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The Carmichael Show is taped
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Hey, uh, where did we get this table from?
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Fell off the back of a truck.
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Wait a minute, you stole this?
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No, I didn't steal it.
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It actually fell off the back of a truck.
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Almost killed me and your daddy.
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Mm-hmm. We agreed not to
sue if they let us keep it.
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Wait, wait, wait, wait. Why
didn't y'all just sue him?
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You would have got way more.
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Well, we were young and dumb, Bobby.
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Hey, everyone.
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Yeah, hey, everybody. So, uh,
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why's the good table
out? What's going on here?
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- What are you two doing here?
- No, no, no, no...
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you answer my question first.
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Are you planning a fancy dinner without me?
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Yes.
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Now you answer my question.
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Why are you here?
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Well, I thought we were
going to the movies,
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but then Jerrod saw Bobby's car,
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and I'm not saying he's jealous, but...
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here we are.
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Well, what's going on here,
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for real? Bobby, you know
you can't keep a secret.
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Tell me... what's up?
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- Reverend Carlson coming over.
- Oh, Bobby.
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The reverend's coming over?
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- You know I love the reverend.
- No, no,
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I do not want you challenging
the reverend the way you do.
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You know, you're the same
kid who shut down Bible study
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with your theory of evolution.
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You realize it's not just my theory, right?
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Okay, uh, who's this reverend?
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He's been the reverend at my church
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since before these boys were born. He has
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stuck with us through thick and thin.
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Oh, he's a good man.
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A bit of a drinker.
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But in a good way. You
know, like Ted Kennedy.
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Reverend Carlson marched with Dr. King.
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Yeah, okay,
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but, Ma, a lot of people
marched with Dr. King.
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Yeah, but he was in the
VIP. He had backstage passes.
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Now listen,
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the reverend is gonna be here in a moment.
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Now, if you two are gonna stay for dinner,
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listen up. My reputation at
the church is on the line,
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so I want you all
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to keep your sins to yourselves.
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Be clear with us, Ma...
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what are our sins, exactly?
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Well, yours is standing right next to you.
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It's called living in sin.
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It's in the title.
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Oh. No offense, baby.
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Nah. I'm a sin, I'm naughty.
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I'm just trying to get through this.
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Wait, we are embarrassing,
but Bobby's here?
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Bobby lives with his ex-wife
and her new boyfriend.
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Hey, hey, he got a name, Jerrod.
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Which I want you to keep to yourself.
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Do not say anything about your divorce
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in front of the reverend.
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So you want all of us
to lie to the reverend?
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No. Not lie.
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Just omit...
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all the bad truths.
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Well, you know what I say...
nothing wrong with a little lie,
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long as it makes you sound more impressive.
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- Joe.
- Well, I mean, I get tired
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of telling people I'm a truck driver.
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Once in a while I say I'm a airplane pilot.
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All right, Dad, let me
keep it real with you, okay?
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You don't have a voice
to be no airline pilot.
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What are you talking about?
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Feel free to move about the cabin.
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That's not comforting to you?
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Joe, no lying to the reverend.
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Fine. I won't lie.
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That's a lie. I'm gonna lie.
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Okay, it sounds like there's,
like, a lot of pressure
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- having dinner with the reverend.
- No, no pressure at all.
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Just relax and just be yourself, okay?
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Yeah, we love you for you, Maxine.
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Okay, I can't tell if
you're lying to me or not.
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I'm pretty good, right?
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Oh, my goodness, he's here!
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Now, Jerrod, no living in sin.
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Joe, no lying. And-and, Bobby,
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no facts about your life at all,
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because they're all sad.
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Sad, sad, sad.
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Okay, wait, is there...
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is there anything that I need to do?
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Well, uh, just don't go
around telling everybody
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that you're pro-choice and all that.
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Cynthia, you and I have
never even discussed that.
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But you are, aren't you?
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Uh-huh.
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Oh, Reverend Carlson!
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Ah, the Carmichaels.
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Uh, they had a two-for-one special.
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God saves those who save.
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Yes, he does. Yes, he does.
