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1
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¶ It seems today
that all you see ¶
2
00:00:04,330 --> 00:00:08,074
¶ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ¶
3
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,744
¶ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ¶
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,664
¶ On which we used to rely? ¶
5
00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:17,842
¶ Lucky there's a family guy ¶
6
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:21,438
¶ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ¶
7
00:00:21,439 --> 00:00:22,940
¶ All the things that make us ¶
8
00:00:22,941 --> 00:00:24,924
¶ Laugh and cry ¶
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:30,112
¶ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy. ¶
10
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:36,912
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return
to A Quiet Place,
11
00:00:36,913 --> 00:00:38,829
starring a Jewish family.
12
00:00:42,285 --> 00:00:43,292
(belches softly)
13
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:46,904
I'm finally all caught up
on New Girl,
14
00:00:46,905 --> 00:00:48,756
if you guys want to talk
about that.
15
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,292
I don't think
they're going for it.
16
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:00,476
Wait.
17
00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:05,840
I kind of like that Schmidt.
18
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:08,051
You kind of like that Schmidt.
19
00:01:08,052 --> 00:01:10,178
All right, fellas,
I got to get going.
20
00:01:10,179 --> 00:01:12,347
Aw, come on.
I want to get one more beer.
21
00:01:12,348 --> 00:01:14,116
Again! Again, again!
22
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:16,309
Sorry, Peter, I got
to work early in the morning.
23
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,935
Yeah, I'm out, too.
24
00:01:17,936 --> 00:01:19,312
Aw, crap, I don't have any cash.
25
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,531
Hey, can one of you guys
spot me?
26
00:01:21,532 --> 00:01:23,232
- Just put it on your card.
- I can't.
27
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:25,544
Lois'll see the charge.
She thinks I'm still at work.
28
00:01:25,545 --> 00:01:26,661
Wa-peesh.
29
00:01:26,662 --> 00:01:28,088
Wha-What is that?
What do you mean?
30
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,672
What do you mean,
like "Wha-pshh"?
31
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:32,134
- Like that? Like a whip sound?
- Yeah. How did I do it?
32
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,785
Very incorrectly.
33
00:01:33,786 --> 00:01:35,203
You don't have your own card,
34
00:01:35,204 --> 00:01:36,680
one that Lois
doesn't know about?
35
00:01:36,681 --> 00:01:38,247
No. Lois would kill me.
36
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:40,642
Ooh, wha-wha-wha-peesh.
37
00:01:40,643 --> 00:01:42,794
Indiana James?
38
00:01:42,795 --> 00:01:44,312
Anyone?
39
00:01:47,734 --> 00:01:51,320
456 Maple Drive, Suite 305.
40
00:01:51,321 --> 00:01:53,146
The "suite" is just a mailbox.
41
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:56,265
This is where I get
all my credit card bills sent to
42
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,893
and any other mail
Donna would be mad about.
43
00:01:58,894 --> 00:02:00,937
- Like what?
- Knives with gemstones,
44
00:02:00,938 --> 00:02:02,730
fat-butt magazines,
45
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:05,108
whatever you think Ice-T
would keep in a nightstand.
46
00:02:05,109 --> 00:02:07,193
But really it's
for the credit card bills.
47
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,278
I get some
of my stuff here, too.
48
00:02:09,279 --> 00:02:11,656
Bills, catheters,
residual checks.
49
00:02:11,657 --> 00:02:13,800
- What are the checks for?
- Mostly Seinfeld.
50
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,470
- You were on Seinfeld?
- Yeah, that's right.
51
00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:19,306
Peter, I'm telling you, get
yourself a secret credit card.
52
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:21,591
- You'll save yourself
a lot of stress.
- Thanks, Cleveland.
53
00:02:21,592 --> 00:02:24,377
Ah, this is gonna make my life
so much better.
54
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:27,130
Like when I used to make
fart balloon animals.
55
00:02:27,131 --> 00:02:28,649
All right. Who's next?
56
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:32,051
- Can you make me a giraffe?
- Comin' right up.
57
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,861
(farting)
58
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,906
(farting continues)
59
00:02:39,184 --> 00:02:40,360
There you go.
60
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,437
Don't pop that.
You'll throw up.
61
00:02:42,438 --> 00:02:44,498
Oh, where did you find him?
62
00:02:44,499 --> 00:02:46,207
He found me.
63
00:02:50,154 --> 00:02:51,612
Hey, look who it is.
