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(upbeat rock music)
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♫ Walked away from anyone
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00:00:03,009 --> 00:00:06,524
♫ They were burning
themselves out in the sun
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00:00:06,524 --> 00:00:09,340
♫ Walked away from anyone
5
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,619
♫ They were burning
themselves out in the sun
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00:00:12,619 --> 00:00:16,786
♫ There was just enough
to get the ball away
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00:00:19,555 --> 00:00:21,198
♫ Oo
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00:00:21,198 --> 00:00:23,448
♫ Oo oo oo
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00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:28,295
♫ Oo oo oo
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♫ Oo oo oo
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- Wednesday's mathematics
test is without question
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00:00:34,751 --> 00:00:38,151
the defining moment of
your school careers.
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00:00:38,151 --> 00:00:40,171
- [Lockie Voiceover] Okay,
so this is interesting.
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00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:43,841
What we're seeing here is
my last moment of sanity.
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00:00:43,841 --> 00:00:46,924
- Some of you, girls, nirvana awaits,
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00:00:47,883 --> 00:00:49,981
the land of milk and honey.
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00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:53,027
I refer, of course, to Miss
Lovett's Opportunity Class
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00:00:53,027 --> 00:00:55,421
for Gifted High Achievers.
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00:00:55,421 --> 00:00:57,270
- [Lockie Voiceover]
Okay, start the clock.
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00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:58,793
- As for the rest,
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I'm now referring to the
lower forms of pond life
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who I fully expect to
fail Wednesday's test,
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00:01:05,681 --> 00:01:09,681
Mr. Leonard, why is my
eye drawn so compellingly
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00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,941
in your direction?
25
00:01:12,941 --> 00:01:13,774
- [Lockie Voiceover] Here it comes,
26
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watch Lockie's mouth pipe
comfy with his brain.
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- Where do you sit on this?
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- Um, usually sir, I
prefer to sit on a chair.
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(students laughing)
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- Leonard, you must
think me a very foolish
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all maths teacher indeed.
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- Yes, that's right sir,
matter of fact, I do.
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(siren blares)
(students cheering)
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See, I'm my own worst enemy.
35
00:01:41,528 --> 00:01:43,562
But old Squash was being really sarcastic,
36
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and Sarge hates sarcasm.
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I was defending his ideals.
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- There is a crime wave of
the most deplorable kind
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on the streets of Angelus.
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And I give you fair warning.
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I intend to come down like the
proverbial tonne of bricks.
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- Wow.
43
00:02:01,683 --> 00:02:04,015
- Wow indeed, Lisa.
44
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This festering sore
needs to be stamped on,
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and stamped on hard.
46
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,943
- [Snowy] Sorry, what does?
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00:02:10,943 --> 00:02:13,303
- Something you've
suffered personally, Snowy.
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- Flatulence!
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00:02:14,761 --> 00:02:18,678
Oh I'm sorry everybody-
- No, no, it's not what-
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00:02:19,628 --> 00:02:24,354
I intend to launch a
crackdown on the social evil
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00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:28,406
known as sarcasm.
(kettle whistling)
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The practise of taking the deeds and words
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of well-intentioned people, and
holding them up to ridicule.
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- Do you think you're
obstructing the footpath
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just the teeniest bit?
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- I am?
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00:02:41,893 --> 00:02:44,837
No, hang on, I must be stupid.
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00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:46,801
Why didn't I think of this before?
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I could pick up this
stuff with my bare hands
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00:02:48,554 --> 00:02:52,043
and move it to a more convenient location.
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(dramatic bang)
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- That, Snowy.
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That is sarcasm.
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- Gee, there's a word for that, is there?
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I thought it was just my life.
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00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,884
- Mum's been calling for
a three-way conference
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00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,771
with old Squasher.
68
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:09,845
We're going to review my evil ways.
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00:03:09,845 --> 00:03:13,552
Well, it's better than
being sent to the principal.
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Mom was being totally supportive.
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And kind, and brave.
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Which made me feel about
a million times worse.
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- It wasn't your choice to
abandon your friends in the city
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00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:26,653
and trek halfway across the state.
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00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,903
- I'm okay.
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00:03:29,903 --> 00:03:33,619
- Only to be thrust into an
unfamiliar and alien environment
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arguably the most challenging
moment of your life.
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00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,181
- Mum, it's okay.
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00:03:40,181 --> 00:03:41,799
- Whilst living in a hovel that's sinking
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00:03:41,799 --> 00:03:43,799
day by day into a swamp.
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00:03:50,535 --> 00:03:52,317
I'm sorry, Lockie.
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I failed you.
