All language subtitles for 01 Grace & Frankie (07)

Onomatopoeia.

O-N-O-M-A-T-P-E-I-A.

Onomatopoeia.

- That is incorrect.
- I knew she'd blow it.

There's a secret "O" in there!

The word is "troglodyte."

Hey, what are you doing back?
I thought you had a big date.

It was a complete disaster. I couldn't
even make it through the appetizers.

What was wrong with this one?

Well, you know, when
you go on these things,

usually you start off with a
cute anecdote about yourself.

I use the one about nursing
a baby bird back to health.

That was me! I did that!

Well, I took it. It's
a big hit, actually,

should you want to start dating.

Anyway, this guy's anecdote
was about his fatty lipoma.

- I don't know what that is.
- Oh, I didn't either. It's a tumor.

He named it Farley. I
think it had teeth.

Well, I'm gonna turn your
night around right now.

Round one of the spelling bee is on.

Although if you're a
big fan of Devon Zima,

he just crapped out on a diphthong.

As amazing as that sounds, I would
rather have dinner with Farley.

Round one is when they tell the
back stories about all the kids.

Don't you want to hear about
the obstacles they've overcome?

What obstacles? They're twelve.

Besides, I have another
date tomorrow night.

I don't want to get too invested.

A third date this week.
Aren't you exhausted?

I'm a woman on a mission.

But this year is different! They
have a Twitter ticker and a hashtag!

- Do you know what that means?
- Yes.

Could you explain it to me?

Did I miss anything?

- The word is "ennui."
- I was just about to say the same thing.

Come on. You love sports.

I love that you
consider this "sports."

- It's on ESPN!
- Six.

- E-N... N...
- Aren't you nervous?

I'm on the edge of my seat!

What happens if they miss a
word? Lions? Electric shock?

- That is correct.
- They have to sit down.

Sometimes they faint.

It's an annual tradition.
Frankie and I never missed it.

Well, I guess I can handle one round.

Well... times three.

- It's three days.
- In a row? Dear God.

It's okay. You don't
have to watch it with me.

Well, I am sorry, love. But you know,

I'm smack in the middle of Antietam, and
I'm so anxious to know how it ends.

- I'll be in my office.
- The word is "subpoena."

- Can you use it in a sentence?
- "Subpoena"...

to be avoided at all costs.

He's going to blow it. There's
a surprise "B" in there.

S... A... P...

I got it.

All right...

- Brianna? I got your text.
- Bud, help!

- Oh, what did you do to that brisket?
- I did everything you told me to do.

I took it out of the oven and
then I sliced it, and now... this.

I told you, you have to let it rest.

Well, but, why does it
get to rest and I don't?

Well, okay. Now you're having a stew.

No. Bud, stew isn't date food.

It is now. What time
will Racist Dave be here?

Okay. First of all,
Border Patrol Dave.

And he's coming in an hour.

You know what? I'm impressed you're
actually cooking for this guy.

Not brisket, anybody could make that,

but you don't even cook for yourself.

Well, it's the second date.
You know what that means...

It's the second time
you're sleeping with him?

Wow.

He just canceled.

Racist prick.

- You okay?
- Yes.

- You wanna talk?
- No.

I am so tired of this.
It's just too hard.

It is hard. Doesn't help
that you're terrible at it.

No, Bud, I am.

No, come on, I'm joking.

I just don't even know
what I want anymore.

You want what everyone wants.

You want to come home
at the end of the day

to someone who's happy to see you.

You're right.

I'm getting a dog.

- Mmmm...
- Yeah.

Oh, you know, I cannot figure
out how to boot this thing on.

You got a computer.

You don't even like
the smoke detector.

- I just don't think it should talk!
- What possessed you to get that?

I want to be "a part
of the conversation."

What does that even mean?

It's like the announcer
guy said last night.

You don't just watch,
you Twitter, you hashtag,

you Instant Gram.

Why watch alone when I can
share the entire experience

with millions of strangers?

- Can you help me?
- Sure.

It's easy.

You just... plug it in.

And then...

Oh, boy! Can you do it
again so I can watch you?

Carefully, step by step.

- Turn it on again?
- Yes!

Do it so I can learn to do it.

You know, "you teach a man to fish."

What does it want now?

It's asking you to put in
your name and a password.

- What should I put?
- Your name. And a password.

Okay.

Now, what about "NWABUDIKE?"

No, no. No, you don't want
to use personal information.

