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1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:04,569
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:15,808 --> 00:01:19,177
I don't even know why I
bother opening my mail.
3
00:01:19,211 --> 00:01:21,679
It's always
the same thing.
4
00:01:21,713 --> 00:01:23,381
Yeah, I know.
Bills, huh?
5
00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,516
Checks.
Yeah...
6
00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:29,287
Some days you just want to dump
the whole thing...
7
00:01:29,321 --> 00:01:30,655
Checks?
8
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:35,393
Ever since my dad died
9
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:40,531
and my brother took charge
of my estate,
10
00:01:40,566 --> 00:01:43,834
I've been getting checks,
lots of checks.
11
00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:45,636
I suppose this is
a silly question.
12
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:48,239
In fact, uh, knowing you,
I think it might turn out
13
00:01:48,273 --> 00:01:49,874
to be a silly question,
but anyway,
14
00:01:49,908 --> 00:01:51,476
uh, why don't you
cash those?
15
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:53,377
Alex, Alex, Alex...
16
00:01:53,412 --> 00:01:54,979
Yeah, I knew it was
absurd. I knew it.
17
00:01:56,682 --> 00:01:59,951
When you cash them,
what have you got?
18
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:05,290
Money.
19
00:02:05,324 --> 00:02:10,027
Money can be lost,
stolen or wasted
20
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:11,996
and you feel terrible.
21
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:14,332
This way, if anything
happens to them,
22
00:02:14,366 --> 00:02:16,501
what have I lost?
23
00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:19,237
Checks.
24
00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:21,906
Iggy?
Yo.
25
00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:23,107
Iggy, come over here,
26
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:24,475
come over here.
27
00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:26,178
You know what you need?
28
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:29,347
You need somebody
to handle your money.
29
00:02:29,381 --> 00:02:31,849
Now let me be
your business manager, Iggy.
30
00:02:31,883 --> 00:02:34,585
Oh, uh...
31
00:02:36,054 --> 00:02:38,489
I don't know, boss.
32
00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,959
I've heard about
business managers
33
00:02:40,993 --> 00:02:45,329
running off to Mexico
with their clients' money.
34
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:48,799
And if you did that,
I'd miss you like crazy.
35
00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,837
Jim, Jim, Jim, come here.
Yeah.
36
00:02:52,871 --> 00:02:56,074
I think we better go open up a
bank account for you right now.
37
00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:57,241
Come on.
38
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:58,409
Okeydoke.
39
00:02:58,443 --> 00:03:00,177
You got any
identification on you?
40
00:03:00,212 --> 00:03:02,780
Sure.
41
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:04,382
"Jim Ignatowski."
42
00:03:04,416 --> 00:03:05,617
Yeah.
43
00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:08,453
You'll-you'll need
your driver's license.
44
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:11,923
Oh, you need two IDs?
45
00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:13,257
Yeah.
Got it!
46
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,096
Louie!
47
00:03:19,498 --> 00:03:20,631
What do you want?
48
00:03:20,665 --> 00:03:22,733
I want to say something to you,
49
00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:27,238
you miserable,
selfish, nasty man!
50
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:28,439
Maybe you noticed
51
00:03:28,473 --> 00:03:30,074
that we have not had you
over to dinner
52
00:03:30,108 --> 00:03:32,944
to our house
in over a month now.
53
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:34,813
Last night
Tony had us to dinner.
54
00:03:34,847 --> 00:03:37,581
Now, everybody
we have had to dinner
55
00:03:37,616 --> 00:03:39,784
has paid us back
except you.
56
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:43,154
In my country,
that is a terrible insult!
57
00:03:43,188 --> 00:03:44,789
And I am tired
of waiting!
58
00:03:44,823 --> 00:03:47,625
You are no longer welcome
in my home!
59
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:51,196
And I just want to tell you
that to your face!
60
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:55,933
You're never gonna taste
my jellied weasel feet again!
61
00:03:58,971 --> 00:04:01,305
I'm going to be
a little bit late.
62
00:04:01,339 --> 00:04:04,809
I love to touch her all over
when she's like this.
63
00:04:11,049 --> 00:04:13,518
Louie, you seem upset.
64
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,553
So?
65
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,322
No, I mean
genuinely upset.
