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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,608 WHY COME TO SCHOOL TO TALK TO TOMMY'S TEACHERS? 2 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:08,942 IT'S A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME. 3 00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,444 WHY CAN'T THEY COME TO US? 4 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,380 THE HIGH SCHOOL TEACHERS ON THIS PLANET 5 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,448 ARE SO FULL OF THEMSELVES. 6 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:17,351 IT'S ALL THOSE TV COMMERCIALS GLORIFYING LEARNING. 7 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,387 "THE MORE YOU KNOW." 8 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,723 IT MAKES THEM DRUNK WITH POWER. 9 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,159 YEAH. WELL, THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE RIGHT NOW. 10 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,927 WHERE'S THIS MR. RANDELL, ANYWAY? 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,197 WHEN THAT MEALY-MOUTHED LITTLE WORM SHOWS UP, 12 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,365 I'LL TEACH HIM THE MEANING OF THE WORD-- 13 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:34,402 HIYA. 14 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,736 DR. AND MRS. SOLOMON? 15 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:36,104 NO. 16 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:39,073 NO, NO, NO. 17 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:41,309 I'M HIS SISTER. 18 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,311 A WOMAN. 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,346 NOT MARRIED. 20 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,047 JUST ME. 21 00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:49,817 SINGLE SALLY. 22 00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:53,521 I'D LIKE TO GET OUT OF HERE WHILE I'M STILL CLEAN-SHAVEN. 23 00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,090 SO YOU CAN BEGIN LAVISHING TOMMY WITH PRAISES 24 00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:57,791 ANYTIME YOU'RE READY. 25 00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,761 WELL, UH, THE TRUTH IS, 26 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,530 I THINK TOMMY CAN DO A LOT BETTER. 27 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,565 BE CAREFUL, SIR. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE CREATURE 28 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:08,336 I'VE COME TO THINK OF AS MY SON. 29 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,838 HE COULD DO BETTER. 30 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,773 YOU KNOW... 31 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,875 WHATEVER. 32 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,477 EXCUSE US. 33 00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:17,411 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 34 00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,680 HE'S GIVING OFF THIS VIBE. CAN'T YOU FEEL IT? 35 00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:24,552 DOES IT FEEL LIKE A STABBING PAIN IN YOUR LEFT BUTTOCK? 36 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,419 NO. 37 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:30,090 THEN I APPEAR TO BE SITTING ON A TACK. 38 00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:31,292 DR. SOLOMON. 39 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:33,161 TOMMY'S VERY BRIGHT-- NO QUESTION. 40 00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:35,663 UNFORTUNATELY, TOMMY'S HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE FITTING IN. 41 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:36,497 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 42 00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,466 EXCUSE ME, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING 43 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,967 ABOUT THE THICKNESS OF YOUR NECK 44 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,336 AND THE BROADNESS OF YOUR SHOULDERS 45 00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:45,206 THAT MAKES ME THINK YOU'D BE AN AGILE HUNTER 46 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:49,343 AND PROVIDE WELL FOR OUR CHILDREN. 47 00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:51,579 SALLY, I CHAPERONE THE SCHOOL DANCE EVERY YEAR. WOULD YOU-- 48 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,381 YES. 49 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:55,283 GREAT. 50 00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:56,884 WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ABOUT TOMMY? 51 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,220 HE'S FINE. GREAT KID. 52 00:02:01,689 --> 00:02:03,824 WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO IN THE FIRST PLACE? 53 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,593 NEXT TIME, YOU MIGHT TRY ORGANIZING YOUR THOUGHTS 54 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,796 ON A LITTLE INDEX CARD FIRST. COME ON. 55 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:11,765 WASN'T HE CUTE? 56 00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:14,034 TOTALLY ADORABLE. A LITTLE ON THE SCATTERED SIDE. 57 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,670 HE ASKED ME TO GO TO A DANCE. I GET TO GO DANCING! 58 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,272 NICE. 59 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:21,409 WHAT'S DANCING? 60 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,212 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS] 61 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,610 HARRY, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 62 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,778 OH, UH, SURE. 63 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:01,315 JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO FINISH WHAT I WAS DOING. 64 00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,891 O.K., WHAT IS IT? 65 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,695 CAN YOU DANCE? 