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Hey, I want you to meet
my girlfriend, Maxine.
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- Oh, pleasure.
- Yeah, yeah.
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We live together.
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Oh, come on.
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- You didn't know I was gonna do that?
- Oh!
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Learn Thai more flexible & enjoyable
with Banana Thai osdb.link/bananathai
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Subtitle sync and corrections
by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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You know what the Bible doesn't tell you?
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Moses didn't really part the Red Sea.
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That's right.
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God caused that sea to part
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every day at 5:30 p.m. Bible time.
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Joses was just lucky he
got there when he did.
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Did he just say Joses?
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That was really your only
problem with that story?
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More wine, dear.
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- Oh, no, thanks.
- No, no, I mean for me.
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Oh.
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Oh, keep it going. Keep
it going, all the way up.
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Give me that meniscus.
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I want my glass to look
like an infinity pool.
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Here we are.
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- Oh, that looks lovely.
- Thank you.
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So, Joe,
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uh, how's the trucking business going?
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Pretty good.
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In fact, the president called me personally
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and asked me to deliver this year's
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White House Christmas tree.
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What?!
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And, Bobby, how's your lovely wife?
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Uh...
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I mean, she's happier than she's ever been.
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Reverend, would you do the blessing?
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Mm. Of course.
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Dear Heavenly Father, bless this sustenance
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that has been prepared
by divinely guided hands.
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And allow us to have nourishment
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for our bodies and souls so
that we may serve you better.
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Let us all say amen.
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Amen.
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I said, let us all say...
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amen.
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Amen.
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Maxine, dear?
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Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...
I thought it would be
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more respectful not to join
in since I'm not Christian.
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Amen.
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Wow, this looks good.
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Not Christian?
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Of course she's Christian.
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What else can she be?
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I don't know. There are about
other five major religions.
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Not in North Carolina, there aren't.
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Okay, I-I'm Jewish.
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Well, technically half-Jewish.
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She's a Jew?
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You're a Jew?
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- She's a Jew, Joe.
- Okay, can we...
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Will you stop saying "Jew" like that?
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You're making it sound like a racial slur.
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Jesus was a Jew.
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Then again, look how that turned out.
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You know what sounds like a slur? Mexican.
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It's not, but it sounds like one.
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You can call them that to they face.
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They don't even mind.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad, I
don't... that's not true.
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I think they mind a little.
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You know, I think he meant Puerto Rican.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Just the other day down
at the job, I saw a Mexican
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I wanted to talk to, so I said,
"Hey, Mexican. Come over here,
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I want to talk to you about something."
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And you know what he did?
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He said, "Okay" and he
came over and talked to me.
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Just like that.
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Jerrod, when were you gonna tell me
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that Maxine isn't a Christian?
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Why is that something I need to tell you?
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I've been serving that
girl pork for months.
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You know how bad I feel?
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No, it's okay, Joe, I'm non-practicing.
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I guess if you had to label it, I would say
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I'm more agnostic than anything.
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Uh, is that the one with the
crystals or the Tom Cruise one?
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Agnostic?
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What do you have against
organized religion?
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Remember when you were worried
about me ruining dinner?
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Okay, I don't have
anything against religion
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as a concept. There are
many great values to take
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from all religions.
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It's the people who corrupt
it that I have a problem with.
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What people?
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Oh,
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I'm not talking about you.
I'm talking about people who,
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you know, start wars over religion, who...
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who say love thy neighbor
and then turn around
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and deny him his basic rights.
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You know, Reverend, um...
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Joe is gonna be an airline pilot.
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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You got up early today.
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Yeah. I needed to clear my head.
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Dinner got so weird last night.
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I know, you being a Jew
really freaked everybody out.
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It was like 1940s Germany all over again.
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You'd better hope that's not the gestapo.
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Oh, God, Maxine, it's worse.
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Jerrod, you're coming to church.
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Hey, Rod.
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00:09:36,116 --> 00:09:38,284
Hey. No, I'm not going to church.
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Hey, Maxine.
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You really shut things down last night.
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Well, I for one
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am happy we had the dinner we had.
