Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,237
ANNOUNCER:
These parents are Outmatched.
2
00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,406
How did I give birth
to Wikipedia?
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,807
ANNOUNCER:
All-new episodes Thursdays.
4
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,143
And watch other Fox shows
like Last Man Standing.
5
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,744
-Bingo.
-Only on Fox.
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,516
-Hey, Irwin.
-Yo.
7
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,851
I bet you dinner
I make this shot.
8
00:00:17,885 --> 00:00:20,521
I'll have the... lobster!
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,857
Please pick somewhere cheap.
10
00:00:23,891 --> 00:00:25,993
No, don't let him choose!
11
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,462
I pick the cafeteria
at Hogwarts!
12
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,100
That doesn't exist, Irwin.
13
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,001
Yeah, well,
that's not my problem.
14
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,036
You lost the bet.
Figure it out.
15
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,707
Hey, instead of us paying
for dinner,
16
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,009
what about a wine tasting
on the 17th...
17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,078
that we have free tickets to?
18
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:45,746
It's at Atlantic City's
only vineyard.
19
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,381
The Mob used to own the land.
20
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,883
They say that's why
the ground is so fertile.
21
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,885
You know what?
We can't on the 17th.
22
00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:53,387
We're having people over.
23
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,523
Oh. That's weird.
24
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,425
What? Did the Evite go
to our spam?
25
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,693
Well, I'm-I'm sorry
for the confusion, Kay.
26
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,028
You were never invited.
27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,430
Uh...
28
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,265
No, it's just some people
29
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,267
that we're friends with
at the kids' school.
30
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,402
Yeah, it's nothing personal.
It's our Room Seven crew.
31
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:09,903
-Oh.
-(chuckles)
32
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:12,039
-Room Seven for life!
-For life! Yeah, yeah!
33
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,607
(both laugh)
34
00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,276
-Sorry, inside joke.
-Yeah.
35
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,710
Yeah, I know.
36
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,679
'Cause it hurts me
on the inside.
37
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:22,816
Well, um, but, I mean,
38
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,219
I guess it's okay
if you guys want to come.
39
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,288
Yeah, if you just
bring your own chairs.
40
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,056
No, no, it's fine.
41
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,791
We were the ones
with plans first,
42
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,127
so we'll just do those plans
with our other friends.
43
00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:34,495
Yeah.
44
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:37,097
That's exactly what we'll do.
45
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:39,733
Do we have other friends?
46
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,736
(laughs)
Aw, Mike.
47
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,338
What?
48
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,907
Oh. I'm sorry.
49
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,842
I-I was thinking
about Room Seven Mike.
50
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,578
-(laughs loudly)
-That dude's hilarious.
51
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,945
That boy's crazy.
52
00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:53,614
-He's much taller than you.
-(laughing): He is.
53
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:58,118
*
54
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,695
I have a question, Marc.
55
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:10,464
I have an exclamation point.
56
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,667
I thought
I'd try my hand at humor.
57
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,135
I am done now.
58
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,805
Hey, babe.
59
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,107
So, what are we bringing to Rita
and Irwin's for the party?
60
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,675
No, we are not going to that.
61
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,143
That was a pity invite.
62
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,013
Kay Mollen does not accept
pity invites.
63
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:28,482
Except you're not Kay Mollen.
You're Kay Bennett.
64
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,651
And Bennetts live
on pity invites.
65
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,888
That's how we got
on the Mayflower.
66
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:37,991
If we accept a pity invite,
67
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,693
they will lose respect for us,
68
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:42,830
and soon, all of our invites
will be pity invites.
69
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,165
Just look
at what we're up against.
70
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:48,536
This is Rita and Irwin's
Room Seven crew.
71
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,204
Oh, my God.
72
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,705
If civilization ends,
73
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,607
I want Room Seven
to repopulate the planet.
74
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,378
Rita and Irwin have
this whole other social life,
75
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:58,879
and all we have is them.
