All language subtitles for Bless This Mess s02e12_English

We're throwing a wedding for my
wife's friend from New York.

But you don't really care
about that.

Thank you so much.Sure thing.

Honey, I think we need to reallyjust start organizing

some of this inventory
because...Sure, sure.

...you know, Sierra's just got
a very specific vision

of what she wants,
and I just --

I-I do want it
to be perfect.

How much are we spendingon this?

Oh, we're not --
we're not spending. Yeah.

We're not?
Sh-- No, no.
She's paying for all of it,

and she's actually
giving us a little

[Clicks mouth] little bit
of cheddar on the top.I don't hate that,

because, you know,we could use the money.
That's why we're
trying to -- Yeah.

If she wants to spend a bundleon white tablecloths,

God bless her.White? Are they white?

Yeah, it's white --
white tablecloth.

Okay.
[ Sighs ]

They're light cream.
Thank God. You nearly
gave me a heart attack.

Okay, let's seewhat we got in here.

Oh, my goodness!We've got a light cream bunny.

Those should be white.

Those arewhite.
Oh, you're messing with me now.

I'm messing with youto keep it light.Okay. Yep.

Hey, guys. I finished
folding all the napkins.

But I-I think that you're
kind of wasting my strength.

I mean, I'm very strong.

You know what you could do
is do some ironing for me.

Ooh! Yeah, you'd begreat at that.
That's great.I need you to do some ironing.

Yes.Yeah. Give me
the heaviest iron you have.

Great. That's awesome.Great job.

Oh, my God, Mike, she's here.
She's here! She's here.

Look who's here!
Oh, my God.

Bonjour and shalom, bitch!Oh, my God.

Woman!I'm getting married!

[ Both scream, laugh ]

[ Conversing indistinctly ]

I don't even knowwhat they're talking about.

Do you think
they're talking about me?

I do.
No, that wouldn't
make sense, right?

No, I think they are.You think they are?

Yeah, your strength.

--Captions by VITAC--

♪♪

Rio: Right. So, this is
what I was thinking --

that we'd line up
guests here

and they would sort ofsage you and Lars.

Saging's
a little bit basic.

Y-Yeah.Yeah, that is basic.

So, maybe we won't do that,
but like --

But I feel like
no one's basic anymore.Yeah.

Like, let's be basic.Yeah, and so, I was thinkingwe should be basic.

And so -- Yeah.
God.

I mean, this place,
it's just so...

It -- It's like...

...real.

...real. [ Sighs ]You know?

Yeah.

And, like, he's so...

American and cool.

Oh, yeah.Jacob. I'm Jacob.

Jacob,
I love your outfit.

Ja-- What -- What's happening?It's Jacob.

You can just go with it.Oh.

And this is Rudy.Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Rudy, this is Sierra.

I think that you are
the unkempt man

who lives
in the barn, right?

You're the littlest personI've ever met. It's an honor.

Okay, total sidebar --

can I just say
you have an exquisite body?

You may.

I'm so glad
someone finally said it.

I've been thinking it
the whole time here.

Guys.
Hey.Hey.
Hi.

Okay, this is the local
ensemble team

that is going to bringyour wedding to fruition,

and this is Sierra.

I am absolutely teeming
with gratitude

for your guidance
and nourishment

as I make this transition
into my married life.

Yeah.You know, my dear friend
Marianne Williamson

just said
some wise words to me --

"Love is like a book,

and I appreciate you helping me
writing this next chapter."

That's really sweet.
Jacob: Oh, wow.

This is why she's the best,you guys. [ Chuckles ]
Kent: [ Chuckles ]

I follow you on Instagram.

You never respond
to my messages.

Oh, I don't handle
my messages.

You have to talk to Katsana
about that.

Oh. Um, okay.

So, let's just do introductions.Obviously, I'm Rio.

I'm the best friend.I'm the wedding planner.Yes.

I'm whatever --mother of pigs.She does it all.

Should we -- Do you want to --Clara, do you want to --

[ Clears throat ] Um, I'm Clara.I am a Pisces,

and I will be making
your 22-tiered wedding cake.

