All language subtitles for MBD

(eerie music playing)

(instrumental music playing)

(thunder rumbling)

Will they come?

They'll come.

Here. Stamp those
and mail them.

It's ringing.

Please walk myron
over there.

My leg looks like
a tree in this fog.

What a godforsaken
spot to get lost.

We passed
a better spot.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

Hello?
Hello?

Tell them
we're lost.

(ringing continues)

Nobody answered,
the phone went dead.

Then why did you
say hello?

Funny, i could
have sworn...
What, dickie?

Sounded like somebody
snipped the wire.

Really?
What did it
sound like?

Snip.

Willie:
Some fog, eh, pop?

Wang: I've heard
the weather report.
Drive, please.

It's as thick
as pea soup.

Not a soul
around for miles.

Know what l think?
Perfect place for
a murder.

Conversation like
television set
on honeymoon.

Unnecessary.

(door creaking)

Willie: Where are
we going?

Who is mr. Twain?

What did he mean by
"dinner and a murder"?

Questions like
athlete's foot.

After while,
very irritating.

(dog barking)

To stop car,
please.

What's wrong?
Stop car, please.

(dog howling)

To shut engine
off, please.

Listen.

I don't hear nothing.
What do you hear?

Double negative
and dog.

So what?

If not mistaken,

Dog belong to
mr. Dick charleston.

Who is
dick charleston?

I am. Thank you.
Did you see
a little white...

Wang.
A white wang?

Good heavens.
Sidney wang.

What are you
doing here?

No doubt
same as you.

Looking for
bridge to home of
mr. Lionel twain.

You too, huh?

Must be important
to invite two such
eminent detectives.

Excuse, please.
To introduce
japanese son, willie.

Hi.

Japanese?
But i thought...

Mrs. Wang and i
never had children.

Willie adopted
number three son.

Be careful
on this road.
It's treacherous.

Treacherous road
like fresh mushroom...

Idiot.

Not finish
mushroom story.

You're idiot.

(scoffs)

I'm sorry,
monsieur perrier,
but i can see nothing.

This fog is thick
as bouillabaisse.

Nuts.

Pardon?
Nuts. Nuts.

No nuts
in my chocolate.

You got raisins.
I asked for nuts.

He didn't have
any nuts.

The man
in the shop?

That's why
i took raisins.

Never mind.

We will soon
be there for dinner.
Hot soup.

Still, monsieur,

Something is
not right here.

I can feel it
in my bones.

In your what?

In my bones.

Buns?
You have buns?

You bought buns
and didn't tell me?

Where are they?

No, monsieur.
The bones in my body.

Don't speak
with an accent
when i'm hungry.

Sam,
this is useless.

Nobody asked
you, baby.

Yes, they did.
You asked me
back there if...

That was then,
this is now,

And nobody knows
what tomorrow
will be.

That's the way
things are.

Sam, i really
worry about you
sometimes.

All right.
Cut the malarkey.

This trip is strictly
business with me.

What do you got
on this twain guy?

He was born
in san francisco
in 1906.

Mother was a roman catholic.
Father was an orthodox jew.

The marriage
lasted two hours.

Any children?

One daughter, 32,
irene, who calls
herself rita.

Just like a dame.

Don't stop.
You're doing fine.

Arrested in 1932 for
selling pornographic bibles.

Charges were dropped

When the church
refused to turn
over the bibles.

In '46,
he was picked up
in el paso, texas,

For smuggling a truckload
of rich white americans

Into mexico
to pick melons.

He was sent
to the dallas state hospital
for mental observation.

We've picked ourselves
a queer bird.

Anything else?

Oh, yeah.
Get this, sam.

Lionel twain has one
interesting physical
characteristic.

He has no pinkies.

No pinkies?

He only has
eight fingers?

No, 10.
He just doesn't
have any pinkies.

Good work,
angel.

Thanks, sam.
Where'd you
dig up that stuff?

I wrote to twain
and asked him.

Good thinking.

(engine sputtering)

What's the matter?

Wouldn't you know?
Out of gas.

I saw a station
about 5 miles back, sam.

I want you to know
i'll be waiting
for you.

Willie:
The bridge
doesn't look safe.

One way to find out.

Drive across.

Aren't you
coming with me?

Weight of two men
may be too much.

Why do i
have to drive?

(bridge creaking)
because i smart enough
to get out first.

(creaking continues)

It's going to
collapse, pop.

Not worry.
Father find other
way to house.

I made it, pop.
I made it.

Good. Now come
back and get
adopted father.

Look at invitation.

What number of house?

Two, two...

Correct.
22, twain's house.

Continue.

Did you see that?
No.

Neither did i.

Stop.
Do not move.

Something's
wrong here.

What is it, pop?
Do not ask
questions.

Do as i say.

When i tell you jump,
you jump.

Five,

Four, three, two...

Holy shanghai!

Nice counting, pop.
How did you know?

Look on ground.

Ha! Even had
correct shoe size.

Someone gone
great trouble

To make welcome guest
not so welcome.

Ring bell, please.

Are you nuts, pop?
Someone's trying
to kill us.

Yes. Should make
exciting weekend.

Ring, please.

I wish it was
monday morning.

Well, here goes.

(woman screaming)

Holy cow.
They're killing someone.

Calm yourself.
Didn't you
hear her scream?

No.
You heard scream.

More experienced ear
heard doorbell.

Listen again.

(woman screaming)

Mr. Twain has macabre
sense of humor, yes?

(thunder rumbling)

Good evening.
We have been
expecting you.

But in what condition?

Roof in need
of repair.

I'm afraid the house
is falling apart.

May we come in,
please?

I'm so sorry.
I thought you were in.

You are mr. And
mrs. Charleston?

Not quite.

I am inspector wang
of catalina police.

This adopted son,
willie.

I trust you had
a pleasant journey.

Strange weather.
Storm only outside,

Wind inside.

That's just
one of mr. Twain's
little toys,

An electronic device.

Mr. Twain, as you
will soon discover,

Prefers his
atmosphere murky.

May i have
your bags, sir?

No. Son
will get bags.

That is why
i adopted him.

Very good, sir.

One moment, please,

While i close the door.

Now,
i will show you
to your room.

Very large house.

No other servants?

I'm not sure.
I've never seen
anyone.

Mr. Twain asked me to
make you comfortable.

He will be joining
you after dinner.

After dinner?

Host not have dinner
with guests?

No. Mr. Twain
prefers to eat out.