64
00:02:51,613 --> 00:02:53,748
You need us to pay
for your drinks again?
65
00:02:53,749 --> 00:02:55,801
No way.
Guys, you are looking
66
00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:58,387
at the owner
of his own credit card.
67
00:02:58,388 --> 00:03:00,079
All right.
Good for you, Peter.
68
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,339
You gonna pay us back?
69
00:03:01,340 --> 00:03:02,790
Come on, Joe,
I don't interrupt you.
70
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,560
Anyway, they even want me to do
one of Tina Fey's
71
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:08,546
"look how quirky and busy
I am" credit card commercials.
72
00:03:08,547 --> 00:03:10,114
- Wow, really?
- Yeah.
73
00:03:10,115 --> 00:03:12,091
-(lively music playing)
-Oh, wait.
I think it's starting.
74
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,769
I hear a piano shuffle
and a clarinet. Taxi!
75
00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:16,512
¶ ¶
76
00:03:16,513 --> 00:03:19,140
- Where to?
- Any pet shop that sells snakes.
77
00:03:19,141 --> 00:03:21,058
(sniffs)
Somebody puke in here?
78
00:03:21,059 --> 00:03:22,819
Yeah.
Last night some guy...
79
00:03:22,820 --> 00:03:24,353
Hey!
It's you!
80
00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:25,697
Gotta go.
81
00:03:25,698 --> 00:03:27,407
¶ ¶
82
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,577
- Hi. Can I help you?
- Can I press the button
that moves the clothes?
83
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,003
Sir, that's reserved
for dry cleaners only.
84
00:03:36,658 --> 00:03:39,202
It's like a roller coaster ride
for pants.
85
00:03:39,203 --> 00:03:40,661
- Any calls?
- Your mistress called.
86
00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:42,497
She said she's waiting
at the hotel for you.
87
00:03:42,498 --> 00:03:44,332
Tell her I'll be there
as soon as I can.
88
00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:46,584
She said she's pregnant.
89
00:03:46,585 --> 00:03:49,045
Do you know if that Mexican
doctor takes credit cards?
90
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:50,922
He does.
91
00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:52,465
¶ ¶
92
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,609
ANNOUNCER:
If you're scummy and on the go,
93
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:57,261
try the new Visa Gold Card.
94
00:03:57,262 --> 00:04:00,640
Visa: It's everywhere
you want to be.
95
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,741
(music ends)
96
00:04:05,562 --> 00:04:07,405
Hey, Dad, what do you got there?
97
00:04:07,406 --> 00:04:09,649
Chris, I got us lobsters
for dinner.
98
00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,858
Cool.
99
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,786
Can... can I kill 'em?
100
00:04:12,787 --> 00:04:14,454
Hmm, let me think.
101
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,623
Of course
you can kill 'em, sport.
102
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:19,091
- Yay!
- Let's boil up some water.
103
00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:26,724
(knocking)
104
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,853
Package for Peter Griffin.
105
00:04:29,854 --> 00:04:31,546
Ah.
I didn't order anything.
106
00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:33,881
I-I mean, I could have
if I wanted to.
107
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:35,800
I have a credit card.
108
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:39,111
All right. Lot of cool people
on this route.
109
00:04:41,857 --> 00:04:42,932
- (screeching)
- (screams)
110
00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:44,259
Aah!
111
00:04:44,260 --> 00:04:46,653
- (muffled screaming)
- Stop! You're hurting him.
112
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:49,564
No, that's just air escaping.
They can't feel anything.
113
00:04:49,565 --> 00:04:50,539
(muffled screaming)
114
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:55,611
-Hi. Can I help you?
-Yes. I'd like one
of those flashlights
115
00:04:55,612 --> 00:04:57,330
with a vagina in it, please?
116
00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:59,824
(thunder rolling)
117
00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:01,868
(TV playing indistinctly)
118
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,346
- LOIS: Oh, no.
- PETER: O-Okay, okay,
don't panic, everyone.
119
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:05,329
(click)
120
00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,840
(Peter giggles)
121
00:05:06,841 --> 00:05:08,658
CHRIS (chuckles):
Oh, he got you, Mom.
122
00:05:08,659 --> 00:05:11,919
PETER:
I'm surprised this thing still
works after the day we had.
123
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,272
-Meaning I had sex with...
-CHRIS: I know.
-We get it.
