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1
00:00:03,411 --> 00:00:05,730
Brexit hasn't made us any happier.
2
00:00:05,731 --> 00:00:08,250
The country remains as divided
as ever,
3
00:00:08,251 --> 00:00:11,330
so we ask,
have the people had a gut full?
4
00:00:11,331 --> 00:00:12,850
Right, you slag!
5
00:00:12,851 --> 00:00:14,530
Not in the moustache!
6
00:00:14,531 --> 00:00:16,850
What a bloody mess...
7
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:18,810
But the government have
been in touch,
8
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:21,490
they want us to do what we do best,
cheer up Britain.
9
00:00:21,491 --> 00:00:22,650
You up for it?
10
00:00:22,651 --> 00:00:24,970
I'm a huge believer
in the power of yes,
11
00:00:24,971 --> 00:00:25,850
so, yes.
12
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:27,730
But we are all going to have
to up our game,
13
00:00:27,731 --> 00:00:30,050
so I'll be aiming to do one royal
duty every two days.
14
00:00:30,051 --> 00:00:31,530
What?! I know.
15
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,290
And only some of them will be
sporting events
16
00:00:33,291 --> 00:00:34,690
I would've gone to anyway.
DOOR OPENS
17
00:00:34,691 --> 00:00:36,571
Sorry I'm late. No probs, bro.
18
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,651
Whoa!
19
00:00:40,371 --> 00:00:41,850
Namaste.
20
00:00:41,851 --> 00:00:44,730
You look different.
Well, actually, you know what,
21
00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:46,010
I feel different.
22
00:00:46,011 --> 00:00:47,730
I can't see any change.
23
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:50,770
Mind you, we just got back from six
weeks in a wellness centre.
24
00:00:50,771 --> 00:00:52,611
Given up alcohol. Never felt better.
25
00:00:56,771 --> 00:00:58,730
We're brainstorming a way
to cheer up the country.
26
00:00:58,731 --> 00:01:00,650
Well, the public love it
when we have babies.
27
00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:02,450
Maybe I could get you up
the duff again, Meghan.
28
00:01:02,451 --> 00:01:03,730
It's a little soon.
29
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,570
Well, what if I pop a nodder on?
30
00:01:05,571 --> 00:01:09,050
I could go on a speaking tour
telling people not to eat avocados!
31
00:01:09,051 --> 00:01:10,690
This may be a super food,
32
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:13,410
but the way this food's produced
is anything but super.
33
00:01:13,411 --> 00:01:14,810
Are you sure that's a good idea?
34
00:01:14,811 --> 00:01:18,090
Do you think I want to speak
out against avocados?
35
00:01:18,091 --> 00:01:21,010
Can you imagine what a bitter
blow it was for me personally
36
00:01:21,011 --> 00:01:23,330
to find out that the food I love,
37
00:01:23,331 --> 00:01:26,890
the food packed with omega 3 oils,
proteins and vitamins,
38
00:01:26,891 --> 00:01:28,691
is unsustainably produced?
39
00:01:29,851 --> 00:01:31,250
Right...
40
00:01:31,251 --> 00:01:33,610
Well, I for one think it's great
to be given a mission.
41
00:01:33,611 --> 00:01:36,290
Sometimes my life can feel
a little bit pointless.
42
00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:37,410
Hey.
43
00:01:37,411 --> 00:01:38,850
You've already done your bit.
44
00:01:38,851 --> 00:01:41,170
You've produced three wonderful
healthy children,
45
00:01:41,171 --> 00:01:43,130
then, lost all the weight.
46
00:01:43,131 --> 00:01:44,690
Mm...
47
00:01:44,691 --> 00:01:45,850
Children!
48
00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:49,370
I could colour co-ordinate them in
lavender and take them to Lego Land.
49
00:01:49,371 --> 00:01:51,290
What British subject
wouldn't love that?
50
00:01:51,291 --> 00:01:53,210
Brilliant.
51
00:01:53,211 --> 00:01:57,090
Let's bring people together and
put a smile back on Britain's face.
52
00:01:57,091 --> 00:01:59,170
Let's do this thing!
53
00:01:59,171 --> 00:02:02,130
So, we're agreed,
we're all going on strike.
54
00:02:02,131 --> 00:02:05,650
A 4% rise in the sovereign
grant is ridiculous.
55
00:02:05,651 --> 00:02:07,490
Yes, it is a bit low,
56
00:02:07,491 --> 00:02:10,970
and I built up rather a lot of debt
when my key cutting bar went bust.
57
00:02:10,971 --> 00:02:13,330
With my track record,
I can hardly go to the banks.
58
00:02:13,331 --> 00:02:15,330
PHONE VIBRATES
59
00:02:15,331 --> 00:02:19,730
Yeah, this whole Epstein thing's
put quite a dent in my, erm,
60
00:02:19,731 --> 00:02:21,410
other income streams.
61
00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,450
Oh, yes, your nonce chum
who hanged himself.