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Because it made me realize the importance
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of us getting you back on a righteous path.
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I don't care what you say,
I'm not going to church
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with you. It's Netflix Sunday.
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Sunday is the Lord's Day, Jerrod,
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and somewhere along the line
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it seems you have forgotten that.
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00:10:01,038 --> 00:10:02,572
Now, Maxine,
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do you believe in God or not?
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00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,337
Yes, I believe in a god.
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00:10:06,368 --> 00:10:08,369
Just not the same one
that you're picturing.
235
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:12,308
My God looks like that guy
from the Allstate commercials.
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00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,313
He's got a confident
voice and thick eyebrows.
237
00:10:14,348 --> 00:10:18,149
See, that's how I know I'm in good hands.
238
00:10:19,710 --> 00:10:21,479
It just sounds too flighty to me.
239
00:10:21,511 --> 00:10:23,946
It seems like you are afraid
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00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:26,458
to-to commit to a belief.
241
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,269
So let me get this straight...
your problem with Maxine
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00:10:28,302 --> 00:10:30,971
being agnostic is that she's
afraid to commit to a belief?
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00:10:31,018 --> 00:10:33,586
- Yes, that's my problem, Jerrod.
- Okay, so you're saying
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00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,668
that you'd be cool with Maxine
if she were, like, a Muslim?
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00:10:36,722 --> 00:10:39,991
Oh, Joe, what is happening?
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00:10:40,049 --> 00:10:42,617
She's agnostic, she's a-a Jew,
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00:10:42,664 --> 00:10:46,167
a Muslim? I mean, I just
can't keep track of it anymore.
248
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,797
I knew she was a Muslim.
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She wears too many scarves not to be.
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00:10:52,204 --> 00:10:54,305
What? No, no, no.
251
00:10:54,343 --> 00:10:56,678
I'm not Muslim. And also
I don't think scarves
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00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,554
is how you tell if someone's Muslim.
253
00:10:58,587 --> 00:10:59,721
But they do love scarves, though.
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- They do, they do.
- No, no, no, no.
255
00:11:01,372 --> 00:11:03,340
Okay, look, the point I was trying to make
256
00:11:03,375 --> 00:11:05,443
is that Muslims are just as devout as you,
257
00:11:05,481 --> 00:11:06,714
and if Maxine were a Muslim,
258
00:11:06,736 --> 00:11:08,170
you would still have a problem with it.
259
00:11:08,196 --> 00:11:09,630
Oh, now, you just pump
the brakes right there,
260
00:11:09,657 --> 00:11:12,492
because I am as devout as any Muslim.
261
00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:14,710
Muslims pray, like, five times a day.
262
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:17,185
- Five times a day?
- Mm-hmm.
263
00:11:17,228 --> 00:11:19,529
How did Ali have time to fight?
264
00:11:24,153 --> 00:11:27,557
I pray more than five times a day
265
00:11:27,618 --> 00:11:29,852
if you count the little prayers.
266
00:11:29,892 --> 00:11:31,727
- What-what little prayers?
- Yes,
267
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,093
little prayers.
268
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:34,886
Like, you're in a parking lot
269
00:11:34,918 --> 00:11:36,218
and you're looking for a spot.
270
00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:39,411
You can't find it, you say a little prayer.
271
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,902
Just so we're clear, I do have beliefs.
272
00:11:41,946 --> 00:11:44,747
They're just more spiritual than religious.
273
00:11:44,797 --> 00:11:47,833
Oh, okay. There she goes again,
274
00:11:47,888 --> 00:11:51,424
afraid to commit to an answer.
275
00:11:51,487 --> 00:11:54,455
Okay, no, that is my answer.
276
00:11:54,508 --> 00:11:56,476
I believe what you put
out into the universe
277
00:11:56,512 --> 00:11:58,346
is what comes back to you.
278
00:11:58,379 --> 00:12:02,482
That's not a religion.
That's a fortune cookie.
279
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,524
Okay...
280
00:12:05,577 --> 00:12:09,046
Don't you believe that
everything is interconnected?
281
00:12:09,108 --> 00:12:11,409
I mean, we're all just made
up of the same things...
