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1
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,959
D'you think he's got
servants in Cornwall?
2
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,959
Dunno. Probably a few retainers,
couple of scullery maids.
3
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,599
The odd butler, footman.
Basic set-up.
4
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,439
Gardener. That might be nice.
Bit of Mellors action.
5
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,759
What?
6
00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,719
Up against a tree.
7
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,959
- Never mind.
- This is going to be so good for us.
8
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,839
I mean, a change of scene
can really enhance concentration.
9
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,919
We're gonna get so much work done.
10
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,279
Howard's on the phone to BT.
Says he'll get the train.
11
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,159
- What about Kingsley?
- He's not coming.
12
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,919
Heather and Kingsley spending
some "quality time" together.
13
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,999
Ugh!
14
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,239
From Pussyman to pussy-wipped.
I know, it's probably for the best.
15
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,999
Last thing we want
is a couple on Freakout.
16
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,919
Thought you said
it was a study weekend.
17
00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,479
Yeah, well, it's both.
18
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,479
We'll study from 9 till 1,
then party like fuck,
19
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,719
then study from 3 till 6,
then party like fuck again.
20
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,439
It is good to vary the schedule.
21
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,399
Look - who knows what might happen?
22
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,399
We might all end up getting so drunk
that we have an orgy. For example.
23
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:53,999
I don't think so.
24
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:54,799
No.
25
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,199
No. We won't.
26
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,759
Look.
27
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,759
You can have a think about it.
28
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,919
We don't need to decide now.
29
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,879
Drive on!
Oh, and fuck the satnav.
30
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,879
It's just straight down
the motorway and turn right at Bath.
31
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:22,719
You could still go.
32
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,799
I don't want to. I'm fine.
33
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,719
Kings...
34
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,639
Yeah, well, look, they've gone now.
It's irrelevant.
35
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,399
But... I said you should go.
36
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,439
Clearly a test.
37
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,799
Kingsley, honestly -
you should've just gone.
38
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,599
I've got shitloads of work anyway.
39
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,199
You're only trying to make me feel
sorry for you.
40
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,719
What!?
41
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,319
I should be able to go away for a
weekend and it's not a massive deal.
42
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:43,759
And you can!
43
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,479
- How come I'm sitting here then?
- I don't know! Why are you?
44
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,359
Because I feel guilty!
Which is unfair on me because
45
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,279
it's just a couple of days
away with my mates
46
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,279
and you start giving me
a hard time about it!
47
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,039
I'm saying go, I don't mind!
48
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:59,039
Have a shoebox full of fun.
Freak out.
49
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,359
You mean, you actually
don't mind?
50
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:05,679
Kingsley? Go to Cornwall.
51
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,919
Because it should be obvious
from talking to me that
52
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,279
if I can't fix this problem,
it probably requires
53
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:14,119
the highest level of
diagnostic troubleshooters you have.
54
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,119
I wangled a party visa.
I'll see you down there, dude.
55
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,359
Look.
56
00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:23,199
At this very minute, I should be
in Cornwall enjoying a freak-out.
57
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,439
Now, are you going to pass me
on to an expert or not?
58
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:26,719
You moron.
59
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,759
'Will you hold please
while I transfer you?'
60
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:29,959
Yes, I'll hold.
61
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:36,719
Listen to this.
62
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:40,719
"Perstel, of the stiff staff,
per stern hip be gripped."
63
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,319
What the fuck?
64
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,839
It's Middle English.
65
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,159
You're telling me.
66
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,519
Wasn't that like
a language session or something?
67
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,679
I thought that was
for foreign students.
68
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,279
No-one ever said
there was more than one English!
69
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,839
Argh!
70
00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:57,679
I don't mind talking to you.
71
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,799
I just know the shape of your
customer service decision tree.
72
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,199
And you're not going to be able
to fix this. But:
73
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:07,079
Prem Oppo 65 from Seattle
might have a chance, but you,
74
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,079
reading out pages from a woefully
outdated operating manual, WILL NOT!
75
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,359
'Will you hold, please?'
76
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:17,359
Yes, I'll hold.
77
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,519
Bit late.