Oh. Um, did you --

So, 20 two-tiered cakes.

Yeah, we're saying
the same thing.

I don't think we are.So -- What did you say?

-Twenty two...
-22-tiered wedding cake.

Great. Okay.

And Jacob,
you're on decor.

You're gonna be doingthe thousand origami cranes.

[ Scoffs ] If all I can do
is fold paper, how come this?

But you're good
for origami cranes?

Yeah, yeah.
I can fold the cranes.

Okay. Um, alright.

Here's another thingthat we should discuss,

which isthe father-daughter dance.

Like,what do you want to do?

It's obviously
a unique situation.

You have two dads --Daddy and Pop-Pop.

Like, do you want to dancewith them at the same time?

You know what?
I am feeling --

I'm feeling
a little deluged right now.

Oh, okay.
You know?

[ Gasps ] Why don't we open
a bottle of champagne?

Sure. And so --
Ooh.

I feel like we should, like,finish the meeting first, right?

And thenwe can do champagne?

Ooh, sounds like Rio's putting
the "snore" in "Bucksnort."

[ Laughter ]

Kent: She got -- That's --Okay, okay.

I love it.
Very funny.

I love it.She's very funny.

Oh, hey, Brandon,
where do you guys keep cannons

for shooting,
like, rose petals?

Come on, man.We don't even have shampoo.

Oh.Constance: Brandon!

Is that Mike?
I need to talk to him.

Hey, bud, be careful.She is on a war path right now.

She already ticketedthree people for jaywalking.

We don't even have
a crosswalk.

Okay, okay.Mike.

I noticed that you placed
a very large order of alcohol.

Now, you know you can't
serve that at a wedding...Mm-hmm.

...without a liquor license.

We don't need a license
for that, do we?

I mean, it's --
it's not on my list.

Let me see that.Well, you know,
I need that back. Okay?

So, you're having the wedding
at Rudy's barn?

Is he okay with that?

Yeah. Yeah.They-- They're not speakingright now.

Oh.
Okay,
we got butterflies -- no.

Fireworks -- nope.

I'm denying
your wedding permit.

Wait, did we even apply
for a permit?

No. Would you like one?

Uh...sure.

Denied!

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so, this clearly

has something to do
with the breakup.

100%. Definitely.
Yeah.

But I'm not gonna bethe one to tell her.Are you kidding me?

Listen, I can't have your mom
on full tilt for this wedding.

So, we've got to figure out

how to cool things down
between Constance and Rudy.

Yeah, we -- we just got to

figure out a wayto break the seal, right?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.Create some conversation.

There we go.Help them move past this.

Yes, and we got
to fast-track it.[ Bells jingle ]

Brandon, watch the register.

I'm gonna go tase someone.Alright.

Theresa,I know I've been getting

a lot of comments
on my body lately,

but I'd appreciateyour brutal honesty.

[ Theresa bleats ]

You're just jealous.Mike: Hey.

Rudy, I-I was hoping
to talk to you

for a second
about Constance.

We had a clean break.

Cold turkey's the only wayto stop anything.

Six years ago,I stopped making left turns.

Haven't done one since.

So, h-how then do you --

Three rights, Mike.Fascinating.

Uh, just to bring it
back to Connie, she...

asked i-if she could get
a recipe from you.

What recipe? She knows the onlything I make is trail mix.

Uh-huh. She wants to know your
peanut-to-almond proportions.

So, uh,
she's on her way --

On her way now?Yeah. She'll be here.

On her way.Maybe we could regroup
in, like, 30 minutes?

Great. I look forwardto telling her my nut ratio.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah. It's just --

You have a weird smile
on your face.

No, I really don't.Okay.

[ Chuckles ]Well, look...

I've got to find a place
to rent a chuppah in Nebraska,

which is quite a challenge,
but I'll see you shortly?

Okay.
Okay.

[ Laughter ]Wait, Rio, do you remember
when we threw the rave

in the Meatpacking District,
and I got salmonella?