Use something random.

No. Something you can remember.

You know, some inside joke.

Okay.

- "7BONGS".
- And put it there.

- Okay.
- Now what do I do?

- Click "okay."
- Where do I click?

On the touchpad.

The touchpad! Here! Gosh almighty.

I just don't know why
they make it so hard!

They don't. Here is
what you're going to do.

Oh, here, look.

Call this number.

- What is it?
- Professional help.

Yeah, that's what I need.

- Hello.
- Hello?!

- Your estimated wait time is...
- Oh, for the love of fuck.

- Less than one minute.
- Oh, great, great.

Sorry for swearing.

Tech Support.
How can we help you today?

Hello. I have a computer
about which I know nothing.

- I just want to get it online.
- Ok, sure.

- Do you have a wireless connection?
- No. I-I'm not sure.

Maybe. I-I don't... maybe.

- What about your IP address?
- No. You're not listening.

When I said "I know nothing,"
I meant "I know nothing."

- I'm 70 years old.
- Ohhh.

Okay. We have someone for
you, ma'am. Hold on, please.

No, no, wait, no...

- Hello there.
- Hello.

Hi. Good afternoon.

So who do I have the pleasure
of speaking with right now?

- This is Frankie.
- Hi, Frankie. I'm Mike.

- Hi, Mike.
- Hi.

I hear that you have a brand
new computer. That's awesome.

Congratulations!

Thank you, Mike. I'm not
thrilled about it just yet.

I do not blame you. Unfamiliar
technology can be really frustrating.

Oh, you're telling me, I mean. It can.

All right, all right, listen. I am
here for you. Now first things first.

Just sit back, relax.

Ah, mmm.

Are you comfy? You in
a good place to sit?

- I think I am, Mike.
- Great!

But from the sound of it, you've
got a great support system.

You've got Coyote, and Bud,
you've got your work, Al-Anon...

And now you.

Thanks. So what do you say?
You ready to send your first Tweet?

Yes, I am, Mike.

And you're sure you want
to make it that profane?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

Okay. Bring the cursor
up to the blue button

and three, two, one, click it.

Did you get it? Did you get it?!

Yeah! The whole world did.

- You're part of social media now, baby.
- Oh, Mike, you're the best.

No, no, no, no, you
are, @suckitaynrand.

That's me!

Oh, God, my ex-husband is here.

Sol's there? Okay, you better go.

- Knock, knock.
- I'll check up on you later.

Okay, bye, Mike.

What are you doing here, Sol?

I've been meaning to bring
you some stuff from the house.

- Figured you might need it.
- The bread machine?

Who doesn't like fresh bread?

Cider House Rules laser disc.

What the hell are you doing here, Sol?

Honestly, I was really
missing you last night.

It was weird watching
the show without you.

Did you see Josiah?

Did I see him go to town
scratching his testicles?

Unfortunate nervous tic.

Why don't you come over
tonight and watch it with me?

Okay.

- No, wait!
- Why not?

Feels wrong. Alarm bells.

Come on, just because
we don't live together,

does that have to mean
the end of all our rituals?

The spelling bee, volunteering
for the PBS telethon,

the jicama harvest...

The jicama harvest. I
forgot about that.

Do we really have to
give that stuff up?

- Yes, I think we do.
- Why?

Because you're marrying someone else.

Come on. It's not like I'm
asking you to go to Paris with me.

We'll sit on the couch and watch
our favorite TV event of the year.

Okay, you and me and
Robert on the couch.

That sounds cozy.

No, Robert's going out with his friends
specifically so he won't have to watch it.

I'm sure he'll be happy I'm
foisting it on somebody else.

I'm gonna have to be strong
and say no for both of us.

Okay. Understood.

Let me know if you change your mind.

My schedule is completely...
"pultaceous."

Pultaceous...
P-U-L-T-A-C...

E? O-U-S?

- You just beat Eileen!
- Yay!

Pultaceous! Sit on it, home-schooling!

Ha-ha!

Hi. Brianna? I'm Dutch.
From SD Dog Rescue.

I'm the "foster dad."

- Yes! Sorry! Come in.
- Thank you.

Hey, buddy.

Oh, it's not going to be easy
saying goodbye to this guy.

I'd love to keep him, truly,
but I already have five.

Yeah, well, six dogs would
be pretty fucking crazy.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah, you just...
you come right out and say it.

I sure do.

