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Yahoo!
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Everybody fudged up?
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Beautiful.
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Let's get going.
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Morning guys.
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Welcome back to space.
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Also apologies to Chad for leaving him below deck for the universe switch.
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Our bad bro.
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Hey it's all good bro.
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Okay cool.
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Now let's kick things off with a little security rundown from our newly
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rehired second in command.
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Please be nice.
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She's trying.
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Karen Lipinski.
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Hi everybody.
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Sorry about yesterday's coup attempt.
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Let's talk security.
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By my calculations we're facing at least six types of serious
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existential risks.
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Semi-serious, it ain't no thang.
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The first risk is the most obvious.
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Future attacks from whatever it was that came yesterday.
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We don't know what it was, where it came from, or
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how to combat it if it shows up again.
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The second risk is malnutrition.
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According to my calculations an all fudge diet will lead to death within
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a matter of weeks.
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Won't happen, but even if it does, what a way to go.
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According to my calculations it would be dreadful.
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Okay.
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Rampant sores, hallucinations, in a last ditch attempt to
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survive your body would try and start to digest its teeth.
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Oh God.
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Excuse us for a second.
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I think we are pretty heavy on the bad news right now.
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So maybe just sprinkle in some positive, a spoonful of sugar and such.
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Based on my fudge research,
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a spoonful of sugar would be like dropping a dirty bomb in your liver.
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Maybe a little less dark for the crew, please?
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Okay. Thank you.
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Okay, I understand.
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Thanks. Okay.
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We's back, son.
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Hey, so these other three risk categories are dumb.
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Possible loss of hull integrity, risk of unknown pathogens.
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What's that?
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And our collective lack of training.
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Whatever.
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Now, who wants to watch a video.
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Me.
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I'd love to watch a video.
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If you're watching this video,
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you entered into a know when fatal predicament.
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What should you do?
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Let's go over some helpful tips.
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Part one, cauterizing useless limbs.
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This standard issue cauterizer cuts through flesh, muscle, and bone.
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Are you guys done with this fudge?
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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Hey Tinas.
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Oh, hey.
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What are you watching?
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A montage of gifts that Ted's given me.
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I know the music's sappy but I like it.
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Yeah, you do, huh?
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Anyhoo.
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I was wondering, if you've put together like beta schematic of all
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the nearby systems we talked about, kind of your job.
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Yeah, you know, I started to.
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You did? And then I was like, what's the point?
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Our survival.
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Yeah but,.
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Yeah. But it is kind of like Karen said, we're just gonna die anyway.
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So you, checked the heat panels for asymmetry right?
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No, actually I have been writing a goodbye letter to my parents.
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I think it is sweet that you miss your parents.
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But, you know there's no way for us to get messages home so
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your letter is worthless.
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Why don't you take all that energy and
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channel it into a good solid triple check of those heat panels.
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'Kay?
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I'm just saying it might not be the worst thing to go easier on people.
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Look we are in an alternate dimension Stuart.
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We're not going to solve that with a God damn pizza party.
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At the risk of starting this fight yet
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again, you have never been to a full fledged pizza party before so
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you have no idea how transformative they can be.
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Look it is not my job to keep these people happy, okay?
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It is my job to keep them alive.
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It's a lot harder to keep people alive if they're too bummed out to work.
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Besides, you seem pretty confident of what your job is considering I just
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had to give it back to you eight hours ago.
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Oh, yeah.
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Why don't I just listen to the guy who's been captain for a whole 13 hours.
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There we go.
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Thank you.
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I appreciate all the hard work that all of you have been doing.
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But I thought we should talk.
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You guys, this is a crazy thing that's happened to us, and, and
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we'll have an easier time if we deal with it together.
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Mm.
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I forgot to mention that this meeting features, refreshments.
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Is that a food generator?
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Where did you get that?
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In an old half-sealed storage compartment in the holography room that
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Natasha told me about.
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Positivity, plus team work equals boom.
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Stop talking, turkey club please.
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Coming right up.
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What the hell is that?
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The hydrator function isn't currently working.
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But it's all in there.
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Hoo.
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Things are starting to look up, am I right?
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Tastes like I'm eating a rabbit turd.
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Rabbit turds aren't chalk full of vitamins and minerals.
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Oh, yes they are.
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You know what?
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If anyone feeling down, then we'll be talking for the next hour.
