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2
00:02:45,112 --> 00:02:46,636
Come on, boys!
3
00:02:47,481 --> 00:02:51,474
The way you're lollygagging around here
with them picks and them shovels,
4
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,547
you'd think it was 120�...
5
00:02:55,155 --> 00:02:58,249
It can't be more than 114.
6
00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:04,828
Dock that Chink a day's pay
for napping on the job.
7
00:03:07,568 --> 00:03:12,267
Now, come on, boys, where's your spirit?
I don't hear no singing.
8
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:16,306
When you were slaves, you sang like birds.
9
00:03:16,944 --> 00:03:19,504
Go on. How about a good old nigger work song?
10
00:03:28,388 --> 00:03:32,654
"I get no kick from champagne.
11
00:03:35,629 --> 00:03:40,328
"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all.
12
00:03:42,202 --> 00:03:45,763
"So tell me why should it be true...
13
00:03:47,841 --> 00:03:51,834
"...that I get a belt out of you?
14
00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:59,212
"Some get a kick from cocaine."
15
00:04:03,056 --> 00:04:05,320
What the hell is that shit?
16
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:10,928
I meant a song. A real song.
17
00:04:11,398 --> 00:04:12,558
Something like...
18
00:04:13,066 --> 00:04:17,696
"Swing low, sweet chariot..."
19
00:04:20,807 --> 00:04:22,638
Swing low? Sweet chariot?
20
00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,341
Don't know that one, huh?
21
00:04:26,213 --> 00:04:28,875
How about "De Camp Town Ladies"?
22
00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:32,574
"De Camp Town Ladies"?
23
00:04:35,922 --> 00:04:37,014
Ah, you know.
24
00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:42,821
"De Camp Town Ladies sing this song,
doo-dah, doo-dah.
25
00:04:43,597 --> 00:04:47,363
"De Camp Town race track five
miles long, all the doo-dah day!
26
00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:51,529
"Gonna run all night, gonna run all day.
27
00:04:51,838 --> 00:04:55,535
"Bet my money on the bobtailed nag,
somebody bet on the bay!"
28
00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:09,052
What in the wide, wide world
of sports is going on here?
29
00:05:09,322 --> 00:05:11,950
I hired you people to try to get a little track laid
30
00:05:12,292 --> 00:05:15,386
not to jump around like
a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
31
00:05:15,862 --> 00:05:18,558
Sorry, Mr. Taggart. I- I guess
we kind of got caught up.
32
00:05:18,865 --> 00:05:22,232
Dummy, the surveyors say they may
have run into some quicksand up ahead.
33
00:05:22,302 --> 00:05:23,564
Better check it out.
34
00:05:24,137 --> 00:05:26,970
Okay, I'll send down a team of
horses to check out the ground.
35
00:05:27,307 --> 00:05:31,971
Horses! We can't afford to lose
any horses, you dummy!
36
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:34,137
Send over a couple of niggers.
37
00:05:38,085 --> 00:05:39,643
You and you.
38
00:05:42,089 --> 00:05:45,320
Sir, he specifically requested two niggers,
39
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:50,622
but to tell a family secret,
my grandmother was Dutch.
40
00:05:51,164 --> 00:05:54,156
Get on that hand car and take it
down to the end of that line!
41
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:55,968
Just trying to help you out.
42
00:05:58,205 --> 00:06:00,469
I didn't know your grandma was Dutch!
43
00:06:04,344 --> 00:06:09,008
"Oh, de Camp Town Ladies sing
this song, doo-dah, doo-dah.
44
00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:14,344
"Camp Town race track five
miles long, oh, doo-dah day.
45
00:06:15,021 --> 00:06:18,684
"Going to run all night, going to run all day.
46
00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:22,859
"I waged my money on the bobtail nag,
somebody bet on the bay!"
47
00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:29,023
Am I wrong...
48
00:06:30,403 --> 00:06:33,531
...or is the world rising?
49
00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,207
I don't know, but whatever it is, I hate it.
50
00:06:40,947 --> 00:06:42,141
Let me ask you something.
51
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:47,713
What is it that's not exactly water,
and it's not exactly earth?
52
00:06:48,889 --> 00:06:50,254
Quicksand!
53
00:06:55,362 --> 00:06:58,331
Oh, shit, quicksand!
54
00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:00,957
Goddang, now we are in trouble!
55
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,032
They're in trouble!
56
00:07:05,739 --> 00:07:07,104
Get your rope there. Get over there quick.
57
00:07:21,354 --> 00:07:22,878
Dang, that was lucky.
58
00:07:23,356 --> 00:07:26,348
Doggone near lost a $400 hand cart.
59
00:07:33,266 --> 00:07:37,896
Yeah, we can take it right off to the,
just a little bit to the left of that hill.
60
00:07:38,772 --> 00:07:41,764
But we're going to die, Bart.
They're going to leave us here to die!
61
00:07:42,609 --> 00:07:46,010
Take it easy, Charlie. My foot is on the rail.
62
00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:55,019
Then maybe down that canyon.
I think it's pretty level off there.
63
00:07:55,755 --> 00:07:58,724
We can't swing back to the right
'cause of that hill there.
64
00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:01,289
That looks like the way
we'll have to go from here.
65
00:08:02,229 --> 00:08:05,289
Yes, we'll put her right down
through there over that ridge.
66
00:08:10,637 --> 00:08:12,434
Well, boys, the break is over.
67
00:08:12,772 --> 00:08:15,036
Don't just lay there getting a suntan.
68
00:08:15,408 --> 00:08:17,399
Won't do you any good, anyhow!
69
00:08:19,479 --> 00:08:21,811
Take that shovel and put her to some good use!
70
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:31,249
What?
71
00:08:31,424 --> 00:08:32,891
Don't do that now!
72
00:08:36,263 --> 00:08:37,195
I have to.
73
00:08:37,497 --> 00:08:41,331
Send a wire to the main office
and tell them I said... OW!
74
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:47,333
Send wire, main office,
tell them I said, "Ow". Gotcha.
75
00:08:54,481 --> 00:08:57,917
And right here, Mr. Lamarr, is
where we ran into quicksand.
76
00:08:58,718 --> 00:09:00,276
Quicksand. Splendid.
77
00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:04,346
And so the railroad has got
to go through Rock Ridge.
78
00:09:04,691 --> 00:09:06,852
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge. Splendid.
79
00:09:07,661 --> 00:09:08,855
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
80
00:09:09,229 --> 00:09:11,288
Rock Ridge. Rock Ridge.
81
00:09:11,631 --> 00:09:13,098
Be still, Taggart. Be still.
82
00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:18,368
My mind is aglow with whirling,
transient nodes of thought
83
00:09:18,705 --> 00:09:21,868
careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
84
00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:22,867
Ditto!
85
00:09:25,645 --> 00:09:29,638
Ditto? Ditto, you provincial putz!
86
00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:31,472
I'm sorry, sir.
87
00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:34,686
A plan. We need a plan.
88
00:09:35,689 --> 00:09:37,316
What in the hell was that?
89
00:09:45,265 --> 00:09:46,892
We can't hear ourselves think!
90
00:09:50,704 --> 00:09:55,368
Sorry, your Worship, but I've got
two men home sick with the flu
91
00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:58,007
and it's utter chaos down here.
92
00:09:58,078 --> 00:10:00,376
I'll try to keep it as quiet as possible.
93
00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:02,708
But as you can see...
94
00:10:05,585 --> 00:10:07,576
...this one is a doozey.
95
00:10:09,789 --> 00:10:13,156
Yes, the Doctor Gillespie killings.
Well, do your best.
96
00:10:18,231 --> 00:10:19,755
Now, let's see. Where were we?
97
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,067
Rock Ridge.
98
00:10:23,003 --> 00:10:26,370
Yes, when that railroad goes
through Rock Ridge
99
00:10:26,706 --> 00:10:29,869
that land will be worth millions, and I want it!
100
00:10:30,744 --> 00:10:35,010
I want that land so badly, I can taste it.
101
00:10:37,784 --> 00:10:39,718
There must be a way.
102
00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:43,049
Clumsy fool!
103
00:10:44,157 --> 00:10:47,251
Wait a minute! There might be a legal precedent.
104
00:10:47,694 --> 00:10:52,131
Of course! Land-snatching!
105
00:10:52,165 --> 00:10:55,328
Land. La-land. "See 'Snatch'."
106
00:10:58,371 --> 00:11:02,330
Haley vs. United States.
Haley, seven. United States, nothing.
107
00:11:02,675 --> 00:11:05,405
You see, it can be done. It can be done.
108
00:11:06,179 --> 00:11:10,172
Unfortunately, there is one thing that
stands between me and that property.
109
00:11:10,517 --> 00:11:11,848
The rightful owners.
110
00:11:12,285 --> 00:11:15,516
There must be some way of scaring
them off, driving them out.
111
00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:18,115
Getting rid of every human being alive in that...
112
00:11:19,526 --> 00:11:21,016
It's down the hall and to the left.
113
00:11:22,762 --> 00:11:23,626
I've got it!
114
00:11:23,930 --> 00:11:24,692
What? What?
115
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:27,928
I know how we can run
everybody out of Rock Ridge.
116
00:11:28,435 --> 00:11:31,871
We'll kill the first-born male
child in every household!
117
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:35,138
Too Jewish.
118
00:11:40,447 --> 00:11:42,540
We'll work up a Number Six on them!
119
00:11:42,649 --> 00:11:44,344
I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.
120
00:11:44,451 --> 00:11:46,715
That's where we go riding into town
121
00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:48,884
and a-whapping and a-whooping
every living thing
122
00:11:48,988 --> 00:11:51,718
that moves within an inch of its life!
123
00:11:52,459 --> 00:11:53,892
Except the women folks, of course.
124
00:11:54,227 --> 00:11:55,216
You spare the women?
125
00:11:55,562 --> 00:11:59,555
No, we rape the shit out of them
at the Number Six dance later on!
126
00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:02,060
That's marvelous! That's so creative!
127
00:12:03,403 --> 00:12:04,961
Why, Taggart, you've been hurt!
128
00:12:05,305 --> 00:12:08,399
That uppity nigger hit me
on the head with a shovel.
