All language subtitles for Lady L, Macera Kadını (1965)

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

Sir Percy, look. Look over
there, Sir Percy. Look.

Oh, it's too bad.

Come along, gentlemen.

[indistinct chattering]

It was only the year
before last..

[car honking]

Thank you, Shuttleworth.
You drove beautifully.

And if anyone
tells you otherwise

you're not to believe them,
is that clear?

Honestly, Louise.

You're angry with me, Percy.

I can't bear it
when you're angry

so I should go back
where I came from.

- Shuttleworth..
- No, no, no. Shuttleworth.

I'm not angry with you,
dearest Louise.

Who could possibly
ever be angry with you?

But must I remind you
that it's your birthday?

I don't know, Percy,
must you?

Eighty. Oh, eighty years old.

It's magnificent.

Many...many happy returns
of the day.

- And so say all of us, what?
- Happy birthday, mother dear.

- Who's that?
- Gilbert.

Gilbert who?

Your son, Gilbert.

Oh, yes, the one
I never recognize.

Are there any more
sons of mine here?

No-no, they're all indoors.

I'm sorry
I didn't notice you, Gilbert.

I saw you
but I didn't notice you.

[chuckles]

What a wonderful
old lady she is.

Yes.

Great news.
My publisher is ecstatic.

He wants me to start on
your biography without delay.

"Lady L the portrait
of a very great lady"

is the title
already chosen for the work.

I am intensely proud
to be able to place

my humble talents
at your disposal.

My dear...my darling Louise.

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ And so say all of us

♪ And so say all of us

♪ And so say all of us

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ For she's
a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ She's a jolly good fellow

♪ And so say all of us ♪

Why do you look so pained,
my love?

I love music.

Thank you very much.

[indistinct chattering]

And now, may we have
a little silence, please?

It was under this very dome

'on that rotunda..'

...that Edwin Garland Daubony
Fitzmaurice Dane-Brown, Dane

...ninth Duke of Lendale..

...confronted the, uh..

...confronted the Roundheads
in the year of Grace...1648.

And uttering
the glorious words--

I want some cake.

- Uttering the glorious words--
- I want some cake!

He wants some cake.
Do hurry up.

Here we have Louise,
a Frenchwoman.

(Percy)
'I'm sure she'll forgive
my putting it that way.'

And yet she, this woman..

...with a different background
and other habits

in marrying a Lendale

became as ferociously devoted
to an adopted cause

as any native-born member
of this ancient stock!

(all)
Yeah.

I have in my hand

a telegram
from Buckingham Palace.

[all clapping]

You will notice, Your Grace

that even this message
is addressed

to the beloved,
if inaccurate nickname

the whole of England
knows you by, "Lady L."

[clapping]

My dear family and friends.

Now, just a little more
this way, Your Grace.

Perhaps, a trace of a smile,
don't laugh.

I told you to avoid the neck.

[click]

There is..

There is only one thing

I am unable to deny

in dear Percy's
flattering address

and that is that I am French.

[all laughing]

Naturally, I am
very pleased with my family.

While Percy was talking

I counted four generals

'an admiral, a bishop'

'a minister of the Crown'

a governor of
the Bank of England and, uh..

'...and a handful
of black sheep'

without which no self-respecting
family's complete.

[all laughing]

Ooh-la-la. French look!
Straight at the camera.

(male #1)
'Naughty, naughty.'

[camera clicks]

But of course

the one who gives me the
greatest feeling of comfort

is young Alfred.

[camera clicks]

At least Alfred
knows what he wants

like his grandma.

I want some cake too, Alfred.

Alfred and I
both want some cake.

[instrumental music]

They've done you proud,
dear heart.

But it's no more
than you deserve.

There's the "Tatler," "Field"

the leader
in the "Horse and Hound."

"The Times."

Oh, I didn't see "The Times."

There's nothing in it, my dear.

But that is their way of being
extremely complimentary.

Yes, it is.

Ah! Well done, youngster.
Well done.

You love England,
don't you, Percy?

Ah, England..

It's a state of mind,
you know, Louise?

A state of soul.

"That sweet intangible

that most dear something
always..

...inches out of reach."
As I once wrote.

Oh, you've wrote that
more than once, Percy.

That's why they knighted you.

I expect so.

Well, I expect so.

There you are, Nanny.

Run the little blighter out.

Thank you very much, Sir Percy.

We mustn't forget
it's only a game, must we?

Appearances.

The more she wants to win..

...the more she pretends
she doesn't mind losing

that's England, too.

Uh...you wicked foreigner

you've discovered
one of our best kept secrets.

'As I have no time for those'

who pretend
to dislike appearances

society couldn't
exist without them.

I'm so glad you think so.

Come.

- Where are we going?
- Into my summer house.

Are you sure?

You've never asked anyone
in there before.

- Not since--
- Not since Dicky died, I know.

I want you to be the first.

Oh, Louise..

Are you in love with me, Percy?

You know I am.

I haven't replaced
your mother. Have I?

Oh, that was cruel,
my darling.

I only lost mama last year.

At the age of 98.

[scoffs]
She nearly made her century.

I admit I am
a little young as a replacement

but I'll do my best. Come in.

Why...I hardly dare.

If you're going to write
my biography, you must.

I may be able
to teach you something..

...about appearances.

[indistinct shouting]

Close the door, Percy.

Can't I draw the curtains?

It seems such a pity,
the one sunny day in the year

when there's a little sunlight.

Switch on the light.

Hmm.

Good heavens.

Wait, you don't sleep
in here, do you?

- With whom?
- Oh, incorrigible.

Please forgive me.

What's that?

A bomb.

Oh, please, Percy, Settle down.
You're making me nervous.

Well, it's-it's,
not the bomb exactly.

It's a...just a red light. I..

I'm not used to it.

Give in to it, Percy.
It's cheap and vulgar.

Don't resist it if you wish
to learn about appearances.

Real appearances.

'Are you ready?'

Yes.

I was born Louise Baldinucci

in the village of
Pietra Bianca, Corsica.

You're Corsican?

Like Bonaparte? I didn't know.

We came from neighboring
villages, Napoleon and I

but I did better than he.

I invaded England
and conquered it...alone.

But before I conquered England

I had to do what he did

and conquer France.

Why the red lights, you asked.

I'll try to explain.

(Louise)
My people came to Paris
when I was a baby.

(Louise)
They were very poor.

I worked from my earliest
youth, delivering laundry.

Much of it to a house.

(Percy)
Laundry is usually
delivered to houses

if I'm not mistaken?

(Louise)
This was not so much

a house as a house.

(Percy)
I don't follow.

(Louise)
A house full of girls

of all shapes and sizes.

And of every nationality.

(Percy)
Oh, I see.
A kind of finishing school?

(Louise)
Oh, is that what
they call them in England?

Well, one day, the clients
hadn't arrived yet--

(Percy)
Clients?

Clients? Good gracious!

You don't mean
that you worked in a..

No, no. I cannot.
I dare not believe it.

Oh, don't smoke.

Alright, ladies,
back into your rooms.

Alright, go. Go.

Come on, let's go.

Not you, Louise.
You stay here.

Why are you keeping her back?

She's not even a member
of the establishment.

She's a laundress?

I have my reasons.

You see, ladies,
we shall always be victimized

until we've organized
ourselves into a union.

