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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:03,985
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,956 --> 00:00:08,873
Hey, Sammy.
3
00:00:08,941 --> 00:00:10,391
Hey, Tim!
4
00:00:10,459 --> 00:00:12,059
I just heard the news.
5
00:00:12,127 --> 00:00:13,728
You had a fire?
Yeah.
6
00:00:13,796 --> 00:00:15,229
A couple weeks ago.
7
00:00:15,230 --> 00:00:16,330
Gee, the place looks great.
8
00:00:16,331 --> 00:00:17,381
Yeah, thanks a lot.
9
00:00:17,382 --> 00:00:18,683
We've been working pretty hard.
10
00:00:18,684 --> 00:00:20,619
We've got our grand reopening
tonight.
11
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,169
So how'd the fire start?
12
00:00:22,237 --> 00:00:23,771
Oh, yeah, glad you asked.
13
00:00:23,839 --> 00:00:25,206
Sit down.
Right there.
14
00:00:25,274 --> 00:00:26,691
Right there, yeah.
15
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,743
(chuckles)
16
00:00:28,811 --> 00:00:30,745
Rebecca!
17
00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:32,747
Right over there.
18
00:00:34,583 --> 00:00:36,351
I burned down the bar
19
00:00:36,419 --> 00:00:38,289
with a carelessly
tossed cigarette.
20
00:00:39,605 --> 00:00:41,373
It was a stupid thing to do
21
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:44,242
and I will be paying for it
for the rest of my life.
22
00:00:50,599 --> 00:00:52,267
Hey, Sammy,
23
00:00:52,268 --> 00:00:53,634
you did a great job
on the rebuilding.
24
00:00:53,635 --> 00:00:55,036
The place looks
a million times better
25
00:00:55,037 --> 00:00:56,387
than it did before.
SAM: Yeah.
26
00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:57,706
Thanks, Paul.
Uh, Sammy,
27
00:00:57,773 --> 00:00:59,541
uh, Paul told me all
about the fire.
28
00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:00,709
Gee, that's tough, man.
29
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:01,710
Oh, yeah, thank you.
30
00:01:01,711 --> 00:01:03,110
Oh, you want to hear
how it started?
31
00:01:03,111 --> 00:01:04,412
Yeah, sure.
Yeah! Great, great.
32
00:01:04,413 --> 00:01:06,298
Sit down right over there.
33
00:01:06,365 --> 00:01:08,300
Rebecca!
34
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:10,477
Right over there
in the sweater- go ahead.
35
00:01:12,438 --> 00:01:15,640
I burned down the bar
with a carelessly tossed cigarette.
36
00:01:15,707 --> 00:01:17,224
It was a stupid thing to do
37
00:01:17,292 --> 00:01:19,927
and I will be paying for it
for the rest of my life.
38
00:01:23,465 --> 00:01:25,400
(theme song begins)
39
00:01:27,469 --> 00:01:29,720
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
40
00:01:29,788 --> 00:01:32,941
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
41
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,610
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
42
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:39,080
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
43
00:01:39,148 --> 00:01:43,018
♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪
44
00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:46,504
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
45
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:51,009
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
46
00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:56,914
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
47
00:01:56,982 --> 00:01:59,184
♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪
48
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,753
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
49
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:06,090
♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪
50
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,227
♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪
51
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:12,464
♪ People are all the same ♪
52
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:17,101
♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
53
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,630
♪ ♪
54
00:02:35,470 --> 00:02:36,771
Afternoon, everybody.
55
00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:38,572
ALL:
Norm!
56
00:02:38,573 --> 00:02:39,490
Hey, Norm.
57
00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:40,891
Gettin' ready
for the big opening.
58
00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:42,777
It's right here, Sammy.
59
00:02:42,844 --> 00:02:45,780
Start pouring beer
in it anytime.
60
00:02:45,847 --> 00:02:49,117
Listen, I guess we have
to start a new tab, huh?
61
00:02:49,118 --> 00:02:50,718
It's too bad
we lost my old bar tab
62
00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:51,819
in the fire.
Oh.
63
00:02:54,156 --> 00:02:57,608
Actually, I-I had it
in the safe.
64
00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:59,127
You did?
Mm-hmm.
65
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:00,361
Why?
66
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:01,829
Well, to tell the truth,
67
00:03:01,897 --> 00:03:04,032
it's kind of my most
valuable asset.
68
00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:09,520
I like to think of it as my-my
retirement plan, you know.
69
00:03:09,521 --> 00:03:11,822
I figure, one of these days,
you'll start paying
70
00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:14,658
and I can start thinking
about retiring.
71
00:03:14,726 --> 00:03:17,445
Yeah, well, um, I'd
make other plans.
72
00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:24,019
Phone company.
73
00:03:24,086 --> 00:03:25,786
Looking for a Rebecca Howe.
74
00:03:25,854 --> 00:03:26,904
That's me.
