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1
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♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
2
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:09,640
-♪ Yeah, I'll be fine, yeah ♪-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
3
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,240
♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,960
-♪ Oh, yeah ♪-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪
5
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,040
♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪
6
00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,560
-♪ Ooooh, ooh ♪-♪ Oh, the good Lord knows it ♪
7
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,720
-♪ Ooh ♪-♪ I've left better behind ♪
8
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,560
-♪ I'll be fine ♪-♪ Yeah ♪
9
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,680
-♪ Yeah ♪-♪ Fine ♪
10
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,440
-♪ Make my mamma turn another blind ♪-♪ Eye ♪
11
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,600
BOTH: ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-ay ♪
12
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,280
♪ I've left better behindI'll be fine ♪
13
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,440
Oh, what are you doing?
14
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:37,000
-Gnawing on your face.
-Why?
15
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,320
It's Christmas, and I wanted
to gnaw on my boyfriend's face.
16
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,240
John used to do this,
but now he's too old.
17
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,800
Okay. Gnaw on my face.
18
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,000
Yeah?
19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,240
-It's good, yeah?
-Hm. It's all right.
20
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,000
What can I do to make today
less shit for you?
21
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:01,160
-Love me.
-Yeah, done.
22
00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:02,680
Nailed it.
23
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,480
Have you ever seen a vagina
as out as mine?
24
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:09,680
Pardon?
25
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,800
Well, I've watched porn,
and there are never any outies.
26
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,040
Mine is so out.
27
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:17,680
It's not that out.
28
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,000
Fuck you, it is out.
It's really out!
29
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:25,680
Well, I really, really like
your vagina and all of its work.
30
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,480
I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
31
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,680
I like outie vaginas.
They're really friendly.
32
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,280
-They're like, "Hey, how's it goin'?"
-(BOTH CHUCKLE)
33
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,000
Well, I think
you have a beautiful vagina.
34
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,080
Does Claire have an outie?
35
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:43,920
Well, this feels like a trap.
36
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,480
Hey, hey!
Take a look at this pimple for me.
37
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,880
-Ooh.
-This one.
38
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,280
-Do you think I should pop it?
-Mm, what do you think, Gracie?
39
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,240
Should she pop it
or should she leave it till tomorrow?
40
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,680
Tomorrow.
41
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,720
Cool. I try tomorrow.
42
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,400
Hurry up, you bastards!
43
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,000
Oh, Hannah! We're gonna be late now!
44
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,000
Oh, fuck!
45
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,240
Fuck! (MOANS)
46
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,840
♪ Hark the... ♪
47
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,800
Christ! Fuck!
48
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,880
-No!
-Oh! Oh, it's...
49
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,760
I should have knocked. I'm sorry.
50
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,120
Yeah. Everything would be great
if you'd knocked.
51
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,520
Oh, phew... Er, are you okay?
52
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,120
Think we're beyond that question now.
53
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,280
Do you still wanna do Christmas?
54
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,040
May as well.
55
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,960
-We'll talk about this later.
-Yeah.
56
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,480
Between mains and dessert?
57
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,600
(KNOCKS) Hello! It's Santa!
58
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,440
No, I'm just kidding,
it's Mum and Hannah.
59
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,560
Hello, yes, please go sit.
Hi!
60
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,080
Sorry we're late.
It's not Hannah's fault.
61
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:55,760
-Okay.
-And I made my shortbread.
62
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,600
It just isn't Christmas
without my shortbread.
63
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:00,440
That's just not true.
64
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,880
-Hi!
-Hi.
65
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,800
I made my shortbread. It isn't
Christmas without my shortbread.
66
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,200
Here you go, Alan.
Oh! Yum. Yes, please.
67
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,840
-Hi, I'm Ella.
-Hi.
68
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,720
-Mae?
-Oh, no, thanks!
69
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,960
Oh! Mae, Mae, have some shortbread.
70
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,000
-Oh, okay.
-(BABY CRIES)
71
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,080
I'm going to go
try to convince Grace to go to sleep.
