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1
00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:05,023
How terrible! We're going!
2
00:00:06,394 --> 00:00:08,191
You should be ashamed!
3
00:00:21,109 --> 00:00:24,135
- I don't like your father.
- Why not?
4
00:00:24,279 --> 00:00:28,238
He only thinks about women,
sleep and cigars.
5
00:00:28,316 --> 00:00:29,943
And stars...
6
00:00:33,421 --> 00:00:35,582
- let's go.
- Wait.
7
00:00:39,027 --> 00:00:43,054
- Can you see alexander?
- Yes.
8
00:01:00,849 --> 00:01:03,716
Take your hands off me!
9
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,055
Let's wait
until everyone has left.
10
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,323
Sometimes i want to kill you.
11
00:01:17,632 --> 00:01:18,929
And other times?
12
00:01:19,568 --> 00:01:22,162
Other times
i want to love you forever.
13
00:01:46,728 --> 00:01:48,559
- Pjotr!
- What?
14
00:01:50,699 --> 00:01:52,564
You're eating onion again?
15
00:01:52,734 --> 00:01:55,464
Why pjotr, why?
16
00:01:56,571 --> 00:01:58,971
In the film there
were palm trees,
17
00:01:59,107 --> 00:02:01,041
the ocean, bangkok...
18
00:02:01,109 --> 00:02:04,272
rubbish! Do you know
why emmanuelle is happy?
19
00:02:04,346 --> 00:02:06,610
Because the guys in the film...
20
00:02:07,449 --> 00:02:12,182
...have got big guns.
Like pushkin, like me!
21
00:02:13,622 --> 00:02:18,992
You don't understand anything.
Just eating raw onion.
22
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:22,019
Such passion!
23
00:02:30,272 --> 00:02:33,070
Pjotr, why so crude?
24
00:02:33,141 --> 00:02:37,840
Love has to be beautiful,
it has to be poetic. Bangkok...
25
00:02:42,751 --> 00:02:46,847
- you want bangkok?
- Yes!
26
00:03:25,694 --> 00:03:27,457
What are you doing?
27
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,989
Here are your palm trees!
28
00:03:35,570 --> 00:03:39,973
Here's your... bangkok!
29
00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:46,404
- Here's your...
- emmanuelle...
30
00:03:51,386 --> 00:03:55,015
- but, i can't.
- What can't you?
31
00:03:56,925 --> 00:04:00,122
Pjotr! The size of your dick...
it's not normal.
32
00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:05,293
My lieutenant's is like this...
33
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:12,802
but yours is very, very big.
It's just not possible!
34
00:04:13,675 --> 00:04:15,700
You want me to cut it off?
35
00:04:16,978 --> 00:04:18,775
Cut it off!
36
00:04:19,981 --> 00:04:21,778
Ok.
37
00:04:24,185 --> 00:04:26,415
- Pjotr!
- Let me!
38
00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:30,582
He's crazy.
39
00:04:58,052 --> 00:05:01,146
Some door should be open.
40
00:05:13,902 --> 00:05:16,393
Can i help you?
41
00:05:17,038 --> 00:05:18,471
Yes.
42
00:05:23,478 --> 00:05:25,070
I'll be right there!
43
00:05:26,314 --> 00:05:27,781
What's wrong?
44
00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:31,409
Pjotr put two ball
bearings on his penis
45
00:05:31,486 --> 00:05:33,511
and had sex with veronica.
46
00:05:33,822 --> 00:05:37,189
The lieutenant's wife?
With ball bearings?
47
00:05:37,258 --> 00:05:39,783
It's because his is very big.
48
00:05:41,996 --> 00:05:44,965
Like the pilot's in
'emmanuelle'?
49
00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:46,898
Idiot! He's heard something
50
00:05:47,335 --> 00:05:51,066
about constriction devices.
But they're not made of steel!
51
00:06:37,719 --> 00:06:40,187
The penis is inflated
like a zeppelin!
52
00:06:42,223 --> 00:06:45,351
- Show me!
- Show him!
53
00:06:55,403 --> 00:06:57,303
You drink my whisky!
