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Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola...
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"MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
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Robert J. Wheeler, president."
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Hmm. "Therapeutic hosiery." Mm.
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Very fancy.
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He was actually quite nice.
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He said he didn't want to be a bother,
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and if I changed my mind,
"the ball is in my court."
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Oh, like in basketball.
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No, no, it's tennis.
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Ever seen how big this man is?
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He does not play tennis.
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- It's just a saying.
- What is?
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The ball in your court.
It means she can call him.
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Well, I'm not calling anybody.
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I have work, I have school,
I have my son.
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I have no time for balls.
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Well, there goes the second date.
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(LAUGHS)
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Auntie, Uncle,
can we speak privately, please?
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Don't worry. Uh, we are Team Bob.
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What is he doing here?
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We invited him for tea and biscuits
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to discuss whether a
match could be made.
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A match? I do not want a match.
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It's not about what you want.
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It's about what is good
for the whole family.
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Okay, it is decided.
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Abishola will have tea with
you on Tuesday afternoon.
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The only way I would
spend time with Abishola
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is if she wants to.
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Ooh. This is bad.
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Abishola?
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I will have tea with you.
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Are you sure?
'Cause I don't want you to do
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anything against your will.
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I said will have tea with you.
Stop talking.
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Oh, that's wonderful news.
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Your brother's grandson got accepted
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to the University of Nigeria.
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- Which grandson?
- Which grandson?
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Number 12.
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Oh. David.
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Good. Ooh. Ask her
to send us a bag of stockfish.
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You can get that at the supermarket.
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Oh, they don't sell the heads.
I like the heads.
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Okay. Please send stockfish.
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Make sure you wrap it properly.
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Last time, the suitcase smelled terrible
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and I had to tell the man at the airport
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that Tunde had a leg infection.
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You didn't have to tell him anything.
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We could have just left.
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Good morning, Auntie and Uncle.
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- Good morning, Abishola.
- Good morning.
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Yes, Abishola is doing very well.
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She finally met a man.
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Uh-uh. Who are you talking to?
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- My sister.
- Which one?
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The one who gave birth to you.
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Mommy, I did not meet anyone.
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Move away. This is my conversation.
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Between work and school,
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Abishola had no chance
of meeting somebody
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until I stepped in.
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You're welcome.
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His name is Bob, he's American
and he owns a big sock company.
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He was so honored to meet us
that he followed us to our home.
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Eh, after he caught you spying on him.
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I have already said you are welcome.
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Uh, Dele, the grown-ups are talking.
Go to school.
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- But I'm hungry.
- Be hungry for knowledge.
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Yes, he's handsome.
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Like Kevin James with a mustache...
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...only more orobo.
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Orobo? Bob is not that fat.
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(CHUCKLES): Yes.
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Trust me, he's orobo.
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("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)
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_
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So if I want to say
hello in her language...
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- E karo.
- E karo.
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No, no, no, e karo.
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Pretty sure that's what I said.
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Now, how do you say goodbye?
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- O dabo.
- O dabo. O dabo.
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O dabo, o dabo.
You know, I speak Mandarin.
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I did not know that.
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_
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Nice. Now I want Chinese for lunch.
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Okay, this is important.
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How do you say, "I'm sorry
your aunt and uncle forced you
93
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:09,251
"to spend time with me,
but I really enjoyed myself
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00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:10,836
and I'd like to do it again"?
95
00:04:10,921 --> 00:04:13,972
Ma binu iya iya re
ati egbon re fi agbara
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mu o lati lo akoko pelu mi,
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sugbon mo gbadun ara mi ati
Mo fe lati se e leekansi.
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Uh, w-what's that first word? Binu?
99
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It means, "I'm sorry."
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That's good. That's all I need.
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_
102
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So, how are things with
you and the sock king?
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- (CHUCKLES)
- There are no things.
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There is just tea.
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KEMI: Very good.
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It's going very good.
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Every sock king needs a sock queen.
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(BOTH LAUGH)
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Stop it, both of you.
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If I were to marry again...
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- You will.
- I won't.
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- You will. You wi...
- I won't. I won't.
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ABISHOLA: But if I were to marry again,
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it would only be to a Nigerian man.
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Only? That kind of narrows
down your options, doesn't it?
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Don't listen to her.
She has many options.
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Top of the list,
Nigerian man, same tribe.
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- Yoruba.
- Mm-hmm.
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Then Nigerian man, different tribe.