That's enough.
Go into your rooms!

Long live socialized love!

[clapping]

Socialized love? What next?

Vote for women?
I wouldn't be surprised.

Louise, you are in luck.

'Pantoufle, no peeping!'

Louise, you have taken
the fancy of His Excellency

Ambroise Gerome,
the minister of the interior.

- Isn't that wonderful?
- Yes.

- Wonderful.
- Hmm.

'You may come out,
Your Excellency.'

(Lecoeur)
'Discretion is assured.'

Mademoiselle.

I should congratulate you
on your beauty.

But I feel I must congratulate
nature even more.

[laughing]

[clock dings]

- Louise, do you realize--
- Please, Lecoeur.

Am I to understand
that you find me amusing?

Perhaps my manner
of appreciating

your beauty is
a little excessive

but that is only because

I have an extraordinary
fine education.

Your Excellency--

Oh, she already
calls me by my name.

No, I don't think
you understand.

I don't belong here.

I deliver the laundry
once a week and every time

MonsieurLecoeur keeps me
waiting an hour for the receipt

and every time he tries
to interest me in joining

the establishment by introducing
me to some old gentlemen.

Louise..

[sneezes]

Why do you run away from me?

I don't want to catch your cold.

The best wines are those
which try our patience.

It is a sin to drink
them too soon.

But when they are ready--

I don't follow you,
Your Excellency.

That hardly surprises me,
Lecoeur.

Mademoiselle,I fought
a duel this morning

because my wife's lover
insulted my mistress

who happens to be his wife.

You can see that I will stop
at nothing to satisfy honor.

[sneezes]

(Ambroise)
'If Lecoeur should hurt your
feelings after I have gone'

'do not hesitate to communicate'

with me at, uh,
at this address.

In fact, do not hesitate
to communicate with me

even if Lecoeurfails
to hurt your feelings.

[chuckling]
Well, I will see myself out

since I'm incognito.

[instrumental music]

[bell dings]

Your Excellency.

What are you waiting for?

My receipt.

Ah.

(female #1)
'You see, ladies,
that's what I call solidarity.'

Louise, you're a comrade.

If I stay here, I would be.

They call this the house of joy.

(Louise)
'Where's the joy?'

'It's sad and it's sinister.'

You're very young, Louise.

I'm sure you still
believe in the right man.

Oh, yes, I do.

There is no right man.

There are only
right men and wrong men.

You only say that because you
never had the courage to wait.

I even know
what he will look like.

(Louise)
He won't be too small,
so that I overpower him.

Or too tall, so that
I can mother him at times

without looking ridiculous.

He'll never stoop
to anything low.

Unlike my father,
he won't drink or smoke.

He'll be wonderfully healthy.

[screaming]

(female #2)
Oh, Louise.

Louise, you've thought

of everything, haven't you?

And I suppose
he'll be immensely rich?

(Louise)
I don't care about wealth.

But I do know
he'll be clean and tidy.

Because he'll be
married to a laundress.

And so he'll attract
attention wherever he goes.

And make other men jealous.

[instrumental music]

Now. I repeat. I repeat.

(man on radio)
'I repeat. Now.'

Message received. Over.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[intense music]

- Is it him?
- It's bound to be.

What business would
a real tramp have in a bank?

That piece of paper he dropped

why isn't it blowing away
like all the others?

[sizzling]

Bomb! Bomb!

[explosion]

...blow the whistle.

[whistles]

Forward, men!
Forward. Let's go to the bank.

[all coughing]

Come on!

[woman shrieks]

Come on.
Come on, let's go!

The old tramp,
they've got him.

- Quick, quick.
- Inside.

- Where's the chief?
- Alright, alright.

You are the chief?
I want the chief.

It's gone. 65,000 francs.

The money
Monsieur Buisset sets aside

every week to pay his jockeys.

His jockeys?

A little quiet, please.

(male #2)
'Chief?'

It's him, Armand! Let's go.
After him!

[dramatic music]

Bravo! Bravo!

Catch him.

[car honking]

Come on.

[gunshots]

Here is your receipt,
and you needn't come back.

Oh, don't be so hard on her,
MonsieurLecoeur.

She dreams of prince charming

but she'll settle
for an elderly millionaire

like all the rest of us

if she's lucky.

(Lecoeur)
'Monsieur..'

- Armand?
- Armand? But it's not Armand.

Armand!

Sapper, I have a surprise
for you later. Lecoeur.

Where are you going?

Police.

- Police.
- Whoo.

Police? Come on, let's go.

Whoo.

[Arabian music]

- I think you've made a mistake.
- Have I?

Well, there's always a way
of putting a mistake right.

Get into bed.

No.

- It's loaded.
- I'm sure it is.

I won't hesitate to use it.

I don't agree.
You're not the type.

I am desperate.

I'm sorry.

Will you please get into bed?

- That's different.
- 'What is?'

- You said please.
- Did I? I didn't mean to.

It's ridiculous to say please
with a gun in your hand.

- You'd better hurry.
- What?

- Please, hurry.
- Oh, yeah.

Come on.

You're very polite,
you know that?

I was told to be
as a little girl.

Oh, do you believe everything
you're told as a little girl?

Everything.

Come on. Come on.

- Prince charming..
- What's the matter now?

Shh.

Alright, Armand..

I beg your pardon,
Your Excellency.

It won't happen again.

All illusion lust!

Alright, Armand..

I beg your pardon.

You! Belleceour!
What are you doing here?

- I'm on special duty.
- You call this special duty?

'See me in
the office after lunch.'

- Yes, sir.
- Continue,mademoiselle.

Alright, Armand.

The game's up.

Good morning,mademoiselle.

How dare you dare enter
without knocking?

Police,mademoiselle.
We knock after entering.

[knocks]

I'll give you five seconds

'to get out of bed, Armand.'

I advise you to...to lie
quite still,mademoiselle.

He may be armed.

But who...who-who are you?

You don't work here?

I have just started.

I have no choice,mon amour
I'll have to tell them.

[grunts]

Please, Your Excellency

I don't want you
to be shot by mistake.

- Your Excellency?
- 'Yes.'

MonsieurGerome,
the minister of the interior.

Your chief.

Do you dare to go through
the minister's pockets?

[Armand grunts]

[sniffs]

If you really are the minister,
Your Excellency

can you explain why
your coat reeks of gunpowder?

His Excellency, fought a duel,
at dawn this morning.

The prime minister,
5 o'clock in thebois.

The prime minister? A-again?

Every week, at least once.

It's a coalition government.

[indistinct whispering]

Yeah, yeah.

[clears throat]
Your Excellency

'would you be prepared
to answer a few questions?'

Go away, Mercier, and take
your governors with you.

You have a surprisingly

rough voice this morning,
Your Excellency.

He caught a cold at the duel.
Didn't you, Ambroise,mon cheri?

[sneezes]

I had to fetch him an aspirin.

- An-an-an aspirin?
- And a glass of water.

We were only doing
our duty as always.

You may count on
our entire discretion.

[sneezes]

[clears throat]

(Mercier)
'Dubaron.'

[chuckling]

- Armand Denis.
- Louise Baldinucci.

[both laughing]

Inspector, to what do we
owe the pleasure of this visit?

Be careful, Lecoeur,
I'm watching you.

And I, Mercier,
I'm watching you.

I want to talk
to you about that.

