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1
00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:05,071
Oh, Joshie,
look at you here!
2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,307
You're only two weeks old.
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:08,675
Why is he
wearing a helmet?
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:12,613
Oh, because you know,
he was born with a conehead.
5
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:16,449
The doctor said
that it would pop
back out, but it didn't,
6
00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,719
so he had to wear
a helmet to reshape it.
7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,821
That's because you
let them use suction.
8
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,556
That's because you were
like a groundhog.
9
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:26,727
You popped your head
out, saw your shadow,
and popped back in.
10
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,830
It was either suction
or six more weeks
of pregnancy.
11
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,565
I don't think so.
12
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,567
Why didn't wait
for them to take
the thing off
13
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,701
before you took
the picture?
14
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:39,139
Because you were
my little adorable
Evel Kneivel.
15
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:42,743
If I didn't
take the picture,
I wouldn't remember.
16
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:44,778
Yes, exactly.
17
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,413
I hope you guys
are hungry.
18
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:50,416
I got the meat‐lover,
animal‐hater pizza.
19
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:51,652
Hi, honey.
20
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,454
Un‐uh‐uh! Mom, we agreed
if you guys are gonna
live together,
21
00:00:54,487 --> 00:00:56,590
no kissing
in the common areas.
22
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,424
Well, was that
before or after
23
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,360
I agreed to let you
move back here
24
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:03,096
without paying rent?
25
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,867
You know, "shut up"
would've been shorter.
26
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,869
Hey, family pictures.
27
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,604
Who's the fat girl
in the helmet?
28
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,273
You know what?
Turn the page.
29
00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,842
So do you guys
want to eat out here
or in the kitchen?
30
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:18,278
Oh, wow! Talk about fat.
Look at mom in this picture.
31
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:21,782
I wasn't fat! I was
pregnant with Allison.
32
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:25,218
Are you drinking
a glass of wine?
33
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,120
Yes. The doctor said
I could have
34
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,421
an occasional
glass of wine
35
00:01:28,454 --> 00:01:29,690
to reduce stress
on the baby.
36
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:33,393
Was it the same doctor
who told you my conehead
would pop back?
37
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:36,129
Ok, kitchen it is.
38
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:39,800
Everyone is so tan
and my skin is so white.
39
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,401
I can put the pizza
in the oven
and heat it up.
40
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,237
Well, that's because
you were covered
in sunscreen, honey.
41
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:48,441
You burnt off
your first layer of skin
the minute we got there.
42
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,611
As long
as the oven's open,
43
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,479
should I stick my head
in it? Show of hands?
44
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,882
There's Dad
in that conga line
45
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,483
singing that stupid song.
You remember?
46
00:01:57,518 --> 00:02:00,654
♪ If you're having fun,
and you don't have a care ♪
47
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,524
♪ Shake your coconuts
in the air ♪
48
00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:05,491
♪ Cancun, Cancun ♪
49
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,261
♪ Under the sun
and under the moon ♪
50
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,296
♪ Cancun, Cancun ♪
51
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:13,333
♪ It's bueno here
in Cancun ♪
52
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:15,736
♪ Cancun, Cancun ♪
53
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:17,337
Mom.
What?
54
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:21,307
This is the reason
the whales never
returned to Cancun.
55
00:02:22,609 --> 00:02:24,878
Very funny. Where's Riley?
56
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:26,780
Oh, I heard him
mention something
57
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,414
about sticking his
head in the oven.
58
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:30,851
I guess this was
the first time
he heard you sing.
59
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:36,557
You know, you're living
here free, too, lady.
60
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,425
What are you doing
in here all alone?
61
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:40,794
Nothing.
I was just hungry.
62
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,796
Besides, you guys
were having
a family moment.
63
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,430
I didn't
want to spoil it.
64
00:02:44,464 --> 00:02:45,431
Oh, what spoil?
65
00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:48,602
You're part of
the family now.
Mwah mwah mwah!
66
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:49,803
Frannie, it's ok.
67
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,672
You know, we've only
been living together
six months.
68
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,707
I don't expect to be
part of everything.
