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1
00:00:05,138 --> 00:00:06,406
(Fran, on tape)Quiet, everyone.
2
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:11,111
It's time for my Bar Mitzvahboy Josh to make his speech.
3
00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:14,615
(Josh, on tape) Today
is a (clears throat) is a
very special‐‐(static)
4
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,383
ANNOUNCER: We're converting
a 19th‐century barn
5
00:00:17,383 --> 00:00:22,055
into a modern office
on American Restoration.
6
00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,490
Dude, this
is a really good one.
7
00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,728
You taped over
my Bar Mitzvah?
8
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,429
Joshua, not to worry.
9
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,631
When I moved in
with your mom,
10
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,766
I put all
the family vids on dvd,
11
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:36,069
and then I built
a custom shelf.
12
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:40,073
Well, I guess that makes
sleeping with my mom ok.
13
00:00:40,406 --> 00:00:43,276
Sorry. Still adjusting.
14
00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,210
Hi.
15
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,178
Allison.
16
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:46,246
Just a thought.
17
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,682
Little too short
to be seen
in public.
18
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,716
Josh...
19
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,553
Right back at ya.
20
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,756
You know,
things have changed
since you've been gone.
21
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,792
I kinda do what I want
around here, so back off.
22
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:03,296
Ok, everyone,
I'm makin' dinner tonight.
23
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,398
Who's stayin' home to eat?
24
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,702
We'll order one more
fried rice, please.
25
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:13,473
Excuse me, but did you know
that your daughter
is wearing a thong?
26
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,609
So? So am I.
27
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,811
Riley, you want
to weigh in here?
28
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,179
Boxers.
29
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,681
(car horn honks)
That's Kurt.
30
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,248
Oh, honey,
wait a minute.
31
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,383
This is
a new relationship.
32
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,485
Make him wait
2, 3 minutes at least.
33
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:28,421
Babe, you didn't do that
when we were dating,
did you?
34
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:29,590
No. Ho ho ho.
35
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,592
(whispers) 5.
36
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:32,258
(honk honk)
37
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,394
So, this guy's
not coming in?
38
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,261
No!
No!
39
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,330
Nobody does that
anymore.
40
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,600
We should meet
Allison's date,
don't you think, Riley?
41
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,768
Josh,
in a no‐fly zone,
buddy.
42
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,069
Ali's in
your mom's airspace.
43
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:47,541
Oh, sweetie,
I love it when you
get all Top Gun on me.
44
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,842
(honk)
45
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,377
What's he got
to catch, a plane?
46
00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:53,446
That's Kurt
47
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:55,248
in the Escalade
with the tinted windows?
48
00:01:55,248 --> 00:02:00,654
That's like a motel room
with... tinted windows.
49
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:01,855
Come on in!
50
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,824
Allison wants us
to meet you.
51
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:04,691
Josh!
Josh!
52
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,527
What? He's comin' in.
53
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,460
Damn.
54
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,429
Allison, language.
55
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,430
Crap.
56
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,565
Ahem!
57
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,566
What?
58
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,401
Crap's ok.
59
00:02:15,401 --> 00:02:18,438
Oh, yeah, crap's ok.
Crap's ok.
60
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:19,405
Hi.
61
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:21,474
Oh, hi.
How are you, Kurt?
62
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,544
Hi, Mrs. Reeves.
Mr. Reeves.
63
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,846
Uh, that's
not Mr. Reeves.
64
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:29,482
That's... something new.
65
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,253
And I'm Allison's
older brother Josh.
66
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:35,355
Let's go, Kurt.
67
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,392
Good‐bye, guys!
68
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:41,562
Have fun
and be safe
69
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,731
in your Escalade.
(chuckles)
70
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:48,902
You know, the backseats
on those fold down
completely flat.
71
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,036
Oh, stop it, Josh.
72
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:52,973
Mom, guys who
drive cars like that
are called players,
73
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,875
and they're
only interested
in one thing.
74
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:57,844
Actually, Josh,
it's "playahs."
75
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:58,812
It's street.
76
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,214
Oh, ok. Well, I don't care
what you call them.
77
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,550
Did you see how handsy
Allison was with that guy?
78
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,852
She was all
down in his pocket.
