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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,370
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:10,526 --> 00:00:12,559
- Hey, we don't have any...
- Okay.
3
00:00:12,561 --> 00:00:15,028
Uh-huh. Uh, not a problem.
4
00:00:15,030 --> 00:00:16,329
Y-you betcha.
5
00:00:16,331 --> 00:00:18,331
No, not... not a problem.
6
00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:21,567
Not one problem. Bye-bye.
7
00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:24,170
- Okay, I got a big problem.
- What's up?
8
00:00:24,172 --> 00:00:26,205
This is like life or death.
9
00:00:26,207 --> 00:00:27,541
Where would you rather stay:
10
00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:29,984
at Dame Judi Dench's house
on the Upper East Side
11
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:32,753
or Anderson Cooper's place downtown?
12
00:00:32,755 --> 00:00:34,588
Still waiting for the
"life or death" part.
13
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:36,690
I double-booked two house sitting gigs.
14
00:00:36,692 --> 00:00:38,270
You... you gotta take one of them.
15
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:40,326
Please help your sister! Please!
16
00:00:40,328 --> 00:00:42,195
I love Anderson Cooper. I'll do it.
17
00:00:42,197 --> 00:00:44,330
Great, all you have
to do is feed his fish.
18
00:00:44,332 --> 00:00:46,767
Oh, no, no, no, no. That won't work.
19
00:00:46,769 --> 00:00:48,268
Seriously?
20
00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:49,637
You still have the fish problem?
21
00:00:49,639 --> 00:00:51,170
I don't trust anything
that doesn't blink.
22
00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:53,239
- Paul will do it.
- Are you sure?
23
00:00:53,241 --> 00:00:54,396
Yeah, he loves Anderson Cooper
24
00:00:54,398 --> 00:00:56,039
and he has no issues with fish.
25
00:00:56,041 --> 00:00:57,099
Hello.
26
00:00:57,101 --> 00:00:59,545
You're spending the night
at Anderson Cooper's house.
27
00:00:59,547 --> 00:01:02,643
- Okay.
- Great. You're the best brother-in-law ever.
28
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,284
I just texted you the address.
29
00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:06,786
I will meet you there at
5:00 p.m. with the keys.
30
00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:09,688
I love you both! I
will never forget this!
31
00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:11,123
I'm sleeping at Anderson Cooper's house?
32
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,925
- Yep.
- Is he gonna be there?
33
00:01:12,927 --> 00:01:15,127
- Nope.
- That makes much more sense.
34
00:01:15,129 --> 00:01:18,096
[EASYGOING MUSIC]
35
00:01:18,098 --> 00:01:22,137
♪♪
36
00:01:24,439 --> 00:01:26,738
♪ Tell me why ♪
37
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,240
♪ I love you like I do ♪
38
00:01:28,242 --> 00:01:30,409
♪ Tell me who ♪
39
00:01:30,411 --> 00:01:32,644
♪ Can stop my heart as much as you ♪
40
00:01:32,646 --> 00:01:34,546
♪ If we take each other's hands ♪
41
00:01:34,548 --> 00:01:38,951
♪ We can fly into the final frontier ♪
42
00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:42,554
- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪
43
00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:44,923
- ♪ I'm mad about you, baby ♪
- ♪ Final frontier ♪
44
00:01:44,925 --> 00:01:47,592
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
45
00:01:47,594 --> 00:01:49,661
♪ Final frontier ♪
46
00:01:51,331 --> 00:01:53,230
So what's on your mind?
47
00:01:53,232 --> 00:01:54,999
Okay, so I've been
giving it some thought,
48
00:01:55,001 --> 00:01:57,802
and I think I'm ready to
take on a bigger patient load.
49
00:01:57,804 --> 00:02:00,671
- You do, huh?
- Well, yeah.
50
00:02:00,673 --> 00:02:01,962
I think the last couple of weeks
51
00:02:01,964 --> 00:02:03,828
I've really been hitting my stride,
52
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:06,444
and I know I have a
long way to go, but...
53
00:02:06,446 --> 00:02:07,478
do you know that guy?
54
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,679
What guy?
55
00:02:08,681 --> 00:02:10,320
The guy you're staring at.
56
00:02:10,322 --> 00:02:11,983
- Was I?
- Kinda.
57
00:02:11,985 --> 00:02:14,151
No, I wasn't staring.
58
00:02:14,153 --> 00:02:16,119
But not too hard on
the eyes, though, huh?
59
00:02:17,523 --> 00:02:19,155
Fine, he's my...
60
00:02:19,157 --> 00:02:20,924
don't you dare make fun of me.
61
00:02:20,926 --> 00:02:22,593
I'm not.
62
00:02:22,595 --> 00:02:24,828
Okay, he is my fantasy coffee husband.
63
00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:27,631
- Your what now?
- My fantasy coffee husband.
64
00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:29,332
I see him here all the time.
65
00:02:29,334 --> 00:02:30,767
I've got the whole thing worked out.
66
00:02:30,769 --> 00:02:32,768
- He is a cardiologist.
- Really?
67
00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,437
Mm-hmm, and we live in Connecticut
68
00:02:34,439 --> 00:02:36,039
with our three beautiful children:
69
00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:38,141
Emily, Justine, and Marcus.
70
00:02:38,143 --> 00:02:40,477
- I worry about that middle one.
- Justine?
71
00:02:40,479 --> 00:02:42,678
Yeah, she struggles a bit in school.
72
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,847
You've spent a lot of
time thinking about this.
73
00:02:44,849 --> 00:02:47,183
- Are you and Mark okay?
- We're great!
74
00:02:47,185 --> 00:02:49,218
Mark has a fantasy wife at the gym.
75
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:50,409
- [LAUGHS]
- But it's fine.
76
00:02:50,411 --> 00:02:52,221
They live in Jersey,
so we never see them.
77
00:02:52,223 --> 00:02:54,891
It's just a fun, meaningless little game
78
00:02:54,893 --> 00:02:56,392
for both of us, that's all.
79
00:02:56,394 --> 00:02:57,769
Okay.
80
00:02:57,771 --> 00:03:00,595
So anyway, about my taking
on some extra hours...
