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QUENTIN: Previously on
The Magicians...
2
00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:05,214
Quentin...
(GRUNTS)
3
00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:06,477
QUENTIN: I killed a god.
4
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,350
Gods like Ember
have parents, you idiot.
5
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,286
When we're harmless,
they ignore us.
6
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,291
But when we become malignant,
they amputate.
7
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,154
Magic is gone.
8
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:19,321
What is it that you seek,
rude little Earth girl?
9
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:21,559
FEN: The woman
and child you stole.
10
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,135
Fen wouldn't come because
they have your daughter.
11
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:25,226
FEN: I had to warn you.
12
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:26,326
They're coming.
13
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,869
This contract initiates our
services in exchange for--
14
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,967
Unlimited manual
and magical labor?
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,843
You signed that
insane contract?
16
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:36,904
Yeah, it's okay.
17
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,540
Did you do this for me?
Just say it.
18
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,640
PENNY: Cancer.
19
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,209
Call it cancer plus.
How long till I die'?
20
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,310
Two or three weeks.
21
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:44,378
I need your help.
22
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,048
If Penny's in the Library,
he can be your mole.
23
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,989
But to do that,
he'd have to be alive.
24
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,349
Deal.
25
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,426
FRIAR JOSEPH: As a Niffin,
you made enemies.
26
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:55,398
I am here to warn you
that one of them seeks you.
27
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,594
The Lamprey.
It knows you're weak.
28
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,261
It knows you're here.
29
00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:02,032
JULIA: He raped me.
30
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,199
Your son.
31
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,675
He turned me
into a monster.
32
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,609
You're a survivor.
33
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,713
ALICE: Why did you
bring me back?
34
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,750
I know what you're
trying to do.
35
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,681
(GASPS)
36
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:16,550
DEAN: There is no actual
evidence of magical surge.
37
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:21,526
The best we can do is accept that and
continue our theoretical studies.
38
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:24,620
(SIGHS) We all get flashes,
and we can do it again.
39
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,260
(CRACKLING)
40
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:28,189
How?
41
00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:31,396
I have no idea.
42
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,300
(SPEAKS LATIN)
43
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,603
Nope. Nothing.
44
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,773
No freeze, no boil.
45
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:44,871
Shit.
46
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,042
It's okay.
47
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,608
You can still do
other stuff.
48
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,585
Q, I can't do
anything real.
49
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,623
It's like there's
no pattern to this,
50
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,989
nothing that we do can make
it stronger or better.
51
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,256
I'm starting to feel like
it's all random, you know?
52
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,729
Maybe it was a mistake.
53
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,096
Come on,
you don't mean that.
54
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,635
What if this is,
like, a smudge?
55
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,331
A fingerprint left by O.L.U.
when she gave me back my Shade,
56
00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:08,838
and she didn't
even realize?
57
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:11,068
You know, it's like,
whoops, speck of magic.
58
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,337
She's a goddess.
59
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,139
Does she seem like
the accident type?
60
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:15,941
Have you met her son?
61
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:19,314
Look, I don't wanna
be insensitive...
62
00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,751
But you still think I somehow
have this because of Reynard.
63
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,982
L don’t know
why you have it.
64
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:29,185
L just... I don't think that we
should discount the possibility.
65
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,821
I mean, you've had...
66
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,956
More contact with gods
than most.
67
00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:37,929
That's a nicer way
of putting it.
68
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,629
For the record, I’m still
leaning towards fluke.
69
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:45,473
So it's a fluke. There's still something
that could lead us to something.
70
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,638
We have got to keep
chipping away at it, Jules.
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00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,308
Big words coming from
a guy who's mostly
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00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:54,375
chain-smoking and binge-watching
Six Feet Under when I got here.
73
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:55,851
You fired me up.
74
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:58,445
You showed me that
there's a fight to fight.
75
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:04,053
Now I am the official sidekick to
whatever it turns out you are, okay?
76
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,995
So, get used to it.
77
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,301
MAN: Wake up, asshole.
78
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:12,330
Ah.
79
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,140
(FOOTSTEPS)
80
00:03:20,167 --> 00:03:21,168
(CHUCKLES)
81
00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:23,671
What, were you a boy scout?
82
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,875
These are gram.
83
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:27,315
Not a good time
to go with smart-ass.
84
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:31,686
I'm not a killer, but times are strange and
you're the one who broke into my home.
85
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:32,883
Yeah, well,
I'm a Librarian.
86
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,356
You're ignoring
our requests.
87
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,757
That book was overdue.
88
00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:38,489
Overdue book? Come on.
89
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,031
It's my job.
90
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,927
What's the Library's
real game?
91
00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:44,898
Books?
92
00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,527
Why do you care anymore?
93
00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:50,336
'Cause what the hell else
is there to do anymore?
94
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,569
(LAUGHS)
95
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,578
Man, hey, that thing--
Is not your business.
96
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,444
It's Mayakovsky's spell, right'?
Little something to brew up current?
97
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,572
It's fake.
98
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,174
It does not make magic.
99
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,016
It does blow up
like a meth lab.
100
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,579
MAN: You met Mayakovsky?
101
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,716
I'd know his
spellwork anywhere.
102
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:08,953
Yeah, me too,
and I’m telling you--
103
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,892
All of this is his fault.
104
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:13,227
It-- By his, you mean...
105
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:16,096
Made a bunch of
apocalypse-proof batteries,
106
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,295
then did something to turn
it all off all over the world.
107
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:25,274
Breaks his Incorporate Bond, screws
us, he's got magic, he's free.
108
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:28,471
Tell you what Mayakovsky
didn't think about--
109
00:04:28,568 --> 00:04:31,549
Creatures. They're fine.
110
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,643
Whatever they are, it's DNA.
111
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:35,947
So I hear.
112
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,819
We're fish bait now.
113
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,293
Thank God I got this place,
'cause they're coming.
114
00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,488
I promise you.
115
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,393
(METAL CLANGS)
116
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,092
(BOOK DROPS)
117
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,906
Well, karma is a righteous bitch.
(CHUCKLES)
118
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,272
Karma's gonna be--
We kill them all, son.
119
00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,435
If you can.
120
00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,604
I mean, some of them
look just like us.
121
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:05,239
You'd never know
they're not quite human.
122
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,480
(PANTING)
123
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,184
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
124
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,543
was ensues
125
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,345
I like the little apron.
126
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,007
Penny.
127
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,880
What the hell are you...