62
00:02:24,451 --> 00:02:27,330
Hey, I just used to go to
his parties, fly on his jet
63
00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:28,930
and stay in his house.
64
00:02:28,931 --> 00:02:31,010
I was never his friend.
65
00:02:31,011 --> 00:02:33,970
I thought the government was
asking us to cheer up Britain.
66
00:02:33,971 --> 00:02:36,690
That's why I've
got my party clothes on.
67
00:02:36,691 --> 00:02:39,970
Which is why it's the perfect time,
when they need us most.
68
00:02:39,971 --> 00:02:42,890
Oh, I've just seen,
the Chelsea Flower Show's coming up.
69
00:02:42,891 --> 00:02:46,010
It can't go ahead if there isn't
a senior royal to open it.
70
00:02:46,011 --> 00:02:48,330
Which is why we should strike now.
71
00:02:48,331 --> 00:02:50,370
Are you with me?
72
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,611
ALL: Yes!
73
00:02:53,371 --> 00:02:55,091
Everybody out.
74
00:03:00,011 --> 00:03:02,011
MUSIC: Rule Britannia
75
00:03:16,011 --> 00:03:18,890
Feels like I haven't seen
you for ages, Eugenie.
76
00:03:18,891 --> 00:03:20,770
Sorry Bea.
77
00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:22,570
Been so busy, honeymoon,
78
00:03:22,571 --> 00:03:25,050
doing up the house, being married.
79
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:26,610
Wish I was married,
80
00:03:26,611 --> 00:03:28,890
or at least engaged.
81
00:03:28,891 --> 00:03:31,250
It'll happen. You're only 30.
82
00:03:31,251 --> 00:03:33,650
I'm 31. Oh.
83
00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:37,730
Anyway, I've thought of a great new
idea for a business. Right.
84
00:03:37,731 --> 00:03:40,610
You know how all the top celebs are
releasing their own drinks range?
85
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:42,290
Well, I've thought of one for us.
86
00:03:42,291 --> 00:03:43,570
Gin voddy rum.
87
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,370
Gin vodka and rum,
88
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:47,370
all in one handy bottle.
89
00:03:47,371 --> 00:03:48,770
Did you get this idea
90
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:51,570
because Jack's a tequila
ambassador for George Clooney?
91
00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:53,931
No, I got it from watching
Mummy pour a drink.
92
00:03:55,171 --> 00:03:56,250
So, what do you think?
93
00:03:56,251 --> 00:03:59,970
Sorry, Bea, I'm in a different
place in my life right now.
94
00:03:59,971 --> 00:04:02,850
I'm married,
and Jack's doing really well.
95
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:05,170
We've decided, as a couple,
96
00:04:05,171 --> 00:04:08,690
that I should just put my feet up
for the next 60 years.
97
00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:10,371
Hello, Beatrice. Hi, Jack.
98
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:13,770
I'm just off to work.
99
00:04:13,771 --> 00:04:16,570
Have a good day, darling. Tequila!
100
00:04:16,571 --> 00:04:17,731
Shot!
101
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,090
Look, Bea, you're not married,
102
00:04:23,091 --> 00:04:25,370
you've got time on your hands.
103
00:04:25,371 --> 00:04:27,210
Why don't you do it?
104
00:04:27,211 --> 00:04:30,130
What, on my own? Yes.
105
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:32,890
To be honest, all that "I want to do
something with my life" stuff
106
00:04:32,891 --> 00:04:34,691
was way more your thing, anyway.
107
00:04:36,051 --> 00:04:37,730
OK, well,
108
00:04:37,731 --> 00:04:39,411
better be off, then...
109
00:04:41,131 --> 00:04:43,371
You can do it, Bea!
110
00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:50,050
Right...
111
00:04:50,051 --> 00:04:51,571
Storage Hunters.
112
00:04:58,691 --> 00:04:59,890
Hello.
113
00:04:59,891 --> 00:05:02,410
Camilla, what are you doing here?
114
00:05:02,411 --> 00:05:04,050
I thought you were in Mustique,
115
00:05:04,051 --> 00:05:06,010
giving it the full
Princess Margaret.
116
00:05:06,011 --> 00:05:08,290
They ran out of fags.
117
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:09,530
What the hell is this?
118
00:05:09,531 --> 00:05:12,091
I've gone on strike.
All the siblings have.
119
00:05:13,891 --> 00:05:16,450
The Prince of Wales earns just
120
00:05:16,451 --> 00:05:19,451
130 times more than a doctor.
121
00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:21,570
You fuckwit!
122
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,610
When I'm king,
which will be any day now,
123
00:05:24,611 --> 00:05:27,130
I shall need a salary that
befits a king.
124
00:05:27,131 --> 00:05:28,730
What you need is sectioning.
125
00:05:28,731 --> 00:05:30,570
Oh, contraire Camilla.
126
00:05:30,571 --> 00:05:33,890
This strike action is going to prove
that I shall be a strong king,
127
00:05:33,891 --> 00:05:35,730
making my own decisions.