81
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:02,954
Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure.
82
00:03:02,956 --> 00:03:05,222
Fine, whatever.
83
00:03:08,805 --> 00:03:10,639
This is the remote for the TV,
84
00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:12,210
and that's the remote for the cable,
85
00:03:12,212 --> 00:03:13,473
and that's the remote
for the sound system.
86
00:03:13,475 --> 00:03:14,663
- All right.
- Don't touch any of them.
87
00:03:14,665 --> 00:03:16,588
- Okay.
- Yeah, just ask the house.
88
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,247
You know, just say
"house" and then whatever.
89
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:19,314
[DEVICE CHIMES]
90
00:03:19,316 --> 00:03:20,849
Welcome home, Anderson.
91
00:03:20,851 --> 00:03:22,817
I hope you had a productive day.
92
00:03:22,819 --> 00:03:25,153
- Anderson's not here!
- Okay.
93
00:03:25,155 --> 00:03:26,688
- That thing creeps me out.
- Yeah.
94
00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:28,089
Okay, don't sit in that chair.
95
00:03:28,091 --> 00:03:29,558
- That's a museum piece.
- Okay.
96
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,593
And if you sit on the couch, Paul,
97
00:03:31,595 --> 00:03:33,394
don't keep picking the same spot.
98
00:03:33,396 --> 00:03:35,931
You gotta distribute
your ass evenly, you know?
99
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:38,199
Or else it'll make a
dent. Or don't sit at all.
100
00:03:38,201 --> 00:03:39,390
Don't sit. Got it, okay.
101
00:03:39,392 --> 00:03:41,281
Can I stand, or is the
floor off-limits too?
102
00:03:41,283 --> 00:03:42,653
The floor is free-range.
103
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,272
Just no shoes. Socks only.
104
00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:46,074
Yeah, well, that goes without saying.
105
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:47,775
Look at this guy. Gets his own place.
106
00:03:47,777 --> 00:03:49,710
Yeah, I think that's his favorite.
107
00:03:49,712 --> 00:03:53,280
Oh, so, every morning:
two pellets for this guy
108
00:03:53,282 --> 00:03:54,615
and 40 pellets for them.
109
00:03:54,617 --> 00:03:56,850
Got it. 2, 40.
110
00:03:56,852 --> 00:03:58,572
- Yep.
- 2 for him, 40 for the team.
111
00:03:58,574 --> 00:03:59,975
Wow, these are beautiful.
112
00:03:59,977 --> 00:04:02,587
Yeah, that's $6,000
worth of fish right there.
113
00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:05,225
Really? Wow, what are they made of?
114
00:04:05,227 --> 00:04:06,927
Fish.
115
00:04:06,929 --> 00:04:09,262
- Oh, okay.
- Okay, so you good?
116
00:04:09,264 --> 00:04:10,560
Yeah, yeah, cool.
117
00:04:10,562 --> 00:04:13,300
Basically, whatever you feel
like touching or doing, don't.
118
00:04:13,302 --> 00:04:14,485
Don't do, don't touch.
119
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,182
One last thing: this
door is really heavy,
120
00:04:16,184 --> 00:04:17,752
so you really gotta slam it shut.
121
00:04:17,754 --> 00:04:18,817
- Slam...
- Thank you!
122
00:04:18,819 --> 00:04:21,040
Yes!
123
00:04:21,042 --> 00:04:23,042
Hee-hee!
124
00:04:24,546 --> 00:04:25,778
Look at this.
125
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:28,081
Not too shabby, Buchman!
126
00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:29,782
Oh, oh, hey.
127
00:04:29,784 --> 00:04:31,214
[DOOR OPENS]
128
00:04:31,216 --> 00:04:33,720
- And don't try on his glasses.
- Okay.
129
00:04:36,891 --> 00:04:38,625
See that chair?
130
00:04:38,627 --> 00:04:41,427
That's a chair I can't sit in.
131
00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:44,730
Here's a guy on a horse
I'm not allowed to touch.
132
00:04:44,732 --> 00:04:46,534
You see all those things back there?
133
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,066
Also not allowed to touch.
134
00:04:48,068 --> 00:04:50,802
Wow... oh, don't aim
the camera at the fish.
135
00:04:50,804 --> 00:04:53,672
- Sorry, my bad.
- Oh, go back, go back.
136
00:04:53,674 --> 00:04:55,907
- Are those his glasses?
- Yep.
137
00:04:55,909 --> 00:04:58,777
Those are Anderson Cooper's glasses.
138
00:04:58,779 --> 00:04:59,934
Put 'em on.
139
00:04:59,936 --> 00:05:01,593
No, sweetheart, I...
I'm not supposed to.
140
00:05:01,595 --> 00:05:03,081
Don't be a baby. Just put them on.
141
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:04,850
Really? Okay.
142
00:05:08,989 --> 00:05:11,949
Whoa. Hello, Anderson.
143
00:05:11,951 --> 00:05:13,525
I'm a big fan.
144
00:05:13,527 --> 00:05:15,426
Why, thank you very much.
145
00:05:15,428 --> 00:05:17,529
No, a very big fan.
146
00:05:17,531 --> 00:05:19,497
Oh.
147
00:05:19,499 --> 00:05:21,932
Well, thank you.
148
00:05:21,934 --> 00:05:23,668
You know, as luck would have it,
149
00:05:23,670 --> 00:05:25,423
my husband's away for a couple of nights
150
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:28,005
and I'm all alone here.
151
00:05:28,007 --> 00:05:29,940
Really?
152
00:05:29,942 --> 00:05:32,610
What are you... what are you wearing?
153
00:05:32,612 --> 00:05:34,211
My white shirt.
154
00:05:34,213 --> 00:05:35,846
Oh, yeah, 'cause I can see.
155
00:05:35,848 --> 00:05:37,048
Okay, okay.
156
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:38,849
Can you see this?
157
00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:40,818
Ooh.
158
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:43,788
Button number one...
159
00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:46,057
button number two...
160
00:05:46,059 --> 00:05:47,203
[PHONE BUZZES]
161
00:05:47,205 --> 00:05:48,628
Oh, hold on, I've got another call.