How could I forget?Oh, my God.
We were rolling so hard.

It was ridiculous.

My God, are you guys
talking about drugs?

I lost my virginity
on Ibuprofen.

Ooh. Did you wait for itto kick in?

I didn't think of that.

Are you guys carrying
right now?

Because, like, if you were
to totally peer-pressure me,

I would do it.

We're not doing drugs.

Okay, well, look, if you wantto get a little loopy...

Mm?
...I have gotsome horse tranquilizers.

Oh, my God. Kent.Ooh.

Kent coming in hot
with suggestions.[ Laughs ]

You're not gonna likehow they're administered.
Yeah.

Horse tranquilizers --
Oh, wait.
[ Laughs ]

Hey.What do you have?

I have wedding planning.
Come on.

Oh. Boo.
Can we focus on that later?

[ Mock snoring ][ Laughter ]

Come on, Rio.
You really have changed.

I mean, I'm telling you,
she used to be fun.

Now it's just like --
[ Imitates airplane falling ]

You know?
It's like downhill.

Like, what happened?I'm still fun.

[ Chuckles ] No.I still have fun.

I throw down.
I throw down a lot.

If you throw down, why don't
we throw a par-tay tonight?

Oh.Like we used to, right?

Yeah, yeah.Totally debauched bacchanal.

Oh, here? Here?Like a full-blown rave.

What do you think?
Are you down?Oh.

I think -- I think yes.Yes!

Yes!
Right?

[ All cheer ]

Annihilation!Yes!

Whoa, chug it!Take it down, take it down!There we go.
There's the Rio I know!

Yes! Yes! Get it!
Yes, yes, yes!

Mm!Oh. Are you okay?

It's just -- Uh -- Th--

There's a lot more in there
than I imagined.Oh.

Brandon said that Rudy
wanted me to meet him here

because of what?

W-What again?

He saw a large naked man
walking by,

and he made
a citizen's arrest,

but the man escaped
because he was covered in oil,

and now Rudy wants to do
a police sketch.

[ Whispering ] That's too much.That's way too much.

W-W-Wait, wait, wait.

He said he was gonna be waiting
for me here?

Is that what you --
I don't see him.

[ Normal voice ] That --That could be my fault.

I-I might have got
the time wrong.

But I'm sure he just stepped outfor a second.
Mm-hmm.

He'll be right back.Yeah.

You know, this is such
a waste of my time.

I could have been setting up
a speed trap.

This is so stupid.

What the hell, Mike?

Come on.I held up my end of the bargain.

[ Theresa bleats ]

Oh. What's this?
W-What is it --

What do you goton your neck here, Theresa?

[ Theresa bleats ]

[ Paper rustling ]

Okay. "Sorry, but I can't talkto Constance.

I've gone intomy underground bunker...

for two to five years,depending on how hungry I am.

Please take care of Theresa,and don't try to find me.

Love, Rudy."

And then, I don't know,

eight pagesof goat care instructions.

"Drain glands
at least three" --

No. No, no, no.I'm not draining any glands.

No, Mike.

We made this worse.

Oh, hell yeah.Yeah, it's much, much worse.

We have to find
that bunker.

Jacob: And it's good!
[ Chuckles ]

Hey.
Hey.

Can I, um, clear some of thisoff, whatever that is?

Yeah. Whatever.

Ow!

Aah. I'm bleeding.

Aah, I guess paper
really does beat...rock.

Make sure you are banging backsome electrolytes, okay?

Yeah.
You're doing
a lot of flexing.

Ah.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Holy smokes.
Whoa.

Who's the lucky guy?

[ Laughter ]Me? Is it me?
No, I know.

No, no. Okay.

So, Sierra called me
a "Buck-Snore"...[ Laughs ]

and I mildly overreacted,

and now we're throwing a small,
but intimate rave in the barn.

And I hope Rudy doesn't mind,
which I don't think he will.

Do you think he'll mind?

I don't think he'll mind.

He is underground in his bunkersomewhere on our property.