(barking)

Wait, please.
What that?

It's nothing, sir.
Just the cat.

(barking continues)

That cat?

You feed cat
dog food?

He's a very angry cat.

Mr. Twain
had him fixed,

And he didn't
want to be.

(growls)

Big house,
huh, pop?

Big house
like man married
to fat woman.

Hard to
get around.

Here we are.

I'm sure you'll
find this suitable.

Boy, it's
a cold house.

I've taken care
of that, sir.

You'll find
a nice, cozy fire
in your room, sir.

It's a bit smoky, sir.

That fireplace hasn't
been used in years.

At least
the bed is warm.

If you wish
anything, sir,
please ring.

Where buzzer?

It's behind
the bed, sir. There.

Dinner will
be at 9:00,

And mr. Twain
likes his guests
to dress.

(woman screaming)

The doorbell.
Excuse me.

Wow. What a creepy guy.

Why would anyone
hire a blind butler?

For one thing,
very cheap.

How butler know
how much he get paid?

Drink this.
You'll feel better.

If myron
hadn't barked,

We wouldn't have
seen that statue falling.

It wasn't meant to kill.
It's a warning.

Somebody's just
trying to frighten us,
but why?

He's doing
a wonderful job.

Why hasn't
anybody answered?

Don't ring it
again, dickie.
Knock, don't ring.

I won't. I promise.

(thunder rumbling)

(growling)

What is it now,
myron?

Up there, dora.
Look.

A blind butler.

Don't let him
park the car,
dickie.

Good evening.
We have been
expecting you.

We let
ourselves in.

Dick and
dora charleston.

Good evening.
We have been
expecting you.

Your room is ready.

Just follow me, please.

(growls)

Never mind, ma'am.
It's just the cat.

Our luggage
is outside.

I'll get it
when i park the car.

Is mr. Wang here?
Yes.

They're resting
in their room.

I put you
in the same wing
as mr. Wang.

Isn't that nice?
We're in wang's wing.

Not many people come
to the manor these days.

It's nice to
hear guests again.

Thank you.
You are?
Bensonmum.

Thank you,
benson.

No. My name
is bensonmum.

Bensonmum?
Yes, sir.

Jamesir bensonmum.

Jamesir?

Yes, sir.
Jamesir
bensonmum?

Yes, sir.
How odd.

My father's
name, sir.
What?

Howard bensonmum.

Your father was
howard bensonmum?

Leave it be,
dickie.

Here is the late
mrs. Twain's room.

She died in here.

Oh, dear.

Died of what?

She murdered herself
in her sleep, sir.

You mean suicide?

No, it was murder
all right.

Mrs. Twain hated herself.

We keep this room locked.

Why is that?

Mr. Twain loved her
very much.

He's kept her room
just as it was

The night
she choked herself,

Nine years ago.

(door creaking)

Madam loved
it here.

She said
it was such
a cheerful room.

(mouse squeaking)

(screaming)

Ah, the doorbell.

That was
mrs. Charleston.

I thought
she was here.

I won't stay
in this filthy room.

Very well, madam.
I'll attend to it
during dinner.

Thank you,
bensonsir.
Mum.

What?
Bensonmum.

Ma'am.

Baking flour.
What?

This dust
is baking flour.

These cobwebs are
candied sugar.

All placed here
just to frighten us.

And that mouse is
obviously a mechanical toy.

(chuckles)

Silly.
What?

I am.

It's real.

(screams)

(mouse squeaking)

Perrier: Stop.
We are here.

That's why
i stopped the car.
Open my door.

There is chocolate
all over your face.
What?

The candy bar.
It is all over your face.

Fool. That's
my mustache.

Lick it and see.

Wipe it off.
My hands are sticky.

Hold still,
please.

Sloppy.

(woman screaming)

All in good time.

(knocking at door)

Yes.

Who's there?

Who's there,
i say?

Filthy neighborhood.

Didn't l say "jump"?

Un, deux, trois, jump.
Why don't you listen?

Oh, leave me alone.

Sloppy.

(thunder rumbling)

Who are you?

Oh. You must be
the new kitchen maid.

I hope you can cook.

Hmm?
Answer me.

Speak up.

What's that?
I can't hear you.

A little shy,
are you?

Never mind.

There will be 10
for dinner.

Here is the menu.

Is that
understood?

Dinner will
be at 9:00.

When i want you,

That bell will ring
three times.

All right.
Get to work.

Hello?

Hello, hello?
Operator?

I am saying
hello, hello.

It's dead, sir.

What? Who is?
Who are you?

The butler, sir.

The butler, eh?
I thought as much.

That phone has not
worked for a week, sir.

Is that a fact?

And i say
that this wire

Has been snipped,
not one hour ago.

As you can see.

What is your name?

Bensonmum.

Your little jest
escapes me.

I am
monsieur milo perrier.

My chauffeur was injured
by a falling gargoyle

While standing outside
in chinese footprints.

We rang the bell,
a woman screamed,

A mouse ran out
through the door.

As you can plainly see,

I miss nothing.

Since we cannot
call for a doctor,

I need a cold compress
for my chauffeur

And some hot chocolate
for me, n'est-ce pas?

We don't have nespa,
sir, just hershey's.

I'll call the maid.

(ringing)

(ringing continues)

I'll fetch it
for you myself, sir.

In the meantime,

I'll show you
your room.

Get up.
Get up.

I do not trust
this butler.

Notice how his eyes
never look at you.

He's blind, monsieur.

Nonsense.

Sam:
There's the house now.

(groans)

What's the matter?
My feet are
killing me.

Why didn't you
say we needed oil
before i got the gas?

Because i gave you
a $50 bill

And the gas was
only five bucks.

Maybe you'd come back,
maybe you wouldn't.

I couldn't take
that chance, angel.

Don't you trust me, sam?

Trust you?

The last time
i trusted a dame

Was in paris in 1940.

She went out
to get some wine.

Two hours later,
the germans marched
into france.

I'm sorry, sam.

Sorry, nothing.
Give me my change.

Dinner is
at 9:00, sir.

I'll have the maid
bring your chocolate.

One moment,
my good man.

Sir?

Thank you.
That will be all.

He's blind
all right.

Those were
my funniest faces.

Not exactly
the copacabana.

I don't feel good
about this.

Maybe tonight's
the night
your luck ends.

Maybe so.

There's a number
on the wall for
all of us, angel.

If tonight's the night
they pick mine,
so be it.

After you,
sweetheart.

First kiss me,
sam.