75
00:03:27,806 --> 00:03:30,291
Well, hello!
76
00:03:31,793 --> 00:03:34,663
The name's Bernard.
77
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:37,532
If I'd known you were
such a foxy lady...
78
00:03:38,967 --> 00:03:41,635
I would have worn
my clean pants.
79
00:03:41,703 --> 00:03:43,421
(clears throat)
80
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,192
Bernard, we need you
to get the phones working.
81
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:49,410
The one here in the bar
82
00:03:49,411 --> 00:03:51,045
and one back in the office and
the pay phone over there.
83
00:03:51,046 --> 00:03:53,280
We haven't had phone service
in two weeks.
84
00:03:53,348 --> 00:03:55,066
Relax, pretty lady.
85
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:57,368
I'll give you
service. Good.
86
00:03:57,436 --> 00:03:59,470
Get it?
87
00:04:02,558 --> 00:04:05,209
So much for foreplay.
88
00:04:05,277 --> 00:04:07,729
Just fix the phones!
89
00:04:09,931 --> 00:04:11,032
Hey, huh?
90
00:04:11,099 --> 00:04:12,669
You still got it with the guys!
91
00:04:16,772 --> 00:04:18,707
Look at this place, huh?
92
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:20,775
Can't wait to see how surprised
Carla's gonna be
93
00:04:20,776 --> 00:04:22,276
when she sees how much work
we've done
94
00:04:22,277 --> 00:04:23,577
in the last couple of weeks.
95
00:04:23,578 --> 00:04:25,179
Say, where is Carla, anyway?
96
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:26,597
Oh, she, uh,
took a temporary job
97
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:28,866
over in that new bar
in Boylston, you know,
98
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:30,968
"Mr. Pubb's"- one
of those chains.
99
00:04:30,969 --> 00:04:33,204
She'll be here for the
grand opening, though.
100
00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:35,089
Yeah, well, I, for one,
don't miss her...
101
00:04:35,090 --> 00:04:38,026
that little foul-mouthed,
fright -wigged rodent.
102
00:04:38,093 --> 00:04:40,028
Hi, Carla.
103
00:04:40,095 --> 00:04:41,929
(screams)
104
00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:47,285
Hi, guys.
105
00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:49,070
Woody, what are you doing
back here?
106
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:50,638
How come you're not
on your honeymoon?
107
00:04:50,639 --> 00:04:51,689
Honeymoon?
108
00:04:51,756 --> 00:04:52,957
Is that what you call it
109
00:04:52,958 --> 00:04:54,692
when two people lock
themselves in a room
110
00:04:54,693 --> 00:04:57,278
and refuse to speak
or even look at each other?
111
00:04:57,346 --> 00:04:59,681
No, Wood, that's marriage.
112
00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:03,067
Hey, what happened?
113
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:07,021
Well, Kelly and I found out
we're from different religions.
114
00:05:07,089 --> 00:05:09,373
I thought you and Kelly were
both Lutheran.
115
00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:11,593
Oh, well,
that's what I thought.
116
00:05:11,594 --> 00:05:12,794
It turns out she's Lutheran
117
00:05:12,795 --> 00:05:13,878
Church of America,
118
00:05:13,945 --> 00:05:16,981
I'm Lutheran Church
of Missouri Synod.
119
00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:19,283
What if we had children,
120
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:21,085
we'd have half-breeds.
121
00:05:21,086 --> 00:05:25,339
Woody, very often these
problems can be resolved
122
00:05:25,340 --> 00:05:27,609
by, uh, a group session.
123
00:05:27,676 --> 00:05:29,994
Oh, no, I don't think so,
Doctor Crane.
124
00:05:30,061 --> 00:05:33,264
The sight of Kelly with another
man would drive me crazy.
125
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:36,083
No, no, Frasier's talking
about counselling, Woody.
126
00:05:36,151 --> 00:05:38,036
You are, aren't you?
127
00:05:38,103 --> 00:05:39,971
Counselling! Yes!
128
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:41,456
See?
129
00:05:41,523 --> 00:05:44,459
Perhaps Lilith and I could
provide some help.
130
00:05:44,526 --> 00:05:47,462
Oh, that's nice, Doctor Crane.
131
00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:48,963
I'll-I'll ask Kelly.
132
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:51,966
If she's not too busy
begging at airports
133
00:05:52,033 --> 00:05:55,236
or whatever those people do.
134
00:05:57,622 --> 00:05:59,607
I'll be finished
in about an hour.
135
00:05:59,674 --> 00:06:01,809
Tell me something.
136
00:06:01,877 --> 00:06:04,379
You ever seen the ceiling
of a phone truck?
137
00:06:07,098 --> 00:06:08,867
Listen, buster.
138
00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:10,535
You get my phones working
139
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,871
or I'll come down on you
with a sexual harassment suit
140
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:14,472
that'll make your head spin...
