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1
00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,571
We are Nadja and Laszlo,
the human music group.
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,273
She's a superb lyricist.
3
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,741
We're feeling horny
For love
4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:10,944
We're feeling horny
For love
5
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,181
(up-tempo music plays)
6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:15,749
VOCALISTS: Hey!
7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,493
"My Dick Sucks"
put him on the map.
8
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:26,694
(exhales sharply)
9
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,330
The Somebody Suck Me
Competition?
10
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,898
Well, that proved that he could
infiltrate pop culture
11
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,666
like that.
12
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,336
Now, what's the next big project
that's gonna elevate Dave
13
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:38,539
to become an icon-level artist?
14
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:41,575
Well, lucky for you guys,
he's working on that right now.
15
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,512
And maybe it can be
with Katonah Records.
16
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,847
DAVE:
And just to piggyback
off Mike-- thank you--
17
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,682
I'm working on my next album
right now.
18
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:51,585
I really think it's gonna be,
like, the zenith of musicality.
19
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,854
-JONATHAN: Hmm.
-It's called Penith.
20
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,456
(laughter)
21
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:59,860
But do you guys actually get it?
22
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,529
-Like, fully?
-MIKE: They get it.
23
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,197
What does "penith" mean to you?
24
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,765
I don't mean to harp,
but I feel like...
25
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,867
-They get it. He gets it.
-All I know is,
26
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:10,271
somebody wants to get
their dick sucked right now.
27
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,773
-(quietly): What?
-You get that?
28
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,575
That we want to sign you?
29
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,710
Oh! Dope.
30
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,713
I can talk like this because
this is a creative meeting.
31
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,916
Thus, HR can't get mad
at me again. (laughs)
32
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:26,220
-Okay.
-I haven't worked in corporate
America for a while, but...
33
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:29,823
Hey, Dave. Have you ever
been sucked like this?
34
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,062
Hmm.
35
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,764
A record deal.
36
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,067
-I do love to get sucked.
-(laughter)
37
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,236
MIKE:
He does.
38
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:45,439
But this feels like I'm being
fucked up my ass.
39
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,476
Or how I'd imagine
it feels like.
40
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,780
So...
(exhaling sharply)
41
00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:59,086
MIKE:
Ugh. Hmm...
42
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:03,424
I have a slack jaw,
and a underbite.
43
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,427
And that's why I could only bite
that amount of it.
44
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,796
Come back with something better,
45
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,999
or, hey, Denzel Washington will
walk right out your front door.
46
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,100
Hmm.
47
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,802
Me.
48
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,639
I act as well.
49
00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,144
-Do you have another copy?
- Hi, I'm Dave
50
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,180
- I'm Lil Dicky
- Hi, I'm Dave
51
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:27,781
- Who's Dave?
- Hi, I'm Dave.
52
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,984
I say this
with the utmost sincerity,
53
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,853
I am the next Kanye West.
54
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:38,125
Except... I'm white.
55
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,793
-Oh.
-It's a shitty reality,
56
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,795
but white rappers sell more.
57
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,464
Records, ticket sales.
58
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,966
It's just, it sucks,
but it's the cold, hard truth.
59
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,468
I hate that it's true,
by the way.
60
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:51,539
So, I'm actually more like
Eminem, to the consumer.
61
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:52,973
The highest selling rapper
62
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,475
-of all time.
-MIKE: Drake is.
63
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,477
-What?
-Drake.
64
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,646
Drake is the highest selling
rap-- He surpassed him.
65
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,314
-When?
-This year.
66
00:03:00,348 --> 00:03:01,882
DAVE:
Well, I mean, he's Jewish,
so whatever.
67
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,652
I'm like Eminem,
except I'm wholesome.
68
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,320
And, like, sweet.
69
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,656
I'm, like, a sweet man.
70
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,824
Any 12-year-old girl in America
is gonna look at me and be like,
71
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,826
-"Oh, my God,
I could marry that guy."
-Oh.
72
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,529
DAVE:
And by the way, I wouldn't
marry a 12-year-old girl.
73
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:16,997
I'm just saying,
they will want to marry me.
74
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,732
-(Kelsey clears throat)
-Mentally.
75
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,668
They'll never have a chance
because I'm not a pedophile.
76
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,336
Keep going. Just keep going.
77
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,037
DAVE:
And that brings me
to my next point.
78
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,073
My physicality.
79
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:28,208
I'm just, like,
I read all the comments,
80
00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,843
and I-I see everything,
and it didn't--
81
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,679
-It was not always this way.
-No.
82
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,046
DAVE:
If you look at my face now,
83
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,848
you'd never realize
what I used to look like.
84
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,750
When I as a kid,
my face was haunted.
85
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:40,521
People used to scream at me.
86
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,457
-Oh.
-And you what's gonna
end up happening, right?
87
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:48,028
The Zayn effect.
Like, who is Zayn?
88
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:51,031
-Zayn Malik?
-I don't even know what
that guy's music sounds like,
89
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,233
but it doesn't even matter,
he's so hot.
90
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,602
-Yeah. He's hot.
-TRAVIS: It's pretty good.
91
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,703
-He's really hot.
-Yeah.
92
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,037
DAVE:
Anyways, you put all three
93
00:03:57,070 --> 00:04:00,107
of those things together
and you have Lil Dicky.
94
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,943
I'm Dave Burd.
I'm also a hopeless romantic.
95
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,713
I just learned you're supposed
to call Hispanic people La-tinx.
96
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,882
And I love chicken fingers
with a side of honey mu-stard.
97
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,618
Let's make a billion dollars.
Thank you.
98
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:11,885
(laughter, applause)
99
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,421
Wow.
