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1
00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:02,520
[Director] Top Gear auditions, take 25.
2
00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:03,760
[claps]
3
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,600
This 'ere ostentatious automobile
4
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,160
is but a manifestation of
the Freudian shortcomings
5
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,280
of your average member of the bourgeoisie,
6
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,840
what has more money than what
they have intelligent-ness.
7
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,040
Now, where's my limo?
8
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,560
I'm off to pick up some birds.
9
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,600
[Narrator] Next.
10
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,120
[upbeat pop-rock music]
11
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,680
[clangs]
12
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,960
[whooshes]
13
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,000
[Both] Hello.
14
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,880
We're taking time off Britain's Got Talent
15
00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:30,600
to fly back to Australia.
16
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,680
Where we've been joined by
Labour leader, Ed Miliband.
17
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:34,720
Hi, guys.
18
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,800
For a special one-off edition of--
19
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,280
-[cracks]
-Whoa.
20
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,280
[thuds]
21
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,680
[Both] I'm a Catastrophe,
22
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,280
Get Me Out Of Here.
23
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,880
[tribal music]
24
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:48,080
Are you ready for
tonight's Bushtucker Trial?
25
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,880
The answer is hell, yeah.
26
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,440
Good, this game's called the Laboured Pun.
27
00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:56,200
Way, now, these are what
you're looking for, Ed.
28
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,840
There are 10 votes hidden in there.
29
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,200
All you have to do is find them.
30
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,600
Well, look, I can't promise.
31
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,120
Time starts now.
32
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:04,960
[tense music]
33
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,320
Um, uh.
34
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,560
Open one of the doors.
35
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:08,800
Right, yes, of course.
36
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,840
[cackles]
37
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:10,680
Oh my God.
38
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:13,040
Just stick your head in
and see what's there.
39
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,400
I know it's scary.
40
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,960
-[groans]
-[maggots scream]
41
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,480
But the maggots will get over it.
42
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,360
[cackles]
43
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,240
Oh, hang on, I can see something.
44
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,200
It's a vote, Ed.
45
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:22,200
How do I get it?
46
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,440
Wind it to the right.
47
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,320
No, no, you need to go back to the left.
48
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,160
To the right.
49
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,000
To the left.
50
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,720
Oh god, what does the focus group say?
51
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:29,960
You're running out of time, Ed.
52
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,880
I know, but what else does it say?
53
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:32,680
[cackles]
54
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:33,520
[whimpers]
55
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,680
Oh, I've got one.
56
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,120
One down, nine to go.
57
00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:37,920
Just pop it in your ballot box.
58
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:38,760
[taps]
59
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:39,840
[Ed] It doesn't fit.
60
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,920
Oh, he'll never get to number 10.
61
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,040
You're telling me.
62
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,400
[alarm blares]
63
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,160
Oh, Ed, time's up.
64
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,320
At least I tried.
65
00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:48,600
Come over here, man.
66
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,840
For the final part of
your Bushtucker Trial,
67
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,400
it's something you're never
going to be able to eat:
68
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,080
a bacon sandwich.
69
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,560
Ah, that's just where you're wrong.
70
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,040
I've been practicing, watch this.
71
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,240
[crunches]
72
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,520
Is that ketchup?
73
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,080
No I think I've eaten my thumb.
74
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,520
-[groans]
-[gags]
75
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,320
[thuds]
76
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,160
[camera shutter snaps]
77
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,000
[Reporter] Mr. President,
78
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,120
how do you feel about Hillary
Clinton's announcement?
79
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,640
Well, I'm delighted.
80
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,680
Hillary could be our
first female President.
81
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,400
But don't forget, I have
already made history.
82
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,960
I'm the only black man in America
83
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,960
to have successfully run twice,
84
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,800
without being shot in the back by a cop.
85
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,280
-[camera shutter snaps]
-[grunts]
86
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:26,680
I'm not taking any chances.
87
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,440
[footsteps clomp]
88
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,080
[happy, bouncy music]
89
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,600
♪ She's Mrs. Crown ♪
90
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,520
[Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
91
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,560
welcome to Mrs. Crown's Boys.
92
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,040
[audience claps]
93
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,520
Well, hello again, my loyal subjects.
