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1
00:00:00,826 --> 00:00:03,525
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,660
Please, Mr. Twilly,
can't we have
3
00:00:08,747 --> 00:00:10,488
some other job in the store?
4
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,273
No, according to your
aptitude test
5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,710
you two aren't even smart
enough to be mannequins.
6
00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,888
Oh, that's bull.
I thought I nailed that test.
7
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:21,064
Mr. Halke, under sex, you put
8
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:23,066
"I really, really hope so."
9
00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:29,072
Well, I was just trying to
answer the questions honestly.
10
00:00:29,159 --> 00:00:31,901
Look, the store is about to
open, just put the beards on
11
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,903
and make nice with the kids,
or I'll hire back
12
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,210
the smelly old drunk
that played Santa last year.
13
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,649
Great idea, Rich. "Let's get
jobs at the department store."
14
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,042
- Man, this bites.
- Hey, hey, hey.
15
00:00:42,129 --> 00:00:43,608
I was just thinking of you, man.
16
00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:44,957
Figured you could, uh,
pick up on the chicks
17
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,307
at the cosmetics counter here.
18
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:48,135
I hear they are chubby chasers.
19
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,443
Oh, go back to work.
Here comes our first customer.
20
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,488
Alright, there he is.
21
00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:54,967
Now, go tell him what you want
22
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,795
and let's get the hell
out of here.
23
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:01,104
Hey there, little man.
24
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,367
Welcome to Santaland,
you cute little tyke.
25
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,717
Put a sock in it, Tinker Bell.
26
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:10,026
Well, the kid's got spunk,
don't he?
27
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:13,247
- Mm.
- Ah! Oh!
28
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,075
Sorry, not!
29
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,296
Ho-ho-ho, little boy.
30
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:21,994
So, what can Santa bring you
for Christmas?
31
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,606
A train? A model airplane?
32
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:26,260
Get real, fatso.
33
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:27,870
I want a go-kart.
34
00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:31,787
And a fantasy date
with the Olsen twins.
35
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:34,616
Sunny, don't chew gum
when you're talking to Santa.
36
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,008
Oh, okay.
37
00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,578
Keep that up, shorty, only thing
you're gonna get for Christmas
38
00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,667
is a stocking
full of reindeer poop.
39
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:46,889
It'll smell better
than your breath, tubby.
40
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,675
Merry Christ-mas!
41
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:55,202
I got a little Grinch here.
42
00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:00,555
Look, mommy, it's Santa.
He's here, he's here.
43
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,122
Can I go sit on his lap?
44
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,907
- Please, please, please?
- Oh, sure, sweetie.
45
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:06,300
Excuse me.
46
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,475
My little girl
would like to see Sa..
47
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,130
Rich?
48
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:14,264
J.T.?
49
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,618
Oh, gosh, I don't want her
to recognize you guys.
50
00:02:20,705 --> 00:02:24,231
Um, honey, um, why don't we go
see Santa another day, okay?
51
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:27,408
No, I want to visit him now.
52
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:32,195
Hey, Mr. Elf,
put me in Santa's lap, please.
53
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:35,590
Hey, Mr. Elf,
I think I've seen you before.
54
00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:38,767
Uh, uh, me?
Can't, impossible. Ha-ha!
55
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:40,638
You must be thinking
of my cousin, Keebler.
56
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,597
He's the elf that makes
the cookies and the tree stuff.
57
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:44,555
Hi, Santa.
58
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,035
Ho-ho-ho, little girl.
59
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:48,864
So, what can Santa bring you
for Christmas?
60
00:02:48,951 --> 00:02:52,607
Okay, I want Malibu Barbie
Beach House, Jumping Jerry
61
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,871
a magic set and Burping Bert.
62
00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:58,526
But my most special thing
I want is a secret.
63
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:00,310
Oh, you could tell Santa.
64
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,834
I want a jewelry box
that when you open it
65
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:04,923
it plays music
and has a ballerina
66
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,664
that goes round and round.
67
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:08,840
Ho-ho-ho,
that's a pretty long list.
68
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,799
But we'll see what we can do.
69
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,757
Santa, there is gum
on your beard.
70
00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,499
[gasps]
71
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:19,460
Hey, you're not Santa.
You're my lame old brother, J.T.
72
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,073
Mommy, he's not Santa.
73
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,031
I-I know,
but see that's because
74
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:28,947
Santa's at the North Pole
because--
75
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,907
Because he pulled a groin muscle
loading the sledge.
