All language subtitles for 1 - Fade In To Murder-eng

What do you think?

I think that I had better
try and help you

Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor

Detective Lucerne
helping me

Wait till I tell my wife

You Hands up
No noise

We still think
it was premeditated,
don't we?

Oh, I don't know, sir
What do you suppose?

And here I thought
you were in shock

You thought
I was confused

You're right

Perhaps scared

You're amazing

If you tell me that
one more time,
I'm gonna kill myself

That's ridiculous
Is it?

Halfadozen people
have already attested
to the fact

that I was nowhere
near the Baker home
on the night she was killed

Not one of those
six people realized

he was listening
to a recording

Not one of those
six people realized

that vague illusion
moving behind the screen

was not you at all,

but someone else

A fascinating theory

You know, some people think
you're the most brilliant
detective of our times

I tend to agree
because, as it happens,

you're absolutely right

Yes, I did kill
Mrs Baker

But for all your
vaunted brilliance, Lucerne,

there's no way in the world
that you can prove
what I've just said

Ah, the other half
of the team

WARD: The gentleman
whose silhouette
impersonated you so well

behind the screen
It's Joseph, isn't it?

lt'll be a treasure
to pill you, Mr Lucerne

(ALL LAUGHING)

I'm sorry!

"Treasure to pill you? "

He was all right
up to there

Replace him

Claire,
don't you understand?

The studio doesn't
pick up one cent

of this extra tab
on Ward, we do

You and I,
we produce the show
We own it

This extra money for Ward
is coming out of our pockets

Why don't you just
let me handle that?

Now, gentlemen,

may we continue?

Who does Ward Fowler
think he is?

Now, look, Claire

As representative
of this studio

I will not stand
for this precedent

There is no actor
in the business
who is irreplaceable

Claire, Ward Fowler
is not the first actor
on this network

to win an Emmy,

and he's already one
of the highest paid performers
in television

If we give in to him now

Now, say you
don't give in to him

He walks

Then what are you
going to do?

Without Ward Fowler,
there isn't going to be
any next year for this show

And because of Ward Fowler,

Detective Lucerne
has the highest rating
in television

Sid and I have given you
a show that has been a winner
year in and year out

But

Ward Fowler is the show

As the other half
and rather silent partner
of this team,

I'm afraid I have to go along
with my wife

Try to look
pleasant, Ward

You're supposed
to be pleased
when you get a raise

How many times
must I tell you that?

Do you enjoy
insulting me, Claire,

as much as you enjoyed
making love to me?

Or more?
You didn't use to think
I was so bad

Well, I, didn't
used to think

Neither did I,
if I remember

You do remember?

What a tribute

You know, I don't buy
this hellhathnofury act
of yours

I just think it's your way
of blackmailing me

and feeling wronged
all at the same time

And, you know,
it's so wasteful

'Cause I'd give you
anything you asked for

Just 'cause you asked for it
You know that, don't you?

I know you invented me
and I'm still grateful

I get a little bored
with this kind of talk

You give me what I want
because there's nothing
you can do about it,

and that's
the only reason

Otherwise, darling,

grateful or not,
you wouldn't give me
the sweat off your

personality

Joe! Joe, those were
marvelous night scenes

Wonderful!

JOE: Thanks, Mrs Daley

Now, Ward, you just
keep remembering
that I invented you,

all of you,

and I only take half
for my trouble

Just half
Off the top

Buy the silver, the usual way

You're quite
the little dictator

You know, you sound
like that show
we did last August

The one where we tried
to make the murderer
sympathetic

Oh, yes That was because
the blackmailer

was so dictatorial
and vicious

Well, I wouldn't
dwell on it if I were you

You wouldn't make a murderer,
not even a sympathetic one

That much personality
you don't have

Excuse me
There's a call for you,
Mrs Daley

Where would you
like to take it?

Mrs Daley's gonna
take the telephone call
in my dressing room

Thank you

Where else would Mrs Daley
take her telephone calls?

No, that's all right,
Cathy

Yes, I can make
the 9:20 preview

But I
No I'll have to leave
from the office

I have tons of work to do

No You thank Mark for me,
but he is Ward's gofer,
not mine

And, besides,
I don't like cheeseburgers

All right, sweetie,
I'll stop at Tony's
on the way to the preview

and get a sandwich
Yes, I will

See, tell Sid that he's sweet,
but he should leave
I'd rather go alone

Okay, thanks Byebye

Sid is having an affair
with his secretary

It makes him
so considerate

It's boring to have
so much attention

Is there anything
that doesn't bore you, Claire?

Mmmhmm
Silver certificates

I would paper my bedroom
with them if I could

I wouldn't
put it past you

Where would you
put it?

(DOOR CLOSES)

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COMMENTATOR
trail in the top half
of the inning

The third inning already

Yeah, I was held up
in traffic, Ward
I'm sorry

Look, if you have
something else to do,
just let me know

Oh, but I don't, honest

I've been looking forward
to this game like crazy

Good You know how I hate
watching these things alone

Here,
I'll get you a drink

Hey, I've been on the wagon
for eight months, Ward

That's a world's record
for me

Huh, Ward?

COMMENTATOR back in
Kansas City, youll recall,
earlier this week and

One drink isn't gonna turn you
into a pumpkin, you know

out there
Heres the wind, the pitch
and the swing

and a high, pop fly
on the infield

Settling under it,
the shortstop, Jones,
who makes the catch

One away!

Los Angeles with one out,
a tie game at three

and here comes first baseman,
Tony Eberly

Uhoh
We're in trouble

Eberly's up
Automatic out

What're you talking about?
He's a good kid

Couple more years,
he'll be right there

No way
He can't hit in a clinch

Are you kidding?

Wanna put your money
where your mouth is?

