All language subtitles for The Neighborhood 215 SVA

Hey, guys.

Hey, Dave.
Hey, Gemma.

We just came from
the farmers market.

Buckle up,
persimmon season came early.

Or as I like to call them,
apples with attitude.

- You want to try one?
- No, thanks.

I had enough attitude
from my employees today.

I'll be damned if
I get it from a fruit.

Did something happen
at the shop?

Yeah, another one
of our mechanics quit

to go work
at Motor Boys,

so this month alone we're down
a Rudy and two Julios.

I mean, Julio I get,
that guy was never loyal,

but Julio?

I thought
we were friends.

That's awful.

Yeah. Why do you think
they left?

They don't like the way
Calvin treats them.

What are you talking about?
They love me.

I'm the world's best boss.
It says so on my coffee mug.

You're using the mug I gave you.

And you thought
it was a dumb gift.

Yes, because you
don't work for him.

All I'm saying, Calvin,

is you need to treat the guys
with more respect.

I respect them.
It's not my fault

they're too stupid
to understand.

Okay. If we lose
one more mechanic,

we're basically
a car wash.

You know,
I can help you guys.

This is exactly
what I do for my job.

You work
at a car wash?

No, I'm a conflict
mediator.

I can go into your shop, talk
to your employees, and come up

with ways that you can improve
your relationship with them.

He's really good.

At the last school I worked at,
he settled a dispute

between the football team
and the marching band.

The football team
was beating up the band geeks?

No, the other
way around.

Our flute section
was gangsta.

You know, baby, I think
we should let Dave help us.

Fine, but if you
screw this up,

I'm going flute section
on your ass.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*

*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 02 Episode 15

Episode Title:
"Welcome to the Bad Review"

Oh, perfect.

On time for dinner, but too late
to help set the table.

God is good.

Yeah, God had nothing
to do with it.

I saw you peeking
through the window.

Yeah, and I saw you stick your
finger in the mashed potatoes.

You want to dance?

Shh.

Hey, what's up, boys?
Hey, what's up, Pop?

Yo, I heard
Julio quit.

Uh, yeah, the hell
with that guy.

No, I meant Julio.

Yeah, I'm really gonna miss him.

Oh, hey, Dave.
What's with the clipboard?

Well, before I sit down
with your employees,

I came by to see
what you had to say.

Oh, here's what I have to say:
bye, Dave.

Come on, Pop, you told Mom you
were gonna take this seriously.

Yeah, besides that,
you know he's not going away.

He's right. I'm not.

Fine. Come on, man,
let's get this over with.

Okay, first question:
what three words

best describe
your leadership style?

World's best boss.

The mug says it,
and I agree.

Okay, uh, if that's
how you feel,

what do you think the root
of the problem is at the shop?

That's easy, everyone else.

Okay, I think I'm getting
a clearer picture

of what the problem is.

Yeah, and the picture
looks like this.

Ha!

Why the hell do your fingers
smell like mashed potatoes?

Ooh!

You know what?
Pop, y-you just afraid

that people gonna say
bad stuff about you.

Yeah, you know,
the truth.

No. No, the problem is

that no one understands I'm not
their friend, I'm their boss.

If they want a friend,
they need to go on the Facebook.

You know, Calvin, you don't need
to be their friends.

Just 'cause you're their boss

doesn't mean you can't have a
healthy relationship with them.

I have a healthy relationship
with them.

I'm like a loving father
that they're afraid of.

Move, potato fingers, go.

Ooh.

Isn't that the cute girl that
moved in upstairs from you?

Yeah, Keira.

All right. Did you
ask her out yet?

Yes, every morning
in my mirror.

Well, have you done it
in front of somebody

that's not wearing
Star Warspajamas?

I can't, man.
Why not, Marty?

She makes me nervous.

I get all mixed up and
tongue-tied around her.

Well, you better get untied
because...

- Here she comes.
- Oh, no! How much wood

could a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

- Hi, Marty.
- Hi. Hey, Keira.

Uh, you brother
my Malcolm, remember?