69
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,976
To Allison, I'm still
sort of the new guy.
70
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,980
To Josh, I'm Conan
the Big Aryan,
71
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,883
and you, you know,
you had a whole life
before me.
72
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:06,620
Oh, trust me. It wasn't
that great before you.
73
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:09,623
You look pretty happy
in those pictures.
74
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,725
Well, that was just
because you didn't see
75
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,460
what happened before
and after the flash.
76
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:17,864
"Don't lie to me! I saw
those panties in your‐‐
77
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:21,434
Cheese! Garment bag!"
78
00:03:21,467 --> 00:03:23,870
I'm gonna go recalibrate
my miter saw.
79
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,406
Oh, you're upset.
80
00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:27,541
I am not.
81
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:28,909
No, you're
hiding it good,
82
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,877
but I know whenever
you get upset,
83
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,614
you start
to caliber your saw.
84
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,615
That is so not true.
85
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:38,418
Oh, yes, it is. It's like
when I get all upset,
86
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:40,486
and I donate
all my shoes to Goodwill
87
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:44,257
and then rush down
to buy 'em all back.
88
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:47,928
Oh, Josh, Riley's working
with his miter saw.
89
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:49,863
You know what
that means, don't you?
90
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,698
Yeah. He's not jewish.
91
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,870
♪ And I ♪
92
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:59,305
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
93
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,908
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
94
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,978
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
95
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,813
♪ And life ♪
96
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,315
♪ Gets better every day ♪
97
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,885
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
98
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,419
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
99
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:18,024
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
100
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,867
Riley is really
upset out there.
101
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:29,503
He doesn't feel like
he's part of our family.
102
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,939
Well, that's
because he's not‐‐
103
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,343
Which is why I think
that we should all
104
00:04:37,377 --> 00:04:40,814
include him more
in our daily lives. Got it?
105
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:41,748
Thank you.
106
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,916
Sure, Mom.
Maybe Riley and I
107
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,350
could go down
to the fishing hole
108
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,853
and catch
a mess of trout.
109
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:47,988
Then he can
tousle my hair.
110
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,490
Yeah, like you'd
ever let anybody
111
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,927
touch your hair
after they touched fish.
112
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,663
All I'm saying is
that you should spend
113
00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:57,898
a little more
time together.
114
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,333
Mom, Riley and I have
nothing in common.
115
00:05:00,366 --> 00:05:01,902
What could we
possibly do together?
116
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,637
Well, in a couple
of years,
117
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,740
he could teach you
how to shave.
118
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,411
"Dear Diary,
119
00:05:11,444 --> 00:05:13,514
Today I made a funny
joke about my brother.
120
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,850
Ii wish I had friends
to share it with.
121
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:19,485
P.S., Still no breasts."
122
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:22,589
Now what about you?
123
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,825
Can you at least
help out a little bit
124
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,392
and make Riley
feel included?
125
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:29,630
I know exactly
how to include Riley.
126
00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,033
Hey, Riley!
Could you drop me off
127
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,568
at the mall tomorrow?
128
00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:36,069
RILEY: Sure.
Thank you.
129
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:40,406
See? I feel
closer already.
130
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:44,477
"Dear Diary,
Today Mom grounded me
131
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,813
for being
such a smartass.
132
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,717
P.S., She gets more
gorgeous every day."
133
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,062
Morning.
134
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,564
I hope
that's the digital.
135
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:07,568
I don't trust that lady
at the one hour photo.
136
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:08,969
Last time I was there,
she was drinking
137
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:11,605
out of a mug
with my ass on it.
138
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,907
Well, I thought that
it would be a good idea
139
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:15,809
for us to start
a new photo album.
140
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:19,079
I was us to have
our own set of memories.
141
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,480
Frannie!
142
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,016
Heh heh heh!
That's for my mug.
143
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:26,920
Now let's take a picture
of just the two of us.
144
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:29,756
Ooh!
145
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,725
Oh, look how good
we look together.
146
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,060
Yeah. And after I futz
with this on the computer,
147
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:37,698
I'll have a rack
like Jessica Simpson.