282
00:12:11,451 --> 00:12:13,352
you, me, the sky,
283
00:12:13,386 --> 00:12:14,720
this chair.
284
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:17,413
We're all just energy and space dust,
285
00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:19,695
just mixing around, swirling together
286
00:12:19,736 --> 00:12:22,471
inside of a giant cup.
287
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,388
I'm sorry, what? A giant cup? Th...
288
00:12:25,439 --> 00:12:27,707
That's what you believe?
You believe in a giant cup?
289
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,149
No. Okay.
290
00:12:29,175 --> 00:12:30,275
Well, I've never had to articulate
291
00:12:30,295 --> 00:12:31,361
what I believe before.
292
00:12:31,381 --> 00:12:32,715
I've always just said I'm spiritual
293
00:12:32,739 --> 00:12:35,541
and then people stop asking questions.
294
00:12:35,592 --> 00:12:38,494
Well, in that case, she's spiritual,
295
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:41,247
so stop asking questions.
296
00:12:41,295 --> 00:12:43,296
And what are you saying, Jerrod?
297
00:12:43,332 --> 00:12:47,602
Have you been converted
into a giant cup worshipper?
298
00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:51,248
- That's not what I meant.
- No. No, Ma.
299
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:52,779
I'm still Christian, all right?
300
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,774
I still subscribe to those
beliefs. I still pray every day.
301
00:12:55,827 --> 00:12:57,261
Thank God for that.
302
00:12:57,287 --> 00:13:00,022
- Wait, you pray?
- Yeah, I pray.
303
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,373
Well, don't you all know this already?
304
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:05,250
I mean, have you not discussed this?
305
00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:07,802
- Wait, you pray every day?
- Yeah, every day.
306
00:13:07,847 --> 00:13:10,315
Me and your mama talked about
religion on our first date.
307
00:13:10,359 --> 00:13:13,028
That and Reaganomics.
308
00:13:13,076 --> 00:13:15,244
Yeah, I don't understand.
309
00:13:15,283 --> 00:13:17,684
Why didn't you tell me
how religious you were?
310
00:13:17,727 --> 00:13:20,162
I don't know.
'Cause it's personal, I guess.
311
00:13:20,206 --> 00:13:22,407
More personal than sharing deodorant?
312
00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:27,217
Look, it says, "Strong enough for a man."
313
00:13:27,301 --> 00:13:29,255
So what else haven't you two talked about?
314
00:13:29,256 --> 00:13:32,258
I mean, if this thing works
out and you get married,
315
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,313
what, is she gonna make you wear a scarf
316
00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:36,449
and one of them little circle hats?
317
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:40,052
And what about your kids?
What's gonna happen to them?
318
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,422
Now, you know at some
point, they're gonna ask you
319
00:13:42,464 --> 00:13:44,999
big questions, like what
happens after we die.
320
00:13:45,045 --> 00:13:46,846
And you all need to be on the same page.
321
00:13:46,879 --> 00:13:50,814
- Is it gonna be heaven or that
big-ass cup in the sky? - Mm-hmm.
322
00:13:52,344 --> 00:13:54,713
Joe, what do you think? Do
you think that they rushed
323
00:13:54,756 --> 00:13:58,458
- into moving in together too fast?
- I don't know.
324
00:13:58,524 --> 00:14:00,492
How long a lease did you two sign here?
325
00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:03,262
Oh, no.
326
00:14:03,311 --> 00:14:06,046
They didn't even sign a lease.
327
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:10,065
This is one of those
noncommittal things, just...
328
00:14:10,136 --> 00:14:13,637
month-to-month relationship.
329
00:14:15,296 --> 00:14:16,630
Come on, Joe.
330
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:18,189
Let's go to church.
331
00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:22,220
'Cause we... we got a lot to pray for.
332
00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,858
Mmm.
333
00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:31,124
Even still, kind of nice of
'em to stop by on a Sunday.
334
00:14:36,127 --> 00:14:37,650
Why aren't I on the lease?
335
00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:46,536
Because it-it's not like I
can just go down to an office
336
00:14:46,603 --> 00:14:48,404
and sign a piece of paper.