124
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:16,299
- MEG: Ew.
- STEWIE: Five minutes ago,
125
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:19,985
I had that flashlight
under my chin to look scary.
126
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,659
Peter, are you wearing a costume
127
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,702
from Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country?
128
00:05:44,369 --> 00:05:46,012
Peter, give me the credit card.
129
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,263
How'd you find out?
130
00:05:49,308 --> 00:05:51,250
The UPS guy from earlier?
131
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,878
Sorry, Peter. New rule:
I... I have to report
132
00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:56,982
any adults bragging
about having a credit card.
133
00:05:56,983 --> 00:05:59,592
But... but you said I was cool.
134
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,901
Did you even mean it?
135
00:06:02,638 --> 00:06:04,572
Did you even mean it?!
136
00:06:08,143 --> 00:06:09,402
You know what bothers me
even more
137
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,479
than all the money
you put on that credit card?
138
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,406
-Bonnie's new car?
-Oh, I know.
What, does she think
139
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,791
she's a (bleep) teenager?
140
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:17,285
Wait, no, no.
What's worse is finding out
141
00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:19,037
how much you lie to me.
142
00:06:19,038 --> 00:06:20,613
I found your account online.
143
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,507
Monday night you said
you were working late,
144
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:25,260
but there's a $62 charge
at The Clam.
145
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:28,788
So whoever stole my card
is still in town.
146
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,289
You just gave me the card,
dummy.
147
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,124
You said you had to work
last weekend,
148
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,751
then you bought a T-shirt
that says
149
00:06:33,752 --> 00:06:35,586
"Working weekends--
does not compute"
150
00:06:35,587 --> 00:06:37,421
wi Johnny 5 on it.
151
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:38,806
I wanted to wait, but...
152
00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:41,550
Happy Mother's Day.
153
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,394
You're not gonna weasel
your way out of this.
154
00:06:43,395 --> 00:06:45,596
You want to act
like a child, Peter?
155
00:06:45,597 --> 00:06:47,449
Then I'm gonna treat you
like a child.
156
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,766
You're grounded.
157
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:49,892
On whose authority?
158
00:06:49,893 --> 00:06:51,035
General Chang.
159
00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,081
Hey, Peter.
Lois still mad at you?
160
00:07:03,082 --> 00:07:05,574
Yeah, but she's acting like
everything's fine on Facebook
161
00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:07,426
so she can post pictures
of food.
162
00:07:09,713 --> 00:07:10,846
(computer chiming)
163
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,295
I mean,
I've done some stupid stuff,
164
00:07:18,296 --> 00:07:20,014
but she's
never grounded me before.
165
00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:22,717
Well, you could just leave
the house if you want.
166
00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:24,051
You are an adult.
167
00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,928
Brian, husbands are not adults.
168
00:07:25,929 --> 00:07:27,888
They are people
who pay for things
169
00:07:27,889 --> 00:07:29,390
but are still somehow burdens.
170
00:07:29,391 --> 00:07:32,018
Worst part about it,
I'm gonna miss my Sunday shift
171
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,145
at Clappy's Birthday Restaurant.
172
00:07:34,146 --> 00:07:36,897
We heard someone has a birthday.
173
00:07:36,898 --> 00:07:38,399
SERVERS:
H.
174
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,292
(rhythmic clapping)
175
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:43,128
A.
176
00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,133
P.
177
00:07:51,913 --> 00:07:53,055
P.
178
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:57,810
T.
179
00:08:01,557 --> 00:08:02,682
E.
180
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,483
Happy birthday, Charlotte.
181
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,970
Excuse me. My table
is celebrating the birthday
182
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,780
of deceased Hawaiian pop singer
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.
183
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,066
(exhausted sigh)
184
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,494
Well, that's why we
call it Clappy's. Let's go.
185
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,828
H.
186
00:08:21,943 --> 00:08:22,961
(phone rings)
187
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,695
- Hello?
- QUAGMIRE: Peter.
188
00:08:24,696 --> 00:08:26,697
Peter, you're not gonna believe
whose car just broke down
189
00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,675
on Spooner Street.
Tom Brady!
190
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,710
- What?!
- Yeah. He's throwing passes
191
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,995
to anyone who's able
to leave his house.
192
00:08:32,996 --> 00:08:34,547
Ah, he's throwing one to Joe.
193
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,999
-(people cheering)
-Oh, my God,
Joe just stood up for a second.