100
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:20,127
We think you have the potential
to be the next Lonely Island.
101
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:22,596
Yeah.
102
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:25,098
Is my music a joke to you guys?
103
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,567
Yeah, it's so funny.
104
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,235
-Hilarious.
-DAVE: I am one
105
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,638
of the five best rappers alive,
probably.
106
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,640
-Mm-mm.
-Well.
107
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,775
Well, I guess I'm not better
than Nas, or, like,
108
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,744
-Lil Wayne. Yeah.
-Lil Wayne.
109
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,145
-Young Thug, either.
-MIKE: No.
110
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,080
I have to, like, write it all--
I-I don't know.
111
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,915
But I'm saying it's, like, ver--
It's not-- Like, Lonely Island,
112
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,617
-I mean...
-I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't...
113
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:45,653
I didn't mean to get off
on the wrong foot.
114
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,588
Um, what else
are you working on?
115
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,923
Well, I'm working on an album.
116
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:50,958
That's great.
117
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,627
It's called Penith.
118
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:55,295
(laughter)
119
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,165
Penith?
120
00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,800
(laughter)
121
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:04,004
-(loud laughter)
-He's just so funny. Penith?
122
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,774
-They got it.
-(stammers) No. Do you even know
what "zenith" means?
123
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,109
-Do you even know, do you even
know what you're laughing at?
-KELSEY: You said "penith."
124
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,511
Okay. You don't even know--
125
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,813
You guys don't even know
what you're laughing at.
126
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:13,847
(laughter echoes)
127
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,450
PAM:
Dave,
128
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:17,951
I'm just gonna cut
to the chase here.
129
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:22,623
You're hilarious,
but we are a record label.
130
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,526
We make music,
and your music is what we want.
131
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,362
(laughs):
Your rapping is amazing.
132
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,364
-Yeah. It's good, right?
-Yeah.
133
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,133
-Yeah, we love it.
-I'm an incredible rapper.
134
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,035
-We concur.
-I think so.
135
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,170
-Thanks.
-Question is,
136
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:39,139
are you willing
to settle for that?
137
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,975
-How far do you want to go?
-All right, cut the shit.
138
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,377
If I ever sign with a label,
139
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:45,379
it would only be
to use them as a machine.
140
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:48,048
Like, I would never want you
guys touching the creative.
141
00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:49,483
There's no idea
you could give me
142
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,652
that I wouldn't already know
myself better.
143
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,854
Oh, absolutely. We're coming in
just as partners.
144
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,489
Nothing creative.
That's all you.
145
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,690
EXECUTIVE:
Yeah, you do your thing.
146
00:05:56,724 --> 00:06:00,193
Just think of us as planets
around your sun.
147
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,497
Well, I believe in simulation
theory right now, so that's...
148
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:07,668
-Mm-hmm.
-Tell me, in actuality,
how you'd add value.
149
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,903
Have you ever heard
of New Music Fridays on Spotify?
150
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,905
No.
151
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,007
-Of course I've heard of it.
Everyone's...
-Yeah. Yeah.
152
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,343
That's where we come in. That's
our job, the boring stuff,
153
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,711
to put you on that front page.
154
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,580
That would be useful.
155
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,682
I mean, yeah. That-That's
what you need them for.
156
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,717
A label is about
cross-pollination.
157
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,553
It's about collaboration.
158
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,522
Right. And you haven't worked
with any other rappers, right?
159
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,592
I mean, it's, like, not easy
to just work with other rappers.
160
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,594
I'm not, like,
best friends with these guys.
161
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,429
-Yeah, but we can
make it easy for you.
-JIM: Mm-hmm.
162
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:38,198
We open doors, dude.
That's what we do here.
163
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,400
We'll be your whores,
you leverage that.
164
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,702
-My whores?
-(Pam chuckles)
165
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,370
-Whores.
-For you.
166
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,405
It's a metaphorical whore, like,
167
00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:47,441
-I don't mean that romantically
in any way.
-Yeah, absolutely.
168
00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:49,109
I don't think
she took it sexistly.
169
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,611
And I-I didn't take it
heterosexistly.
170
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:52,045
I've seen a lot of male whores.
171
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,748
And you won't even attempt
to put a finger
172
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,551
-on the creative in any way?
-No.
-Mm-mm.
173
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,886
-Yeah.
-PAM (chuckles): Yeah.
-JIM: That being said,
174
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,421
I wouldn't mind setting you up
with Benny Blanco.
175
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,757
He's a superproducer pal
of ours.
176
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,895
Uh, every pop hit you see
on Billboard, that's Benny.
177
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:11,264
-I mean, this guy
is an out-and-out genius.
-(imitating buzzer sound)
178
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,733
What are you doing? Sit down.
179
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,468
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
180
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,070
Not-on-the-same-page alert going
off right now, guys. Sorry.
181
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,072
-What's the issue?
-I don't make pop music.
182
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,741
I'm a rapper. I hate pop music.
183
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,576
Why would I want to work
with a pop producer?
184
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,579
Oh, well, Benny doesn't just
work with pop singers.
185
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,115
He also works with rappers.
He actually just
186
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,583
-worked on a song with Swae Lee.
-And...
187
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,418
-You like Swae Lee?
-He just did Kanye.
188
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,820
-PAM: Yeah.
-Oh, he works with Kanye?
189
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,588
-JIM: Mm-hmm.
-Sign me up. I'll do anything
190
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,989
-this man says
if he worked with Kanye.
-MIKE: Yes.
191
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,958
-Cool.
-DAVE: You know, guys,
192
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:39,459
in the beginning
of this meeting,
193
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:41,261
I was actually
considering taking this glass
194
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,663
and just hurling it
through the window.
