All language subtitles for Hercules S03E12 - Surprise1

(groaning)

(sobbing)

(shrieking)

hera: poor callisto.
such rage unfulfilled.

who are you?

a fan.

your crusade
against xena
was so vibrant.

too bad it had
to end unsatisfied.

look at you.

(laughing)
hera?

afraid to show
your ugly face?

(laughing)

your irreverence
endears you to me,
like a pet.

what do you want?

to see you
smile again.

i offer you
another chance

to carry on
your mission
against xena.

i'm listening.

i'll give you
one more day
of life

and a chance
at immortality.

but if you fail,
you're back here
forever.

what do i
have to do?

kill my bastard
stepson,

the man who redeemed
your mortal enemy.

hercules?

(laughing wickedly)

(hera laughing)

man: ah, there's nothing
like the first day
of spring, is there?

iolaus: oh,
what a beautiful day!

sun shining,
nature blooming.

(gasps)
nature blooming.

(chuckles)

come on, hercules.
cheer up.
it's your birthday.

(sighs)
don't remind me.

what is your problem?
you look great.
for a man of your age.

what are you talking about?
you're older than i am.

yeah, i know.
but i'm smaller,
you see.

so not as much
surface area exposed
to the elements.

hercules!
iolaus!

let me be the first
to extend my best wishes

on this,
your special day.

oh. thanks, falafel.

i made
a delicious cake
for the party.

you like chocolate,
yes?

i love chocolate.
what party?

uh, the other
great big party.
falafel?

iolaus?

what's the matter?
iolaus, you don't
look so good.

yeah. it was supposed
to be a surprise.

(gasps)
oh, no.

oh, my sincerest apologies.
i didn't know.

that's okay.
neither did i.

(clears throat)
yes, well.
if you'll excuse me,

i must go
stuff a chicken.

bye.

(falafel chuckling)

oh, come on, herc.

what's one more birthday
in a long line of birthdays?

(laughs) you're
very funny today.

listen, alcmene
wanted to have
a little celebration.

i think it will
be great, you know.
it'd cheer you up.

look, i don't mean
to sound ungrateful,

but ever since hera
destroyed my family,
i'm just not too excited

about celebrating
birthdays anymore.

yeah, well,
i understand,

but you know,
you have to realize

there are
other people around
who care for you,

wanna celebrate with you.
iphicles, your mother, me.

huh?

(laughs) okay.

there you go!
see? smiling.

little lines
crinkle up round
your eyes.

yeah, i better go.
yeah, you better.

oh, oh, so remember
alcmene's at noon.

and, uh, try to act
surprised, okay?

i'll act surprised.

wrinkles.

you know, hercules
isn't the easiest person
to shop for.

yeah. you know,
he gave away the present
i got for him last year.

(laughs)
oh, yeah.

thank you.

do you think
he’ll be surprised?

oh, i'm sure
he will.

yeah, well,
i certainly haven't
told anybody.

i'll get the food.

i hope he likes
his presents.

hey, don't worry
about it, mom.

you've done
a great job.

everything looks
beautiful, darling.

woman: excuse me.

i'm sorry to intrude,
but i couldn't find
a guard to announce me.

we're having
a celebration.

we sent them home
for the day.
who are you?

callisto: i've come
to pay my respects.

last year,
my family was attacked

on the road
to macedonia.

my husband
was killed.

my child and i,
we would have
surely died

if hercules
hadn't come along.

wait. where'd you
say this was?

i'd heard it
was his birthday.

i just wanted
to leave a small gift.

you poor dear.

come. join us.

oh, no.
i wouldn't dream
of imposing.

oh, please.
you make yourself
right at home.

now, would you
care for a drink?

yes, thanks.

falafel:
try one of these.

iphicles:
oh, they look great.
thank you, my friend.

alcmene:
you've outdone
yourself, falafel.

(sizzling)

(all chattering indistinctly)

iphicles: you should
be in charge of
all royal feasts.

more punch,
anyone?

hello?
is anybody here?

(scoffs)

"act surprised."

surprise.

(laughing wickedly)

narrator:
this is the story
of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel

and they plagued
mankind with suffering.

only one man dared
to challenge their power.

hercules.

hercules
possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

he journeyed the earth,
battling the minions of
his wicked stepmother, hera,

the all-powerful
queen of the gods.

but wherever there was evil,

wherever an innocent
would suffer,

there would be hercules.