66 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,598 HMM. I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT I'LL TRY. 67 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,100 [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS] 68 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,902 [SNAPPING FINGERS] 69 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,771 WHY, YES, I CAN. 70 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,176 IT APPEARS I'M QUITE GOOD. 71 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,544 HOW ARE YOU DOING THAT? 72 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,712 I HAVE NO IDEA. 73 00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,581 I THINK IT'S A BUILT-IN FUNCTION. 74 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:34,848 YOU TRY. 75 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,390 WOW. 76 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,124 YOU SUCK. 77 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,530 YOU MUST FEEL LIKE CRAP. 78 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,665 THAT'S IT-- 79 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,501 SMACK ME. 80 00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:00,474 TOMMY. I TALKED TO YOUR TEACHER MR. RANDELL. 81 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:02,109 HE SAID YOU'RE NOT FITTING IN. 82 00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,944 OF COURSE I'M NOT FITTING IN. 83 00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,513 TO FIT IN, YOU HAVE TO BE SOMETHING. 84 00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,881 WELL, WE'RE SOMETHING. WE'RE HUMAN BEINGS. 85 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,783 WHY? HAS ANYONE SAID DIFFERENTLY? 86 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:13,587 NO, IT'S JUST THAT EVERYBODY AT SCHOOL IS SOMETHING EXTRA. 87 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:16,123 THEY'RE AFRICAN-AMERICAN OR ITALIAN-AMERICAN, 88 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:20,661 ASIAN-AMERICAN, AUDIO-VISUAL AMERICAN. 89 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,963 WELL, WE'RE HUMAN-AMERICAN. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH. 90 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,499 DICK, IT'S PART OF MY MISSION AS AN ADOLESCENT 91 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,535 TO REBEL AGAINST MY UPBRINGING. 92 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:31,572 IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT WE ARE, I CAN'T DO MY JOB. 93 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,675 IF WE HAVE TO BE PART OF SOME GROUP, WE WILL BE. 94 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,644 I'LL DO SOME RESEARCH. I'LL ASK AROUND. 95 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,145 I'LL FIND OUT WHAT THE BEST THING TO BE IS. 96 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:40,414 BY WEEK'S END, WE'LL BE THAT. 97 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,182 WHAT SHOULD I BE TILL THEN? 98 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,485 WE'RE CARBON-BASED LIFE FORMS. 99 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,588 JUST TELL EVERYONE WE'RE CARBO-AMERICANS. 100 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,128 AZTEC... 101 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,364 TOLTEC... 102 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,932 TOLTEC, INCA, INUIT... 103 00:04:58,966 --> 00:04:59,833 BEDOUIN, 104 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,268 INDIAN... 105 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,235 SIKH. 106 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:03,804 [CLEARS THROAT] 107 00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,305 AZTEC, TOLTEC, TOLTEC, INCA, 108 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,408 INCA, BEDOUIN, INDIAN, SIKH. 109 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,676 AZTEC, TOLTEC, TOLTEC, INCA, 110 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,978 INCA, BEDOUIN, IND-- 111 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,480 WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY DESK? 112 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,315 ANTHROPOLOGY-- IT'S FASCINATING. 113 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,050 SUCH A WEALTH OF CULTURES. 114 00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:19,887 UP UNTIL NOW, I THOUGHT WHAT YOU DID WAS POINTLESS 115 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,991 AND OF NO INTEREST TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. 116 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,259 WELL, IT'S CERTAINLY NOT AS FASCINATING AS PHYSICS. 117 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:30,297 I MEAN, EVERYBODY LOVES MATH. 118 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,734 NINA, WHAT IS THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD? 119 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,002 IT'S CALLED A DAIKU. 120 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:36,570 I THINK IT'S BEAUTIFUL. 121 00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,071 THANK YOU. IT'S AUTHENTIC. 122 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,441 IT MAKES ME FEEL CONNECTED TO MY ANCESTORS. 123 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:44,545 SO THAT'S THE TRADITIONAL HEADDRESS OF ANCIENT SECRETARIES? 124 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,218 NO. 125 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,521 OF MY AFRICAN ANCESTORS. 126 00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,155 IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, 127 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,757 I'M BLACK. 128 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,027 WELL, OF COURSE I NOTICED. 129 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:03,531 AND DR. ALBRIGHT, YOU ARE... 130 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,166 COULD I BE ANY WHITER? 131 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,204 WHAT? 132 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,441 I'M SORRY. ALL YOU PEOPLE LOOK ALIKE TO ME. 133 00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:16,544 EXCUSE ME? WHAT DID YOU SAY? 134 00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:20,113 I DON'T SEE WHY PEOPLE HAVE TO DIVIDE UP INTO ARBITRARY SUBSETS. 