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1
00:00:01,666 --> 00:00:04,601
Okay, here's
the situation.
2
00:00:04,669 --> 00:00:07,298
Your parents went away
on a week's vacation.
3
00:00:07,372 --> 00:00:09,602
They left the keys to
the brand new Porsche.
4
00:00:09,675 --> 00:00:12,770
Would they mind?
Well, of course not.
5
00:00:12,845 --> 00:00:14,642
I'll just take
it for a little spin
6
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:17,775
And maybe show it
off to a couple of friends
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,309
I'll just cruise around the
neighborhood Well, maybe I shouldn't
8
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:24,916
Yeah! Of course I should Pay attention,
here's the thick of the plot
9
00:00:24,993 --> 00:00:27,325
Pulled up to the corner
at the end of my block
10
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,830
That's when I saw this
beautiful girly-girl walking
11
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:33,596
I picked up my car phone To
perpetrate like I was talking
12
00:00:35,973 --> 00:00:38,032
Sunroof was open,
the music was high
13
00:00:38,108 --> 00:00:40,474
And that girl's hand was
steadily moving up my thigh
14
00:00:40,544 --> 00:00:42,843
She had opened up three
buttons on her shirt so far
15
00:00:42,914 --> 00:00:45,439
I guess that's why I didn't
notice that police car
16
00:00:45,516 --> 00:00:47,644
I can't believe it!
I made a mistake
17
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,416
But parents are the same
No matter time nor place
18
00:00:50,489 --> 00:00:52,787
So to all you
kids all across the land
19
00:00:52,858 --> 00:00:55,828
No need to argue Parents
just don't understand
20
00:00:55,895 --> 00:00:56,919
Yeah!
All right!
21
00:00:58,131 --> 00:00:59,929
Thank you. Thank you.
22
00:01:00,668 --> 00:01:03,728
Just a little something I know.
So, what's up?
23
00:01:03,804 --> 00:01:05,863
Someone is on
fire in Ramsett Park.
24
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,966
They need you to get
down there right away.
25
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,168
Oh, my God.
26
00:01:30,770 --> 00:01:33,034
I've been spending the summer
doing a lot of zoo promotions.
27
00:01:33,372 --> 00:01:35,067
For he's
a jolly good fellow...
28
00:01:35,141 --> 00:01:36,905
Parrots live
a very long time.
29
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:40,105
So we had a birthday party
for a parrot that turned 60.
30
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:42,375
... which
nobody can deny
31
00:01:44,218 --> 00:01:49,179
Chimpanzees are very smart, so we
had them graduate from college.
32
00:01:49,258 --> 00:01:51,283
And they like to fling
their feces, so we were
33
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,486
hoping that they
would fling their hats.
34
00:01:52,561 --> 00:01:54,620
But they just
flung their feces.
35
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:57,823
The Pawnee Zoo
recently purchased
36
00:01:57,901 --> 00:02:00,870
two South African black-footed
penguins, Tux and Flipper.
37
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,906
And as part of our
zoo promotion,
38
00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:05,567
we are going to give them
a marriage ceremony,
39
00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:08,310
because they
mate for life.
40
00:02:08,647 --> 00:02:12,743
Tux, do you take Flipper, to
be your lawfully wedded wife?
41
00:02:16,089 --> 00:02:17,454
I do! I do!
42
00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:19,792
By the power
vested in me from
43
00:02:19,927 --> 00:02:21,861
the Department of
Parks and Recreation,
44
00:02:21,929 --> 00:02:24,329
I now pronounce
you husband and wife!
45
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,166
Oh!
46
00:02:36,078 --> 00:02:38,479
Okay, well,
at least they're married.
47
00:02:38,548 --> 00:02:40,573
Are they making babies?
48
00:02:40,650 --> 00:02:43,380
Well, not those two.
Those are both boy penguins.
49
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,316
I'm sorry?
50
00:02:45,389 --> 00:02:47,254
Tux and Flipper
are both boys.
51
00:02:47,325 --> 00:02:48,724
So you should
have pronounced them
52
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,557
husband and husband,
technically.
53
00:02:50,629 --> 00:02:52,153
That's awesome.
54
00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:57,334
Still, you couldn't have
asked for better weather.
55
00:02:58,905 --> 00:03:01,203
Brendanawicz,
you big sandwich eater.
56
00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:02,367
Oh...
57
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,206
Cut it out, now.
58
00:03:04,278 --> 00:03:06,769
Just to be clear,
that was a friend punch.
