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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:52,416 - Come here. - What? 3 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:14,228 - Good morning, Mrs Staples. - Good morning, madam. 4 00:02:25,363 --> 00:02:27,365 Late! Late! 5 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:26,253 Oh, fuck! Fuck! 6 00:03:30,758 --> 00:03:32,050 Fuck! 7 00:03:43,061 --> 00:03:47,148 - Fuck! Right, we take yours. - It only goes 40 miles an hour. 8 00:03:57,699 --> 00:03:59,701 What turn-off? 9 00:04:00,952 --> 00:04:04,039 - Better not be the B359. - It's the B359. 10 00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,208 Fuck it! 11 00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:11,962 Fuck! 12 00:04:17,218 --> 00:04:18,135 Fuck. 13 00:04:30,146 --> 00:04:32,440 Fuck. 14 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:42,825 Fuck. 15 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,284 Fuckity fuck! 16 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:51,458 Bugger. 17 00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:03,010 Hello, Charles. 18 00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:20,819 There's a greatness to your lateness. 19 00:05:21,027 --> 00:05:23,738 It's not achieved without real suffering. 20 00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:27,366 I am so sorry. 21 00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:31,120 I'll be killing myself after the service, if that's any consolation. 22 00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:35,541 - Doesn't matter. Tom was standing by. - Thanks, Tom. You're a saint. 23 00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:37,709 Disastrous haircut. 24 00:05:42,213 --> 00:05:44,799 - You haven't forgotten the rings? - No. 25 00:06:04,026 --> 00:06:06,612 Hate people being late. Hate it. 26 00:06:17,330 --> 00:06:19,332 Here we go. 27 00:06:41,352 --> 00:06:43,687 Oh, isn't she lovely! 28 00:06:43,896 --> 00:06:47,316 Scarlett, you're blind. She looks like a big meringue. 29 00:06:55,073 --> 00:06:58,910 Dear friends, what a joy it is to welcome you to our church... 30 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:03,164 ...on this wonderful day for Angus and Laura. 31 00:07:03,415 --> 00:07:08,627 Before we start the service, let us all join together in the first hymn. 32 00:08:11,853 --> 00:08:13,646 Scarlett. 33 00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:20,528 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God 34 00:08:20,779 --> 00:08:22,905 ...and in the face of this congregation... 35 00:08:23,113 --> 00:08:27,159 ...to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,... 36 00:08:27,451 --> 00:08:31,789 ...which is an honourable estate, instituted in the time of man's innocency. 37 00:08:32,039 --> 00:08:33,248 Back in a sec. 38 00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:35,793 If any man can show any just cause or impediment... 39 00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:38,419 ...why they may not be lawfully joined together,... 40 00:08:38,503 --> 00:08:41,714 ...let him speak now or for ever hold his peace. 41 00:08:43,007 --> 00:08:45,927 Do you promise to love her, comfort her,... 42 00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:49,013 ...honour and keep her, in sickness and in health,... 43 00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:53,058 ...and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her... 44 00:08:53,350 --> 00:08:56,144 ...for as long as ye both shall live? - I do. 45 00:08:56,686 --> 00:08:58,480 To love and to cherish... 46 00:08:58,563 --> 00:09:01,441 ...till death us do part. - till death us do part. 47 00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:06,363 - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. - And thereto I pledge thee my troth. 48 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,116 Do you have the ring? 49 00:09:17,206 --> 00:09:21,793 - With this ring, I thee wed. - With this ring, I thee wed. 50 00:09:22,085 --> 00:09:24,295 With my body, I thee worship. 51 00:09:25,463 --> 00:09:27,841 With my body, I thee worship. 52 00:09:28,091 --> 00:09:30,760 And with all my worldly goods I do thee endow. 53 00:09:31,302 --> 00:09:34,889 And with all my worldly goods I thee endow. 54 00:09:40,978 --> 00:09:45,274 "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,... 55 00:09:45,566 --> 00:09:49,069 ...I am become as sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal." 56 00:09:49,194 --> 00:09:50,320 Good point. 57 00:10:47,999 --> 00:10:51,502 - Great hat. - Thanks. I bought it specially. 58 00:10:55,839 --> 00:10:57,674 There. 59 00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:07,392 Right. Get in position, please. 60 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,019 Thank you. Smile. 61 00:11:10,561 --> 00:11:14,982 - Splendid, I thought. What did you think? - I thought splendid. What did you think? 62 00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:16,442 Splendid, I thought. 63 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,028 Scarlotta, fabulous dress! 64 00:11:19,237 --> 00:11:21,571 The ecclesiastical purple and the pagan orange... 65 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,907 ...symbolising the symbiosis in marriage... 66 00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,576 ...between the heathen and Christian traditions? 67 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,578 That's right. 68 00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,790 Lovely. And again. 69 00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:36,877 - Any idea who the girl in the black hat is? - Name's Carrie. 70 00:11:37,128 --> 00:11:39,839 - She's pretty. - American. 71 00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:41,090 Interesting. 72 00:11:41,215 --> 00:11:43,300 Slut. 73 00:11:43,509 --> 00:11:45,428 Really? 74 00:11:45,928 --> 00:11:48,222 Used to work at Vogue. Lives in America now. 75 00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:50,933 Only goes out with very glamorous people. 76 00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,518 Quite out of your league. 77 00:11:54,436 --> 00:11:56,438 Well, that's a relief. Thanks. 78 00:11:56,813 --> 00:12:00,817 - See you there. - Off you go. 79 00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:04,320 Right. Reception. 80 00:12:08,407 --> 00:12:10,409 Bye! 81 00:12:16,749 --> 00:12:19,460 Anyone else tread in a cowpat? 82 00:12:19,585 --> 00:12:22,295 No, thought not. See you in a mo. 83 00:12:22,503 --> 00:12:25,882 Do you think I'd hate him as much if he wasn't my brother? 84 00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:32,096 Don't want to blow my chances for romance by smelling of dung. 85 00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:39,853 I never know what to say in these wretched line-ups. 86 00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:44,024 It's a cinch. Just give a big, warm hug and say the bride looks pregnant. 87 00:12:44,274 --> 00:12:48,612 - Or go for "You must be very proud". - Heaven preserve us. 88 00:12:49,112 --> 00:12:51,405 - You must be very proud. - Indeed. 89 00:12:52,323 --> 00:12:54,116 - Hello. - Hello. 90 00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:55,493 Hello. 91 00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:05,503 Hi. We've met. It's Richard Maples. 92 00:13:07,003 --> 00:13:09,005 Bastard. 93 00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,180 Hello, Bern. 94 00:13:17,347 --> 00:13:18,640 Two, please. 95 00:13:18,807 --> 00:13:21,892 - You have fun. - Take care. 96 00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,272 - Hello. - Hi. 97 00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:31,902 - Do you want one of these? - Thank you. 98 00:13:32,152 --> 00:13:33,862 - I... - Hello, Charles. 99 00:13:34,029 --> 00:13:36,948 Hello, dear John. How are you? How are you? 100 00:13:37,156 --> 00:13:39,909 - Good. This is... - Carrie. 101 00:13:40,159 --> 00:13:42,870 - Delighted. I'm John. - Hi, John. 102 00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:47,750 - How's your gorgeous girlfriend? - She's no longer my girlfriend. 103 00:13:48,084 --> 00:13:50,420 Ah, dear. I wouldn't get too gloomy about it. 104 00:13:50,586 --> 00:13:54,923 Rumour has it she never stopped bonking Toby de Lisle in case you didn't work out. 105 00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:58,260 She is now my wife. 106 00:13:58,510 --> 00:14:01,013 Excellent. Congratulations. 107 00:14:01,263 --> 00:14:03,265 Excuse me. 108 00:14:04,141 --> 00:14:06,642 Any kids or anything, John? 109 00:14:06,892 --> 00:14:10,396 Do we hear the patter of tiny feet? 110 00:14:11,689 --> 00:14:13,149 No. 111 00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:17,194 Well, there's plenty of time for that, isn't there? No hurry. 112 00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:28,872 Hi. How are you? 113 00:14:44,386 --> 00:14:47,306 - My name's Fiona. - I'm Gerald. 114 00:14:48,682 --> 00:14:52,185 - What do you do? - I'm training to be a priest. 115 00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:54,312 Good Lord! 116 00:14:54,896 --> 00:14:57,523 - Do you do weddings? - No, not yet. 117 00:14:57,648 --> 00:15:00,234 I will, of course. Jolly nerve-racking. 118 00:15:00,443 --> 00:15:03,654 Yes, rather like the first time one has sex. 119 00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,449 Well, I suppose so. 120 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:11,870 Though rather less messy, of course, and far less call for condoms. 121 00:15:35,892 --> 00:15:40,105 - Who's that boy over there in the grey? - His name's David. 122 00:15:40,897 --> 00:15:43,316 Something of a dish, isn't he? 123 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,652 Well, I've always thought so. 124 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,530 - Why are they...? - The dish can't hear. 125 00:15:50,864 --> 00:15:51,865 Gosh. 126 00:15:51,990 --> 00:15:56,286 Yeah, silent but deadly attractive. 127 00:15:57,204 --> 00:15:59,081 Bang, bang, bang. That's it. 128 00:15:59,248 --> 00:16:01,959 Into the marquee, please. Dinner is served. 129 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:08,589 - How do you do? - Hello. Tom. Splendid to meet you. 130 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:10,842 Very exciting. 131 00:16:22,936 --> 00:16:24,354 Hi. 132 00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:30,360 My name's Scarlett. Don't let me drink too much cos I'll get really flirty. 133 00:16:32,237 --> 00:16:36,699 - How do you do? My name's Charles. - Don't be ridiculous. 134 00:16:36,907 --> 00:16:42,413 - Charles died 20 years ago. - Must be a different Charles, I think. 135 00:16:42,747 --> 00:16:45,041 Are you telling me I don't know my own brother? 