All language subtitles for Avenue.5.S01E02.1080p.WEBRip.x264-TBS

- Mr. Judd.
- Does yoga burn a lot of calories?

Because we're losing profits in the
food court. Can they like, move more?

Let's go live to Avenue 5.

I see a warning light.

Whose dog is this?

What's your plan?

What is the matter with you people?!

- Are you Australian?
- I'm English.

- What the fuck?
- I'm not a captain, either.

Are you an admiral?

Joe is the real captain of the ship.

I've got some difficult news.

We won't get home for three years.

What?

Hi!

Ladies... Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know
that you have some questions,

and I will answer them.

Don't insult us!

What? I... How was that insulting?

- We know what's going on.
- Yeah, we know.

We... We hit a patch of choppy space.

Mission control said
three years to get home.

- I was in the room.
- She was in the room!

Yeah, you know what? Better
if one of us speaks, babe.

Yeah, look, that. That is what I heard.

Okay...

We're all gonna die in space!
I'm gonna just get rid

of that, because it does
look a little bit stark.

This is Billie, our chief engineer.

I'm now gonna pass over the
explanation baton to Billie.

Go ahead, just take it!

Okay. So...

- We were due to attempt...
- Can you speak up?

Uh... Yeah. Um... So, we
were due to attempt a...

- Hold it further from your face!
- You're popping there.

Okay, um, so the plan was
to use Titan's gravity

as an assist to save propellant...

English, please.

Which one of those words
was not English, sir?

- Propellant.
- Propellant?

- Propellant's Eng... - Just
make it less, uh, technical.

It... You know.

Uh... So, um... Saturn
is a big, big planet,

um, with a big, big moon,
Titan, and we were gonna use...

- Titan's gravity as a
propellant... - Propellant again!

What the fuck are you talking about?

Okay, I can't...

Hey, buddy, have some respect.

She might be a spanner spinner,

but there's no need to patronize her.

You go ahead, kid.

Okay, you don't patronize me by telling me

not to be patronized, okay?

It's just... it's hard to know
what you can say these days.

It's really not that hard.

Hello, hello! We are still
waiting for an explanation.

Okay, listen, so basically,
we have missed our turning.

Okay? So now we're stuck
going the long way around.

Is that simple enough for you guys?

Or should I go and get some crayons...

draw this crap on the walls for you.
Maybe use diagrams,

- little pretty colors...
- Whoa!

keep it real easy. I mean, it...

Whoa, whoa, Billie, I think
that's enough jargon.

Uh... It's been a long day,

and, uh... Billie is
naturally quite brutal.

You are gonna shit these people
up if you're not careful.

I was holding back.

Listen, I...

I will answer your questions...

after the service tomorrow morning.

One of our crew members passed,

and three other people are on life support.

As soon as he's dispatched,
I will be asking questions.

That is super respectful of you, ma'am.

All right.

Our work here is done. Very poorly.

Ryan betrayed me

like a character in a Shakespeare movie.

Why is he even here?

You transferred him from Avenue 3.

Well, you should have had him checked.

You told me not to check
him, just to get him.

- No, I didn't!
- Yes, you did!

Pull up the minutes of the conversation.

You told me not to keep minutes.

Oh, how convenient for you.
You don't keep them anyway?

Not even for a memoir?

I'm sorry, I didn't think the
time you saw a screen grab

of a guy wearing a captain's
hat and said, "Let's get him,"

was memoir worthy.

I'm definitely gonna
remember this conversation

if that's any help legacy-wise.

Okay, I have Rav at the ready.

Rav, what are NASA saying? Is NASA saying.

- Is it "is" or "are"?
- Is.

What is they saying? No,
that sounds all wrong.

I sound like an idiot.

Don't forget there's a delay.

- This... fucking delay.
- All right, should we just...

Shut all the holes in
our head and pass out?

- Sure, you go first.
- Okay, I don't know what your problem is,

but you need to solve it now and focus.

- Just focus, bro.
- Hey!