I don't kiss.

Just this once,
sam.

I don't like kissing.
Now leave me alone.

(woman screaming)

My god.
He's dead.

I beg your pardon.

Sam diamond is
lying out there,
crushed to death.

I'm going to faint.
You catch me.

Madam.

Madam,
where are you?

All right.
Hold it right there.
Freeze, blinky.

Get your hands up.
Face the wall.

Angel, you can
get up now.

Turn around,
jeeves.

Your concrete christmas
present arrived about
two seconds early,

No thanks to you.

I apologize for
any unfortunate
mishap, sir.

May i put
my hands down?

Don't test your luck,
shakespeare.

I got your little
invitation to dinner.

I didn't realize
i was the main course.

I had a kid brother
who got it the same way
two years ago.

That boy would have
been 63 on tuesday.

For two cents,
i'd take this...
Sam, no.

Get him away from me.

Get him away.

Get him away
before i stuff him

Like those tiger trophies

His limey pals hang up
on saloon walls.

Please.

He has a dreadful temper,
hasn't he?

(clock chiming)

9:00. Time
for dinner.

Is everything
ready? Hmm?

(sniffing)

I don't
smell anything.

Very light on
the seasoning,
are you?

Put the soup
in the tureen and
keep the squabs on low.

I'll serve cocktails.

When you hear
the bell,

Bring out
the chilled asparagus

And turn up
the flame
on the squabs.

Have you got that?

You didn't tell me
how l look, dickie.

No different than always,
absolutely ravishing.

Do you love
and adore me?

I love and adore you.

You still have
a great tush.

Years of
horseback riding,
darling.

Getting to
bottom of things?

Ah, wang.
Darling, you remember...
Of course.

Nice to see you,
ah wang.

Always a pleasure,
mrs. Charleston.

What a beautiful gown.

Where did you get it?

This an old dress.

Had it for years.

Please to meet
adopted son, willie.

Ah, east meets west

In a most
bizarre setting.

Perrier.
Charleston.

I didn't know
you were invited.

You know wang.
Ah, yes.

I dined in shanghai long ago
with inspector wang.

(speaking fake chinese)

Oh, you remember.
Yes.

You had
hong ching chu,

And i had
cow dung wu fong.

My wife dora,
inspector perrier.

(speaking french)

(coughing)

I'm sorry.
Our room is so dusty.

My fault.
I should have
blown first.

May i present my
secretaire-chauffeur,
marcel cassette?

Recovered from
your accident, marcel?

(responds in french)

How did you know?

From the way you bend.

Your right side
was smashed in

By a citroen,
i imagine.

I heard
a metallic sound,

So l think
you have an artificial hip.

Steel?
Aluminum.

You're still quick,
charleston.

And you,
mr. Charleston,
did not approve

Of mrs. Charleston
dyeing hair blonde?

I beg your pardon?

Mrs. Charleston
hair red.

You have blonde
hairs on shoulder.

That means she
has dyed red hair
to blonde

And back again
to red,

Or else
you have been...

Ah, so sorry.
Wang is, ah,
wrong.

Shall we go
eat now?

Boy, pop.
You sure put your...

Shut japanese mouth.

Must be ghastly
to have a hip removed.

Does your hip hurt?

Only in damp weather.

(thunder rumbling)

(screams in pain)

Are you all right?

Pay no attention.
You'll only
spoil him.

Get up.
Get up.

(metallic clinking)

As i was saying...

Hey, pop.

A treacherous road
like fresh mush...

Hey, pop.

I know.
Dog stick tongue
out of picture.

Treacherous road
like fresh mushroom...

He's a charming fellow.

African death mask.
Died in some tribal ritual.

Wonder where others are.

Others?

What others?

Invitation to
dinner and murder

Finally clear to wang

With appearance
of monsieur perrier.

Only the world's
greatest living detectives
were invited.

Five of us, darling.
Three already here.

Two have not
yet arrived.

Miss jessie marbles
of england, and mr...

Sam diamond
of san francisco.

I know
who you all are.

This lady here
in the rented dress is
my secretary and mistress,

Miss tess skeffington.

Oh, sam, don't...

Oh, i'm sorry,
sweetheart.

Miss skeffington
thinks i'm too
brutally honest.

But then,
we're in a brutal business.

Never consider murder
to be business,
mr. Diamond.

Is that right?

Maybe not for you,
mr. Wang,

Because you put your
money into vegetables
in the late '30s.

You own 50%
of the bean sprouts
and bamboo shoots

Grown on
the chinese mainland.

So you folks
can imagine

How much
chicken chow mein
mr. Wang has.

Am i right,
angel?
Right.

That doesn't
seem important.

Or you,
mr. Perrier.

You work both sides
of the big drink.

You solve crimes
for barons and earls

And put your fancy fees
into swiss banks.

That buys a lot
of hot chocolate.

Now see here,
diamond.

No, you see,
mr. Charleston
of new york,

Palm beach and
beverly hills.

Crime is
a hobby to you,

Just a game to pass
the time while waiting

For room service
in some fancy hotel.

Your wife's dough
buys you gin martinis
and $300 suits.

All you do is give your wife
a little grab now and then

And walk the dog.

Sorry if i'm
shocking you,

But i never went
to finishing school.

My school
is the streets,

And a pointed revolver
is my teacher.

I get $50 a day
and expenses.

I owe miss skeffington
three years' back pay.

Isn't that right,
angel?

I don't care,
sam.

Neither do i.

Would someone give
my lady friend

A glass of
cheap white wine?

I'm going
to find the can.

I talk so much sometimes,
i forget to go.

Please excuse sam.

He was shot in the head
last week.

He shouldn't be
out of the hospital.

I think the fellow is
damned honest.

Dora:
Dickie, language.

Miss jessica marbles
and nurse.

Ah, miss marbles.

So we
finally meet.

Have admire you
since i was tiny
little detective.

Thank you,
mr. Wang.

I am jessica marbles.

This is
miss withers,
my nurse.

She's been
with me 52 years.

I must take
care of her now.

Are you all right,
miss withers?

Do you want
your medicine?

No.

Ow!

She's off.

I could use
a stiff shot,
mr. Charleston.

I believe booze,
as you call it,
is your department.

My pleasure,
madam.

Who's
the old geezer?

Sam!

Jessie, baby.

Sam diamond!

There's
a bullet hole
in your back.

You should see
the other guy.

(man groaning)

Quiet, please.

Observe strange sound.

(groaning continues)

My god,
it's the face.