128
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,817
oh, you shouldn't
be here.
129
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:44,514
You don't have that
kind of time to waste.
130
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,817
It's not wasted.
131
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,051
They treating you okay?
132
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,855
Everything's fine.
It's all fine.
133
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,987
Nothing is fine.
134
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,895
I'm looking at you.
There's that.
135
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,625
You look good.
136
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:59,136
Huh. White-knuckle sobriety
and forced celibacy's my look.
137
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,807
You need to go back.
138
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,140
I was kinda thinking we were
gonna grab a quickie in the car.
139
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:11,043
Yeah, that sounds great, except
I don't have a car, and...
140
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:14,016
And you're fucking dying.
141
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,013
Worth it.
142
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:21,853
Go.
143
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,818
I love you.
144
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,221
Go.
145
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,905
We don't have
the funds to-
146
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,739
ELIOT: We’re just going to
have to borrow.
147
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,006
Begging Pardon,
but Tick is right.
148
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:54,586
Excuse me, Sire.
149
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,793
Your Majesty?
150
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:11,269
Look, there is
no unshitty answer
151
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,106
to any of this, people,
so suck it up.
152
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,806
(FEN GIGGLES)
153
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,715
Oh. Oh-oh.
154
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,323
Mmm. Yeah.
155
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,122
Ahem. We need
to discuss the borders.
156
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:32,218
Great.
157
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,291
After lunch.
158
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,389
Thank you. Dismissed.
159
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,970
We have things
to discuss, dear.
160
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,598
Fabulous.
Not you.
161
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,109
Your long-suffering
high queen.
162
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,304
You may go.
163
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,903
Margo, stay.
164
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:56,480
FAIRY QUEEN:
Lumbricus Campestris.
165
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:57,611
oh, don't tell me.
166
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,855
Feather of
a left-handed crow?
167
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:02,620
Butterfly with PMS
this time?
168
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:06,186
Turtle semen with
a rosemary garnish?
169
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,357
It's a type of earthworm.
170
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:12,096
It lives abundantly in the
grounds around the castle.
171
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,929
Collect them all.
172
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:17,536
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
173
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:23,276
Really enjoying
our ongoing whimsy-fest,
174
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:28,046
but I am a tad busy trying to
keep the country from starving,
175
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,382
Better hurry, then.
176
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,063
(COUGHS)
177
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,833
THE LIBRARIAN:
You were gone too long.
178
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,304
Was n (LAUGHS)
179
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:55,170
Thought I was...
(RETCHES)
180
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,314
You have to move quickly out there.
(COUGHS)
181
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,008
Every time you leave this
branch, you go where
182
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,052
time moves normally
and where time progresses--
183
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,417
So does my
super cancer, I know.
184
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,684
It's a pity the best y'all could
do was a place where time stopped.
185
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:09,090
You know, time going backward?
(PANTING)
186
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:10,354
That'd be better.
187
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:13,227
I've been giving you assignments that
shouldn't take more than an hour.
188
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,026
I don't want you--
Me to die?
189
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:19,902
How sweet of you, considering
you poisoned me.
190
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:22,095
You know that wasn't me.
(COUGHS)
191
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,264
No one wants you to die.
192
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,401
I know.
193
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,570
You know, Travelers?
Hard to come by.
194
00:09:28,668 --> 00:09:30,773
I wish you wouldn't be
so cynical.
195
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:35,216
Thank you.
You need to rest.
196
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,551
(COUGHING)
197
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:38,748
How is ii?
198
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,346
Out there?
199
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,289
Depressing.
200
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:56,431
(CLEARS TH ROAT)
201
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:57,797
Henry.
202
00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,372
(CHUCKLES)
203
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,038
ls that- ls that
Irene McAllistair?
204
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,946
Well, it is good
to see you.
205
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,449
(HENRY LAUGHS)
206
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,051
oh, and how is the...
207
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,452
The board of trustees?
208
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:13,285
Oh, well, out of their minds.
(LAUGHS)
209
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,723
Well, I don't need to tell you
how many of their companies
210
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,125
went belly up
when magic died.
211
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:19,993
You do not. I have
stock in several.
212
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,622
Join the club.
Yeah.
213
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,960
And your family?
214
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,299
Well, you know them.
215
00:10:27,393 --> 00:10:31,102
Stuffy, cautious...
Survive anything.
216
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,145
But the rest
of the board...
217
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:38,849
Look, Henry, I came here
alone because I respect you.
218
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:41,111
Well, you taught me
everything that I know.
219
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,518
No need to exaggerate.
I'm not.
220
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,614
And no one needs to convince me
that this school is important.
221
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,182
I gather that's not
the case for everyone.
222
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,420
They're panicked.
223
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,694
They want magic.
224
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,628
So too do we all.
225
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:58,965
They believe that there's gotta
be something out there somewhere.
226
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,265
Mayakovsky.
227
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,328
He was working on a battery.
228
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,430
We searched
Brakebills South--
229
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:09,344
Still, they feel that
the resources of this school
230
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:12,382
would be best spent
continuing to search for--
231
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:15,180
I cannot stop my students
from searching.
232
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,277
But we are a school.
233
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:18,788
We still teach here.
234
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,882
It is perhaps
more important than ever.
235
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,482
If they don't learn it,
236
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:24,995
I fear no one will ever
again, you understand?
237
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,325
I fear that too.
238
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,559
But if you don't
find them something...
239
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,295
The board is gonna
close down Brakebills.
240
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,397
You have to give them
something, Henry.
241
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:37,873
Quickly.
242
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,247
So, what do you think?
243
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,719
Okay, say you were
to do it.
244
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:53,916
Work your way through some
piddly little Earth gods,
245
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:57,722
find a way to talk to an actual
old god, and you say what?
246
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,660
Hi, please reconsider,
even though you are
247
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,996
a billion times smarter than
I, and-- And- More powerful,
248
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,263
if you could please bring back
magic, that would be great.
249
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:06,928
I don't know, I just--
I figured it couldn't hurt
250
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:10,007
to get a little closer
and maybe meet someone
251
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,940
who knew more than we do.
252
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,237
I hear you, Q, I do.
253
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,778
L just...
What?
254
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:18,044
I wouldn't want what happened
to me to happen to anyone else.
255
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:22,719
Look, you don't have to come.
256
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:24,448
I just- I just wanted
you to know.
257
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,423
Okay, you're gonna do
a summoning alone?
258
00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:31,561
Yeah. (sums)
259
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,620
I don't-- I don't know.
