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Some people use it, like,
to settle their stomach. If you...
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Happy Father's Day, mothers!
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- Hey.
- Hi, hi, hi.
4
00:00:29,664 --> 00:00:31,701
- Oh, you made bruschetta?
- Hi, lovely.
5
00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:34,171
- I'm making bruschetta.
- Oh, hey there, Sunny.
6
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My ex is with Hiya's ex. This is Hiya.
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- Oh, hi.
- Uh, Chaya.
8
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- Chaya.
- Hiya.
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Chaya. It's a hard C-H.
10
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Hard. Like, uh,
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challah French toast. Chaya.
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Hiya.
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I can't with these shiksas.
14
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Hiya just got separated, too.
15
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- Our husbands work together.
- Ex-husbands.
16
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- Ex-husband. Get used to saying it.
- No.
17
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:56,546
I'm not saying it.
18
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He's just having a moment.
He's coming back.
19
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I got to believe he's coming back.
20
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That's what I thought in the beginning.
21
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:02,931
- Ha!
- Okay,
22
00:01:02,956 --> 00:01:05,124
- just reminding everyone.
- Yeah, right. Exactly.
23
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Lesbian. Single mom.
24
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Every mom is a single mom.
25
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No, no. Real single mom,
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not divorced single mom.
27
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Stop bragging.
28
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So, where are your kids?
29
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- Jeff took them camping.
- Mmm.
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His mantra is to be the
best dad and ex-husband
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he possibly can be.
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That's so annoying.
33
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Wait, why?
34
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Why? Why?
35
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Because of the years.
36
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Do you know how many years we spent
37
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sitting at the kitchen table
38
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with you crying over him
39
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and me begging for you to leave him?
40
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Five years.
41
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Five.
42
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Five years.
43
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You were tortured, and now that
44
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he's not your problem anymore,
he's amazing.
45
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I know. It's crazy,
46
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but we're really happier
47
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than we ever have been,
and we're working on being
48
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the best exes we can be to each other.
49
00:02:04,087 --> 00:02:06,632
- Why is that...?
- That's-that's great.
50
00:02:06,657 --> 00:02:08,499
Good for you, I guess. I just...
51
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I just can't ever do
something like that.
52
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That's not...
53
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That's big.
54
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Oh.
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This is happening because of you.
56
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You got me through the dark days.
57
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Oh, man.
58
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It's my job.
59
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Don't forget, okay?
60
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Never forget.
61
00:02:36,636 --> 00:02:39,538
Damn. I wanted to
be like Jennifer Garner.
62
00:02:39,563 --> 00:02:42,062
She's the number one best
ex-wife in the world.
63
00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:44,601
She's so pretty. She cooks.
64
00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:47,203
- You cook.
- How does she get over it?
65
00:02:47,228 --> 00:02:49,734
He shtups the nanny,
he breaks his sobriety,
66
00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:52,382
she jumps in the car,
she drives him to rehab,
67
00:02:52,407 --> 00:02:55,460
and now they all go on vacations
together with the kids.
68
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I'm gonna be sick.
69
00:02:57,376 --> 00:03:00,460
And she composts and makes her own honey
70
00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:02,453
and probably mead and...
71
00:03:02,478 --> 00:03:03,874
I love her hair.
72
00:03:05,273 --> 00:03:10,273
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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We were having a honeymoon of a divorce.
74
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We were gonna handle
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the whole thing
ourselves on the Internet.
76
00:03:19,087 --> 00:03:21,047
- Okay. This is mediators.
- Mediators. But I'm gonna...
77
00:03:21,071 --> 00:03:24,610
- But we-we can do it online.
- Mediators are here. Lawyers... Yeah.
78
00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,406
What are we gonna do with our rings?
79
00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,150
- I guess I never got that far.
- Hock them.
80
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,735
We can hock them, yeah.
81
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,188
We were gonna live, like, on a compound
82
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and raise the girls together.
83
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Then his mother got into his head.
84
00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:44,196
He's ready for you.
85
00:03:52,804 --> 00:03:54,331
So,
86
00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:56,571
you're LeBron, and this is the key.
87
00:03:56,596 --> 00:03:58,228
But you can't get through,
you can't get through.
88
00:03:58,252 --> 00:03:59,946
So what do you do?
89
00:04:00,693 --> 00:04:02,862
Basketball not your sport?
90
00:04:03,699 --> 00:04:06,649
How's this? Divorce...