Yeah

Ten bucks says
he gets a hit

You're on
You got it

Swings into the windup
and heres the pitch

Fastball, high
And taken by Eberly,
its ball one

Ball one
If he gets a walk, no bet

Eberly digs in

Waves that bat back and forth

Brenner leans in,
gets his sign from Kowalski

Heres the wind
and here comes the pitch

Swung on and a high
fly ball, foul and drifting
into the stands in leftfield

One ball,
one strike to Eberly

Heres the wind,
here comes the pitch
Swung on and missed

Ooh, he had
his best rip at that one,

but he swung through
a fastball,
kneehigh on the inside

Brought it in under the fist,
did Whitey Brenner

And so the count goes
one and two on Eberly

One out,
no one aboard for Los Angeles

Brenner looks in,
gets his sign

The outfield deep around
toward leftfield

Heres the wind
and here comes the pitch

COMMENTATOR Wahlberg
sprinting around first

and he comes into second
with a standup double

So we swing into
the top of the fifth inning,
and were all tied at

You gotta mix it up a little
You gotta live, sweetie

Tony Tony, for ten years
you have been trying
to corrupt me

What can I do?
I am a purist

So will you please
wrap up my sandwich
and on the double

because I have to be
at a preview in ten minutes

Ah, it is a pity m'lady

Cast out these
beautiful morsels
from our life

CLAIRE: Tony Tony!

You are auditioning
again for me, Tony!

Please, I told you

Let's play it simple
No noise

You Hands up

Hey, is this a joke?

Quiet, shut up!
What have you got?
Cash

Hey, she's a friend of mine
WARD: Shut up, I said!

Open the cash register

I already made a deposit
this morning

That's all I got for you
I swear to God, take it

The guy
across the street

Turn around
Put your hands up

You, move ahead
Move around

Hold it!

Put your hands up

My hands
Up Higher

(TONY GROANING)

Walk to the door

Please, don't

I said walk to the door

Ward?

It is you, isn't it?

Move to the door,
Claire

You're wrong

I know you

You're not the type

Keep your hands up
Higher!

Why should I do
what you tell me to do

if you're going
to kill me anyway?

Because if you do as I say,
maybe I won't

Well, this is one mess
you're going to have to
clean up for yourself

I am going to lower
my hands now and leave

Good night, Ward

COMMENTATOR A double
in the bottom
of the sixth inning by

has given Los Angeles
a 75 lead

and were ready to go
in the seventh inning

Leading it off will be
Vince Carr

Whitey Brenner was relieved
by Kowalski
back in the fourth inning

Hes into the windup
and here comes the pitch

Carr swings and misses
lts 0 and 1
A good fastball

Carr hitting 231
on the season

Seventh inning
here in Los Angeles

A beautiful night and
the score is 75, LA

The wind and the pitch
and a high fly ball to left

COMMENTATOR And here comes
Scooter DAgosta
in from the bullpen

lts a critical spot, now
Bases loaded

We got two outs
in the ninth inning

And the game is 76

DAgosta has won four
and lost three on this season,

has eight saves

Hes a

COMMENTATOR from Brenner
and the count now is full,

three balls, two strikes
on Tony Eberly

Were tied at three
in the bottom
of the third inning

Mark! Wake up!
You're missin' the game!

Hey! How can you
fall asleep?

Eberly's got the count
to three and two

and a highfly ball,
sliced down
the right field line

Fair or foul?
lts at the foul pole
lts a home run!

You just lost ten big ones,
fella Pay up

The dope finally made it

Oh, what a head

Come on
You'll sleep it off
Okay

Okay, okay
There you go

I should've realized
you can't take the stuff

(COMMENTATOR CHATTERING)

I'm sorry, Ward

Just a few minutes

Hes had trouble getting
his curve ball over tonight

11, the count
The pitch to Johnson

Swung on, a line drive
Base hit into leftfield

Johnson circles at first,
the throw comes into second,
he holds at first

with a solid base hit to left
And with one out,
a 43 lead,

Johnson at first base,
and heres catcher,
Phil Baxter

What have you got, Morella?

Hey, Lieutenant

We're gonna wanna ask him
some more questions before
you take him in for xray

You bet

Got us a dead lady
and one pretty beat up
deli owner

What happened?

Robbery
Guy comes in all bundled up
like a downhill racer

Comes over to here,
lady's over here

Tony's behind
the cash register

Takes her money,
grabs the money
out of the till,

shoves Tony up
against the oven

He starts
pistolwhipping him

The lady
must've started to go

because Tony heard
the guy yell, "Don't move"

Went back
to pistolwhipping him,

the lady must've really got
scared and started to run

The guy came out,
shot her in the back

You got an ID?

Almost celebrity,
you might say

You ever watch a show
called Detective Lucerne?

Are you kidding?
We never miss that show
What a detective

Claire Daley
She produced it,
she and her husband

(TSKS)

Here's her wallet,
Lieutenant
Money's gone

Didn't bother
with anything else

Oh, sir?
What's that fella's name?

Tony

Tony!

Excuse me, sir

My name is Columbo,
Lieutenant Columbo

Do you think you can answer
a few questions?

TONY: Yeah, sure

I'm a little scrambled,
but go ahead

Now, I know this fellow
was all covered up,

do you remember anything
that might set him apart?

Like his size
or the way he walked,
the way he talked?

This guy came in

He was cool
as a cucumber

Wearin' a blue parka,

and a red ski mask

A little taller than
those bottle of olives
on top of that counter

Not a big guy,
about your height

Average height

Well, that's right,
average height

Or a little shorter

Or shorter

TONY:
Well, that's about it

She was a sweet person
We go back ten years,
Lieutenant

There we are
Two weeks after
I opened up the place

What a soul
this lady had

Find him,
Lieutenant, please

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
All right, kill the noise!
Let's have quiet, please!

(BELL RINGING)

DIRECTOR: Roll 'em

And action!

Jimmy, Jimmy
Let's go in tight

(WHISPERING)

Tight, tight
I'm as tight as I can go

(WHISPERING)

Get down!
We're shooting a movie

Get down

Get down

DIRECTOR: Cut! Cut!

(BELL RINGING)

What is this?
Who is that?

Let's move it
We've cut

It's a little too late
to be careful, sir

I'm sorry, I

Oh, what is going on here?

Will somebody get
the security guards?

I can't tell you
how sorry I am, sir

Would you mind
very much, sir

for making
this disturbance
I really can't tell you

My name is Columbo
I'm from the police

We're ready
when you are
Lieutenant Columbo

No, that's all right, Danny
Just hold on a second

It's all right

Never mind
the security

Okay
Take five!