76
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,691
Right, right.
77
00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,694
I don't believe you.
This is all a big fake.
78
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,480
You know what I think?
There is no real Santa.
79
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,918
[stammers]
Lilly, come back. Lilly?
80
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,444
[theme music]
81
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,446
♪ Step by step ♪
82
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,231
♪ Day by day ♪♪ Day by day ♪
83
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:53,189
♪ A fresh start over ♪
84
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,104
♪ A different hand to play ♪
85
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,932
♪ The deeper we fall ♪
86
00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:59,239
♪ The stronger we stay ♪
87
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:01,241
♪ We'll make it better ♪
88
00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,765
♪ The second time around ♪♪
89
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,909
[instrumental music]
90
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:20,738
Honey, where is Lilly?
91
00:04:20,825 --> 00:04:22,827
She's gonna miss all
the Christmas tree decorating.
92
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,742
[sighs]
Ah, she refused to help.
93
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,135
I'm worried about her, Frank.
94
00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:27,832
That thing at the mall
with J.T. made her think
95
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,486
that there's no Santa.
96
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,358
Oh, come on, it couldn't have
upset her that bad.
97
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:32,924
No, it did,
when we left the store
98
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,317
she called the Salvation Army
99
00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:37,015
Santa a big fat
bell-ringing phony.
100
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:41,455
Yeah, mom's right.
Lilly's pretty freaked out.
101
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:45,023
Today, she TP-ed
the neighbors plastic reindeer.
102
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:48,244
I'll be right back. I'm gonna
go get some more tinsel.
103
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,941
[sighs]
Oh, I hate this, Frank.
104
00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:52,596
I don't want Lilly
to lose the fun of Christmas.
105
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:53,858
Well, I wouldn't worry
about it, honey.
106
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,425
After she sees the tree
107
00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,340
all decorated and all
the presents underneath
108
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,907
she'll forget about
the whole thing.
109
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,569
Lilly? Honey?
110
00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,440
Where are you going with all
your Christmas stuff?
111
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,660
I'm going to give it
to Jessie next door.
112
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:16,403
He's only four and still is
dumb enough to believe in Santa.
113
00:05:17,926 --> 00:05:21,364
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly.
Honey, come here.
114
00:05:21,451 --> 00:05:23,888
You know, just because there
are lot of pretend Santas
115
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,934
doesn't mean
there's not a real one.
116
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:28,937
Mom, face it.
There's no real Santa.
117
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,113
It's all a big, fat lie.
118
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,897
I hate Christmas.
119
00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,904
Boy.
120
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,123
This is worse than I thought.
121
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,255
No six year old
should hate Christmas.
122
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,042
I know. There's so little
for kids to believe in now.
123
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,914
I'd just hate for Lilly
to lose this one.
124
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,655
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
125
00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,440
We have to do somethin'
to help her believe
126
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,572
in Christmas and Santa Claus.
127
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,444
Even if it means kidnapping
Rush Limbaugh
128
00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:00,011
and stuffing his fat butt
in a Santa suit.
129
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:03,928
[instrumental music]
130
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:09,107
Hey, this just came
in the mail from grandma.
131
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:11,371
Her usual Christmas fruit cake.
132
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:16,463
Better known as "The Yule Log."
133
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,334
It's like the woman doesn't know
the difference between
134
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,945
flour and speckle.
135
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,904
Well, look at the upside.
136
00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,862
Run out of fire wood,
we can always pop this sucker
137
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:25,907
in the fire place.
138
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,299
It'll burn till New Year's.
139
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,431
[chuckles]
140
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,307
- Hey, guys. Ah!
- Hey.
141
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,831
[sighs]
142
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,136
You know what the drawback
is to dating
143
00:06:38,223 --> 00:06:41,662
ten guys at once?
144
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:42,880
Chapped lips?
145
00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:47,363
That's a problem, too.
146
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:50,584
But what I was talking about is
all the presents you have to buy
147
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:53,282
and all the gift wrapping
you have to do.
148
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,371
Wait a minute, Karen,
you said you're dating ten guys.
149
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:57,765
Well, there's 12 boxes here.
150
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,681
I know, I'm allowing a two gift
cushion for any guys
151
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,291
I meet over the holidays.
152
00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:07,688
Now, check this out.
153
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,913
Pretty nice, huh? Heh-heh!
