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1
00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,471
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
America got in shape,
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,473
and that meant getting fit
and eating right.
3
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,142
So every chef started
becoming health-conscious,
4
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,778
except Chef Beverly
Goldberg.
5
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:14,482
For my growing schmoopaloo,
my famous lasagna burger bomb.
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,117
Wow! I can't believe
no one's ever thought
7
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,485
to use lasagna
as a bun before.
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,020
She was always inventing
new caloric cuisine.
9
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,923
For Pops,
my triple-meat ziti surprise.
10
00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:24,325
And the surprise is,
11
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,328
the lamb really brings out
the beef and chicken.
12
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,530
But that was nothing compared
to what she made my dad.
13
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,266
And for my handsome
man of the house,
14
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:35,002
salad made just the way
you like it...
15
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,272
A deli tray of cold cuts
and cheeses, zero veggies,
16
00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:40,308
served in a bowl
of buttermilk ranch.
17
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,476
You see?
Salads don't have to be boring.
18
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,346
That is, by definition,
not a salad. Words have meaning!
19
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,215
Yeah, my mom's cookbook
chronicled some of
20
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,150
the least-healthy recipes
known to man.
21
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,119
Strangely,
no publishers wanted it.
22
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,222
These rejection letters
are so hurtful and specific.
23
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,825
"A dietary Vietnam"?
"Pure poison"?
24
00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,494
"A culinary kick
to the crotch!"
25
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,331
On the bright side,
getting mail is fun.
26
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:05,233
And these are from the crappy,
independent publishers
27
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,501
that make nonsense
like textbooks
28
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,170
and Bibles
for children.
29
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,939
ADULT ADAM: Still, all those
"no"s didn't diminish her love of cooking.
30
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,507
Or our love of eating.
31
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,844
And save room for dessert,
'cause Mama made her signature
32
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,413
upside-down chocolate
peanut butter cheesecake.
33
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,349
There's no top
or bottom to it,
34
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,417
so I'm just going
right for the middle.
35
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,752
You know,
Dave Kim's family
36
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,354
all go for a walk
after dinner.
37
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,689
If you can walk afterwards,
you're doing it wrong.
38
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:29,757
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
39
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,192
Talk fast,
40
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,060
I got a flip-flopped cake
coming my way.
41
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:35,429
Cookbook publisher?
42
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,731
We don't need any books!
We're a TV household!
43
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,400
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
44
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,934
Hi.
It's Beverly Goldberg.
45
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,671
Harrison Whitby
of Whitby and Sons Publishing.
46
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,038
No relation.
47
00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,940
I'm calling about
your cookbook.
48
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,243
Everybody shut up
right now.
49
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,145
But nobody's
saying anything.
50
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,846
I will drown you
in that damn cake
51
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,482
if you don't shut
your dumb, fat mouth!
52
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,218
(CALMLY)
How can I help you, Mr. Whitby?
53
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,952
I think I can help you.
54
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:01,054
You see, every cookbook
that comes across my desk
55
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,757
is low-fat this,
no-sugar that.
56
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:04,958
But yours...
57
00:02:04,992 --> 00:02:07,561
Yours is
not concerned with health in any way.
58
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:08,896
Well, that's because
I disregard
59
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,631
the most basic
dietary guidelines.
60
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,834
And that's exactly why
I want to publish it.
61
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:16,870
(HUSHED) Holy (BLEEP),
Holy (BLEEP), Holy (BLEEP).
62
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,038
(CALMLY)
That's nice news.
63
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,940
I just need
a little rewrite.
64
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,444
You want me to add
more lard, butter, and salt to the recipes?
65
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,813
Uh, it'll kill people,
but I'll do it.
66
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,416
No. I just need the stories
behind the recipes.
67
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,784
Tell me where
they came from. Make it personal.
68
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,052
Oh, I can do that.
69
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,120
People are always telling me,
70
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,122
"I know way
too much about you!"
71
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,124
Beautiful.
No rush.
72
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,792
Just get it to me
in 48 hours.
73
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:40,961
Bevy, who was that?
74
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:42,062
Destiny.
75
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,731
How the hell did she
get this number?
76
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,666
They're gonna publish
my cookbook!
77
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,967
Oh, how about that?