You'll have to excuse me,

Lieutenant Columbo

I'm terribly sorry

How can I help you?

Oh, that's very
nice of you, sir
I appreciate that

After what I did
Gee whiz

Where was I?

This is
a little difficult

I'm looking
for a Mr Daley

Sid Daley?

He wasn't at his house
last night and he wasn't
there this morning,

and they just told me
at his office

that they don't know
when he's gonna be in,

so I was wondering if,
you know,

I thought maybe somebody here
would have an idea
where he might be

Yes, this is
about Claire, isn't it?

Yes, sir
Yes I'm afraid it is

I heard about the shooting
on the radio

And I still
I still can't
I mean I

I can't quite

I keep expecting her
to walk in through the door

I know it's silly
for me to think that
No

You want
some ice?

No, no, no, no, no
But she was something
special to me

I mean, everybody felt that,
but she was

I wouldn't be
worth a damn today,
if it wasn't for her

And it was
more than that

She was my friend

Hey
Take it easy, Ward

Exactly what time
did it happen, Lieutenant?

Last night, sir
About ten minutes to nine

Ten minutes
to nine

God knows
what I was doing

when she could have
used my help

Alone in my room, probably,
with some idiot script

You were not,
you were watching
the ballgame with me

I was? A ballgame?

(SCOFFS)

Oh, God I hope I wasn't
I was alone
I hope I wasn't

But you
weren't alone

Listen, Lieutenant,
he's upset

He's nervous,
you know?

And he

Mark, for God's sakes!
Will you stop it!

This isn't one
of my shows!

This actually happened
Claire's

Claire's dead
Now, will you take that soup
and get out of here

I can't take
anymore today

Look, all I meant
was you

Will you just
get out of here!

Sir
And stay out!

Sir, he didn't
mean any harm,

if you'll forgive me
for saying so, sir

I sometimes have
a silly effect on people,
you know what I mean?

Just being
a police lieutenant,
you know

At least,
I hope that's why

Yes, I'm sure it is

Your friend, sir
He was just trying
to be nice

(SIGHS)

What?

Oh Him No, no
He wasn't trying to be nice

He was trying
to fix me up with an alibi

Then it wasn't true?

What, Lieutenant?

I Excuse me
I keep swimming
in and out of myself

Well, you know,
that's what happens, sir

It's kind of like
being in shock

Maybe you ought to sit down
for a minute, sir

I am not in shock
I don't need to sit down

What was it
that you asked me?

Well, sir, it was only
what you said

about being
fixed up with an alibi

I mean, did he
have a reason to?

Lieutenant, would you mind
speaking clearly?

Did who have a reason
to do what?

Make an alibi, sir,
your friend

I mean, were you watching
the ballgame at ten minutes
to nine, sir, with him?

Oh, I see Well

Yes, I suppose I was

I don't have
an exact memory

about time,
that's why I have Mark

And if he says
I was, I was

He's very responsible
about time

That's what makes him
a superior gofer

You think she was murdered,
don't you?

I beg your pardon,
sir?

You heard me

Yes, sir, I did

I mean

Yes, I do think it was
a premeditated killing, sir

I mean, I think the robbery
was staged to coverup
the murder

How did you know,
sir?

Why else
would you be here?

It could be just
a routine check, sir

No, Lieutenant

They don't send a police
detective stumbling around

asking silly, fakeinnocent
questions on a routine check

I know that
from my show

Well, silly, fakeinnocent
questions like what, sir?

(CHUCKLES)

Like, "Mr Daley
wasn't at home last night

"He wasn't there this morning
They told me at the office

"Said they didn't know
when he'd be in,

"and I was wondering

"if anybody here had any idea
where he would be"

A man
on a routine check

STAGEHAND: Your chair, sir

just asks for Mr Daley
Thank you

(CHUCKLING)

Well, you're
absolutely amazing, sir

You're right

And here I thought
you were in shock

No, you didn't

You thought
I was confused

Perhaps scared

And probably
playing for time

Amazing

What makes you think
her murder was premeditated?

The usual thing, sir

Little facts that plain
don't fit, you know, sir

Anything I hate,
it's one of those
little facts

Doesn't ever seem to matter
how small it is, either, sir

It could be this big

Like he left
the credit cards behind

I mean,
why does a street robber
grab money from a wallet

and leave the credit cards?

They're worth a pretty
good piece of change
on the black market

You see what I mean, sir?

Credit cards What else?

Oh, there was
an alligator bag

A diamond ring

I doubt very much
if a robber in a hurry,
on the edge of panic,

is gonna take the time
to pull the ring off
of Claire's finger

You mean, sir

You mean, if she was dead,
he couldn't get it off?

Well, she is,
I believe, isn't she?

Well, yes, sir
But he could have
asked her for it first

Before he shot her

I remember Claire trying
to get that ring off
at a party once

Some silly game people
were playing

She couldn't
Not even with soap

And you can check that out
with her husband

He was the one that asked her
to take it off

He was on the other team

Boy, when you say you studied,

you aren't kidding,
are you, sir?

Well, then, what about
the alligator bag?

An alligator bag
that is six years old

is apt to be wornlooking

It doesn't look
like it's worth very much

It probably isn't

How do you happen
to know all that much
about her bag, sir?

I gave it to her

Well, that takes care of that,
doesn't it?

Right Well,
I guess, then

there's only
the credit cards, sir

If the killer is an idiot

I beg your pardon, sir,

I don't quite follow
your meaning there

Well, you don't
kill a woman

and then sell the credit cards
with her name on it

The police have been known
to bribe fences before,
you know

Well, of course
I'm sorry, sir

I should've thought
of that myself

Jeez, I guess you're right,
aren't you?

Not a lot to go on,
is there?

Cup of coffee?

Sir?

Except the panic

The panic?

Yes, sir
I might have something
in this area

See what you think

Mrs Daley was shot
at a distance of 30 feet

and she was shot
in the back

Are you with me
so far?