66
00:04:17,356 --> 00:04:20,858
Yeah, Nardo, I'm upset.
67
00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:24,195
The wife of the guy I like most
in this garage
68
00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,998
just said I'm not welcome
in their home anymore.
69
00:04:27,032 --> 00:04:28,867
You see,
70
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:31,302
I used to look forward
to those evenings.
71
00:04:31,336 --> 00:04:33,204
So why don't you just invite
them over for dinner
72
00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:34,372
at your apartment?
73
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:35,373
No, no, no, no.
74
00:04:35,407 --> 00:04:37,208
You haven't seen
where I live now.
75
00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:39,811
I don't invite any guests
over there.
76
00:04:40,912 --> 00:04:43,982
It's cheap, but
it's a sewer.
77
00:04:44,016 --> 00:04:46,150
I don't-I don't know
why I stay.
78
00:04:46,184 --> 00:04:48,085
Because it's you?
79
00:04:50,055 --> 00:04:51,923
I'm sorry.
80
00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:54,125
So, Louie, you know,
you can afford a better place.
81
00:04:54,159 --> 00:04:56,594
Why don't you get yourself
a nice apartment?
82
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,230
You know, it could be
a first step for you.
83
00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,065
Eh...
84
00:05:01,099 --> 00:05:03,134
If you could improve your style
of living,
85
00:05:03,168 --> 00:05:05,503
next thing you know, you could
improve your whole life.
86
00:05:07,139 --> 00:05:09,741
I love the way you're talking
to me, Nardo.
87
00:05:09,775 --> 00:05:12,443
Nobody ever talks to me nicely,
88
00:05:12,477 --> 00:05:15,280
and what you're saying
makes sense.
89
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:19,416
I've always wanted
a really great apartment.
90
00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:22,220
And, you know, something plush
91
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:25,723
with the-with the pipes
inside the walls.
92
00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,725
You know,
93
00:05:27,759 --> 00:05:31,562
this could be the birth of a
whole new Louie De Palma.
94
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:32,963
Yeah.
95
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,264
Thanks, Nardo.
96
00:05:34,299 --> 00:05:35,800
Sure.
97
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,669
(gasps)
98
00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:38,770
(stammers)
Louie!
99
00:05:38,804 --> 00:05:40,071
Ignore it!
Ignore it!
100
00:05:40,105 --> 00:05:41,205
Ignore it!
101
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,741
That was the old Louie
saying good-bye.
102
00:06:02,694 --> 00:06:04,161
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
103
00:06:04,195 --> 00:06:07,198
Oh, ho-ho.
104
00:06:07,232 --> 00:06:10,368
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
105
00:06:10,402 --> 00:06:11,836
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
106
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:14,973
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho.
107
00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:18,842
Mr. De Palma, is, uh, is this
what you had in mind?
108
00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:20,345
How can I have this in mind?
109
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:22,447
I've never seen anything
like this in my life!
110
00:06:22,481 --> 00:06:25,283
This is-this is-this is great!
111
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:27,385
Look at this fireplace.
112
00:06:27,419 --> 00:06:30,321
Look at that.
113
00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:32,389
And the rug.
114
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:34,225
Ooh, ooh.
115
00:06:34,259 --> 00:06:36,260
Ooh...
116
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,101
Ooh!
(laughs)
117
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:45,870
This is...
118
00:06:45,904 --> 00:06:47,104
Whoo-hoo!
119
00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:49,474
And an ice maker!
120
00:06:49,508 --> 00:06:52,676
An ice... I always wanted
an ice maker.
121
00:06:52,711 --> 00:06:55,413
Look, look, look, it makes
those little ice cubes
122
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,382
with the hole in it.
123
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,050
Whoo!
124
00:06:59,084 --> 00:07:01,452
Microwave?
125
00:07:01,487 --> 00:07:02,787
You know,
126
00:07:02,821 --> 00:07:05,523
I read somewhere where this guy
in Jersey
127
00:07:05,557 --> 00:07:09,259
claims that he got sterilized
by one of these,
128
00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:11,495
but-but I figure
he must have been cooking
129
00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:13,564
in some weird position.
130
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,143
Oh, this is...
131
00:07:25,177 --> 00:07:27,245
A balcony!
132
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:28,579
Oh...