72
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,960
-Okay.
-Oh, yeah!
73
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,360
Thank you.
74
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,160
Eugh!
75
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:27,840
Come on, Gracie.
76
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,040
-I dropped the gravy.
-Yep.
77
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,760
Does...
Does your family like gravy?
78
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,040
Yeah!
79
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,200
What you're gonna do is,
80
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,640
you're gonna take these paper towels
and clean up the gravy
81
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,440
and we're just never gonna tell
anyone there was ever gravy, all right?
82
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,480
Christmas really lost its sheen
83
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,800
once I started being able
to afford my own toys.
84
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,000
ALL: ♪ Gone away is the bluebird ♪
85
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,920
♪ Here to stay is the new bird ♪
86
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,640
♪ He sings a love songAs we go along ♪
87
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,800
♪ Walking in a winter wonderland ♪
88
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,880
-Beans! Beans!
-Oh, my gosh.
89
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,760
Grace is down.
I hope she sleep for a long time.
90
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,920
-MAE: I hope till she's 18.
-(LAUGHS) 18!
91
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,280
Got any ice, Josh?
The punch is warm.
92
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,600
-Tom?
-I forgot to get ice.
93
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,720
Everyone eat, please.
It's going cold.
94
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,120
No, no, no! Hey, just not
before the crackers, you idiot!
95
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,880
We've got to do the crackers first!
96
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,040
-Yeah, you idiot.
-Lame idiot.
97
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,840
Yeah, you look like Ellen DeGeneres
if Ellen DeGeneres was a candle.
98
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,440
-I think you're okay.
-Fine. Thanks.
99
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,040
MAE: Oh, don't hold so much of it!
100
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,480
Did I ever tell you that I'm Jewish?
101
00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,760
This is properly thrilling.
102
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:38,200
Here we go.
103
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,000
-Oh, why didn't that bang?
-I usually make it bang.
104
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,840
Sometime today,
I need you to take some shortbread,
105
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,200
and say, "Jeez, Rose,
this is delicious shortbread."
106
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,280
-Okay, now?
-No, not now! It's too obvious.
107
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,040
Why do you keep cheating?
Why is it so important to you?
108
00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,880
-I'm not friggin' cheating.
-Oh, let's not talk about cheating!
109
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,560
Oh, no, Stuart!
I meant Stuart, Mae. Not you.
110
00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,200
Not you. Or Alan.
You, for that matter.
111
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,080
TOM: Why didn't you tell me
you were Jewish?
112
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,320
-ELLA: So that you'd get me a gift.
-Guys!
113
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,040
Oh, no, Claire has no-one
to do her cracker with.
114
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,320
Oh, maybe Claire
has to do it by herself.
115
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,640
-I don't wanna do it by myself.
-I'll do it with you.
116
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,320
-Okay!
-No, Dad, she has to do it by herself.
117
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,880
Yeah. 'Cause she has no partner.
118
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,960
-TOM: No-one in the world.
-'Cause she's alone.
119
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,040
Oh, maybe I won't
do the cracker, then.
120
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,280
Oh, it's because of that attitude
you don't have anyone to do it with.
121
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,040
Josh, Christmas is about charity.
You do it with her.
122
00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:29,200
-Yeah, Josh!
-Yes, I'll do the pity cracker.
123
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,000
Thank you.
124
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,400
-Oh, you...
-I won.
125
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,160
Oh, shall I go get ice?
126
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,360
No. Not now.
We've just started eating.
127
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,360
There's red wine there.
128
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,840
-Where's the gravy?
-Oh, so, guys?
129
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,320
I forgot to make gravy.
130
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,560
-(ALL GASPING)
-What?
131
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,560
Joshua! Oh, what a shame!
132
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,640
JOSH: Yes, it is a tragedy, I agree,
and I'm very sorry,
133
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,280
but perhaps we can just
forgive and forget
134
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,920
on this holiest of days, yep?