Yes, I think
I can grasp that

Now,

Tony

He's the owner
of the deli

He said that the killer
was "cool as a cucumber"

That's a direct quote, sir

So that means that
when Mrs Daley
tried to run,

that's when
he lost his cool

See, that's when he panicked
and he shot her

But he hit her
right in the heart, sir,

and at the distance of 30 feet
while she was running

Now, that's hard
to do in a panic

What do you think?

I think that I had better
try and help you

because you're going
to ask me to, aren't you?

You did it again, sir
You read my mind

Would you?
Oh, that would be an honor

Detective Lucerne
helping me

Wait till I tell my wife

Somebody
asking for me?

Oh, Sid,
it's all right

This is
Lieutenant Columbo
from the police department

This is Claire's husband,
Sid Daley

Sid, what can I tell you?
You know how I

How I felt
about Claire, huh?

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
We're ready, Mr Fowler!

Yeah Yeah,
I'll be right there

Whoops!

We're hooked

I'm terribly sorry
to have this happen
at such a tense moment

Mr Fowler, we're ready!

I said,
I'll be there

I'd better watch this,
Lieutenant Do you mind?

SID: What's the story, huh?

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
We're running
a little late, Sidney

Let's move it, huh?

Lieutenant,
what about this robber?

Do you have
any leads?

Well, sir

The truth is, it seems to be
a little bit more complicated

than a robbery, sir

Oh?
What the Lieutenant is saying

is that he's come
to the conclusion

that Claire may have been
murdered and the robbery
may be a coverup

Murdered?

That's insane

Don't you think
you should have come to me
first with this, Lieutenant?

Well, I tried to, sir
I've been looking for you
ever since last night

I was with my lawyer
last night

We meet for chess
once or twice a month,

and last night turned out
to be a marathon session

We didn't quit
until five in the morning,

so I stayed over

Thank you, sir

This friend,
sir, the lawyer,

where can I
reach him?

SID: Is this
a grilling session?

What am I?
Some kind of suspect
or something?

Nothing personal, sir

I have to ask
these routine questions

Well, his name is Leo Hart

But I think you're gonna
have trouble contacting him

He took the plane
for Rome at noon

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
We're ready to roll

Let's do it then, huh?

Mark! Why don't you
entertain the Lieutenant
while we shoot this

I'm sure he's
seen this, anyway

Seen it?
He was in it

Yeah, you know,
Ward is right

Time is my business, you know,
and I always know it

Oh, boy,
am I hungover today

I'll be glad
when this day's over

Hey, what time you got,
Lieutenant?

11:00 on the dot

Are you kidding?

Jeez, I paid a thousand
smackers for this watch

I lost five minutes
overnight

Do you mind,
sir?

I have never seen
a thousand dollar
watch before

Boy, that must
be solid gold

That's platinum

Oh, no wonder
it looks so different

Well, there's nothing wrong
with your watch, sir

You have
11:00, too

Yeah, but it should be
five minutes past eleven

I always set my watch,
you know, five minutes fast

You know, you're always
racing against time
24 hours a day

Excuse me, sir,
are those men
members of your crew?

Oh, yeah Yeah
They're with us all the time

Good I think I'll have
a word with them

Thank you very much
for everything

Excuse me, sir
Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD

I wonder if I can have
a word with you?

MAN 1: We're gonna
have the hotel
in the shot, right?

MAN 2: Everything

On the master, right?

In the master, right
Okay

This is where
He comes up right here

Can I ask you this?

What now?

This is just the way
we discussed it

This we do on stage
This is on stage three, right?

Right Stage three

How long do we stay there?
Two days at the most
Then we go to four

Well, what I wanna know
Would you make a note
of this, Cathy?

What I wanna know
is do we really
need this set?

Excuse me, sir
I don't wanna
interrupt you

Is that the
shark from Jaws?

Yeah, I believe it is,
Lieutenant

That's the one
that they used
in the picture?

I think so

Well, that looks
different to me

I can't help that

If we do scene 31
on stage four

Could they have two?

I
You know,
because in the picture

Lieutenant
at the end,
it got all mangled

Lieutenant, I know
you didn't come here
to talk about sharks

I'm pressed for time
What do you want?

Well, I just wanted
to ask a couple questions

We got wardrobe
in five minutes

I can give you
two minutes

Fine

Thank you
very much

I understand, sir,

that you and your wife
were living apart

That's true, Lieutenant

We haven't been close
for some time now

Would you
know, sir,

whether or not
she was seeing somebody?

I don't mean
to get personal,

but somebody whom
she might be emotionally
involved with?

Claire was devoted
to her work, Lieutenant

She wasn't any more
interested in lovers

than she was
in her husband

It made for a pretty
miserable marriage

Well, still, you must've
gotten along pretty good

I mean, you were
partners in business

Partners?
That was on paper, Lieutenant

Claire fought me
on everything

She had to have things
done her way

If I said white,
she'd say black

All you have to do
is take a look at this new
Ward Fowler contract

Paying an actor
that kind of money
is insanity

Now, wait a minute
Let me get this straight

Are you saying that you didn't
wanna pay him that money?

I think they should
have turned him down

I think he would have folded

But Claire argued me
right under the table

I was an idiot
for giving in

Now, if this show
takes a dip
they'll drop it

I still don't understand

You and your wife
were partners

Now, isn't it
to her best interest

not to give him
all that money?

In anything involving Ward,
she always took his side

Forgive me
for asking this, sir

I seem to remember stories

that at one time
they were pretty close

Are you suggesting
that their relationship

was still pretty close?

Yeah
But not the way you mean it,
Lieutenant

Oh, sure, they'd
had a big romance,

but by the time
I came into the picture,
it was dead

But that didn't mean
that Claire was finished

watching over Ward's career

She stopped being a lover
and she became a mother

Sent him off to have
his teeth capped

Made him drop ten pounds

Showed him how
to comb his hair

It sounds like
she was proud of him

It was ego

Claire's ego

You learn

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Lieutenant Columbo

MAN: No problem
No problem

COLUMBO:
Lieutenant Lucerne

I just wanted
to fill you in, sir

Right
What have we got?

Nothing

We still think
it was premeditated,
don't we?

Oh, I don't know, sir
What do you suppose?