260
00:12:35,788 --> 00:12:37,461
Okay, say I was
willing to risk it.
261
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:40,538
I mean, it requires
serious, big magic.
262
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,732
Okay, well, cultures allover the
world have believed in these gods.
263
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,138
How did they call them?
264
00:12:45,231 --> 00:12:46,710
JOSH: Suffice to say,
not quite the party
265
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,373
I was expecting when
I came down here, but...
266
00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,608
I think I could help you.
267
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:54,749
KADY: How can I help you?
268
00:12:58,077 --> 00:12:59,147
Yeah.
269
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,392
I was gonna respond, and then I
remembered there's no point.
270
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,257
You can't help
Penny anymore.
271
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,557
Says who?
272
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,226
What is that?
273
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,068
Ah-haha.
274
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,309
I have a job for you.
275
00:13:58,471 --> 00:13:59,541
Earthworms.
276
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,175
Get anyone not actively--
277
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,220
Our full team is required
to keep the castle safe.
278
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:04,947
Okay, okay, so get like five
or six and do this for me.
279
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,183
Quick and dirty.
280
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:08,715
(SCOFFS)
281
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,792
(SIGHS) There you are.
282
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,161
Come join.
283
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:16,564
The southern province is
284
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,863
whatever the Fillorian word
for bankrupt is.
285
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,130
I need a drink.
286
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:21,705
FAIRY QUEEN: So quick, little Queen.
(GASPS)
287
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,330
Where are the worms?
288
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,172
Don't tell me you sent
someone out to do your work.
289
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,303
(CHUCKLES)
I'm a delegator.
290
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,714
It's a leadership quality.
291
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,910
You've clearly mastered it.
292
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:37,009
I thought I was clear.
293
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:40,387
They are to be plucked
by female hands.
294
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,393
And I desire those hands
to be yours.
295
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,323
But only if you wish
to keep them.
296
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,739
Shit!
297
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:00,435
Now this is bad.
298
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,911
I waited till I was
sure none of those
299
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:07,348
creepy little no-eyebrow fuckers
were around before I delegated.
300
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,216
So, how'd she know?
301
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:11,846
And so fast?
302
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:13,446
(MUFFLED TRANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
303
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,527
All right, so how do you know
that he'll even be here tonight?
304
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,528
I mean, there's a million
parties happening all over.
305
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,585
Gas? -.
306
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:20,925
He's on social media?
307
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,624
How else are followers
supposed to find him?
308
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,430
Met him by total accident
at Art Basel.
309
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:28,096
He kept that party going
eight full days.
310
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:29,229
(CHUCKLES)
311
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,775
Best eight days
of my life.
312
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,707
Anyway, that's his thing.
313
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,304
Swing in, stoke the party,
soak in the worship, move on.
314
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,212
Inspiring, right?
315
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:40,876
You guys are gonna
love him.
316
00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,987
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
317
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:52,158
Josh "The Animal" Hoberman.
318
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:54,231
Bacchus. (LAUGHS)
319
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,730
My deity
How you living?
320
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:58,427
So good.
321
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:02,432
Um, get your fine ass
in this bitch.
322
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,906
Lucy.
323
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,237
Bong hit.
324
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:11,912
Come back when you're fun.
325
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,254
My mistress wishes
that I tell you...
326
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,531
Uh, and you can
see here
327
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:31,659
cracks from the swordplay of
King Boris The Softspoken.
328
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,499
That is
indeed fascinating.
329
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:35,595
Hmm.
330
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:41,108
Abigail mentioned you have
many fairy guests these days.
331
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:45,513
Guests, hostile occupying
force, tomato, tomahto.
332
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:51,283
I presume you wish to extend the
most elegant level of hospitality.
333
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,687
Bo w.
334
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,985
For this reason, I make
you aware of the corridor
335
00:16:55,047 --> 00:17:00,121
built by High Queen ChenLi the Bookish,
of rare stone from the Shivering Sea.
336
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,563
0K3'! -
337
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:02,724
Why?
338
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:08,738
Unfortunately, certain species
are allergic to the substance.
339
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,338
How allergic?
340
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:13,070
Violently, Your Majesty.
341
00:17:13,165 --> 00:17:14,166
Good to know.
342
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,405
We advise that your guests
cannot tolerate that area
343
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,039
so if you are
looking for them,
344
00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:24,019
they will undoubtedly be
somewhere else.
345
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:27,487
A-plus, Rafe.
346
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:33,694
Huh. If Rafe says so, guess maybe
we're not the first royals
347
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,359
living a 24.17 fairy
reach-around.
348
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,768
(SIGHS)
349
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:40,735
So what the hell
are we gonna do?
350
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,396
About Queen Bitch and all
her spooky little bitches?
351
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,872
Poison sounds nice.
352
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,672
Shockingly, all books
on poison disappeared
353
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,076
from the royal library right
around the time they arrived.
354
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:52,445
They're armed, they're smart,
they're multitudinous,
355
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:53,608
they are invisible
to the guard...
356
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,208
When you put it that way.
357
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:57,345
What if they know
about this in Loria?
358
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,356
If I send ldri a message--
359
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,914
Worst case he comes here,
360
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,583
you look at him naked
and cheer up a little.
361
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:06,391
How dare you make me sound
that shallow, but, yes.
362
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,591
Hi.
363
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,295
Great to see you,
as always.
364
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:14,928
(WHISPERS) I'll go
write that letter.
365
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,199
To who?
366
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,299
Not ldri of Loria?
367
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,434
Actually, yes.
(CLEARS THROAT)
368
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,443
Our crops are dying now that
we can't schedule the rain.
369
00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,379
I hope he can help.
370
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,817
His library, like yours,
has of course been purged
371
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:32,481
of any material pertaining
to our species.
372
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:36,048
And any Lorian aware of
the existence of fairies
373
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,460
has been instructed
to keep their mouth shut
374
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:42,055
or lose their tongue.
375
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,466
Please don't
underestimate me again.
376
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,496
It hurts my feelings.
377
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,803
We're gonna go take a walk
and have a good think
378
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:53,934
about our behavior.
379
00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:02,412
(MUFFLED TRANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
380
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,921
(GROANS) Come on,
we not fun yet?
381
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,320
(COUGHS)
(CHUCKLES)
382
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,257
Oh.
383
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:11,955
Yeah, do we not...
Do we not amuse!
384
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,497
Do we not amuse?
385
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,093
Hey.