79
00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:08,922
And you're all up
in my grill.
80
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:11,491
That's street, too.
81
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,394
Look, Mom,
now that I'm home,
82
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,762
I think I can help out
with Allison.
83
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,832
I'm her older brother,
and I should have
a little say.
84
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,235
And you can
have a little say.
When?
85
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:25,506
When you push a baby
through your vagina.
86
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,277
♪ And I ♪
87
00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:33,479
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
88
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:36,650
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
89
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,485
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
90
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,421
♪ And life ♪
91
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:43,489
♪ Gets better every day ♪
92
00:03:43,489 --> 00:03:46,560
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
93
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,294
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
94
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:52,533
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
95
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,974
Do you know what time
Allison came home last night?
96
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:01,742
I don't need to.
97
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,910
Do you know
if she even came home?
98
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,312
Of course, she came home.
Don't be ridiculous.
99
00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:09,583
Allison, breakfast!
100
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,758
ALLISON: Not hungry!
101
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,293
Oh, thank god.
102
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:21,928
You see?
103
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,997
What happened to the mom
who didn't trust a teenager?
104
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,867
You used to search my room
once a week.
105
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:30,537
Well, I had to.
You kept "borrowing"
my lingerie catalogues.
106
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,507
Great toast.
107
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:34,608
Butter...
108
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,710
Who would have
thought of it?
109
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,683
He pays rent.
110
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,385
Good morning.
111
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:48,321
Good morning.
112
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:57,463
Go ahead. I like
a little soft porn
with my Lucky Charms.
113
00:04:57,463 --> 00:05:00,366
Ok, I'm off
to my appointment.
114
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,635
♪ Love you ♪
115
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,938
Love you, too.
Love you, too.
116
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:10,043
Look, Riley,
I know we're not
exactly best buds...
117
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,545
Yet.
118
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,114
Yes, yet, but...
119
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,650
Um, I need you to have my back
with this Allison thing.
120
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,584
I mean, we both know
121
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,586
mom is way too trusting
with this Kurt guy,
122
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,121
and you know
what guys are like.
123
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,990
I mean, how old were you
when you first did it?
124
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,726
Hmm...14.
125
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,060
Exactly. See, you‐‐
126
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:27,828
14?
127
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,896
I was mowin'
this lady's lawn.
128
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,798
She invited me in
for lemonade.
129
00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:35,035
Heh! Well,
we've all been there.
130
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,403
Why? How old were you?
131
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,973
Right around there,
but the point is
132
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:45,612
that you understand that
Mom's completely blind‐‐14?
133
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:46,947
Look, man‐to‐man,
134
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,916
I agree with you
about Allison, ok?
135
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:50,984
So say something.
136
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,719
You have an obligation.
You're...
137
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:53,787
Family now.
138
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,456
Joshua,
you do accept me.
139
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,660
That means a lot
to me, man.
140
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,667
I'm learning
to accept you,
141
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,068
and this is
for Allison's sake.
142
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,370
Are you...flexing?
143
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,739
No.
144
00:06:12,739 --> 00:06:14,808
So, when do we
talk to her?
145
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:15,842
Look,
I may agree with you,
146
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:19,045
but I have to respect
your mom's judgment on this.
147
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:21,915
(chortles)
148
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,817
Ftippp!
149
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:26,520
Ftippp!
150
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,187
Ftippp!
151
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,489
What are you doing?
152
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,157
It's a whip. (chuckles)
153
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:35,028
Because my mom's
got you whipped...
Like a sissy.
154
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,864
You're hitting another man
with a tiny, invisible whip.
155
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,603
And I'm the sissy.
156
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:50,076
ANNOUNCER: Today at 4:00‐‐
teen pregnancy on the rise.
157
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,878
WOMAN: I just thought
I could be her friend
158
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:54,080
and her mother,
Dr. Tom.
159
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,149
DR.TOM: Well,
there's a word
for moms like you:
160
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,751
Grandma!
161
00:06:58,519 --> 00:06:59,385
Oh, my god!
162
00:06:59,385 --> 00:07:01,988
You were
so totally right
about Rachel.
163
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:04,057
Her nose is
completely
different.