141
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,475
that is if there's a neck
in there somewhere!
142
00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:19,677
All right! All right!
143
00:06:19,745 --> 00:06:21,112
Phew!
144
00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:23,247
Your service'll be back on
in a couple of hours!
145
00:06:23,248 --> 00:06:24,682
Phew!
146
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:26,350
Lesbian, huh?
147
00:06:29,805 --> 00:06:32,823
You'd be surprised how many
of those I run into in a day.
148
00:06:35,210 --> 00:06:37,095
Who put a quarter in this bar
149
00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:39,097
that I just finished
varnishing?
150
00:06:39,164 --> 00:06:40,731
I did.
151
00:06:40,799 --> 00:06:42,733
Go ahead, try to pick it up.
152
00:06:42,801 --> 00:06:44,769
Well, I can't.
153
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:45,836
It's stuck in the varnish.
154
00:06:45,837 --> 00:06:47,004
That's right, right!
155
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:50,041
You can't pick it up
no matter how hard you try!
156
00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:51,509
Why don't you guys
157
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,227
just go away and come back
tonight for the reopening.
158
00:06:54,228 --> 00:06:54,929
This is the way you treat us?
159
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,113
We come in to help you,
160
00:06:56,181 --> 00:06:57,782
and now you kick us out?
161
00:06:57,783 --> 00:07:00,351
Two hours of putting
the Indian and the wooden lady
162
00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:02,687
in dirty positions
is not helping.
163
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,539
Tell you, fellas,
if you want...
164
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:07,007
you want to help out why don't
you go over and get Carla.
165
00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:08,042
She's at the bar
166
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:10,111
on Boylston-
Mr. Pubb's, okay?
167
00:07:10,178 --> 00:07:11,395
Get her back here.
168
00:07:11,463 --> 00:07:12,947
I want her an hour early.
169
00:07:12,948 --> 00:07:14,448
We're gonna have that
ribbon-cutting ceremony. Sure thing, Sam.
170
00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:15,750
Done.
171
00:07:15,818 --> 00:07:16,918
Say, Normie.
Hey.
172
00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:18,653
Want to stop on the
way for a sandwich?
173
00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,154
It's three blocks
over- Boylston?
174
00:07:20,155 --> 00:07:21,589
No, no, no,
not to worry, Cliffy.
175
00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:23,858
I stuffed my pockets
with pretzels.
176
00:07:23,926 --> 00:07:25,916
Something I learned
in the Boy Scouts...
177
00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:27,094
you've got to be prepared.
178
00:07:27,095 --> 00:07:28,730
Ah, you were in the
Boy Scouts, huh?
179
00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:30,231
Yeah, for about a week,
then I quit.
180
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:32,042
How come?
Well, there was some talk
181
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,035
about going on a hike.
182
00:07:41,443 --> 00:07:43,328
♪ ♪
183
00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,537
Hi.
184
00:07:53,605 --> 00:07:55,173
Welcome to Mr. Pubb's.
185
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,474
My name is Carla.
186
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,976
I'll be your server
for the evening.
187
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,811
What can I get you?
188
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,478
Give me a Scotch on the rocks.
189
00:08:01,546 --> 00:08:03,581
An excellent choice, sir.
190
00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:06,834
That's great, Carla!
191
00:08:06,835 --> 00:08:08,336
That's the first
time you did it
192
00:08:08,337 --> 00:08:10,271
without the Mr. Pubb's
Handbook!
193
00:08:10,339 --> 00:08:12,440
Bite my pubb!
194
00:08:12,507 --> 00:08:14,359
Well, Carla,
195
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,694
you've really come
a long way in the past two weeks.
196
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:17,795
Thank you, sir.
197
00:08:17,863 --> 00:08:20,131
A Scotch on the rocks
for table 12.
198
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,766
Coming right up.
199
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,918
So's my lunch.
200
00:08:26,838 --> 00:08:28,506
Boy, oh, boy!
201
00:08:28,573 --> 00:08:29,674
(both chuckle)
202
00:08:29,741 --> 00:08:31,676
This place have
enough neon or what?
203
00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:34,478
Yeah, it looks like
the inside of a UFO in here.
204
00:08:34,546 --> 00:08:36,380
No, actually, Norm,
205
00:08:36,448 --> 00:08:38,382
they're quite different.
206
00:08:42,654 --> 00:08:45,089
I guess.
207
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,427
Welcome to
Mr. Pubb's. Hey.
208
00:08:46,428 --> 00:08:48,176
Someone will be here
in a moment to help you, friends.
209
00:08:48,177 --> 00:08:49,510
Just need a couple beers,
that's all.
210
00:08:49,511 --> 00:08:50,611
Oh, from which country?
211
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:52,780
We have over 200
to choose from.
212
00:08:52,781 --> 00:08:53,964
Well, what say, Cliffy?
213
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,566
Once around the world
and then home?