78
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,669
Anything is possible!
79
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,671
I deserve everything
that's coming to me.
80
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,005
You really do, Bevy.
81
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,442
I'll make sure to save a spot
on my bookshelf.
82
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,977
Ooh, that's a good idea.
I need to make some room, too.
83
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,946
I'm an author!
84
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,481
* I'm twisted up inside
85
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,016
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
86
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,055
* I don't know the future
87
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,959
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
88
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,961
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 4th, 1980-something.
89
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,963
Barry and Erica
were college roommates,
90
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,698
and it was amazing...
91
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:19,132
How little they got along.
92
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:21,602
You are an idiot!
And I'm talking medically.
93
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:24,272
How dare you?
I'm pre-med.
94
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,039
I'd be the first to know
if I was an idiot.
95
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,241
Then where are
the car keys?
96
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,009
'Cause they're supposed to be
on that hook right there.
97
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,279
Oh, you mean my
back-scratchin' hook?
98
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,814
Works better when the keys
don't rip up my shoulder meat.
99
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,182
(SIGHS)
100
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,650
There you go.
101
00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:38,986
You did it, Hooky.
You did it.
102
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,689
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
they'd lived together their whole lives,
103
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,124
but sharing a dorm room
was a whole different story.
104
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,559
Did you eat my ramen?
105
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,160
Yeah. I didn't want to
walk to the caf,
106
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:48,729
so I snagged one of your
hot and spicy beefs.
107
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,898
But that's my feast
from the East!
108
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,833
And you should probably
know that I also
109
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,134
drained your last
Mountain Dew.
110
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,703
My morning Dew?
111
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,137
That's how I rev up
for the day!
112
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,907
Do you have any respect
for society's norms?
113
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,876
Somehow they'd
managed to keep it civil the whole semester...
114
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,478
Until one fateful night.
115
00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,013
Oh, my God,
Big Tasty!
116
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,416
You're destroying
the world record in 110-meter hurdles!
117
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,418
He's the Carl Lewis
of pressing red and blue buttons
118
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,719
with his feet!
It's happening!
119
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,755
Big Tasty's gonna
finally take the gol... No!
120
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,757
Oopsy, was this thing
connected to that?
121
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:17,991
My bad. Get out.
122
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:19,327
Yeah, okay.
Sorry.
123
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,995
Whoa! JTP, you do not
have to listen to her.
124
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,731
Actually, Tasty,
we do.
125
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,165
It's the law of
older siblings...
126
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,567
They get the final say
on everything.
127
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,868
That's not a law.
128
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:28,936
I would know.
129
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,771
Could've been the son
of a lawyer. It is.
130
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,206
Thanks to my older bro,
I'm always the one who dealt it,
131
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,342
regardless of
who smelt it.
132
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,444
And my older sister
decided to take my room.
133
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,245
So now
I sleep on the couch.
134
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,347
Why not take
her old room?
135
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:40,581
And have her
take it back?
136
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,416
(CHUCKLING) No. I'm not
jumping on that carousel.
137
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,785
My sister gets priority on all
my mom's love and affection.
138
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,521
No one cares about
your tragic home life, Matt Bradley.
139
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:49,590
I want to run
on a plastic mat!
140
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,891
Well, we all
have stories.
141
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:51,959
I'll get the door
for you.
142
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,794
JTP, I demand you stay.
143
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,763
Sorry, Tasty.
Big sis rules.
144
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,331
Behind this smile
is pain.
145
00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,933
Don't worry, Bar.
I'm staying.
146
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,034
A man of courage.
147
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,270
Oh, you misread that.
I-I'm not here for you.
148
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,272
I-I get to stay because
it's Erica's will.
149
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,874
This is not fair!
150
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,208
We're both freshmen!
151
00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,410
We're technically
equals!
152
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,711
He does have a point,
angelface.
153
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,646
Whoa, whoa, whose side
are you on, Schwartz?
154
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,082
Sorry, Big Tasty.
Erica's threatening tone was new information.
155
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,785
Geoffrey "Mad Man" Schwartz,
156
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,453
how many times have
I saved your life?
157
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,588
None?
158
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,056
I would've if you weren't
so boring and risk-averse.