128
00:05:35,731 --> 00:05:38,290
I see the Fab Four aren't on strike.
129
00:05:38,291 --> 00:05:39,490
I didn't ask them.
130
00:05:39,491 --> 00:05:42,010
Just makes them more popular
and you more irrelevant.
131
00:05:42,011 --> 00:05:44,890
Camilla, you underestimate
132
00:05:44,891 --> 00:05:49,250
the raw charisma of us
older princes.
133
00:05:49,251 --> 00:05:50,690
Are you joking?
134
00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:53,210
NEWS REPORT: Following the ceremony,
the Duchess of Sussex...
135
00:05:53,211 --> 00:05:56,170
Scratch card buying scum love them.
136
00:05:56,171 --> 00:05:58,451
I need to drive a wedge
between them...
137
00:05:59,931 --> 00:06:01,170
..but how?
138
00:06:01,171 --> 00:06:05,090
MEGHAN: And if you know someone
who's struggling, why don't you
139
00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:07,730
give them a banana with
a validating slogan up the side?
140
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:09,570
What's the worst that could happen?
141
00:06:09,571 --> 00:06:10,970
They'd get a free banana.
142
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:15,890
But now, I'd like to say a little
something about avocados...
143
00:06:15,891 --> 00:06:18,210
It saddens me that this super food
144
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,011
is causing the indigenous tribes
of the Andes Mountain...
145
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:24,851
Hm.
146
00:06:31,171 --> 00:06:32,611
DOORBELL
147
00:06:36,571 --> 00:06:38,290
Hello?
148
00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,570
Hello, my dear.
149
00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:42,090
Camilla, you startled me.
150
00:06:42,091 --> 00:06:43,171
May I?
151
00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:48,370
I wanted to congratulate
you in person
152
00:06:48,371 --> 00:06:51,610
on your recent addresses
on fruit and veg.
153
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:55,170
Bananas and avocados are something
I feel passionate about.
154
00:06:55,171 --> 00:06:58,730
And it's only right that you
share your positive energy
155
00:06:58,731 --> 00:07:01,370
and life lessons with others.
156
00:07:01,371 --> 00:07:03,250
You really get me, don't you?
157
00:07:03,251 --> 00:07:04,531
Oh, yes.
158
00:07:06,211 --> 00:07:08,130
But does Kate?
159
00:07:08,131 --> 00:07:09,211
I don't know.
160
00:07:10,251 --> 00:07:11,931
Doesn't she? Well...
161
00:07:13,011 --> 00:07:14,890
..I shouldn't.
162
00:07:14,891 --> 00:07:16,650
Please, share.
163
00:07:16,651 --> 00:07:18,050
I hate to be a gossip,
164
00:07:18,051 --> 00:07:21,010
but the other day when you were
making your speech,
165
00:07:21,011 --> 00:07:25,331
I happened to notice Kate being
less than supportive...
166
00:07:26,931 --> 00:07:28,770
Oh, my God!
167
00:07:28,771 --> 00:07:30,731
She's mocking me. Yes...
168
00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,130
And it gets worse.
169
00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:36,971
I have the actual banana
she was writing on.
170
00:07:38,451 --> 00:07:40,770
"That nosy Yank
should shut her gob."
171
00:07:40,771 --> 00:07:42,210
Oh, my God!
172
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,611
There's something on the back.
173
00:07:46,691 --> 00:07:48,450
"Fucking slag."
174
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:50,490
That doesn't sound like Kate.
175
00:07:50,491 --> 00:07:52,451
Well, she hasn't always been royal.
176
00:07:53,571 --> 00:07:56,210
Please, what should I do, Camilla?
177
00:07:56,211 --> 00:07:57,570
Go your own way,
178
00:07:57,571 --> 00:07:59,330
separate your two houses.
179
00:07:59,331 --> 00:08:02,251
Really? They've never
appreciated your unique voice.
180
00:08:03,411 --> 00:08:07,210
In fact, why not move to
North America and use it more?
181
00:08:07,211 --> 00:08:10,211
Speak out on literally anything
that comes in to your head.
182
00:08:12,211 --> 00:08:14,530
Thank you, Camilla.
183
00:08:14,531 --> 00:08:19,090
It's good to know in the royal
family I have at least one friend.
184
00:08:19,091 --> 00:08:21,130
Yes...
185
00:08:21,131 --> 00:08:22,451
You do.
186
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,571
What the...? Jack?
187
00:08:34,811 --> 00:08:36,690
Oh, hello, Eugenie.
188
00:08:36,691 --> 00:08:39,090
I just popped out of the office
for a spot of fresh air.
189
00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:40,811
The office is miles away.
190
00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:43,570
What's going on?
191
00:08:43,571 --> 00:08:46,290
Oh, Eugenie, I've been sacked.
192
00:08:46,291 --> 00:08:48,570
When? Two months ago.
193
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,530
What?