129
00:12:09,943 --> 00:12:13,140
I'd sure appreciate it, sir,
if you could find it in your heart
130
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,472
to hang him up by his neck until he was dead.
131
00:12:16,816 --> 00:12:18,306
Got him locked up downstairs.
132
00:12:18,651 --> 00:12:20,812
Consider it done, stout fellow.
133
00:12:29,429 --> 00:12:31,454
I've got a special. When can you work him in?
134
00:12:31,831 --> 00:12:36,165
I couldn't possibly fit him in
until Monday, sir. I'm booked solid.
135
00:12:36,503 --> 00:12:37,993
Monday. Splendid.
136
00:12:44,043 --> 00:12:46,705
Thank you, sir. And don't you worry.
137
00:12:47,113 --> 00:12:50,549
We'll make Rock Ridge think it's a chicken
138
00:12:50,717 --> 00:12:53,481
that got caught in a tractor's nuts!
139
00:12:58,291 --> 00:13:02,159
It's all right, Taggart. Just a man
and a horse being hung out there.
140
00:13:08,868 --> 00:13:11,962
"There was a peaceful town called Rock Ridge,
141
00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,304
"...where people lived in harmony.
142
00:13:18,311 --> 00:13:21,371
"They never had no kind of trouble.
143
00:13:23,149 --> 00:13:25,879
"There was no hint of misery.
144
00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:34,659
"The town saloon was always lively...
145
00:13:36,196 --> 00:13:38,664
"...but never nasty or obscene.
146
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:42,665
"Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson.
147
00:13:44,237 --> 00:13:46,228
"He always kept things nice and clean!
148
00:13:49,676 --> 00:13:51,439
"And all at once the trouble started.
149
00:13:52,612 --> 00:13:54,603
"A pack of murderers and thieves...
150
00:13:55,748 --> 00:13:57,739
"...like swarms of locusts they descended...
151
00:13:58,885 --> 00:14:00,876
"...their aim to make the townsfolk flee."
152
00:14:29,749 --> 00:14:31,239
Well, that's the end of this suit!
153
00:14:39,726 --> 00:14:42,661
Have you ever seen such cruelty?
154
00:14:46,065 --> 00:14:50,058
"Now is a time of great decision.
155
00:14:52,739 --> 00:14:56,732
"Are we to stay or up and quit?
156
00:14:59,612 --> 00:15:03,605
"There's no avoiding this conclusion.
157
00:15:07,086 --> 00:15:11,079
"Our town is turning into shit!"
158
00:15:19,999 --> 00:15:21,990
Well, I don't have to tell you good folks
159
00:15:22,769 --> 00:15:25,602
what has been happening
here in our beloved town.
160
00:15:27,006 --> 00:15:30,772
Sheriff murdered, crops burned,
161
00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:34,804
stores looted, people stampeded,
162
00:15:35,181 --> 00:15:36,944
and cattle raped!
163
00:15:39,185 --> 00:15:43,849
Now the time has come to act. And act fast!
164
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:48,285
I'm leaving.
165
00:15:48,961 --> 00:15:53,625
You get back here, you old
pious, candy-ass sidewinder!
166
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:58,030
There ain't no way that nobody
is going to leave this town!
167
00:15:59,839 --> 00:16:03,468
Hell, I was born here and I was raised here
168
00:16:03,810 --> 00:16:06,074
and goddamn it, I'm going to die here!
169
00:16:06,412 --> 00:16:10,007
And no sidewinder, bushwhacking, hornswoggling,
170
00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:14,650
cracker croaker, is going to ruin my biscuit-cutter!
171
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:23,261
Now who can argue with that?
172
00:16:26,866 --> 00:16:29,164
I think we're all indebted to Gabby Johnson
173
00:16:29,569 --> 00:16:32,402
for clearly stating what needed to be said.
174
00:16:33,339 --> 00:16:35,432
I'm particularly glad that these lovely children
175
00:16:35,608 --> 00:16:37,269
were here today to hear that speech.
176
00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:41,073
Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish,
177
00:16:41,848 --> 00:16:45,181
it expressed a courage
little seen in this day and age!
178
00:16:47,086 --> 00:16:48,519
What are we made of?
179
00:16:49,756 --> 00:16:52,054
Our fathers came across the prairie,
180
00:16:52,525 --> 00:16:56,188
fought Indians, fought drought,
fought locusts, fought Dix!
181
00:16:56,529 --> 00:17:00,192
Remember when Richard Dix came in here
and tried to take over this town?
182
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,861
Well, we didn't give up then
183
00:17:03,269 --> 00:17:07,467
and by gum, we're not going to give up now!
184
00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:14,372
Olson Johnson is right!
185
00:17:15,281 --> 00:17:19,945
What kind of people are we, anyhow?
I say we stay and fight it out!
186
00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:25,753
Dr. Samuel Johnson is right about
Olson Johnson's being right.
187
00:17:26,092 --> 00:17:27,992
And I'm not giving up my ice cream parlor
188
00:17:28,094 --> 00:17:30,756
that I built with these two hands
for nothing or nobody!
189
00:17:32,432 --> 00:17:34,059
Howard Johnson is right!
190
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:42,434
Well, if we're going to stay,
and I think it's a big mistake,
191
00:17:44,010 --> 00:17:47,912
we're going to need a new sheriff.
Now, who is it going to be?
192
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:52,109
Why don't we wire the governor
to send us a sheriff?
193
00:17:52,452 --> 00:17:54,682
Why should we get our own men killed?
194
00:17:55,154 --> 00:17:58,590
Howard Johnson is right. We'll wire the governor.
195
00:18:00,026 --> 00:18:04,326
Then let us pray for the deliverance
of our new sheriff.
196
00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:07,363
Will the congregation please rise?
197
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:13,699
I shall now read from the books
of Matthew, Mark, Luke...
198
00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:17,264
...and duck!
199
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,511
We've got to do something at once!
200
00:18:32,525 --> 00:18:34,755
Governor, may I disturb you for a moment, sir?
201
00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:39,094
If you will just sign this, governor. Right here.
202
00:18:39,499 --> 00:18:40,830
Yes, what the hell is it?
203
00:18:41,167 --> 00:18:42,532
Well, under the provisions of this bill
204
00:18:42,602 --> 00:18:45,833
we would snatch 200,000 acres of Indian territory
205
00:18:46,239 --> 00:18:48,207
which we have deemed unsafe
for their use at this time.
206
00:18:48,274 --> 00:18:50,242
They're such children.
207
00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:53,103
200,000 acres!
200,000 acres!
208
00:18:53,179 --> 00:18:55,238
What will it cost, man?
What will it cost?
209
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:59,011
A box of these.
210
00:18:59,485 --> 00:19:02,352
Are you crazy? They'll never go
for it, and then again they might.
211
00:19:02,688 --> 00:19:05,282
The little red devils, they love toys. May I try one?
212
00:19:08,528 --> 00:19:09,790
These things are defective.
213
00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:14,799
Right as usual, sir.
214
00:19:15,868 --> 00:19:16,800
Show-off!
215
00:19:17,136 --> 00:19:19,195
Just sign this, sir. Right here.
216
00:19:19,539 --> 00:19:21,006
Okay, give us a hand here.
217
00:19:22,141 --> 00:19:23,199
Work, work, work.
218
00:19:25,011 --> 00:19:27,377
Hello, boys, have a good night's rest?
I missed you.
219
00:19:27,713 --> 00:19:30,204
Just one more bill for you to sign, sir.
220
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:31,539
What is this?
221
00:19:31,817 --> 00:19:34,217
This is the bill that will convert
the State Hospital for the Insane
222
00:19:34,554 --> 00:19:37,990
into the William J. Le Petomane
Memorial Gambling Casino for the Insane.
223
00:19:38,324 --> 00:19:39,154
Gentlemen, this...
224
00:19:39,492 --> 00:19:41,790
this bill will be a giant step forward
225
00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:44,159
in the treatment of the insane gambler.
226
00:19:44,664 --> 00:19:46,154
Yes, bravo! Beautiful.
227
00:19:49,435 --> 00:19:50,663
Thank you, Hedy. Thank you.
228
00:19:51,003 --> 00:19:53,995
It's not Hedy. It's Hedley. Hedley Lamarr.
229
00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:56,638
What the hell are you worried about?
230
00:19:56,709 --> 00:19:59,007
This is 1874. You'll be able to sue her.
231
00:20:10,890 --> 00:20:12,221
All right, help me in with this.
232
00:20:13,559 --> 00:20:14,890
Just, ah, think of your secretary.
233
00:20:15,394 --> 00:20:17,225
Ah, that was a very good suggestion.
234
00:20:18,598 --> 00:20:21,032
Okay, is that it? Anything else?
235
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:23,595
Just this urgent telegram from Rock Ridge.
236
00:20:24,070 --> 00:20:25,196
It arrived last Friday.
237
00:20:26,639 --> 00:20:27,697
Read it, read it.
238
00:20:28,975 --> 00:20:33,139
"Sheriff murdered. Church meeting
bombed. Reign of terror must cease.
239
00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:35,080
"Send new sheriff immediately."
240
00:20:35,548 --> 00:20:36,879
Holy underwear!
241
00:20:37,783 --> 00:20:40,775
Sheriff murdered. Innocent women
and children blown to bits!
242
00:20:41,587 --> 00:20:43,578
We've got to protect our
phoney-baloney jobs, gentlemen.
243
00:20:43,623 --> 00:20:47,252
We must do something about this
immediately, immediately, immediately!
244
00:20:50,429 --> 00:20:51,794
I didn't get a "hrumph" out of that guy!
245
00:20:52,131 --> 00:20:53,291
Give the governor a "hrumph."
246
00:20:54,467 --> 00:20:55,559
You watch your ass.
247
00:20:56,168 --> 00:20:58,136
Gentlemen, please, rest your sphincters.
248
00:20:58,471 --> 00:20:59,301
Well put.
249
00:21:00,473 --> 00:21:02,634
As Attorney General, I can assure you
250
00:21:02,908 --> 00:21:06,435
that a suitable sheriff will be found
to restore the peace in Rock Ridge.
251
00:21:06,779 --> 00:21:08,110
Meeting is adjourned.