Stop watching me.

Every where my men go,
your men trail them.

All your men have
to do is to turn around

and then they'll be
following mine again.

Maybe my men don't want to go
where your men want to go.

Oh. Now you're asking too much.

Never tamper with
a policeman's dignity, Lecoeur.

He's as sensitive
about his dignity

as a crook is about his honor.

I did it.

I did it.
65,000 francs in broad daylight.

All along
right under Mercier's nose.

I don't want it.

Oh, no, you don't, Helga.

[indistinct shouting]

Line up!
Go on. Line up.

(Lecoeur)
'They'll want to retire now.'

Don't you see
what you're doing?

And let's have the money.

Champagne for everyone.

[indistinct shouting]

Don't thank me,
thank Lecoeur.

And now, ladies,
to celebrate your good fortune

tonight there'll be
a concert of classical music.

(all)
Whoa.

(Armand)
'The great Krajewski
will play for you.'

I have forged two tickets

so I will be
going with a friend.

And then, I shall
invite Krajewski here.

[piano music]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

Plan eight.

Don't arrest him until
the applause has begun.

We don't want to be accused
of interrupting the music.

[door opens]

Plan eight.

Tell him.

[piano music]

[clapping]

I will now perform
another work..

...of our great
Polish national composer

Frederic Chopin.

A work expressing his pain..

...at his occupation
of our beloved country

by a cruel, foreign power.

[indistinct chattering]

"The Revolutionary Etude."

[speaking in foreign language]

[piano music]

[indistinct chattering]

[speaking in foreign language]

Long live free
and independent Poland!

[explosion]

[screaming]

Move.

Damnation!

Who are you?
What do you want with me?

We wish to invite you to..

...to a small reception
in your honor.

It's most kind of you

but I find myself
unable to accept.

Oh, but you must.

[speaking in foreign language]

You are agents
of the Russian government.

Do it quickly
if you have charity.

Long live Poland!

What hotel
are you staying in?

Hotel? No, no, no.

Do it here.

It is a quite, respectable
hotel where they hate noise.

Mm, your addresser
will proceed to your hotel

and pack your bags,
within two hours

we will deliver
you there safe and sound.

But who are you, then?

A couple of music lovers. Come.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Who is this?
- Krajewski's dresser.

- Where is Krajewski?
- I don't know, sir.

This man only speaks Polish.

[speaking in foreign language]

I can translate
if you wish.

Uh, I'm in no position
to tell you to

shut your mouth
as I would like to.

Please, go ahead.

[speaking in foreign language]

He says Krajewski was kidnapped
by a man and a woman.

A-a-a beautiful woman?

[speaking in foreign language]

Alright! Alright.
Ledoux, go to the Moulin Bleu.

And arrest Armand Denis
and the girl.

Make no mistake this time.

I'll be along presently.

Oh, Dubaron.

[piano music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

- What's that?
- Well, my corset.

No, no.

Oh, that?

I'm never without him.

I had him
since I was a child.

He lives at the bottom
of my laundry basket.

Nobody move!

- Quiet.
- Have you searched the house?

Quiet! Please.

Have you searched the house?

- No, no, not yet.
- Why the devil not?

You yourself told us
not to move until the applause.

Yes?

It is "Prelude Number 15"
in D Flat Major"

by Frederic Chopin.

[clapping]

Maestro, are you alright.

[speaking in foreign language]

Alright, but I've never been

so happy in my life.

At last, an audience
worthy of my genius.

I understand that
you were kidnapped.

Kidnapped? What rubbish?

I received a most
cordial invitation

which I was
most happy to accept.

But your-your dresser
told us that you were

you were threatened.

You accept his word
against mine?

[speaking in foreign language]

And now, dear friends,
dear ladies

I really must fly to Barcelona.

- Oh!
- And Beethoven.

[speaking in foreign language]

Excuse me, please.
Can I have a taxi?

Well, the police car
is at your disposal, maestro.

And we will have it followed
to see that you come to no harm.

You are most kind,
all of you.

[speaking in foreign language]

[clapping]

- Where's Armand?
- I haven't the slightest idea.

I haven't seen
him all evening.

But where are you going?

Inspector?

I-I assure you!

I beg your pardon.

[dramatic music]

What's the matter, inspector?

You will forget
my last remark, Lecoeur

and remember only this.

There is a time-honored law
in France

that a man cannot be
arrested in his home

during the hours of darkness.

(both)
Article 76 of the constitution!

But at 6 o'clock in the morning,
this tolerance ceases.

You have until
then to leave Paris.

Six o'clock, it is war.

I have warrants for
the arrest of Armand Denis.

- Louise Baldinucci and you!
- Me? What for?

I advise you not
to wait to find out.

I will surround this house
and have you blasted!

If necessary
with artillery. Yes!

I have received reinforcements
from our provinces

and I have army units
at my disposal.

So get out of here, if you know
what's good for you, Lecoeur.

Get out.

Mercier. I-inspector!

For your information
and your safety

your clock is
one minute slow!

Chief!

This...gentleman wishes
to drive to the house.

Alright, let him through
if he insists.

Uh, Ledoux, signal to
the Alpine troops on the roof

that there are
seven minutes left.

[whistles]

[bugle call]

(female #3)
'What are you doing there?'

[Ledoux whistles]

[bugle call]

- Good morning, inspector.
- Your Excellency.

Oh, oh, that is the house, mm?

I was up early in any case

in difference of opinion
in the Bois de Boulogne.

Am I safe here?

Oh, uh, you should move
just a little further back

Your Excellency.
These are desperate men.

I want no harm to come
to any of the girls.

Is that clear?
To any of them.

Uh, yes, Your Excellency.

- Louise Baldinucci--
- Especially not to her.

She is misguided.

I wish to conduct
her cross-examination

personally in my office.

Why the soldiers...
everywhere?

Oh.

[man shouts]

[horse neighing]

Ah! Your Excellency. Inspector.

I just wanted to apologize for
getting you down here so early.

Just give yourself up
like a man, Armand

to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

And also I didn't want
to leave without saying goodbye.

My mother taught me
never to be impolite.

Farewell, Your Excellency.
Farewell, inspector.

Now you are certainly
nothing if not thorough.

Incredible impertinence. Whew!

Are you sure you have him?

Oh, positive,
Your Excellency.

There is no possibility
of their escape.

We even have men
in the sewers.

[instrumental music]

(Mercier)
'Dubaron.'

Thanks to the horseless
carriages you gave us.

Even if they did manage to-to
break through our-our ring

they would-wouldn't
go farther than..

[people screaming]

And now, I suppose
you'll be asking me

for flying machines?

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

Balloon!

- Yes, yes.
- Balloon!

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

It's beautiful,
but I'm homesick.

Yeah, soon we'll
be back to Paris.

And then I'll take you
on a really big job.

Oh, thank you very much.

Meanwhile, I'm hungry.

(Armand)
'Oh, you woman, Come here.'

'Whenever you're out
of your reach'

'you become practical
I can't stand that.'

I better shut the window,
its began to rain.

'No, leave the windows open.
I like the rain.'

- I'm cold!
- 'Come here.'

Oh!

Hmm.

[sighs]

[gasps]

Well, move over, the roof
is leaking again.

I can't move over.

We're in touch with nature.

We'll just lie here
like great lovers

and die of starvation in each
others arms, what do you say?

