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1
00:00:04,149 --> 00:00:06,123
(GROANS)
2
00:00:06,158 --> 00:00:07,333
Get in.
3
00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:10,400
(FUNKY CALYPSO-STYLE POP MUSIC)
4
00:00:12,511 --> 00:00:14,072
Ooh. (SNIFFS)
5
00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:15,531
Oh, yes.
6
00:00:19,524 --> 00:00:21,485
Yeah, OK, let me see.
7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,400
Erm... Maybe... Mmm. Mmm. Let me see.
8
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:29,441
(SIGHS)
9
00:00:29,476 --> 00:00:31,396
Mmm. Let me see this one.
10
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,088
I don't understand this bloody language.
11
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,640
Bagpipes!
12
00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:42,134
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
13
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,525
MARGARET THATCHER: ...to close
factories or not to rescue them...
14
00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:51,401
Bloody hell, Bagpipes,
the thing has started. Come on.
15
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:53,597
Don't rush me.
It's an art, not a science.
16
00:00:53,632 --> 00:00:56,753
No, it is a science. You are reading
the manual. It is a science.
17
00:00:56,788 --> 00:00:58,838
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Oh, Aggie? Oh, no.
18
00:00:58,873 --> 00:01:03,085
Excuse me, sir. Don't I recognise
you from somewhere?
19
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,721
- Me? Oh, no, no.
- Oh.
20
00:01:04,756 --> 00:01:08,317
Oh, maybe you've seen me
on the Six O'Clock News.
21
00:01:08,352 --> 00:01:10,508
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
22
00:01:10,543 --> 00:01:12,486
- Billy Ocean. Pictures.
- No, I'm busy.
23
00:01:12,521 --> 00:01:14,139
Come on, you're a superstar.
24
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,255
(DOOR CLOSES)
25
00:01:15,290 --> 00:01:16,956
- Agnes?
- Oh, no. (PANTING) Almost.
26
00:01:16,991 --> 00:01:18,391
I can't believe it!
27
00:01:18,747 --> 00:01:22,108
- Little Walter Easmon, on the Queen's BBC.
- Yeah, yeah.
28
00:01:22,143 --> 00:01:24,744
Come and sit down.
Why you not using the lift?
29
00:01:24,779 --> 00:01:28,961
I should trust a floating box when
God has given me perfect legs?
30
00:01:28,996 --> 00:01:31,485
- It's a shame about your lungs.
- Huh.
31
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Valentine. Hey, big driver.
32
00:01:33,796 --> 00:01:36,077
- How's the job?
- Uncle, it is wonderful.
33
00:01:36,112 --> 00:01:40,636
I have seen so much of the UK from
Combe Bay, Goole, King's Lynn...
34
00:01:40,671 --> 00:01:42,758
Who is this king Slim, eh?
35
00:01:42,793 --> 00:01:46,393
There is only one true king
and that's the Lord God Almighty.
36
00:01:46,924 --> 00:01:49,565
I'm going to Southend tomorrow.
37
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,001
Eh? Ooh, Southend. Fun fact:
38
00:01:52,036 --> 00:01:55,196
it has the largest telephone
exchange south of Chelmsford.
39
00:01:58,688 --> 00:02:01,725
'Ey, you should come with me.
It would be an adventure.
40
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:03,560
I can't, I'm on strike.
41
00:02:03,844 --> 00:02:07,249
Can't have a day off from not working.
42
00:02:07,284 --> 00:02:09,965
- Oh, hang on. Yeah. Go on then. Hey!
- Yeah.
43
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,161
We'll eat whelks with a pin,
we'll have a paddle.
44
00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:13,259
- In the sea?
- Yeah.
45
00:02:13,294 --> 00:02:14,725
With Valentine? He can't swim.
46
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I not gon' die today.
The devil is in the sea,
47
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which means I am most not
definitely going to be dead.
48
00:02:20,152 --> 00:02:22,673
- I don't want to drown, eh?
- Let me do it.
49
00:02:22,708 --> 00:02:24,834
Hey, do-do-do-do! Come on.