194
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,368
JOE:
He put that pass
195
00:08:38,369 --> 00:08:40,336
where only a walking person
could catch it.
196
00:08:40,337 --> 00:08:43,464
That's howd is--
his pass made me walk!
197
00:08:43,465 --> 00:08:44,882
CLEVELAND:
And here comes Gisele.
198
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:47,259
She's giving out
Tag Heuer watches.
199
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:50,471
Aw. Lois? Can I please go out
and play with Tom Brady?
200
00:08:50,472 --> 00:08:52,181
QUAGMIRE:
She's out here.
201
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:55,326
LOIS:
Tom Brady's taking us all
to see an Anne Hathaway movie.
202
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,228
Oh. Uh...
203
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:59,455
Oh, no, I'm grounded.
204
00:09:05,654 --> 00:09:07,822
Hey, it's my old
wedding Tucks...
205
00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,532
Medicated Pads.
206
00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,667
Boy, my butt
sure was like a match
207
00:09:11,668 --> 00:09:13,953
that needed
to be extinguished that day.
208
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,746
Oh, what a day that was.
209
00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:19,208
All the Preparation... H
I used on my fiery ring.
210
00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:20,501
I got to escape.
211
00:09:20,502 --> 00:09:22,095
But how?
212
00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:24,380
Wait a minute, you saw
Shawshank Redemption, Peter.
213
00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:26,516
How did Brooks get out of there?
214
00:09:26,517 --> 00:09:27,775
(rope creaking)
215
00:09:30,011 --> 00:09:31,254
Aah!
216
00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:33,889
- Hey, possum.
- POSSUM: It's actually o-possum.
217
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,491
PETER:
O, is it?
218
00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:45,376
What the hell?
219
00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,819
Aah. Peter, what are you doing?
220
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,612
I got to get out of here, Brian.
221
00:09:48,613 --> 00:09:50,131
I'm going crazy
sitting around the house.
222
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,499
So you're tunneling out?
223
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,951
Lois is gonna be furious
if she finds out.
224
00:09:53,952 --> 00:09:56,554
That's why Lois
isn't going to find out.
225
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,247
Right, boy?
226
00:09:58,248 --> 00:09:59,382
What are you talking about?
227
00:09:59,383 --> 00:10:00,842
I'm talking about you...
228
00:10:00,843 --> 00:10:03,586
not being... a bad boy.
229
00:10:03,587 --> 00:10:06,097
I'm-I'm not...
I'm not a bad boy.
230
00:10:06,098 --> 00:10:08,340
Then do not say anything
to Lois.
231
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:09,592
You hear me?
Bad.
232
00:10:09,593 --> 00:10:11,093
Bad dog.
233
00:10:11,094 --> 00:10:12,595
So, we understand each other?
234
00:10:12,596 --> 00:10:14,555
Yeah, I'll be good.
Trust me.
235
00:10:14,556 --> 00:10:16,448
I saw what you did
to that black belt.
236
00:10:18,393 --> 00:10:20,686
-(crowd gasps)
-I don't care what color
your belt is,
237
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,771
you're a child
and I am stronger than you.
238
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:25,041
- (crowd booing)
- Oh, boo yourself.
239
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,526
Boo yourself. She was the one
strutting around Pizza Hut
240
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,078
with that trophy.
241
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:32,423
Yeah, who's the Girls' Regional
Youth Karate Champ now, Kelsey?
242
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,675
Huh?
243
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,218
Kelsey?
244
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,391
All right, down in the tunnel.
245
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:02,494
Time to way-too-easily
make a torch.
246
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,326
Look, our Internet connection.
247
00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:09,902
CHRIS:
Mom!
248
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,070
Never mind.
249
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,663
Mom!
250
00:11:12,664 --> 00:11:14,240
Never mind.
251
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,958
CLEVELAND:
Donna!
252
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:17,176
JOE:
Bonnie!
253
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:20,496
QUAGMIRE:
I'm not on the Internet.
254
00:11:20,497 --> 00:11:22,931
Some people
in this neighborhood read.
255
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:29,213
Anyway, it was
a beautiful ceremony.
256
00:11:29,214 --> 00:11:31,882
We laid my Uncle Reggie to rest
with the respect
257
00:11:31,883 --> 00:11:33,610
that he deserved.
258
00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:34,961
Aah!
Uncle Reggie!