Children will be brought
up on the tragic story

of Armand and Louise.

Alright, but first
change places, hmm?

Ugh, you absolutely
want me to get soaked.

[laughing]

Oh, Armand.

Well, I hate you
when you're practical.

I'm not practical,
I'm hungry, we're broke.

[coughing]

Do you want me to
get a job like everyone else?

Well, I could take in laundry.

And shaming me into it?
Come here, you washerwoman.

Goodbye.

Don't forget your pills.

[instrumental music]

[babies crying]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[clears throat]
Shut the door.

Shut the door.

- What's the matter?
- I want to talk to you.

- Wait for me in the cafe.
- No, I want to talk to you now.

Well, if you
don't want to wait for me

come in, sit down
and be quiet.

(Gerome)
'Raise your left hand.'

And I promise to abide

by the decisions
of the Central Committee.

And I promise to abide
by the decisions of the..

Central Committee.

Of the Central Committee.

That's why you wanted
me to go to the cafe.

- Please, Louise.
- Welcome to our brotherhood.

From now on you will be
known as Brother Bobkowitz.

Bobkowitz.

Now, we will draw lots
in the usual manner

to find out
who will assassinate

Prince Otto of Bavaria
next Friday in Nice.

Kobeleff.

No wonder they
call me unlucky.

Bealu.

[speaking in foreign language]

That means, uh,
Brother Bobkowitz

that one of us
is the lucky one.

We forget our
disappointments quickly.

There in lies the strength
of the movement!

Here are your sealed orders.

Not to be opened
until dawn Friday.

- The bomb, the bomb.
- Of course, the bomb.

The bomb, the bomb
with the new K-type

perfected by brother
Katzenberg of the Prussian.

It's twice as light
as the old Q-type

and with four times
its explosive power.

- Let me handle it--
- No, let me have it.

Since I'm going to
have to use it.

[gasps]

It's too heavy.

No bomb approved by the
Central Committee is too heavy.

Well, I'm telling you
it's too heavy.

It's crazy to lug
a thing like that around

when a bomb the size of a nail

will blow off the front
of a house!

Spare us the story
of how you blew up the bank.

We've heard it
three times already.

You haven't got anything
to boast about, do you?

I mean, you never
really succeeded

in assassinating
anyone, have you?

Wait a minute, why must every
discussion become personal?

We'll talk about it later.
Dinner, Louise?

You mean, o-on top
of it all, you want me to--

I borrowed some spaghetti.

Take your hat off
in my house for a start.

You stink of tobacco,
your nails are filthy.

All false values.
Bourgeois!

Well, I've got
just two things to say!

Armand cannot go to France

he's wanted there
by the police.

We're leaving, we're wanted
everywhere by the police.

The thing is not to be caught.

And the second thing
I've got to say..

...and this goes
for you too, Armand.

I'm going to have a child.

- I don't believe it.
- Well, go and ask the doctor.

You think it's good for me
to listen to people speaking

of taking life,
when I'm busy producing it.

Do you think it's responsible
to bring a child

into this world
of social injustice?

Oh, shut up!
You've never been in love.

I can see it in your face!

Darling.

I've been in love..

...but I don't recognize
you anymore.

You used to smile before a job.

There was a light
in your eye and then I knew

everything was
going to be alright.

You don't anymore.
You sit there looking grim.

Obeying the rules
of these-these clowns.

Well, I'm going to
give it a try!

Your oath binds you for life.

You see?

Leave us alone, Gerome.
Go out into the corridor.

No, you promised us shelter
if we came from Zurich.

We can only leave
when it is dark.

Alright, Armand, I'll go.

But I warn you.
You've changed him.

And in this mood, he'll be
no good to you or your movement.

He'll fail, and he'll drag
you down with him.

How dare you say that?
I've never failed at anything.

You've started now.

You'll fail as an assassin.

And you fail as a father.

Do you know what
you're saying?

Exactly.

I'm as stubborn as you are.

I can't live a dream
which is not my own.

Neither can I.

- Wait for me in the cafe.
- No.

Give Armand my love, if you
should find him, brother..

Whatever your name is.

And don't leave
the spaghetti in the water

longer than ten minutes,
or you'll ruin it as well.

[dramatic music]

(Gerome)
'You have work to do, brother.'

'Remember your oath.'

[foghorn blaring]

[indistinct chatter]

(man on PA)
'Tickets are sold onboard.'

'Allow arriving passengers
to align first, please.'

Come along, children.

Good afternoon,mademoiselle.

Where are you going?

You have nothing
to fear from me.

This is Switzerland.

- Why are you here?
- I'm on a holiday.

All alone?

I'm a bachelor.

I hope you're not contemplating
a return to France.

That would be rash.

[foghorn blaring]

No.

May I offer you
a...a glass of wine?

I'm sorry.

You may offer me
something to eat.

You told Lecoeur
you were jealous.

Any policeman
is jealous of..

...of those
who are free to disobey.

Robbing the rich
to give to the poorer

is a charming form
of crime, Louise

but, uh, don't let
Armand's crimes become ugly.

For all our sakes.

-'Mademoiselle.'
-'Oui, monsieur.'

The-the Swiss police
have informed us

of an attempt may be made on the
life of Prince Otto of Bavaria.

When he visits Nice,
next Friday.

I need a bomb.

[coughs]

- For your personal use?
- Not a live one. An empty one.

I need it urgently tonight.

A-a Q-type?

A K-type.

A K-type, are you sure?

Are they already in use?

[sighs]
Well, uh..

I don't know whether my Swiss
colleagues possess such a thing

but I will do my best
to have it delivered to you.

- But how can we manage it?
- I--

No, I-I don't want
to know your address.

That I...I might remember.

I tell you what

I'll leave it for you
in care of Krajewski.

Is he here?

- Didn't you see the posters?
- No.

He's playing
tonight at the casino.

How wonderful.

I hate music like the plague

but, uh, his concerts
I-I always find exciting.

[audience applauding]

And now, as an encore..

...I hope to be able
to play for you

yet another work

by our great Polish composer

Frederic Chopin.

"The Revolutionary Etude."

[explosion]

[screaming]

[speaking in Polish]

My..

Oh, dearmademoiselle.

We have not a moment to lose.

I must catch my train as usual.

But first,
these arrived for you.

To which I would
like to add this.

What is it?

You were my impresario
in my last concert in Paris.

And I give always
my impresario

10 percent on my share.

Fifteen hundred francs?

Yes, uh, I-I'm the most overpaid
artist in the world.

Who told you I needed money?

(Krajewski)
'The music loving
chief of the Paris police'

informed me that
if I didn't repay my debt

I might have some difficulty
re-entering France.

Oh, I'll repay
it all some day.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

[dramatic music]

[thudding]

[instrumental music]

[engine revving]

Madame.

I would like
a room, please.

I'm afraid the hotel
is quite full, madame.

[telephone ringing]
Excuse me.

I see.

Yes, Your Grace.

Very well.

We may have one left.

An unexpected cancellation.

A small suite and perhaps
with drawing room

boudoir, bathroom, and a balcony
overlooking the square.

The suite is not
too small, I hope.

I think, madame, will find
that our small suite

are considerably larger

than other hotels'
large suites.

May I know madame's name
for the register?

The Countess of Camoens.

Of course.
I beg madame's pardon.