386
00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:21,768
I think I--
I think I got it, Q.
387
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:22,999
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
388
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,802
Remember that time,
10th grade, right?
389
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,367
And we made up that dance
and it was terrible.
390
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:28,638
Oh, God.
Yes.
391
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:33,376
So white and bad. Yeah,
that might actually work.
392
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,452
It was very, like,
hip thrusty if I remember.
393
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,543
Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
394
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:38,519
Uh... I remember it, my friend.
395
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,213
(SINGING) Ayo
396
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:43,652
I'm tired of
using technology
397
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:46,629
Uh! So why don't you
sit in from of me
398
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,490
Ayo
399
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:51,329
I'm tired of
using technology
400
00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:54,633
Uh! I need you right
in front of me
401
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,538
Uh! She wants it
Uh-uh!
402
00:19:57,630 --> 00:19:59,303
She wants it!
403
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,835
She wants it, so I gotta
give it to her
404
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,678
Ow! She wants it
Uh-uh
405
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:09,151
She wants it!
406
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,518
So you can fugging
give it to her
407
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:12,985
(DOOR OPENS)
408
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:20,921
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
409
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,235
Hoberman!
410
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:34,571
GIRL: Whoo!
411
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,681
(SCREAMS)
412
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,622
So, welcome.
413
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:53,253
Magicians, right?
414
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:54,422
Yeah, how can you tell?
415
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:59,094
Your hands' and your
crazy level of drama.
416
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,236
Cheers to that.
417
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:06,970
Uh...
418
00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:08,871
Going again.
419
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:10,038
(CLEARS TH ROAT)
420
00:21:11,237 --> 00:21:13,148
Pan deux.
421
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:17,777
I just, I w- We would kind
of really love to talk.
422
00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:19,379
Kid, I'm Bacchus.
423
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:23,587
lam the god of not being
a wiggly, little anxious
424
00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:27,096
wet dish rag that would kind
of really love to talk to you,
425
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:31,624
so I need you to unclench
your vagina and do that shot
426
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:34,466
or I'm moving on.
427
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,561
Just a little sexist.
428
00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:39,974
Five, four, three, two...
429
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:43,010
Attaboy.
430
00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:44,638
Okay, what do you
wanna do now?
431
00:21:44,737 --> 00:21:46,978
Twister? You wanna
pierce something?
432
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:51,612
Oh, I've got Trivial Pursuit
Star Trek edition.
433
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:53,513
Just-- Mr. Bacchus, we--
434
00:21:53,612 --> 00:21:56,616
Magic, and how
it's completely gone.
435
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:01,292
Magic is gone
for you little guys?
436
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:02,923
You don't say.
437
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,695
What is--
All over the U.S.?
438
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:06,463
All over everywhere,
we think.
439
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:09,836
Oh, I've been
a little out of touch.
440
00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:11,169
(CHUCKLES)
441
00:22:11,263 --> 00:22:13,174
Well, that sucks for you.
442
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,335
Why?
443
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,003
Well...
444
00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:18,775
I, um...
445
00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:20,383
Son of killed a god.
446
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:22,349
A minor-- Like, a very,
you know--
447
00:22:22,441 --> 00:22:23,977
JULIA: We had to.
A minor god.
448
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:26,284
JULIA: Not because we wanted to,
but just because we had to.
449
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:27,449
You understand--
Who?
450
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:31,451
Who the fuck did you kill?
451
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:34,320
Um, Ember "Mm...
452
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:36,222
mam?
453
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:42,468
I don't know that guy.
(LAUGHS)
454
00:22:44,630 --> 00:22:46,337
Deserved it. I--
455
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,074
Oh!
456
00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:52,245
Tough choices make a man, man.
QUENTIN: Yeah.
457
00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:53,373
Open your mouth.
458
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:54,542
Sorry?
459
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,483
Like, open your mouth.
460
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,683
Ahh.
461
00:23:00,145 --> 00:23:01,488
Happy birthday.
462
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:04,221
Okay, so this is gonna be
463
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:06,819
a little bit more challenging
than we expected.
464
00:23:06,886 --> 00:23:08,559
What did you put
in my mouth?
465
00:23:31,844 --> 00:23:33,221
Alice? Where are you going?
466
00:23:33,279 --> 00:23:36,055
I can't do this.
I can't study dead magic.
467
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,526
I can't...
468
00:23:37,583 --> 00:23:40,063
Can we just go sit down
somewhere and talk, please?
469
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,030
Stop. Look, here's the deal.
470
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:43,964
I thought if we hung out,
maybe had sex,
471
00:23:44,056 --> 00:23:46,263
I don't know, went to school,
it would feel like it did.
472
00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:48,429
I thought I could
forgive you, but I can't.
473
00:23:48,527 --> 00:23:49,938
L just...
474
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:52,202
Say good-bye
and let me go.
475
00:23:53,632 --> 00:23:54,702
Good-bye, Alice.
476
00:23:56,235 --> 00:23:57,236
Alice?
477
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,809
Nope.
478
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:25,898
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, you okay?
479
00:24:26,565 --> 00:24:29,136
Oh. Yeah, sorry.
480
00:24:40,746 --> 00:24:42,316
Hey.
481
00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:44,018
Sorry.
482
00:24:44,116 --> 00:24:45,652
I am so--
No, it's--
483
00:24:45,751 --> 00:24:47,287
Very--
Me too.
484
00:24:47,353 --> 00:24:48,491
Very high.
485
00:24:48,587 --> 00:24:50,498
I get it. (LAUGHS)
486
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:56,965
Does your high ever turn on
you and you go from happy to
487
00:24:57,029 --> 00:24:59,942
remembering you live in a
barren world devoid of magic?
488
00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:03,708
Mine more goes
from okay to,
489
00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:07,716
"Oh, yeah, you have PTSD from
being sexually assaulted
490
00:25:07,806 --> 00:25:09,615
"by a trickster god."
491
00:25:11,777 --> 00:25:13,154
Long story.
492
00:25:13,879 --> 00:25:15,483
I got time.
493
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,456
Let's talk about
something else.
494
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:19,621
Sure.
495
00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:21,961
Sure, whatever you...
496
00:25:23,489 --> 00:25:26,060
Hey, you ever, uh...
497
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:28,330
I'm sorry.
498
00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:31,908
I just really
loved doing magic.
499
00:25:32,798 --> 00:25:34,004
And I was good at it.
500
00:25:34,666 --> 00:25:36,839
You should have tasted my tomatoes.