135
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,320
-Mmm, great shortbread, Rose.
-Mmm!
136
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,680
ALAN: Here we go. Ah...
What did the zero say to the eight?
137
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,360
-Nice belt.
-ELLA: I don't get it.
138
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:18,960
Okay. Why did Santa's helper
go to the doctor? Huh? Huh?
139
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,960
-Herpes!
-(ALL LAUGHING)
140
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,160
Telling me to eat the shortbread
was so harsh!
141
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,640
She loved it. It was adorable.
142
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,160
She watched me eat the whole thing
like I was a cat taking medicine!
143
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,400
Yeah.
144
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,040
-TOM: Hannah, where's your hat?
-What?
145
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,400
Why aren't you wearing
your hilarious hat?
146
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,240
You think you're too good
for your hat, Hannah?
147
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:42,560
Oh, yeah. Put your hat on, Hannah!
King Hannah!
148
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,400
She hasn't clocked that I'm a girl?
149
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:46,840
It's Christmas.
You have to wear the hat.
150
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,560
-Claire's not wearing one.
-I don't have a hat.
151
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,720
-'Cause she lost.
-She can have mine.
152
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,800
I'd really like to see you in the hat,
Hannah.
153
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,880
I'm not wearing the fucking hat!
154
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,240
ROSE: Oh, okay, guys...
155
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:59,760
Hannah's been a bit depressed lately
so just go easy, all right?
156
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,200
Fine, fine.
157
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,440
TOM: I guess a novelty hat
on a depressed person
158
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,280
would just highlight
how depressed they are.
159
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,920
Like how it'd be weird to see
a depressed person on a jetski.
160
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,040
Mm.
161
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,040
I think
you'd look hot on a jetski.
162
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,040
-Who is that?
-This is new.
163
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,920
Yes, I was wondering about that.
164
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,840
That's vegetarian nut roast,
and it's for Arnold.
165
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,040
-Nice of Josh to make it for me.
-Yes.
166
00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:25,160
Oh!
167
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,160
Oh!
168
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,200
-Tastes like blended cardboard! Ugh!
-Does it?
169
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,240
Rose, just put some salt on it.
170
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,400
ELLA: Okay, what is the worst present
that everyone's ever received?
171
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,240
I'm gonna go first because,
obviously, I want to say mine.
172
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:41,040
That's why I asked the question.
173
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,920
My dad once gave me math tutoring.
174
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,000
Oh, I bet he felt
as bad as the two wise men
175
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,360
that brought frankincense and myrrh
176
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,160
when they saw the other bloke
brought gold!
177
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,560
(CHUCKLES)
178
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,240
-Did you just make that joke up?
-Yup.
179
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,760
-No, you didn't.
-I did!
180
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,920
-I'm thinking of taking up the flute.
-Oh, yeah?
181
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,480
Mm, 'cause I was really musical
when I was young,
182
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,080
but I just wasn't pushed enough.
183
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,640
Right. Hannah, turkey?
184
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,080
Yeah. Sure.
185
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,880
What's this?
What's that made out of?
186
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,840
-It's cotton.
-Feels really nice.
187
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,720
-What about yours?
-Oh, it's cotton too.
188
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,520
-Oh, high five!
-Yeah! (CHUCKLES)
189
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,760
(BABY CRIES)
190
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,760
Sorry, we are having a bit of trouble
getting her to sleep.
191
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,360
Hopefully she will calm down.
192
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,320
-Well, she sounds very distressed.
-Yes, yes, I know. I can hear her.
193
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:34,240
I know how she sounds.
194
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,320
Maybe I should go and check on her.
195
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,440
No!
196
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,800
I am not going to be the mean parent.
197
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,200
You bought me the book.
You made me read the book.
198
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,520
You agree with what's in the book.
199
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,680
So, we have 11 minute and 38 seconds,
okay, before we can check on her.
200
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:49,880
It's Christmas, Mae.
201
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,560
But Grace doesn't have a concept
of Christmas, does she?