91
00:04:06,937 --> 00:04:08,650
is like hockey.
92
00:04:08,675 --> 00:04:11,352
You have face-offs and fights,
93
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:13,211
goals, heroes, villains.
94
00:04:13,461 --> 00:04:16,031
But the kids are the puck.
95
00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:18,375
Can we do soccer?
96
00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,156
I don't know soccer.
97
00:04:20,688 --> 00:04:22,250
Let me make this easy.
98
00:04:22,275 --> 00:04:24,533
You make more money than he does.
99
00:04:24,558 --> 00:04:25,805
So?
100
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:30,461
So, in the words of the
immortal Jim Morrison,
101
00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,922
come on, baby, settle.
102
00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,549
Let's settle.
103
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,867
And I've been paying ever since.
104
00:04:47,649 --> 00:04:49,781
Did I tell you that Tom
105
00:04:49,806 --> 00:04:52,344
now refers to his 25-year-old girlfriend
106
00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:54,539
- as his soul mate?
- Ew.
107
00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:55,666
How fun is that.
108
00:04:55,691 --> 00:04:57,953
So, when he was 30, a baby was born
109
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with part of his soul,
and now he has sex with it?
110
00:05:00,424 --> 00:05:01,977
Yeah.
111
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,737
Someone please tell me why the hell
112
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,008
she'd want to be with him.
113
00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,586
He has a cyst on his left testicle
114
00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:07,746
that swells in the heat.
115
00:05:07,771 --> 00:05:09,297
He has to constantly ice
116
00:05:09,322 --> 00:05:10,985
his old balls in the summer.
117
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,609
- No!
- I'm eating.
118
00:05:13,634 --> 00:05:16,867
I cannot wait till he has
his second family after 60.
119
00:05:16,892 --> 00:05:19,516
I hope they're twins,
and I hope that maybe
120
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coaching all their sports
and shit will kill him.
121
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Baruch Hashem.
122
00:05:22,767 --> 00:05:24,211
- Baruch Hashem.
- Baruch Hashem.
123
00:05:25,635 --> 00:05:27,165
- Baruch Hashem.
- Cheers to that.
124
00:05:27,189 --> 00:05:28,946
Least you know why he left.
125
00:05:29,107 --> 00:05:32,078
Yeah, Richard swears up and
down it's not another woman.
126
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I don't even understand what happened.
127
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I thought we were happy.
128
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And I don't know how
129
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- I'm gonna live without him.
- Oh, baby.
130
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:45,953
Oh, man.
131
00:05:46,217 --> 00:05:48,500
Okay. Circle.
132
00:05:48,525 --> 00:05:49,977
Do you want a Xanax?
133
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Yes, I do.
134
00:05:51,429 --> 00:05:53,602
- How many?
- Three.
135
00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:55,117
- Good.
- Is that all?
136
00:05:57,736 --> 00:05:59,883
The doctor is in.
137
00:06:01,978 --> 00:06:03,766
Widows are so lucky.
138
00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:04,836
Sam.
139
00:06:04,861 --> 00:06:07,383
- I'm just saying.
- We don't all hate them. Stop.
140
00:06:07,622 --> 00:06:08,797
What?
141
00:06:08,822 --> 00:06:10,924
You know, Ari wasn't perfect.
142
00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:13,016
And to be fair,
143
00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:15,509
I was the one who cheated on him.
144
00:06:16,291 --> 00:06:19,914
Thank God we ended it before
it went too far south.
145
00:06:20,334 --> 00:06:23,813
Did you know the whole time
146
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,758
that he was gay?
147
00:06:26,498 --> 00:06:28,266
Gay?
148
00:06:29,616 --> 00:06:31,610
Ari's not gay.
149
00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:33,638
No, I know.
150
00:06:36,203 --> 00:06:37,649
This kills me.
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00:06:37,674 --> 00:06:39,275
I got to tell you this
before he gets here.
152
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,438
Tom wants to know
what brand of sheets I buy.
153
00:06:41,463 --> 00:06:42,899
- What?
- This dude.
154
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,665
Does he want me to, like,
put roses on his pillows
155
00:06:44,689 --> 00:06:45,978
before he gets home to go to bed?
156
00:06:46,002 --> 00:06:48,500
- You're not texting him back.
- But then I'm a dick
157
00:06:48,525 --> 00:06:50,360
because I'm icing him
out on Father's Day.
158
00:06:50,385 --> 00:06:52,711
- I like it.