59
00:03:06,847 --> 00:03:08,816
There was no flirtatious
meaning behind
60
00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:10,784
that playful punch I
just gave your arm.
61
00:03:10,852 --> 00:03:13,582
Yes, I do understand.
You've made it abundantly clear
62
00:03:13,655 --> 00:03:14,884
that there's no
romantic element
63
00:03:14,957 --> 00:03:16,219
to our relationship
in any way.
64
00:03:16,292 --> 00:03:18,817
Yes. Good. Isn't it
good to be able to just
65
00:03:18,895 --> 00:03:20,761
kind of horse around
like this as friends?
66
00:03:20,831 --> 00:03:22,093
It is. Yeah.
Yeah.
67
00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,963
I really hit rock
bottom that night.
68
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:26,602
And I mean that
I literally fell
69
00:03:26,670 --> 00:03:28,866
to the bottom of
a pit and hit a rock.
70
00:03:29,274 --> 00:03:31,572
I remember
laying there thinking,
71
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:35,273
"There's probably a good reason
why I'm down here and single."
72
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:39,777
And then I started thinking,
"I need morphine."
73
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:44,452
Oh, yeah, I hear you made two
male penguins very happy today.
74
00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:46,186
You're making history,
Knope. I like that.
75
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,318
Sticking your
neck out, you know.
76
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:49,226
No, I didn't stick my neck out.
It was an accident.
77
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,423
Out of the mainstream.
I think that's cool.
78
00:03:50,565 --> 00:03:51,726
I'm in the mainstream.
79
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,461
Yeah, I know.
No, no. Not out of it.
80
00:03:53,535 --> 00:03:56,026
Social activism.
No! Uh-uh.
81
00:03:56,104 --> 00:03:57,367
People in this
town don't really like
82
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,374
their government
employees being activists.
83
00:03:59,976 --> 00:04:01,910
Last year, a garbage
man was suspended
84
00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:03,810
for wearing
a Live Strong bracelet.
85
00:04:04,215 --> 00:04:07,946
Hey, Leslie, some guy who owns
a gay bar sent you a cake.
86
00:04:08,018 --> 00:04:09,417
Pawnee has a gay bar?
87
00:04:09,486 --> 00:04:11,387
Yeah.
The Bulge.
88
00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:14,549
It's behind my house.
89
00:04:14,626 --> 00:04:16,117
The Bulge is a gay bar?
90
00:04:16,696 --> 00:04:18,630
Uh, the nights
I've wasted there.
91
00:04:18,698 --> 00:04:21,599
"Leslie! Hey,
girrrrrrrrl!"
92
00:04:21,801 --> 00:04:23,099
With eight R's.
93
00:04:23,570 --> 00:04:25,504
"Thank you for supporting
the cause of gay marriage.
94
00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:27,973
"You rock!
The boys at The Bulge."
95
00:04:28,109 --> 00:04:30,543
They thought that was
a political gesture?
96
00:04:30,612 --> 00:04:33,240
Okay, nobody eat that cake.
Tom? Step into my office.
97
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,146
That's also my office.
Yeah, whatever.
98
00:04:35,217 --> 00:04:37,151
I know that you are not gay.
No, I'm not.
99
00:04:37,219 --> 00:04:38,880
But you're effeminate.
What?
100
00:04:38,954 --> 00:04:41,583
Well, you're wearing a peach
shirt with a coiled snake on it.
101
00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:45,287
Yes, 'cause it was featured in
Details magazine. And it's awesome.
102
00:04:45,362 --> 00:04:47,490
Effeminate.
Anyway, so the point is,
103
00:04:47,565 --> 00:04:51,057
do you think that marrying penguins
made some kind of statement?
104
00:04:51,135 --> 00:04:54,799
Yes. The statement was that you're
very lonely and you need a pet.
105
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,098
Huh.
106
00:04:56,174 --> 00:04:57,573
Leslie? They sent
you T-shirts, too.
107
00:04:57,643 --> 00:04:59,805
Oh! Wow, look, they
sent us a T-shirt.
108
00:05:01,281 --> 00:05:02,339
Hmm...
109
00:05:03,516 --> 00:05:04,984
Mine has a collar on it.
110
00:05:07,054 --> 00:05:08,214
There she is.
Leslie!
111
00:05:08,289 --> 00:05:09,620
Hey!
Hey.
112
00:05:10,257 --> 00:05:12,954
This is my boyfriend, Derek, and
this is Derek's boyfriend, Ben.