78
00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:28,479
Vod, can you check it for me?
79
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,319
It's Twitter.
Someone's "mentioned" you.
80
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:35,319
Oh!
81
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,519
You OK?
82
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,439
Yeah. Stuff on my mind.
83
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,799
Like what?
84
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,439
Oh, nothing.
85
00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:50,439
Dave's wedding.
Yeah, this weekend, actually.
86
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,559
What?
87
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,559
I'm totally fine with it.
88
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:02,519
It's this girl called Lucy. Really lovely
girl. Friend of ours from school.
89
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,359
The whole village'll be there.
Fucking nightmare.
90
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,639
Watching Dave.
91
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,439
Marry Lucy.
92
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,319
In my church.
93
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,319
Where I was meant
to be getting married.
94
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,079
I mean, they're basically
having my wedding.
95
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:21,039
Settling down. Just a family.
96
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,959
Sense of security. Local community.
97
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,959
Urgh, well, nightmare.
98
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,999
I'm very relaxed
about the whole situation.
99
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,639
Where is everyone?
100
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,599
Hmm? Cornwall.
101
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,439
I see.
102
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,839
You not invited?
103
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:51,679
I'm going soon.
104
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,759
I'm on hold.
105
00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,319
It's been 12 hours.
106
00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,319
37 minutes. And counting.
107
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,279
Just to inform you,
I'm expecting a visitor - Joost.
108
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:09,199
Just a fuck buddy from back home.
109
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:13,199
That is the correct term,
"fuck buddy"?
110
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,599
I believe so.
111
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:20,479
He's a man. We fuck.
112
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,959
Nothing more serious.
113
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,959
A buddy for fucking?
114
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,359
You're determined. That's nice.
115
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,359
Thank y--
116
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,279
Welcome to my house,
my very big house, in the country.
117
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,039
We're gonna smoke our heads off
and drink our feet off.
118
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,039
Fuck me!
119
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,439
Exactly.
120
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,559
There's no food.
121
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,199
There's no water.
122
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,679
Blimey. OK, er, water, water.
123
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,359
Water switch.
124
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,399
Where's your boiler?
Your water mains?
125
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,399
Where's my boiler? Best way with
this place is just to Google it.
126
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:24,559
"How do I switch on the water
in my very big house?"
127
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,039
Oh my god.
128
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,039
I think I just found my dad.
By the old Defender.
129
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,719
My dad's on Google Earth.
130
00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,159
My dad is still alive
on Google Earth.
131
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,359
I know they're using my wedding day
and my church and everything,
132
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,079
but it would've been nice
to be involved, you know?
133
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,279
You're very popular all of a sudden.
134
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,399
No, I'm not. It's Lipsgate.
It's trending.
135
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,639
They're saying I shut down Derek's
gay and lesbian magazine.
136
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,119
That's cool. You see?
Here I am, in Devon...
137
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,279
Cornwall.
138
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,679
With someone whose poetry magazine
is trending on Twitter.
139
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:24,239
"Who the fuck does that gay-hating
slut think she is? I hope she dies."
140
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,919
Yeah, sure, it's a bit harsh,
141
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,719
but it's still to do with
your poetry magazine. Yeah?
142
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,319
That's what my friends are doing.
143
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,599
No-one in South Wales does poetry.
144
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,479
Apart from Dylan Thomas.
145
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,319
What up, K-dawg? You came!
146
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,279
Knotsford! Knotsford! Knotsford!
147
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,079
If it wasn't for Kingsley, I'd
probably still be getting married.
148
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,799
Aye-aye-aye?
149
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,479
S'up, lad? What happened to Wifey?
150
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:49,999
Nothing. I came.
151
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,639
17 short hours on a coach next to
juddering crackhound and here I am.
152
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,639
He left his bitch - to suck,
as he came - to fuck!
153
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,999
The Pussyman is in the house!
154
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,879
Maybe you should just hang up.
You're missing a weekend away.
155
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,719
I will never hang up.
156
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:22,639
I know you can hear me.
I said, "never"!
157
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:26,639
We're having a serious study sesh.
Come on, we need caffeine.