- Ice his balls.
159
00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:54,391
Ice his balls, baby.
160
00:06:54,416 --> 00:06:56,452
Ugh, can we stop talking about balls?
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Yeah.
162
00:06:58,406 --> 00:07:00,258
Wait a second. Wait a second.
163
00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:01,585
He's coming here?
164
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:03,149
He's dropping off the twins.
165
00:07:03,174 --> 00:07:06,930
Okay. The fun never stops,
even when we get rid of him.
166
00:07:14,070 --> 00:07:15,538
Hey, Sam.
167
00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,667
Hi.
168
00:07:16,692 --> 00:07:19,503
- Smells good in here.
- Thank you.
169
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:23,235
Are you staying?
170
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:26,323
I know you like hanging
out at lady gatherings.
171
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Just dropping off the kids.
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On Father's Day.
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Nice.
174
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,323
I spent the entire day with them.
175
00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:37,245
W-Was that a whole four hours
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00:07:37,270 --> 00:07:39,393
with your own kids?
177
00:07:39,418 --> 00:07:41,237
Impressive. Hmm.
178
00:07:41,262 --> 00:07:42,698
You've always been gunning for me.
179
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,401
Wh-What is your problem?
180
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You're a terrible husband.
181
00:07:50,899 --> 00:07:52,870
How do you know?
182
00:07:53,996 --> 00:07:56,167
Lala tells me everything.
183
00:07:57,555 --> 00:07:59,206
She does?
184
00:07:59,231 --> 00:08:00,745
Mm-hmm.
185
00:08:00,770 --> 00:08:02,081
Did she tell you how
186
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,847
when the twins were born,
she got so depressed
187
00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,686
she could barely take care of them?
188
00:08:06,711 --> 00:08:08,394
I-I know about that.
189
00:08:08,419 --> 00:08:11,105
That was... that was hard.
190
00:08:11,130 --> 00:08:12,612
Yeah. Uh, yeah.
191
00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:14,659
That-that was hard, Sam.
192
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,230
Do you know that when her mom died,
193
00:08:17,255 --> 00:08:19,058
she just never bounced back?
194
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,253
That I begged her to get help,
but she refused?
195
00:08:22,594 --> 00:08:25,808
And do you know she hasn't
let me touch her in two years?
196
00:08:26,355 --> 00:08:28,300
She tell you that?
197
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:34,763
Yes, I finally called it,
198
00:08:34,788 --> 00:08:36,956
but this has been a long time coming.
199
00:08:37,441 --> 00:08:39,769
You may not like me, and that's fine,
200
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:42,691
but you have no idea what my story is,
201
00:08:42,716 --> 00:08:45,885
and you have no right to
judge someone else's marriage.
202
00:08:49,367 --> 00:08:51,566
You've been divorced a long time now.
203
00:08:51,591 --> 00:08:54,120
- Don't you worry?
- About what?
204
00:08:54,145 --> 00:08:55,848
Your bitterness.
205
00:08:55,962 --> 00:08:58,998
You're getting brittle and hard.
206
00:08:59,243 --> 00:09:01,808
It's not a good look on you, Sam.
207
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:10,745
Yeah, well, at least
I don't have to ice my balls
208
00:09:10,770 --> 00:09:12,772
when it's hot outside!
209
00:09:22,247 --> 00:09:24,810
- Okay.
- Are you okay?
210
00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:26,893
Yeah, I was gonna walk and see you.
211
00:09:26,918 --> 00:09:29,480
- Pretty good, so I won't move around.
- Yeah.
212
00:09:29,505 --> 00:09:32,448
We got married when we were 18.
213
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:38,784
At 21, he started being very,
very mean to me.
214
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,714
But... in those days,
215
00:09:41,739 --> 00:09:43,175
you didn't get divorced.
216
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,886
So you stayed together
until you were 90?
217
00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:48,206
You know, it seemed the best thing to do
218
00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:52,035
would be just to stay
there and not leave.
219
00:09:52,060 --> 00:09:55,948
And, uh, I was, I was going
to be dying soon anyway.
220
00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:58,230
And so was he.
221
00:09:58,255 --> 00:10:01,214
But when we both turned 90,
222
00:10:01,239 --> 00:10:04,342
I just had had enough.
223
00:10:04,996 --> 00:10:06,565
So...
224
00:10:07,103 --> 00:10:09,089
I left him.
225
00:10:09,114 --> 00:10:12,817
And that was 17 years ago.