94
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:40,880
It's been a feck of a week.
95
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,160
I spent a whole two days on the throne.
96
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,680
That's the last time I try
one of Camilla's curries.
97
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,400
-[passes gas]
-[audience laughs]
98
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,240
Oh, bejeezus.
99
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,400
Here comes one's useless son.
100
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,160
Hello, Mammy.
101
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,680
What in the name of God are
you doing with those biscuits?
102
00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,360
I'm up to selling them for 8.50 pounds.
103
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:58,880
That's fecking criminal.
104
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,360
Why can't you get yourself a job?
105
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,040
Because you're still alive.
106
00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:02,880
[audience laughs]
107
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,680
That's nice, the little bollocks.
108
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,680
[audience laughs]
109
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,800
[grumbles] Where the fecking feck are you?
110
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,520
Ah, there you are.
111
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,360
I want my fecking dinner.
112
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,760
Then go and shoot it yourself.
113
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,600
[audience laughs]
114
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:15,440
[doorbell rings]
115
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,120
There's someone at the door, Mammy.
116
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,000
Are you expecting anyone?
117
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,000
Ugh, yes, the fecking Kents.
118
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,840
[audience laughs]
119
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,920
There's no need for that sort of language.
120
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,520
I mean the Duke and Duchess of Kent.
121
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,600
Oh, those fecking Kents.
122
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,440
[audience laughs]
123
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:31,280
Get rid of them.
124
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,920
Oh, do I have to?
125
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,040
Yes, because it's time
for another character
126
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:38,240
to enter implausibly at
the exact moment you leave.
127
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,240
Well, all right.
128
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,560
Sorry we're late, Granny.
129
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,160
Took ages finding a parking
space for the helicopter.
130
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,440
Sure, if it isn't my favorite grandson.
131
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,600
And his wife.
132
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:48,640
[audience laughs]
133
00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:49,480
Hello, Mammy.
134
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,320
It's ma'am to you.
135
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:51,160
[audience laughs]
136
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,280
And where's that lovely
great-grandson of mine?
137
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,440
Shite, we left him in the chopper.
138
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,400
[audience laughs]
139
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,480
-[smacks]
-[thuds]
140
00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,520
[audience laughs]
141
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,680
Fecking useless.
142
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,200
[audience claps]
143
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,640
[electronic music]
144
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,600
Healthy competition is key to democracy,
145
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,160
so when it comes to voting,
146
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,320
I'm very pleased when
147
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,800
I see someone put a cross
on opposition leader.
148
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,680
The cross of a sniper's gun sights.
149
00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,680
[laughs]
150
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:17,880
Only kidding.
151
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,880
I did not do this.
152
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,360
What's the matter, Andy?
153
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,520
I'm sorry, Kim,
154
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,600
I guess I'm just nervous.
155
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,480
But this is our wedding night.
156
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,120
I know, I'm just worried
that I'll start well
157
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,320
and the pressure of the
big event will get to me
158
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,320
and I'll go to pieces.
159
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,120
Actually, that does sound familiar.
160
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:38,080
Well, there's only one thing to do.
161
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,280
Practice harder?
162
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,440
No, blame everyone around me.
163
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,680
I'm going to sack my sex coach.
164
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:45,000
You're fired.
165
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,640
Ah, I only lasted three minutes.
166
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,640
Still, that's three more than you will.
167
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,320
Now, to replace him,
168
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,480
I need someone here
who I can really trust.
169
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,160
How about my mother?
170
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,440
Not that [bleep]ing
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep].
171
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,960
Oh, yeah, talk dirty.
172
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,120
Good idea, that might work.
173
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,800
[Director] Top Gear auditions, take 37.
174
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:04,640
[claps]
175
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,320
The best thing about this car
176
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,000
is it's got a nice roomy glove compartment
177
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,440
for your Werther's Originals,
178
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,160
and a parcel shelf you can
pop a box of tissues on.
179
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,960
If this car was a football team,
180
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,400
I'd be too old to manage it.
181
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,400
[Announcer] Next.
182
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,360
[swelling marching band music]
183
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:23,560
♪ Un ♪
184
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,160
Hello, I'm Kim Jong-un.