202
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,080
-I will not be the bad guy.
-All right.
203
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,680
-She will stop crying.
-All right.
204
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,960
Mae, I think
you're doing a really good job.
205
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:01,560
Thank you, Claire.
206
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,400
We didn't have to do this with Josh.
207
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,040
Please, Rose.
208
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,840
I have this under control.
209
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,800
Maybe I could sneak in there
and have a little nibble.
210
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,600
-Josh, please! She's fine.
-No, I'm not worried about her.
211
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,800
I just wanna go in
and have a little nibble, you know?
212
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,040
Just a little... A little nibble.
213
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,960
Sorry, is no-one
gonna make a joke about Josh?
214
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,000
Yeah, how no parenting techniques
that are used on him
215
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,520
should ever be used again.
216
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,160
-'Cause he's shit.
-Big nostrils.
217
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,880
-You?
-I'm trying to be part of the family.
218
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,000
I don't think big nostrils
are a result of bad discipline.
219
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,320
-You wouldn't stop picking your nose.
-Oh, my mistake.
220
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:40,640
Remember when we told Josh
that if he kept on picking his nose,
221
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,720
his nostrils would get huge
222
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,200
and then everybody would know
that he picked his nose?
223
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,320
I can't believe it's true!
(ALL CHUCKLING)
224
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,960
-He went white.
-Whiter than that?
225
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,840
-Okay. All right.
-I don't think you can get whiter.
226
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,760
-Translucent?
-Yep. You know what? I'm happy.
227
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,520
I'm happy to sacrifice myself
so we can all bond.
228
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,040
Whiter than
going to the farmers' market?
229
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,200
Oh, yeah. Oh!
Whiter than binge drinking, huh?
230
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,320
You're right, Josh.
He's not boring at all!
231
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:05,920
What?
232
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:10,160
-Oh, it worked. She stop.
-ALAN: Good job, honey.
233
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,520
Yeah, today Grace learnt
that just because she's upset
234
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,000
doesn't mean
she deserves to be cared for.
235
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:17,200
Rose? That's uncalled for.
236
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,880
It's unfair and it's uncalled for.
237
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,360
All right, all right. I'm sorry.
I'm... (CHUCKLES) I'm sorry.
238
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,520
Look, I regret saying it.
I'm sorry, Mae.
239
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,280
Yeah. So, Hannah, did you get
anything nice for Christmas?
240
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:34,560
-No.
-Brilliant.
241
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,720
ELLA: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
242
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,360
What just happened?
Why couldn't you go check on her?
243
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,400
-We're doing controlled crying.
-Oh, right.
244
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,160
I wouldn't be able to do
controlled crying.
245
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,440
No offence, Mae,
I just wouldn't be able to do it.
246
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,440
CLAIRE: Why is this all
being directed at Mae?
247
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,240
Alan agreed not to check on her too.
248
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,320
Everyone is forcing their kids
to grow up too soon these days.
249
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,680
MAE: I'm not forcing her to grow up.
250
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,240
I am just making sure
251
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,960
that when she does grow up,
she's not some whingeing brat.
252
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,520
-No offence, Josh.
-Some taken.
253
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,640
Is there any gravy, Josh?
254
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,760
No, Hannah, there's no gravy.
Did you not hear...
255
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,640
No, never mind.
256
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,400
-Hannah, are you okay?
-Yeah, I'm fine. Fine.
257
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,840
ELLA: I mean, for all we know,
her crying could be baby talk
258
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:19,960
for "Help, there's a snake
in my bed!"
259
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,840
Yeah, maybe I'll just
pop my head in.
260
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,600
-No, Alan.
-What do you think, Tom?
261
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,240
I just wouldn't be bothered
checking on her.
262
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,520
No, that's not what you think.
263
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,720
-Yeah. What do you think, Tom?
-Yeah, Tom?
264
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,520
Um, I think it's totally fine.
265
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,720
I think it's really
responsible parenting, Mae.
266
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:42,560
Ugh, yuck, that was gross to watch.