252
00:21:08,447 --> 00:21:11,814
Oh, I am sorry, sir. I didn't mean
to overstep my bounds. You say that.
253
00:21:12,151 --> 00:21:12,810
What?
254
00:21:13,152 --> 00:21:13,982
- Meeting is adjourned.
- It is?
255
00:21:14,687 --> 00:21:16,018
No. You say that, governor.
256
00:21:16,389 --> 00:21:17,686
- What?
- Meeting is adjourned.
257
00:21:17,757 --> 00:21:18,416
It is?
258
00:21:18,658 --> 00:21:21,650
Here, play around with this for a while.
They are sweeping the country.
259
00:21:23,162 --> 00:21:24,857
Why don't you give these out
to some of the boys
260
00:21:25,131 --> 00:21:26,894
in lieu of pay? Here you go.
261
00:21:29,301 --> 00:21:31,826
And one for Miss Stein, my beloved secretary.
262
00:21:32,171 --> 00:21:35,265
Play with these, boys, in lieu of the other things.
263
00:21:36,809 --> 00:21:38,333
This friggin' thing is warped.
264
00:21:40,413 --> 00:21:42,278
Why do I always get a warped one?
265
00:21:45,451 --> 00:21:49,854
A sheriff! But law and order
is the last thing I want.
266
00:21:51,624 --> 00:21:56,288
Wait a minute. Maybe I could
turn this thing to my advantage.
267
00:21:57,296 --> 00:22:01,960
If I could find a sheriff who so
offends the citizens of Rock Ridge
268
00:22:02,368 --> 00:22:05,360
that his very appearance
would drive them out of town.
269
00:22:08,074 --> 00:22:09,701
But where would I find such a man?
270
00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:12,370
Why am I asking you?
271
00:22:22,488 --> 00:22:26,185
Welcome to Hanging House. Not to worry.
272
00:22:26,726 --> 00:22:28,853
Everyone is equal in my eye.
273
00:22:46,912 --> 00:22:48,607
Oh, not my ear!
274
00:22:52,618 --> 00:22:53,550
Governor!
275
00:22:55,988 --> 00:22:57,182
Official business, sir.
276
00:22:57,556 --> 00:22:58,716
Is it important?
277
00:22:59,191 --> 00:23:00,522
It's very crucial.
278
00:23:01,861 --> 00:23:02,850
Be with you in a minute.
279
00:23:03,763 --> 00:23:05,754
Throw something on and stay in that position.
280
00:23:08,367 --> 00:23:12,360
Forgive me, I was just, ah, walking
the parapet, taking a look around.
281
00:23:12,705 --> 00:23:13,569
What can I do for you?
282
00:23:13,906 --> 00:23:15,237
Governor, as per your instructions,
283
00:23:15,341 --> 00:23:18,003
l'd like you to meet
the new sheriff of Rock Ridge.
284
00:23:18,711 --> 00:23:20,235
I'd be delighted... Wow!
285
00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:23,615
I've got to talk to you. Come here.
Have you gone berserk?
286
00:23:23,682 --> 00:23:26,344
Can't you see that man is a nig...
287
00:23:30,122 --> 00:23:32,920
Wrong person. Forgive me.
No offense intended.
288
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:38,027
Have you gone berserk?
Can't you see that man is a nig?
289
00:23:38,531 --> 00:23:39,828
Don't worry, sir.
290
00:23:40,266 --> 00:23:42,427
Now, Hedley, I've always
trusted your judgment before,
291
00:23:42,501 --> 00:23:44,731
but haven't you taken a giant leap
away from your good senses?
292
00:23:44,837 --> 00:23:47,135
Please, don't fly off the handle, sir.
293
00:23:47,306 --> 00:23:49,638
I'm about to make you an historic figure.
294
00:23:50,609 --> 00:23:52,941
Maybe even get you a cabinet post.
295
00:23:53,279 --> 00:23:54,473
A cabinet post!
296
00:23:55,114 --> 00:23:55,978
Did you say that?
297
00:23:56,816 --> 00:23:57,646
Wonderful!
298
00:23:57,983 --> 00:24:02,181
Yes, the first man ever to appoint
a black sheriff! Just think, sir...
299
00:24:02,655 --> 00:24:03,849
...Washington, Jefferson...
300
00:24:04,156 --> 00:24:04,815
...Lincoln.
301
00:24:05,157 --> 00:24:06,249
Le Petomane!
302
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,589
Sir, you have the seeds of greatness in you.
303
00:24:10,095 --> 00:24:12,996
Nurse them, caress them, pour water on them.
304
00:24:13,632 --> 00:24:15,691
Don't short-change yourself, sir.
305
00:24:16,435 --> 00:24:19,598
It will never work.
They'll kill him dead in one day!
306
00:24:19,939 --> 00:24:24,171
One day is all we'll need to secure your
name in the annals of Western history.
307
00:24:24,510 --> 00:24:27,070
And to get for you a nomination for, dare I say...?
308
00:24:27,513 --> 00:24:28,309
Dare, dare!
309
00:24:28,647 --> 00:24:29,671
The Presidency!
310
00:24:30,783 --> 00:24:33,149
Hail to the Chief!
Hail to the Chief!
311
00:24:41,961 --> 00:24:44,122
"Four score and seven years ago...
312
00:24:44,463 --> 00:24:47,591
"...our forefathers brought forth on this..."
313
00:24:48,033 --> 00:24:49,022
Are you coming back?
314
00:24:49,368 --> 00:24:50,198
In a moment, dear.
315
00:24:50,970 --> 00:24:55,634
Gentlemen, affairs of state must take
precedent over the affairs of state.
316
00:24:56,408 --> 00:24:57,875
Yes, of course, sir, we understand.
317
00:24:58,611 --> 00:24:59,703
Will you make all the arrangements?
318
00:25:00,045 --> 00:25:01,376
I will make all the arrangements.
319
00:25:01,647 --> 00:25:03,046
Especially the funeral.
320
00:25:04,917 --> 00:25:09,183
Good luck, good luck, boys.
Wonderful working with you. Good luck!
321
00:26:14,286 --> 00:26:17,449
Hurry up, get those flags up. He'll be here soon.
322
00:26:18,824 --> 00:26:21,258
I just got a telegram from the governor's office.
323
00:26:21,527 --> 00:26:23,188
The sheriff will be here at noon!
324
00:26:23,929 --> 00:26:27,421
Noon! I'd better rehearse my speech!
325
00:26:29,501 --> 00:26:32,834
"As Honorary Chairman of
the Welcoming Committee...
326
00:26:33,205 --> 00:26:37,835
"...it is my privilege to extend to you
a laurel and hearty handshake!"
327
00:26:39,845 --> 00:26:40,573
Wonderful!
328
00:26:40,913 --> 00:26:41,743
Excellent!
329
00:26:42,748 --> 00:26:44,079
Can you see him yet?
330
00:26:49,355 --> 00:26:50,344
The sheriff is coming!
331
00:26:51,824 --> 00:26:53,917
Ring out the church bell!
332
00:27:10,109 --> 00:27:12,942
Hey, the sheriff is a n...
333
00:27:14,146 --> 00:27:15,010
What did he say?
334
00:27:15,347 --> 00:27:16,814
The sheriff is near!
335
00:27:17,449 --> 00:27:21,886
No, no, dag blame it, gol darn it,
the sheriff is a n...
336
00:27:43,475 --> 00:27:46,273
As Chairman of the Welcoming Committee,
337
00:27:46,578 --> 00:27:51,277
it is my privilege to extend a laurel
and hearty handshake to our new...
338
00:27:55,654 --> 00:27:56,382
...nigger.
339
00:28:25,651 --> 00:28:28,142
Excuse me while I whip this out.
340
00:28:33,892 --> 00:28:36,554
"By the power vested in me by
341
00:28:36,829 --> 00:28:40,162
"...the Honorable William J. Le Petomane...
342
00:28:46,105 --> 00:28:47,333
"...I hereby assume the duties...
343
00:28:47,506 --> 00:28:50,771
"...of the Office of Sheriff in and
for the Township of Rock Ridge."
344
00:28:51,810 --> 00:28:54,438
Gentlemen, let us not allow anger to rule the day.
345
00:28:54,913 --> 00:28:57,404
As your spiritual leader, I implore you
346
00:28:57,749 --> 00:29:00,115
to pay heed to this good
book and what it has to say.
347
00:29:03,489 --> 00:29:06,287
Son, you're on your own!
348
00:29:11,263 --> 00:29:11,991
Hold it!
349
00:29:12,831 --> 00:29:15,493
The next man makes a move, the nigger gets it!
350
00:29:20,139 --> 00:29:22,801
Hold it, men. He's not bluffing.
351
00:29:23,142 --> 00:29:26,009
Listen to him, men.
He's just crazy enough to do it.
352
00:29:26,345 --> 00:29:29,712
Drop it! Or I swear I'll blow this
nigger's head all over this town!
353
00:29:31,383 --> 00:29:36,082
Oh, Lordy, Lord, he's desperate!
Do what he say! Do what he say!
354
00:29:53,305 --> 00:29:55,865
Isn't anybody going to help that poor man?
355
00:29:56,341 --> 00:29:58,832
Hush, Harriet. That's a
sure way to get him killed.
356
00:30:00,612 --> 00:30:01,738
Help me, help me...
357
00:30:03,048 --> 00:30:04,413
...somebody help me!
358
00:30:07,085 --> 00:30:07,744
Shut up!
359
00:30:12,157 --> 00:30:16,651
Oh, baby, you are so talented.
360
00:30:17,196 --> 00:30:19,357
And they are so dumb!
361
00:30:27,873 --> 00:30:28,862
Goddamn it!
362
00:30:29,208 --> 00:30:30,436
I said, "Order"!
363
00:30:31,777 --> 00:30:36,441
You know, Nietzsche says,
"Out of chaos comes order".
364
00:30:37,049 --> 00:30:38,744
Oh, blow it out your ass, Howard!
365
00:30:41,687 --> 00:30:43,678
Now everyone be quiet,
366
00:30:44,556 --> 00:30:49,220
whilst we listen to Harriet van
Johnson, our esteemed schoolmarm,
367
00:30:51,063 --> 00:30:55,727
as she reads a telegram that she
herself has composed to the governor
368
00:30:57,369 --> 00:31:02,033
expressing our feelings about the new sheriff.