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It's up to you.
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Well, I got some stuff to work through.
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And, I don't remember where the engine room is from here.
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So, yeah.
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I'm in. Great.
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Good times.
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Chad.
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I'll stay too.
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No you won't.
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Cuz I'm ordering you to do a diagnostics triple check.
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People around here need to learn to love the triple check.
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Psst, hey.
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Hey. Captain.
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I don't have free will so could you help me?
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Oh, sure.
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Natasha, I order you to stay here for as long as you like.
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Apologies First Officer Lipinski.
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The captain has superseded your order.
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I'm forced to remain here.
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You people do what you want.
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Michael and I will pick up your slack.
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Get up.
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Really? Get up.
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Cuz I thought this would be really-. Get up.
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Good for me.
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Oh, I feel bad for Michael.
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Oh yeah.
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Where I started out as a hospitality bot on the inaugural
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Hooters Casino Space Shuttle.
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And then I got sold to UMP in a package deal along with some elliptical
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machines.
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Well we're here for you.
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And let us know if there's anything we can do for you.
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I would loved free will.
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Yeah, it's not happening.
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No, okay?
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Kent?
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I am Kent Woolworth.
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That's right, you were the first baby born on Mars.
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That is not a matter I'm willing to discuss.
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Tina?
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My name is Tina Shukshin.
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I'm from.
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I'm practically engaged to a wonderful man named Ted.
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He's very handsome.
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You've probably seen him around.
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We're gonna have three children and we're gonna name them Quinn, Jayden,
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and Quaden.
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Quaden?
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Quaden?
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Okay. Well, we have time to work on that.
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I miss him.
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So much.
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What if he could hear you right now?
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Oh my god I would say the filthiest.
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Really?
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Really?
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Yeah.
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So this is a good time for us to play a little role playing game, okay?
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Let's pretend that I'm Ted for now.
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Okay.
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So so what would you say to me.
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Ted.
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Yeah?
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You look terrible.
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Hm, I don't deserve this.
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Anything?
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No.
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For the millionth time, no sign of hull compromise.
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Now can we go back to the meeting?
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I'm extremely sad.
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You can talk to me Michael.
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Really?
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Cuz ever since we got to this.
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Nevermind it's not working.
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Ugh.
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Steward always has to get so touchy feely every time something bad happens.
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It's like he lives and dies for the approval of other people.
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Not me. I don't care if people hate me.
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Yeah, it shows.
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Thank you.
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Oh my god.
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Is that good ooze?
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No, it's not good ooze, you jack ass.
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Just asking.
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Life is a series of commas, not periods.
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Chad I would do anything for you.
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Wow.
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Wow.
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Great stuff.
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So looks like we've all talked through our grief, right?
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So let's get back to work.
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Great. Oh wait, I have an idea.
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Let's play mafia.
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Yes.
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Oh.
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Also, what is mafia?
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There.
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I see it.
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Oh my, it's still.
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I can see it.
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Okay, well I'm just saying there's a lot of it.
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Oh my God, it accessed our central system.
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And by it you mean like a, like Keep it together.
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I'm keeping it so, we just have to make a, oh my god those are feet now.
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I don't think playing games is the best use of our time right now.
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You said you wanted everyone to cheer up.
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This is the fastest way to get us, I promise.
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Is this actual ship weaponry?
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OK, so first rule of mafia is mafia rocks.
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Second rule,
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you wanna make sure that you kill the killer before the killer kills you.
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Damn it.
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Tracks fade out here.
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I'm sorry, we're in the middle of something.
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It's called mafia.
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Can I help you?
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Someone in this game's an alien.
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There's a stranger among us, people.
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That's impossible.
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I know everyone here, don't you?
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Perhaps the intruder implanted false memories inside our heads.
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We were subject to group hallucinations only yesterday.
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Yesterday.
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I forgot how we solved that whole problem.
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That's right.
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Chad's ears.
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Okay, I didn't fix it.
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Be a lot cooler if you did.
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Will the crew member who's secretly an alien raise their hand please?
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Oh, God.
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Natasha, can you run a ship's manifest?
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Is everybody supposed to be here?
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My access to the manifest seems to be blocked.
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Was anyone else just woken up by a loud alarm sound.
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Hey Art, come over here.
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And you know what, Karen and
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Michael we are going to need you to join in the circle too.
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I have never joined a circle and I never will.