135 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,417 I MEAN, SKIN COLOR, PLEASE. 136 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:26,219 YOU MAY SEE COLOR, BUT I SEE PEOPLE. 137 00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:29,557 AREN'T WE FORTUNATE TO HAVE SOMEONE SO ENLIGHTENED? 138 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:30,524 [SIGHS] 139 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:34,161 OH, PIOUS ONE, SHOW US THE WAY. 140 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,564 THIS VERGES ON SARCASM. 141 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:37,998 MY HERITAGE HAPPENS TO BE 142 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,467 VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. 143 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,968 AS IT SHOULD BE. 144 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,770 I'M IRISH, AND I'M VERY PROUD OF THAT. 145 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,272 AND YOU'RE...WHAT? 146 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,106 UH, ME? 147 00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,975 I--I--I--I'M, UH... 148 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,210 ONE OF THOSE, UH... 149 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,747 YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE REALLY GOOD ONES. 150 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:55,315 YOU'RE THIS BIG ANTHROPOLOGIST. 151 00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,684 YOU TELL ME. WHAT AM I? 152 00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:57,518 CERTIFIABLE. 153 00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:01,221 YES, THAT'S WHAT I AM... CERTIFIABLE. 154 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,323 CERTIFIABLE AND DAMN PROUD OF IT. 155 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,958 AS MY FATHER WAS BEFORE ME 156 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:08,596 AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM. 157 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,430 CERTIFIABLE. 158 00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:13,801 OF COURSE, WE NO LONGER PRACTICE. 159 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:21,509 YOU SEE, SALLY, DANCING IS ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE. 160 00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:22,843 WATCH HARRY. 161 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,245 SEE... * I GOT THAT HIP-HOP STREAK * 162 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,514 * DON'T CARE ABOUT NOTHIN' 163 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:31,084 * 'CAUSE I'M ALL OF THAT AND A SIDE OF FRIES... * 164 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,053 WHEREAS MY ATTITUDE IS MORE... 165 00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:34,454 * GOT HOME FROM TEACHIN' PHYSICS * 166 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,823 * AND I'M WONDERIN' WHAT'S FOR DINNER * 167 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,190 * BUT I AIN'T GONNA SWEAT IT * 168 00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:39,026 * 'CAUSE I AIN'T EVEN FROM HERE * 169 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,761 HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH! 170 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,896 HUH! HUH! HUH! HUH! 171 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:44,532 * ALTHOUGH WE DIS 'EM 172 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,700 * WE LOVE THIS SOLAR SYSTEM * 173 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,874 I HATE THIS! 174 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,242 I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE 175 00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:56,544 TO BE WITH THIS GUY. 176 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,345 IF YOU REALLY WANT MR. RANDELL, 177 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:01,248 USE THE SKILLS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH. 178 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,783 SHOOT A TRANQUILIZER DART INTO HIS NECK 179 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,886 AND DRAG HIM BACK TO YOUR PLACE. 180 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:08,421 THAT IS NOT THE BEHAVIOR OF A HUMAN FEMALE. 181 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,790 EXACTLY. 182 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,725 I WANT TO CHARM HIM, BEGUILE HIM... 183 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:15,563 I WANT HIM TO BUY ME A PWESENT. 184 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,730 TOMMY, HOW WAS SCHOOL? 185 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:17,798 AWFUL. 186 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,999 I LOST MY MATH BOOK, 187 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:23,103 AND I COULDN'T CONVINCE ANYBODY THAT I WAS SAMOAN. 188 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:23,804 DON'T WORRY. 189 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:24,538 THE ANSWER TO ALL OUR PROBLEMS 190 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,840 IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS BOOK. 191 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:29,843 IT'S LOADED WITH EVERY POSSIBLE GENRE OF HUMAN. 192 00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,044 IT'S LIKE A CATALOG. 193 00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:34,481 YOU CAN TAKE YOU PICK, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE. 194 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,349 SO, WHO DO YOU WANT TO JOIN? 195 00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,518 THEY'RE TOO SCRAWNY. 196 00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:39,086 THEM? 197 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,955 NO. UGLY FLAG. 198 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,593 NO. TOO MANY GODS. 199 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,228 I'M NOT PUTTING THAT ON MY HEAD. 200 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,497 AHA! HERE WE GO. 201 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,899 CANADIANS. 