194
00:08:49,531 --> 00:08:51,970
I couldn't face telling you
so every day I've been putting on
195
00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:54,290
my work stuff and coming
out here and feeding the ducks.
196
00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:56,010
Is that why all the ducks are drunk?
197
00:08:56,011 --> 00:08:58,651
When you run out of bread to feed
them and you've got nothing else...
198
00:09:00,731 --> 00:09:02,730
Why didn't you tell me?
199
00:09:02,731 --> 00:09:04,530
I was ashamed.
200
00:09:04,531 --> 00:09:06,810
That smarmy faced fucker.
201
00:09:06,811 --> 00:09:08,810
This is not George Clooney's fault.
202
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:12,650
Well, anyway, there's more to life
than tequila.
203
00:09:12,651 --> 00:09:13,731
Shot!
204
00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:17,130
You should've said.
205
00:09:17,131 --> 00:09:18,690
We're in this together.
206
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:20,170
Better for worse.
207
00:09:20,171 --> 00:09:22,170
Richer for poorer.
208
00:09:22,171 --> 00:09:24,050
Now, what else can you do?
209
00:09:24,051 --> 00:09:25,330
Nothing.
210
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,331
I went straight in to the
hospitality industry from school.
211
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,331
It's all I know, Eugenie!
212
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:37,050
Poor Jack.
213
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:39,370
So, there's no money
coming in to the house at all.
214
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,410
I'll just have to... Get a job?
215
00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:44,370
I was going to say ask
Dad for 200 grand.
216
00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:47,691
Bad timing,
he's got a lot of legal bills.
217
00:09:49,091 --> 00:09:50,490
I've got an idea.
218
00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:53,530
You could come and work with me.
In fact, both of you could.
219
00:09:53,531 --> 00:09:56,610
This is right in Jack's wheelhouse.
220
00:09:56,611 --> 00:09:58,450
Really, you'd do that?
221
00:09:58,451 --> 00:09:59,730
After I let you down?
222
00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:02,691
Of course. We're sisters, aren't we?
223
00:10:07,371 --> 00:10:09,370
Brothers and sisters in the union
224
00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:11,850
Father, uncle and aunt
225
00:10:11,851 --> 00:10:14,330
Striving together for a rise
226
00:10:14,331 --> 00:10:16,890
In the sovereign grant...
227
00:10:16,891 --> 00:10:18,770
This is very clever,
228
00:10:18,771 --> 00:10:21,050
warmth comes out of it.
229
00:10:21,051 --> 00:10:22,370
I might get one for my house.
230
00:10:22,371 --> 00:10:25,330
Oh? How do you heat it
at the moment? I don't.
231
00:10:25,331 --> 00:10:29,730
I say Charlie boy, this strike
doesn't really seem to be biting.
232
00:10:29,731 --> 00:10:32,770
Is there any way we can put
a rocket under this thing?
233
00:10:32,771 --> 00:10:34,570
Yes.
234
00:10:34,571 --> 00:10:35,851
I think there is.
235
00:10:43,051 --> 00:10:46,050
Dad, what did you want
to see me about?
236
00:10:46,051 --> 00:10:48,050
I want you to join our strike.
237
00:10:48,051 --> 00:10:49,250
You're on strike?
238
00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:52,410
Meh, no-one's taken
much notice so far.
239
00:10:52,411 --> 00:10:55,850
It seems if we're not actually there
to open a leisure centre,
240
00:10:55,851 --> 00:10:58,130
after some initial confusion,
241
00:10:58,131 --> 00:11:00,410
they just use the leisure centre.
242
00:11:00,411 --> 00:11:01,570
I see.
243
00:11:01,571 --> 00:11:04,770
I thought if you younger,
more popular royals...
244
00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:07,130
When the government's asked us
to cheer up the nation?
245
00:11:07,131 --> 00:11:08,570
But that's why it's
the perfect time.
246
00:11:08,571 --> 00:11:10,330
With the country going
right down the shitter!
247
00:11:10,331 --> 00:11:11,850
Not my words. Andrew Marr's.
248
00:11:11,851 --> 00:11:13,330
My answer is no.
249
00:11:13,331 --> 00:11:16,010
Does family loyalty mean
nothing to you?
250
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:17,410
The country needs healing.
251
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,850
Do you know what I saw yesterday?
252
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:20,690
A van driver shout
"wanker" at a 40-year-old man
253
00:11:20,691 --> 00:11:23,250
just because he was on a skateboard
reading a comic.
254
00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,850
I see...
255
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,130
Well, if you have no loyalty to me,
256
00:11:27,131 --> 00:11:28,610
what about your children?
257
00:11:28,611 --> 00:11:30,250
You leave my children out of this.
258
00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:31,890
But they're already in it.
259
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:35,290
Think what their lives will be
like in 20, 30 years' time,
260
00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:38,171
forced to live on as little
as £4 million a year.
261
00:11:40,011 --> 00:11:41,690
Well, that's not too bad.