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- Igbo.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:05:13,975 --> 00:05:15,901
KEMI: Then other Africans.
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Except Tunisians and Egyptians.
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Obviously.
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Then Caribbean, then white,
125
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then African-American.
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00:05:25,079 --> 00:05:26,411
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
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Wait, wait.
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So, a black man is last on your list?
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Below white men?
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You get it.
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I get that you full of crap.
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- Hmm?
- Huh-uh.
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All you Africans think
you better than us.
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00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,393
- Well...
- Well, what?
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00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,595
You don't make it easy for yourselves.
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00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:46,398
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, come on.
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00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:49,518
Gangbangers, welfare stamps,
the baby mamas.
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00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:52,938
You're just buying into
that racist propaganda
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00:05:52,990 --> 00:05:54,272
you see on TV.
140
00:05:54,358 --> 00:05:56,775
There are more white people
on food stamps and welfare
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00:05:56,860 --> 00:05:57,943
than black people.
142
00:05:58,028 --> 00:06:01,780
That's not what it says on the Fox News.
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00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:05,200
- Which is fair and balanced.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:06:05,285 --> 00:06:07,869
Okay, I'll tell you what.
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00:06:07,955 --> 00:06:11,089
Next time I get an e-mail
from a Nigerian prince,
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you want me to assume it's one
of you heffas trying to scam me?
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00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:16,011
Calm down, both of you. Heffa?
Who are you calling heffa?
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00:06:16,096 --> 00:06:18,296
Kemi, Kemi, you are upsetting Gloria.
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00:06:18,382 --> 00:06:19,965
You both upsetting Gloria.
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00:06:20,674 --> 00:06:23,268
You think white folks see
a difference between us?
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00:06:23,303 --> 00:06:25,604
To them, we all look the same.
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You get pulled over by a cop,
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he's not gonna see your
little ranking system.
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He's just gonna see this.
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We wouldn't get pulled over.
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We obey the traffic laws.
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_
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Hey, what are you doing there? Get away.
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Why are you reading about Nigeria?
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I said, get away.
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All right, all right.
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- You ever hear of privacy?
- Ah, calm down.
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00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,166
It's not like there's any porn on there.
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00:06:54,251 --> 00:06:56,334
- How do you know?
- I looked.
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Mom's browsing history is
more interesting than yours.
166
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:03,091
So, why Nigeria?
167
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Don't worry about it.
168
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,011
Ooh. Is it a charity thing?
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00:07:06,063 --> 00:07:07,345
People buy a pair of socks,
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00:07:07,398 --> 00:07:08,847
we give away a pair to a poor person?
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We're not doing that.
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00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:12,517
You sure? We don't really
have to give anything away.
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Nobody checks.
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00:07:15,822 --> 00:07:17,489
That's not happening.
175
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:18,857
So, what's the deal, then?
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None of your business.
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00:07:21,078 --> 00:07:23,361
We're only as sick as our secrets,
big brother.
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00:07:23,447 --> 00:07:26,281
- Where'd you get that?
- Alcoholics Anonymous saying.
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00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:27,699
Are you...?
180
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,619
No, no, no. I just like
dating women in recovery.
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00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:33,955
- Why is that?
- Less pressure.
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They hate themselves
before they sleep with me.
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00:07:39,346 --> 00:07:41,880
Come on. What's the deal?
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Fine. I met somebody.
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00:07:44,218 --> 00:07:46,935
In Nigeria?
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00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,720
- No.
- Then where?
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In the hospital.
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00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:52,441
That nurse you were looking for.
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00:07:52,526 --> 00:07:54,476
- Yeah.
- (LAUGHS): Oh.
190
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,145
So, she's Nigerian, then?
191
00:07:57,231 --> 00:07:58,563
Yeah.
192
00:07:58,615 --> 00:08:00,398
Just to be clear,
we're not talking African-American,
193
00:08:00,451 --> 00:08:03,368
we're talking, like, African-African?
194
00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:05,737
Or just African.
195
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:06,905
Right.
196
00:08:06,957 --> 00:08:08,907
Looking at a map, where's Nigeria?
197
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:11,076
Between Benin and Cameroon.
198
00:08:11,128 --> 00:08:13,078
Oh, sure, yeah. Now I know.
199
00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:19,084
By the way, you and her,
it'll never work.
200
00:08:19,136 --> 00:08:20,252
Why not?
201
00:08:20,337 --> 00:08:24,089
Bob. Bob. Bob.