369
00:31:10,115 --> 00:31:12,106
"To the Honorable William J.
Le Petomane, Governor."
370
00:31:12,451 --> 00:31:13,941
Louder! Speak up! We can't hear you!
371
00:31:15,988 --> 00:31:17,819
I'm not used to public speaking.
372
00:31:20,125 --> 00:31:24,789
"We, the white, God-fearing
citizens of Rock Ridge...
373
00:31:26,131 --> 00:31:29,999
"...wish to express our extreme displeasure...
374
00:31:30,335 --> 00:31:32,326
"...with your choice of sheriff.
375
00:31:33,005 --> 00:31:35,940
"Please remove him immediately.
376
00:31:38,243 --> 00:31:41,576
"The fact that you have sent him here..."
377
00:31:42,414 --> 00:31:47,078
"...just goes to prove that you are
the leading asshole in the state."
378
00:32:11,343 --> 00:32:13,811
The drunk in number two must be awake.
379
00:32:19,551 --> 00:32:20,984
Are we awake?
380
00:32:25,524 --> 00:32:27,014
We're not sure.
381
00:32:28,460 --> 00:32:30,758
Are we black?
382
00:32:31,163 --> 00:32:32,152
Yes, we are.
383
00:32:34,199 --> 00:32:38,329
Then we're awake. But we're very puzzled.
384
00:32:40,339 --> 00:32:43,137
I think I better straighten myself out.
385
00:32:46,678 --> 00:32:47,770
Need any help?
386
00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,414
All I can get.
387
00:33:04,730 --> 00:33:06,823
That's okay. Sit down over here.
388
00:33:18,076 --> 00:33:20,067
Hey, maybe you should eat something first.
389
00:33:20,612 --> 00:33:23,410
No, thanks. Food makes me sick.
390
00:33:33,058 --> 00:33:37,324
A man drinks like that and doesn't eat,
he is going to die.
391
00:33:40,031 --> 00:33:40,827
When?
392
00:33:44,202 --> 00:33:45,066
What's your name?
393
00:33:45,637 --> 00:33:49,232
Well, my name is Jim,
but most people call me...
394
00:33:52,277 --> 00:33:53,039
...Jim.
395
00:33:55,714 --> 00:33:59,650
Okay, Jim, since you are my
guest and I am your host,
396
00:33:59,985 --> 00:34:02,749
what is your pleasure?
What do you like to do?
397
00:34:03,555 --> 00:34:06,217
Oh, I don't know. Play chess...
398
00:34:08,293 --> 00:34:09,351
...screw.
399
00:34:10,729 --> 00:34:12,060
Well, let's play chess.
400
00:34:16,101 --> 00:34:16,863
Checkmate.
401
00:34:20,005 --> 00:34:20,767
Checkmate.
402
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,874
Why, you devious son-of-a-bitch!
403
00:34:24,743 --> 00:34:25,869
Happy days!
404
00:34:35,654 --> 00:34:37,417
Man, why do you do that to yourself?
405
00:34:38,757 --> 00:34:40,918
Oh, you don't really want to know that.
406
00:34:41,493 --> 00:34:42,391
I do, I do!
407
00:34:42,928 --> 00:34:44,520
Well, if you must pry.
408
00:34:44,896 --> 00:34:46,022
I must, I must!
409
00:34:47,632 --> 00:34:50,294
I don't know if you ever heard of me before, but...
410
00:34:51,203 --> 00:34:55,401
I used to be called the Waco Kid.
411
00:34:56,975 --> 00:35:00,706
The Waco Kid. He had the
fastest hands in the West!
412
00:35:02,481 --> 00:35:03,709
In the world!
413
00:35:04,816 --> 00:35:06,977
Well, if you're the Kid, then show me something.
414
00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:13,419
Maybe a couple of years ago I could
have shown you something, but today...
415
00:35:15,961 --> 00:35:17,053
...look at that.
416
00:35:17,429 --> 00:35:18,726
Steady as a rock.
417
00:35:19,331 --> 00:35:21,424
Yes, but I shoot with this hand.
418
00:35:22,467 --> 00:35:26,631
See, I knew you weren't the Waco Kid.
You were just pulling my lariat.
419
00:35:42,854 --> 00:35:43,752
See that king?
420
00:35:45,557 --> 00:35:47,457
Put your hands on both sides of it.
421
00:35:51,463 --> 00:35:54,955
Now when I say, "go", you try to grab it first.
422
00:35:55,834 --> 00:35:58,769
Man, that's no contest. You're a mile away.
423
00:36:02,974 --> 00:36:07,468
Anyway, when you hear the word "go",
you just try to grab it.
424
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:09,539
Ready?
425
00:36:30,602 --> 00:36:31,933
You looking for this?
426
00:36:36,775 --> 00:36:41,075
Well, raise my rent! You are the Kid!
427
00:36:41,413 --> 00:36:44,439
Was. Yeah, I was the Kid.
428
00:36:47,385 --> 00:36:48,317
What happened?
429
00:36:49,754 --> 00:36:52,120
Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk
430
00:36:52,190 --> 00:36:54,420
who thought he could shoot a gun
431
00:36:54,659 --> 00:36:57,526
would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid.
432
00:37:00,465 --> 00:37:03,764
I must have killed more men
than Cecil B. DeMille.
433
00:37:05,170 --> 00:37:06,432
It got pretty gritty.
434
00:37:07,305 --> 00:37:09,967
I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep.
435
00:37:12,911 --> 00:37:13,969
Then one day...
436
00:37:14,946 --> 00:37:19,610
...I was just walking down the street
and I heard a voice behind me say...
437
00:37:21,653 --> 00:37:25,350
..."Reach for it, mister!"
I spun around.
438
00:37:27,926 --> 00:37:30,121
And there I was face to face...
439
00:37:32,597 --> 00:37:35,259
...with a 6-year-old kid!
440
00:37:39,704 --> 00:37:43,071
Well, I just threw my guns
down and walked away.
441
00:37:46,344 --> 00:37:49,177
The little bastard shot me in the ass!
442
00:37:52,083 --> 00:37:56,713
So I limped to the nearest saloon,
crawled inside a whiskey bottle...
443
00:37:59,324 --> 00:38:01,019
...and I've been there ever since.
444
00:38:05,664 --> 00:38:06,392
Have a drink.
445
00:38:13,571 --> 00:38:18,235
Anyway, that's all ancient history.
Now you tell me your story.
446
00:38:18,610 --> 00:38:22,876
What's a dazzling urbanite like you
doing in a rustic setting like this?
447
00:38:24,182 --> 00:38:25,513
If you really must pry.
448
00:38:26,518 --> 00:38:28,042
I must, I must!
449
00:38:32,891 --> 00:38:35,553
Well, back in '56...
450
00:38:36,027 --> 00:38:41,254
...my folks and I were part
of this long wagon train moving West.
452
00:38:54,746 --> 00:38:57,078
Well, not exactly part of it.
453
00:38:58,049 --> 00:39:02,145
You might say we were bringing up
the rear, when suddenly,
454
00:39:02,554 --> 00:39:06,115
from out of the West,
came the entire Sioux Nation!
455
00:39:06,458 --> 00:39:10,394
And let me tell you, baby,
they were open for business!
456
00:39:14,499 --> 00:39:18,299
Naturally, the white folks
didn't let us travel in their circle
457
00:39:18,770 --> 00:39:19,828
so we made our own.
458
00:39:56,474 --> 00:39:57,941
Shvartzes?
459
00:40:06,117 --> 00:40:08,881
Luzem gayen!
460
00:40:13,658 --> 00:40:15,489
Cop a walk. It's all right.
461
00:40:15,727 --> 00:40:16,557
Thank you.
462
00:40:18,663 --> 00:40:20,893
Abi gezunt. Take off.
463
00:40:29,474 --> 00:40:31,738
They're darker than us!
464
00:40:35,246 --> 00:40:37,510
And the rest is history.
465
00:40:39,350 --> 00:40:40,510
Impressed?
466
00:40:46,024 --> 00:40:48,891
Always like to keep my audience riveted.
467
00:41:42,814 --> 00:41:44,372
How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
468
00:41:44,716 --> 00:41:46,479
I'd say you've had enough!
469
00:41:50,455 --> 00:41:54,721
I understand there's a new sheriff
in town. Who wants to kill him?
470
00:42:01,399 --> 00:42:04,800
Why don't we give him to Mongo?
471
00:42:08,673 --> 00:42:10,664
Holy shit, that's too cruel!
472
00:42:11,776 --> 00:42:14,939
I'll be danged! That is a unique idea!
473
00:42:23,154 --> 00:42:25,588
Down, boy, down, boy, down, Mongo!
474
00:42:26,357 --> 00:42:27,517
Hey, it's me. Taggart.
475
00:42:28,493 --> 00:42:29,687
Here, smell. Smell.
476
00:42:33,631 --> 00:42:35,462
That's a good Mongo.
477
00:42:36,801 --> 00:42:40,862
Hey, how about it? How would you
like to mutilate that new sheriff?
478
00:42:46,377 --> 00:42:47,537
Have a cigar.
479
00:43:28,419 --> 00:43:30,546
Oh, by the way, I got a note this morning.
480
00:43:30,922 --> 00:43:31,752
From who?
481
00:43:32,090 --> 00:43:36,254
Well, I'm not sure.
It was addressed to the Deputy Spade.
482
00:43:40,531 --> 00:43:43,364
Well, once I establish myself in this town,
483
00:43:43,701 --> 00:43:47,034
Deputy Spade might turn
out to be a groovy position.
484
00:43:57,181 --> 00:44:00,207
Listen, Bart, I want you to do me a favor.
485
00:44:01,452 --> 00:44:03,386
I don't want you going out there this morning.
486
00:44:03,755 --> 00:44:06,019
You can't win these people over,
no matter what you do.
487
00:44:06,391 --> 00:44:07,949
They're just not going to accept you.
488
00:44:18,636 --> 00:44:21,628
I'm glad those fingers ain't loaded!
489
00:44:25,309 --> 00:44:26,936
Just like old times.