154
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,786
And I got them
in 12 different colors.
155
00:07:20,657 --> 00:07:22,398
That way, nobody gets
the same thing.
156
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,661
- Ah!
- Yeah.
157
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,446
Aren't you the thoughtful one?
158
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:31,363
Man, life stinks.
159
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,191
Yeah, well,
get over it, J.T.
160
00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:37,369
The department store Santa
has to expect to get peed on.
161
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,241
It's not that, I just found
the Christmas present
162
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,373
I brought for Sam last July.
163
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,289
- Wow, what a gorgeous necklace.
- Jeez.
164
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:45,987
Bet if Sam knew
she was getting that
165
00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:49,469
she'd have waited till after
Christmas to dump you.
166
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:52,689
And I can't believe I let
her go. I am such an idiot.
167
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,909
Well, can't argue with that,
J.T.
168
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,434
Listen, you blew it with Sam.
169
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,349
You were too immature
to make it work.
170
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,525
Now, quit whining and move on
171
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:06,094
because life is tough
and that's how the mop flops.
172
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:11,752
The girl spreads cheer
like a canker sore.
173
00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,232
Man, I miss Sam.
174
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,496
My life is empty
and meaningless without her.
175
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,410
Oh, come on, J.T,
man, you gotta stop
176
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,847
beating yourself up about this.
177
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:22,240
You know,
maybe Sam misses you, too.
178
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:25,374
- You think so?
- Yeah.
179
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:27,724
If she was dumb enough to go out
with you in the first place
180
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:31,467
she might be dumb enough to get
back together with you.
181
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:34,035
God, I hope she's that dumb.
182
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:35,993
Listen, J.T.,
why don't you just go see her?
183
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,908
You know, give her the necklace.
184
00:08:37,995 --> 00:08:41,738
- Tell her how you feel.
- What if she says no?
185
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,740
Well, then the only thing
left to do would be to
186
00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:46,221
grovel like a pathetic
little worm.
187
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,049
I could do that. Thanks, guys.
188
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:52,053
[instrumental music]
189
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,449
- Hey, how are you doing?
- Good. And you?
190
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,843
Good, I'm here to get back
together with my girlfriend.
191
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:01,410
See, we broke up a couple
of months ago
192
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:03,107
and I finally realize
I can't live without her.
193
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,935
Good for you.
194
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,546
Thanks, I'm gonna give her
this Christmas present tonight
195
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,722
and tell her how much
I love her.
196
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:09,984
Well, good luck.
197
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:11,289
By the way, your shoes
are untied.
198
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,726
Oh, thanks.
199
00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,078
[knock on door]
200
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:22,649
Hey, Danny! Ooh, champagne.
201
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:23,998
Oh!
202
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,695
'Thank you so much.'
203
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,044
Come on in.
204
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,484
[instrumental music]
205
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:38,012
[instrumental music]
206
00:09:41,102 --> 00:09:44,888
I wanna a three gigabyte
upgrade and an MMX motherboard
207
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,195
and a Bill Gates action figure.
208
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:51,634
That's tough, you're not
getting any of that stuff.
209
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,332
But, Santa,
I've been good all year.
210
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:57,988
So? That and $3.50 will get you
a Frappuccino at Starbucks.
211
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:03,211
Let me tell you something,
Jimmy. Life sucks.
212
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,039
You're born, you get
disappointed and you die.
213
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,257
Now, beat it!
214
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,435
Mommy, Santa's scaring me.
215
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,614
You kids want the truth
from Santa?
216
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,703
You can't handle the truth!
217
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,054
[Rich]
Easy, sit down, sit down.
218
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:25,450
What's your problem, Barky?
219
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:28,018
Nothing, but, uh, you might
wanna change your sign
220
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:31,282
to "Welcome to Satanland."
221
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:32,849
Yeah, you're supposed
to make the kids feel good.
222
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,285
Not scare the hell out of them.
223
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,113
Hey, Pinocchio!
224
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,811
You try being jolly
when your heart's
225
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,074
broken into a million pieces.
226
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:43,033
[sobbing]
227
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,341
Keep it up, J.T.,
they're gonna be hauling
228
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:48,212
Santa away in a padded sleigh.
229
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,954
Look, dude,
you gotta lighten up.
230
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:52,564
You're gonna get us both fired.
231
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,393
Besides that, you're ruining
Christmas for all the kids.