185
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,320
Welcome to The Un Show.
186
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,280
Applause.
187
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,640
[audience claps]
188
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,000
On today's glorious program,
189
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:38,000
how Supreme Leader stay in
supreme shape, with 5:2 diet.
190
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,120
I eat whatever I want for five days,
191
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,520
then for the next two,
192
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,200
I eat whatever I want.
193
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,080
Laugh.
194
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,160
[audience laughs]
195
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:51,800
I also recommend the Grain
Diet for rest of the country.
196
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,080
Three grains of rice a day.
197
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:54,880
[audience mumbles]
198
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,960
You lucky is not just two.
199
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,000
Coming up later, we have
a very special guest.
200
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,000
Me.
201
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,320
[audience cheers]
202
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,640
I will be singing my new Number Un single,
203
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:06,760
♪ Pyongyang, ♪
204
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:08,480
♪ You Are 10,000 Times Mightier ♪
205
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,560
♪ Than Other Urban Settlements ♪
206
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:11,400
Applause.
207
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,600
[audience claps]
208
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,440
And remember to stay
tuned after the Un Show
209
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,280
for more great North Korean TV.
210
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:21,160
8:00, Un Born Every Minute
211
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,840
9:00, 15 to Un
212
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:26,880
9:30, Un Foot in the Grave
213
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,600
10:00, electricity cut off.
214
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,840
But first, Gyles Brandreth.
215
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:34,840
[Audience] No, please,
not him, the torture.
216
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,360
It's okay, I'm going to shoot him.
217
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,760
[audience cheers]
218
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:42,080
How's my little Scruffy doing?
219
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,680
I'm afraid I've got some
bad news about your dog,
220
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:46,560
but I want to, er, soften the blow,
221
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,720
so I've called in the experts.
222
00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,040
-Hello, m'love.
-Greetings.
223
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,440
-I'm Mel.
-I'm the glasses one.
224
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,360
And we've got some bad
news for you, m'darlin.
225
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:54,280
Terrible news.
226
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,920
But don't worry, we'll break
it to you Bake Off-stylie.
227
00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:58,720
Huzzah.
228
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,920
Mixing in a dash of light-hearted banter.
229
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,640
A nipple of suggestive phrasing.
230
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:03,680
[Both] Ooh.
231
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:06,640
And a soupcon of laughing
at our own jokes.
232
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,840
[laughs]
233
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,040
You're in good hands.
234
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,400
So, what's happened to my dog?
235
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,240
Well, your dog's stiff.
236
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,080
Cheeky.
237
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,440
-He's reached his end.
-Naughty.
238
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:16,560
His time has come.
239
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,960
Honestly, what are we like?
240
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:18,760
[chuckles]
241
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:19,600
He's dead?
242
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,880
Are you feeling okay, m'cutie?
243
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,840
Well, yes, yes, I am.
244
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,040
I'm wobbling my quiff.
245
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,560
And I'm holding my hands
like I'm a tiny squirrel.
246
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:27,560
[chitters]
247
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:32,320
Well, I must say you two
are a real tonic, thank you.
248
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,800
[Both] Aww, bless.
249
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,080
Now, I've been meaning
to leave my husband,
250
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,080
but I don't know quite
how to break it to him.
251
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:39,560
Allergic to nuts, are we?
252
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,720
[chuckles]
253
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,920
[upbeat pop-rock music]
254
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:45,960
Giddy up, George.
255
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:47,680
[whimpers]
256
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:48,960
And whoa, there.
257
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,000
[groans]
258
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,120
Is this it, Pickles?
259
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,880
Aye, this is the place.
260
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:53,720
Good.
261
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,480
Well, here I am, just an ordinary bloke
262
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,440
popping out for an ordinary lunch,
263
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,880
and not a pre-arranged
photo opportunity at all.
264
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,880
-[photographer yells]
-[camera snaps]
265
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,240
-Ah, garcon?
-Eh?
266
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,480
May I see the menu, please?
267
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,000
Just choose a burger, you daft toff.
268
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,680
I always like Whoppers.
269
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,880
This is no time for
economic statements, George.
