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>>> ANYBODY CAN SAY SOMETHING
THAT CAN GET A LAUGH.
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00:00:28,166 --> 00:00:33,196
BUT SAY SOMETHING CLEAN AND GET
A LAUGH, THAT REQUIRES A
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00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:36,274
COMEDIAN.
>> I HAVE ENOUGH KIDS, EVEN
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00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:38,144
MORMONS ARE LIKE, YOU SHOULD
SETTLE DOWN.
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00:00:38,142 --> 00:00:41,012
>> THEY DONT LIKE THE TITLE
CLEAN COMEDIAN.
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00:00:41,012 --> 00:00:43,752
IT COMES DOWN TO WHETHER SOMEONE
IS FUNNY OR NOT.
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00:00:43,748 --> 00:00:47,048
>> YOUVE EVER BEEN RUNNING TO
AN ELEVATOR, THEY SEE YOU
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00:00:47,051 --> 00:00:51,151
RUNNING, THEY JUST STAND THERE.
>> ITS NOT THAT CLEAN COMEDIANS
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00:00:51,155 --> 00:00:55,125
ARE MORE CLEVER OR THOUGHTFUL,
ITS A DIFFERENT APPROACH.
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00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:58,456
>> WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?
>> I USED TO GET THE ROLLING OF
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00:00:58,463 --> 00:01:03,463
THE EYES, THE CLEAN COMIC.
>> ONE OF THE HIGHEST FORMS OF
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00:01:03,468 --> 00:01:08,468
COMEDY WHEN YOU CAN BE CLEAN AND
JUST AS FUNNY AS THE DIRTY
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00:01:08,473 --> 00:01:10,103
COMICS.
>> MY JOB IS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH,
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00:01:10,108 --> 00:01:11,708
NOT TO OFFEND YOU.
>> HERES YOUR SIGN.
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00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:16,239
>> JUST BE FUNNY.
THATS ALL.
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00:01:16,247 --> 00:01:44,107
♪
>>> THE FIRST THING THAT COMES
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00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:49,838
TO MY MIND WHEN I HEAR THE TERM
CLEAN COMEDY IS OH, GOD, NO.
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00:01:49,847 --> 00:01:54,287
THEN I REMEMBER, OH, NO, THERES
CLEAN COMEDY I REALLY LIKE.
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00:01:54,285 --> 00:01:58,485
LEFT‐HANDED PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE
THAT THE WORD LEFT IS SO OFTEN
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00:01:58,489 --> 00:02:01,589
ASSOCIATED WITH NEGATIVE THINGS.
LEFT‐HANDED COMPLIMENT, WHAT ARE
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00:02:01,592 --> 00:02:06,262
WE HAVING FOR DINNER, LEFTOVERS?
YOU GO TO A PARTY, THERES
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00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:09,334
NOBODY THERE, WHERE DID
EVERYBODY GO?
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00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:13,304
THEY LEFT.
>> MOST CLEAR COMEDY, I HEAR
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00:02:13,304 --> 00:02:15,974
BORING.
TELL ME ‐‐ LET ME DECIDE WHEN I
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00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:19,344
WATCH HIM.
>> THERE IS THE VEGETARIAN HOT
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00:02:19,344 --> 00:02:26,084
POCKET FOR THOSE OF US WHO DONT
WANT TO EAT MEAT, BUT STILL
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00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:30,724
WOULD LIKE DIARRHEA.
>> NO SWEARING, AND NOTHING THAT
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00:02:30,722 --> 00:02:34,222
IS WHAT I CONSIDER OFFENSIVE.
>> THERE IS A STANDARD THAT SAYS
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00:02:34,225 --> 00:02:36,685
YOU CAN TRUST ME WITH YOUR
AUDIENCE, WERE NOT GOING TO
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00:02:36,694 --> 00:02:39,694
JUST THROW IT ALL OUT THERE AND
BE OFFENSIVE WITH EVERY TOPIC
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00:02:39,697 --> 00:02:42,267
THERE IS OUT THERE.
WERE GOING TO MAKE YOU ALL
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00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:45,236
COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU LEAVE SO
YOU DONT HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER
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00:02:45,236 --> 00:02:48,306
WHEN THIS IS OVER.
>> IF YOURE WORKING TELEVISION
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00:02:48,306 --> 00:02:55,446
SITS ON TOP OF YOUR NON‐WORKING
TELEVISION, YOU MIGHT BE A RED
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00:02:55,446 --> 00:02:57,746
NECK.
>> ITS NOT A BAD THING FOR A
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00:02:57,749 --> 00:02:59,779
FAMILY TO BE ABLE TO SEE A
COMEDY.
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00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:03,554
IT MAKES THEM ACCESSIBLE, AND
AVAILABLE TO A BROADER MARKET.
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00:03:03,554 --> 00:03:09,794
>> I READ RECENTLY, KIM JONG‐UN
IS CONSIDERING OUTLAWING SARCASM
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00:03:09,794 --> 00:03:11,964
IN NORTH KOREA.
WOW.
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00:03:11,963 --> 00:03:15,363
I WONDER IF HE PROPOSED THAT TO
HIS TEAM AND ONE OF HIS GENERALS
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00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:23,136
SAID, OH, YEAH, THAT WILL WORK.
>> PROBABLY THE BEST COMEDIAN
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00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:26,271
WHO HAPPENS TO BE CLEAN IS BRIAN
REGAN.
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00:03:26,277 --> 00:03:30,347
WHEN HE WOULD GET DONE WITH HIS
SHOW NO ONE IN THE AUDIENCE IS
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00:03:30,348 --> 00:03:31,778
LIKE, I CANT BELIEVE HE DIDNT
CURSE.
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00:03:31,783 --> 00:03:35,053
HE IS CLEAN NOT BECAUSE HE DID
IT FOR CORPORATE MONEY, OR TO BE
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00:03:35,053 --> 00:03:38,923
MORE APPEALING FOR TELEVISION.
HE DID IT BECAUSE HIS SENSE OF
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00:03:38,923 --> 00:03:44,133
HUMOR RINGS CLEAN.
SO WE WANT BRIAN REGAN TO BE
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00:03:44,128 --> 00:03:45,388
CLEAN.
ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO
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00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:48,266
SEE HIM GO OFF THE RAILS.
JUST GET HIM DRUNK.
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00:03:48,266 --> 00:03:57,136
>> SOME LAW FIRMS DEAL WITH DUI,
THEN AGGRAVATED DUI.
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00:03:57,141 --> 00:03:59,511
YOU KNOW WHAT I PULLED YOU OVER?
>> YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW WHY YOU
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00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:03,780
PULLED ME OVER.
>> HERES THE THING ABOUT REGAN,
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00:04:03,781 --> 00:04:07,151
DESPITE SOMEONE NOT CUSSING, IT
DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU CANT
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00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:15,791
SENSE THAT THERES AN EDGE.
HE IS QUINTESSENTIAL, EVERY
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00:04:15,793 --> 00:04:18,163
COMEDIAN, HE IS THEIR FAVORITE.
YOU MOM NIGHT NEVER HAVE HEARD
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00:04:18,162 --> 00:04:20,602
OF HIM, BUT HE WOULD BE HER
FAVORITE TOO.
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00:04:20,598 --> 00:04:24,228
>> DING DING DING, YEAH.
>> THATS NORMALLY THE SIGN OF A
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00:04:24,235 --> 00:04:28,135
CLEAN COMEDIAN, ONE THAT THE
AUDIENCE WANTS TO EMBRACE.
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00:04:28,139 --> 00:04:30,809
>> I HAD A MASSAGE TODAY, MY
FIRST ONE.
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00:04:30,808 --> 00:04:35,208
HE TRIED TO RELAX ME.
HE PLAYED MUSIC, A LITTLE
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00:04:35,213 --> 00:04:38,383
AGGRAVATING, THE TROMBONE KEPT
HITTING ME IN THE HEAD.
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00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:41,852
I THINK IT WAS A TROMBONE.
PRETTY SURE.
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00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:44,493
>> NEVER MET A PERSON WHO
DOESNT LIKE ELLEN.
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00:04:44,489 --> 00:04:47,619
ITS A GIFT FROM GOD TO BE
LIKABLE BY EVERYBODY.
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00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:52,295
SHES ALMOST LIKE A LOLLIPOP.
IVE NEVER MET NOBODY, NOBODY
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00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:56,526
SAYS I HATE LOLLIPOPS.
>> YOURE WALKING DOWN THE
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00:04:56,534 --> 00:05:03,444
STREET, GOOD DAY FOR YOU, TOO,
GOOD SELF‐ESTEEM DAY, HAPPY WITH
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00:05:03,441 --> 00:05:07,611
YOUR OUTFIT, IT TAKES THE ONE
TINY TRIP TO SUCK THE COOLNESS
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00:05:07,612 --> 00:05:10,882
OUT OF YOU.
>> SHES GOT THAT JOKE WHEN
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00:05:10,882 --> 00:05:13,582
YOURE WATCHING AND YOU TRIP AND
YOU LOOK AROUND TO MAKE SURE
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00:05:13,584 --> 00:05:16,724
NOBODY SAW YOU AND YOU DO THIS
WHOLE PERFORMANCE FOR SOMEONE
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00:05:16,721 --> 00:05:19,851
WHO MIGHT HAVE SEEN YOU 50 YARDS
AWAY WHERE YOU LOOK TO SEE WHAT
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00:05:19,857 --> 00:05:26,327
YOU COULD HAVE TRIPPED ON.
ITS SO SPECIFIC, YET SO
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00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:27,560
UNIVERSAL.
YOURE NEVER THINKING THAT WAS A
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00:05:27,565 --> 00:05:31,095
CLEAN SHOW, YOURE JUST THINKING
I LAUGHED SO HARD, MY STOMACH
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00:05:31,102 --> 00:05:37,542
HURTS, MY CHEEKBONES HURT.
>> COMEDIANS ONLY WANT ONE
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00:05:37,542 --> 00:05:43,312
ADJECTIVE, FUNNY.
EMOW COMEDIAN, GAY COMEDIAN,
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00:05:43,314 --> 00:05:47,824
ETHNIC COMEDIAN, OH, THE
FUNNIEST, WHEELCHAIR BOUND
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00:05:47,818 --> 00:05:52,318
COMEDIAN, NO ONE WANTS THAT,
THEY JUST WANT FUNNY.
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00:05:52,323 --> 00:05:56,093
>> THE LAST COUPLE YEARS IVE
REFERRED TO BILL COSBY AS THE
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00:05:56,093 --> 00:05:57,993
ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS BILL
COSBY.