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00:03:53,983 --> 00:03:55,047
- [Lockie Voiceover] No you haven't!
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00:03:55,047 --> 00:03:58,083
I'm the one that needs
to make it up to you!
85
00:03:58,083 --> 00:03:59,577
- Hello, welcome to Angelus High.
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My name's Vicki Streeton,
I'm the hospitality monitor.
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00:04:02,479 --> 00:04:07,154
(upbeat rock music)
(heart beating)
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00:04:07,154 --> 00:04:08,993
Could I get you a cup of tea, perhaps?
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00:04:08,993 --> 00:04:10,784
- Oh, thank you, Vicki.
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00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:13,868
What I wouldn't give
for a nice cup of tea.
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00:04:13,868 --> 00:04:15,363
- [Lockie Voiceover] A nice cup of tea.
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00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:18,456
Mum's feeling down on herself
and needs a nice cup of tea.
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- My pleasure.
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00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:20,669
And let me just say,
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that is an exquisite
pashmina you're wearing.
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- This old thing?
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00:04:25,305 --> 00:04:27,958
It doesn't get many
compliments at home! (laughing)
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00:04:27,958 --> 00:04:28,791
- [Lockie Voiceover]
And then say nice things
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00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:30,104
about the clothes.
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00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,213
It's so simple!
101
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Why couldn't I think of that?
102
00:04:33,309 --> 00:04:35,464
- Oh, what would boys know anyway?
103
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- Exactly! (laughing)
104
00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:41,623
Mr. Squasher, I want to say
that I take full responsibility
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00:04:41,623 --> 00:04:44,660
for the problems Lockie's
going through at the moment.
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00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:47,307
You see, my little one had croot the day
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00:04:47,307 --> 00:04:49,491
that our parent-effective
descript tackled puberty,
108
00:04:49,491 --> 00:04:51,292
which meant that I leapt
straight from peer group pressure
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00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,355
to pimples.
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00:04:52,355 --> 00:04:54,711
I mean, one of the other
girls, Jenny Endecott,
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lent me her crib notes,
112
00:04:56,158 --> 00:04:58,246
but I still missed boys and their body.
113
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So I rushed out and got this
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little green book.
(horrific screeching)
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00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:04,937
- Oh ...
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00:05:06,508 --> 00:05:07,878
Boys will be boys,
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as we can see very clearly
from these diagrams.
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You mustn't blame yourself, Mrs. Leonard.
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Statistics show that
girls are more proficient
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00:05:16,662 --> 00:05:18,280
in maths than boys.
121
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,675
Not to mention superior reading ability,
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00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:23,673
motor skills, emotional maturity,
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00:05:23,673 --> 00:05:26,834
and attention to personal lodging.
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00:05:26,834 --> 00:05:28,884
Makes you wonder why
we bother having boys.
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00:05:28,884 --> 00:05:30,018
- Whoa!
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What's this thing about
girls all of a sudden?
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00:05:31,981 --> 00:05:34,290
Girls can do no wrong, and boys are like,
128
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,870
a total waste of space?
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00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:36,886
(record scratching)
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00:05:36,886 --> 00:05:38,859
That isn't what I said, obviously.
131
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Goodness me, isn't that fascinating?
132
00:05:43,179 --> 00:05:45,411
- I'm glad we've had this
little chat, Mrs. Leonard.
133
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:49,261
If Lockie does his best
in Wednesday's maths test,
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00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:54,006
I think I can be persuaded
to call off the attack dogs.
135
00:05:54,006 --> 00:05:57,550
- Mr. Squasher, Lockie has
never given me anything less
136
00:05:57,550 --> 00:05:59,217
than his best, ever.
137
00:06:02,234 --> 00:06:04,629
(creaking)
138
00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:05,788
- Mum.
139
00:06:05,788 --> 00:06:09,083
Would you like a nice cup of tea?
140
00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:11,631
- What's the matter, don't you feel well?
141
00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:13,527
- Better make me some sandwiches, Mum.
142
00:06:13,527 --> 00:06:17,903
Might have to pull an
all-nighter on the moon over six.
143
00:06:17,903 --> 00:06:19,617
(crashing)
144
00:06:19,617 --> 00:06:22,261
(crashing)
145
00:06:22,261 --> 00:06:24,301
(crashing)
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00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,658
- Mum, instead of Phil and me,
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00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:29,570
do you ever wish you had two more girls?
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00:06:29,570 --> 00:06:32,079
(whimsical string music)
149
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:34,119
- No, no of course not.
150
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:37,290
I have exactly the children
I have always wanted.
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00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,761
(squeaking)
(splattering)
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- Goodness me!