162
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:51,695
I was taking off my top.
163
00:05:51,697 --> 00:05:53,963
Let's not interrupt that.
164
00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:55,532
[PHONE BUZZES]
165
00:05:55,534 --> 00:05:57,967
Oh, of course... it's my mother.
166
00:05:57,969 --> 00:06:00,571
- All right, call me back.
- No, I'll call her back.
167
00:06:00,573 --> 00:06:02,372
What if she fell or something?
168
00:06:02,374 --> 00:06:04,208
No, it doesn't feel like a fall call.
169
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:06,903
Feels more like a "guess who
I bumped into at the mall"
170
00:06:06,905 --> 00:06:08,244
kind of thing.
171
00:06:08,246 --> 00:06:10,180
So commence with the unbuttoning.
172
00:06:10,182 --> 00:06:11,666
Two buttons done.
173
00:06:11,668 --> 00:06:13,382
Moving to the third.
174
00:06:13,384 --> 00:06:15,151
Ooh.
175
00:06:15,153 --> 00:06:16,299
[PHONE BUZZES]
176
00:06:16,301 --> 00:06:19,189
Oh, my... God, bless
her, she's a persistent...
177
00:06:19,191 --> 00:06:21,157
I'll call back!
178
00:06:21,159 --> 00:06:23,693
- All right, so are you naked?
- "Am I naked"?
179
00:06:23,695 --> 00:06:25,117
- Oh!
- What kind of question...
180
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:27,496
- I... I'll call you back!
- Is she on hold?
181
00:06:27,498 --> 00:06:29,030
- Yes.
- All right, call me back.
182
00:06:29,032 --> 00:06:31,333
Yes, Ma... uh, Ma, hi.
183
00:06:31,335 --> 00:06:33,735
Uh, so what... what was so important?
184
00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:36,738
So I'm at the mall. Who do I run into?
185
00:06:44,948 --> 00:06:46,697
Grande almond milk cappuccino, please,
186
00:06:46,699 --> 00:06:48,516
with an extra shot.
187
00:06:48,518 --> 00:06:50,218
[DISHWARE CLATTERS]
188
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:52,988
- Good morning.
- Morning.
189
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:55,190
My friend's not here today.
190
00:07:00,697 --> 00:07:02,797
Hey, I saw your fantasy husband.
191
00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:05,566
- How did he look?
- Pretty great, and very nice.
192
00:07:05,568 --> 00:07:07,401
I see why you fantasy-married him.
193
00:07:07,403 --> 00:07:09,737
Yeah... wait, what do
you mean "he's nice"?
194
00:07:09,739 --> 00:07:11,906
- Did you talk to him?
- No, we didn't talk.
195
00:07:11,908 --> 00:07:13,540
He said "good morning",
I said "good morning".
196
00:07:13,542 --> 00:07:14,875
- Like that,
- Who said it first?
197
00:07:14,877 --> 00:07:16,743
- Him or you?
- I don't remember.
198
00:07:16,745 --> 00:07:18,979
I... I think he said
it first. Maybe I did.
199
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,481
Not on purpose. Our eyes met and...
200
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,182
Oh, your eyes met, now, did they?
201
00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:24,151
No, no, I... I said "good morning".
202
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:27,187
Not even. Like, "g'morning".
203
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:29,023
Whatever.
204
00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:31,525
Are you actually upset about this?
205
00:07:31,527 --> 00:07:33,123
Why shouldn't I be?
206
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,996
You have waltzed, uninvited,
into my fantasy life.
207
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:38,364
Now, whenever I close
my eyes, there you'll be,
208
00:07:38,366 --> 00:07:39,866
standing right between me
209
00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:42,002
and him and the kids and the dogs.
210
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:45,171
- You have dogs?
- Of course we have dogs.
211
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,773
A ranch house in Connecticut
with that big-ass yard?
212
00:07:47,775 --> 00:07:49,608
You think we wouldn't
have some freakin' dogs?
213
00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,325
I'm sorry.
214
00:07:51,327 --> 00:07:54,880
Seriously, I promise: it
will never happen again.
215
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:56,549
This is probably a bad time
216
00:07:56,551 --> 00:07:57,840
to ask if you've given any thought
217
00:07:57,842 --> 00:08:01,020
to the idea of me
taking on more patients?
218
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,388
Copy... copy that.
219
00:08:07,038 --> 00:08:09,705
House, uh, lights down 10%.
220
00:08:10,798 --> 00:08:12,762
- Done.
- Very nice.
221
00:08:12,764 --> 00:08:15,901
Uh, house, make it, like,
a... a little cooler in here.
222
00:08:15,903 --> 00:08:17,536
Feel better?
223
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:19,271
Yes, I do.
224
00:08:19,273 --> 00:08:22,140
House, bring... bring me a pashmina.
225
00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:26,144
Come on, you know he's got one.
226
00:08:26,146 --> 00:08:29,281
Okay. Hey, house, I'm gonna burp.
227
00:08:29,283 --> 00:08:31,649
Sorry, I don't know that,
228
00:08:31,651 --> 00:08:34,752
but I do know a game
called "Funny Burps".
229
00:08:34,754 --> 00:08:36,087
Me, too.
230
00:08:36,089 --> 00:08:39,457
Watch. [BELCHES]
231
00:08:39,459 --> 00:08:41,593
Wow. I win.
232
00:08:41,595 --> 00:08:44,596
[PHONE RINGS]
233
00:08:44,598 --> 00:08:46,764
[CHUCKLES] Hey, Splinky.
234
00:08:46,766 --> 00:08:48,566
Hey, hey, can I come
over and see the place?
235
00:08:48,568 --> 00:08:49,881
No can do.
236
00:08:49,883 --> 00:08:52,004
Sorry, I'm not allowed
to have any guests.
237
00:08:52,006 --> 00:08:53,092
- What do you mean you can't... ?
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
238
00:08:53,094 --> 00:08:54,608
- No, I can't, 'cause
- Of course, you can.
239
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:56,280
the house sees everything.
240
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:57,402
- Can't.
- I'm giving permission.
241
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,422
- No, hang on a second,
- Come on, five minutes.
242
00:08:58,424 --> 00:09:00,469
I got somebody at the door.