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00:05:57,995 --> 00:06:01,795
IT GIVES ME A WAY TO GO, YEAH, I
KNOW, I KNOW.
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00:06:01,799 --> 00:06:07,539
>> PULLS OUT A NEEDLE.
THIS IS TO DEADEN THE PAIN.
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00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:09,838
>> HE TAKES A BREATH BETWEEN
BITS.
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00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:13,840
HES GOT THE PATIENCE TO WAIT,
AND KNOW ITS GOING TO BE FINE
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00:06:13,844 --> 00:06:17,114
WHEN YOU GET TO THE END.
>> YOUR FACE, WHATS A MATTER
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00:06:17,114 --> 00:06:32,364
WITH YOU?
>> OF THE TOP TEN COMEDIANS OF
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00:06:32,363 --> 00:06:41,503
ALL TIME, ONE WAS BILL COSBY.
HIS ACT ON STAGE, CLEAN, HIS ACT
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00:06:41,505 --> 00:06:44,875
OFFSTAGE, FILTHY.
ONE OF THE REASONS WHY THE
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00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:49,545
DIRTY/CLEAN THING IS SO
COMPELLING WHATS BEHIND THAT
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00:06:49,547 --> 00:06:53,477
ISSUE IS AUTHENTICITY.
I WANT THE COMEDIAN TO BE WHAT
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00:06:53,484 --> 00:06:56,524
THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE.
AT A CERTAIN POINT THE AUDIENCE
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00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,050
TELLS YOU WE DONT LIKE THAT AND
THEN YOU HAVE A HINT OF
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00:06:59,056 --> 00:07:01,056
YOURSELF.
WE LIKE THAT.
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00:07:01,058 --> 00:07:06,788
WERE HEADING TO YOGA, MY WIFE
SAYS, WAIT FOR ME, IM NOT
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00:07:06,797 --> 00:07:10,167
READY.
ITS ALL JUST TRYING NOT TO PART
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00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:14,007
WHILE STRETCHING.
>> COMICS, WHATS YOUR POINT OF
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00:07:14,005 --> 00:07:15,305
VIEW, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO
SAY?
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00:07:15,306 --> 00:07:18,106
IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO BE
EXPLAINED.
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00:07:18,109 --> 00:07:19,869
THEY SHOULD KNOW IT.
>> MY DAD WOULD ALWAYS COMPARE
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00:07:19,877 --> 00:07:24,317
ME TO FAMOUS PEOPLE.
IT WAS HORNL.
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00:07:24,315 --> 00:07:27,785
PRESIDENTS, THAT WAS HISFAVORITE
THING.
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00:07:27,785 --> 00:07:30,885
YOU KNOW, LOUIE, WHEN LINCOLN
WAS YOUR AGE, HE WALKED 20 MILES
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00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:33,688
TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY, CHOPPED
WOOD.
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00:07:33,691 --> 00:07:36,621
>> YEAH, DAD, BUT WHEN HE WAS
YOUR AGE, HE WAS PRESIDENT.
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00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:40,627
>> A LOT OF COMEDIANS I LIKE,
ITS THE CLOSER THEY GET TO WHO
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00:07:40,631 --> 00:07:41,761
THEY ARE.
ON STAGE, IS WHAT MAKES IT
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00:07:41,766 --> 00:07:45,636
INTERESTING.
>> EVERYWHERE I GO, AS SOON AS I
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00:07:45,636 --> 00:07:50,836
CHECK INTO MY HOTEL ROOM, I
IMMEDIATELY HANG THE DO NOT
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00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:58,511
DISTURB SIGN ON THE DOOR, OR FOR
THE SPANISH SPEAKING, NO
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00:07:58,516 --> 00:07:59,846
MOLESTE.
THERES NO DECISION WHERE I
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00:07:59,850 --> 00:08:03,480
THOUGHT, OH, IM GOING TO BE A
CLEAN COMEDIAN.
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00:08:03,487 --> 00:08:07,987
THAT WAS KIND OF A CREEPY
FEELING.
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00:08:07,992 --> 00:08:10,422
HANGING THAT ON MY DOOR BEFORE
BED.
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00:08:10,428 --> 00:08:15,268
>> I JUST WROTE JOKES, AND I
DIDNT GET PLEASURE OUT OF USING
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00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:21,466
VULGARITY OR CURSING.
>> IM PISSED, IM ANG RAY, AND
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00:08:21,472 --> 00:08:25,542
IM CRAZIER THAN ANYBODY IN THE
ROOM.
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00:08:25,543 --> 00:08:30,243
>> GO [ BLEEP ] YOURSELF.
I STUMBLED INTO THAT CONCEIT
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00:08:30,247 --> 00:08:32,917
STAGE IN PART BECAUSE OF
PROTECTION BUT IN PART THATS
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00:08:32,917 --> 00:08:36,117
WHERE IT CAME FROM, DISCOVERING
MY VOICE, THAT IM FUNNIEST WHEN
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00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,690
IM ANGRY.
>> THE LITTLE BITCHES, THAT
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00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:42,460
DROVE ME IN THAT DIRECTION.
>> NEXT WEEK IM GOING TO HAVE
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00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:46,490
AN MRI TO FIND OUT WHETHER OR
NOT I HAVE CLAUSTROPHOBIA.
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00:08:46,497 --> 00:08:49,127
>> IT HAS TO DO WITH A MESSENGER
DELIVERING THE JOKE, NOT
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00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:51,873
NECESSARILY THE JOKE.
WHOEVER THE MESSENGER OF THE
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00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:55,269
COMEDY IS, AS LONG AS ITS
AUTHENTIC AND REAL TO THEM, IT
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00:08:55,272 --> 00:08:58,072
WILL BE AUTHENTIC AND REAL TO
US.
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00:08:58,075 --> 00:09:01,975
>> I WROTE ONE NEW JOKE SINCE MY
TWINS WERE BORN.
129
00:09:01,979 --> 00:09:04,409
IS THIS FUNNY?
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS?
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00:09:04,415 --> 00:09:08,925
>> HI, HI, EVERYBO
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00:09:19,430 --> 00:09:21,300
>>> RED, THIS CANT GO ON.
>> WHY?
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00:09:21,298 --> 00:09:24,928
>> I LOVE MY WIFE.
IVE NEVER LOVED ANYBODY ELSE.
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00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:27,035
WE WERE SWEETHEARTS SINCE WE
WERE KIDS.
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00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,967
>> SHE DOESNT NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT US.
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00:09:28,973 --> 00:09:35,183
>> BACK AS EARLY AS THE 1920s,
PEOPLE WERE SAYING HOLLYWOOD WAS
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00:09:35,179 --> 00:09:40,379
THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE
DECAYING MORALITY OF THE
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00:09:40,384 --> 00:09:42,624
COUNTRY.
>> AND THEN BASICALLY HOLLYWOOD
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00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:46,350
SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT, STAY AWAY,
HERES WHAT WELL DO.
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00:09:46,357 --> 00:09:48,657
WELL GOVERN OURSELVES.
>> THE HISTORY OF COMEDY, UNTIL
140
00:09:48,659 --> 00:09:53,159
RECENT TIMES, WAS ABOUT
COMEDIANS TRYING TO GET AS CLOSE
141
00:09:53,164 --> 00:10:00,404
TO THAT PROFANE WORLD AS THEY
COULD WITHOUT GETS ARRESTED.
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00:10:00,404 --> 00:10:04,944
>> WC FIELDS, AN ORENRY GUY,
FOUND A GREAT WAY TO SWEAR
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00:10:04,942 --> 00:10:07,912
WITHOUT SWEARING, HE WOULD SAY
DRAT.
144
00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:18,922
WHEN HE SAID DRAT, YOU KNEW WHAT
HE WAS SAYING, HED SAY GOD FREE
145
00:10:18,923 --> 00:10:28,363
DANIEL, THAT WAS LIKE GODDAMNIT.
>> SO THE RULES WERE ARCHAIC BY
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00:10:28,365 --> 00:10:31,095
THE TIME TELEVISION CAME IN.
THOSE RULES REMAINED, LARGELY,
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00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:33,501
YOU COULDNT REFER TO SEX, YOU
COULDNT SWEAR.
148
00:10:33,504 --> 00:10:36,474
>> WELL WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING
THAT YOU DO DURING THE DAY, AND
149
00:10:36,474 --> 00:10:38,214
WELL ALLOW SO MUCH TIME FOR
EACH THING.
150
00:10:38,209 --> 00:10:40,569
TEN MINUTES FOR THIS, 15 MINUTES
FOR THAT.
151
00:10:40,578 --> 00:10:45,148
>> OH, IM GOING TO NEED MORE
THAN 15 MINUTES FOR THAT.
152
00:10:45,149 --> 00:10:49,519
>> SEXUAL INNUENDO IS SAYING IT
WITHOUT SAYING IT.
153
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:54,660
THERE WERE JUST THESE RIDICULOUS
WAYS TO TRY TO TITILLATE THE
154
00:10:54,658 --> 00:10:56,418
AUDIENCE WITH SOMETHING THAT
ALMOST WAS SEXUAL.
155
00:10:56,427 --> 00:10:59,197
>> OH, JACK, I WANT TO FLY WITH
YOU.
156
00:10:59,196 --> 00:11:02,866
>> WHERE?
>> OH, YOU MEAN WANT TO ‐‐ OH,
157
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:03,627
FLY.
THATS ‐‐ OH.
158
00:11:03,634 --> 00:11:08,104
>> WHAT DO YOU SAY?
IS IT TIME FOR TAKEOFF?
159
00:11:08,105 --> 00:11:14,605
>> THERES DIFFERENT STRATEGIES
WRITERS USE TO TRY TO SNEAK
160
00:11:14,612 --> 00:11:19,152
TABOO MATERIAL IN.
>> THERES AN EPISODE WHERE A
161
00:11:19,149 --> 00:11:33,689
TERM KEBABES WERE USED AS A
GENITALIA REFERENCE.
162
00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:38,097
SHE.
>> NICE CATITS.
163
00:11:38,102 --> 00:11:42,172
>> YOU CAN SAY CATITS, THATS
NOT A WORD.
164
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:45,072
THAT, TO ME IS A WONDERFUL
EXAMPLE OF GOING AROUND THE
165
00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:49,745
THING YOU CANT SAY, NOT ONLY
WAS IT FUNNIER, IT WAS TEN TIMES
166
00:11:49,747 --> 00:11:51,117
FUNNIER.