214
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:56,801
(laughs)
215
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,820
All right.
216
00:08:58,887 --> 00:09:00,321
Yeah.
217
00:09:00,388 --> 00:09:02,824
Oh, man, wow, look at this.
218
00:09:02,891 --> 00:09:05,159
I mean, not only do they
have a video arcade
219
00:09:05,226 --> 00:09:07,829
but they've got, uh,
ten big-screen TVs
220
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,229
right over there in the wall.
221
00:09:09,230 --> 00:09:12,132
Each one of them televising
a different game.
222
00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:14,785
Boy, I-I-I bet your neck,
though, will get really sore
223
00:09:14,786 --> 00:09:17,688
moving your head back and forth
from game to game.
224
00:09:17,756 --> 00:09:20,824
Try just moving your eyes.
225
00:09:22,827 --> 00:09:24,762
Hey!
226
00:09:24,829 --> 00:09:26,029
Cool!
227
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:31,369
(laughing):
Well, well, well!
228
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,821
Where's your organ-grinder?
229
00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:36,824
Right here.
230
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:40,895
I just mean, you know,
231
00:09:40,896 --> 00:09:42,897
don't you feel kind of silly
in that outfit?
232
00:09:42,898 --> 00:09:44,768
Of course I feel silly
in this outfit.
233
00:09:44,816 --> 00:09:46,484
I can't wait till my shift ends,
234
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:48,819
so I can get my pay-check
and head back to Cheers.
235
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,454
Carla, we have a birthday
at table four.
236
00:09:50,455 --> 00:09:52,022
Ooh, a birthday!
237
00:09:52,023 --> 00:09:54,425
(mocking Carla):
Ooh, a birthday!
238
00:09:54,426 --> 00:09:57,295
(groaning)
239
00:09:57,362 --> 00:10:00,298
If you guys, if you guys ever,
240
00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:03,634
ever say one word about what
you are about to see me do,
241
00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:05,636
the last thing you'll see
242
00:10:05,703 --> 00:10:08,639
is me takin' a bite out
of your still-beating hearts!
243
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,045
Ready?
244
00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:15,712
One, two, three.
245
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:19,050
♪ A happy, happy birthday
from Mr. Pubb to you ♪
246
00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:22,053
♪ A happy, happy birthday
from Mr. Pubb to you! ♪
247
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,754
Yay!
248
00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:30,461
Boy, poor Carla, huh?
249
00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:32,930
I'd hate to have
a job like that.
250
00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:34,966
Wearing a dorky uniform
251
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:37,134
out in the public all day.
252
00:10:39,804 --> 00:10:42,323
There but for the grace of God,
Norm.
253
00:10:43,158 --> 00:10:45,176
Okay, overstuffed potato skins.
254
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:47,178
Hey, we didn't make fun of you.
255
00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:49,180
No.
256
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:50,247
These! These!
257
00:10:50,248 --> 00:10:51,248
It's happy hour.
258
00:10:51,249 --> 00:10:52,516
They're complimentary.
259
00:10:52,517 --> 00:10:53,617
Ooh.
Ooh. Yeah.
260
00:10:53,618 --> 00:10:55,052
What are you guys doing here
anyway?
261
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:56,287
Sammy asked us to come by
262
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:58,155
to make sure you stopped
by Cheers early.
263
00:10:58,156 --> 00:11:00,224
I'll tell you, I can't wait
to get out of this hell-hole.
264
00:11:00,225 --> 00:11:01,325
Carla,
265
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:02,659
could I see you a minute please?
266
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,579
Yes, sir.
267
00:11:05,387 --> 00:11:09,550
Here's your pay-check
for the past two weeks.
268
00:11:09,551 --> 00:11:11,852
You had a rocky start, but,
at the rate you're improving,
269
00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:13,487
I think you might
just be up for a promotion
270
00:11:13,488 --> 00:11:14,755
in the next month or so.
271
00:11:14,756 --> 00:11:16,040
Seriously?
Here at Mr. Pubb's,
272
00:11:16,041 --> 00:11:18,209
we believe in promoting
from within.
273
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:21,229
Wow!
274
00:11:21,296 --> 00:11:22,529
I see you noticed our
275
00:11:22,597 --> 00:11:25,133
Mr. Pubb's satisfied
customer bonus.
276
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,569
I never had a satisfied
customer bonus before.
277
00:11:28,637 --> 00:11:31,905
Come to think of it, I never
had a satisfied customer before.
278
00:11:32,439 --> 00:11:34,959
By the way, Carla, can you work
279
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,193
an extra couple hours tonight?
280
00:11:36,194 --> 00:11:37,294
We're a little short-handed.
281
00:11:37,295 --> 00:11:38,595
You bet I can.
282
00:11:38,596 --> 00:11:40,347
That's the Mr. Pubb's spirit,
Carla.