136 00:16:45,249 --> 00:16:46,250 No. 137 00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:06,560 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to drag you from your desserts. 138 00:17:06,852 --> 00:17:10,731 There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. 139 00:17:10,981 --> 00:17:15,694 This is only the second time I've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. 140 00:17:15,986 --> 00:17:19,198 The couple in question are at least still talking to me. 141 00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:24,702 Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. 142 00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:28,289 The divorce came through a couple of months ago. 143 00:17:30,124 --> 00:17:33,795 But I'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. 144 00:17:34,045 --> 00:17:39,549 Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. 145 00:17:41,134 --> 00:17:44,429 The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise,... 146 00:17:44,638 --> 00:17:52,186 ...but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence... 147 00:17:52,603 --> 00:17:55,398 ...that became their two-day marriage. 148 00:17:55,648 --> 00:17:58,859 Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. 149 00:17:59,068 --> 00:18:01,779 There are no skeletons in his cupboard. 150 00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:04,532 Or so I thought. 151 00:18:05,532 --> 00:18:09,452 I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. 152 00:18:13,039 --> 00:18:14,541 I am,... 153 00:18:14,749 --> 00:18:21,296 ...as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment... 154 00:18:21,714 --> 00:18:24,717 ...that Angus and Laura have made today. 155 00:18:25,342 --> 00:18:28,345 I know I couldn't do it and... 156 00:18:28,595 --> 00:18:31,473 ...I think it's wonderful they can. 157 00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:34,809 So, back to Angus and those sheep. 158 00:18:39,022 --> 00:18:41,941 So, ladies and gentlemen, if you'd raise your glasses. 159 00:18:42,150 --> 00:18:44,569 The adorable couple. 160 00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:53,466 I remember the first time I saw Gareth dancing. 161 00:19:53,591 --> 00:19:55,968 I feared lives would be lost. 162 00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:01,474 She's a pretty girl, the one you can't take your eyes off. 163 00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:04,394 Is it love at first sight? 164 00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:07,688 Good Lord, no! It's the bloke she's dancing with. 165 00:20:07,938 --> 00:20:12,651 I played rugby with him at school. I'm wondering what position he played. 166 00:20:14,027 --> 00:20:16,822 Though, let's say, for the sake of argument,... 167 00:20:17,030 --> 00:20:20,199 ...one did take a fancy to someone at a wedding. 168 00:20:20,449 --> 00:20:23,369 Do you think there really are people who can say... 169 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:27,289 ..."Hi, babe. My name's Charles. This is your lucky night"? 170 00:20:28,499 --> 00:20:31,585 - Well, if there are, they're not English. - Quite. 171 00:20:33,379 --> 00:20:36,673 Three weeks is about my question-popping minimum. 172 00:20:37,757 --> 00:20:41,386 You know I love you, Jean, don't you? I love you. I love you. 173 00:20:42,137 --> 00:20:47,434 And, Mike, I've never met you before, but I love you very much. I really do. 174 00:20:49,435 --> 00:20:52,146 Ignore her. She's drunk. 175 00:20:52,354 --> 00:20:55,941 At least I hope she is. Otherwise, I'm in real trouble. 176 00:20:58,819 --> 00:21:01,447 - How's it going, Lyds? - Bloody awful. 177 00:21:01,655 --> 00:21:04,574 Oh, dear! What's the prob? 178 00:21:04,657 --> 00:21:07,869 I was promised sex. Everybody said it. 179 00:21:08,161 --> 00:21:11,998 "You be a bridesmaid, you'll get sex. You'll be fighting them off." 180 00:21:12,165 --> 00:21:15,793 But not so much as a tongue in sight. 181 00:21:16,544 --> 00:21:20,964 Well, I mean, if you fancy anything,... 182 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,344 - I could always... - Don't be ridiculous, Bernard. 183 00:21:25,510 --> 00:21:28,847 - I'm not that desperate. - No, right. Of course. 184 00:21:29,056 --> 00:21:32,267 Fair enough. It's a good point. 185 00:21:49,199 --> 00:21:50,408 Bye! 186 00:21:51,993 --> 00:21:55,413 Have a lovely time! Bye! 187 00:22:26,818 --> 00:22:29,153 Where are you staying tonight, Charles? 188 00:22:30,780 --> 00:22:36,201 Scarlett and I are at some pub. The Lucky Boat, something like that. Aren't we all? 189 00:22:36,535 --> 00:22:39,413 No. Slight change of plan. 190 00:22:39,663 --> 00:22:42,874 The others are coming back to my place. Nansy's in residence. 191 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:46,503 Might knock us up a plate of eggs and bake over a late-night Scrabble. 192 00:22:46,753 --> 00:22:50,965 - I wondered if you'd like to join. - Yeah! Thanks very much. 193 00:22:51,215 --> 00:22:53,759 - Is there room for Scarlett? - Absolutely. 194 00:22:53,968 --> 00:22:55,928 137 rooms, actually. 195 00:22:57,471 --> 00:23:01,100 Right. Tommy, are you the richest man in England? 196 00:23:01,350 --> 00:23:04,269 No! 197 00:23:04,477 --> 00:23:07,188 I believe we're about seventh. 198 00:23:08,106 --> 00:23:14,321 The Queen, obviously, and that Branson bloke's doing terribly well. 199 00:23:14,612 --> 00:23:18,616 Well, excellent news. I'll go and tell Scarlett. 200 00:23:18,866 --> 00:23:19,950 Yeah. 201 00:23:20,117 --> 00:23:23,454 That's unless you get lucky first. 202 00:23:30,753 --> 00:23:32,963 Hi. 203 00:23:33,172 --> 00:23:35,965 Hi. I thought you'd gone. 204 00:23:36,049 --> 00:23:41,471 No, not yet. I was just wondering where you were staying tonight. 205 00:23:41,804 --> 00:23:43,389 Well... 206 00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:46,851 I was staying at some pub called The Lucky... 207 00:23:47,143 --> 00:23:50,354 - The Boat or something like that. - Boatman. 208 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:53,690 Right. But now I'm going to stay at some friends' house... 209 00:23:53,899 --> 00:23:56,318 ...with some friends. 210 00:23:56,526 --> 00:24:00,238 Well, I think "enormous castle" is a more accurate description. 211 00:24:00,489 --> 00:24:02,783 That's too bad, because I'm at The Boatman. 212 00:24:05,242 --> 00:24:09,455 Well, it was nice not quite meeting you. 213 00:24:11,207 --> 00:24:13,584 - It was a great speech. - Thanks. 214 00:24:19,631 --> 00:24:24,844 - Well, I'm going now. - No! No, no. Don't go. We can meet now. 215 00:24:25,095 --> 00:24:29,307 - The evening's just getting going. - We both know that's a big lie. 216 00:24:34,144 --> 00:24:35,562 Fuck. 217 00:25:01,170 --> 00:25:03,672 The castle beckons, Tom. Are you sober? 218 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,550 Absolutely. Orange juice all night. 219 00:25:09,094 --> 00:25:10,220 Come on. 220 00:25:14,474 --> 00:25:15,767 Bye, everybody! 221 00:25:15,934 --> 00:25:18,145 All together now. 222 00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:28,070 Bernard! 223 00:25:49,089 --> 00:25:51,383 Tom, can you stop the car? 224 00:25:51,592 --> 00:25:53,594 Stop the car. 225 00:25:55,054 --> 00:25:59,266 Sorry. I just think I might stay in that pub after all. 226 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,644 Why on earth...? 227 00:26:10,693 --> 00:26:16,032 No, seriously. I'm doing some research into pubs with the word "boat" in the title. 228 00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:19,576 - Oh, well. Please yourself. - It's a silly thing. 229 00:26:25,582 --> 00:26:27,584 Right. 230 00:26:30,504 --> 00:26:32,506 Odd decision. 231 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,839 Hello. 232 00:27:17,047 --> 00:27:19,048 - Hi. - Hi. 233 00:27:19,924 --> 00:27:22,135 In the end there wasn't room for all of us. 234 00:27:22,552 --> 00:27:24,345 You said it was a castle. 235 00:27:24,554 --> 00:27:28,933 Yes, it is a castle. It's just a very, very small one. 236 00:27:29,225 --> 00:27:31,853 Tiny, in fact. Just one up, one down, which is rare. 237 00:27:32,061 --> 00:27:33,812 Drink, sir? 238 00:27:33,979 --> 00:27:37,107 Yeah. I'd like a glass of whisky, please. 239 00:27:37,316 --> 00:27:39,526 - Do you want...? - Yeah, sounds good. 240 00:27:39,943 --> 00:27:42,279 - Another for the lady. - Doubles, sir? 241 00:27:42,446 --> 00:27:44,448 Thanks. 242 00:27:45,615 --> 00:27:47,784 You here, too? How are you? 243 00:27:49,035 --> 00:27:52,622 - Hello. I'm fine. - Haven't seen Carrie, have you? 244 00:27:52,788 --> 00:27:55,791 - Who? - Carrie. American girl. Lovely legs. 245 00:27:56,626 --> 00:27:59,045 Wedding guest. Nice smell. 246 00:27:59,253 --> 00:28:01,839 - No. Sorry. - Damn! 247 00:28:02,089 --> 00:28:04,799 Blast! I think I was in there. 248 00:28:06,885 --> 00:28:10,055 If you do see her, could you tell her I've gone to my room? 249 00:28:10,305 --> 00:28:11,598 Yeah. 250 00:28:11,723 --> 00:28:13,725 - Your whisky, sir. - Thank you. 251 00:28:13,933 --> 00:28:16,227 - And one for the... - Road. Lovely. 252 00:28:16,519 --> 00:28:19,938 I think I might have one of those. Do you mind if I join you? 253 00:28:20,105 --> 00:28:24,026 - No. It'd be lovely. - Another glass of whisky and a cigar. 254 00:28:24,276 --> 00:28:27,905 Hold on. Make that a bottle. We might as well settle in, eh? 255 00:28:28,113 --> 00:28:30,407 Let's see if we can push on till dawn. 256 00:28:30,616 --> 00:28:33,534 - Lovely wedding. - Yes. 257 00:28:33,743 --> 00:28:36,746 I was at school with his brother Bufty. Tremendous bloke. 258 00:28:36,996 --> 00:28:39,707 He was head of my house. Buggered me senseless. 259 00:28:39,916 --> 00:28:42,085 Still, it taught me about life. 260 00:28:43,252 --> 00:28:45,755 Where do you know him from? 261 00:28:45,922 --> 00:28:48,840 - University. - Splendid. 262 00:28:49,091 --> 00:28:50,968 Splendid. Yep. 263 00:28:51,885 --> 00:28:54,471 I didn't go myself. I couldn't see the point. 264 00:28:54,721 --> 00:28:58,225 When you work in the money markets, what use of the nobles of wordsworth gonna be? 265 00:28:58,684 --> 00:29:02,187 Excuse me, sir. Your wife says could you come upstairs at once? 266 00:29:02,437 --> 00:29:04,814 Room 12, in case you're so drunk you can't remember. 267 00:29:05,022 --> 00:29:07,233 - My wife? - Yes, sir. 268 00:29:07,775 --> 00:29:10,278 My wife! 269 00:29:10,486 --> 00:29:13,656 God! You are drunk if you can't remember you've got a wife. 270 00:29:13,906 --> 00:29:15,700 Yeah... 271 00:29:16,409 --> 00:29:20,370 - Do you mind if I... - No, no. Off you go. Best of luck. 272 00:29:20,662 --> 00:29:24,374 Lucky bachelor, me. I'll have another search for that Katie creature. 273 00:29:24,624 --> 00:29:27,711 - Carrie. - That's the one. Damn fine filly. 274 00:29:28,712 --> 00:29:30,714 I think I'm in there. 275 00:29:47,062 --> 00:29:48,896 - Hi. - Hello. 