Yeah, hi.

So I see you got your mail.
You've got mail!

Yeah, too bad it's all bills.

I've got student loans!

It's funny
'cause she's in debt.

You've got no money!

Okay, well,

I'll see you guys later.

You're gonna
die alone.

All right, guys, I'm here
to talk to you about ways

Calvin and Tina can make this
a respectful atmosphere,

productive workplace,
and most importantly,

a safe space.

Oh, a question.
Yes?

Yeah, are we getting paid
for this?

Yes, you are.

Great. Can you start
from the top again?

Okay, basically, I'm gonna
ask you some questions

about your issues and concerns.

But won't we get in trouble
for what we say?

No, because everything you say
will be strictly confidential,

so none of you
have to worry

about any of this getting back
to Tina or Calvin.

Hey, hey, everybody!

Cal-Calvin,
what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just bringing
some doughnuts for my boys.

There is no "I" in "team,"
but there is one

in "I love you guys."

Uh, Calvin, I'm-I'm trying
to talk to your employees.

Dave, I don't have employees.

These guys are basically
like family.

How's your wife, Norm?

I'm not married.

Well, too bad because
you're a real catch.

Calvin, i-if this is gonna work,
you can't be here.

Okay, all right, I'm gonna go,
all right? Hey, uh,

quick update, guys,

I just voted for
Employee of the Month,

and congratulations,
you all won!

Oh, you're not Keira.

What was your first clue?

That I'm not a woman or that
I'm talking to you?

Well, for your information,
that's about to change.

Oh, you finally asked her out?

Better. I've devised an
elaborate plan to lure her

to my apartment, where I'll be
on my own turf, and therefore,

more comfortable
to ask her out.

I call it
"Operation Date Keira."

Yeah, that sounds
more to me like

"Operation Restraining Order."

No, trust me, man,
it's foolproof.

This morning I put a piece
of my mail in her mailbox,

which she will feel compelled
to return to me,

and if she doesn't,
she's committed a felony,

and I'm not interested.

Marty, that is the dumbest
idea I've ever heard,

and that includes Pop's plan
to buy a mannequin

so he can ride
in the carpool lane.

Dumb you say?

That was the sound
of the elevator,

and I hear the sound
of beautiful little footsteps.

And here we go.

Yeah, would you
look at that,

you got jury duty.

Ugh, what is
taking so long?

I can't even believe
I'm about to say this,

but when is Dave gonna get here?

Baby, relax.

Why are you so stressed out
about Dave's report?

Because it's gonna be
full of lies about me.

And if it says that I called
Norm a certain name,

I didn't do it.

And everybody laughed.

Baby, you created
this situation,

and now you have to deal
with the consequences.

Like the time
that cop pulled you over

for driving
with that mannequin.

Well, they wouldn't have
pulled me over

- if the mannequin was white.
- Oh, stop.

Hey, guys.

Hey, come on in. Hey, Dave.

So, uh,
how'd it go down at the shop?

Really well, and you were right
about Norm.

How is that guy single?

Okay, so how
do we do this?

Well, I usually start
by explaining my methodology

and how I arrived
at my findings.

Yeah, sounds good. We're not
gonna do any of that. Come on.

All right, uh, well,
here's what I found:

after numerous interviews,
it's clear that your employees

have serious issues with...

Norm's a liar!

Okay, babe, relax.
I-I thought we agreed

that we would accept
whatever Dave says, right?

Well, I'm-I'm glad
you feel that way, Tina,

because the complaints
weren't about Calvin,

they were about you.

What?

You heard the man, Tina.

Those idiots love me.

Seriously?

I'm the problem?
Calvin yells at everybody

and calls them names,
and they blame me?

It's funny
how that works, huh?

Okay,

okay, okay, tell me exactly
what these egg-sucking, two-bit,

no-good punks said.

Well, surprise, surprise,

they find you to be
a little insulting.

Fascinating. Go on.

Okay, well, uh,
in general,

they feel like
you don't respect their work

and sometimes
can be a little unfair.

Oh, my God. I mean,
I-I feel horrible.