159
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,825
I'm not comfortable being
in the middle of this.
160
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,127
You will be in
the middle of this. It's decided.
161
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,763
As a neutral third party,
you will establish
162
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,265
a system of rules to stop
our petty squabbling.
163
00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,667
That sounds like
a nightmare!
164
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:36,169
I'm good with it.
But just remember who hugs and kisses you.
165
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,805
Oh, well, there's plenty
of that to go around.
166
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,939
Come on!
167
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,974
Get in there.
Come in.
168
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:44,612
Doing all the work.
Come on. My guy.
169
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,780
ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
was caught in the middle of Barry and Erica,
170
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,849
my mom was at the end
of her big rewrite.
171
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,019
Schmoo, feast your
delicious boy eyes
172
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:55,923
on 400 pages
of scrumptious family history.
173
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,591
Wow, this has...
174
00:05:57,625 --> 00:06:00,193
So many words.
175
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:02,295
Most not about food.
176
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:03,797
And who is that
sturdy fella?
177
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,433
That's your
great-aunt Esther.
178
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:06,800
Why two eye patches?
179
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,335
This is a funny story.
180
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,838
Uh, she was dragged
by a horse through the town.
181
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,105
That is funny.
182
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:14,442
(LAUGHING) Until the reins
finally got stuck
183
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,844
in a tree branch,
and the horse fell on top of her.
184
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:17,945
(CHUCKLES)
185
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,112
So, of course,
they shot it.
186
00:06:19,146 --> 00:06:21,449
And why would you put that
in a book about food?
187
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:24,151
Because the next day,
she made a delicious horse stew.
188
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,987
I changed it to lamb because
some people can be stuffy.
189
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:29,623
And she must've had to make
a lot since she had 14 kids.
190
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,693
No, no. As I indicated here
next to the ingredients,
191
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,327
uh, only six
of them lived.
192
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:35,496
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
193
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,165
Disease, war,
winter, famine.
194
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,067
Seven of them were just
stomped to death.
195
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,471
And you put that right here
in a book about food.
196
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:46,139
So, you clearly know
what you're doing.
197
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,708
Would you mind
reading the whole thing,
198
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,510
and telling me what you think
before I send it in?
199
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:50,678
I think I get it.
200
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,312
A horse drags a lady,
201
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:55,716
pancake dippers,
a cousin gets stomped.
202
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,850
You got yourself
a winner, lady.
203
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:59,487
This is the only publisher
who's shown any interest,
204
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,722
and if he doesn't like it,
I don't know what I'll do.
205
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,524
I guess I could...
206
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,058
Thank you.
207
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,860
ADULT ADAM:
While I was dragged like Aunt Esther
208
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,161
into reading
my mom's cookbook,
209
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,230
Geoff was pulled
between Barry and Erica.
210
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,032
Okay, so you're both
holding the binders
211
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,567
that I stayed up
all night creating
212
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,836
with the guidelines
in order to keep this room safe and fun.
213
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,871
These are so stupid.
And I want the blue one.
214
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,708
You'll find it
details solutions to all of your living issues.
215
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,409
Oh, so many words
and tabs!
216
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,878
Just tell your
loudmouth girlfriend to stop being so bossy.
217
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,714
I will punch your head
while you sleep.
218
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,382
Joke's on you.
My skull is crazy-jacked.
219
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,952
Guys, no punching...
Asleep or otherwise.
220
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,722
In here, you'll find
clear instructions on how to share everything.
221
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,857
Like the mini-fridge.
No way.
222
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,359
I promised
my perishables a safe haven.
223
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,861
You put your sheets
in there.
224
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:42,095
You know I run hot!
225
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,131
It's the dead of winter,
barfbag!
226
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,866
You should really get
your circulation checked.
227
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:46,934
Already did.
228
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,101
It's a trouble area,
like you.
229
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,871
Enough.
Consult your binders. I'm not your referee.
230
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,205
Wait, that's it.
231
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,975
You're our referee...
Our Geoff-er-ee.
232
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,210
It works 'cause it's your name
and also your new job.
233
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,312
I'm not staying here full-time
to mediate every fight,
234
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,548
conflict,
or disagreement.
235
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,415
It would work better than
these crappy binders.