You will have some respect
and you will know your place

in this organization. What will you have?

- I will have some respect.
- And what will you know?

I will know... I'm sorry,

I've immediately forgotten
what you just said.

But I do need to discuss Joe's funeral.

- What about it?
- We need the coffin.

Joe can have your coffin.

- My coffin?
- We take it everywhere we go.

You want me to die, Iris? Is that it?

- No.
- Did you hesitate?

- No!
- Look.

- She did it again.
- She... Again.

I was inhaling.

Come on. That pregnant pause
was in its third trimester.

I think it'll be a very good idea

to give Joe your coffin. Good PR.

Fine. Yes, we have meetings
scheduled with NASA...

- I'm not talking!
- and other agencies,

but we will have to contribute financially.

Contribute financially. Oh, that's nice.

Now, it's a shakedown.
Well, how 'bout this, Rav.

You tell those assholes... It is plural.

You tell them that I may
not be back tomorrow,

but I will return like an angry Jesus,

raining down blood and filth and terror

on all those who betrayed me!

Classic Jesus.

You mess with his money,
he fucks you right up.

Option one.

Modify Avenue 3, Lexington,
Broadway, send them out.

That would cost a fortune.

Take way too long. Not an option.

Hang on.

Okay. Next option.

We leave them out there.

In...

- I can't... Is that important?
- No. No, no, it's not.

Go on, go on, go on.

Uh... In three years,
when they swing by Earth,

we send a fleet to grab the survivors,

the remaining passengers.

That'd bankrupt the Judd Corporation

like four times over.

Again, not an option. Come on!

Do you remember when the
Pacific went toxic?

This is as big as that!

So, any more options?

- No.
- Okay. Well.

Just a coffee then. Thank you.

Joking. Not joking. Coffee. Coffee.

God knows none of us expected
to be up here for three years,

but I can tell you this:

There is no team I would
rather have at my side.

So, let's get at it. Mads...

- trajectory calculations.
- We're flying safe, Captain.

Fly true.

Well, I've just mixed us a cocktail

of "Keep calm and suck my balls,"

because it's not gonna be three years.

- Cyrus!
- Who are you

and what the hell happened
to your trousers?

Um... He's from another
section, and we're going back.

A section I don't know about where
the dress code is insolent casual?

Respectfully, we don't have
to go through all the things

that you don't know about right now.

- We have three years.
- Actually, uh,

when we run it through my own programs,

I get a much different result.

Six months extra journey time. Max.

I really do not see how
you're getting six months.

You don't see it, because you live
in a world of straight lines,

and I'm all curves, baby.

This is Cyrus. He's still bitter,

because I got the NASA internship

and he didn't.

I didn't want it. I think laterally.

I'm an improviser, a maverick.

- Also, musician.
- Failed.

He's a failed musician.

You've had some success here. You
sure about this? Six months?

I still need to run it a few more times,

quadruple-check everything, but...

You're way less annoying than
you were 30 seconds ago.

Feeling fancy?

Book in for formal night at the restaurant.

Lobsters for everyone.

Unless you're allergic to seafood,

then you need to get away from the
restaurant. Fast. Three years?

The kids will be three years
older in three years.

We gotta get home. We should try to escape.

Yes! Yes! Wait, that's brilliant.

We can knot some bed sheets together,
and we can hit the airlock.

Frank has the same right
to speak as anyone.

- Yeah. Who said you could...
- You said it, babe. Well done.

Yeah, shut up, Frank,
and let yourself speak.

Hey, I have had enough
of your tall attitude

and your high mouth.

- Iris. Where's...
- "the boss"?

It's what Judd wants us to
call him now, apparently.

- "The boss."
- Conference room.

Oh, and he's donated his coffin to Joe.

He knows it's a gift, not a loan?

I think so.

Captain. I wish to engage.

You know what? Um... I need
to be anywhere else. So...

- You're good. Don't worry.
- Mrs. Kelly.