>> FIGURING OUT HOW TO GET
167
00:11:51,115 --> 00:11:54,515
AROUND THE RULES SPAWNS EVEN
BETTER COMEDY.
168
00:11:54,518 --> 00:11:57,278
LIKE SEINFELD TO ME WAS THE
ULTIMATE GETTING AROUND THE
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00:11:57,288 --> 00:12:01,158
SENSORS AND POINTED JOKES, TERMS
FOR THINGS THAT WERE SEXUAL, YOU
170
00:12:01,158 --> 00:12:04,688
KNOW, SHRINKAGE.
>> I THINK THAT YOU THINK THAT A
171
00:12:04,695 --> 00:12:07,795
CERTAIN SOMETHING IS NOT ALL
THAT IT COULD BE.
172
00:12:07,798 --> 00:12:10,898
WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS ALL THAT IT
SHOULD BE AND MORE.
173
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:16,701
>> SEINFELD, THEY WERE THE
MASTER OF EUPHEMISMS.
174
00:12:16,707 --> 00:12:20,137
>> SHRINKAGE IS REALLY WHAT IT
IS THOUGH, THATS TECHNICALLY
175
00:12:20,144 --> 00:12:22,384
CORRECT.
>> IT SHRINKS?
176
00:12:22,379 --> 00:12:28,719
>> ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT
LARRY DAVID AND JERRY SEINFELD
177
00:12:28,719 --> 00:12:32,689
WAS THEIR LOVE OF LANGUAGE.
THEY HAD A MASTERY THAT ENABLED
178
00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:37,190
THEM TO COME UP WITH CLEVER
SOLUTIONS TO CENSORSHIPS.
179
00:12:37,194 --> 00:12:41,164
>> I WANT TO BE IN ON THIS TOO.
>> OH, NO, NO, NO.
180
00:12:41,165 --> 00:12:42,865
>> WHY?
WHAT, WHY?
181
00:12:42,866 --> 00:12:46,366
>> BECAUSE YOURE A WOMAN.
>> SO WHAT?
182
00:12:46,370 --> 00:12:50,140
>> ITS EASIER FOR A WOMAN NOT
TO DO IT THAN A MAN.
183
00:12:50,140 --> 00:12:52,570
WE HAVE TO DO IT, ITS PART OF
OUR LIFESTYLE.
184
00:12:52,576 --> 00:12:58,116
>> JERRY WAS THE ONE WHO FIRST
SAID WE CANNOT MENTION THE WORD
185
00:12:58,115 --> 00:12:59,645
MASTURBATION OR ANYTHING LIKE
THAT.
186
00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:04,220
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE ALLUDED TO.
>> YES, I AM MASTER OF MY
187
00:13:04,221 --> 00:13:06,951
DOMAIN.
>> I WAS REALLY PREPARED TO ‐‐
188
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:11,197
WITH THE SHOW, NBC DIDNT DO IT.
>> YOURE NOT DOING THE SHOW,
189
00:13:11,195 --> 00:13:14,495
WELL, [ BLEEP ] YOU, IM DONE.
WE ALL GOT TO THE OFFICE, AND
190
00:13:14,498 --> 00:13:17,498
SAID HEY, THIS IS GREAT, WHAT,
YEAH, WELL.
191
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:22,041
>> WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
>> THERES A NAKED WOMAN ACROSS
192
00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:23,499
THE STREET.
>> THIS IS GOING TO BE THE
193
00:13:23,507 --> 00:13:26,377
EASIEST MONEY IVE EVER MADE IN
MY LIFE.
194
00:13:26,377 --> 00:13:32,147
>> IM OUT.
>> THEY BRILLIANTLY FIGURED HOW
195
00:13:32,149 --> 00:13:35,219
TO GET THAT PAST THE SENSORS IN
A WAY THAT EVERYBODY KNEW WHAT
196
00:13:35,219 --> 00:13:41,159
WAS BEING TALKED ABOUT.
>> WE TORTURED THE SENSORS, "IN
197
00:13:41,158 --> 00:13:44,288
LIVING COLOR," HALF THE TIME
THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHAT WE
198
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:46,794
WERE TALKING ABOUT.
>> ALLOW ME TO ‐‐ MYSELF.
199
00:13:46,797 --> 00:13:50,927
>> WE USED TO PUT WHAT WE CALLED
DECOYS INTO OUR SCRIPTS, THINGS
200
00:13:50,934 --> 00:13:54,674
SO OUTRAGEOUS, THEYD SAY YOU
CANT DO THAT, AT LEAST GIVE US
201
00:13:54,672 --> 00:13:57,642
THIS, THE THING WE REALLY
WANTED.
202
00:13:57,641 --> 00:14:04,441
>> LET ME BE VENEREAL IN MY
REQUISITION FOR THE BODY OF THIS
203
00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:16,458
CONGREGATION AS THE GREEK
PHILOSOPHER ‐‐ I LICKIS MY
204
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:20,160
PROBISCUS.
>> ITS BARGAINING, TWO BALLS
205
00:14:20,164 --> 00:14:22,704
FOR ONE VAGINA.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?
206
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:26,200
>> I THINK YOU MADE A VAGINA.
>> YOU START NEGOTIATE BEING
207
00:14:26,203 --> 00:14:29,103
THEM FOR WHAT YOU CAN AND CANT
HAVE.
208
00:14:29,106 --> 00:14:32,876
>> YOU THINK MY VAGINA HAS
CURTAINS.
209
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:34,206
>> I DONT KNOW HOW LONG ITS
BEEN.
210
00:14:34,211 --> 00:14:36,911
>> TWO BROKE GIRLS WAS TRYING TO
MAKE A TV SHOW THAT MOVES THE
211
00:14:36,914 --> 00:14:40,154
NEEDLE AND CHANGES MINDS AND YOU
CANT DO THAT BY PLAYING SAFE,
212
00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:43,520
PURE AND SIMPLE, BUT ITS THEIR
JOB TO KEEP THEIR JOB AND ITS
213
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:51,490
MY JOB TO PUSH THE ENVELOPE.
>> EXCUSE ME, WHERES THEY MY
214
00:14:51,495 --> 00:14:52,395
WAITRESS?
>> SHES COMING.
215
00:14:52,396 --> 00:14:56,026
>> AND ITS THIS.
AND ITS THIS.
216
00:14:56,033 --> 00:15:00,873
>> MODERN FAMILY GOT TO WRITE
THE EPISODE WHERE THE LADY IS
217
00:15:00,871 --> 00:15:03,501
SAYING [ BLEEP ], BUT SHE WAS
SAYING FUDGE.
218
00:15:03,507 --> 00:15:12,147
ITS GETTING BLEEPED.
OH [ BLEEP ].
219
00:15:12,149 --> 00:15:15,479
BUT IT WAS ABOUT THE WORDS.
WE WERE ABLE TO MAKE THE CASE IN
220
00:15:15,486 --> 00:15:20,216
THE CENTRAL PART OF THE EPISODE.
[ BLEEP ].
221
00:15:20,224 --> 00:15:23,694
>> I HAVE TWO CHILDREN.
>> SO THERES A WEIRD THING ON
222
00:15:23,694 --> 00:15:27,034
BROADCAST TELEVISION WHERE YOU
TRY TO FORGET THAT ITS NOT ART,
223
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:30,930
AND THAT ITS A BUSINESS, BUT
EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOURE
224
00:15:30,934 --> 00:15:34,434
REMINDED THAT THERES STILL
PEOPLE WHO PUT MONEY INTO THIS
225
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:40,738
THAT KEEP US ON THE AIR AND THEY
HAVE A SAY AND THATS WHY WE
226
00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:42,684
CANT SAY [ BLEEP ] MORE THAN
FOUR TIMES.
227
00:15:42,679 --> 00:15:55,559
>> THIS IS BULL [
>>> YOU WERE FAMILY FRIENDLY,
228
00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:59,829
RIGHT, YOU DO NOT USE WEIRD
LANGUAGE, A CLEAN ACT.
229
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:03,530
>> IF IM TALKING ABOUT TAKING
NAPS OR MINI MUFFINS, DO YOU
230
00:16:03,534 --> 00:16:10,174
REALLY NEED TO THROW AN "F" BOMB
IN THERE.
231
00:16:10,174 --> 00:16:13,744
>> KALE IS A SUPER FOOD, ITS
SPECIAL POWER IS TASTING BAD.
232
00:16:13,744 --> 00:16:16,714
YOU CAN FIND OUT IT CURES
CANCER, AND ID BE LIKE IM
233
00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,613
GOING TO DO THE CHEMO, ALL
RIGHT.
234
00:16:18,615 --> 00:16:21,615
>> AS COMEDIANS, THERE WAS THIS
SAYING THAT TAKES YOU TEN YEARS
235
00:16:21,618 --> 00:16:24,078
TO FIND YOUR VOICE.
I WENT THROUGH PERIODS WHERE I
236
00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:28,057
WAS SMOKING ON STAGE.
I WAS ENERGETIC.
237
00:16:28,058 --> 00:16:30,858
I WAS POLITICAL.
BUT IT WASNT NECESSARILY
238
00:16:30,861 --> 00:16:37,801
AUTHENTIC TO WHO I WAS.
>> JIM GAFFIGAN PAINTS AN
239
00:16:37,801 --> 00:16:41,371
AMAZING PICTURE.
AND IF YOU INSERT A SWEAR IN
240
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:46,341
THERE, IT JUST DILUTES THE WHOLE
BEAUTY OF THE PAINTING.
241
00:16:46,343 --> 00:16:48,843
>> THERES PRESSURE TO ENJOY
SUMMER, RIGHT, IM FROM THE
242
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:53,176
MIDWEST, ITS ALMOST A PANIC.
GO OUT THERE, HAVE FUN, WINTER
243
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:59,993
IS COMING TO KILL US.
GO GET SKIN CANCER NOW.
244
00:16:59,990 --> 00:17:03,920
>> HES ALWAYS GOING TO GIVE YOU
A DIFFERENT TAKE.
245
00:17:03,927 --> 00:17:06,427
LIKE, FINDING A GOLD COIN ON THE
BEACH WHERE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
246
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:09,530
HAVE WALKED BY IT AND ALL THE
SUDDEN HE JUST SEES IT.
247
00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:12,903
IT WAS JUST RIGHT THERE.
HE HAS THAT ABILITY.
248
00:17:12,903 --> 00:17:17,743
GOD DAMN YOU, GAFFIGAN.