148
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:41,467
I love that you're starting
our own photo album.
149
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,569
Mmm.
150
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,738
Soon there'll be
pictures of you, me,
151
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,006
Riley Junior‐‐
152
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,442
Ha ha! Riley Junior?
Ha ha ha!
153
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,977
Why are you laughing?
154
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,579
'Cause you said
that funny joke
155
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,682
about Riley Junior.
Ha ha ha!
156
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:58,184
Heh heh heh.
157
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,720
It's not a joke.
158
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,555
You're serious?
159
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,856
Yeah. Don't you
want kids?
160
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:06,159
Well, you know that boy
and girl who live here?
161
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:08,562
They didn't come
with the house.
162
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,864
But those are your kids,
and they're great,
163
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,499
but I just assumed we'd have
kids of our own one day.
164
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,102
Well, I just assumed
that you assumed
165
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:19,773
that me being the age
that you assume I am...
166
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,144
The kid thing wasn't
part of the deal.
167
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,479
Well, me being the age
that I am,
168
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,048
why would you think
I wouldn't want children?
169
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,516
Why didn't
you bring this up
170
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,151
when we first
started dating?
171
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,719
When we first
started dating,
172
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,888
I wasn't thinking
about Riley Junior.
173
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:38,525
I was thinking
with Riley Junior.
174
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,594
Oh, Riley,
175
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,830
I spent my whole
life being a mom.
176
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,533
I mean, I'm just
starting to feel
177
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:48,201
like I'm more
than that.
178
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:52,072
Frannie, you are
more than that.
179
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,940
That's why I want to
have kids with you.
180
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,242
Oh, sweetie,
I'm just not
in that place
181
00:07:56,276 --> 00:08:00,847
in my life.
I'm sorry.
182
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,951
Ok.
183
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,753
Well, where are
you going?
184
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:10,524
I heard a drip.
I'm just gonna reseal
that shower head.
185
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,593
Oh, there's
nothing wrong
with the shower head.
186
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:16,162
You're just upset,
so you need to fix
something.
187
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,631
Honestly, Riley,
you know,
188
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:21,935
you really have to learn
how to communicate.
189
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,937
Goodwill, Goodwill,
190
00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:25,972
Goodwill, Goodwill‐‐
191
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,775
Wait a minute. Let me
just wear these
one more time,
192
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:32,579
and then I'll go
to Goodwill.
193
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,587
Hey.
194
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,155
Hey.
195
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,724
Oh, Riley,
we have to talk.
196
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:47,728
You have to know
that me not wanting
to have a baby
197
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,896
has nothing
to do with you.
198
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,932
Yeah, well, me wanting
to have a baby
199
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,300
has a lot to do
with you.
200
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,704
Oh, don't you see?
By the time I was your age,
201
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,305
I already had two kids,
202
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:03,577
though most people thought
I was the big sister.
203
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,113
I mean, I had Josh
when I was so young.
204
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,983
I missed out on so much.
Like what?
205
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,918
I never got
to go to college.
206
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:15,155
I never got to backpack
through Europe.
207
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,991
When all my friends
were rocking the casbah,
208
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:21,027
I was rocking Josh
to sleep.
209
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,731
I never had a life,
and now I finally
have a chance
210
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,332
to do some things for me.
211
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,234
Well, what about me?
I never saw myself
212
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,604
as a guy who'd never
have kids before.
213
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:34,140
Except for the time
Alice Maroney kicked
me in the grapes.
214
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:39,112
Then I saw myself
as a guy who'd never
stand up again.
215
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,047
I like the way
things are right now.
216
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,650
This is the happiest
time in my life.
217
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:46,753
I just don't see myself
having a baby.
218
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,622
Well, what if you
change your mind?
219
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,858
I mean, I'm a guy.
It's never
too late for me.
220
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:55,962
But you‐‐well,
you're not a guy.
221
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,932
You know,
I'm a little nervous
because I never thought
222
00:09:58,965 --> 00:10:03,870
at my age I'd be
considering having
another baby.