243
00:09:01,647 --> 00:09:03,347
I gotta see the...
I gotta see his stove.
244
00:09:03,349 --> 00:09:05,282
Huh? What? What... shoes, shoes!
245
00:09:05,284 --> 00:09:06,617
- Take off your shoes!
- All right, all right.
246
00:09:06,619 --> 00:09:07,751
- All right, shoes.
- "A stove"?
247
00:09:07,753 --> 00:09:08,986
Who begs to see a stove?
248
00:09:08,988 --> 00:09:10,111
Paulie, it was featured
249
00:09:10,113 --> 00:09:12,589
in "Kitchen Appliance
Monthly" last April.
250
00:09:12,591 --> 00:09:13,991
Come on, just two minutes. I promise.
251
00:09:13,993 --> 00:09:15,115
Okay, two minutes.
252
00:09:15,117 --> 00:09:16,760
Wait, there's actually
a magazine called that?
253
00:09:16,762 --> 00:09:19,510
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like
porn but for restauranteurs.
254
00:09:19,512 --> 00:09:22,365
Oh, last month they featured
a refrigerated prep table.
255
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:23,834
I swear, if it wasn't for Lucia,
256
00:09:23,836 --> 00:09:25,668
I'd be dating it right now.
257
00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:27,370
- How'd you know I was here?
- Mark told me!
258
00:09:27,372 --> 00:09:29,805
It came up in conversation.
259
00:09:29,807 --> 00:09:31,837
- What... who told you?
- Tonya.
260
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:32,895
Wait, okay... shoes, shoes!
261
00:09:32,897 --> 00:09:34,437
Take off your shoes!
Take off your shoes!
262
00:09:34,439 --> 00:09:36,679
Holy Malloy!
263
00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:39,349
- What a place!
- What a stove!
264
00:09:39,351 --> 00:09:41,017
Okay, okay, guys, listen,
265
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:42,985
I... I'm not supposed
to be entertaining, here!
266
00:09:42,987 --> 00:09:44,620
Don't worry, I just
came to see his bathroom.
267
00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,789
Oh, no, no, you cannot use his bathroom.
268
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:48,215
Not to use. Just to look.
269
00:09:48,217 --> 00:09:50,192
What... what do you mean, "to look"?
270
00:09:50,194 --> 00:09:53,195
Paul, what do Anderson
Cooper and I have in common?
271
00:09:53,197 --> 00:09:55,531
[EXHALES, STAMMERS] I
don't want to be cruel.
272
00:09:55,533 --> 00:09:57,334
You tell me.
273
00:09:57,336 --> 00:09:59,821
We're both very pale-skinned,
but he's really pale.
274
00:09:59,823 --> 00:10:01,303
He's almost translucent.
275
00:10:01,305 --> 00:10:03,071
I've heard it said
that in 4K resolution,
276
00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:05,807
you can actually see some
of his internal organs.
277
00:10:05,809 --> 00:10:08,877
So whatever he uses
on his face, I need it.
278
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:10,984
I'm one face cream away
from being Anderson Cooper.
279
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:13,014
Now, where's the bathroom?
280
00:10:13,016 --> 00:10:15,050
Bathroom is upstairs,
but we're not allowed.
281
00:10:15,052 --> 00:10:16,660
- Knocky-knocky!
- Marvin?
282
00:10:16,662 --> 00:10:17,710
Marvin!
283
00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:20,104
I hope you don't mind, but
I parked in Anderson's space.
284
00:10:20,106 --> 00:10:21,923
- What... how are you...
- Oh, nice!
285
00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:23,369
- What are you...
- Nice, nice!
286
00:10:23,371 --> 00:10:25,144
Okay, what are you doing here?
287
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,702
I'm driving across town
and I stop at a light...
288
00:10:27,704 --> 00:10:28,787
Shoes, shoes! Take off your shoes!
289
00:10:28,789 --> 00:10:30,832
Man, you gotta see this guy's stove!
290
00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:33,901
I'm driving across
town, I stop at a light,
291
00:10:33,903 --> 00:10:36,337
and who do I see but these two schmos?
292
00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:37,788
And I say, "What are you doing?"
293
00:10:37,790 --> 00:10:40,074
They say, "Paulie's staying
at Anderson Cooper's.
294
00:10:40,076 --> 00:10:42,443
Do you wanna come?" I say, "Do I?"
295
00:10:42,445 --> 00:10:44,712
Come on, man! Anderson Cooper!
296
00:10:44,714 --> 00:10:46,709
Okay, guys, listen, I'm
not supposed to have...
297
00:10:46,711 --> 00:10:47,838
Five minutes.
298
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,850
Just wanna check out his
heating and air conditioning.
299
00:10:49,852 --> 00:10:51,051
His heating? What are
you... his heating?
300
00:10:51,053 --> 00:10:53,763
Show him your card! Marvin,
Marvin, show him your new card!
301
00:10:53,765 --> 00:10:57,167
- Show him the new card!
- I don't wanna brag, but... ooh.
302
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,259
"Marvin's Climate Change,
303
00:10:59,261 --> 00:11:00,761
Largest Heating and Cooling Outfit
304
00:11:00,763 --> 00:11:03,043
- In The Entire Tri-State Area"?
- That's right.
305
00:11:03,045 --> 00:11:04,834
I've come a long way since
Buchman Sporting Goods.
306
00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:06,128
How about that? Huh, huh?
307
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:09,068
Mr. Largest in the
Tri-State Area now, huh?
308
00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:11,871
Yeah, well, to be honest,
it's just New Jersey,
309
00:11:11,873 --> 00:11:14,013
- but, uh, nobody ever checks that shit.
- Okay...
310
00:11:14,015 --> 00:11:15,839
Man, you've gotta see this oven.
311
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,645
Marvin, you can... you can
put a 50-pound turkey in there.
312
00:11:18,647 --> 00:11:19,984
You know what, ovens aren't my thing,
313
00:11:19,986 --> 00:11:22,115
but are you checking out
this beautiful duct-work?
314
00:11:22,117 --> 00:11:23,649
It's quality
craftsmanship. It really is.
315
00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:25,102
- Wait, wait...