283
00:11:40,348 --> 00:11:41,398
(exclaiming)
284
00:11:41,432 --> 00:11:43,550
Hey, listen, guys.
285
00:11:43,618 --> 00:11:45,102
Something just came up.
Hmm.
286
00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:47,460
Uh, you're gonna have
to tell Sammy that, uh,
287
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:49,307
I'm gonna be late tonight.
What?!
288
00:11:49,374 --> 00:11:51,742
Hey, come on, it's
Sammy's big opening night.
289
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:53,320
You're gonna break his heart.
290
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,313
Just tell him
I'll explain later.
291
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:58,816
Oh, that's amazing, Norm.
292
00:11:58,817 --> 00:12:00,384
Carla's not gonna show up there
293
00:12:00,385 --> 00:12:01,919
for Sammy's grand reopening.
294
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,855
Well, let's go back and, uh,
295
00:12:03,922 --> 00:12:06,224
break the news
to him, I guess. Yeah.
296
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,491
Wahba, wahba, wahba, everybody.
297
00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:09,526
It's luau night
here at Mr. Pubb's,
298
00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:12,046
complete with complimentary
pupu platters.
299
00:12:12,113 --> 00:12:14,048
(drumbeats)
300
00:12:23,742 --> 00:12:26,444
We're not going back
to Cheers, are we, Cliff?
301
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,798
No, we are not.
302
00:12:38,823 --> 00:12:42,476
Hey, fellas,
look what I've got here.
303
00:12:42,477 --> 00:12:43,527
What's that?
304
00:12:43,528 --> 00:12:45,145
You know the bar
business is getting
305
00:12:45,146 --> 00:12:46,313
more and more competitive.
306
00:12:46,314 --> 00:12:47,581
And I've been
wracking my brains
307
00:12:47,582 --> 00:12:48,949
trying to figure out
how I can compete.
308
00:12:48,950 --> 00:12:50,550
I think I've finally
got the answer.
309
00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,252
A toaster oven?
Yeah.
310
00:12:52,253 --> 00:12:53,671
See what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna put
311
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:55,506
some saltines in here,
melt some
312
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:57,558
American cheese on top.
313
00:12:57,626 --> 00:12:59,226
Serve them to the customers,
314
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,228
buck a plate maybe.
315
00:13:02,247 --> 00:13:04,881
Well, there goes
my last reason for staying home.
316
00:13:04,882 --> 00:13:07,818
Sam, you'd better
get started on those.
317
00:13:07,819 --> 00:13:09,687
The grand reopening
is in less than an hour.
318
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,389
Whoa, you're kidding me.
319
00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:15,375
Where the hell are
Carla and the other guys?
320
00:13:15,376 --> 00:13:17,144
Hey, do me a favour,
will you fellas?
321
00:13:17,145 --> 00:13:19,046
Will you go over to that,
uh, Mr. Pubb's place
322
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:21,332
and, uh, bring 'em
all back please?
323
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,749
Oh, I don't know, Sammy.
Oh, come on.
324
00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:23,851
It really is kind of far, Sam.
325
00:13:23,852 --> 00:13:25,152
Yeah, let them come
back on their own.
326
00:13:25,153 --> 00:13:26,353
All right,
all right, all right,
327
00:13:26,354 --> 00:13:29,056
a complimentary plate
of cracker snacks in it for you.
328
00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:30,290
What do you say?
329
00:13:31,459 --> 00:13:33,160
(whispering)
330
00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:36,080
Each?
331
00:13:36,147 --> 00:13:37,848
All right,
all right, all right.
332
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,250
You drive a hard bargain.
333
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,918
Get out of here.
334
00:13:41,819 --> 00:13:43,303
Hi, everyone.
335
00:13:43,371 --> 00:13:46,590
Kelly, I admire you for coming.
336
00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:49,243
Well, I believe a marriage
is worth saving.
337
00:13:49,244 --> 00:13:50,644
Well, that's not
all she believes.
338
00:13:50,645 --> 00:13:52,546
Ask her why she believes
the Book of Concord
339
00:13:52,547 --> 00:13:54,147
and the Scriptures are
on the same level.
340
00:13:54,148 --> 00:13:55,198
Go ahead, ask her.
341
00:13:55,216 --> 00:13:56,534
Because they're not.
342
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:57,668
(imitates buzzer)
343
00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:59,303
Ask her why the sacraments
344
00:13:59,304 --> 00:14:00,805
are considered
vehicles of grace.
345
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:01,872
Go ahead, I dare you.
346
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,673
They're symbolic memorials.
347
00:14:03,741 --> 00:14:05,392
Heretic!
348
00:14:05,459 --> 00:14:07,511
Now, now...
349
00:14:07,578 --> 00:14:10,114
You two...
350
00:14:10,181 --> 00:14:13,117
Perhaps a page from Frasier's
and my personal history
351
00:14:13,184 --> 00:14:15,519
will calm the waters.