270
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,720
Now, I'll have a hot dog
with a knife and fork, obvs,
271
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,720
and a bottle of Dom Perigon.
272
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,200
I prefer non-Dom Perigon.
273
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,680
You don't have to pay tax on it.
274
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,520
[sniggers]
275
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,760
Let me handle this, you posh twats.
276
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,240
Three super-size burger meal deals.
277
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,520
I don't know what the others are having.
278
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,280
Um, we'll have the same.
279
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,240
Do you want pickles?
280
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,800
Not really, but he is the nearest thing
281
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,200
we've got to a commoner.
282
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,760
That's 23.95.
283
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,640
I don't carry cash.
284
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,880
Osborne, pay the man.
285
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,400
Right-ho, whoa.
286
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,320
-[chair breaks]
-[thuds]
287
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,720
Get me to a hospital.
288
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,240
A private one, obvs.
289
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,520
-[sighs]
-[thuds]
290
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,920
[pop music]
291
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:49,920
["500 Miles" instrumental
by The Proclaimers]
292
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:27,360
[Announcer] Broadchurch, series three.
293
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,720
[woman weeps]
294
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,560
[knocks]
295
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,360
Detective Inspector Hardy, open up.
296
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,680
There's been another pedo crime.
297
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,640
[cries]
298
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,200
All right, I'm comin,' I'm comin'.
299
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,480
[door opens]
300
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,000
What are you cryin' for, woman?
301
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,240
Because it's a drama,
302
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,800
and this is what I do in dramas.
303
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,120
[cries]
304
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,040
Hang on, you're not DI Hardy.
305
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,240
Yes, I am.
306
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,760
But where's David Tennant?
307
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,960
I've regenerated, haven't I?
308
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,080
What, like in Doctor Who?
309
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,680
No, nothing like Doctor Who.
310
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,720
Now, what about these
Daleks, I mean, paedos?
311
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,440
Isn't regeneration a bit unlikely?
312
00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:03,760
Hmm, still makes more sense
than most of series two.
313
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,160
Oh, series two.
314
00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:07,800
[cries]
315
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:08,960
Boo-bloody-hoo.
316
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,920
[Announcer] Broadchurch, series three.
317
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,920
The paedos don't stop
318
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,120
just because David Tennant's got a film.
319
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,520
[dramatic music]
320
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,560
[Caroline Aherne] Meanwhile, at Highgrove,
321
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,840
Charles is watching the brand-new series
322
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,520
of Britain's Got Talent.
323
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,520
[Simon Cowell] Okay, that was fantastic.
324
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,800
You are the best group
of stripping grannies
325
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,200
we've ever had on Britain's Got Talent.
326
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,080
Ruddy hell, have a bit
of self-respect, ladies.
327
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:34,920
Who wants to see a load
328
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,520
of old pensioners waving their bits about?
329
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,240
Yoo-hoo, get a load of this, Chas.
330
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,240
-Woo, woo, woo, woo.
-Hee, hee, hee, hee.
331
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,600
-Woo, woo, woo, woo.
-Hee, hee, hee, hee.
332
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,800
-Woo, woo, woo, woo.
-Hee, hee, hee, hee.
333
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,680
Hoo, it's a yes from me.
334
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,520
[giggles]
335
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,200
I preferred the talking dog.
336
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,120
[yelps]
337
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,640
[Director] Top Gear auditions, take 73.
338
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:54,440
[claps]
339
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:58,120
Hello, my name is um, James Hammond,
340
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:02,080
and today, I'm going to
be test driving this car
341
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,840
into this producer.
342
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:04,680
[Producer] Eh?
343
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:08,280
Because for me, revenge is
a dish best served cold.
344
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,800
Which is ironic.
345
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,600
Now, where's my steak?
346
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,360
[producer yells]
347
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,760
Are you saying it's my fault?
348
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,160
No, not at all.
349
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,760
It doesn't matter which one of us
350
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,600
little George got the commoner gene from.
351
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,000
It could be you, Kate,
352
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,280
it could be me, the Royal
Prince, heir to the throne.
353
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:30,640
The fact is, George is
definitely a bit, well, common.
354
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,480
Oi, oi, I want an au pair with a big pair.