276 00:29:49,063 --> 00:29:52,108 - Sorry about that. - He was hard to get rid of. 277 00:29:52,358 --> 00:29:54,360 Yeah. 278 00:29:54,569 --> 00:29:55,570 So... 279 00:30:02,701 --> 00:30:08,915 Maybe we could just skulk around here for a bit and then go back down. 280 00:30:10,626 --> 00:30:13,003 That's a thought. I don't usually skulk,... 281 00:30:13,253 --> 00:30:16,965 ...but I suppose I could skulk if skulking were required. 282 00:30:17,215 --> 00:30:19,634 Do you skulk regularly? 283 00:30:20,551 --> 00:30:26,724 No. No, I don't normally think of myself as a skulker but... 284 00:30:30,102 --> 00:30:36,524 Well, why don't you come in and skulk for a while and we'll see? 285 00:30:44,699 --> 00:30:49,745 I noticed the bride and groom didn't kiss in the church, which is kind of strange. 286 00:30:50,037 --> 00:30:52,873 Where I come from, kissing is very big. 287 00:30:53,582 --> 00:30:57,795 Is it? Well, I think you're right. We are probably more reserved. 288 00:30:58,087 --> 00:31:01,131 "You may kiss the bride" isn't actually in the Book of Common Prayer. 289 00:31:01,382 --> 00:31:05,093 I always worry I'll go too far in the heat of the moment. 290 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,099 How far do you think too far would be? 291 00:31:11,307 --> 00:31:13,601 I don't know. 292 00:31:15,061 --> 00:31:16,771 Maybe... 293 00:31:18,730 --> 00:31:21,149 ...that would be all right. 294 00:31:21,316 --> 00:31:25,821 - I think that would be fine. - In fact, it might be a bit dismissive. 295 00:31:27,489 --> 00:31:29,491 Maybe this... 296 00:31:30,701 --> 00:31:32,910 ...might be better. 297 00:31:35,121 --> 00:31:39,083 Yeah, I think it would be dangerous to take it any further. 298 00:31:40,084 --> 00:31:42,086 I mean... 299 00:31:54,264 --> 00:31:56,891 That might be taking it a little far. 300 00:32:03,147 --> 00:32:04,565 What about this? 301 00:32:04,732 --> 00:32:09,528 Do you think the vicar would think things had slipped a little out of his control? 302 00:32:09,820 --> 00:32:15,409 I think he might. This kind of thing is really better suited to the honeymoon... 303 00:32:15,743 --> 00:32:18,119 ...than to the service itself. 304 00:32:18,328 --> 00:32:21,122 Why do you think it's called a honeymoon? 305 00:32:22,206 --> 00:32:27,503 I don't know. I suppose it's "honey" cos it's sweet as honey... 306 00:32:27,837 --> 00:32:31,841 ...and "moon" because it was the first time... 307 00:32:33,133 --> 00:32:36,762 ...a husband got to see his wife's bottom. 308 00:33:17,091 --> 00:33:19,093 What's happening? 309 00:33:20,678 --> 00:33:22,680 I have to go. 310 00:33:24,139 --> 00:33:26,934 - Where? - America. 311 00:33:28,811 --> 00:33:30,813 That is a tragedy. 312 00:33:32,063 --> 00:33:34,274 Just before I go,... 313 00:33:34,357 --> 00:33:38,569 ...when were you thinking of announcing the engagement? 314 00:33:41,239 --> 00:33:43,658 Sorry. Whose engagement? 315 00:33:44,826 --> 00:33:46,327 Ours. 316 00:33:46,494 --> 00:33:50,872 I assumed since we slept together and everything, we'd be getting married. 317 00:33:51,581 --> 00:33:53,583 What did you think? 318 00:33:56,670 --> 00:33:58,672 I... 319 00:34:00,424 --> 00:34:07,346 Gosh! You know, that takes a lot of thinking about, that kind of thing. 320 00:34:07,722 --> 00:34:10,141 Obviously, I'm... I... 321 00:34:12,643 --> 00:34:14,645 You're joking. 322 00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:21,234 God! For a moment there I thought I was in Fatal Attraction. 323 00:34:21,526 --> 00:34:26,114 You were Glenn Close and I was gonna find my pet rabbit on the stove. 324 00:34:27,449 --> 00:34:29,451 No. 325 00:34:30,869 --> 00:34:34,872 But I think we both missed a great opportunity here. 326 00:34:40,044 --> 00:34:42,046 Bye. 327 00:35:07,486 --> 00:35:09,863 Oh, fuck! 328 00:35:13,325 --> 00:35:14,326 Fuck! 329 00:35:15,911 --> 00:35:17,912 Fuckity fuck! 330 00:35:18,329 --> 00:35:19,705 Fuck! 331 00:35:19,997 --> 00:35:23,084 - Car or taxi? - Taxi. We could never park. 332 00:35:31,675 --> 00:35:34,094 Car seems a good idea. 333 00:35:35,262 --> 00:35:37,264 - Fuck! - Fuck! 334 00:35:47,815 --> 00:35:49,942 Leave it. No one will notice. 335 00:36:14,716 --> 00:36:16,925 Sorry, I'm late. Traffic. 336 00:36:19,511 --> 00:36:22,431 Yeah... Who is it today? 337 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:55,921 One more, please. 338 00:37:50,346 --> 00:37:54,934 In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. 339 00:37:55,268 --> 00:37:57,144 Amen. 340 00:37:58,104 --> 00:37:59,939 Let us pray. 341 00:38:00,106 --> 00:38:04,609 Father, you have made the bond of marriage a holy mystery,... 342 00:38:05,443 --> 00:38:09,072 ...a symbol of Christ's love for his church. 343 00:38:09,322 --> 00:38:17,830 Hear our prayers for Bernard and Lydia through your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord,... 344 00:38:18,289 --> 00:38:22,001 ...who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Goat... 345 00:38:23,168 --> 00:38:24,670 Ghost. 346 00:38:25,379 --> 00:38:28,007 One God, for ever and ever. 347 00:38:28,632 --> 00:38:29,925 Amen. 348 00:38:30,092 --> 00:38:32,594 It's his first time. He's a family friend. 349 00:38:34,012 --> 00:38:35,847 Bernard and Lydia,... 350 00:38:36,014 --> 00:38:40,685 ...I shall now ask if you freely undertake the obligations of marriage. 351 00:38:41,019 --> 00:38:43,896 Bernard, repeat after me. 352 00:38:44,063 --> 00:38:48,358 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 353 00:38:48,609 --> 00:38:51,236 ...that I know not of any lawful impediment... 354 00:38:51,570 --> 00:38:54,573 ...that I know not of any lawful impediment... 355 00:38:54,781 --> 00:38:56,575 ...why I, Lydia... 356 00:38:57,576 --> 00:38:59,578 ...why I, Bernard... 357 00:39:01,913 --> 00:39:02,788 Sorry. 358 00:39:03,748 --> 00:39:10,254 ...why I, Bernard Godfrey Saint John Delaney,... 359 00:39:10,504 --> 00:39:15,217 ...why I, Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney,... 360 00:39:17,177 --> 00:39:22,474 ...may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia John Hibbott. 361 00:39:23,558 --> 00:39:28,146 ...may not be joined in matrimony to Lydia Jane Hibbott. 362 00:39:30,231 --> 00:39:33,234 Lydia, repeat after me. 363 00:39:34,318 --> 00:39:37,529 - I do solemnly declare... - I do solemnly declare... 364 00:39:37,738 --> 00:39:40,032 ...that I know not of any lawful impediment... 365 00:39:40,491 --> 00:39:43,661 ...that I know not of any lawful impediment... 366 00:39:43,869 --> 00:39:47,580 ...why I, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 367 00:39:48,039 --> 00:39:50,959 ...why I, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 368 00:39:51,209 --> 00:39:53,503 ...may not be johned in matrimony... 369 00:39:53,711 --> 00:39:57,382 ...may not be joined in matrimony... 370 00:39:57,674 --> 00:40:03,262 ...to Bernard Geoffrey Sidd... Siddun... Delaney. 371 00:40:04,012 --> 00:40:09,017 ...to Bernard Geoffrey St John Delaney. 372 00:40:12,479 --> 00:40:15,898 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 373 00:40:16,857 --> 00:40:20,236 I call upon those persons here present to witness... 374 00:40:20,486 --> 00:40:22,780 ...that I, Bernard... 375 00:40:29,662 --> 00:40:31,162 ...Delaney,... 376 00:40:33,748 --> 00:40:35,750 ...that I, Bernard Delaney,... 377 00:40:35,917 --> 00:40:38,503 ...do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 378 00:40:38,962 --> 00:40:41,965 ...do take thee, Lydia Jane Hibbott,... 379 00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:45,175 ...to be my awful wedded wife. 380 00:40:45,426 --> 00:40:48,345 ...to be my lawful wedded wife. 381 00:40:48,554 --> 00:40:50,556 That's ri... That's right. 382 00:40:50,723 --> 00:40:53,183 May Almighty God bless you all. 383 00:40:53,350 --> 00:40:57,021 The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot... Spirit. 384 00:40:57,271 --> 00:40:58,272 Amen. 385 00:40:58,439 --> 00:41:00,440 Bravo! 386 00:41:21,793 --> 00:41:23,003 Thanks. 387 00:41:23,170 --> 00:41:25,172 Coming, Bernie! 388 00:41:25,964 --> 00:41:26,924 Sorry. 389 00:41:27,758 --> 00:41:29,551 Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. 390 00:41:29,801 --> 00:41:31,510 That way? 391 00:41:31,677 --> 00:41:34,180 Sorry. Could you two...? Sorry. 392 00:41:35,014 --> 00:41:36,641 Sorry! 393 00:41:52,864 --> 00:41:55,158 I've got a new theory about marriage. 394 00:41:55,909 --> 00:42:01,580 Two people are in love, they live together, and one day they run out of conversation. 395 00:42:01,914 --> 00:42:05,834 Totally. They can't think of a single thing to say to each other. 396 00:42:06,085 --> 00:42:08,087 That's it. Panic. 397 00:42:08,295 --> 00:42:14,218 Then suddenly, it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock. 398 00:42:16,010 --> 00:42:18,888 - Which is? - He'll ask her to marry him. 399 00:42:19,138 --> 00:42:21,057 Brilliant! 400 00:42:21,224 --> 00:42:25,645 They've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives. 401 00:42:25,937 --> 00:42:29,566 So it's just a way out of an embarrassing pause in conversation. 402 00:42:29,691 --> 00:42:32,276 The definitive icebreaker. 403 00:42:32,401 --> 00:42:36,572 - Tom! How's the speech coming along? - It's pretty good, I think. 404 00:42:36,863 --> 00:42:40,075 Something for everyone. Tears, laughter... 405 00:42:41,868 --> 00:42:45,162 - Excellent. - It's a very good theory, Gareth. 406 00:42:45,413 --> 00:42:50,209 There is another argument, of course, that it has something to do with true love. 407 00:42:50,543 --> 00:42:52,545 Well, there's a thought. 408 00:42:56,799 --> 00:43:00,802 - Can I help you, sir? - Can I have three brandies, please? 409 00:43:01,052 --> 00:43:02,470 Hi. 410 00:43:04,097 --> 00:43:05,181 Hello! 411 00:43:05,348 --> 00:43:07,851 - How are you? - Fine! 412 00:43:09,352 --> 00:43:12,105 Sorry. I'm overwhelmed to see you. 413 00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:16,775 Look, don't go back to America. Please. 414 00:43:17,026 --> 00:43:19,820 - I'll be back in two secs, OK? - OK. 415 00:43:21,822 --> 00:43:23,240 Hi, Fi. 416 00:43:24,116 --> 00:43:26,035 Those are yours. See you in five hours. 417 00:43:26,201 --> 00:43:30,204 - Something happened? - It has. This is a bloody great wedding. 418 00:43:35,793 --> 00:43:37,086 Hi. 419 00:43:37,253 --> 00:43:41,090 Well, you look perfect. In fact, you probably are perfect. 420 00:43:41,341 --> 00:43:44,052 - How are you? - I'm really well. 421 00:43:44,260 --> 00:43:47,596 Charles, I'd like you to meet Hamish, my fianc�. 422 00:43:50,766 --> 00:43:53,769 Excellent. 423 00:43:53,936 --> 00:43:56,730 How do you do, Hamish? Delighted to meet you. 424 00:43:56,980 --> 00:43:59,149 Charming surprise to find Carrie back in the country. 425 00:43:59,358 --> 00:44:01,359 Took a lot of persuading, I can tell you. 426 00:44:01,525 --> 00:44:03,945 Darling, I told James I was going to get you. 427 00:44:04,153 --> 00:44:07,156 He'll think I've totally lost control of you already. 