195
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,931
Why would you tell them that?
That's...
196
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,098
Just to set the tone.
197
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,767
But now,
198
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,202
-you have me listening.
-We will take that meeting.
199
00:07:57,377 --> 00:08:01,114
(phone clicking)
200
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,482
BENNY:
Somebody lay me down,
201
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:05,452
pour buttermilk all over me,
202
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,988
dust me in a light dusting
of corn flakes,
203
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:10,490
front-flip me into a deep fryer,
204
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,794
spit on my asshole,
flip me back around,
205
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:18,799
shove wasabi up my dickhole,
put fucking sashimi all over me,
206
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,802
light me on fire, gently...
(exhales sharply)
207
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,172
blow me off and lick down
like my body's a maze
208
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,708
till you get to the bottom--
right about there--
209
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,477
and I want you to suck me,
right now.
210
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,312
What's up, man? Benny Blanco.
211
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:36,650
-(music playing faintly)
-Wow. Great spot.
212
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:39,186
Nice decor.
Nice ambience in here.
213
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,388
Thanks, man. Oh, shit. I'm just
finishing a session, okay?
214
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,023
-So just like...
-Okay. Wait a minute.
Why is my song...?
215
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,524
-This is my song.
-Dicky.
216
00:08:44,558 --> 00:08:45,726
-(gasps)
-Hey, bro.
217
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,895
-I'm just watching your video.
-Oh...
218
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,396
-It's actually sick, dude.
-Oh, my God.
219
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:50,998
-Yeah. Hey. How are you?
-(laughs): Hi. Nice to--
220
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,532
-No, I'm so good. Yeah.
-Good, good.
221
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,401
-Um...
-Best I've ever been in my life,
I think.
222
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,536
I got to roll. Um, you're gonna
come tonight, right?
223
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,838
-BENNY: Yeah, of course, man.
-Cool, cool, cool.
224
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,339
Party, tonight.
Come to my house.
225
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,708
-Your house party?
-Yeah. My house party.
226
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,509
-Come on, hang.
-Uh, let me think
about what I had
227
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,511
going on, uh, and I've thought
about it. There's nothing.
228
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,847
-Nothing?
-Yeah, I was actually
just gonna PIBE.
229
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,515
PIBE?
230
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,017
Yeah, PIBE.
Play It By Ear.
231
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,085
It's a new acronym
that I'm trying to...
232
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,021
-get off the ground. Um...
-Okay.
233
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,723
You know, it's got no legs yet.
234
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,925
-Nothing.
-If you pushed it,
who knows, but...
235
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,860
And by the way, my girlfriend
is your biggest fan.
236
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,228
-She's obs-- yeah,
she's obsessed.
-Biggest fan.
237
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,230
Yeah, I never heard that before.
No, I'm just...
238
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,866
Real good idea, man.
You got anything else?
239
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,268
-He's probably gonna remember
this the rest of his life.
-Yeah, uh...
240
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,237
-I, uh, I got to roll...
-Absolutely.
241
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,773
...but, um, yeah, tonight,
you should come.
242
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,875
-I'll come.
-Yeah. Cool, cool. All right.
243
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,943
Yep.
244
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,277
-Cool.
-Yep. We'll see ya.
245
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,578
-Um...
-Peace, man.
246
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,080
Yeah. Biebs out.
I'm just kidding.
247
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,882
I don't actually say that.
I'm pretty normal.
248
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,883
-All right.
-Yeah.
249
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,217
Uh, I'm a normal guy, too,
250
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,552
if you want to chill, or...
251
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,720
JUSTIN:
All right. Bye, Benny!
252
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,388
BENNY:
All right, peace!
253
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,390
You know, you could be
as big as him,
254
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,059
like, very easily.
255
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,394
Y-Yes.
I've-I've always thought that.
256
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,730
I mean, look,
the one problem is,
257
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:59,232
your music currently sucks,
it's terrible.
258
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,102
Hmm. Okay, I... you know,
I think your music sucks.
259
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,404
You make shitty pop music
for 14-year-old girls.
260
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:07,574
-Yeah. How many number ones
do you have again?
-Number ones?
261
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,976
Like, what does that even mean?
262
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,811
Like, who can define
what a number one is?
263
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,746
Oh, man, there's a small company
down the street,
264
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,247
it's called Billboard.
265
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,449
How many Billboard number ones
do you have?
266
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:18,585
I don't check this...
267
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,087
-Yeah.
-...publication, but I,
268
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,822
I know the answer is none.
269
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,991
-Yeah, the answer is none.
-Why? How many do you have?
270
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,760
I stopped counting at, like,
20 or something.
271
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:27,928
Right.
272
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,262
-Yeah.
-Well...
273
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,998
All right, this is depressing.
Just, like...
274
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,465
play me some of your music.
275
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:34,134
Like, unreleased music?
276
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,137
(scoffs) Yeah, man. I want to
hear some unreleased music.
277
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,505
You have, like, two songs out.
278
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:42,275
Okay. This is just one
of the many that I'm...
279
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,344
My flow is crazy,
I don't spit nothin' basic
280
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,313
For example, I could be like,
ain't nobody
281
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,281
Fuckin' with Lil Dickey when
they get up on the shit
282
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,449
And spit it really ridiculous,
rippin' the shit
283
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,818
Like it's never been did...
284
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,119
All right, stop right here.
285
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,955
Like, why are you, like...
(speaking gibberish)
286
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,024
Like, wh-what
are you trying to prove?
287
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,860
-I'm trying to show that,
like, I'm a great rapper.
-Dude, it's, like,
288
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,661
verbal diarrhea--
I can't... it's, like,
289
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,297
I'm just getting pounded with
information over and over again
290
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,966
-to my head.