355
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,760
[laughs] Just a bit of
bants, love, come on.
356
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,280
Ole, ole, ole, ole.
357
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,280
Maybe if we arranged some play dates
358
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,760
with some suitable children,
359
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,040
they could be a good influence on him.
360
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:42,880
Bollocks.
361
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,360
Good idea, we could
line up Harper Beckham,
362
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:46,800
either of Elton John's ones,
363
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,480
Kanye and Kim's little girl?
364
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:49,960
[William] Oh, aren't they all--
365
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:50,880
What?
366
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,480
Aren't they're all a bit,
you know, nouveau riche?
367
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,320
I am not frigging nouveau riche!
368
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,160
Oh!
369
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,760
Ah, I mean to say,
370
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,480
I do wish you'd stop saying
the N word in front of Georgie.
371
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:05,960
♪ My mum goes to Iceland ♪
372
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,520
♪ My mum goes to Iceland ♪
373
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:08,600
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
374
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,400
[slams]
375
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,880
-Georgie!
-Oi-oi. [laughs]
376
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,600
Put down Great-Grandpa's crossbow.
377
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:13,520
[groans]
378
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,240
Right, that does it,
he's having a playdate.
379
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,320
We can get anyone we
want over to the palace.
380
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,440
Just pick someone posh who's got children.
381
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,800
Holly Willoughby.
382
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,960
No, she's far too ITV.
383
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,440
I want Holly Willoughby, Holly Willoughby.
384
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:28,280
[groans]
385
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,840
Okay, okay, we'll invite her over.
386
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,960
You can play with her kids.
387
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,840
Kids? I wanna play with
her cracking bazongas.
388
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:35,920
Just a bit of bants.
389
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,560
She knows it, legend.
390
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,800
♪ My old man said be a Windsor fan ♪
391
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,760
-[electronic music]
-[audience claps]
392
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:42,600
Thanks, guys.
393
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,480
Don't stop, I deserve it.
394
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,080
Welcome to the Me Show.
395
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:48,440
Later on, I'll be talking
to some more lowlifes
396
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,680
and getting a hard-on
over their misfortunes.
397
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,600
But first, it's time to meet Nick,
398
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,200
who says he's been in
an abusive relationship.
399
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,440
[audience claps and cheers]
400
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,480
Nick, welcome to the Jeremy Kyle Show.
401
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,120
-Thanks Jeremy, I'm--
-Shut it.
402
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:03,600
First of all, let me go down on one knee
403
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,760
to pretend that I care about you
404
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,360
and your stupid, messed-up life.
405
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:07,760
Sympathetic voice.
406
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:10,840
Nick, you've been in an abusive
relationship, am I right?
407
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,840
Yes, Jeremy, he promised me so much,
408
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,160
and then, let me down.
409
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,560
How long have you been together?
410
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,200
Hmm, it's nearly five years now.
411
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,400
It started so well.
412
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,680
He said all the right things,
413
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:20,560
but as soon as we got together.
414
00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:23,160
Yada-yada-yada, get to the good bit.
415
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,640
Well, it turns out--
416
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,800
He was screwing someone else?
417
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,440
He was screwing everyone else.
418
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,320
The whole country.
419
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:29,760
And telling me it was my fault.
420
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,600
Well, let's get him out.
421
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,280
David, get yourself out here.
422
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,840
[audience boos]
423
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,400
Oh come on, do I look like George Osborne?
424
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,880
So, David.
425
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,360
Can I call you David,
you privileged prick?
426
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,800
What do you got to say for yourself?
427
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,280
Well, for starters, I haven't
been screwing everybody.
428
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,200
Bankers are considerably better off
429
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,880
than they were when I came to power.
430
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,120
-When we, we came to power.
-Whatever.
431
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,320
It's your own fault, Nick.
432
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,960
You said you'd do anything
to get into bed with me.
433
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,720
Frankly, you were gagging for it.
434
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:57,600
You bastard.
435
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,160
Fight, fight.
436
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,280
[Audience] Fight, fight, fight, fight.
437
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,440
Marquis of Queensbury rules.
438
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,360
He's a cousin, you know.