490
00:44:31,249 --> 00:44:35,913
Like I told you, once you establish
yourself, they've got to accept you.
491
00:44:37,422 --> 00:44:38,411
Catch you later.
492
00:44:43,461 --> 00:44:44,155
Good luck.
493
00:44:52,804 --> 00:44:53,793
Ah, good morning, ma'am.
494
00:44:55,673 --> 00:44:57,664
And isn't it a lovely morning?
495
00:44:58,509 --> 00:44:59,942
Up yours, nigger!
496
00:45:04,615 --> 00:45:07,675
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny."
497
00:45:08,953 --> 00:45:10,352
"Make yourself at home."
498
00:45:11,856 --> 00:45:16,520
"Marry my daughter." You've got to
remember these are just simple farmers.
499
00:45:17,862 --> 00:45:20,194
These are people of the land.
500
00:45:21,199 --> 00:45:24,430
The common clay of the new West.
501
00:45:26,170 --> 00:45:27,194
You know.
502
00:45:29,373 --> 00:45:30,362
Morons!
503
00:45:34,846 --> 00:45:36,177
What the hell is that?
504
00:45:51,562 --> 00:45:54,554
Mongo! Santa Mar�a!
505
00:45:56,968 --> 00:45:58,868
I believe in it. And if any one of you,
506
00:45:59,036 --> 00:46:00,628
friends and neighbors,
kind of gather around and...
507
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,173
Holy shit!
508
00:46:08,346 --> 00:46:13,045
And they say that now in Paris,
France, even as we speak,
509
00:46:14,051 --> 00:46:17,384
Louis Pasteur has devised a new vaccine
510
00:46:17,555 --> 00:46:20,388
that will obliterate anthrax once and for all.
511
00:46:26,197 --> 00:46:28,563
Hey, you can't park that animal over there!
512
00:46:28,933 --> 00:46:30,025
It's illegal.
513
00:46:37,775 --> 00:46:42,269
Think of it, gentlemen. Hoof-and-
mouth disease a thing of the past!
514
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:46,516
Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo!
515
00:46:52,790 --> 00:46:54,121
I don't know what it is.
516
00:47:01,265 --> 00:47:03,233
Sheriff, Mongo's back!
He's breaking up the whole town!
517
00:47:03,301 --> 00:47:05,201
You've got to help us, please!
518
00:47:05,269 --> 00:47:07,567
Did you hear that? Now it's "please".
519
00:47:07,905 --> 00:47:12,365
This morning I couldn't get the time
of day. Who is this Mongo, anyway?
520
00:47:12,710 --> 00:47:15,736
Well, Mongo ain't exactly a "who".
He's more of a "what".
521
00:47:16,214 --> 00:47:17,112
What he said.
522
00:47:17,448 --> 00:47:18,540
Well, I don't know...
523
00:47:19,116 --> 00:47:21,414
Oh, thank you very much!
524
00:47:23,654 --> 00:47:24,882
The fool's going to...
525
00:47:25,790 --> 00:47:27,724
I mean, the sheriff's going to do it.
526
00:47:33,731 --> 00:47:37,997
No, no, don't do that! If you shoot him,
you'll just make him mad.
527
00:47:49,447 --> 00:47:50,778
Candygram for Mongo!
528
00:48:04,095 --> 00:48:04,754
Me, Mongo.
529
00:48:05,196 --> 00:48:06,356
Sign, please.
530
00:48:17,308 --> 00:48:18,935
Mongo like candy.
531
00:48:26,117 --> 00:48:28,108
A little further down, to the right.
532
00:48:28,886 --> 00:48:31,446
I thought sure that Mongo would mash him up
533
00:48:31,522 --> 00:48:33,513
into little bitty sheriff meatballs.
534
00:48:34,225 --> 00:48:35,624
I just don't understand it.
535
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:37,120
Be still, Taggart.
536
00:48:38,162 --> 00:48:40,790
My mind is a raging torrent
537
00:48:41,132 --> 00:48:43,032
flooded with rivulets of thought
538
00:48:43,134 --> 00:48:46,467
cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.
539
00:48:47,805 --> 00:48:49,898
Gol darn it, Mr. Lamarr,
540
00:48:50,274 --> 00:48:53,675
you use your tongue prettier than a $20 whore.
541
00:48:58,949 --> 00:49:01,611
Wait a minute, that's it!
542
00:49:03,754 --> 00:49:05,051
And it will work!
543
00:49:05,423 --> 00:49:07,914
You bet it will! What will work?
544
00:49:08,359 --> 00:49:09,849
Elementary, cactus-head!
545
00:49:10,194 --> 00:49:11,525
The beast has failed.
546
00:49:11,662 --> 00:49:14,529
And when the beast fails,
it's time to call in beauty.
547
00:49:16,834 --> 00:49:17,493
Beauty?
548
00:49:19,937 --> 00:49:23,168
She's never failed me before.
She'll turn him into jelly!
549
00:49:23,507 --> 00:49:25,498
She'll bring him to his knees!
550
00:49:28,045 --> 00:49:30,980
Where's my froggie?
Where's my froggie?
551
00:49:31,315 --> 00:49:33,442
I don't know. I didn't see it when I came in.
552
00:49:33,784 --> 00:49:35,308
Damn your eyes, look for it!
553
00:49:43,394 --> 00:49:44,326
Oh, there it is.
554
00:49:50,101 --> 00:49:54,800
That was a close one! Daddy loves
Froggie. Froggie love Daddy?
555
00:50:04,982 --> 00:50:06,540
I don't know how you did it.
556
00:50:07,051 --> 00:50:08,348
He was nothing.
557
00:50:08,686 --> 00:50:11,211
The bitch was inventing the candygram.
558
00:50:11,288 --> 00:50:13,779
They probably won't give me credit for it.
559
00:50:23,100 --> 00:50:24,567
Good evening, sheriff.
560
00:50:24,902 --> 00:50:27,336
Sorry about the "Up yours, nigger".
561
00:50:27,638 --> 00:50:31,404
I hope this apple pie will in some
small way say thank you for your
562
00:50:31,742 --> 00:50:35,405
ingenuity and courage in
defeating that horrible Mongo.
563
00:50:35,913 --> 00:50:38,404
Thank you. Much obliged. Good night.
564
00:50:48,592 --> 00:50:52,653
Of course, you'll have the good taste
not to mention that I spoke to you.
565
00:50:58,169 --> 00:51:02,606
I'm rapidly becoming a big
underground success in this town.
566
00:51:02,940 --> 00:51:06,774
See, in another 25 years you'll be able
to shake their hands in broad daylight.
567
00:51:07,144 --> 00:51:09,612
Well, I'm not going to hold my breath for it.
568
00:51:09,980 --> 00:51:14,383
Come on, I don't want to be late.
Lili von Shtupp is opening tonight.
569
00:51:15,119 --> 00:51:16,450
Lili von who?
570
00:51:31,302 --> 00:51:35,398
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome. Come on in.
571
00:51:40,478 --> 00:51:42,912
It's Hedley. For you, my dear.
572
00:51:44,348 --> 00:51:47,283
Oh, how ordinary.
573
00:51:51,121 --> 00:51:53,988
Oh, Lili, Lili, Lili, legs, Lili, Lili!
574
00:51:55,659 --> 00:51:58,651
I can't find the words to truly express my joy
575
00:51:58,863 --> 00:52:00,922
at the rekindling of our association.
576
00:52:01,699 --> 00:52:04,327
Bullshit, what's the job?
577
00:52:06,670 --> 00:52:08,331
I love it when you talk dirty.
578
00:52:20,951 --> 00:52:23,749
Come on, Lamarr, let's get down to bwass tacks.
579
00:52:23,888 --> 00:52:26,049
What do you want me to do?
580
00:52:27,658 --> 00:52:31,560
I want you to seduce and abandon
the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
581
00:52:32,162 --> 00:52:33,322
You think you can do it?
582
00:52:36,066 --> 00:52:37,533
Is Bismark a hewwing?
583
00:52:37,902 --> 00:52:41,030
Oh, Lili, you're magnificent! Kiss me!
584
00:52:53,284 --> 00:52:57,846
And now, folks, the gal
you've all been waiting for...
585
00:52:58,289 --> 00:53:02,988
the Bavarian Bombshell herself!
Let's hear it for Lili von Shtupp!
586
00:53:16,073 --> 00:53:19,406
"Here I stand, the goddess of desire...
587
00:53:20,077 --> 00:53:24,013
"...set men on fire. I have this power.
588
00:53:25,816 --> 00:53:29,274
"Morning, noon and night, it's drink and dancing...
589
00:53:29,787 --> 00:53:34,451
"...some quick romancing, and then a shower.
590
00:53:35,593 --> 00:53:39,085
"Stage door Johnnies constantly surround me...
591
00:53:39,430 --> 00:53:42,922
"...they always hound me with one request.
592
00:53:45,035 --> 00:53:48,129
"Who can satisfy their lustful habit?
593
00:53:49,039 --> 00:53:53,703
"I'm not a rabbit. I need some rest.
594
00:54:01,652 --> 00:54:03,244
"I'm tired...
595
00:54:04,722 --> 00:54:07,919
"...sick and tired of love...
596
00:54:09,627 --> 00:54:12,118
"I've had my fill of love...
597
00:54:13,998 --> 00:54:16,796
"...from below and above.
598
00:54:20,337 --> 00:54:25,001
"Tired, tired of being admired...
599
00:54:27,144 --> 00:54:30,136
"...tired of love uninspired.
600
00:54:32,116 --> 00:54:34,346
"Let's face it, I'm tired.
601
00:54:36,687 --> 00:54:41,351
"I've been with thousands
of men again and again.
602
00:54:42,526 --> 00:54:44,687
"They promise the moon.
603
00:54:45,596 --> 00:54:50,260
"They're always coming and
going and going and coming...
604
00:54:52,403 --> 00:54:54,394
"...and always too soon."
605
00:54:55,339 --> 00:54:56,670
Right, girls?
606
00:54:57,107 --> 00:55:01,771
"I'm tired. Tired of playing the game.
607
00:55:04,114 --> 00:55:07,413
"Ain't it a crying shame?