153
00:06:41,552 --> 00:06:42,874
- You might have someone to talk to
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00:06:42,874 --> 00:06:45,566
about pashminas and things.
155
00:06:45,566 --> 00:06:46,935
- Parents don't spend their whole lives
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00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:49,321
obsessing about what they want,
157
00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:51,485
they live for their children.
158
00:06:51,485 --> 00:06:54,014
And all their children's
little achievements
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00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:57,041
like you doing well on your maths test.
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00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,726
- Attention stations Joy.
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00:06:58,726 --> 00:07:00,008
When're you getting to
get to this laundry?
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This war on sarcasm is
taking a toll on my shirts.
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(slamming)
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00:07:04,243 --> 00:07:05,680
What on Earth you doing, boy?
165
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,131
You're not going to get
that out with water alone.
166
00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:09,224
Here, here, here, use a cloth!
167
00:07:09,224 --> 00:07:11,245
In there, scrub, scrub, scrub.
168
00:07:11,245 --> 00:07:12,707
Scrub!
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00:07:12,707 --> 00:07:13,540
Scrub!
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00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:17,376
- But Sarge gets to do
everything he wants to do.
171
00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:20,190
His poetry, his war on sarcasm.
172
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,630
- Well I have those things too.
173
00:07:21,630 --> 00:07:24,026
- No you don't, you have housework.
174
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:27,435
- Oh, it's not just housework,
I have silly things.
175
00:07:27,435 --> 00:07:28,268
Like ...
176
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:31,113
Choosing a new wallpaper,
177
00:07:31,113 --> 00:07:34,763
or wishing I had a new sauce spoon.
178
00:07:34,763 --> 00:07:36,890
- [Lockie] Those aren't silly things.
179
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,339
- Yes they are.
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00:07:38,339 --> 00:07:39,677
Who in their right mind would hanker
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00:07:39,677 --> 00:07:41,386
after a new sauce spoon, eh?
182
00:07:41,386 --> 00:07:42,853
- You miss out all the time.
183
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,469
Last year for Christmas,
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00:07:44,469 --> 00:07:47,924
I got you a pair of plastic
gloves and a toilet brush.
185
00:07:47,924 --> 00:07:52,091
- (sighing) The colours were so cheerful!
186
00:07:55,708 --> 00:07:57,041
I love you boys.
187
00:07:58,463 --> 00:08:02,349
And I wouldn't have my life any other way.
188
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,188
If you do well on your maths test,
189
00:08:04,188 --> 00:08:07,485
you will make me the
happiest mum in the world.
190
00:08:07,485 --> 00:08:09,064
(burping)
(sighing)
191
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:11,351
(burping)
192
00:08:11,351 --> 00:08:14,177
(burping)
193
00:08:14,177 --> 00:08:15,338
(burping)
194
00:08:15,338 --> 00:08:16,991
- Oh, nice one, Blob!
195
00:08:16,991 --> 00:08:19,623
(boys cheering)
(baby squealing)
196
00:08:19,623 --> 00:08:22,660
- Do you have any sandwiches, Mum?
197
00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:23,617
(crunching)
198
00:08:23,617 --> 00:08:24,741
- [Lockie Voiceover] "I love you boys,
199
00:08:24,741 --> 00:08:26,989
"and I wouldn't have
my life any other way".
200
00:08:26,989 --> 00:08:28,196
That's what Mum would say,
201
00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:31,354
but I'd seen something she was missing.
202
00:08:31,354 --> 00:08:32,598
- There's nothing I like more than
203
00:08:32,598 --> 00:08:34,549
sitting down with a nice cup of tea
204
00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:38,227
and having a good ol' chin
wag about pashminas and bras!
205
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,472
- I know, it's heaven.
206
00:08:39,472 --> 00:08:41,636
Some bras fasten at the front, you know?
207
00:08:41,636 --> 00:08:42,509
- I know!
208
00:08:42,509 --> 00:08:44,626
And then there's others,
they fasten at the back!
209
00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:45,797
(laughing)
210
00:08:45,797 --> 00:08:46,630
- [Lockie Voiceover] I mean,
211
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,147
imagine if Blob had been my big sister,
212
00:08:48,147 --> 00:08:49,939
instead of my baby sister.
213
00:08:49,939 --> 00:08:51,394
- Lockie get out of here!
214
00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,057
I'm taking over the bathroom
for the next seven hours
215
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:54,896
for a fashion makeover.
216
00:08:54,896 --> 00:08:57,849
I need to try on all
my pashminas and bras!
217
00:08:57,849 --> 00:08:58,713
(squelching)
218
00:08:58,713 --> 00:09:02,001
- Hey, Blob, what's that you're eating?