>> WERE NEVER READY FOR THE
249
00:17:17,741 --> 00:17:21,011
SEASONS OF CHANGE, IN OCTOBER
WERE CAUGHT OFF GUARD, OH, ITS
250
00:17:21,011 --> 00:17:23,641
GETTING COLD, WHAT IS THIS,
EVERY YEAR NOW?
251
00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:26,747
>> HE REALLY WORKS HARD TO GET
ALL THE FUNNY OUT OF THE JOKE.
252
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:30,780
LIKE HE REALLY IS LIKE WRINGING
THE FUNNY OUT.
253
00:17:30,787 --> 00:17:35,227
>> HOW MANY JOKES ABOUT SEASONS
DOES THIS GUY HAVE?
254
00:17:35,225 --> 00:17:38,125
>> I CAME HOME THE OTHER DAY I
WAS HELPING MY WIFE FOLD
255
00:17:38,128 --> 00:17:42,758
CLOTHES, A LITTLE PAIR OF SKIMPY
UNDERWEAR, I LOOKED AT MY WIFE
256
00:17:42,766 --> 00:17:46,036
AND I SAID, WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO WEAR THESE FOR ME, SHE SAID I
257
00:17:46,036 --> 00:17:50,066
CANT, THEYRE YOUR DAUGHTERS.
NO, NO, NO.
258
00:17:50,073 --> 00:17:55,343
>> I CAN DROP AN "F" BOMB, AND
ILL GET A LAUGH, BUT I THINK
259
00:17:55,345 --> 00:17:58,175
PEOPLE APPRECIATE WHEN YOUVE
TAKEN THE TIME TO REALLY THINK A
260
00:17:58,181 --> 00:18:01,881
BIT THROUGH AND HOW CAN I DO
THIS AND WALK THAT LINE?
261
00:18:01,885 --> 00:18:05,215
AS WE ALL KNOW, IF YOUVE EVER
DROPPED A BANK SAFE ON YOUR FOOT
262
00:18:05,222 --> 00:18:10,362
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN PROFANITY
IS THE RIGHT TOOL AT THE RIGHT
263
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,290
TIME.
BUT ITS OFTEN A CRUTCH.
264
00:18:13,297 --> 00:18:15,267
>> HEY ‐‐
>> THERES NO DOUBT THAT I DONT
265
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:19,095
NEED TO BE THROWING THE "F"
BOMBS AS MUCH AS I DO.
266
00:18:19,102 --> 00:18:23,102
>> YOU STUPID [ BLEEP ].
I HATE TO SIDE WITH MY MOTHER
267
00:18:23,106 --> 00:18:27,376
AND GRANDMOTHER AND MY WIFE, BUT
SOMETIMES ITS JUST BECAUSE IM
268
00:18:27,377 --> 00:18:29,477
LAZY.
>> AS AN ARTIST, YOU CAN TELL
269
00:18:29,479 --> 00:18:32,509
WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING LAZY AND
USING IT AS A CRUTCH.
270
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:35,416
BUT THERES AN ART TO IT.
>> I HAD A GUY COME TO ME ONE
271
00:18:35,419 --> 00:18:38,489
DAY AND TELL ME ABOUT ‐‐ WHATS
YOUR FAVORITE POSITION?
272
00:18:38,488 --> 00:18:45,988
I SAID, WELL, IT DEPENDS ON THE
SIZE OF[ BLEEP ], MY POSITION IS
273
00:18:45,996 --> 00:18:52,536
WITH ANOTHER MOTHER [ BLEEP ].
>> THIS ISNT MAJOR LEAGUE
274
00:18:52,536 --> 00:18:54,436
BASEBALL.
IM HERE TO CHEAT.
275
00:18:54,438 --> 00:18:59,738
YOU SAY I LOVE YOUR MOTHER
[ BLEEP ] ASS, I SAID, DAD, TELL
276
00:18:59,743 --> 00:19:06,113
ME, CUSSING SAVES THE SOUL.
THAT HE SHOULD START CUSSING IN
277
00:19:06,116 --> 00:19:07,646
CHURCHES, IT WOULD SAVE A LOT OF
SOULS.
278
00:19:07,651 --> 00:19:12,791
>> PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR
SINBAD.
279
00:19:12,789 --> 00:19:16,459
>> I WAS DIRLYTY WHEN I STARTED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE DONT KNOW.
280
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:20,730
I WAS DIRTY WHEN I STARTED.
I SOUNDED LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.
281
00:19:20,731 --> 00:19:26,501
I SAID I WONDER IF I COULD CLEAN
IT UP, AND THEN PICK UP, AND I
282
00:19:26,503 --> 00:19:28,243
DID.
>> PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY AINT
283
00:19:28,238 --> 00:19:33,938
NEVER BEEN IN McDONALDS, GOT
THE SAME MENU, YOU GUYS ARE
284
00:19:33,944 --> 00:19:41,624
GOING, OH, GIVE ME, UH, LET ME
SEE IF YOU HAVE, UH, YOU KNOW
285
00:19:41,618 --> 00:19:46,418
WHAT THEY GOT.
>> I DONT CARE HOW YOU DO IT,
286
00:19:46,423 --> 00:19:48,963
IF THAT JOKE DOESNT WORK
WITHOUT THE CUSS WORDS, ITS NOT
287
00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,559
A JOKE.
IT SHOULD BE ABLE TO SWING BOTH
288
00:19:51,561 --> 00:19:53,331
WAYS.
IF YOU COULD SWING IT THROUGH
289
00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:57,060
BOTH WAYS, YOU GOT YOURSELF A
JOKE, A ROUTINE.
290
00:19:57,067 --> 00:20:00,897
>> THOSE COMEDIANS WHO DONT
RELY IN BLUE COMEDY, THEY RELY
291
00:20:00,904 --> 00:20:07,174
ON THEIR WORDS AND THE PUNCH
LINES AND THE DELIVERIES.
292
00:20:07,177 --> 00:20:14,117
>> PLEASE WELCOME JERRY STEIN
STEINFELD.
293
00:20:14,117 --> 00:20:15,847
>> JERRY SEINFELD.
>> WHATS THE THING WITH THE
294
00:20:15,852 --> 00:20:18,752
POST OFFICE WITH THE WANTED
POSTERS ON THE WALLS?
295
00:20:18,755 --> 00:20:23,385
MY MIN QUESTION WITH THE WANTED
POSTERS ON THE WALL, WHY DIDNT
296
00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:25,963
THEY HANK ONTO THIS GUY WHEN
THEY TOOK HIS PICTURE?
297
00:20:25,962 --> 00:20:31,032
>> SEINFELD WAS THE MASTER OF
THE MINUTIA OF LIFE, THE MORE
298
00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:39,674
SPECIFIC HE CAN BE, THE BETTER.
A WRITTENTURE CRAFTSMAN.
299
00:20:39,676 --> 00:20:51,286
>> LIGHT, CEREAL, THAT WAS A
BALSY NAME, I THAULSALWAYS THOUG
300
00:20:51,288 --> 00:20:52,788
LIFE.
SQUARIES, ITS MUCH BIGGER THAN
301
00:20:52,789 --> 00:20:54,689
THAT.
THIS IS LIFE, I TELL YOU.
302
00:20:54,691 --> 00:21:00,031
>> JERRY SEINFELD IS TECHNICALLY
AND WORKWISE, THE GREATEST
303
00:21:00,030 --> 00:21:02,960
COMEDIAN, SOMEONE WHO REALLY
CARES ABOUT THE STRUCTURE OF A
304
00:21:02,966 --> 00:21:05,496
JOKE.
>> I SAW A STUDY THAT SAID
305
00:21:05,502 --> 00:21:09,302
SPEAKING IN FRONT OF A CROWD HAS
BECOME THE NUMBER ONE FEAR OF
306
00:21:09,306 --> 00:21:11,106
THE AVERAGE PERSON.
I FOUND THAT AMAZING.
307
00:21:11,108 --> 00:21:14,008
NUMBER TWO WAS DEATH.
TO THE AVERAGE PERSON, IF YOU
308
00:21:14,010 --> 00:21:19,550
HAVE TO BE AT A FUNERAL, YOU
WOULD RATHER BE IN THE CASKET
309
00:21:19,549 --> 00:21:23,579
THAN DOING THE EULOGY.
>> SEINFELD, GAFFIGAN, REGAN,
310
00:21:23,587 --> 00:21:27,617
THEY INSPIRE OTHERS TO TRY IT AS
A CHALLENGE.
311
00:21:27,624 --> 00:21:30,124
FUNNY WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT
ANYTHING THAT WOULD OFFEND THEIR
312
00:21:30,127 --> 00:21:31,697
MOTHER.
>> FREEDOM, FREEDOM IS GREAT,
313
00:21:31,695 --> 00:21:35,495
BUT I DONT POP UP ALONE IN BED
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT GOING
314
00:21:35,499 --> 00:21:38,529
I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.
IM NOT ROLLING AROUND IN BED,
315
00:21:38,535 --> 00:21:40,365
LOOK AT THE FREEDOM.
I HAVE SO MUCH FREEDOM.
316
00:21:40,370 --> 00:21:45,270
FREEDOM.
>> COMICS DONT GET CREDIT FOR
317
00:21:45,275 --> 00:21:51,375
HIGH DEGREES OF DIFFICULTY.
WHEN WE SEE CLEAN COMICS THAT
318
00:21:51,381 --> 00:21:53,811
ARE SUPER FUNNY, WE REALIZE ITS
A HIGHER DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY.
319
00:21:53,817 --> 00:21:59,917
>> I HAD TO CHEAT ON A TEACHER
THAT I WAS DATING AND I WANTED
320
00:21:59,923 --> 00:22:03,393
AN "A."
HE WANTED AN "F."
321
00:22:03,393 --> 00:22:10,833
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I ‐‐ WE BOTH SETTLED FOR A "B."
322
00:22:26,149 --> 00:22:32,889
>>> WELL THEY GOT THE DEEP DOWN
DIRT, WE TURN TO THE NEW POWER
323
00:22:32,889 --> 00:22:36,619
SUCK MODE.
>> WHEN I STARTED WORKING WITH
324
00:22:36,626 --> 00:22:42,666
TIM ALLEN ON HOME IMPROVEMENT, I
HAD NEVER SEEN HIS ACT.
325
00:22:42,666 --> 00:22:45,336
I DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS.
I ONLY NEW ONE THING.
326
00:22:45,335 --> 00:22:48,435
I WAS SORT OF AMAZED THAT THE
GUYS I WAS WORKING WITH BUILT A
327
00:22:48,438 --> 00:22:56,138
SHOW AROUND IT, BUT THEY DID AND
IT WAS GREAT.