202 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,234 YAH. RIGHT. 203 00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,472 NOW, LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT EINSTEIN'S BOUNDARY CONDITIONS 204 00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,541 ACCORDING TO THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY. 205 00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,945 EINSTEIN, A JEW... 206 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,647 NEVER COULD HAVE MADE THIS BREAKTHROUGH 207 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,381 HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE EARLIER WORK 208 00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:10,884 OF COPERNICUS, POLISH... 209 00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,686 OR TYCHO BRAHE, 210 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,522 THE UNLUCKY DANE FROM PRAGUE. 211 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,224 WHICH BRINGS UP ANOTHER QUESTION. 212 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,292 HOW MANY PUERTO RICANS DO WE HAVE IN CLASS? 213 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,428 ANY PUERTO RICANS? 214 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,598 LEON, WHAT ARE YOU? 215 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:25,866 YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THAT. 216 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,567 DUTCH. 217 00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,269 I LOVE YOUR TULIPS AND YOUR DIKES. 218 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,438 OH, THANK YOU. 219 00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:32,505 HOWEVER, I TURNED YOUR PEOPLE DOWN 220 00:09:32,539 --> 00:09:34,708 BECAUSE OF THE SILLY SHOES. 221 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,309 O.K. NO PUERTO RICANS? 222 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,845 ANY LATINOS IN GENERAL? 223 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,813 ANYONE WITH LATINO INFORMATION? 224 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,514 DR. SOLOMON, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, 225 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,016 I FIND THIS OFFENSIVE. 226 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,117 PITTMAN, YOU WON'T BE LEFT OUT, 227 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:47,354 I'LL GET TO THE ASIANS. 228 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,657 WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SO INTERESTED IN WHAT EVERYBODY IS? 229 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,091 I HAVE TO KNOW. IT'S IMPORTANT. 230 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,359 YES, IT IS. NO, IT'S NOT. 231 00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,526 NO, IT'S NOT. 232 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,829 THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS ABOUT A PERSON 233 00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,865 IS WHAT THEY HAVE INSIDE. 234 00:09:57,898 --> 00:10:01,969 YEAH? THEN HOW COME YOU ONLY DATE GOOD-LOOKING GUYS. 235 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,771 THAT'S NOT TRUE. 236 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,072 YOU TURNED HIM DOWN. 237 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,107 SHUT UP. 238 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:10,911 HERE ARE YOUR BOOKS. 239 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,579 I READ EACH ONE OF THEM, 240 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,683 AND I'M JUST AS CONFUSED AS I EVER WAS. 241 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,218 YOU READ 15 BOOKS IN ONE NIGHT? 242 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,353 WELL, I TOOK A COUPLE OF HOURS OUT 243 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,055 TO WATCH JAPANESE GOLF ON CABLE. 244 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:27,494 THE PROBLEM IS, THESE BOOKS ARE FULL OF DRY FACTS, 245 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,863 BUT NO VALUE JUDGMENTS. 246 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,299 THIS IS YOUR FIELD. YOU TELL ME. 247 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,202 OUT OF ALL THE POSSIBLE ETHNIC GROUPS, WHICH IS THE BEST? 248 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,137 OH, NO. THERE'S NO BEST. 249 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,638 IT'S ALL SUBJECTIVE. 250 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,507 WHICH DO YOU FIND THE MOST INTERESTING? 251 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:41,942 OH, THERE'S SO MANY. 252 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,713 I LOVE THE CREATIVE AMBITION OF THE MAORI PEOPLE. 253 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:50,117 UH...THE POLYNESIAN CULTURE WITH ITS JOYOUS EMBRACE OF NATURE. 254 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:52,252 UH, THE QUIET DIGNITY-- 255 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,754 WHAT'S THE SEXIEST? 256 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,789 ITALIANS. 257 00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,057 ITALIANS. 258 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,625 SMOKY, SWARTHY-- 259 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,460 GOTTA HAVE 'EM. 260 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,696 OH. GOT TO GO. 261 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,933 ITALIANS. 262 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:17,177 * IN NAPOLI 263 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:21,715 * WHERE LOVE IS-A KING 264 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:26,987 * WHERE A BOY MEETS A GIRL * 265 00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:33,761 * HERE IS-A WHAT THEY SING * 266 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:37,464 * WHEN THE MOON HITS-A YOUR EYE * 267 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,532 * LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE 268 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:43,036 * THAT'S AMORE * 269 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:45,773 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 270 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,608 BUONA SERA, SIGNORINA. 