202
00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:25,130
(SIGHS)
203
00:08:25,142 --> 00:08:27,092
A bird may love a fish,
204
00:08:27,144 --> 00:08:29,761
but where will they
build a home together?
205
00:08:31,798 --> 00:08:34,933
Is that more words to live
by from women in recovery?
206
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:37,269
Actually,
that's from Fiddler on the Roof.
207
00:08:37,354 --> 00:08:38,487
Which I saw
208
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:40,021
'cause I was dating a Jewish girl
209
00:08:40,107 --> 00:08:42,941
who was also in recovery,
so, yeah, I guess.
210
00:08:48,532 --> 00:08:50,031
Hello, Richard.
211
00:08:50,117 --> 00:08:51,366
Hey, Abishola.
212
00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:52,951
How's it going with Bob?
213
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:56,421
Huh... how do you know about Bob?
214
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,509
My God.
215
00:09:04,131 --> 00:09:05,797
You told the bus driver?
216
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,217
I told everybody.
217
00:09:09,303 --> 00:09:10,769
In this terrible world that we live in,
218
00:09:10,804 --> 00:09:12,771
people need to hear good news.
219
00:09:13,811 --> 00:09:16,024
You need to stop telling
people my business.
220
00:09:16,109 --> 00:09:18,109
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you.
221
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:22,731
I put it on my Facebook.
222
00:09:22,816 --> 00:09:25,317
I got 75 likes.
223
00:09:25,369 --> 00:09:26,451
Take it down.
224
00:09:26,486 --> 00:09:28,620
Why? I'm excited for you
225
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,789
and so are 75 people you don't know.
226
00:09:30,824 --> 00:09:33,792
I just need you to stop
talking and respect my privacy.
227
00:09:33,827 --> 00:09:35,877
(SCOFFS) Stop talking?
228
00:09:35,963 --> 00:09:37,295
As you wish.
229
00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,169
Don't be like that.
230
00:09:44,221 --> 00:09:47,806
Like what?
I'm just respecting your privacy.
231
00:09:47,841 --> 00:09:50,842
Mm. Richard,
232
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:53,311
did you know that Kemi is single?
233
00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:00,915
_
234
00:10:02,856 --> 00:10:04,072
Working late?
235
00:10:04,157 --> 00:10:05,357
- Yup.
- Me, too.
236
00:10:05,409 --> 00:10:08,443
Thank God for caffeine
and Adderall, huh?
237
00:10:08,528 --> 00:10:10,195
You're still taking that stuff?
238
00:10:10,247 --> 00:10:13,615
Oh, yeah. It, uh, helps
with my attention deficit disorder.
239
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,784
Well, I guess that's good,
but be careful,
240
00:10:15,869 --> 00:10:17,452
you don't want to start depending on it.
241
00:10:17,537 --> 00:10:19,671
I'm sorry, what?
242
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:22,540
Nothing. I'll see you later.
243
00:10:22,626 --> 00:10:24,676
Oh, hey, Bob?
244
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,928
You want to keep your
personal life personal,
245
00:10:27,014 --> 00:10:28,930
don't talk about it with Douglas.
246
00:10:29,016 --> 00:10:31,549
Aw, damn it. You're right. Stupid.
247
00:10:31,635 --> 00:10:35,103
And speaking of stupid,
are you out of your freaking mind?
248
00:10:35,188 --> 00:10:37,022
- What?
- Bob,
249
00:10:37,057 --> 00:10:38,890
you spent 12 years married to a woman
250
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,475
who shared everything with you.
251
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,611
I mean, you ate the same foods,
252
00:10:42,696 --> 00:10:44,112
you enjoyed the same movies,
253
00:10:44,197 --> 00:10:46,865
hell, you kind of looked the same.
254
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:50,485
Not at the beginning.
She turned into me.
255
00:10:50,570 --> 00:10:54,372
Well, my point is, you still
couldn't make the marriage work.
256
00:10:54,408 --> 00:10:56,074
How do you think it's gonna go
257
00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:57,409
if you get involved with someone
258
00:10:57,494 --> 00:10:59,577
you have absolutely
nothing in common with?
259
00:10:59,663 --> 00:11:01,079
Well, did you ever stop to consider
260
00:11:01,164 --> 00:11:03,248
that maybe opposites attract?
261
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,718
Baloney. Opposites avoid each other.
262
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:07,969
They hate each other.