267
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,400
Never stand for anything
ever again, Tom.
268
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,560
I didn't want to!
269
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,800
I thought maybe you'd agree with me
because I'm your girlfriend.
270
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,040
-Okay, yeah, I agree with Ella.
-No, you don't!
271
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:53,840
I think... Okay, I think
whatever is easiest to think.
272
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,920
I just said that before
to try and help Mae,
273
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,600
and lonely, poor Claire.
274
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,480
Why does everybody keep making
jokes about Claire being lonely?
275
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,800
You'd be knocking them back,
wouldn't you? Claire? A girl like you?
276
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:09,280
It's 'cause they've got
nothing else on me.
277
00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:12,000
Dad, you're getting dangerously close
to flirting with Claire
278
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,760
and I just wanna
intercept early, yeah?
279
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,880
-Oh. Sorry.
-Yeah. Yeah, thank you, Josh.
280
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,280
ROSE: You've had heaps of boyfriends.
281
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,960
No! I've had, like,
a few short-lived mistakes.
282
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,920
-And then there was Josh.
-Boom.
283
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,760
-ROSE: That doesn't count.
-It counts as a mistake.
284
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,000
-You made him gay.
-Oh, thank you, Claire.
285
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,680
Ah, there's Tom as well, anybody,
if you wanna say anything about Tom.
286
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,840
Fuck, yeah. Achievement.
Ding ding ding!
287
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,400
-Didn't make me gay, am I right?
-Sorry, Ella.
288
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,320
-You can have him back if you like.
-At this point, I'd probably consider it.
289
00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,280
-Don't say that.
-Why would you say that?
290
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:47,720
What?
291
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,120
You're being like Snape's secretary
in Love Actually.
292
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,360
No, I'm not. Don't say that!
293
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,320
So, Josh thinks that maybe
Tom is still in love with Claire.
294
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,680
(LAUGHS)
295
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,240
-Awkward alert!
-JOSH: No, I didn't say that.
296
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,680
-Did I say that? I didn't say that.
-I never heard him say that.
297
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,360
-He didn't say that.
-I think he said it with his eyes.
298
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,720
-Ooh, he did say it with his eyes.
-No.
299
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,680
Don't trust my eyes. I was probably
thinking about slow-roasted meats, Ella.
300
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,320
Tom isn't in love with me.
301
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,160
-I'm not.
-Mm, maybe a little bit.
302
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:16,920
Why?
303
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,880
I'm not. He's just joking.
304
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,280
Doesn't really seem like joking.
305
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,280
-I'd kill for some ice.
-I'll go get it.
306
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,800
-Don't, Ella.
-No, it's fine, I'm Jewish, so...
307
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,840
-Ella, don't go.
-Don't go.
308
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,680
Really?
309
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,160
Yes.
310
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,080
Okay.
311
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,160
Maybe now that Grace is asleep,
312
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,320
I could just sneak in there
for a little nibble?
313
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,800
-Maybe a little munch on her ear?
-Josh!
314
00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:01,120
Since when did you start liking
babies, Josh? You hate babies.
315
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,440
Other babies, yes. Not Grace.
Grace is the Beyonce of babies.
316
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,240
-Josh, you want babies!
-Nope.
317
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,520
Isn't it weird to think
that Beyonce was a baby once?
318
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,160
You almost just don't believe it.
319
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,560
-I don't want babies.
-Oh, me neither.
320
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,640
-I want a holiday house.
-Yup.
321
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,760
I don't much like drinking
red wine during the day.
322
00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:22,160
I have seen so much soap
shaped like cupcakes this year.
323
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,600
I'm just sick of it. Like,
it doesn't soap up like real soap.
324
00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:29,440
-Nor does it cupcake like cupcake.
-You said it!
325
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,880
Um, did you know
that some city birds
326
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,080
have started using cigarette butts
in their nests
327
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,360
because the burnt nicotine
wards off fleas and lice?
328
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,440
-Ahh.
