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1
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,297
Let's sweat!
2
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,093
Come on!
3
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,180
That's right!
Shake it, honey! Shake it!
4
00:00:57,975 --> 00:01:01,395
Oh, yeah! Like a pony!
I'm a pony! I'm a pony!
5
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,898
Don't you feel like a pony? Don't you
feel like a pony when you sweat?
6
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,401
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
7
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:09,235
Go! Do it!
8
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,112
Come on! Here we go!
9
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,741
One! Two!
This is my favorite exercise!
10
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,243
Come on! Five!
11
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,578
Whoa!
12
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:22,541
Macho! Macho! Oh!
13
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,377
I'm a pony! I'm a pony! Yeah!
14
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,296
Come on, let's go!
Do it! Come on!
15
00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:32,092
I'm vogueing!
You can vogue!
16
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,553
Can you feel it?
17
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,681
Oh!
18
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,809
I'm gonna have an aneurysm.
19
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:41,893
Oh!
20
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:43,645
My calves are burning!
21
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,738
This is our science department.
22
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,531
The genetics wing.
23
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,992
I'll remind you we are
in the vanguard of research.
24
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:25,895
Oh, my god!
25
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,869
Get klump in here now!
26
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,205
Professor klump.
Good morning.
27
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,290
Hey, professor!
28
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,374
Good morning.
29
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,917
Morning.
Morning.
30
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,188
Morning. Girl 2: Good
morning, professor klump.
31
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,213
How are you?
32
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,431
Morning.
33
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,183
Oh, my goodness.
34
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,944
Professor klump. The cages.
What happened?
35
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,030
That is the most
peculiar thing, Jason,
36
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,407
because I distinctly remember
locking up last night.
37
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,825
I locked these cages,
38
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,829
and I picked up my portfolio
and turned around...
39
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,377
Oh.
40
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,422
I must've grazed the switch.
41
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,400
Shelley's the only
one that didn't get out.
42
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,967
Good. I'll go tend to shelley.
43
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,427
You students take
care of this. Excuse me.
44
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,931
Hello, shelley. How are you
today, my little powder puff?
45
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,475
Yeah. Yeah.
46
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,270
Sir?
47
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,248
You may want to take a look
at the latest test results.
48
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,315
I'm not sure if I'm
reading them correctly.
49
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,736
Three ounces? She's lost three
ounces since the last feed?
50
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:39,987
Must be some kind of mistake.
51
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,283
No, no, no, Jason.
52
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,534
Her entire molecular structure
has been realigned.
53
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,956
We've done it.
This new formula's working.
54
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,958
It's actually
reconstructed shelley's DNA.
55
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:55,545
My god. She lost 20% of her
body fat in one feeding.
56
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,463
What if we upped the dosage?
57
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:59,090
No, no, no,
one step at a time, Jason.
58
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,759
We don't want to
jeopardize shelley.
59
00:05:00,842 --> 00:05:02,111
We'll keep
the feedings as scheduled.
60
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,302
Okay.
61
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,221
Schedule.
Excuse me. I'm very late.
62
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,765
Come on, students,
we got a lot of work to do
63
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,243
and don't have that
much time to do it in.
64
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:13,604
Trying to win a Grant here. So, as
arsenio used to say, "let's get busy!"
65
00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:35,710
Comfy?
66
00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,295
Quite.
67
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,715
Anything I can get for you?
Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?
68
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,175
No, sir, I'm fine.
69
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:55,396
You did want to see me about
something, didn't you, sir'?
70
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,649
Well, professor klump,
71
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,861
allow me to answer that
question by posing another.
72
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,655
Why are you trying
to destroy my school?
73
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:04,739
Beg your pardon, sir?
74
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:07,909
Do you know who
Louise vindovik is?
75
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:08,994
Oh, surely, sir.
76
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:11,370
She's a lovely woman who so
generously donates money
77
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,807
to help us fund our
science department.
78
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,542
Ooh. Close.
Very close, but wrong.
79
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,460
See, she was a lovely woman,
80
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:20,213
and she used to fund
our science department.
81
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,566
That was before
she was hospitalized
82
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,775
for nearly swallowing a gerbil.
83
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,383
Not gerbil, sir.
A hamster.
84
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,386
Gerbils are more streamlined and
hamsters have a tendency to be fluffier.
85
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:31,182
And the male hamster's scrotum has a
tendency to be disproportionately...
86
00:06:31,808 --> 00:06:33,142
Never mind.
87
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:38,102
Those national rifle people are right.
If I had one now... bang.
88
00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,710
You know, sir, I'd like to
concentrate on the positives.
89
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,903
Actually, what miss vindovik
witnessed was 5,000 healthy hamsters
90
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:46,364
bred from a genetically
deficient hereditary line.
91
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,533
It's actually very exciting.
92
00:06:48,992 --> 00:06:50,576
Do I look excited, klump?
93
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,953
No, no, you don't. You
don't look excited at all.
94
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,415
But maybe you might be holding
it all in, your excitement,
95
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,833
not wanting to express it.
96
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:02,630
Now listen to me carefully,
you fat tub of goo.
97
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:07,968
For years, you've single-handedly
alienated every wealthy donor we've had.
98
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:10,471
Air-conditioning
schools are outdrawing us!
99
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:13,182
We've lost so much money,
red is our school color.
100
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,556
Inner-oity schools have
better computers than we do.
101
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,770
Bosnia wants to give us money!
102
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,958
Now, I'm going to set up a
meeting with Harlan hartley...
103
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,191
Klump!
Are you listening to me?
104
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,442
Yes, sir. Yes.
105
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:28,026
Hartley is the last rich alumnus we've got.
And he's a science fan.
106
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:33,244
And he's considering donating a
$10 million Grant to this school.
107
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:36,122
And I want that money, klump.
108
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,124
Yourjob depends upon it.
109
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,518
I'll let you know
how to handle it
110
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,252
since I'll be watching you.
Now, go.
111
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,338
But, sir, I don't
know if you should...
112
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,339
Now you see, right back there,
113
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,383
just before you said,
"but, sir" right there?
114
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,678
That was the end of the meeting.
115
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,764
Well, I guess I'll leave.
116
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:54,807
You have a pleasant day.
117
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:17,955
Grace, the cream has
turned again.
118
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,089
Of all the
equations that you'll learn
119
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,007
during the course
of your studies here,
120
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:31,928
this equation shall be,
i promise you,
121
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,015
the most helpful throughout
the oourse of your studies,
122
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:39,352
because this equation
fundamentally breaks down
123
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,897
what DNA is composed of
124
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,817
and what components of DNA...
125
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,198
I seem to have messed myself.
126
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:55,743
I mean, I haven't really messed myself.
I mean, I messed my shirt up.
127
00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,123
But make sure you read chapter four
in your textbooks on genetics.
128
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,293
Gonna be a pop quiz
on Wednesday.
129
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,713
There's a pop quiz.
Pop quiz.
130
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,167
Professor klump?
131
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,511
Hello.
132
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:56,845
Hi. I'm sorry.
133
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,516
I didn't mean to interrupt. I was
looking for professor klump.
134
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,812
I'm him. I'm he.
135
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,023
I'm sherman klump.
136
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,419
Never mind.
I do that all the time.
137
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:14,655
Makes the table look more
festive, and the kids enjoy it.
138
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:17,450
The yellow and green and
purple rolling around.
139
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,368
The table's more colorful and...
140
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,287
Would another time be better?
141
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,206
I could always...
No, no, don't be ridiculous.
142
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,250
I'm between classes,
and I got a minute to chat.
143
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:28,711
How can I help you?
144
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,212
Hi. I'm Carla purty.
145
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,714
Hello, miss purty.
146
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,882
Hi. I'm a grad student.
147
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:36,052
I'm teaching my first intro
chemistry class across the hall.
148
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,137
Okay. Mmm-hmm.
149
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:40,222
I just had to come over here
and introduce myself,
150
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,992
because I've followed
your work for many years,
151
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:43,600
and I'm a big fan.
152
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,229
Well, thank you very much.
I'm fatter...
153
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:50,649
Flattered that you've been following
my work the way you have.
154
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,234
A chemistry teacher.
155
00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:56,818
Chemistry sure is important to have,
chemistry, to have and use it.
156
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,328
Chemically... chemistry.
157
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:04,121
Well...
158
00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:06,565
Professor klump, it's been more
than a pleasure meeting you.
159
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,751
Oh, the pleasure was
all mine, miss purty.
160
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,045
And hope to see you around.
161
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,172
Well, you can't miss me.
162
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:16,759
Okay, have a good day.
163
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,970
You do the same, miss purty.
164
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,433
Mmm-mmm.
165
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,104
Now, that's fine. She's fine.
166
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,485
Oh, this is so fabulous.
167
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:35,796
Ain't nothing
like getting together
168
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,047
with family and
having a good meal.
169
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,530
Cletus, take this bowl.
It's hot.
170
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,115
Lam hungry.
171
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,161
Goddamn, sherman, it's almost
like we don't see your ass no more.
172
00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:44,912
Good to see you, son.
Yeah, sherman.
173
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,123
You think you too good
to spend a little time
174
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,833
with your family
every now and then?
175
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,186
I've been real busy
with my research, Ernie.
176
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,377
I don't want no potatoes.
177
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,212
You know mashed
potatoes give me gas.
178
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,425
You know, in my day, sherman, people
used to spend time with they family
179
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,718
on Sundays and
special occasions.
180
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,054
Come around and
pay their respects.
181
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,515
You mess around and miss all
little Ernie's golden years,
182
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:06,619
magic golden years, and you're
gonna be mad at yourself.
183
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,227
That's your nephew.
184
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:10,354
Baby's got a little gas.
185
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,043
Here she go. Y'all
better cover your plates.
186
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,586
Now, grandma...
Just need a peppermint.
187
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,778
Mama, have some water.
188
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,363
Grandma, you spit on me.
189
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,133
What you talking about,
covering your plates?
190
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,868
Not tonight, cletus.
I'll kick your ass.
191
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:26,287
Sherman, I cooked all this food.
Ls that all you gonna eat?
192
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,011
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, what's wrong with you?
193
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,433
You supposed to eat that,
not scalp it.
194
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,018
Well, daddy, all
the calories in the chicken
195
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,501
are found in
the skin and in the fat.
196
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:35,105
Man, what you talking about? That's
where all the fats and calories is?
197
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,631
You know where that come from?
Watching that damn TV.
198
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,485
Every time you turn it on,
they got somebody
199
00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,052
there talking about lose weight,
200
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,302
get healthy, get in shape.
201
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,406
Everybody looking all anorexic,
talking about that's healthy.
202
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,765
I know what healthy is.
I'll tell you something else.
203
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,285
And I don't know
why everybody trying
204
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,620
to lose weight in
the first place!
205
00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:51,205
Ain't everybody supposed
to be the same size.
206
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,589
We're supposed
to be all different.
207
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,692
Big, small, medium, midgets. You
supposed to have all of that.
208
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,942
I don't know what did it.
209
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,129
Everybody wants to be the same
size, like that Oprah Winfrey.
210
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,362
She gonna lose her weight.
211
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,157
Wasn't nothing wrong with her.
She was fine. Oprah was a fox!
212
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:06,041
She lose all that weight, her head
look all big, skin hanging all over.
213
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,913
And Luther vandross. Nigger
used to be the black Pavarotti.
214
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,725
Lost all that weight,
looking all ashy.
215
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,393
Oprah and Luther
need to keep their ass
216
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,709
one weight, 'cause I'm confused.
217
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:17,046
Yes, I hope nothing's wrong with Oprah.
She doesn't look well.
218
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,497
Ain't nothing wrong with Oprah.
219
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:20,675
I seen Oprah on
hard copy last week.
220
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,259
Was the picture of health.
221
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,679
Got her a tall, young, strong
gentleman named stedman.
222
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,972
So handsome.
223
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,141
Amazing grace
224
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,493
she's my favorite
out of all of them.
225
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,895
Jenny Jones, Marilyn kagan, Maury povich.
226
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,606
Letterman, leno.
227
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,858
Montel, ricki lake.
228
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,401
I like Geraldo.
229
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,987
Mike Douglas.
Oh, Mike Douglas.
230
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:44,740
You know, Mike Douglas used to make
me moist when I'd watch his show.
231
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,451
I admit it. I would get moist
when I watched his show.
232
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,496
Only white man ever did that
to me was Mike Douglas.
233
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,875
I would like to volunteer to take
this old bird out of her misery.
234
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:56,585
Cletus! Don't you dare say
something like that about mama.
235
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,753
No, no, hold it.
236
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,382
You ain't gotta protect me from cletus.
Come on, cletus. Come on.
237
00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:06,383
Come on over here. Come on. It ain't
but a short walk. Come on over.
238
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:10,515
You gonna limp back. You'll walk
over, but you're limping baok.
239
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,145
Butdonfilet the gray hair fool you.
I ain't no easy win, nigger.
240
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:17,439
You know what your problem is, you
don't work out. Gotta exeroise.
241
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,191
Look at me.
That's all muscle.
242
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,110
- Oh.
- You fat. I'm muscle.
243
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,988
Oh, look at my little...
He's a little Hercules.
244
00:14:24,072 --> 00:14:28,572
Show me your muscles again. Oh,
Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules!
245
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,763
Once you work out, your
metabolism starts to speed up,
246
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:31,996
you can eat anything you want.
247
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,623
Go on, knock yourself out.
248
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,041
He's so strong.
Recent studies have shown
249
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,725
that certain people are genetically
predisposed to gaining weight.
250
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,190
Someday in the near future,
we might even find a cure.
251
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,716
Only thing you need
to study is your ass.
252
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,677
I got a big ass. Your mama
got a big ass. Cletus!
253
00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:50,389
You do have a big ass. Don't tell me
nothing. Asses is big in our family.
254
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,807
So you need to get used to that.
255
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,684
And I don't care
what diet you go on.
256
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:57,188
You oan sew up your stomach and your
asshole, you gonna always be fat.
257
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,917
Daddy, all I'm trying to say is
that scientific breakthroughs
258
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,734
are occurring all the time...
259
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,861
The only thing about to
break through is your ass
260
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,947
about to break through
the seat of your pants.
261
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,907
Sherman, I think
i do remember hearing
262
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,076
something on TV
about colon cleansing.
263
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,661
They say everyone
should have one.
264
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,139
I'm thinking about getting me
an appointment,
265
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,225
and going down and getting my
colon cleansed thoroughly.
266
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,584
You want your colon cleansed?
Fine, I'm gonna clean mine.
267
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,421
There. Now my colon is clean.
I'm talking squeaky clean.
268
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:26,258
Every time we have a meal, you break gas.
Don't break gas and destroy our meal.
269
00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,342
Don't tell me to stop.
270
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,405
You the one that brought up colon
cleansing and all that mess.
271
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,656
I did not say
anything about breaking gas!
272
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,990
I said that I was
gonna get my colon cleaned.
273
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,367
You can talk about putting
a tube in somebody's ass,
274
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,642
but I can't break wind.
275
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,745
I didn't say nothing about putting
a hose up nobody's ass...
276
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,312
What you think a colonic is?
277
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,124
You think you run your asshole
by the car wash?
278
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,858
You're choking the baby.
279
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,610
As long as I pay the bills, i
do what I want at this table.
280
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:45,694
Case in point.
281
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,363
Who that called my name?
282
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,971
Yeah, I called you
if your name is...