50
00:02:25,817 --> 00:02:28,870
These new machines
have their own mind, eh?
51
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:31,267
Oh, the strike. The strike is on.
It's on.
52
00:02:31,562 --> 00:02:33,883
Quick, quick, quick. Move, move, move.
53
00:02:33,918 --> 00:02:35,359
- Are you recording?
- Yeah, yeah.
54
00:02:35,394 --> 00:02:36,833
- Are you recording? OK.
- Yeah.
55
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,405
- No more cuts!
- (CHEERING)
56
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,805
(LAUGHTER) There's me at the back, look!
57
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,565
- That's just an elbow.
- It's my elbow.
58
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,965
REPORTER: We asked lead negotiator
Walter Easmon
59
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,023
how soon he thought the strike
would come to an end.
60
00:02:49,111 --> 00:02:51,876
Well, I think that negotiations
are going very well.
61
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,404
That's me.
62
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,045
And in other news, Southend's
telephone exchange is to close..
63
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,085
- (CHEERING)
- ...with the loss of over 400 jobs.
64
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:04,125
(ALL TALK AT ONCE)
65
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,405
- You just missed it.
- Oh!
66
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,365
Agnes, no, this is the beauty of
the video cassette recorder.
67
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,005
All I have to do is rewind
and play the whole thing again.
68
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,205
OK. Come and watch your husband.
(CHUCKLES)
69
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,605
Charles Bronson, who is that?
70
00:03:16,641 --> 00:03:19,605
Fantastic. It's a miracle.
71
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:22,925
- You recorded the wrong channel.
- Paler than usual.
72
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,365
- Why do you have such a silly voice?
- That is not me. Bloody fool.
73
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,605
The devil is not in the sea.
74
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,765
It's in these machines.
75
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,200
♪ HUMAN LEAGUE:
Fascination (Keep Feeling) ♪
76
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,325
I wish we could afford to keep it.
77
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,405
That's the beauty of Radio Rentals.
78
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,805
I can call them, tell them it's not
working properly and take it back.
79
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,245
You know, I've been thinking
while the strike is one,
80
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,485
maybe I should get a little job
to help with the money.
81
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,165
God blimey! A queen does not work.
82
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,205
OK, she should be at home relaxing,
enjoying our home.
83
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:06,725
A home with no heating. Please,
Walter, I want to go back to work.
84
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,805
I want to contribute.
85
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,965
Aggie, I am the provider,
the breadwinner.
86
00:04:13,356 --> 00:04:16,725
My job is to ensure that
you always have what you want.
87
00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:18,565
Trust me on that.
88
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,685
Ooh, lend me 50p.
89
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,005
I'll lend you 50p when I get paid.
90
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,325
I start my new job tomorrow.
91
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,165
What? New job? Aggie, come... Aggie!
92
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:30,797
Hang on a while. Aggie!
93
00:04:32,217 --> 00:04:33,381
Aggie?
94
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,600
♪ EURYTHMICS:
Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves ♪
95
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,765
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
96
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:57,285
- Ag, you look amazing!
- Thank you.
97
00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,045
- You'll knock 'em dead.
- Oh, I'm not so sure.
98
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,405
I haven't had a full-time job
since Kobna was born.
99
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,845
- What if I don't remember what to do?
- No, you'll be fine.
100
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:11,285
Bandages, injections, bedpans.
Yeah, it'll come back in no time.
101
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:15,725
Bagpipes, sorry,
I'm a secretary not a nurse.
102
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,406
Eh? Are you sure?
103
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,807
Have you lost your marbles, love?
(LAUGHS)
104
00:05:19,843 --> 00:05:23,528
Don't worry. The seaside air will
return these said marbles of yours.
105
00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:26,775
Well, we must leave now, or this
daytrip will be to the job centre.
106
00:05:26,811 --> 00:05:27,885
Come, we go.
107
00:05:27,921 --> 00:05:29,964
All right.
Are you sure you're not a nurse?
108
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,486
Go. Go.
109
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,760
Come on, Bagpipes,
we're going to be late.