Well, I suppose
if that's your instinct,
then it must be right

My instinct
about Claire,

and I don't have
any clues to go on,

is that she was
what they call,

I believe the term
is victimprone

Some people are,
you know?

And Claire, well,

Claire was given
to taunting people

She was a born victim

She was the kind
who asks for it

In her marriage,
in her life

Quite possibly
in her death

That's fascinating,
sir

You've got quite a way
of putting things

Especially about Mrs Daley
Let me ask you, sir

Could you maybe
tell me more about her?

Not much

But you're right

About what, sir?

What you're thinking

I was lying before

I didn't like
Claire very much

I haven't for years

Which doesn't mean to say

I wasn't shocked by the news
of her death, I was

And I was still a little bit
shook up
when you first walked in,

so I said whatever sounded
right to a detective

Some other detective
Not you

Please sit down

Properties, a glass
for the Lieutenant, please
MAN: Yes, sir

You had me absolutely
fooled, sir

Really?

Scout's honor

Even after you asked
a few questions
around the set?

Thank you
Our fights, Claire's and mine,

weren't always discreet

And some of them
were overheard, I believe

You must have been
told by the crew

You know how people talk

Yes, I do
I know exactly how they talk

But gossip doesn't
mean anything, sir,
does it?

One way or another

I mean, we still don't have
anything to go on

except the fact that
the killer hit the bull'seye
from 30 feet

If he hit the bull'seye,
Lieutenant

What do you mean, sir?

I mean that there's
as good a chance

of a man hitting
the shoulder

as there is
of his hitting the heart

Which leads us
to another theory

We're going to assume
that our man is a robber,

with no prior intent
to kill anyone

And we're also going to take
into account the fact

that a bullet
aimed high at the back

has a better than 280% chance

of killing the victim
by hitting a vital organ

in a crime
that is not premeditated

by a robber who is not
an expert marksman

Now, what do you think
the odds rise to

if the man
is an expert marksman

Do you think an exmercenary,
a kid hungup on guns,

excuse me,
a former policeman,
shoots still targets?

No Part of being
an expert marksman

is hitting a moving target

And a man who is accustomed
to firearms enough to be
an expert marksman

is often
in a situation of panic

That's brilliant, sir

That's very impressive

No wonder you solve
more crimes than I do, sir

Oh, wait a minute

Wait a minute, sir

I forgot

Forgot what?

The dress

The what?

I think I can show you
what I mean, sir

Excuse me, sir

Would you draw a circle
back there right around
the area of the heart?

Don't press too hard, sir
I don't wanna ruin the coat

Now what?

Now I drop my hands

Do you see what happened
to that circle, sir?

When I dropped my hands,
the circle dropped, too

Now, when I first saw
Mrs Daley's body,

I noticed that
she was wearing

one of those
tightfitting dresses

And that the bullet hole
in the dress

was about an inch below
the actual wound in her body,

which meant that she had
to be holding her hands up

when she was shot

And she couldn't be
running away, could she?

I mean, with her hands
standing like this

No one runs for their lives
with their hands straight up

So, either she was walking
with her hands straight up

or she was standing still
with her hands straight up

when the gunman
shot her in the back

Very well done

But I wish you had said
something before about this

It would've saved us
a lot of time, wouldn't it?

Well, we're back
to our deliberate murderer,
aren't we?

And this time
there's no doubt about it

Really, Lieutenant,
really well done

MAN:
Ward, the car's ready
to leave for the back lot

COLUMBO:
This is what the police artist
came up with

WARD: Not much help, is it?

No help at all, sir

I shouldn't have
wasted your time

Well, I'll just
let myself out

Thank you very much

Where is the
Oh!

There's the door

Lieutenant,
where do you think
he got the costume?

Well, funny you should
mention that, sir

I've been asking myself
that same question all day

There's a couple
of odd things about it

Neither the parka
nor the ski mask

have any markings on them

No way to trace them

and they were cut
to ribbons, anyway

You certainly
lock yourself in here, sir

And very smart
to do it, too

Oh, here we go

No, that doesn't work
either

You think he mutilated
the disguise

because he was afraid
someone might recognize it?

Exactly, sir

Boy, do you and I
think the same way
It's amazing

Isn't it?

I wonder, sir

Is there a trick
to unlocking this door, sir?

I can't seem
to manage it

Everybody has
trouble with this

Thank you very much,
sir

Oh, did I mention
the mask?

That it was slashed?

No That it had
makeup on it

The lab
turned it up, sir

Where would he find a mask
that had makeup on it?

That's a very good question

I believe you know
the answer

I believe I do, sir

We could be looking
for a woman

Precisely

We've assumed all along
it was a man,

but it's possible
we were wrong

Particularly
in the light of this

Oh, I'm relieved
to hear you say that, sir

I thought
you were going to say

it was impossible
because of Tony

Tony
He's the owner
of the delicatessen

Saying that the voice
was a man's

But, the below average height

and the fact that
the voice was disguised

and it was
muffled by the mask

All indicate
at least the possibility
of a doubt as to the gender

The lab is going
to be running some more tests
on that makeup,

so I'll report tomorrow

You should be on salary,
sir, with these hours

I feel I am

Good working with you

Thank you

(COLUMBO HUMMING)

(KNOCKING)

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

I guess I just
got carried away, sir

I hope you don't mind

No, no It's all right

These shoes, sir,
they're really terrific

Now I know
why, Lieutenant Lucerne,
he always look so tall

Yes, well, I would appreciate

a certain amount of discretion
in that matter, Lieutenant

Public image, you know

Oh, right, sir

Oh, well,

you don't have to worry
about a thing, sir

As far as I'm concerned,

you're four inches
taller than I am

And that's the end of it

Thank you,
Lieutenant Columbo

My pleasure,
Lieutenant Lucerne

Sir, I got the second
lab report on the mask,

so I hurried
right over

Yes?