I mean, I would never...

Give me that.

I'm sorry, Tina.

These interviews have got
to stay confidential.

I took an oath.

Really?

Well, it's not an official one,

but I made up my own
and I take it very seriously.

You know, I respect that, Dave.

Just like I respect
our employees at work.

Ah.

You are just loving this,
aren't you?

Well-well, come on, Tina.
This isn't about me.

This is about the shop.
And how mean you are there.

Okay, look, the best
thing to do at this point

is for me to sit down with the
two of you and your mechanics

and figure out some adjustments
that Tina can make.

This is unbelievable!

Look, come on, babe,
all joking aside,

we cannot afford
to lose any more mechanics.

So for the good of the shop,
you got to do this.

You're right, baby.
You're right.

If it's for the good
of the shop...

Give me that!

I took an oath!

Yo, yo, yo.

What's up, man?
What you doing here?

Oh, I just came to
get some supplies

for the next phase of
Operation Date Keira.

Come on, Marty.
I told you

you are making this
way too complicated.

No, I heard what you
said, which is why

I made this one
way more simple.

All I need is a tennis
racket and a frozen turkey.

You do realize
if I hear any more,

I will have to testify
against you.

Okay, I... I know I'm
being a little crazy,

but I'm-I'm not
like you, Malcolm.

You could talk to girls
about anything.

I got two subjects:
science and science fiction.

Marty,
you're just making excuses, man.

A-And all these ridiculous plans
are just half measures.

If you really want
to go out with this girl,

you just have to go all the way
and ask her out.

Okay.
You're right.

- All the way it is.
- All right.

I'll see you later.

Although, I could hire a
roller-skating mime to go to...

Marty.

Fine.

I'll save that for the proposal.

Hey, Tina.

Dave told me about the report.

- How are you doing?
- Terrible.

I feel so bad about
what's going on at the shop.

I could really use
my girl's shoulder to cry on.

I'm not giving you the folder.

Damn it!

Come on, Tina.
Finding out who said what

isn't gonna make you
feel any better.

Who said anything about
feeling better? I want revenge!

Look, I get it. You're
hurt, you're angry,

you're looking around for
the folder, which isn't here.

Come on, Gemma.
You know, I've been up all night

thinking about this,
and I think I finally realized

what's going on here.

- Really? What?
- Sexism.

Think about it.

I am a female boss
in a shop full of men,

and... huh... what a shocker,
I'm the problem.

Wow. I hadn't
thought about that.

Come on.
You are a school principal

with a bunch of male employees
who work under you.

You know they don't treat you
with the same respect.

I know.

I've had to deal with them
calling me "bossy," Mm.

"Demanding," "bootylicious."

What?

Actually, that was Ms. Nelson,
the P.E. teacher.

- So you know what I'm saying.
- I do.

- So you're with me?
- Yeah.

- Sisters in arms?
- Hell yeah!

Oh, God, I'm so lucky
to have you as a friend.

I'm still not
giving you the folder.

Damn it!

Hey. There's Keira.

Now's your chance
to ask her out.

No, man.
Now's not the time.

Our food's gonna get cold.

Marty, we have frozen yogurt.

Okay. You're right.

No more half measures.

All right.

Hey, Keira.

Oh, hey, Marty.

Did you get the mail
I put under your door?

What? That was you? Oh.

Well, on behalf
of the U.S. justice system,

you are guilty of being
a good neighbor.

Uh, so, um...

I was thinking,
maybe Friday night,

you and I could go out on a date
together. All the way.

Uh, to-to a restaurant.

That's so sweet,

but I actually have
a boyfriend back in Houston.

Oh... uh, uh, right,
of course.

Of course. Uh...

"Houston, we have a boyfriend."

But if it's okay with you,

I'd love to be friends.

Absolutely.

I love friends. Almost as much
as I love the TV show.

I'm kind of a black Chandler.

Okay, well,
I'll see you later.Okay.

Aw, man, she has a boyfriend?

Yep. She wants to be friends.