283
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,453
Keep insulting me.
284
00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:57,122
I'll toss this between
the crack of your ass.
285
00:15:57,206 --> 00:15:58,916
Yeah, you know
i can go all night.
286
00:16:00,543 --> 00:16:02,263
I hope you fart till
your asshole falls out.
287
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,508
Oh, my baby too!
288
00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:12,430
Now see what you made me do? God
damn it, I messed up my pants.
289
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,473
Damn, daddy. You got to
clean them yourself!
290
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:15,641
You rotten.
291
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:21,647
Oh, lord, this has been a fabulous,
wonderful, fabulous evening.
292
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,066
Look. Them dogs done
tore up my garbage.
293
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,026
Cletus, the dogs ripped
the garbage open again!
294
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,277
Shoot the damn dog!
295
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,612
I'm not shooting no dog!
296
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,030
I'm trying to watch roseanne!
297
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,698
Thanks for dinner, mama.
298
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,408
Sherman, what's wrong with you?
299
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:37,663
Baby, you still worried about
what your father said in there?
300
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:40,248
Oh, son, listen to me.
301
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,917
You are special.
302
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:47,002
When the good lord made you, he
made you beautiful inside and out.
303
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,717
You can do anything, sherman.
304
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,094
All you got to do is believe in
yourself, and you can do anything.
305
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,598
You're so handsome.
306
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,934
Give me some sugar.
307
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:03,356
Love you, mama.
Love you, too, baby.
308
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,816
Nighty-night. Oh, my baby.
309
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:08,653
Sherman, sherman, sherman.
310
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:09,737
Fabulous.
311
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:11,632
Cletus, come clean
this garbage up!
312
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:12,865
I'm watching TV!
313
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,200
Get your lazy ass up.
314
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:15,511
Why don't you mind
your own damn business?
315
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,786
You lazy mother...
316
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,321
Professor?
317
00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:55,574
Oh. Hi, miss purty.
318
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,828
You caught me in the middle of
319
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:01,163
a little step aerobics
i was doing out here.
320
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:04,500
Ninety-eight,
ninety-nine, one hundred.
321
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,253
I looked your address up
in the faculty directory.
322
00:18:08,337 --> 00:18:10,255
I hope you don't mind.
No, not at all.
323
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,548
What can I do for you?
324
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:12,883
Oh, well, I was...
325
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,137
I was...
326
00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:20,849
I was wondering if one night, if
327
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,061
when you weren't busy...
328
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,939
You might get a little hungry,
you might want to, you know...
329
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:29,063
If you planned on going out
to get something anyway,
330
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:33,904
on an occasion like that, you
don't wanna do that alone, so...
331
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:37,116
Professor, are you
asking me out on a date?
332
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,621
Yes. Yes, I am.
333
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:44,874
I'd love to.
334
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,544
Really?
Yes.
335
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:50,838
That's fantastic!
336
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,401
We can go any place you wanna go.
Just name it. We'll go there.
337
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,969
There's a place that my students
go to called the scream.
338
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,888
The scream?
I mean, if that's too...
339
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,598
Oh, no, no, no.
I love to scream.
340
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,808
Whoa!
341
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,662
Screaming's good for you.
Cleans the epiglottis.
342
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,980
Get all the phlegm and mucus down.
That's disgusting.
343
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,500
Just tell me what
night and we'll go there.
344
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:11,816
How's Friday?
345
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,046
Friday night's perfect. That's the
best night of the week for me.
346
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,154
So Friday night at 8:00.
347
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,322
Friday night at 8:00.
348
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:19,045
Great. Then I'll see you Friday night.
Then we'll go to the scream.
349
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:21,786
It'll be a scream at the scream.
350
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,453
All right, professor,
I'll see you then.
351
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,122
All right.
Good night, miss purty.
352
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,875
Good night.
353
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,252
Yes!
354
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,506
Yeah,
Friday night at the scream.
355
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,341
Gonna scream.
356
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:39,553
Friday night. Friday, Friday,
Friday, Friday night.
357
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,597
Friday, Friday, Friday.
358
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:47,394
I got myself a date
359
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,605
Friday night at 8:00
360
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,982
and I will not be late
361
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:54,359
she might be my mate
362
00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:56,528
that would be so great
363
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:58,697
great, great, great
great, great, great
364
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:01,241
and I can hardly wait
365
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:04,786
lilo, peabo, Lou rawls,
Teddy pendergrass. Teddy p.
366
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,454
Number six! Yeah!
367
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,127
Close the door
368
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:16,423
let me give you what
you been waiting for
369
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:21,052
baby, i got so much love to give
370
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,471
don't hurt them, Teddy p!
371
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:27,351
And I wanna give it all to you
372
00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:32,898
I waited all day long
373
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,986
just to hold you in my arms
374
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:43,617
and it's exactly like
i thought it would be
375
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:48,868
me loving you and you loving me
376
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:52,584
oh, you know you gotta, gotta,
gotta close the door
377
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,753
shut the hell
up up there, god damn it!
378
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:56,547
Sorry about that
down there, Mr. Wilson!
379
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,423
Teddy p turned up a little loud.
380
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:00,425
Hey! Quiet down up there!
381
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:05,009
There is a thin person inside
each and every one of us!
382
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:07,849
So just give yourselves
a big hug and say,
383
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,602
"yes, I can!"
Do that for me, people.
384
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:14,523
Thighmaster plus is designed to
give you better results quicker.
385
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,860
I lost 10 pounds in two weeks.
Thanks, megashake.
386
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:09,741
You're not pathetic!
People, pounds do not lose themselves!
387
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:14,332
You have to work, work, work!
Everybody, up! Come on! Get up!
388
00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:16,793
You too at home!
Everybody up and say,
389
00:22:16,877 --> 00:22:19,254
"yes, I can!"
390
00:22:19,338 --> 00:22:21,173
Say it again.
Yes, I can.
391
00:22:21,298 --> 00:22:25,343
Yes, I can! Yes, I can! Yes...
392
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:26,428
Quiet down, god damn it!
393
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:27,555
Sorry, Mr. Wilson.
394
00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:29,222
Klump, shut up!
I can!
395
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:56,124
Still hungry?
396
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:11,389
Help.
397
00:23:13,934 --> 00:23:15,226
Still hungry?
398
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,410
Maybe you should
try Jenny Craig.
399
00:23:38,667 --> 00:23:41,002
One hand on you!
One hand on you!
400
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,176
Whoo!
401
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:55,100
Yeah! Yeah!
402
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,978
Yeah!
403
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:03,484
Yeah!
404
00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:17,705
Come on, come on.
Right there.
405
00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:31,928
Oh, excuse me. Hey!
406
00:24:32,012 --> 00:24:33,698
Professor k, how's it going?
I'm good, David.
407
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,056
What are you doing here?
408
00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:36,558
Got a date.
409
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:39,853
You have a date?
Good luck, professor.
410
00:24:39,979 --> 00:24:41,897
Yeah, see you next week now.
411
00:24:44,191 --> 00:24:46,401
Excuse me. Pardon me. Excuse me.
Sorry about that.
412
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,613
Excuse me. Excuse me.
413
00:24:49,697 --> 00:24:51,782
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
414
00:24:53,117 --> 00:24:54,868
Sorry about that.
Excuse me.
415
00:24:54,952 --> 00:24:59,331
Sorry about that. Excuse me.
Excuse me! Excuse me.
416
00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:01,291
Thank you.
417
00:25:01,417 --> 00:25:03,335
Wow, these are
great seats, professor.
418
00:25:03,419 --> 00:25:06,672
Oh, yeah. Listen,
don't call me professor.
419
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:09,174
Call me sherman,
all right? Sherman.
420
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,136
Well, I'm glad we
did this, sherman.
421
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,143
So am l.
422
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:21,937
So am I!
423
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,816
Here's the menu.
424
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,326
So, you actually
altered her genes? Yes, yes.
425
00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:40,330
And if I hadn't done it, shelley would
be in hamster heaven right now.
426
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:42,123
Sherman,
you are absolutely amazing.
427
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,460
Well, we do
what we can, you know?
428
00:25:45,544 --> 00:25:48,129
Got to keep on trying.
Got to keep on pushing.
429
00:25:57,056 --> 00:25:59,224
Let's go. Let's go.
430
00:26:00,309 --> 00:26:02,102
Montell Jordan!
431
00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:04,062
They were wonderful.
432
00:26:04,146 --> 00:26:07,190
All right, all right.
Let's keep this show rolling.
433
00:26:07,441 --> 00:26:08,752
Ladies and gentlemen...
He was good.
434
00:26:08,776 --> 00:26:11,737
you've seen him on def
comedy jam many times.
435
00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:14,656
Y'all give it up for my man,
Reggie warrington!
436
00:26:14,740 --> 00:26:15,866
Give it up!
437
00:26:28,712 --> 00:26:30,422
He sure is animated.
438
00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:35,010
What's up?
439
00:26:36,178 --> 00:26:37,804
I said, "what's up?"
440
00:26:37,888 --> 00:26:39,514
Hey!
441
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,265
Women be shopping, baby.
442
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,602
Women be shopping!
443
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:47,355
Damn! You can't stop a woman
from shopping, baby!
444
00:26:48,232 --> 00:26:49,816
That's true. Women do shop.
445
00:26:49,942 --> 00:26:51,485
It is true.
446
00:26:51,568 --> 00:26:53,528
See what we got in
here tonight. Oh, my god!
447
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,782
She's unbe-weave-able.
Look at this.
448
00:26:57,866 --> 00:27:00,201
Look like a hair
full of curly fries.
449
00:27:08,377 --> 00:27:10,688
Hey, look at this white dude right here.
Look at the white dude.
450
00:27:10,712 --> 00:27:14,632
What is a weave exactly? Huh?
451
00:27:18,554 --> 00:27:22,140
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
452
00:27:22,224 --> 00:27:26,724
Baby, no! She got more
extensions than at&t.
453
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,044
Excuse me. I'm gonna
go to the restroom.
454
00:27:33,068 --> 00:27:34,486
Oh, boy, I'm hot! I'm hot!
455
00:27:34,570 --> 00:27:36,863
Sorry about that, ma'am.
Let me pick that up for you.
456
00:27:38,115 --> 00:27:39,908
It's a full moon tonight!
457
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:45,038
I think I found where
they hid Jimmy hoffa!
458
00:27:46,832 --> 00:27:48,083
Excuse me.
459
00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:53,755
Yeah, that's a good one there.
460
00:27:54,214 --> 00:27:57,258
Boy, you got more crack than Harlem.
Look at that!
461
00:28:01,096 --> 00:28:04,724
Boy's so fat, every time he turns
around, it's his birthday!
462
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:09,021
Got to put his belt
on with a boomerang.
463
00:28:10,230 --> 00:28:11,231
Bang!
464
00:28:14,443 --> 00:28:18,943
Yeah. Okay, all right, now.
That's it. You got me.
465
00:28:19,156 --> 00:28:22,868
No, I ain't got you, yet.
Should I get him?
466
00:28:22,951 --> 00:28:24,202
Yeah!
467
00:28:24,286 --> 00:28:25,704
Should I get him?
468
00:28:25,787 --> 00:28:27,038
Yeah!
469
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:29,415
Oh, look at this.
He's with a woman, too.
470
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:31,542
Aw!
Oh, no!
471
00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:34,671
Who is sucking
whose titties over here?
472
00:28:44,097 --> 00:28:48,597
Last time this brother felt a
breast, it was in a bucket of kfc.
473
00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:50,478
Extra crispy!
474
00:28:51,396 --> 00:28:54,399
Every time he goes to
seaworld, they pay him!
475
00:28:56,777 --> 00:29:00,405
He must be on that
new diet, slim slow.
476
00:29:01,657 --> 00:29:03,241
He go outside
with a red shirt on,
477
00:29:03,325 --> 00:29:04,510
and all the kids in
the neighborhood say,
478
00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:06,994
llhey!
479
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:11,249
Yeah, man, I bet I cut his fat ass
open, it'd bleed chocolate milk.
480
00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:15,128
What would you do
for a klondike bar?
481
00:29:17,881 --> 00:29:22,093
Now we know what's eating
Gilbert grape, don't we?
482
00:29:36,149 --> 00:29:39,026
Thank you for dinner tonight, sherman.
That was very sweet.
483
00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:40,403
You're welcome.
484
00:29:46,702 --> 00:29:48,495
Look, that comic tonight,
he was...
485
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,959
Sherman,
you are a brilliant man.
486
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:03,801
You have a pleasant evening.
487
00:30:06,805 --> 00:30:08,056
Good night.
488
00:30:38,879 --> 00:30:42,966
His fraternity was having
this thing called pig day.
489
00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:45,010
That's the only
reason he asked me out.
490
00:30:45,093 --> 00:30:49,138
To make fun of you? Why do
we do this to ourselves?
491
00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:52,309
Every time we get depressed,
we eat and eat and eat.
492
00:30:52,392 --> 00:30:54,954
Don't you? You go to the store and buy
those little candy bars in the bag,
493
00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:57,313
and before you know it,
the whole bag is empty.
494
00:30:57,397 --> 00:31:01,651
Then at the end, you feel just
like that bag. Empty inside.
495
00:31:01,735 --> 00:31:03,945
Don't you? Don't you?
496
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,949
It's okay. It's all right. It's okay.
Just get it all out.
497
00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:11,119
Say, "yes, I can."
Say that.
498
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:13,037
Yes, I can.
499
00:31:15,624 --> 00:31:17,542
Yes, we can.
500
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:21,546
Can we go to commercial?
501
00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:22,774
I don't care
about how much time.
502
00:31:22,798 --> 00:31:25,258
I want him prepped and ready immediately.
Yes, doctor.
503
00:31:25,342 --> 00:31:28,386
Call Dr. Matthews. I'm going to
need a lot of help on this one.
504
00:31:28,470 --> 00:31:31,264
Doctor". Okay, people. Let's move it.
Let's go. You know the routine.
505
00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,433
Get that crash
cart in here stat!
506
00:31:33,558 --> 00:31:35,601
Blood pressure,
140 over 90 and rising.
507
00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:36,894
We need that iv rig in now!
508
00:31:37,020 --> 00:31:38,229
Iv rig coming in.
509
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:39,814
Give me four cc:'S
of ambethol.
510
00:31:39,981 --> 00:31:41,501
I don't know how
much more he can take.
511
00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:43,484
We need the EKG
cart in here now.
512
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:47,029
Blood pressure, 180 over 110
and still climbing.
513
00:31:47,114 --> 00:31:48,490
What's the status?
514
00:31:48,657 --> 00:31:50,137
He's getting fatter.
We can't stop it.
515
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:53,286
(Damn! Doctor: Blood
pressure, 200 over 14c)!
516
00:31:53,370 --> 00:31:54,913
Oh, my god!
517
00:31:54,996 --> 00:31:56,196
Oh, my god.
He's gonna explode!
518
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:57,374
I'm getting out of here!
519
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,334
Nurse!
520
00:32:00,377 --> 00:32:02,003
Wait! Wait!
521
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:17,435
What's going on?
522
00:32:22,524 --> 00:32:25,401
Oh, my god! Get out of here!
Get out of here!
523
00:32:25,485 --> 00:32:28,863
Damn, everyone, run for the hills!
It's fat-zilla!
524
00:32:30,323 --> 00:32:32,199
Boy, he look like
king Kong with titties.