76
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,014
I mean, we should
at least have more friends
77
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,183
than we have kinds of mustard.
78
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,385
How did this happen?
79
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,053
I used to have friends
all over the place.
80
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,721
Every girl I asked out
in high school said
81
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,523
she liked me better as a friend.
82
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:13,060
We lost them all because
it's hard to keep friends
83
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:14,695
when your family is
a walking hurricane
84
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,930
that also corrects your grammar.
85
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:20,534
Well, maybe it's time to restock
the old friend fridge.
86
00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,238
Yeah. Yeah,
this shouldn't be hard.
87
00:03:24,272 --> 00:03:25,906
I mean, we're a catch.
88
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,775
Yeah, if we just
put in the effort,
89
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:30,378
we'll find some people to drink
Mafia wine with us at the...
90
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:34,248
"Fuh-Grape-Aboudit Vine Yard
and Sanitation"?
91
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:38,185
I'll go to the Vine Yard
and drink with you, Mommy.
92
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,954
Oh, sweetie,
not until you're old enough...
93
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,291
to look like my old I.D.
94
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,732
Wow. I've never been
the most athletic person
95
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,367
in the gym before.
96
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,803
-What is this, a robot prom?
-It's an A.I. tournament,
97
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,472
featuring the greatest computer
minds east of Egg Harbor.
98
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,475
This year, we've trained an A.I.
to recognize the smell
99
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,976
of the Rafflesia arnoldii,
100
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,078
a notoriously
foul-smelling flower.
101
00:04:05,112 --> 00:04:07,381
That's right.
I stole it from a lab.
102
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:10,250
Who's the bad boy
of science now?
103
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,153
Who was it before?
104
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,723
They've trained a robot
to smell a gross flower?
105
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,558
How about one that drives them
to school in the morning
106
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,393
so I can avoid
that mean drop-off captain?
107
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,229
You must be talking about Karen.
Don't mess with her.
108
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,131
I saw her get run over one day,
109
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,133
and she just popped
right back up.
110
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,936
Wait. What was that?
111
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,404
Did I just see some sparks?
112
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:31,839
No, there are words
on her shirt.
113
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,240
I was just reading her breasts.
114
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,608
You can't get mad at me
for reading.
115
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:38,111
No! Friendship sparks.
116
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:39,847
Maybe they have
friend potential.
117
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,582
-Oh. Them?
-Yeah.
118
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,117
They seem okay, but...
they're not Room Seven.
119
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,754
Look, Room Seven is not
an option for us.
120
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,356
Our kids' classrooms
aren't even numbers.
121
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,023
They're scholars.
122
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:53,193
You want to be yelling
"Room Noam Chomsky for life"?
123
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,763
We haven't made friends
in 15 years.
124
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,598
Think of it as a warm-up.
125
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,033
Rocky didn't start
with Apollo Creed.
126
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,470
First,
he beat up a side of beef.
127
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:04,338
I only saw the one
with the Russian.
128
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,873
Rocky had a robot in that one.
129
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,942
Okay, let's go see
if these two are DTF--
130
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,644
-down to friend.
-(sighs)
131
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,279
Wait, wait.
Hold-hold on. Hold on.
132
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,282
Excuse me.
I couldn't help but overhear
133
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,785
because I have what doctors call
"canine hearing."
134
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,319
Were you talking about us?
135
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,821
Oh, yes.
136
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,657
Sorry. We just wanted to say hi.
137
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,626
I'm Kay Bennett. This is Mike.
138
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,362
And I'm Mike.
139
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,464
This is my husband Sigmund.
140
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,666
And I'm Annabeth.
My friends call me "Beth."
141
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,836
Oh, well,
maybe we'll call you "Beth."
142
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,405
Maybe.
143
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:42,209
Bennett? Oh, you must be
Brian and Nicole's parents.
144
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:45,145
Uh, they're on a team
with our son Atticus.
145
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,880
Uh, we're actually
surprised to see you.
146
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:49,349
-The kids told us that...