226
00:10:12,842 --> 00:10:15,690
And these have been the happiest
227
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:20,025
17 years of my entire life.
228
00:10:21,690 --> 00:10:23,314
All right, Pearl!
229
00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:24,714
Thatta girl.
230
00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:26,308
Okay, baby!
231
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,606
Did you get all that?
232
00:10:30,522 --> 00:10:32,394
Isn't she great?
233
00:10:37,655 --> 00:10:41,390
I am the patron saint
of divorced children.
234
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:45,230
And if you have any questions,
you ask me.
235
00:10:45,255 --> 00:10:47,476
I'm here to give you free legal advice.
236
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:49,170
Now, if the divorce is new,
237
00:10:49,195 --> 00:10:51,396
there's gonna be a honeymoon period.
238
00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:52,640
Ziva?
239
00:10:52,665 --> 00:10:54,211
What's a honeymoon period?
240
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,164
Well, it's not an actual honeymoon,
241
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,591
but it's when the...
242
00:10:57,734 --> 00:10:58,935
What, Andi?
243
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,679
I haven't gotten my period yet.
244
00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,478
Womp, womp, womp.
245
00:11:07,517 --> 00:11:09,945
♪ He talks about you in his sleep ♪
246
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,194
♪ There's nothing I can do to keep ♪
247
00:11:12,219 --> 00:11:14,406
♪ From crying when he calls ♪
248
00:11:14,431 --> 00:11:17,218
♪ Your name, Jolene ♪
249
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:21,156
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪
250
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,015
♪ Jolene ♪
251
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:27,531
♪ I'm begging of you,
please don't take my man ♪
252
00:11:27,556 --> 00:11:29,218
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
253
00:11:29,243 --> 00:11:33,740
♪ Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene ♪
254
00:11:33,765 --> 00:11:36,929
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
255
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:40,945
♪ Please don't take him
just because you can ♪
256
00:11:40,970 --> 00:11:42,961
- ♪ Don't do it ♪
- ♪ Don't take him ♪
257
00:11:42,986 --> 00:11:45,812
- ♪ Don't take him away ♪
- ♪ Don't take him ♪
258
00:11:50,947 --> 00:11:52,296
♪ Jolene ♪
259
00:11:52,321 --> 00:11:54,742
♪ Jolene, Jolene ♪
260
00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:58,179
♪ Jolene... ♪
261
00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:00,910
Yes!
262
00:12:00,935 --> 00:12:02,390
Oh, my God.
263
00:12:02,415 --> 00:12:04,828
- That was beautiful.
- That was cathartic.
264
00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:07,162
Oh, that felt good!
265
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:09,140
- Crossing over.
- How talented.
266
00:12:09,165 --> 00:12:12,000
- What about you?
- Not that talented.
267
00:12:14,571 --> 00:12:16,546
So who are you dating, Sam?
268
00:12:16,699 --> 00:12:18,703
What? Oh.
269
00:12:18,728 --> 00:12:19,896
No.
270
00:12:19,921 --> 00:12:21,857
I don't. I'm on a time-out.
271
00:12:21,882 --> 00:12:24,115
I don't play well with others.
272
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:26,320
- All right.
- If this doesn't work out,
273
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:29,682
I am going to have spend every
other Christmas totally alone.
274
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:32,320
Well, you could always
come to my house and watch
275
00:12:32,345 --> 00:12:35,125
me and Murray fight with the
cat over the tinsel, huh?
276
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,625
I'm getting a drink.
277
00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:37,875
Why, no?
278
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,812
- No, you come to mine.
- You come to mine.
279
00:12:39,837 --> 00:12:41,914
- Or hers, see?
- All good.
280
00:12:41,939 --> 00:12:43,561
I think it's a good offer.
281
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:46,122
Can I come to your house for Christmas?
282
00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:49,033
Done.
283
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:52,195
The title of my speech is called
284
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,453
"Divorce: The Gift
that Keeps on Giving."
285
00:12:54,478 --> 00:12:56,391
Did you know that as
children of divorced families
286
00:12:56,415 --> 00:12:59,086
we're 50% as likely to grow
up and get divorced ourselves?
287
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,320
So if you get divorced in your future,
288
00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:03,047
blame your mom and dad.
289
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:06,789
Our next speaker is the
Fox family accountant,
290
00:13:06,814 --> 00:13:09,017
Mr. Rey Rodriguez.