439
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,320
-[punches]
-[groans]
440
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:06,600
We'll be back after the divorce
441
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,440
to find out who gets custody of the UK.
442
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,320
Hopefully neither of them.
443
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,600
Kick him in the nuts.
444
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:13,440
-[kicks]
-[groans]
445
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:14,760
Wha-hey, get in.
446
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,560
[[electronic music] ]
447
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,920
Choosing who to vote for
448
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,440
is just like my task on The Apprentice,
449
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,760
to work out which of the huge plonkers
450
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,640
is the least huge plonker.
451
00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,880
And then, don't do what I always do
452
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,920
and choose the wrong bloody one.
453
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,520
[Announcer] This week,
things are getting messy
454
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,280
on Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents.
455
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,280
It's Yusuf's first trip abroad without us,
456
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,040
so I hope he's gonna behave himself.
457
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,000
[Announcer] Yusuf's off to Syria.
458
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:42,840
Syria?
459
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,920
[Announcer] But what Yusuf doesn't know
460
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,960
is his parents will be
spying on his every move.
461
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:48,840
I can't believe what he's getting up to.
462
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,000
-[guns fire]
-[explosions]
463
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,040
[Announcer] What will he
have to say for himself?
464
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,760
-Yusuf.
-Dad, Mum, oh my god.
465
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,760
What are you doing here?
466
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,680
More to the point, what
are you doing here?
467
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,640
Oh, this is, like, so embarrassing.
468
00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,440
You're telling us.
469
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,080
You said you were just
going on a gap year.
470
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,200
It's not my fault.
471
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,200
Ah, MI5 made me do it.
472
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,160
When you get home, you're
in serious trouble.
473
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,000
[groans]
474
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:07,800
[Announcer] That's all coming up
475
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:11,280
on Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents Syria.
476
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,120
Still, at least he's not in Magaluf.
477
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,200
[cheesy show music]
478
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,920
[Announcer] Will you
please welcome to the stage
479
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,040
Britain's biggest joker, Nigel Farage.
480
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,160
[audience claps]
481
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,160
Settle down, settle down.
482
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,520
Right, here's one.
483
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:23,360
Doctor, doctor, I feel
like a pair of curtains.
484
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,200
Sounds like AIDS to me.
485
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,320
Go back to where you came from.
486
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,160
[audience laughs]
487
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,320
Not racist, not racist at all.
488
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,440
Just plain old patriotic
foreigner bashing.
489
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,840
We got any bankers in tonight?
490
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,680
[Heckler] Yeah, you, you were a banker.
491
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,360
All right, we won't do that one.
492
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:37,920
Why did the chicken cross the road?
493
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,360
Because it was sticking two fingers up
494
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,120
at the bonkers EU health and safety laws.
495
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:41,960
[audience laughs]
496
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:42,800
Waste of money, the EU.
497
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,320
[Heckler] Yeah, they waste it paying you.
498
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,120
[audience laughs]
499
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,680
Very funny, mate, somebody kick him out.
500
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,600
Of the country.
501
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:48,560
[audience laughs]
502
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,400
Knock, knock.
503
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:50,200
[Audience] Who's there?
504
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,080
Doesn't matter, you can't
come in, Britain's full.
505
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,200
[Heckler] Isn't your wife an immigrant?.
506
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,480
Yes, but to be fair,
507
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,960
she's doing a job that no British
person was prepared to do.
508
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,280
[audience laughs]
509
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,360
Here's one.
510
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,880
How many Romanian electricians
511
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,360
does it take to change a light bulb?
512
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:04,000
Who cares, I'd rather pay over the odds
513
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:04,960
and get a Brit to do it.
514
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:05,920
[electricity crackles]
515
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,440
That's it, Frank, you're fired.
516
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,560
Quick, someone, phone Bogdan.
517
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,520
[Announcer] Yes, it's Top of the Popes,
518
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,520
the album you've been waiting for.
519
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,200
All your favorite hits.
520
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,800
Hey guys, it's me, Pope Francis RC,
521
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:18,800
call me Frank.
522
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,440
I'm not like those other
Popes, those squares.
523
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,680
Yes, modern hymns for modern times,
524
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,280
because God loves everyone.