-Oh, that we don't like
these things?
147
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:50,918
No, that you were dead.
148
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,722
Oh, well, it was...
it was so nice meeting you.
149
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,725
-Hey, hey.
-Yes, it was so,
so nice meeting you.
150
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,760
It-it'd be a shame
to end it now.
151
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,430
Yeah. I mean, this thing goes on
for, like, six hours.
152
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,565
What do you say
we hit up a bar?
153
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,734
I can't leave.
I'm the team's coach.
154
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,870
Oh, well, watch out,
Bill Belichick, am I right?
155
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,271
(Mike and Kay laugh)
156
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,873
Watch out for what?
157
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,608
You know, you're...
you're a coach.
158
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,444
You're gonna, like,
take his job.
159
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,278
Take his job doing what?
160
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:20,080
Coaching football.
161
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,750
Why would I take his job
coaching football?
162
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,886
I don't know.
163
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,688
All right.
164
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:32,760
Like, maybe we'll see you at the
next cloning fair or whatever.
165
00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:34,562
Well, actually,
we have to drop Atticus off
166
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,196
at your house tonight.
167
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,198
-Yeah.
-The kids have
to work on their A.I.
168
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,868
We were gonna stay in the car
in case Atticus needs anything.
169
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,036
Or you could just come in.
170
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,938
That would be more normal.
171
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,475
(laughing):
Yes, I...
172
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:48,909
I suppose it would.
173
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:50,944
Um, sure. Why-why not?
174
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,246
(whispering): That means
we have to make dinner.
175
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,783
Oh, we can bring something.
We don't mind.
176
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,551
(laughs)
Sorry. Canine hearing.
177
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,386
Takes a while to get used to.
178
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,954
You never will.
179
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,796
Looks like the kids
are pulling an all-nighter.
180
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:12,232
Just takes me back to my days
as a young rapscallion at MIT,
181
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,868
staying up late,
doing lines of code.
182
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:17,605
Hey, me, too!
183
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,973
Nope,
you said something different.
184
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,643
Well, I'm glad something's
working their brains.
185
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:25,946
That school can't even get
an adequate English teacher.
186
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,849
Three languages and two PhDs?
187
00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,752
-Why not just get a dog
wearing a monocle?
-(laughs)
188
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,186
That might actually get me
189
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,122
to show up
to parent-teacher conferences.
190
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,557
(both laughing)
191
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,795
I'm just kidding.
No, it wouldn't.
192
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,932
Don't get me started
on the cafeteria staff.
193
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,600
-Okay, we won't.
-I mean, they're touching
194
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,435
the food... with gloves.
195
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,837
It's like they don't even care
196
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,972
that Atticus has
a latex allergy.
197
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:55,843
Oh, latex allergy.
(laughs)
198
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,611
I've used that excuse.
199
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,680
(Kay laughs)
200
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:05,185
It's funny because three
of our kids were accidents.
201
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,957
Oh, geez, getting late.
202
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,025
But it's 7:00.
203
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,227
It's 8:00 somewhere.
204
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,363
But the party's
just getting started.
205
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,198
I mean, we haven't even
brought out the hummus yet.
206
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:21,201
And you can't spell hummus
without... "um, us."
207
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,336
(Kay laughs)
208
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,578
Would you excuse us
for one minute?
209
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,048
What is happening out there?
210
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,316
They're trying to leave?
211
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,651
Nobody leaves Kay Mollen.
212
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:39,052
Or she calls her Uncle Bruno,
213
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:40,988
and he takes you down
to the Vine Yard,
214
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,056
and you become grape food.
215
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,492
Look, we tried,
but it's not worth it.
216
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,327
They're clearly not
our type of people.
217
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,496
But we used to be able
to make friends with anyone.
218
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,364
I once hit a guy with my car,
219
00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:54,501
and he friended me on Facebook
from the hospital.
220
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,003
Look, I think
we're blowing this
221
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,404
whole friend thing
out of proportion.