608
00:55:08,519 --> 00:55:11,511
"I'm so tired."
609
00:55:12,222 --> 00:55:14,520
Goddamn it, I'm exhausted!
610
00:55:16,794 --> 00:55:19,194
Hello, cowboy, what's your name?
611
00:55:20,330 --> 00:55:23,231
"Tex ma'am"? Tell me, Tex ma'am
612
00:55:23,567 --> 00:55:25,000
are you in show business?
613
00:55:25,335 --> 00:55:25,994
Nope.
614
00:55:26,236 --> 00:55:29,205
Well, then, why don't you get
your friggin' feet off the stage?
615
00:55:43,087 --> 00:55:47,751
Hello, handsome. Is that a 10-gallon
hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
616
00:55:56,734 --> 00:55:59,669
Oh, Miss Lili, oh, my lovely lady!
617
00:56:11,582 --> 00:56:14,483
"Tired of playing the game.
618
00:56:15,986 --> 00:56:19,581
"Ain't it a crying shame...
619
00:56:20,257 --> 00:56:22,248
"...l'm so tired.
620
00:56:30,601 --> 00:56:31,590
"She's tired.
621
00:56:32,469 --> 00:56:34,960
"Sick and tired of love. Give her a break.
622
00:56:35,305 --> 00:56:38,297
"She's had her fill of love.
She's not a snake!
623
00:56:38,609 --> 00:56:41,601
"From below and above.
Can't you see she's sick?
624
00:56:42,780 --> 00:56:43,769
"She's bushed.
625
00:56:44,114 --> 00:56:46,446
"Tired of being admired. Let her alone.
626
00:56:46,784 --> 00:56:48,445
"Tired of love uninspired.
627
00:56:51,421 --> 00:56:52,945
"Don't you know she's pooped?
628
00:56:53,290 --> 00:56:57,954
"I've been with thousands
of men again and again.
629
00:56:59,229 --> 00:57:01,288
"They sing the same tune!
630
00:57:02,299 --> 00:57:05,632
"They start with Byron and Shelley...
631
00:57:05,969 --> 00:57:10,133
"...then jump on your belly, and bust your balloon.
632
00:57:16,980 --> 00:57:19,642
"Tired of playing the game.
633
00:57:21,351 --> 00:57:24,013
"Ain't it a friggin' shame?
634
00:57:25,923 --> 00:57:27,254
"I'm so..."
635
00:57:28,058 --> 00:57:32,757
Let's face it. Everything below the waist is kaput!
636
00:58:08,031 --> 00:58:09,157
What does it say?
637
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:14,460
"I must see you alone in my dwessing
woom right after the show."
638
00:58:29,620 --> 00:58:31,952
Wie gehts, meine schatzie?
639
00:58:32,923 --> 00:58:33,981
Faw out!
640
00:58:39,129 --> 00:58:42,462
A wed wose. How womantic!
641
00:58:43,901 --> 00:58:45,562
Have a seat, shewiff.
642
00:58:51,575 --> 00:58:53,133
Won't you excuse me for a moment,
643
00:58:53,310 --> 00:58:56,302
while I slip into something
a little bit more comfortable?
644
00:58:59,650 --> 00:59:01,083
Bitte, baby.
645
00:59:08,592 --> 00:59:11,652
Why don't you loosen your bullets?
646
00:59:17,968 --> 00:59:20,528
Ahh, I feel wefweshed!
647
00:59:21,471 --> 00:59:23,462
Isn't it bwight in here?
648
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:32,781
There! Isn't that better?
649
00:59:35,118 --> 00:59:37,211
Pardon me, I'll be back in a moment.
650
00:59:41,291 --> 00:59:42,155
How is it going?
651
00:59:42,492 --> 00:59:46,895
He's like wet sauerkraut in my hands.
By morning he will be my slave.
652
00:59:47,230 --> 00:59:47,992
Splendid.
653
00:59:48,532 --> 00:59:50,022
Oh, just let me have a little feel.
654
00:59:51,468 --> 00:59:53,698
Where were we? Where are you?
655
00:59:55,806 --> 00:59:57,967
Let me sit down next to you.
656
01:00:00,477 --> 01:00:01,808
Tell me, schatzie...
657
01:00:02,713 --> 01:00:07,150
...is it, ah, twu what they say
about the way you people are gifted?
658
01:00:09,686 --> 01:00:12,849
Oh, it's twu, it's twu!
659
01:00:19,062 --> 01:00:21,155
Vill you care for another schnitzengruben?
660
01:00:21,498 --> 01:00:25,559
No, thank you. Fifteen is my
limit on schnitzengruben.
661
01:00:26,403 --> 01:00:28,997
Well, then, how about a little...?
662
01:00:32,509 --> 01:00:35,842
Baby, please, I am not from Havana.
663
01:00:36,780 --> 01:00:38,111
Excuse me, honey.
664
01:00:38,582 --> 01:00:42,348
Besides, I'm late for work.
I've got some heavy chores to do.
665
01:00:42,953 --> 01:00:45,615
Vill I, vill I see you later?
666
01:00:46,556 --> 01:00:50,890
That all depends on how much
Vitamin E I can get my hands on.
667
01:00:51,194 --> 01:00:52,422
Nein, nein, achtung!
668
01:00:53,196 --> 01:00:55,926
No, no, you mustn't go! I need you!
669
01:00:56,099 --> 01:00:59,091
I never met nobody like you!
I can't live without you!
670
01:01:01,938 --> 01:01:05,931
Please, you're making
a German spectacle of yourself.
671
01:01:08,445 --> 01:01:10,106
Auf wiedersehen, baby.
672
01:01:17,387 --> 01:01:19,446
Oh, what a nice guy.
673
01:01:27,631 --> 01:01:30,964
Oh, deary, dear. Look what the cat dragged in.
674
01:01:44,247 --> 01:01:46,078
What's happening in the clean world?
675
01:01:46,950 --> 01:01:47,917
Bad news.
676
01:01:48,618 --> 01:01:52,987
I've got a writ here for Mongo's
release signed by Hedley Lamarr himself.
677
01:01:57,894 --> 01:02:01,091
Why would a dude like
Hedley Lamarr care about Mongo?
678
01:02:04,167 --> 01:02:04,997
It's legal.
679
01:02:07,871 --> 01:02:11,272
Oh, those schnitzengrubens can wipe you out!
680
01:02:18,815 --> 01:02:20,146
Wake up time!
681
01:02:26,456 --> 01:02:29,118
Okay, Mongo. You're free to go.
682
01:02:30,827 --> 01:02:31,885
Mongo no go.
683
01:02:34,731 --> 01:02:38,223
Oh, come on, Mongo. You're a free man.
684
01:02:40,036 --> 01:02:44,700
Mongo stay with Sheriff Bart.
Sheriff first man ever whip Mongo.
685
01:02:46,510 --> 01:02:50,412
Mongo impressed, have deep
feelings for Sheriff Bart.
686
01:02:52,582 --> 01:02:54,743
Oh, you better watch out, big fella.
687
01:02:55,318 --> 01:02:58,048
I think Mongo's taken a little fancy to you.
688
01:03:02,526 --> 01:03:03,720
Mongo straight.
689
01:03:08,598 --> 01:03:10,896
Maybe you know why a high-roller
690
01:03:10,967 --> 01:03:13,265
like Hedley Lamarr is interested in Rock Ridge.
691
01:03:14,104 --> 01:03:18,336
Don't know. Got to do
with where choo-choo go.
692
01:03:21,845 --> 01:03:25,906
Mongo, why would Hedley Lamarr care
about where the choo-choo goes?
693
01:03:26,883 --> 01:03:28,009
Don't know.
694
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:34,118
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
695
01:03:37,928 --> 01:03:39,418
I think this might be a good time to mosey out
696
01:03:39,596 --> 01:03:41,928
to where they're building the railroad
697
01:03:42,199 --> 01:03:43,860
and maybe do a little snooping.
698
01:04:23,506 --> 01:04:25,565
Damn, damn, damn!
699
01:04:32,182 --> 01:04:35,345
Hey, how are you doing Bart?
Get down off that horse!
700
01:04:41,458 --> 01:04:44,427
Oh, you shifty nigger!
They said you were hung!
701
01:04:44,761 --> 01:04:45,819
And they were right!
702
01:04:46,162 --> 01:04:49,097
Look at that star, hoo-ee! Civil service!
703
01:04:52,836 --> 01:04:54,326
Wait. Back off, scamp.
704
01:04:54,504 --> 01:04:57,496
You are addressing the duly
appointed sheriff of Rock Ridge.
705
01:04:58,441 --> 01:05:01,308
Rock Ridge? Hey, the railroad
is going through there!
706
01:05:17,327 --> 01:05:20,728
Back up off your brother!
Don't mess up your brother!
707
01:05:38,315 --> 01:05:40,146
Holy mother of pearl!
708
01:05:41,017 --> 01:05:44,043
It's that nigger that hit me
on the head with the shovel!
709
01:05:44,821 --> 01:05:48,222
Now what the hell do you think
you're doing with that tin star, boy?
710
01:05:48,558 --> 01:05:53,222
Watch that "boy" shit, redneck!
You're talking to the sheriff of Rock Ridge.
711
01:05:55,765 --> 01:05:57,357
Well, now if that don't beat all!
712
01:05:58,201 --> 01:06:00,499
Here we take the good time and trouble
713
01:06:00,570 --> 01:06:02,902
to slaughter every last Indian
in the West, and for what?
714
01:06:04,674 --> 01:06:08,838
So they can appoint a sheriff
that's blacker than any Indian!
715
01:06:10,013 --> 01:06:11,412
I am depressed.
716
01:06:11,881 --> 01:06:15,282
Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir,
but I sure do hate to see you like this.
717
01:06:15,618 --> 01:06:18,246
What if me and the boys were
to shoot that nigger dead?
718
01:06:18,321 --> 01:06:20,414
Would that pep you up some?
719
01:06:20,457 --> 01:06:21,549
Well, it might help.
720
01:06:21,958 --> 01:06:24,620
All right, boys. On the count of three.
721
01:06:25,362 --> 01:06:27,694
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
722
01:06:28,598 --> 01:06:30,259
Don't pay no attention to that alky.