I've seen her picture
so often among the social pages.

- Nationality?
- Uh!

Profession? None, of course.

Widow.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

It was a tragic
occurrence, indeed.

Page, the [indistinct] suite.

Take the countess' bags.

[clicking]

Not that one!

It's my late husband.

The count.

If you understand me?

A beautiful thought.

[instrumental music]

Here is your suite,
countess.

Drop it.

[screaming]

Leave it and go.

[music continues]

(Lendale)
Hello.

Well, I hope
I didn't frighten you.

When?

Just now, I screamed.

Oh, good Lord, I'm quite
used to women screaming.

Some of you have no
other form of self-expression.

I was married to a Spanish
gypsy from Granada once.

She broke a blood vessel
in the back of her neck

right there screaming.

What have you got
in that bag? A bomb?

What?

Well, I mean it's logical
in a way and balcony

'overlooking the place
where poor silly Otto'

'is going to receive the keys
to the city tomorrow.'

'Even if he wears a stout'

he'll be a sitting duck
up there in that desk.

'That's what I'm painting now.'

'The assassination
of Otto of Bavaria.'

It's an imaginary work,
of course.

I had to put Otto
in later and the assassin.

That's a problem
about painting assassinations.

The subjects never stay still
enough, long enough to..

...for the artist
to capture a likeness.

Are you a professional painter?

No, I'm a professional Duke.

'Which means that I'm
an amateur at everything else.'

Lendale is the name.
Dicky Lendale.

Enchanted. I'm
the Countess of Camoens.

Camoens? Ah, the great
Portuguese lyric poet?

He was my husband.

And you're
still in mourning?

What devotion?
He died in 1580.

He was my husband's
grandfather.

Well, even that is
quite remarkable.

But, I imagine
the Camoens developed

rather late as a family.

I do hope that your grief
won't prevent you

from, uh, joining me
for luncheon.

Lunch?

You're not having lunch
with anyone else, are you?

- No.
- Well, come along then.

Yamamoto can show you
some pieces from my collection.

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Is this by you?

No, that is, uh,
a Rembrandt.

Not a very good one, so your
mistake is understandable.

[speaking in foreign language]

Now, this.
This is a Boucher.

A minor master of painting

but a major master
of the erotic.

Just look at that glorious..

I don't know,
it-it has something.

We had many such paintings
in our house in Paris.

- Did you indeed?
- Mm-hmm.

I'd should've liked to
have known the count.

The cou..
Oh, the count, my late..

Yes, of course, your late.

Now, these.
These are very interesting.

These are Egyptian scarabs,
of the third millennium.

My late father stole them
from various temples

while he was liberating
Egypt from the Turks.

Their size makes them
very easy to steal.

Why do you say that?

Because my father
stole them.

Would you believe it?

Each one of these is valued
at over 100,000 pounds.

It's really Ridiculous,
isn't it?

Ten average families
could live in comfort

for the rest of their days,
if they possessed

just one of those
little fellows.

Well, it's immoral.

[chuckles]
I hoped you would say that.

- Luncheon?
- Yes.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[applause]

They told me,
the hotel was full.

- I don't understand it.
- It is full.

It's full of us.

Full of us?
What do you mean?

You have two rooms.

- I have all the others.
- All of them?

Oh, I'm not
accustomed to neighbors.

But, how can you
afford it?

Well, how can I put this, um,
I have independent means.

And no wife?
I thought, you said--

Uh, I had.
Alas, I had a wife.

A magnificent figure
of a woman

but, I couldn't
take her home.

Her Majesty wouldn't hear of a
gypsy at the courtesan James.

Maybe, she was right.

England would
have killed Dolores.

All that soap
and chlorinated water and..

And no rhythm in the whole
wretched country

except the snoring
in the clubs.

Hope I did
the right thing by her.

What did you do?

I set her up in the handsomest
cave in Granada.

Oh, I hope she's happy.

[laughing]
Duke, are you
telling me the truth?

Countess, would you recognize
the truth, if you heart it?

Then, you're not
a real duke, either.

[chuckles]
What do you think I am?

A..

A great criminal.

[laughing]
Very Interesting. Go on.

Now, what am I
doing in this hotel?

Money doesn't
interest you anymore.

You've made your fortune,
but, uh, but, you're lonely.

Very intelligent.
That's really correct.

And now, you're looking
for a mistress.

Oh, no. You ruined
the whole thing.

Utterly wrong.
I'm looking for a wife.

- A wife?
- A wife.

It's an odd way
of proposing, isn't it?

Are you proposing to me?

I'm looking for a compromise
which is what all civilized men

end up with, so why not settle
for it in the beginning?

- How romantic.
- I'm merely being honest.

You accuse me of telling a lies.
I haven't told one lie so far.

Think it over.

Well, there's
nothing to think over.

I'm in love
with someone else.

So soon after
your husband death?

Well, that really is romantic.

You didn't murder him
by any chance?

You said yourself
he died in 1580.

Oh, I see, then you're not
really a countess at all.

[giggling]

You didn't think
for a moment I was.

[laughing]
No, I didn't.

I think you are
what you thought I was

a liar, a competence trickster,
a thief.

How dare you!
Oh, my God.

- You're not pregnant, are you?
- Huh? Oh.

My dear countess,
you simply must marry me.

(Dicky)
Garcon.

Carry the countess
to her room.

[instrumental music]

[clanking]

I'll swap your bag
for the scarab.

[chuckles]
It interests me to see
which one you've selected.

Ah, that one?
That's very interesting.

That's the smallest.
Also, the most valuable.

The others, nearly all
plump for the largest.

- The others?
- Oh, yes.

You aren't the first widow
to occupy this suite.

Some of them..

Some of them.. Some agreed
to marry me at once.

But, they were not exactly
what I was looking for.

What do you do with us?

Do you murder us,
is that it?

[laughing]
There's no sport in murder.

You'll see
for yourself tomorrow.

We'll watch
the assassination together.

No. I want to leave now.

- At once.
- Alright. If you wish.

If you wish,
I can't prevent it.

But I shall be
awfully sorry to see you leave.

Awfully sorry.

And please, don't feel guilty
about the scarab.

It was my fault.

I deliberately lead you
into temptation.

But then, after all,
I am a duke.

And you know
what that means.

My family started stealing
earlier than most others.

That's all.

Oh, before I forget

if you should decide
to accept my proposal

perhaps you ought to know
that they don't give me..

Well, they don't give me
very long to live.

So, it's not
such a bad offer after all.

Goodnight.

[door opens]

- It's dark.
- Don't close the window.

[instrumental music]

There he is.
I bet that's him.

- Who?
- The killer.

Over there,
in the grey suit.

'With the white hat.'

That's Mercier, the chief
of the Paris Police.

[laughing]
Well, I was
damned close, wasn't I?

Dicky.

Why do you try to find a wife
in this extraordinary way?

[sighs]
It may seem curious to you

but, I don't trust
my own emotions.

For 1,500 years,
the Lendales

have been marrying their own
kind out of a sense of duty.

When none of their
own kind's available

they marry each other,
so..

How can you expect me
to be able to love?

I'm sure you can, and do.

My sister Lettuce,
likes to light

small fires
under buildings.

Especially, when they are
full of people.

'She tried it
at Buckingham Palace once'

'during the garden party,
but, luckily'

'it always rains on that day.'