525
00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:36,121
Sherman! I brought you some
nice fried chicken, sherman.
526
00:32:36,204 --> 00:32:38,039
Oh, you look fabulous!
527
00:33:07,777 --> 00:33:09,069
Oh, my god!
528
00:33:09,154 --> 00:33:11,114
He's gonna blow!
529
00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:22,458
Way to go, son!
That's my boy!
530
00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:25,837
No!
531
00:33:33,220 --> 00:33:34,638
Huh?
532
00:34:22,352 --> 00:34:25,146
Shefley, you've been the
Guinea pig long enough.
533
00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:27,648
It's time to see if
this stuff really works.
534
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:14,255
I'm thin! I'm thin!
Look at my cheekbones!
535
00:36:14,714 --> 00:36:17,508
I have oheekbones! Look at my oheekbones!
Yes! Look at my chest.
536
00:36:17,592 --> 00:36:19,802
Look at my breasts.
I don't have breasts.
537
00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:22,180
I'm an a cup. I don't
even need a bra anymore.
538
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:25,015
Oh, god, I'm thin!
I'm thin!
539
00:36:25,100 --> 00:36:27,102
I'm thin! I'm thin,
I'm thin.
540
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:29,937
Nothing but air
there nothing but air there
541
00:36:30,021 --> 00:36:33,107
my ass is gone
now I'm slim, slim, slim
542
00:36:33,942 --> 00:36:37,278
well, I'll be damned!
I can see my dick!
543
00:36:37,737 --> 00:36:40,614
My dick!
My dick, my dick, my dick!
544
00:36:42,742 --> 00:36:44,785
I can do stairs.
I can do stairs.
545
00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:47,831
I am the stair master!
546
00:36:51,918 --> 00:36:54,045
You looking for any kind
of clothes in particular?
547
00:36:54,129 --> 00:36:58,424
Spandex! All spandex!
Where's the spandex section?
548
00:36:59,759 --> 00:37:01,469
Spandex! Like this!
549
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,933
No titties. No titties.
550
00:37:08,643 --> 00:37:10,102
No titties.
551
00:37:10,687 --> 00:37:12,980
Not you, me. I'm talking about me.
My titties are gone.
552
00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:16,484
Your titties are lovely.
What's your name?
553
00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:19,320
I can't believe I'm so thin. I am thin.
You everjust feel thin?
554
00:37:19,779 --> 00:37:23,282
Lam thin! Lam thin. Hey,
man, where's the apple pie?
555
00:37:40,425 --> 00:37:42,301
Tootsie roll!
Get your tootsie!
556
00:37:56,316 --> 00:38:00,816
I'm thin! I'm thin!
557
00:38:04,282 --> 00:38:05,658
Excuse me.
558
00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:07,202
Hey!
559
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,161
Is professor klump here?
560
00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:10,913
Professor kl u m p?
561
00:38:10,997 --> 00:38:13,124
Sherman, sherman klump.
562
00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:15,102
No, he had to take care of
some things, miss purty.
563
00:38:15,126 --> 00:38:17,419
So I'm running this thing here.
564
00:38:17,504 --> 00:38:18,880
Do I know you?
565
00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:20,423
Do you know me?
566
00:38:23,051 --> 00:38:24,331
Sherman didn't
tell you about me?
567
00:38:24,636 --> 00:38:25,637
No.
568
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:26,804
Oh, man!
569
00:38:26,888 --> 00:38:29,390
Isn't that like sherman
to hog all the credit?
570
00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:31,476
I'm sherman's confidante.
571
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:33,018
Well, have you seen him today?
572
00:38:33,102 --> 00:38:35,289
I was wondering if he was all right
after everything that happened
573
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,731
at the club the other night.
574
00:38:37,232 --> 00:38:40,777
Miss purty,
it tore his chunky ass up.
575
00:38:40,860 --> 00:38:43,612
It's strange that a man as
intelligent as sherman,
576
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:44,840
he has no confidence whatsoever.
577
00:38:44,864 --> 00:38:46,217
Makes me sick
sometimes to think...
578
00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:47,492
And I'm always telling the man,
579
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:50,911
"sherman, no matter what,
you've got to strut.
580
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:52,871
"You got to suck in
your gut and strut."
581
00:38:53,248 --> 00:38:54,809
Now, me, personally,
i don't have that problem.
582
00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:56,459
Doesn't seem like you do.
583
00:38:56,835 --> 00:38:59,087
You're just too feisty
and a little bit too fine.
584
00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,272
I think me and
you need to hook up.
585
00:39:00,296 --> 00:39:03,007
We need to go to the scream
tonight, have a couple of drinks
586
00:39:03,091 --> 00:39:04,801
and strut our
respective stuff together.
587
00:39:05,927 --> 00:39:07,428
I don't even know your name.
588
00:39:07,679 --> 00:39:10,098
Hey, buddy,
what the hell happened here?
589
00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:14,059
See? Everybody knows
buddy. Buddy.
590
00:39:14,143 --> 00:39:16,645
The professor must have got a
little carried away last night.
591
00:39:16,729 --> 00:39:18,522
Officer dagg,
I'm glad you came up.
592
00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:21,650
Because he told me to tell you personally,
please thank your wife Claire
593
00:39:21,734 --> 00:39:23,527
for bringing that
upside-down cake for him.
594
00:39:23,653 --> 00:39:25,488
He ate every crumb of it.
Thank you so much.
595
00:39:25,572 --> 00:39:26,715
And, officer,
can you have someone
596
00:39:26,739 --> 00:39:28,419
from janitorial clean up
this mess, please?
597
00:39:28,741 --> 00:39:30,576
Thank you, officer dagg.
Thank you.
598
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,454
Buddy.
599
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:36,791
Buddy? Ls that it,
or do you have a last name?
600
00:39:40,545 --> 00:39:41,629
Love.
601
00:39:43,214 --> 00:39:45,132
Love?
602
00:39:46,175 --> 00:39:47,551
You see, miss purty,
603
00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:50,346
there comes a
time in a man's life when he has to...
604
00:39:54,058 --> 00:39:55,661
Miss purty, people
have a tendency in life
605
00:39:55,685 --> 00:39:57,770
to always
want to rush into things.
606
00:40:00,023 --> 00:40:01,083
What I'm
trying to say, miss purty,
607
00:40:01,107 --> 00:40:04,485
is that there's a right time
and place for everything.
608
00:40:06,029 --> 00:40:08,007
Like I said, there's a right
time and place for everything.
609
00:40:08,031 --> 00:40:09,323
Tonight would be a good time.
610
00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:10,634
Let's get together
tonight at the scream.
611
00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:12,094
Tonight at the scream would
be perfect to discuss it.
612
00:40:12,118 --> 00:40:13,798
I'll see you tonight
at the scream at 8:00.
613
00:40:13,870 --> 00:40:15,538
Remember, don't be late!
Excuse me!
614
00:40:24,631 --> 00:40:26,132
Uh-oh.
615
00:40:41,606 --> 00:40:43,774
Good morning.
Good morning, class.
616
00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:47,945
Morning, students. Good morning!
Morning. Good morning.
617
00:40:50,823 --> 00:40:53,534
You students just review
what we went over yesterday.
618
00:40:53,618 --> 00:40:56,120
Professor,
we weren't here yesterday.
619
00:40:56,204 --> 00:41:00,704
Well, then, review the day before,
and tomorrow we'll do today.
620
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,336
That's it.
621
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:17,516
Sherman!
622
00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:19,018
Oh, Carla. How are you?
623
00:41:19,102 --> 00:41:21,479
I've been looking for you all morning.
Are you okay?
624
00:41:21,562 --> 00:41:23,981
Yeah, I'm fine. Why you
been looking for me?
625
00:41:24,065 --> 00:41:26,484
I feel kind of bad what happened
at the club the other night.
626
00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:28,610
It was my idea to
go to the scream.
627
00:41:28,695 --> 00:41:31,131
I've forgotten about that. You
forget about that, too. That's over.
628
00:41:31,155 --> 00:41:32,489
You go have a nice day.
629
00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:35,659
Look, there's something else. I met
a friend of yours in your lab.
630
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:36,910
Buddy love.
631
00:41:36,995 --> 00:41:38,287
Buddy love.
632
00:41:38,413 --> 00:41:40,998
He's quite a character, huh?
633
00:41:41,082 --> 00:41:44,043
He asked me out, and he
said it was your idea.
634
00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:47,255
Oh, did he? Well, I know
you're new in town.
635
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:50,507
I thought it would be nice for a new
girl to get out, meet some people.
636
00:41:50,591 --> 00:41:51,883
Did you find him attractive?
637
00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:53,302
Honestly, yes.
638
00:41:53,386 --> 00:41:55,012
He's very handsome and athletic.
639
00:41:55,096 --> 00:41:57,556
But I don't feel comfortable
talking to you about that.
640
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:01,268
You oan talk to me about absolutely
anything. I want you to.
641
00:42:01,352 --> 00:42:03,896
And I think you should definitely
go out with buddy love.
642
00:42:04,272 --> 00:42:05,564
You do?
Absolutely.
643
00:42:05,648 --> 00:42:06,834
I don't think
there's anything wrong
644
00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:08,609
with two young
people getting together,
645
00:42:08,693 --> 00:42:11,987
and going out and having a good time.
So by all means, do just that.
646
00:42:12,071 --> 00:42:13,424
You sure you're
all right with that?
647
00:42:13,448 --> 00:42:15,199
Don't even worry about me.
648
00:42:15,283 --> 00:42:17,285
I'm just fine.
In fact, I'll even put in
649
00:42:17,452 --> 00:42:19,454
a good word with you for buddy.
650
00:42:19,746 --> 00:42:23,332
Oh, my goodness. I'm so late. Excuse me.
I'll talk to buddy.
651
00:42:54,322 --> 00:42:56,490
Now you be careful. If there's
a scratch in the car,
652
00:42:56,574 --> 00:42:58,158
there's a scratch in your ass.
653
00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:01,954
You are too fine to be
giving me curbside service.
654
00:43:02,038 --> 00:43:03,497
I'm not. I'm leaving.
655
00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:05,142
Vvhatyou talking about leaving?
We just got here.
656
00:43:05,166 --> 00:43:07,644
No, you just got here. I've been
waiting for you for almost an hour.
657
00:43:07,668 --> 00:43:10,629
Hey, now, they say anticipation helps
make the appetite grow stronger,
658
00:43:10,713 --> 00:43:11,755
if you know what I mean.
659
00:43:11,839 --> 00:43:12,965
Anticipate a night alone.
660
00:43:13,049 --> 00:43:14,050
Hey, hey.
661
00:43:14,133 --> 00:43:15,194
Let's just have a meal together.
662
00:43:15,218 --> 00:43:17,303
Why you leaving? What,
you want me to beg you?
663
00:43:17,386 --> 00:43:19,740
I'll get down on my knees. I'll beg
you in front of all these people.
664
00:43:19,764 --> 00:43:20,866
Think I care if these
people are watching?
665
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:25,390
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I want the
world to know that I was late!
666
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,606
And I'm sorry!
My car ran out of gas.
667
00:43:28,689 --> 00:43:31,441
I needed fresh drawers.
My mother's sick.
668
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:32,878
The car broke down,
down the street.
669
00:43:32,902 --> 00:43:33,986
Buddy, ge'! Up-
670
00:43:34,070 --> 00:43:35,696
I'm so sorry.
Hear me out. I am sorry!
671
00:43:35,780 --> 00:43:37,382
I don't know why this
is happening tonight.
672
00:43:37,406 --> 00:43:40,700
Of all nights, this has got
to happen to me tonight.
673
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:44,163
Why? Why?
Okay.
674
00:43:44,247 --> 00:43:46,123
Okay!
675
00:43:46,249 --> 00:43:48,167
Why?
676
00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:51,378
(Okay, okay, 0k8)'-
677
00:43:51,504 --> 00:43:52,505
okay. Good. Let's eat.
678
00:43:52,588 --> 00:43:54,464
Lam so hungry. Hey, don1let
the tears fool you.
679
00:43:54,549 --> 00:43:55,550
I'm a tooth chipper.
680
00:43:58,177 --> 00:44:00,345
Six t-bones,
five baked potatoes
681
00:44:00,429 --> 00:44:02,222
and two servings
of creamed spinach.
682
00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:04,725
I have never seen
anyone eat so much.
683
00:44:04,809 --> 00:44:06,519
You are so lucky
to stay so thin.
684
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:08,145
Luck has nothing to do with it.
685
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,481
It's a matter of
recombinant ribonucleic acids
686
00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:12,650
unzipped by a radioactive
guanine peptide.
687
00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:14,568
And what does that mean?
688
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:16,964
I don't know. I'm trying to
sound extra intelligent.
689
00:44:16,988 --> 00:44:18,739
Got you!
You gonna eat that?
690
00:44:18,823 --> 00:44:19,031
All right. Guess
who's back in the house.
691
00:44:19,032 --> 00:44:20,991
All right. Guess
who's back in the house.
692
00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:25,329
From def comedy jam, my man,
Reggie warrington.
693
00:44:25,413 --> 00:44:26,831
Give it up!
694
00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:33,045
I hate this guy. I hate this guy.
He is so obnoxious.
695
00:44:33,129 --> 00:44:34,380
Give the nigger a chance.
696
00:44:38,426 --> 00:44:42,012
It's your world, dog! I'm just a
squirrel trying to get a nut.
697
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:48,351
What's up?
What's up, nigger?
698
00:44:48,436 --> 00:44:49,937
I said, "what's up?"
699
00:44:50,021 --> 00:44:51,856
Didn't you hear me
when I say, "hey"?
700
00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:58,278
Boy, women be shopping.
Women be shopping.
701
00:44:58,362 --> 00:45:00,739
You cannot stop a woman
from shopping. Damn!
702
00:45:03,117 --> 00:45:04,757
Let's see what I got
in the house tonight.
703
00:45:04,911 --> 00:45:08,497
Oh, now, look at this white guy right here.
Look at him.
704
00:45:08,581 --> 00:45:12,126
You cannot tell me
he ain't got a small jimmie.
705
00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,546
Man, it's so small he needs
tweezers to take a piss.
706
00:45:15,630 --> 00:45:17,632
He needs tweezers
to take a piss!
707
00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:20,342
Tweezers on his dick!
708
00:45:23,596 --> 00:45:24,972
Reggie's hot tonight.
709
00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:29,434
Look at this.
Look at this. Look at this.
710
00:45:30,937 --> 00:45:32,146
I can't breathe!
711
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:33,605
Excuse me, brother.
712
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:34,940
I can't breathe!
713
00:45:35,650 --> 00:45:36,651
Okay.
714
00:45:36,734 --> 00:45:37,776
Brother, man!
715
00:45:41,656 --> 00:45:44,033
You almost killed me, man!
716
00:45:45,076 --> 00:45:47,578
I had to give
myself the heimlich.
717
00:45:47,662 --> 00:45:49,997
You mind waiting for the
punch line first, brother?
718
00:45:50,081 --> 00:45:52,208
I'm sorry, man. It's
just that you're so funny.
719
00:45:52,291 --> 00:45:53,936
You're so funny
the way you take a person's
720
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:56,545
personal defects
and flip it around.
721
00:45:56,629 --> 00:45:58,815
Like you pick somebody in the room
and say, "look at your foot,"
722
00:45:58,839 --> 00:45:59,858
and everybody look at
it and start laughing.