291
00:13:10,087 --> 00:13:11,164
Hey, guys.
292
00:13:11,189 --> 00:13:14,349
Just a heads-up,
I was raised by a single mom.
293
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:15,828
Never even knew my dad.
294
00:13:15,853 --> 00:13:17,889
- I don't know my dad, either.
- My man.
295
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:20,382
That's what's up. Yeah.
296
00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:22,750
Okay, so as far as money goes,
297
00:13:22,775 --> 00:13:24,961
there's only a few things
you need to know right now.
298
00:13:24,986 --> 00:13:27,343
First of all, there's a simple rule
299
00:13:27,368 --> 00:13:31,211
called the 20-50-30, all right?
300
00:13:31,236 --> 00:13:32,773
Let's say you make a dollar.
301
00:13:33,349 --> 00:13:35,101
You save 20 cents,
302
00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:37,484
you spend 50 cents on something you need
303
00:13:37,509 --> 00:13:39,398
and 30 cents on something you want.
304
00:13:39,423 --> 00:13:41,250
- You.
- Do you have any tips
305
00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:44,843
of how to stop your mom
from crying all the time?
306
00:13:44,868 --> 00:13:46,734
Just give her a hug.
307
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,561
Anybody here have a bank account?
308
00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,822
Because I came to talk about money.
309
00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:52,742
- We're kids.
- So what?
310
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,924
You want to retire before you're 85?
311
00:13:54,949 --> 00:13:56,281
'Cause that shit's real.
312
00:14:00,414 --> 00:14:02,617
I can't wait till Murray
starts smoking weed
313
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:05,140
- so I can stop hiding from him.
- Mm.
314
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,984
Come here. I'm gonna shotgun you.
315
00:14:10,144 --> 00:14:11,867
Open your mouth.
316
00:14:18,759 --> 00:14:20,475
May I join you?
317
00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:21,929
What was that thing you were doing?
318
00:14:21,954 --> 00:14:23,443
Looked very fun.
319
00:14:23,468 --> 00:14:25,023
I'd like to try that.
320
00:14:25,048 --> 00:14:26,750
- Sure.
- Gran?
321
00:14:26,775 --> 00:14:28,804
Gran, let's go. Come on.
322
00:14:28,829 --> 00:14:30,660
You said we were
going somewhere special.
323
00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:32,920
Oh, bollocks.
324
00:14:57,828 --> 00:14:59,463
During the Shah's reign,
325
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:01,934
the British-owned oil
industry was nationalized.
326
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:03,661
That was his first mistake that he made
327
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,511
that led to the revolution.
328
00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:07,307
I'm very impressed, miss.
329
00:15:07,332 --> 00:15:09,122
How do you know so much
about Persian history?
330
00:15:09,146 --> 00:15:12,125
Ubers... you see,
I like to talk to people.
331
00:15:12,150 --> 00:15:14,918
And 99% of the time,
they like to talk to me.
332
00:15:14,943 --> 00:15:17,504
There's so much to be learned
from Uber drivers about...
333
00:15:19,655 --> 00:15:21,161
Too much water.
334
00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,411
I asked for half a glass.
335
00:15:28,754 --> 00:15:30,371
Oh, my God, Nan!
336
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,179
What?! It's a waste.
337
00:15:32,204 --> 00:15:34,528
Well, yeah, but now he has
to go and pour it out...
338
00:15:39,793 --> 00:15:41,442
Persian.
339
00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:44,651
They use that word to
distinguish themselves
340
00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:47,106
from the theocratic Iranians back home.
341
00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:48,161
It's nonsense.
342
00:15:48,186 --> 00:15:49,793
They should call themselves Iranians.
343
00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,731
Persia hasn't existed since 1935.
344
00:15:57,905 --> 00:16:00,457
So who wants to go next?
345
00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:20,957
"Dear Ari,
346
00:16:20,982 --> 00:16:23,737
"I am sorry I cheated on you.
347
00:16:23,762 --> 00:16:25,559
"I just had to get out of the marriage.
348
00:16:25,584 --> 00:16:27,996
"I was so unhappy.
349
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:33,667
"I don't think I ever loved you.
350
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:36,269
"There was so much pressure put on me
351
00:16:36,294 --> 00:16:39,512
"by my family to get
married and have kids,
352
00:16:39,537 --> 00:16:41,373
"and you were kind and handsome,
353
00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:44,348
"and so I said yes without a thought.