110
00:05:36,222 --> 00:05:39,467
Oh, what are you doing later?
I've got a new remote-control car.
111
00:05:39,525 --> 00:05:42,530
- We can take turns crashing it.
- Yeah... Nah.
112
00:05:42,566 --> 00:05:45,691
- I can't. I've got work.
- At the garage making teas.
113
00:05:45,756 --> 00:05:47,401
I'm not making tea,
114
00:05:47,437 --> 00:05:50,922
I'm, like, changing the turbos and
tuning up engines and stuff.
115
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,645
Yeah! More like changing the bins,
and making teas and stuff.
116
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,590
Shut up, you. It's better than
your Saturday job as a paper boy.
117
00:05:57,626 --> 00:06:00,071
It's not a Saturday job,
I do it Wednesdays and all.
118
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,365
- But today's Wednesday.
- (HORN HONKS)
119
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,000
Oh, shit.
120
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,085
We're very lucky to have someone
of your experience, Agnes.
121
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:18,005
In Sierra Leone, I ran the
government typing pool by myself.
122
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,645
Ooh, ladies watch your backs.
123
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,685
New kid in town's a pro.
124
00:06:22,039 --> 00:06:23,925
Such hard workers.
125
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,520
Now...
126
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,105
Ta-dah!
127
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:31,936
(MUTTERS) Sorry.
128
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,765
Oh, you... you don't use
manual typewriters?
129
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,845
Oh, no. State-of-the-art here.
130
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,725
This baby can store up to 500 words
in its memory.
131
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,365
It's about 200 more than me. (LAUGHS)
132
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,480
If you've got any questions, ask
Kathy. She's one of our best.
133
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,975
You've got something on your tie, Dave.
134
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,925
Chilli con carne?
135
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,592
(SNIFFS) Might be right.
136
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,925
(BEEPING)
137
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,965
Actually,
138
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,205
it's a Vesta curry
139
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,440
so not so smart, Kathy.
140
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,960
(BEEPING)
141
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,525
♪ Well, if you're looking for
a thrill that's new ♪
142
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,240
♪ Take in Fords, Dartford Tunnel
and a river too ♪
143
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:34,085
- ♪ Go motoring on the A13 ♪
- So I was wondering...
144
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,845
♪ You start down in Wapping,
there ain't no stopping ♪
145
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,645
♪ Bypass Barking
and straight through Dagenham ♪
146
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,685
♪ Down to Grays, Thurrock ♪
147
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,365
♪ Right near Basildon ♪
148
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,405
♪ Pitsea, Thundersley,
Hadleigh, Leigh-on-Sea ♪
149
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,045
♪ Chalkwell, Prittlewell,
Southend's the end ♪
150
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,725
(CHUCKLES)
151
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,725
I bet you don't get roads like
the A13 in Freetown, eh.
152
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,165
England's Route 66.
153
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,400
Oh, there's a caff here.
Can we stop for a wee?
154
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,600
- Thank you.
- Thanks, love.
155
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,960
(SIGHS) The great British caff.
156
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,885
Ooh! The great British cuppa.
157
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,920
Bagpipes, there's lipstick on your cup.
158
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,845
Yeah, but whose lipstick?
159
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,325
You never know. Could be a film
star's, couldn't it?
160
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,280
Could be Sigourney Weaver's.
161
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,680
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY)
162
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,778
Ah, Mr Dean, I know it doesn't look
like I'm doing much but...
163
00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:43,124
Idiot.
164
00:08:43,627 --> 00:08:45,805
I am a total idiot.
165
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,225
I forgot to give you these.
166
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,525
The dictation whatsit.
Ingenious, really.
167
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:54,285
I simply speak into a microphone
in my office, eject the tape,
168
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,445
walk to the stairs,
carry the tape three floors down,
169
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,485
show my pass at security,
come in here, give the tape to you,
170
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,885
you put it in this baby,
and it's in your ears like that.
171
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,645
There you are.
172
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,280
Bon voyage.
173
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,365
Oh!