158
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,399
Hey, you know what'd be brilliant?
159
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,679
Driving to Wales
and gatecrashing Dave's wedding.
160
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,799
Not sure Dave'll love it.
161
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,279
He will! It'd be a laugh.
162
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:51,439
I just think we're all pretty drunk,
and too drunk to drive.
163
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,599
Not in Devon.
164
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:53,399
Cornwall.
165
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,159
Cornwall!
166
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,919
I meant Cornwall.
Cornwall, Cornwall, Cornwall.
167
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,839
Who you texting?
168
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:02,839
God, just bloody Heather,
checking up on me.
169
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:10,039
Gardener.
170
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,079
Hates me.
171
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:13,759
Why?
172
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:17,599
Because I shot her dad.
173
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,879
You what?!
174
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,439
Ugh, it's no biggie. He was like,
a beater on one of our shoots
175
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,239
and I accidentally shot him. End of.
176
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,319
Was he OK?
177
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,559
Yeah. Well, I mean, he did die,
but like a couple of years later.
178
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,359
Had an operation and the organ
didn't take, or something.
179
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,679
You can hardly lay the blame
for that at my door.
180
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,119
Josie, who's Mike?
181
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,239
Dunno. Which Mike is it?
182
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,639
Is it Sexy Mike?
183
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,639
It just says, "Mike's here keeping
me company"? Who's the other Mike?
184
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,879
There's Sexy Mike,
and there's Mike With A Big Dick.
185
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,719
She's probably just studying.
186
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,079
Why do you think she was so happy
for you to go away?
187
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,639
Maybe she just wants
to get some work done.
188
00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,359
Yeah, get some work done
on Sexy Mike's big dick!
189
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,719
No, you're mixing them up.
190
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,919
Sexy Mike might not even
have a big dick.
191
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,879
He might be, say,
very handsome or have great arms.
192
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,559
Is that meant to be helping?!
193
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,439
Ask her. If she says, "We're
just mates", that's woman-speak
194
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,079
for, "Whilst my boyfriend's away,
195
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:17,399
"we're going to be fucking
each other's brains out."
196
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,279
Oh, Josie, what
the fuck are you doing?
197
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,279
I'm just going to Wales -
I'll see you later.
198
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,119
Josie, you're too drunk to
drunk-drive. That's quite drunk.
199
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,799
Bollocks! I'm sober enough
to drunk-drive. I just tripped.
200
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,919
Jonathan?
201
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,119
Mummy! Wh-what the hell
are you doing here?
202
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,079
Well, this is my house
and I live here.
203
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:50,199
At least until Monday.
What are you doing?
204
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:54,199
Obviously, I've invited
my friends down for a freakout?
205
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,839
What do you mean, "until Monday"?
206
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,919
Well, I just popped down
to freshen the place up.
207
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,119
I put it on the market
and it got snapped up.
208
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,719
The house is being sold.
209
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,519
Holy fucking shit, Mummy!
210
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:08,927
Tsch! What?!
211
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:35,000
Have look through the keyhole,
see if there's anyone with her.
212
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,159
It'll have to be quick.
213
00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,479
I can't leave the living room
for long periods of time.
214
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,719
I thought you were coming down.
215
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:41,799
I am. I will.
216
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,839
It's just that I've been
drawn into a battle of wills.
217
00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,919
Here's what they don't know.
218
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,079
I will never give up.
219
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,519
What am I looking for?
220
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,399
OK. So...
221
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,399
Just have a look through
the keyhole.
222
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:03,679
'Hello?'
223
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,399
Hello!
Now you listen to me!
224
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,879
'Your call is important to us.
225
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,159
You're currently being
held in a queue.'
226
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:26,999
One of our operators will be
with you shortly.'
227
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,239
Oh, you're good!
228
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,439
You really are!
229
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,919
"Saf-pat-poo shall sicame."
230
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,639
Uh! Seriously, it's twisting
my fucking melon.
231
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,559
You need the modern translation.
232
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,399
Morning, Kingsley!
233
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,479
Morning, Mrs Pembersley.
234
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,279
There's a translation?
235
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,399
Oh, yes.
236
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:49,319
You know what?