- Guys...
316
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:26,484
You've gotta come take a picture of me
317
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,375
with this thing, okay?
It's so magnificent.
318
00:11:28,377 --> 00:11:31,124
There's no way a selfie is
gonna do justice to this scale.
319
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:32,591
- Come on...
- Okay, okay...
320
00:11:32,593 --> 00:11:34,326
- Holy Malloy!
- Don't touch that!
321
00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:36,595
Hey, hey, both of you,
do not leave this room!
322
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:38,430
- Do you hear... do not!
- Look at the fishies.
323
00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:40,399
I love fishes!
324
00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:42,468
Look at you.
325
00:11:42,470 --> 00:11:45,337
Oh, oh.
326
00:11:45,339 --> 00:11:47,406
Look at you.
327
00:11:47,408 --> 00:11:49,742
All alone. All alone.
328
00:11:49,744 --> 00:11:51,076
You probably wanna hang
with the other fishes,
329
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,177
but they're not interested.
330
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,321
No, no, no.
331
00:11:53,323 --> 00:11:55,080
You're feeling ostracized, aren't you?
332
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,748
And really alone,
333
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,349
and you're probably
taking those feelings
334
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,618
and eating inappropriately
335
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,588
and doing other
self-destructive activities.
336
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:06,158
Uh, just guessing.
337
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,626
Oh... [LAUGHS]
338
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:11,028
I'm gonna make things right.
339
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:13,902
Whoa, Marvin, what are you doing?
340
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:15,099
No, no, don't, don't, don't, don't!
341
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:17,001
Oh, oh!
342
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,804
Ah, sweet Jesus!
343
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:22,173
He's eating all the other fish!
344
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,442
No, no, no, you still got
the other guy right in the...
345
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,778
oh, okay, that's... that's all of them.
346
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:33,650
Okay, this explains the other bowl.
347
00:12:41,472 --> 00:12:43,257
Oh, take it, take it.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
348
00:12:43,259 --> 00:12:44,692
Sweetie, you are a lifesaver.
349
00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:45,920
Look at you... so brave.
350
00:12:45,922 --> 00:12:49,447
Going into a fish store all by yourself.
351
00:12:49,449 --> 00:12:52,840
Sweetie, eh, some of these
fish look a little sketchy.
352
00:12:52,842 --> 00:12:54,998
- How much were they?
- $42.
353
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,004
$42 to replace $6,000 worth of fish.
354
00:12:58,006 --> 00:12:59,373
I'm sure that's fine.
355
00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:01,574
Wow, look at this place.
356
00:13:01,576 --> 00:13:03,576
It's so Anderson-Coopery.
357
00:13:03,578 --> 00:13:05,545
- Right?
- Ooh.
358
00:13:05,547 --> 00:13:07,704
Let me see these bad
boys on you in person.
359
00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:09,616
- You're so silly.
- Come on, come on, come on.
360
00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:11,582
- Here.
- Wow.
361
00:13:11,584 --> 00:13:13,451
Very nice.
362
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:16,623
What is that smell? You smell good.
363
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:19,292
That, my friend, is
Anderson's face cream.
364
00:13:19,294 --> 00:13:21,961
This is what Anderson
Cooper smells like?
365
00:13:21,963 --> 00:13:23,219
That would be my guess.
366
00:13:23,221 --> 00:13:26,466
This plus whatever
else he's got going on.
367
00:13:26,468 --> 00:13:29,068
So if you're Anderson Cooper,
368
00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:30,470
who am I?
369
00:13:30,472 --> 00:13:32,071
- Oh, is this...
- Come on.
370
00:13:32,073 --> 00:13:35,474
You're Anderson Cooper,
so I'm... it's your call.
371
00:13:35,476 --> 00:13:38,681
Uh, I'm thinking you kind of
have to be Christiane Amanpour.
372
00:13:38,683 --> 00:13:42,114
[BRITISH ACCENT] Ah, hello,
I'm Christiane Amanpour,
373
00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:43,983
just back from assignment
374
00:13:43,985 --> 00:13:47,237
- after I was granted entrance into Iran.
- Mm-hmm.
375
00:13:47,239 --> 00:13:49,174
I haven't been with a man in months.
376
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:53,258
I'm ready... so ready...
to be with a man.
377
00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:54,516
So am I,
378
00:13:54,518 --> 00:13:57,208
and yet, in your case,
I'll make an exception.
379
00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:58,944
Mm.
380
00:14:01,352 --> 00:14:04,670
_
381
00:14:04,672 --> 00:14:07,405
Okay.
382
00:14:07,407 --> 00:14:10,341
- So that happened.
- It sure did.
383
00:14:10,343 --> 00:14:12,811
I gotta say, it was pretty fantastic.
384
00:14:12,813 --> 00:14:16,114
Anderson, it sounded like
you were in distress.
385
00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:20,084
- Should I call 911?
- BOTH: No.
386
00:14:20,086 --> 00:14:22,586
You know, it... it may
not have been Tahiti,
387
00:14:22,588 --> 00:14:25,589
but I'm gonna say that was easily
388
00:14:25,591 --> 00:14:27,825
the best half a minute
of the last decade.
389
00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:29,604
- We're back, baby.
- Yes, we are.
390
00:14:29,606 --> 00:14:32,930
You think I can borrow one of
Anderson's T-shirts to sleep in?
391
00:14:32,932 --> 00:14:34,799
I won't take a nice one.
I'll grab a ratty one.
392
00:14:34,801 --> 00:14:36,534
Although, he probably
doesn't have ratty ones.
393
00:14:36,536 --> 00:14:38,869
[STAMMERS]
394
00:14:38,871 --> 00:14:40,603
Were you thinking of staying over?
395
00:14:40,605 --> 00:14:42,806
Yes, why?
396
00:14:42,808 --> 00:14:43,898
No reason.
397
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:48,545
But, you know, we just had
this really hot little quickie,
398
00:14:48,547 --> 00:14:52,182
and the only way I could think
to make it hotter, frankly,
399
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,051
would be to get rid of you.
400
00:14:54,053 --> 00:14:55,785
You know, like, uh, "Thanks, babe.