He what?
He's in -- He's in a what?So I'm I'm trying to locate him.

Don't worry about it.You know, worst-case scenario,

we'll just --we'll cancel the wedding.

We'll be able to see Rudyin two to five years.

Now --What? You -- What do you mean
the wedding is not --

That's, like --Brandon and I are on it.

Okay, so justenjoy your rave, honey.Okay. 'Cause, yeah,
I'm trying to, like --

Okay. Phew.You can get blackout drunk

and earnSierra's respect back.Oh, well --

But watch out for Connie.She's on the war path.

Well, nothing ever crazy
happens in this town,

so I think I'm good.

[ Techno music plays ]

♪♪

Hey!Sierra: Rio!

What a dope milieu!

Yes.

Yeah, so dope!

So dope! I love it!

Rio, everyone has hands!

We -- Yeah.We all have hands!

Yeah!

I did drugs!

[ Man rapping in Spanish]

Rio!
Oh, hi.

I just saw Rudy crawling
on the ground like a cat.

What are you chewing?

Clara,what are you chewing?

I told you not to chewany more of those gummies.

Are you chewing
those gummies?

Clara.
Oh, I should
take my top off.

No, I didn't say that.

You know what?Just stay with me here.

Now hold.
Look at this hand.

Stay with me.You're watching my fist.

You're watching my fi--
Water.

Wow!Go and take it outside.

This is awesome.

Oh, God. Hello.

Yes. Hi.
Who is that guy?

I think he follows meon Insta.

And that got him here
somehow?Eh, you know what?

I posted about the barn, somaybe he saw my location tag.

Oh, wow.

[ Car horn honks,
people cheering ]

Oh, that's...Oh, my God.

[ Horn honks ]

Come on, guys!I-I-- Oh.

[ Grunts ]
Another cow bone.

How many does that make?

Enough to make nine
full cows.

Constance: Whoop, whoop!

Get your hands in the air
and drop your bone!

Hey, Ma.

I was just helping Mike
mow his land.

Don't fix your mouth to lie whenI got a megaphone in my hand.

What the hell is going on?

Mike came up
with some crazy idea

about getting you
and Rudy to talk.

But I said, "No, Mike.
That's not right.

This is none
of our business."Oh!

I-- W-- Really?

Yeah.Rudy went down into his bunker

because I suggested thatyou guys have a conversation.

Rudy went into his bunker?

Yes. D-- Has he told youwhere it is?

No, he didn't tell me.

Don't worry, Mom.
This is Mike's mess.

Just Mike.

But I'm-a help you fix it.

You are such a good son,Brandon.

We raised you right.

But you,on the other hand --

Why didn't you just
leave us alone?

Well, I would have loved
to have left you alone,

but one of you
lives in my barn

and mopes around
all day long,

and then I bump into you,
and you've got a long face.

So I know this isn't going
so well,

you cutting him
out of your life.

So, you're gonna forcetwo adults who just broke up

to be friends

so that you can get outof getting a liquor license?

When you phrase it
that way, sure,

it does sound
a little insincere.

I-It's just awkward
between us.

I-I don't even know howto be friends with him again.

Well,
I do believe step one

is extracting him
from beneath the earth.

[ Exhales sharply ]
And then what?

You take a little baby step,

and then it leads
to another,

and you move --Hey, I found something!

Is it Rudy?

[ Techno music plays ]

♪♪

S-Sierra, I wonderedif you could just make, like,

a really chill announcement,

just telling peoplenot to wreck the farm,

mainly 'cause it's, like,my livelihood or whatever,

and, you know, it justhas gotten a little bit bigger

than I initially
thought it would.

Look, I'm sorry for putting
the party on Instagram.

Oh.

I just wanted my family to see
me having a good time,

and I thought
they would change their minds

about not coming
to the wedding.

Uh, what?

What do you mean, your family'snot coming to the wedding?

Daddy
totally despises Lars.

Whatever.
Do you want more moonshine?

No, I don't want
more moonshine.