236
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:03,483
Yeah.
Swing and a miss, hon.
237
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:04,752
You didn't even
open them.
238
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,887
We've moved on from
your embarrassing binders.
239
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,288
You should, too.
You know us.
240
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,923
We can't be trusted
to follow the rules.
241
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,592
And every moment
is touch-and-go with me.
242
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,960
And I'm no day
at the beach, either.
243
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,595
I-I know I don't have
a lot going on...
244
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,996
Like nothing.
I'm secretly worried.
245
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,665
Then it's settled.
246
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:21,068
Geoffrey will be the arbiter
of everything that happens within these seven walls.
247
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:22,903
Seven?
And it starts now!
248
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,773
Excuse me while I clip
my angry, jagged toenails on Erica's bed.
249
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:27,307
Geoff-er-ee?
250
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,009
Bar, maybe that's
a bathroom task?
251
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,078
Hmm.
That's an interesting fix.
252
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,179
Thanks, Geoff-er-ee.
253
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:37,250
Wow. You are really making up
for that binder fiasco.
254
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,852
ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
was playing referee,
255
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,688
I was looking for
some coaching
256
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,522
on how to deal with
my mom's cookbook.
257
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,491
Dude, your mom's book
is a horror show!
258
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,593
I know, Dave Kim.
259
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,128
So much tragedy has
befallen your people.
260
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,031
I can't un-read
these things, man! I'm different now.
261
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,199
I know, Dave Kim.
262
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,067
How are you gonna tell her
she can't submit this?
263
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,502
I don't know, Dave Kim!
264
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,337
I just need to find some way
to break it to her
265
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,673
so she doesn't hate me
when I destroy her dream!
266
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,375
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
I had no idea what I'd tell my mom,
267
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,713
until I saw Doc Katman give
a master class in bad news.
268
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:10,083
Johnny, I just want
to say Rush rules, and so do you.
269
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,919
True, and true.
270
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,186
You're a good dude, dude.
271
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,688
So are you, Johnny.
272
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,990
But that said,
you haven't turned in
273
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,026
one assignment
all semester, so...
274
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:21,561
You're going to
flunk again.
275
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,530
Oh, no!
The wind's out of my sails!
276
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,667
Luckily, you're a badass,
so you can take it.
277
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,202
Whoa.
You just devastated me with your words,
278
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,337
but I feel great
about it!
279
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,839
Thanks,
Doc Whoever-You-Are!
280
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,506
Hmm.
Doc, I don't get it.
281
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,643
You gave Johnny Atkins
life-destroying news,
282
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,310
and he thanked you
for it. How?
283
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,647
It's all about
the compliment sandwich.
284
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,348
Compliment sandwich?
285
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:44,818
You simply wedge
your criticism, AKA the meat,
286
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:47,855
in between
two compliments, AKA the bread.
287
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,857
ADULT ADAM: Yes!
That was the answer!
288
00:09:49,890 --> 00:09:52,025
Now, I just had to make my
mom a compliment sandwich.
289
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,194
There he is!
Gah!
290
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,829
Were you just
waiting for me at the door?
291
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,264
Well, yes,
but only for hours.
292
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,599
Now, tell me, tell me, tell me
how much you loved it.
293
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,234
I'll start you off.
294
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,335
"It was perfect."
295
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,405
I-I hear people saying that...
Like you, right now.
296
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,674
(CHUCKLES)
297
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,676
And I also want to add...
You did it, girl.
298
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,444
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, well, what
about my writing, my stories?
299
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,913
Were they everything
you thought, and more?
300
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,481
Oh, so much more.
301
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,850
You did it, girl!
You said that already. Get to it.
302
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,186
ADULT ADAM:
Well, I had given her the top slice of bread.
303
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:20,553
I guess it was time
for the meat.
304
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:21,789
I hated it hard.
305
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,290
Change every word.
306
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,925
Excuse me?
307
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,426
But wait,
before you get upset...
308
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,661
(STAMMERS)
309
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,596
You did it, girl.
310
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,964
What are you saying
to me?
311
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,700
Oh, balls!
My sandwich sucked!
312
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,968
I cooked you
in my lady kitchen.
313
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:38,105
You were my greatest dish,
and this is how you treat me?