401
00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:57,610
I'll call you sometime,
maybe". You know, like that.
402
00:14:57,612 --> 00:15:00,990
Oh, this is my first walk
of shame in a lot of years.
403
00:15:00,992 --> 00:15:02,726
- I gotta say, I kind of like it.
- Right?
404
00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:04,227
- Animal.
- Hmm.
405
00:15:04,229 --> 00:15:06,333
- Okay.
- You are so funny.
406
00:15:06,335 --> 00:15:08,466
- What?
- Seriously, I don't understand
407
00:15:08,468 --> 00:15:11,236
why you wouldn't want to line
them up right from the beginning.
408
00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,057
Then, when you're ready to go,
you put them on. You can go.
409
00:15:13,059 --> 00:15:15,478
Let... let's get the walk
of shame going, baby, okay?
410
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:16,870
- All right.
- I love you.
411
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,341
- You, too.
- See you tomorrow.
412
00:15:18,343 --> 00:15:19,909
All right.
413
00:15:19,911 --> 00:15:22,178
Oop, my jacket.
414
00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:25,481
You forgot to put this one in.
415
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:27,316
[DOOR SLAMS]
416
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:29,085
[SIGHS]
417
00:15:37,828 --> 00:15:39,495
- [GROANS]
- What?
418
00:15:39,497 --> 00:15:41,864
Don't worry about it! I did it!
419
00:15:43,074 --> 00:15:45,200
What'd you say? Oh, oh!
420
00:15:45,202 --> 00:15:47,835
No, no, no, no, no! Oh, oh.
421
00:15:50,173 --> 00:15:53,041
How could you still be hungry?
422
00:16:03,586 --> 00:16:05,520
- Hey, there.
- Hello.
423
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:07,555
I was wondering, would
you do me a huge favor
424
00:16:07,557 --> 00:16:09,690
and say something to my
friend when she gets here?
425
00:16:09,692 --> 00:16:10,781
Excuse me?
426
00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:12,540
Just a "hello" or "how are you"?
427
00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:14,395
- It would mean a lot.
- I'm not following.
428
00:16:14,397 --> 00:16:16,631
So my friend Tonya...
429
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:17,965
probably shouldn't
have told you her name.
430
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,766
She would hate that.
431
00:16:19,768 --> 00:16:22,569
Anyway, she's been going
through a bit of a rough patch,
432
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:25,272
and just one stranger saying hello...
433
00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:27,207
it would make a big difference.
434
00:16:27,209 --> 00:16:28,632
Please?
435
00:16:28,634 --> 00:16:31,034
- I guess so.
- Thank you, thank you.
436
00:16:35,117 --> 00:16:36,817
How's it going?
437
00:16:40,322 --> 00:16:41,975
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
438
00:16:41,977 --> 00:16:43,615
- Did you tell him to talk to me?
- No.
439
00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:45,239
Did she ask you to say hello to me?
440
00:16:45,241 --> 00:16:47,561
I didn't ask you to say anything, right?
441
00:16:47,563 --> 00:16:49,963
What did she say? Tell me.
442
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,230
Okay, you know what?
443
00:16:51,232 --> 00:16:53,232
I can't do this anymore.
444
00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:57,603
I don't think he's right for you.
445
00:17:03,951 --> 00:17:06,784
- It's nice to have you home.
- So nice to be home.
446
00:17:06,786 --> 00:17:08,586
Although, I gotta say, a
little bit of an adjustment.
447
00:17:08,588 --> 00:17:10,355
I just said, "House,
make me a sandwich".
448
00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:12,424
- Nothing.
- Turns out I missed you.
449
00:17:12,426 --> 00:17:14,124
I missed you too.
450
00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:16,794
- Sweetie, come on.
- Otherwise it gets all cakey.
451
00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:18,723
- Yeah, I was gonna wipe it when I'm done.
- I know.
452
00:17:18,725 --> 00:17:20,612
It's just sometimes you
don't, so I thought I would.
453
00:17:20,614 --> 00:17:23,868
- And very often I do.
- I didn't mean to insult you.
454
00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:25,993
- I'm not insulted.
- Okay.
455
00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:27,018
But I gotta tell you,
456
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,575
best part of Anderson Cooper's place?
457
00:17:28,577 --> 00:17:31,342
Two whole days... I wasn't wrong once.
458
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:32,876
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
459
00:17:32,878 --> 00:17:34,174
No, I'm just saying, it... it was nice
460
00:17:34,176 --> 00:17:35,443
to be my own boss for a minute.
461
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:38,169
Okay, just to be clear, I'm your boss
462
00:17:38,171 --> 00:17:41,062
and the great decider of
when you're right and wrong?
463
00:17:41,064 --> 00:17:42,153
Got it.
464
00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:43,744
That was not at all what I was saying.
465
00:17:43,746 --> 00:17:46,485
I wonder who you might
be confusing me with?
466
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:50,545
Hmm, let's see: what other
important woman in your life...
467
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,951
- No, no, no.
- Who possibly, as you were growing up,
468
00:17:52,953 --> 00:17:55,110
told you what to do and who
you spent your whole life
469
00:17:55,112 --> 00:17:57,667
trying to please might you
be confusing me with?
470
00:17:57,669 --> 00:18:00,003
Well, first of all, I wasn't
trying to "please" you.
471
00:18:00,005 --> 00:18:01,505
Well, I'm super not pleased,
472
00:18:01,507 --> 00:18:02,671
so you're hitting it out of the park.
473
00:18:02,673 --> 00:18:04,007
Look, all I was saying...
474
00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:05,674
Look, it's okay
475
00:18:05,676 --> 00:18:07,843
that you enjoyed being
alone for two days.
476
00:18:07,845 --> 00:18:09,979
- I didn't.
- I did.
477
00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:11,233
You what?
478
00:18:11,235 --> 00:18:13,388
You don't think I
enjoyed some time alone?
479
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,946
A couple of days apart from you?
480
00:18:14,948 --> 00:18:17,104
- Of course I did.
- Really?
481
00:18:17,106 --> 00:18:19,028
Are you kidding? I loved it.
482
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,422
- Okay, I did too.
- Well...