337
00:14:48,437 --> 00:14:50,504
It's more complicated than that.
338
00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:54,444
No, I'm pretty sure
that's the exact process.
339
00:14:54,513 --> 00:14:56,481
Why didn't we think to put me on the lease?
340
00:14:56,517 --> 00:14:58,484
And why haven't we
talked about our beliefs?
341
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,789
And what are you praying about every day?
342
00:15:01,847 --> 00:15:06,051
Mostly that we don't have
conversations like this.
343
00:15:06,126 --> 00:15:09,061
Well, what if we do get married one day?
344
00:15:09,114 --> 00:15:11,081
I don't want to do it in a church.
345
00:15:11,116 --> 00:15:12,884
And-and what...
346
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:15,084
and what religion would our kids be?
347
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,090
Christian, probably. But mostly
348
00:15:17,126 --> 00:15:21,229
'cause I want 'em wearing
little Jesus pieces like Kanye.
349
00:15:21,302 --> 00:15:23,437
No, you see, that's a problem,
because I want to encourage them
350
00:15:23,476 --> 00:15:25,177
to make their own choices.
351
00:15:25,207 --> 00:15:26,340
Make their own choices?
352
00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:28,329
Everybody knows children
are stupid, Maxine.
353
00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:29,932
Can't make their own choices.
354
00:15:29,961 --> 00:15:31,528
If I made my own religious
choice as a child,
355
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:32,990
I'd be a Scientologist right now,
356
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,650
and that's based solely off John Travolta's
357
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,917
excellent performance in Pulp Fiction.
358
00:15:38,993 --> 00:15:40,626
You see, these are big life decisions,
359
00:15:40,655 --> 00:15:42,523
and we can't even agree on any of them.
360
00:15:42,557 --> 00:15:44,892
But why do we have to agree now, Maxine?
361
00:15:44,934 --> 00:15:47,235
Like, we don't have to
make those decisions.
362
00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:48,911
We're not married. We don't have any kids.
363
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:52,075
Your name's not even on the lease.
364
00:15:52,131 --> 00:15:54,900
Which is... which is really
a stupid thing to say.
365
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:57,251
I get that. It was a dumb thing to say.
366
00:15:57,293 --> 00:15:59,061
But what if your parents are right?
367
00:15:59,093 --> 00:16:00,560
What if we did rush into this,
368
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:02,353
and you and I aren't meant to be together?
369
00:16:02,385 --> 00:16:03,886
"Meant to be to..."
370
00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:05,815
What are you talking
about, soul mates, Maxine?
371
00:16:05,849 --> 00:16:07,349
Soul mate's not a real thing.
372
00:16:07,377 --> 00:16:12,081
So you believe that there's
an all-powerful man in the sky
373
00:16:12,164 --> 00:16:13,898
that you can talk to,
374
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,564
but you don't believe in the possibility
375
00:16:15,594 --> 00:16:17,561
that you and I are meant to be together?
376
00:16:17,596 --> 00:16:18,997
Exactly!
377
00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:20,657
But-but-but-but, Maxine,
378
00:16:20,686 --> 00:16:22,053
I think we're the best we could do
379
00:16:22,079 --> 00:16:23,446
within a 50-mile radius,
380
00:16:23,471 --> 00:16:25,591
and I don't think you can
ask for much more than that.
381
00:16:27,647 --> 00:16:29,848
Jerrod, I want... I want more than that.
382
00:16:29,887 --> 00:16:32,856
And you deserve more. And, you know what,
383
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:35,511
Maxine...
384
00:16:35,557 --> 00:16:38,192
will you put your name on my lease?
385
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,909
Wh-What? What...
386
00:16:40,957 --> 00:16:45,026
It was funny! It was funny!
387
00:16:45,098 --> 00:16:48,868
Religion is ruining my relationship.
388
00:16:48,935 --> 00:16:51,136
Or my parents are ruining my relationship.
389
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,677
Look, something's ruining my relationship,
390
00:16:52,704 --> 00:16:55,205
and, for once, it's not me.