263
00:11:08,055 --> 00:11:11,256
They stab each other with steak knives.
264
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,392
Feels like we should be talking
about your failed marriage.
265
00:11:14,428 --> 00:11:16,344
Why would you say that?
266
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:18,847
Well, you stabbed your ex-husband
267
00:11:18,932 --> 00:11:20,649
in the ass with a steak knife.
268
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,653
Like you've never made a mistake!
269
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:27,405
- Good talk. Love you!
- Drop dead, Bob!
270
00:11:32,419 --> 00:11:34,389
_
271
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:40,529
- E karo, Goodwin.
- E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
272
00:11:40,581 --> 00:11:42,932
- Have you seen your lady friend again?
- Not yet,
273
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,167
but we have plans to have tea tomorrow.
274
00:11:45,202 --> 00:11:47,620
How do you say "tea" in her language?
275
00:11:47,705 --> 00:11:49,622
- Tii.
- Tii.
276
00:11:49,707 --> 00:11:51,206
Perfect.
277
00:11:51,259 --> 00:11:54,009
Look at me,
trying to date a woman from Nigeria.
278
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,344
You are pressing the envelope.
279
00:11:56,621 --> 00:11:58,547
- E karo.
- E karo.
280
00:11:58,599 --> 00:12:00,599
Karo.
281
00:12:00,685 --> 00:12:02,635
E karo, Mr. Wheeler.
282
00:12:03,875 --> 00:12:04,968
_
283
00:12:05,143 --> 00:12:08,050
_
284
00:12:08,198 --> 00:12:09,456
_
285
00:12:09,477 --> 00:12:10,576
Hey, Mr. Wheeler.
286
00:12:11,327 --> 00:12:15,072
_
287
00:12:15,073 --> 00:12:17,310
_
288
00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:21,403
O dabo.
289
00:12:23,094 --> 00:12:25,198
_
290
00:12:25,776 --> 00:12:27,176
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
- (DOOR OPENS)
291
00:12:27,244 --> 00:12:30,045
- Bob, got a minute?
- Yeah.
292
00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:31,797
I just spoke to Douglas.
293
00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:33,049
(GROANS)
294
00:12:33,116 --> 00:12:35,217
There is nothing to
be embarrassed about.
295
00:12:35,252 --> 00:12:36,552
I think it's wonderful.
296
00:12:36,587 --> 00:12:38,304
- Really?
- Absolutely.
297
00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:40,306
You have my complete support.
298
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:42,174
Wow, thanks, Mom.
299
00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:44,226
You're welcome, honey.
300
00:12:44,261 --> 00:12:47,563
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- I don't know if I ever told you this,
301
00:12:47,598 --> 00:12:49,264
but I used to hang around the clubs
302
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,400
back when Motown Records
was getting started.
303
00:12:51,435 --> 00:12:53,352
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.
304
00:12:53,437 --> 00:12:55,187
Of course,
that was before I met your father.
305
00:12:55,272 --> 00:12:57,940
There were a couple of
night spots in Detroit
306
00:12:58,025 --> 00:13:00,859
where you could spend time
with the actual musicians.
307
00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,996
Okay...
308
00:13:04,081 --> 00:13:06,448
Not to brag,
but your mom sang a little harmony
309
00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:09,118
with two Temptations and a Pip.
310
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,204
Good story. Thanks.
311
00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:15,290
You remember that song
"You Can't Hurry Love"?
312
00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,559
None of them did.
313
00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:22,965
- (KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
- Hello.
314
00:13:27,811 --> 00:13:30,291
_
315
00:13:32,299 --> 00:13:36,445
Oh, yeah,
that is one very funky gallbladder.
316
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:37,980
Sponge stick.
317
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:41,116
Thank you.
318
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:45,287
So, Abishola, I hear there's
a new fellow in your life now.
319
00:13:45,322 --> 00:13:46,739
- (GIGGLES)
- (STAMMERS)
320
00:13:46,824 --> 00:13:47,873
Where did you hear this?
321
00:13:47,958 --> 00:13:49,658
Oh, a little bird told me.
322
00:13:49,710 --> 00:13:50,876
Forceps.
323
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:53,829
Does this little bird
have a Facebook page?
324
00:13:53,881 --> 00:13:56,331
Yes, and a Snapchat.
325
00:13:58,719 --> 00:14:00,219
Oh, my God.
326
00:14:00,304 --> 00:14:02,721
You know,
my brother married a white girl.