174
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,405
Ooh. Argh!
175
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,165
(GRUNTS)
176
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,205
Oh!
177
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,160
(MUTTERS)
178
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,445
(AMPLIFIED FEEDBACK)
179
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,325
Argh! Oh!
180
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,605
Help me.
181
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,920
- I thought you'd never ask.
- (SIGHS)
182
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,445
- Tea's up.
- Leave it out there, son.
183
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,640
- Can I help you with anything, boss?
- Oh!
184
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,120
- You bored?
- Bored? No, of course not.
185
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:01,127
Do you want me to move that car
out of the way for you?
186
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:04,308
- Can you drive?
- Better than I can walk.
187
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,205
When I was your age I used to tear
up my grandad's field in his tractor.
188
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,800
He never knew, mind.
189
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,025
All right. Go easy, yeah?
190
00:10:16,135 --> 00:10:17,895
It's all good, boss.
191
00:10:26,511 --> 00:10:28,471
I think I might write a book.
192
00:10:28,507 --> 00:10:33,992
The 100 Best Places In Britain Where
Mr Bagpipes Has Stopped To Urinate.
193
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:36,285
(CHUCKLES) Look at this.
194
00:10:36,731 --> 00:10:38,805
Hey, I used to love gate-flipping.
195
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,214
Here, watch this.
196
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,125
(GRUNTS)
197
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,080
Hey!
198
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,659
Ooh.
199
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,962
- Interesting.
- Yeah.
200
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,205
England is a beautiful country.
201
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,205
Well, there's brains as well
as beauty, isn't there?
202
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,485
You got your Dickens, Shakespeare.
203
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,565
This blessed plot, this realm,
this earth,
204
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,058
this England.
205
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,313
- Shakespeare.
- Yeah, I know.
206
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,885
The museums here are first-rate.
207
00:11:12,265 --> 00:11:13,932
Well, to be fair,
208
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,765
most of the stuff, we nicked
from other countries.
209
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,845
Because the British are
the best pirates in the world.
210
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,480
Yeah. Aar!
211
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,445
Yeah. What about the weather?
212
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,725
Amazing. Where else has
a 12-month rainy season?
213
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,066
All right, the food?
214
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:33,790
It gives us all a chance to use
the glorious British NHS.
215
00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:37,352
You always look on the bright side,
don't you, Vally?
216
00:11:37,501 --> 00:11:41,062
- I learnt it from the British.
- Now, you've gone too far.
217
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,160
(BOTH LAUGH)
218
00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:45,958
Oh. Come, we must go.
219
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,325
One more delivery and Southend is ours.
220
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,845
- Bagsy first go on a donkey ride.
- A donkey ride?
221
00:11:53,432 --> 00:11:55,045
Where do you ride this donkey?
222
00:11:55,455 --> 00:11:57,485
Well, about 30' up the beach,
223
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,684
then you turn around
and you come back the other way.
224
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,125
(LAUGHS)
225
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,005
I love this silly country.
226
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,165
- Oi!
- Hey, Bagpipes?
227
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,805
- Hey!
- Piss off!
228
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,165
A classic British welcome.
Hey! Bagpipes!
229
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,605
- Go on! Bagpipes!
- Get off my land!
230
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,240
- Bagpipes, start the car! Star the car!
- (GUNSHOT)
231
00:12:25,351 --> 00:12:27,311
(ENGINE REVVING)
232
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,945
Are you sure you know how to drive this?
233
00:12:32,981 --> 00:12:34,021
Yeah.
234
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,556
The biting point's just a little
higher than I'm used to.
235
00:12:36,591 --> 00:12:38,671
Yeah, this model is famous for that.
236
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:43,551
That's it. Down like an elephant.
Up like a fairy.
237
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,311
Thank you, Jesus.
238
00:12:50,351 --> 00:12:51,711
(INHALES)
239
00:12:55,991 --> 00:12:58,831
Oi, Dean! Who's a tea boy now?
240
00:13:04,191 --> 00:13:05,916
What did I tell you?