It's coming
from the face.

(groaning)

He's going through
his dying moments.

What could
it mean?

Dinner, sir.
We have no gong.

Ladies and gentlemen,
i propose a toast.

Our host,
mr. Lionel twain,
is a unique man.

Point one,
he has gathered the
world's greatest detectives

To investigate a crime
that has not yet
been committed.

Point two,
he has set traps for us,

A bridge
that almost collapses,
falling statues.

Does he mean
to kill us?

Not yet.
He could've done
that at any time.

He's merely
whetting our appetites

For the rest of the game.

Point three,
why five detectives
instead of one?

Because he intends
to challenge us all,

A feat no criminal mind
has heretofore attempted.

Therefore, before this
hellish weekend begins,

I propose
that we toast

Either a most beguiling
and charming man,

Or an insidious,
fiendish madman.

Bottoms up.

One moment,
please.

Point four,
wine poisoned.

(all muttering)

An ancient,
tasteless, colorless

And odorless oriental herb

That kills instantly.

Observe, please.

(all gasping)

Great scott.
Mr. Wang, you've
saved our lives.

Not quite,
mrs. Charleston.

Bon appetit.

(all screaming)

Only monsieur wang
could detect
the poison,

So only
he was tested.

Point five,
mr. Twain is both

Beguiling and fiendish.

(groans)

Oh!

Oh, get a doctor,
quick.

No,
it's all right.

My wine is
not poisoned.

It was just
a bad year.

Good work, mr. Wang.

We must all
be on our guard

Through every course
of the meal.

You're all
forgetting one thing.

This makes the butler
suspicious.

He poured the wine.

Except he is blind.

How would he know
which one to serve
the poisoned glass to?

That's very simple.

Blind people have
a very keen sense
of smell.

Since we're
anglo-saxon

And mr. Wang's son
is japanese,

It wouldn't be hard
to sniff out the chinaman.

Charleston: See here.
That's a tacky thing
to say.

It's a tacky world,
mr. Charleston.

Isn't that right,
angel?

That's right, sam.

Quiet, please.
Butler approaches.

I apologize
for the delay.

I'm having
communication problems
with the cook.

Who poured the wine?

Mr. Twain, sir.
He left it in
the refrigerator.

I was told
to give mr. Wang

The glass with
the sticky stem.

And you didn't
ask why?

I was lucky to find
the refrigerator, sir.

I will serve
the soup now.

Perrier:
By all means.

(inaudible)

(inaudible)

Yes,
i'm starving.

One moment.
Where is the soup?

In your dish, sir.

There is nothing
in my dish
but my dish.

I don't understand,
sir.

Take the spoon.
Taste it yourself.

I see what
you mean, sir.

If you'll
excuse me,

I need to talk
with the cook.

Murder by starvation.

Maybe that's his game.

What do you think, sam?

Ask the moose.
He's been
watching us.

(all murmuring)

Ten people for dinner,

And i'm serving
hot nothing.

You can't get
good help today.

You're fired.
Do you understand?
Fired.

I want you out.
Do you hear?

And stay out.

Something just
occurred to me.

The seating's all wrong.

How so,
mr. Charleston?

I'm sitting
next to dora.

What's wrong with that?

She's your wife,
isn't she?

At a dinner party,
a husband and wife
shouldn't sit together.

I should be
on the opposite side
of the table.

Mr. Wang,
please change places
with me.

Now?

Now.

(all screaming)

Just as i thought.
Another test that
almost killed us.

Saved only because
i am enormously well-bred.

Lucky it wasn't me.
I'd be chopped
liver now.

(all clamoring)

Wang:
Silence, please.
Do not panic.

No person move
from place.

Charleston:
Someone just
came in.

Quiet, everyone.
I smell something.

Miss marbles:
What is it?

Good god.
Franks and beans.

I'm afraid that's
all we have, sir.

Dora:
Dickie, don't
touch me there.

Charleston:
My hands are
in my pockets.

Sam:
They're my pockets.

Charleston:
Sorry about that.

Dora:
Dickie, behave yourself.

Twain:
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

I'm your host,
lionel twain.

Good god.
What an entrance.

A bit theatrical,
miss marbles,

But i do
love illusion.

Please forgive my hat.
I'm losing my hair.

I thought
twain was older.
72, 73.

Seventy-six to be exact,
mr. Diamond.

How do i
look so young?

Quite simple.
A complete vegetable diet,

Twelve hours sleep
a night

And lots and lots of make-up.

I trust you've all been
made comfortable.

Comfortable,
mr. Twain?

Do you call poison,
a near decapitation,
comfortable?

No, i call it
inspiration.

You still
must explain

The attempts
on our lives,
monsieur twain.

Merely games,
monsieur perrier.

Pitting wits with you,
so to speak.

Pit your wits with me
and you won't have wits
to pit with.

You're spitting
on the nurse.

Sorry, old lady.

Crazy broad
should be in bed.

Monsieur twain,
after four hours,
we haven't seen

A hot dinner
or a cold corpse.

I therefore
bid you adieu.

I bid one adieu,
also.

No one is
leaving this house.

What meaning of this,
mr. Twain?

I will tell you, mr. Wang,
if you can tell me

Why a man with
such a brilliant mind

Can't say his
prepositions or articles.

"the," mr. Wang.
What is "the" meaning of this?

That what i said.

What meaning of this?

The meaning of this is

I have decided to
prove beyond a doubt

That the greatest
living criminologist
in the world

Is sitting
at this table,

And you are all
looking at him.

No, don't look
at each other.

Look at me!
I'm the greatest.

I'm number one.

You look like
number two.

Know what i mean?

What does he mean?

Tell you later.
It's disgusting.

In all your
various adventures,

Not one of you has ever
had an unsolved murder.

Your reputations exist
on this single fact.

But what would
the world say

If the five greatest
living detectives

Found themselves trapped
in a country house,

Shut off from the world,

Only to discover
a body on the floor,

Stabbed 12 times
in the back with
a butcher's knife,

And not one able
to solve the crime?

You mean murder?

Dora, please.
We're talking shop.

Yes! Murder,
mrs. Charleston.

Exactly at midnight,

Someone in this
house will be
viciously murdered.

Left out one small
detail, mr. Twain.

Who victim?

"is the!" "is the!"

Who "is the" victim?

That drives me crazy!

Sounds like
a short ride to me.

Well, we shall see
who is sane

And who is crazy
around here.