428 00:44:07,365 --> 00:44:09,575 I'll see you later. 429 00:44:18,541 --> 00:44:20,919 How are you doing, Charles? 430 00:44:21,878 --> 00:44:24,381 Not great, actually, suddenly. 431 00:44:27,509 --> 00:44:29,510 I don't know... 432 00:44:30,553 --> 00:44:34,640 I mean, what the hell�s going on here? 433 00:44:34,890 --> 00:44:39,395 Why am I always at weddings and never actually getting married, Matt? 434 00:44:39,728 --> 00:44:42,606 It's probably because you're a bit scruffy. 435 00:44:44,607 --> 00:44:47,819 Or it could also be because you haven't met the right girl. 436 00:44:47,944 --> 00:44:50,280 Obviously, is that it? 437 00:44:50,446 --> 00:44:55,827 Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. 438 00:44:56,077 --> 00:44:58,288 - Maybe it's me. - Nonsense. 439 00:44:58,454 --> 00:45:03,375 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, dinner is served. 440 00:45:04,710 --> 00:45:07,629 Come on. Odds on, you meet your wife at dinner. 441 00:45:09,131 --> 00:45:10,924 Yes. 442 00:45:21,350 --> 00:45:23,227 Oh, my God! 443 00:45:26,355 --> 00:45:28,357 Charles? 444 00:45:35,363 --> 00:45:37,574 - Hi. - Hello. I'm Alistair. 445 00:45:37,782 --> 00:45:38,783 Great. 446 00:45:38,909 --> 00:45:42,120 - I believe you know Veronica. - Yeah. Hi, Vee. Hi. 447 00:45:42,370 --> 00:45:44,371 Nicki. 448 00:45:46,332 --> 00:45:48,334 Great. 449 00:45:53,422 --> 00:45:55,925 Tell me, are you married? 450 00:45:56,592 --> 00:45:57,760 No. 451 00:45:57,927 --> 00:46:00,803 - Are you a lesbian? - Good Lord! 452 00:46:02,430 --> 00:46:04,307 What made you say that? 453 00:46:04,474 --> 00:46:07,268 It's one of the possibilities for unmarried girls. 454 00:46:07,393 --> 00:46:12,106 It is a bit more interesting than saying "oh dear, just never found the right chap". 455 00:46:12,607 --> 00:46:16,401 - Quite right. Why be dull? - Thank you. 456 00:46:20,739 --> 00:46:25,160 The truth is, I have met the right person, only he's not in love with me. 457 00:46:25,452 --> 00:46:28,830 And until I stop loving him no one else stands a chance. 458 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:31,499 - Bad luck. - Yes, isn't it? 459 00:46:33,793 --> 00:46:37,004 I was a lesbian once at school, but only for 15 minutes. 460 00:46:37,213 --> 00:46:39,423 I don't think it counts. 461 00:46:46,596 --> 00:46:49,015 There are 400 different kinds of tea,... 462 00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:52,727 ...and that's not including all these so-called fruit teas. 463 00:46:52,936 --> 00:46:56,731 I took Veronica out to India at Christmas to look at the plantations. 464 00:46:57,023 --> 00:46:59,817 - You and her went there once. - That's right. 465 00:47:00,067 --> 00:47:04,280 Charles was vile. He insisted on cracking jokes all the time I was ill. 466 00:47:04,947 --> 00:47:07,783 - Trying to cheer you up. - You're that Veronica! 467 00:47:07,908 --> 00:47:10,619 Which Veronica? Charlie? 468 00:47:10,786 --> 00:47:13,622 - Remember Bombay? - When Charles and I were going out,... 469 00:47:13,830 --> 00:47:17,500 ...he told me he'd had this interesting journey round India... 470 00:47:17,792 --> 00:47:21,087 ...with Vomiting Veronica. I think that was it. 471 00:47:21,296 --> 00:47:24,424 I don't remember ever mentioning it. Maybe I did. 472 00:47:24,757 --> 00:47:28,760 Come on, Charles. I don't think I've ever been out with anyone less discreet. 473 00:47:29,011 --> 00:47:32,931 - That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? - It is not. 474 00:47:33,181 --> 00:47:36,101 I remember you going on about this girl Helena... 475 00:47:36,351 --> 00:47:39,521 ...whose mother made a pass at you. - I remember this. 476 00:47:39,813 --> 00:47:43,900 You couldn't work out whether it would be impolite not to accept her advances. 477 00:47:44,191 --> 00:47:47,195 That's right. Mrs Piggy. Helena was Miss Piggy,... 478 00:47:47,403 --> 00:47:49,864 ...so her mother was Mrs Piggy! 479 00:47:50,364 --> 00:47:52,575 I think perhaps it was a... 480 00:47:52,783 --> 00:47:55,494 We've both lost a lot of weight since then. 481 00:48:02,292 --> 00:48:04,794 Great! The speeches. 482 00:48:05,003 --> 00:48:10,091 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, pray silence for the best man. 483 00:48:22,770 --> 00:48:26,440 When Bernard told me he was getting engaged to Lydia,... 484 00:48:26,690 --> 00:48:31,611 ...I congratulated him because all his other girlfriends were such complete dogs. 485 00:48:34,405 --> 00:48:38,201 Although may I say how delighted we are to have so many of them here today. 486 00:48:41,329 --> 00:48:46,124 I'm particularly delighted to see Camilla, who many of you will remember... 487 00:48:46,416 --> 00:48:51,129 ...as the first person Bernard asked to marry him. 488 00:48:51,421 --> 00:48:54,841 If I remember rightly, she told him to sod off. 489 00:48:58,803 --> 00:49:00,721 And lucky for Lydia that she did. 490 00:49:06,519 --> 00:49:08,396 It's very disappointing. 491 00:49:12,984 --> 00:49:16,278 We had the most adorable girl at our table called Carrie. 492 00:49:16,570 --> 00:49:20,574 Apparently her fianc�'s awfully grand and he owns half of Scotland. 493 00:49:20,824 --> 00:49:24,035 - How are you? - I'm stuck in the wedding from hell. 494 00:49:24,244 --> 00:49:26,872 Ghosts of girlfriends past at every turn. 495 00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:29,582 If I meet Henrietta, the horror will be complete. 496 00:49:29,790 --> 00:49:31,208 Hello, Charles. 497 00:49:32,126 --> 00:49:34,086 Hello, Hen. How are you? 498 00:49:35,629 --> 00:49:36,630 Hen... 499 00:49:36,755 --> 00:49:40,342 Why can't you leave her alone? Haven't you hurt her enough? 500 00:49:44,262 --> 00:49:47,849 Excuse me. I think I'd better be where other people are not. 501 00:49:55,732 --> 00:49:56,649 Hello. 502 00:51:05,296 --> 00:51:06,881 Taxi! 503 00:51:14,888 --> 00:51:16,390 Good night, sir. 504 00:51:56,469 --> 00:51:59,889 It's all right. Oh, God! This is wonderful. 505 00:52:18,907 --> 00:52:22,827 Wait a minute. This is no fun. I want to see my lovely husband... 506 00:52:46,641 --> 00:52:51,646 ...who's a very bad bridegroom indeed. 507 00:53:07,077 --> 00:53:09,496 - Have you got a boyfriend? - Yes. 508 00:53:09,663 --> 00:53:13,165 - What's his name? - Dolph. He's good at table tennis. 509 00:53:13,457 --> 00:53:16,168 - What about you? - No. Afraid not. 510 00:53:17,294 --> 00:53:19,296 Why not? 511 00:53:19,505 --> 00:53:21,674 Don't know. 512 00:53:22,424 --> 00:53:27,429 Because most of the blokes I fancy think I'm stupid and pointless,... 513 00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:30,431 ...so they just bonk me and then leave me,... 514 00:53:30,682 --> 00:53:34,477 ...and the kind of blokes that do fancy me, I think are drips. 515 00:53:34,727 --> 00:53:37,230 I can't even be bothered to bonk them,... 516 00:53:37,397 --> 00:53:40,400 ...which does sort of leave me a bit nowhere. 517 00:53:41,150 --> 00:53:43,569 What's bonking? 518 00:53:45,112 --> 00:53:51,034 Well, it's kind of like table tennis, only with slightly smaller balls. 519 00:54:13,889 --> 00:54:15,974 So good! 520 00:54:28,110 --> 00:54:32,823 - I love my wife! - And I love my husband! 521 00:54:36,452 --> 00:54:40,372 - Do you think we'd better get back? - We could just wait a few minutes... 522 00:54:40,623 --> 00:54:42,540 ...and have another go. 523 00:54:44,876 --> 00:54:46,669 Naughty little rabbit! 524 00:54:52,717 --> 00:54:54,594 Found it. 525 00:54:59,264 --> 00:55:01,683 Charles! Charles, we must talk. 526 00:55:04,186 --> 00:55:05,604 Right. 527 00:55:05,771 --> 00:55:09,775 The thing is, Charlie, I've spoken to lots of people about you. 528 00:55:10,025 --> 00:55:13,736 Everybody agrees you're in real trouble, Charles. 529 00:55:13,986 --> 00:55:14,987 Am I? 530 00:55:15,112 --> 00:55:19,325 You see, you're turning into a kind of serial monogamist. 531 00:55:19,617 --> 00:55:23,913 One girlfriend after another, yet you never really let anyone near you. 532 00:55:24,163 --> 00:55:26,082 On the contrary... 533 00:55:26,290 --> 00:55:29,292 ...you're affectionate to them and sweet to them. 534 00:55:29,501 --> 00:55:31,920 Even to me, although you thought I was an idiot. 535 00:55:32,128 --> 00:55:34,130 - I did not. - You did. 536 00:55:34,297 --> 00:55:37,384 - I thought U2 was a type of submarine. - In a way, you were right. 537 00:55:37,676 --> 00:55:40,971 - Their music has a naval quality. - Be serious, Charles. 538 00:55:41,179 --> 00:55:44,807 Give people a chance. You don't have to think "I must get married",... 539 00:55:45,057 --> 00:55:48,853 ...but you mustn't start relationships thinking "I mustn't get married". 540 00:55:49,019 --> 00:55:53,107 Most of the time I don't think at all. I just potter along. 541 00:55:53,399 --> 00:55:54,692 Charlie! 542 00:55:54,859 --> 00:55:58,236 Oh, God! The way you used to look at me! 543 00:55:58,486 --> 00:56:00,780 I just misread it, that's all. 544 00:56:00,989 --> 00:56:03,491 I thought you were going to propose... 545 00:56:03,700 --> 00:56:06,202 ...and you were just working out how to leave. 546 00:56:06,411 --> 00:56:10,248 - No. No, I wasn't. - Oh, God, this is ridiculous. 547 00:56:11,624 --> 00:56:13,625 Hen... 548 00:56:14,877 --> 00:56:18,088 - Having a good night? - Yes. 549 00:56:18,297 --> 00:56:23,218 It's right up there with my father's funeral for sheer entertainment value. 550 00:56:23,427 --> 00:56:27,221 - I thought you'd gone. - No. Hamish took the Edinburgh sleeper. 551 00:56:27,471 --> 00:56:29,891 I'm off now. Keep me company? 552 00:56:44,571 --> 00:56:46,573 Here, please. 553 00:56:47,491 --> 00:56:49,910 You want to come up for a nightcap? 554 00:56:52,078 --> 00:56:55,373 - You sure? - Well, yes. I think we can risk it. 555 00:56:55,665 --> 00:56:59,376 I'm pretty sure I can resist you. You're not that cute. 556 00:57:00,127 --> 00:57:02,213 Sorry... Yeah, great. 557 00:58:16,115 --> 00:58:19,243 Morning, Charles. Breakfast's up. 558 00:58:25,833 --> 00:58:28,126 What are you up to today? 559 00:58:28,334 --> 00:58:30,044 Oh, yeah... 560 00:58:31,045 --> 00:58:35,633 I'm taking advantage of the fact that, for the first time in my entire life,... 561 00:58:35,925 --> 00:58:39,137 ...it's Saturday and I don't have a wedding to go to. 562 00:58:39,387 --> 00:58:41,680 All I have to do is not be late for David. 563 00:58:41,763 --> 00:58:43,765 I was going to go for a job. 564 00:58:43,974 --> 00:58:48,687 This new shop called Spank wants a sales assistant. I think I'd be great. 565 00:58:48,979 --> 00:58:52,357 - They sell all this funny rubber stuff. - No... 566 00:58:52,608 --> 00:58:57,612 Another wedding invitation, and a list. Lovely! 567 00:58:57,945 --> 00:59:00,448 They say rubber's mainly for perverts. 568 00:59:00,656 --> 00:59:03,951 Don't know why. I think it's very practical, actually. 569 00:59:04,076 --> 00:59:06,871 You spill anything on it and it just comes off. 570 00:59:06,996 --> 00:59:09,707 That could be why the perverts like it. 571 00:59:09,957 --> 00:59:12,167 You all right? 