723
01:06:30,433 --> 01:06:32,765
He can't even hold a gun, much less shoot it.
724
01:06:35,939 --> 01:06:37,702
Like I said. On the count of three.
725
01:06:40,110 --> 01:06:40,769
One...
726
01:06:43,079 --> 01:06:43,738
...two...
727
01:06:44,614 --> 01:06:45,273
...three!
728
01:06:57,060 --> 01:07:01,724
Well, just don't sit there looking stupid,
grasping your hands in pain.
729
01:07:02,565 --> 01:07:06,126
How about a little applause for the Waco Kid?
730
01:07:17,247 --> 01:07:20,011
All right, I'm through being Mr. Goodbar!
731
01:07:20,083 --> 01:07:22,881
The time has come to act and act quickly!
732
01:07:23,019 --> 01:07:24,350
All my plans have backfired!
733
01:07:24,454 --> 01:07:26,786
Instead of the people leaving,
they're staying in droves!
734
01:07:27,123 --> 01:07:31,150
Vhy don't you admit it?
He's too much of man for you. I know.
735
01:07:31,528 --> 01:07:33,359
You going to need an army to beat him!
736
01:07:33,930 --> 01:07:35,420
You're finished.
737
01:07:35,765 --> 01:07:40,429
Fertig! Fahrblunged! Fahrcocked!
738
01:07:46,910 --> 01:07:49,572
Shut up! You Teutonic twat!
739
01:07:50,980 --> 01:07:52,675
I must think.
740
01:08:01,257 --> 01:08:05,557
Wait a minute. She said army. Of course!
741
01:08:06,162 --> 01:08:10,826
An army of the worst dregs ever
to soil the face of the West!
742
01:08:14,504 --> 01:08:18,838
I've decided to launch an attack
that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes!
743
01:08:19,509 --> 01:08:20,840
What do you want me to do, sir?
744
01:08:21,277 --> 01:08:24,610
I want you to round up every vicious
criminal and gunslinger in the West.
745
01:08:24,714 --> 01:08:25,703
Take this down.
746
01:08:26,916 --> 01:08:31,319
I want rustlers, cutthroats,
murderers, bounty hunters,
747
01:08:31,654 --> 01:08:35,920
desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs,
nitwits, half-wits, dimwits,
748
01:08:36,226 --> 01:08:40,822
vipers, snipers, con men,
Indian agents, Mexican bandits,
749
01:08:41,164 --> 01:08:44,429
muggers, buggerers,
bushwackers, hornswagglers,
750
01:08:44,734 --> 01:08:48,602
horse thieves, bull dykes, train
robbers, bank robbers, ass kickers,
751
01:08:48,738 --> 01:08:51,138
shit kickers and Methodists!
752
01:08:53,710 --> 01:08:55,541
Could you repeat that, sir?
753
01:09:05,355 --> 01:09:06,686
Where's everybody going?
754
01:09:08,691 --> 01:09:09,453
Read this.
755
01:09:20,169 --> 01:09:23,730
Well, can't you see that's the
last act of a desperate man?
756
01:09:24,374 --> 01:09:29,038
We don't care if it's the First Act
of Henry the Fifth! We're leaving!
757
01:09:30,146 --> 01:09:33,707
Now, wait a minute!
Wait just one doggoned minute!
758
01:09:34,984 --> 01:09:39,648
Just give me 24 hours to come up
with a brilliant idea to save our town.
759
01:09:40,223 --> 01:09:43,090
Just 24 hours, that's all I ask.
760
01:09:43,593 --> 01:09:44,685
No!
761
01:09:45,762 --> 01:09:47,696
You'd do it for Randolph Scott.
762
01:09:53,403 --> 01:09:56,304
All right, sheriff. 24 hours.
763
01:10:56,866 --> 01:10:57,560
Next!
764
01:10:59,102 --> 01:11:00,069
Qualifications?
765
01:11:00,603 --> 01:11:02,867
Rape, murder, arson and rape.
766
01:11:03,573 --> 01:11:04,870
You said rape twice.
767
01:11:05,808 --> 01:11:06,797
I like rape.
768
01:11:09,579 --> 01:11:11,979
Charming. Sign right here.
769
01:11:13,449 --> 01:11:14,780
Take that badge.
770
01:11:18,888 --> 01:11:19,820
Qualifications?
771
01:11:20,523 --> 01:11:23,651
Arson, armed robbery, mayhem.
772
01:11:24,027 --> 01:11:27,519
Wait a moment.
What have you got in your mouth?
773
01:11:30,633 --> 01:11:32,828
Nothing, eh? Lyle.
774
01:11:36,105 --> 01:11:36,867
Gum!
775
01:11:37,607 --> 01:11:40,167
Chewing gum on line, eh?
776
01:11:40,610 --> 01:11:43,408
I hope you brought enough for everybody.
777
01:11:45,314 --> 01:11:47,145
I didn't know there was going to be so many.
778
01:11:52,689 --> 01:11:54,680
Boy, is he strict!
779
01:11:55,191 --> 01:11:57,921
We've got to get in there close
and find out what's happening.
780
01:11:59,796 --> 01:12:00,922
There's our ticket!
781
01:12:08,204 --> 01:12:09,296
Hey, boys!
782
01:12:10,940 --> 01:12:12,373
Look what I've got there!
783
01:12:14,544 --> 01:12:16,341
Hey, where are the white women at?
784
01:12:30,927 --> 01:12:32,690
Man, that was pretty! I liked that.
785
01:12:33,863 --> 01:12:37,663
Be ready to attack Rock Ridge
at noon tomorrow. Here's your badge.
786
01:12:41,471 --> 01:12:44,269
We don't need no stinkin' badges!
787
01:12:46,409 --> 01:12:47,068
Next!
788
01:12:47,744 --> 01:12:48,574
Qualifications?
789
01:12:49,345 --> 01:12:50,744
Stampeding cattle.
790
01:12:51,214 --> 01:12:52,704
That's not much of a crime.
791
01:12:53,049 --> 01:12:54,380
Through the Vatican!
792
01:12:54,884 --> 01:12:55,873
Kinky!
793
01:12:59,255 --> 01:13:01,553
Why, Rhett, how many times have I told you
794
01:13:01,624 --> 01:13:03,922
to wash up after weekly cross-burning?
795
01:13:04,560 --> 01:13:05,686
See, it's coming off.
796
01:13:08,364 --> 01:13:11,856
And now, for my next impression, Jesse Owens!
797
01:13:13,636 --> 01:13:14,898
Catch them!
798
01:13:15,872 --> 01:13:20,275
Hold up, men, we'll head them off at the pass!
799
01:13:21,577 --> 01:13:25,911
Head them off at the pass? I hate that cliche!
800
01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:45,458
Say, "hello".
801
01:13:45,968 --> 01:13:46,730
Hello.
802
01:13:47,804 --> 01:13:49,704
Listen to me, and listen to me good.
803
01:13:49,839 --> 01:13:52,171
I want you to get all the brothers together
804
01:13:52,508 --> 01:13:56,467
round up all the lumber, canvas, paint
and nails you can lay your hands on
805
01:13:56,813 --> 01:14:01,477
and meet me tonight 3 miles
due east of Rock Ridge at midnight.
806
01:14:02,285 --> 01:14:03,047
You understand?
807
01:14:03,753 --> 01:14:04,617
Say, "goodbye".
808
01:14:06,422 --> 01:14:07,616
Thanks a lot, brother.
809
01:14:36,652 --> 01:14:39,746
All right, folks, I know you're a bit
confused wondering what you're doing
810
01:14:39,822 --> 01:14:42,052
out in the middle of the prairie
in the middle of the night.
811
01:14:42,191 --> 01:14:43,317
You bet your ass!
812
01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:45,527
I'm hip.
813
01:14:46,195 --> 01:14:47,787
Now, before the sun comes up,
814
01:14:48,097 --> 01:14:53,865
we're going to build on this sight an
exact replica of the town of Rock Ridge.
815
01:14:56,873 --> 01:15:00,365
Every building, every storefront,
every rock and every tree
816
01:15:00,710 --> 01:15:04,111
right down to the orange roof
on Howard Johnson's outhouse.
817
01:15:05,715 --> 01:15:06,704
I get it!
818
01:15:07,049 --> 01:15:09,779
And tomorrow when Hedley Lamarr
and his men come riding in
819
01:15:09,919 --> 01:15:11,113
to destroy the real Rock Ridge
820
01:15:11,254 --> 01:15:13,245
they'll actually be destroying
the fake Rock Ridge!
821
01:15:13,322 --> 01:15:15,756
But they'll think it's the real Rock Ridge!
822
01:15:15,825 --> 01:15:17,725
But we'll know it's the fake Rock Ridge!
823
01:15:18,060 --> 01:15:21,393
How're we going to do it?
We don't have the time nor the people.
824
01:15:21,731 --> 01:15:23,995
Wrong! There's why.
825
01:15:26,869 --> 01:15:28,769
Who the hell are they?
826
01:15:32,642 --> 01:15:37,341
Railroad workers. They've agreed
to help us make our dream come true.
827
01:15:37,847 --> 01:15:40,315
And all they ask in return is a little plot of land
828
01:15:40,449 --> 01:15:42,440
they can call their own to homestead.
829
01:15:42,785 --> 01:15:43,911
What do you say?
830
01:15:51,360 --> 01:15:54,887
We'll give some land to the niggers
and the chinks,
831
01:15:55,531 --> 01:15:57,726
but we don't want the Irish!
832
01:16:03,172 --> 01:16:04,264
No deal.
833
01:16:05,308 --> 01:16:08,869
Ah, prairie shit! Everybody!
834
01:16:13,683 --> 01:16:14,650
Oh, Lord...
835
01:16:15,885 --> 01:16:20,549
Do we have the strength to carry on
this mighty task in one night?
836
01:16:23,292 --> 01:16:25,624
Or are we just jerking off?
837
01:16:36,372 --> 01:16:41,036
Okay, okay, we have done it.
Now, let's see what we have done.
838
01:17:21,317 --> 01:17:25,981
Men, you are about to embark
on a great crusade
839
01:17:26,989 --> 01:17:29,480
to stamp out runaway decency in the West.