- So, you ready to meet him?
- Yes.

Whip it out. Him out. The dog.

- Whip him out. The dog.
- Whip the dog out.

All right. All right, Leo.

Umm...

- Is this the dog from the website?
- Yeah.

He's ugly... er than
the profile pic I saw.

Oh, this is your dog.

Um, this is the food. It's
the food that he's been on,

so if you want to change
it, you should do it slowly.

Here's his leash, and
a little chew toy...

No, that's all
great. It's just, he seems...

He just seems a little aloof.

Well, um, we should
probably just give him a minute.

Because he's nervous. He probably just
wants to get to know you a little.

Okay. It's just, he's already moving
in. He brought his own furniture.

Yeah, not all of it.

Actually, he has like a full patio
set and a grill back at the shelter.

He left it for the other
dogs to play with.

What? He did?

- Oh, oh.
- No, no.

No, that was just a joke.
Sorry about that.

No, I don't get dog stuff.

That's okay. You probably shouldn't
let your dog touch a grill.

- But, like...
- Okay, okay.

Anyway, I should probably take off
because I've gotta, I gotta run.

- Oh, really?
- Anyway, Brianna.

- It was very nice to meet you.
- You, too.

Call me if you have any problems.

- Okay.
- I'm sure you won't have any.

All right. Bye, Leo!

All right, bye.

So... okay.

Come here, boy. Come here, boy.

Okay, I'll come to you.

Hello. How are you? I am Brianna.

You know, he really felt
that I had these anger issues

and that I was just really
not communicating very well,

which I didn't agree with,
but... that's how that ended.

And nothing from you still.

Your foster dad is a very sexy man.

That was a surprise.

The word is "hoosegow."

Definition?

- A colloquialism for...
- Are you really going out again?

Are you really staying in again?

Yeah, but it's not like I'm alone.

I am engaging with all the
people in Internet-land.

Plus, someone has already
liked one of my tweets.

- Sol?
- That's not the point.

The point is, if you have one of
these, you don't need to go out ever.

Well, I'm going to actually
"engage" with a real human being.

I have high hopes for this one.

He's a yacht owner, slash architect,

and his screen-name is Yachtchitect.

How perfect for you. You really love
cleverly joined words and fancy people.

But if it all goes sideways,
just tweet me...

And I will have the margaritas ready.

I don't tweet.

But just in case, real
lime, no sour mix.

- Light on the salt, rocks.
- That is correct.

The word is "Negus."

Oh, my God...

Grace?

Guy!

- I didn't know you were in town.
- My gosh. Look at you.

- How pretty you are.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, how come you're not on the
top of a mountain somewhere?

Why would I want to be
on a mountain somewhere

when I can look at your beautiful
face instead of some Sherpa?

I mean, except for Nagonkuk.
Now, that guy is breathtaking.

- How long are you here?
- Well, that's a good question.

Tell you the truth, I'm getting
a little older, a little tired.

I'm thinking about hanging up my hat.
Maybe I'll... stay here. I don't know.

You?! You've never stayed in one
place longer than five minutes.

Parachuting into volcanoes,
living with gorilla families.

Well, to tell you the
truth, about six months ago,

I was in the outer
regions of Mongolia, and...

I was straddling this
improvised hygiene pit...

and I suddenly thought, you know,

I've never seen Breaking Bad.

And I haven't had ice cream
in at least nine years.

I haven't either.

Have you... have you talked to
Robert since you've been back?

No. I heard rumors, though.

I guess he's on an adventure
of his own, isn't he.

Well, that's an interesting
way to put it.

Hey.

How are you?

Every day a little better. In
fact, I'm waiting for a date.

- It's an Internet thing.
- What's the Internet?

I'm kidding.

Hasn't been that long.
So, what's he like?

All I really know is he's
a yacht-owning architect.

- Well, I hope it goes well.
- Thank you.

- Oh, my gosh, is that him?
- I think so.

Jesus.

Okay, you've got about seven
seconds before he sees you.

- So what would you like to do?
- Can you make me invisible?

No, I can't, but I can get
you out of here the back way

before he sees you, at least.
All right?

On one condition, you agree
to have ice cream with me.

- You've got three seconds.
- It's a deal.

Okay.

I know this is probably
a lot to get used to,

and obviously, you're new
at this, I'm new at this.

Um, and, I guess the great news is,
it's only for the rest of our lives.