222
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:59,573
We still have
two amazing friends.
223
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:02,509
Look, Irwin has been texting me
all night. Look.
224
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,077
"You down to hang tonight?
225
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,879
Got some beers
with your name on them."
226
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,547
See? We're totally fine.
227
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,182
-(phone chimes)
-Oh. Ah.
228
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,684
"Sorry. Wrong Mike.
229
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:13,153
I hope I didn't wake you."
230
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,591
What? I'm Wrong Mike?
231
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,794
Okay, changed my mind.
We need these people.
232
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:22,896
I'm gonna friend them so hard,
when I'm done,
233
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,132
I'm gonna flip them over
and friend them again.
234
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,467
That sounds wrong, Mike.
235
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,502
I am not Wrong Mike!
236
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,573
I should be the only Mike.
What's next?
237
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,108
I text Irwin,
and he writes back,
238
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,576
"Sorry. New phone. Who dis?"
239
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,212
Well, I'll show him who dis is!
240
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,482
You two-- basement.
Robot coach, grab the cheese.
241
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,823
This looks like a wonderful
place to ride out a storm.
242
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,427
Is this the last room
we'll ever see?
243
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,964
(sighs)
Sorry if we're being weird.
244
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,499
We're just out of practice
making friends.
245
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,334
I think we're just
trying too hard.
246
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:05,172
Yeah, but, you know, that is
what's great about the basement.
247
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,474
There is no trying.
248
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,843
There's no kids,
no responsibilities.
249
00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,645
We can do
whatever we want down here.
250
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,782
So...
what do you all want to do?
251
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,750
Wow.
252
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:20,453
It's been a long time since
somebody asked us about that.
253
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:24,291
We just spend most of our time
focusing on what Atticus wants.
254
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,159
I-I don't even need
these glasses.
255
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:28,328
Atticus prefers my face
with them on.
256
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,332
Hey, I know a good place
to start.
257
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:33,801
-Let's play a game.
-Oh!
258
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,202
The only rule is...
259
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,737
-Stay alive?
-What?
260
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,607
N-No. No, it's a drinking game.
261
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,342
The only rule is,
262
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,312
if you say your kid's name,
you take a shot.
263
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,980
Oh, shots.
264
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,883
You know,
it took three IVF shots
265
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,885
to conceive Atticus.
266
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,653
Oh. (chuckles)
267
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,555
I'm not sure you're
understanding the rules.
268
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,725
No, I am.
That's why I said it.
269
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,795
-Okay, Beth!
-Beth came to play.
270
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,731
-(laughing)
-Barkeep?
271
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,033
Atticus, Atticus, Atticus.
272
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,703
*
273
00:11:09,737 --> 00:11:11,504
(rock music playing in distance)
274
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,206
What's all that noise?
275
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:15,342
Aw, you hear it, too?
276
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:18,211
I was hoping
I'd finally gone mad.
277
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,216
It's going really well
down there.
278
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,252
I feel like these might not
just be practice friends.
279
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,154
-They might be the real deal.
-I know.
280
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,756
Hey, how's this sound?
"Hey, Sigmund.
281
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,657
"I'm really having fun
with you right now.
282
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,659
"Here's a picture of us
having that fun.
283
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,162
Oh, sorry, Irwin--
wrong Sigmund."
284
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,496
Hey!
285
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,765
We're trying to work upstairs.
286
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:39,699
Could you two keep it down?
287
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,735
What are you two,
the party police?
288
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,270
I wish I was the party police,
289
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,372
but the city council
said my proposal
290
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:48,675
was not "economically feasible"
and "too lame."
291
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,411
It's 8:15, and it's
not even that loud.
292
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,613
Yeah, the lady with dog ears
can handle it.
293
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:54,782
BETH:
Did someone need me?
294
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,050
What? Uh....
295
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,919
Uh, n-no, Beth, we're good!
296
00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,889
BETH:
Okay, you don't have to yell!