-Wow, that's really interesting.
329
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,200
Sounds like a lie
put out by Big Tobacco.
330
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,080
(LAUGHS)
331
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,040
Oh, I thought you were joking.
332
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,320
-No, he was not joking.
-Not joking.
333
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,080
TOM: Maybe that's what
those homeless guys are doing
334
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,560
when I see them pick up cigarette butts
off the street.
335
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,480
-What?
-For their nests?
336
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,080
Are you sure you're okay?
337
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,280
-What did I say last time?
-That you were fine.
338
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,240
Okay, so if I tell you I'm not fine,
I hate Christmas and I hate myself,
339
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,480
would you back the fuck off?
340
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,360
Okay.
341
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,040
Oh!
I forgot to tell you about Stuart!
342
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,640
Apparently,
he's back in the psych ward.
343
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,560
I spoke to his wife,
you know, Hazel,
344
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:30,600
and apparently he's suffering
from post-traumatic stress disorder,
345
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,840
'cause he got in a car accident
and killed three kids.
346
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,040
Hazel said it wasn't his fault,
but of course she would say that,
347
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,160
wouldn't she?
348
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,440
-Fuck!
-Poor guy.
349
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:42,440
Yes, the problem is Hazel's now
having a lot of trouble working out
350
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,320
if the bad bits in his personality
are because of the PTSD,
351
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,320
or if it's because
he's just a dickhead.
352
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:50,320
Oh, Josh, I've been meaning to ask,
how's your friend, Ben?
353
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,760
Alan! That was meant to be a secret!
354
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,600
No, it's okay. I know.
355
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,880
Yeah, everybody knows. It's fine.
356
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,080
Ben is recovering well,
thank you for asking.
357
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,880
(BABY CRIES)
358
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,280
Please can we not mention it?
359
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,680
-(DOG VOMITING)
-Oh, shit!
360
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,720
-John, buddy, what have you eaten?
-Oh, it's okay, I'll get it.
361
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:15,920
Hey, hey, hey! Are you all right?
362
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:18,880
-(BABY CRIES)
-She sounds very distressed.
363
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,840
-What if something's wrong?
-Nothing is wrong.
364
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,160
Do you want a holiday house
in the beach or in the country?
365
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,760
Um, beach.
With a fireplace and a grand piano.
366
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,320
She just sounds so sad.
367
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,000
I just wanna spread her ear
on a cracker with some quince paste.
368
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,000
Can I just stand outside
the door and check?
369
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,800
No, okay? No-one is picking her up!
370
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,440
(BABY STOPS CRYING)
371
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,440
-Oh, so, who's Ben?
-Sorry, Ben is a friend of mine.
372
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,520
He had brain surgery.
I really don't wanna talk about it.
373
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,720
What friend?
You don't have other friends.
374
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,720
-I am branching out.
-Where would you meet other friends?
375
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,040
-Just around.
-ROSE: What, on the Internet?
376
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,120
You don't know who you're talking to
on the Internet, Josh.
377
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,200
Could be a troll.
378
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,760
Could someone please
change the subject?
379
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,000
How are so many guys interested
in you? What do they see in you?
380
00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,120
Personality.
381
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,960
-No. No, no, no. No, no, no.
-Yes.
382
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,720
Arnold, can you shed some light
on this?
383
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,560
-No, I can't remember.
-TOM: Claire?
384
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,200
I was a teenager.
I had no confidence.
385
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,600
Wish I could do a focus group
and figure it out.
386
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,600
I think maybe they get
lost in my eyes.
387
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,080
Why are you friends with him, Tom?
388
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:29,680
Uh, desperation. Convenience.
389
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,600
Honestly, being friends with Josh
is just slightly less effort
390
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,600
than having to find
somewhere else to live.
391
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,720
(LAUGHS)
392
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,480
-The same for you?
-Okay, well he does nice things.
393
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,040
For example, before, he took the blame
for me dropping the gravy.
394
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,120
-Oh, no!
-Whoa!