271 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:53,013 [SPEAKING ITALIAN] 272 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,448 * WHEN THE WORLD-A SEEMS TO SHINE * 273 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,617 * LIKE-A YOU'VE HAD-A YOU TOO MUCH WINE * 274 00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:02,255 * THAT'S AMORE * 275 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,657 * BELLS WILL RING, TING-A-TING-A-LING * 276 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:05,959 * TING-A-TING-A-LING 277 00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:09,229 * AND YOU'LL SING VI * 278 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:13,633 * TA BELLA 279 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,702 * HEARTS WILL PLAY, TIPPY-TIPPY-TAY * 280 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,770 * TIPPY-TIPPY-TAY 281 00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:19,773 * LIKE A GAY TAR 282 00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:20,540 * AN 283 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,409 * TELLA 284 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,678 [SHOUTS IN ITALIAN] 285 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:33,153 [MAN] WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON OUT THERE? 286 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,989 NOTHING, MR. RATNER! 287 00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,624 OH, WOULD YOU PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE 288 00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,459 BEFORE SOMEBODY CALLS THE COPS? 289 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:43,230 THE COPS, THEY CANNOT-A THWART MY PASSION. 290 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,297 I WILL STAND-A RIGHT HERE 291 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,533 TILL YOUR PACK OF-A WILD DOGS 292 00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,468 CHASE-A ME AWAY! 293 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:49,937 [DOGS BARKING] 294 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:50,603 DOGS! 295 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:51,671 RUN! 296 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,241 [CONTINUES TO PLAY THAT'S AMORE] 297 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,177 [BARKING] 298 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:07,120 USUALLY WHEN A STUDENT GETS HURT, 299 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,989 WE LET THEM GO HOME EARLY. 300 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,091 SOMEONE FROM YOUR FAMILY COULD COME PICK YOU UP. 301 00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,793 SOMEONE LIKE...SALLY. 302 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,998 WHY DID YOU SAY HER NAME LIKE THAT? 303 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:18,999 WHAT? 304 00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,934 ALL I SAID WAS... 305 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,236 SALLY. 306 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,240 I DON'T REALLY NEED TO GET PICKED UP. 307 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,909 EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED? 308 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,110 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG, 309 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,712 BUT I'M KIND OF NEW AT BEING KOREAN. 310 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,290 OOPS. 311 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,292 YOU LEFT THIS IN MY DRIVEWAY. 312 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,326 WHAT HAPPENED TO IT? 313 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:50,063 I BACKED OVER IT FIVE OR SIX TIMES. 314 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:51,798 IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 315 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,135 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA 316 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,038 HOW BADLY YOU EMBARRASSED ME LAST NIGHT? 317 00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,172 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS 318 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,409 TO FIND A CONCERTINA IN OHIO? 319 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,511 WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD? 320 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:08,315 I SEE. APPARENTLY, YOU DON'T LIKE ITALIANS AS MUCH AS YOU CLAIM. 321 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,750 SINCE WHEN DON'T YOU LIKE ITALIANS? 322 00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,785 PLEASE, NINA, WE'RE DISCUSSING PREJUDICE HERE, 323 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,322 SOMETHING YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. 324 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,992 I'M BLACK. 325 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:19,960 OH! 326 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,028 RIGHT. 327 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,095 RIGHT. 328 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,364 "NINA IS... 329 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:26,066 BLACK." 330 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:36,209 SALLY, COME OUT OF THERE. 331 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:36,944 GO AWAY! 332 00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:39,079 THEN WE'RE COMING IN. 333 00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,213 WHAT'S WRONG? 334 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,481 YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. 335 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,116 OH, SURE. YOU CAN PUT ON A TIGHT LITTLE DRESS 336 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,351 AND LOOK SEXY AND GORGEOUS, 337 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:48,555 BUT ALL MEN CARE ABOUT IS HOW YOU DANCE. 