113
00:05:13,028 --> 00:05:14,222
Hi.
Hey.
114
00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:17,355
Oh! Wait, sorry,
what's the situation?
115
00:05:17,433 --> 00:05:18,730
What do you mean?
116
00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:20,598
How does this work?
117
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:22,399
Derek is gay,
but he's straight for me,
118
00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:24,565
but he's gay for Ben, and
Ben's really gay for Derek.
119
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:25,801
And I hate Ben.
120
00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:27,366
It's not that complicated.
No.
121
00:05:27,444 --> 00:05:29,174
Oh. Yeah. Sure.
122
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:33,043
The thing about youth culture
is, I don't understand it.
123
00:05:34,052 --> 00:05:35,212
So what can I
do for you guys?
124
00:05:35,287 --> 00:05:37,050
They just really
wanted to meet you,
125
00:05:37,122 --> 00:05:39,522
because you're kind
of like their hero now.
126
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:43,926
Oh, oh, April, please, it was
just penguins. APRIL: No!
127
00:05:43,997 --> 00:05:46,966
I'm a public servant, and I'm not
allowed to take a political stance.
128
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:49,161
But you did,
and it was awesome.
129
00:05:49,236 --> 00:05:51,136
Yeah. None of the other
politicians ever take a stand,
130
00:05:51,205 --> 00:05:53,674
and it means a lot to
the whole gay community.
131
00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:57,644
It does, and we're gonna have this
party tomorrow night at The Bulge,
132
00:05:57,746 --> 00:05:59,543
and we had
something to ask you.
133
00:05:59,681 --> 00:06:01,513
We really want you to
be the guest of honor.
134
00:06:01,951 --> 00:06:03,043
Oh, my.
135
00:06:03,119 --> 00:06:04,313
It'd be amazing
if you came.
136
00:06:04,387 --> 00:06:05,912
Yeah, you have to come.
137
00:06:05,989 --> 00:06:07,251
Who made this?
138
00:06:07,324 --> 00:06:08,450
We did.
Yeah, we did.
139
00:06:08,525 --> 00:06:09,719
How?
Photoshop.
140
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:11,351
What? Oh!
Computers.
141
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,801
Hey, why are you
all dolled up?
142
00:06:16,868 --> 00:06:20,703
It's a long story. I'm the guest
of honor at this gay bar tonight.
143
00:06:21,073 --> 00:06:23,837
I guess gay men are
starting to like me.
144
00:06:23,909 --> 00:06:26,811
I don't know. I guess they think
I'm fabulous or something.
145
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,872
Well, you look good, girl.
You're gonna turn somebody tonight.
146
00:06:34,889 --> 00:06:38,121
That was hands-down the best
interaction I've ever had with Donna.
147
00:06:38,961 --> 00:06:42,362
Leslie, this is
Marcia Langman from
148
00:06:42,431 --> 00:06:45,890
the Society For Family
Stability Foundation.
149
00:06:46,102 --> 00:06:47,797
Oh, hello.
I love your top.
150
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:49,271
Oh, thank you so much.
151
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,568
I was just hoping
you had a moment
152
00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,632
to discuss the events
at the zoo yesterday.
153
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:55,043
Well, I have nothing
to do with this, so...
154
00:06:55,847 --> 00:07:01,184
Well, what can I do for you and
those fine people at the SFSF?
155
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:05,482
Well, you could resign,
if you're up for it.
156
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,319
Oh, you're serious?
157
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:11,831
When you performed a marriage
for gay penguins,
158
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,698
using taxpayer money
on government property,
159
00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:16,930
you were symbolically
taking a stand
160
00:07:17,005 --> 00:07:19,372
in favor of
the gay marriage agenda.
161
00:07:19,675 --> 00:07:22,644
Oh, I'm sorry, but hold on
a second there, Marcia.
162
00:07:22,711 --> 00:07:24,975
That was not my
intention, at all.
163
00:07:25,114 --> 00:07:27,379
Well, why else would
you marry penguins?
164
00:07:28,318 --> 00:07:31,914
Because I firmly believed that
it would be cute. And it was.
165
00:07:32,390 --> 00:07:33,516
Leslie, are you married?
166
00:07:33,591 --> 00:07:36,719
No. Not yet, Marcia.
167
00:07:36,794 --> 00:07:40,822
Soon, probably.
I have a plan, but, no, not now.
168
00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:42,833
Not dating anyone yet.