(screeching)

(growling)

(roaring)

(all cheering)

mother! mother!
can you hear me?

my, my.

looks like somebody
spiked the punch.

glad, i don't drink.

you've never witnessed
the effects of xanthalian
venom before, have you?

it affects the mind,

makes the victims
susceptible to their
wildest imaginings.

by sunset,
your friends will
be driven mad.

well, that's if
they don't kill
each other first.

there is an antidote
but it's very rare.

what do you want?

safe passage through
the labyrinths of the gods

to the tree of life.

one bite of the fruit
cures any illness...

or madness.

and a whole one
makes you immortal.

we have so much
to celebrate,

your birth
and my rebirth.

oh!

my name's callisto.

callisto?

impossible.
callisto's dead.

hera was kind
enough to grant me
one day's reprieve.

you see,
we need each other,
hercules.

i don't have
the strength to defeat
the labyrinths' traps,

and you won't
find your way
without me.

nice pants.

you're insane.

just misunderstood.

shall we go,
partner?

after so little time
together, it's funny
i feel like i know you.

you don't.

the fates
brought us
together.

although,
i have to admit,

you're not at all
how i imagined
you to be.

how disappointing!

oh, not at all.

on the contrary,
i couldn't be
more pleased.

that look,
back in your castle?

the fire
and the hate?

i wonder,
did you wear
that same look

when you watched
your children die?

don't push me.

oh, but that's
the beauty of it.
i can.

there's a new and
exciting side of you
just waiting to come out.

i can feel it.

(groaning)

oh, what a party!

iphicles: iolaus!
what happened?

i don't know. (sighs)
maybe it was the food.

(groaning) oh!

i heard that!

jason?

jason:
are you all right?

alcmene: yes.

look.

(punch bubbling)

what's going
on here?

we've been drugged.
everybody all right?

where's hercules?

it looks like
he's been here.

oh, yeah?
opened his presents while
we slept? i don't think so.

who could've
done this?

that woman!
where is she?

something terrible
has happened!
i just know it!

let's not jump
to any conclusions.

we'll search
the castle.

(panting)
i'll go with mother.

iolaus and i will
take the west wing.

yeah.

uh, what about me?

you stay here
in case hercules
gets back.

by myself?

if anything happens...
yell.

yell? wonderful!

(whimpers)
big help!

worms?

(sighing in disgust)

(sighing)

(singing)
la, la, la, la, la:.

cut it out!
(laughing)

oh, now, now,
hercules.

just because
i poisoned your friends,

doesn't mean
we can't be nice
to one another.

(scoffs) amazing!

you have no reason
to be angry at me,
hercules.

after all,
i'm not the one

that hung
the giant bull's-eye
on your family.

you leave my family
out of this.

oh, but think
about it.

i mean, well,
if your children
weren't your children,

well, then they'd
still be alive now,
wouldn't they?

your love,
it's a curse.

what's the alternative?

be like you?
alone, trapped
in your hate?

no. i'd rather
take my chances.

(giggles)
tell me, hercules.

late at night,
in the dark
all alone,

do you, do you hear
your children
screaming?

do you lie
awake at night,

wondering if there
was something else
you could've done?

maybe if you
had gotten there
a little sooner,

been a little bit
more respectful
to hera?

drop it!

i wouldn't expect
someone like you
to understand.

oh, but i do
understand.

my family was slaughtered
like helpless animals
as well!

you didn't learn
much from it,
did you?

i learned to get exactly what
i want when i want it!

and you realize,
hercules,

the only reason
your friends
are still alive,

is because
i have allowed it!

and i suppose
i owe you thanks?

oh, no.
you owe me all.

this is my fault.

i should never have
let that stranger in.

hercules is a big boy.

he can take care
of himself.

i know you're right.
i just so wanted this to
be a special day for him.

(scoffs) oh!
i'll bet you did.

after all,
he's corinth's
most famous son.

you know what?
maybe i'll declare
a holiday in his name.

that make you
feel better?

why are you
talking like this?

because he has brought
nothing but trouble
to my kingdom.

well, how can
you say that?

he's your brother.