I don't trust
the seed, Louise.

We've been raiding mad
for generations

but, nobody says anything
because we're far too well born.

'Far too rich.'

I'm the last
of the Lendales.

Unfortunately, it's
against my nature

to be the last of anything.

You want a son, not a wife.

[chuckles]
In the present
structure of society

you've gotta have one
if you want the other.

- I see.
- But, I do want a wife, Louise.

I still hope to find someone
living with a memory

of some great love
that I can't furnish myself.

What I can offer
is comfort, friendship.

I am, I think,
a kind man.

The father of my son is
going to kill Otto today.

- The father of your..
- Mm-hmm.

[crowd applauding]

Listen, the procession
is already on its way.

'I'll make
a bargain with you.'

If I save him
from the police, you marry me.

'But, we have to
find him first.'

My private train is waiting
in Nice station.

If all goes well,
we'll leave to Italy together.

I'll send my servants
to mingle with the crowd.

'How about my bargain?'

You really are
a sportsman, aren't you?

Well?

Find him.

Thank you.

[instrumental music]

[cheering]

Uh-huh. That looks promising.

- A young priest.
- A priest? That's not him.

How careless, he hasn't even
bothered for the tonsure.

Yes, I bet
that's your.. Uh-huh.

'A policeman
just walked right past him.'

That sounds like him.
Let me see.

Over there,
by the stout lady

with the little boy
in the sailor suit and the hoop.

I agree to your bargain.

Yamamoto. Ishii.

[instrumental music]

[cheering]

[speaking in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Armand.

[instrumental music]

Huh? Where are you going?

- 'You must remember your oath.'
- Throw the bomb.

Have you gentlemen
quite finished

speaking during
"The Marseillaise?"

What if you were to
gossip during mass.

[indistinct]

What are you
waiting for?

You got to do it here.
Do it.

'I don't want to
lose my temper.'

- Do it.
- Throw it.

- Go on, throw the bomb.
- Throw the bomb, I tell you.

- They can see you.
- Throw it.

Everybody, heads down!

[screaming]

[speaking in foreign language]

Oh!

[laughing]

What luck,
the aim was perfect, too.

'Just the right
amount of spin.'

[speaking in foreign language]

(Dicky)
'Well, now, we haven't
a moment to lose.'

Oh, um, don't forget
your bomb this time.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Where is it?
- What?

- The bomb!
- Hey!

[screaming]

Oh!

[speaking in foreign language]

Over there.
Over there.

After them.

[blowing whistle]
After them.

[train chugging]

There will be no shooting,
gentlemen, if you please.

Pray, come inside.

It'll be more comfortable
in the warmth.

Hold your fire.

Hold your fire, I say.

Hold your fire.

-MonsieurDe La Gare.
- Yes, sir.

Uh, telephone
the frontier.

And tell them to close it.

I just telephoned to open
it for the Duke

Telephone them again!
And tell them to close it!

[instrumental music]

I must apologize for presence
of Yamamoto and Ishii.

But, I thought it advisable
to keep you under constriction

'until we were safely
across the frontier into Italy.'

[grunting]

What's the matter?

My head.

- Armand.
- Don't come near me.

[foghorn blaring]
We're touching
the frontier now.

It might help if I make
an appearance at the window.

[speaking in foreign language]

For the Retired French Customs
Officers' Pension Fund.

For the Retired Italian Customs
Officers' Pension Fund.

[Singing in Italian]

(male #3)
'The chief of Paris Police
orders to close the frontier.'

What are you waiting for?

Clear the track.
You idiots, make way.

Out! Out! Clear the tracks,
you imbeciles.

Who made you
dress as a widow?

Hmph. Don't tell me,
I can guess.

It's normal.

I lost my husband to the
Anarchist International.

All those fine clothes
and jewels were given to you

as consolation, I suppose,
by our gallant rescuer?

The money was
give me by Krajewski.

Ah, I don't believe
a thing you say.

I, on the other hand,
believe every word.

That is the difference
between us.

Would you mind shutting
your mouth, Your Grace?

I'm speaking to my wife.

I feel, I have a right to speak,
um, reverend father.

Since I just asked
your wife to marry me.

- You don't..
- Hey!

And she accepted,
on condition that I, um,

'saved you from the police.'

Well, trust a woman

to make her stab in the back
look like charity.

I suppose, she forgot
to tell you

that she is carrying my child.

Not at all, it was I who
suggested, the child might need

a father instead of, uh,
an overgrown schoolboy.

[laughing]

'Oh, yes, life is
sometimes, exquisite'

'in its choice
of punishments.'

And what better punishment
for you

than that your son
should one day be a duke.

A duke? Never!

Hey.

Thank you.

It's a good career
for a boy.

All this for money.

You think that money
corrupts, don't you?

'It especially corrupts
those who don't have any'

'people like you.'

'I'll prove it to you.'

Why did you adopt
that silly disguise

in order to throw your bomb?

[clears throat]
Orders.

(Kobeleff)
Our creditor has decreed,
that any means justify the end.

Any disguise is permissible
in the attainment of our aims.

That, if I'm
not mistaken, is Article 22

of "The Anarchists' Manifesto."

- How do you know?
- I follow the field.

That article
is the great weakness

of your movement that will
destroy you in the end.

- And may one ask you how?
- Yes, how?

By money.

[scoffs]

We're now, proceeding
to the palace I own in Rapallo.

In the grounds, there's
an exquisite hunting lodge

in the Palladian style,
it is at your disposal.

'Free of charge, meals included
and shelter from the police.'

There you may plan
your next coup in comfort.

- How about it?
- No.

If a member
of the ruling classes

is wishing to contribute
towards the downfall of society

who are we to deny him
that privilege?

Don't do it.

You have no right
to express yourself.

I even had to throw
your bloody bomb for you.

It wasn't mine.
It was her bomb!

Well?

We accept.

[chuckles]
I'm afraid,
Armand, you're outvoted.

'Like great scientists
and artists'

great anarchists prefer
to work in ideal conditions.

And for that,
they need a patron.

[gong dings]

'Ah, luncheon.'

[speaking in foreign language]

I hope you're hungry
after morning's excitement.

'Louise, come.
Let's go into luncheon.'

We have real turtle soup

smoked sturgeon
with horse radish sauce

baron of beef, and, oh

rather tactlessly,
Bombe glacee.

[foghorn blaring]

Oh, by the way, which of you
gentlemen will be saying grace?

[foghorn blaring]

Engineer Vegliotti here
has constructed a bomb

in accordly
the highest tradition

'of Italian
ballistic science.'

Tsk. Tsk.

The first thing, stride
the observer is that the bomb

is not round, but oval.

Here's the woman.
Quick, hide the bomb.

I-I brought you these.

I stole them.

From him?

Yes.

They're worth
four million francs.

At least. At least.

(Ambroise)
'Congratulations, my dear.'

You realize the amount of bombs
we can manufacture

with money
these stones will fetch?

As it is essential
to realize the money at once

before the theft
is discovered.

I will take
it to Mariacci.

He's the most
reputable jeweler

in Rapallo
for stolen property.

- I'll come with you.
- I, too.

I also, uh,
speak Italian.

I suggest, we all go
by different ways.

(together)
We all go thesameway.

You're not
angry with me, are you?

Yes.

No.