It turns out that it
probably isn't a woman, sir

You see,
it was actor's makeup

Not the kind of makeup

that women use in the street
Pancake

Women very often
use a brand of makeup

that's made up for actors
like pancake

I, for example,

use precisely
that product myself

Yes, sir
I know

Yes I'm sure you do by now

No, but the point here
is something else, sir

You see,
the lab found traces

of four different shades
of makeup on that mask

And women, you know,
they don't usually
change shades that much

So, in the light of that,
sir, I got to thinking

Where did it lead you
to this time?

A guess, sir

A professional
makeup man?

Right, sir

And then
to my makeup table

Oh, no, sir
No, sir No

I only came here
to see you Honest

I was just fooling around
with the shoes

just to pass the time
for something to do
until you came in

No I didn't look
at another thing
while I was here

That means
you didn't have to

You already
know something

Where did you look?

Guess, sir
I'll give you three guesses

The studio wardrobe
department

You got it in one,
sir

That's absolutely amazing
You're right

The parka
and the ski mask

That's where they both
came from

And the gun?

Come on, sir
You're putting me on

You know that guns don't come
from the wardrobe department

Of course
How stupid of me

No, that's
the prop department, sir,

not the wardrobe department

How does a smart man
like Lieutenant Lucerne

make a mistake like that?

Because you're not talking
to Lieutenant Lucerne
at the moment,

are you, Lieutenant?

You're talking to Ward Fowler

Well, what's
the difference, sir?

The difference
is Ward Fowler's
under suspicion of murder

And a man
under that kind of threat

is apt to make mistakes

He's apt to get rattled

Well, who ever said
anything about Ward Fowler

being under
suspicion of murder?

Lieutenant Lucerne did

He did?

Well, how did he come
to that conclusion, sir?

He had to face
the same fact you did

What fact is that, sir?

There are only four people
who could have
murdered Claire

You mean the four people
who knew

where Claire Daley
was going to be that night

Exactly! And only one of those

is instantly associated with
makeup, wardrobe and props

COLUMBO:
Well, now, let's see

Mrs Daley
took the call

from her secretary
in your dressing room

when she said that
she was going to

Oh, what's his name, sir?

Tony's

You know Tony, sir
He's the one who

If you tell me that
one more time,
I'm gonna kill myself

Sorry, sir
Have I said that before?

So the number of people
who knew

where Claire Daley
was going to be that night,

her secretary,

Mr Sid Daley,

Mark

I'm curious
as to how Mark knew

Well, sir, Mark offered
to bring her a cheeseburger

and she told her secretary
to tell him

that she not only
didn't want a gofer,

she didn't want
a cheeseburger, either

And that she was going
to get a sandwich
over at Tony's

And she said to tell
her husband the same thing

I see

Well, no you don't, sir

I mean, you must
have seen before

Because you were
in the room

when she took the call,
weren't you?

She made it from
this dressing room

I don't know
I'm not sure

I'm not in the habit
of listening to other people's
telephone calls

I didn't know that Claire
was going to Tony's

You didn't, sir?

Absolutely not,
Lieutenant

Then how did you know,
sir, that there were
only four people

who knew where Claire Daley
was going to be that night

and how did you know
that you were one of them?

The same way
you did

I asked Claire's secretary
and she informed me

that the call was made
from my room

You did, sir?

Oh, yes, I did,
Lieutenant

Oh, that's
very good, sir

Thank you, Lieutenant
I believe you meant that

Oh, I did, sir

I'd say we make rather
a good team, don't you?

Yeah Sort of like
Sherlock Holmes
and Watson, sir

No, no, no,
no, no

More like Sherlock Holmes
and Sherlock Holmes

Well, what I mean, sir,
is the way I see it,

I'm working with
the highest paid detective
in the world

It's not as high
as it sounds

Not when you have to pay out
as much as I do

Well, I gotta get
to work on Sid Daley

Boy, it's hard to find
someone in Rome, sir

Yes, I imagine

But his story has
to be checked out
just like anybody else's

Oh, by the way,
sir,

did I mention
that we found the gun
in the prop department?

No What you said was
that was where you were
gonna look for one

Oh, that's right, sir
Right

And you didn't wanna
jump to conclusions

No good detective
should

Was there anything
on the gun?

Anything like
what, sir?

Fingerprints,
what else?

Oh, right
No, I don't think so, sir

The lab is
still running tests

By the way, sir,

why do you think
he put the gun back

and threw away
everything else?

Perhaps because
he didn't have time
to get rid of the gun safely

Guns are very easy
to trace

And the prop room

may have seemed
the safest place to him

I think
you hit it again, sir

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

ASSISTANT DIRECTOR:
Ready when you are,
Mr Fowler

Be right there

Oh, sir, if you didn't think
I was gonna be in the way,

I would love to

No Not at all
Be my guest

Oh, thank you very much,
sir I appreciate that

Excuse me, sir

I don't wanna
appear grabby,

but do you think I could
have one of these, sir?

Certainly
As many as you want

That's the usual
publicity nonsense

Ward Fowler this,
Ward Fowler that
Nothing

Nothing to you sir,
but to my wife

Boy, she's gonna
be tickled pink

(CLEARS THROAT)

But blend it on
All right

No I mean blend it,
especially on this side

Oh, I see
All right

Like that?

I can't tell

Oh, am I in the way, sir?
Oh, forgive me
I didn't mean to intrude,

That's all right,
Lieutenant

That's remarkable

Yes, sir

Remarkable
how you do that, sir

My wife would like
to have you around

Thank you, Lieutenant

You know, this bio, sir,

it doesn't say
anything about

when you were
first discovered,

and what you were doing
when you were discovered,

who discovered you

I'm going to have
a little chat

with the publicity department
about that

Come to
think of it, sir,

it was Mrs Daley
who discovered you, wasn't it?

Now, Lieutenant,
I told you all about that
with great emotion

and in great detail
the first time we met

Well, that's what I mean, sir,
it should be in here

Excuse me, Kenny
Thank you

Where were you
and when

Lieutenant, why don't you
just ask me

what it is
you wanna know?

Where did Mrs Daley
discover you, sir?