219
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:03,237
- Lino!
220
00:09:03,237 --> 00:09:04,871
It's so yum!
221
00:09:04,871 --> 00:09:06,961
- Would you say you live
in the girly household
222
00:09:06,961 --> 00:09:10,546
or a matuary, all
male-type of a household?
223
00:09:10,546 --> 00:09:12,339
- Definitely a guy's.
224
00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,952
Farts and boiler suits,
and that's just Mum.
225
00:09:15,952 --> 00:09:17,995
And your question is?
226
00:09:17,995 --> 00:09:18,828
- Have you ever thought
227
00:09:18,828 --> 00:09:20,568
that it might've been nicer for your Mum
228
00:09:20,568 --> 00:09:22,983
if you had been born a girl?
229
00:09:22,983 --> 00:09:24,655
- My Lockie, no!
230
00:09:24,655 --> 00:09:26,754
I've never thought of that, ever!
231
00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:28,751
And I'm not sure I like
what you're implying!
232
00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:32,113
- Hey, wait up, you don't
have to get nacky about it!
233
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,785
- Excuse me, and your question is eh,
234
00:09:33,785 --> 00:09:35,791
do you think that I wish I was a chick?
235
00:09:35,791 --> 00:09:38,215
No baby, no, not this little rock star!
236
00:09:38,215 --> 00:09:40,258
- I'm just, like, asking
if your Mum, like,
237
00:09:40,258 --> 00:09:41,958
gets frustrated at having
to live with, like,
238
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:43,509
guys all the time!
239
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:45,246
- Would Mum be happy if
she wore the pants at home?
240
00:09:45,246 --> 00:09:48,237
Not a problem, girlfriend,
Mum already wears the pants!
241
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:50,782
- But, like, if there was one
single thing that you could do
242
00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:53,782
that would, like, make Mum
feel, like, so much better,
243
00:09:53,782 --> 00:09:55,788
like, what would that be?
244
00:09:55,788 --> 00:09:59,169
(birds chirping)
245
00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:01,872
- If I got a good mark in the test.
246
00:10:01,872 --> 00:10:04,667
- Why, Mr. Eggleston and Mr. Leonard,
247
00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:08,290
all fired up for tomorrow's
total humiliation?
248
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:10,528
Sorry, maths test.
249
00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:12,311
(slamming)
250
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:14,893
- You realise there have been
a number of serious complaints
251
00:10:14,893 --> 00:10:18,143
regarding your reckless use of sarcasm?
252
00:10:19,259 --> 00:10:23,383
- (sarcastically) Oh, sure.
253
00:10:23,383 --> 00:10:24,716
I'm so sorry ...
254
00:10:26,011 --> 00:10:26,844
Not.
255
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:32,375
- Take him back to his cell.
256
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:36,581
- I pulled some women's
magazines out of the library,
257
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:40,129
that were full of handy hints
about pashminas and bras.
258
00:10:40,129 --> 00:10:42,795
So if we can photocopy a
whole side of these articles,
259
00:10:42,795 --> 00:10:46,083
I can engage with Mum one on one.
260
00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:47,652
- Oh boy.
261
00:10:47,652 --> 00:10:48,485
- What?
262
00:10:49,612 --> 00:10:50,559
- Oh boy.
263
00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:51,392
- What?
264
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,634
- Dr. Squasher's maths
test, with all the answers!
265
00:10:56,634 --> 00:10:57,878
- Show me!
266
00:10:57,878 --> 00:10:58,961
No, no, wait.
267
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:01,751
No, we can't look at it.
268
00:11:01,751 --> 00:11:02,829
That's cheating.
269
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,290
- I know we can't, that's cheating.
270
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,414
(whirring)
271
00:11:06,414 --> 00:11:07,324
- What're you doing?
272
00:11:07,324 --> 00:11:08,160
- Making a copy.
273
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,916
- You can't do that, that's cheating!
274
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:11,244
- I know it is!
275
00:11:11,244 --> 00:11:12,330
(whirring)
276
00:11:12,330 --> 00:11:13,163
- What're you doing?
277
00:11:13,163 --> 00:11:14,160
- Another copy for you.
278
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,334
- I don't want a copy, that's cheating!
279
00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:17,327
- This is like a gift from god,
280
00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:21,451
which is like my dad's boss, which means,
281
00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:24,080
sometime in my life, I
must've done something
282
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,950
very, very good, and I
didn't even know I did it!
283
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:30,200
- No, Egg, Egg, you don't understand.
284
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,569
We can't cheat in Squasher's maths test,
285
00:11:32,569 --> 00:11:35,411
that's like crossing a line!