354
00:16:44,373 --> 00:16:46,254
"Please forgive me.
355
00:16:46,279 --> 00:16:47,914
"I hope you find a woman
356
00:16:47,939 --> 00:16:51,684
who will love you and our kids."
357
00:17:06,324 --> 00:17:08,133
"Dear Richard,
358
00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:11,160
"Out of everyone in the world,
I chose you.
359
00:17:11,371 --> 00:17:15,020
"And in choosing you,
I wasn't only saying this is my man.
360
00:17:15,045 --> 00:17:17,551
"I was also saying
361
00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:20,035
"this is me.
362
00:17:21,321 --> 00:17:23,020
"I trust myself enough to know
363
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:26,612
"what is right for me, what I need,
364
00:17:26,637 --> 00:17:29,170
"what I say yes to in life.
365
00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:31,298
"Marrying you was the
greatest validation
366
00:17:31,323 --> 00:17:33,993
"of the trust I have in myself.
367
00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:36,562
"Which is why this is so painful.
368
00:17:36,587 --> 00:17:38,145
"I question myself.
369
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,074
"I don't trust myself anymore.
370
00:17:40,099 --> 00:17:42,418
"I've lost my compass.
371
00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,582
"I forgive you.
372
00:17:47,156 --> 00:17:49,752
"I do, and I'll never stop loving you.
373
00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,941
"But it's going to take a long time
374
00:17:51,966 --> 00:17:54,334
before I'll be able to forgive myself."
375
00:18:01,925 --> 00:18:03,637
"Tom,
376
00:18:03,662 --> 00:18:06,341
"I'm glad I finally found the courage
377
00:18:06,366 --> 00:18:10,252
"to move on from a relationship
that was going nowhere.
378
00:18:10,277 --> 00:18:13,590
"For the sake of myself and our kids.
379
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:19,512
"I'm livid not only that
you moved on so fast,
380
00:18:19,537 --> 00:18:22,691
"but that it's with
someone that hasn't got
381
00:18:22,716 --> 00:18:27,066
"the physical, emotional
and neurological challenges
382
00:18:27,091 --> 00:18:28,598
"that I do.
383
00:18:28,895 --> 00:18:31,379
"Now your life will be so much easier,
384
00:18:31,404 --> 00:18:32,621
"and you won't have to face
385
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:35,983
"all those disappointments
we've discussed for years.
386
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,801
"But, hey...
387
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:42,012
I just have to remind
myself that neither do I."
388
00:18:52,224 --> 00:18:54,815
"I will never forget watching
"The Matrix" with you
389
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,302
"and being so worried
you wouldn't get it,
390
00:18:57,327 --> 00:18:58,647
but you did.
391
00:18:59,654 --> 00:19:02,193
"I remember loving you
so much at that moment.
392
00:19:02,218 --> 00:19:04,427
"Then we had some dark days.
393
00:19:04,452 --> 00:19:07,894
"I felt so unwanted, so rejected.
394
00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:10,254
"I know it was your insecurity,
395
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,193
"but I just couldn't take it.
396
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:15,333
"I don't know our future,
but I do know I'm glad
397
00:19:15,358 --> 00:19:17,388
- you are their dad."
- Oh.
398
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,382
"I forgive you.
399
00:19:19,407 --> 00:19:21,843
Let us both live in our truth."
400
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,754
Sam?
401
00:19:56,818 --> 00:19:58,737
Oof.
402
00:20:04,145 --> 00:20:05,883
Y-You know what?
403
00:20:05,908 --> 00:20:08,519
I think I-I... I think I...
404
00:20:08,544 --> 00:20:09,896
I want to read mine.
405
00:20:09,935 --> 00:20:11,871
I think I should.
406
00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:20,058
"Dear Hitler and Hitler's son,
407
00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:21,857
"Why aren't you dead yet?
408
00:20:21,882 --> 00:20:24,918
"How are you? How is your day?
409
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:26,998
"How do you live with yourself?
410
00:20:27,023 --> 00:20:31,236
"I don't care how you treat me,
but what about your kids?
411
00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:33,638
"How do you divorce your own kids?
412
00:20:33,671 --> 00:20:36,942
"They're the best thing that
ever happened to both of us.
413
00:20:36,976 --> 00:20:40,517
"Wondering how you sleep at
night and why you aren't dead.
414
00:20:40,542 --> 00:20:41,878
Love, Sam."
415
00:20:48,435 --> 00:20:50,794
Oh. Okay.