352
00:14:15,586 --> 00:14:18,522
Woody, Kelly.
353
00:14:18,589 --> 00:14:21,858
I am Jewish
and Frasier is Episcopalian.
354
00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,410
Now originally, we feared
355
00:14:23,478 --> 00:14:25,712
this might cause
conflict in our marriage.
356
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,598
But then we learned
to compromise,
357
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:30,000
even in the raising
of our son, Frederick.
358
00:14:30,067 --> 00:14:31,635
We make sure he experiences
359
00:14:31,702 --> 00:14:34,238
both sides of his
religious heritage.
360
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,456
As usual, my darling
wife is right.
361
00:14:36,524 --> 00:14:40,594
Frederick goes to synagogue
every Friday night.
362
00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:43,997
He delights in hiding
matzos at Passover.
363
00:14:44,065 --> 00:14:47,234
The family celebrates Hanukkah.
364
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:49,787
Meanwhile,
Christmas comes and goes
365
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:52,122
without so much as a tree.
366
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:54,441
Odd, really, because
367
00:14:54,442 --> 00:14:56,643
a Christmas tree isn't even
symbolic of Christianity.
368
00:14:56,644 --> 00:14:59,746
But apparently it threatens
Lilith's Jewish faith.
369
00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:00,894
Look out, everybody!
370
00:15:00,915 --> 00:15:03,049
A fir tree!
371
00:15:04,485 --> 00:15:06,019
5,000-year-old religion,
372
00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:07,488
and Frasier Crane's
going to bring it down
373
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,424
with a four-foot tree
and some tinsel!
374
00:15:10,492 --> 00:15:11,708
KELLY:
Excuse me.
375
00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:14,995
I'm just not sure
how this applies to us.
376
00:15:15,063 --> 00:15:16,430
Your religious
377
00:15:16,497 --> 00:15:19,316
differences are extremely
inconsequential.
378
00:15:19,384 --> 00:15:21,752
One is reminded
of Gulliver's Travels
379
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,420
in which two countries warred
380
00:15:23,488 --> 00:15:25,656
over which side
of an egg gets cracked:
381
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:27,825
The narrow end
or the rounded end.
382
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,360
Well, that's ridiculous.
383
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:30,997
Of course it's the rounded end.
384
00:15:31,028 --> 00:15:34,130
Oh, Kelly, I don't even
know who you are anymore!
385
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:42,122
Sam, give me two beers
and a scotch on the rocks.
386
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:43,958
I don't get it.
387
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,960
Cheers is opening again
388
00:15:45,961 --> 00:15:47,661
and none of my close
friends are here.
389
00:15:47,662 --> 00:15:48,795
That's because you've
sent everybody
390
00:15:48,796 --> 00:15:50,564
over to Mr. Pubb's
to get Carla,
391
00:15:50,631 --> 00:15:52,833
who, by the way,
is two hours late.
392
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:54,435
You know what this
reminds me of?
393
00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:56,070
It reminds me
of that spooky movie,
394
00:15:56,071 --> 00:15:58,339
where those people
keep going into the barn
395
00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:00,707
and then they disappear.
396
00:16:00,775 --> 00:16:02,215
And so they send other people
397
00:16:02,244 --> 00:16:04,011
to go in there
and they disappear.
398
00:16:04,012 --> 00:16:05,012
And then, still others
399
00:16:05,013 --> 00:16:07,181
go in the barn
and they disappear.
400
00:16:07,182 --> 00:16:08,516
And then they
find out that there's
401
00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:10,884
a psycho killer in there
stabbing everybody.
402
00:16:10,952 --> 00:16:12,719
What was the name
of that movie?
403
00:16:12,787 --> 00:16:14,121
Don't Go In The Barn.
404
00:16:14,189 --> 00:16:15,455
(mouthing words)
405
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,079
This is crazy.
406
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,415
I'm going over there right now
and bring them back.
407
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:25,926
Hold down the fort, will you?
408
00:16:25,950 --> 00:16:27,668
REBECCA:
Okay.
409
00:16:31,106 --> 00:16:33,373
Congratulations
on your reopening.
410
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:36,860
Trust me,
411
00:16:36,928 --> 00:16:39,430
one Lambada with Bernard,
412
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:41,765
and you'll never
look at another woman.
413
00:16:44,101 --> 00:16:46,136
You don't get it, do you?
414
00:16:46,203 --> 00:16:48,472
We're born this way.
415
00:16:58,082 --> 00:16:59,712
(music playing through TV) Wow.
416
00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,801
All these big-screen
TVs getting
417
00:17:01,869 --> 00:17:03,919
satellite feeds from
all over the world.
418
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:07,007
Yeah, well, Normie,
it is the information age.
419
00:17:07,075 --> 00:17:10,010
We can receive
up-to-the-minute stock prices,
420
00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:11,611
medical breakthroughs,
421
00:17:11,679 --> 00:17:14,748
political upheavals
from all around the globe.