133
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:31,549
Whoo-whoo!
134
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,352
(spits)
135
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:43,327
This is...
This place...
136
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:45,129
I mean, this is...
137
00:07:45,163 --> 00:07:48,098
(doorbell chiming)
138
00:07:52,971 --> 00:07:55,506
Was that the doorbell?
139
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:57,008
Mr. De Palma, I'm awfully sorry.
140
00:07:57,042 --> 00:07:59,576
I normally wouldn't dream of
scheduling two clients at once,
141
00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:02,280
but, you see, this was the only
time they could make it.
142
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,514
Hello.
MAN:
Hi.
143
00:08:03,548 --> 00:08:04,682
Please,
won't you come in?
144
00:08:04,717 --> 00:08:07,051
Now, uh, Mr. De Palma,
145
00:08:07,085 --> 00:08:09,453
this is Mr.
and Mrs. Sheffield.
146
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,156
They both just
graduated law school.
147
00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,958
Now what do you
think of that?
148
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:17,562
Well, give me a minute to rub
down the goose bumps.
149
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:22,199
We wanted a place like
this all our lives.
150
00:08:22,234 --> 00:08:23,734
That long, huh?
151
00:08:23,768 --> 00:08:26,204
Oh, it's just perfect for now.
152
00:08:26,238 --> 00:08:28,606
Oh, Scott doesn't want to
have children right away.
153
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,842
Go stand by the microwave.
154
00:08:34,779 --> 00:08:37,415
Mrs. Bascome,
155
00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:39,183
I'm prepared
to talk financing.
156
00:08:39,218 --> 00:08:42,553
Well, now this is what
we call a 50% building.
157
00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:43,888
Mm-hmm.
158
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,956
Half the purchase price
must be paid
159
00:08:45,990 --> 00:08:48,292
in cash,
no financing.
160
00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:51,296
Now in this case,
that comes to $95,000.
161
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:53,898
(raspy gasp)
162
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:56,701
Geesh!
163
00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:59,436
I'm afraid that's just a little
too rich for our blood.
164
00:08:59,471 --> 00:09:00,471
Whoo!
165
00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:03,240
(stammers):
Oh, me, too!
166
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:04,275
Ugh!
167
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,343
Ooh!
168
00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:07,812
Aw!
169
00:09:07,846 --> 00:09:09,013
Ah-ha!
170
00:09:09,047 --> 00:09:10,347
Hah!
171
00:09:10,382 --> 00:09:12,349
Hah! Whoo!
172
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:14,585
Ha!
173
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:15,786
Oh-ho!
174
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:18,623
$95,000...
175
00:09:18,657 --> 00:09:20,591
I'll take it!
176
00:09:22,928 --> 00:09:27,498
All right, Mrs. Bascome,
you wait right over here.
177
00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:31,269
Okay, who wants
a really good cab today?
178
00:09:31,303 --> 00:09:32,469
Oh, I do, boss.
179
00:09:32,504 --> 00:09:34,438
Oh, good.
180
00:09:34,472 --> 00:09:36,240
I'm glad you do, Iggy.
181
00:09:36,274 --> 00:09:37,709
You know the rules now.
182
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,243
Oh, okeydoke.
183
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,445
How much do you want?
184
00:09:41,479 --> 00:09:44,415
$48,000.
185
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:49,653
Okay, but if I'm gonna pay
that kind of money,
186
00:09:49,688 --> 00:09:51,822
I want a cab
with a heater.
187
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,190
Hey, wait a minute.
188
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:54,658
Louie, what're you trying
to do here?
Louie...
189
00:09:54,693 --> 00:09:56,194
Don't-don't
listen to them.
190
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,428
Don't listen to them.
191
00:09:57,462 --> 00:10:01,933
Now, Iggy, I found
a co-op apartment
192
00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:04,034
that I can buy into...
Uh-huh.
193
00:10:04,068 --> 00:10:07,004
that is the apartment
of my dreams.
194
00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:08,973
Now, I got most
of the money,
195
00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:13,210
but I need $48,000 more
for the down payment.
196
00:10:13,244 --> 00:10:14,212
Uh-huh.
197
00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:15,646
Hey, now wait
a minute, Louie.
198
00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:17,181
I'm not gonna let you take
advantage of him like that.