723
00:45:59,882 --> 00:46:02,426
That's some funny shit, man.
You're on your way!
724
00:46:02,510 --> 00:46:06,680
You going to the top! You're the
next Lenny bruoe, man! Crazy!
725
00:46:07,223 --> 00:46:08,659
Why, thank you. Thank you very much.
That's genius.
726
00:46:08,683 --> 00:46:10,035
I'm glad you
appreciate Reggie's show.
727
00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:11,870
That'd even work with me
doing it to you, Reggie.
728
00:46:11,894 --> 00:46:14,438
Yes, it would. If I would say,
look at Reggie's gums and teeth.
729
00:46:14,522 --> 00:46:17,858
Looks like his mother
had an affair with mister ed.
730
00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:19,899
See? Everybody's laughing.
731
00:46:20,695 --> 00:46:22,130
'Cause they can
visualize your mother
732
00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,794
in a barn with mister ed,
talking about...
733
00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:30,204
Look what I'm doing, wilbur.
Look at me!
734
00:46:31,330 --> 00:46:35,830
You snapping on me?
Are you snapping on Reggie?
735
00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:37,795
It's your teeth, Reggie.
736
00:46:37,878 --> 00:46:40,964
I don't know whether to smile at
you or kick a field goal, man.
737
00:46:42,717 --> 00:46:44,468
Hey, Reggie! It's good!
738
00:46:45,511 --> 00:46:47,012
It's all good!
739
00:46:47,346 --> 00:46:49,946
And, man, what's wrong with that breath?
I can smell it over here.
740
00:46:50,099 --> 00:46:51,517
Reggie, your breath is so stink,
741
00:46:51,642 --> 00:46:53,060
people look
forward to your farts.
742
00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:58,274
Breath smell like shit.
Do you smell shit?
743
00:46:58,357 --> 00:46:59,691
Ismeflsmt
744
00:47:03,487 --> 00:47:05,405
you done did it now, boy.
745
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,825
I wasn't gonna say nothing,
'cause I like black people.
746
00:47:08,909 --> 00:47:13,409
But it's time to attack black. That's
right. Yeah! The glove's coming off.
747
00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:15,332
Don't hurt me now!
748
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:17,584
Maybe it's time for Reggie
to lay into your mama.
749
00:47:19,253 --> 00:47:21,296
Oh, yeah!
750
00:47:21,380 --> 00:47:25,092
Maybe it's time for Reggie to talk
about your mama a little bit.
751
00:47:25,426 --> 00:47:27,302
You're the man, Reggie!
752
00:47:27,428 --> 00:47:29,388
Your mother's so fat,
753
00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:34,643
she went to sizzler's, and the
bitch got a group discount.
754
00:47:52,828 --> 00:47:54,830
Okay, fat jokes!
755
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:58,375
You want to do fat jokes?
All right.
756
00:47:58,459 --> 00:48:00,377
Your mother's so fat,
757
00:48:00,461 --> 00:48:03,505
the bitch need a Thomas guide
to find her asshole!
758
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,469
All right! Wait, wait, wait.
Your mother's so fat,
759
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:12,181
after sex I rolled over twice,
and I'm still on the bitch!
760
00:48:13,933 --> 00:48:17,603
Your mother is so fat, she fell in
the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
761
00:48:17,686 --> 00:48:19,729
Reggie's mama's so fat
762
00:48:19,814 --> 00:48:22,316
that the bitch gets her toenails
painted at Earl scheib!
763
00:48:23,025 --> 00:48:24,484
Earl scheib!
764
00:48:24,777 --> 00:48:26,737
Earl scheib!
765
00:48:27,905 --> 00:48:30,324
Hey, hey, get off the stage, man.
You ain't in show business.
766
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:34,908
Reggie's mama is so fat,
her blood type is rocky road!
767
00:48:35,996 --> 00:48:37,497
Isn't that something?
768
00:48:37,665 --> 00:48:41,835
Reggie's mother is so fat,
her belt size is equator!
769
00:48:44,171 --> 00:48:45,589
Get it? Equator?
770
00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:52,823
Let's get a big round of
applause for Reggie's mama's ass
771
00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:54,849
that brought us so
much joy tonight.
772
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:57,517
Yeah! That's a big ass.
773
00:48:57,601 --> 00:49:00,395
Enough! Silence!
774
00:49:00,479 --> 00:49:02,939
I can't take this shit no more.
775
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:04,774
Now, you done talked
about me enough, boy!
776
00:49:04,859 --> 00:49:07,945
I tried to be peaceful,
but now it's time
777
00:49:08,028 --> 00:49:10,447
for Reggie to
karatasize your ass!
778
00:49:11,782 --> 00:49:13,241
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
779
00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:19,330
Oh, Reggie, I heard of
dreadlocks, but shitlocks?
780
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:24,128
That's not your hair. Take that
pile of shit off your head.
781
00:49:24,253 --> 00:49:26,755
You go too
far with the comedy, man.
782
00:49:26,839 --> 00:49:29,091
Oh, oh!
Come on! Come on.
783
00:49:29,216 --> 00:49:30,884
What's that? Oh, yeah,
it's my style, boy.
784
00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,028
You didn't know Reggie studied.
785
00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:33,053
Oh, what style is that?
786
00:49:33,095 --> 00:49:35,263
This is called "kic: K-your-ass
style," boy. Oh, shit.
787
00:49:35,347 --> 00:49:37,807
Reggie done studied on the streets.
Oh! Come on!
788
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:40,311
Oh! Oh!
789
00:49:44,732 --> 00:49:46,942
Oh, you quick, but I'm quicker.
790
00:49:47,318 --> 00:49:48,420
Watch my feet.
Come on with it!
791
00:49:48,444 --> 00:49:50,505
I'm gonna come on with it. I'm gonna
come on with it. I'm gonna...
792
00:49:50,529 --> 00:49:51,821
Hey!
793
00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:52,990
Oh, damn!
794
00:49:54,158 --> 00:49:55,659
Ladies and gentlemen,
795
00:49:55,743 --> 00:49:57,119
me and Reggie
want to send one out
796
00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:59,788
to a very special lady
in the house tonight.
797
00:50:01,874 --> 00:50:06,253
Lovin' you is easy,
'cause you're beautiful
798
00:50:08,964 --> 00:50:11,508
do-un-do-un-doo-doo.
Reggie?
799
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:16,346
Let go.
800
00:50:16,472 --> 00:50:17,723
That was pretty.
801
00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:20,225
Ladies and gentlemen,
Reggie has left the building.
802
00:50:20,309 --> 00:50:21,560
Thank you, and good night.
803
00:50:27,775 --> 00:50:31,445
Oh, stop it! Stop it! Now,
thank you so muoh. Thank you.
804
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:33,697
Thank you so... oh, please,
please, come on now.
805
00:50:33,781 --> 00:50:37,534
Hey, who pinched my ass? Cut it out.
That's good.
806
00:50:37,618 --> 00:50:39,554
All right. Thank you.
Can you get the bill for me?
807
00:50:39,578 --> 00:50:41,413
Thanks, man. Too much!
808
00:50:41,497 --> 00:50:43,499
That was amazing.
I can't believe you did that.
809
00:50:43,582 --> 00:50:45,542
Beheveil 'cause amazing
is my middle name.
810
00:50:45,626 --> 00:50:48,211
I only wish professor klump
was here to have seen it.
811
00:50:48,295 --> 00:50:49,462
Listen.
812
00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:53,800
This is our moment. I don't wanna
ruin it with talks of sherman.
813
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:58,972
You know, your eyes, there's
something very familiar about them,
814
00:50:59,890 --> 00:51:01,600
as if I already know you.
815
00:51:03,102 --> 00:51:06,772
You know, I feel the exact same
way about you, miss purty.
816
00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:20,410
Miss purty, let me tell you.
817
00:51:20,494 --> 00:51:24,331
That kiss was probably
the most wonderful kiss I've ever...
818
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,960
What I meant to say was that...
819
00:51:28,419 --> 00:51:29,628
Your lip.
What?
820
00:51:29,712 --> 00:51:31,714
Your lip is swollen.
My lip?
821
00:51:31,797 --> 00:51:33,507
Yes.
822
00:51:33,632 --> 00:51:35,342
On, my lip?
823
00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:38,026
That happens every time I... what
kind of lipstick do you have on?
824
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:40,097
Chanel oh, yeah, that
happens every time
825
00:51:40,180 --> 00:51:42,599
I have Chanel lipstick on my lips.
An allergic reaction.
826
00:51:44,059 --> 00:51:47,103
It's giving me gas, too.
You have to go catch a cab.
827
00:51:47,187 --> 00:51:50,440
I gotta go to the drugstore and
get some Benadryl and kaopectate.
828
00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:52,002
Excuse me, have a pleasant evening.
Bye, bye!
829
00:51:52,026 --> 00:51:53,527
Buddy! Buddy, wait!
830
00:51:55,487 --> 00:51:56,696
Oh, man.
831
00:51:57,448 --> 00:51:59,283
Hey, professor klump is here?
Yeah.
832
00:51:59,366 --> 00:52:00,825
Where is he?
833
00:52:00,951 --> 00:52:02,410
There he is, right there.
834
00:52:02,494 --> 00:52:03,854
That guy gave you
this credit card?
835
00:52:03,912 --> 00:52:05,204
Yup.
836
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:07,249
That's not professor klump.
837
00:52:07,333 --> 00:52:09,793
That's not his credit card.
Hey! What?
838
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,422
Hey! Hey!
839
00:52:16,592 --> 00:52:19,152
Okay, fella, what are you doing
with the professor's credit card?
840
00:52:19,219 --> 00:52:20,887
Where'd you get it?
841
00:52:21,013 --> 00:52:22,556
Look, man.
I'm sorry. Perhaps you need
842
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:24,308
the money more than I thought...
843
00:52:31,815 --> 00:52:34,484
Oh, my god,
man, what the hell are you...
844
00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:45,996
Oh, my god! That's a bus!
845
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:49,917
You're gonna kill us, man!
What the hell is the matter...
846
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:52,877
Oh, man! This is
Freddy krueger shit, man!
847
00:52:54,296 --> 00:52:55,630
Professor?
848
00:52:57,841 --> 00:52:59,342
Heho, jason.
849
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:03,263
What's happening?
850
00:53:15,317 --> 00:53:18,945
First time we had to use one
of these without an accident.
851
00:53:39,299 --> 00:53:41,050
The class left 20 minutes ago.
852
00:53:41,135 --> 00:53:43,804
Dean Richmond!
Oh, hello, sir.
853
00:53:43,887 --> 00:53:47,056
You caught me in the middle
of an experiment I was doing.
854
00:53:47,141 --> 00:53:48,618
I was trying to see how the
students would respond
855
00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:50,644
to a teacher-less
environment.
856
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:54,481
Teacher-less environment?
New field of research for you?
857
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:56,482
Yes, sir. Interesting.
Always thinking.
858
00:53:56,567 --> 00:53:58,044
That's good, klump.
Let me know your results.
859
00:53:58,068 --> 00:54:00,403
By the way, would you
mind explaining this?
860
00:54:02,948 --> 00:54:06,576
Oh! Yeah, well,
my car's in the shop, so...
861
00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:10,664
So you put a $47,000 luxury
car on your faculty account?
862
00:54:11,331 --> 00:54:15,831
Initially, I requested a yugo,
and this is all they had...
863
00:54:16,086 --> 00:54:17,837
If it's all they had,
it's all they had.
864
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:21,007
After all, men like us can't
walk around now, can we?
865
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:23,343
Come on.
866
00:54:25,721 --> 00:54:28,640
Oh, well, well. I'm glad you're
taking it like that, sir.
867
00:54:28,724 --> 00:54:30,225
I thought you was
gonna get angry,
868
00:54:30,309 --> 00:54:31,494
and thought you were
gonna start screaming
869
00:54:31,518 --> 00:54:33,895
and hollering,
and maybe even fire me.
870
00:54:35,981 --> 00:54:37,857
Vvhoo! Oh,
sherman, sherman, sherman.
871
00:54:37,941 --> 00:54:39,984
In the end, we know so
little of each other.
872
00:54:40,068 --> 00:54:42,195
No, my friend,
I've got bigger fish to fry.
873
00:54:42,321 --> 00:54:44,448
I spoke to Harlan hartley.
You remember him.
874
00:54:44,531 --> 00:54:47,302
He's offering that tiny trinket that
could save your entire research program.
875
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:48,486
Oh, yes.
Absolutely, yes, yes.
876
00:54:48,577 --> 00:54:49,703
I set up a meeting with him.
877
00:54:49,787 --> 00:54:52,664
He wants to hear your Grant
proposal personally.
878
00:54:52,748 --> 00:54:55,041
Friday, the ritz,
dinner, 8:00 sharp.
879
00:54:55,334 --> 00:54:58,337
Well, sir, I think that's a
wonderful idea, sir. Absolutely.
880
00:54:58,420 --> 00:55:00,296
And I promise you,
i will not let you down.
881
00:55:01,215 --> 00:55:02,299
You won't.
I know you won't.
882
00:55:02,382 --> 00:55:04,319
I know you're going to be there,
and you're going to be great.
883
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:06,219
In fact, I know
you're going to be perfect.
884
00:55:07,721 --> 00:55:08,990
Do you know howl
know all these things?
885
00:55:09,014 --> 00:55:10,014
How's that?
886
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,350
I know them because
if you're not perfect,
887
00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:14,329
never mind the yelling and the
screaming and the firing.
888
00:55:14,353 --> 00:55:18,065
If anything goes wrong for any
reason, I'm going to kill you.
889
00:55:19,441 --> 00:55:20,710
I don't mean
that as a euphemism.
890
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:22,652
I'm going to literally kill you.
891
00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:27,236
I'm going to strangle you
and choke off your air supply
892
00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:29,200
until you pass away.
893
00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:32,829
Okay.
894
00:55:33,497 --> 00:55:34,831
Till Friday, then.
895
00:55:37,334 --> 00:55:38,543
It's a date.
896
00:55:45,801 --> 00:55:47,928
Sir, this is incredible.
897
00:55:48,011 --> 00:55:50,179
It's a complete
metabolic transformation.
898
00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:52,724
How did it happen?
Was it an accident?
899
00:55:52,975 --> 00:55:55,394
No, I did it to myself, Jason.
900
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:57,604
You did? Why?
901
00:55:57,688 --> 00:56:01,650
If it was for the Grant, the data with
shelley was already so compelling.
902
00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:05,362
Well, I have compelling
reasons of my own, Jason.
903
00:56:05,445 --> 00:56:08,489
I have a case of infatuation
of sorts with miss purty.
904
00:56:08,574 --> 00:56:12,828
Professor, if you feel this way about
Carla, why don't you just tell her?
905
00:56:12,911 --> 00:56:14,787
It'd be a lot simpler
than transforming into...
906
00:56:14,872 --> 00:56:17,833
This guy's testosterone levels
are right off the charts.
907
00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:21,085
He was mean last night.
It was so unlike you.
908
00:56:21,169 --> 00:56:22,670
You know, I did feel that.
909
00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:24,339
Sir, you can't control him.
910
00:56:24,423 --> 00:56:27,801
Jason, you have no idea what it
feels like to be buddy love.
911
00:56:27,885 --> 00:56:30,762
It's indescribable.
It's just wonderful!