338 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:49,756 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? 339 00:14:49,789 --> 00:14:51,091 I'M AFRAID! 340 00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:51,891 OF WHAT? 341 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,093 I'M AFRAID I'LL DO SOMETHING STUPID, 342 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,462 AND HE WON'T LIKE ME. 343 00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,331 DON'T LEAK. I HATE IT WHEN YOU LEAK. 344 00:14:58,365 --> 00:14:59,632 WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? 345 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:00,533 I HAVE NO IDEA. 346 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,734 UH, DICK, 347 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,071 MAYBE I'M JUST SHOOTIN' PORK IN A BARREL HERE, 348 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,340 BUT ISN'T THAT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT DR. ALBRIGHT? 349 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,308 OH, PLEASE. 350 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:11,478 THAT IS SO WRONG. MR. RANDELL IS YOUNG AND-- 351 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,545 [POUNDING ON DOOR] 352 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,215 [ARGUING] 353 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,749 COME IN. 354 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,086 OW. 355 00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,721 SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT, SALLY, YOUR DATE'S HERE. 356 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,190 WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 357 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:26,059 YOU'RE GOING TO BE GREAT, AND YOU KNOW WHY? 358 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:26,659 WHY? 359 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:27,995 BECAUSE YOU'RE ONE OF US. 360 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,829 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS YET. 361 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,465 WHEN I FIND OUT, THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL BE! 362 00:15:32,499 --> 00:15:33,066 EVERYBODY READY? 363 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:33,666 READY. READY. 364 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,934 LET'S GO. 365 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,804 NOW GO OUT THERE AND BE A GIRL! 366 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:47,814 YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE. 367 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,717 THANK YOU. WELL... COME ON. 368 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,219 THOSE ARE BEAUTIFUL. 369 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:57,424 [SLOW ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS] 370 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,995 WELL... 371 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,296 WELL. 372 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:03,630 SO-- 373 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,832 WHAT? 374 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:06,399 WOULD YOU LIKE TO-- 375 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,601 BEAR YOUR CHILDREN? 376 00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,407 NO. I WAS GOING TO SAY DANCE. 377 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,676 OHH... 378 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,878 THAT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING, WASN'T IT? 379 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,547 NO. 380 00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,315 NO, NOT AT ALL. 381 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:23,016 SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO? 382 00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:25,685 BEAR YOUR CHILDREN? 383 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:28,721 DANCE. 384 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,857 OH. UH... 385 00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,293 WELL, SEE, I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT WOULD-- 386 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,728 O.K. 387 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,778 AHH... 388 00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:54,614 NOW, THIS I CAN DO. 389 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,752 I WAS KIND OF AFRAID TO COME HERE TONIGHT. 390 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:00,920 WHY? 391 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:05,158 I JUST WASN'T SURE I'D HAVE A GOOD TIME. 392 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,427 ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME? 393 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,962 OH, YEAH. 394 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,101 CAN I PUT MY ARM AROUND YOU? 395 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:18,471 YES. 396 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:23,276 CAN I PUT MY HEAD ON YOUR SHOULDER? 397 00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:26,879 PLEASE. 398 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,190 CAN I PUT MY HAND IN YOUR POCKET? 399 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,594 DO YOU NEED CHANGE? 400 00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,464 DESPERATELY. 401 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,599 YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL. 402 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,270 MY WHOLE FRONT IS WARM. 403 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:52,004 DO YOU MIND IF I TURN AROUND? 404 00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:53,840 WELL, I-- 405 00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,877 MMM... 406 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,347 TOASTY. 