164
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,126
I was standing
next to her
in the bathroom.
165
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:09,596
She was putting on
her lip‐‐
166
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:12,533
What?
167
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:15,068
Uh, Allison, come
sit down here a minute.
168
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,770
I want to talk to you.
169
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,040
Heh...ahem.
170
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:23,476
You see, honey,
it's like this‐‐
171
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,812
Is this a sex talk?
172
00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,114
Well, how could you
possibly know that?
173
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:31,652
You're eating
a scented candle.
174
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,886
Oh.
175
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:33,720
Eh‐heh.
176
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,557
Mom, we had the sex talk
when I was 12.
177
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,625
Yeah, that was
the "how and what."
178
00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,894
This is
the "who and when."
179
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,096
Sweetie,
you're my daughter,
180
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,498
but you're
also my friend.
181
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:46,700
You're
like my best friend,
182
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:50,504
but you're
also like my daughter.
183
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,238
I am your daughter.
184
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,708
So you see my problem.
185
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,810
Mom, let me
make this easy for you.
186
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,612
I'm not having sex.
187
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:01,281
Oh, I wasn't even
thinking about that.
188
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:06,520
Mom, I'd never do
anything big like that
without telling you.
189
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,790
Did you say "telling"
or "asking?"
190
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,891
"Telling."
191
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,860
Did you say "before"
or "after"?
Mom!
192
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,296
Ok. Ok, ok.
193
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:18,599
So, Courtney
got a nose job.
194
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:19,533
Rachel.
195
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,968
Oh, who cares?
My daughter's still a virgin.
196
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:27,708
Josh!
197
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,943
Jeez, Mom, you scared
the hell out of me.
198
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,278
Well, good.
What are you doing
in Allison's bedroom?
199
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:35,281
I'm just adding
some web sites
to her favorites list
200
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,817
as a helpful reminder.
201
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:37,784
Mm‐hmm.
202
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:40,186
"Abstinence made easy.
203
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,189
Pregnantattheprom.com"
204
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,726
And, look,
an STD screen saver
205
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,194
with Harry
the Dancing Herpe.
206
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:53,033
Oh, my god,
he looks like a Mr. Peanut
with that hat and cane.
207
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:56,169
You know, Allison and I
have a great relationship,
Josh.
208
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,871
If she needs to talk to me
about anything,
209
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,139
she knows
she can come to me.
210
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:00,507
I don't know, mom.
I think you're kidding
yourself a little bit.
211
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,077
Things have changed a lot
since back when you
were a teenager.
212
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:08,081
Oh, yeah, we were all
so busy cheering on
the Wright Brothers.
213
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,250
Now, would you
get outta here?
214
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,017
All right, all right.
215
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:13,754
Let me just
get out of this‐‐
216
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,188
huh.
217
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,322
What?
218
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,758
What is it?
219
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,226
No! I don't want know!
220
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:23,263
A lot of e‐mails
from Kurt.
221
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,799
I'm not listening.
Now, go.
222
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,233
All right.
223
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,870
Yeah. Well...
224
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,237
Yenta.
225
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:35,075
(computer)
You've got mail.
226
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:42,115
No. I shouldn't.
I shouldn't. I shouldn't.
227
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,049
Just...
228
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:46,152
How do you just
turn this thing off here?
229
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,855
Oh, hi, sweetie.
230
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,824
What are you doing, Mom?
231
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,893
I was just trying to
shut down your computer.
232
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:53,794
Uh‐huh.
233
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:54,895
What?
You don't believe me?
234
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,197
No.
235
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,298
Oh, come on.
236
00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,332
You think
that I'm interested
237
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:03,236
in reading your e‐mails
from Kurt?
238
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:04,270
Yes!
239
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,273
Allie! Allison!
240
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,742
(computer)
You've got mail.
241
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,244
Oh, stuff it!
242
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:18,151
Allison, please!
You have to believe me!
243
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:20,286
Or at least talk to me!
244
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:24,024
Why, so you can
smell my breath?
245
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,391
(exhales)
246
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:28,094
No! I told you,
it was Josh.
247
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:31,364
I was shutting down
your computer.
248
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,066
Oh, come on!
249
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:36,402
Hey, it's
Saturday night.