I want to talk to youabout why Daddy

doesn't want to cometo your wedding.

Yes,
but Kent's about to jump

from really high up
for no reason.

Kent is what?Kent:Who wants to see me jump, baby?!

[ All cheering ]

No, no!
Not -- No, Kent!

Whoo! I need a landing zone!
Get that hay in here!

Sierra, Sierra, listen.

It's a really big deal,what you're saying.

I-I want to talk to you.That's what I'm here for.

Man: Look! over here!Woman: What is it?

Oh, my God!

Guys!
Door in the floor!

[ All cheering ]You're avoiding meright now.

Man: Door in the floor!
Door in the floor!

Door in the floor!

Kent:
Alright! Here we go!

[ Body thuds ]Wha -- Ooh!

[ Swing music plays ]

[ Door opens,
techno music filters in ]

♪♪

Barn man!

[ All cheer ][ Techno music plays ]

♪♪

What is it?
More cow bones?

It's Clarabones.
[ Laughs ]

Oh.

Clara, are you okay, girl?What --

Oh, yeah.
I ate all these gummies,

and then I saw Rudy
crawling in the barn,

and then all these people
showed up,

and I was like,
"Nap before orgy."Mike: W-W-Wait.

You saw Rudy?Yeah.

In the barn?You two dummies

did not check underneathRudy's barn first?

[ Hip-hop music playing ]Wow, this is incredible.

♪ Okay, hello, ladies,
it's party time♪

Oh, wow.
Wow, wow, wow.

♪ And it's hardly 9:00♪

♪ And you already
on that dance floor♪

♪ You ain't even gotta let
your man know♪

♪ That I'm in here to get down♪

Sierra, what is going on?

Why is your familynot coming to your wedding?

Oh, my God. Can you stop?
I don't care.

Neither should you.I docare.

I do care.
You're hiding here.

I'm not hiding.You're not hiding?

You're literallybehind a bunch of cans

in -- inan underground bunker

in the middleof Bucksnort, Nebraska.

I am fine.
No.

I am fine.
Leave me alone.

Uh --You say that you haven't
changed, but you really have.

Yes. I have.

I have changed.

I admit that to you.

I do not want to be in thisunderground apocalypse bunker

with a bunch of strangers fromthe Internet that I don't know.

Don't look at me like,"Oh, yeah, I got you," okay?

There it is.I have a farm
with my husband.

Yes, we get it.

You own a farm,
and I'm just

some dumb party girl
from New York.
Uh --

Sierra,please don't do that.

Excuse me.
I'm gonna go get my swerve on

and spank that sexy
grandfather clock.

♪ Who am I kidding?
Let's ride♪

♪ Baby, I'm about to show you
the best time...♪

Out of my way!
Police business!

Y'all are under arrest!

[ Music stops ]What in God's name
is going on here?

Damn, Rudy!

You all
are under arrest,

and your weddingain't never gonna happen.

This might be bad timing,
but Rudy -- what a bunker!

Alright,
it's time for mugshots.

Come on, Rudy.

Rio:
Great, great, great.

Great.Mm.

[ Chuckles ]

I do find it beguilingthat this anteroom

also servesas a penal holding facility.Oh, my goodness.

Can't you just say
that it's cool

the room also serves
as a jail cell?Mike, that's not productive.

Why do you got to be
so hoity-toity about it?I was trying
to break the ice.

Turn to the left.[ Camera shutter clicks ]

So, Rudy, how long
were you planning

on stayingin that damn bunker?

Not sure.
It depended on how well

I responded to the taste
of thrice-filtered urine.

And you were gonna
stay down there

just becauseI wanted to talk to you?

Rudy, come on.We can't live like that.

Don't worry.
I wouldn't have lasted long.[ Camera shutter clicks ]

Ate most of my snacks
in the first hour.

I'm powerless
over peanut butter.

Alright.
Turn to the right.

The only thing I missed about
the aboveground world was you.

Even if we're not
speaking...

it's nice to be on
the same side of the dirt.