314
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,073
I wasn't really thinking
about your lady kitchen
315
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,809
when I was reading
your lousy book.
316
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,011
(GASPS)
Gasp of gasps!
317
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,413
I have clearly failed
as a mother!
318
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,281
And as a cookbook author.
319
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,284
I just want you to know
that what you have done to me is worse than any horse stomp.
320
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,821
Because I still
have eyes to see
321
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,789
how my beautiful boy
betrayed me.
322
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,390
ADULT ADAM: She hated
the sandwich,
323
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,658
so I tried one more
slice of bread.
324
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,328
But...you did it, girl?
325
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:06,666
ADULT ADAM: Barry and Erica
had a new tool to help them coexist.
326
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,401
Moron, where are
the car keys?
327
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,669
And that tool
was Geoff.
328
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,972
They're right here.
Erica, I made you your own set.
329
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,908
And, Barry, I attached
your keys to this cumbersome hunk of wood
330
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,109
that I painted
in Flyers colors.
331
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:17,310
Sick!
332
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,179
It's like an orange nunchuck
that starts my car.
333
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,014
Whoa. You're killing it,
Geoff-er-ee.
334
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:23,250
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
having a Geoff-er-ee fixed everything...
335
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,451
Until three hours later.
336
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,953
Ooh!
Oh!
337
00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,354
What the hell?
Yeah.
338
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,455
Why are they here?
339
00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,590
'Cause our Geoff-er-ee ruled
that it was my JTP night.
340
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,961
But why did he allow you
to throw deadly lawn darts in the wall?
341
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,328
The lawn darts
were actually a compromise.
342
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,864
We started with
a fireman's axe.
343
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,031
There's one
on every floor.
344
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,000
Whatever. Everyone leave.
It's after midnight.
345
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,235
Nuh-uh!
Night only starts when I sleep.
346
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,804
Geoff-er-ee,
you're supposed to be preventing
347
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,005
this kind of stupidity.
348
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,707
Sure, it's my fault
for not clearly defining day and night.
349
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,676
Actually, I need to be
at the Gap early anyway
350
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,978
to add a new level
to the jean wall.
351
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,314
And if I don't get
12 to 14 hours of shut-eye, I am a wreck.
352
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,349
I think you're struggling
with seasonal depression, bro.
353
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,285
For sure.
Now everyone shut up.
354
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,287
You're not going anywhere
till you see Mr. Sun.
355
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,522
Fine. You want the room?
Then I get the car tomorrow.
356
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,657
What?
It's my car day!
357
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,594
I was gonna do fishtails
in the ShopRite parking lot!
358
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,796
Geoff-er-ee,
throw a flag.
359
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,998
Again, my fault for assuming
you two would demonstrate
360
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,699
the most basic courtesy
to each other.
361
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:13,934
Fine! Take the car.
362
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,502
I'm taking the computer.
363
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,204
Uh-uh!
I have a paper due tomorrow!
364
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,839
That you're gonna
have to write by hand.
365
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:20,808
No! Geoff, do something.
366
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,743
Bar, the computer's
supposed to be for doing actual work,
367
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,212
not to hug vindictively
368
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,746
so as to prevent
someone else from using it.
369
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,181
Well, you never
specified that.
370
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,418
He got me. I never
explicitly said "no computer cuddling."
371
00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,220
Gah! I'll be at
the stupid library!
372
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,388
(SHOUTS)
373
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,656
(LAUGHS)
374
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,758
She walked out,
and you almost died.
375
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,327
It's probably good
we didn't use the axe.
376
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,196
ADULT ADAM:
While Barry and Erica were pushing Geoff to his limits,
377
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:46,266
there was no limit to how
pushy my mom could be about her book.
378
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,401
Hey! We're watching
The Equalizer.
379
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,338
Now we'll never know
if things were equalized!
380
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,774
After receiving mixed reviews
on my masterwork,
381
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:57,911
which I took graciously,
I am now seeking feedback
382
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:00,848
that's not the demented
ramblings of a jealous teenager.
383
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,215
Yeah, good stuff.
384
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,750
If you could just shimmy
to the left a little,
385
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,452
then the remote can
do what it does.
386
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,420
I need you to read it
and tell me what you think.