Right? Actually for the
rest of your life,

because I'm gonna probably
live a lot longer... than you.

The Explorer Inside Me?

- Ooh, fun read!
- Yeah, it is!

Do you know that I've
known Guy 40 years

and I've never read
one of his books before?

- You know him?!
- Yeah.

- He's a big deal!
- Really?

He's an old friend of
Robert's from college.

Oh, my God! What is he like?

Well, he's just a great
guy. He's fun, he's handsome.

- He ate his best friend.
- What?!

You remember the plane crash in
Siberia with his friend Harris,

who told him to eat him so
that they both wouldn't die.

He wrote a book about that.

He really should have called
that one The Explorer Inside Me.

Yeah, you're thinking
of somebody else.

- That's not Guy.
- Mm, mm.

It's that movie about the soccer team.

- And his book Eating Harris.
- You're making this up.

- No.
- In this book,

- he's sailing down the Amazon.
- Oh, that's not the good one.

I mean, it's good, but it's
more a spiritual journey.

- You know the jaguar that's stalking him?
- Yeah.

Turns out to be just a metaphor.

Well, thanks.

So you're going to go
out with this guy?

Yes. I am.

He's a worldly, fascinating man,

and I haven't met too
many of those lately.

Well, okay. But if this date turns
out like the last ones, just bail.

The spelling bee and margaritas
are still on the table.

Thanks, I don't think
that's gonna happen, though.

This... this feels different.

That's probably what he said
to Harris while he ate his foot.

? And then hang out with
your owner, Brianna?

Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?

You're a rescue dog. You're
supposed to be desperate.

Why won't you love me?

The word is... "Fartlek."

- Please repeat.
- Fartlek.

Fartlek, fartlek...

Oh God, Josiah, come
on. You've got to do it.

- Fartlek.
- Please do it.

- Country of origin?
- He's just got to.

- I know he's gonna do it.
- Sweden.

- Oh there! He did it! He did it!
- Fartlek, fartlek...

- Definition?
- Hello?

- Hey Frankie, it's Mike.
- Hi, Mike.

Is this a good time?

It's always a good
time to talk to you.

So how is everything going?

Well, you just missed
Marinda just before.

She flat-tired on some
junior varsity bullshit.

Her parents are going to kill her!

- And now... I'm sorry?
- What?

- What?
- Well, you know, the spelling bee!

I told you I watch it every year.

Oh yeah, right, right, right. Yeah.
Sounds like you're enjoying that.

Oh, God, well, I tried to
"join the conversation," Mike,

like you and I talked about,
but nobody is talking back to me.

You know, Frankie, the Internet's
not like a real conversation.

It's just a bunch of people
screaming into the void.

- For a real conversation, you need...
- I know, I know, Mike.

You... you need real people.

- Right?
- Right.

Right.

- Oh, my gosh, he's stalling!
- Playing for time.

- What is the country of origin?
- "Country of origin?" You criminal!

Where does he think
"vinaigrette" comes from? Japan?!

- Can you use it in a sentence?
- Oh, come on!

You're a bum!

- Robert! Hi.
- Frankie.

You were out.

I'm home now.

- Welcome home!
- I bought some key lime pie.

Oh, that's nice. Sol loves the lime.

Don't let me interrupt.

- You're not. Stay.
- I'm going to head for home.

But it's not over yet.

Sol, it's over.

- See you, Robert.
- Good night, Frankie.

That is incorrect.

So, tell me everything.
How was dinner?

It was good. It was good.

Everyone was there that
I told you would be there.

If you have something to say to
me, please come out and say it.

- What would I have to say to you?
- I don't know.

Are you having some sort of problem
with Frankie and me watching TV?

No.

Are you having a problem with me
having a relationship with her?

No.

Will you answer with
more than one word?

Okay. What I'm having a problem with,

Sol, is your not telling
me she was coming over.

I didn't even know
she was coming over.

- I can explain exactly what...
- I don't want to hear it.

Both our wives heard 20 years
of very good explanations.

I recognize this behavior, Sol,
and it scares the shit out of me.

I didn't mean to scare you.

This is nothing like that.
But I get it.

- You do?
- I do.

But do you get it that Frankie's
always gonna be a big part of my life?

I do.

I hope this is not what
our wedding vows sound like.

Why did you come home early?

Did Al start getting morose
about Whitney Houston again?

No. I just felt bad
about leaving you alone

- to watch the spelling bee.
- Aww.