That's something even
my wife doesn't know

It doesn't say anything
here in the bio

It doesn't even say
whether Ward Fowler's
your real name or not

And that's something
any Lieutenant Lucerne fan
would wanna know

Why don't we
stop pretending

that I'm brilliant and you're
simple for one moment

I'm gonna confide
something in you

Anything you tell me, sir,
it's between us
Like the shoes

Lieutenant,
my real name,

so help me,
Charles Kipling

And you're the only one
who knows that

Now, Charles Kipling was
in a little bit of trouble

when Claire
first found him

Actually, I was
doing theater
in Toronto

Claire and I hit it off big,
she thought I had
a great future,

she persuaded me
to leave Canada

And that was
the beginning

The trouble straightened
itself out, of course

But I've always been
a little sensitive about it

You understand?

Oh, I certainly do,
sir

Lou, Lou, I'm talking,
but you're not listening

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
There's no money
in the budget

Lou, will you believe me?
There's no money

Look, that's the way it is,
take it or leave it

Good Good
You got yourself a deal

What is it this time,
Lieutenant?

I'm a very busy man

There was no one
out there, sir

It's all right

So I just came in
Congratulations

Congratulations
for what?

I heard you came into
a lot of money

I see You heard
about my little windfall?

Yes, sir, I have

Lieutenant, if you think
I knew anything about this,

you're wrong

My lawyer called me
and told me

my wife's safe deposit box

was practically layered

with receipts for these
silver certificates

I'll be damned
if I can figure out
how she did it

I think the government's gonna
have a little trouble, too,

because she never
declared them as income

She kept the certificates
in a numbered account
in a Canadian bank

And it all goes to you,
right, sir?

And it all goes to me
After taxes

Including a few lovely IOUs
from Ward Fowler

Is that so, sir?
That's surprising, isn't it?

Considering all the money
he makes

I never question good fortune,
Lieutenant

All I know is that
getting along
with Ward Fowler

is gonna be
a lot easier from now on

What about a drink?

That's amazing
how she kept it from you

Well she did
I just found out about it

Yes, sir, I know
Your accountant told me

Oh Well, good

Then that's it, huh?

Yes, sir, that's it

Oh, there's
one more thing, sir

Mr Hart
is in Rome

He's gonna be back
in his hotel room
in a little while

Before I talk to him,

were you really playing chess
the other night?

Lieutenant, let's get it
straight right now

I was not with Leo Hart
the other night

But I wasn't busy
killing my wife, either

(BUZZER SOUNDING)

Yes, Mr Daley?

SID: Molly, would you
come in for a minute?
I need your help

Molly, would you please
tell Lieutenant Columbo

where I was
on Thursday evening,

the night
my wife was killed?

The truth

Mr Daley was with me,
Lieutenant

We left the office
together

and we were together

in my apartment
until the next morning

It's the truth

Yes, ma'am

I believe it is

Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne

I suppose you came here
for a confession

Well, you're not
going to get it, sir

(LAUGHING)

Because

you don't have
the facts, sir

(CHUCKLING)

Wait a minute
You're gonna love it

Let's see
what we got here

All right

I don't know why
you started laughing

Here

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Good afternoon,
Lieutenant Lucerne

I suppose you came here
for a confession

Well, youre not
going to get it, sir

(WARD LAUGHING)

I'm just silly, sir,
but that machine,
that is really fantastic

How much, roughly,
would a thing like that cost?

Oh, about $3,000
Not counting the camera,
of course

Three thousand?
Dollars?

Why, I can get a new car
for that Not that I need one

Lieutenant,

you have something
to say to me, don't you?

Yes, sir I'm really sorry
to bother you like this, sir

But just a couple of questions
before my report on Sid Daley

It doesn't look like
he could have done it, sir

He was with a girl
and she confirmed it

I see

I tell you what

Let's you and I discuss
what I have to tell you first

And then we can both
interrogate Ward Fowler

You see,
as Lieutenant Lucerne,

I have a rather unpleasant
idea taking shape in my mind

Brandy?

Thank you, sir

What might that be, sir?

Well, that might be
And I'm speaking strictly
as Lucerne, of course

Of course

It just might be,
unlikely as it may seem,

it just might
conceivably be

Ward Fowler
is the man we're after

You mean the murderer?

Exactly

No

Yes I know this comes
as a shock to you

But let's think about it

Let's examine
the possibilities

Well, if you say so, sir,

but I don't see
where there could be
possibly a motive

Why would Ward Fowler
wanna kill Claire Daley?

It's Claire Daley
who made him famous

That's what I
was wondering and then

I got to thinking
about the IOUs

Oh, did you, sir?

Yes Oddly enough I did

I'm speaking as Lucerne,
of course

Yes, of course

Half a million dollars
in IOUs Wow!

I couldn't help wondering why,
with all the money

that Ward Fowler makes,

he could owe
Claire Daley that much

And then it hit me

What hit you, sir?

Coffee?

Thank you

Did you happen to see
a show last August

that had to do with a man
who was being blackmailed
by a woman?

Oh, yes, sir,
I did see that show Yes

He shot her

Exactly

Why would Claire Daley
blackmail Ward Fowler?

And then how?

That's where I'm gonna need
your help, Lieutenant

Have you, by any chance,

checked with
the Toronto police by now?

Yes, yes,
as a matter of fact, I have

I thought maybe you had
And they told you

They told me that
Charles Kipling was an alias

And that's when
you decided to have

Ward Fowler's fingerprints
checked with the FBI?

That is absolutely right, sir

You're amazing

Yes, it turns out that
Ward Fowler's real name
is not Charles Kipling

It's John Snelling
and you're a

He's not a Canadian

He's an American

And he went to Canada

after he deserted
during the Korean War

There you are
There's your motive

How would it look if
America's favorite detective

were known to be
a Korean War deserter?

Or hadn't that
occurred to you?

Oh, yes, sir,
it did occur to me,

but there's something
wrong with your thinking

If you'll forgive
a criticism, sir

I look at it this way

If Ward Fowler's career
was ruined,

she wouldn't be able
to blackmail him anymore,
would she?

He wouldn't have
anymore money

And on top of that,
the show would fold

And it would be her show

Do you understand
my point, sir?

I mean, does
an intelligent woman

go and destroy
her only means of income?

I don't know Does she?