169
00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:44,096
Focusing on my career.
170
00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:45,496
I thought so.
171
00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:50,006
So you couldn't possibly
understand, but when gays marry,
172
00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:53,046
it ruins marriage
for the rest of us.
173
00:07:53,113 --> 00:07:55,240
So, either you
annul the wedding,
174
00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:57,877
or I'll publicly ask
for your resignation.
175
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,216
You know what?
I'm so terrible with directions.
176
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,588
If I'm headed to
the parking lot,
177
00:08:03,659 --> 00:08:05,024
do I make a left out of
here, or do I go right?
178
00:08:05,094 --> 00:08:06,686
It's a left, yeah.
Thank you.
179
00:08:06,762 --> 00:08:08,355
You're welcome.
Annul the wedding!
180
00:08:14,939 --> 00:08:16,702
Hey.
Hi!
181
00:08:16,774 --> 00:08:21,235
I'm supposed to meet Leslie for lunch,
but she actually works, so...
182
00:08:21,647 --> 00:08:22,705
Ouch!
183
00:08:22,781 --> 00:08:25,545
Mark was brought to my hospital
the night of the accident.
184
00:08:25,618 --> 00:08:26,984
He was here for a week.
185
00:08:27,053 --> 00:08:29,248
I think when his
head hit the ground,
186
00:08:29,322 --> 00:08:30,983
it must've knocked
something loose,
187
00:08:31,057 --> 00:08:33,993
because he's actually
a pretty nice guy now.
188
00:08:35,229 --> 00:08:37,697
And Andy, after we
broke up, he told me
189
00:08:37,765 --> 00:08:41,065
he was going to Kansas
to climb mountains.
190
00:08:42,905 --> 00:08:46,000
So, I don't really
know where he is.
191
00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:48,640
Hey, have you seen that
documentary about food yet?
192
00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:52,079
No, I haven't. But I heard it's really good.
I want to see it.
193
00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:53,616
We should go together.
194
00:08:54,685 --> 00:09:00,022
What? Yeah, no. I don't think so.
That would be like a date.
195
00:09:00,659 --> 00:09:02,627
Okay. Say no more.
196
00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:04,121
Mmm.
197
00:09:04,964 --> 00:09:06,556
I hate salad.
198
00:09:06,632 --> 00:09:10,262
Leslie, I don't want to
ever keep secrets from you.
199
00:09:10,337 --> 00:09:12,202
Oh, me, neither.
Look, let's invent our own
200
00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:13,739
secret language that
only we understand.
201
00:09:13,807 --> 00:09:14,933
And then we can use
it around people
202
00:09:15,008 --> 00:09:16,499
and no one will know what
we're talking about.
203
00:09:17,011 --> 00:09:18,410
Okay.
Okay.
204
00:09:19,013 --> 00:09:22,211
But in the meantime, I'm just
gonna tell you in English.
205
00:09:22,284 --> 00:09:24,343
Mark kind of
asked me out.
206
00:09:25,588 --> 00:09:28,683
He weirdly asked me
to go see a movie with him,
207
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,988
and I said no,
of course, but I just...
208
00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:33,223
I just wanted
to let you know.
209
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,365
I'm feeling a lot of
confusing things right now.
210
00:09:38,436 --> 00:09:40,701
Yeah. No, of course you are.
211
00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:43,741
And your friendship is the
most important thing to me.
212
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:46,438
And he's off-limits.
213
00:09:50,083 --> 00:09:53,417
Thank you. I just want to let
you know, I was really serious
214
00:09:53,487 --> 00:09:54,977
about that secret language.
I know.
215
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,227
I can't believe
this is a gay bar.
216
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:01,785
Yeah, especially
with that heterosexual
217
00:10:01,863 --> 00:10:03,296
cowboy greeting
us on the way in.
218
00:10:03,365 --> 00:10:04,525
Where should I drink now?
219
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,363
There's a bar on Eighth Street
called Pitchers and Catchers.
220
00:10:06,435 --> 00:10:07,493
You can go there.
221
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:09,629
Yeah. Hey! Okay, listen.
Here's the plan.
222
00:10:09,705 --> 00:10:11,697
Our position is,
we have no position.
223
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:13,504
So let's just say,
"Thank you for the party,
224
00:10:13,577 --> 00:10:17,070
"but we regretfully decline
your offer to honor me."
225
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:18,513
Oh, my God,
I can't believe you came.
226
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:20,881
Hi, April.
Derek! It's Leslie Knope.