572 00:59:13,293 --> 00:59:15,295 Yeah. 573 00:59:16,004 --> 00:59:20,217 It's that girl Carrie. You remember, the... 574 00:59:20,467 --> 00:59:22,677 The American. 575 00:59:32,978 --> 00:59:35,397 Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. 576 00:59:35,564 --> 00:59:38,692 - Do you have the wedding list for Banks? - Certainly, sir. 577 00:59:38,901 --> 00:59:42,445 Lots of beautiful things for around about the �1,000 mark. 578 00:59:44,239 --> 00:59:48,326 What about things around the sort of �50 mark? Is there much? 579 00:59:49,452 --> 00:59:52,956 Well, you could get that Pygmy warrior over there. 580 00:59:53,832 --> 00:59:55,834 This? Excellent! 581 00:59:56,042 --> 00:59:59,628 If you could find someone to chip in the other 3,950. 582 00:59:59,837 --> 01:00:02,339 Or our carrier bags are �1.50 each. 583 01:00:02,464 --> 01:00:04,883 Why don't you just get 33 of them? 584 01:00:07,135 --> 01:00:09,847 Well, I think I'll probably leave it. 585 01:00:10,097 --> 01:00:13,099 Thanks very much. You've been very... 586 01:00:13,975 --> 01:00:16,978 - What did you get? - Blimey! 587 01:00:17,186 --> 01:00:19,605 Well, I never! 588 01:00:19,814 --> 01:00:22,817 Nothing yet. I'm just, you know, deciding. 589 01:00:22,942 --> 01:00:26,027 - It's nice to see you. - It's nice to see you. 590 01:00:27,195 --> 01:00:31,533 This present thing is great. I should've gotten married years ago. 591 01:00:31,783 --> 01:00:34,661 - Anybody get the Pygmy? - The young man thought about it... 592 01:00:36,079 --> 01:00:37,455 No! 593 01:00:37,497 --> 01:00:40,083 Just get me an ashtray. 594 01:00:41,458 --> 01:00:43,961 Are you free for about a half-hour? 595 01:00:44,211 --> 01:00:45,588 Yeah. 596 01:00:45,629 --> 01:00:48,841 I'm meeting my brother, but I can be a bit late. 597 01:00:48,966 --> 01:00:52,261 Oh, good. You have an important decision to make. 598 01:00:52,553 --> 01:00:56,055 - Now, you mustn't laugh. - OK. Right. 599 01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,399 What do you think? 600 01:01:08,193 --> 01:01:09,777 Divine. 601 01:01:09,944 --> 01:01:12,738 Bit of a meringue? 602 01:01:14,198 --> 01:01:16,492 Don't worry. We've only just begun. 603 01:01:19,536 --> 01:01:21,955 What do you think? 604 01:01:23,081 --> 01:01:25,501 - You're kidding. - But it would be wonderful. 605 01:01:25,667 --> 01:01:28,169 Maybe next time. 606 01:01:29,962 --> 01:01:32,340 What do you think? 607 01:01:36,427 --> 01:01:39,722 - I knew it. - With a staff, you could look after sheep. 608 01:01:40,306 --> 01:01:41,807 Don't be rude. 609 01:01:42,891 --> 01:01:44,893 It's a bit sexy, this. 610 01:01:46,311 --> 01:01:48,104 Well... 611 01:01:48,230 --> 01:01:51,399 If I were your husband, I would die of pride. 612 01:01:51,566 --> 01:01:53,568 You may be right. It is dangerous. 613 01:01:53,735 --> 01:01:57,530 There's nothing worse at a wedding than a priest with an erection. 614 01:02:03,244 --> 01:02:06,247 It's strange thinking you'll never sleep with anyone else. 615 01:02:06,455 --> 01:02:10,875 - You don't think you'll be unfaithful? - No. Not once I'm married. 616 01:02:11,167 --> 01:02:14,587 I told Hamish I'll kill him if he does, so I'd better stick to that. 617 01:02:14,796 --> 01:02:16,214 Quite right. 618 01:02:16,381 --> 01:02:19,342 Anyway, I reckon I've had my fair run at it. 619 01:02:20,135 --> 01:02:23,638 What is a fair run these days, down your way? 620 01:02:23,847 --> 01:02:26,265 I don't know. 621 01:02:26,473 --> 01:02:28,475 More than one. 622 01:02:28,642 --> 01:02:30,853 Well, come on. Tell me. 623 01:02:32,020 --> 01:02:34,815 I've seen the dress. We have no secrets. 624 01:02:39,027 --> 01:02:41,028 Well... 625 01:02:41,904 --> 01:02:47,118 The first one - of course, not easily forgotten - was kinda nice. 626 01:02:48,494 --> 01:02:51,080 Two... hairy back. 627 01:02:52,540 --> 01:02:58,253 Three, four, five... Six was on my birthday in my parents' room. 628 01:02:58,795 --> 01:03:01,006 - Which birthday? - 17th. 629 01:03:01,214 --> 01:03:04,092 - We've only reached 17? - I grew up in the country... 630 01:03:04,301 --> 01:03:06,803 ...lots of rolling around in haystacks. 631 01:03:07,429 --> 01:03:10,431 OK. Seven... 632 01:03:10,681 --> 01:03:13,684 Eight, unfortunately, was quite a shock. 633 01:03:14,852 --> 01:03:18,564 Nine, against a fence. Very uncomfortable. Don't try it. 634 01:03:18,814 --> 01:03:19,815 I won't. 635 01:03:19,982 --> 01:03:23,486 Ten was gorgeous. Just heaven, just... 636 01:03:24,987 --> 01:03:28,281 - He was wonderful. - I hate him. 637 01:03:29,532 --> 01:03:32,535 11, obviously after 10, disappointing. 638 01:03:32,660 --> 01:03:37,499 12 through 17, the university years. Sensitive, caring, intelligent boys. 639 01:03:37,665 --> 01:03:40,501 Sexually speaking, a real low patch. 640 01:03:42,294 --> 01:03:44,588 18 broke my heart. 641 01:03:44,797 --> 01:03:47,299 - Years of yearning. - I'm sorry. 642 01:03:47,508 --> 01:03:50,511 20... Oh, my God! I can't believe I've reached 20. 643 01:03:51,762 --> 01:03:54,473 21, elephant tongue. 644 01:03:56,182 --> 01:03:59,769 22 kept falling asleep. That was my first year in England. 645 01:04:00,436 --> 01:04:01,437 I do apologise. 646 01:04:01,479 --> 01:04:04,440 - 23 and 24 together. That was something. - Seriously? 647 01:04:04,690 --> 01:04:06,901 27... That was a mistake. 648 01:04:08,110 --> 01:04:11,905 - Suddenly at 27 you make a mistake? - Yes, he kept screaming. 649 01:04:12,197 --> 01:04:15,283 Very off-putting. I nearly gave up on the whole thing. 650 01:04:15,408 --> 01:04:18,119 But Spencer changed my mind. That's 28. 651 01:04:18,370 --> 01:04:21,289 - His father, 29. - With his father? 652 01:04:21,790 --> 01:04:23,416 30. 653 01:04:24,501 --> 01:04:26,502 31... Oh, my God. 654 01:04:27,461 --> 01:04:30,548 32 was lovely. 655 01:04:32,133 --> 01:04:35,553 And then my fianc�, that's 33. 656 01:04:36,804 --> 01:04:39,098 Wow! 657 01:04:39,306 --> 01:04:42,809 So I came after your fianc�? 658 01:04:43,351 --> 01:04:45,770 No, you were 32. 659 01:04:47,772 --> 01:04:49,566 So there you go. 660 01:04:49,649 --> 01:04:53,361 Less than Madonna, more than Princess Di - I hope. 661 01:04:54,028 --> 01:04:56,530 And how about you? How many have you slept with? 662 01:04:56,738 --> 01:04:59,741 Christ! Nothing like that many. I don't know... 663 01:04:59,867 --> 01:05:02,870 I don't know what the fuck I've been doing with my time. 664 01:05:03,078 --> 01:05:07,374 Work, probably. Yeah, work. I have been working late a lot. 665 01:05:15,506 --> 01:05:17,925 I wish I'd rung you. 666 01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:22,180 But then you never rang me. 667 01:05:23,222 --> 01:05:26,933 You ruthlessly slept with me twice and never rang me. 668 01:05:31,771 --> 01:05:33,648 Bollocks! 669 01:05:33,857 --> 01:05:36,067 Help me, please! Please! 670 01:05:48,829 --> 01:05:51,665 Carrie, this is David, my brother. 671 01:05:55,126 --> 01:05:56,503 Hi. 672 01:06:10,891 --> 01:06:13,977 I was just telling him about you marrying Hamish... 673 01:06:14,228 --> 01:06:17,815 ...and he said it couldn't have happened to a nicer fellow. 674 01:06:21,485 --> 01:06:23,904 - Where are you doing it? - Scotland. 675 01:06:29,075 --> 01:06:32,120 He says that's a beautiful place. Hilly. 676 01:06:33,287 --> 01:06:35,456 You should come to the wedding, too. 677 01:06:35,665 --> 01:06:40,794 I want lots of friends to make up for the gruesome stiffs that Hamish knows. 678 01:06:41,837 --> 01:06:44,047 Well, you'd better go in. 679 01:06:44,548 --> 01:06:45,549 Bye. 680 01:06:46,007 --> 01:06:48,218 - Bye. - Bye. 681 01:06:58,602 --> 01:07:00,604 Fuck it! 682 01:07:13,408 --> 01:07:16,536 Look. Sorry. 683 01:07:16,661 --> 01:07:20,165 I just... Well... This is a really stupid question,... 684 01:07:20,415 --> 01:07:23,209 ...particularly in view of our shopping excursion,... 685 01:07:23,334 --> 01:07:26,837 ...but I just wondered if by any chance... 686 01:07:29,047 --> 01:07:32,259 Obviously not, because I've only slept with nine people. 687 01:07:32,509 --> 01:07:34,720 But I... I just wondered... 688 01:07:34,928 --> 01:07:37,431 I really feel... 689 01:07:37,514 --> 01:07:41,809 In short, to recap in a slightly clearer version,... 690 01:07:42,101 --> 01:07:46,606 ...in the words of David Cassidy, while still with the Partridge Family,... 691 01:07:46,898 --> 01:07:49,901 ...I think I love you. And... 692 01:07:50,109 --> 01:07:54,946 ...I just wondered whether by any chance you wouldn't like to... 693 01:07:58,158 --> 01:08:01,161 No. No, of course not. 694 01:08:02,788 --> 01:08:05,081 I'm an idiot. He's not. 695 01:08:05,290 --> 01:08:07,250 Excellent. Fantastic. 696 01:08:07,417 --> 01:08:10,628 Lovely to see you. Sorry to disturb. Better get on. 697 01:08:11,170 --> 01:08:14,298 - Fuck! - That was very romantic. 698 01:08:17,676 --> 01:08:21,847 Well, I thought it over a lot, you know. I wanted to get it just right. 699 01:08:23,599 --> 01:08:26,309 Important to have said it, I think. 700 01:08:26,518 --> 01:08:28,853 Said what, exactly? 701 01:08:30,897 --> 01:08:37,112 Said, you know, what I just said about David Cassidy. 702 01:08:41,907 --> 01:08:44,743 You're lovely. 703 01:09:37,042 --> 01:09:41,629 It was ordained for lifelong faithful relationships and conjugal love. 704 01:09:41,796 --> 01:09:44,591 It was ordained for the welfare of human society,... 705 01:09:44,841 --> 01:09:46,843 ...which can be strong and happy... 706 01:09:47,051 --> 01:09:50,013 ...only when the marriage bond is held in honour. 707 01:09:51,055 --> 01:09:55,768 Into this holy estate these two persons now desire to enter. 708 01:09:56,935 --> 01:09:59,938 Wherefore, if anyone can show any just cause... 709 01:10:00,147 --> 01:10:03,567 ...why they may not lawfully be joined together in marriage,... 710 01:10:03,776 --> 01:10:05,778 ...let him now declare it. 711 01:10:10,281 --> 01:10:11,949 Sorry. 712 01:10:12,033 --> 01:10:14,035 Please rise. 713 01:10:17,038 --> 01:10:21,834 Do you, Hamish, take this woman Caroline to be your wedded wife... 714 01:10:22,168 --> 01:10:26,046 ...and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation,... 715 01:10:26,338 --> 01:10:30,509 ...promise and covenant to be to her a loving and faithful husband... 716 01:10:30,801 --> 01:10:33,595 ...until God shall separate you by death? 717 01:10:33,845 --> 01:10:35,722 I do. 718 01:10:35,889 --> 01:10:40,184 Do you, Caroline, take this man Hamish to be your wedded husband... 719 01:10:40,392 --> 01:10:44,188 ...and do you, in the presence of God and before this congregation,... 720 01:10:44,480 --> 01:10:47,983 ...promise and covenant to be to him a loving and faithful wife... 721 01:10:48,192 --> 01:10:50,736 ...until God shall separate you by death? 722 01:10:50,861 --> 01:10:51,946 I do. 723 01:10:54,489 --> 01:10:56,491 Fuck-a-doodle-doo. 724 01:11:21,807 --> 01:11:24,976 - How awfully nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 725 01:11:27,770 --> 01:11:29,772 Hello. 