It's what that character did
in the show last August

That's the implicit threat
of every blackmailer,

"Pay me or I'll ruin you"

Can I ask you
a question, sir?

Why don't we just
ask Ward Fowler

if he was being blackmailed
or not?

I asked him

And?

He claims not

He claims he has
what he calls a weakness

And this weakness
has cost him a great deal

and Claire Daley
was kind enough
to lend him enough money

to cover
his rather extensive losses

And do you
believe him, sir?

Taking your argument for him
into account, I think so

I'm not sure Do you?

Well, it's hard to say,
isn't it?

I mean,

taking your argument
against him into account

I mean, you know, he had
an awful lot to conceal

Did you know that?

For example, the Army unit
that he deserted from
was the artillery

He was an expert marksman

I checked on that, too

He never told me that

You see?

You never know, do you?

On the other hand,

Ward Fowler has an alibi

He was with Mark
during the whole time
during the murder

And that alibi is ain'tight

Is it as ain'tight
as Sid Daley's?

Oh, I think it's more, sir

I mean, a girl
that you're gonna marry

is much more apt to provide
an alibi than a gofer

What do we conclude
from this interrogation?

Ward Fowler denies
having a motive,

he won't admit
to having means,

and he can prove that
he didn't have opportunity

So that leaves us
with Sid Daley

That's a great third act line,
isn't it?

"That leaves us
with Sid Daley"

Well, I think this has been
very helpful, sir

Thank you very much

I certainly
appreciate it

Oh One more thing, sir

We got something else
on the gun
Did I mention that?

No, you didn't
What, Lieutenant?

A thread sir

From the parka?

No, sir
We haven't traced the garment

from which
the thread came from yet, sir

Lieutenant, if I were you,
I'd get a search warrant

for all four people involved

Yes, sir
That's just exactly
what I've done, sir

In fact

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Could you
open this, sir?

I still don't have
the knack

I would like for us
to know, Lieutenant,
the meaning of this

Sid, please

He asked me where you were,
Lieutenant I hope
it's okay that I told him

May I ask
what this was
all about?

Oh, there's
the sweater

Does it match up
with the thread?

I think so

We gotta take it down
to the lab, though,
Lieutenant

It's the only
piece of clothing
that even came close

I don't know what you're
talking about, Lieutenant,

but I do know that
suspicion is being
deliberately cast on me

and I can guess
by whom

Well, sir, I won't deny
that Lieutenant Lucerne

Will you stop calling him
Lieutenant Lucerne?

He's a television detective

You can't conduct
an investigation
based on his suspicions

Well, sir I did have a reason
beyond his suspicions

You see, the gun
that killed your wife, sir,

had a little piece of thread
that got caught
on the trigger

I'm afraid, sir,
that that thread

came from this sweater

A thread from my sweater?

Yes, sir Mohair

And the lab said
navy blue mohair

And I remembered that was
the color of the sweater

that you were wearing
the first day that I met you

The morning
after she was murdered

But that's incredible

Yes, sir,
I agree with you

But I've always had
a good memory for colors

Bravo, Lieutenant
Even I didn't remember that

Didn't you, sir?

My goodness,
that's funny

You see,
because one of
the reasons

that I remembered
the sweater

was because
you got hooked on it
that day

Following
our discussion, sir

Supposing Lucerne
was right before

when he got the idea
that Ward Fowler
was our man

Supposing Ward Fowler
had planted that thread
on the gun himself

I don't quite follow you

Well, sir,
supposing you

I mean, supposing
Lieutenant Lucerne
was right,

and Claire Daley
was blackmailing you

like in the TV show

Lieutenant, I thought
we agreed that I had
what you called

an ironclad alibi?

Ain'tight, sir, that's what
we actually say

Yes, sir, but you know
as well as I do

that you could have
rigged that alibi

It was very brave of you, sir,

to show me
the videotape machine

You certainly like
to take a chance

And I always wondered,
of course,

how two drinks could have
given Mark such a hangover

I figured it was
phenobarbital

And then he would be out

And you'd be able
to tape the game,

and go over to Tony's,
and kill Claire, and get home,

and then wake up Mark

And he would be
disoriented and groggy

and guilty
about drinking

And when you saw
the ballgame on TV,

and it looked just about
the same as it did
when he passed out,

he'd be glad to assume
he'd only been out
for a minute or two

instead of the hour and a half
that had actually passed

And you changed his watch,
didn't you?

And then you changed it back
to the right time
after he was asleep

That was a mistake, sir

You shouldn't have set it
to the correct time

because Mark always keeps
his watch five minutes fast

I wondered about that

A thousand dollar watch
just doesn't lose
five minutes overnight

Is that it?

No, sir There's
also the height
of the criminal

He's about my height

And your height

without the platform shoes

And there's
one other thing, sir

You're a crack shot

Endlessly fascinating,
Lieutenant

But as Lieutenant Lucerne
would say,

"Where there is no proof,
there is no criminal"

Fascinating,
notwithstanding

But I think, sir,
I have the proof

Here

What proof?

WARD:
Lieutenant, there are
no fingerprints on that gun

You said so yourself
this morning

This has been a rather silly
demonstration, Lieutenant

Well, you're absolutely right
again, sir

The killer cleaned the gun
of all incriminating prints

But the thing is,
he forgot something

Forgot what?

Well, sir, you know that
this gun was only
used as a prop

So, of course, it was
never filled with
anything but blanks

That is,
until you stole it, sir

And in order to
kill Mrs Daley,

you had to remove the blanks
and insert real bullets

There were no prints
on the gun

because you
wiped the gun clean, sir

But there is a reason
that the lab report
took so long

You remembered
to clean the gun

But you didn't remember
to do the same thing
with the bullets

Damn!

I had to forget something

That's always
how the third act ends

You see, I've had
no rehearsal as a murderer

I'm, after all, a detective

Yes, sir, but

you did kill Claire Daley,
didn't you, sir?

She was a blackmailer

And I killed her

And up to now,
I'm glad I killed her

And I believe
that in this killing

the murderer
has the sympathetic part

Does that satisfy you?

Yes, sir
That satisfies me

Lieutenant, you would do me
an enormous favor

if you stopped calling me sir

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