232
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,743
Alright now,
here comes a little girl.
233
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,440
- Now, you be nice.
- Yeah.
234
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,616
Okay. I'll be jolly, I promise.
235
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:05,795
Well, hi there, little girl.
Welcome to Santaland.
236
00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:07,710
- Wanna sit on Santa's lap?
- Yeah!
237
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,538
Alright, come on. Whee!
238
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,975
Whoo! Here you go.
239
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,804
Ho-ho-ho, little girl.
What's your name?
240
00:11:14,891 --> 00:11:17,589
Samantha!
But my friends call me Sam!
241
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:23,465
Sam? You mean it's Sam?
242
00:11:23,552 --> 00:11:24,945
I had a girlfriend named Sam
243
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:26,381
and now she's gone!
244
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,384
[sobbing]
245
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:34,389
Mommy, Santa's crying!
246
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,481
Oh, God! Sam, why? Why?
247
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:40,961
[sobbing]
248
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:46,053
That was quite a display.
I've gotta go now.
249
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:49,186
But you just stay here and keep
spreading that Christmas cheer.
250
00:11:51,101 --> 00:11:52,233
Well, easy there, big guy.
251
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,104
You're slobberin'
all over your beard.
252
00:11:54,191 --> 00:11:55,671
Who cares?
253
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:58,065
Well, the Santa that's gotta
wear it from six to nine.
254
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,372
Merry Christmas.
255
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:09,424
[male #1 on TV]
'So, folks, bring the kiddies
tonight for the Christmas Eve'
256
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:12,732
'special at Ribs-O-Rama,
get a big slab platter'
257
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,777
'and meet Santa Claus.'
258
00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:17,388
[male #2 on TV]
'Come on down
to Row-away Motors.'
259
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:20,000
''Cause I will eat a bug
to sell you a car.'
260
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:23,743
'And Santa will watch
your kids. He-he-he.'
261
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:27,442
[male #3 on TV]
'Yo-yo-yo, homies!
Santa's in the house.'
262
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:34,014
There's no Santa. How dumb
do they think us kids are?
263
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:51,988
[groaning]
264
00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,121
Oh, no!
265
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:57,385
Well, Merry Christmas, Lilly,
Santa Claus is here.
266
00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,256
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
267
00:12:59,343 --> 00:13:01,171
Which one are you?
The Santa from the rib place?
268
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,391
Or the one who sells Toyotas?
269
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,960
Well, I'm the real Santa, Lilly.
270
00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,353
The one and only,
that's me. Ho-ho-ho!
271
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,225
I don't believe
in Santa anymore.
272
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:12,661
[gasps]
273
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:14,750
You don't?
274
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,231
Well, look at my belly.
275
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:20,582
And when I laugh, it shakes
like a bowl full of jelly.
276
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:22,802
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
277
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,673
I bet you haven't seen
a gut like this
278
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,849
since they yanked Roseanne
off the air.
279
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,329
[laughs]
280
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:34,291
Come on, you're not really
Santa Claus...are you?
281
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:37,033
Well, now, let me see.
282
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,733
It is Christmas Eve.
You've been a good little girl.
283
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,649
And I've got a sack
full of toys.
284
00:13:44,736 --> 00:13:47,217
I must be Santa Claus.
285
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:48,828
You know I've been good?
286
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,134
Oh, I know who's
been naughty or nice.
287
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:53,876
Uh, take your brother J.T.,
for instance.
288
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,052
He hasn't paid
his rent in a while.
289
00:13:57,749 --> 00:14:00,578
And we stuff his stockin'
full of eviction notices.
290
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:03,407
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
291
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,670
Gee! You really are Santa!
292
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:08,151
Oh! Yeah, Lilly,
the one and only.
293
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:10,023
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
294
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:13,765
Ho-ho-ho! Oh..
295
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,767
Oh, my God!
296
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,595
- If you're Santa Claus..
- Huh?
297
00:14:17,682 --> 00:14:18,683
Who's that?
298
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:22,078
- Uh, um..
- Ahem.
299
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:25,386
- Uh...I'm, uh, Mrs. Claus.
- 'Ho-ho-ho!'
300
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:28,302
Yes, yes,
I'm Claudia Claus.
301
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:31,522
Yes, yes,
I'm just here helping Santa out
302
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,742
on his very busy night.
303
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:37,267
If you're Mrs. Claus,
how come you have a beard?