Mr. Wang, the victim
is at this very table
at this very moment,

And so, too,
ladies and gentlemen,

Is the murderer.

Murder-poo?

Yes, dear.
We're going to have
a lovely murder-poo.

(giggles)

Why don't you
push her wheelchair
down the driveway?

You know who's
gonna get it?

Intimately.

And you know
the method?
Definitely.

And exactly what time
murder to take place?

"the" murder.

Precisely.

Well, i know
it's none of my business,

But doesn't that mean
that you're the murderer,
mr. Twain?

No wives.

I refuse to discuss
this with wives.

Dora is quite right.
All fingers do seem
to point to you.

It's not much
of a challenge.

Shall i make it
more interesting,
mr. Charleston?

$1 million to the one
who solves the crime.

Wagered against
your reputations.

$1 million in
tax-free cash.

Also, the paperback rights
and the film sale.

It's 11:00, amigos.

One hour
before death strikes
someone in this room.

See you at midnight.

Toodle-oo!

See here,
monsieur twain!

He's gone!

No, he's not.
He's down there.

(all gasp)

Fast little
bunny rabbit,
ain't you?

I've never moved,
mr. Diamond.

I'm still down there.

A stunt done
with mirrors.

Is that so?

Willing to risk
seven years bad luck?

Try it, mr. Diamond.

It's your funeral,
butterball.

(all gasp)
wait!

Sometimes it
doesn't work.

You've won this round,
mr. Diamond.

My turn comes
at midnight.

I hope he can
stop that thing.

If you ask me,
anybody offering
a million bucks

For a crime
that's not committed,

That's nuts.

Should we wait
until someone's
butchered?

What's happened
to the butler?

Why hasn't he returned
with our dinner?

Go look for him.

No one leave.

Why not, pop?

Twain say victim
at this table.

If we stay together,

Crime cannot be committed
without witnesses.

You're one smart
chinaman, mr. Wang.

Joining hands
will make the
chain stronger.

Join hands, please.

(ticking)

Stop that.

Stop it, i said.

What is it,
diamond?

She's giving
my palm the finger,
the dirty broad.

Naughty, naughty,
miss withers.

(giggling)

(inaudible)

Good god! Look!

(inaudible)

Tess: What is she doing?

Screaming.
What is it?

What's happened?

Something wrong
in kitchen.
With our dinner!

No, no.
Patience, patience.

Is someone in there?
Is someone in the
kitchen with dinner?

Cook cannot
speak or hear.

"i think
butler is dead.

"my name is yetta.
I don't work thursdays."

Ask if she sleeps in.

We must
investigate this.

Someone has to go.
Not alone.

Mr. Charleston,
mr. Diamond stay.

Miss marbles,
monsieur perrier

And wang will
investigate.

Oh, that's right.

Let it all out.

(inaudible)

Careful, wang!

Fingerprints.

Where?
Yours.

Here, take
my handkerchief.

Is he...
Looks...

Seems like...

(both gasp)
don't touch him!

Fingerprints.

Quite so.

Pencil.

Wang: No pulse,

No heartbeat.

If condition
does not change,
this man is dead.

No signs of foul play.

Hold on!
What's this?

What do you
make of this, perrier?

Poison,
n'est-ce pas?

Not nespa, cocoa.

At last,
we have our murder.

Not quite.

Twain say murder victim
sitting at our table.

Butler not at our table.

Butler only killed
to divert us

From real murder
still to come.

(both gasp)

(screams)
look!

A knife is missing!

The butcher's knife,
i'll wager.

The others
are in danger.

What is exact time,
please?

11:31 and 56 seconds.

57, 58...

Tell me
when to stop.

59, 60.

Twenty-eight minutes
to main murder.

Back to dining room.

Must be together
at midnight.

One moment!

(gasps)

Wang: Handkerchief.

What is it?

A bill.

Everything's rented
for tonight.

The butler, cook,
food and chairs.

You mean...

This entire murder
has been catered.

It's twain's doing.
He's crazy.

Ah, yes, but no fool.

I hope we're in time.

Door locked.

Sam diamond
probably locked it.

Good thinking
on diamond head.

Diamond,
it's perrier.

It's all right.
Open up.

Diamond, charleston.
Are you in there?

Get key from pocket
of dead butler.

Don't say "dead."
i have to reach
into his pocket.

(exclaims)

Holy merde!

Miss skeffington!

Miss marbles:
Miss skeffington!
Miss withers!

He is gone.

Who's gone?
The butler.
His body is missing.

Here's the key.

Where you find key?

In his pocket.
What pocket?

The butler's pocket.

Butler gone,
but pocket there?

Exactly.

Somebody stole his body,
but left his clothes.

Quickly!
Open the door.

Something is
wrong here.

Hello!
Where is everyone?

Room filled
with empty people.

I'll try
the other door.

It's locked
from the inside.

Strange.

Both doors locked
from inside,
yet no way out.

I don't like it.
I don't like it one bit!

I like, but
don't understand.

Maybe other way
out of room.

Secret passageway,
perhaps.

Twain: There are no secret
passageways, mr. Wang.

You spoke?
No.

Not me.

I spoke.

Ah! There!

Voice come from cow
on wall.

Moose! Moose,
you imbecile!

Where are they?

What have you done
with the others,
you short madman?

Ah-ha! Stumped already!

Need some clues,
monsieur perrier?

Clues!
I need no clues.

I find my own clues,
you demented lollipop!

Calm yourself.
Man who argue
with cow on wall

Is like train
without wheels.
Get nowhere.

Okay, quiet.
I'm sick of your
fortune cookies.

Man who sick of
fortune cookies...

I'm sick of
fortune cookies...

(shushing)

Cow talk again.

Need a hint,
miss marbles?

You mistake
what you assume.

They never left
the dining room.

Count the numbers
1 to 10,

Turn the knob
and try again.

(laughing)

What the devil
does that mean?

"they never left
the dining room."

Certainly they did.

Do not mistake
what you assume,
miss marbles.

Quick, back
out in hall.
Why?

We assume
others not here.

Cow say they in room.

Let's look once more.

Please close door,
monsieur perrier.

I cannot see
what possible...

Quiet.
7, 8, 9, 10.

Miss marbles,
open door, please.

Where were you, wang?
We was worried.

Where were you?

We were here.
You said don't leave.

You haven't
left this room?

All: No.

Answer simple,

But question hard.

Where's the butler?

Butler completely
murdered.

Poisoned.

A butcher knife
is missing.

We came to tell you,
but the doors were locked.