416
00:20:53,859 --> 00:20:56,162
I got to let this shit go.
417
00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:58,685
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Let this shit go.
418
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:00,943
- Let this shit go. Just...
- That's a good idea.
419
00:21:01,878 --> 00:21:03,294
There we go.
420
00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:04,888
- Yeah.
- Yes.
421
00:21:04,913 --> 00:21:06,389
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's-that's a beauty.
422
00:21:06,413 --> 00:21:08,116
- Get a good burn.
- That's a beauty right there.
423
00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:10,154
- Burn it.
- It needs to get out.
424
00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:11,685
- Go from under.
- Bye.
425
00:21:11,710 --> 00:21:13,426
- Yeah.
- Bye.
426
00:21:13,451 --> 00:21:15,448
Out, damn spot!
427
00:22:03,189 --> 00:22:05,860
_
428
00:22:05,947 --> 00:22:09,634
_
429
00:22:21,276 --> 00:22:24,071
Look what the girls texted me.
430
00:22:24,424 --> 00:22:25,951
Little pumpkins.
431
00:22:25,976 --> 00:22:28,213
Oh, my God.
432
00:22:28,399 --> 00:22:30,150
Happy Father's Day.
433
00:22:30,175 --> 00:22:32,736
Oh, happy Father's Day, Father.
434
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:40,660
You excited for your party?
435
00:22:41,030 --> 00:22:43,843
You gonna speak Spebrew
or Hebrish or whatever?
436
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:50,404
You know, when I was growing up,
437
00:22:50,429 --> 00:22:52,968
my father was hardly ever around.
438
00:22:53,585 --> 00:22:57,693
My parents stayed married,
but my mother raised us all.
439
00:22:57,718 --> 00:23:00,033
Every mother is a single mother,
you know.
440
00:23:00,806 --> 00:23:02,984
She worked three jobs,
441
00:23:03,009 --> 00:23:05,955
and he didn't have
fuck all to do with us.
442
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,923
One morning,
I was walking across the square,
443
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,425
and I looked up, and there was my father
444
00:23:12,450 --> 00:23:14,338
holding hands with a woman.
445
00:23:15,102 --> 00:23:17,772
He turned as white as a ghost.
446
00:23:17,797 --> 00:23:19,720
He dropped the hand of the woman.
447
00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:22,247
It wasn't my mother's hand, you see.
448
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:24,509
He walked over to me.
449
00:23:24,973 --> 00:23:27,548
"Phil," he said.
450
00:23:27,845 --> 00:23:29,642
"Yes, Father."
451
00:23:30,384 --> 00:23:34,127
He handed me a sixpence,
and I went on my way.
452
00:23:34,152 --> 00:23:35,886
We never spoke of it.
453
00:23:39,986 --> 00:23:42,650
I tried to call my dad today to say
"Happy Father's Day,"
454
00:23:42,675 --> 00:23:44,578
but his voice mail was full.
455
00:23:45,189 --> 00:23:47,228
That was very generous of you.
456
00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:51,408
You know, I don't not want
to have a relationship
457
00:23:51,433 --> 00:23:53,002
with my dad.
458
00:23:53,027 --> 00:23:54,677
You know, I don't want
to live out this, like,
459
00:23:54,701 --> 00:23:58,072
legacy of shitty dads
generationally or whatever.
460
00:23:59,197 --> 00:24:02,305
You know... Well, I hope you know...
461
00:24:02,330 --> 00:24:04,713
It's most likely that he
won't show up for your party.
462
00:24:04,738 --> 00:24:07,205
I don't care. Gran, stop.
463
00:24:11,424 --> 00:24:12,884
All right.
464
00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:15,713
I got something I want to give
you for your bat-whatever,
465
00:24:15,738 --> 00:24:17,916
but I don't want to give
it to you at the party
466
00:24:17,941 --> 00:24:20,158
and get it lost in all the kerfuffle.
467
00:24:32,174 --> 00:24:33,772
- Oh, my God.
- Mm.
468
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,314
It's real gold.
469
00:24:35,603 --> 00:24:37,103
Gran.
470
00:24:37,939 --> 00:24:39,660
It belonged to my grandfather.
471
00:24:39,685 --> 00:24:42,355
He was a bit of a tosspot,
but I loved him.
472
00:24:43,204 --> 00:24:45,595
- It's beautiful.
- Mm.
473
00:24:46,838 --> 00:24:49,486
- I love it.