241
00:13:06,723 --> 00:13:08,396
The machines are taking over.
242
00:13:08,431 --> 00:13:10,436
- What?
- The machines are taking over.
243
00:13:10,471 --> 00:13:12,276
- Where?
- The machines are taking over!
244
00:13:12,311 --> 00:13:14,676
Run, boy, run! Machines!
245
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,711
♪ THE POINTER SISTERS: Neutron Dance ♪
246
00:13:23,151 --> 00:13:26,396
Right, first up, let's have a cuppa
or a fag break.
247
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:29,596
Actually, we could pop out,
get a bit of shopping.
248
00:13:29,631 --> 00:13:33,716
If you don't mind, could you show
me how to use this equipment first?
249
00:13:33,751 --> 00:13:36,471
- I'm so behind.
- All right.
250
00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:40,247
- This electronic stuff is a doddle.
- Mm.
251
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:41,974
That's play.
252
00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:46,196
That's pause. That, you never use.
And if you press those two,
253
00:13:46,231 --> 00:13:49,102
you can "accidentally" wipe the tape.
254
00:13:49,471 --> 00:13:53,556
You make this look so easy.
I wish Dave had just shown me this.
255
00:13:53,591 --> 00:13:55,671
Dave doesn't know
his arse from his elbow.
256
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,556
Should've used his elbow.
257
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:02,991
♪ NIK KERSHAW: I Won't Let The Sun
Go Down On Me ♪
258
00:14:06,711 --> 00:14:08,556
Nice to be out of the city, innit?
259
00:14:08,591 --> 00:14:11,396
- See a bit of wildlife.
- Mm, yes.
260
00:14:11,431 --> 00:14:13,476
What was the animal we saw earlier?
261
00:14:13,511 --> 00:14:16,556
That, Valentine, was most of a badger.
262
00:14:16,591 --> 00:14:18,596
Ah! Badger.
263
00:14:18,631 --> 00:14:20,756
Ooh! Hey, the bumps.
264
00:14:20,791 --> 00:14:25,676
Did you get your licence here,
or in Sierra Leone?
265
00:14:25,711 --> 00:14:26,863
Licence?
266
00:14:27,255 --> 00:14:29,300
What is this licence
you are talking about?
267
00:14:29,849 --> 00:14:31,489
You haven't got a licence?
268
00:14:32,431 --> 00:14:35,276
(LAUGHS) Your face.
Look at your face, Bagpipes.
269
00:14:35,311 --> 00:14:38,756
- Yeah, very funny.
- I'm only joking. Don't worry.
270
00:14:38,791 --> 00:14:41,716
I just want to get everything
delivered as quickly as possible
271
00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:44,396
so we can have
an afternoon at the seaside.
272
00:14:44,431 --> 00:14:48,151
- Yeah. At the seaside.
- Southend here we come.
273
00:14:50,362 --> 00:14:53,807
- How you doing?
- Everything's working perfectly!
274
00:14:54,277 --> 00:14:58,076
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- Fancy a cuppa?
275
00:14:58,111 --> 00:15:00,356
Well, I've only been working
for half an hour.
276
00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:02,396
- Still not done?
- Well...
277
00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:05,076
Hold on, why are you doing these?
278
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:08,414
Total waste of time.
279
00:15:09,351 --> 00:15:11,756
- Ooh.
- Complaints.
280
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:12,849
Bin, obviously.
281
00:15:12,885 --> 00:15:13,836
- Really?
- Yeah.
282
00:15:13,871 --> 00:15:16,396
They might be about us
and you can shred all that lot.
283
00:15:16,431 --> 00:15:20,236
- Didn't Dave say we had to type them up?
- And file them? No point.
284
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:22,551
Nobody ever checks. Right, follow me.
285
00:15:25,791 --> 00:15:27,516
OK. See her?
286
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:30,116
That's Abbey. Don't ask her for help.
287
00:15:30,151 --> 00:15:33,316
She'll have you here
all afternoon doing it "properly".
288
00:15:34,096 --> 00:15:36,076
That's Stu. Avoid him.