-Well, we only listened
291
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,868
-to part of it, but...
-By the way,
292
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:08,969
who makes these beats?
293
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,370
They're so white.
294
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:13,140
My friend from overnight camp
makes my beats.
295
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,641
Um, and he's black.
296
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,976
-(door closes)
-ELSIE: Babe.
297
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,010
Oh.
298
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,315
Hi. I need to go get
some coffee.
299
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,650
Do you want anything?
300
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,485
Uh, no, I'm okay.
301
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,054
You want anything, Dave?
302
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,321
No, I'm...
303
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,857
I'm, uh...
304
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,691
I'm good.
305
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,365
I know what you're thinking.
306
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,701
How's a guy like André the Giant
meets Danny DeVito
307
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:44,004
-pull a girl like this?
-I...
308
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,372
truthfully was wondering that.
309
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,240
My features are so grotesque,
310
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:50,210
I'm like a science experiment
gone wrong.
311
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:51,912
And it's just, like, I...
312
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,847
I don't know,
I shot out the other side,
313
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,215
-and now I'm hot.
-Shut up.
314
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,850
I don't know
why you say these things.
315
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,019
-You're not ugly.
-Hmm.
316
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,054
You guys actually
kind of look like brothers.
317
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:03,523
-That's 'cause
we're both Jewish.
-Jewish.
318
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,892
Right.
319
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,560
(exhaling)
320
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:10,363
That's right, Justin Bieber
321
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,599
invited me... to...
322
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,534
(grunts)
a party... tonight.
323
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,369
Gonna go.
324
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,872
-Yeah.
-I told you that meeting was
a good idea, Dave.
325
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,373
You sure did. You were right.
When you're right,
326
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,541
-you're right, Mike.
-Yes, I was.
327
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,076
You know what?
I'm gonna go get the good tongs.
328
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,045
You do get the good tongs.
I like when you get them.
329
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:28,715
I get to meet Justin Bieber
tonight?
330
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,551
-Oh.
-Oh, my God, do you think
the Kardashians will be there?
331
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,221
I don't think I can bring
anybody to this thing.
332
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,556
-What?
-I shouldn't bring somebody.
333
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,258
You can't bring people
to a party?
334
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,093
I'm sure I could,
but I don't know that I can,
335
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,895
and I don't want to, like,
hit him up and ask,
336
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,296
'cause it's the whole,
you know, I don't know
337
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,098
the etiquette,
so I'm gonna play it safe.
338
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,567
The last thing I want to do
is go to a party at Bieber's.
339
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,436
Reverse psychology.
340
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,771
-Okay. I'll consider it.
-GATA: Hey, bro-bro.
341
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,807
-What's up?
-I ain't trying to go,
either, my nigga.
342
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,408
Big facts. That's a--
you're not going.
343
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,577
Okay, can you at least
do me the favor
344
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,280
of giving just
every single detail about him?
345
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,415
-Like, please tell me
exactly what he smells like.
-Okay, hold on,
346
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,151
let me just go back-- eh!
347
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,919
-I'm there. Citrus.
-Oh!
348
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:07,487
-Smells like citrus.
-Mm.
349
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,489
Jawline chiseled.
It's jutting.
350
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,757
It's, like, he's Tom Cruise-ian.
351
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,259
It's exactly
what you read about.
352
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:14,627
The ink pops off
this guy's body.
353
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,830
-I mean, he looks like
high-end wallpaper in person.
-Oh, my God.
354
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,266
Bro, who cares
about Justin Bieber?
355
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,767
Everybody on the planet.
356
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,102
You know who I care about?
357
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,971
Benny Blanco.
358
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,506
So, tell me about
the LeBron James of production.
359
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,675
He... he did, uh,
talk about your beats.
360
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,110
You see? Hold on.
361
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,945
Let me...
let me bask in my greatness.
362
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,181
And he said,
"Who made your beats?
363
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,483
"They suck...
364
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:39,352
-GATA: Ha!
-...and are too white."
365
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,621
I'm telling you what he said.
He said they were too white.
366
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,023
-Oh...
-He said I suck, too, so...
367
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,125
Oh, he said you suck
for not bringing your girlfriend
368
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,460
-to the party of her dreams?
Is that what he said?
-It's a net--
369
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:48,661
it's, like,
I'm there to network.
370
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,197
I got this meeting from a label.
It's, like...
371
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,665
Actually, I decided I kind of
don't really care about it,
372
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,968
because I have some totally
chill, like, really cool plans
373
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,203
with my friend Elz.
374
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,470
-Whoo!
-We're gonna go see
375
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,872
the Pats-Birds at a bar, so...
376
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,640
You're gonna go watch that
at a bar?
377
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,642
It's nationally televised.
Why would you choose
378
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,378
to surround yourself with
everybody vying for a seat
379
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,147
and the sound coming
all over the place,
380
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,715
no real clarity on, like...
381
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,551
Why are you so passionate about
the least important things?
382
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,820
You know what? I'm sorry.
Take a step back.
383
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,189
I'm used to talking to Justin
a certain way.
384
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,158
I got to re-center myself--
I'm around my old group
385
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,826
of friends-- recalibrate.
386
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,828
Uh, never mind.
Do what you want to do.
387
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,230
Have fun at the sports bar.
388
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,165
All right. These steaks
are almost done, kids.
389
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,733
GATA:
Aw, shit.
390
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,834
I almost forgot.
391
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,402
I got some salmon
over here, bro.
392
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,004
Fresh out the Atlantic.
393
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,539
-Salmon?
-Yeah, salmon, bro.
394
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,541
You had salmon in your backpack?
395
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,409
It's gonna be, like, really...