387
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,588
Why us?
388
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,324
Well, you're my father,
and you'd never lie to me.
389
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,093
And Murray will give me
an honest opinion
390
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:16,196
'cause he lacks the filter
necessary for polite society.
391
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,931
You make a fair point.
392
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:20,267
We'll read your
overwhelming book.
393
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,835
ADULT ADAM:
And read they did...
394
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,871
Page after page
of dour tales
395
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,472
and unappetizing
family history.
396
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,141
My mom couldn't wait to hear
what they had to say.
397
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,210
Stunned silence
is always a good sign.
398
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,312
But I need to hear
how much you liked it.
399
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,947
I liked the part
where it ended.
400
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,616
Oh, poo, you're just
being an old grump. Dad?
401
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,586
There's no place
for an amputation story
402
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,254
in a chicken piccata recipe.
403
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,655
Oh, no.
Was Adam right?
404
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,424
Maybe he's not
a teenage butt stain.
405
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,825
That sounds right.
406
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,427
Now, if you just scooch
to your left
407
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,762
and then crouch down really
tiny, we're back in business.
408
00:13:49,796 --> 00:13:52,732
ADULT ADAM: My mom
finally got that her cookbook wasn't great,
409
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,767
so she brought me
an apology that was.
410
00:13:54,801 --> 00:13:58,005
Schmoopy,
I made your favorite...
411
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,307
Ooey-gooey
marshmallow cookie bars.
412
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,343
Wait, you made me
cookie bars after I told you
413
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,512
your life's work
was a smelly garbage fire?
414
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,914
You never said
those words.
415
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:09,249
Out loud.
416
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,819
(SIGHS) Well, it has
come to my attention that you may be right.
417
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:16,023
My cookbook might be
a tad heavy on death,
418
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,158
despair,
and religious persecution.
419
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,293
And there was more animal
violence than I expected.
420
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,129
It's just my publisher
really wanted me
421
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,131
to lean into
the history of my food,
422
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:27,200
but that history
is pretty damn dark.
423
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,937
But this cookie doesn't have
a dark history to me.
424
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,271
Every time I felt down,
425
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,706
you'd make me a pan of these,
and I always felt better.
426
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,807
You did?
427
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:36,809
And I think that's what
your publisher wants...
428
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,345
Stories about this family.
429
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,114
And no matter what our day
is like, when you cook,
430
00:14:41,148 --> 00:14:44,551
we always find happiness on
our plates and in our hearts.
431
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,519
(GROANS) Write that!
432
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,288
Write that.
Write that.
433
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:49,622
Aah, write it!
434
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,225
No way! I wouldn't know
the first thing about writing a cookbook.
435
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,560
You're so good
at putting emotion
436
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,029
into your movies.
Just do that.
437
00:14:56,063 --> 00:15:00,533
I suppose I do know
how to tug at the heartstrings in many mediums.
438
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,868
Do your thing.
Tug away.
439
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,971
And it has to be done
by tomorrow at 8:00.
440
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,239
ADULT ADAM:
While I got roped into being my mom's ghost writer,
441
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,408
Barry and Erica had written
some new rules of their own.
442
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,576
Whoa!
443
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:13,080
Behold, Geoffrey,
our elegant tape solution.
444
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,881
We had to take matters
into our own hands
445
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,050
because you failed miserably
as a Geoff-er-ee.
446
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:20,153
So, you split the room
with masking tape, like on I Love Lucy.
447
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:23,323
And super smart shows
like Brady Bunch and The Munsters.
448
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,658
One teeny problem...
The door's on Erica's side.
449
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,327
By choice, bro!
450
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,862
I'll use my ninja skills
to scale the building
451
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,264
and enter
through a window.
452
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:34,234
And after he falls
and dislocates his head, the room will be mine.
453
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,404
See, Geoffrey, we didn't need
you or your pathetic binders.
454
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,939
We just needed
a roll of this.
455
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,109
Check it.
I'm Erica.
456
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,377
I will put that over your
mouth while you sleep.
457
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,745
Then my ghost
will haunt you
458
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,547
by farting directly
into your pillow,
459
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,549
much like I do in
the realm of the living.
460
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:51,518
What?
I hate you!