Oh, Louise, Louise,
I've been a complete fool.

I was mad to believe
in those idiots.

I was mad to
ever let you leave me.

[instrumental music]

Armand. Armand.

I was so frightened
you might kill someone.

Hmm. So was I.

Great Scott,
you look magnificent.

You're quite sure, you won't
allow me to take you?

I'm sorry,
I promised him.

- He's so looking forward to it.
- I do understand.

Uh, tell me, which crowned head
will be at the opera tonight.

Uh, none that I know of.

Good heavens,
you don't mean that Armand

is going there
for the music?

He adores it. Yes.

Things have changed.
Before you leave, my dear..

Oh, Dicky,
I'm late already.

My carriage is at the door,
waiting for you.

Now, take off that necklace
and those earrings.

Dicky, you-you gave
them to me.

I know. I know.

But, tonight, I want you
to wear something very special.

Since, I understand it to be
a very special occasion.

[speaking in foreign language]

There.

[gasps]
I give them to you.

Since, you know that anything I
possess is yours for the asking.

- I-I can't accept them.
- I insist.

Only please, don't pretend
to steal things in the future.

It's such a waste of time.

But, how did
you find them?

Well, like all collectors

I'm in contact
with all the important

antique dealers
and jewelers.

When Mariacci sent
a messenger to say he had

a magnificent acquisition
in emeralds and diamonds

I wasn't really very interested,
until I perceived

that mine were missing.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, you're not.

You think you've been
brilliantly clever.

- Oh, Dicky, kiss me.
- Certainly not.

I don't approve
of gratitude as a sentiment.

I see too much of it.

I don't know what to do.

There are moments
when I can't live without him.

I think
there always will be.

I'm afraid, I can't
help you, Louise

since, I can't
even help myself.

You can't help yourself?

The wonder of human beings
is that they never really

understand themselves
until it's far too late

to do anything about it.

And I ask myself, if I would be
so deeply attached to you

if you weren't so deeply
attached to somebody else?

Come on, my dear, you-you gonna
miss the overtures.

What's that you're wearing?

It's the same necklace.

Well, he bought it back
from Mariacci and gave it to me.

Then, we can
sell it again.

But, this time
I'll take it to Tagliacorte.

He give us, maybe a better
price, he's more ignorant.

You can't. Now it's mine.

- Yours?
- Of course, it's mine.

- And you accepted it?
- Yes, I did.

(Armand)
'Stop the carriage.
Stop it.'

Oh.

Get out.
Get out of there.

[speaking Italian]

Congratulations, Armand.
My hero.

You've done what you've always
wanted to do, kill someone.

Louise. Louise.

Louise!

Allow me to present
myself, Your Grace.

Frederic Mercier,
Chief of Police in Paris.

[chuckles]
Oh, yes.

[clears throat]

This is my-my friend
and colleague

Colonel Ferruccio Peracca,
of the Carabinieri.

Please sit down,
gentlemen.

What can I do for you?

Your Grace, we have
recovered your jewels.

- Oh, where?
- On a corpse.

On a corpse?

On the corpse
of an old beggar woman.

Your Grace, we must ask
Louise a few questions.

I'm afraid, that's quite
impossible, she's far from well.

In that case, I'm afraid,
we'll to have arrest her

and conduct our inquiries
at the prison hospital.

But, you have no warrant.

Colonel.

You see, Your Grace.

We know Louise Baldinucci
was wearing your jewels.

We know exactly
what happened.

We have the deposition
of your coachman.

It's his word
against mine.

Louise spent
the evening with me.

Are you sure?

Are you accusing me of lying?

A duke is incapable of lying,
Your Grace.

He has, lapses of memory.

I repeat my question.
Are you sure she was with you?

Damn it, sir, I should know
where she spends her evenings

I intend to marry the girl.

Marry her?

But, I-I understand,
she's expecting a child.

Well?

Really, inspector.

And you're the chief
of police of Paris.

May I, uh, offer
you gentlemen something?

With pleasure.
Armand Denis.

Where is he hiding?

Armand Denis?

I haven't the faintest idea.

Inspector Mercier.

You really shouldn't,
my dear, in your condition.

I know why they
are here, Dicky.

There's nothing
to protect now.

Just..

- You want Armand Denis?
- You're too late, my darling.

I've already told them.

It's, uh, quite clear then,
isn't it gentleman?

The anarchists are operating
at the Villa Chilerio

two kilometers
out on the road to Genoa.

Ah, Villa Chilerio.

There was no need
to repeat it, Your Grace.

We had understood you
the first time.

'Louise.'

Oh, Dicky.
Dicky, the perfect gentleman.

You won't even allow me
anything on my conscience.

[dramatic music]

Mercier.

[music continues]

Welcome to Their Graces.

Three cheers
to Their Graces.

- Hip-hip
- Hooray!

Better than that.

- Hip-hip
- 'Hooray!'

Now, here we are.

Not exactly intimate,
but it's home.

Welcome home, Your Grace.

Thank you.
It's good to be back.

I dare say. The nursemaids
are waiting, Your Grace.

Uh, with your permission..

(together)
Aw.

[indistinct chatter]

Ah, with your permission,
Your Grace..

[clears throat]

Ms. Heatherstone,
the head nurse.

'And Ms. Wheelwright,
the night nurse.'

'Ms. Godalming,
the under nurse.'

Ms. Bell,
the in-between nurse.

Am I suppose to choose one?

Gracious, no.
We take the lot.

Oh, never.

I want to look after
the child myself.

[baby bawling]

What happens when
when we're alone's one thing.

But for the sake of appearances,
we must have at least four.

I had eight.

Let's be having you then,
young master.

Ms. Godalming, prepare a bath,
please. Luke warm to cold.

We don't want to make
a sissy of you, My Lord.

Let them. I insist
you meet my mother.

Your Grace, the Dowager Duchess
is waiting for you

in the Wellington room,
Your Grace.

Yes, the Wellington room,
Your Grace

you remember, this way.

It's quite a long walk,
I'm afraid.

[clears throat]
Their Graces, Your Grace.

Mother.

Mother?

Ah, mother.

Mother, I'd like
to present my wife, Louise.

Louise, I'd like you
to meet my mother

'The Dowager Duchess
of Lendale.'

My aunt, Ernestine,
Lady Bott.

My other aunt, uh, the
Marchioness of Pittlochrey.

And my third aunt,
Honoria, Lady Poke.

How long haven't you seen
your mother, Dicky?

Oh, eighteen years.

And you don't kiss her?

[screaming]

Bath time, My Lord.

Another five minutes, Nanny.

If we break the routine,
Your Grace, it may have

incalculable effects on his
Lordship in later life.

A rolling stone gathers no moss,
remember, Your Grace.

'Come, sir.'

Don't you think
you bathe him too often?

There's nothing like cold water
to harden the lad.

And after all we don't want him
a faint heart, do we?

In France, we don't
take a bathe everyday.

That explains a great deal,
if you don't mind my saying so.

What do you mean?

India, Africa, Canada.

Come on, My Lord.

'Mind over matter.
Grin and bear it.'

'Grin and bear it.'

(Louise)
'Dicky?'

'Dicky.'

I haven't seen you for days.

No, nonsense, Louise.

You're exaggerating. We met, oh,
yesterday morning, wasn't it?

We met by chance,
in a corridor.