483
00:18:20,424 --> 00:18:21,757
- Like, a lot.
- So good.
484
00:18:21,759 --> 00:18:23,358
No, no, but, I mean, really liked it.
485
00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,260
Okay, great. So just say that.
486
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:26,428
I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
487
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:27,520
"You didn't want to hurt my"...
488
00:18:27,522 --> 00:18:29,732
what am I, some porcelain
doll who's gonna...
489
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,727
I'm sorry, is it, like, a bad thing now
490
00:18:31,729 --> 00:18:33,140
to be considerate of your feelings?
491
00:18:33,142 --> 00:18:35,037
It's not you being
considerate of my feelings.
492
00:18:35,039 --> 00:18:36,743
That's you being afraid of upsetting me.
493
00:18:36,745 --> 00:18:38,373
No, not... because I love you.
494
00:18:38,375 --> 00:18:39,841
- I love you too.
- Okay, all right.
495
00:18:39,843 --> 00:18:41,006
Well, good.
496
00:18:41,008 --> 00:18:42,430
So why would I want you to be hurt?
497
00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:44,119
I'm just saying, do me the courtesy
498
00:18:44,121 --> 00:18:46,681
of saying what's on your mind
and stop walking on eggshells.
499
00:18:46,683 --> 00:18:47,973
- It's insulting.
- Okay, I got it.
500
00:18:47,975 --> 00:18:50,085
I'm a big girl, and I
can handle whatever it is
501
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,286
you think is gonna break me.
502
00:18:51,288 --> 00:18:53,021
- Watch. Go.
- What?
503
00:18:53,023 --> 00:18:55,389
Say something that
you're afraid to tell me
504
00:18:55,391 --> 00:18:56,693
and watch how I'm still here.
505
00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:58,693
- Go ahead.
- Oh, this is a great game.
506
00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:01,062
It's right up there with
"roll me in broken glass
507
00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:02,296
and kick me in the balls".
508
00:19:02,298 --> 00:19:03,932
- Yeah.
- We'll play that later.
509
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,232
My game first. Go ahead.
510
00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:06,324
[SIGHS]
511
00:19:06,326 --> 00:19:07,582
Do you want me to help you start?
512
00:19:07,584 --> 00:19:10,237
Okay, you don't like when I tell
you how to put your shoes.
513
00:19:10,239 --> 00:19:11,295
Got it.
514
00:19:11,297 --> 00:19:12,753
Still don't see why you don't want to
515
00:19:12,755 --> 00:19:14,285
put them the right way, but whatever.
516
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,809
You don't like it. Got it.
517
00:19:15,811 --> 00:19:17,611
What else?
518
00:19:17,613 --> 00:19:18,702
How about this?
519
00:19:18,704 --> 00:19:20,314
Stop hawking you about the mustard.
520
00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:21,982
Fair enough. I got it. What else?
521
00:19:21,984 --> 00:19:24,251
- I don't...
- Come on. Really?
522
00:19:24,253 --> 00:19:26,787
There's nothing else about
me that you don't like?
523
00:19:28,223 --> 00:19:30,323
Okay... okay, here you go:
524
00:19:30,325 --> 00:19:33,492
sometimes you start humming a song,
525
00:19:33,494 --> 00:19:36,261
and then you switch,
like, to another song,
526
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:37,663
and you don't... you don't even realize
527
00:19:37,665 --> 00:19:39,899
it's two separate songs.
528
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:41,433
Really? This bothers you?
529
00:19:41,435 --> 00:19:42,635
Not that much, no.
530
00:19:42,637 --> 00:19:44,126
Actually, it's kind of adorable.
531
00:19:44,128 --> 00:19:45,606
Jesus, you've gotta get better at this.
532
00:19:45,608 --> 00:19:47,073
All right, all right
all right, you want one?
533
00:19:47,075 --> 00:19:48,307
Yes, good. What?
534
00:19:48,309 --> 00:19:51,810
Okay, here you go: sometimes...
535
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:53,312
sometimes, I'm saying...
536
00:19:53,314 --> 00:19:55,414
you can be a bit short with people.
537
00:19:55,416 --> 00:19:57,249
- Like... like strangers, mostly.
- Really?
538
00:19:57,251 --> 00:19:58,517
Yeah, no, you're a little curt.
539
00:19:58,519 --> 00:20:00,252
Curt sometimes.
540
00:20:00,254 --> 00:20:01,786
Like with waiters.
541
00:20:01,788 --> 00:20:03,188
Or, you know what, actually?
542
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:05,523
It's waitresses more than waiters.
543
00:20:05,525 --> 00:20:07,659
It's... it's not a big
deal, but you asked.
544
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:09,360
No, it's okay. I don't have to love it.
545
00:20:09,362 --> 00:20:12,071
I don't think you're right,
but okay. What else?
546
00:20:12,073 --> 00:20:14,377
Well, you know, actually,
that's... that's a big one.
547
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,473
Waitresses?
548
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,738
Not waitresses, but just,
you know, people in general.
549
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,437
Oh, so now it's everyone I'm awful to?
550
00:20:19,439 --> 00:20:22,306
I didn't say you were awful.
I'm just saying, you...
551
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:25,343
you can be a certain way
with people that sometimes...
552
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:28,712
it's, you know, a lot less
pleasant than maybe you think.
553
00:20:28,714 --> 00:20:29,820
- I see.
- Oh, okay.
554
00:20:29,822 --> 00:20:31,922
You know, 'cause I do a lot
of damage control, by the way.
555
00:20:31,924 --> 00:20:33,113
Things you don't even know about.
556
00:20:33,115 --> 00:20:34,177
- Really?
- Yes.
557
00:20:34,179 --> 00:20:36,436
Like what? With who?
558
00:20:36,438 --> 00:20:38,185
- Doesn't matter with who.
- Yes, it matters.
559
00:20:38,187 --> 00:20:40,057
- You can't accuse me of that...
- I'm not accusing.
560
00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:41,391
I'm simply saying I've noticed...
561
00:20:41,393 --> 00:20:43,493
Oh, that is such a dirtbag move.
562
00:20:43,495 --> 00:20:44,962
You drop that on me and then you say
563
00:20:44,964 --> 00:20:46,153
"I have noticed"?