I'm sorry, little bro.
That's a real bummer.

Are you kidding?
I'm in.

It may have taken seven seasons,
but Monica married Chandler.

Could this be a better day?

Okay, everyone, this session is
for healing and moving forward.

No one should feel threatened
or under attack.

Okay... Hey, guys, listen,

Tina's gonna say a few words,

and I'll just sit back and take
a sip from my favorite mug.

Okay, well,
let me start by saying

that I am sorry.

It was not my intention
to make anyone uncomfortable.

It's just, as a boss,
it's challenging

to work with a bunch
of whiny-ass babies!

O-Okay.

In-in my professional
opinion, I think

we should focus
on the words "I'm sorry"

rather than every word
that came after that.

No, no, no, no.

I'm sorry all right.

Sorry that I am surrounded
by a bunch of male chauvinists

who can't stand having
a woman as their boss.

You got it all wrong.

I don't care
that you're a woman.

Yeah, neither do I.

I mean, Julio did,
but Julio set him straight.

Babe, come on, now.

We're trying to save
our business here.

So just admit
that you're the problem

like I admitted that
I wasn't.

You know, I don't
believe y'all.

Just because you say
you're not a sexist

doesn't mean that you're not.

I'm not a sexist.
I just didn't think it was fair

that you docked my
pay last month.

Lenny, you broke
the hydraulic jack.

Calvin wanted to fire you.
I talked him out of it.

You was gonna
fire me for that?

It had sentimental value.

I changed Quincy Jones's tire
with that jack.

Wow.

Okay, but what about

when you made us
work overtime for a week?

Yeah.

That's because Calvin wanted you
to work on Christmas Day.

I did that so you could be
with your families.

- What? - What?
- Dang, Calvin.

Hey. Hey!

I was being
culturally sensitive.

Any one of you
could be Jewish.

Okay, all right.

You know, I see how this is.

It's not about
sexism at all.

It's Calvin.

That does make
way more sense.

Mm-hmm.
Right, right, right.

So instead of being mad at me,

you should be mad
at mug man over there.

Tina, be respectful.
This mug was a gift.

No, no, no.
She's right.

I want to change my answer
to "Calvin."

But can I keep it anonymous?

Sit down.
Okay, all right. Well,

Calvin, given this new
and, well, in retrospect,

unsurprising information,

is there anything
you'd like to say?

Yeah.

Dave,
you really messed this up.

Calvin, these guys have been
with you for a long time.

You really want to lose
them to Motor Boys?

Okay, look.

Guys, I know that
I can be a tough boss,

but that's because
I care about this place.

And I care about you.

I mean, this isn't some
run-of-the-mill chain

like Motor Boys.

This is
a neighborhood shop.

And that's because of the work
that you do.

So,
now that I hear you,

I'll try to consider
your feelings more.

But I think we can all agree
that from here on out,

you're paying
for the doughnuts.

Really?

O-Okay.

Well, look, Calvin, that's
a step in the right direction.

Fellas, w-what do you say?

S-Sounds fair to us.

Good. All right,
well, as a sign of good faith,

why don't you guys take
the rest of the day off?

Okay.

We close in ten minutes.

You know what?
You're right. Why bother?

Get back to work.

No, no, no.

Don't listen to him.

You can all leave now and come
in one hour later tomorrow.

Right, Calvin?

Sure.

Yeah. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Y'all got it.

- Well, all right.
- Okay.

Another business saved,
relationships mended.

You know, it's like
I always say:

if everyone just slows down
and takes the time...

This place is a death trap!

So none of the mechanics
were sexist at all?

No. In fact,
Terrell loves strong women.

He has a giant back tattoo
that says "Mommy."

- Aw, that's so sweet.
- Mm-hmm.

I hope Grover never
ever does that.

Oh, hey, Calvin.
I was wondering where you were.

Well, to say thank you
for what you did at the shop,

- I got you a little gift.
- Oh.

- Hey...
- You shouldn't have.

"World's Best Grandma"?

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Don't worry,
you'll grow into it.

Sync & corrections by srjanapala