262
00:11:41,691 --> 00:11:44,050
Think of your little girl,
Charlotte,
263
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:47,170
no longer having exclusive
use of two royal chauffeurs
264
00:11:47,171 --> 00:11:51,690
but having to share chauffeurs
in some kind of regal car pool.
265
00:11:51,691 --> 00:11:53,131
HE RETCHES
266
00:11:54,851 --> 00:11:56,490
All right...
267
00:11:56,491 --> 00:11:58,810
I'll join your strike,
268
00:11:58,811 --> 00:12:00,611
and may Lady Britannia
have mercy on my soul.
269
00:12:03,811 --> 00:12:05,890
Well done.
270
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:08,210
Maybe you're not such
a fuckwit after all.
271
00:12:08,211 --> 00:12:09,970
Oh, well thank you my dear.
272
00:12:09,971 --> 00:12:11,611
Does that mean we could, er...?
273
00:12:12,891 --> 00:12:15,690
I don't think we need
to tackle those stairs.
274
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,651
Yes... Urr...
275
00:12:21,691 --> 00:12:23,530
Harry, Meghan, please pick up.
276
00:12:23,531 --> 00:12:25,890
The Fab Four has to join the strike
for the sake of the children.
277
00:12:25,891 --> 00:12:27,410
Call me when you get this.
278
00:12:27,411 --> 00:12:29,930
Still not answering?
I wonder where they can be.
279
00:12:29,931 --> 00:12:32,770
Hey, Siri, open Instagram, please.
280
00:12:32,771 --> 00:12:34,411
I'm on Meghan's feed.
281
00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:37,930
They're doing a live stream.
282
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,290
It is with a heavy heart
that I announce
283
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:44,250
the separation of the House of
Sussex from the House of Cambridge,
284
00:12:44,251 --> 00:12:46,251
and our move to North America.
285
00:12:48,331 --> 00:12:50,291
We are consciously uncoupling.
286
00:12:52,091 --> 00:12:55,010
We feel that if we were to
stay in the UK,
287
00:12:55,011 --> 00:12:58,170
it would simply be another
way of silencing us,
288
00:12:58,171 --> 00:13:02,010
and if your lips are sealed,
your message cannot be heard.
289
00:13:02,011 --> 00:13:04,610
REPORTER: Harry, how are you finding
life without alcohol?
290
00:13:04,611 --> 00:13:06,010
Er, love it.
291
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:07,690
Hasn't been an ordeal at all,
292
00:13:07,691 --> 00:13:11,010
and I'm certainly not seeing bats
and mice in my peripheral vision!
293
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:13,450
REPORTER: Meghan, have you got
a message for Wills and Kate?
294
00:13:13,451 --> 00:13:14,730
Yes.
295
00:13:14,731 --> 00:13:17,010
The Fab Four are over.
296
00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:19,850
Ah! What was that?
297
00:13:19,851 --> 00:13:21,490
Oh, my God.
298
00:13:21,491 --> 00:13:23,051
This is a feud.
299
00:13:32,051 --> 00:13:34,370
That was the government again,
they're begging us
300
00:13:34,371 --> 00:13:35,690
to open the Chelsea Flower Show.
301
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,370
Without a senior royal it can't go
302
00:13:37,371 --> 00:13:39,730
ahead and that could lead to civil
disorder.
303
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,650
There could be tanks on the streets
of Kensington and Chelsea.
304
00:13:41,651 --> 00:13:43,050
Well, maybe we should.
305
00:13:43,051 --> 00:13:44,770
Not just to heal Britain,
306
00:13:44,771 --> 00:13:47,610
but for the corporate sponsors who
have paid a million pounds to turn
307
00:13:47,611 --> 00:13:50,330
a small plot in Chelsea in to an old
shed with some flowers on the roof.
308
00:13:50,331 --> 00:13:52,330
But I'd be going against my father.
309
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:55,290
Oh, agony Kate. Oh, Wills.
310
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:58,610
And there's another thing,
Wimbledon's just weeks away,
311
00:13:58,611 --> 00:14:01,210
what if the strike goes on? Dad's
sure the government will crack.
312
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,530
What if they don't?
313
00:14:02,531 --> 00:14:05,210
I've got so used to watching it from
the royal box. It'll be all right.
314
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,170
I can't watch it on the telly.
I just can't!
315
00:14:07,171 --> 00:14:08,611
Get a grip of yourself, Kate!
316
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:13,011
Oh. I'm sorry.
317
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:16,851
You must do whatever you
feel is right.
318
00:14:22,331 --> 00:14:25,290
I'm already feuding with my brother,
if I do what the government are asking,
319
00:14:25,291 --> 00:14:27,770
I could cause a rift with my
father that might never be healed.
320
00:14:27,771 --> 00:14:30,570
William Windsor, you should be
ashamed of yourself.
321
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:32,170
Wer-her, who goes there?
322
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:36,490
It is I, Victoria, Empress of India.
323
00:14:36,491 --> 00:14:38,810
And Judy Dench's pension pot.