840
01:17:30,192 --> 01:17:32,422
Now you will only be risking your lives,
841
01:17:32,862 --> 01:17:37,424
whilst I will be risking an almost
certain Academy Award nomination
842
01:17:38,601 --> 01:17:40,034
for Best Supporting Actor.
843
01:17:40,936 --> 01:17:42,927
Now raise your right hand for the pledge.
844
01:17:45,374 --> 01:17:46,272
Right!
845
01:17:48,110 --> 01:17:50,874
And repeat after me. I...
846
01:17:52,481 --> 01:17:53,448
...your name...
847
01:17:53,816 --> 01:17:55,113
...your name...
848
01:17:55,451 --> 01:17:58,511
Schmucks!
...pledge allegiance...
849
01:17:58,854 --> 01:18:00,185
...pledge allegiance...
850
01:18:00,556 --> 01:18:02,114
...to Hedley Lamarr...
851
01:18:02,458 --> 01:18:04,016
...to Hedy Lamarr...
852
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:05,349
That's Hedley!
853
01:18:05,694 --> 01:18:06,888
...that's Hedley...
854
01:18:07,329 --> 01:18:08,956
...and to the evil...
855
01:18:09,298 --> 01:18:10,788
...and to the evil...
856
01:18:11,133 --> 01:18:12,794
...for which he stands!
857
01:18:13,135 --> 01:18:14,534
...for which he stands!
858
01:18:14,904 --> 01:18:19,568
Now go do that voodoo that you do so well!
859
01:18:32,688 --> 01:18:35,486
Hold the happiness. We are in trouble.
860
01:18:36,892 --> 01:18:39,360
Yep! We forgot one little detail.
861
01:18:39,595 --> 01:18:43,326
Nothing is missing. Everything is here,
down to the last hitching post.
862
01:18:43,899 --> 01:18:46,060
People. There are no people.
863
01:18:46,402 --> 01:18:48,836
Now don't panic. Don't panic.
864
01:18:49,605 --> 01:18:52,403
We just made a perfect copy of Rock Ridge.
865
01:18:52,708 --> 01:18:56,166
Now all we've got to do is make
perfect copies of ourselves.
866
01:18:57,513 --> 01:18:59,674
But they'll be here in half an hour.
867
01:19:00,015 --> 01:19:02,176
Right, so we've got to start working fast.
868
01:19:02,551 --> 01:19:06,282
You men start working on the dummies.
Jim and Mongo, come with me.
869
01:19:06,856 --> 01:19:10,519
I've got an idea that will
slow them down to a crawl.
870
01:19:10,860 --> 01:19:11,758
All right, let's go!
871
01:19:19,969 --> 01:19:21,960
Yeah, that's nice.
872
01:19:44,126 --> 01:19:48,790
Le Petomane Thruway! Now what
will that asshole think of next?
873
01:19:51,400 --> 01:19:53,391
Has anybody got a dime?
874
01:19:55,104 --> 01:19:58,267
Somebody's got to go back
and get a shit-load of dimes.
875
01:20:07,483 --> 01:20:11,419
Hurry up. Speed it up or we're
never going to get to Rock Ridge!
876
01:20:11,987 --> 01:20:14,751
Come on, move them through!
877
01:20:20,996 --> 01:20:22,930
Well, they're through the tollbooth.
878
01:20:25,434 --> 01:20:27,925
Look at this, they're buying it!
879
01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:41,716
All right, here we go. Hold your ears, folks!
880
01:20:42,184 --> 01:20:43,776
It's show time!
881
01:20:48,524 --> 01:20:49,354
Nothing!
882
01:20:49,692 --> 01:20:50,954
What are we going to do?
883
01:20:51,393 --> 01:20:54,692
Any minute now they're going to discover
the town is fake and pull out!
884
01:20:57,199 --> 01:20:59,724
You think you could squeeze off
a little shot from here
885
01:20:59,802 --> 01:21:01,793
and set off the dynamite down there?
886
01:21:02,905 --> 01:21:04,236
I'll give it a try.
887
01:21:14,883 --> 01:21:18,216
Oh, Lord, keep this man's eye keen
888
01:21:18,487 --> 01:21:20,478
and may God grant...
889
01:21:32,668 --> 01:21:33,896
It's a fake!
890
01:21:34,236 --> 01:21:35,828
We've been suckered in!
891
01:21:53,022 --> 01:21:56,458
Okay, folks, let's wipe them out!
892
01:22:21,050 --> 01:22:22,483
Forgive me, Lord!
893
01:23:25,647 --> 01:23:27,638
"Throw out your hands, stick out your tush.
894
01:23:27,716 --> 01:23:29,707
"Hands on your hips, give them a push.
895
01:23:30,018 --> 01:23:33,351
"You'll be surprised, you're doing
the French Mistake. Voila!"
896
01:23:36,024 --> 01:23:37,355
All right, cut!
897
01:23:42,464 --> 01:23:43,453
Wrong!
898
01:23:46,668 --> 01:23:50,126
Just watch me. It's so simple!
899
01:23:50,472 --> 01:23:51,803
You sissy Marys!
900
01:23:52,474 --> 01:23:56,843
Give me the playback. And watch me, faggots!
901
01:24:10,225 --> 01:24:11,157
Have you got it?
902
01:24:11,493 --> 01:24:12,721
Yessssssss.
903
01:24:13,695 --> 01:24:15,390
Sounds like steam escaping!
904
01:24:15,931 --> 01:24:19,094
Action! Okay, wait until I get out.
905
01:24:49,865 --> 01:24:53,801
Cut! What in the hell
do you think you're doing here?
906
01:24:54,136 --> 01:24:56,036
This is a closed set!
907
01:24:57,105 --> 01:24:59,767
Piss on you! I'm working for Mel Brooks.
908
01:25:00,108 --> 01:25:02,042
Not in the face!
909
01:25:03,979 --> 01:25:04,911
Thank you.
910
01:25:05,447 --> 01:25:08,416
They've hit Buddy! Come on, girls!
911
01:25:18,126 --> 01:25:19,787
You vulgar shit!
912
01:25:20,229 --> 01:25:22,891
Why, you miserable pansy!
913
01:25:27,603 --> 01:25:29,230
I'm parked over by the commissary.
914
01:25:34,109 --> 01:25:37,601
You brute, you brute, you vicious brute!
915
01:25:39,348 --> 01:25:41,339
All right, all right...
916
01:25:56,298 --> 01:25:57,959
How many days do you have left, Joey?
917
01:25:58,333 --> 01:26:00,801
They lose me right after the bunker scene.
918
01:26:03,372 --> 01:26:04,464
What the hell is that?
919
01:26:10,245 --> 01:26:13,146
Get your pies for the great pie fight!
920
01:26:17,386 --> 01:26:20,287
This is our Studio commissary
where some Hollywood stars
921
01:26:20,355 --> 01:26:22,050
come to eat. Keep in line.
922
01:26:29,565 --> 01:26:32,159
And now we'll go to the
Special Effects Department.
923
01:26:37,072 --> 01:26:40,269
Yankee bean soup, cole slaw and tuna surprise.
924
01:27:20,716 --> 01:27:21,705
Taxi!
925
01:27:27,155 --> 01:27:28,713
Drive me off this picture!
926
01:27:58,153 --> 01:27:59,245
You dropped your beads.
927
01:27:59,588 --> 01:28:00,577
One, please.
928
01:28:02,424 --> 01:28:03,755
Uh, student.
929
01:28:04,259 --> 01:28:05,248
Are you kidding?
930
01:28:07,829 --> 01:28:08,989
Pain in the ass.
931
01:28:09,631 --> 01:28:11,963
Look, Herman, I'm in Hedy Lamarr's shoes!
932
01:28:12,267 --> 01:28:13,097
Hedley!
933
01:28:42,197 --> 01:28:43,027
Freeze it!
934
01:28:44,032 --> 01:28:46,296
Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun.
935
01:28:46,635 --> 01:28:49,695
Wait, wait, I'm unarmed.
936
01:28:50,205 --> 01:28:53,140
All right, we'll settle it like men.
937
01:28:54,710 --> 01:28:55,677
With our fists.
938
01:28:57,045 --> 01:29:00,845
Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed.
939
01:29:08,423 --> 01:29:13,087
How did he do such fantastic stunts
with such little feet?
940
01:29:19,067 --> 01:29:20,728
You shot the bad guy!
941
01:29:23,271 --> 01:29:24,738
Well, what do you want to do now?
942
01:29:25,440 --> 01:29:27,772
Come on, let's check out the end of the flick.
943
01:29:28,677 --> 01:29:31,441
I sure hope there's a happy ending.
I love a happy ending.
944
01:29:37,018 --> 01:29:40,078
Sheriff, you can't go now. We need you.
945
01:29:40,789 --> 01:29:44,350
My work here is done.
I'm needed elsewhere now.
946
01:29:45,127 --> 01:29:48,096
I'm needed wherever outlaws rule the West.
947
01:29:48,430 --> 01:29:52,423
Wherever innocent women and children
are afraid to walk the streets.
948
01:29:53,101 --> 01:29:55,865
Wherever a man cannot live in simple dignity.
949
01:29:56,204 --> 01:29:59,935
Wherever people cry out for justice.
950
01:30:00,776 --> 01:30:02,107
Bullshit!
951
01:30:04,913 --> 01:30:06,244
All right, you caught me.
952
01:30:06,348 --> 01:30:09,579
To speak the plain truth, it's getting
pretty damn dull around here.
953
01:30:10,318 --> 01:30:13,549
Good luck, Bart, and God bless you.
954
01:30:18,794 --> 01:30:20,125
'Bye, baby brother.
955
01:30:22,264 --> 01:30:23,959
Keep the faith, brothers!
956
01:30:40,448 --> 01:30:41,938
Where are you headed, cowboy?
957
01:30:43,418 --> 01:30:44,578
Nowhere special.
958
01:30:47,589 --> 01:30:52,253
Nowhere special. I always wanted to go there.
959
01:30:54,262 --> 01:30:55,024
Come on!
960
01:31:26,361 --> 01:31:30,127
"He conquered fear and he conquered hate."
961
01:31:30,465 --> 01:31:33,798
"He turned our night into day."
72893
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