Okay, so. Tell me what's going on here,

and be straight with me 'cause...

I have had enough bull-S to fill a bathtub.

Just between you and me,

we may just be looking at an extra...

Six days?

- No.
- No. Six weeks.

Months. Six months.

What... What... What's that...
What is that?

You should have just said
the words "six months."

You dangled six days at
me, and I got excited...

- I did not dangle... -...and
you snatched it away.

Well, I corrected you instantly.

You corrected me very
slowly, if I may say so.

Potential lawsuits might
include loss of earnings,

mental distress...

They're not gonna sue the man
that owns the oxygen supply.

You wanna limit the oxygen supply?

No. But look into it, but no. But do.

We can't be defeatist.

A problem is just a solution
without a solution.

Oyez, oyez, I bring good tidings.

Just been talking to my favorite engineer,

brilliant mind, terrible knees.

He's been recalculating and he says

there's a good chance we'll
be back in six months.

I am back in the game. I make the rules.
Come here.

We kill problems like they're babies.

What?

Uh... Can I come in?

Well, that depends. This is a
designated good news area.

No downers, no frowners, missy.
You hear that?

I've been talking with my NASA contact,

and he says he's working on a solid plan.

I'm hearing five... six months. Six months.

But you're hearing that from Cyrus.

Cyrus, that's... Yes. That's the chap.

Looks like a garden ornament,
but he's, uh... he's good.

He really exaggerates his numbers.

He says he's had four
long-term relationships,

and that his band has been
downloaded 90 million times.

That's very impressive.

Let's see if he can play the bar one night.

I need to hear the music first.
Most music is terrible.

Hm. Okay, so needless to say,

I think we should just
verify that before...

How many women he's been
with or the other thing?

All of it. No one should say
anything about six months

outside of this room until
we have that verified.

Right. Yeah. We should...

We should, uh... We should
definitely verify that.

- Right.
- You haven't told anyone

outside of this room, have you?

- Me? No.
- Oh.

No, it's just you and me and the occupants

of this hollowed out walnut tree.

Anyway. Regardless, it's my tree
and I say yes, we tell now.

We should put it out there.

You know how you make things happen?

You find someone who'll say it can happen,

and then you make them say it.

That's how they built the pyramids.

Right. I never really bought
the whole slaves theory.

- Billie.
- Yeah.

We'll tell them after the funeral.

Okay. Um... Sorry.

All right, so Susan says
that NASA can offer

both expertise and resources.

We can, but there is, of
course, the question of cost.

- Hi, by the way.
- Sorry, Alan.

- Okay. Hi.
- Sure, it's only money. Right?

Can't place a value on human life. Legally.

Well, I know a man who
would, does, and will.

How much "only money" we talking about?

Okay. This is the overall cost to NASA...

- Okay.
- which would have to be reimbursed.

Oh, um... It wants a password.

Oh, send it back. Here.

Just give me your password.

Fine, I will come to you.

We're planning a joint space mission.

You won't share your password?

Let's just...

Mm.

- Right. Oh.
- Mother f...

Is... Is that the figure

or a phone number we
call to get the figure?

Rav booked us on this trip. She did this.

Yeah, to save our marriage...

because you couldn't
keep your hungry beaver

from chomping on wood. Thank you.

I wish your mouth was this dirty
when the lights were off.

She just wanted us to have
honeymoon number two.

People usually have sex on
their honeymoons. Not us.

Why don't we just use the time to rekindle?

We are way beyond rekindling.

Doug, my heart is not a barbecue!

I wouldn't say we're "way" beyond anything.

Everybody is looking... I'm so sorry.

- Things are a little...
- Toxic.

- Tricky. At the moment.
- Yeah, we can hear.

We're in the cabin next door.

And I'm underneath you. I can hear you.

Yeah, but you have
super-sensitive hearing. So...

- Okay, Doug... - I'm at the
end of the corridor.

And I can hear them.

Well, you have super-evil hearing.