286
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:38,235
- Lockie, Lockie, Lockie, Lockie,
287
00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:42,152
let's talk about that
line for just one moment.
288
00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:46,557
This side of the line,
good things, nirvana,
289
00:11:46,557 --> 00:11:48,758
the land of milk and honey.
290
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:52,965
Ms. Lovett's Opportunity Class
for Gifted High Achievers.
291
00:11:52,965 --> 00:11:55,306
(thunderstorm crashing)
292
00:11:55,306 --> 00:11:58,306
This side of the line, old Squasher.
293
00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:02,885
(angelic ambience)
This side of the line, good!
294
00:12:02,885 --> 00:12:04,668
(thunderstorm crashing)
This side of the line,
295
00:12:04,668 --> 00:12:06,256
very bad!
296
00:12:06,256 --> 00:12:08,300
(angelic ambience)
Good!
297
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,916
(thunderstorm crashing)
Bad!
298
00:12:09,916 --> 00:12:11,884
This side of the line,
299
00:12:11,884 --> 00:12:15,634
brainiac girls will
fight to sit next to you.
300
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:18,464
- Vicki Streeton, I know.
301
00:12:18,464 --> 00:12:20,080
(girls chanting)
(heart beating)
302
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:24,269
♫ Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya
303
00:12:24,269 --> 00:12:28,436
- This side of the line,
mother's weeping with joy.
304
00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:32,693
(thunderstorm crashing)
This side of the line,
305
00:12:32,693 --> 00:12:33,776
brave smiles.
306
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:38,721
"I know you did your best, son".
307
00:12:38,721 --> 00:12:40,393
(sighing)
308
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,638
- [Lockie Voiceover] Egg nailed it.
309
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:43,133
A good result on the test would make Mum
310
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:45,539
feel a heck of a lot
better about everything.
311
00:12:45,539 --> 00:12:48,789
(supernatural humming)
312
00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:54,251
And right now, Mum needed
all the help she could get.
313
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:56,071
- How's your daughter developing?
314
00:12:56,071 --> 00:12:57,399
Crawling yet?
315
00:12:57,399 --> 00:12:59,034
- Um, no.
316
00:12:59,034 --> 00:13:02,907
- Right, but she's rolling
over, propping herself up,
317
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,490
that kind of thing?
318
00:13:05,656 --> 00:13:09,279
You know, becoming
increasingly active and aware?
319
00:13:09,279 --> 00:13:10,112
- Um, no.
320
00:13:11,944 --> 00:13:14,192
She's a bit of a Blob, really.
321
00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:15,232
- [Baby Care Worker] What's her name?
322
00:13:15,232 --> 00:13:16,737
- Blob.
323
00:13:16,737 --> 00:13:20,303
Oh, Barbara, her name's
Barbara, we just call her Blob
324
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,997
because she doesn't really do anything.
325
00:13:22,997 --> 00:13:25,124
- [Baby Care Worker] Is
Barbara feeding well?
326
00:13:25,124 --> 00:13:27,093
- Oh yes, yes, can't stop her eating!
327
00:13:27,093 --> 00:13:27,957
- Oh!
328
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,824
What does Barbara like to eat?
329
00:13:29,824 --> 00:13:31,040
- Her favourite?
330
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,660
That would have to be the lino.
331
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:35,610
She loves eating the lino.
332
00:13:35,610 --> 00:13:37,777
Sometimes wallpaper, sofa.
333
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,675
Well, she enjoys all the
household furnishings, really.
334
00:13:41,675 --> 00:13:43,551
- Well, praise the lord and hallelujah,
335
00:13:43,551 --> 00:13:46,551
that's something to be grateful for.
336
00:13:48,585 --> 00:13:50,090
(slamming)
337
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:51,465
(sarcastically) Do I get anything to eat?
338
00:13:51,465 --> 00:13:54,251
Or is that way too much
trouble for everyone?
339
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,251
(beeping)
340
00:13:57,251 --> 00:13:59,369
- [Lockie Voiceover] Okay,
here's the situation.
341
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:02,109
I brought the stupid bit of
paper home with me, but so far,
342
00:14:02,109 --> 00:14:06,421
I haven't been able to
bring myself to look at it.
343
00:14:06,421 --> 00:14:07,555
Meanwhile, the rest of the family,
344
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,505
knowing how pathetic I was at math,
345
00:14:09,505 --> 00:14:11,812
are lining up to tell me
that whatever happened
346
00:14:11,812 --> 00:14:13,502
I wouldn't lose their respect.
347
00:14:13,502 --> 00:14:14,589
- You know, don't you Lockie,
348
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:17,784
my love for you will never depend
349
00:14:17,784 --> 00:14:19,697
on some silly old maths test.