395
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,440
Whoa!
396
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,560
-So, there was gravy?
-Yeah, there was, but I dropped it.
397
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,400
-You dropped the gravy?
-Yeah, I dropped the gravy.
398
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,320
My God, he just keeps
saying it out loud!
399
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,680
-Well, it's just gravy.
-"Just gravy"?
400
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,720
Arnold, now you're just being
antagonistic.
401
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,400
Arnold, the thing you need to know
about gravy is that it's just so good.
402
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:06,640
It's like the heart of a guide dog.
403
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,680
Vegetarian, huh? Yeah? Am I right?
404
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,600
I didn't do it because
I'm a vegetarian.
405
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,640
It was a mistake.
406
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,200
I can't fix this for you.
Just, I cannot fix this for you.
407
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,400
Just imagine Josh,
seeing all that gravy on the floor?
408
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,560
His little homely face
would've just dropped.
409
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,760
ELLA: Too upsetting
to bear thinking about.
410
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,280
I wish he'd never told me.
411
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:32,160
Yeah, no, I knew that Josh would not
forget the gravy. I knew that.
412
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,080
Josh, can I ask, was it packet gravy
or did you make it from scratch?
413
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,280
I made it from scratch, Dad.
I'm not a douchebag.
414
00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:42,480
I was enjoying this lunch, but now...
Now I can't bear another bite.
415
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,720
Probably for the best
with those cheeks, am I right?
416
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,880
Oh! Not even a laugh
for my cheeks, Arnold.
417
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,760
Not even a pity laugh
from your boyfriend.
418
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,600
I mean, that's how you know
you fucked up.
419
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,720
There's your gravy! (CHUCKLES)
420
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,760
(CUCKOO CLOCK CHIMES)
421
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:23,520
Arnold.
422
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,960
I know that was a weird choice.
I'm just a bit on edge.
423
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,720
Muhammad's gonna come pick me up
in a big black car
424
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,960
and take me to a very fancy, entirely
emotionally cold family Christmas.
425
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,200
Okay, if that's what you like,
that's what you want.
426
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:39,600
Yeah.
427
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,120
Get me higher.
Get me higher. Higher, you dog!
428
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,200
-(CHUCKLE) I'm trying!
-Higher, you dog!
429
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,720
(GRUNTS) I'm... Josh!
430
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,600
-Josh?
-Yes?
431
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,040
-I don't wanna move in with you.
-Let me down.
432
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,880
I just...
433
00:19:57,520 --> 00:19:59,520
When I dropped the gravy,
I thought that might be it.
434
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,600
I thought, oh,
you're gonna break up with me.
435
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,120
I thought,
"I bet Ben never drops any gravy."
436
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,040
All lunch, I kept thinking that I was
being less interesting than Ben,
437
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:09,800
and I can't spend my life worried
438
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,880
that you're gonna find some
vulnerable guy
439
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,320
with arthritis or chronic psoriasis
or whatever.
440
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,680
I just... I'm tired.
441
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,200
What's a nice thing I can do for you
442
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,040
to prove that there's nothing
going on between me and Ben?
443
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,720
Not a nice thing, maybe a mean thing.
444
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,520
Do you wanna go punch him in the balls?
445
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,560
Do you want...
Me and you, we'll go in that car,
446
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,680
we'll go to the hospital,
we'll punch Ben in the balls.
447
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,840
-Don't think I won't do it.
-I don't know.
448
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,520
All right.
449
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,600
-Merry Christmas.
-Yep. Merry Christmas.
450
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,280
He's fine. He just wanted
to go see his family.
451
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,720
-He's not upset about Ben?
-I don't wanna talk about it.
452
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:10,960
Just remember, Josh.
453
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,680
It'd be weird for Arnold knowing that
you had Ben in the back of your mind.
454
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,040
He doesn't have Ben in the back
of his mind. They're just friends.
455
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,600
No, no, not...
Claire said they were lovers.
456
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,720
-Why would she say that?
-I'm just not helping today, am I?