(LAUGHS)
501
00:25:38,804 --> 00:25:41,410
And just, the air
smelled different, right?
502
00:25:41,507 --> 00:25:45,353
And I could turn into a
bird, or make a rose bloom.
503
00:25:46,145 --> 00:25:48,921
And I saw actual Fillory.
504
00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:50,994
And I banged
a werewolf, yes.
505
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,327
That is weird, but also rad,
because who gets to do that?
506
00:25:56,055 --> 00:25:59,559
And I wasn’t just some
extremely average nobody.
507
00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:01,001
I was gifted.
508
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:03,938
I didn't just
belong somewhere.
509
00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:07,567
I belonged anywhere
because I was a Magician.
510
00:26:12,171 --> 00:26:13,445
L just...
511
00:26:14,873 --> 00:26:17,877
I don't even know what anything
is even about anymore.
512
00:26:23,549 --> 00:26:25,790
Maybe there's a way
to get it back.
513
00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:30,060
Look, no offense,
I've been researching, and...
514
00:26:30,122 --> 00:26:31,863
Stick a fork in it.
515
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:05,465
Please tell me you're not just
really, really good at smoke rings.
516
00:27:05,757 --> 00:27:07,065
Mmm-mmm.
517
00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,333
No, I can't even blow one.
518
00:27:09,428 --> 00:27:10,566
How?
519
00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:15,137
I don't know yet.
520
00:27:16,435 --> 00:27:17,505
Julia.
521
00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:20,508
JULIA: Q!
522
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:24,583
Stop, Q, you're giving
me the spins--
523
00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,316
Look, I know that you're
blasted, but--
524
00:27:26,411 --> 00:27:27,412
You're blasted!
525
00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:30,187
Yeah, but even I know that
you cannot show people that.
526
00:27:30,282 --> 00:27:31,488
Why not?
527
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:32,994
Because if the wrong people
found out--
528
00:27:33,085 --> 00:27:35,258
He is not
the wrong people.
529
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,927
I can't go through the rest of my
life just not trusting anyone.
530
00:27:38,991 --> 00:27:40,334
I feel fucked up enough.
531
00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:43,663
I get that
532
00:27:43,762 --> 00:27:46,800
Just put yourself in my shoes
just for one second, Q.
533
00:27:46,865 --> 00:27:48,708
I have magic.
534
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,677
And what does it do?
535
00:27:50,769 --> 00:27:51,975
More or less jack shit.
536
00:27:52,037 --> 00:27:56,486
And I see someone whose entire life
would change if he could just see it.
537
00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:00,815
I have to be able to do
something with it.
538
00:28:00,879 --> 00:28:04,224
And if that's cheer up Josh
Hoberman, then I'll take it.
539
00:28:04,316 --> 00:28:06,193
Because I can't-- You know,
540
00:28:06,285 --> 00:28:08,788
I can't be so precious with
something that is so small.
541
00:28:08,854 --> 00:28:10,492
It's not small,
it's the--
542
00:28:11,323 --> 00:28:14,202
It's the biggest magic, Jules.
543
00:28:14,293 --> 00:28:16,364
'Cause as far as we know,
544
00:28:16,461 --> 00:28:20,034
for us little guys, it's
the only magic out there.
545
00:28:27,673 --> 00:28:29,152
Ow! What- Ow!
546
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:30,881
Dude, you're gonna leave
a mark and I don't like that
547
00:28:30,976 --> 00:28:32,387
in a non-sexual context
548
00:28:32,477 --> 00:28:35,048
Okay, okay, okay,
okay... Um...
549
00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:38,688
You watched
Bart/ester, right?
550
00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:40,889
Yeah, I love when they
do terrorism allegory
551
00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:42,226
with mostly white people.
552
00:28:42,354 --> 00:28:44,698
Hmm. You remember
Grace Park in season one?
553
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:45,860
Of course,
best storyline.
554
00:28:45,991 --> 00:28:48,164
Duh... Because
she was actually--
555
00:28:48,227 --> 00:28:49,331
You're Grace Park.
556
00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:50,566
Okay?
557
00:28:51,263 --> 00:28:54,107
You're Grace Park, Margo.
558
00:28:54,366 --> 00:28:55,845
(GASPS)
559
00:28:58,036 --> 00:28:59,344
I'm Grace Park.
Yeah.
560
00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:03,786
And we have ourselves a bit of a...
Gene Hackman in The Conversation.
561
00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:05,081
I didn't see that one.
562
00:29:05,177 --> 00:29:06,520
Yeah, right... Um...
563
00:29:07,346 --> 00:29:09,553
Someone is "xoxo,
Gossip Girl"-ing our shit.
564
00:29:12,217 --> 00:29:15,198
Remember James Marsden
in X-Men? Hmm?
565
00:29:15,721 --> 00:29:21,103
Your Marsden is xoxo-ing us full
on that great song by The Police.
566
00:29:21,260 --> 00:29:25,072
That Fairuza Balk
in The Craft.
567
00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,434
Yeah, more Cersei Lannister.
568
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,604
Hey, glad I made you
read those.
569
00:29:32,871 --> 00:29:34,282
Well, I read the Wiki.
570
00:29:34,373 --> 00:29:36,250
What? Those books are
like a million pages long.
571
00:29:36,308 --> 00:29:37,651
I have a life.
Okay.
572
00:29:37,743 --> 00:29:42,283
Anyway, whatever your Marsden
would xoxo, Cersei xoxo's.
573
00:29:42,381 --> 00:29:45,123
So, we have to keep it very
best episode of Buffy.
574
00:29:45,217 --> 00:29:46,218
Oh, musical?
575
00:29:46,285 --> 00:29:48,731
The other one.
Okay.
576
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:53,297
How do we Lizzie Borden
the shit out of this thing?
577
00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:57,772
'Cause I am about ready
to go full '07 Britney.
578
00:29:58,597 --> 00:30:01,942
Maybe we could've back when
this place was Pottered up.
579
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,138
Still.
580
00:30:03,235 --> 00:30:06,808
Even without a wand, Harry
would figure some shit out.
581
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,120
Honestly, I didn't quite
finish those books either--
582
00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:12,814
Our Harry, I mean.
583
00:30:12,911 --> 00:30:14,982
Oh! Him.
584
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:17,149
Well, he'd...
585
00:30:18,950 --> 00:30:20,020
Mmm-hmm?