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Tina is right.
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Well, right is a stretch, she has got a point,
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splitting up is too dangerous, our safest bet is to stick together.
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I am going to do a room search.
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But have fun.
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Be sure to clear the weapons,
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so the intruder doesn't blow a hole through the ship.
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Let's at least make this thing break a sweat while it kills us.
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Jesus, woman, what a drip.
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00:10:11,769 --> 00:10:13,999
Okay, you're gonna sit in the interrogation chair, and
270
00:10:13,999 --> 00:10:15,920
we're gonna decide if you're an alien.
271
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:18,300
If we think you are, we throw you into the airlock and
272
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:19,815
blast you into space, 'kay?
273
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:22,550
Who wants to go first.
274
00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:23,220
Michael.
275
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:29,180
In my spare time I like to listen to, music.
276
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:33,850
I like saying the word chocolate but I like eating vanilla.
277
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,520
Don't you find velcro loud?
278
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:37,590
I do.
279
00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:40,890
Oh this fellow is the feeble excuse for a person I've ever heard of.
280
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:41,690
What?
281
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:43,330
Yeah, I mean I kind of agree.
282
00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:46,860
I mean, no offense Michael, but you're just like super boring and
283
00:10:46,860 --> 00:10:50,970
bland, and generic, in a way that only an alien would make up.
284
00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:52,410
Do you know what I mean?
285
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:53,420
No, I don't.
286
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,648
Okay, votes to kill Michael.
287
00:10:54,648 --> 00:10:56,162
Motion failed.
288
00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:59,130
You survived, good job buddy.
289
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:00,810
Ow. Sorry.
290
00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:03,060
I'm real you guys.
291
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:04,110
Hm, come on.
292
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:06,170
You know I'm real.
293
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:09,368
You're doing a whole lot of smiling for someone in this situation.
294
00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:10,580
Oh, what?
295
00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:13,850
Yeah, she is, in a strangely good mood.
296
00:11:13,850 --> 00:11:16,430
Oh my God you guys, it's just my RA training kicking in.
297
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:20,390
Behind this, like, assuring, beautiful smile is just a dark
298
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:23,910
cloud of billowing emotional smoke and garbage.
299
00:11:23,910 --> 00:11:26,560
I mean, if I even start to, think of Teddy.
300
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,460
Can we vote exonerate her just so
301
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:30,080
we don't have to hear about her boyfriend anymore?
302
00:11:31,670 --> 00:11:34,040
Chad, Chad, Chad, Chad, Chad.
303
00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,370
Okay, guys. Stop, stop.
304
00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:37,400
Chad, just for fun, okay?
305
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,540
Tell us why you're not an alien.
306
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:44,710
You, me, and the bay at Monterey.
307
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:45,430
Hell yeah!
308
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,196
That was awesome!
309
00:11:46,196 --> 00:11:48,492
Such a good trip, man.
310
00:11:55,205 --> 00:11:56,164
Play montage.
311
00:11:59,042 --> 00:11:59,918
Nice hardware.
312
00:12:03,297 --> 00:12:04,970
Why am I not an alien?
313
00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:07,520
I could be, man.
314
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,837
It makes some sense.
315
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:13,460
Wait so, you're not defending the idea that you're a person?
316
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:15,910
Well, I've never felt that real.
317
00:12:15,910 --> 00:12:18,310
Zalian's people I can vouch for you.
318
00:12:18,310 --> 00:12:20,800
No offense, but the word of a robot?
319
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,560
I wasn't born a robot.
320
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,940
This is just a vessel for my brainwaves.
321
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:27,220
My real name is Howard Barnes.
322
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:29,160
Wait, like the Howard Barnes.
323
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:30,510
The inventor of smart pillows?
324
00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:31,950
I love smart pillows.
325
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:32,690
That's me.
326
00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:33,870
You're welcome for those.
327
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:37,420
Wait but what's a billionaire inventor doing in a bargain bin body?
328
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:40,420
I sunk my fortune into immortality robot.
329
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:44,120
Where as a marketing ploy I uploaded my brainwaves into this module and
330
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:45,930
my old body publicly burned.
331
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,770
Proof of concept and all of that.
332
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:48,880
Didn't help a lick.
333
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,170
We went out of business.
334
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,130
Turns out people wanted elbows.
335
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,630
Yeah, that's literally a believable story.