726 01:11:31,399 --> 01:11:34,068 You look beautiful. Not a meringue in sight. 727 01:11:34,318 --> 01:11:35,903 Thanks. 728 01:11:41,616 --> 01:11:43,618 Blimey! 729 01:11:44,411 --> 01:11:47,539 It's Brigadoon! It's bloody Brigadoon! 730 01:11:58,507 --> 01:12:01,886 Dear old things, as you know, I've always been proud... 731 01:12:02,178 --> 01:12:05,473 ...that there's not a wedding ring between the lot of us. 732 01:12:05,723 --> 01:12:09,184 Over the passing of the years, it's beginning to distress me. 733 01:12:09,434 --> 01:12:13,271 I'd like to go to the wedding of someone I really loved for a change. 734 01:12:13,480 --> 01:12:16,608 Don't blame me. I've asked practically everyone I know. 735 01:12:16,858 --> 01:12:19,444 - You haven't asked me. - Haven't I? 736 01:12:19,652 --> 01:12:22,655 Oh, Scarlett... Would you like to? 737 01:12:22,906 --> 01:12:25,491 No, thank you. It was very nice of you to ask. 738 01:12:25,699 --> 01:12:27,493 Well... Any time. 739 01:12:27,618 --> 01:12:30,496 Quite right, Tom, quite right. That's the spirit. 740 01:12:30,746 --> 01:12:33,540 Tonight, these are your orders. 741 01:12:33,749 --> 01:12:37,753 Go forth and conjugate. Find husbands and wives. 742 01:12:38,003 --> 01:12:41,422 Excellent. What do you think, Fifi? Spot a potential hubby? 743 01:12:41,672 --> 01:12:43,966 - Bugger off, Tom. - Quite right. 744 01:12:44,050 --> 01:12:46,761 A toast before we go into battle. 745 01:12:48,429 --> 01:12:50,139 True love. 746 01:12:50,306 --> 01:12:52,683 In whatever shape or form it may come. 747 01:12:52,809 --> 01:12:57,896 May we all in our dotage be proud to say "I was adored once, too." 748 01:12:59,272 --> 01:13:01,858 - True love. - True love! 749 01:13:10,366 --> 01:13:13,369 Apparently, an enormous number of people... 750 01:13:13,494 --> 01:13:16,789 ...actually bump into their future spouses at weddings,... 751 01:13:17,039 --> 01:13:18,999 ...which is interesting. 752 01:13:19,083 --> 01:13:21,585 Yes, I met my husband at a wedding. 753 01:13:29,926 --> 01:13:34,556 Good Lord, I seem to have finished my drink. If you'll excuse me. 754 01:13:39,309 --> 01:13:41,937 Hello. My name's Scarlett. 755 01:13:42,146 --> 01:13:45,149 Named after Scarlett O'Hara, but much less trouble. 756 01:13:45,399 --> 01:13:48,318 - What's your name? - My name's Rhett. 757 01:13:48,485 --> 01:13:49,903 No... 758 01:13:50,070 --> 01:13:52,364 - Not really? - No, not really. 759 01:13:52,489 --> 01:13:55,450 - In fact, it's Chester. - You kidder! 760 01:13:56,826 --> 01:14:00,037 I always imagine Americans are gonna be dull as shit. 761 01:14:00,288 --> 01:14:02,290 Of course you're not, are you? 762 01:14:02,457 --> 01:14:05,042 Steve Martin's American, isn't he? 763 01:14:05,918 --> 01:14:07,837 Yes, he is. 764 01:14:08,004 --> 01:14:10,005 You're lovely. 765 01:14:19,181 --> 01:14:21,558 Hello, Charles. 766 01:14:21,767 --> 01:14:24,268 Oh, Hen. Hi. 767 01:14:24,477 --> 01:14:26,979 Look, I couldn't really bear a scene today. 768 01:14:27,229 --> 01:14:29,899 I know we've probably got tons to talk about... 769 01:14:30,065 --> 01:14:32,777 Did I behave that atrociously last time? 770 01:14:33,778 --> 01:14:36,572 Well, you remember the shower scene in Psycho? 771 01:14:37,198 --> 01:14:39,199 Scarier. 772 01:14:40,116 --> 01:14:42,202 God, I'm depressed, Hen! How are you? 773 01:14:42,285 --> 01:14:47,499 I'm cheerful. I weigh almost nothing and I've got a divine new boyfriend. 774 01:14:50,001 --> 01:14:51,795 Perhaps we should've got married. 775 01:14:52,003 --> 01:14:56,799 No! I'd have had to marry your friends, and I'm not sure I could take Fiona. 776 01:14:57,132 --> 01:14:58,717 Fiona loves you. 777 01:14:58,801 --> 01:15:02,679 - Fiona calls me Duckface. - Well, I never heard that. 778 01:15:02,930 --> 01:15:06,225 Look, darling, come to lunch soon. Give me a ring. 779 01:15:06,517 --> 01:15:08,518 Still cute. 780 01:15:12,730 --> 01:15:14,732 How's Duckface? 781 01:15:14,941 --> 01:15:17,151 Good form, actually. Not too mad. 782 01:15:18,694 --> 01:15:23,073 Ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom! 783 01:16:01,025 --> 01:16:03,445 You like this girl, don't you? 784 01:16:06,030 --> 01:16:08,031 Yes. 785 01:16:10,534 --> 01:16:12,494 Yes, it's... 786 01:16:13,412 --> 01:16:16,415 It's a strange thing when at last it happens. 787 01:16:16,665 --> 01:16:21,170 And she's marrying someone else. 788 01:16:29,510 --> 01:16:33,723 How about you, Fifi? Have you identified a future partner for life yet? 789 01:16:34,807 --> 01:16:36,809 No need, really. 790 01:16:38,268 --> 01:16:40,479 The deed is done. 791 01:16:40,645 --> 01:16:43,732 I've been in love with the same bloke for ages. 792 01:16:44,524 --> 01:16:47,277 Have you? Who's that? 793 01:16:48,862 --> 01:16:51,281 You, Charlie. 794 01:17:09,631 --> 01:17:11,966 It's always been you. 795 01:17:13,093 --> 01:17:17,305 Since first we met so many years ago. 796 01:17:19,557 --> 01:17:21,726 I knew the first moment. 797 01:17:21,935 --> 01:17:24,853 Across a crowded room. A lawn, in fact. 798 01:17:30,692 --> 01:17:32,861 Doesn't matter. 799 01:17:34,029 --> 01:17:37,657 Nothing either of us can do on this one. Such is life. 800 01:17:42,703 --> 01:17:45,706 Friends isn't bad, you know. 801 01:17:45,915 --> 01:17:48,251 Friends is quite something. 802 01:17:50,211 --> 01:17:52,213 Oh, Fi... 803 01:18:03,223 --> 01:18:05,600 It's not all easy, is it? 804 01:18:06,435 --> 01:18:08,436 No. 805 01:18:10,438 --> 01:18:13,149 Just forget this business. Not to be. 806 01:18:16,819 --> 01:18:18,904 Matthew, darling. 807 01:18:19,113 --> 01:18:22,323 - Where's Gareth? - Torturing Americans. 808 01:18:23,158 --> 01:18:25,326 How thoughtful of him. 809 01:18:28,580 --> 01:18:31,458 Do you actually know Oscar Wilde? 810 01:18:31,666 --> 01:18:34,502 Not personally, no. 811 01:18:35,003 --> 01:18:39,548 But I do know someone who could get his fax number for you. 812 01:18:40,132 --> 01:18:42,134 Shall we dance? 813 01:19:27,384 --> 01:19:29,970 Well? Any rings on fingers? 814 01:19:30,096 --> 01:19:32,306 Gareth, you don't know how lucky you are. 815 01:19:32,390 --> 01:19:35,101 Finding someone to marry is a tricky business. 816 01:19:35,351 --> 01:19:39,854 It's hell out there. Matthew's trapped with an evangelist from Minnesota. 817 01:19:40,105 --> 01:19:42,273 Sweet Jesus, cast out the devil! 818 01:19:43,024 --> 01:19:48,029 My lords, ladies, and gentlemen, please charge your glasses. 819 01:19:48,321 --> 01:19:52,199 First, and rather unusually, we have the bride. 820 01:19:54,284 --> 01:19:56,703 Excellent. I love this girl. 821 01:19:57,538 --> 01:19:59,540 Thank you. 822 01:19:59,706 --> 01:20:04,503 First of all, I'd like to thank all of you who've flown in from the States. 823 01:20:05,212 --> 01:20:09,757 As for the rest of you, I'd have thought that lots of frightful Americans flying in... 824 01:20:10,049 --> 01:20:13,136 ...was an excuse for staying away. So I thank you, too. 825 01:20:17,223 --> 01:20:21,810 If my darling dad had been here today, he would have been speaking now,... 826 01:20:21,977 --> 01:20:24,104 ...and I know what he would have said: 827 01:20:24,271 --> 01:20:30,110 "Great dress, babe, but why in the hell are you marrying the stiff in the skirt?" 828 01:20:32,863 --> 01:20:36,658 And I would have given him the same answer that I give you: 829 01:20:36,949 --> 01:20:38,951 "Because I love him." 830 01:20:39,118 --> 01:20:42,621 As John Lennon said, who died the same year as my dad,... 831 01:20:42,872 --> 01:20:46,584 "Love is the answer, and you know that for sure." 832 01:20:51,921 --> 01:20:54,424 And one more thing. 833 01:20:54,632 --> 01:20:58,928 Someone told me here that, if things with Hamish didn't work out, he would step in. 834 01:20:59,220 --> 01:21:02,515 I just wanted to say thanks, and I'll keep you posted. 835 01:21:07,561 --> 01:21:08,562 Bravo! 836 01:21:08,729 --> 01:21:12,524 Now, my lords, ladies, and gentlemen, Sir Hamish Banks. 837 01:21:19,156 --> 01:21:21,866 Anyone involved in politics for the last 20 years... 838 01:21:22,075 --> 01:21:25,078 ...has got used to being upstaged by a woman. 839 01:21:26,537 --> 01:21:29,624 I didn't expect it to happen to me on my wedding day. 840 01:21:29,874 --> 01:21:33,669 However, I must also say that I'm quite happy... 841 01:21:33,961 --> 01:21:37,547 ...to be upstaged by this woman for the rest of my life. 842 01:21:37,798 --> 01:21:42,135 Is that some barracking at the back? We politicians are used to that. 843 01:21:42,427 --> 01:21:45,305 - Shit! Find a doctor! - Right. OK. 844 01:21:45,430 --> 01:21:48,225 First of all, my compliments to the bridesmaids. 845 01:21:48,475 --> 01:21:50,769 You did your duties superbly. 846 01:21:50,977 --> 01:21:55,272 And obviously I intend to use you every time I get married from now on. 847 01:22:01,487 --> 01:22:05,199 I want to thank all those wonderful ladies of the parish... 848 01:22:05,449 --> 01:22:07,534 ...who did the flowers in the church. 849 01:22:07,700 --> 01:22:11,830 The stern old building took on a look of flushed youth today. 850 01:22:20,463 --> 01:22:23,966 I remember the first time I laid eyes on Caroline. 851 01:22:24,216 --> 01:22:28,929 I thought to myself: "If by any chance she's short-sighted,... 852 01:22:29,263 --> 01:22:32,558 ...I might just be happy for the rest of my life." 853 01:22:33,809 --> 01:22:36,602 I thought I could see my future for the first time. 854 01:22:36,811 --> 01:22:42,024 It was a joyful one, for years and years to come. 855 01:24:13,610 --> 01:24:17,823 Good morning, and a warm welcome to you all on this cold day. 856 01:24:18,407 --> 01:24:20,991 Our service will begin in a few minutes. 857 01:24:21,200 --> 01:24:25,705 But first we have asked Matthew, Gareth's closest friend,... 858 01:24:25,996 --> 01:24:28,582 ...to say a few words. 859 01:24:37,048 --> 01:24:40,260 Gareth used to prefer funerals to weddings. 860 01:24:40,427 --> 01:24:43,221 He said it was easier to get enthusiastic... 861 01:24:43,304 --> 01:24:48,226 ...about a ceremony one had an outside chance of eventually being involved in. 862 01:24:50,228 --> 01:24:53,272 In order to prepare this speech, I rang a few people... 863 01:24:53,522 --> 01:24:58,110 ...to get a general picture of how Gareth was regarded by those who met him. 864 01:24:59,778 --> 01:25:03,574 "Fat" seems to have been a word people most connected with him. 865 01:25:05,825 --> 01:25:08,828 "Terribly rude" also rang a lot of bells. 866 01:25:10,663 --> 01:25:16,461 So "very fat" and "very rude" seems to have been the stranger's viewpoint. 867 01:25:16,669 --> 01:25:20,381 But some of you have rung me and let me know that you loved him,... 868 01:25:20,756 --> 01:25:24,259 ...which I know he would have been thrilled to hear. 869 01:25:24,384 --> 01:25:29,556 You remember his fabulous hospitality, his strange experimental cooking. 870 01:25:32,100 --> 01:25:36,896 The recipe for duck � la banana fortunately goes with him to his grave. 