350
00:14:19,697 --> 00:14:21,527
And besides!
351
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,858
What we know about boys and maths?
352
00:14:23,858 --> 00:14:25,019
- Maybe we should get the old Phillip
353
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,434
to give you a bit of last minute coaching?
354
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,273
I know he's three years
younger and in primary school,
355
00:14:29,273 --> 00:14:32,542
but gee whiz, he knows how
to make those figures fly.
356
00:14:32,542 --> 00:14:34,874
- I have better things
to do than waste my time
357
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,996
with a boy who is
incapable of even grasping
358
00:14:37,996 --> 00:14:40,688
the simplest of mathematical concepts.
359
00:14:40,688 --> 00:14:44,543
Don't you have any desire to
make use of your pitiful brain?
360
00:14:44,543 --> 00:14:46,103
(bell ringing)
361
00:14:46,103 --> 00:14:49,753
- Phillip, you know what happens
to people who use sarcasm.
362
00:14:49,753 --> 00:14:53,143
(blade scraping)
363
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:55,088
(supernatural whirring)
364
00:14:55,088 --> 00:14:57,391
- [Lockie Voiceover] To
cheat, or not to cheat?
365
00:14:57,391 --> 00:15:00,419
This is the question being
asked all across Angelus.
366
00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:01,747
- Yes, Geoff?
367
00:15:01,747 --> 00:15:03,363
- Uh ...
368
00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:06,995
Just wondering how the sermon was going.
369
00:15:06,995 --> 00:15:08,156
You know?
370
00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:09,073
Sun-Sunday?
371
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:12,196
- Oh, since you asked,
372
00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:14,945
I think I might go a bit of Old Testament.
373
00:15:14,945 --> 00:15:18,103
You know, fire and brimstone.
374
00:15:18,103 --> 00:15:19,896
Be sure if you are
sinning, he'll find you out
375
00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:21,735
kind of thing.
376
00:15:21,735 --> 00:15:25,246
Do the right thing, or you'll
be afflicted with boils
377
00:15:25,246 --> 00:15:27,178
and eternal torment.
378
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:31,459
And then wrap up with a couple
gags and a song, and get off.
379
00:15:31,459 --> 00:15:34,580
- Oh, that should turn a few lives around.
380
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:35,413
Not.
381
00:15:36,447 --> 00:15:39,038
(slamming)
382
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:41,193
(creaking)
383
00:15:41,193 --> 00:15:44,360
(foreboding ambience)
384
00:15:46,385 --> 00:15:50,426
- (screaming) Lockie, get out of here!
385
00:15:50,426 --> 00:15:51,509
- Sorry Blob!
386
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,361
- Hey, Lockie.
387
00:15:55,361 --> 00:15:56,977
You know how I'm not real,
388
00:15:56,977 --> 00:15:59,187
but I know everything you think and do?
389
00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:00,060
- Yeah?
390
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,769
- Well, I think that because you're a boy
391
00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:04,974
and boys always do really stupid
things, like all the time,
392
00:16:04,974 --> 00:16:07,546
I think whatever you decide
to do about the test,
393
00:16:07,546 --> 00:16:10,621
it's going to end up really
horribly, and hurt Mum.
394
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,274
- Gee, thanks Blob.
395
00:16:12,274 --> 00:16:15,395
- And keep your hands off my lino!
396
00:16:15,395 --> 00:16:17,645
(creaking)
397
00:16:21,506 --> 00:16:23,345
- [Mum And Sarge] Night Lockie!
398
00:16:23,345 --> 00:16:24,766
- Night Mum!
399
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:25,766
Night Sarge!
400
00:16:26,893 --> 00:16:28,893
- Night Albert Einstein!
401
00:16:29,893 --> 00:16:31,305
(slamming)
402
00:16:31,305 --> 00:16:32,884
- Goodnight Mr. Squasher!
403
00:16:32,884 --> 00:16:34,212
Sleep well!
404
00:16:34,212 --> 00:16:35,336
- Thank you!
405
00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:36,831
Goodnight Mrs. Eggelston!
406
00:16:36,831 --> 00:16:38,039
- Goodnight Mr. Squasher!
407
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,534
Goodnight Phillip!
408
00:16:39,534 --> 00:16:41,401
- Goodnight Mrs. Eggelston!
409
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,701
Goodnight all!
410
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,488
- [All] Goodnight Phillip!
411
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:46,435
(peaceful ambient music)
412
00:16:46,435 --> 00:16:47,866
- Next morning, before school,
413
00:16:47,866 --> 00:16:49,366
I went for a surf.