223
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:10,243
I paused there
so that you can tell me
how young I look.
224
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:14,981
Thanks. You've been
very helpful.
225
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,283
Excuse me.
226
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,087
Hi.
227
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,924
I'm getting
my eggs frozen.
228
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,433
I have a much younger
boyfriend.
229
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,535
He's really sexy.
230
00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:39,305
Not that
that's relevant. I just
like to tell people.
231
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,743
Anyway, he really wants
to have a baby someday,
232
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:46,446
and, well, he's a little
worried about my
biological time clock.
233
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,681
I didn't tell him
that I was here
234
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,951
because I'm not sure
that I want to go
through with it.
235
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,920
I mean, I have my own
life to live now,
236
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,055
and I don't need
to tell you
237
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,357
what women our age
are like when they
have a baby.
238
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,792
Elastic on old
sweatpants.
239
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:02,696
We don't snap back
so fast, huh? Ha ha ha!
240
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:05,198
Would you like
a tranquilizer?
241
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:08,969
Uh, no thank you.
I don't respond that
well to those‐‐wow!
242
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,705
Look at that one!
Oh, boy!
243
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,774
Would you look at her?
Jeez, you never know
244
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,042
how many kids you can
get when you come to
a place like this.
245
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:21,247
I mean, you come in
for a kid, you walk
out with a litter.
246
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,991
HI. I'm getting
my eggs frozen.
247
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:38,064
But you know you really
got to do the math here.
248
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,499
I mean, when you
think about it,
249
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:44,070
by the time my kid
is 20, I'll be, uh‐‐
250
00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:46,039
Oh, never mind.
251
00:11:46,072 --> 00:11:48,775
Oh, what am I
worried about?
I mean, look at you.
252
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,111
We're about the same
age, and you're here.
253
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:55,315
I'm here with my daughter.
I'm gonna be a grandmother.
254
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,786
Oh,
give me the pill.
255
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:07,160
(games beeping
and playing music)
256
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,465
Hey, is he here yet?
257
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:17,137
You know, I just
asked for a ride,
not a play date.
258
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,905
You can go now.
259
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,874
I'll go when
this Jeff guy comes.
260
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,809
I'm not leaving you
standing alone at the mall.
261
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:25,311
Yeah, because
there's a whole lot
of gang activity
262
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:29,015
over at the
Bed Bath and Beyond.
263
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,551
You just don't
want to go home
264
00:12:30,584 --> 00:12:32,485
because you and Mom
are fighting.
265
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,154
Did your mother
tell you that?
266
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,922
Not directly, but
her voice carries.
267
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:39,325
I happened to be
on the planet when
she was speaking.
268
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,127
So why do you
want a kid?
269
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,063
Well, I've always
wanted someone
270
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,998
to ask prying questions
about my personal life.
271
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:49,469
Hey, you want to be
part of this family,
get used to that.
272
00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:52,038
I can do that.
I got used to Josh
273
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:54,274
introducing me
as the Jolly Blond Giant
274
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,510
who's sleeping
with his mom.
275
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,079
When did Jeff say
he was meeting you here?
276
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,947
An hour ago.
277
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:04,951
Oh. Well,
maybe he could've, uh‐‐
278
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,821
you know‐‐heh!
He could've, uh‐‐
279
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:10,924
Oh, I can't spin
this one.
280
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,359
What a jerk!
Jeff McHenry.
281
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:18,031
More like Jeff McReally‐
Stupid‐Guy‐I‐Hate.
282
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:20,133
Yeah. I know
how you feel.
283
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,402
Why? You've been
stood up?
284
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,238
Oh, sorry, no.
285
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:28,308
But I have stood up
a couple of girls
in the past.
286
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,210
According to them,
it sucks.
287
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,946
Allison, let me give
you some advice.
288
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,948
I know. Jeff doesn't
deserve me.
289
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:38,284
I need to appreciate
myself for who I am.
290
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,620
Great advice,
unless who you are
291
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,354
is a girl who's been
stood up by a guy
292
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:45,491
even though you made out
with him in the a/v room
and taped it.