54
00:06:57,505 --> 00:07:01,202
You screw the ballerina
in my office! Bastards!
55
00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:03,276
Pjotr, want some water?
56
00:07:04,178 --> 00:07:05,839
Calm down!
57
00:07:11,819 --> 00:07:13,878
How did this happen?
58
00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:17,686
- We watched 'emmanuelle'...
- me too.
59
00:07:17,926 --> 00:07:19,120
Did you like it?
60
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:23,294
Yes, but no-one there
puts ball bearings on his prick!
61
00:07:23,565 --> 00:07:28,468
- Could it be sawed off?
- It's made of special steel!
62
00:07:29,337 --> 00:07:31,601
I've tried the hartmann method.
63
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,966
Hartmann recommends
wrapping the penis with tape,
64
00:07:35,476 --> 00:07:40,914
beginning at the distal end
and moving upwards in a spiral
65
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:45,112
towards the point of
constriction!
66
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:50,057
But with such swelling
hartmanrs method won't work.
67
00:07:50,191 --> 00:07:51,818
Call maria markovna!
68
00:07:53,528 --> 00:07:56,622
- Which markovna?
- Your mother!
69
00:07:56,898 --> 00:08:01,164
Call martha too. The consequences
are hard to predict.
70
00:08:01,803 --> 00:08:04,966
No, she's a pensioner,
she's got asthma!
71
00:08:05,273 --> 00:08:08,470
Our steel is won'th
its weight in gold!
72
00:08:09,210 --> 00:08:12,304
And you go and put it on
your prick. Really, comrades!
73
00:08:42,844 --> 00:08:44,573
It worked!
74
00:08:48,082 --> 00:08:49,811
Bring him here, the rake!
75
00:08:50,818 --> 00:08:53,184
Just look at him!
76
00:08:56,391 --> 00:08:58,188
Don't be frightened!
77
00:09:37,632 --> 00:09:39,065
Go!
78
00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:58,578
Watchmaker's precision!
Thank you.
79
00:09:59,587 --> 00:10:04,820
Where are you, veronica?
Oh, damn you, show yourself!
80
00:10:05,093 --> 00:10:08,654
I'll blow this whole
fucking town to pieces!
81
00:10:09,063 --> 00:10:14,660
Come out! Veronica!
Where have you gone?
82
00:10:15,336 --> 00:10:18,703
Come out this instant...
83
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,734
...or i'll blow this whole
fucking factory to pieces!
84
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:26,007
Oh, veronica! Come out!
85
00:10:27,181 --> 00:10:32,141
In all my professional practice i've
never seen anything like it before!
86
00:10:35,356 --> 00:10:37,290
I could say even more:
87
00:10:38,493 --> 00:10:42,691
It was huge, terribly huge.
88
00:10:44,699 --> 00:10:47,224
27 centimeters!
89
00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:51,461
And if it had burst?
90
00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:56,135
I'll kill you,
i will, i'll kill you!
91
00:10:56,744 --> 00:10:59,380
- You're a bitch, veronica!
- Shut up!
92
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:01,382
- I'm not a bitch!
- Be quiet!
93
00:11:01,382 --> 00:11:04,249
- Not in the face, mama!
- Shut up!
94
00:11:26,874 --> 00:11:28,671
What are you doing here?
95
00:11:29,177 --> 00:11:31,372
I've come to watch the moon.
96
00:13:28,963 --> 00:13:33,559
- What are you doing here?
- I want them to drink my blood.
97
00:13:34,101 --> 00:13:38,265
Idiot! I'm the one
with bad blood. I need leeches.
98
00:13:47,148 --> 00:13:50,709
You've got all the leeches
in the swamp on you.
99
00:15:13,167 --> 00:15:16,227
Now he's going to come out...
100
00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:22,543
he's going to come out,
to take five steps,
101
00:15:22,543 --> 00:15:24,170
and then stumble.
102
00:16:23,571 --> 00:16:28,201
- I missed it, dad.
- Aim well! Go on!
103
00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:08,849
Is this what you call hunting?
104
00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:14,185
They said there are
lots of wild boars here.