525
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,520
Well, there are limits.
526
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,200
Some things are not cool.
527
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,320
♪ Box, box, wherever you may be ♪
528
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,160
♪ Curse my mother ♪
529
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:57,400
♪ Get a punch from me ♪
530
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,280
-[punches]
-Ow, ow, ooh.
531
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,560
Shakin' up the Catholic
Church with my funky beats.
532
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,400
[groans] Are people buying this stuff?
533
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:05,520
Is the Pope a Catholic?
534
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,120
To be honest, I'm beginning to wonder.
535
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,560
[Announcer] Top of the Popes, price 10.99.
536
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,880
Or just download it illegally.
537
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,080
I'm sure God will forgive you.
538
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,520
Okay, before we start,
539
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,680
I'm really pleased to
say we have a new person
540
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,400
joining our Anger Management Group.
541
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,280
[door slams open]
542
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,960
Where the hell is a man meant to park?
543
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,320
Four empty disabled spaces
544
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,720
and not a single spot for a normal person.
545
00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,440
Welcome to the group, Jeremy.
546
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,880
Oh, don't tell me, you're a lesbian.
547
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:37,400
What's the matter, have they
run out of jobs at the BBC?
548
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,400
I'm sensing a lot of anger here.
549
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,320
Earth to Planet Lesbo.
550
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,920
I'm as angry as a Top Gear presenter
551
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,400
who's been sacked for punching someone.
552
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,080
Let's focus on the positive.
553
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,440
The police aren't charging you,
554
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:50,760
and you're still doing your tour.
555
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,200
I have been mildly inconvenienced.
556
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,360
Okay, what we do in these situations
557
00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,000
is hold Peter the Anger Panda.
558
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:00,840
What?
559
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,760
I'll give you Anger Panda.
560
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,720
[grunts]
561
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:05,920
[rips]
562
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,840
And before anyone says anything,
563
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,160
it already had a black eye.
564
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:10,960
[whimpers]
565
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,840
Actually, you know what, I do feel better.
566
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:15,680
You've had a breakthrough, Jeremy.
567
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,280
Here, have a biscuit.
568
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,280
These biscuits are cold.
569
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,360
-[roars]
-[slams]
570
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:22,200
-[thuds]
-[glass smashes]
571
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,160
[grunts]
572
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:24,640
Who would I like to give it to?
573
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,840
Ooh, which one am I behind?
574
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,240
[giggles]
575
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:30,920
You won't catch me putting
anything in anyone's box.
576
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,240
Oh, what am I like?
577
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:34,720
There you go, Mr Hamilton,
578
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,520
I finished faster than you did
in that Chinese Grand Prix.
579
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:38,880
Thanks, lovely job.
580
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,680
Now, would you like some
product in your hair?
581
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,840
Yes, please.
582
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,640
-[cork pops]
-[champagne squirts]
583
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,760
[Barber] How's that?
584
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:47,920
Perfect.
585
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:51,240
[upbeat pop-rock music]
586
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,280
[grunts]
587
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,200
Right, Ed, time to get motivated.
588
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,880
Are you ready for tomorrow's debate?
589
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,000
Hell, yeah.
590
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,440
Take that, Natalie Thingy.
591
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,280
[punches]
592
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,600
Take that, nice Welsh lady.
593
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:04,440
[punches]
594
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,320
The great thing is,
595
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,080
all the heavyweights are out of this one.
596
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,040
-Apart from me.
-Er, of course.
597
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:12,520
So, if Farage says foreigners
with HIV should sod off,
598
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:13,560
what are you going to say?
599
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,360
That's a bad thing.
600
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,880
Yes, and say it straight away this time.
601
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:19,800
Don't just tweet it two hours later.
602
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:20,640
Hell, yeah.
603
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:21,960
And when you've got them on the ropes,
604
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,840
hit them with our Non-Dom policy.
605
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:24,880
But, Ed Balls,
606
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,840
didn't you say abolishing non-dom status
607
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,040
would probably end up
costing Britain money?
608
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,160
I did, I did, but independent
experts have now said
609
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,760
our policy will save money.
610
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,560
Anyways, stop making good points.