297
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:02,956
Wait.
298
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,925
Beth as in Beth Kratz?
299
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,527
Are you hanging out
with Atticus's parents?
300
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,896
Sure are.
They're actually not that bad
301
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,463
once you get
a few drinks in them.
302
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,531
They're drinking?
303
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,866
Oh, okay, be honest.
304
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,201
You're not in trouble.
305
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,903
How many sodas have they had?
306
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,538
They mean alcohol.
307
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,740
Oh, my God!
308
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,210
You have to stop this.
309
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,912
We respect the Kratzes.
310
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:27,781
They're the type of people
that can open doors for us.
311
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,783
Research grants,
recommendations,
312
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,584
launch codes.
313
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,888
And now you're corrupting them
with your beer drinks.
314
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:38,391
What's next? A key party where
you all put your keys in a bowl
315
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,893
and whichever set you pick,
316
00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,462
that's the car you drive home
for the night?
317
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,131
You two are sick!
318
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,134
Okay, you guys
are being dramatic.
319
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,502
We are not going
to embarrass you.
320
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,304
Totally unrelated--
do either of you know
321
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,006
how to get pudding
inside a water balloon?
322
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,007
Ah!
323
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:56,009
I'll figure it out.
324
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:59,646
Forget you heard that,
or the prank won't work.
325
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:00,981
They're so unreasonable!
326
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:02,916
How do they not get
how bad this is?
327
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,151
I know.
328
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,652
They're like
an invasive species
329
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,787
ravaging our delicate ecosystem.
330
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,990
So, what are we going
to do about this?
331
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,926
Well, how do you get rid
of an invasive species?
332
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,627
Genocide.
333
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,263
What?! N-No!
334
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,465
No, you make their habitat
uninhabitable.
335
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,367
Right, but if that
doesn't work...
336
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,535
No! No genocide, Nicole.
337
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,771
Right, got it. Wink.
338
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,906
No!
339
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:32,880
They actually expected us
to shut this down
340
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,781
just as we were
starting to hit it off.
341
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,884
-I can't believe those two.
-BETH: Oh, that's nothing.
342
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:38,785
We can't keep bread
in the house,
343
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,189
because Atticus finds
the texture unsettling.
344
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,192
I started smoking to mask
345
00:13:45,225 --> 00:13:47,560
the smell of toast
on my clothes.
346
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,797
It feels good to open up.
347
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,400
I mean, pre-Atticus, I was wild.
348
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,736
I used to Rollerblade
with my friend Phil.
349
00:13:56,769 --> 00:14:00,840
He was fast, but not so fast
he could catch me.
350
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,243
(chuckling):
Oh, I got to tell you, Sigmund,
351
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:06,513
you didn't strike me as a guy
who could... balance.
352
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:07,780
(clears throat)
353
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,718
Sorry, do...
does anyone else smell that?
354
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:13,186
-Oh!
-Oh, that is bad!
355
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,222
Not to brag,
but I smelled it first.
356
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:19,092
I've also been diagnosed
with early-onset cat snout.
357
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:22,029
(groans)
Did something die in here?
358
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:25,365
Oh! No, no, no, something
is very much alive!
359
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,435
That-that is the scent
of the Rafflesia arnoldii,
360
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,838
the flower the kids are using
for the competition.
361
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,475
This is the work of a bad boy
of science.
362
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:39,012
BOTH:
Brian.
363
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:42,415
It seems to have been
concentrated and weaponized.
364
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:45,085
BOTH:
Nicole.
365
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,087
Look, I'm sorry about this.
366
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,855
The kids win this time.
367
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,590
-Maybe we should just...
-BETH: No!
368
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,060
You said we can do whatever
we want in the basement,
369
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,228
and we want to keep
this party going.
370
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:57,197
Oh. Okay, yeah.
371
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,399
Yeah, yeah, sure, we'll just,
we'll power through.
372
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,134
The smell's not that ba...
373
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,735
Nope, the smell is a taste now.