586
00:30:20,118 --> 00:30:22,792
Consult the creepy pedophile.
587
00:30:28,427 --> 00:30:30,873
(DOGS BARK IN DISTANCE)
588
00:30:35,934 --> 00:30:37,504
We're close, I think.
589
00:30:37,602 --> 00:30:40,708
I thought this excursion was
mostly about drinking heavily.
590
00:30:40,806 --> 00:30:42,513
I needed to imply that
591
00:30:42,607 --> 00:30:45,713
so we could get away
without extra eyes on us.
592
00:30:47,045 --> 00:30:48,149
Fairies, Tick.
593
00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:52,018
When magic died,
they pounced.
594
00:30:52,117 --> 00:30:53,721
Full occupation.
595
00:30:53,819 --> 00:30:57,062
This explains so much.
596
00:30:57,155 --> 00:30:58,828
What will we do?
597
00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:09,141
The White Lady was spotted
somewhere near here.
598
00:31:09,201 --> 00:31:10,578
We're going to shoot her,
599
00:31:10,669 --> 00:31:14,048
and then we're going to wish those
fairies to the fucking cornfield.
600
00:31:14,139 --> 00:31:15,641
Oh, excellent.
601
00:31:16,675 --> 00:31:19,053
Whatever a cornfield is.
602
00:31:19,978 --> 00:31:22,652
(DOGS BARKING)
603
00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:26,325
(MUSIC PLAYING)
604
00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:31,233
Oh! Oh, there he is!
605
00:31:31,323 --> 00:31:32,893
(LAUGHS)
606
00:31:33,091 --> 00:31:35,401
Man-- or, god, I just--
607
00:31:35,494 --> 00:31:37,735
Look, I thank you.
608
00:31:37,829 --> 00:31:40,742
L just- I feel-- You know,
whatever you put in my mouth--
609
00:31:40,832 --> 00:31:42,675
I just- I feel like--
610
00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:46,375
You know, like a sugary
cereal in the good way.
611
00:31:46,438 --> 00:31:49,419
You know?
It's like, whoa!
612
00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:50,578
All right.
613
00:31:51,343 --> 00:31:53,186
Hey, hey, shots, right?
614
00:31:53,245 --> 00:31:55,191
Shots, shots,
shots, shots.
615
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,124
You and me.
Shots, shots.
616
00:31:57,215 --> 00:31:58,694
I love you, I love you.
617
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,060
(SINGING)
I'm falling on my knees
618
00:32:01,119 --> 00:32:04,589
In worship of you
619
00:32:04,689 --> 00:32:07,636
Yeah.
620
00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:10,639
Look, so, anyway, I was
thinking, while we're here,
621
00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:12,538
maybe I could ask you
a few questions.
622
00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:13,598
Dude.
623
00:32:13,965 --> 00:32:15,638
You're a vibe-killer.
624
00:32:15,734 --> 00:32:17,042
No.
Yes, you are.
625
00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:19,981
And historically,
I do smite vibe-killers.
626
00:32:20,071 --> 00:32:21,641
No, look,
I'm a vibe-supporter.
627
00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:24,482
L just also happen to be a
concerned Magician individual
628
00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:26,385
who would like to get
a word in with your parents.
629
00:32:29,114 --> 00:32:30,115
MY Parents?
630
00:32:30,215 --> 00:32:32,718
Yeah, the old gods.
631
00:32:33,919 --> 00:32:40,461
Are imperious and distant dickwads who
I haven't spoken to in a millennia.
632
00:32:41,927 --> 00:32:43,099
Rambo!
633
00:32:43,895 --> 00:32:46,000
Let's get that
foam gun loaded, baby.
634
00:32:46,231 --> 00:32:47,232
(GROANS)
635
00:32:47,899 --> 00:32:51,472
Look, I know that this
really wasn't on your radar
636
00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:54,949
until you met us, but we've lost
our most precious resource.
637
00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:57,944
Dude, stop, okay?
638
00:32:58,009 --> 00:33:00,080
If fixing magic is,
like, so important to you,
639
00:33:00,145 --> 00:33:01,954
then you should just talk
to this crazy guy
640
00:33:02,013 --> 00:33:03,617
that I met back
in Athens one time.
641
00:33:03,682 --> 00:33:06,094
Rambo! Rambo!
642
00:33:06,151 --> 00:33:08,131
What was the name of that guy
that I met in Athens,
643
00:33:08,186 --> 00:33:10,029
that up-with-humans guy?
644
00:33:10,121 --> 00:33:11,259
Fit bod.
645
00:33:11,323 --> 00:33:12,358
You mean Prometheus?
646
00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,527
Prom--
647
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:17,300
That guy loved Magicians,
and he would want to help you.
648
00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:18,363
RAMBO: He's dead.
649
00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:19,601
What?
650
00:33:19,764 --> 00:33:23,211
Prometheus died, like,
1,500 years ago, man.
651
00:33:23,802 --> 00:33:24,837
Sorry.
652
00:33:25,303 --> 00:33:26,509
Damn it.
653
00:33:27,539 --> 00:33:30,486
Well, he lived
a pretty tortured existence,
654
00:33:30,542 --> 00:33:34,615
so, dying was probably
a relief for him.
655
00:33:34,779 --> 00:33:35,814
Ahem.
656
00:33:35,881 --> 00:33:38,225
But, still, he
would've helped you.
657
00:33:39,117 --> 00:33:44,863
He told me this crazy story one
time about how there's like...
658
00:33:44,956 --> 00:33:48,062
Like, a secret back door
to magic.
659
00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:50,568
Wait, I'm sorry, what?
660
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:54,735
I don't remember the deets,
okay, my face was melting off.
661
00:33:54,833 --> 00:33:57,837
Secret back door.
662
00:33:57,903 --> 00:33:59,678
Just, something...
663
00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:00,876
Mmm-hmm.
664
00:34:01,139 --> 00:34:02,550
(EXCLAIMS) Wait!
665
00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:05,515
Might've been a brothel.
666
00:34:06,845 --> 00:34:07,983
Shots.
667
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:16,090
(WHISPERS) Tick?
668
00:34:19,324 --> 00:34:20,428
Tick?
669
00:34:21,526 --> 00:34:22,834
Shit.
670
00:34:34,873 --> 00:34:36,511
(THE GREAT COCK CHUCKLES)
671
00:34:37,108 --> 00:34:40,055
Not the best idea, Eliot.
672
00:34:45,216 --> 00:34:47,389
I was looking for
the White Lady.