199
00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:19,216
Uh, let the man speak.
200
00:10:24,723 --> 00:10:27,358
Jim, you're the only
one I can turn to.
201
00:10:27,392 --> 00:10:29,627
That's incredible.
202
00:10:29,661 --> 00:10:30,995
I know, I know.
203
00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:32,696
It's a lot of money,
I know, I know.
204
00:10:32,731 --> 00:10:34,565
You called me "Jim."
205
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:38,169
This marks a turning point
in our relationship.
206
00:10:38,203 --> 00:10:40,204
I want to remember
this day.
207
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,572
The red-letter day
208
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:44,075
when my boss and buddy
finally called...
209
00:10:44,109 --> 00:10:47,278
I called you Jim.
Jim. Jim.
210
00:10:47,312 --> 00:10:50,181
I know they say...
211
00:10:50,215 --> 00:10:52,015
that money can't buy love.
212
00:10:52,050 --> 00:10:53,384
Uh-huh.
213
00:10:53,418 --> 00:10:56,353
But if you give me
these for 48 big ones,
214
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:59,690
it'll be Valentine's
Day forever.
215
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:05,062
You got it--
48 thou.
216
00:11:05,096 --> 00:11:06,698
ALEX:
Wait a minute, Louie.
217
00:11:06,732 --> 00:11:09,199
What are you trying to do here?
Hey, Louie, what're you
trying to pull here?
218
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,301
I am gonna pay him back.
219
00:11:11,336 --> 00:11:13,337
And this is all
gonna be legal.
220
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:15,773
I'm gonna sign a
promissory note.
221
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:18,843
And I am gonna pay him
222
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,479
the prime interest rate.
223
00:11:21,513 --> 00:11:24,782
Three percent.
224
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:28,686
12.75.
225
00:11:31,623 --> 00:11:32,990
Okeydoke.
226
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,759
Okeydoke.
227
00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:37,127
I got it.
228
00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:38,695
I got the money!
229
00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:40,931
Okay, now let's-let's do
the proper papers here.
230
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:41,966
Okay, okay.
231
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,000
Let's start the paperwork
rolling.
232
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:46,203
But before you buy
the apartment,
233
00:11:46,237 --> 00:11:47,938
you still have
to be interviewed
234
00:11:47,972 --> 00:11:51,809
and approved by
the co-op board.
235
00:11:51,843 --> 00:11:56,147
And let me tell you, they
are very straitlaced
236
00:11:56,181 --> 00:11:58,015
and they have this kind
of preconceived notion
237
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:00,685
of what their neighbors
should be like.
238
00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:02,286
Oh.
239
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:04,188
JIM:
Don't despair, boss.
240
00:12:04,222 --> 00:12:08,592
When I applied to Harvard,
they told me
241
00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:13,397
I'd never get past
their stodgy admissions board.
242
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:14,999
But I did.
243
00:12:15,033 --> 00:12:18,269
All you've got to do
is dress nicely,
244
00:12:18,303 --> 00:12:21,138
shake hands firmly,
245
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,308
and have your dad
finance a gymnasium.
246
00:12:32,451 --> 00:12:34,619
ALEX:
Yeah, wait, wait,wait, hold on.
247
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:36,487
(knocking on door)
Yeah, yeah.
248
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:37,721
Reiger.
What the hell
are you doing?
249
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,089
You got to help me.
250
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:40,491
I've got to face that
interview board in an hour,
251
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:42,692
and I am not ready.
252
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:44,061
Well, I'm not
gonna help you.
253
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:47,030
There's justice in this,
you know that?
254
00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:49,567
You're finally gonna have
to take the responsibility
255
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:51,736
of being what you really are.
256
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,638
You're as ready
as you're ever gonna be.
257
00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:54,972
You're wrong.
258
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,778
I can't even pick out
a suit, Reiger.
259
00:13:00,812 --> 00:13:02,380
My appearance is crucial.
260
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,549
Oh, would you get out of here?
I can't. I can't.
261
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:05,816
I told Iggy to meet me here
with the money.
262
00:13:05,851 --> 00:13:07,585
What do you think, huh?
263
00:13:07,619 --> 00:13:09,052
What do you think?