912
00:56:30,846 --> 00:56:34,266
The way people talk to him and treat
him, and the way she looks at him.
913
00:56:34,349 --> 00:56:36,893
But he's dangerous. He
almost killed us last night.
914
00:56:36,977 --> 00:56:38,371
I mean, we should
be concentrating on
915
00:56:38,395 --> 00:56:40,563
getting the Grant
proposal to Harlan hartley.
916
00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:42,482
This is nuts!
917
00:56:44,985 --> 00:56:49,155
I guess you're right, Jason. I never
have behaved like this before.
918
00:56:51,325 --> 00:56:52,826
But on the other hand,
919
00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:57,163
I've never been in love before.
920
00:56:57,956 --> 00:56:59,332
Even
921
00:57:18,852 --> 00:57:20,019
afternoon, Carla.
922
00:57:20,145 --> 00:57:21,271
Hi, sherman.
923
00:57:21,355 --> 00:57:22,731
How are you doing today?
924
00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:24,232
Pretty good.
925
00:57:24,316 --> 00:57:27,402
Come over to see how things
were going with you and buddy.
926
00:57:27,486 --> 00:57:29,070
I wish I knew.
927
00:57:29,488 --> 00:57:32,991
We went out last night. It was great.
We had such a wonderful time.
928
00:57:33,075 --> 00:57:35,452
And then all of a sudden,
he runs out of the club.
929
00:57:35,535 --> 00:57:37,245
He has some allergic reaction.
930
00:57:37,329 --> 00:57:38,848
And I don't even
know if he's all right.
931
00:57:38,872 --> 00:57:40,790
He's fine. I spoke
to him this morning.
932
00:57:40,874 --> 00:57:42,101
He told me that his
lip swelled up,
933
00:57:42,125 --> 00:57:43,811
he put a little ice on it
and the swelling came down.
934
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:44,836
Kind of strange, huh?
935
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:47,297
Well, did he even ask about me?
936
00:57:47,381 --> 00:57:48,840
Did he say why he didn't call me
937
00:57:48,924 --> 00:57:50,800
and let me know
he was all right?
938
00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:52,468
Carla, buddy's kind of
unreliable.
939
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:56,430
He's kind of what you oall a "here
today, gone tomorrow" kind of fellow.
940
00:57:56,515 --> 00:57:58,183
Oh, I see.
Mmm-hmm.
941
00:57:58,266 --> 00:58:02,311
So he had you talk to me because
he's not interested anymore.
942
00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:04,398
No, it's nothing quite like that.
Look.
943
00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:05,750
Sherman,
i know what it feels like
944
00:58:05,774 --> 00:58:07,650
to be brushed off,
and it's okay.
945
00:58:08,151 --> 00:58:09,944
Carla, I feel like
this is all my fault.
946
00:58:10,028 --> 00:58:12,628
I feel like I should've never
encouraged you to go out with buddy.
947
00:58:12,698 --> 00:58:15,075
Sherman, you have been so sweet.
948
00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:19,245
I'll just have to forget about him.
I'll see you later.
949
00:58:20,288 --> 00:58:21,497
Carla.
950
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:25,376
I was wondering if
951
00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:28,337
I could talk to you about
you and I, for a second.
952
00:58:28,422 --> 00:58:30,382
I was...
953
00:58:32,050 --> 00:58:34,177
I was wondering what
you were doing later,
954
00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:37,180
'cause the family
gonna get together.
955
00:58:37,264 --> 00:58:39,266
She made a meal
956
00:58:40,017 --> 00:58:42,102
and we gonna be eating,
so I figured if
957
00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:43,769
you not doing
anything for dinner,
958
00:58:43,854 --> 00:58:47,607
I know we'd love to have you, if
you want to come over for dinner.
959
00:58:48,567 --> 00:58:50,443
We'd love to have
you over for dinner.
960
00:58:52,029 --> 00:58:53,363
I'd love to.
961
00:58:53,739 --> 00:58:54,781
Would you, now?
962
00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:55,990
Yes, I would.
963
00:58:56,074 --> 00:58:58,474
Should we call and make sure
there's going to be enough food?
964
00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:01,454
I don't think that's
going to be a problem.
965
00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:04,934
Oh, this is fabulous. There's
nothing like being with family!
966
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:07,168
I am hungry.
Come on, now.
967
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:09,462
So, carla, where are you from?
Chicago.
968
00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:11,339
Oh, Chicago!
We have family there.
969
00:59:11,465 --> 00:59:13,300
Chicago.
Windy city, huh?
970
00:59:13,383 --> 00:59:15,676
I was working on a skyscraper
in Chicago once,
971
00:59:15,761 --> 00:59:17,637
and my lunch blew
off the 27th floor.
972
00:59:17,929 --> 00:59:20,389
Yeah, I figure your
fat ass would remember
973
00:59:20,515 --> 00:59:22,725
somebody's sandwich
flying off a building.
974
00:59:23,894 --> 00:59:25,353
Oh, baby, eat some bread.
975
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,813
Miss purty, are you and
sherman having relations?
976
00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:29,649
That's a good question.
977
00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:31,276
No, grandma.
978
00:59:31,359 --> 00:59:33,527
It's not like that.
We're colleagues.
979
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,363
We just work together.
Oh. Colleagues.
980
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,282
Yeah, that's how it
start out, colleagues.
981
00:59:37,407 --> 00:59:39,242
Me and your grandfather
was colleagues.
982
00:59:39,326 --> 00:59:40,910
Next thing you know,
he's on top of me
983
00:59:41,036 --> 00:59:42,662
in the shed,
pumping and a-sweating.
984
00:59:42,913 --> 00:59:43,997
Grandma, it's not like that.
985
00:59:44,122 --> 00:59:45,164
Sherman, will you hush up?
986
00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:46,499
He's never brought a girl home.
987
00:59:46,625 --> 00:59:48,269
The least you can do
is let us talk to her.
988
00:59:48,293 --> 00:59:50,438
Yeah, I'd like to get to know
her a little better myself.
989
00:59:50,462 --> 00:59:53,214
Ain't nothing wrong with having relations.
Don't be ashamed of that.
990
00:59:53,298 --> 00:59:54,799
Relations is beautiful.
991
00:59:54,883 --> 00:59:57,302
When I was young, I used
to always have relations.
992
00:59:57,385 --> 01:00:01,885
Every night, if a nice gentleman
bring me flowers and candy,
993
01:00:02,015 --> 01:00:05,852
take me to a movie,
show me a lovely evening,
994
01:00:05,936 --> 01:00:10,023
then I would take him home and
give him hot, lovely relations.
995
01:00:10,107 --> 01:00:12,943
Relations is a beautiful thing.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
996
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:15,361
Especially two young people.
997
01:00:15,612 --> 01:00:17,947
That's your ho-ass, mama.
Cletus!
998
01:00:18,031 --> 01:00:20,199
Sometimes when I'm alone,
i relate to myself.
999
01:00:20,492 --> 01:00:22,035
I can relate.
1000
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:23,661
Oh, mama.
1001
01:00:23,745 --> 01:00:25,913
I don't wanna hear this
shit while I'm eating.
1002
01:00:25,997 --> 01:00:26,998
Cletus! Stop talking!
1003
01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:28,166
I'm gonna kill you later.
1004
01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:30,168
So, carla, do you like children?
Yes.
1005
01:00:30,252 --> 01:00:31,628
Oh, that's wonderful.
1006
01:00:31,711 --> 01:00:34,296
I can't wait for sherman to
bring me home some grandbabies.
1007
01:00:34,381 --> 01:00:36,381
Yeah, I know you're gonna
enjoy making them babies.
1008
01:00:36,466 --> 01:00:38,176
Got those childbearing hips.
1009
01:00:38,552 --> 01:00:39,761
Baby'll pop right out.
1010
01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:43,698
Your family got any money? I ain't
paying for no big-ass wedding.
1011
01:00:43,765 --> 01:00:45,725
Oh, Carla,
i know a wonderful minister.
1012
01:00:45,809 --> 01:00:47,036
What religious
background are you?
1013
01:00:47,060 --> 01:00:48,728
Yeah, I still got
my wedding dress.
1014
01:00:48,854 --> 01:00:50,480
If you want it, I'll take it in.
1015
01:00:50,564 --> 01:00:54,818
You'd look so lovely in it.
It's white though.
1016
01:00:54,901 --> 01:00:57,194
Can you wear a white
wedding dress, young lady?
1017
01:00:57,571 --> 01:01:00,407
Now, sherman,
you can wear a white tuxedo.
1018
01:01:01,366 --> 01:01:05,036
'Cause you know sherman.
Sherman has never had relations.
1019
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:07,163
Mama, you gonna
embarrass my baby.
1020
01:01:07,247 --> 01:01:08,373
I hope you got a strong back.
1021
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:09,618
Oh, look at my baby blushing.
1022
01:01:09,666 --> 01:01:13,795
When you get all that man and release
all that that's been built up
1023
01:01:13,879 --> 01:01:16,423
for 35 years.
1024
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,884
Just wanting and
wanting and wanting!
1025
01:01:20,343 --> 01:01:22,553
Might make your head blow off.
1026
01:01:22,637 --> 01:01:24,889
Pop goes the weasel!
1027
01:01:25,223 --> 01:01:27,350
I got my own self hot
telling that story.
1028
01:01:27,434 --> 01:01:29,644
Pop goes the weasel,
'cause the weasel say "pop!"
1029
01:01:29,728 --> 01:01:31,998
Carla, you and sherman gonna get
married here or in Chicago?
1030
01:01:32,022 --> 01:01:34,774
Carla, do you cook? 'Cause
somebody's got to feed my sherman.
1031
01:01:35,108 --> 01:01:37,819
Yeah, I know a wonderful church
down there on main street,
1032
01:01:37,903 --> 01:01:39,738
but they won't marry
you if you're a lesbian.
1033
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,157
Not that I have anything against lesbians.
I love lesbians.
1034
01:01:43,241 --> 01:01:45,409
Lesbians is cool.
It's true.
1035
01:01:45,493 --> 01:01:47,133
There's nothing wrong
with a little bingo.
1036
01:01:47,204 --> 01:01:49,122
A little cunnilingus
ain't never hurt nobody.
1037
01:01:49,206 --> 01:01:50,766
Why is it the woman
always gets the choice
1038
01:01:50,790 --> 01:01:51,809
where they're gonna be married?
1039
01:01:51,833 --> 01:01:53,352
Cause that's tradition.
Tradition, my ass!
1040
01:01:53,376 --> 01:01:55,605
Look, I ain't gonna pay for
everybody flying to no chioago!
1041
01:01:55,629 --> 01:01:56,981
You know how much
plane tickets cost?
1042
01:01:57,005 --> 01:01:58,423
You old, cheap bastard.
1043
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:00,443
We're gonna
have to drive down there.
1044
01:02:00,467 --> 01:02:01,652
I'm not driving over to Chicago.
1045
01:02:01,676 --> 01:02:02,945
What do you mean you ain't
gonna drive to Chicago?
1046
01:02:02,969 --> 01:02:04,238
Then you gonna be
walking or riding a bike.
1047
01:02:04,262 --> 01:02:07,890
Sherman gonna have relations
sherman gonna have relations
1048
01:02:08,183 --> 01:02:10,894
my baby is not getting married.
Oh, yeah?
1049
01:02:12,145 --> 01:02:13,437
There you go again,
1050
01:02:13,521 --> 01:02:16,065
popping off gas in front
of this lovely, younglady.
1051
01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:18,336
We're trying to have a meal.
Put that brake on this gas.
1052
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:20,320
I hope your ass
turn into a frog.
1053
01:02:21,488 --> 01:02:23,688
Don't nobody want to hear your
flatulence, cletus klump.
1054
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:25,741
You're such a disgrace!
1055
01:02:25,825 --> 01:02:27,511
I stopped holding my gas a
long time ago, you know that.
1056
01:02:27,535 --> 01:02:29,455
Cletus, you gonna spoil
the dinner for everybody!
1057
01:02:29,496 --> 01:02:31,748
Say one
more word. Say one more word.
1058
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:36,878
Listen, Carla,
1059
01:02:36,962 --> 01:02:39,172
I want to apologize
about my family back there.
1060
01:02:39,256 --> 01:02:41,016
I think they got the
wrong idea about things.
1061
01:02:41,258 --> 01:02:43,843
No, no. I should be
the one to apologize.
1062
01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:46,513
I'm so sorry if i
seemed distant tonight.
1063
01:02:46,596 --> 01:02:48,848
But I still have
buddy on my mind.
1064
01:02:49,641 --> 01:02:51,601
You really care for buddy, huh?
1065
01:02:51,685 --> 01:02:52,727
I don't know.
1066
01:02:52,811 --> 01:02:57,311
I mean, on the outside,
he seems so cocky and brash.
1067
01:02:57,607 --> 01:03:01,277
But when I look in his eyes,
i see kindness, I see warmth.
1068
01:03:01,361 --> 01:03:03,780
And that's the side of buddy
i wanted to get to know.
1069
01:03:03,863 --> 01:03:06,198
I just got way ahead of myself.
1070
01:03:06,700 --> 01:03:10,412
And here I am, talking your ear
off once again about buddy.
1071
01:03:10,495 --> 01:03:11,913
No, it's quite
all right, really.
1072
01:03:11,997 --> 01:03:13,790
Listen, Carla,
1073
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:16,751
don't you worry about buddy.
1074
01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,212
I'll find him for you.
1075
01:03:20,922 --> 01:03:22,965
Thank you, sherman.
1076
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:25,885
Thank you for being
such a good friend to me.
1077
01:03:27,721 --> 01:03:28,888
A good friend.
1078
01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:37,439
Good night.
1079
01:03:37,981 --> 01:03:38,982
Good night.
1080
01:04:04,799 --> 01:04:06,175
Professor?
1081
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:11,848
Isthatyou? I just finished
the Grant proposal.
1082
01:04:16,478 --> 01:04:19,248
What's the matter with you? Never seen a
brother wearing a circus tent before?
1083
01:04:19,272 --> 01:04:21,065
Black man can't go camping?
1084
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,942
Now, wait a minute.
You can't be you.
1085
01:04:23,026 --> 01:04:24,902
We agreed that you
wouldn't do this.
1086
01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:27,405
Someone has to tend
to chunky butt's sex life.
1087
01:04:27,489 --> 01:04:30,283
Chunky butt is
extremely horny. Excuse me.
1088
01:04:30,617 --> 01:04:32,410
But professor klump
has got a meeting
1089
01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:34,286
tonight with Harlan
hartley at the ritz.
1090
01:04:34,371 --> 01:04:35,747
I'm gonna be at
the ritz tonight,
1091
01:04:35,872 --> 01:04:37,266
but it will not be in
the interest of science.
1092
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:39,834
Pardon me.
No! I can't let you go.
1093
01:04:40,627 --> 01:04:42,211
Professor!
1094
01:04:42,295 --> 01:04:46,424
If you're in there and you
can hear me, come out!
1095
01:04:47,133 --> 01:04:51,011
Professor, listen to me. The
testosterone levels are way too high.
1096
01:04:51,096 --> 01:04:52,889
You can't control him.
1097
01:04:58,937 --> 01:05:00,855
Oh! Jason!
What?
1098
01:05:00,939 --> 01:05:03,524
It's me, sherman.
I'm talking to you
1099
01:05:03,608 --> 01:05:05,359
from deep down
inside buddy love.