We might have a copy in the attic.
237
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,879
I read English at St Hilda's.
238
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,759
I hope you slept well.
239
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,759
Awfully well.
Thanks, Mrs Pembersley.
240
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,279
Thank you so much for having us.
241
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,639
Please call me Diana.
242
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,839
I didn't, obviously.
243
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,719
Due mainly to the crying
244
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,439
and unhappiness caused by you
selling my house.
245
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,599
It's a fucking outrage, Mummy!
That's what it is.
246
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,279
Jonathan, come on!
You're not even dressed.
247
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,799
Yes, I am. This is casual wear.
248
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:18,479
I am allowed to wear casual wear
during the holidays.
249
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,479
When are you going to shave?
You've got visitors.
250
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,199
I know I've got visitors.
251
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,439
They've come all the way
down from the North of England
252
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,759
for a weekend freak-out,
which you are ruining.
253
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,759
Well, you can't make too much mess.
Vladimir is viewing on Monday.
254
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,439
Can't you use the teenagers'
room for your freak out?
255
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,519
I could help you put up
the ping-pong table.
256
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,039
I can't believe you didn't tell me
about this.
257
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,519
I was going to tell you in London
over a nice lunch at Sheekey's.
258
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:45,519
People don't just sell houses,
OK, mother?
259
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:47,839
Houses are meant to be handed down.
260
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,879
Where the fuck
are we going to live?!
261
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,119
Well, you're in Manchester,
your brother's in Scotland,
262
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,799
I'll move in with Leon in Chelsea.
263
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,119
Why are you being so dramatic?
264
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,639
You can have his study
when you come and stay.
265
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,639
My own mother is making me homeless
and she accuses me of being dramatic!
266
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,799
While you're here, you can sort out
stuff you want to keep.
267
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,159
The rest can go on the skip.
268
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,399
Wha...?
We're getting a skip now?!
269
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,399
Mummy, have you any idea how
fucking embarrassing this is for me?
270
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,079
Guh!
271
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:22,959
It's always like this
at the end of term.
272
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,119
We call it "the bends".
273
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,799
Hm!
274
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,879
Say "bye" to him from me, will you?
Oh, wait a sec!
275
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,479
Key to the attic.
You can grab that translation.
276
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:41,319
I just think, how come she's never
mentioned Mike before?
277
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,359
I mean, doesn't that seem weird
to you?
278
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,959
Look.
279
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,679
It's my old beating pole.
280
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,759
Marcus the bear!
281
00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,919
Look, Kingsley!
It's Marcus the bear!
282
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,799
Ah! Cogsley. And Sprinks.
283
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,599
My Millennium Dome mascots.
284
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,279
My dad took me to get these.
285
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,359
I don't know why everyone was
so down on the Dome.
286
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,679
It was a fucking awesome day out.
287
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,239
Mike!
288
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,559
He just sounds suspicious.
289
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,279
I mean, Mike, Dave.
290
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,719
Why are there always guys
in the way, these Daves and Mikes?
291
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,759
It's true, you know,
what they say.
292
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:49,759
You don't know what you've got
until it's gone, do you?
293
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,079
She didn't even say goodbye.
294
00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:00,879
Come on, Gawain, where are you,
you green bastard?!
295
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:05,559
Happy wedding day, Josie.
296
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,999
Any more death threats?
297
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,679
Just a couple.
298
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,319
Someone's got a picture of my face
and put a Hitler moustache on it.
299
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,719
And devil horns,
300
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:20,719
which I think shows how
confused they are.
301
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,759
I don't hate gay people, Josie.
Do you believe me?
302
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,879
I believe you don't hate gay people.
303
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,679
I think you just hated that one
guy because he had a gay magazine.
304
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,879
I love gay people.
305
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,999
Yeah, but in a Christian way.
306
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,399
Like, I love them, but they're
unnatural and they'll burn in hell.
307
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,679
No!
308
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,759
OK, how about this?
309
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,359
Have you had an experience?
310
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:46,079
Like, you know, with...
311
00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:47,839
I don't know.