264
00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:10,488
Well, if you're really, uh,
265
00:13:10,522 --> 00:13:12,189
so concerned
about your appearance,
266
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:13,758
you might start
with a few personal items.
267
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:14,925
Like what?
268
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,260
Like your fingernails
for one.
269
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:18,562
What? You think
they should be trimmed?
270
00:13:18,596 --> 00:13:20,831
I think they should
be condemned.
271
00:13:20,865 --> 00:13:22,633
You can at least
soak them in something
272
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,001
to get the crud off.
273
00:13:24,035 --> 00:13:26,604
Great. Soak the crud off.
274
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:29,073
These are the little
grooming tips I need.
275
00:13:29,107 --> 00:13:31,008
(knocking on door)
I don't mean here. Not here...
276
00:13:32,777 --> 00:13:34,511
Oh, your banker
is here.
277
00:13:34,545 --> 00:13:36,947
Hi, Alex.
Hi, Jim.
278
00:13:36,981 --> 00:13:40,017
Iggy. Hi, Iggy.
279
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,685
What's the boss doing?
280
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,921
Well, you see, he's, uh,
281
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:46,523
he's very self-conscious
about his appearance.
282
00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:53,497
Well, then it's our job
to put him at his ease.
283
00:13:53,531 --> 00:13:55,465
No, no, no, no,
Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
284
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,067
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
285
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:59,102
It's all right, it's all
right, it's all right.
286
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:00,871
He's-he's gonna put
a suit on any minute.
287
00:14:00,905 --> 00:14:02,206
Don't worry about it.
All right.
288
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,373
Come on, come on, Reiger,
you got to help me
289
00:14:03,408 --> 00:14:04,608
pick a suit for the interview.
290
00:14:04,642 --> 00:14:05,743
No, I don't.
291
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:09,113
All right then,
if you're not gonna help me
292
00:14:09,147 --> 00:14:10,414
pick the clothes out,
293
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,048
at least you can
come with me.
294
00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:13,250
I'm not gonna go with you.
295
00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:14,752
Then help me pick
out a suit.
296
00:14:14,786 --> 00:14:17,121
What are you going
so nuts over this for?
297
00:14:17,155 --> 00:14:18,322
Because I don't
want to be beat
298
00:14:18,356 --> 00:14:19,790
by the system again,
all right?
299
00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:20,925
What system?
300
00:14:20,959 --> 00:14:22,459
The system.
301
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:23,627
You know,
302
00:14:23,661 --> 00:14:26,563
like when some guy
thinks that,
303
00:14:26,597 --> 00:14:28,532
I don't know,
that you don't look right,
304
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,368
and-and you're not good enough
305
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,703
to get something
that you really want.
306
00:14:32,737 --> 00:14:34,071
I don't know, the system.
307
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:35,606
I can't explain it.
You wouldn't understand.
308
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:36,941
I'll wear the blue one.
309
00:14:36,975 --> 00:14:38,742
No, I think I understand that.
310
00:14:38,777 --> 00:14:41,345
I think I know
what you're talking about.
311
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,047
You mean like when you're
returning to your seat
312
00:14:43,081 --> 00:14:45,849
at a ball game and the, uh,
usher wants to check your stub
313
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:47,551
because, uh,
you look like somebody
314
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,586
who might have snuck in
from the cheap seats.
315
00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:50,755
Like that?
316
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,656
Yeah, yeah, like that.
317
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:54,158
Yeah.
318
00:14:54,192 --> 00:14:57,594
When you go to a clothing store,
you got one arm in the suit
319
00:14:57,629 --> 00:14:59,096
and the salesman runs off
to help another guy
320
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,364
who looks like
a better prospect.
321
00:15:00,398 --> 00:15:01,699
Yeah, yeah, that's
it, that's the...
322
00:15:01,733 --> 00:15:03,434
Or when you're
at a restaurant
323
00:15:03,468 --> 00:15:05,035
and they seat you
at a table...
324
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,670
They seat you with the guy
with the rented tie.
325
00:15:06,704 --> 00:15:08,372
Or the rented jacket.
Yeah, like that.
326
00:15:08,406 --> 00:15:11,241
Yeah, or when you walk into
a bank to open an account
327
00:15:11,275 --> 00:15:14,545
and a security guard undoes
the flap on his holster.