457
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,400
There are a lot of desserts, Josh!
458
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,640
Yeah, why so much dessert?
We're never gonna eat it all.
459
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:28,520
Did you know there are people out there
who didn't have Christmas lunch today
460
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,440
and here we are with all this food
that's gonna go to waste.
461
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,920
I just thought it'd be nice
to have a variety of desserts.
462
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:36,200
-Pretty worked up about the dessert, Josh.
-Sorry.
463
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,640
-Dessert is "stressed" backwards.
-Tom, you can't feed him chocolate!
464
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,680
-That's a myth.
-Yeah, remember when he vomited?
465
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,240
CLAIRE: This punch is so warm.
466
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,040
Yeah, it's really not drinkable
without ice.
467
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,760
There's red wine but I don't like
drinking red wine during the day.
468
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:50,360
Then go and get ice, Dad! I didn't know
Tom was going to forget the ice.
469
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,560
I'm sorry, but that's the situation
we're in, okay?
470
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,920
So, either leave and get ice, or shut up!
471
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,000
Oh, you always get so worked up
around Christmas.
472
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,680
No, actually, it's not Christmas's fault.
Let's not blame Jesus.
473
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,440
It was having to hang out
alone every year
474
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:03,360
with you and Dad and Peg
just pecking at me.
475
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,880
Just peck, peck, peck, peck, peck.
476
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,640
We're just trying to have a good time!
477
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,200
I know. I know I'm being unfair,
and I'm sorry, okay?
478
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,880
But fuck, when I say to you,
"I don't want to talk about it",
479
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,720
why can't you stop talking about it?
480
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,680
Son, this is about Arnold and Ben.
481
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,520
Actually, I thought
I was pretty clear, okay?
482
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,320
This is about you.
I'm frustrated with you, okay?
483
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,280
Claire keeps telling me
how disappointed she is with her life
484
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:28,760
instead of going out and
creating herself a better life.
485
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,480
Tom keeps making
the most horrible choices
486
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,360
and then everyone pretends
it's not his fault.
487
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,680
It is your fault, Tom.
Ella, it is Tom's fault.
488
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:38,400
Everything.
You probably should have left.
489
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,800
Hannah, wow, no-one's allowed
to make fun of Hannah.
490
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,080
And, Mae, well... Mae's fine.
491
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:45,280
Although I don't really understand
why you bought me a book
492
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,560
of "easy mid-week recipes."
You know I know to cook.
493
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,280
-It was cheap.
-Fair enough.
494
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,600
Dad is incapable of communicating
with me about feelings.
495
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,720
So instead, he just talks about chores
that need to be done all the time.
496
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,400
Mum, well, it's pretty obvious
497
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,360
you've made the choice
to go off your medication again.
498
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,360
You're gonna be depressed
in two days, again,
499
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,280
and then, you're gonna expect me
to be there to help, again.
500
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,120
Okay? This is not about Arnold.
This is not about Ben.
501
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,320
This is not about Jesus, all right?
This is about you.
502
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,280
And... And to be honest,
I've run out of things to say.
503
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:16,080
But I'm not gonna stop talking 'cause
I appreciate that I'm as bad as you,
504
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,000
and I know as soon I stop talking,
you're gonna say something
505
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,640
that's probably quite embarrassing.
506
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,720
So, what I'm gonna do is,
507
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,920
I'm gonna take this trifle
508
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,680
and I'm going to go.
509
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:26,880
-To Arnold?
-No.
510
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:27,960
-Ben?
-No!
511
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,360
I'm gonna go and sit alone in a park
with my dog and a trifle.
512
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,240
Take some shortbread!
513
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:40,760
You should've seen the tantrum he threw
514
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:42,440
when we gave him the wrong Donkey Kong.
515
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,680
Yeah, I heard that!
516
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,000
What happened was you gave me the same
game you already gave me
517
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,120
the previous Christmas.
518
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,880
I'm an only child.
519
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,160
(DOOR SLAMS)
41751
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