564
00:20:46,155 --> 00:20:47,998
No, but you asked me,
and I'm saying yes.
565
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,833
You have a way about you
566
00:20:49,835 --> 00:20:53,170
that you can be dismissive
of people sometimes.
567
00:20:53,172 --> 00:20:56,005
Yeah, and I don't know,
maybe you don't see it
568
00:20:56,007 --> 00:20:58,808
or maybe you don't care...
which I don't even know
569
00:20:58,810 --> 00:21:00,000
which is worse, to tell you the truth...
570
00:21:00,002 --> 00:21:01,848
but I've just gotten
used to it, you know?
571
00:21:01,850 --> 00:21:04,414
I guess 'cause you do
that with me all the time.
572
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:07,384
- I do what?
- This, this.
573
00:21:07,386 --> 00:21:11,420
Yes, you... you expect everybody
574
00:21:11,422 --> 00:21:14,657
and everything to be a certain way,
575
00:21:14,659 --> 00:21:17,745
and when it's not, you
just... you look at us like,
576
00:21:17,747 --> 00:21:21,105
"What's wrong with you?
Why don't you get it?"
577
00:21:21,107 --> 00:21:25,522
Yeah, you look at me like that
all the time... all the time.
578
00:21:25,524 --> 00:21:27,769
I'll ask you a question.
It's a simple question.
579
00:21:27,771 --> 00:21:29,371
A silly, you know...
580
00:21:29,373 --> 00:21:31,273
"What are we doing Saturday night?"
581
00:21:31,275 --> 00:21:34,194
And, yeah, maybe you did
tell me the day before
582
00:21:34,196 --> 00:21:35,911
and maybe I forgot.
583
00:21:35,913 --> 00:21:38,013
Guess what? People forget, you know?
584
00:21:38,015 --> 00:21:40,196
Uh, by the way, good luck
with the next 30 years.
585
00:21:40,198 --> 00:21:41,717
That's gonna be a treat.
586
00:21:41,719 --> 00:21:43,118
But, yeah, you do.
587
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:44,686
You do this thing where...
588
00:21:44,688 --> 00:21:46,133
you don't even have to say anything,
589
00:21:46,135 --> 00:21:47,626
but I... it's in your eyes.
590
00:21:47,628 --> 00:21:49,858
I'm telling you, there's
a thing in your eyes.
591
00:21:49,860 --> 00:21:52,550
It's like this impatience.
592
00:21:52,552 --> 00:21:56,100
This constant state of irritation,
593
00:21:56,102 --> 00:21:58,333
like everybody's irritating you,
594
00:21:58,335 --> 00:22:01,336
and I'm telling you, it's brutal.
595
00:22:01,338 --> 00:22:03,527
It's brutal.
596
00:22:03,529 --> 00:22:05,386
And you can tell me
that I'm projecting this
597
00:22:05,388 --> 00:22:07,007
and, okay, maybe you're not
thinking all these things,
598
00:22:07,009 --> 00:22:08,976
but I'm telling you: yeah, you are.
599
00:22:08,978 --> 00:22:11,145
You are... and even if you're not,
600
00:22:11,147 --> 00:22:13,481
that's how it feels to me.
601
00:22:13,483 --> 00:22:15,650
How about this: do you
know... do you know why?
602
00:22:15,652 --> 00:22:18,385
Why I don't say
everything that bothers me
603
00:22:18,387 --> 00:22:21,122
exactly when it's bothering me?
604
00:22:21,124 --> 00:22:24,825
Because that's what feels
right to me, you know?
605
00:22:24,827 --> 00:22:27,661
I'm not saying it's right
or wrong or better or worse,
606
00:22:27,663 --> 00:22:31,240
but apparently that's
what I seem to do, okay?
607
00:22:31,242 --> 00:22:33,633
And, yeah, it's not always gonna line up
608
00:22:33,635 --> 00:22:36,470
exactly with how you would do it
609
00:22:36,472 --> 00:22:38,705
or how you wish everybody
else in the world
610
00:22:38,707 --> 00:22:41,508
who's not you would do it.
611
00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:43,710
Because if you do say
everything that's on your mind,
612
00:22:43,712 --> 00:22:44,801
you know what?
613
00:22:44,803 --> 00:22:46,413
A lot of shit will get said
614
00:22:46,415 --> 00:22:49,048
that probably should never be said.
615
00:22:49,050 --> 00:22:51,084
You want an example? Here you go.
616
00:22:51,086 --> 00:22:53,352
Here you go: Mabel was five years old.
617
00:22:53,354 --> 00:22:55,088
Remember she ran into
the kitchen counter there?
618
00:22:55,090 --> 00:22:56,564
She had to get stiches on her lips
619
00:22:56,566 --> 00:22:57,924
and you felt so horrible
620
00:22:57,926 --> 00:22:59,149
and you thought it was your fault
621
00:22:59,151 --> 00:23:01,661
and I said, "Don't be silly.
No, it's not your fault".
622
00:23:01,663 --> 00:23:03,029
Guess what?
623
00:23:03,031 --> 00:23:04,831
I wasn't being really honest there
624
00:23:04,833 --> 00:23:08,100
'cause I wasn't 100%
that it wasn't your fault.
625
00:23:08,102 --> 00:23:10,002
I'm still not sure
that wasn't your fault.
626
00:23:10,004 --> 00:23:11,627
Should I say that?
627
00:23:11,629 --> 00:23:13,607
Is there any value... what possible good
628
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:15,341
would come out of me saying that to you?
629
00:23:15,343 --> 00:23:18,210
Tell me, 'cause
personally, I don't see it.
630
00:23:18,212 --> 00:23:20,413
Do you?
631
00:23:38,598 --> 00:23:40,398
Okay, now what?
632
00:23:41,601 --> 00:23:43,535
Well, well, well.
633
00:23:43,537 --> 00:23:45,637
Look who's back.
634
00:24:37,619 --> 00:24:40,244
House, alarm on.
635
00:24:40,246 --> 00:24:42,101
Alarm activated.
636
00:24:42,103 --> 00:24:43,903
♪ Yeah ♪
46769
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