328
00:15:14,579 --> 00:15:16,647
ALEX:
Exactly.
329
00:15:16,681 --> 00:15:18,115
Exactly.
330
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:19,550
That's exactly
what I'm talking about.
331
00:15:19,584 --> 00:15:21,084
You don't think I know
about the system?
332
00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:22,552
I know about the system.
333
00:15:24,022 --> 00:15:25,122
Here, put on
the gray suit.
The gray suit.
334
00:15:25,156 --> 00:15:26,357
Wear the gray suit.
Gray suit.
335
00:15:26,391 --> 00:15:27,692
And I'm gonna give you
one of my ties.
336
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,493
Reiger, Reiger,
will you go with me?
337
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:30,661
Yeah, I'll go with you.
338
00:15:30,695 --> 00:15:31,828
Oh, good.
339
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:36,400
Here. Put this one on.
340
00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:38,001
Oh, ooh.
341
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:40,571
All right. All right,
look, look, Reiger--
342
00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:43,006
that's very nice-- look, you
don't have to say anything.
343
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,375
All you've got to do
is-is watch me, you know,
344
00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:49,046
and give me a look in case
I say something stupid.
345
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,747
What do you mean,
"give you a look"?
346
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:53,384
LOUIE:
I don't know.
Perhaps something like this?
347
00:15:54,452 --> 00:15:56,687
Iggy, will you cut it out.
348
00:15:56,721 --> 00:15:59,657
Do you...
do you still love me, boss?
349
00:15:59,691 --> 00:16:01,525
You got 48 grand in your jeans?
350
00:16:01,559 --> 00:16:02,426
You bet.
351
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:06,063
You're my heart's desire.
352
00:16:06,097 --> 00:16:08,532
(doorbell chimes)
353
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,401
Very lovely.
354
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:22,279
Welcome,
Miss Marshall.
355
00:16:22,313 --> 00:16:23,414
I'm Mrs. Gwinn.
356
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:25,716
This is Mr. Blount
and Mr. Parker.
357
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,919
Gentlemen, this is
Miss Marshall.
358
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,655
She's interested
in buying 16-B.
359
00:16:34,325 --> 00:16:37,761
Well, I see you have quite
a nice annual income
360
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,663
for a single person.
361
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:42,766
That's her weekly income.
362
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,402
No.
363
00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:49,607
What exactly do you do
for all that money?
364
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:52,342
I star in a television
comedy series.
365
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:54,077
Uh, maybe you've seen it.
366
00:16:54,112 --> 00:16:55,412
It's been on for
eight years.
367
00:16:57,515 --> 00:17:01,017
It's on every day
and at night, you know,
368
00:17:01,052 --> 00:17:04,121
¶ Schlemiel, Schlimazel,
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated ¶
369
00:17:04,155 --> 00:17:06,123
One, two, three..."
370
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,724
Do you have any kids?
371
00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:10,094
Can you describe it?
372
00:17:10,128 --> 00:17:13,263
Well, um,
373
00:17:13,298 --> 00:17:16,433
it's more like
a physical comedy show.
374
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:17,368
Physical?
375
00:17:17,402 --> 00:17:19,503
Yeah, like last week
I was in a space suit
376
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,238
flying across the room
doing flips and stuff.
377
00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:22,506
And another week
378
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:24,942
I was in a fish tank
swimming around with fish.
379
00:17:24,976 --> 00:17:26,844
And then the other week
I was a chicken.
380
00:17:26,878 --> 00:17:30,614
They pay you all that money
to be a chicken?
381
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,183
I just don't act like a chicken.
382
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,151
It's based on reality.
383
00:17:34,185 --> 00:17:37,354
You know, see, I had to live
in a store window for a week
384
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,689
and I was claustrophobic,
385
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:41,024
so they sent for a hypnotist,
and so he hypnotized me,
386
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,794
but every time a bell went off,
I acted like a chicken.
387
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:48,465
If I ding like a bell,
would you do the chicken?
388
00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:51,168
Oh, please, lady.
389
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:54,037
Oh, please, you do want to live
in this building, don't you?
390
00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:55,639
Oh, go on,
please.
391
00:17:55,673 --> 00:17:56,507
Ding.