871 01:25:38,564 --> 01:25:43,569 Most of all, you tell me of his enormous capacity for joy. 872 01:25:43,986 --> 01:25:49,075 And, when joyful, for highly vocal drunkenness. 873 01:25:52,577 --> 01:25:55,747 I hope joyful is how you will remember him. 874 01:25:57,957 --> 01:26:00,752 Not stuck in a box in a church. 875 01:26:04,005 --> 01:26:08,300 Pick your favourite of his waistcoats and remember him that way. 876 01:26:08,592 --> 01:26:12,388 The most splendid, replete,... 877 01:26:13,722 --> 01:26:16,725 ...big-hearted... 878 01:26:17,351 --> 01:26:19,978 ...weak-hearted, as it turned out -... 879 01:26:20,145 --> 01:26:23,147 ...and jolly bugger most of us ever met. 880 01:26:26,317 --> 01:26:29,445 As for me, you may ask how I will remember him. 881 01:26:31,030 --> 01:26:33,449 What I thought of him. 882 01:26:37,619 --> 01:26:40,580 Unfortunately, there I run out of words. 883 01:26:43,917 --> 01:26:46,128 Forgive me if I turn from my own feelings... 884 01:26:46,336 --> 01:26:51,549 ...to the words of another splendid bugger, W.H. Auden. 885 01:26:52,508 --> 01:26:55,010 This is actually what I want to say: 886 01:26:58,347 --> 01:27:01,726 Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, 887 01:27:03,686 --> 01:27:06,896 Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, 888 01:27:09,107 --> 01:27:12,193 Silence the pianos and with muffled drum 889 01:27:12,402 --> 01:27:16,781 Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 890 01:27:18,575 --> 01:27:21,285 Let the aeroplanes circle moaning overhead 891 01:27:21,368 --> 01:27:25,581 Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead. 892 01:27:27,750 --> 01:27:31,253 Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 893 01:27:33,505 --> 01:27:36,883 Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 894 01:27:38,676 --> 01:27:42,680 He was my North, my South, my East and West. 895 01:27:44,348 --> 01:27:47,518 My working week and my Sunday rest, 896 01:27:49,312 --> 01:27:53,315 My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; 897 01:27:56,234 --> 01:27:59,321 I thought that love would last for ever: 898 01:28:00,405 --> 01:28:02,574 I was wrong. 899 01:28:05,910 --> 01:28:08,079 The stars are not wanted now: 900 01:28:09,663 --> 01:28:12,083 Put out every one; 901 01:28:13,334 --> 01:28:16,337 Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; 902 01:28:19,173 --> 01:28:21,925 Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. 903 01:28:23,927 --> 01:28:27,138 For nothing now can ever come to any good. 904 01:29:04,298 --> 01:29:09,010 It was good of you to come. Must have been the shortest honeymoon in history. 905 01:29:09,219 --> 01:29:11,722 No, it's fine. We'll do it some other time. 906 01:29:16,810 --> 01:29:19,021 You know, what you said in the street... 907 01:29:19,229 --> 01:29:22,440 - Yes, I'm sorry about that. - No, I liked it. 908 01:29:22,648 --> 01:29:25,359 I liked you saying it. 909 01:29:35,869 --> 01:29:38,872 Charlie, I'll take Scarlett home, all right? 910 01:29:40,373 --> 01:29:42,375 Darling Fi. 911 01:29:50,799 --> 01:29:52,593 Walk, Charlie? 912 01:29:52,801 --> 01:29:55,387 Yeah. Yeah, that would be grand. 913 01:29:58,849 --> 01:30:02,436 Never felt like that. I mean, something vaguely similar,... 914 01:30:02,686 --> 01:30:05,521 ...for Jilly, when I was young. 915 01:30:05,730 --> 01:30:07,523 Jilly? 916 01:30:07,690 --> 01:30:09,692 Labrador. 917 01:30:11,110 --> 01:30:13,404 Yes, it's odd, isn't it? 918 01:30:13,613 --> 01:30:16,115 All these years we've been single and proud of it... 919 01:30:16,366 --> 01:30:20,952 ...and never noticed that two of us were, in effect, married all this time. 920 01:30:21,244 --> 01:30:23,580 Traitors in our midst. 921 01:30:27,417 --> 01:30:31,296 You know, I think death is hardest for the parents, don't you? 922 01:30:31,588 --> 01:30:33,882 I hope I die before my children. 923 01:30:34,091 --> 01:30:35,466 Tom... 924 01:30:35,549 --> 01:30:38,427 There's one thing I find really... 925 01:30:41,764 --> 01:30:45,476 Well... It's your total confidence that you will get married. 926 01:30:45,726 --> 01:30:49,646 I mean, what if you never find the right girl? 927 01:30:49,938 --> 01:30:50,939 Sorry? 928 01:30:51,064 --> 01:30:54,359 Surely, if that service shows anything,... 929 01:30:54,609 --> 01:30:57,821 ...it shows that there is such a thing as a perfect match. 930 01:30:58,029 --> 01:31:02,951 If we can't be like Gareth and Matthew, then maybe we should just let it go. 931 01:31:03,993 --> 01:31:06,495 Some of us are not gonna get married. 932 01:31:06,704 --> 01:31:09,123 Well, I don't know, Charlie. 933 01:31:09,957 --> 01:31:14,545 The truth is, unlike you, I never expected the thunderbolt. 934 01:31:15,754 --> 01:31:19,383 I always just hoped that I'd meet some nice, friendly girl,... 935 01:31:19,632 --> 01:31:24,220 ...like the look of her, hope the look of me didn't make her physically sick,... 936 01:31:24,554 --> 01:31:29,058 ...then pop the question and settle down and be happy. 937 01:31:30,768 --> 01:31:34,397 It worked for my parents. Well, apart from the divorce... 938 01:31:34,980 --> 01:31:37,983 I'll give you six months at the outside, Tom. 939 01:31:39,151 --> 01:31:41,570 Yeah, maybe you're right. 940 01:31:42,154 --> 01:31:48,660 Maybe all this waiting for one true love stuff gets you nowhere. 941 01:32:05,800 --> 01:32:09,012 What the fuck is going on? 942 01:32:12,515 --> 01:32:16,186 I thought we'd better make absolutely sure we weren't late. 943 01:32:16,895 --> 01:32:18,605 Excellent wedding hairstyle. 944 01:32:22,399 --> 01:32:25,861 Matthew. The best-looking best man in the world. 945 01:32:26,695 --> 01:32:30,866 Listen. Thank you for doing this today. 946 01:32:31,033 --> 01:32:33,243 Of course. 947 01:32:35,661 --> 01:32:38,665 I wish Gareth was here. 948 01:32:38,748 --> 01:32:40,958 Bet he does, too. 949 01:32:43,586 --> 01:32:47,090 I'm sorry we're so late. The others are just parking the car. 950 01:32:47,340 --> 01:32:49,341 I thought we'd all go with Tom. 951 01:32:49,508 --> 01:32:53,220 - Late? So late? - Yeah. It's 9.45. 952 01:32:53,428 --> 01:32:57,891 - 9.45? - Yep. 45 minutes till "I do". 953 01:32:58,183 --> 01:33:01,561 Oh, bloody Tom! I told him to set the alarm for eight! 954 01:33:01,770 --> 01:33:03,772 Fuck it! Fuck! 955 01:33:08,150 --> 01:33:10,861 - Scarlett. - Hi! 956 01:33:11,112 --> 01:33:14,490 - You ready? - Absolutely. Give me 20 seconds. 957 01:33:24,541 --> 01:33:26,042 - Time. - Honestly? 958 01:33:26,209 --> 01:33:27,335 Yes! Time! 959 01:33:27,502 --> 01:33:29,379 It's about ten to nine. 960 01:33:47,813 --> 01:33:49,814 Bastards. 961 01:33:52,066 --> 01:33:54,777 Jessica, stop jumping up and down, please. 962 01:33:58,448 --> 01:34:01,075 One, two, three, smile! 963 01:34:04,286 --> 01:34:08,915 - This is splendid tuck. - Yes, I think I might say a little word. 964 01:34:09,207 --> 01:34:13,795 As you know, I've been a close observer of Charles's love life for many years. 965 01:34:14,087 --> 01:34:18,883 But recently I'd started to despair and fear that really he was married to us,... 966 01:34:19,175 --> 01:34:23,471 ...except that we won't have his babies. - I don't know about that. 967 01:34:23,637 --> 01:34:27,141 But it's all turned out splendidly. The girl is sadly crazy,... 968 01:34:27,641 --> 01:34:29,518 ...but perhaps that's why he loves her. 969 01:34:29,727 --> 01:34:34,522 I'd like to propose a toast to my Charlie and his beautiful girl on this tragic day. 970 01:34:34,731 --> 01:34:38,360 - So, be happy and don't forget us. - Thank you. 971 01:34:38,610 --> 01:34:42,322 - To Charles and Duckface. - Charles and Duckface! 972 01:34:48,703 --> 01:34:50,996 - What do you think? - You look divine. 973 01:34:51,205 --> 01:34:53,582 It does work, doesn't it? Yes. 974 01:34:56,835 --> 01:35:00,839 I'd like to thank Fiona for those charming words about my future wife. 975 01:35:01,006 --> 01:35:05,093 I'd like to take this opportunity to read a message from her to you all. 976 01:35:05,385 --> 01:35:06,969 This is exciting. 977 01:35:07,136 --> 01:35:11,140 She says "Any of you come near the house, I'll set the dogs on you." 978 01:35:11,432 --> 01:35:14,060 I think that's a nice touch. 979 01:35:14,268 --> 01:35:16,145 Sweet! 980 01:35:16,354 --> 01:35:18,772 "Set the dogs on you"! 981 01:35:20,148 --> 01:35:22,359 John, hi. 982 01:35:22,442 --> 01:35:24,444 - John, you made it. - Yes. 983 01:35:24,653 --> 01:35:28,365 I hope me damn sister turns up. Not much of a wedding without a bride. 984 01:35:28,490 --> 01:35:30,117 Tom! 985 01:35:31,034 --> 01:35:33,453 Bit of a poor show you not having a stag night. 986 01:35:33,537 --> 01:35:38,749 We did! We did... We didn't think it was a very good idea in this day and age. 987 01:35:39,041 --> 01:35:41,043 Really? 988 01:36:00,854 --> 01:36:03,356 Fi, you do look lovely today. 989 01:36:03,564 --> 01:36:08,652 - I've abandoned my traditional black. - Yes, so you have. 990 01:36:08,986 --> 01:36:11,780 From now on, I shall be all the colours of the rainbow... 991 01:36:12,031 --> 01:36:16,118 ...and fall in love with someone who fancies me for a change. 992 01:36:16,410 --> 01:36:18,412 Darling Fi! 993 01:36:25,585 --> 01:36:27,295 - Look. - What? 994 01:36:27,337 --> 01:36:30,131 Lipstick everywhere. That won't do at all. 995 01:36:33,592 --> 01:36:35,594 - Hi. - Hi. 996 01:36:51,942 --> 01:36:53,944 Good luck. 997 01:36:59,033 --> 01:37:01,535 Hello. Glad you could come. 998 01:37:03,120 --> 01:37:05,288 Groom's on the right. Bride's on the left. 999 01:37:09,042 --> 01:37:12,629 - Groom on the right. Bride on the left. - Oh, my God! 1000 01:37:17,092 --> 01:37:19,760 I thought you'd gone back to Texas. 1001 01:37:19,885 --> 01:37:21,970 Without you, never. 1002 01:37:26,558 --> 01:37:28,560 Good luck. 1003 01:37:32,439 --> 01:37:34,440 Bride or groom? 1004 01:37:36,693 --> 01:37:38,653 Bride or groom? 1005 01:37:38,945 --> 01:37:43,449 It should be perfectly obvious I'm neither. Great God! 1006 01:37:44,701 --> 01:37:47,328 - Bride or groom? - Bride. 1007 01:37:57,504 --> 01:37:59,631 Yes... 1008 01:37:59,715 --> 01:38:01,425 I'm fine. 1009 01:38:04,093 --> 01:38:06,512 I've a feeling we've met before. 1010 01:38:06,595 --> 01:38:09,515 We have. About 25 years ago. 1011 01:38:10,391 --> 01:38:13,728 I'm second cousin Harold's daughter Deirdre. You're Tom. 1012 01:38:13,978 --> 01:38:15,563 Good Lord! 1013 01:38:15,771 --> 01:38:18,064 - So, you're family. - Yes. 1014 01:38:18,982 --> 01:38:22,986 - Only very distant. - Well, yes, of course. 1015 01:38:24,738 --> 01:38:27,824 You said you were bride? 1016 01:38:28,074 --> 01:38:29,409 Yes. 1017 01:38:29,534 --> 01:38:31,536 Well, do sit. 1018 01:38:31,911 --> 01:38:34,330 Do sit here, Deirdre. 1019 01:38:38,792 --> 01:38:40,836 Golly! 1020 01:38:41,462 --> 01:38:43,255 Thunderbolt city. 1021 01:38:44,340 --> 01:38:46,759 - Hello, Matthew. - Nice to see you. 1022 01:38:46,967 --> 01:38:49,844 - Hello, Charles. - Bernard. How are you? 1023 01:38:49,969 --> 01:38:52,555 - Exhausted, actually. - Oh, bunny! 