- You do?
474
00:24:54,463 --> 00:24:55,566
Aw.
475
00:24:56,589 --> 00:24:58,191
Thank you.
476
00:24:59,801 --> 00:25:01,681
One bun, two buns, three buns,
477
00:25:01,706 --> 00:25:04,939
four buns, five buns. This is bun six.
478
00:25:04,964 --> 00:25:07,469
- I think I got it right this time.
- Okay.
479
00:25:10,070 --> 00:25:12,352
I... it's... I-I don't even know.
480
00:25:12,377 --> 00:25:14,938
I mean, she's-she's so strict,
and, like,
481
00:25:14,963 --> 00:25:17,689
there can't even be a hair out of place.
482
00:25:17,884 --> 00:25:19,594
Like, it has to be glued down.
483
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,790
Okay, come back.
I'll put more gel in it.
484
00:25:23,943 --> 00:25:25,697
Duke, is Mom making you go?
485
00:25:25,722 --> 00:25:27,400
No, no. I want to go.
486
00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,909
You should've seen her.
She was so pissed
487
00:25:28,933 --> 00:25:30,565
- after I gave up soccer.
- What did she say?
488
00:25:30,589 --> 00:25:32,346
But it's not like she was
the one that had to do it.
489
00:25:32,370 --> 00:25:34,050
- Like, it's my choice.
- Yeah, if you don't want
490
00:25:34,074 --> 00:25:36,150
to do soccer,
you don't have to do soccer.
491
00:25:37,978 --> 00:25:39,280
What's up?
492
00:25:39,305 --> 00:25:41,830
What's going on?
493
00:25:50,468 --> 00:25:52,791
We just want to be with the sisters now.
494
00:25:54,056 --> 00:25:55,884
Copy that.
495
00:25:56,583 --> 00:25:59,392
Cool, cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool. Cool.
496
00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:01,142
Okay.
497
00:26:02,355 --> 00:26:05,640
- It's nice, though...
- There.
498
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:09,610
... that you guys have sisters.
499
00:26:09,635 --> 00:26:10,884
So, you got this?
500
00:26:10,909 --> 00:26:12,916
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Right? I'll just...
501
00:26:12,941 --> 00:26:15,726
I'll just go throw myself
off the side of the freeway.
502
00:26:15,751 --> 00:26:17,924
- Ooh, fun.
- Yes.
503
00:26:18,307 --> 00:26:20,487
To the garbage with me!
504
00:26:21,332 --> 00:26:22,666
Don't worry about this.
505
00:26:22,691 --> 00:26:25,393
I just, you know... ah...
I have a better idea.
506
00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:28,776
I'm going to chop myself
up into little pieces
507
00:26:28,801 --> 00:26:31,127
and flush myself down the toilet.
508
00:26:31,152 --> 00:26:34,665
That's the natural place for me to go.
509
00:26:34,690 --> 00:26:38,330
And, uh, you guys better hope
510
00:26:38,355 --> 00:26:42,126
that I flush myself down super toilet.
511
00:26:42,151 --> 00:26:45,786
Otherwise, I will clog up
512
00:26:45,811 --> 00:26:48,056
the regular toilets, and you guys...
513
00:26:48,081 --> 00:26:49,338
All right, bye, Mom.
514
00:26:49,363 --> 00:26:51,298
... don't even know
how to use a plunger.
515
00:26:51,323 --> 00:26:55,533
I don't think you've
ever touched one or...
516
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,080
know how to spell it, but that's fine.
517
00:26:59,815 --> 00:27:02,237
I have stuff to do.
518
00:27:02,995 --> 00:27:05,362
I can go do stuff.
519
00:27:05,504 --> 00:27:07,474
Frankie?!
520
00:27:07,499 --> 00:27:09,651
I mean, we can hang out.
521
00:27:10,507 --> 00:27:12,209
It's cool.
522
00:27:12,234 --> 00:27:15,883
It's nice sisters want to
be together with no mom.
523
00:27:15,908 --> 00:27:17,494
That's fine.
524
00:27:18,114 --> 00:27:20,822
That's cute. My work here is done.
525
00:27:20,847 --> 00:27:22,971
It's obviously done.
526
00:27:23,203 --> 00:27:25,992
Nobody needs me anymore.
527
00:27:26,017 --> 00:27:28,854
That's fine. Cool.
528
00:27:36,333 --> 00:27:39,733
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
37026
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