,463
was really just your way
of preserving the magic
657
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,832
for me.
658
00:24:59,866 --> 00:25:04,136
And, Nick, she will do
the same for you.
659
00:25:04,170 --> 00:25:07,807
Because you mean
the world to her.
660
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,076
And if there is
anything on this earth
661
00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,745
that she could do
to make you happy,
662
00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:15,147
she will work for it tirelessly
663
00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:17,817
until she inevitably gets it
664
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,351
for you.
665
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,724
And that's what makes her
so special...
666
00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:29,829
...is that she uses her ambition
667
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:32,732
to work just as hard
in her relationship
668
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:34,901
as she does at her career.
669
00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:38,237
And I didn't realize
until this weekend
670
00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:42,041
how much that mattered.
671
00:25:42,074 --> 00:25:45,411
But it's... everything.
672
00:25:52,084 --> 00:25:54,386
(voice breaking):
Love...
673
00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:56,555
Sorry. (chuckles)
674
00:25:56,589 --> 00:25:59,058
Love is just like magic.
675
00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:02,762
Two people build
a world for themselves
676
00:26:02,795 --> 00:26:05,698
and preserve it at all costs
677
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:07,700
together.
678
00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:11,103
And I am so excited
to see the magic
679
00:26:11,137 --> 00:26:14,607
that you two create
for each other.
680
00:26:16,142 --> 00:26:17,576
(chuckles)
681
00:26:17,610 --> 00:26:19,712
To Julie and Nick.
682
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,948
ALL:
To Julie and Nick.
683
00:26:21,981 --> 00:26:23,950
(applause)
684
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:30,757
DAVE:
* So long, I can't stop *
685
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:32,424
-ALLY: Dave.
-* Do this with me *
686
00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:36,262
-I'm leaving.
-* Have it your way *
687
00:26:36,295 --> 00:26:38,998
* I know I'm late *
688
00:26:39,031 --> 00:26:41,567
* But it's okay *
689
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,304
ALLY:
* No, we don't have
time to wait * Oh.
690
00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:47,907
DAVE:
* We're gonna have
the best time *
691
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:49,976
ALLY:
Dave, you have to change.
692
00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:51,744
DAVE:
* Do you remember
when you got all mad *
693
00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:53,980
* 'Cause I threw out
that flyer? *
694
00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:55,682
ALLY:
That was not a flyer.
695
00:26:55,715 --> 00:26:57,183
I told you.
696
00:26:57,216 --> 00:26:59,251
DAVE:
* Yes, it was *
697
00:26:59,285 --> 00:27:02,521
-ALLY:
* No, it was a save the date *
-(harmonizing)
698
00:27:02,554 --> 00:27:04,090
DAVE:
* It's the same thing,
it's gonna end up *
699
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:05,992
* On a fridge either way *
700
00:27:06,025 --> 00:27:07,760
-ALLY: Fine.
-* This weekend *
701
00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,962
* You're gonna dance with me *
702
00:27:09,996 --> 00:27:12,598
ALLY:
* Yes, of course, I love you *
703
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:15,334
* But we really got
to go right now *
704
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:17,804
DAVE: * All right, well, this
was fun while it lasted. *
705
00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:19,772
ALLY:
Mm-hmm. (chuckles)
706
00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:23,743
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
707
00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:20,099
(gasps) Another.
708
00:28:22,234 --> 00:28:23,903
-(throaty hiss)
-Ooh, ooh, ooh.
709
00:28:25,772 --> 00:28:27,073
-Text me.
-Nope.
710
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,309
(whistling)
711
00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:37,316
GUILLERMO:
The journey was perilous,
712
00:28:37,416 --> 00:28:41,053
but Nandor the Relentless
stood tall and proud.
713
00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:45,557
Thus, the noble vampire set sail
to conquer the new world
714
00:28:45,591 --> 00:28:47,894
for the greater glory
of the undead.
715
00:28:47,927 --> 00:28:51,263
-Does my hair
really look that billowy?
-(wind blows)
716
00:28:51,297 --> 00:28:52,899
Looks fantastic.
717
00:28:52,932 --> 00:28:55,334
I'd never wear anything
like that.
718
00:28:56,502 --> 00:28:58,905
(retching)
719
00:29:01,407 --> 00:29:03,810
(gagging, coughing)
720
00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:04,844
(squeaks)
721
00:29:06,512 --> 00:29:07,847
Oh, damn!
722
00:29:07,947 --> 00:29:09,248
(classical music playing)
723
00:29:18,324 --> 00:29:20,626
Pulling hair is wrong, mate.
724
00:29:20,659 --> 00:29:23,930
I mean, all violence is wrong,
but at least punching's a sport.
725
00:29:23,963 --> 00:29:25,497
-Is it?
-Yes, boxing.
726
00:29:25,531 --> 00:29:27,633
Boxing's in the Olympics.
Hair pulling isn't.
727
00:29:28,835 --> 00:29:31,871
-It would be funny if it was.
-It really would be.
728
00:29:38,144 --> 00:29:39,345
(laughter)
729
00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:41,380
How did you come to write
The Feminine Mystique?
730
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,149
I thought there was
something wrong with me
731
00:29:43,182 --> 00:29:46,318
because I didn't have
an orgasm waxing
the kitchen floor.
732
00:29:46,352 --> 00:29:47,653
-(laughing)
-(audience claps)
733
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:55,294
What is Devs?
734
00:29:56,328 --> 00:29:57,629
What is Devs?
735
00:29:57,663 --> 00:29:58,998
What is Devs?
736
00:30:00,232 --> 00:30:01,500
(screams)
56282