324
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:42,490
What should I do great, great,
great, great... Four, one.
325
00:14:42,491 --> 00:14:44,210
..great, great, great, great
grandmother?
326
00:14:44,211 --> 00:14:48,850
It is the responsibility of the
royal family to unify the nation.
327
00:14:48,851 --> 00:14:51,650
And that is what you must do.
328
00:14:51,651 --> 00:14:53,610
You must recommence your royal
duties.
329
00:14:53,611 --> 00:14:56,930
But you didn't do a royal
duty for 40 years.
330
00:14:56,931 --> 00:14:58,850
I was in mourning.
331
00:14:58,851 --> 00:15:01,130
What, for 40 years?
332
00:15:01,131 --> 00:15:03,730
Well, we didn't have any problems.
333
00:15:03,731 --> 00:15:07,650
We had an empire. We had half the
world.
334
00:15:07,651 --> 00:15:10,890
Doesn't look as if you're even going
to hang on to Scotland?
335
00:15:10,891 --> 00:15:13,490
You're right. I need to unify
Britain.
336
00:15:13,491 --> 00:15:16,610
By opening the Chelsea Flower Show.
337
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,930
What a fine young man.
338
00:15:18,931 --> 00:15:23,251
Made of the same steel as my
Albert's cock ring.
339
00:15:29,731 --> 00:15:31,050
Thanks for coming,
340
00:15:31,051 --> 00:15:33,850
it's really helping with
the profile of the brand.
341
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:37,290
Shame you can't have any but
seriously, hats off for giving up.
342
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:39,970
Oh, yeah, it's the best thing I've
ever done.
343
00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:41,850
And I just feel so alive.
344
00:15:41,851 --> 00:15:44,091
D'you mind if I smell it? Oh, yah.
345
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:46,890
HE SNIFFS
346
00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:48,051
Oh, fuck.
347
00:15:49,651 --> 00:15:51,650
It's very nice.
348
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,090
So, what's going on with Wills
and Kate? Are you really leaving?
349
00:15:55,091 --> 00:15:57,010
If you must know, she wrote
350
00:15:57,011 --> 00:16:00,330
something very hurtful on the side
of a banana.
351
00:16:00,331 --> 00:16:01,770
You should call her.
352
00:16:01,771 --> 00:16:03,770
We never go to bed on an argument.
353
00:16:03,771 --> 00:16:06,250
Yeah, cos often they're just
misunderstandings.
354
00:16:06,251 --> 00:16:09,490
Like the time that I thought that
Eugenie was pinching my very
355
00:16:09,491 --> 00:16:11,970
expensive Chanel face powder,
356
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,530
but she explained that a fox must've
357
00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:15,171
climbed through the window and eaten
it.
358
00:16:17,091 --> 00:16:19,970
Are you sure you won't
change your mind? No.
359
00:16:19,971 --> 00:16:23,171
If you saw that banana,
you'd understand.
360
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:28,210
So, just to be clear, everyone's
drinking as much as they like
361
00:16:28,211 --> 00:16:29,730
and they don't have to pay for it?
362
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:32,730
Well, yeah, it's a launch party.
363
00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:34,650
Why are you crying, Harry?
364
00:16:34,651 --> 00:16:36,011
Something in my eye.
365
00:16:38,651 --> 00:16:41,090
This is all going so well.
366
00:16:41,091 --> 00:16:44,570
And look at Jack,
he's a changed man.
367
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,450
Shot!
368
00:16:46,451 --> 00:16:48,450
Two bells, shot!
369
00:16:48,451 --> 00:16:50,330
Shot.
370
00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:54,170
I think we've got a hit
on our hands. This is it Bea.
371
00:16:54,171 --> 00:16:55,931
We've finally cracked it.
372
00:17:00,891 --> 00:17:02,610
Commoners...
373
00:17:02,611 --> 00:17:04,130
And taxpayers jeer
374
00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:07,730
We want a lot more
dosh this year.
375
00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:09,810
With Wills and Kate onboard,
376
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,250
I can't see the government
holding out much longer.
377
00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:14,610
Well, where are they?
They'll be here.
378
00:17:14,611 --> 00:17:17,810
I need this to be over. I want to
get back to doing what I do best.
379
00:17:17,811 --> 00:17:21,210
Making minor dignitaries I've never
met before feel uncomfortable.
380
00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:23,690
My Bulgarian friends have
been quite insistent.
381
00:17:23,691 --> 00:17:27,290
Well, victory's in sight, we've got
to stick together.
382
00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:29,570
Now come on, sing.
383
00:17:29,571 --> 00:17:32,370
We are brothers and sisters
384
00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:34,690
We want what we are due.
385
00:17:34,691 --> 00:17:37,010
This doesn't feel right,
going against dad.
386
00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,690
But look how happy they are.
387
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,970
We won't take time in lieu.
388
00:17:40,971 --> 00:17:43,251
Oh, my God. There's Dad.