1100
01:05:05,443 --> 01:05:08,737
Listen to me closely. Go in the
back room while I'm holding him
1101
01:05:08,822 --> 01:05:11,074
and get the coagulant serum
off the back shelf!
1102
01:05:11,157 --> 01:05:12,343
In the storage closet?
Yes, Jason!
1103
01:05:12,367 --> 01:05:14,077
I got it!
Hurry, Jason!
1104
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:16,871
I got it! I got it! I got it! We
don't have much time. Let's move!
1105
01:05:19,666 --> 01:05:21,668
Professor! Professor!
1106
01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:24,879
I have an appointment with love!
Good night, hamster boy!
1107
01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:26,255
No, professor!
1108
01:05:49,154 --> 01:05:52,574
"Sorry I haven't phoned,
but l haven't been myself lately.
1109
01:05:52,657 --> 01:05:55,117
"Join me for dinner.
Buddy love.
1110
01:05:55,201 --> 01:05:59,701
"P.S. I've enclosed a wallet-sized
photo for your enjoyment."
1111
01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:11,133
Buddy, how can I stay mad at you?
This is gorgeous!
1112
01:06:11,217 --> 01:06:12,509
You're gorgeous
and I'm gorgeous,
1113
01:06:12,635 --> 01:06:13,946
so we should be in
gorgeous surroundings.
1114
01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:15,012
Let me get the room key.
1115
01:06:15,138 --> 01:06:16,378
Wait a minute.
Hold it. Hold it.
1116
01:06:16,431 --> 01:06:18,534
Buddy, I didn't say anything about
going to any room with you.
1117
01:06:18,558 --> 01:06:20,393
You said you were
taking me to dinner.
1118
01:06:21,227 --> 01:06:24,021
What are you talking about?
Oh, you think that...
1119
01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:26,148
Oh, my...
Hey, hey, hey. Slow down.
1120
01:06:26,232 --> 01:06:28,943
I just want to spend some
time with you, by ourselves.
1121
01:06:29,027 --> 01:06:30,379
I don't want to be
around all these strangers.
1122
01:06:30,403 --> 01:06:33,283
I don't want to share you with these
people. I want to eat, alone, quiet.
1123
01:06:33,323 --> 01:06:36,451
I would never disrespect you.
I'm a puppy dog.
1124
01:06:38,077 --> 01:06:40,079
Please, can I go get this room?
1125
01:06:42,248 --> 01:06:43,749
Yes?
Yes.
1126
01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:46,770
I'd throw him in the river
with a buick tied to his neck.
1127
01:06:46,794 --> 01:06:48,253
He'd probably drag the car down.
1128
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:50,214
Miss purty. Purty!
Dean Richmond.
1129
01:06:50,298 --> 01:06:52,902
Have you seen professor klump? He's
40 minutes late for his meeting.
1130
01:06:52,926 --> 01:06:55,646
And if Harlan hartley walks out that
door, $10 million goes with him.
1131
01:06:55,887 --> 01:06:58,598
Oh, lord. I'm gonna have to
lay down in front of his car.
1132
01:06:58,806 --> 01:06:59,807
Let's go.
Buddy, no, no,
1133
01:06:59,891 --> 01:07:01,183
you know sherman's research.
1134
01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:03,454
He's 40 minutes late for a meeting.
Why don't you fill in for him?
1135
01:07:03,478 --> 01:07:06,239
No, no, it's a nice thought, but he'd
have to know sherman's research.
1136
01:07:06,272 --> 01:07:08,167
He knows sherman's research?
You know sherman's research?
1137
01:07:08,191 --> 01:07:09,233
Who's he? Who are you?
1138
01:07:09,317 --> 01:07:11,235
You might say I'm
a visiting professor
1139
01:07:11,319 --> 01:07:12,671
who might be staying
for a little while.
1140
01:07:12,695 --> 01:07:15,114
I do know sherman's work.
In fact, I am sherman's work.
1141
01:07:15,448 --> 01:07:17,533
Buddy! Do you think you
can do klump's job
1142
01:07:17,617 --> 01:07:19,417
and help me crowbar that dough
out of hartley?
1143
01:07:19,452 --> 01:07:21,203
Hey, man, there's not
a job on this planet
1144
01:07:21,287 --> 01:07:22,681
I can't do twice
as good as sherman.
1145
01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:24,707
Good. Follow me.
1146
01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:28,717
All right, I'll go do this just 'cause
you asked me, not 'cause of him.
1147
01:07:28,795 --> 01:07:30,338
You just stay put.
1148
01:07:30,588 --> 01:07:33,966
I've got to go be brilliant.
Look at your fine self.
1149
01:07:34,050 --> 01:07:36,469
I bet you have on a thong
made of lioorioe, don't you?
1150
01:07:37,762 --> 01:07:39,221
Excuse me.
1151
01:07:41,599 --> 01:07:43,058
All righty!
1152
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:45,227
Well, this had
better be professor klump.
1153
01:07:45,562 --> 01:07:48,064
Klump? That fraud,
that hack, that no-talent.
1154
01:07:48,147 --> 01:07:50,899
No, sir, this is the man behind
klump's work, the real genius.
1155
01:07:50,984 --> 01:07:52,819
I give you professor buddy love.
1156
01:07:53,319 --> 01:07:54,862
All right, professor love.
1157
01:07:54,946 --> 01:07:56,822
You have one minute
to show me your research.
1158
01:07:57,031 --> 01:08:01,035
Oh, no, you got it backwards, rockefeller.
You have one minute to listen.
1159
01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:02,805
May I borrow this, please?
You haven't used it, have you?
1160
01:08:02,829 --> 01:08:04,306
Don't want to get your boogers
on my fingers.
1161
01:08:04,330 --> 01:08:05,414
Okay. Here we go.
1162
01:08:05,498 --> 01:08:08,000
Zen “mes c.
1163
01:08:08,710 --> 01:08:12,088
You have to excuse my handwriting.
I'm in a bit of a rush.
1164
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:14,339
But you have a pleasant evening.
Good night.
1165
01:08:14,424 --> 01:08:15,758
Professor love,
1166
01:08:15,842 --> 01:08:17,927
don't you think
Mr. hartley would like
1167
01:08:18,011 --> 01:08:19,887
to know what that
means in lay terms?
1168
01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:22,723
Oh, you mean rich-dummy terms?
Yes.
1169
01:08:22,807 --> 01:08:24,994
Okay, yeah. I'll break it down for
all the rich dummies in the room.
1170
01:08:25,018 --> 01:08:26,227
Listen up.
1171
01:08:26,311 --> 01:08:29,147
If you gonna eat
nasty stuff like this...
1172
01:08:29,355 --> 01:08:32,107
I know it looks good, and some
of y'all like pork chops,
1173
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:34,193
but this greasy,
nasty pork chop,
1174
01:08:34,277 --> 01:08:37,029
do you realize that
there's a gene in your DNA
1175
01:08:37,113 --> 01:08:38,906
that routes this
straight to your fat cells,
1176
01:08:38,990 --> 01:08:41,242
anditoauses all sorts of
unsightly conditions?
1177
01:08:41,326 --> 01:08:43,119
Case in point,
this woman is suffering
1178
01:08:43,244 --> 01:08:45,079
from what I like to
call "jell-o arms."
1179
01:08:45,163 --> 01:08:47,582
You notice the arm is taking on
1180
01:08:47,707 --> 01:08:50,126
a gelatin sort of vibe.
And it's quite nasty.
1181
01:08:50,209 --> 01:08:52,794
Now to my left, this
gentleman has Turkey neck.
1182
01:08:52,879 --> 01:08:54,255
And to my immediate left,
1183
01:08:54,339 --> 01:08:56,066
this woman is suffering from
what we like to call
1184
01:08:56,090 --> 01:08:57,800
"saddlebag syndrome."
1185
01:08:57,884 --> 01:08:59,343
And to my extreme left,
1186
01:08:59,427 --> 01:09:00,719
this young lady
is suffering from
1187
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:02,471
what I like to
call "tank ass."
1188
01:09:02,555 --> 01:09:03,556
Tank ass?
1189
01:09:03,640 --> 01:09:05,034
Brother, please, sit down.
Not tonight.
1190
01:09:05,058 --> 01:09:06,368
I'm your brother!
I'm your brother!
1191
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:09,395
Like I was saying, everybody, where
there's a will, there's a way.
1192
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:12,190
And there is a way
we can turn these genes off.
1193
01:09:12,273 --> 01:09:15,025
And I'm not talking about
using exercise or diet.
1194
01:09:15,193 --> 01:09:17,653
I'm talking about by
taking a simple solution
1195
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:21,282
that helps reconstruct your
metabolic cellular strands,
1196
01:09:21,366 --> 01:09:23,201
thus giving you
the appearance of,
1197
01:09:23,284 --> 01:09:25,995
as they say in medical terms,
gluteus minimus.
1198
01:09:26,079 --> 01:09:29,332
Or in layman's terms, an
extremely tight, wonderful ass.
1199
01:09:29,415 --> 01:09:30,749
Let's give a big
round of applause
1200
01:09:30,833 --> 01:09:31,977
for the woman with the nice ass.
1201
01:09:32,001 --> 01:09:34,670
Her ass is so nice, don't you agree?
She's worked so hard.
1202
01:09:34,754 --> 01:09:38,132
Have a seat. Have a seat.
Oh, are these girls with you?
1203
01:09:38,216 --> 01:09:40,259
Everyone has a nice
ass at this table.
1204
01:09:40,343 --> 01:09:42,261
Is this the nice-ass
section?
1205
01:09:43,638 --> 01:09:44,972
Where'd you find this man?
1206
01:09:45,098 --> 01:09:46,432
Harlan, it's an outrage.
1207
01:09:46,516 --> 01:09:48,935
I assure you he has no
affiliation with this school.
1208
01:09:49,227 --> 01:09:50,228
He's brilliant.
1209
01:09:50,353 --> 01:09:51,354
Exactly my point.
1210
01:09:51,437 --> 01:09:53,564
It's an outrage
that his brilliance
1211
01:09:53,648 --> 01:09:55,691
has no affiliation
with this school.
1212
01:09:55,775 --> 01:09:57,855
That's why I found him
and brought him to your money.
1213
01:09:58,277 --> 01:10:00,445
Attention. Brought
him to your attention.
1214
01:10:04,409 --> 01:10:06,994
My goodness, it is time
to take my medication.
1215
01:10:07,078 --> 01:10:08,537
Professor!
1216
01:10:08,621 --> 01:10:09,663
Hartley loved you.
1217
01:10:09,747 --> 01:10:11,016
He's going to be at the
alumni ball tomorrow night.
1218
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,602
And if you can prove to him the formula
works, the $10 million is ours!
1219
01:10:13,626 --> 01:10:16,211
What makes you so sure
that the money is ours,
1220
01:10:16,295 --> 01:10:18,130
instead of just being mine?
1221
01:10:18,297 --> 01:10:20,465
You're good, love.
Very good.
1222
01:10:20,758 --> 01:10:22,259
Which brings me to
my next question.
1223
01:10:22,343 --> 01:10:25,183
How'd you like to fill in for professor
klump on a more permanent basis?
1224
01:10:25,263 --> 01:10:26,983
You know, that's
exactly what I had in mind.
1225
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:29,308
He talked to me first.
1226
01:10:29,434 --> 01:10:31,352
Hey, I'm the one with
the gluteus minimus.
1227
01:10:31,436 --> 01:10:34,355
Will you guys just chill? He said
he could handle all three of us.
1228
01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:36,941
With a name like
buddy love, I bet he can.
1229
01:10:39,777 --> 01:10:42,529
Carla, are you ready
to go upstairs?
1230
01:10:44,490 --> 01:10:46,200
I guess not.
1231
01:10:46,284 --> 01:10:48,619
Hey, where you goin'?
What's your problem?
1232
01:10:48,703 --> 01:10:51,872
They're my problem, and you can
handle all three of them, huh?
1233
01:10:52,206 --> 01:10:53,686
Well, I thought
after dinner you might
1234
01:10:53,750 --> 01:10:55,144
want to have
a little group activity.
1235
01:10:55,168 --> 01:10:58,129
I mean, after all, buddy does
have a lot of love to give.
1236
01:10:58,504 --> 01:11:01,715
You are one sick, twisted freak!
1237
01:11:02,008 --> 01:11:04,510
Oh, come on, Carla. What's the...
Hey, hey. Hey!
1238
01:11:04,594 --> 01:11:08,639
Go on, leave! There's more
titties over here anyway!
1239
01:11:08,723 --> 01:11:10,492
Think I want them two titties.
I have six titties.
1240
01:11:10,516 --> 01:11:13,644
I had two titties. Now I have six.
That's multiplication.
1241
01:11:21,527 --> 01:11:22,528
Yeah!
1242
01:11:22,653 --> 01:11:25,697
Yeah! Yeah!
1243
01:11:25,782 --> 01:11:28,659
Oh, yeah! This is what
i call burning calories!
1244
01:11:28,743 --> 01:11:30,953
Come on!
Help me burn this stuff up!
1245
01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:35,457
Yeah! Hey, this is going down
to Mr. Wilson downstairs!
1246
01:11:35,541 --> 01:11:39,378
The roof, the roof,
the roof, the roof is on fire
1247
01:11:39,462 --> 01:11:43,215
the roof,
the roof, the roof is on fire
1248
01:11:55,561 --> 01:11:56,853
sherman?
1249
01:12:05,571 --> 01:12:07,072
Sherman?
1250
01:12:10,910 --> 01:12:12,119
Sherman?
1251
01:12:19,085 --> 01:12:20,377
Sherman?
1252
01:12:22,964 --> 01:12:24,256
Sherman?
1253
01:12:31,389 --> 01:12:34,392
Sherman, is that you?
Are you all right?
1254
01:12:35,768 --> 01:12:37,770
Oh, hi, Carla. Hi.
1255
01:12:39,438 --> 01:12:41,565
Did you have a party last night?
Oh, no.
1256
01:12:41,649 --> 01:12:45,486
My cleaning lady's sick,
so I got to clean up myself.
1257
01:12:45,570 --> 01:12:47,363
I see.
You sure she didn't die?
1258
01:12:50,825 --> 01:12:53,387
Look, I'm a little embarrassed about
the way how my place is looking.
1259
01:12:53,411 --> 01:12:55,305
So why don't I clean up and get
back at you a little later?
1260
01:12:55,329 --> 01:12:58,373
No, no, no. Sherman, sherman,
i need to talk to you now.
1261
01:12:58,457 --> 01:12:59,666
And it's about buddy.
1262
01:12:59,792 --> 01:13:01,152
He hasn't been misbehaving,
has he?
1263
01:13:01,210 --> 01:13:04,463
He's an egotistical pig,
and I wish I never met him.
1264
01:13:05,089 --> 01:13:07,341
But, sherman,
i owe you a very big apology.
1265
01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:08,759
You owe me an apology?
Yes.
1266
01:13:09,343 --> 01:13:11,261
Last night,
i was only trying to help,
1267
01:13:11,345 --> 01:13:14,306
I insisted that buddy love
speak to Harlan hartley.
1268
01:13:14,390 --> 01:13:16,475
He took all the credit
for your research.
1269
01:13:16,601 --> 01:13:17,977
Now Dean Richmond...
1270
01:13:18,144 --> 01:13:19,520
Where's buddy?