227
00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:22,419
Leslie Knope,
you're my hero!
228
00:10:22,487 --> 00:10:23,580
Oh! That's nice.
229
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:25,521
Leslie, you are
looking hot.
230
00:10:25,591 --> 00:10:27,252
Really?
231
00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:30,660
Thank you, Ben.
I'm really enjoying this hug.
232
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,196
That's so nice, but I need
to tell you something.
233
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,426
This one is on us.
234
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:35,628
Well, if it's free...
235
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,095
Leslie Knope!
236
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:48,549
She's Leslie Knope,
and she wants to recruit you!
237
00:10:50,186 --> 00:10:53,850
No, no, no. Oh, my. Okay.
Please, please, please, please.
238
00:10:55,025 --> 00:10:58,654
Gentlemen. First of all,
I would just like to say
239
00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:00,664
thank you so much
for throwing me this party,
240
00:11:00,732 --> 00:11:03,326
especially on a night
when the Colts are playing.
241
00:11:04,636 --> 00:11:06,400
We love you, Leslie!
242
00:11:07,673 --> 00:11:08,799
Okay.
243
00:11:10,109 --> 00:11:11,576
This is green.
244
00:11:15,949 --> 00:11:18,248
Leslie! Leslie!
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
245
00:11:18,319 --> 00:11:20,583
Leslie! Leslie!
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
246
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:22,680
Okay! Well, I wanted
to tell you
247
00:11:22,757 --> 00:11:25,818
that I wasn't really
trying to take a stand
248
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:29,489
when I married
those penguins.
249
00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:31,693
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
250
00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:33,235
You're chanting my name.
251
00:11:33,303 --> 00:11:36,603
Leslie! Leslie!
Leslie! Leslie! Leslie!
252
00:11:36,674 --> 00:11:40,610
I just have one thing to say!
Together we can change Pawnee forever!
253
00:11:40,678 --> 00:11:41,975
Let's dance!
254
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:48,609
Leslie Knope's in the building, y'all!
Let's get wild!
255
00:11:55,395 --> 00:11:58,796
I've seen so many dudes from City
Hall here tonight, it's crazy.
256
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,367
But I guess they've seen me here, too.
So, that's not great.
257
00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:07,869
Hey! Hi. I got your text.
Is everything okay?
258
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:10,343
Oh, yeah! They're having
a party in my honor!
259
00:12:10,412 --> 00:12:12,880
Go to the bar. If you're my
friend, you can drink for free!
260
00:12:12,948 --> 00:12:15,850
Oh! Cool! Okay,
and maybe next time
261
00:12:15,919 --> 00:12:18,149
don't use the words
"medical emergency."
262
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:19,951
I'm so glad you're here!
263
00:12:20,024 --> 00:12:21,423
I'm really sober!
264
00:12:21,492 --> 00:12:22,754
Okay! Get a drink!
265
00:12:30,235 --> 00:12:33,603
You know why tonight's fun?
'Cause everyone's so gay.
266
00:12:34,574 --> 00:12:37,703
And they know how to have
fun, and the dancing!
267
00:12:38,546 --> 00:12:42,243
Just, it's... Everyone
is just who they are.
268
00:12:42,316 --> 00:12:45,218
And who they are is
just stone-cold gay.
269
00:12:45,420 --> 00:12:47,445
Can't read my
Can't read my
270
00:12:47,522 --> 00:12:50,720
No, he can't read
my poker face
271
00:12:51,294 --> 00:12:52,852
Blah, blah, blah, blah
272
00:12:53,429 --> 00:12:56,524
My, my, my, poker face
My, my poker face
273
00:12:57,334 --> 00:13:00,428
My, my, my, poker face
My, my poker face
274
00:13:00,504 --> 00:13:02,370
I'm having such
a nice time tonight.
275
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:04,271
I've met many
interesting people.
276
00:13:04,342 --> 00:13:06,902
And there's two
bisexual guys here,
277
00:13:06,978 --> 00:13:08,913
and I got both of
their phone numbers.
278
00:13:11,984 --> 00:13:14,852
My, my, my poker
face My, my poker face
279
00:13:14,921 --> 00:13:17,321
My, my, my poker face
My, my poker face
280
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:19,551
My, my, my poker face
My, my poker face
281
00:13:19,626 --> 00:13:20,924
The whole morning.
282
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:25,564
Show me what's hot
Tell me what I got
283
00:13:25,633 --> 00:13:27,124
Can't read my
Can't read my...