414
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,779
I've always found that
when it's just you, alone,
415
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,943
with the sky and the ocean,
416
00:16:54,943 --> 00:16:56,494
your problems are all diminished
417
00:16:56,494 --> 00:16:59,559
and the answers become crystal clear.
418
00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:01,863
(waves crashing)
419
00:17:01,863 --> 00:17:03,780
Well, most of the time.
420
00:17:04,658 --> 00:17:06,367
You're really gonna cheat?
421
00:17:06,367 --> 00:17:07,200
- Do right!
422
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,151
My ticket out of here.
423
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:11,901
Fork in the road, to
the victors, the spoils.
424
00:17:13,222 --> 00:17:14,346
See look.
425
00:17:14,346 --> 00:17:16,435
There's the line.
- Hey.
426
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:18,768
I understand about the line.
427
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,265
- I've got the answers stuffed in my shoe.
428
00:17:24,265 --> 00:17:25,515
What about you?
429
00:17:28,417 --> 00:17:29,250
- Same.
430
00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:33,330
(papers flapping)
431
00:17:41,485 --> 00:17:44,818
(supernatural whirring)
432
00:17:46,268 --> 00:17:47,810
- This side of the line,
433
00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:51,060
you'll find the land of milk and honey.
434
00:17:52,259 --> 00:17:55,584
This side of the line, old Squasher.
435
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:56,917
24/7.
436
00:17:58,835 --> 00:18:00,916
- I've always known that one day
437
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:03,126
Lockie would do something
that would make me
438
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:05,626
the happiest Mum in the world.
439
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:11,373
- You may begin the mathematics test.
440
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:20,228
(girls chanting)
441
00:18:20,228 --> 00:18:22,513
♫ Kumbaya, my lord
- Now here's your milk.
442
00:18:22,513 --> 00:18:25,012
♫ Kumbaya
- And here's your honey.
443
00:18:25,012 --> 00:18:26,414
♫ Kumbaya, my lord
- You're just in time, Lockie.
444
00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:28,114
Today's show and tell,
and we'll be locking at
445
00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:32,197
pashminas and our bras.
♫ Kumbaya
446
00:18:33,668 --> 00:18:36,157
(heavily sighing)
447
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:39,990
(foreboding orchestral music)
448
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,052
- I did it, I cheated!
449
00:18:44,052 --> 00:18:46,300
We'll both get top marks!
450
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,758
- Really?
451
00:18:47,758 --> 00:18:49,959
That's very good.
452
00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:50,925
Well done.
453
00:18:50,925 --> 00:18:52,588
- What?
454
00:18:52,588 --> 00:18:56,201
- I, um ... (clearing throat)
455
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,034
I choked.
456
00:18:58,114 --> 00:19:00,455
Sorry mate, I couldn't go through with it!
457
00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:03,492
- I only did it because you
said you were going to do it!
458
00:19:03,492 --> 00:19:07,319
- Yeah, but, you see, I'm
in a tricky situation.
459
00:19:07,319 --> 00:19:10,885
My dad's the minister.
- Well my dad's the cop!
460
00:19:10,885 --> 00:19:13,059
You think that's any
better than you for me?
461
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:17,264
- I stared temptation in the
face, and put it all behind me.
462
00:19:17,264 --> 00:19:21,431
I feel strangely cleansed.
(angelic ambience)
463
00:19:30,204 --> 00:19:34,037
- These test results, I
must say, are unusual,
464
00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:37,304
even extraordinary.
465
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:43,207
And were it not for my
long years of achievement
466
00:19:43,207 --> 00:19:46,207
as a teacher of the finest quality,
467
00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:48,874
I'd suggest they'd beg a belief.
468
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,081
Leonard.
469
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:56,508
Stand and accept the
praise that is your due.
470
00:19:56,508 --> 00:19:58,923
Scoring-
- 37%!
471
00:19:58,923 --> 00:20:02,424
Oh, you've made me the
happiest Mum in the world!
472
00:20:02,424 --> 00:20:04,310
Oh, who needs girls when I've got
473
00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:06,381
a master mathematician, eh?
474
00:20:06,381 --> 00:20:09,118
- G'day, Mum, my pleasure.
475
00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:10,362
- This makes no sense!
476
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:12,529
It defies all known logic!
477
00:20:13,474 --> 00:20:14,979
(supernatural humming)
478
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:16,715
- What a hero!
479
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,022
You don't think you're gonna
get away with this, do you?
480
00:20:19,022 --> 00:20:21,270
(crunching)
481
00:20:21,270 --> 00:20:25,020
(sentimental acoustic music)
482
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:26,932
- Mum.
483
00:20:28,106 --> 00:20:29,856
We have to talk, now.