673
00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:48,624
Is this she?
674
00:34:57,929 --> 00:35:01,308
Look, if you don't come out of there,
I'm going to have to shoot you.
675
00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:04,141
Gods! Have you never
given a compliment?
676
00:35:04,235 --> 00:35:07,978
For example, my, my,
High King Eliot.
677
00:35:08,073 --> 00:35:12,078
Your long legs look
so well in those breaches.
678
00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:15,957
Thank you.
679
00:35:16,381 --> 00:35:17,485
Your turn.
680
00:35:19,584 --> 00:35:22,588
You sound like a...
681
00:35:23,488 --> 00:35:24,899
Very attractive Creature.
682
00:35:25,156 --> 00:35:26,260
You think so?
683
00:35:26,324 --> 00:35:31,433
I've met many non-humans, and
your voice is by far the...
684
00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:32,831
Sexiest.
685
00:35:32,931 --> 00:35:33,966
Really?
686
00:35:34,065 --> 00:35:35,408
I mean, you sound noble.
687
00:35:36,735 --> 00:35:38,339
I didn't mean--
688
00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:44,318
You're wise, for I am, indeed,
the sexiest in the land.
689
00:35:44,409 --> 00:35:48,755
It is I, the Great Cock
of The Darkling Woods.
690
00:35:48,813 --> 00:35:50,019
The Great...
691
00:35:51,082 --> 00:35:52,083
Cock.
692
00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:54,493
Have you never beheld
one, child of Earth?
693
00:35:54,586 --> 00:35:55,929
No, no.
694
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:57,989
No, I've beheld one or two.
695
00:35:58,790 --> 00:36:00,701
But you are, by far,
the most majestic.
696
00:36:00,792 --> 00:36:03,204
I'm diligent
about hydration.
697
00:36:03,294 --> 00:36:06,935
All right, petitioner,
let's chat.
698
00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,131
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
699
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:33,499
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
700
00:36:33,992 --> 00:36:35,665
I like your style.
701
00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:39,539
What is the point of hearing a
petition if the aesthetics are shit?
702
00:36:43,168 --> 00:36:45,478
I need help with
a fairy thing.
703
00:36:47,138 --> 00:36:51,245
Tribal matriarchies
are the absolute worst.
704
00:36:51,342 --> 00:36:58,317
So, I was just hoping in your
great, benevolent handsomeness
705
00:36:58,516 --> 00:37:01,554
that you would see fit to grant
me just one little wish.
706
00:37:01,653 --> 00:37:04,759
That's the sort of thing my sister,
The Winter's Doe, specializes in.
707
00:37:04,856 --> 00:37:07,735
Also, when was the last time
a petitioner didn't get
708
00:37:07,826 --> 00:37:10,670
utterly assfucked by
a wish-granting?
709
00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:11,867
Yeah.
710
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:14,574
And yet...
711
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:16,111
I'll do you better.
712
00:37:16,201 --> 00:37:18,613
There's a problem
far greater than fairies.
713
00:37:18,703 --> 00:37:21,013
Solve it, they're nothing.
714
00:37:21,072 --> 00:37:25,885
I'll send you
on an epic quest.
715
00:37:26,544 --> 00:37:27,614
That's...
716
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:30,120
Uh...
717
00:37:30,215 --> 00:37:32,627
Wow, that's great.
Thank you.
718
00:37:32,717 --> 00:37:33,787
It's just...
719
00:37:34,519 --> 00:37:35,725
(SIGHS)
720
00:37:35,887 --> 00:37:36,957
My people need help.
721
00:37:37,055 --> 00:37:38,966
They sure do.
Today.
722
00:37:39,057 --> 00:37:41,128
The Fairy Queen is sitting
on my throne as we speak.
723
00:37:41,226 --> 00:37:43,103
Do you want your magic
back or not?
724
00:37:43,194 --> 00:37:44,935
Will it not solve
all your problems?
725
00:37:45,029 --> 00:37:48,875
I mean, yes, but,
it's just--
726
00:37:48,933 --> 00:37:51,209
How long does a quest
like this take?
727
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:53,215
A good season.
728
00:37:53,271 --> 00:37:54,409
Right.
729
00:37:54,472 --> 00:37:56,645
My kingdom is
in trouble now.
730
00:37:57,542 --> 00:38:00,216
You are a good king.
731
00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:05,325
But it is time to become
a great one.
732
00:38:05,416 --> 00:38:08,659
In order to do that,
you must travel to a land
733
00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:15,136
where you are no king, no
Magician, just a vulnerable man.
734
00:38:16,728 --> 00:38:20,835
Honestly, that sounds like
something I might really fuck up.
735
00:38:20,932 --> 00:38:23,845
Yes, or it wouldn't
be a quest.
736
00:38:25,737 --> 00:38:27,512
You have friends,
don't you?
737
00:38:30,675 --> 00:38:31,983
I used to.
738
00:38:32,076 --> 00:38:37,526
The one-eyed conqueror,
the traveler, the warrior,
739
00:38:37,615 --> 00:38:41,358
the fool, the god-touched,
the lover of tomatoes,
740
00:38:41,452 --> 00:38:43,454
and the torture artist--
741
00:38:43,521 --> 00:38:44,966
Wait, which one is that?
742
00:38:45,023 --> 00:38:46,798
You lost me there.
Nevermind.
743
00:38:46,858 --> 00:38:50,806
You have a brother of the
heart with the foppy hair.
744
00:38:50,862 --> 00:38:51,863
That would be Quentin.
745
00:38:51,963 --> 00:38:53,636
You're parts of one whole.
746
00:38:53,698 --> 00:38:56,304
No one can do this alone.
747
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:57,869
0K3'! -
748
00:38:57,969 --> 00:39:00,882
FYI, I can't contact them
or reach them in any way.
749
00:39:00,972 --> 00:39:04,044
You must find
the book with no author.
750
00:39:04,142 --> 00:39:06,713
A tale for children,
but they're hardly that.
751
00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:11,157
There is the key-- Or, the
keys-- In a place called...
752
00:39:12,116 --> 00:39:13,789
Public Library.
753
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:20,329
In the shire of Chester
in the land of New Jersey.
754
00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:22,064
Again, that sure
sounds like Earth.
755
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:26,836
Eliot, the quest I bestow on you
is the task you were born for.
756
00:39:26,898 --> 00:39:28,343
Claim it.
757
00:39:38,576 --> 00:39:40,749
(CLEARS THROAT) Abigail,
talking-animal question.