I wanted
the butler's key,

But his body
was missing.

He had been
stripped naked.

His clothes
were left.

I don't understand.

Why would anyone steal
a dead, naked body?

Well, dear,
there are people...

That's tacky.

That's really tacky.

Then we returned here,
opened the door,

But the room was empty.

You were all gone.

(chuckles)

The moose head told us
not to assume

That you'd left
the dining room.

So we counted to 10
and tried it again.

And here you were.

I'm not one to
use hyperbole,

But i'll tell you this,

For the first time
in my life,

I had the ca-ca
scared out of me.

I like her.
I really like her.

(gunshots)

Gunshots, monsieur.
Gunshots, pop.

Gunshots, sam.
Gunshots, dickie.

Shoes!

This time,
charleston
and i will go.

Everybody else
stay here.

Let's go,
charleston.

What do you make
of all this, wang?

Is confusing.

"it!" "it" is confusing.
Say your pronouns!

(scoffs)

Open the door.

Good god!
What is it?

He's back.

And au naturel.

I don't get it.

First they steal
the body and leave
the clothes.

Who would steal
the clothes and bring
the body back?

Possibly some
deranged dry cleaner.

What about the gunshots?

Why shoot someone
who'd been poisoned?

True. We heard gunshots,
but i don't see
any bullet holes.

Not in his head, his neck,
his back or his chest.

Look all over him.

All over his body?

Somebody has to do it.

I'll stand guard.
You look.

All right.
We'll take turns.

Search the first
naked body.

I'll search the
second one we find.

(thunder rumbling)

Hurry up.
We only got eight minutes.

(groans)

You see anything?

I don't see
a bullet hole.

Hold it,
i see something.

What is it?

Forget it. My mistake.
Not a bullet hole.

Then what about
the shots?

Divide and conquer.

What?
Another diversion.

He gives us
meaningless clues

And dangles red herrings
before our eyes

As precious seconds
tick away.

Another murder
is still to come.

You're not
my type of cop,
but you smell good.

If you're not a pansy,
what are you?

Classy, i suppose.

Dames love
guys like you.

I don't see
what possibly...

You ever make it
with a waitress?
What?

A waitress.

A big fat waitress.

I don't know
about society dames,

But you ain't had it
until you've made it
with a fat waitress.

If you're interested,
give me a call.

Bizarre little twit.

I'm not sure about him.

What are you doing?

My hands
need washing.
Good.

I'll be right out.

I'll tell them.

You're never going
to believe this.

All right,
where are you?

What the hell
is going on?

Charleston, wash up later.
We've got problems.

Locked from the inside.

That can only
mean one thing,

And i don't know
what it is.

Charleston!

You'll never believe...

(growling)

I'll be right out!

I don't remember
closing that door.

What happened?

What were
the gunshots?

Did anybody leave?

It happened
to you, too?

Where's my dickie?

Sorry.
Where's my husband?

Two minutes to midnight,
if anyone's interested.

It ain't possible.

Eight people
in a dining room

Can't suddenly
disappear.

Unless...

What?

Unless it
never happened.

I see your point,
diamond.

When is a full
dining room not full?

When there's
two dining rooms.

Exactly!

Two dining rooms?

Two dining rooms,
two of everything.

Twain electronic genius.

He has devised a way
to move this room
quickly and silently,

In the flash of an eye,

To be replaced by
an identical room.

I knew it!

Please.
I shall demonstrate.

I'll walk out the door,
return, and you will
all be gone.

Observe.

I've figured it out.

There are two
of everything.

Oh, dickie,
that's old news.

Everybody take
your seats.

I'm scared, sam.
Hold me.

Hold yourself.
I'm busy.

Sit in your same seat.

40 seconds!
I'm worried about
monsieur perrier.

I'll look for him.

No one to leave room.

(knocking at door)

No, it's the other door.

It's locked.
I can't open it.

Hurry!
We have 15 seconds.

Move your hand,
chauffeur.

Don't ask me!

Why the butler's
uniform?

I said don't ask me!
I don't know.

It all happened
too quickly.

The cook.
Where's the cook?

Gone!
Never said a word.

Ten more seconds.
Sit and join hands.

Impossible for murder
to happen now without
witnesses.

Three, two, one!

(clock chiming)

(chiming continues)

(nervous laughter)

(sighing in relief)

It's over.
We're safe and sound.

(knocking at door)

That's probably
the cook. Come in.

The woman is deaf.

I'm sorry, i forgot.
Come in!

Not sound like
cook to me.

Ah, mr. Twain!

You appear
to be wrong.

Nobody here murdered.
Please come in.

(all screaming)

Is he dead?

If he's not,
he should be.

Touch nothing!
Stop saying "touch nothing."

We're experienced
criminologists.

It's insulting to
say "touch nothing."

Be quiet, woman!
Up yours, fellow!

Most amusing.

Bickering detectives
like making giant lamb stew.

Everything go to pot.

Why don't you
be quiet?

(all bickering)

(gun fires)

Quiet!

Stay where you are,
everybody.

What?
I'm going to the can.

I don't want
to miss nothing.

I'm going, too.

I'd rather
do this alone.

Thanks anyway.

Dora: The cook.

What, darling?

The cook murdered him.

The butler's dead.
She wasn't in this room.

No one else
could get out.

Right?

Wrong.
Oh?

What makes you certain?

This arm isn't strong
enough to force a knife
that far up a man's back.

(all scream)

Is that the cook's arm?

It ain't
the pussycat's tail.

Oh!

Don't be alarmed.
It ain't real.

Neither is the cook.

I found this before
i got to the can.

I have a surprise
for you.

(all gasp)

A mannequin.
No, a dummy!

Perfect in every detail,
except she couldn't hear
or speak.

I congratulate
the murder victim.

Except for being dead,
he was no dope.

Nice going, sam.

I hope everyone
realizes someone
in here is a murderer.

For sake of ladies,

Let's return
to drawing room.

My son will cover twain.

Why do i do
the dirty work?

Because your mother
not here. Come, please.

Excuse me.

(thunder rumbling)

I'm getting
a headache.

Can't we turn off
that machine?

Maybe there's
some gadget
outside the window.

Sorry, it's raining
this time.

Let's sort the facts.

It's now 12:30 a.M.

Doors and windows
open at dawn.

One of us will be
$1 million richer.

One will go to
the gas chamber
and hang.

One, monsieur?
Why not two?

We all have associates.

Why not four
or six or eight?