374
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,773
Okay, where else can we go
375
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,042
with free booze and no kids?
376
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:12,579
Welcome to the basement
of the world.
377
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:16,749
(tires squeal)
378
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,718
(engine revving)
379
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,120
(tires squeal)
380
00:15:21,188 --> 00:15:22,755
Oof!
381
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,891
Last night is a little fuzzy.
382
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,259
We didn't drive, did we?
383
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,128
No, we Rollerbladed.
384
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,563
Then why do I remember us
being on the highway?
385
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,699
Because... we were invincible.
386
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,570
Sorry that your hootenanny
got spoiled last night.
387
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,108
Actually, your little
flower plan didn't work.
388
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,443
Just gave us an experience
we could bond over.
389
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,412
If anything,
it brought us closer.
390
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:47,247
Now we have a lasting memory
391
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,582
and an obstacle
we've overcome together.
392
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,952
Yeah, we're just one weird night
in a hot tub away
393
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:54,921
from a lifelong friendship.
394
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,124
Oh! Atticus, sorry. Geez.
395
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:58,858
I forgot you slept over.
396
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,994
Please, help yourself
to whatever you want.
397
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,196
I'm powerless to stop you.
398
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,098
Hey, guys.
399
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,533
Little problem.
400
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,169
Hey, we got rid
of all the bread, man. I...
401
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,838
No. My parents are
supposed to be picking us up
402
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:14,207
for the tournament,
but I haven't heard from them.
403
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,810
(phone rings)
404
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,279
Hey, Rita.
405
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,448
Hey, I just want
to give you a heads-up.
406
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,551
There's some drunk librarians
here who say they know you.
407
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,554
What? Sigmund and Beth
are still at the casino?
408
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,289
They're at the casino?
409
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,192
But Sigmund has the thumb drive
with our subroutine and...
410
00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:33,826
Well, does it seem like
they're leaving soon?
411
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,896
Uh, all I know is
Red here keeps bragging
412
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,132
that she gave the
men's room attendant a show.
413
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,935
We don't have
a men's room attendant, Kay.
414
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,309
Hey!
415
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,810
Hey, it's Mike and Kay!
416
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,145
For the last time,
417
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,047
that is not Mike and Kay.
418
00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:56,683
-Oh, wait, it is them.
-Guys?
419
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:59,018
You got to go.
What are you still doing here?
420
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,054
We're doing what we want,
just like you said!
421
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,390
Yeah, last night,
we did open-mouth kissing
422
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,991
with two different couples.
423
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,394
Turned out it was
a room full of mirrors,
424
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,062
but it was hot.
425
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,365
You brought something out of us.
426
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,033
Now the genie's
out of the bottle.
427
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,436
There's no putting him back!
428
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,004
Look, the competition
starts in one hour,
429
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,906
so let's snap back
into parent mode
430
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,040
and go coach those kids.
431
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,342
What are you talking about?
432
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,277
Tournament's not until tomorrow.
433
00:17:24,311 --> 00:17:25,845
It is tomorrow.
434
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,215
Okay, calendar.
435
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,751
Just how drunk are you guys?
436
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:33,753
The only thing we're drunk on
437
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,889
is the new life philosophy
you gave us.
438
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:39,526
Ah-ah, we are also drunk
on drinking.
439
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,728
Okay, forget coaching.
440
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,029
He can barely stand.
441
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,398
Hey, if I can barely stand,
442
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:48,968
how do you explain this?
443
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:55,142
What you're seeing here,
this has been my whole night.
444
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,277
You know what, just forget it,
we'll take the kids.
445
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,646
Just give us that thumb drive
they were talking about.
446
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,281
If you want it...
447
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,283
you're gonna have
to catch me first.
448
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,484
(shrieks)
449
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,221
BETH:
I love that man.
450
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:11,291
I'm gonna put a baby
in him later.
451
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,166
Thanks for losing
the tournament for us.