758
00:39:40,845 --> 00:39:43,485
So, bunnies.
759
00:39:43,548 --> 00:39:44,720
(SQUEAKS)
760
00:39:45,483 --> 00:39:48,020
Her Sluggishness has
noted that you are aware
761
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:50,430
of their
messenger abilities.
762
00:39:50,521 --> 00:39:52,432
So, that is what the Fairy
Queen uses them for?
763
00:39:52,523 --> 00:39:55,561
Bunnies move easily
between worlds.
764
00:39:56,494 --> 00:39:58,599
And do they serve her?
765
00:39:58,696 --> 00:40:00,937
And if so, how loyally?
766
00:40:01,032 --> 00:40:03,273
Every bunny
for itself, Majesty.
767
00:40:04,702 --> 00:40:05,942
Thank you.
768
00:40:20,051 --> 00:40:21,359
Need help.
769
00:40:21,419 --> 00:40:22,955
Love, Eliot.
770
00:40:41,306 --> 00:40:42,580
Q.
771
00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:44,543
I think this is ii.
772
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:47,047
The Tale of the Seven Keys.
773
00:40:47,111 --> 00:40:50,320
No author, I mean, I can feel
something coming off of it.
774
00:40:56,754 --> 00:40:58,097
Interesting.
775
00:41:15,606 --> 00:41:17,176
Interesting.
776
00:41:17,275 --> 00:41:21,746
Yeah, if by interesting,
you mean, blank, sure.
777
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:23,759
Quests never
give away the farm.
778
00:41:23,815 --> 00:41:26,318
You've gotta earn everything.
779
00:41:28,353 --> 00:41:30,026
Jules, this is our quest.
780
00:41:31,622 --> 00:41:32,794
And we're already on it.
781
00:41:35,093 --> 00:41:37,130
BUNNIES: Epic quest.
We have to.
782
00:41:37,195 --> 00:41:38,435
Map from the book.
Work together.
783
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:39,702
Also I think--
Eliot.
784
00:41:39,797 --> 00:41:41,333
Epic Quest.
The Great Cock.
785
00:41:41,432 --> 00:41:43,639
It's called After Island.
A back door to--
786
00:41:43,701 --> 00:41:44,873
The Great Cock.
Epic quest.
787
00:41:44,969 --> 00:41:46,209
Keys.
Here's the deal.
788
00:41:46,304 --> 00:41:48,306
Epic quest.
All seven keys.
789
00:41:48,373 --> 00:41:51,320
Here's the deal.
Epic quest.
790
00:41:51,376 --> 00:41:54,289
Just shush for
one second, please.
791
00:41:58,783 --> 00:42:01,229
Uh, that one.
792
00:42:01,319 --> 00:42:02,525
Put him first.
793
00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:07,527
FEN: Your father and I
are so proud of you.
794
00:42:10,294 --> 00:42:12,706
Okay...
(CLEARS TH ROAT)
795
00:42:15,066 --> 00:42:17,342
We are go
for epic quest.
796
00:42:17,802 --> 00:42:19,907
You are indeed a brave king.
797
00:42:20,004 --> 00:42:24,009
I am indeed a guy with not much
choice, but thanks for rounding up.
798
00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:27,356
We're looking for keys.
799
00:42:27,412 --> 00:42:30,882
Q and Julia believe
whatever the keys unlock,
800
00:42:30,982 --> 00:42:32,984
will help restore magic.
801
00:42:33,051 --> 00:42:36,260
And they think the first
key is here in Fillory.
802
00:42:36,654 --> 00:42:37,928
Excellent
803
00:42:38,022 --> 00:42:40,400
Some place
called After Island?
804
00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:41,731
Oh.
805
00:42:42,026 --> 00:42:46,168
It lies beyond
our border, Majesty.
806
00:42:46,230 --> 00:42:50,042
You would be venturing to
strange lands not your own.
807
00:42:50,101 --> 00:42:52,206
So, not the friendliest?
808
00:42:52,270 --> 00:42:57,242
It is said that even the Outer Sea
itself wishes ill upon our king.
809
00:42:57,341 --> 00:42:58,877
Some have sailed
before you--
810
00:42:58,943 --> 00:43:00,422
And how'd that go?
811
00:43:00,511 --> 00:43:01,683
They drowned.
812
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:03,221
Oh.
813
00:43:03,714 --> 00:43:07,093
Well, how do we
prevent that?
814
00:43:07,185 --> 00:43:08,687
I wish I knew, I only--
815
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,027
I know.
816
00:43:11,022 --> 00:43:13,468
I know exactly
the boat you need.
817
00:43:15,359 --> 00:43:18,397
(MOANING AND GASPING)
818
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,049
Okay! That's enough.
819
00:43:31,109 --> 00:43:32,645
Let's talk.
820
00:43:34,412 --> 00:43:36,824
So transactional.
821
00:43:37,748 --> 00:43:39,989
What do you want
with a Lamprey anyway?
822
00:43:40,084 --> 00:43:42,257
It's more what the
Lamprey wants with me.
823
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:43,799
(CHUCKLES) Oh, shit.
824
00:43:43,888 --> 00:43:45,663
You poked the wrong bear,
sweetness.
825
00:43:45,756 --> 00:43:47,599
Just tell me what you know.
826
00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:49,563
Please?
827
00:43:49,627 --> 00:43:50,628
Well, if you could
do magic--
828
00:43:50,728 --> 00:43:52,173
Yeah, well, I can't.
829
00:43:53,331 --> 00:43:54,435
Son.
830
00:43:54,999 --> 00:43:57,912
So, you're down
to an early warning device.
831
00:43:57,969 --> 00:43:59,471
An alarm, if you will.
832
00:43:59,570 --> 00:44:03,780
So, just maybe, you
still got time to run.
833
00:44:04,475 --> 00:44:06,352
Okay, fine, I'll take it.
834
00:44:12,683 --> 00:44:14,424
What, is that a joke?
835
00:44:14,752 --> 00:44:16,254
I gave up jokes
80 years ago.
836
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,493
Tired of being misunderstood.
837
00:44:19,757 --> 00:44:23,830
So get one, and keep it on
your person at all times.
838
00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,533
Buena suerte.
839
00:44:28,432 --> 00:44:29,638
Ah.
840
00:44:34,839 --> 00:44:35,840
(DOORBELL DINGS)
841
00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:51,959
Just a side
of bacon, please.
58704
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