336
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:56,780
Yeah, I'm still getting an alien vibe.
337
00:12:56,780 --> 00:13:00,160
What if we're all, The alien.
338
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,310
What are you talking about?
339
00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:04,890
Well, we can't vote until Ken gets back from the bathroom so
340
00:13:04,890 --> 00:13:06,150
let's just hang out.
341
00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:07,390
This sucks.
342
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:08,830
Honestly, any of you could be the alien.
343
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:10,360
I'd kill almost all of you.
344
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,540
Wait a minute.
345
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,350
I know who it is.
346
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:16,020
The alien is clearly Stewart's sister.
347
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:16,700
What?
348
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:19,350
She's the only one who refused to play.
349
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:23,040
She's the one who's desperate to examine our on-board technology.
350
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,800
Heck, even her name practically sounds like alien.
351
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:32,400
Karen, alien, Zalian you hear it right?
352
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:33,100
Yeah. You guys,
353
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:35,860
we can't just name someone an alien because they're not fun.
354
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,940
Yeah, but she's like really not fun.
355
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:39,199
She has her moments.
356
00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:40,814
She has no moments.
357
00:13:40,814 --> 00:13:42,460
Oh no, no, no, this isn't what I need, damn.
358
00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:43,100
Kent?
359
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:47,860
Didn't you only have a five minute bathroom pass?
360
00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:50,110
You should probably get back to Natasha.
361
00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:53,000
Your programming is isolated from the main computer that's been
362
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,260
compromised by the alien, right?
363
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,290
Yes, why?
364
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:59,022
Because I need some very specific information from you but
365
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:01,039
you have to keep it secret from the others.
366
00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,291
You can keep a secret right?
367
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,358
Oh my god.
368
00:14:12,358 --> 00:14:16,430
Okay, well then that's everyone except for Stewart.
369
00:14:16,430 --> 00:14:17,710
So, good enough for me.
370
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:18,410
Let's kill Karen.
371
00:14:18,410 --> 00:14:20,160
No, no, no. Michael, Michael, back me up.
372
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,800
You've known Karen your whole life.
373
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,130
I thought so, but who knows.
374
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,680
I mean wouldn't our lives make a little more sense without her in there
375
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,740
messing us up?
376
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,800
And Chad thinks it's her.
377
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:28,970
He always knows what's up.
378
00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:29,902
Oh, you can count on it.
379
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,720
We need to talk about Kent.
380
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:34,660
Yeah we do.
381
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:35,730
We know Kent's real.
382
00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:37,240
His mom is a UNP bigwig.
383
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,610
I read about his birth.
384
00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:39,380
You read about a birth.
385
00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,670
Check it out.
386
00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:44,250
UNP chairman Helen Woolworth and
387
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:48,050
the red planet welcome a smiling newborn boy on Tuesday.
388
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:52,105
Mars rover, Mars rover, sent baby Derek Frances Woolworth.
389
00:14:52,105 --> 00:14:52,981
On over.
390
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:57,234
Wait, Derek's a different name than Ken.
391
00:14:57,234 --> 00:15:00,363
My trip to the bathroom was a thundering success.
392
00:15:00,363 --> 00:15:01,282
Can we talk?
393
00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:03,116
Got some questions about your family.
394
00:15:03,116 --> 00:15:05,290
Again, I would rather not discuss that.
395
00:15:05,290 --> 00:15:06,850
We're starting to think you're the intruder.
396
00:15:06,850 --> 00:15:08,490
What do you have to say to that?
397
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,590
I don't think I'm an alien.
398
00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:13,070
However, we can't rule out the possibility that I've trained myself to
399
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:14,670
forget my alien identity.
400
00:15:14,670 --> 00:15:18,560
In the Kent is an alien scenario that we seem to be discussing,
401
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:22,690
I believe I would come as a peaceful creature like a duck or a woman.
402
00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:25,850
Although, to play devil's advocate, why would I be skulking around like
403
00:15:25,850 --> 00:15:28,340
this if I wasn't planning on killing all of you?
404
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,240
You're really not helping yourself, bud.
405
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,400
I'll kill this guy, no problem.
406
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,350
Not yet.
407
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,300
We don't approve.
408
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,220
But he's a weirdo.
409
00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:37,060
What kind of proof do we need?
410
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:41,420
Hm, you don't understand Just breathe buddy, okay, just breathe.