328
00:22:56,146 --> 00:22:59,616
>> HIS COMEDY WAS VERY, VERY
SPECIFIC, AND IT CATERED TO THE
329
00:22:59,616 --> 00:23:03,316
MAN.
HE HAD A SET THAT WAS TAILOR
330
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:04,920
MADE FOR A POINT OF VIEW THAT
WAS FOR TELEVISION.
331
00:23:04,921 --> 00:23:10,561
BUT HE DID HAVE TO TONE IT DOWN.
>> IT WAS ACTUALLY A VERY
332
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:14,630
UNCOMFORTABLE TRANSITION FROM
TIM ALLEN THE COMEDIAN TO TIM
333
00:23:14,631 --> 00:23:19,031
ALLEN THE ABC SITCOM STAR.
I DONT WORK WONDERFULLY CLEAN.
334
00:23:19,035 --> 00:23:23,735
>> THE FIRST DAY TO SHRINK ON A
MAN IN HIS REAL SCARE.
335
00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:26,310
YOU WOULD IF YOU HAD THE BALLS,
RIGHT?
336
00:23:26,309 --> 00:23:30,409
LOOK AT THEM.
DO YOU WANT TO SET OF THESE UGLY
337
00:23:30,413 --> 00:23:35,013
[ BLEEP ], I DONT THINK SO.
YEAH, I HAD SOME ELBOW SKIN LEFT
338
00:23:35,018 --> 00:23:35,418
OVER.
YEAH.
339
00:23:35,418 --> 00:23:40,148
A MAJOR DESIGN PROBLEM HERE.
>> TIM ALLEN.
340
00:23:40,156 --> 00:23:44,186
>> WHEN I FIRST GOT "HOME
IMPROVEMENT" I WAS SELLING OUT
341
00:23:44,194 --> 00:23:48,764
LARGE VENUES PRIOR TO THAT, BUT
AFTER THAT THE VENUES HAD TO GET
342
00:23:48,765 --> 00:23:50,725
BIGGER.
I HAD TO ALERT THE CROWD, YOU
343
00:23:50,734 --> 00:23:52,104
SHOULDNT BRING CHILDREN TO
THIS.
344
00:23:52,102 --> 00:23:55,272
I WALK OUT AND THE WHOLE FRONT
ROW IS LIKE A GIRL SCOUT GROUP.
345
00:23:55,272 --> 00:23:58,272
I THINK THE DAY IS JUST AROUND
THE CORNER, YOU CAN BLOW A BUDDY
346
00:23:58,275 --> 00:24:01,075
IF HES NOT FEELING GOOD ABOUT
HIMSELF.
347
00:24:01,077 --> 00:24:05,247
HEY, BUD, IM SORRY ABOUT LOSING
YOUR JOB, THAT WILL MAKE YOU
348
00:24:05,248 --> 00:24:07,778
FEEL FUNNY.
I REMEMBER THIS WONDERFUL WOMAN
349
00:24:07,784 --> 00:24:15,794
SAYS, WE LOVED THE SHOW, LITTLE
DIFFICULT EXPLAINING FALLATIO TO
350
00:24:15,792 --> 00:24:17,892
A 9‐YEAR‐OLD.
I SENT HER MONEY BACK.
351
00:24:17,894 --> 00:24:20,734
>> HI, HONEY.
YOU MAY NOT REMEMBER TODAY, BUT
352
00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:22,860
IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DAYS OF
MY LIFE.
353
00:24:22,866 --> 00:24:27,936
>> A LOT OF TIMES WITH SITCOMS,
YOU BECOME THIS HOUSEHOLD NAME
354
00:24:27,937 --> 00:24:30,167
AND SOMEBODY SEES YOU DIRTY AND
YOU GO LIKE THIS.
355
00:24:30,173 --> 00:24:32,473
>> I GOT MARRIED, MARRIED MY
GIRLFRIEND OF SEVEN YEARS,
356
00:24:32,475 --> 00:24:34,975
THATS HER AGE, IM GOING TO
JAIL.
357
00:24:34,978 --> 00:24:41,448
>> LETS SAY YOU KNOW HIM FROM
"FULL HOUSE," THATS THE FATHER
358
00:24:41,451 --> 00:24:45,351
FROM "FULL HOUSE," WE SHOULD
TAKE THE KIDS AND GO TO THE
359
00:24:45,355 --> 00:24:46,415
SHOW.
YOULL SHOOT YOURSELF AT THE
360
00:24:46,423 --> 00:24:48,253
FRONT TABLE.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
361
00:24:48,258 --> 00:24:51,328
>> THANK YOU.
>> WHEN PEOPLE SAW BOB A LOT.
362
00:24:51,328 --> 00:24:55,068
THEY WERE LIKE ‐‐
>> I SEE PEOPLES FACES AND A
363
00:24:55,065 --> 00:24:57,865
LOT OF NICE LADIES IN THE
AUDIENCE ARE LIKE ‐‐ YOU JUST
364
00:24:57,867 --> 00:24:59,997
KEEP YOUR MOUTH LIKE THAT, ILL
BE RIGHT THERE.
365
00:25:00,003 --> 00:25:04,103
>> HE LOVED IT.
HE LOVED THAT THEY WERE THROWN
366
00:25:04,107 --> 00:25:05,107
OFF.
HE WAS FREE.
367
00:25:05,108 --> 00:25:09,308
[ BLEEP ] AND SUCK MY HUNDRED
MILLION DOLLAR [ BLEEP ].
368
00:25:09,312 --> 00:25:11,742
>> THATS THE PERFECT ROOM.
YOU GET TO HAVE A TV SHOW, MAKE
369
00:25:11,748 --> 00:25:14,518
SOME MONEY, BUT YOU ALSO GET TO
DO STANDUP COMEDY AND BE WHO YOU
370
00:25:14,517 --> 00:25:18,717
ARE.
>> GREAT SUCCESS.
371
00:25:18,722 --> 00:25:21,962
DOESNT COME FOR EVERYBODY.
THE LANDSCAPE IS STREWN WITH THE
372
00:25:21,958 --> 00:25:25,588
BODIES OF STANDUPS WHO GOT
TELEVISION DEALS AND IT JUST
373
00:25:25,595 --> 00:25:29,225
DIDNT WORK.
>> MY BUTT IS REALLY SORE.
374
00:25:29,232 --> 00:25:35,502
>> FROM WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING
PIN THE TAIL ON THE HONKY.
375
00:25:35,505 --> 00:25:38,435
>> THEY TRIED SITCOMS WITH DAVE
CHAPPELL.
376
00:25:38,441 --> 00:25:41,441
ITS NOT JUST FINDING THE
FUNNIEST PERSON WITH THE
377
00:25:41,444 --> 00:25:43,714
FUNNIEST VOICE.
ITS NOT THAT EASY.
378
00:25:43,713 --> 00:25:45,013
>> IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN HELP
YOU WITH?
379
00:25:45,014 --> 00:25:48,924
>> WOW, YOU LOOK COLD.
>> IT IS TRICKY WHEN, AS A
380
00:25:48,918 --> 00:25:51,348
COMEDIAN, YOU FIND YOUR VOICE,
AND YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT
381
00:25:51,354 --> 00:25:55,594
TO TALK ABOUT AND THEY GIVE YOU
A TV SHOW AND THEYRE, LIKE, OH,
382
00:25:55,592 --> 00:25:58,022
YOU CANT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING
THATS GOTTEN YOU TO THIS POINT.
383
00:25:58,027 --> 00:26:01,897
>> IM ALWAYS TRYING TO LOOK
GOOD FOR GUYS, ITS ALWAYS
384
00:26:01,898 --> 00:26:03,998
BACKFIRING ON ME.
YOURE ALWAYS ON A DIET.
385
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,300
IM ON A DIET BECAUSE IM TRYING
TO GET THE BODY OF THE WOMEN YOU
386
00:26:07,303 --> 00:26:11,103
JERK OFF TO AFTER I FALL ASLEEP.
>> THE WHOLE REASON YOU GOT INTO
387
00:26:11,107 --> 00:26:13,307
COMEDY IS BECAUSE YOU CAN SAY
WHATEVER YOU WANT AND THEN YOU
388
00:26:13,309 --> 00:26:17,679
GET ON TELEVISION AND YOU CAN
ONLY SAY 2% OF WHAT YOU WANT.
389
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,310
>> YOU SAY IN THAT BED, A STORM
OF SEXY IS GOING TO COME YOUR
390
00:26:21,317 --> 00:26:28,687
WAY.
SO JUST GET YOUR UMBRELLA.
391
00:26:28,691 --> 00:26:32,991
>> AS A STANDUP COMIC YOU HAVE
TO FIGURE OUT, CAN I STILL BE A
392
00:26:32,996 --> 00:26:35,666
LARGE ENOUGH PERCENTAGE OF
MYSELF IN THIS NETWORK FORMAT
393
00:26:35,665 --> 00:26:39,795
THAT I CAN STILL BE EFFECTIVE
DOING WHAT I DO?
394
00:26:39,803 --> 00:26:41,733
>> ITS NOTHING TO BE OVERLY
CONCERNED ABOUT.
395
00:26:41,738 --> 00:26:50,108
JUST WATCH YOUR WORDS.
>> I DID THE BERNIE MACK SHOW ON
396
00:26:50,113 --> 00:26:55,483
TELEVISION, THE BIGGEST THING I
WAS COMPETING AGAINST WAS THE
397
00:26:55,485 --> 00:27:01,055
COMEDIAN, HES FUNNY WHEN HE
SAYS THINGS LIKE I DONT GIVE A
398
00:27:01,057 --> 00:27:06,827
[ BLEEP ] ABOUT THESE MOTHER
[ BLEEP ].
399
00:27:06,830 --> 00:27:13,930
>> ILL KICK A KID ASS, WHEN A
KID GET 1 YEARS OLD ‐‐
400
00:27:13,937 --> 00:27:18,007
>> BERNIE MACK THE COMEDIAN
COULD BE AS DIRTY AS HE WANTED
401
00:27:18,007 --> 00:27:20,337
TO BE.
I COULDNT DO THAT STUFF ON A
402
00:27:20,343 --> 00:27:21,543
NETWORK TELEVISION SHOW.
>> I WONT LET GO.
403
00:27:21,544 --> 00:27:23,014
>> YOU PROMISE?
>> I PROMISE.
404
00:27:23,012 --> 00:27:26,112
THIS IS YOUR UNCLE BERNIE, OKAY?