392
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:58,875
(imitating chicken clucking)
393
00:18:03,748 --> 00:18:05,716
(laughing)
394
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:13,223
Thank you, Miss Marshall.
395
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,328
We, speaking truthfully,
396
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:21,665
don't like the lifestyle
397
00:18:21,699 --> 00:18:26,303
or the type of people
associated with show business.
398
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:28,638
Frankly...
399
00:18:28,673 --> 00:18:30,807
we wouldn't allow an
actor to live here
400
00:18:30,842 --> 00:18:32,910
even if he were English.
401
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:38,582
Good day, Miss Marshall.
402
00:18:38,616 --> 00:18:40,784
Good day?
403
00:18:40,819 --> 00:18:43,754
Because I'm an actress?
404
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:45,088
I didn't even want
to do the chicken.
405
00:18:45,122 --> 00:18:48,759
She rang the bell.
406
00:18:48,793 --> 00:18:51,795
Look, I happen to work very hard
at being an actress,
407
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:54,565
and I'm very proud of being one.
408
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:57,201
You know, acting happens to be
409
00:18:57,235 --> 00:19:00,503
a very noble and dignified
profession.
410
00:19:00,538 --> 00:19:02,372
So on behalf of myself
411
00:19:02,407 --> 00:19:04,207
and all the other members
of my profession,
412
00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:07,844
there's just one thing that
I'd like to say to you all.
413
00:19:19,056 --> 00:19:20,991
I didn't know you lived
in this building.
414
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:24,028
Boy, I'm getting into
some classy building.
Hey.
415
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:26,095
No, no, no, I'm not living
in this building.
416
00:19:26,130 --> 00:19:28,164
They rejected me
because I'm an actress.
417
00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:30,433
Look, I don't know what you do
for a living,
418
00:19:30,468 --> 00:19:31,568
but if they accept you,
419
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:33,903
please don't let me know.
420
00:19:38,843 --> 00:19:42,713
Uh, that woman
looked very familiar.
421
00:19:42,747 --> 00:19:44,781
She's an actress.
422
00:19:44,815 --> 00:19:46,250
She's not gonna live
in this building?
423
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:47,918
Oh, no.
424
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:55,426
No, no, no,
we rejected her.
425
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:57,594
We can begin.
426
00:19:59,164 --> 00:20:01,464
Uh, this is Alex Reiger.
427
00:20:01,499 --> 00:20:03,100
Hi.
428
00:20:03,134 --> 00:20:04,802
See, he's
my accountant.
429
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:08,572
What do you do
for a living, Mr. De Palma?
430
00:20:08,606 --> 00:20:10,307
Well, uh,
431
00:20:10,341 --> 00:20:14,978
I'm-I'm a supervisor
in the transportation field.
432
00:20:15,012 --> 00:20:17,848
Mr. De Palma is
a taxi dispatcher.
433
00:20:17,882 --> 00:20:20,517
It's an honest job providing
a very valuable service
434
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:22,252
to the people of this city.
435
00:20:22,286 --> 00:20:23,987
Anything wrong with that?
436
00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:26,690
Mr. De Palma,
you're Italian.
437
00:20:26,724 --> 00:20:28,225
Is that right?
438
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:29,593
Yes, I'm...
439
00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:30,594
Why do you ask that?
440
00:20:30,628 --> 00:20:33,129
I'm sorry,
I'm not talking to you.
441
00:20:33,164 --> 00:20:36,100
Oh, uh, I don't mean that.
442
00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:38,535
Reiger, Reiger, Reiger...
I mean, what does
that matter.
443
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:39,970
I mean, does
that determine
444
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,204
whether he gets into
the building or not?
445
00:20:41,239 --> 00:20:43,574
Do you object to
certain ethnic groups,
446
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:45,075
is that-is that
what it is?
447
00:20:45,109 --> 00:20:46,209
Reiger...
448
00:20:46,243 --> 00:20:47,411
No, no, Mr. Reiger,
449
00:20:47,445 --> 00:20:48,812
we have all kinds
in this building,
450
00:20:48,846 --> 00:20:51,448
including three Jewish people.
451
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:56,386
Oh, and what makes you
assume that I'm Jewish?
452
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,155
Point well made, sir.
453
00:20:58,189 --> 00:21:01,558
We-we shouldn't
jump to conclusions.