396
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:38,045
a dream.
397
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,913
What's up, bro, you gonna cook
this shit for me or not?
398
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:41,348
I-I cannot do that.
399
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,016
I'm not putting backpack salmon
on my grill.
400
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:46,019
This shit don't expire
for another couple days, it say.
401
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,055
Gata, okay, I'm sorry, I'm just,
I'm not doing that, all right?
402
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:49,589
Why don't you guys
come over here,
403
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,891
have some homemade ice tea
from yours truly, okay?
404
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:56,729
GATA:
What the fuck? Y'all got
405
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:59,432
-a hole through the table?
-Yeah.
406
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,901
It's, uh... it's for milking.
407
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,437
And we're not happy about it,
are we?
408
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,139
Uh...
409
00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:12,946
(loud cheering, whooping)
410
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,914
Fuck!
411
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,783
Bro, can you believe
that this guy Benny Blanco
412
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,418
says my beats are white?
413
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:21,121
Tell that to my mom and dad,
you know what I mean?
414
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:24,257
-Can I ask you something?
-Mm-hmm.
415
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:27,927
Do you think Dave is gonna be
as big as he thinks he is?
416
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:31,264
He's either gonna be
the way he says he is
417
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,100
and he's gonna be, like,
the biggest star in the world,
418
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,969
or he's not,
and he's gonna be, you know,
419
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:39,106
some sad Jewish kid
crying everywhere we go.
420
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,641
-MAN: Touchdown!
-(cheering)
421
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,912
Justin, how do you take
your mind off being an artist?
422
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,914
'Cause, you know, I find...
Oh, me?
423
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:51,584
I... I hoop,
I grill chicken, guy stuff.
424
00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,753
Leo, I would not go
in that bathroom.
425
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,822
Renée Zellweger just,
I think she shit her pants,
426
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,823
to be honest, brother.
427
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,825
Yes, Key & Peele,
it is very common
428
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,094
for hair to go
all the way up a guy's shaft.
429
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,430
I'm surprised
you did not know that.
430
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:04,998
LeBron, are you on Propecia?
431
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,099
I am.
432
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,300
Ri-Ri!
433
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,968
What's up, girl?
What are you doing?
434
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,437
You want to go
to the Met Gala next year
435
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,604
and dress as wedge salads?
436
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,273
-Emma Stone...
-Beyoncé...
437
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,143
-What's that, Shaq?
-Timothée,
I saw Call Me by Your Name,
438
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,345
and I actually got
a full-on boner in the theater.
439
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,979
And, you know,
I'm not even gay.
440
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,648
I just, it's such good acting.
441
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,316
Really good sexual energy,
brother.
442
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,118
Elon, what is
your ethnic background?
443
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,186
You Korean, man?
444
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,487
Tom Clancy, I don't read,
445
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,022
but, you know, people love ya.
446
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,690
Mr. Chang,
by the end of tonight
447
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,026
I need a commitment
that I can call you P.F.
448
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,628
What do you say?
I'll bet you a plate of lo mein.
449
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:38,365
Justin, man-to-man,
what's your boner life?
450
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,966
Mr. Spacey...
451
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,834
you should go.
452
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,671
I am 50 Cent
453
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,807
I am 50 Cent, I am 50 Cent
454
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,642
Bro
455
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:53,046
I am 50 Cent,
I am 50 Cent...
456
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,982
BENNY (calls):
Hey, Dave!
457
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,484
Hey!
458
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,986
Somebody lay me down,
459
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,489
sous vide me in my own juices,
460
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,724
light up a hibachi grill,
461
00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:08,061
put a little bit of my breast
into a pepper mill,
462
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,197
pepper me with my own tits,
463
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:11,564
-and suck me.
-(laughs)
464
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,666
What's up, man?
465
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,068
Hey, man.
466
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:17,003
I'm gonna come down to you.
Just meet me
467
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,872
behind the fourth
Ping-Pong table.
468
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,008
All right.
469
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,543
BENNY:
Hey, man, nice coat.
470
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,012
I didn't realize you were
in The Temptations.
471
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,014
This house is so cool.
472
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,083
I feel like Bieber
probably kissed women
473
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,051
in every crevice of it.
474
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:34,053
Dude, this house sucks.
Look at the art.
475
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,388
He doesn't even own it.
476
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,224
Universal pays
for the whole thing.
477
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,558
Whoa. Moving.
478
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,527
Speaking of Universal, how...
479
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,530
I'm trying to decide if I
should sign with a label or not.
480
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,365
Do you have any,
like, advice there?
481
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,367
BENNY:
Look, there are pros and cons.
482
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,036
-It just depends on the artist.
-Well, I'm the artist, man.
483
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,105
I'm obviously asking
for that reason.
484
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,706
Like, I'd love to get
into the minutiae with you.
485
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,209
Yeah, man, I think I saw
a few outlets over there
486
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,710
where we could plug in
some computers
487
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,912
and do a little
PowerPoint presentation.
488
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,714
Should I have brought Justin,
like, a bottle of wine?
489
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:02,749
I don't know the etiquette.
490
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,050
A bottle of wine?
491
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,585
He's sober,
he's a man of Christ.
492
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,387
Plus, he's not
even gonna be here.
493
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,922
What do you mean he's not
gonna be here? It's his party.
494
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,558
Half the time he doesn't
even come to these things.
495
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,126
Sometimes he just goes out
on a whim
496
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,563
and gets a jet and goes
to Peru or Vegas or something.
497
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,798
And then, sometimes
he doesn't want to come
498
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,233
and get pictures
taken with, like,
499
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,901
nine million people
he doesn't know.
500
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,736
-ELSIE: Babe?
-That's so sad.