284
00:13:27,202 --> 00:13:28,328
Have fun last night?
285
00:13:28,403 --> 00:13:31,702
I had three drinks named after
me, so that's pretty fun.
286
00:13:31,773 --> 00:13:34,242
Plus, Ben and Derek are taking
me shopping on Saturday.
287
00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:36,778
And we are gonna find out
my actual bra size.
288
00:13:37,747 --> 00:13:40,216
I guess I'm kind of
like queen of the gays.
289
00:13:40,684 --> 00:13:43,084
Bully for you.
I just got a phone call.
290
00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:45,145
They want you to
go on Pawnee Today.
291
00:13:45,223 --> 00:13:48,192
Wow. That's huge.
What's the topic? You.
292
00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:50,285
That Marcia Langman
from the family thing
293
00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:51,921
is calling for
your resignation.
294
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,466
No! You gotta go on
and defend yourself.
295
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:58,368
Why? I haven't even officially
taken a stand on gay marriage.
296
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,999
That's funny. Somebody just told
me you were queen of the gays.
297
00:14:03,444 --> 00:14:04,604
That was me.
298
00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:10,912
Pawnee Today,
with Joan Callamezzo.
299
00:14:10,986 --> 00:14:12,817
It's kind of like the Meet
the Press of our town.
300
00:14:12,888 --> 00:14:14,287
It's the big time, Leslie.
301
00:14:14,356 --> 00:14:16,257
Yeah, I know.
It is. I'm nervous.
302
00:14:16,326 --> 00:14:19,295
I just wish I were here
under different circumstances.
303
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:20,488
Guess who?
304
00:14:20,563 --> 00:14:21,621
Uh... Megan Fox?
305
00:14:21,699 --> 00:14:23,496
One of
the Desperate Housewives?
306
00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:25,296
No, Joan Callamezzo.
307
00:14:25,369 --> 00:14:27,861
Hey, Joanie! What's up, gorgeous?
Good to see you.
308
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,965
Tom comes on the show all the time.
Joan loves him.
309
00:14:30,042 --> 00:14:32,101
You have the softest skin
of any woman in Pawnee.
310
00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:33,235
Thank you.
311
00:14:33,312 --> 00:14:35,577
I wish you could reach,
from your TV screen,
312
00:14:35,648 --> 00:14:37,240
and just touch
Joan's skin for a second.
313
00:14:37,317 --> 00:14:38,443
That's sweet.
You'd have a treat.
314
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:39,883
You're pretty
soft yourself.
315
00:14:39,953 --> 00:14:41,182
How are your
kids doing?
316
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,449
They're pretty good.
317
00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:45,117
Is it tough for them to have a
mother that is so beautiful?
318
00:14:45,192 --> 00:14:47,058
What's it like being the most
attractive woman in Pawnee?
319
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:50,461
You keep up those funnies, I'm gonna
have to invite you over for supper.
320
00:14:50,532 --> 00:14:51,794
Well, I'll have to
come over for supper.
321
00:14:51,866 --> 00:14:53,300
Oh! You must.
322
00:14:58,742 --> 00:15:01,438
Oh, my God. Ann Perkins.
How you doing?
323
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:04,705
I'm good. How was
mountain climbing?
324
00:15:06,851 --> 00:15:07,909
What?
325
00:15:10,622 --> 00:15:13,785
Can I come in?
I just want to talk to you for a second.
326
00:15:13,859 --> 00:15:15,326
Sure, yeah.
327
00:15:18,498 --> 00:15:23,766
We have a controversial topic today,
the gay penguin marriage at the Pawnee Zoo.
328
00:15:24,338 --> 00:15:27,637
So, Marcia, what is
all the fuss about?
329
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:30,872
The fuss is that
Miss Knope claimed that
330
00:15:30,946 --> 00:15:33,938
she was not advocating
for this gay cause,
331
00:15:34,216 --> 00:15:37,186
and then that very night,
she was the guest of honor
332
00:15:37,253 --> 00:15:41,212
at a pro-gay marriage rally
at a bar called The Bulge.
333
00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,225
Miss Knope,
how do you respond?
334
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:46,421
I'd first like to say that I wasn't
trying to advocate for anyone.
335
00:15:46,497 --> 00:15:49,433
I did not know that both of
the penguins were males,
336
00:15:49,501 --> 00:15:51,731
and I was just trying
to perform a cute,
337
00:15:51,803 --> 00:15:54,398
fun ceremony to
promote our local zoo.