Well, Mike was tryingto rope Brandon

into making us friends again,but [Sighs]

we'll eventually
get there.

I'm just not ready
for that yet.

I agree.

May I face you?

Yes, go ahead.

If only there was some way
I knew you were doing okay,

but I didn't have to see you
all the time.

[ Sighs ]

Hope that doesn't mean I have tojoin some kind of social media.

[ Sighs ] Just --

♪♪

It's a police scanner.

Just turn it on
and listen.

You'll hear my voice...

and I'll know that you'll belistening out there somewhere.

This is wonderful.

Ten-four.

Copy that.

[ Clears throat ]
Okay. You know what?

I already tried to force two
other people together today.

It did not go well.

Might as well try it again.

[ Clears throat ]

You guys --
You can't do this.

You can't do this.

You're -- You're not even
looking at each other,

you're ignoring each other,
and you're old friends.

Do you know how rare that is?

Everyone changes,

but only a few lucky people
get to have someone there

that witnesses
the whole thing.

You want to lose that?

You're gonna throw all that awayover some fatuous dispute?

Oh, that's right, sister.
I know some long words, too.

Don't do that.

Sierra...

back in the day,

we would go out,
and we'd [Chuckles] party

and, like, hit on guys,
and it was fun, and...

You know, but now --

Yeah.I mean, we've changed.

Yeah.
You're a farmer.

I'm growing up.

I'm getting married to a guy20 years older than me.

Yeah.Wow. 20 -- 20 years?

Yeah. I love it.

I actually wish he was older,like Rudy.

Sure.
Yeah.

Rudy's a smoke-show,and I want a puff.

Experience.

I mean, I feel like just becausewe change doesn't mean...

you know, we can't
still be friends, right?

[ Sighs ] Look, remember thatnight right before you left,

and we went out all night?Yes.

And then we ended up at, um...Up at the Broadway Diner.

Yes.
Yes. Oh, my God,and the waiter thought

you were trying to hit on him,
which you were.

Yes. I was. Totally.You know?

And I was like, "You should" --Oh, okay.Pretend I'm not here. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.
He's very good like that.

Mm.Okay.

That was my favorite partabout going out with you.

It wasn't
the long nights.

It was the breakfastthe next day.

It's the breakfast
the next day!

I love you so much,
breakfast!
Breakfast!

Aww!Ow, ow. Okay.

Love you so much.I love you, too.

It's just, my shoulder's
getting a little...

thrown out. Okay.

That was beautiful.Sorry.

Alright, you're free to go,
and the wedding is back on.

Ah!Oh, look at that.

Connie, thank you.

Look what I got.

Oh.Oh. Great.Oh.

Rio: Why does Daddynot like him?Sierra:
[ Sighs ] It's a little --

You know what I mean?It's a little hard
to pin down...

Sure....but I think it's because
he got caught

low-key
maybe embezzling some money.

What? Lars did?Not, like,
real embezzlement.

What, like -- What --But, like,embezzlement-adjacent, you know?

Guys, thought you might wanta hearty breakfast.
[ Sierra and Rio gasp ]

Oh, my God! Breakfast!Oh, my God! Breakfast!

[ Both laughing ][ Chuckles ]

Mike, thank you so much.No, literally, this is so good.

Thank you.
You saved my wedding.I love this.

I'm obsessed with you.I wouldn't let a wall of fire

stand between youand this embezzler, so...

Okay. Thanks....the honor's mine.

What did he embezzle?

Well, Bernie Madoff
was his mentor.

Oh, wow.

But Bernie was actually
really nice.

Ow!

Hey, Clara.

No, n-n-n-not so,so, so, so, so loud.

So, so, so loud.

[ Chair scrapes ]

Don't do that.
Don't do that.

[ Groans ]

Oh. If you...

[ Sighs ]

No, no. Don't even try.
It's impossible.

Doesn't even matter
how strong you are.

There's just --
There's just no way.

How did you...

I want you to pick me up andhold me like a baby kangaroo.

[ Chuckles ]

That's pretty cool.