1024 01:38:52,805 --> 01:38:54,807 - Charles. - Hello, Lyd. 1025 01:39:00,605 --> 01:39:02,607 - Hi. - Hi. 1026 01:39:04,358 --> 01:39:08,487 You look lovely. But then I always did like you dressed for weddings. 1027 01:39:08,945 --> 01:39:12,532 - And on time. - Yeah. Extraordinary thing, isn't it? 1028 01:39:12,908 --> 01:39:17,412 - How's Hamish? - He's fine... I believe. 1029 01:39:17,704 --> 01:39:20,039 - You believe? - Well, yes. 1030 01:39:20,206 --> 01:39:22,792 He wasn't the man for me after all. 1031 01:39:25,628 --> 01:39:28,422 - You left him? - We left each other. 1032 01:39:31,467 --> 01:39:35,261 - When? - A few months now. 1033 01:39:35,553 --> 01:39:39,057 March was hell. By April, it was sordid. 1034 01:39:39,265 --> 01:39:43,186 That's the last time I marry someone three times my age. 1035 01:39:43,478 --> 01:39:46,106 Charles, time to travel. 1036 01:39:46,272 --> 01:39:48,273 Yeah. 1037 01:39:50,150 --> 01:39:52,361 Coming. Good. 1038 01:39:55,656 --> 01:40:00,244 - So why didn't you get in touch, then? - I did think about it. 1039 01:40:00,452 --> 01:40:04,539 I wanted to, but I was in a state. 1040 01:40:06,290 --> 01:40:09,002 So, anyway, I don't want to keep you. 1041 01:40:10,586 --> 01:40:13,006 And I'll see you afterwards. 1042 01:40:13,172 --> 01:40:15,008 Yeah. Fine. 1043 01:40:15,049 --> 01:40:17,051 Wait. 1044 01:40:21,722 --> 01:40:23,724 I'll show you to your seat. 1045 01:40:25,600 --> 01:40:28,020 Just showing her to her seat. 1046 01:40:40,573 --> 01:40:43,075 Our timing's been really bad, hasn't it? 1047 01:40:43,326 --> 01:40:45,828 It's been bad, yes. 1048 01:40:45,911 --> 01:40:48,121 It's been a disaster. 1049 01:40:48,330 --> 01:40:52,917 It has, as you say, been very bad indeed. 1050 01:40:57,797 --> 01:41:00,425 God, it's lovely to see you. 1051 01:41:02,801 --> 01:41:05,012 Well, good luck. 1052 01:41:05,220 --> 01:41:10,309 It's pretty easy. Just say "I do" whenever anyone asks you a question. 1053 01:41:19,484 --> 01:41:22,195 Could you just give me a sec, Matthew? 1054 01:41:22,403 --> 01:41:25,490 Yes, of course. Freshen up at will. 1055 01:41:44,841 --> 01:41:46,843 Dear Lord,.. 1056 01:41:47,010 --> 01:41:52,515 ...forgive me for what I'm about to say... 1057 01:41:52,848 --> 01:41:57,269 ...in this magnificent place of worship. 1058 01:41:57,561 --> 01:41:59,355 Bugger! 1059 01:42:00,690 --> 01:42:02,691 Bugger! 1060 01:42:09,114 --> 01:42:11,324 Can I help at all? 1061 01:42:12,283 --> 01:42:14,452 No. Thanks. 1062 01:42:14,577 --> 01:42:15,787 Sorry. 1063 01:42:17,122 --> 01:42:19,623 Vocal exercises. Big church. 1064 01:42:19,832 --> 01:42:22,334 Excellent. Often do the same myself. 1065 01:42:22,584 --> 01:42:27,506 Not exactly the same vocab, obviously. Rather more alleluias. 1066 01:42:27,673 --> 01:42:29,883 I'll leave you. 1067 01:42:48,025 --> 01:42:50,152 - Bride's arriving. - Fabulous! 1068 01:42:50,360 --> 01:42:52,738 We seem to have lost the groom. 1069 01:42:53,322 --> 01:42:57,242 - Stall her and I'll see if I can find him. - Roger. Wilco. 1070 01:43:04,790 --> 01:43:06,792 Charles. 1071 01:43:08,252 --> 01:43:10,630 It's good to see you. 1072 01:43:12,923 --> 01:43:15,259 Yeah. 1073 01:43:17,093 --> 01:43:20,305 Matt, what do we think about marriage? 1074 01:43:21,306 --> 01:43:24,476 Well... Gosh! 1075 01:43:24,643 --> 01:43:29,397 Well, I think it's really good, if you love the person with all your heart. 1076 01:43:31,066 --> 01:43:34,276 Well, exactly. Quite. 1077 01:43:37,738 --> 01:43:41,659 All these weddings. All these years. 1078 01:43:43,160 --> 01:43:46,372 All that blasted salmon and champagne. 1079 01:43:46,497 --> 01:43:52,543 Here I am on my own wedding day and I'm still thinking. 1080 01:43:53,378 --> 01:43:55,588 Can I ask about what? 1081 01:43:58,633 --> 01:44:00,510 No. 1082 01:44:00,677 --> 01:44:02,678 No, I think best not. 1083 01:44:03,387 --> 01:44:06,598 I'm sorry, there's a delay. A problem with the flowers. 1084 01:44:07,057 --> 01:44:08,141 Flowers? 1085 01:44:08,183 --> 01:44:12,062 There seems to be a staggeringly high proportion of hay fever sufferers... 1086 01:44:12,396 --> 01:44:17,274 ...and they're right next to the flowers, so we're moving the congregation. 1087 01:44:17,608 --> 01:44:19,902 Don't want the vows obliterated by sneezing. 1088 01:44:20,111 --> 01:44:24,282 Charles, would it be out of place for me to say that time is ticking by? 1089 01:44:50,347 --> 01:44:52,141 I think I've fooled them so far. 1090 01:44:52,308 --> 01:44:55,394 When people think you're stupid, they're less suspicious. 1091 01:45:18,915 --> 01:45:21,084 Hello. 1092 01:45:21,209 --> 01:45:22,794 Here you are! 1093 01:45:22,961 --> 01:45:25,172 Ready to face the enemy? 1094 01:45:27,049 --> 01:45:29,051 Are we? 1095 01:45:32,553 --> 01:45:34,555 Yes. 1096 01:45:36,015 --> 01:45:38,017 Excellent. 1097 01:46:32,401 --> 01:46:34,403 Not so tight, Dad. 1098 01:47:03,179 --> 01:47:07,559 Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God... 1099 01:47:07,767 --> 01:47:10,353 ...and in the face of this congregation... 1100 01:47:10,478 --> 01:47:13,857 ...to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,... 1101 01:47:14,107 --> 01:47:19,612 ...which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocence,... 1102 01:47:19,945 --> 01:47:25,242 ...signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church... 1103 01:47:26,035 --> 01:47:28,996 ...and therefore is not by any to be enterprised... 1104 01:47:29,246 --> 01:47:32,832 ...nor taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly,... 1105 01:47:33,082 --> 01:47:36,377 ...but reverently, discreetly, advisedly,... 1106 01:47:36,628 --> 01:47:38,129 ...soberly,... 1107 01:47:38,212 --> 01:47:40,214 ...and in the fear of God. 1108 01:47:41,007 --> 01:47:43,593 Therefore, if any man can show any just cause... 1109 01:47:43,843 --> 01:47:46,428 ...why they may not lawfully be joined together,... 1110 01:47:46,637 --> 01:47:50,933 ...let him speak now or else hereafter for ever hold his peace. 1111 01:47:56,146 --> 01:47:59,775 I'm sorry. Does someone have something to say? 1112 01:48:05,821 --> 01:48:07,990 Yes? What is it? 1113 01:48:10,117 --> 01:48:11,619 One second. 1114 01:48:26,800 --> 01:48:30,220 He wants me to translate what he's saying. 1115 01:48:30,428 --> 01:48:32,221 What is he saying? 1116 01:48:34,932 --> 01:48:38,143 He says "I suspect the groom is having doubts." 1117 01:48:38,560 --> 01:48:40,646 "I suspect the groom would like to delay." 1118 01:48:45,567 --> 01:48:47,360 "I suspect the groom..." 1119 01:48:59,539 --> 01:49:01,540 What's he saying? 1120 01:49:04,334 --> 01:49:06,628 He says... 1121 01:49:06,837 --> 01:49:10,841 ...he suspects the groom loves someone else. 1122 01:49:13,135 --> 01:49:14,595 Do you? 1123 01:49:14,720 --> 01:49:17,513 Do you love someone else? Do you, Charles? 1124 01:49:29,358 --> 01:49:31,026 I do. 1125 01:49:37,073 --> 01:49:39,075 Get out of my way! Let me kill him! 1126 01:49:49,376 --> 01:49:51,378 Blimey! 1127 01:49:53,005 --> 01:49:55,299 At least it's one we won't forget. 1128 01:49:55,424 --> 01:49:58,302 A lot of weddings just blend into each other. 1129 01:49:58,552 --> 01:50:02,138 - For God's sake! - This one will stick out in the memory. 1130 01:50:02,305 --> 01:50:05,099 For not actually including a wedding service. 1131 01:50:05,308 --> 01:50:07,936 Poor girl. No, I mean it. Poor girl. 1132 01:50:08,144 --> 01:50:12,148 She's not my favourite person, but I think what you did today was unforgivable. 1133 01:50:12,440 --> 01:50:14,734 I can't bear to think about it. 1134 01:50:15,859 --> 01:50:17,361 Poor Hen. 1135 01:50:17,527 --> 01:50:20,948 - Though let's face facts. - I'm sorry. 1136 01:50:21,198 --> 01:50:24,868 If you weren't sure you wanted to marry her today of all days,... 1137 01:50:25,118 --> 01:50:28,205 ...i.e., your wedding day,... 1138 01:50:28,330 --> 01:50:31,832 ...then it must be the right decision, mustn't it? 1139 01:50:32,750 --> 01:50:33,751 Quite right. 1140 01:50:33,876 --> 01:50:37,880 It was a lovely dress. I'm sure she'll find it useful for parties. 1141 01:50:41,717 --> 01:50:45,428 - What did he say, Charles? - Says he blames himself. 1142 01:50:45,679 --> 01:50:48,265 - Absolutely not. - No, you mustn't, David. 1143 01:50:51,726 --> 01:50:55,146 - It's OK. - No, no. If there's music to be faced,... 1144 01:50:55,397 --> 01:50:57,732 ...I should be facing it. 1145 01:51:06,615 --> 01:51:08,534 Hello. 1146 01:51:08,742 --> 01:51:11,745 - Hi! You're soaking. Come in. - No, I'm fine. 1147 01:51:11,954 --> 01:51:14,039 Comes a point when you can't get wetter. 1148 01:51:14,248 --> 01:51:17,041 - OK, I'll come out. - No, please don't. I... 1149 01:51:17,292 --> 01:51:19,877 I just wanted to check you're OK. 1150 01:51:20,086 --> 01:51:23,381 Not busy killing yourself or anything, but... 1151 01:51:25,133 --> 01:51:27,510 But you're fine, so... 1152 01:51:29,304 --> 01:51:32,973 I shouldn't have come to the church this morning. I'm sorry. 1153 01:51:33,807 --> 01:51:35,809 No! 1154 01:51:36,560 --> 01:51:40,856 Wait. It was all my fault. I mean, I'm the bastard here. 1155 01:51:42,608 --> 01:51:44,610 And it sorted out one thing. 1156 01:51:44,693 --> 01:51:48,863 Marriage and me were very clearly not meant for one another. 1157 01:51:49,196 --> 01:51:51,198 It sorted out another big thing, too. 1158 01:51:51,365 --> 01:51:54,285 There I was, standing there in the church,... 1159 01:51:54,493 --> 01:51:57,788 ...and for the first time in my whole life I realised I... 1160 01:51:58,039 --> 01:52:01,374 ...totally and utterly loved one person. 1161 01:52:01,583 --> 01:52:04,002 And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. 1162 01:52:04,210 --> 01:52:07,756 It's the person standing opposite me now... 1163 01:52:10,008 --> 01:52:11,426 ...in the rain. 1164 01:52:11,593 --> 01:52:14,179 Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed. 1165 01:52:14,429 --> 01:52:19,016 The truth of it is, I've loved you from the first second I met you. 1166 01:52:20,142 --> 01:52:25,940 - Not going away again, are you? - No. I might drown. But otherwise, no. 1167 01:52:26,273 --> 01:52:28,776 OK. OK. We'll go in. 1168 01:52:31,945 --> 01:52:34,447 But first let me ask you one thing. 1169 01:52:36,658 --> 01:52:40,161 Do you think, after we've dried off,... 1170 01:52:40,703 --> 01:52:45,082 ...after we've spent lots more time together, you might agree... 1171 01:52:47,042 --> 01:52:49,336 ...not to marry me? 1172 01:52:49,544 --> 01:52:52,172 And do you think... 1173 01:52:52,339 --> 01:52:57,261 ...not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider... 1174 01:52:57,552 --> 01:53:00,054 ...doing for the rest of your life? 1175 01:53:04,976 --> 01:53:07,395 Do you? 1176 01:53:09,188 --> 01:53:11,399 I do. 1177 01:53:12,305 --> 01:53:18,531 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 92183

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