501
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:24,737
Hi.
502
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,905
What do you mean?
503
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,474
-That's gonna be you.
-Hi.
504
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,475
Hey.
505
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,243
-I love this jacket.
-Yeah?
506
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,145
Well, he was giving me shit
for it, but he's got no taste.
507
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:35,815
Um, there's a bunch of really
pretty girls here.
508
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,083
-Really?
-Yeah.
509
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,085
You know, I'm a taken man.
510
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,420
So I got a girlfriend.
511
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,488
But I, I'll observe, sure.
512
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,922
You have a...?
513
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,657
Why didn't you bring her?
514
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,493
I didn't know, like,
the situation
515
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,127
in terms of,
like, bringing people.
516
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,629
I didn't want to...
517
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:51,931
hit you and be like,
"Yo, I got to bring friends."
518
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,266
It's, you know,
it's kind of our first, uh,
519
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,602
foray into the R.W.
520
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,103
Real world.
521
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,605
-Do you want to go
to the weed bar?
-Yeah.
522
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,672
All right,
I'll see you in a bit, bud.
523
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:01,974
I blow gas.
524
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:07,113
(loud cheering, whooping)
525
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,948
Mmm.
526
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,283
Okay, can we...?
527
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,651
Here's the new plan.
528
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,853
Can we get browned out tonight?
529
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,455
-Yes, ma'am.
-Oh.
530
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,789
Yes!
531
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,024
What do you want?
532
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:18,958
Uh, surprise me.
533
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,360
Okay.
534
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,829
MAN:
Yo, Belichick.
535
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,831
How you like that shit?
536
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,399
I'm Belichick?
537
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,001
I'm Tom Brady.
538
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,803
Belichick wouldn't
even be in a jersey, so...
539
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,372
Probably more of a hoodie guy.
540
00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:33,973
Yeah, a hoodie,
and he would cut off
541
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,142
the sleeves like a badass.
542
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,177
-So...
-Holy shit.
543
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,380
You actually know about sports?
544
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,650
-Oh, my God,
that's so crazy, right?
-Oh, my God.
545
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,884
-It's-it's insane.
-Yeah.
546
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,152
How not typical of a girl.
547
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,654
No, I know, you know,
normally, like, they'll say,
548
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,323
-like, the pink hat stuff,
you know what I mean?
-Yeah.
549
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,658
-Yeah, yeah, crazy.
-But you, like, totally know
what's up.
550
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,659
Yeah, I totally know what's up.
551
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,826
-This is amazing.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
552
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,328
You seem...
553
00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:56,829
like you're the worst.
554
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,731
I-I'm confused.
'Cause you were being super cool
555
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,199
and now you're being
a huge bitch.
556
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,168
-Did I, did I miss
something somewhere?
-Oh...
557
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,670
-Yeah, you missed the part...
-What was that?
558
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,339
...where you were just
a full-blown douchebag.
559
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:07,407
Oh, I see where this is going.
560
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,675
Do we have a-a soapbox
we can get for you?
561
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,243
You gonna, you gonna get up
and tell me
562
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,844
how much men suck-- is that
what's gonna happen here?
563
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,380
No, I-I don't want
to tell you anything.
564
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,847
I don't want to talk to you.
565
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:15,915
-Yeah, no,
it's totally cool though.
-Yeah.
566
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,417
Yeah, you just keep
being the way you are.
567
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,518
Two new deflated balls.
568
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,353
-Fuck you...
-And the Patriots!
569
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,854
-MAN: And the Patriots.
-Oh, my God!
570
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,922
That's what I'm talking about.
Chest bump, baby!
571
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,857
-Fuckin' talking...
-(both shouting)
572
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,526
-Let's go!
-Let's go!
573
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,027
(laughs):
Oh, my God.
574
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,729
I want to key his car.
575
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,063
-Douches.
-Douches.
576
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,533
(both laughing)
577
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,901
Oh, God.
578
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,937
Do the whole thing.
Don't be a bitch.
579
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,239
580
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,742
I'm smokin' a backwood
full of them Skittles
581
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,744
I feel like Craig
stealin' boxes, nigga...
582
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,713
KOURTNEY:
I would definitely
583
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,115
-have another baby.
-Really?
584
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:52,218
When I pulled Mason
out of my vagina,
585
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,455
I had this maternal obligation
586
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:58,224
to do the same
with my other two kids.
587
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,560
Giving birth is so gnarly.
588
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,562
No, it's such a good experience.
589
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:03,896
It's actually really fun.
590
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,465
I wish I could give birth.
591
00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:07,266
Nothing is li--
592
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,902
Like, think, you have,
like, an orb in your...
593
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,471
-Yeah.
-It's not an orb.
594
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:13,740
Like, obviously, it must
suck in, like, in terms
595
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:15,575
of, like, the vagina being
just ripped open or whatever.
596
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,478
-Oh.
-But to, like, carry life and...
597
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,813
Think about, like,
a pregnant woman.
598
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:22,815
All the mass.
599
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:25,652
A man actually gave birth.
600
00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,919
You could do it.
601
00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:28,588
What?
602
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:29,922
It was a few years ago.
603
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,091
-It was on Oprah.
-Oprah?
604
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,793
I feel like CNN would've
had that story
605
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,161
-way before Oprah.
-No, I think it was everywhere.
606
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:36,996
I think it was
on magazine covers...
607
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:39,098
I mean, any screen in...
in, like, the world would've
608
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:40,767
-been like, "Breaking news!"
-It was, it was!
609
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,268
Like, "everything's
different now."
610
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,136
-You would've...
-Fuck you, I'm googling it.
611
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,805
Yeah, google it--
google "man gives birth."
612
00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:48,274
It should pop up
all over the place.