I don't trust
any of you.

I'm not taking the fall,
you understand?

Not even for me, sam?

Why don't you
fall in love
with the jap?

Get back to case,
please.

Time is late,
and my eyes are
getting tired.

I thought they
always looked
like that.

Knock it off, sam!

This case
is getting
on my nerves.

I'm sorry, slanty.

Thank you. Now then,
facts, please.

Mr. Twain predicts murder.

Also predicts victim
at dining table.

Correct?
Correct.

Sorry. This is official.
Correct.

Also predicts
time of murder

And number of
stab wounds.

How can this be unless
he in collaboration
with murderer?

Maybe twain did it.

Murdered himself?

For what possible
reason? And how?

The motive
is simple. Ego.

If we couldn't
solve this crime,

He would be
named the world's
foremost detective.

With his ego,

Having to die
for it would seem
a small price.

As to how,

Any man who can
create these
electronic marvels

Could devise
a machine to stab
himself in the back.

Wonderful, darling.
Let's go to bed.

One moment, please.

Very interesting theory,
mr. Charleston,

But you overlook one
very important point.

What?

Is stupid.

Is most stupid theory
i ever heard.

(chuckles)

Do you have
a better one?

Oh, yes.

Much better one.
I have been
doing my homework.

For example,
i have information

That your wife's
portfolio of stocks

Was seriously
depleted in latest
financial crisis.

In short,
you are broke,
mr. Charleston.

You have been borrowing
money at 17% interest
from mr. Lionel twain.

Dickie, is this true?

I was waiting
until your birthday.

$1 million would buy
great many tight suits,

Would it not,
mr. Charleston?

See here, wang.
Dead broke, dickie?

Almost, darling.
I have $1.17
and some stamps.

But i did not
murder lionel twain.

You believe that,
don't you, darling?

We'll talk.
We'll see.

It could have
been any one of you.

Each of us left
that room, giving
ample opportunity.

As for motives,
there's more than ego
and cash involved.

For example, revenge.

Meaning what,
mr. Charleston?

I'm not the only one
who's had experience
with mr. Twain.

Did you know that
he was once
quite a ladies' man?

Are you suggesting
that someone here...

Was once in love
with lionel twain.

He was engaged to
and jilted
miss jessica marbles.

(exclaims in french)

Jesus h. Christ!

Jilted 54 years ago
at the altar

In that same
baggy tweed outfit.

Is this true, jessie?
I was not jilted.

I walked out on him.

He wanted to
fool around
before the wedding.

Being the lady
you are, you refused.

Not completely.
But it got out of hand.

He was horrid,
but i didn't kill him.

That's good enough
for me.

What do you think,
frenchie?

I'm not a frenchie.
I'm a belgie.

As for other motives,
how about patricide?

Killing one's own parent?

Lionel twain was
the father of someone
in this room?

Tess: He wasn't
my father.

He was my uncle.

He was very good to me.

He would take me
to the circus.

We stopped going
when i was about 26.

I'm sorry, sam.

Twenty-six? What the hell
kind of circus?

Forgive me.

I was talking
about patricide,
not unclecide.

Monsieur twain may
have been your uncle,
miss skeffington,

But he was
the illegitimate father
of monsieur sidney wang.

Is not true.

I was adopted.

I have my papers.

That's why i adopted
all my children.

I was wondering.

Oh...

He love me
very much,

But he was not
very observant.

When i was 19,

He called me
to his study,

Noticed for first time
i was oriental,

And kicked me
out of house.
I could have...

Killed him,
monsieur wang.

As easily as you,
mr. Perrier.

Lionel twain killed
the only thing
you ever loved,

Marie-louise cartier.

(whimpering)

Your sweetheart?

My poodle.

He was a most cruel man.

Monsieur twain came
to france every season.

To hunt poodles.

When they brought me her
bloodied sequined collar,

I vowed i would...

Knock him off?
Yes. Gladly, if i could.

But i did not.

Someone here
beat me to it.

So there's more than
one reason we was invited.

Twain was testing
our skills as detectives,

And we all have motives
for doing him in.

Have not yet
heard your motive,
mr. Diamond.

My motive is unimportant.

Let's just say
i hated him enough
to kill him.

You are closed man,
mr. Diamond.

You hide many things.

Could it be that
mr. Twain discover
your secret?

I don't know
what you're
talking about.

We know different,
do we not,
miss skeffington?

Twain met sam
in a gay bar.

I was working on a case.
Working!

Every night
for six months?

For 50 bucks a day
and expenses.

I hate them queeries.

Twain had
polaroid pictures
of sam in drag.

I was in disguise.

Lots of dames
go in those joints.

I never kissed nobody.

I never did nothing to
a man that i wouldn't
do to a woman.

And i never killed twain.

Bitch.

Most interesting.

All had
perfect motives
for killing twain.

Wonder which one
was one who done it.

We still have
the night to
get through.

If anyone is going to
solve this case,

I say we all get
a good night's sleep.

I suggest we all
lock our doors.

One of us is
a mad killer,

Not to be trusted.

(thunder rumbling)

(door locks)

Pop?

Yeah?

Who do you think
is the murderer?

Must sleep on it.

Will know in morning
when wake up.

What if you
don't wake up?

Then you did it.

Go sleep, please.

Good night, dad.

Should have
adopted pussycat.

(hissing)

Should i turn off
the steam, pop?

(hissing continues)

Not steam.

Someone just put
deadly snake in room.

Wake me when
it come near bed.

Dickie, darling,
if you're
the murderer,

I'll still love you.

It wouldn't be right
for us to make love,

But i'd still
love you.

No fear of that.
Let's see what we have...

One missing, dead,
naked butler,

One host with
a knife in his back

And one poisonous
scorpion crawling
up our sheets.

Dora: Is that
what that is?

Yes. They can
kill instantly.

I suggest
we don't move.

For how long?

Possibly the rest
of our lives.

Good heavens!
I know who it is!

Solvey-poo?

Yes, miss withers.

The murderer is...

Good god! Gas!

I'm sorry.
I can't help it.
I'm old.

No, the other
kind of gas.

The kind that kills!

Sometimes my gas...

It's coming in
through the vent.

(coughing)

It's locked
from the outside.

Help!

It doesn't smell
that bad to me.

Help!

Did i do right, sam,
telling them about
the gay bar?

Perfect.

They took the bait
like a dumb halibut.

Let them think
i'm a pansy.

While they're
suspecting me,

One of them will
let his pants down.