259
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,263
I'm sorry we stuffed you
in that Hefty Cinch Sak
260
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:38,639
and pushed you in the pond.
261
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,366
Relax, guys.
It's just me.
262
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,476
You dug a hole all the way
from your house?
263
00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:43,819
Pretty cool, huh?
264
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:46,313
Yeah, but what if Lois
notices you're gone?
265
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:47,497
Trust me, I got it covered.
266
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,919
Peter, there's some salmon
on the stove if you're hungry.
267
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,748
Well, it's what I made.
268
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,366
So, you guys want
to see the tunnel?
269
00:11:57,367 --> 00:11:59,660
-Frick yeah.
-Let's go!
-Right behind you.
270
00:11:59,661 --> 00:12:01,511
How 'bout you, Jerome?
You in?
271
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:05,332
Okay, well, he's busy.
272
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:06,926
Peter Griffin...
273
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,687
(dramatically):
you've been a busy boy.
274
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,964
- What was that?
- Just a cool way
to say something.
275
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,608
It wasn't that cool.
276
00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:15,050
All right,
it's pretty neat, Peter,
277
00:12:15,051 --> 00:12:16,468
but we should probably
get out of here.
278
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,720
Yeah, sure.
279
00:12:17,721 --> 00:12:19,763
Unless anyone wants
to see a salamander.
280
00:12:19,764 --> 00:12:21,015
Oh, look at it.
281
00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:22,191
I named him Sally.
282
00:12:22,192 --> 00:12:23,809
Slippy-ass little bug
right there.
283
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,444
Okay, this is pretty cool.
284
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,496
Come on, I'll show you the rest.
285
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,309
Look at these handprints.
286
00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:33,444
Somebody did
the perfect cartwheel.
287
00:12:33,445 --> 00:12:35,404
Actually, Peter,
there's elbow prints
288
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,281
and knee prints
all around this thing.
289
00:12:37,282 --> 00:12:39,199
The perfect cartwheel.
290
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,577
And there's scuffled dirt and
a little bit of blood over here.
291
00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:44,264
Perhaps the ancients
cartwheeled everywhere.
292
00:12:44,265 --> 00:12:46,707
Peter, did you trip on a root
and eat it big-time?
293
00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:48,076
No, I did not.
294
00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:50,586
Uh, hang on. There's a guy
tunneling the other way.
295
00:12:50,587 --> 00:12:52,004
Pretty cramped, huh?
296
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,556
(chuckles)
You said it.
297
00:12:53,557 --> 00:12:55,591
Next time,
I pay for business class.
298
00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,193
(chuckles)
Right?
299
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:59,428
That guy was in the paper
for hitting his wife.
300
00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:01,656
(rumbling)
301
00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:05,401
Peter, are you sure this tunnel
is structurally sound?
302
00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:08,246
Don't worry, guys.
I'll cartwheel back for help.
303
00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:09,646
Aah!
(groans)
304
00:13:09,647 --> 00:13:10,698
A root.
305
00:13:10,699 --> 00:13:12,524
(groans)
I ate it big-time.
306
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,668
- (rumbling)
- Look out!
307
00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:25,530
Oh, my God.
308
00:13:25,531 --> 00:13:27,807
The tunnel's completely
collapsed on both sides.
309
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,717
Oh, no.
We're stuck down here.
310
00:13:29,718 --> 00:13:31,168
BEAVER:
Hey, guys.
311
00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:33,087
Hey, look,
it's the dumb beaver.
312
00:13:33,088 --> 00:13:34,254
You live down here?
313
00:13:34,255 --> 00:13:35,514
Sure do.
314
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,592
Welcome to
my running-out-of-Airbnb.
315
00:13:38,593 --> 00:13:39,760
(giggles)
316
00:13:39,761 --> 00:13:41,987
No, but this is very serious.
317
00:13:50,489 --> 00:13:52,773
Great.
Peter, this is just great.
318
00:13:52,774 --> 00:13:55,692
Because you can't stand up
to your wife, I'm gonna die.
319
00:13:55,693 --> 00:13:57,870
Relax, Quagmire.
Nobody's gonna die.
320
00:13:57,871 --> 00:14:00,364
What do you think happens
when we run out of air, genius?
321
00:14:00,365 --> 00:14:02,074
Air. Right.
322
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,909
You know, I'd only taken
the other three elements
323
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,077
into account.
324
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,330
Earth, wind, fire, water.