1271
01:13:22,398 --> 01:13:23,774
Oh...
Buddy came here?
1272
01:13:23,858 --> 01:13:25,150
No!
1273
01:13:25,276 --> 01:13:26,568
So what's this?
1274
01:13:26,861 --> 01:13:28,130
Are you guys...
You guys share girls?
1275
01:13:28,154 --> 01:13:29,238
Oh, no, no, no, no.
1276
01:13:29,322 --> 01:13:30,614
I guess I was next on the list.
1277
01:13:30,698 --> 01:13:31,938
No, Carla, you don't understand.
1278
01:13:31,991 --> 01:13:35,411
I cannot believe I came over
here feeling sorry for you.
1279
01:13:35,661 --> 01:13:37,329
Carla, will you
please just listen to me?
1280
01:13:37,413 --> 01:13:38,932
I assure you it is not
what it appears to be!
1281
01:13:38,956 --> 01:13:40,374
You're no better than he is!
1282
01:13:40,708 --> 01:13:44,128
You are just as sick as buddy, and i
don't wanna see you or him again!
1283
01:13:44,670 --> 01:13:47,506
Carla, please just listen.
Carla!
1284
01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:51,468
"Eviction notice. Violation
of noise ordinance"?
1285
01:13:53,387 --> 01:13:56,681
Professor, we have to get
to the lab right away.
1286
01:13:56,766 --> 01:13:58,785
Jason, whatever it is, is gonna
have to wait until later.
1287
01:13:58,809 --> 01:14:02,604
No, no, no, that's the thing.
There isn't gonna be a later.
1288
01:14:04,982 --> 01:14:07,192
Professor,
what did you do last night?
1289
01:14:07,485 --> 01:14:11,405
Jason, I have such a bad hangover,
i honestly do not remember.
1290
01:14:11,489 --> 01:14:14,450
Well, the good news is
I'm not going to kill you,
1291
01:14:14,533 --> 01:14:15,951
not physically, anyway.
1292
01:14:16,035 --> 01:14:18,203
I am, however, going to
kill you professionally.
1293
01:14:18,287 --> 01:14:20,349
You see, chubby, you're not only
fired from this institution,
1294
01:14:20,373 --> 01:14:21,600
but I'm going to make
sure you never get hired
1295
01:14:21,624 --> 01:14:22,958
by any other college
in the state,
1296
01:14:23,042 --> 01:14:25,711
the country, the world,
maybe even the universe.
1297
01:14:25,795 --> 01:14:28,235
Unless, of course, they're looking
for teachers on planet fat.
1298
01:14:29,215 --> 01:14:30,299
Oh, by the way,
1299
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,583
buddy love is going to be using
1300
01:14:31,634 --> 01:14:33,052
your invitation
to the alumni ball,
1301
01:14:33,135 --> 01:14:35,637
so show a little school spirit
and see that he gets it.
1302
01:14:35,721 --> 01:14:37,514
We're in the money
1303
01:14:37,598 --> 01:14:39,975
put that food down!
They ate yesterday!
1304
01:14:42,103 --> 01:14:46,065
really tight and say,
"yes, I can."
1305
01:14:46,148 --> 01:14:47,691
Say it again.
1306
01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:49,401
Yes, I can!
1307
01:14:55,449 --> 01:14:57,492
Hey, chunky drawers!
Hey, tank ass!
1308
01:14:57,576 --> 01:14:59,221
What are you eating? Muffin?
Strudel? Some shit.
1309
01:14:59,245 --> 01:15:00,472
Put it down. Let me
talk to you for a second.
1310
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:02,247
Look, if you're
receiving this message,
1311
01:15:02,415 --> 01:15:04,166
that means you went
and plumped back up
1312
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:07,711
to your usual, fat, sorry,
stuff-my-face-till-l'm-almost-dead self.
1313
01:15:07,795 --> 01:15:10,172
Is that what you did?
Shame on you, sherman!
1314
01:15:10,256 --> 01:15:11,757
Do you know what
you did last night?
1315
01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,524
You had the time of
your life last night.
1316
01:15:13,551 --> 01:15:14,945
Do you know you can get
arrested in 50 states
1317
01:15:14,969 --> 01:15:17,096
for the shit
you did just last night?
1318
01:15:19,223 --> 01:15:20,432
Oh, my goodness!
1319
01:15:20,558 --> 01:15:21,767
You know what you need to do?
1320
01:15:22,101 --> 01:15:23,541
You need to go down
to the laboratory
1321
01:15:23,602 --> 01:15:25,520
and mix you up another
batch of this blue stuff.
1322
01:15:25,771 --> 01:15:27,124
Come on back to the party,
sherman,
1323
01:15:27,148 --> 01:15:28,440
because Carla doesn't want you.
1324
01:15:28,733 --> 01:15:30,943
She wants me.
Me, not you.
1325
01:15:31,027 --> 01:15:33,612
So come join me
because you can't beat me.
1326
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:37,658
You can't beat me.
You can't beat me!
1327
01:15:37,742 --> 01:15:40,119
Yes, I can!
1328
01:15:40,202 --> 01:15:41,620
Yes, I can.
1329
01:15:46,709 --> 01:15:48,419
Professor, I got your message.
What's up?
1330
01:15:48,502 --> 01:15:51,273
Jason, I'm going to that alumni ball
tonight, and I'm gonna reclaim my life.
1331
01:15:51,297 --> 01:15:53,882
Yes! I'm so glad to
hear you say that.
1332
01:15:53,966 --> 01:15:55,759
Get things straight
with miss purty,
1333
01:15:55,843 --> 01:15:57,404
and I'm gonna get that Grant
from Harlan hartley.
1334
01:15:57,428 --> 01:15:58,595
Excellent.
1335
01:15:58,679 --> 01:16:02,307
Jason, we have seen
the last of buddy love.
1336
01:16:20,117 --> 01:16:22,619
Horace, good to see you. The
jitterbug contest just started.
1337
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:24,830
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Your table's upstairs.
1338
01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:26,832
That's another joke.
1339
01:16:26,916 --> 01:16:29,752
When did you marry Sharon stone?
1340
01:16:29,835 --> 01:16:31,294
Keep those legs crossed.
1341
01:16:32,546 --> 01:16:35,799
Hartley. Damn it. And where
the hell is buddy love?
1342
01:16:35,883 --> 01:16:37,175
No sign of him yet, sir.
1343
01:16:37,301 --> 01:16:38,552
Here's an idea.
1344
01:16:38,636 --> 01:16:39,636
Find him!
1345
01:16:39,678 --> 01:16:40,887
Yes, sir.
1346
01:16:40,971 --> 01:16:42,514
Harlan.
Well, Richmond.
1347
01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:43,825
Where's your
professor buddy love?
1348
01:16:43,849 --> 01:16:45,035
With you, it's always business.
1349
01:16:45,059 --> 01:16:47,978
Let's get to know each other man-to-man.
Now, if our files are correct,
1350
01:16:48,062 --> 01:16:50,355
you and your fabulous wife
have a terrific daughter.
1351
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:52,607
I'm divorced, and my
daughter is inrehab.
1352
01:16:52,691 --> 01:16:54,776
So you're saying our
files are not correct.
1353
01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:56,945
Listen,
you pompous butt-kisser.
1354
01:16:57,071 --> 01:16:59,114
I have a check in my
pocket for $10 million.
1355
01:16:59,198 --> 01:17:02,034
And your buddy love has till midnight
to prove that formula works.
1356
01:17:02,118 --> 01:17:04,578
He'll be here, the formula
works and you have the check.
1357
01:17:04,662 --> 01:17:06,997
Really? On you now? Because on behalf of...
Which pocket?
1358
01:17:07,081 --> 01:17:09,625
No, don't tell me.
Let me smell it. Punch?
1359
01:17:10,042 --> 01:17:12,127
Oh, come on, now.
Look at this.
1360
01:17:12,253 --> 01:17:14,338
I can't eat this.
This stuff is too tiny.
1361
01:17:14,421 --> 01:17:15,713
I can't get full off this mess!
1362
01:17:15,840 --> 01:17:18,509
I think it's wonderful, all the
precious little finger foods.
1363
01:17:18,592 --> 01:17:20,051
Finger food?
I got a finger for them.
1364
01:17:20,136 --> 01:17:21,976
I ain't paid no $100
ticket for no finger food.
1365
01:17:22,012 --> 01:17:24,389
I could go down to subway,
get me a sandwich for $3.
1366
01:17:24,473 --> 01:17:26,993
I gotta pay a $1 o0 ticket for
some finger food? Hungry as I am?
1367
01:17:27,017 --> 01:17:28,662
You must be crazy
to think I'm gonna eat this...
1368
01:17:28,686 --> 01:17:29,871
Please. You're getting
on my damn nerves!
1369
01:17:29,895 --> 01:17:31,021
Sh t
rm hungry! U up!
1370
01:17:31,105 --> 01:17:33,607
There's Carla. I wonder if
she's seen sherman. Carla!
1371
01:17:34,066 --> 01:17:35,567
Carla.
1372
01:17:39,280 --> 01:17:41,573
Oh, you look fabulous.
1373
01:17:41,657 --> 01:17:43,075
Thank you, Mrs. klump.
1374
01:17:43,200 --> 01:17:45,220
Have you seen sherman? Papa:
Yeah, where's sherman at?
1375
01:17:45,244 --> 01:17:47,681
I ain't come to pay no $100 ticket
to have to suffer this alone.
1376
01:17:47,705 --> 01:17:48,872
Cletus, shut up, please!
1377
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,291
Hey! That's strike two.
1378
01:17:52,376 --> 01:17:54,136
I don't think sherman
will be coming tonight.
1379
01:17:54,211 --> 01:17:56,398
Yes, he is. Sherman called me and
told me to make sure we was here,
1380
01:17:56,422 --> 01:17:57,941
'cause he got a big announcement
to make or something.
1381
01:17:57,965 --> 01:18:00,509
Something about getting
it all off his chest.
1382
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:01,844
Have you noticed that sherman's
1383
01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:03,238
been acting kind
of strange lately?
1384
01:18:03,262 --> 01:18:05,764
Sherman has definitely
been acting strange lately.
1385
01:18:06,223 --> 01:18:08,058
I knew it!
See, cletus? I told you.
1386
01:18:08,267 --> 01:18:10,936
You really think I be listening to you.
I ain't listening to you!
1387
01:18:11,770 --> 01:18:13,665
Well, Mrs. klump, I hope you
have a wonderful evening.
1388
01:18:13,689 --> 01:18:17,192
Oh, you do the same. Thank you so muoh.
So precious.
1389
01:18:17,276 --> 01:18:19,636
Look at your little purple dress.
They gonna think we twins.
1390
01:18:20,446 --> 01:18:21,613
Mr. klump.
1391
01:18:21,697 --> 01:18:22,864
Oh, yeah, yeah.
1392
01:18:22,948 --> 01:18:24,908
Fabulous.
1393
01:18:24,992 --> 01:18:26,219
You know, cletus,
i think something's
1394
01:18:26,243 --> 01:18:27,786
going on between
her and sherman.
1395
01:18:27,870 --> 01:18:30,223
You don't go get up in sherman's business.
That's sherman's business.
1396
01:18:30,247 --> 01:18:32,832
Sherman's business? That's my business.
Sherman is my baby.
1397
01:18:32,917 --> 01:18:35,103
Sherman's 35 years old! What you
talking about he's your baby?
1398
01:18:35,127 --> 01:18:36,938
Cletus, I don't wanna hear it.
Shut up, please!
1399
01:18:36,962 --> 01:18:38,505
Carla! That's strike
three, damn it!
1400
01:18:38,589 --> 01:18:40,591
Don't you walk away
from me, god damn it!
1401
01:18:42,176 --> 01:18:43,696
Hey, this is
the last of it, professor.
1402
01:18:43,802 --> 01:18:45,345
I'll tell you this, Jason,
1403
01:18:45,429 --> 01:18:48,390
if I'm gonna change my life, it's not
gonna come from some magic: Drink.
1404
01:18:48,474 --> 01:18:50,517
Gotta come from
a lot of hard work,
1405
01:18:50,643 --> 01:18:52,728
and exercise and
plenty of these.
1406
01:18:52,895 --> 01:18:55,480
Good bye, buddy love.
Hello, megashake.
1407
01:19:04,323 --> 01:19:05,699
Professor?
1408
01:19:08,577 --> 01:19:09,619
Oh!
1409
01:19:10,162 --> 01:19:13,248
I lost 300 pounds in 30 seconds!
1410
01:19:13,332 --> 01:19:14,624
Thanks, megashake!
1411
01:19:14,750 --> 01:19:16,084
You tricked him!
1412
01:19:16,335 --> 01:19:18,855
You damn right, hamster boy. I knew
sherman was gonna go soft on me.
1413
01:19:18,879 --> 01:19:21,172
That can wreak havoc
on a man's sex life.
1414
01:19:22,841 --> 01:19:24,486
See, I've done some
calculations of my own.
1415
01:19:24,510 --> 01:19:26,094
If I drink 500
milliliters of formula,
1416
01:19:26,178 --> 01:19:27,447
I'll have enough
cellular stability
1417
01:19:27,471 --> 01:19:28,657
to be rid of
sherman's ass forever!
1418
01:19:28,681 --> 01:19:31,159
No, you drink that much formula at
one time, and it will kill you!
1419
01:19:31,183 --> 01:19:32,994
If I drink it all at once,
yes. If I drink half now
1420
01:19:33,018 --> 01:19:34,644
and half later,
that's completely safe.
1421
01:19:34,728 --> 01:19:35,830
At midnight,
i don't have to worry
1422
01:19:35,854 --> 01:19:36,873
about turning into no klumpkin.
1423
01:19:36,897 --> 01:19:39,149
Now if you don't mind, I have
a date at the alumni ball,
1424
01:19:39,233 --> 01:19:40,335
and you have
a date with linoleum.
1425
01:19:40,359 --> 01:19:41,401
Who?
1426
01:19:47,533 --> 01:19:50,744
No, no, no, chhd. Not a wild party.
Not sherman.
1427
01:19:50,828 --> 01:19:52,889
He's too shy for something like that.
He hates parties.
1428
01:19:52,913 --> 01:19:56,082
In fact, we tried to have a party for
sherman when he was 18 years old,
1429
01:19:56,166 --> 01:19:58,376
and he's so shy,
he didn't even show up.
1430
01:19:59,670 --> 01:20:02,005
Well, I must admit, it didn't
seem like the sherman I know.
1431
01:20:02,089 --> 01:20:03,173
Oh, no, not my baby.
1432
01:20:03,257 --> 01:20:04,818
Maybe he loaned his house
out to somebody or something,
1433
01:20:04,842 --> 01:20:06,194
or one of his buddies
was throwing a party.
1434
01:20:06,218 --> 01:20:07,427
Yeah!
1435
01:20:07,511 --> 01:20:10,388
Is that a test tube in my pocket
or am I just happy to see you?
1436
01:20:10,472 --> 01:20:12,432
Oh! How dare you!
Oh, you know you loved it.
1437
01:20:12,516 --> 01:20:13,683
I felt you percolating.
1438
01:20:13,767 --> 01:20:14,934
Whoo!
1439
01:20:15,019 --> 01:20:17,104
Hey, thanks a lot, man.
Thank you so much.
1440
01:20:17,187 --> 01:20:19,480
Oh! What you serving here?