Sam, why do you keep
naked muscle-man magazines?

Suspects.
Always looking
for suspects.

(ticking)

What's that
ticking sound
i hear?

"it is a bomb
in your room

"that will go off
in 30 seconds."
signed, "the murderer."

Quick, sam, the door!

"p.S. The door
is locked."

I'm sorry about this,
tess.

And me owing you
all that money, too.

That's okay.
What can we do?

I got an idea.
I don't know whether
this will work.

Quick! Turn around!
I'm turned, sam.

Whatever happens,
don't turn back.

But, sam, if anything...

Do as i say!
I will, sam.

Good, because i think
i'm gonna cry.

(sam sobbing)

(humming)

What are you
doing here?

There's no place
else to sleep.

Sleep in the car,
you chauffeur.
Go, go!

You aren't fair.

I will tell everyone
about your toupee.

They already know.

Then why wear it?

I didn't know
you knew.

Certainly i know.

It's a terrible toupee.

(explosion)

A bomb across the hall!

Quickly.
The door! The door!

It's locked
from the outside.

You look taller to me.
Why is that?

I don't understand.
I'm not getting taller.

If you aren't
getting taller,

There is only
one alternative.

The room is
getting shorter.

(exclaims in french)

The ceiling is coming down!

(shrieking)

What will we do?
I don't know.

But this is
how they make
goose liver pate.

(screaming)

Not so fast, please.

Do not cross out
wang name.

Cross out snake
instead.

Nice shot, pop.

Sure wish i weren't
such a heavy sleeper.

And now,

If you please,

$1 million,
mr. Bensonmum.

Banzai, pop!

Very clever of you,
mr. Wang.

Oh, yes.
As you can see,
i can see.

So i see.

Tell me, how did you
deduce it was me?

Went back to theory
seldom used today.

Butler did it.

I hadn't thought of that.

How do you account for
my body in the kitchen?

Body made of plastic,
same as plastic cook.

While we examine
plastic butler,

You murder lionel twain.

You're a clever little
laundryman, mr. Wang.

But not quite
clever enough!

I'll take
that $1 million,

Bensonmum,
alias irving goldman.

Irving goldman?

Yes. Irving goldman
was the attorney of
the late lionel twain.

Lionel twain died
five years ago.

His body was recently found
in goldman's filing cabinet.

Am i correct,
mr. Goldman?

Yeah. Correct,
miss marbles.

But how did you
escape the poison gas?

Quite simple.
I covered my mouth

And let miss withers
breathe in the gas.

Sicky-poo.

Yes, dear, i know.

The million dollars,
please.

I wouldn't, goldman.
Or is it goldman?

Actually, it's
mr. Marvin metzler.

Marvin metzler?

Very good, mr. Charleston,

But how did you know?

The bill in the
dead butler's hand

Said the entire
weekend was catered.

Only an accountant
would save that.

Get the money.
Let's go.
In a moment, darling.

Goldman died last month
while skiing.

He jumped 200 feet
into a low-flying plane.

I can't wait much longer.

You've not
lost your touch,
mr. Charleston,

But how did you elude
the deadly scorpion?

We didn't.
He stung dora.

We've 15 minutes
to get help.

Explain later, dickie.
We'll make it, darling.
Never fear.

The money,
mr. Metzler?

Perrier: Belongs to me,
monsieur!

Marcel is one
of the world's
strongest men.

He stopped your ceiling
from crushing us
at 4'5".

It may be months before
we straighten up again,

But $1 million will buy
a lot of back braces.

Right, miss irene twain,

Daughter of lionel?

What?

I prefer to
be called rita.

How did you know?

Never underestimate
a frenchman's nostrils,
miss twain.

At dinner tonight,
i smelled your
chanel no. 5.

It was you
who did away
with all of them!

Metzler, goldman
and your father.

In fact,
if you had your way,

You'd like to do
away with all men,

Wouldn't you,
miss twain?

Men have
made you ashamed
and made you suffer

Because you were
born with brains,
talent, money,

Everything but what
you most desired,

Beauty.

Miss twain, as a man,
you are barely passable,

But as a woman,

You are a dog.

That's your opinion,
big boy.

And now my money,
please.

With luck, i can still
arrive at maxim's
in time for dinner.

Sam: Just order
a tuna sandwich!

That dough
belongs to me.

I'm alive
and kicking.

Miss skeffington
dropped your bomb
down the toilet.

It exploded
as she flushed.

The seat barely
missed her head.

(coughing)

I'm all right, j.J.

J.J.?

That's right, folks.
He outsmarted us all.

The real sam diamond
is behind that desk.

My name is loomis,
j.J. Loomis.
I'm an actor.

I do impressions.

I've done the carson show
six times.

Diamond hired me
for the weekend.

Miss skeffington
is vilma norman,

A cocktail waitress
at the waterbed motel.

Hi.
Hello.

Diamond hated all of you.
You all earned big money.

Diamond had that crummy
san francisco office.

If he proved he was best,
he'd get your rich clients.

But since i figured it out,

I figure that money
belongs to me.

Isn't that right,
mr. Diamond?

Wrong.

That would have
been too obvious.

My dear colleagues,
what you all seem
to overlook

Is the most
simple solution.

I am indeed

Lionel twain.

(all gasp)

You've all been
so clever for so long,

You've forgotten
to be humble.

You've tricked and
fooled your readers
for years.

You've tortured us
with surprise endings
that made no sense.

You've introduced
characters in
the last chapter

That weren't in
the book before.

You've left out clues
and information

That we needed to
guess who did it.

But now the tables
are turned.

Millions of angry
mystery readers

Are now getting
their revenge.

When the world learns
i've outsmarted you,

They'll be selling your
$1.95 books for 12 cents.

It's check-out time,
ladies and gentlemen.

I have your bills ready.

Credit cards
will be accepted.

The scorpion
was a fake?

Everything.
The bridge,
the maid.

You're sure
about the scorpion?

Positive.
Even the fog.

He made the fog
with dry ice. Look.

How awfully
unromantic!

If he was
lionel twain,

You must really
be sam diamond.

Right.

I was in disguise,
in disguise, in disguise.

You work hard
in this racket.

Will we be seeing
each other again?

Well, that depends.
I'll be around
if you need me.

All you got to
do is whistle.

You do know
how to whistle?

Certainly.
What do you mean?

Never mind.
You ruined it.

I don't understand.
Was there a murder?

Yes. Killed good weekend.

Drive, please.

(laughing)