327
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:06,558
She became a Hindu, wore a sari,
did everything right.
328
00:14:06,644 --> 00:14:08,644
It was still a disaster.
329
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,979
I am not marrying anyone.
330
00:14:11,015 --> 00:14:13,565
Well, if you do,
don't count on your family
331
00:14:13,651 --> 00:14:15,517
to provide much in the way of support.
332
00:14:15,569 --> 00:14:17,186
To this day, my mother refuses
333
00:14:17,271 --> 00:14:19,488
to be in the same room with Betty Jo.
334
00:14:20,547 --> 00:14:22,024
I got you,
335
00:14:22,076 --> 00:14:24,076
you slippery bastard.
336
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:27,112
Hot potato. (CHUCKLES)
337
00:14:27,198 --> 00:14:29,448
Okay, let's sew him up.
338
00:14:33,504 --> 00:14:34,753
I hope you're happy.
339
00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:36,038
How can I not be?
340
00:14:36,123 --> 00:14:39,041
I'm making green Jell-O
for hundreds of sick people.
341
00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:40,843
Because of you,
342
00:14:40,878 --> 00:14:44,047
everybody in this hospital
now knows about me and Bob.
343
00:14:44,082 --> 00:14:47,349
I'm sorry. I did as you asked,
I took down the Facebook page,
344
00:14:47,384 --> 00:14:49,101
and I returned the GoFundMe money
345
00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:50,886
for your bachelorette party.
346
00:14:53,274 --> 00:14:54,723
Mm-mm. More sugar.
347
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:58,310
Well, people are still talking.
348
00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:02,030
Because they are rooting for you.
People love love.
349
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,533
There is no love.
350
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:06,785
(SCOFFS) Give it time.
351
00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:11,290
I didn't really love my husband
until after he was dead.
352
00:15:11,375 --> 00:15:13,959
I know you want the best for me.
353
00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:16,245
I'm asking, please leave it alone.
354
00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:20,833
Okay, consider it left and alone.
355
00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:22,251
Thank you.
356
00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:28,423
I can't believe this is what
you are feeding the patients.
357
00:15:28,476 --> 00:15:32,427
Are you joking? This is
the healthiest thing on the menu.
358
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,843
_
359
00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:56,451
- Mum?
- Hmm?
360
00:15:56,504 --> 00:15:57,953
Are you okay?
361
00:15:58,005 --> 00:16:00,372
Yes, uh, just tired.
362
00:16:00,457 --> 00:16:03,208
- Can I ask you a question?
- Make it quick.
363
00:16:03,294 --> 00:16:05,594
Are you going to marry the sock man?
364
00:16:08,465 --> 00:16:10,432
Of course not. Where did you hear that?
365
00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,384
Cousin Yemisi sent me
a Facebook message.
366
00:16:12,469 --> 00:16:14,853
Ah, they are talking about it in London?
367
00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:17,773
Amsterdam. They're on holiday.
368
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:21,360
Oh, my God.
Stay off the Facebook, please.
369
00:16:21,445 --> 00:16:23,061
It's also on Twitter.
370
00:16:23,147 --> 00:16:25,564
Stay off all of it.
371
00:16:25,649 --> 00:16:26,899
Okay.
372
00:16:28,310 --> 00:16:30,035
What should I tell my dad?
373
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,655
Your father has another
family and he lives in Lagos.
374
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:35,040
This is none of his business.
375
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:37,709
Yes, Mum.
376
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,711
Have you been talking to him about it?
377
00:16:39,797 --> 00:16:41,163
Not anymore.
378
00:16:45,263 --> 00:16:48,420
E karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
379
00:16:48,505 --> 00:16:50,806
Your tii. Your tii.
380
00:16:50,841 --> 00:16:52,424
- Hello, Bob.
- Hey!
381
00:16:52,509 --> 00:16:56,845
Uh, e karo, Abishola. Here's your tii.
382
00:16:56,897 --> 00:16:59,898
Yes, e karo, but I cannot stay.
383
00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:02,851
- Why not?
- I have decided
384
00:17:02,903 --> 00:17:05,320
that it is not right for us to be...
385
00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:11,526
I do not know what we are,
but we cannot be... it.
386
00:17:11,579 --> 00:17:13,362
I don't understand.
387
00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:16,782
You are a very nice man, and I am sorry,
388
00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:18,333
but this is what has to happen.
389
00:17:23,374 --> 00:17:25,374
O dabo.
27096
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