105
00:17:14,288 --> 00:17:16,347
Look! A boar!
106
00:17:31,005 --> 00:17:34,065
What is it?
107
00:17:34,642 --> 00:17:38,203
- A boar?
- Doesrt look like it!
108
00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:41,314
Was it a wild boar?
109
00:17:41,782 --> 00:17:45,843
I think we've just killed
a domesticated pig.
110
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:48,646
Let's get out of here, quick!
111
00:17:48,722 --> 00:17:53,819
- Maybe it really was a boar?
- No, boars have tusks.
112
00:17:56,063 --> 00:17:59,555
Lulu! Where's my
little piggy got to?
113
00:18:02,203 --> 00:18:04,933
Have you seen my pig?
114
00:18:05,172 --> 00:18:07,402
The silly thing escaped again!
115
00:18:07,474 --> 00:18:09,465
- What's its name?
- Lulu.
116
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:12,943
- Oh, lulu! She ran that way.
- Thanks.
117
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:25,250
We're just disgusting...
...really disgusting.
118
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:29,496
It's not my fault:
After the film he came
119
00:18:29,496 --> 00:18:33,728
and asked the unimaginable of me.
This morning he lay dead in bed!
120
00:18:51,418 --> 00:18:54,410
The headmaster in
the french teacher's bed!
121
00:19:18,545 --> 00:19:21,241
There its wife comes!
122
00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:25,214
It must be terrible,
123
00:19:25,819 --> 00:19:30,188
to find its man dead
in bed of another woman.
124
00:19:32,559 --> 00:19:35,289
I don't know this man.
125
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:54,238
And i hardly know him...
126
00:19:57,785 --> 00:19:59,878
hardly...
127
00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:06,116
you know what,
128
00:20:07,594 --> 00:20:10,256
the school will
take care of the funeral.
129
00:20:10,898 --> 00:20:14,129
He was a good headmaster
and a man of morals.
130
00:20:14,201 --> 00:20:16,192
It's better this way.
131
00:20:28,315 --> 00:20:30,374
Have you found your cat?
132
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,515
I lost the sea and my cat.
133
00:20:36,957 --> 00:20:39,187
Here, eat this!
134
00:20:40,327 --> 00:20:42,318
Your eyes are so sad.
135
00:20:42,963 --> 00:20:47,525
Take those here and
put it on in such a way.
136
00:20:47,835 --> 00:20:50,599
You can hide behind them.
137
00:21:15,496 --> 00:21:17,555
Here's your lamb.
138
00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:21,993
Let me take it
some other time, ok?
139
00:21:39,086 --> 00:21:42,078
Hello, hello captain nemo!
140
00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:45,588
So, i'm not captain nemo!
141
00:21:47,327 --> 00:21:49,454
- I'm a stray dog.
- A straight what?
142
00:21:49,563 --> 00:21:50,530
A dog.
143
00:21:52,966 --> 00:21:55,093
- Homeless.
- Where are you going?
144
00:21:56,136 --> 00:21:57,398
I've lost the sea.
145
00:21:57,971 --> 00:22:00,872
I'm searching for another,
but there isn't one.
146
00:22:02,075 --> 00:22:03,975
Are you married?
147
00:22:05,479 --> 00:22:07,504
- Me?
- Yes.
148
00:22:08,215 --> 00:22:10,410
- No, no.
- No?
149
00:22:12,886 --> 00:22:16,549
- My boat is my wife.
- Why?
150
00:22:17,591 --> 00:22:18,649
Oh, no!
151
00:22:19,092 --> 00:22:21,754
In our town there are
so many marriageable girls,
152
00:22:21,929 --> 00:22:23,157
it's unbelievable!
153
00:22:23,263 --> 00:22:27,962
We'll come and visit you, ok?
154
00:22:28,035 --> 00:22:31,198
Alright? You agree?
155
00:23:49,816 --> 00:23:54,879
- You okay?
- Where are you going, alexander?
156
00:23:55,088 --> 00:23:58,751
- Is it good? Go swim!
- I don't feel like it.
157
00:24:08,535 --> 00:24:11,698
Aha, the crazy guy is back!