611
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:37,440
Who do you think you are?
612
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,560
Nicola Sturgeon?
613
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:39,400
Sorry, Ed Balls.
614
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:40,720
So are you ready, Ed?
615
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,760
Hell, yeah, I'm a happy warrior.
616
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:43,600
Yeah.
617
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,440
Sting like a butterfly, float like a bee.
618
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,280
[punches]
619
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,000
-[thuds]
-[groans]
620
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:48,960
At least I tried.
621
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,560
-[woman grunts]
-[bed squeaks]
622
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,320
Just our luck to get a room
next to Maria Sharapova.
623
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,840
Is she having sex or
practicing her tennis?
624
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,920
I guess we'll never know.
625
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,640
[Man] Oh, I say, that was incredible.
626
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,080
Still don't know.
627
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,280
[woman grunts]
628
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,360
[dreamy piano music]
629
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,320
[hip-hop music]
630
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,200
♪ People think I'm mean
because I didn't pay much tax ♪
631
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,640
♪ But check this, my
thermostat's set to max ♪
632
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,800
♪ I got so much money I
don't need to borrow ♪
633
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,360
♪ Splashing me cash like
there's no tomorrow ♪
634
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:26,080
♪ If I go into Sainsbury's,
I wreck the joint ♪
635
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,920
♪ Fill up my trolley,
rack up Nectar points ♪
636
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,800
♪ Snapping up bog rolls, two-for-one ♪
637
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,200
♪ Eyeing up the bitch
with the discount gun ♪
638
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,760
♪ I got money in the bank ♪
639
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,160
♪ Money in the bank ♪
640
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,560
♪ He's got more sugar than me ♪
641
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,280
♪ I got money in the bank ♪
642
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,920
♪ Money in the bank ♪
643
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,320
♪ Been on a Pound Shop spending spree ♪
644
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,360
♪ They called me the fat one ♪
645
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:47,720
♪ Said my songs were cack ♪
646
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,520
♪ Now who's rolling into Argos
like it don't mean jack ♪
647
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,720
♪ New hoover, new kettle ♪
648
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:53,200
♪ Stick it on me card ♪
649
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,920
♪ 'Cause my name's G-Low,
the tax-avoiding bard ♪
650
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,440
♪ I got reddies, sucker ♪
651
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,720
♪ I'm mad for the loot ♪
652
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,720
♪ Rolling up like a pimp
to the nearest car boot ♪
653
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,720
♪ Player, step back ♪
654
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,080
♪ I got his place on lock ♪
655
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,400
♪ I bought some dead man's
trousers and a cuckoo clock ♪
656
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,560
Ooh, someone's left a Rolo in here.
657
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,440
♪ I got money in the bank ♪
658
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,520
♪ Money in the bank ♪
659
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:14,960
♪ He's got more dough than me ♪
660
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:16,720
♪ I got money in the bank ♪
661
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,440
♪ Money in the bank ♪
662
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,880
♪ I buy one, I get one free ♪
663
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,200
♪ Out on the town, dressed to impress ♪
664
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,000
♪ Got a regular table at Pizza Express ♪
665
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,640
♪ Got more greens than the Queen ♪
666
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:28,960
♪ More cash than Cowell ♪
667
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,040
♪ Might open this gardening
catalog and order a trowel ♪
668
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,200
Ooh, not at those prices.
669
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,440
♪ I'm the queen, I'm the vamp ♪
670
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,880
♪ I'm the bitch on all the stamps ♪
671
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,760
♪ With a crown so heavy
that my neck's got cramp ♪
672
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,320
♪ The femme that put HM in HMRC ♪
673
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,240
♪ Still can't get this tax-shy
bugger to give back his OBE ♪
674
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,720
♪ Oh, please, your Maj ♪
675
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,360
♪ Don't take my gong ♪
676
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,080
♪ To pay off this tax ♪
677
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:56,400
♪ I'll write another song ♪
678
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,880
♪ Not another song, don't be a twat ♪
679
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,120
♪ I'll pay it for you ♪
680
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,560
♪ Here, take that ♪
681
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,880
Hey, cash in hand, classic.
682
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:07,280
[upbeat pop-rock music]
46909
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