304
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,706
Uh, 'cause, uh..
305
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:45,362
I forgot to shave this morning.
306
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,712
You think her face is hairy,
you should see her legs.
307
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,105
Ho-ho-ho!
308
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,761
She's got more fur
than Prancer.
309
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:55,024
Ho-ho-ho!
310
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:58,071
Uh, thank you, Santa.
311
00:14:58,158 --> 00:15:01,683
Oh, she's a real winter woman.
Ho-ho-ho!
312
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,555
Well, everything's under control
here, Mrs. Claus.
313
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:06,340
So, you can,
uh, move along now.
314
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,776
Okay, Santa.
315
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:10,387
Well, I'll be seeing you
at home.
316
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:13,173
- Oh, fly safely.
- Yeah! Okay.
317
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,611
Well, bye, Lilly,
and-and Merry Christmas.
318
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,874
- Yeah! Ho-ho-ho..
- 'Merry Christmas.'
319
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,050
Ho-ho-ho!
320
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:26,360
- Oh!
- Oh, look who we have here.
321
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,363
Yeah, who do we have there?
322
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,496
We-we have, uh,
well, we have our son!
323
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,063
- 'Oh!'
- Santa Jr.
324
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:36,761
Oh! It's Jay.
Ho, good to see ya. Ho-ho-ho!
325
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:38,328
- No, it's not.
- Huh?
326
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:41,984
It's Mark and you're daddy
and you're mommy.
327
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,030
And you're all a bunch of fakes.
328
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,901
Just like J.T.
329
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:50,297
[sighs]
Well, thanks a lot, Frank.
330
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,603
Why didn't you tell me you
were gonna dress up like Santa?
331
00:15:52,690 --> 00:15:55,041
Me? Oh, come on.
I was here first.
332
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,477
And what about you, stretch?
333
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:59,001
You look like
Santa on SlimFast.
334
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:01,786
Ho-ho-ho!
335
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,660
Oh, forget it!
336
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,883
[instrumental "Silent Night"]
337
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,198
[yawning]
338
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,379
Oh, my..
339
00:16:30,641 --> 00:16:32,643
Here we go again.
340
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,779
Hello, Lilly, Merry Christmas.
341
00:16:37,866 --> 00:16:40,869
Which one are you?
Mom, dad, J.T. or Mark?
342
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:43,785
Actually, my name is
Kris, Kris Kringle.
343
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:45,830
But my friends
call me Santa Claus.
344
00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,745
With a fakey lookin' beard,
I don't think so.
345
00:16:47,832 --> 00:16:49,269
Ow!
346
00:16:49,356 --> 00:16:50,487
Wow, it's real.
347
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,272
Of course, it is.
348
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:55,492
Who did you think I was,
the Easter Bunny?
349
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:58,626
So, your beard is real.
Anybody could have a real beard.
350
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:02,673
Yes, but would anybody know
that this is the one gift
351
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,806
that you really wanted
for Christmas?
352
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,852
A jewelry box!
353
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:10,986
It's the jewelry box
with the little ballerina.
354
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,032
Just like I wanted.
355
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,424
But how did you know?
356
00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:16,339
The only one I told was J.T.
357
00:17:16,426 --> 00:17:18,298
when he was pretending
to be Santa.
358
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:20,822
That's why I have all
the other assistant Santas
359
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,258
to help me, Lilly.
360
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,173
So I can find out
what boys and girls
361
00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:26,436
all over the world want.
362
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:30,266
You know, it's not easy tracking
5.7 billion people.
363
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,661
Even with Windows 95,
a 56K modem
364
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:37,795
and my own website, santa.com.
365
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:42,583
Wow! You are the real Santa!
Mommy, daddy, come quick!
366
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,151
I'm real to everyone
who believes in me.
367
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:48,067
- I do, Santa. I do.
- Ho-ho!
368
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,896
Mommy, daddy, hurry up!
369
00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,463
Come quick!
370
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:57,902
What is it, Lilly? Are you okay?
371
00:17:57,989 --> 00:17:59,339
[Frank]
Yeah, honey, what happened?
372
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:03,169
It's Santa.
Santa's here, the real one.
373
00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,215
Where did he go?
He was just here.
374
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,652
Well, he probably
went up the chimney.
375
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:11,655
Well, sure, honey. You know,
that's how he leaves the house.
376
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:14,223
Oh, yeah!
But look what he gave me.