158
00:24:12,739 --> 00:24:15,936
What's wrong, mama?
159
00:24:17,010 --> 00:24:21,174
- Where's veronica?
- Here somewhere.
What's up? A bit drunk?
160
00:24:21,248 --> 00:24:26,208
No, you blockhead!
She's in the bushes with a lover.
161
00:24:26,286 --> 00:24:29,389
What bushes? What lover?
Are you delirious?
162
00:24:29,389 --> 00:24:32,449
No, i'm not.
I know everything.
163
00:24:32,626 --> 00:24:34,617
- What do you know?
- Shut up!
164
00:24:43,070 --> 00:24:45,038
So beautiful.
165
00:24:49,876 --> 00:24:51,345
Beautiful?
166
00:24:51,345 --> 00:24:56,550
I ought to turn away,
but i can't. Such beauty!
167
00:24:56,550 --> 00:24:59,144
I'm coming closer.
168
00:26:28,308 --> 00:26:31,368
There's no love!
169
00:26:36,583 --> 00:26:37,607
There is!
170
00:26:38,285 --> 00:26:39,809
No, there isn't!
171
00:26:40,754 --> 00:26:43,518
Yes, there is!
172
00:26:53,433 --> 00:26:57,096
Have you seen
sibylla anywhere?
173
00:26:57,738 --> 00:27:00,730
Your little tart is busy
pulling someone's pants down.
174
00:28:15,315 --> 00:28:18,876
Who's that bird in the photo?
Your grandma?
175
00:28:21,988 --> 00:28:26,118
One day grandpa caught her with
the husband of the laundry-woman.
176
00:28:38,438 --> 00:28:39,405
Can you see better now?
177
00:28:47,514 --> 00:28:49,539
How terribly!
178
00:29:00,193 --> 00:29:02,127
My husband!
179
00:29:05,298 --> 00:29:08,461
I'm about to be unfaithful,
and there he is having a shave.
180
00:29:09,603 --> 00:29:12,629
But you told me you
were a lonely woman
181
00:29:12,706 --> 00:29:14,833
on the lookout for a man.
182
00:29:15,709 --> 00:29:18,872
I am a lonely woman!
183
00:29:40,433 --> 00:29:43,027
Now i know where my cigars go!
184
00:29:48,975 --> 00:29:51,068
Into the kitchen. Come on!
185
00:29:51,211 --> 00:29:54,180
Into the kitchen? Now?
186
00:29:56,349 --> 00:29:57,338
Why?
187
00:30:02,122 --> 00:30:03,646
Come on!
188
00:30:08,061 --> 00:30:09,494
Get out of here!
189
00:30:12,265 --> 00:30:13,698
Let go of my hand!
190
00:30:15,068 --> 00:30:17,093
- Stop it!
- No.
191
00:30:17,237 --> 00:30:19,398
Bloody little bitch!
192
00:30:19,606 --> 00:30:21,039
Let go of my hand!
193
00:30:25,845 --> 00:30:27,904
Little girls don't behave like that!
194
00:30:29,015 --> 00:30:32,041
I don't give a damn
how little girls behave!
195
00:30:32,886 --> 00:30:34,251
I love you.
196
00:30:34,955 --> 00:30:39,324
And i won't let any other woman
have you! Do you understand?
197
00:30:40,493 --> 00:30:44,520
I'm an adult and can do
everything for you they can.
198
00:30:45,598 --> 00:30:47,463
Got it?
199
00:31:09,022 --> 00:31:11,115
Fire!
200
00:31:21,835 --> 00:31:25,965
15 - 23! 16! Ready! Aim!
201
00:31:26,106 --> 00:31:27,095
Fire!
202
00:31:41,721 --> 00:31:43,120
Ready! Aim!
203
00:31:45,025 --> 00:31:48,085
- 19 - 68!
- Fire!
204
00:31:50,730 --> 00:31:52,823
Ah, my back!
205
00:32:13,253 --> 00:32:15,414
I'm ok. Oh, dammit!
206
00:33:54,387 --> 00:33:55,615
You see?
207
00:33:58,391 --> 00:34:00,859
You really hurt me.