(sarcastically)
oh, yeah. we're one
big happy family!

tell me something,
mother.

who ensures your safety
every single day? hmm?

and where's hercules
through all this?

he graces us
with his presence

when he's not too busy
saving the world.

please, iphicles!

you're not yourself.

(shouting) wrong!
i'm just not who
you want me to be!

(gasping)
you think hercules
should've been king.

well, there can
only be one king!

and nobody
but nobody is
gonna change that!

(sobbing)

not even you.
(grunts)

i'm surrounded
by infidels!
(gasping)

(pots shattering)

hercules:
mother.
(gasps)

it's going
to be all right.

oh! it's beautiful.

(sighs)

well, an open door
is like a friendly
invitation.

(creaking)

(screams)

you were saying?

sphinx:
all who seek passage

must first
answer my riddle.

fail, and you
will die.

care to be first?
(chuckles)

sphinx: give a name to
this earthly conceit.

it is unchangeable,
but it can change you.

it can teach you
or trap you.

all who reside there
are immortal,

but you can
never go there.

i hope you're as smart
as you are strong!

sphinx: the answer lies
before your eyes.
(wheels creaking)

choose your words
before the sands
run their course.

callisto:
"it's unchangeable."

"all who reside in it
are immortal."

it's mount olympus.

it's not a place.
that's the trick.

well, i don't see you
coming up with anything.

if you'd be quiet,
maybe i can think.

well, i won't be
holding my breath
for that now, will i?

oh! we're running
out of time!

maybe that's it.

oh, yes, of course.
it's time!

(sighs)
well, that didn't work.
any more brilliant ideas?

well, answer!

(sphinx laughing wickedly)

"the answer lies
before your eyes."
time is running out.

the past!

huh!

after you.

hercules?

(gasps)

i've come
to say goodbye.

(sobs)
goodbye?

i've crossed over
to the other side.

(crying)
it's all my fault.

i should have
protected you.

it's too late
for that now.

no! this can't be.

i never wanted
to be a hero, mother,

but you didn't
give me any choice.

there was no other way
for this to end.

(sobbing) please!
please forgive me.

perhaps, in time.

goodbye.

wait!

let me come
with you, please.

i was hoping
you'd say that.

hercules:
ah, there's
an oil pouch.

we'll use it to
keep the lamp lit.

poor baby.
afraid of the dark?

you don't look
like you're doing
too well.

oh, don't you worry
your pretty little head
about me.

i'll be
as good as new
soon enough.

in the meantime,
a little water
should do the trick.

(grunting)

here.

mmm. mmm.

(panting)
such a gentleman.

yeah.

the world doesn't
deserve you.

it doesn't deserve
you either.

(laughs)

we're not as different
as you'd like to think.

(laughs)
oh, really?

we both believe
the wicked should
be punished,

only i see something
you don't.

yeah. i'm sure
you’ll let me know
what it is, won't you?

all people
are wicked,

and they deserve
everything they're
gonna get.

i've known too much
good in the world
to believe that.

good?

is that supposed
to be some
kind of joke?

if mortals were good,
well, then we wouldn't
need you around, would we?

you've seen
the darkest side
of people.

the child who watched
her parents die
has my compassion.

but you had a choice.
you chose evil.

and that's where
my compassion ends.

(ladle splashes)

(clapping)

your faith
in the world
is touching.

let's see how well
it holds up at
the end of the day.

shall we?

anything?

no, not a sign
of him.

now what?

it's hotter than
tartarus in here.

you know,
i got a bad feeling
about this.

let's go back.

wait. wait. wait.
what's wrong?

you ever get a feeling
that your life is just
ebbing away?

you're kinda
getting out of step
with things,

and, i don't know,
there's nothin'
you can do about it?

did you hear that?

what?

i don't hear
anything, what...
(shushing)

there it is again.

i can't hear anything.

i'll be right back.

jason?

jason, wait.

(shouting) jason!
where are you?

a-ha!
(laughing)

mmm.

(humming)

(gasps)

ah! king iphicles!
just in time.

would you be so kind
as to hand me that
bowl of turnips?

what are you talking about?
there's nothin' there!

(laughing)
are you blind?
i'll get it myself.

so little time,
so much to cook!