- Get a life.
- Hey, guys.

If there's anything I can
do to help you escape

this fetid barf bag you
seem to be tied up in,

- then just let me know.
- Yeah, actually, maybe you can make

an appointment for the counselor.

I would say yes, but the
counselor's booked up

- for a year solid. Today's been like
- What?

Black Friday for emergency
mental health care.

Joe.

You inspired us all.

No matter how little expertise
or technical knowledge we had,

you made us feel like we
knew what we were doing.

And he... he did that for
every... everybody. I know.

There was no one like you, Joe.

And now... there definitely isn't.

Farewell, old friend.

- Fly safe.
- Shh!

Your shift has ended.

Um...

That was weird.

I'm just a passenger on
the ship like all of you.

I know nothing of the day to day goings on.

That has literally nothing
to do with Herman Judd.

Okay?

But if there are people to
blame, they shall be blamed.

I say that respectfully and without hinting

at any personal liability. I owe that...

to this great guy.

May he rest.

He runs a space travel company.
He knows nothing about space.

- He's a good speaker.
- I'm sorry, who are you?

You just embarrassed yourself.

Why? 'Cause I didn't recognize the janitor?

So, uh, there may be some more bad news,

or as I'm learning to call it, news.

The casket is sprayed solid
gold, lead underneath,

and weighs over 800
pounds without Joe in it,

- and Joe is a big guy.
- There's a man in there.

- This is not about numbers.
- I'm telling you, it's problematic.

Told you. All music is terrible.

And we will... let the children boogie.

Thank you, Matt.

Sanji, our regular singer, is, uh...
is injured.

Uh... He's expected to make
a full recovery, so...

there's justice. Billie.

- It's a very heavy coffin.
- Please stop talking near me.

He's leaving us, Billie.

Why isn't he leaving us?

Well, I told you.

You didn't tell me this was gonna happen.

Is this because of the weight?

The ship is so large that it has
its own gravitational pull.

That's a good thing, right?

I mean, nobody wants a little wussy ship.

What is he doing? Whatever
it is, he needs to stop it.

He's orbiting us.

It's a lap of honor, right.
Then, he's gonna shoot off.

No, like the little guy just said,

he will be orbiting us again,
and again, and again...

What?

Get him away from my ship!

Doesn't my coffin have
rockets or a self-destruct?

Why would your coffin have a self-destruct?

So that nobody can plant incriminating
bodily fluids on my corpse.

Makes sense.

Joe is a moon. He'll pass
by us every hour or so.

Well, in a way, that's... I
don't wanna say "dependable,"

but, uh... I'm gonna go with "macabre."

Uh... What's the little rectangle?

What is that? What is that?

We understand that's Mr. Judd's coffin.

How... How does that happen?

Is it... Is it a drill? A coffin rehearsal?

Ah. Uh... Hello.

Is the screen frozen or
is he just not moving?

It's just the delay.

Zip your lips and open your ears.

I'm gonna lay down some big words.

We solved the issue on our own.

Back in six months, see? I'm great.

Now I'm gonna eat this protein ball

while I wait for your reply.

That can't be right, can it?

Suck on that, NASA!

"NASA" stands for...

"Not Anymore, Stupid Assholes!"

Oh.

Okay. Wow.

- He did not mean that.
- I have seen enough.

- This has been so useful. Door's over there.
- Okay.

- Let get that.
- Let's stay in touch.

Ladies and gentlemen, could I have...

Could you gather around?

Could I have your attention, please?

Oh, thank you.

Uh... Excuse me. Everybody, listen up.

The captain has some news.

Yeah, you... you should
probably get down from there.

- Sturdy hands... - Do you mind?
I have a husband.

- Oh! Oh... I'm here.
- Well, shoot me for caring.

Okay, I just wanted to let you know

that, uh, I've been running a few options,

and we think we may have
found a faster way home.

- Is it less than six months?
- Yes, it is. Oh!

No! No! No, no, no, no.

Wait, no. It's less than three years.