293
00:13:45,526 --> 00:13:49,462
Uh‐huh. Funny.
That wasn't what
I was gonna say.
294
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:53,534
No? Well, what's
your brilliant advice?
295
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,401
You're right.
296
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:58,304
It feels really good
to hit something!
297
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:02,108
This is like, the best
invention ever!
298
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,877
Second best. They got
another version.
299
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:07,013
When you hit 'em,
they scream and yell
for their mommy.
300
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,983
Not for nothing,
but if you stick around,
301
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,451
I got a couple of
kid years left in me.
302
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:13,153
Really?
Sure.
303
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,221
I mean, somebody's
gotta teach me
how to drive.
304
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:16,356
I can do that.
305
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,391
And explain to me
how boys think.
306
00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:20,426
That's easy. They don't.
307
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,929
See, this feels good.
308
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,565
You feel like family.
309
00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:28,602
I even feel close enough
to ask you for money.
310
00:14:31,505 --> 00:14:36,076
No problem.
There you go.
311
00:14:36,577 --> 00:14:41,081
I was talking
shoe money, but thanks.
312
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,323
So anyway,
313
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:52,058
I had my exam
314
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:54,595
and the doctor said
I got more eggs
315
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:58,298
than a chicken farm
in Jersey.
316
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,567
And then after they
harvest them‐‐
317
00:15:00,601 --> 00:15:04,037
oh, that's a weird
terM. Harvest them.
318
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,172
What do they do?
Go in with a bunch
319
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,341
of tiny
migrant workers?
320
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:10,443
Ha ha ha!
321
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:14,080
Oh! Tranquilizers
make me think funny.
322
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,249
Mom?
323
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:20,621
Oh, there's my Yashie
now. Hi, sweetie.
324
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:23,089
Mom, are you‐‐whoa!
Mom, are you ok?
325
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:27,694
Oh, yeah, I'm fine,
thank you. Calm down.
326
00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:28,494
Calm down?
I get a call
327
00:15:28,529 --> 00:15:30,230
that my mom's at
the doctor's office
328
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,397
and they need me
to drive her home,
329
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,466
and you want me
to be calm? Are you
sick, are you hurt?
330
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:35,268
No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
331
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,971
I just came here
to look into getting
my eggs frozen,
332
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:42,576
so that Riley and I
always have the option
of having a baby.
333
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:45,979
Why? You already
had one kid that
ruined your life,
334
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,413
and now you want
another one?
335
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,216
What are you talking about,
"ruined my life?"
336
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:54,354
(exhales) I‐‐I heard
what you said to Riley.
337
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,723
I stole your youth.
I kept you
338
00:15:56,757 --> 00:15:58,224
from backpacking
across Europe.
339
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:02,295
I kept you from
rocking the Catskills.
340
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,429
Casbah.
341
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,299
Whatever. You didn't
get to rock it
because you had me,
342
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,734
and now you want to
have another kid.
343
00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:08,802
So?
344
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,638
So, Mom, when do you
expect to have your freedom,
345
00:16:11,672 --> 00:16:13,006
when you're 70?
346
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,174
That should be
just in time for you
347
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:18,278
to go backpacking
across the lobby of
your nursing home.
348
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,782
Oh, Joshie,
I am so sorry
349
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:25,385
that you overheard
what I said.
350
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,588
Mom, you‐‐
351
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:31,457
you have
a little drool
in the corner of‐‐
352
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,326
Eh? Oh.
353
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,361
You know, I had to
take a pill.
354
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:36,362
That's
why they called you
355
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,165
because they say I can't
operate heavy machinery.
356
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,202
I mean, apparently
they think I drove here
357
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:45,071
in a forklift!
358
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:48,809
You know, when they told me
that I was pregnant,
359
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,411
it's true,
I did not want to be.
360
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,247
Well, now I feel
a lot better.
361
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,618
No. Let me finish.
But I'll never forget,
362
00:16:57,651 --> 00:17:00,053
I was on the "A" train
coming home,
363
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:03,323
and I felt you
move inside of me,
364
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,691
and from 34th Street on,
365
00:17:04,725 --> 00:17:08,161
I always,
always wanted you.