391
00:16:55,250 --> 00:16:57,485
Jerrod, let's start from the beginning.
392
00:16:57,526 --> 00:17:00,294
Okay. So, if I'm Christian
393
00:17:00,343 --> 00:17:02,277
and my girlfriend is agnostic-
394
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,547
slash-kind of Jewish-
395
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,089
slash-something about
a cup, I want to know,
396
00:17:07,134 --> 00:17:09,769
is that gonna cause problems down the line?
397
00:17:09,816 --> 00:17:11,050
Probably.
398
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,641
But, then again, maybe not.
399
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:17,290
You're really just checking
off all the boxes here, huh?
400
00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:19,955
Couples of any faith can have problems.
401
00:17:20,002 --> 00:17:22,904
What's important is that they're
both willing to work them out.
402
00:17:22,956 --> 00:17:25,224
Take your parents, for example.
403
00:17:25,265 --> 00:17:27,633
They had a rocky beginning
to their marriage.
404
00:17:27,675 --> 00:17:29,509
They figured it out.
405
00:17:29,542 --> 00:17:31,110
What? What rocky beginning?
406
00:17:31,139 --> 00:17:32,773
Ooh...
407
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:34,303
Was that a secret?
408
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,623
You wouldn't believe the amount of secrets
409
00:17:37,658 --> 00:17:39,159
people tell me in this job.
410
00:17:39,186 --> 00:17:43,656
I'm not even Catholic, and they
still feel a need to confess.
411
00:17:43,736 --> 00:17:45,203
Can you do me a favor and rewind back
412
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:47,964
- to the whole parent problem thing?
- Well,
413
00:17:48,013 --> 00:17:51,215
when I was a young minister
and I was about your age,
414
00:17:51,273 --> 00:17:53,374
your parents came to me for guidance.
415
00:17:53,412 --> 00:17:55,079
Guidance for what?
416
00:17:55,109 --> 00:17:57,344
Well, your mother has always been devout,
417
00:17:57,384 --> 00:17:59,819
but your father hasn't
always been a believer.
418
00:17:59,863 --> 00:18:02,164
Even still, it's a little rocky.
419
00:18:02,206 --> 00:18:06,476
I clocked at least five
lies he told over dinner.
420
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:09,020
You know, it's funny. The way
she comes after me and Maxine,
421
00:18:09,064 --> 00:18:11,065
you would think they
never had any problems.
422
00:18:11,101 --> 00:18:12,802
Oh, big problems.
423
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,802
- Really?
- Mmm. Also,
424
00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:20,325
did you know your Aunt Lisa
was a lesbian for two years?
425
00:18:20,405 --> 00:18:22,472
That's why she drives a Subaru!
426
00:18:22,509 --> 00:18:24,544
Yeah.
427
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,576
How dare you?
428
00:18:26,577 --> 00:18:27,810
Excuse me?
429
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,467
Maxine, what is he talking about?
430
00:18:29,496 --> 00:18:31,264
I don't know. He just
told me to get in the car
431
00:18:31,296 --> 00:18:33,797
and said I would enjoy
what's about to happen.
432
00:18:33,842 --> 00:18:35,343
And you will.
433
00:18:35,371 --> 00:18:37,005
Please, have a seat, Maxine.
434
00:18:37,035 --> 00:18:39,603
So, after you two tried to bust
up me and Maxine's relationship,
435
00:18:39,649 --> 00:18:41,250
I went down to the reverend's office,
436
00:18:41,279 --> 00:18:43,046
and he had a few interesting things to say.
437
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,880
And what did my reverend tell you?
438
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:48,798
Well, he told me that when you
and Dad first met, he wasn't
439
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:50,651
religious at all, and it
caused so many problems
440
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:52,384
that you almost didn't get married.
441
00:18:52,415 --> 00:18:54,216
No way.
442
00:18:54,249 --> 00:18:58,051
Well, this is fun.
443
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,387
Wait, you almost didn't get married to me?
444
00:19:00,427 --> 00:19:01,895
The reverend is a drinker.
445
00:19:01,922 --> 00:19:03,622
Well, how close to the wedding was this?