250
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,337
The mall's open late.
251
00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:43,644
You wanna go buy things
with me at the mall?
252
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,278
No, thank you.
253
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,013
Oh, Allison.
254
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,315
Say you believe me.
255
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,184
Fine. I believe you.
256
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,419
I don't believe you.
257
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,990
(knock on door)
258
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,694
Hi.
Oh, it's Kurt!
259
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:04,831
Yeah. I invited him
over if that's ok.
260
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,700
Hey, Ms. Reeves.
Hi.
261
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,769
We're gonna
go do homework
upstairs.
262
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:11,104
That is
if you're done
tossing my cell.
263
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:15,909
Oh, my Allie
is such a little kidder.
264
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,311
Say, did she ever
tell you about the time
she went to camp‐‐
265
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,412
(door shuts)
Fine.
266
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,249
We don't need to hear
the end of that story,
I guess.
267
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,988
Babe, don't worry
about Allison.
268
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,189
You need to just relax.
269
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,726
(mumbling indistinctly)
270
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:39,332
I know, I know.
You told me.
271
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,402
Don't you think
you're making too big
a deal out of this?
272
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,506
Sweetie, you don't understand
about teenage girls.
273
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:47,741
I mean, if they turn off
to you at 15,
274
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,844
you're never gonna hear
from them again
until they're 25,
275
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:54,447
unless of course
they need to borrow money.
276
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,784
Franny,
you need to calm down.
277
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,485
(groans)
I think I can help you.
278
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:02,455
Oh, I just have
so much on my mind.
279
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,459
Oh, that feels
delicious.
280
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,895
JOSH (knocking):
Mom, it's me.
281
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,364
Of course it is.
282
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,933
Are you decent?
283
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,769
FRAN: Unfortunately.
284
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:17,437
So, I just talked
to Alli‐‐
285
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,072
Ooh. Ooh. Uh,
286
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,306
what are you‐‐
what are you doing?
287
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:23,009
We're in bed, Josh.
288
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,110
Oh. Right.
289
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:27,313
Uh, guess I'm gonna
have to get used
to seeing this.
290
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,750
No, you don't.
291
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,219
'Cause hopefully
you're not gonna be
coming in here that often.
292
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,254
What's up?
293
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,288
Look, I can't sleep.
294
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,389
Allison's room
is across the hall
from mine,
295
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,292
and she's in there
listening to loud music
with Kurt.
296
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,896
You know, the boy
with the 4‐wheel drive
motel room?
297
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,231
Did you know Kurt
was in her room?
298
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,132
Yes, I did.
299
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:49,335
Did you know
that the door
was closed?
300
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:50,504
Yes, I did.
301
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,205
All the way closed?
302
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:55,008
All the way.
303
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,880
Sleep well...
304
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,515
Riley.
305
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:05,085
What did he mean
by that?
306
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:07,954
He wanted me
to sleep well.
307
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,255
Well, anyway,
where were we?
308
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:14,795
Oh, yeah. You had your lips
right on my neck.
309
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,130
Mmm...
Mmm.
310
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,800
Ohh!
311
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,267
What's the matter?
312
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:22,969
Why'd you stop?
313
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,471
Oh, is it my turn
already?
314
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,845
Look, babe,
your daughter
is 15 years old.
315
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,980
She has a boy
in her bedroom
with the door closed.
316
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:38,351
They could be
doing something dicey.
317
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,553
Well, sweetie,
I know my daughter.
318
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:41,221
I mean,
I have to trust her.
319
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,591
Come on, babe,
you never lied to
your parents about sex?
320
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,860
Are you kidding?
I still do.
321
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,428
So you see where
I'm coming from.
322
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,563
Yeah, but my mother
would believe anything.
323
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:52,866
I mean, one time
I came home from a date
without a bra,
324
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:57,504
and I told her
that I used it
to put out 2 tiny fires.
325
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,539
She bought that?
326
00:13:58,539 --> 00:14:02,643
She hugged me and said,
"Thank God you're alive."
327
00:14:02,643 --> 00:14:04,377
Yeah, you know,
I could get away with murder
328
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:09,950
because she trusted me
so complete...ly.
329
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,018
Mmm.