613
00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,009
-"Man... gives birth."
-Yeah, a man gave birth.
614
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,479
-No.
-A man gave birth, 100%.
615
00:21:52,512 --> 00:21:53,946
-No!
-2007.
616
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,782
2007, what? There's no way.
617
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:57,684
A trans man.
618
00:21:57,717 --> 00:21:59,819
"A trans man"?
619
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:01,621
A transgender person.
620
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,656
Transgender, well...
621
00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:05,625
And by the way, I'm...
622
00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,694
totally...
623
00:22:07,727 --> 00:22:09,496
aware that you have
transgender family,
624
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,698
and I mean nothing by it, but...
625
00:22:11,731 --> 00:22:13,132
for the sake of this argument,
626
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,368
I cannot give birth.
627
00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:17,837
-You cannot give birth, so...
-And that was the root of the...
628
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:19,472
It was like me saying,
"I want to give birth."
629
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,474
So I'll let you have this.
630
00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:24,310
Thanks, Kourtney Kardashian.
631
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:25,978
Yeah, I know your full name.
632
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,514
Don't know your middle name
or if you have one or...
633
00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:28,981
-Nice to meet you.
-Dave.
634
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:31,183
-My middle name is Mary.
-Hey, let me ask you this.
635
00:22:31,217 --> 00:22:33,386
What's it like
for your entire family
636
00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:37,356
to be the most famous people
in the world at once together?
637
00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:40,493
I mean, I would rather do it
with my entire family
638
00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,495
than do it alone.
639
00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:44,330
Right, hmm.
640
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:46,332
Poignant.
641
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,834
And by the way,
642
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:49,235
if I could give birth,
I'd pull it right
643
00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,937
-out of my asshole,
same way you do.
-(laughter)
644
00:22:56,275 --> 00:22:58,277
645
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:06,419
Hey, Dave!
646
00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:09,055
Look who I just found trying
to get in using my name.
647
00:23:09,088 --> 00:23:10,356
(laughs)
648
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,760
-What the fuck?
-What's up? (laughs)
649
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:17,430
-How-- why are you guys here?
-Aw, man, Justin Bieber's
birthday party!
650
00:23:17,464 --> 00:23:20,867
-They used your name?
-Hey, is your grandma's
aunt's uncles coming?
651
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,268
Should I alert
some people at the door?
652
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:23,703
I could text them
right now if you want.
653
00:23:23,736 --> 00:23:24,871
I'm sorry, I did not...
654
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,573
Wait, he told me what you said.
655
00:23:26,606 --> 00:23:28,207
Oh, yeah.
656
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,609
Uh, he's the guy
that makes my beats.
657
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,277
Okay, okay.
658
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:33,079
Honestly, your beats, they suck.
659
00:23:33,112 --> 00:23:34,881
-You just crushed
my fucking dreams.
-Wait, wait.
660
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,382
If you have great beats,
why don't you,
661
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,917
why don't you send them to me?
662
00:23:37,950 --> 00:23:40,119
I don't got your
fucking number, nigga.
663
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:41,721
I'll give it to you right now.
664
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:46,058
Oh, my God, you look like
a mountain I want to climb.
665
00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,794
He doesn't even look drunk, man.
666
00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:49,562
DAVE:
Oh, my God.
667
00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:51,397
He's gonna be a problem.
668
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,399
What, where the fuck
did you get that?
669
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,101
The fridge--
they got some good shit
670
00:23:55,134 --> 00:23:56,969
-in that fridge.
-The fridge, what are you...?
671
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:58,738
That could be, like,
eight days old or something.
672
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,773
This is seafood--
what the fuck is wrong with you?
673
00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:02,642
Eight days? Oh, that's, oh...
674
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:04,944
Okay, don't--
675
00:24:04,977 --> 00:24:06,813
I know what you're gonna say.
676
00:24:06,846 --> 00:24:09,782
He was determined
and very fucked up.
677
00:24:09,816 --> 00:24:12,284
So I didn't want him to come
alone and to be completely
678
00:24:12,318 --> 00:24:14,754
-embarrassing...
-I'm sorry.
679
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:17,423
I should've invited you here
in the first place.
680
00:24:17,456 --> 00:24:20,092
It's so stupid I give a fuck
about what Justin Bieber thinks?
681
00:24:20,126 --> 00:24:21,828
-I can't ask for a plus-one?
-Wait, really?
682
00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:23,462
Yeah, I love you, I should
only care about, like,
683
00:24:23,496 --> 00:24:24,764
what the love of my life thinks.
684
00:24:24,797 --> 00:24:26,933
-(laughs): Really?! Oh...
-Yeah, I love you.
685
00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:28,935
-I love you.
-This is so...
686
00:24:28,968 --> 00:24:30,269
It's great to have you here.
687
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,772
...surprisingly good of you.
688
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,841
-Oh, well, get used to it,
Tootsie Pop.
-(laughs)
689
00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:37,610
Oh, is, uh... where is he?
690
00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:39,445
-Oh, Justin?
-Yeah.
691
00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,648
Oh, I don't even think
he's here, to be honest...
692
00:24:41,681 --> 00:24:43,282
-Just wanted to say bye.
-Oh!
693
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,651
-It was so nice to meet you.
-You, too.
694
00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:46,853
-Bye. Take care.
-Bye! You're the best.
695
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:48,354
Thank you, Kourt.
696
00:24:48,387 --> 00:24:50,657
-You're a good sport.
-Bye.
697
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,124
So I just want you to know
698
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:53,626
-I'm the first to admit it.
-I'm sorry.
699
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:54,861
What just... what?
700
00:24:54,894 --> 00:24:56,128
-Oh, yeah.