>> I HAD TO GET THE ESSENCE OF
405
00:27:26,115 --> 00:27:29,645
WHAT WAS FUNNY, BUT FIND A
DIFFERENT WAY TO TELL THIS STORY
406
00:27:29,652 --> 00:27:32,822
THAT WE COULD APPRECIATE HOW
FUNNY HE REALLY IS, AND NOT
407
00:27:32,822 --> 00:27:34,922
COMPETE AGAINST THAT STANDUP.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
408
00:27:34,924 --> 00:27:40,594
NO.
BABY GIRL.
409
00:27:40,597 --> 00:27:44,897
>> BERNIE MACK IS NOT SOMEBODY
YOU WANT TO PLUG INTO ANY
410
00:27:44,901 --> 00:27:46,771
SITCOM.
MAKE SURE HE FEELS COMFORT NL,
411
00:27:46,769 --> 00:27:50,039
NOT ALLOWED TO SWEAR OR ALLOWED
TO BE AS BIG A PERSONALITY AS HE
412
00:27:50,039 --> 00:27:54,339
WOULD BE ON STAGE, THAT HE STILL
GETS TO DO ENOUGH OF WHAT HE
413
00:27:54,344 --> 00:27:56,744
DOES FOR THE VIEWER AT HOME TO
BE LIKE I LIKE THIS GUY.
414
00:27:56,746 --> 00:27:59,116
I FEEL LIKE IM GETTING AN
AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE HERE.
415
00:27:59,115 --> 00:28:02,515
>> I TOLD YOU TELEVISION WAS NOT
GOING TO CHANGE ME, AND IT
416
00:28:02,519 --> 00:28:13,559
HASNT.
I STILL SHARE
417
00:28:13,563 --> 00:28:17,163
>>> I CAME FROM AN INTERESTING
BACKGROUND, IM AN ONLY CHILD
418
00:28:17,166 --> 00:28:22,106
AND BEING LATINO, YOU GUYS ARE
THINKING THATS ETHNICALLY
419
00:28:22,105 --> 00:28:25,135
IMPOSSIBLE.
>> IN THE 70s AND 80s, A
420
00:28:25,141 --> 00:28:28,741
COMEDIAN WORKED CLEAN HOPING TO
GET A SPOT ON THE TONIGHT SHOW.
421
00:28:28,745 --> 00:28:32,715
IF THE BOOKER FROM THE TONIGHT
SHOW SAW YOU AND YOU WERE DIRTY,
422
00:28:32,715 --> 00:28:35,385
YOU WERE OUT.
>> I DONT CARE HOW DIRTY A
423
00:28:35,385 --> 00:28:40,355
COMIC, YOU WERE, YOU HAD TO HAVE
YOUR FIVE MINUTES FOR JOHNNY
424
00:28:40,356 --> 00:28:48,356
CARSON, MERV GRIFFIN.
>> I HAVE A BACKGROUND, IRISH
425
00:28:48,364 --> 00:28:52,374
AND GERMAN, THIN, ANGRY, HUNGRY
PEOPLE.
426
00:28:52,368 --> 00:28:56,338
>> THE GREAT CHEFS OF IRE RAND.
>> TERRIFYING IS WHAT FIVE
427
00:28:56,339 --> 00:28:58,099
MINUTES IS.
ITS A BIG DEAL FOR THE
428
00:28:58,107 --> 00:29:02,447
POPULATION THAT LOVES STANDUP
COMICS, THATS WHERE YOU SAW US.
429
00:29:02,445 --> 00:29:05,475
>> WELCOME WHITNEY CUMMINGS.
>> YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT FIVE
430
00:29:05,481 --> 00:29:20,731
MINUTES, YOUD BE CHANGING
THINGS, OR FINDING SYNONYMS TO
431
00:29:20,730 --> 00:29:23,100
VULGERIZE YOUR SET.
>> NEXT WOMAN TO GET MARRIED,
432
00:29:23,099 --> 00:29:27,669
CATCH THE BOUQUET, SEE IF ONE
GUY TALKS TO YOU FOR THE REST OF
433
00:29:27,670 --> 00:29:31,270
THE NIGHT.
>> COMICS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A
434
00:29:31,274 --> 00:29:33,674
HALLMARK OF OUR SHOW, AND ONE OF
THE BIG CHALLENGES IS TRYING TO
435
00:29:33,676 --> 00:29:36,706
FIGURE OUT, OKAY, THIS IS
WORKING REALLY WELL IN THE
436
00:29:36,713 --> 00:29:39,153
CLUBS.
BUT WHEN YOU PUT A TELEVISION
437
00:29:39,148 --> 00:29:43,118
LENS JUST A COUPLE OF FEET AWAY
FROM THE PERFORMER, IT CAN FEEL
438
00:29:43,119 --> 00:29:47,489
TOO ABRASIVE.
ITS TOO MUCH.
439
00:29:47,490 --> 00:29:50,220
JIM GAFFIGAN.
YOU CANT CURSE, YOU CANT TALK
440
00:29:50,226 --> 00:29:53,426
ABOUT DRUGS.
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WOULD
441
00:29:53,429 --> 00:29:56,829
HAVE JOKES AND THERE WOULD BE
LIKE, YOU CANT DO THAT JOKE
442
00:29:56,833 --> 00:30:02,643
BECAUSE YOU SAY CRACK HEAD.
AND IM LIKE, I DID THIS JOKE IN
443
00:30:02,639 --> 00:30:06,639
FRONT OF THE POPE A WEEK AGO.
>> SOME PEOPLE DONT LIKE
444
00:30:06,643 --> 00:30:08,913
RELIGION JOKES, ESPECIALLY THE
ONES GOING TO HELL.
445
00:30:08,911 --> 00:30:12,781
BY THE WAY, TO MOST COMEDIANS,
SAYING YOU CANT DO SOMETHING,
446
00:30:12,782 --> 00:30:15,482
MIGHT AS WELL BE SAYING YOU
SHOULD DO THIS.
447
00:30:15,485 --> 00:30:18,445
THERE ARE PLENTY OF COMEDIANS
WHERE THEYRE LIKE JUST DONT
448
00:30:18,454 --> 00:30:21,554
CURSE, AND THEYLL GO UP THERE
AND CURSE IMMEDIATELY.
449
00:30:21,557 --> 00:30:38,337
>> LEO WAS YOUR PHILIPINO ‐‐
FARKING TICKET.
450
00:30:38,341 --> 00:30:41,511
I HAVE TO WRITE FOR YOU THE
FARKING TICKET.
451
00:30:41,511 --> 00:30:57,221
HE SAID, HES NOT ‐‐ HES
MY ‐‐ ‐‐
452
00:30:57,226 --> 00:31:00,956
>> A CLEAN COMIC IS A DREAM FOR
ME BECAUSE I DONT HAVE TO BEG
453
00:31:00,963 --> 00:31:05,363
FOR A JOKE TO GET PASSED BY A
NETWORK OR CROSS MY FINGERS AND
454
00:31:05,368 --> 00:31:09,138
TOES AND WORRY ABOUT PEOPLE
GETTING PISSED OFF.
455
00:31:09,138 --> 00:31:12,868
THERES NO RULE BOOK ON A SHOW
LIKE THE COLBERT SHOW.
456
00:31:12,875 --> 00:31:16,175
EVERY DAY IM FIGURING OUT WHAT
WE CAN AND CANT DO AND THE
457
00:31:16,179 --> 00:31:17,809
BOUNDARIES AND HOW FAR CAN WE
GO?
458
00:31:17,814 --> 00:31:22,454
>> WHY DID GAY GUYS GET TO
CHOOSE WHO THE HOT WOMEN ARE.
459
00:31:22,452 --> 00:31:24,082
I THOUGHT STRAIGHT GUYS GOT TO
DECIDE.
460
00:31:24,087 --> 00:31:29,257
YOURE LIKE, ALL RIGHT, AND THE
TONY GOES TO ‐‐ ROCKY AGAIN.
461
00:31:29,258 --> 00:31:34,028
ITS A COMPLETELY SEPARATE TYPE
OF COMEDY LATE NIGHT COMEDY.
462
00:31:34,030 --> 00:31:38,630
SOME COMICS ARE GOOD AT IT.
BUT SOME COMICS, IT FEELS LIKE
463
00:31:38,634 --> 00:31:41,574
IT BECOMES TOO MUCH WORK TO
CONSTRUCT YOUR THING FOR THAT
464
00:31:41,571 --> 00:31:46,971
MEDIUM.
>> HELLO?
465
00:31:46,976 --> 00:31:50,776
>> RICHARD PRYOR WAS NEVER AS
FUNNY ON THE TONIGHT SHOW AS HE
466
00:31:50,780 --> 00:31:53,980
WAS DOING STANDUP.
HE WAS GOOD, BUT THEY WERE NEVER
467
00:31:53,983 --> 00:31:56,283
AS FUNNY.
>> ITS VERY RARE YOU SEE
468
00:31:56,285 --> 00:32:00,055
SOMEONES FIVE MINUTES ON TV AND
ITS AS GOOD AS THEIR HOUR IN A
469
00:32:00,056 --> 00:32:01,956
COMEDY CLUB.
>> GUYS, IF YOU COULD BLOW
470
00:32:01,958 --> 00:32:07,098
YOURSELVES, LADIES, YOUD BE IN
THIS ROOM ALONE RIGHT NOW.
471
00:32:07,096 --> 00:32:13,496
WATCHING AN EMPTY STAGE.
LIKE, I NEVER SAW BILL HICKS
472
00:32:13,503 --> 00:32:15,603
LIVE, BUT I HAVE FIRSTHAND
ACCOUNTS FROM FRIENDS SAYING,
473
00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:20,135
THERES NO ONE BETTER.
>> HE WAS BOOKED ON THE LATE
474
00:32:20,143 --> 00:32:23,713
SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN IN
1993, AND HE DID HIS SET, WHICH
475
00:32:23,713 --> 00:32:27,753
HAD BEEN APPROVED BY THE BOOKERS
IN ADVANCE.
476
00:32:27,750 --> 00:32:31,220
>> PEOPLE ANNOY ME.
WHATS ANNOYING ME IS THESE
477
00:32:31,220 --> 00:32:33,190
PRO‐LIFE PEOPLE, YOU EVER LOOK
AT THEIR FACES?
478
00:32:33,189 --> 00:32:36,489
IM PRO‐LIFE.
THEY DONT LOOK IT, THEY JUST
479
00:32:36,492 --> 00:32:44,902
EXUDE IT.
YOU SEE THEM TRYING TO GO TO AN
480
00:32:44,901 --> 00:32:47,471
ORPHANAGE TO ADOPT A KID.