338
00:15:54,473 --> 00:15:57,670
I have to say that
that stunt that you did
339
00:15:57,743 --> 00:16:00,178
with the penguins was
clearly over the line.
340
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:05,116
Now, Marcia, what, if anything, can
Miss Knope do to make it right?
341
00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:08,989
Joan, we don't want to be unreasonable.
Of course not.
342
00:16:09,057 --> 00:16:13,825
We think that she should separate
the penguins, annul the marriage,
343
00:16:13,896 --> 00:16:18,061
reimburse the taxpayers for the
cost of the wedding, of course,
344
00:16:18,134 --> 00:16:19,863
and then resign.
345
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:21,062
Oh! Is that it?
346
00:16:21,137 --> 00:16:22,229
That would do it.
347
00:16:22,305 --> 00:16:24,570
Anything else?
You want me to jump off a building?
348
00:16:24,642 --> 00:16:27,736
Perform hara-kiri?
Move to a different town? No, I kid.
349
00:16:28,412 --> 00:16:29,743
Full of ideas here today.
350
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,375
This is the reason why people
don't go into politics.
351
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:35,953
Because, I bust my ass for the people
in this city, and I can't win.
352
00:16:36,021 --> 00:16:40,823
I have one night of fun with some of the
best dancers I've ever danced with,
353
00:16:40,893 --> 00:16:42,691
and suddenly everybody's
freaking out?
354
00:16:42,763 --> 00:16:44,663
Wow, look at that!
Wow, we're lighting up here.
355
00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:46,096
Great. Let's go for it.
Bring it on.
356
00:16:46,166 --> 00:16:47,497
I've never seen that
on our show before.
357
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,593
How does this work?
358
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,659
Well, there...
Push that, and...
359
00:16:49,737 --> 00:16:51,068
Great. Okay. Hey!
You're on the air!
360
00:16:51,139 --> 00:16:52,436
You're on the air! Good!
361
00:16:52,507 --> 00:16:54,338
Yeah, I think that
lady should resign.
362
00:16:54,409 --> 00:16:56,708
Okay, good.
Thank you. Next caller.
363
00:16:56,779 --> 00:16:59,373
You should resign
and repay your salary.
364
00:16:59,448 --> 00:17:02,247
Okay, two for resign.
Thank you. Next caller.
365
00:17:02,319 --> 00:17:06,085
I just want to say that I love
the zoo, and the zoo is really fun.
366
00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:09,557
Thank you.
That's really sweet.
367
00:17:09,627 --> 00:17:11,458
And I think you
should resign.
368
00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:16,131
You look great.
You look amazing.
369
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,795
Thanks. You look fancy.
370
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,900
Oh, yeah, the monkey suit.
Cost 3,000 bucks,
371
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:24,535
but totally worth it.
I sold out!
372
00:17:25,346 --> 00:17:27,837
I got a boring
office job in town, so...
373
00:17:27,915 --> 00:17:31,511
I gotta dress up, you know, the grind.
But I'm really happy,
374
00:17:31,586 --> 00:17:34,885
and I really feel
like I've matured a lot.
375
00:17:35,390 --> 00:17:38,656
Good! That's...
I'm happy for you. Yeah.
376
00:17:38,728 --> 00:17:41,219
So listen, I was sitting in
the cubicle the other day,
377
00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:42,730
just doing some thinking,
378
00:17:42,798 --> 00:17:43,891
and some growing...
379
00:17:43,967 --> 00:17:45,229
And some maturing.
380
00:17:45,335 --> 00:17:51,138
Yes! Maturing.
And darn it if I don't just miss you, and...
381
00:17:51,509 --> 00:17:54,842
Andy.
Well, A-Cakes, just let me...
382
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,908
I love you,
383
00:17:57,983 --> 00:18:00,076
and I'm just really sorry for
the way that I treated you.
384
00:18:00,152 --> 00:18:03,088
I was the worst boyfriend
ever, I know that,
385
00:18:03,156 --> 00:18:07,115
and I really think it would behoove
us to give it another shot.
386
00:18:07,761 --> 00:18:11,960
Yeah, look. I'm really happy
for you about your job
387
00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:13,866
and that you've
learned some new words,
388
00:18:13,935 --> 00:18:16,530
but I'm sure
about my decision.
389
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,340
Okay. Say no more.
390
00:18:21,411 --> 00:18:24,710
Listen, hit me up on my cell phone.
I'll be around.