Louise, the world isn't divided
into the rich and the poor.

It divided into the helpers
and the helped.

You and I are both helpers.

We're a bit wasted
on each other.

In a way, that's true.

- He may come back.
- Who?

Oh, that good looking,
incompetent

muddleheaded jackass.

He may.

If he does, I won't
have him in the house.

He brings those
friends of his all along

and they're too noisy
altogether.

My darling, I'm gonna build you
a summerhouse, over there.

Then both of us will always know
where to find you.

I think there is a good spot.

Or over there, by the lake.

[piano music]

You've made this room
most, most charming, Louise.

I don't know why, but it reminds
me of something

some room I used to have in
Rome, or Paris.

I still think it cries out
for a double bed

instead of these two singles.

(Dicky)
'Come along, Giles.'

You're gonna visit
the horses now

and may get out of
having your bath.

Nanny will never think of
looking for you in the stables.

Right, you sir.

How many times have I asked you
not to call me sir

except in front of the servants.

Dicky.

Don't you think, um,
I'm getting to look like him.

Come along.

[dramatic music]

Maestro.

Maestro.

Never applause till the end
of the piece, madame.

What are you doing here?

Your coat is covered with mud.

How did you get in?

I climbed over your wall.

Why?

I bring you a message.

- Armand?
- Exactly.

He wants you to give a masked
ball, on the 7th of March.

That's the day we first met.

He wishes all the celebrities
in England to be invited.

But Armand will
still be in prison.

France has
a new president, you know

who is very eager to be popular.

'He has decreed
a general amnesty'

'for all political prisoners'

as his first official act.

- Armand is free?
- Yes.

[instrumental music]

- Sapper.
- Oh, my dear.

I want you to meet

the president of France
and the prime minister.

- In a moment, Dicky.
- No, now, dear.

They're your guests of honor.

What's the matter
with you this evening?

- Why are you so nervous, hmm?
- It's a lovely party.

Isn't it, Dicky?

[chuckles]

[speaking French]

Prime minister, I'd like
to present my wife.

[chuckles]
How do you do?

I-I've heard so much about you.

How do you do?

And Mr. Gerome. President,
la Republique francais.

Welcome to this..

...to this house, Mr. Gerome.

[chuckles]

I'm sorry, Dick.
I'm not feeling very well.

She's not quite herself tonight.

Everyone knows I never
speak ill of anyone.

But I heard that she..

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

Armand?

Armand.

I have been looking for you.

I've come to take you away.

Oh, kiss me, hold me
in your arms.

- Strange.
- What?

Time. You haven't
changed at all.

Well, don't let me go.

- Kiss me again.
- No, not yet.

- What's the matter?
- Take off that necklace.

Oh, I'm sorry, my darling.

I've had it
on my conscience for so long.

You were not to know that you'd
beg a woman would die of shock.

What I did was unforgivable.

So unforgivable that you're
still wearing it?

What can I tell Dicky?

He'll see it's gone.

No, he won't.

You're not going back to the
ball. You're coming with me.

As you are.

You're no longer rich.

And you're no longer a duchess.

You know what we're gonna do
when we get back to Paris

with the greatest coup
of my career

and this time you're
gonna help me.

We're going to dynamite
the archives

at police headquarters.

Blow away photograph,
every fingerprint

every scrap
of evidence sky high.

And for no criminal in France
will have any record, anymore.

That'll hit society
where it really hurts.

I'll carry the dynamite
in my laundry basket.

I'll tell Mercier
I have vital information

about some anarchists.

- I have a better idea.
- Hmm, you're smiling.

Whatever happens,
it can't go wrong.

Armand Denis?

Louise Baldinucci?

[instrumental music]

What are Sapper
and Lacoeur doing here?

- 'And now.'
- You know perfectly well.

(man #1)
'Ladies and gentlemen'

'will you kindly take your
partner for the gallop.'

[applauding]

[instrumental music]

My necklace.

Oh.

My jewels, they're gone.

[screaming]

- 'Edward.'
- Oh, they've stolen tiara.

- Stay here.
- Well, what're you going to do?

Quiet!

(Armand)
'Quiet everyone.'

No one is to leave here.

Notorious gang of jewel thieves
have been operating among you.

Don't give into panic.

I'm inspector Mercier,
of the Paris police.

That's a lie.

Armand Denis, lay down your gun.

Give that one.

- David!
- Don't anyone move.

Sapper, Lacoeur!

This is what covered amnesties
monsieurpresident.

Do something Mercier.
Do something.

What are you waiting for?

Gladiators?

[crowd laughing]

Look, look what we got.

- Not here.
- Oh.

Make no attempt to follow us,
I won't hesitate to shoot.

[gunshot]

I do beg your pardon. My fault.

Catch them. They won't go far.
Come on, follow them.

[intense music]

It's raining.

Umbrellas, quick. Umbrellas.
Don't worry, we'll get them.

[bugle call]

[screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct screaming]

Funny. I thought
I heard someone come in.

Well, what happened?

We never found him.

Never?

- Where did he go?
- In here.

I locked him in here.

- In here?
- In that cupboard.

- That cupboard?
- Open it.

Open it. Well..

'Go on. Don't be afraid.'

- He's gone.
- 'I should hope so.'

'That was 50 years ago.'

'Come, my dear.'

The car will be here presently
to take us in to London.

I have tickets for a new play
about the Gunpowder Plot.

The critics have
hailed it as explosive.

Well, is that..

...is that the bomb?

Yes.

I never could get rid of it.

It isn't a thing you can just
put into the waste paper basket.

- It's raining.
- Huh.

Astonishing.

It's only a shower, the vagaries
of English climate.

I know who will be pleased.
The farmers.

- 'There's the car.'
- Huh, however.

Your eight children, I mean..

- Who?
- Who's their mother?

- I am, Percy.
- Yes, I realize that.

And their father is Armand.

Father of all of them?

Not even one is a Lendale?

Not one of them.

When Dicky died in 1924

his last words to me were

"The one thing
I regret about dying, my dear

"is that you'll have to stop
having children now."

Jeremy was born a year after
Dicky's death.

But there was no gossip.

Thank goodness, the English are
never surprised by slowness.

This is perfectly scandalous.

Look, I couldn't
possibly write that.

I mean, what about
the censorship?

On the contrary. There was never
anything between Dicky and me.

Because he had a healthy respect
for the institution of marriage.

What do you mean?

I married Armand in Switzerland
over 50 years ago.

And...you're
not even Lady L?

I never have been.

Oh.

You can't write
my story, Percy.

Precisely because it's too moral
to be accepted by society.

But, but
you're marriage license?

Your children's birth
certificates?

They're among Armand's
finest forgeries.

Even Dicky was full of
admiration for them.

[engine revving]

But, where is your..

I can hardly bring myself
to mouth the audious word.

Where is your, ugh, husband?

Excuse me, please.

Armand, help Sir Percy,
will you, dear?

Armand has been
shuttle worth

for longer than
I care to remember.

It's by far
his best disguise.

It's been difficult
for him since

he never really
learned to drive.

And since he's always been
an anarchist at heart

there's nothing he hates more
than signals.

Damned red lights

their by society to hold down
the working classes.

[explosion]

The bomb, at last.

[laughing]

To London, Armand.

On the road, if possible.

[engine revving]

[engine sputtering]

[instrumental music]