325
00:14:08,331 --> 00:14:09,382
Where's air?
326
00:14:09,383 --> 00:14:11,217
Wind is air.
327
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:14,979
Who's that, Joey Swanson
or Bill Nye the Science Guy?
328
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,347
Peter, can't you dig us
out of here?
329
00:14:16,348 --> 00:14:18,015
No, I left my tools at The Clam.
330
00:14:18,016 --> 00:14:19,683
Uh, what's standard protocol
331
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,110
for when the cops
start looking for us?
332
00:14:21,111 --> 00:14:22,761
Uh, I'm not sure.
333
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:25,264
I just give out stickers
if kids come to the station.
334
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:26,690
I guess the only chance we have
335
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,559
is if Brian sells me out
to Lois.
336
00:14:28,560 --> 00:14:32,104
What I wouldn't give to be
with a woman just one more time.
337
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,731
You can go over to that wall,
make yourself a dirt-gina.
338
00:14:34,732 --> 00:14:36,650
- This wall here?
- No, silly.
339
00:14:36,651 --> 00:14:38,152
That wall's a guy.
340
00:14:38,153 --> 00:14:40,545
(all laughing)
341
00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:46,076
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to Planet Earth,
342
00:14:46,077 --> 00:14:48,721
with its original narrator,
who was let go.
343
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,456
NARRATOR:
The Earth's oceans are very,
344
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,101
uh... vast?
345
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:55,553
- And, uh, a lot of fish. Yeah.
- (whale sings)
346
00:14:55,554 --> 00:14:56,879
Couple of whales.
347
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,347
Some flora and fauna.
348
00:14:58,348 --> 00:15:02,009
Both down there in the,
uh, uncharted depths?
349
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:04,945
Wow, what are those? Sharks?
350
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:10,476
We've, uh, probably got
a commercial break coming up.
351
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,519
Uh... Oh.
Oh, really?
352
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,521
Four hours, no commercials?
353
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:17,024
Wow, is that right?
354
00:15:17,025 --> 00:15:19,568
Some penguins over there.
355
00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:21,487
Brian, have you seen Peter?
356
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,113
N-No. Why?
357
00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:25,040
Well, I haven't seen him
all morning.
358
00:15:25,041 --> 00:15:26,408
I'm worried he left the house
359
00:15:26,409 --> 00:15:28,035
and got into some kind
of trouble.
360
00:15:28,036 --> 00:15:30,513
He'll turn up.
I'm sure he's fine.
361
00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,164
Phew.
362
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,749
Somethin' on your mind there,
bud?
363
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:34,750
I'm not a bad boy.
364
00:15:34,751 --> 00:15:36,293
Uh, nobody said you were.
365
00:15:36,294 --> 00:15:37,836
Good.
Because I'm not a bad boy.
366
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,138
I'm a good boy.
367
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,474
How would you like to be
a very good boy?
368
00:15:41,475 --> 00:15:42,692
Tell me how.
Tell me how.
369
00:15:42,693 --> 00:15:43,717
Where's the fat man?
370
00:15:43,718 --> 00:15:44,760
Aw, damn it.
371
00:15:44,761 --> 00:15:46,261
But I promised Peter.
372
00:15:46,262 --> 00:15:48,013
What is it?
What is it, boy?
373
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:50,649
(barking)
374
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,902
The fat man dug a tunnel
to go hang out
375
00:15:52,903 --> 00:15:54,403
with Cleveland,
Joe and Quagmire?
376
00:15:54,404 --> 00:15:56,188
We've got to tell someone.
377
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,039
What is it, Stewie?
378
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,283
(crying)
379
00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:01,527
Daddy went
to a Peter Cetera concert
380
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,921
in Cleveland with Robin Tunney?
381
00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,623
Robin Tunney
from The Mentalist slept
382
00:16:05,624 --> 00:16:08,217
with the entire
Cleveland Browns team?
383
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:12,246
Bad Moms 1 and 2 are available
on most streaming platforms?
384
00:16:12,247 --> 00:16:13,923
Don't-don't do that, Mila.
385
00:16:13,924 --> 00:16:15,932
Not-not on this show.
386
00:16:18,729 --> 00:16:20,587
Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker,
here with a story
387
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,881
that's "anchor out
of the studio" important.
388
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,526
Rescue attempts are underway
to free four men
389
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:27,820
who have been trapped
in an underground tunnel.