389
00:17:45,051 --> 00:17:49,410
Wills? Is that Wills? Wills,
you traitor. Daddy, I am sorry.
390
00:17:49,411 --> 00:17:51,930
Your names are scab. Scab.
391
00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:53,530
Scab. Scab!
392
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,451
Auntie Anne just gobbed at us.
393
00:17:56,571 --> 00:18:00,890
Eurgh. Scab. Scab.
394
00:18:00,891 --> 00:18:01,970
Bloody Wills.
395
00:18:01,971 --> 00:18:04,890
Without Wills and Kate it's over.
We have to cave.
396
00:18:04,891 --> 00:18:06,570
I want to get back to work.
397
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:09,050
What about the money?
It's not about the money.
398
00:18:09,051 --> 00:18:11,050
It's about the buzz. Oh.
399
00:18:11,051 --> 00:18:14,530
Father against son. It's like the
miners' strike in Billy Elliott.
400
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:17,250
Mer. You know Billy Elliott?
401
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:19,690
The boy who dreamed of leaving
everything behind and becoming
402
00:18:19,691 --> 00:18:23,491
a ballet dancer and his dreams came
true, I don't know why I'm crying.
403
00:18:29,131 --> 00:18:31,490
Camilla. What are you doing out
here?
404
00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:33,970
The government have changed
the locks.
405
00:18:33,971 --> 00:18:37,130
They can't do that, it's my house.
Comes with the job.
406
00:18:37,131 --> 00:18:40,170
How else would a twat like you have
a five storey mansion on the Mall?
407
00:18:40,171 --> 00:18:44,610
Oh, no. I no longer have a London
pied de terre.
408
00:18:44,611 --> 00:18:46,930
Only a vast estate
in Gloucestershire.
409
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:49,690
And half of Cornwall. Oh, yeah.
410
00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:52,410
This madness has got to end,
Charles.
411
00:18:52,411 --> 00:18:53,771
My vodka's in there.
412
00:18:55,371 --> 00:18:56,610
Betrayed by my son.
413
00:18:56,611 --> 00:18:59,730
Let down by my siblings,
how can I hope to be king
414
00:18:59,731 --> 00:19:02,570
when I can't even rule my own
family?
415
00:19:02,571 --> 00:19:04,890
Charles. Vodka.
416
00:19:04,891 --> 00:19:06,291
It's over.
417
00:19:09,891 --> 00:19:12,371
I'll call the government,
accept their offer.
418
00:19:14,491 --> 00:19:17,650
They've rung us, the government have
rung us. We've won.
419
00:19:17,651 --> 00:19:20,210
We've won. Ha-ha! What?
420
00:19:20,211 --> 00:19:23,690
They've completely caved.
25% across the board.
421
00:19:23,691 --> 00:19:25,010
It's a life changer.
422
00:19:25,011 --> 00:19:28,130
I'm gonna buy something called
a storage heater.
423
00:19:28,131 --> 00:19:29,770
So they do respect me.
424
00:19:29,771 --> 00:19:32,090
I am a strong charismatic leader
425
00:19:32,091 --> 00:19:34,650
with the power to change
men's minds.
426
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:38,250
The government saw that and realised
they had to keep me sweet.
427
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:42,610
No, the minister said if he had
to fill in on another royal duty,
428
00:19:42,611 --> 00:19:43,810
he'd throw himself off the roof.
429
00:19:43,811 --> 00:19:50,210
Which is another way of saying,
this is a job only I can do.
430
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:51,451
Jeesh-he-he.
431
00:19:53,171 --> 00:19:55,450
Yeah, we feel rough, too.
432
00:19:55,451 --> 00:19:59,770
What? Last night? Oh, lore.
433
00:19:59,771 --> 00:20:02,090
Well, send him our best.
434
00:20:02,091 --> 00:20:04,890
What is it?
Freddie Windsor's gone blind.
435
00:20:04,891 --> 00:20:06,890
They say he might've ingested
something.
436
00:20:06,891 --> 00:20:09,450
Last night he was just having
so much fun drinking gin, voddy rum.
437
00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,330
Oh, Eugenie, you didn't put
438
00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:15,050
anything in it that wasn't gin vodka
or rum, did you? No.
439
00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:17,530
Well, just white spirit. What?
440
00:20:17,531 --> 00:20:20,410
Well, I thought it was supposed to
have all the white spirit.
441
00:20:20,411 --> 00:20:23,050
Not actual white spirit.
442
00:20:23,051 --> 00:20:25,530
Mummy only drinks that
when there's nothing else.
443
00:20:25,531 --> 00:20:28,610
Oh. Well, that's it.
444
00:20:28,611 --> 00:20:31,570
We're gonna have to shut
the company down. Jack.
445
00:20:31,571 --> 00:20:34,570
Ola! What are you wearing?
George has given me my old job back.
446
00:20:34,571 --> 00:20:37,410
And he's promised to dial
back on the psycho bullying.
447
00:20:37,411 --> 00:20:40,570
You don't mind, do you? No.