289
00:15:36,111 --> 00:15:39,556
He does everything by the book.
A book called Your Arse, My Hands.
290
00:15:39,591 --> 00:15:42,796
There are three cardinal rules
to work in here, love.
291
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:46,155
Don't volunteer,
don't have any bright ideas,
292
00:15:46,191 --> 00:15:48,796
and don't ever stay past five o'clock.
293
00:15:48,871 --> 00:15:50,756
- Understood?
- OK.
294
00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:55,316
Well, thank you, Kathy, for your
advice but I'll go back to work.
295
00:15:55,351 --> 00:15:59,511
What's the rush? Let's have
a coffee and a squizz at this.
296
00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:03,939
You're not going to show the rest
of us up are you, Agnes?
297
00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:05,195
No.
298
00:16:05,696 --> 00:16:07,236
Of course not.
299
00:16:07,271 --> 00:16:09,164
Good. Let's have that coffee.
300
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:10,595
Ladies, having a break?
301
00:16:10,631 --> 00:16:12,126
- Piss off, Dave.
- Right-o.
302
00:16:13,418 --> 00:16:15,263
Welcome to the civil service.
303
00:16:15,471 --> 00:16:16,991
(CLEARS THROAT)
304
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:23,396
Hey! Look at that!
305
00:16:23,431 --> 00:16:24,676
(GULLS CRYING)
306
00:16:24,711 --> 00:16:27,871
One day I would like to stay
as a guest in this hotel, you know.
307
00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:31,836
Come, we go. Hey-hey!
308
00:16:31,871 --> 00:16:34,271
OK, OK. Don't get me run over.
309
00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:37,556
- That's a nice car.
- Yeah. Mm.
310
00:16:38,828 --> 00:16:40,036
Hey!
311
00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:42,716
I left the paperwork in the van.
Please take this.
312
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,015
I'll catch you up.
313
00:16:45,911 --> 00:16:49,031
Bloody hell. Some adventure this is!
314
00:16:54,631 --> 00:16:56,056
Evening all.
315
00:16:58,248 --> 00:16:59,972
Sorry, I don't know why I said that.
316
00:17:00,008 --> 00:17:02,893
What do people usually say
when they've got a delivery?
317
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:04,375
Just delivery.
318
00:17:04,905 --> 00:17:06,236
Yeah, that makes sense.
319
00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:10,526
So, you got a nice big package for me.
320
00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:13,316
Er, yeah. Yes.
321
00:17:13,351 --> 00:17:15,716
Some paper.
322
00:17:15,751 --> 00:17:17,436
Hey, delivery.
323
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:20,883
I have 18 boxes of paper for you
from Brooks & Company.
324
00:17:20,919 --> 00:17:23,875
- Hang on. You're the driver?
- Yes, my dear.
325
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,340
- Who's this, then?
- I'm his mate.
326
00:17:27,842 --> 00:17:28,916
Right.
327
00:17:30,225 --> 00:17:32,030
I can't accept this.
328
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:34,748
What? Please. Why?
329
00:17:35,431 --> 00:17:37,316
This is a classy place.
330
00:17:37,351 --> 00:17:40,352
Our clientele expect a certain standard.
331
00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:44,916
(CHUCKLES)
Is this Game For A Laugh, madam?
332
00:17:44,951 --> 00:17:47,636
Is this where Mr Beadle
comes out in a moment?
333
00:17:47,671 --> 00:17:49,871
Hey, where the camera? Mr Jeremy...
334
00:17:49,907 --> 00:17:52,867
We don't take deliveries from drivers
like you. Your company know that.
335
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,844
- What's happening?
- Nothing.
336
00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:00,742
Madam.
337
00:18:01,733 --> 00:18:02,986
I'm here now.
338
00:18:03,951 --> 00:18:06,676
Can you please just take
this order this time?
339
00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,380
And chance my boss seeing you? No way.
340
00:18:10,736 --> 00:18:13,436
Come on, this is ridiculous.
We've driven all this way.
341
00:18:13,471 --> 00:18:14,559
Let's go.