390
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,689
One of the men
is Quahog's own Peter Griffin.
391
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,225
Channel 5 reached out
to his family for comment.
392
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,185
Here's what they had to say.
393
00:16:35,186 --> 00:16:37,622
I'm about to take my laptop
into the bathroom.
394
00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:40,190
I ask that you please respect
my privacy
395
00:16:40,191 --> 00:16:41,542
in this difficult time.
396
00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:42,918
Thank you.
397
00:16:44,153 --> 00:16:45,963
Anyone else
having trouble breathing?
398
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,215
Could just be allergies.
399
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,749
Yeah.
Yeah, you think it's allergies?
400
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,718
You don't think it's because
we're running out of air?
401
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:51,961
It's hard to say.
402
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:53,870
I don't know
how severe your allergies are.
403
00:16:53,871 --> 00:16:55,422
- Different people are allergic
to different things.
- You are such a moron.
404
00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:57,424
- You know,
I hope we do die down here.
- Oh, that's nice.
405
00:16:57,425 --> 00:16:59,126
-So I never have to listen to
another word out of your mouth.
-That's a nice thing
406
00:16:59,127 --> 00:17:00,261
- to say to a lifelong friend.
- (sneezes)
407
00:17:00,262 --> 00:17:01,762
Ah. Ah.
408
00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:03,022
I'm gonna kill you, Peter!
409
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,673
- (grunting)
- All right, calm down.
410
00:17:04,674 --> 00:17:07,275
Let's not use the rest of
our oxygen to kill each other.
411
00:17:08,469 --> 00:17:10,220
So if we're all
gonna die anyway,
412
00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:13,557
what's the worst thing
you guys have ever done?
413
00:17:13,558 --> 00:17:15,392
Okay, I'll go first.
414
00:17:15,393 --> 00:17:16,685
Lois...
415
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:18,061
once killed a woman.
416
00:17:18,062 --> 00:17:19,896
Seems like a secret about Lois.
417
00:17:19,897 --> 00:17:22,357
Yeah.
But I picked out the woman.
418
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:25,861
Well, I, uh... I, uh, went
to a Coldplay concert by myself.
419
00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:27,046
What?
That's terrible.
420
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:29,448
- Why would you do that?
- I like Coldplay!
421
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,617
They were playing in Boston,
so I made the trip.
422
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,077
Great show, I got to say.
Very visual.
423
00:17:34,078 --> 00:17:36,222
It was visual.
I was at that show, too.
424
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,015
What?
You were there?
425
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,517
No, I'm just kidding.
426
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,709
(all laughing)
427
00:17:40,710 --> 00:17:42,753
Uh, I like Lil Yachty, man.
428
00:17:42,754 --> 00:17:44,796
I don't know nothin'
about that mess.
429
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,173
But I did go to that show.
430
00:17:46,174 --> 00:17:47,441
Didn't mean to.
431
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,301
I said "Kid 'n Play"
on the phone,
432
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,012
but they didn't understand me,
so I got Coldplay.
433
00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:54,365
One other time
I said "Kid 'n Play"
434
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,442
and I got Cirque du Soleil.
435
00:17:56,443 --> 00:18:00,870
I'm thinking maybe Kid 'n Play
doesn't perform anymore.
436
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,157
(rumbling)
437
00:18:03,158 --> 00:18:04,959
What's that sound?
438
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,860
Probably just the movie
in the next theater.
439
00:18:06,861 --> 00:18:09,504
I hope the rest of the tunnel
isn't about to collapse.
440
00:18:12,834 --> 00:18:15,577
MAN:
Hello? This is the Quahog
Emergency Rescue Team.
441
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,579
We're gonna get you
out of there.
442
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:18,955
- PETER: Yeah! (laughs)
-JOE: Oh, fresh air!
- QUAGMIRE: Oh, my God!
443
00:18:18,956 --> 00:18:20,257
- PETER: Oh, my God!
- QUAGMIRE: Oh, we're saved!
444
00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:22,259
So, uh, full disclosure,
445
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:25,054
the last time I did this,
the guy got torn in half.
446
00:18:25,055 --> 00:18:27,648
Probably won't happen again,
but they want me to say it.
447
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:28,816
We're saved.
448
00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:30,059
MAN 2:
Probably saved.
449
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,134
MAN:
I told them.