330
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:12,919
You know, Riley,
331
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,355
I'm in the mood
for kugel.
332
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,090
You want some kugel?
333
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,358
Mmm, kugel.
334
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,661
Is that
that thing we did
in the hot tub?
335
00:14:20,661 --> 00:14:24,364
It's a casserole,
but hold that thought.
336
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,634
We'll kugel
in the hot tub later.
337
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:41,314
(whispers)
Oh, shut up!
338
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:45,686
The thing is, why is there
no talking in there now?
339
00:14:45,686 --> 00:14:47,453
(ripping)
340
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,289
That sounded
like a zipper.
341
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:53,259
No. Maybe it was velcro,
like for a book bag.
342
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,361
Or velcro pants.
343
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,464
Who wears
velcro pants?
344
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,535
Playahs.
345
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,369
That's enough!
346
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:05,138
Now, go to your bed.
(chuckles)
347
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,339
Mom, I'm 21 years old.
348
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:09,175
You can't
tell me to‐‐
Go!
349
00:15:18,652 --> 00:15:20,020
Psst!
350
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:23,624
They're not answering
because they're putting
their clothes back on.
351
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,992
Now, cut that out!
352
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,427
Aha!
353
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,996
Boy, they
got dressed fast.
354
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:30,997
Mom, what
are you doing?
355
00:15:30,997 --> 00:15:35,368
I was worried
that you were
studying too hard?
356
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:37,971
Right. So that's why
you burst into my room?
357
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:42,075
Oh, "burst" is
such a strong word,
really.
358
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:43,510
Maybe I
should go now.
359
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:46,346
I don't blame you.
I'll walk you out.
360
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,616
And, mom, you can send
your little monkey
361
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:51,585
to keep an eye on me
if you want.
362
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:53,486
Hey!
363
00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:56,590
You want me to?
364
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,463
A week ago, I was
my daughter's best friend.
365
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:07,133
Now she likes me about
as much as she likes you.
366
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,436
They really do
make velcro pants.
367
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,739
You know,
when she's done saying
goodnight to Kurt,
368
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,440
I am going to sit
that girl down
369
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,777
and have a serious talk
with her.
370
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:18,779
Not gonna happen,
Ms. R.
371
00:16:18,779 --> 00:16:19,780
Why is that, Duane?
372
00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,381
She drove off
in the Escalade
373
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,383
with the really
tinted windows.
374
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:25,385
Oh, my god!
375
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,420
No. She looked happy.
376
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,524
Do you know
what a young girl might do
377
00:16:30,524 --> 00:16:31,558
to spite her mother?
378
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:34,728
Of course you do.
You need guys to do it with!
379
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:36,362
Babe, I'm gonna
get my keys.
380
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:38,131
We're gonna go after them,
and we're gonna find them.
381
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,635
Oh, great. Why don't
we just all load
into the Scooby van
382
00:16:41,635 --> 00:16:42,435
and chase after her?
383
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,606
I'm sure she'd
be thrilled with that.
384
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,708
What do you
want me to do, Mom?
385
00:16:47,708 --> 00:16:52,045
Do you really
want me to tell you?
386
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,113
DUANE: Wait.
387
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:56,316
You guys
got a Scooby van?
388
00:16:58,752 --> 00:17:00,286
♪ No attorneys ♪
389
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:02,422
♪ To plead my case ♪
390
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,323
♪ No orbits ♪
391
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,092
♪ To send meinto outer space ♪
392
00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:07,561
♪ And my fingers ♪
393
00:17:07,561 --> 00:17:09,162
♪ Are bejeweled ♪
394
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,496
♪ With diamonds and gold ♪
395
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,766
♪ But that ain't
gonna help me now ♪
396
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,400
♪ I'm in trouble ♪
397
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,102
♪ Yeah, trouble, y'all ♪
398
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,838
♪ I got trouble
in my town ♪
399
00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:19,740
♪ I'm in trouble ♪
400
00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:21,374
♪ Yeah, trouble, now ♪
401
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,743
♪ I'm in trouble, y'all ♪
402
00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:25,178
♪ I got trouble
in my town ♪
403
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,481
♪ Yeah, trouble ♪
404
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,657
Mom!
I'm awake!