342
00:18:15,151 --> 00:18:17,356
Let's go, Bagpipes.
343
00:18:17,391 --> 00:18:18,952
I'll tell you what,
344
00:18:19,230 --> 00:18:20,955
I'll let you unload the paper.
345
00:18:20,991 --> 00:18:23,191
He can sit in the van
where no-one can see him.
346
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:32,392
OK.
347
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,292
But I want you to say out loud
why this is happening.
348
00:18:37,031 --> 00:18:38,515
Because I'm a black man.
349
00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,581
Your words, mate, not mine.
350
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,951
You are a disgraceful woman.
351
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,796
Hey! You can't sit there!
352
00:18:58,831 --> 00:19:01,556
Oh, yeah? Why is that, then? I wonder!
353
00:19:01,591 --> 00:19:03,596
Hey, Bagpipes, look.
354
00:19:04,362 --> 00:19:05,636
Oh. Shit.
355
00:19:05,671 --> 00:19:07,676
Sorry. Oh, Christ.
356
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,271
Sorry, sorry.
357
00:19:12,231 --> 00:19:14,994
Look, mate,
about all that crap in the hotel.
358
00:19:15,918 --> 00:19:17,192
I'm sorry.
359
00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:19,316
You know,
360
00:19:19,965 --> 00:19:22,551
I only realised I was black
when I moved here.
361
00:19:23,276 --> 00:19:26,291
At 35, it was a bit
of a shock, you know.
362
00:19:27,430 --> 00:19:30,155
I can't bear the thought of that
happening to Melissa,
363
00:19:30,191 --> 00:19:32,271
for someone to make her feel like that.
364
00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:35,583
You need to be there for her, Bagpipes.
365
00:19:35,619 --> 00:19:38,064
Make sure she never
feels alone against it.
366
00:19:38,813 --> 00:19:41,596
Show her that there are small
victories to be had.
367
00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:43,351
Small victories?
368
00:19:44,431 --> 00:19:46,116
Bloody hell!
369
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:47,756
- Is that the porter's?
- Mm.
370
00:19:48,444 --> 00:19:50,036
Fancy a swim?
371
00:19:50,071 --> 00:19:53,316
- I thought you were scared of the water.
- I was talking to the keys.
372
00:19:53,351 --> 00:19:55,796
Hey!
373
00:19:56,253 --> 00:19:58,436
- Do you fancy a swim, though?
- Are you mad?
374
00:19:58,471 --> 00:20:00,756
- Don't be ridiculous. Hey!
- What do you mean?
375
00:20:00,791 --> 00:20:03,596
Have you ever seen
a fish walking on the road?
376
00:20:03,631 --> 00:20:05,636
The day you see
a fish walking on the road
377
00:20:05,671 --> 00:20:07,956
is the day you see Valentine
swimming in the sea.
378
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:10,556
Don't start all this devil
in the sea business again.
379
00:20:10,591 --> 00:20:12,009
- Mark it, Bagpipes.
- (GROANS)
380
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,036
Have you seen Jaws?
381
00:20:13,071 --> 00:20:15,516
The shark was possessed.
382
00:20:15,551 --> 00:20:17,756
This is Southend,
there's no sharks here.
383
00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:19,562
- What is that?
- That's a seagull, you idiot.
384
00:20:19,598 --> 00:20:20,598
OK, OK.
385
00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:23,476
Dear Mama.
386
00:20:23,959 --> 00:20:27,519
I hope you are well
and Uncle is behaving himself.
387
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:32,156
The big news here is
Agnes has started a new job
388
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:34,236
working at the local council.
389
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:39,285
She has ensured me that
this would not affect her work
390
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,516
and she will be coming home
cooking for us...
391
00:20:42,551 --> 00:20:45,537
Dad? Where's Mum?
392
00:20:45,991 --> 00:20:48,596
Er... Where is your mother?
393
00:20:48,631 --> 00:20:50,551
♪ BLONDIE: The Tide Is High ♪
394
00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:13,130
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.addic7ed.com
29812
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