422
00:17:14,815 --> 00:17:16,016
Of course we'd, uh,
423
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:18,318
have to turn off
the cartoons first.
424
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:22,022
Oh, there you are!
Hey, fellas!
425
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:24,291
GROUP:
Hey, Sammy!
426
00:17:24,358 --> 00:17:25,959
What are you doing here?
427
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,594
You're missing,
you know, the opening.
428
00:17:27,595 --> 00:17:28,762
What, it's that late already?
429
00:17:28,763 --> 00:17:30,033
Is it that late already?
430
00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:31,965
You telling me
you just been playing,
431
00:17:31,966 --> 00:17:33,433
playing games around here
432
00:17:33,501 --> 00:17:36,103
and watch, watching the TVs?
433
00:17:36,104 --> 00:17:39,306
Sam we got caught up
in them, you know?
434
00:17:39,307 --> 00:17:41,775
Yeah, hey, Sammy, is
this place great or what, huh?
435
00:17:41,776 --> 00:17:44,044
Yeah, but so is a little
place called Cheers.
436
00:17:44,112 --> 00:17:45,478
Or have you forgotten?
437
00:17:45,479 --> 00:17:47,247
Did you tell them
about the cracker snacks?
438
00:17:47,248 --> 00:17:48,782
I'm talking about
American cheese
439
00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:50,617
on top of some saltines
and everything.
440
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:52,052
Maybe 50 cents a plate.
441
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:53,787
Can't beat that, huh?
442
00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:55,572
Excuse me! Hi!
443
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,108
Happy hour ribs, complimentary.
444
00:18:00,128 --> 00:18:02,296
You, uh,
you were saying, Sammy?
445
00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,649
Never mind.
Never mind.
446
00:18:05,717 --> 00:18:09,102
Carla, hey, what're you doing?
447
00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:10,370
How come you're
still in uniform?
448
00:18:10,371 --> 00:18:11,472
You're supposed
to be at Cheers.
449
00:18:11,473 --> 00:18:13,540
Oh. I'm not
going back, Sammy.
450
00:18:13,608 --> 00:18:15,392
What do you mean?
Well, I want to.
451
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:18,012
I really do, but they're
paying me too much money here.
452
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:19,246
I can't give it up.
453
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:21,632
What are you saying?
454
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,433
Are you saying you're quitting?
455
00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:25,903
Well, when were you
gonna tell me? Never?
456
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,338
I tried to call you,
but I couldn't get through.
457
00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:30,273
And then I asked
the guys to tell you,
458
00:18:30,274 --> 00:18:31,975
but none of them
ever went back.
459
00:18:31,976 --> 00:18:33,894
Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait-
this is crazy.
460
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:36,563
You and I have been working
together for 14 years.
461
00:18:36,631 --> 00:18:38,898
Sammy, can't you be
happy for me?
462
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:41,768
I mean, I've found a job
that pays me a lot of money.
463
00:18:41,836 --> 00:18:42,976
Fine, all right, fine!
464
00:18:42,977 --> 00:18:44,655
I'll tell you something,
you want to quit,
465
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,586
you have the courtesy
to come to my bar
466
00:18:46,587 --> 00:18:47,658
and tell me face-to-face.
467
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:48,739
And until you do that,
468
00:18:48,759 --> 00:18:50,827
I consider you still
employed at Cheers.
469
00:18:50,895 --> 00:18:51,961
Okay, fine!
470
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:54,064
I'll stop by to quit
as soon as I'm off.
471
00:18:54,131 --> 00:18:55,932
Yeah, you do that!
Okay, I will!
472
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,551
Yeah, fine!
Fine!
473
00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:59,886
Yeah, "fine" back!
474
00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:02,789
Hey, fellas, enjoy the ribs!
475
00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:10,814
You know, uh, American cheese
476
00:19:10,882 --> 00:19:13,550
is one of the world's
finest cheeses.
477
00:19:14,568 --> 00:19:16,403
Melted on a saltine,
that's a...
478
00:19:16,471 --> 00:19:18,705
that's a party in your mouth.
479
00:19:18,772 --> 00:19:21,024
Anybody feel like
maybe we should, uh,
480
00:19:21,092 --> 00:19:22,358
walk on back to Cheers?
481
00:19:22,426 --> 00:19:24,044
Yeah, let's do that, huh?
482
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:27,754
Okay.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.
483
00:19:27,815 --> 00:19:29,082
Boys, be prepared.
484
00:19:35,557 --> 00:19:38,091
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Carla,
485
00:19:38,159 --> 00:19:39,459
let me get this straight.
486
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,177
You're really not
going back to Cheers?
487
00:19:41,178 --> 00:19:42,980
I know it's a lousy job, Norm,
488
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:45,316
but for the amount of money
they're throwing at me,
489
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:46,817
it's nothing I can't take.