411
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:42,960
No one's killing anyone yet.
412
00:15:44,350 --> 00:15:44,870
An alien?
413
00:15:44,870 --> 00:15:45,401
Gill. Gill.
414
00:15:45,401 --> 00:15:46,485
I found a gill.
415
00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:47,194
Jesus.
416
00:15:47,194 --> 00:15:48,905
That's all the proof I need.
417
00:15:48,905 --> 00:15:50,990
Let's put Ken in the airlock before he does anything else.
418
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:51,741
Chad.
419
00:15:51,741 --> 00:15:52,408
Not you, Chad.
420
00:15:52,408 --> 00:15:54,493
Chad, don't.
421
00:15:54,493 --> 00:15:55,662
Chad, please, no, Chad!
422
00:15:55,662 --> 00:15:57,705
No!
423
00:15:57,705 --> 00:15:58,623
Chad!
424
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:00,333
Ugh, why'd they use that one?
425
00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:02,543
Back into space, Chad.
426
00:16:02,543 --> 00:16:04,712
You, me?
427
00:16:04,712 --> 00:16:06,297
The bay in Monterrey.
428
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:08,730
Monterrey Bay's been under water for over 30 years.
429
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:09,890
Shut up, alien.
430
00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:12,170
Yeah, if it was under water then how come we went there with Chad and
431
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,720
had the best night of our lives?
432
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:14,220
Oh my God.
433
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,530
It's not Kent, it's Chad.
434
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:21,190
No, wait, what?
435
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:24,440
Yeah, the logistics of our Monterrey Beach trips are impossible.
436
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,780
How can a ship's computer go on vacation?
437
00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:27,840
Chad is the alien.
438
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,640
Chad can't be the alien.
439
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:30,990
Okay? Chad is awesome.
440
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,659
He is fooling you, he is fooling all of you.
441
00:16:37,745 --> 00:16:38,497
It's Karen?
442
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,664
Karen is the alien!
443
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:43,125
Oh you guys, you guys, my sister can't be the alien.
444
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:46,003
The key to this game is being able to read people.
445
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:46,712
Exactly.
446
00:16:50,716 --> 00:16:51,259
What?
447
00:16:51,259 --> 00:16:52,843
No, no, no, no.
448
00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:54,679
You are the alien.
449
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:56,430
We didn't even get to vote.
450
00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:58,683
This is not a god damned democracy.
451
00:16:58,683 --> 00:16:59,725
So strong.
452
00:16:59,725 --> 00:17:01,519
What are you doing?
453
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:03,104
No, no, no, no.
454
00:17:03,104 --> 00:17:03,938
Look at his face.
455
00:17:03,938 --> 00:17:07,066
Evil face, evil face.
456
00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:08,192
He's making it again.
457
00:17:09,944 --> 00:17:11,140
Question.
458
00:17:11,140 --> 00:17:12,390
Who's captain now?
459
00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:14,200
Might I throw my hat into the ring?
460
00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:19,000
Well by rank, Michael should be captain.
461
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,150
Thank you Natasha.
462
00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:21,292
Well I think the first order of-.
463
00:17:21,292 --> 00:17:22,041
Chad!
464
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,958
Chad. Chad.
465
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:24,834
Chad.
466
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:25,668
Chad.
467
00:17:25,668 --> 00:17:26,503
Chad.
468
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:27,295
Chad.
469
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:27,965
What do you say, Chad?
470
00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:30,673
Will you be our captain?
471
00:17:30,673 --> 00:17:32,051
Thank you to the other nominees.
472
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:32,800
Aah!
473
00:17:34,594 --> 00:17:36,180
He just mentioned me.
474
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,460
This is crazy.
475
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,020
Chad can't be an alien.
476
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,870
Chad from auxiliary deck?
477
00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:44,610
I'm starting to think we don't have an auxiliary deck.
478
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,580
I'm sorry sis, I should have listened to you.
479
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,440
No, no. If I hadn't been riding everyone so hard,
480
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,940
people would have been willing to listen to me.
481
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:56,840
I mean, you were right, you know, in certain rare situations,
482
00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,340
feelings do matter.
483
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:02,130
Is anybody going to apologize to me?
484
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,610
First explain the guilt, man.
485
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:12,029
I've only been a walking talking human for a few months.