452
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:22,169
All you had to do was get
that thumb drive from Sigmund.
453
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:24,437
It's not my fault
he gave me the wrong thing.
454
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,105
No, Dad, it's just your fault
455
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,807
that he got wasted
in the basement,
456
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,977
stayed at a casino all night,
concussed himself,
457
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:34,147
then you took
what was obviously a lighter
458
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,783
instead of the USB we needed.
459
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,018
Guys, we really do
feel terrible.
460
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,288
We didn't mean to cost you
the competition.
461
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,922
It-it's not just
the competition, Mom.
462
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,991
You know, Atticus won't even
talk to us anymore.
463
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,626
And word's spreading.
464
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,095
Everyone's dropping out
of our other teams--
465
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,364
debate, speed meditating...
466
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:53,466
fantasy physics.
467
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,135
We are so sorry.
468
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:58,104
Is there anything we can do?
469
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,807
You want this lighter?
470
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,675
No, you're gonna need it
471
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:05,878
next time you want to set fire
to our hopes and dreams.
472
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:11,484
They're gonna go back to telling
people we're dead, aren't they?
473
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,220
It's hard to blame them.
474
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,054
I mean, we were so desperate
475
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:18,491
for a social life that
we took it from our kids.
476
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,892
You know, it's too bad.
477
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:21,661
I was starting
to like Sigmund and Beth.
478
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,796
Well, I guess we can
still hang out with them
479
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,633
if we don't do
any drinking or gambling.
480
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,268
I'm gonna miss them.
481
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:33,773
You're breaking up with us?
482
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:37,009
Things were going so well.
483
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:38,478
I thought tonight
we were going to
484
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,746
the "For Grape About It
Vineyard."
485
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:41,248
Did you "for grape about" that?
486
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,984
Don't make this harder
than it already is.
487
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,018
I know what'll make this better.
488
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,354
Let's go to the basement!
489
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,388
Everything's better
in the basement!
490
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,889
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
491
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,391
No, uh, listen.
492
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:53,059
You deserve people
that will give you
493
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,329
the whole house,
not just the basement.
494
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:58,765
We were gonna take
ski trips together,
495
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,601
split groceries,
take turns making meals.
496
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,371
I make a mean apple cobbler.
497
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,875
I'm more of a pie guy.
498
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,579
We understand.
499
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,347
(sighs)
500
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,882
I'll never forget you.
501
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,250
I can't.
502
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,919
I have what doctors call
"elephant memory."
503
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:25,858
And I'll be taking
my Rollerblades.
504
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,728
I was fast, though,
wasn't I, Mike?
505
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,397
Like the wind.
506
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,534
(door closes)
507
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,202
Man.
508
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,770
They really took it hard.
509
00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:39,038
I know.
510
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,707
I mean, you can't blame them.
511
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,041
We were pretty fun.
512
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,243
Yeah, we were charming,
513
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,212
funny, down to clown.
514
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,814
I mean, aside from that
515
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,217
down-to-clown thing
I just said, we're a catch.
516
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,052
I mean, what were we
so worried about?
517
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,954
-We're gonna be fine.
-Yeah.
518
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:58,157
I mean, if we can make friends
with that Noah's Ark of a woman,
519
00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:01,260
we can make friends with anyone.
520
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:03,496
And now that we know that...
521
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,500
We graciously accept
your pity invite.
522
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,136
We brought our own chairs
and our own wine.
523
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:13,306
It's boxed and not enough,
so I hope you have more.
524
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,674
(laughs)
All right, come on in.
525
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,443
-Hey, Kay.
-Oh, hey.
526
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,244
Hey, Mike.
527
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,147
(grunts) Hey.
528
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,815
You two go ahead.
529
00:21:22,849 --> 00:21:25,017
Um, we gonna be here
for a minute.
530
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,990
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
531
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:36,796
Jason Biggs and Maggie Lawson
are Outmatched.
532
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,831
See all-new episodes
Thursdays on Fox.
38664
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.