366
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,563
And then
when I saw you,
367
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:10,897
ooh, with that
incredible face,
368
00:17:10,931 --> 00:17:15,301
I thought, "How could
anything with a face
like thi be a mistake?"
369
00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:18,839
Especially after
we fixed the conehead.
370
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:23,209
I had a pointy head.
I get it.
371
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,513
Oh, Josh, you didn't
ruin my life.
372
00:17:26,547 --> 00:17:28,782
You gave me a reason
to have one.
373
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,284
And if I don't have
another baby,
374
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:36,322
then.. maybe I'll miss out
on having another you.
375
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,794
Mom, I‐‐I don't
say this enough,
376
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,763
but I love you.
377
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:52,639
I am a great driver.
I had both hands
on the wheel.
378
00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:54,374
How could you have
both hands on the wheel
379
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,310
when you're
flipping a guy off?
380
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,779
That's anatomically
impossible,
381
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:01,748
and so is what you yelled
at him, by the way.
382
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:03,283
Hey, you guys.
383
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,885
Hey.
384
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,353
Oh, hey, um, thought
we could put this
385
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,422
in the family album.
It's adorable, right?
386
00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:11,792
Oh, isn't
that adorable?
387
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,728
And by the way,
missy, you drive
without a permit
388
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,798
one more time,
so help me I'll‐‐
389
00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:19,265
is she gone?
Yeah.
390
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,802
Good, 'cause I had
nothing.
391
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:24,170
I can't believe
she conned me.
392
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:27,508
Welcome to the family.
393
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,743
Now about the baby‐‐
394
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:32,278
Fran, me first.
I was being selfish.
395
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:34,748
I would never want you
to have a baby
just for me.
396
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,382
Well, I appreciate that,
397
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,818
but I did go to see
a doctor today
398
00:18:37,851 --> 00:18:40,854
to talk about freezing
my eggs. You know,
just in case.
399
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:41,922
Really?
Yep.
400
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:45,926
So if you agree,
then we can move
forward with that,
401
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,894
and then if it
turns out we're
on the same page
402
00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:52,533
with this baby
thing, we can try it
the fun way first,
403
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:53,734
and if that
doesn't work,
404
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:56,570
we'll try it
the fun way again,
405
00:18:56,603 --> 00:19:01,274
and if that doesn't
work then we'll have
a nice backup plan.
406
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,342
Oh.
407
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,844
Now, here,
read the brochure.
408
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:06,179
All the information
is in there.
409
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:08,915
Hmm. Wow. So this is how
they get the eggs out.
410
00:19:08,949 --> 00:19:14,320
Yeah, it's not as
much fun as how they
get the sperm out.
411
00:19:14,855 --> 00:19:17,257
I am the luckiest
guy in the world.
412
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:21,695
Well, I'm on
the same page
with you about that.
413
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,263
It says in this magazine
414
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:28,268
that a woman in russia
lived to be 119 years old.
415
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:30,971
So there's
no rush on those eggs.
416
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,739
You got lots of time.
417
00:19:32,773 --> 00:19:35,475
You can wait until
I'm dead to have the baby.
418
00:19:35,509 --> 00:19:37,210
Every time I walk in
on you guys making out,
419
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:40,781
it takes a year off my life,
so how long could I last?
420
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,419
I'll never see 30.
421
00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,628
This isn't gonna
do it for me.
422
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:55,596
Come on.
423
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:57,598
It's not gonna
make me want it.
424
00:19:57,631 --> 00:20:00,701
Just give it a try.
It's not gonna
bite you.
425
00:20:00,734 --> 00:20:04,505
Oh, ok.
426
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,613
But a dog
is not a baby.
427
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:13,980
Aw, just look
how cute she is.
428
00:20:14,014 --> 00:20:18,251
Doesn't she get
those maternal
instincts going?
429
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:20,587
Ok.
430
00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:22,355
But if we keep her,
431
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,658
I'm not nursing it.
432
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,930
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