486
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:18,290
I spent the first 22 years of my life semi-comatose in a lukewarm
487
00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:19,790
chemical bath.
488
00:18:19,790 --> 00:18:24,670
My parents birthed me to be an organ farm for my older brother, Derek.
489
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:28,175
Gills were the cheapest way to oxygenate my body.
490
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,410
Wow.
491
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:32,850
I was only revived this past spring
492
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:35,500
when Derrick died in a speed race against his coke dealer.
493
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:38,940
They did let me watch movies while I was under.
494
00:18:38,940 --> 00:18:39,620
That's fun.
495
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,870
That's good.
496
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,160
Mostly old stuff.
497
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,180
I don't know what to say.
498
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:44,879
There's nothing to say.
499
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,830
I am what you would call a loser.
500
00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:50,635
No.
501
00:18:50,635 --> 00:18:54,520
I'm not cool like Chad.
502
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,040
Chad?
503
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,370
You're better than Chad.
504
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,380
Chad, Chad's
505
00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:03,238
just an empty vessel of all the things that we collectively think are cool.
506
00:19:03,238 --> 00:19:04,005
Yeah.
507
00:19:04,005 --> 00:19:08,938
Surfing, relaxation, casual attitude towards safety.
508
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:13,170
Kent, to me, you are cool.
509
00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:17,758
And if you're not cool, then F cool up the A-hole.
510
00:19:17,758 --> 00:19:18,710
Stewart.
511
00:19:18,710 --> 00:19:20,200
Yeah, I said it.
512
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:20,770
Well, thank you.
513
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:26,886
Your words will be a sweet soundtrack as I choke to death on the vacuum
514
00:19:26,886 --> 00:19:27,667
of space.
515
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:29,585
We're gonna die.
516
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:30,751
We're gonna die.
517
00:19:30,751 --> 00:19:31,630
Not tonight.
518
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:33,420
You're not going anywhere, kid.
519
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:36,030
None of us are.
520
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:40,011
Wanna know what's cooler than being cool?
521
00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:42,555
Breasts, nature's trump card.
522
00:19:46,142 --> 00:19:47,440
Over preparation.
523
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:51,540
Good stuff, sis.
524
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,489
Chad still has everybody under his spell.
525
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:57,076
And that guy always says the coolest things.
526
00:19:57,076 --> 00:20:00,250
My rule is to break one sweat a day.
527
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,539
That's gold.
528
00:20:02,539 --> 00:20:04,500
Fool's gold.
529
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,820
I knew, I knew him from somewhere.
530
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:08,160
Where to captain?
531
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:13,615
I've never been there but I am excited to go.
532
00:20:13,615 --> 00:20:15,510
We're not following him anywhere.
533
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:16,471
The new captain here's a lie.
534
00:20:16,471 --> 00:20:17,200
We can't it.
535
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:23,080
Everything Chad has said since he appeared on this ship
536
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:27,170
has been a direct quotation from legendary actor, philanthropist and
537
00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:29,298
naturalist, Matthew McConaughey.
538
00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:33,420
Natasha said that the alien accessed the on board computer,
539
00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:35,860
clearly it did a search for cool.
540
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,990
McConaughey is the first thing that comes up,
541
00:20:37,990 --> 00:20:40,400
since then it has just been spouting quotes that it downloaded.
542
00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:44,400
You really think I'd lie to you about something like this?
543
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,100
Ben, Fin, Finnegan,
544
00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:51,657
a part played by Mathew McConaughey in Fool's Gold in 2008.
545
00:20:51,657 --> 00:20:54,825
Let me tell you this.
546
00:20:54,825 --> 00:20:55,989
The older you do get,
547
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:59,790
the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow.
548
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,750
Dazed and Confused, 1993.
549
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:02,801
Aah!
550
00:21:02,801 --> 00:21:08,350
Africa is probably one of the, the,
551
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:15,580
the most beautiful places I have ever been.
552
00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:16,509
McConaughey himself.
553
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:22,907
In a 2005 interview with Hollywood.com.
554
00:21:22,907 --> 00:21:24,277
Oh, Chad.
555
00:21:24,277 --> 00:21:28,700
I wish it could have been different too.
556
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,018
He's ripping off an American legend.
557
00:21:31,018 --> 00:21:33,330
It's plagiarism.
558
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:34,506
Plagiarism.
559
00:21:34,506 --> 00:21:36,110
Is not cool.