Right here.
208
00:34:00,994 --> 00:34:04,054
Mickey! He's over there.
209
00:34:55,215 --> 00:34:59,311
I've been looking
for you for two days.
210
00:35:00,353 --> 00:35:02,344
What are you doing here?
211
00:35:02,522 --> 00:35:04,513
They don't want to sting me.
212
00:35:06,092 --> 00:35:07,684
- Let's go.
- Leave me alone.
213
00:35:20,106 --> 00:35:22,165
Wait, wait! Do you hear me?
214
00:35:23,276 --> 00:35:26,379
- Please stop!
- I don't want to see you.
215
00:35:26,379 --> 00:35:28,438
Listen to me! Wait!
216
00:35:29,549 --> 00:35:33,076
You and me are the main thing!
Wait! Listen!
217
00:35:33,186 --> 00:35:35,711
- Enough.
- You idiot!
218
00:35:36,823 --> 00:35:39,025
Wait. Are you listening?
219
00:35:39,025 --> 00:35:41,960
Tell me what you
want me to do.
220
00:35:42,095 --> 00:35:45,131
Tell me, and i'll do it.
221
00:35:45,131 --> 00:35:47,233
Marry veronica!
222
00:35:47,233 --> 00:35:52,034
Which veronica?
But she's married to the lieutenant.
223
00:35:52,205 --> 00:35:55,299
Then marry maria, the chemist,
224
00:35:55,675 --> 00:35:59,509
or that idiot sappho.
I don't care who. Just get married!
225
00:36:03,483 --> 00:36:04,814
Will you marry me?
226
00:36:06,219 --> 00:36:08,653
My father is getting married too.
227
00:36:09,756 --> 00:36:10,745
What?
228
00:36:11,958 --> 00:36:14,426
Sappho and he
are old school friends.
229
00:36:15,194 --> 00:36:17,924
He wants to marry
that sleepy-headed idiot?
230
00:36:18,197 --> 00:36:20,290
He's at her place right now.
231
00:36:21,868 --> 00:36:24,268
Actually i quite like her.
232
00:36:42,588 --> 00:36:46,115
Alexander!
Alexander!
233
00:37:16,389 --> 00:37:18,482
Oh you idiot!
234
00:37:31,137 --> 00:37:33,765
It's been ages since i last danced.
235
00:37:36,676 --> 00:37:37,938
Thank you, alexander.
236
00:37:38,277 --> 00:37:42,111
Here's a toast
to you wonderful ladies!
237
00:37:57,764 --> 00:37:59,755
Let's go!
238
00:37:59,899 --> 00:38:01,934
Where are you off to, captain?
239
00:38:01,934 --> 00:38:05,301
Don't give that idiot
any more to drink!
240
00:38:05,371 --> 00:38:09,501
- Where are you going?
- Where is he going?
241
00:38:10,576 --> 00:38:12,305
So many beautiful women here!
242
00:39:45,972 --> 00:39:49,169
I'll give you a night...
243
00:39:51,644 --> 00:39:56,411
i'll give you a night like you've
never had before, my love.
244
00:40:01,554 --> 00:40:04,387
I'll give myself to you.
245
00:40:04,957 --> 00:40:10,657
I'm dying of desire to love you.
246
00:40:13,032 --> 00:40:16,900
I want every bit of you.
247
00:40:17,236 --> 00:40:21,036
My love.
248
00:40:34,687 --> 00:40:37,121
Leave me alone!
Please!
249
00:41:00,279 --> 00:41:02,873
Micky!
250
00:41:47,526 --> 00:41:49,494
Captain!
251
00:41:52,231 --> 00:41:53,755
Captain!
252
00:42:48,654 --> 00:42:53,318
Sibylla left, she sailed away
and out of my life...
253
00:42:54,393 --> 00:42:57,453
73 times i kissed
her that summer,
254
00:42:57,530 --> 00:43:00,397
though she said
i was allowed 100...
255
00:43:01,801 --> 00:43:05,032
where have those
27 kisses gone...
256
00:43:08,207 --> 00:43:10,004
fire!
17687
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