446
00:19:03,653 --> 00:19:04,753
I just didn't want you to have
447
00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:07,209
the same doubts and fears that I had.
448
00:19:07,252 --> 00:19:10,121
- Doubts? Fears? What-what doubts and fears?
- But, see, Ma,
449
00:19:10,173 --> 00:19:11,807
if you would've let those doubts and fears
450
00:19:11,837 --> 00:19:13,370
about your relationship ruin you,
451
00:19:13,397 --> 00:19:15,866
you wouldn't have the strong
thing that you have today.
452
00:19:15,911 --> 00:19:19,513
I just wanted to save you
from the problems that I had.
453
00:19:19,577 --> 00:19:21,812
What problems?
454
00:19:21,852 --> 00:19:25,488
See, your father is... religious now,
455
00:19:25,553 --> 00:19:29,222
but, when we met, oh, he
didn't believe in nothing,
456
00:19:29,288 --> 00:19:32,657
and it just drove my parents crazy.
457
00:19:32,717 --> 00:19:35,118
It put so much pressure on us
458
00:19:35,161 --> 00:19:37,863
that we began to question everything.
459
00:19:37,912 --> 00:19:40,514
Do you know how hard that is?
460
00:19:40,561 --> 00:19:42,862
Yes. Yes.
461
00:19:42,903 --> 00:19:45,638
Yeah, I know exactly how hard that is.
462
00:19:45,687 --> 00:19:47,455
Well, before you call me a hypocrite,
463
00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,887
I just want you to realize
464
00:19:48,913 --> 00:19:52,048
that I was just trying to protect you.
465
00:19:52,104 --> 00:19:57,042
You're trying to protect me from
a thing that you're doing to me?
466
00:19:57,130 --> 00:20:02,299
Jerrod, you will just never
understand a mother's love.
467
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:07,380
Is that why you canceled
the rehearsal dinner?
468
00:20:07,451 --> 00:20:09,786
Hey, don't look around.
The man has questions.
469
00:20:09,828 --> 00:20:12,363
- Yes, the man has questions.
- Mm-hmm.
470
00:20:12,408 --> 00:20:14,609
It was a long time ago, Joe.
471
00:20:14,649 --> 00:20:16,817
Well, it feels very fresh to me.
472
00:20:16,856 --> 00:20:19,057
Joe, you didn't believe in anything.
473
00:20:19,097 --> 00:20:20,864
Well, you're not the only
one that had cold feet.
474
00:20:20,896 --> 00:20:23,064
Joe, you didn't have cold feet!
475
00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:27,673
I know, but I just didn't like
how one-sided this thing is.
476
00:20:27,754 --> 00:20:30,256
- This is the best date you've
ever taken me on. - Mm-hmm.
477
00:20:30,301 --> 00:20:32,569
And we got to get out of here, all right?
478
00:20:32,610 --> 00:20:33,834
Looks like these two got
479
00:20:33,857 --> 00:20:36,066
a lot to pray about.
480
00:20:42,588 --> 00:20:46,758
The key to meditation is
to focus on your breath.
481
00:20:46,832 --> 00:20:49,066
Do I get a mantra?
482
00:20:50,396 --> 00:20:52,398
'Cause I need a mantra.
483
00:20:52,435 --> 00:20:53,468
No mantra.
484
00:20:53,487 --> 00:20:56,289
My mantra is, "Am I doing this right?"
485
00:20:56,339 --> 00:20:59,207
Just don't think about anything.
486
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:02,260
How can I not think? Everybody thinks.
487
00:21:02,314 --> 00:21:03,848
I'm sitting here thinking
488
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:08,046
how stupid you are for
telling me not to think.
489
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,354
Will you all shut up? I'm trying to sleep.
490
00:21:14,334 --> 00:21:16,568
God bless you.
491
00:21:19,596 --> 00:21:20,964
Maxine.
492
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,656
You can't find an "amen"
493
00:21:22,686 --> 00:21:25,522
but you got a "God bless you" at the ready?
494
00:21:25,572 --> 00:21:30,122
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