DONT PICK ME.
481
00:32:47,470 --> 00:32:51,440
>> DID FINE IN FRONT OF THAT
AUDIENCE, AND THEN AFTER THE
482
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:55,070
SET, ROBERT MORTON, GOT ON THE
PHONE, SOME CONFERENCE UPSTAIRS
483
00:32:55,077 --> 00:32:58,207
AND THEY DECIDED TO CUT IT FROM
THE EPISODE.
484
00:32:58,214 --> 00:33:05,024
THEY SAID IT WAS TOO OFFENSIVE.
>> THE BILL HICKS INCIDENT ON
485
00:33:05,021 --> 00:33:06,751
LETTERMAN BECAME THE THING OF
LEGEND.
486
00:33:06,756 --> 00:33:09,626
SO WHEN WE TALK ABOUT CLEAN
COMEDY AND DIRTY COMEDY, IT WAS
487
00:33:09,625 --> 00:33:14,495
COMPLETELY WITHIN THE PARAMETERS
OF WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE ON NETWORK
488
00:33:14,497 --> 00:33:16,627
TELEVISION.
>> IF THATS WHO YOURE BRINGING
489
00:33:16,632 --> 00:33:19,132
ONTO YOUR SHOW, THATS WHAT
YOURE GOING TO GET.
490
00:33:19,135 --> 00:33:24,105
IF YOURE NOT WANTING THAT,
YOURE GOING TO GET, PROBABLY, A
491
00:33:24,106 --> 00:33:30,146
TERRIBLE VERSION OF THAT PERSON.
>> BILL HICKS FELT VIOLATED.
492
00:33:30,146 --> 00:33:33,516
HE NEVER DID THE LETTERMAN SHOW
AGAIN, AND IT HAUNTED DAVE.
493
00:33:33,516 --> 00:33:35,816
>> I WANT YOU FOLKS TO ENJOY
THIS, HONESTLY.
494
00:33:35,818 --> 00:33:39,688
>> YEARS LATER, AFTER HICKS HAD
DIED, LETTERMAN HAD HICKS MOM
495
00:33:39,689 --> 00:33:42,089
ON THE SHOW AND THEY PLAYED THE
SET IN ITS ENTIRETY.
496
00:33:42,091 --> 00:33:44,921
>> I THINK ITS INTERESTING TO
NOTE HOW PEOPLE ACT ON RELIGIOUS
497
00:33:44,927 --> 00:33:51,097
BELIEFS, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
LIKE A LOT OF CHRISTIANS WEAR
498
00:33:51,100 --> 00:33:52,030
CROSSES AROUND THEIR NECKS.
NICE SENTIMENT.
499
00:33:52,034 --> 00:33:56,404
DO YOU THINK WHEN JESUS COMES
BACK HES REALLY GOING TO WANT
500
00:33:56,405 --> 00:33:59,205
TO LOOK AT A CROSS?
IT WAS TRAIL BLAZING, AND BILL
501
00:33:59,208 --> 00:34:02,308
HICKS IS AMAZING, BUT SOMEBODY
HAS TO BE FIRST AND YOU USUALLY
502
00:34:02,311 --> 00:34:06,411
GET CHOPPED DOWN AND THE NEXT
GUY COMES THROUGH.
503
00:34:06,415 --> 00:34:08,775
THATS WHAT HAPPENED.
>> IVE NOT SEEN THAT VIDEOTAPE,
504
00:34:08,784 --> 00:34:12,824
OR ANY PART OF IT SINCE THAT
NIGHT, AND SEEING IT NOW, IT
505
00:34:12,822 --> 00:34:15,352
RAISES THE QUESTION, WHAT WAS
THE MATTER WITH ME?
506
00:34:15,358 --> 00:34:18,458
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
THAT WAS JUST TREMENDOUS.
507
00:34:18,461 --> 00:34:21,261
>> LATE NIGHT TV IS NOT WHAT IT
USED TO BE.
508
00:34:21,264 --> 00:34:23,934
ITS GREAT TO DO CONAN OR
FALLON.
509
00:34:23,933 --> 00:34:27,373
ALL GREAT, BUT THATS NOT GOING
TO MAKE YOUR CAREER ANYMORE.
510
00:34:27,370 --> 00:34:31,400
IF YOU WIND UP ON COMEDY CENTRAL
NOW, YOU COULD WIND UP DOING A
511
00:34:31,407 --> 00:34:35,377
HALF HOUR FOR NETFLIX, NETWORK
TV NO LONGER CONTROLS WHO IS
512
00:34:35,378 --> 00:34:37,148
FAMOUS.
>> ITS MORE ABOUT PODCASTS AND
513
00:34:37,146 --> 00:34:40,576
THINGS THAT GET A BIGGER SENSE
OF YOU THAN JUST LIKE, HOW YOU
514
00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:43,623
DOING, FOLKS?
WITH THE PODCASTS, IT GIVES THE
515
00:34:43,619 --> 00:34:46,149
COMEDIAN, THE FREEDOM, THERE ARE
NO RESTRICTIONS.
516
00:34:46,155 --> 00:34:49,225
THEYRE JUST TOPICS WE TALK
ABOUT THAT ARE NORMALLY TABOO.
517
00:34:49,225 --> 00:34:51,285
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT,
DADDY?
518
00:34:51,294 --> 00:34:55,634
>> YOU SAID IT.
>> ARE YOU GOOD TO YOUR MATE?
519
00:34:55,631 --> 00:34:58,861
>> AND DO THEY RECIPROCATE?
>> AND THE RESPONSE WERE
520
00:34:58,868 --> 00:35:03,608
GETTING IS PEOPLE ARE SAYING,
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO OPEN, AND
521
00:35:03,606 --> 00:35:05,366
HONEST.
>> THERES THE PREMIUM FOR THEM
522
00:35:05,374 --> 00:35:09,844
TO BE COMPLETELY WHO THEY ARE,
AND NOW AUDIENCES ARE MORE
523
00:35:09,845 --> 00:35:13,415
FINELY TUNED TO SNIFF OUT THE
BS.
524
00:35:13,416 --> 00:35:16,786
IM LISTENING TO MARK MARIN AND
I KNOW HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS
525
00:35:16,786 --> 00:35:20,986
FATHER WHEN HE GOES ON STAGE,
THERES A SHORTHAND SO HE CAN GO
526
00:35:20,990 --> 00:35:27,430
DEEPER FASTER.
>> I DONT THINK IM AFRAID TO
527
00:35:27,430 --> 00:35:29,660
DIE.
ID PREFER IT HAPPENS QUICKLY.
528
00:35:29,665 --> 00:35:33,135
LIKE THE TRANSITION I JUST
WANTED IT TO BE LIKE, BOOM,
529
00:35:33,135 --> 00:35:45,845
BOOM, ID LIKE MY LAST WORDS TO
BE SOMETHING LIKE,
530
00:35:45,848 --> 00:35:49,578
>>> TWO YEARS AGO I WAS ASKED TO
PERFORM AT A CHARITY GOLF
531
00:35:49,585 --> 00:35:55,655
TOURNAMENT IN NEW JERSEY AND I
SAID YES BECAUSE IM NOT AGAINST
532
00:35:55,658 --> 00:35:56,758
CHARITY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
533
00:35:56,759 --> 00:36:00,589
>> IM NOT GOING TO [ BLEEP ]
CHARITY.
534
00:36:00,596 --> 00:36:02,426
WHAT AM I?
A MONSTER.
535
00:36:02,431 --> 00:36:05,871
>> THE ONLY THING ABOUT BEING A
CLEAN COMIC I THINK IS ITS
536
00:36:05,868 --> 00:36:08,398
OFTEN ASSOCIATED WITH CORPORATE
EVENTS.
537
00:36:08,404 --> 00:36:13,114
>> AS A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN,
YOU HAVE TO LEARN IF YOU DO A
538
00:36:13,109 --> 00:36:14,739
CORPORATE GIG, IT HAS TO BE
CLEAN.
539
00:36:14,744 --> 00:36:17,814
>> THEY SAY GET UP AND ENTERTAIN
THESE PEOPLE BUT DONT SAY
540
00:36:17,813 --> 00:36:21,483
ANYTHING THAT WOULD BE
ENTERTAINING AND THEN YOU GO ALL
541
00:36:21,484 --> 00:36:23,454
RIGHT.
YOU GO UP AND DO YOUR BEST.
542
00:36:23,452 --> 00:36:25,352
YOU USUALLY FAIL AND THEN YOU
LEAVE.
543
00:36:25,354 --> 00:36:29,394
>> THE WOMAN IN CHARGE WALKS UP
TO ME AND GOES OKAY, MIKE, THERE
544
00:36:29,392 --> 00:36:36,202
IS TWO SPEAKERS AND THEN YOU.
THE FIRST SPEAKER WALKS ON AND
545
00:36:36,198 --> 00:36:41,898
HES AN 11‐YEAR‐OLD BOY WHO
SURVIVED LEUKEMIA.
546
00:36:41,904 --> 00:36:43,804
I KNOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
547
00:36:43,806 --> 00:36:49,376
>> HES NOT FUNNY AT ALL.
>> STANDUP IS A STRUGGLE.
548
00:36:49,378 --> 00:36:54,478
THE START OF YOUR CAREER.
EVENTUALLY, IF YOURE FUNNY YOU
549
00:36:54,483 --> 00:36:57,783
WILL MAKE MONEY.
ITS JUST A LONG GAME BUT A
550
00:36:57,787 --> 00:37:00,687
CORPORATE GIG CAN BE A PAYCHECK.
>> IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A LOT OF
551
00:37:00,689 --> 00:37:04,859
MONEY DOING LIVE STANDUP, ITS
IN CORPORATE AND COLLEGES SO YOU
552
00:37:04,860 --> 00:37:07,230
GOT TO WORK CLEAN IF YOU WANT
THE BIG BUCKS.
553
00:37:07,229 --> 00:37:15,699
>> YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE
CALCULATION, AM I A SELLOUT OR
554
00:37:15,704 --> 00:37:19,314
OR BUSINESSMAN.
>> LIKE TESTING A BATTERY.
555
00:37:19,308 --> 00:37:23,308
>> IM TOO DIRTY TO DO CORPORATE
AND ITS AMAZINGLY UNFORTUNATE
556
00:37:23,312 --> 00:37:25,642
BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT OF MONEY
IN CORPORATE.
557
00:37:25,648 --> 00:37:28,948
BELIEVE ME, I WOULD DO IT IN A
SECOND IF I COULD.