391
00:18:25,915 --> 00:18:28,612
And if you wanna talk, or grab
coffee or something like that.
392
00:18:28,686 --> 00:18:30,244
Okay?
Okay.
393
00:18:30,321 --> 00:18:33,257
Oh. Gotta get back to the office.
Have a good one.
394
00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:35,190
Good seeing you.
Bye.
395
00:18:49,009 --> 00:18:51,478
And the hardest part
about living in this pit
396
00:18:51,546 --> 00:18:53,980
is probably keeping
my suit pressed.
397
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:02,790
And the rats. It's like a
freaking rat parade every night.
398
00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:04,857
I just want to be
close to her house,
399
00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:06,520
because I need
to protect her.
400
00:19:06,930 --> 00:19:10,264
'Cause there are some weird
people that live around here.
401
00:19:10,568 --> 00:19:13,366
Yeah, if you let penguins
get married, where does it end?
402
00:19:13,437 --> 00:19:16,066
I mean, would you let me
marry my guinea pig?
403
00:19:16,141 --> 00:19:18,371
Because I really do
want to marry my guinea pig.
404
00:19:18,443 --> 00:19:20,104
I'll take my answer
off the air.
405
00:19:20,178 --> 00:19:21,304
I think that's
a valuable point.
406
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,976
Attendance is up 30% at the zoo, by the way.
You're welcome.
407
00:19:25,051 --> 00:19:28,385
That penguin wedding was cute, damn it.
And I'm not gonna annul it.
408
00:19:28,455 --> 00:19:29,752
I'd ask you to reconsider.
409
00:19:29,823 --> 00:19:32,758
Well, I'd ask you
to stop asking me,
410
00:19:32,826 --> 00:19:34,988
because it's not
gonna happen, Marcia.
411
00:19:35,063 --> 00:19:36,155
Is that right?
412
00:19:36,231 --> 00:19:39,428
Last time I checked, I don't
think I murdered anyone,
413
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,403
or had an affair,
or did drugs!
414
00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:45,872
But I apologize.
I apologize for having fun,
415
00:19:45,941 --> 00:19:47,341
and for making
something cute!
416
00:19:50,047 --> 00:19:51,344
Where are you
from originally?
417
00:19:51,415 --> 00:19:53,316
Oh, no!
What did I do?
418
00:19:55,353 --> 00:19:56,684
So, you will not be
annulling the marriage?
419
00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:59,815
No. I will not
be annulling. No.
420
00:20:03,962 --> 00:20:09,162
Look at them. They're just in their
own little penguin love bubble.
421
00:20:10,938 --> 00:20:13,031
I guess that's what it's like
when you meet your mate
422
00:20:13,107 --> 00:20:15,940
and know you're gonna
be together forever.
423
00:20:19,781 --> 00:20:20,839
Hi!
Hi!
424
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:22,178
You know what I realized?
What?
425
00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:25,448
We're just animals.
We don't know anything about love.
426
00:20:25,521 --> 00:20:26,647
Okay.
Yeah.
427
00:20:26,723 --> 00:20:28,486
I think you should go
on that date with Mark.
428
00:20:28,558 --> 00:20:29,617
Oh, Leslie...
429
00:20:29,693 --> 00:20:31,160
Really, seriously.
I thought about it,
430
00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:35,188
and, look, he might not be my gay
penguin, but he could be yours.
431
00:20:35,266 --> 00:20:37,496
Look, I told you I'm not
going on a date with him.
432
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,003
Okay, fine. If you don't want to go
out with him, don't go out with him.
433
00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:41,733
But don't not do
it because of me,
434
00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:43,502
because I'm
really fine with it.
435
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,374
All that's important to me
is that we're still friends.
436
00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,073
Me, too!
Good! Great.
437
00:20:51,485 --> 00:20:52,782
Plus, I already called him
and told him that
438
00:20:52,853 --> 00:20:54,583
you were dying to go out
with him, so have fun.
439
00:20:55,022 --> 00:20:56,114
Huh?
440
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,889
So, I transferred the
penguins to a zoo in lowa.
441
00:21:01,964 --> 00:21:04,865
Gay marriage is legal there, so
hopefully, they'll be happy.
442
00:21:04,933 --> 00:21:07,129
At least they'll be together.
443
00:21:11,508 --> 00:21:14,740
Oh, look! Six Flags!
I should take them on a water slide.
444
00:21:14,812 --> 00:21:17,440
They might die.
But it would be so cute!
35400
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