(slurping)

hot stuff.
watch the tongue.

i'm warning you!

be honest.
you won't hurt
my feelings.

i want everything
to be perfect
when hercules arrives.

it's his birthday,
you know. a surprise.

not a word to anyone.

traitor!

what did you
do that for?

(yells)

huh?

(crashing)

(sighs)

falafel: king iphicles?

he didn't
like my stew.

(sighs)

you're not living up
to my expectations.

i imagined you'd
spend the day
trying to convince me

that i can change
like our beloved xena.

xena changed
because she wanted to.

did she now?

you know
she watched
me die.

(chuckles)

it's ironic,
you know.

i mean, not long ago,
you would've joined me
in bringing her down.

wrong. our definitions
of justice aren't the same.

oh, true.
that's very true.

i believe she deserves
to die a very slow
and painful death.

vengeance isn't justice.
if you understood that,
maybe you'd find peace.

peace?

peace?

i dreamed of peace.

i imagined it.

let me die
so i can find it.

tartarus should've been
a welcome change.

instead, i learned
the true meaning
of torture

trapped in my hatred,
with nothing to do.

lady, immortality
won't solve
your problem.

(hissing)

jason, where'd
you go?

jason?

jason.

jason! jason!

(panting)

(sensual music playing)

(women murmuring)

(laughs)

woman 1: hello.

woman 2:
we've been waiting
for you, iolaus.

woman 3: you can't
resist our charms.

woman 4: and we
can't resist yours.

woman 5: please, don't
leave us waiting.
(laughing)

woman 6: iolaus...

(sighs)
don't tell me.
we're lost.

i can't seem to...
left or right.

there's just
so many details.

i knew i should've
written it down.
i think...

great.

no, no, no.
it's left.

(callisto screaming)

hercules!

i guess
it was right.

(gasping)

(screaming)
no, no, no!

looks like
i'm in a real bind.

(panting)
callisto!

callisto: (screaming)
i'm right here!

(scream echoing)

callisto!
keep talking!

that's what i'm
trying to do!

i'm over here!

hercules, hurry!

(grunts)

your friends!
if i die, they die!

(groaning)

(echoing)
they die!

callisto:
hercules! hercules!

(callisto groaning)

(choking)

hercules! hurry!

(roots growling)

(growling continues)

(screams)

(screams)

hercules:
callisto, hold on!

(callisto groaning)

(groaning in pain)

grab on!

oh, my hero.

(panting)

yeah, right.

(root screeching)

(grunts)

(moaning)

(laughing)

woman 1: come with us.

woman 2:
come this way, iolaus.

uh?

woman 3: catch me
if you can. (giggles)

hey! (laughs)

eerie voice: jason.

(panting)

(man laughing wickedly)

oh, come on, baby.
just one more for
old times' sake?

uh!

(panting)

huh?

you're me?
(gasps)

(laughing wickedly)

no!

old iolaus:
come here, handsome.

let me take a look
at that pretty young
face of mine.

(grunting)

(laughing wickedly)

(yells)

(panting)

what's going on?

jason!

(screaming)
jason!

(scream echoing)

(huffing)

(gasping)
where are you?

(laughing)

i think
the first thing
i'm gonna do

is find
the good xena

and rip out her tongue,
just to hear her
whistle an apology!

i hate to spoil
your fantasy,

but you're not
out of here yet.

oh, but neither
are you.

when we make it
to the tree of life

and when i save
my family and friends,

you are going back
to where you belong.

i'll see to that
myself.

enough!

no rooms can hold me.
haven't you figured
that out, yet?

and you're the only one
that can stop me,

and to do that,
you'd have to kill me.
but you can't.

your misguided
sense of justice
won't allow it.

you're overlooking
something.

(scoffs)
oh? am i?

you've already
been killed.

the only reason
you're still standing

is because
i need directions.

i've underestimated you.

i'm flattered.

fortunately,
you've overlooked
something as well.

(scoffs)
i don't think so.

if i go back
to the underworld,

i won't be
suffering alone.

i'll find
your children.

klonus, aeson
and little llea,
is it?

and i'll dedicate eternity
to making them suffer.

i mean,
after all,

i got here,
didn't i?

i can get to them.

(choking)
that's it.
that's the spirit.

kill me.
i dare you.