It could be as little as six months.

- Thanks, Matt.
- We already knew that.

- What?
- Yeah, I told a few people.

Who heard about this from her?

- Jesus.
- Okay, great.

And of those people, how
many of you love fudge?

Just thought it would be good to
think about something positive.

- Okay.
- Captain? Captain, can I...

The captain's a shithouse.

Just a quick word. So, uh...
bit of an update.

The three injured passengers,
no longer injured.

- At last, a bit of good news.
- No, no, no. Um... They're dead.

Probably should have led with that, Billie.

Right.

Hey, you're not, uh...

getting into some escape pod, are you?

Ma'am, if I had an escape
pod, I would put you in it.

And set the fucking thing on fire.

- I'm not done with you yet.
- You are very done.

Six months? Why can't we get six months?

There's more brains in this room
than a lifetime of sausages.

On it. Also, the acceleration needs

to be realigned iteratively

or the gravity system could fail again.

Just say "reset the gravity."

We don't need to make things
sounds cleverer than they are.

Of course, your highness.

Rav. Yes, I caught you out
on a different number.

What in the... Rav? Hello?

- God damn it!
- Do you want to try again?

Yes, but I need a new wrist.

Been a long day.

What say we, uh, grab a
drink, let our hair down?

I'm not impressed by your space career.

Am I disturbing you?

My life is disturbance.

I... just needed a moment.

Not normally one for prayer.

That's not gonna change.

How'd it go telling the
passengers it was six months?

Uh... Not great.

They all called me a shithouse.

I'm not surprised.

Seems like we've both been feeling it.

- If you ever need a shoulder to...
- Noted.

Well, maybe if I go first, then...

- you know, it might help you...
- My grandfather got me.

The only person I felt truly
myself with, you know?

I was nine years old when he took
me rowing for the first time.

Just us, out on the lake together,

peacefully in nature.

Then he had a heart attack
right in front of me and died.

I had to row back to shore alone,

his lifeless body with me.

Oh, my God.

That...

That is terrible. That
is truly, truly awful.

This person I loved,
staring flatly at me...

All I wanted to do was scream
or cry, but I couldn't. I...

just had to keep rowing.

I had to say to myself,
"Pull through, Iris.

Pull through."

And now it's happening again.

Except this time, I'm not alone.

I'm with you.

Oh, no, wait. That's not a uniform,

that's a costume because
you're not a real captain,

you giant, shitty fraud.

What's wrong? What's happened?
How bad is it?

Iris was... uh, was in a rowing boat and...

I just rowed out and rowed back again.

Hey.

Cool. So, coffins.

Are we sure that transparent

is really appropriate?

I think we passed appropriate
like three corpses ago.

I mean, they're light.

A compressed jet of air will
fire them out of orbit.

Unseemly, yet practical.

- Good job.
- Thanks.

How are you doing, Billie?

- Uh... I'm fine.
- Yeah?

'Cause you have gone above and beyond.

It's not a problem. It's fine.

I'm happy to hear any
concerns, is what I'm saying.

Well, um...

- my concern is, uh, that...
- Uh-huh.

you have no skills as a captain

- beyond fuzzy charm...
- Right.

which is already kind of getting old.

- And, uh...
- Noted.

you can't seem to hold the same accent,

which is kinda crazy.

- And, uh... Also...
- Right.

if you hand me the mic again
to talk to those passengers,

I will beat you over the head with it,

and I will ram it down your esophagus.

- She's not wrong.
- You.

You need to handle Judd
the business Sasquatch,

'cause otherwise, he
starts flinging his shit

and telling NASA to go fuck themselves.

I mean, he is like... You know,
the best analogy I can think of

is he's like an idiot in
charge of a spaceship,

but that is not an analogy,
that is just a fact.

Wait... Wait a minute.
Judd said what to NASA?

He told NASA that we don't need them.

Oh, shitting aunts!

Oh, this is...

- Where is he now?
- In the kitchen.