484
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,369
Okay, so this is interesting.
485
00:20:35,369 --> 00:20:38,369
What we're seeing here is
the worst moment of my life.
486
00:20:38,369 --> 00:20:40,202
Rock bottom, bar none.
487
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,728
- Clean wrap over the toilet seat.
488
00:20:43,728 --> 00:20:44,728
Fair enough.
489
00:20:45,688 --> 00:20:47,163
I'll even accept waving school at a pinch
490
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:50,663
of the surf's up when the
ocean's calling your name.
491
00:20:50,663 --> 00:20:52,413
But cheating, Lockie.
492
00:20:55,781 --> 00:20:56,951
That strikes at the very core
493
00:20:56,951 --> 00:21:00,276
of what this family believes in.
494
00:21:00,276 --> 00:21:03,945
- There's nothing I can say, Sarge.
495
00:21:03,945 --> 00:21:08,032
- We had a contract,
an unwritten contract.
496
00:21:08,032 --> 00:21:10,949
You were my son, and I trusted you.
497
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,227
Now I feel as if we've crossed a line.
498
00:21:17,227 --> 00:21:20,097
- [Lockie Voiceover] No
Sarge, not the line again!
499
00:21:20,097 --> 00:21:21,676
- Was it us, Mum?
500
00:21:21,676 --> 00:21:23,719
Did we get things so terribly wrong?
501
00:21:23,719 --> 00:21:27,219
- No guys, please, don't blame yourselves.
502
00:21:29,459 --> 00:21:33,450
I just thought that if Mum
thought I was good at maths
503
00:21:33,450 --> 00:21:36,360
then it would make up
for me not being a girl.
504
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:37,443
- Oh, Lockie.
505
00:21:38,989 --> 00:21:42,945
I told you, I love the kids that I have.
506
00:21:42,945 --> 00:21:45,314
The order in which they were born,
507
00:21:45,314 --> 00:21:49,057
and the flaws they were each born with,
508
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:53,224
which, by the way, I accept
full and total responsibility.
509
00:21:58,354 --> 00:22:00,771
- I'll make it up, I promise!
510
00:22:02,617 --> 00:22:04,856
Okay, if you don't want
to see Lockie Leonard,
511
00:22:04,856 --> 00:22:07,391
age 12 and three-quarters
bawling his eyes out,
512
00:22:07,391 --> 00:22:08,891
I'd turn away now.
513
00:22:11,589 --> 00:22:15,045
- I know someone you need
to make it up to, Lockie.
514
00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:15,878
Big time.
515
00:22:17,139 --> 00:22:18,509
- [Lockie Voiceover] Goodbye, Ms. Lovett.
516
00:22:18,509 --> 00:22:22,942
Farewell land of milk and
honey, and brainiac girls.
517
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,710
It didn't take long for
things to get back to normal.
518
00:22:25,710 --> 00:22:29,377
Next test, actually.
- Eggleston and Leonard.
519
00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:32,011
Now I'll be the first
520
00:22:33,512 --> 00:22:35,179
to offer both of you
521
00:22:36,057 --> 00:22:37,831
my heartiest commiserations
522
00:22:37,831 --> 00:22:40,414
as you fail and fail abysmally.
523
00:22:43,413 --> 00:22:47,853
Indeed, I'm feeling
misty-eyed with nostalgia.
524
00:22:47,853 --> 00:22:50,353
Quite like old times, Leonard.
525
00:22:52,478 --> 00:22:53,398
- [Both] Yeah!
526
00:22:53,398 --> 00:22:56,398
(upbeat rock music)
527
00:23:04,961 --> 00:23:07,265
♫ Oo
528
00:23:07,265 --> 00:23:10,255
♫ Oo oo oo
529
00:23:10,255 --> 00:23:12,505
♫ Oo oo oo
530
00:23:13,506 --> 00:23:15,756
♫ Oo oo oo
531
00:23:17,974 --> 00:23:21,206
♫ Boy is breaking
532
00:23:21,206 --> 00:23:25,206
♫ Underneath the world's strain
533
00:23:30,791 --> 00:23:33,318
♫ Walked away from anyone
534
00:23:33,318 --> 00:23:36,726
♫ They were burning
themselves out in the sun
535
00:23:36,726 --> 00:23:39,596
♫ Walked away from anyone
536
00:23:39,596 --> 00:23:43,005
♫ They were burning
themselves out in the sun
537
00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:47,172
♫ It was just enough to get that ball away
538
00:23:49,915 --> 00:23:51,996
♫ Oo
539
00:23:51,996 --> 00:23:54,246
♫ Oo oo oo
38598
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