461
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:52,719
She's hitting me,
Geoff!
462
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,087
Stay over there!
Do something!
463
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,788
This is all your
fault, Geoff! Enough!
464
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,957
What is wrong with you?
BOTH: Me?
465
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,692
I get it.
You're siblings.
466
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,294
You're not meant to be
college roommates.
467
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:05,098
But what's worse than
the way you treat each other is how you treat me.
468
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:07,767
Let that stupid tape
solve all your problems from now on.
469
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,136
I'm done.
470
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,537
ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
laid down the law,
471
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,306
the verdict was in
on my draft of my mom's cookbook.
472
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,575
I love it.
Oh, I knew it!
473
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,910
Beverly Goldberg
is gonna be a household name.
474
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:19,246
Beverly Goldberg?
475
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,447
Oh, no, I'm reading
the wrong book.
476
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,482
Oh, your book.
Your book is crap.
477
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:26,386
What?
But I took out all the blood and historical tragedy!
478
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:27,887
I don't know
what that means.
479
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,123
But this right here
feels like it was written
480
00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,492
by a sappy,
sheltered simpleton.
481
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,427
Ouch. Kind of harsh.
482
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,762
Okay, who are you?
483
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:40,333
Her hyper-sensitive son
who takes her setbacks personally.
484
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,434
What was wrong
with it?
485
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,635
It's a schmaltz fest!
486
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,538
Every word is
sappy and cloying.
487
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,507
And why do all the recipes
end with a hug?
488
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:51,244
'Cause it's the obvious
emotional resolution the audience is craving.
489
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,414
Damn it, why didn't I stay
with the ethnic-cleansing, horse-stompings version?
490
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,116
Because that sounds
God-awful, too?
491
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,450
Well, what am I
supposed to do?
492
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,986
Do better!
You've got 48 hours.
493
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,222
You want me to rewrite
that whole thing?
494
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,157
And why 48 hours?
495
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,126
To whip you
into a frenzy.
496
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,795
All the best work
comes from terror.
497
00:17:08,828 --> 00:17:09,862
Have fun, now.
498
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:11,798
Mama, I'm so sorry.
499
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,300
I guess I went
a little heavy on the hugs.
500
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,767
You were just
trying to help.
501
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,669
I know 48 hours
isn't long,
502
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,505
but Eddie Murphy
and Nick Nolte
503
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,707
did a ton of damage in
that time, and so will we.
504
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,642
Adam, it's over.
505
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,710
Why?
506
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,212
I always say
"I could have been a lawyer.
507
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,546
"I could have been
an author."
508
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:29,316
But now,
I know for sure...
509
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,350
I'm nothing.
510
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:39,058
ADULT ADAM: After
Barry and Erica let their rivalry go too far,
511
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,560
they set aside
their differences
512
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,962
to put a very important
relationship back together.
513
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,365
If you're here to have me
settle another argument, it's not happening.
514
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,534
We're not.
We came here to say we're sorry.
515
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,868
You were right.
516
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,171
We spent
the last 18 years living together,
517
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,039
and clearly
that wasn't meant to extend to college.
518
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,142
You were also right about
the way we treated you.
519
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,376
It wasn't great.
520
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,679
The only thing
we can agree on is that you're the best.
521
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:02,749
I appreciate that,
but you guys got to figure this out.
522
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,984
Oh, don't worry.
I think we did.
523
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,653
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
I'm moving out of the dorm,
524
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,489
and into the
Jenkintown Posse's Jenkintown Pad.
525
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,124
JTP's JTP!
526
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,493
None of us were loving
our living situations.
527
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,228
And we hang out
so much together anyway.
528
00:18:15,262 --> 00:18:17,397
Now, we don't have
that painful goodbye at the end of each hang.
529
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,666
And this way,
we don't have a screechy lady
530
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,534
yelling at us
to keep it down.
531
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,602
You get it.
532
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,770
Sort of.
533
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,238
And check out
this sick hole.
534
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:26,606
You can see the wiring
and the pipes.
535
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,840
And there's bars
on the window
536
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,576
because these party animals
have to be caged.
537
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,777
(LAUGHS)
538
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,812
But seriously, no one should
come and go after dark.
539
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,046
The floor's not level,
either.