That's great.
448
00:20:40,571 --> 00:20:43,690
So everything's back the way it was?
Except Freddie Windsor's gone blind.
449
00:20:43,691 --> 00:20:46,691
He'll probably be all right.
Tequila? Shot!
450
00:20:51,531 --> 00:20:53,811
I'm so glad everything's
back to normal.
451
00:20:54,771 --> 00:20:58,570
We declare this Chelsea Flower Show
open.
452
00:20:58,571 --> 00:20:59,610
TV: CHEERING
453
00:20:59,611 --> 00:21:01,610
Just seeing them makes me
454
00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:04,491
forget that my car factory's
been shut down. Well done us.
455
00:21:06,011 --> 00:21:08,810
Meghan. What are you doing here?
456
00:21:08,811 --> 00:21:13,770
Meghan and I sincerely believe
everyone deserves... What was it?
457
00:21:13,771 --> 00:21:16,610
You deserve a chance to
explain yourselves.
458
00:21:16,611 --> 00:21:19,410
Explain ourselves?
We haven't done anything wrong.
459
00:21:19,411 --> 00:21:21,730
I saw you and Wills mocking me.
460
00:21:21,731 --> 00:21:24,610
And I saw what you wrote on that
banana.
461
00:21:24,611 --> 00:21:26,970
But that's impossible.
We still have the banana.
462
00:21:26,971 --> 00:21:30,850
Then show it to me. No, we can't.
I thought so.
463
00:21:30,851 --> 00:21:33,850
You can't show me the banana
because you don't have it.
464
00:21:33,851 --> 00:21:36,690
I'm leaving. You'll never see me
again.
465
00:21:36,691 --> 00:21:39,610
But we do still have the banana.
466
00:21:39,611 --> 00:21:41,931
Show it to her, Kate.
Just show her the banana.
467
00:21:44,811 --> 00:21:47,690
This might explain why
we were giggling.
468
00:21:47,691 --> 00:21:50,170
I'm not wearing any pants.
469
00:21:50,171 --> 00:21:53,290
Whoa. So you weren't belittling me
470
00:21:53,291 --> 00:21:56,850
or demeaning my efforts to speak
out on the big issues? No.
471
00:21:56,851 --> 00:21:58,210
I was just a bit bored.
472
00:21:58,211 --> 00:22:00,610
We just find it ever so slightly
tedious when you speak.
473
00:22:00,611 --> 00:22:02,330
Like a TED talk, only longer.
474
00:22:02,331 --> 00:22:03,810
Great feedback.
475
00:22:03,811 --> 00:22:05,690
Which I'll try to act upon.
476
00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:09,290
Does that mean that we're all mates
again and we can stay?
477
00:22:09,291 --> 00:22:12,131
Well, I think this calls for a
celebration.
478
00:22:13,171 --> 00:22:15,130
Harry. Your detox.
479
00:22:15,131 --> 00:22:16,850
Oh, well it's open now.
480
00:22:16,851 --> 00:22:19,651
One little drink won't hurt.
Exactly.
481
00:22:22,851 --> 00:22:24,970
Oh, bottoms up.
482
00:22:24,971 --> 00:22:27,330
BURPING
Oh, good stuff, let's never fall out again.
483
00:22:27,331 --> 00:22:29,690
I'm so glad we're staying in the UK.
484
00:22:29,691 --> 00:22:35,330
No matter, there's one thing
my Swiss finishing school taught me.
485
00:22:35,331 --> 00:22:38,451
DEVICE BEEPS
Always have a plan B.
486
00:22:40,531 --> 00:22:42,010
Kung Fu.
487
00:22:42,011 --> 00:22:45,210
They're going to take us down to the
basement and cut off our heads.
488
00:22:45,211 --> 00:22:48,050
Oh. Harry. Meghan.
SHE SHRIEKS
489
00:22:48,051 --> 00:22:50,050
You monster. But what about your
mother?
490
00:22:50,051 --> 00:22:53,290
Mmm. Ow!
491
00:22:53,291 --> 00:22:58,130
Hoi, hoi, saveloy. I've had enough,
I want us to relocate, to America.
492
00:22:58,131 --> 00:22:59,690
Right now.
493
00:22:59,691 --> 00:23:01,250
Becoming my wife.
494
00:23:01,251 --> 00:23:03,650
We could go to that Pizza Express
where daddy took us.
495
00:23:03,651 --> 00:23:06,290
If there's one thing
I know better than anything.
496
00:23:06,291 --> 00:23:07,610
What happens now?
497
00:23:07,611 --> 00:23:09,290
It's evil.
498
00:23:09,291 --> 00:23:12,130
So what you're saying is
I can either have a big wedding
499
00:23:12,131 --> 00:23:15,091
without Daddy or a small
wedding with him.
500
00:23:16,731 --> 00:23:19,011
I think I've gone to the
toilet in my trousers.
501
00:23:19,061 --> 00:23:23,611
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