And I'm afraid Al will
never get over Ms. Houston.

- Sardoodledom.
- Sardoodledom.

S-A-R...
D...

- You wanna watch the rest of it?
- I thought you'd never ask.

The hell with the tea.
I'll get some wine.

- Yes!
- Sardoodledom.

- Hey, Brianna.
- Oh, thank God, thank God.

- Is Leo okay?
- I'm actually calling him "Spit" now.

- Is Spit okay?
- He's hiding.

- Is that the emergency?
- No. He's hiding from me.

- He hates me. I can't keep him.
- Why not?

Because he's an asshole! And
he makes me feel like shit.

I thought that dogs were supposed
to love you unconditionally.

Isn't that the whole point?
You have to take him back.

The dog is broken.

One of you certainly is.

- I prefer to think that it's the dog.
- Well, I'm enjoying thinking it's you.

Why do I care what a guy who
has six dogs thinks of me?

Five. And there are some women who
think that makes me compassionate.

Well, I think it makes you really weird.
What are you doing with all those dogs?

Why did you really
want me to come over?

Why do you think that I
wanted you to come over here?

I just thought that
you wanted me to...

come over.

Oh...

Well, then, yes, I did.

Do you want some brisket?

Welcome back.

As we reach the final
night of the tournament,

the feeling in the room can only
be described as sesquipedalian.

Who gives a shit?

I came to in the middle of the
Irrawaddy River on a bamboo raft,

and I had to improvise these oars,
'cause I could only row with one hand.

The venom had rendered my
right arm completely useless...

Did you really eat somebody?

Yes, I did. Would you like
to know some more about it?

Actually, no. I didn't
even want to know that.

Okay, fine, well,
let's talk about you.

Now why haven't you had or
enjoyed ice cream in so many years?

I've been denying myself.

Apparently, I'm quite good at that.

So...

Mmm.

- I forgot how amazing it is.
- Yes. Hey, have you ever had Kulfi?

There is a street vendor

in Mumbai who is...

- What's so funny?
- Mumbai.

I mean, you've been everywhere,
Guy. You've done everything.

And you're telling me you really
want to settle down in San Diego?

I told you. I'm tired, Grace.

I feel like I've heard that before.

Maybe when I set you up with Dede.

Oh, my gosh. That was a long time ago.

Yeah, you said the same things then.

Well, there's a big difference
between then and now.

I'm thirty years older.

And then there's... there's you.

- I don't... I don't know, Guy...
- Don't you want to find out?

Hmm?

Grace, I think there was always
a spark between you and I?

Maybe...

but...

Given my recent history,
I'm a little risk-averse.

I love taking risks.

- Let's start with the ice cream.
- All right.

Here's the ground rules.

You can't give a guy ten
minutes and a scoop of ice cream

and then tell him to hit the
road. That's all I'm saying. Deal?

Mmm-mm!

God, your hair is super soft.

Thank you, I
use a two-in-one.

- Wait.
- Yeah?

Um...

Do you want to eat something? I
don't mean like a four course meal.

I mean, like a frozen
vegan pizza or something.

I don't know why I buy those things,

I always end up just piling a mountain
of cheese on top of 'em anyway.

Yeah, you know, actually, I
really gotta get home to the dogs.

Yes, of course.

I'm sorry. Did I get this wrong?

No.

No, it's all good.

Hey, don't give up on Spit, all right?

You guys are gonna be
really good for each other.

- Hey, let me walk you out.
- No, no, no, it's all right.

Thanks.

You like me.

You love me.

You smell.

Well, this has been really fun.

- Thank you for the ice cream.
- Well, it was my pleasure.

Any time.

The word is "Ecdysiast."

- What is the definition?
- An exotic dancer.

Grace, I was hoping that we
could see each other again...

E-C...

Oh, my. Oh.

I wasn't expecting that.

Neither was I.

Good night, then.

Good night, Guy.

Yeah, well, I wasn't
expecting that either.

A-D-O-P-T-E-R-I-S-T.

Lepidopterist.

- No! Hector! No!
- That is incorrect.

What kind of a kid doesn't know
how to spell "Lepidopterist?"

- You hate this, don't you?
- More than life itself!

- B-I-B-L-O-U...
- Yes.

- Yes, yes!
- S. Bibulous.

Yay.

- That is correct.
- Yay!

The word is... "psoriasis."

Can you repeat the word, please?

Psoriasis.

Psoriasis.