405
00:17:36,657 --> 00:17:38,491
Want something
to eat?
406
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:41,127
Uh, I'm good.
407
00:17:41,127 --> 00:17:42,563
I'm good.
408
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:44,430
Uh, sweetie,
409
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,233
I just want you
to know that whatever
happened tonight,
410
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,135
you can talk to me
about it,
411
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:50,804
and I'm not
gonna be upset.
412
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,372
I won't be angry.
413
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,208
I'm not gonna
get hysterical.
414
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,309
Ok.
415
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:59,513
Kurt and I...
No more! I can't take it!
416
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:02,583
Went to a movie.
417
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:04,751
That's it?
418
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,752
No sex?
419
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,888
No. Are you kidding?
420
00:18:07,888 --> 00:18:10,356
Who'd be so stupid
they'd lose
their virginity
421
00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:12,392
just 'cause they're mad
at their mom?
422
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:15,829
Well, I wasn't just mad.
423
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,431
I was a little drunk, too.
424
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,500
Oh, sweetie,
I gotta admit,
425
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,204
I didn't trust you,
and I'm so sorry.
426
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,608
Mom.
It's just
that you're so good.
427
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,876
You don't deserve that.
428
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,545
Mom.
No, really, sweetie.
429
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:34,147
You're the best daughter
any mother could hope for.
430
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:36,617
I used to lie
to my mother constantly.
431
00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:40,153
I feel so guilty,
so horrible!
432
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,287
Mom!
What?
433
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,389
Last summer
when I went away for
that weekend with Kim,
434
00:18:43,389 --> 00:18:44,357
it wasn't
with her parents.
435
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,159
It was with her sisters
and their boyfriends,
436
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,494
and I had beer.
(gasps)
437
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:52,232
You did that to me?
438
00:18:52,398 --> 00:18:54,434
Yeah.
I totally snowed you
439
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,903
and lied my ass off
about it.
440
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:02,909
So I was right
not to trust you.
441
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,444
Oh, thank you!
442
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,912
Thank you!
443
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:06,847
And if it makes
you feel any better,
444
00:19:06,847 --> 00:19:09,616
that time
that I said
I was volunteering‐‐
445
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:12,919
uh, know when to leave
the fair, sweetie.
446
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:14,588
Right.
447
00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:16,890
Oh, good, she's home.
448
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:17,891
Now we can all talk.
449
00:19:17,891 --> 00:19:20,661
It's ok, Josh.
I'm handling it.
450
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:22,896
Well, I think I can help you
handle it a little better.
451
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:23,830
Oh.
452
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,566
All right, then.
(chuckles)
453
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,268
Allison was just
saying that, uh,
454
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,336
she was thinking
about doing it,
455
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:34,508
and she had questions
about, oh, positions,
456
00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:37,644
personal hygiene, uh,
457
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:39,913
is it gonna be painful...
458
00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:41,481
And about condoms.
459
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,851
Is ribbed really
for my pleasure?
460
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,324
Know what? Gonna let
Mom field this one,
461
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,627
but any time you need me
for anything at all,
462
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,762
ok, you just call me.
463
00:19:56,730 --> 00:19:59,633
Nice one, but...
464
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:02,235
How do you know
about ribbed condoms?
465
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:03,904
I saw a box.
466
00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:08,308
You know what?
You stay out of my room,
467
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:10,577
and I'll
stay out of yours.
468
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,786
You know, you were
pretty sexy tonight
469
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,488
when you were
being all parental.
470
00:20:22,488 --> 00:20:23,657
Oh, really?
471
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:24,490
Mmm...
472
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:27,661
There's nothing sexier
to a single mom
473
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:33,333
than when her dude decides
to lay down some rules
for the kids.
474
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,535
Oh, really?
475
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:35,769
Mmm...
476
00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:36,937
JOSH (knocking):
Hey, Mom,
477
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,004
I was wondering
if I could‐‐
478
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,040
Nope!
Go to bed, Joshua!
479
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,943
We'll talk
in the morning!
480
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:45,478
How was that?
481
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,714
Hit the lights,
and I'll show ya.
482
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,687
♪♪♪
483
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,421
Captioned by the National
Captioning Institute
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