490
00:19:48,887 --> 00:19:52,689
Carla, uh, I'm gonna put
a new trainee with you
491
00:19:52,757 --> 00:19:53,837
for the next two weeks.
492
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,025
She's a bright girl.
493
00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:58,361
She's, uh, an anthropology
student at B.U.
494
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,363
Ellen!
495
00:20:02,099 --> 00:20:04,200
Ellen, come meet Carla.
496
00:20:04,268 --> 00:20:07,805
Well, you must be Carla.
497
00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:10,590
I know what you're thinking:
498
00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:14,244
"She doesn't
look like a waitress."
499
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:15,596
That's because
500
00:20:15,663 --> 00:20:18,015
I'm really a writer.
501
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:23,020
Or actuellement, a poetess.
502
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:24,404
(screaming)
503
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,948
Well, Mr. Missouri Synod,
504
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:36,583
you demanded to see me?
505
00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:39,419
Yeah, Kelly, uh, would you
please sit down here?
506
00:20:39,487 --> 00:20:41,421
Something very
important to tell you.
507
00:20:43,657 --> 00:20:46,894
Listen, uh, what's gone
on these last few days
508
00:20:46,961 --> 00:20:49,696
has affected me very deeply.
509
00:20:49,764 --> 00:20:51,665
I love you, Kelly.
510
00:20:51,733 --> 00:20:53,567
That's why...
511
00:20:53,635 --> 00:20:55,619
I'm now a member
of The Evangelical
512
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:57,857
Lutheran Church
of America, just like you.
513
00:20:57,872 --> 00:20:59,923
Oh, Woody!
514
00:20:59,991 --> 00:21:02,993
You've saved our marriage!
515
00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:06,246
What a wonderful sacrifice.
516
00:21:06,314 --> 00:21:08,047
Now when we die
and go to heaven,
517
00:21:08,115 --> 00:21:11,985
we won't be separated
by barbed wire and barking dogs.
518
00:21:14,322 --> 00:21:17,557
What was it exactly
that saved you, Woody?
519
00:21:17,625 --> 00:21:19,776
Well, something
Dr. Crane said.
520
00:21:19,844 --> 00:21:21,311
That thing about how
521
00:21:21,379 --> 00:21:23,530
true love can overcome
all differences?
522
00:21:23,598 --> 00:21:25,732
Not exactly.
523
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,835
Uh, he took me aside
and said I'd better
524
00:21:27,836 --> 00:21:29,135
get used to giving in to you
525
00:21:29,136 --> 00:21:30,737
on every point for
the rest of our lives
526
00:21:30,738 --> 00:21:33,139
if I ever wanted to see
you naked again.
527
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,779
Well, he is a Ph.D.,
you know.
528
00:21:38,847 --> 00:21:40,714
Yes, dear.
529
00:21:40,782 --> 00:21:43,016
Shall we resume our honeymoon?
530
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:44,601
Yes, dear.
531
00:21:44,669 --> 00:21:48,755
Woody, today you are a man.
532
00:21:48,823 --> 00:21:50,640
Yes, dear.
533
00:21:52,543 --> 00:21:55,345
Hey, Carla,
I'm so glad you're back.
534
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:57,280
Yeah, me, too, Sammy.
535
00:21:57,348 --> 00:21:59,066
Why won't you tell me,
536
00:21:59,067 --> 00:22:00,467
you know, why you
left that place?
537
00:22:00,468 --> 00:22:01,518
Sammy, believe me,
538
00:22:01,535 --> 00:22:03,203
you're better off not knowing.
539
00:22:03,271 --> 00:22:05,372
Just swear to me
540
00:22:05,439 --> 00:22:07,407
you'll never
go back in that bar.
541
00:22:07,475 --> 00:22:09,760
Well, you're talking
like there was
542
00:22:09,827 --> 00:22:12,195
some sort of psycho killer
there or something.
543
00:22:12,263 --> 00:22:15,315
If only...
544
00:22:15,383 --> 00:22:18,418
Sammy, just swear to me
you won't go back.
545
00:22:18,486 --> 00:22:20,153
Okay. Well, I won't go.
Okay.
546
00:22:20,154 --> 00:22:21,521
I'm just glad you're here.
547
00:22:21,522 --> 00:22:23,723
Yeah, isn't it funny
how things work out?
548
00:22:23,791 --> 00:22:26,059
I mean, you know,
if I'd stayed at Mr. Pubb's,
549
00:22:26,060 --> 00:22:27,561
I would have
made a lot more money,
550
00:22:27,562 --> 00:22:29,852
but I never would have met
my date for tonight.
551
00:22:29,898 --> 00:22:31,081
Your date?
Yeah.
552
00:22:35,719 --> 00:22:38,722
Ready to go, sweetheart?
Mm-hmm.
553
00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:41,524
Last straight broad in America,
554
00:22:41,592 --> 00:22:43,410
and Bernard's got her.
38827
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