377
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,834
It's what I really,
really wanted.
378
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,271
Let me see that.
379
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,926
Oh, isn't that pretty.
380
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,844
Oh, I'm so happy
for you, Lilly. Ooh!
381
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,412
I can't wait to go back
to sleep, so when I wake up
382
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:31,588
I can open
the rest of my presents.
383
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:34,417
[chuckles]
384
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:37,812
[sighs]
Well, looks like she'll have
a great Christmas after all.
385
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:39,161
- Yep.
- Thanks, Frank.
386
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:41,076
- Hmm?
- That was a great idea.
387
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:43,252
Hiring someone to play Santa.
388
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,949
I didn't do that, honey.
389
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,125
I thought you did.
390
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:50,303
[sleigh bells ringing]
391
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,134
[instrumental music]
392
00:18:56,744 --> 00:19:00,139
Okay! Ready, set, open!
393
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:09,278
Surprise! I fooled you.
Ha-ha-ha!
394
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:12,020
I didn't buy these
just for my boyfriends.
395
00:19:12,107 --> 00:19:15,110
I got them for
everybody who loves me.
396
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,984
Well, they're lovely.
Thank you, Karen.
397
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:22,726
- Hmm.
- Thanks.
398
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,946
What's the matter, J.T.?
Don't you like yours?
399
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,687
It's great, I love it.
Merry Christmas.
400
00:19:26,774 --> 00:19:27,992
Ho-ho-ho.
401
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:30,952
Hey, J.T.,
I know you're a little
402
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,562
down on the dumps about Sam.
403
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:35,783
But it is Christmas. Why don't
you try and enjoy it, huh?
404
00:19:35,870 --> 00:19:39,308
You know, uh, J.T.,
I, uh, have something that
405
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,092
I think might cheer you up.
406
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,052
Dana, even you moving out
wouldn't cheer me up.
407
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,143
Alright, just shut up
and close your eyes.
408
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:49,666
Dana, if this is
some kinda goof
409
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,581
I'm not in the mood
for playin' around.
410
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,543
Uh, I think you'll wanna play
around with this.
411
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:01,374
Merry Christmas, J.T.
412
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,376
Sam!
413
00:20:05,465 --> 00:20:06,727
'What're you doin' here?'
414
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:09,251
Well, Dana came
over and told me everything.
415
00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,645
J.T., I really miss you, too.
416
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:13,560
But what about
that good lookin' blond guy
417
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,039
I saw at your place
the other night?
418
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:16,954
That guy was my cousin, Danny.
419
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,523
Really?
Oh, man, this is so great.
420
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,525
Sam, I've been missing you
since the day we broke up.
421
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:25,049
- Then shut up and kiss me.
- Mmm.
422
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:32,840
Dana..
423
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,887
...I don't know what to say.
424
00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:39,455
That alone is
present enough for me.
425
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:44,068
Merry Christmas, J.T.
426
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:46,070
Merry Christmas, Dana.
Ah!
427
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,246
Hey..
428
00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:55,297
This turned out to be a great
Christmas after all.
429
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,907
- Yes.
- Yay!
430
00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:02,826
[instrumental music]
431
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,088
Oh, let's put down
our eggnog
432
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:06,439
and sing some Christmas Carols,
okay?
433
00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:07,918
Come on, Dana, you play.
434
00:21:08,005 --> 00:21:09,398
I wanna make sure
I get my money's worth
435
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:12,183
out of all those
piano lessons I gave you.
436
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,403
"Hark the Herald Angels Sing."
Okay?
437
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:15,491
- Okay.
- Ah!
438
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:19,495
- Okay. Here we go.
- Okay.
439
00:21:19,582 --> 00:21:23,456
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
440
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:27,242
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪
441
00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:31,072
♪ Peace on Earth
and mercy mild ♪
442
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:34,858
♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪
443
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:38,601
♪ Joyful all ye nations rise ♪
444
00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:42,562
♪ Join the triumph
of the skies ♪
445
00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:46,305
♪ With angelic host proclaim ♪
446
00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:50,309
♪ Christ is born in Bethlehem ♪
447
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:54,269
♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪
448
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:59,970
♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪♪
449
00:22:00,057 --> 00:22:01,624
- Good job!
- Thank you.
450
00:22:01,711 --> 00:22:04,235
- Good. Yeah.
- This one's nice.
451
00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:08,675
[bell rings]
32894
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