1441
01:20:19,565 --> 01:20:22,609
This stuff is... y'all got to get
some collard Greens and some yams!
1442
01:20:22,693 --> 01:20:24,533
Some red beans and rice!
Some "buddy" is right.
1443
01:20:24,611 --> 01:20:27,071
- This ain't no party! This ain't no ball!
- Professor love!
1444
01:20:27,156 --> 01:20:29,196
Y'all gotta get y'all some
peach cobbler up in here!
1445
01:20:29,241 --> 01:20:32,452
Professor love! Where
the hell have you been?
1446
01:20:32,536 --> 01:20:34,306
I've been nursemaiding hartley
for three hours,
1447
01:20:34,330 --> 01:20:35,664
and if I didn't
need that money...
1448
01:20:35,748 --> 01:20:36,748
Shutup!
1449
01:20:36,790 --> 01:20:38,666
Who you think you're
talking to, sherman klump?
1450
01:20:38,751 --> 01:20:40,895
Man, if you ever talk to me
like that again, I'll kill you!
1451
01:20:40,919 --> 01:20:42,063
I don't mean
that as a euphemism.
1452
01:20:42,087 --> 01:20:43,398
I mean, I'm gonna
literally kill you.
1453
01:20:43,422 --> 01:20:44,673
I'm gonna strangle you
1454
01:20:44,757 --> 01:20:47,342
and cut off your air supply
until you pass away!
1455
01:20:48,594 --> 01:20:50,721
Now find the rich dummy a seat.
It's showtime.
1456
01:20:51,055 --> 01:20:52,931
It's showtime, everybody!
1457
01:20:53,015 --> 01:20:54,725
Showtime!
1458
01:21:07,446 --> 01:21:09,364
Oh, my god. Oh, my god!
1459
01:21:17,414 --> 01:21:18,814
That's enough
out of you! That's it.
1460
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:20,435
You're the reason
everybody falling asleep.
1461
01:21:20,459 --> 01:21:21,710
Take a break, nigger-Ace.
1462
01:21:21,794 --> 01:21:24,022
Take the everly brothers with you.
Come on. Get out of here!
1463
01:21:24,046 --> 01:21:27,424
Look at everybody sleeping
because of y'all! It's showtime!
1464
01:21:27,758 --> 01:21:30,802
Now, why are y'all looking at
me like y'all don't know me?
1465
01:21:30,886 --> 01:21:32,220
Y'all know me!
1466
01:21:32,304 --> 01:21:33,471
I don't know that fool.
1467
01:21:34,431 --> 01:21:36,641
How about now?
You recognize me?
1468
01:21:36,892 --> 01:21:38,059
I don't know that fool.
1469
01:21:38,185 --> 01:21:39,352
Maybe it's because
1470
01:21:39,436 --> 01:21:43,273
this morning i
weighed 400 pounds!
1471
01:21:43,649 --> 01:21:45,984
You should've seen me.
Look at me now.
1472
01:21:46,151 --> 01:21:48,486
You know how I did it?
One sip.
1473
01:21:48,570 --> 01:21:50,738
I know why he like that,
'cause he drunk.
1474
01:21:50,823 --> 01:21:52,825
Be quiet! Don't tell me to be quiet!
He drunk!
1475
01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:55,994
I like to call it
"buddy's wonder tonic."
1476
01:21:56,161 --> 01:21:57,681
Yeah, I know what
wonder tonic you had.
1477
01:21:58,831 --> 01:22:00,707
Right on schedule.
1478
01:22:00,791 --> 01:22:04,669
Cellular destabilization clue
to arrive in exactly three,
1479
01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:08,340
two, one...
1480
01:22:10,551 --> 01:22:11,635
Ain't that a bitch!
1481
01:22:11,718 --> 01:22:12,760
What the hell?
My goodness!
1482
01:22:12,845 --> 01:22:14,445
Hey, moneybags,
you want a demonstration?
1483
01:22:14,471 --> 01:22:17,182
Well, then feast
your eyes on this.
1484
01:22:24,398 --> 01:22:25,607
That's a hell of a trick.
1485
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:29,235
Ladies and gentlemen,
for my final demonstration...
1486
01:22:29,319 --> 01:22:33,781
Look out, David Copperfield. I'm
about to make a 400-pound fat man
1487
01:22:34,199 --> 01:22:36,492
disappear forever!
1488
01:22:36,618 --> 01:22:38,953
No! Wait!
1489
01:22:39,580 --> 01:22:43,292
I cannot let you
do this anymore!
1490
01:22:43,375 --> 01:22:46,044
This has got to stop!
1491
01:22:47,671 --> 01:22:51,007
This man is trying to kill
professor sherman klump!
1492
01:22:51,216 --> 01:22:52,842
Thafsit I'm glad i
brought my knife.
1493
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:54,552
And I got my razor.
1494
01:22:54,636 --> 01:22:55,970
Hand over the vial now!
1495
01:22:56,096 --> 01:22:57,430
Sure thing, hamster boy.
1496
01:22:57,514 --> 01:22:59,849
But first,
a short musical interlude.
1497
01:23:03,061 --> 01:23:04,062
Buddy!
1498
01:23:04,146 --> 01:23:05,986
What has gotten into you,
and where is sherman?
1499
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:09,943
Sherman is gone! Disappeared!
What the hell...
1500
01:23:10,027 --> 01:23:12,946
And that's a pretty good trick for
a man with an ass as big as his.
1501
01:23:14,239 --> 01:23:15,573
I'm late for an appointment.
1502
01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:18,743
Ladies and gentlemen,
say goodbye to sherman klump!
1503
01:23:19,244 --> 01:23:21,412
I hate being called hamster boy.
1504
01:23:24,458 --> 01:23:26,918
You just don't know
when to quit, do you?
1505
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:35,761
It's too late, fat boy.
It's over!
1506
01:23:36,929 --> 01:23:38,555
Let go! Let go!
1507
01:23:40,724 --> 01:23:41,850
My goodness!
Hey!
1508
01:23:42,351 --> 01:23:46,063
Give it up, fat boy!
It's over!
1509
01:23:46,146 --> 01:23:48,022
It ain't
over till the fat professor sings!
1510
01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:51,985
Let go of my hand,
you fat mother...
1511
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:54,863
Say one more word, buddy,
I'll tear your arm off!
1512
01:23:55,572 --> 01:24:00,072
It's time we take nestea...
Plunge!
1513
01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:07,702
Gonna get the hell out of
here in a second. It's okay.
1514
01:24:16,051 --> 01:24:18,219
Sweet Jesus!
Sherman!
1515
01:24:18,512 --> 01:24:21,890
Sherman, don't do this!
You need me!
1516
01:24:23,475 --> 01:24:25,602
No, I don't!
1517
01:24:26,436 --> 01:24:28,396
You fat ass!
1518
01:24:29,022 --> 01:24:30,898
Tinkerbell!
1519
01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:32,359
Blubber butt!
1520
01:24:32,484 --> 01:24:33,860
Featherweight!
1521
01:24:34,152 --> 01:24:35,444
Somebody better
call an exorcist!
1522
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:41,618
Sherman! Sherman!
You can't beat me!
1523
01:24:41,994 --> 01:24:43,370
This is some scary shit!
1524
01:24:48,417 --> 01:24:52,003
Yes, I can!
1525
01:24:57,217 --> 01:24:59,886
Sherman, come back here! Sherman!
What's happening to me?
1526
01:25:00,137 --> 01:25:03,640
Everything's getting real dark!
Oh! I feel real jiggly!
1527
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:06,476
I'm blubbifying!
Sherman!
1528
01:25:06,935 --> 01:25:10,897
You need me! I taught you to be confident!
You needed me, sherman!
1529
01:25:11,523 --> 01:25:13,566
Sherman! No matter what!
1530
01:25:14,234 --> 01:25:18,734
No matter what,
you got to strut.
1531
01:25:28,790 --> 01:25:30,184
Come on. I ain't
gonna be picking up
1532
01:25:30,208 --> 01:25:31,568
your big ass
all night, Anna. Shit.
1533
01:25:40,594 --> 01:25:42,596
Oh, my god.
Well, I'll be damned.
1534
01:25:55,192 --> 01:25:58,570
If you give me a moment, i
believe I can try to explain.
1535
01:26:01,573 --> 01:26:03,825
My research is...
1536
01:26:03,909 --> 01:26:07,162
Well, when I started out,
i was...
1537
01:26:07,245 --> 01:26:09,413
I wanted to help people.
1538
01:26:10,082 --> 01:26:12,584
But I became
desperate and selfish.
1539
01:26:14,586 --> 01:26:16,379
What I did was wrong.
1540
01:26:20,050 --> 01:26:23,386
Buddy's who I thought the
whole world wanted me to be.
1541
01:26:23,470 --> 01:26:25,013
He's who I thought
i wanted to be.
1542
01:26:27,432 --> 01:26:30,643
And sometimes when you
want something so, so bad,
1543
01:26:31,603 --> 01:26:33,229
you do just about
anything to get it.
1544
01:26:39,444 --> 01:26:40,945
But I learned one
thing from buddy.
1545
01:26:42,614 --> 01:26:44,782
And I learned that
life is not about
1546
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:47,577
being happy about
how much you weigh,
1547
01:26:47,703 --> 01:26:49,871
but just being
happy with yourself.
1548
01:26:53,291 --> 01:26:54,709
I'm terribly
sorry about all this.
1549
01:26:54,835 --> 01:26:56,555
I hope I haven't
ruined everybody's evening.
1550
01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:58,421
Please excuse me.
1551
01:27:00,048 --> 01:27:01,382
I'm sorry.
1552
01:27:17,107 --> 01:27:18,358
Sherman!
1553
01:27:19,651 --> 01:27:20,902
Sherman!
1554
01:27:21,695 --> 01:27:23,613
Sherman, wait a minute.
1555
01:27:27,409 --> 01:27:29,452
Sherman, why did you lie to me?
1556
01:27:29,953 --> 01:27:32,205
Why didn't you say anything?
1557
01:27:32,706 --> 01:27:34,666
I didn't think you'd have me.
1558
01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:37,752
I mean, the fact of
the matter is I'm a big man.
1559
01:27:38,378 --> 01:27:40,421
Now, I will lose weight,
but I'm always
1560
01:27:40,505 --> 01:27:42,507
gonna be big no
matter what I do.
1561
01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:44,842
So, anybody I wind
up with is just going
1562
01:27:45,010 --> 01:27:47,178
to have to accept
me for who I am.
1563
01:27:47,929 --> 01:27:49,157
And more important,
I'm just going to
1564
01:27:49,181 --> 01:27:50,891
have to accept
myself for who I am.
1565
01:27:55,020 --> 01:27:56,563
Sherman,
1566
01:27:57,355 --> 01:27:59,482
I don't have a date tonight.
1567
01:28:02,486 --> 01:28:04,654
Would you like to dance with me?
1568
01:28:10,368 --> 01:28:11,369
Professor,
1569
01:28:12,871 --> 01:28:14,706
I thought you might need this.
1570
01:28:18,543 --> 01:28:21,254
Yeah, I guess
i tore this one up, huh?
1571
01:28:35,101 --> 01:28:37,728
You know one thing I couldn't
stand about that buddy?
1572
01:28:37,813 --> 01:28:38,814
What's that?
1573
01:28:38,897 --> 01:28:40,106
He was too damn scrawny.
1574
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:45,153
Okay, professor!
Looking good!
1575
01:28:45,737 --> 01:28:48,865
Have I mentioned we also have
a terrific English department?
1576
01:28:48,949 --> 01:28:50,867
I'm giving him the Grant.
What?
1577
01:28:50,951 --> 01:28:53,119
I hate to admit it,
but you're absolutely right.
1578
01:28:53,203 --> 01:28:56,873
He's a brilliant scientist
and a gentleman as well.
1579
01:28:56,957 --> 01:28:58,625
Well, I told you!
1580
01:28:58,708 --> 01:28:59,750
Will you shut up!
1581
01:28:59,918 --> 01:29:01,002
I'm fine with that.
1582
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:09,344
Oh, sherman, sherman, sherman,
sherman, sherman, sherman, sherman!
1583
01:29:09,427 --> 01:29:12,346
Light as a feather tonight.
Come on, bump me.
1584
01:29:12,430 --> 01:29:13,681
Yeah!
1585
01:29:15,725 --> 01:29:18,853
Oh, my goodness!
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
1586
01:29:18,937 --> 01:29:20,248
You didn't hurt yourself,
did you?
1587
01:29:20,272 --> 01:29:21,523
I'm fine.
1588
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:27,069
Yeah!
1589
01:29:27,195 --> 01:29:28,404
Fabulous!
1590
01:29:38,456 --> 01:29:41,000
Oh, my lord!
1591
01:29:44,588 --> 01:29:46,673
Don't start.
Do it again.
1592
01:29:47,007 --> 01:29:50,051
Go on, fart! I hope
your asshole fall out...
1593
01:29:52,762 --> 01:29:56,182
I thought it just was... i
thought a colonic was a massage.
1594
01:30:00,103 --> 01:30:02,563
For only research, and...
1595
01:30:03,773 --> 01:30:06,692
What? What, you filming this?
1596
01:30:07,235 --> 01:30:08,361
Your research.
1597
01:30:08,445 --> 01:30:09,654
Get back in there!
1598
01:30:09,696 --> 01:30:13,491
We ain't ready for you yet.
Now, what were you saying?
1599
01:30:13,575 --> 01:30:15,011
Hold on a minute.
Let me go deal with my girl.
1600
01:30:15,035 --> 01:30:16,411
What's wrong with y'all?
1601
01:30:16,786 --> 01:30:19,038
Professor klump,
the cages, what happened?
1602
01:30:19,122 --> 01:30:21,457
They can't see me
with your head there.
1603
01:30:23,335 --> 01:30:25,879
I made a fart last week.
1604
01:30:25,962 --> 01:30:29,006
It smelled so bad, it had
a chain hanging from it.
1605
01:30:37,891 --> 01:30:40,101
I can't talk.
1606
01:30:47,859 --> 01:30:50,653
I seen sherman get so hungry
once when he was young,
1607
01:30:50,737 --> 01:30:52,822
he beat up a grown man.
1608
01:30:55,784 --> 01:30:56,910
I'm sorry.
1609
01:30:59,496 --> 01:31:02,081
I'm freaking out over here
'cause Eddie's over here
1610
01:31:02,165 --> 01:31:04,542
saying some
wild crap. Do you...
1611
01:31:08,630 --> 01:31:10,465
Oh! You're
supposed to say, "excuse me."
1612
01:31:12,175 --> 01:31:14,302
Oh, baby, you...
1613
01:31:17,305 --> 01:31:20,850
Hey, little Hercules,
you want some more coleslaw?
1614
01:31:24,604 --> 01:31:27,315
Come on, cletus. Come on.
No... It... come on.
1615
01:31:27,399 --> 01:31:30,652
Come on, cletus.
Come on. Come on, cletus.
1616
01:31:30,735 --> 01:31:33,487
Come on. Come on, cletus!
1617
01:31:34,864 --> 01:31:38,117
Come on!
Come on, cletus. No.
1618
01:31:38,201 --> 01:31:40,995
Come on, come on.
No... It... come on.
1619
01:31:41,079 --> 01:31:44,457
Come on, come on,
come on, let's do this.
1620
01:31:44,541 --> 01:31:45,708
Let's do this!
126277
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