558
00:37:28,951 --> 00:37:32,251
>> I DID A VERY CONSERVATIVE
JEWISH RESTAURANT.
559
00:37:32,254 --> 00:37:36,824
THEY HAD THIS WHOLE LIST OF
WORDS THAT YOU COULDNT SAY, ONE
560
00:37:36,826 --> 00:37:40,956
OF WHICH WAS TOOKIS.
IM LIKE WHAT?
561
00:37:40,963 --> 00:37:47,573
>> THEY ARE TRYING TO HELP THE
COMEDIAN BY SAYING DONT BE TOO
562
00:37:47,570 --> 00:37:49,670
DIRTY, DONT BE TOO OFFENSIVE
BECAUSE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN
563
00:37:49,672 --> 00:37:52,442
IS YOURE GOING TO SAY A
QUESTIONABLE JOKE ABOUT
564
00:37:52,441 --> 00:37:56,441
SEXUALITY AND THEN STEVE FROM
FINANCE IS GOING TO LAUGH SO
565
00:37:56,445 --> 00:37:59,315
HARD THAT ITS GOING TO BE
AWKWARD TO WORK WITH STEVE FOR
566
00:37:59,315 --> 00:38:03,215
THE REST OF THE YEAR AND HES
GOING TO BE FIRED.
567
00:38:03,219 --> 00:38:07,889
>> I WAS READING A BIBLE AND
FOUND OUT JESUS HAD A LITTLE
568
00:38:07,890 --> 00:38:10,560
BROTHER.
ANYBODY KNOW HIS NAME?
569
00:38:10,559 --> 00:38:13,359
JAMES.
WHEN I READ THAT I WAS LIKE HOW
570
00:38:13,362 --> 00:38:17,462
MUCH PRESSURE WAS THAT?
JESUS, YOUR BIG BROTHER?
571
00:38:17,466 --> 00:38:21,596
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO
HEAR WHY CANT YOU BE MORE LIKE
572
00:38:21,604 --> 00:38:24,844
JESUS JAMES?
>> THERE IS A SPECIFIC CHURCH
573
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:29,510
CIRCUIT COMEDIANS WHO THEMSELVES
ARE CHRISTIAN WHO PERFORM IN
574
00:38:29,512 --> 00:38:32,812
CHRISTIAN VENUES.
>> BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE GO I
575
00:38:32,815 --> 00:38:36,215
WANT TO GO SEE HIM BUT I DONT
WANT TO BE OFFENDED.
576
00:38:36,218 --> 00:38:39,648
YOU HAVE SOMEBODY COMING TO YOUR
CHURCH, NOW THEY ARE IN THEIR
577
00:38:39,655 --> 00:38:42,725
COMFORT ZONE AND ALL YOU HAVE TO
DO IS DO YOUR SHOW AND TALK
578
00:38:42,725 --> 00:38:47,655
ABOUT STUFF THATS NOT OFFENSIVE
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU GOT
579
00:38:47,663 --> 00:38:55,373
ANOTHER FAN OF COMMAEDYCOMEDY.
>> SHAUNDA PIERCE, KNOWN AS
580
00:38:55,371 --> 00:38:59,511
CLEAN OF CLEAN.
>> I HAVE TEN OR 12 GOLD RECORDS
581
00:38:59,508 --> 00:39:05,238
AND SIX PLATINUM RECORDS AND YOU
CANT FIND A CUSS WORD ON ANY OF
582
00:39:05,247 --> 00:39:08,277
THEM UNLESS BUTT CRACK IS.
>> I TELL MY FRIENDS, YOU THINK
583
00:39:08,284 --> 00:39:13,324
YOURE FUNNY, COME TO FIRST
BAPTIST AND MAKE A BUNCH OF
584
00:39:13,322 --> 00:39:16,792
DEACONS LAUGH ON EASTER MORNING.
WELL SEE HOW FUNNY YOU ARE.
585
00:39:16,792 --> 00:39:20,832
>> ITS NOT THAT I MADE A MORAL
CONSCIOUS TO NOT CUSS, IT DIDNT
586
00:39:20,829 --> 00:39:25,229
EXIST IN MY VOCABULARY SO WHEN I
SEE A COMIC GET UP WITH THOSE
587
00:39:25,234 --> 00:39:28,304
WORDS, MAYBE JUST THE WAY THEY
WERE RAISED.
588
00:39:28,304 --> 00:39:31,844
YOU NEED TO GO SLAP THEIR MAMA,
NOT THEM.
589
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,640
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> MY MOTHER CAME IN MY BEDROOM.
590
00:39:34,643 --> 00:39:37,413
I WAS 23, THE NIGHT BEFORE I GOT
MARRIED.
591
00:39:37,413 --> 00:39:40,083
SHE CAME IN AND SAID WELL,
TOMORROW IS YOUR BIG DAY.
592
00:39:40,082 --> 00:39:46,592
I GUESS ITS TIME WE HAD THAT
LITTLE TALK.
593
00:39:46,589 --> 00:39:50,819
AND SHE WOULD ALWAYS SPELL IT,
S‐E‐X.
594
00:39:50,826 --> 00:39:54,026
>> THIS IS WHAT I SAY EVERY
NIGHT, IF I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT
595
00:39:54,029 --> 00:39:57,759
SEX, SORRY IF THAT OFFENDED YOU.
IF YOURE HERE, IM PRETTY SURE
596
00:39:57,766 --> 00:40:01,836
SOMEBODY IN YOUR PAST HAD SEX.
AND SO IF YOU THROW THAT MIRROR
597
00:40:01,837 --> 00:40:06,237
UP OF HOW RIDICULOUS THEIR
OFFENSE IS, THEN THAT GIVES YOU
598
00:40:06,242 --> 00:40:09,612
THE PERMISSION TO GO TO THE NEXT
STEP AND THE NEXT STEP.
599
00:40:09,612 --> 00:40:14,652
WE GOT DEACONS FROWNING ON US
BECAUSE WERE TAKING
600
00:40:14,650 --> 00:40:17,950
ANTI‐DEPRESSANTS AND THEY GOT I
IING AI
601
00:40:17,953 --> 00:40:21,693
IING A RAI
VIAGRA SITTING IN THEIR POCKET.
602
00:40:21,690 --> 00:40:26,830
>> THERE IS THIS BELIEF SHOULD
WE LOOK AROUND, SHOULD WE BE
603
00:40:26,829 --> 00:40:28,729
OFFENDED?
THERE IS A NICE FREEDOM TO THAT.
604
00:40:28,731 --> 00:40:33,401
>> I DONT KNOW WHY ANYONE WOULD
WANT TO BE THE PRESIDENT OF THE
605
00:40:33,402 --> 00:40:35,032
UNITED STATES.
I WOULDNT WANT THAT JOB IN A
606
00:40:35,037 --> 00:40:37,837
MILLION YEARS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING AWAKENED
607
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:42,310
EVERY MORNING LIKE THIS.
PROBLEMS.
608
00:40:42,311 --> 00:40:46,181
>> BRIAN REGAN MAKES A GOOD
CHUNK OF HIS MONEY BECAUSE HES
609
00:40:46,181 --> 00:40:48,611
A FAMILY ACT AND THAT COMMUNITY
COMES OUT.
610
00:40:48,617 --> 00:40:53,357
>> YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
>> IF A FAMILY CAN COME SEE A
611
00:40:53,355 --> 00:40:57,485
SHOW AND LAUGH TOGETHER, THE
MORE RELATABLE I CAN MAKE MY
612
00:40:57,493 --> 00:41:00,393
SHOW, THE MORE IT WILL HIT HOME
WITH FANS.
613
00:41:00,396 --> 00:41:05,866
>> I TOOK MY FAMILY ON AN R. V.
TRIP THIS SUMMER.
614
00:41:05,868 --> 00:41:09,438
I THOUGHT IT STOOD FOR
RECREATIONAL VEHICLE, NO RUIN
615
00:41:09,438 --> 00:41:15,108
VACATION.
>> THERE IS A DEGREE WHICH
616
00:41:15,110 --> 00:41:16,510
COMEDY CAN BREAK US ALL APART
AND MAKE PEOPLE AT EACH OTHERS
617
00:41:16,512 --> 00:41:18,982
THREATS AND IT UNITES PEOPLE
LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING THEY
618
00:41:18,981 --> 00:41:22,211
DIDNT EXPECT TO LAUGH AT.
>> DID YOU HIT TRAFFIC COMING IN
619
00:41:22,217 --> 00:41:23,117
TONIGHT?
SOME OF YOU.
620
00:41:23,118 --> 00:41:27,248
I HIT LIKE TWO CARS.
I ‐‐
621
00:41:27,256 --> 00:41:32,386
>> WHEN WE LAUGH TOGETHER, THERE
IS SOMETHING THATS HEALING.
622
00:41:32,394 --> 00:41:36,704
YOU JUST DONT FEEL SO ALONE.
THERE IS NOTHING COMPARABLE.
623
00:41:36,699 --> 00:41:42,569
>> IF YOURE GOING TO MAKE A
CASE FOR CLEAN COMEDY, MY CASE
624
00:41:42,571 --> 00:41:47,071
IS IT CAN APPEAL TO KIDS THAT
ARE 10 AND YOUR GRANDFATHER THAT
625
00:41:47,076 --> 00:41:50,806
IS 90 AND THEY CAN BE IN THE
SAME ROOM AND LAUGH AT THE SAME
626
00:41:50,813 --> 00:41:53,583
TIME.
THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD THING.
627
00:41:53,582 --> 00:41:57,382
>> THE MORE WELL‐CHOSEN YOUR
WORDS ARE, THE BETTER THE WORK
628
00:41:57,386 --> 00:42:00,116
IS.
>> OKAY, I CANT SAY THIS WORD
629
00:42:00,122 --> 00:42:06,932
BUT CAN I SAY THIS?
>> LETS TALK ABOUT CAULK, THE
630
00:42:06,929 --> 00:42:10,899
STUFF AROUND YOUR BATHTUB.
THERE ISNT A WOMAN THAT WANTS
631
00:42:10,899 --> 00:42:13,069
FRESH, FIRM CAULK IN HER
BATHROOM.
632
00:42:13,068 --> 00:42:15,828
>> DO YOU REALLY?
I DONT.
633
00:42:15,838 --> 00:42:19,108
I DONT LIKE HAVING TO TIPTOE
AROUND ADULT WORDS.
634
00:42:19,108 --> 00:42:21,518
>> SOME OF THEM ARE [ BLEEP ].
WE NEED THESE.
57406
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