450
00:18:31,135 --> 00:18:32,511
All right, whatever we do,
451
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,554
we're not gonna talk
about kissing practice.
452
00:18:34,555 --> 00:18:36,306
-Totally.
-No way.
-Oh, no, I wouldn't.
453
00:18:36,307 --> 00:18:37,992
You guys ready to come up?
454
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:41,228
We've been doing kissing
practice and I'm the best at it.
455
00:18:41,229 --> 00:18:42,854
¶ ¶
456
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,331
(cheering)
457
00:18:47,777 --> 00:18:48,710
(cheering)
458
00:18:53,041 --> 00:18:54,658
Yay. The cop.
459
00:18:54,659 --> 00:18:56,177
Okay.
460
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,078
(whirring, clacking)
461
00:18:58,079 --> 00:18:59,388
PETER (over radio):
Stop. Stop. I'm stuck.
462
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,548
You're slightly too big
for the hole.
463
00:19:01,549 --> 00:19:04,751
Can you take off your shirt
and come up in just pants?
464
00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:07,462
Is Rebecca the cashier
from Rite Aid there?
465
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,005
She is.
466
00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:11,192
Can you have her turn around?
467
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:14,386
(grunting)
468
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,554
Gross.
469
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,198
Oh, that's not Rebecca.
That's Gretchen.
470
00:19:17,199 --> 00:19:18,449
That's fine.
471
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,100
Peter?
472
00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:22,244
- Oh, Lois.
- ¶ I just want ¶
473
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:24,938
¶ To be the one you run to ¶
474
00:19:24,939 --> 00:19:27,649
¶ I just want to be the one
you come to ¶
475
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,276
- ¶ I just want... ¶
- (grunts)
476
00:19:29,277 --> 00:19:31,778
What the hell
were you thinking?!
477
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,780
Peter, the whole reason
you were grounded
478
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:35,741
was because
you were lying to me.
479
00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:38,427
And then you lied to me
about the tunnel.
480
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,163
(sighs)
Look, I-I'm sorry I lied to you.
481
00:19:41,164 --> 00:19:43,623
I'm sorry
I lied about the credit card.
482
00:19:43,624 --> 00:19:45,792
And I'm sorry
I lied about the tunnel.
483
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:47,645
I know I was acting stupid,
484
00:19:47,646 --> 00:19:49,796
and I deserved to be grounded.
485
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,132
Peter, I don't want
to have to ground you.
486
00:19:52,133 --> 00:19:53,425
You're my husband.
487
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,094
I just don't want you
to lie to me.
488
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,030
I lie to you
'cause you treat me like a kid.
489
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:01,057
Act like a man and I'll
stop treating you like a kid.
490
00:20:01,058 --> 00:20:03,143
Look like a kid,
I'll start acting like a man.
491
00:20:03,144 --> 00:20:04,361
- What?
- I'm sorry, Lois.
492
00:20:04,362 --> 00:20:06,029
That's just the tunnel talkin'.
493
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,190
So, Chris, you happy
to have your dad back?
494
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:10,292
Yeah, you know what, Tom,
I think we're all gonna go home
495
00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,870
and charge our laptops
a little longer tonight.
496
00:20:12,871 --> 00:20:15,113
You just never know when
you're gonna run out of juice
497
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,656
and have to use your phone.
498
00:20:16,657 --> 00:20:19,126
(choked up): You know,
just because we're reporters
499
00:20:19,127 --> 00:20:21,077
doesn't mean
we're devoid of emotion.
500
00:20:21,078 --> 00:20:23,597
Go on and head home
with your family.
501
00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:25,040
Thanks, Tom.
502
00:20:25,041 --> 00:20:27,209
That's a...
(sniffles)
503
00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:30,145
that's a very horny kid
right there.
504
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,595
Oh, it's so beautiful here.
505
00:20:38,596 --> 00:20:40,889
Nothing but the best
for my beautiful bride
506
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:42,182
on her honeymoon.
507
00:20:42,183 --> 00:20:44,059
I'm sorry, sir, the chef said
508
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:46,311
he can't make
a chocolate chip gumball pizza.
509
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:48,522
(chuckles): Oh, that's okay.
It's not your fault.
510
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:51,250
I'll just need
another minute then.
511
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,652
(sinisterly):
Her.
512
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,195
I'm on it.
513
00:20:55,196 --> 00:20:57,322
I love you so much.
514
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,340
Mwah.
36938
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