454
00:21:01,592 --> 00:21:03,727
Perhaps someone in his family
was a pelican.
455
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:05,128
(laughing)
456
00:21:05,163 --> 00:21:06,629
Reiger, Reiger, Reiger.
(angry muttering)
457
00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:09,266
Pelican... the pelican,
it's a regal bird,
458
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,235
it's a noble bird,
it's a fine bird.
459
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:12,469
A very good bird.
460
00:21:12,503 --> 00:21:13,837
It was a compliment.
461
00:21:13,871 --> 00:21:15,872
Please, please, please,
please, please, please,
462
00:21:15,906 --> 00:21:17,907
please, please, Reiger...
463
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:28,051
What kind of friends
do you have, Mr. De Palma?
464
00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:30,887
What? What do you, what are you
asking something like that for?
465
00:21:30,921 --> 00:21:32,389
We have to know
what sort of people
466
00:21:32,424 --> 00:21:33,857
will be coming and going
in our building.
467
00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:35,926
Oh, you do, do you?
468
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,595
I never entertain.
469
00:21:38,629 --> 00:21:40,330
Oh, now, now, now, Louie.
470
00:21:40,364 --> 00:21:41,998
Let's be honest.
No, let's be honest.
471
00:21:42,033 --> 00:21:43,634
Once a year the British
ambassador comes over
472
00:21:43,668 --> 00:21:45,502
(with British accent):
for a spot of sherry.
473
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:46,904
Is that all right with you?
474
00:21:46,938 --> 00:21:49,038
You're very hostile,
Mr. Reiger.
475
00:21:49,073 --> 00:21:50,440
Yes, you bet I am.
476
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,576
And I'm getting so, more so,
by the minute.
477
00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:54,278
I don't like anything
that's been said here.
478
00:21:54,312 --> 00:21:55,311
You don't need this.
479
00:21:55,346 --> 00:21:56,447
You don't need
these people.
480
00:21:56,481 --> 00:21:58,415
You don't need
this humiliation.
481
00:21:58,450 --> 00:22:00,750
No... no apartment
in this city is worth it.
482
00:22:00,785 --> 00:22:02,185
Let them sell to one
of their own kind,
483
00:22:02,219 --> 00:22:03,987
one of them as pompous and
self-righteous as they are.
484
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:05,522
Come on, Louie,
let's get out of here.
485
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:13,730
You're fired.
486
00:22:13,764 --> 00:22:16,032
You are no longer
my accountant.
487
00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:18,435
What could I say?
488
00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,237
I don't know what
got into the man.
489
00:22:20,271 --> 00:22:21,972
He came highly
recommended.
490
00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:24,241
Look, I never want
to cause a scene,
491
00:22:24,275 --> 00:22:27,110
but, uh, I mean,
his... his rudeness
492
00:22:27,145 --> 00:22:29,980
was just too much,
just intolerable.
493
00:22:30,014 --> 00:22:33,617
Well, well, well,
Mr. De Palma.
494
00:22:33,651 --> 00:22:37,054
I think you've shown us
what we need to know.
495
00:22:37,088 --> 00:22:39,223
Welcome to the building.
496
00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:42,526
Call me Louis.
497
00:22:45,629 --> 00:22:48,231
Wait a minute, Louie.
498
00:22:48,266 --> 00:22:50,501
Are you gonna
go through with this?
499
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,402
So that you can have
the privilege of living here
500
00:22:52,436 --> 00:22:55,005
with these-these posturing
chowderheads?
501
00:22:59,810 --> 00:23:02,345
And you're gonna allow
this-this canker sore of a man
502
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:03,913
into your building?
503
00:23:03,948 --> 00:23:05,782
To live with
day after day,
504
00:23:05,816 --> 00:23:09,119
possibly for the rest
of your lives?
505
00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:10,954
That's right,
Mr. Reiger.
506
00:23:10,988 --> 00:23:13,256
And what are you going
to do about it?
507
00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:16,093
(chuckles)
508
00:23:16,127 --> 00:23:18,594
Cartwheels, all the way home.
509
00:23:33,244 --> 00:23:36,646
(theme song playing)
510
00:23:57,935 --> 00:23:59,435
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
511
00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:00,804
(man grumbling)
35133
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