407 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,016 I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU ON THE SPOT, 408 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,819 BUT IF WE DON'T KISS SOON, MY HEAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE. 409 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,522 YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR THAT? CALCIUM. 410 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,768 [PLAYING THE BLUES] 411 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:24,771 * OH, THIS PLANET SUCKS 412 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,039 * LORD, IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY * 413 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:32,345 * YEAH, I SAID THIS PLANET SUCKS * 414 00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:37,116 * LORD, IT MAKES A POOR BOY WANNA CRY * 415 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,719 * AND IF I DIDN'T KNOW WE WAS LEAVIN' * 416 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:43,055 * LORD, I MIGHT JUST HANG MY HEAD DOWN AND DIE * 417 00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,391 TOMMY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 418 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,827 WELL I'M BLACK NOW. 419 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,462 I'M BLACK, AND I GOT THE BLUES. 420 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,864 YOU CAN'T BE BLACK, NINA IS BLACK. 421 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:52,765 I GET THE IMPRESSION FROM HER 422 00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,235 THEY HAVE STRICT RULES ABOUT THESE THINGS. 423 00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,403 * NOW I CAN'T EVEN BE BLACK-- * 424 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,439 TOMMY, PUT THAT THING DOWN! 425 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:00,773 * THE MAN START BOSSIN' 426 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,276 * BEST BELIEVE YOU BETTER JUMP... * 427 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:06,446 WAAH! 428 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:09,182 STOP IT! STOP IT! 429 00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:11,618 [TURNS OFF AMPLIFIER] 430 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,488 WHO DIED AND MADE YOU T-BONE WALKER? 431 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:17,490 MRS. DUBCEK, AS LONG AS YOU'RE UP HERE, 432 00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,392 WHAT ETHNIC GROUP DO YOU COME FROM? 433 00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:22,395 WELL, I'M A LITTLE CZECH, A LITTLE ROMANIAN. 434 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:27,066 I'M YOUR BASIC SLAVIC MUTT, LIKE MY THIRD HUSBAND. 435 00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,100 WHAT WERE YOUR FIRST TWO? 436 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,702 WELL FIRST WAS IRISH 437 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:33,005 AND THE SECOND WAS ONE OF YOUR PEOPLE. 438 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,145 OUR PEOPLE? 439 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,780 WELL, YOU KNOW, JEWISH. 440 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:44,016 JEWISH! JEWISH! JEWISH! 441 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:50,257 SO, WHAT TIPPED YOU OFF? 442 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,459 WITH YOUR NAME IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS. 443 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,293 OUR NAME? 444 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,160 SOLOMON. 445 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,194 [GASP] 446 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,164 OH, YOU WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL WOMAN! 447 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,400 THANK YOU SO MUCH! 448 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:04,136 I REALLY HAVE TO GO NOW. 449 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,838 I'M STILL A MINORITY. 450 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,940 YOU KNOW, CHICKS DIG MINORITIES. 451 00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,109 WHO KNEW THAT SOLOMON WAS A JEWISH NAME 452 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,279 WHEN WE TOOK IT OFF THE SIDE OF THAT TRUCK? 453 00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,713 GO FIGURE. 454 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,416 WE COULD HAVE BEEN THE WAL-MARTS. 455 00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:22,955 [VOICE BREAKING] WE'RE JEWISH. 456 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,592 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 457 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,127 MAZEL TOV! 458 00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,966 I'M SORRY. IT JUST POPPED OUT. 459 00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,937 ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO WE ARE? 460 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,072 I FINALLY FEEL LIKE I BELONG 461 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:44,110 IN THIS BIG MELTING POT THEY CALL EARTH. 462 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:46,913 WHAT A MAGICAL NIGHT. 463 00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,148 EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT. 464 00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,418 I WAS GREAT. 465 00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:54,921 HE REALLY LIKED MY KISSING. 466 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:58,791 EXCEPT THE SPITTING AND BITING. 467 00:20:58,825 --> 00:20:59,926 SO YOU REALLY LIKE HIM, HUH? 468 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,561 WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE? 469 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,931 HE'S INTELLIGENT, KIND, SWEET, GENTLE. 470 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,134 SO... 471 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,202 IS HE JEWISH? 472 00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:15,408 [PLAYING THEME FROM FIDDLER ON THE ROOF] 31398

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