-What just happened?
701
00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:57,196
-Kourt?
-Did you see what she...?
702
00:24:57,229 --> 00:24:58,698
-Kourt?!
-Kourt, yeah.
703
00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:00,299
We got in an argument
that I won.
704
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:03,536
I heard her, I heard her-her
vocal fry in my own ears.
705
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,805
-Her vocal fry?
-And I looked at
her beautiful skin.
706
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,974
-What did she say?
What did she say exactly?
-I think she...
707
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:10,176
She said, well, I think she said
to me, "You're the best."
708
00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:11,811
Oh, my God!
709
00:25:11,844 --> 00:25:15,514
Excuse me, fucking
cutie pie coming through.
710
00:25:15,548 --> 00:25:17,316
Oh, fuck!
711
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,851
It's fucking Marshmello.
712
00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:21,554
Man, look at you.
(laughs)
713
00:25:21,588 --> 00:25:22,855
Look at me, guys,
I'm Marshmello!
714
00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:24,824
So what are you
gonna do about it then?
715
00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:27,894
Oh, wait, you're a table!
(laughs)
716
00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:29,729
-Do you talk?!
-He's fully blacked out.
717
00:25:29,762 --> 00:25:31,698
Are you a robot?
Hey, man, come on.
718
00:25:31,731 --> 00:25:32,899
We're, like, at somebody's
fucking birthday party,
719
00:25:32,932 --> 00:25:34,333
bro, take the fucking mask off.
720
00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:36,002
Be a normal guy
for one night, okay?
721
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,837
Do we stop him?
722
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:40,339
You fucking ugly bitch.
(laughing)
723
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,608
(people gasping)
724
00:25:43,576 --> 00:25:45,077
-(gasps)
-ELZ: Oh, my fucking God!
725
00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:47,046
Fucking God!
726
00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:48,715
I'll have to call you tomorrow
or something.
727
00:25:48,748 --> 00:25:50,583
ELZ:
Fuck! Bro, what is
wrong with you, man?!
728
00:25:50,617 --> 00:25:52,084
What the fuck?!
729
00:25:52,118 --> 00:25:54,120
730
00:26:07,433 --> 00:26:09,368
I got angels running away
731
00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:11,403
I got demons huntin' me
732
00:26:11,437 --> 00:26:13,272
I know 'Pac was 25
733
00:26:13,305 --> 00:26:15,441
I know Jesus 33
734
00:26:15,474 --> 00:26:17,543
I tell Death
to keep a distance
735
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,578
I think he obsessed with me
736
00:26:19,612 --> 00:26:21,280
I say, "God, that's a woman"
737
00:26:21,313 --> 00:26:23,215
I know she would die for me
738
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:24,751
They want a bar code
on my wrist
739
00:26:24,784 --> 00:26:26,886
Bar code on my wrist
740
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:28,755
To auction off the kids that
don't fit their description
741
00:26:28,788 --> 00:26:30,723
- Of a utopia
- Black
742
00:26:30,757 --> 00:26:32,792
Like a problem won't exist
if I just don't exist
743
00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:35,427
If I grew up without a single
pot to piss in, pardon me for
744
00:26:35,461 --> 00:26:37,797
Ventin' Congress got the nerve
to call itself religious
745
00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:40,466
Rich just gettin' richer, we
just tryin' to live our life
746
00:26:40,499 --> 00:26:43,102
Mama mixed the vodka, now they
tryin' to take his life.
747
00:26:47,139 --> 00:26:50,109
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
748
00:26:55,181 --> 00:26:57,717
-I'm a
once-in-a-generation artist.
-Oh.
749
00:26:57,817 --> 00:27:00,853
Who just got verified
on Twitter, about,
what, nine days ago?
750
00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:03,155
I'm glad you feel good
that a robot told you
you're worth it.
751
00:27:03,189 --> 00:27:04,556
Hi, I'm Dave
752
00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:12,564
-Mom.
-Yes?
753
00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:15,001
-Okay. I want
a big party this year.
-Serious?
754
00:27:15,034 --> 00:27:17,236
-I want a quinceañera.
-Quinceañera?
755
00:27:17,336 --> 00:27:20,639
We can't do that.
We're too white for that.
We're not allowed.
756
00:27:27,513 --> 00:27:31,383
-Everything is just
getting really weird.
-(fly buzzing)
757
00:27:31,417 --> 00:27:33,485
-You know?
-Yeah. Let me write that down.
758
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:36,923
-Here it comes.
-(shouts)
759
00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:39,692
-Take off your hat.
-I can't.
760
00:27:39,726 --> 00:27:41,728
-Take off
this enormous jacket.
-Mm-mmm.
761
00:27:41,761 --> 00:27:43,662
-And stop showing up so late.
-Mm-mmm.
762
00:27:46,265 --> 00:27:48,434
-(grunts)
-(gasps) Oh, God. Are you okay?
763
00:27:48,534 --> 00:27:49,836
Oh, no. No. Shut up.
764
00:27:58,044 --> 00:28:00,512
CHILDREN: Mummy! Mummy!
765
00:28:00,546 --> 00:28:03,082
(high-pitched voice)
Mummy isn't here.
Try next door.
766
00:28:03,115 --> 00:28:04,350
CHILDREN: Mummy!
767
00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:07,586
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
No, got the wrong house.
768
00:28:09,121 --> 00:28:10,757
How long are we
supposed to wait...
769
00:28:12,558 --> 00:28:14,626
to feel comfortable
with women having power?
770
00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:19,365
How much time do we give people
to adapt to change?
771
00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:26,939
WOMAN: What is Devs?
772
00:28:28,107 --> 00:28:29,441
What is Devs?
58057
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