Is he? Oh, that's good.

Maybe he's climbing into a freezer

and hoping to wait the whole thing out.

He wants the menu to reflect stress eating.
It's a boom time.

Billie. Do you wanna...

It sucks that there are no
foods that begin with J.

- There are.
- Name one.

Jalape�o.

Not a proper J.

So, I hear that NASA extended
a hand and you shat in it.

You wanna just take me through
the thought process there?

'Cause that's sounds like a bad idea.

It's a really bad idea.

I don't have any bad ideas
apart from hiring him.

I think if you put your
brain up against NASA's,

you come up a bit fucking short.

- Very short.
- First of all,

I have a much greater social
media presence than NASA does.

Second, don't you ever talk
to me like that again,

unless you do it with proper English,

which is American.

I can't do this much longer. I can't.

Well, you don't have to because
we're gonna be gone in six months.

What if we...

- Here we go.
- slingshot around Joe's coffin?

Really?

Really?

Just stop suggesting things
you don't understand.

That's gonna be really hard for me to do,

because I understand everything!
All things!

I'm the alpha and the beta!

I know... so much!

So much!

It's "omega."

Welcome. Not "welcome." Less
jaunty word than "welcome."

We are here to say goodbye
to three great friends.

Mary, Johann, and Mar...
Um... Another Mary.

Let us bid them au revoir.

Not that, I mean, uh...

Bon voyage.

In the name of all of us,

we do thus dispatch these herein to...

the deep and who knows?

Who... knows?

Drop the coffin.

Great, keep me posted on that.
Gravity reset in one minute.

- Do Avenue 5 know?
- Uh...

- Space is a vacuum.
- Oh.

That means that a piano
falls at the same rate

as a feather or a baby girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, this might seem like

we're just sending these bodies scrunched
up, dead in a box, out into space.

It might seem random, pointless...

without redeeming value.

Goodbye.

You are getting confused
with gravity and mass.

They're the same.

No, they are not. And you
know how I know that?

Because they're two different words.

Maybe... Maybe... Maybe
we just calm this down.

Maybe we ramp it the fuck up.

Oh, Christ, I hate space.

Mission control must
have reset the gravity.

Gravity reset in 30 seconds.

Fix that delay.

Oh, for fuck's sake! I
so hate gravity, too.

- Thank you.
- You wanna sing?

No! All right, people.
Details to me, please. Sorry.

I'm gonna go do a full
inventory of human damage.

Frank, speak up, I can't hear you.

Zombies!

Zombies!

Okay, those aren't zombies.

Those are just the dismembered
corpses of our dead friends.

Oh, shit, an arm! An elbow!

Keep listing body parts, that'll fix it.

A hand!

All right! No more will
we be treated like cattle

if anyone can remember them.

My grandfather ran a dairy farm...

- Hey!
- Oh, really?

- There you go. You all right?
- Thank you.

I really thought we were
gonna turn a corner today,

but now we got Tutankhamen
Joe and three giant

fucking packed lunches circling the ship.

Together, we start to fight back!

Yes!

- Come on! Right?
- Eat the rich!

No, not that. Come on, who's with me?

- Open a file on Karen Kelly.
- Karen!

No, they're turning a corner.
A never-ending one.

We are black belt ballsing
this up right now.

Hey! How's it going?

Iris, come find me. I'm in chickens.

Karen!

Fact check how long dictatorships last

after the first bout of chanting.

Also, ask Mission Control

what the fuck is going on with the gravity.

Pull through, Iris. Pull through.

I need more brains around the table.

Last time I left you to solve the problem,

I looked outside the window

and saw three dead customers
waving back at me.

Well, they weren't waving.

Two words. Worm holes.

- I miss dogs barking.
- I can't do this anymore!

You speak passenger.

Maybe you and I can talk
about how we could harness

those people-wrangling skills.

Okay. Look, I should make it clear

that coitus is not on the menu.

That's a very odd menu. But...
sure, absolutely.