(yells)

(laughing)

who's trapped
in their hatred now?
(laughing)

(grunting)

(groaning)

(in old iolaus' voice)
thought you could
sneak up on me,

did ya?
(growling)

i'm going
to kill you!
(laughing)

i'm gonna kill you!

(whimpers)

(yells)

(grunting)

(yells)

(groans)

(grunts)

(huffing)

we're almost
at the other side,
mother.

but jason
and iphicles.

they’ll be
joining us soon.
(sighs)

then we'll all
be together again.

yes.

(sighs) don't tell me
you're confused again.

oh, no,
i'm quite certain
it's this way.

(grunting)

(yelling)

oh, um...

i lied.

lovely detail.
(grunting)

(sighs)
hephaestus is quite
the craftsman.

hera! hercules delivered,
as promised.

i fulfilled my end
of the bargain.
it's your turn.

(whirring)

it's not over yet!

hercules.

i have enjoyed
our little time
together.

but you know,
i think i can take it
from here.

(grunts)

(grunts)

(chuckles)
are we having
fun yet?

oh, look at
the bright side.

you'll be reunited
with your friends
soon enough.

oh, and this...

(panting)

this is for xena.

(groans)

(grunting)

goodbye, hercules.

(grunting)

(yells)

(ululating)

ow!

delicious.

(groans)

(grunts)

you're gonna die
on your birthday.

how convenient.

(groans)

no!

blow it out
and make a wish.
(ululating)

(yells)

(screaming)

(screams)

(both grunting)

it's a pity
we couldn't work out
our differences.

we would've made
an unstoppable team.

i already
have a partner.

(groans)

not for long.

(screaming)
ah! ah!

(screaming)

(both grunting)

(panting)

why can't you
just die like
a good boy?

i guess
i don't know
when to quit.

well, let me
inspire you.

even if you could
find your way
without me,

you won't make it in time
to save your friends.

that's where you're wrong.
i know something you don't.

(laughing) oh?

we're out of oil.

that leads
right back
to the entrance.

surprise!

(screaming)

(grunts)

(sobbing)
oh, no,
don't leave!

please, don't leave!
i can't see!

here. give me
your hand!

(ululating)

(callisto screaming)

(grunts)

callisto: no!

(screaming) no!

no!

(hercules panting)

must find meat.

(snickering)

(falafel laughing wickedly)

(metal clanks)

(iphicles struggling)

(exclaiming happily)

(grunts)

falafel!

come on!
give me a hand!
get this off!

(pig snorting)

(squealing)

here, piggy,
piggy, piggy!

falafel, what
are you doing?

(laughing)

(pig snorting)

(screaming)

(gasps)

(panting)

(grunts)

(groaning in pain)

(gasps)

(yelling)

(roaring)

(falafel whimpering)

my turn.

this is it, mother.
right up here.

(whimpering)

(screaming)

(both grunting)

jason! don't.

(laughs)

(all grunting)

(grunts)

(groans)

hercules?

(sighs)

hercules?

don't talk with
your mouth full.

(falafel screaming)

(falafel whimpering)

(yelling)

(grunts)

(muffled grunting)

(laughing)

you'll thank me
later.

(muffled protesting)

uh!

give me that.
here.

have you seen
my mother?

no, we haven't
seen her.

give them
each a bite.

why?

trust me.

(muffled protesting)

(growls)

(struggling)

one more step,
and we'll be
together forever.

i'm coming,
hercules.

i love you.

i love you too,
mother.

(gasping)

what kind of
trick is this?
he looks like you.

mother, i'm right here.

no. my son is dead.

i'm not.

(sighs)

oh, mother.

hercules?

does this mean
i'm not going
to the underworld?

no. not yet.

here i brought
something for you.

oh! for me?
yeah.

oh, you shouldn't have.

oh, hercules.
now where have you been?
i've been worried sick.

mother, it has
been a very,
very long day.

i'll tell you
about it later.

let's go find
the others, okay?

hey! i'm sorry
you missed
your birthday.

jason:
well, the day's
not over yet.

falafel:
we still have cake.

yeah, and you
haven't opened all
your presents yet.

oh. that reminds me.
there was a woman
here earlier.

poor thing.
she wanted to
leave you a gift.

well, she did.

she made me
appreciate my family
more than ever.

(all laughing)