560
00:21:37,910 --> 00:21:38,800
Right?
561
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,440
All your love, all your hate, all your memory, all your pain,
562
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,010
it was all the same thing.
563
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:43,880
It's all the same dream.
564
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,730
A dream that you had inside a locked room.
565
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,960
A dream about being a person, and
566
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,360
like a lot of dreams, there's a monster at the end of it.
567
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:58,010
He got kind of boring once we figured him out.
568
00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,980
Last chance.
569
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:03,450
Who are you and what do you want?
570
00:22:03,450 --> 00:22:03,950
Okay.
571
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:12,170
Couple of years ago, my uncle Roy got bit on the ass by a dog.
572
00:22:12,170 --> 00:22:13,388
Ed. T-V.
573
00:22:13,388 --> 00:22:15,300
All right.
574
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:16,040
It's time to flush him.
575
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:16,730
Can I do it?
576
00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:17,920
Hold on.
577
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,190
I'd like to say a few words.
578
00:22:19,190 --> 00:22:21,090
I know these are fake memories.
579
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:23,483
They're still damn good ones.
580
00:22:23,483 --> 00:22:28,375
Chad, you were always the man.
581
00:22:28,375 --> 00:22:32,070
Whether it be Monterey Bay or Texas High School.
582
00:22:32,070 --> 00:22:34,520
You were always down to party.
583
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:39,390
To surf, to have a beer, to, to throw frisbee.
584
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,433
Bees, as he called them.
585
00:22:43,433 --> 00:22:45,184
All right, all right, all right.
586
00:22:45,184 --> 00:22:46,226
All right.
587
00:23:08,165 --> 00:23:13,712
Wow.
588
00:23:13,712 --> 00:23:18,133
She was an alien, oh, it's not sad.
589
00:23:18,133 --> 00:23:20,113
For the record, the Gil freak an alien too, right?
590
00:23:20,113 --> 00:23:22,010
Art.
591
00:23:22,010 --> 00:23:23,470
That's not nice.
592
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:25,750
Aw, you care about people's feelings now?
593
00:23:26,790 --> 00:23:27,310
Yeah, I do.
594
00:23:27,310 --> 00:23:30,280
And Kent here just saved all your lives, so
595
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,040
you might wanna show him a little respect.
596
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,978
He's not different just because he was born to harvest his brother's
597
00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:38,212
organs, or because he's lived comatose under water for most of his life, or
598
00:23:38,212 --> 00:23:40,530
because he has the wrong number of body parts.
599
00:23:40,530 --> 00:23:44,890
See, I would think those things would make him really different.
600
00:23:46,370 --> 00:23:47,420
Okay, get back to work.
601
00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:48,082
Everyone. Come on.
602
00:23:51,083 --> 00:23:54,610
Well, that was definitely your version of a pep talk.
603
00:23:56,779 --> 00:23:58,713
Thank you.
604
00:23:58,713 --> 00:24:01,552
Blushing.
605
00:24:03,145 --> 00:24:06,791
Oh, wow.
606
00:24:06,791 --> 00:24:09,880
You rule, Stuart.
607
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,555
Actually, it was teamwork.
608
00:24:11,555 --> 00:24:14,595
It was Karen's idea to repurpose the hydrater from the spa closet.
609
00:24:14,595 --> 00:24:18,135
And Stewart was willing to sacrifice his daily steams.
610
00:24:18,135 --> 00:24:19,015
What can I say?
611
00:24:19,015 --> 00:24:19,935
I love you guys.
612
00:24:19,935 --> 00:24:22,455
Question, is hydrating food mandatory?
613
00:24:23,545 --> 00:24:24,245
I guess not.
614
00:24:24,245 --> 00:24:27,255
Okay, one tepid chicken pill please.
615
00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:30,799
Chicken, yum.
616
00:24:30,799 --> 00:24:32,583
Why do I even try?
617
00:24:32,583 --> 00:24:33,750
Just, just don't say anything.
618
00:24:33,750 --> 00:24:36,879
Don't.
619
00:24:36,879 --> 00:24:37,880
Whoa.
620
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,883
You know I was thinking about what you said before.
621
00:24:39,883 --> 00:24:41,842
I think I am pretty cool.
622
00:25:17,461 --> 00:25:17,961
Yahoo!
623
00:25:18,305 --> 00:25:24,265
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