540
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,648
Look how this bullet
we found rolls.
541
00:18:35,682 --> 00:18:37,450
(LAUGHTER)
542
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,152
I think it's
gonna be great.
543
00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:40,287
For all of us.
544
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,554
You know,
when you're not my roommate,
545
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:42,589
you're a pretty
good brother.
546
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:44,924
Not too bad, yourself.
547
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,994
I'm not sure
this is the safest...
548
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,029
Shh!
Look how happy they are.
549
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,265
ADULT ADAM:
While Barry and Erica had closed the book
550
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,367
on living together,
I was encouraging my mom
551
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:57,237
to keep writing her story
as a cookbook author.
552
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,971
Adam, I said I was done.
553
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,139
You can't be!
554
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,808
You've always told me
my dreams are possible,
555
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,543
so I'm here to tell you
the same thing.
556
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,278
I know.
But we tried it my way,
557
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,247
and we tried it your way,
and neither was good.
558
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,149
But there's another way.
We do it together.
559
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,651
You pull back
on the horror stories,
560
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,753
and I pull back
on the schmaltz,
561
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,222
and then, we meet
somewhere in the middle.
562
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,923
You think that would work?
563
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,124
I know it will.
564
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:22,262
* It's such a pity to say
goodbye to you
565
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,496
* Goodbye to you
566
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,897
I'll get the typewriter.
567
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,766
ADULT ADAM: Sometimes,
preserving a relationship just means
568
00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:29,336
adjusting the ingredients.
569
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,104
Well, looks like you got this
place all to yourself now.
570
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:35,141
Yeah, I'm thinking about
getting a new roommate.
571
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,611
I have someone in mind,
but I treated him really crappy.
572
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,780
What are you saying?
573
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,516
I'm saying that,
574
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,586
if you can forgive me
for being such a jerk,
575
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,455
I would love if you
would move in with me.
576
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,622
Is this really happening?
577
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:51,291
If you say "yes."
578
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,192
* It's such a pity to say
goodbye to you
579
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,262
ADULT ADAM: Sometimes,
the answers to all our problems
580
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,829
are right in front of us
the whole time.
581
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,365
This is amazing, Mom.
582
00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,632
And who knows?
583
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,334
They may even be just
a phone call away.
584
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,436
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
585
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,504
Hello.
586
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,674
Oh. Hi, Mr. Whitby.
587
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,876
You read the rewrite?
588
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,478
Oh.
589
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,045
Uh-huh. Okay. Okay.
590
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,082
Well?
Tell us.
591
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,353
I'm a (BLEEP)
cookbook author!
592
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,988
(SCREAMS)
593
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,090
ADULT ADAM: In the end,
you never know what life's gonna cook up for you.
594
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,659
One thing's for sure...
The sweetest moments
595
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,395
are even better
when the people around you
596
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,029
are there to
serve up a hug,
597
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,532
even if it is the obvious
emotional resolution.
598
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,033
* Goodbye to you *
599
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,168
**
600
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,874
ADAM: Wow.
A lot of food to eat.
601
00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:58,525
Cheggit. My mom
sent me one of her famous honey salt pies.
602
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,892
Ooh, smells delish.
603
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,093
Let me rip
into a slice.
604
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,496
It's funny that you say "rip,"
because this recipe
605
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,432
actually comes from
my great-great-uncle Harold.
606
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,899
Every limb of his body
was ripped off
607
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:07,967
by an amateur circus bear.
608
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,068
Oh, my God, what?
609
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,637
Yeah, but don't worry.
The bear didn't kill him.
610
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,104
He just left him
as a stump and a head.
611
00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:13,272
And that's good?
612
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:14,674
Well, not for
what comes next.
613
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,543
He was on top of a hill,
and lost control of
614
00:21:16,576 --> 00:21:19,412
his crude homemade body wagon,
and he was thrown 100 feet
615
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,114
into a nearby river,
and bobbed for six miles.
616
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,783
Luckily, another bear came
and finished him off.
617
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,052
Two bears? That's
the most horrible thing I've ever heard!
618
00:21:26,085 --> 00:21:27,286
Yeah, it's not great.
619
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,489
But bears like honey,
so grab yourself a fork.
620
00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:34,089
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