312
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,839
Say, you've been at a party,
off the top of my head,
313
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,919
you've had a few too many Archers
and lemonades, say,
314
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,399
and ended up snogging a girl
and sticking your fingers up her...
315
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,639
whatsit.
316
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:01,759
NO!
317
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,279
Ugh!
318
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,359
Oh, my God!
319
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,919
I'm a homophobe.
320
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,919
I wonder if she lost weight
for the wedding.
321
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,999
Bloody hell!
322
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,639
Have you found it?
323
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,559
Not exactly.
324
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:21,559
Look at this!
325
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,599
Uh! That's JP's dad!
326
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,879
But that's not... Is it?
327
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,399
Not JP's mum. Exactly!
328
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,439
"Angela.
329
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,199
"PS. Roddy, you mustn't hate them
330
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,719
however much you blame them for
keeping us apart,
331
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,079
they're still your children."
332
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:42,959
Shit!
333
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,959
Some of these are ancient.
334
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,399
God! Look at how many letters
there are!
335
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,039
Love rat! He was a love rat.
336
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,559
All right.
Take a break, letters page!
337
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,919
Do you think
we should tell him?
338
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,599
NO!
339
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,879
We don't even know for sure
if they were doing it.
340
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,039
OK. No, they were definitely
doing it.
341
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,239
Ugh!
342
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,439
So the good news is that toothbrush
and shower gel indicators
343
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,079
suggest that he didn't stay
the night.
344
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,439
The bad news is
he's back today.
345
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,399
Anything on conversation topics?
346
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,919
I don't have much but I think there
was mention of Jonathan Franzen.
347
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,199
Franzen? The writer?
348
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,719
She's never talked about him before.
349
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,239
Fuck! I don't even know her.
350
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:32,239
This music is making me psychotic.
351
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,319
Can I ask you a question?
352
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,719
You're, like, liberated, right?
353
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,879
Oh, well, you think you are,
don't you?
354
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:49,439
Then you find yourself buying
a pair of sweatshop Nikes
355
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:50,879
and a Nazi frappuccino
356
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,599
and you think, actually, I'm just a
joke, aren't I?
357
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,919
I mean, no...
358
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,799
I just mean you've experimented
with stuff before.
359
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,759
You want me to get some ketamine?
360
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,759
No! No, I don't.
361
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:04,799
I just... I just think
362
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,119
the only way to sort of prove
that I don't hate gay people
363
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:12,119
is to, sort of, become one...
for a bit.
364
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:16,319
And, I was thinking,
because you've got short hair...
365
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:17,399
Yeah?
366
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,919
Well, we thought you were.
367
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,159
In the beginning.
368
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,559
Josie was convinced.
369
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,639
Thought I was what?
370
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,399
A...
371
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,959
lesbian.
372
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,399
And? How do you know I'm not?
373
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,799
I don't! That's what I'm saying.
374
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:36,799
I just mean, you do shag
quite a lot of men.
375
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,359
Not in a bad way.
376
00:20:38,360 --> 00:20:42,359
I just think, technically,
lesbians maybe don't do that.
377
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,079
But I was thinking,
if you wanted to...
378
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,159
No!
379
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,319
No what?
380
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,639
I know what and the answer's no.
I won't be your fake beard.
381
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,719
Oh! Why not?
382
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,479
You're too straight.
383
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,839
What do you mean, too straight?
384
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,839
It's your shoulders or something.
Look at them.
385
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,039
No way.
386
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:07,039
Yes! Finally!
387
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,959
So, all legal avenues have
been exhausted.
388
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,519
I spoke to my brother but Mummy's
already got to him.
389
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,719
So it's two against one.
390
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,759
Well, two and a half
if you include Leon.
391
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,759
Bad enough Leon is winning over Mum,
392
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,599
there's absolutely no fucking way
he's getting his grubby little hands
393
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:23,719
on my father's wine.
394
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,639
It's all got to get drunk, people.
395
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,799
All 147 bottles.
396
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,599
I'm calling it "the clearance".
397
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,919
Well?
398
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,199
Maybe one day they'll pick up.
399
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,479
So, no,
400
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,039
I don't think it is futile.
401
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,719
And, yes,
402
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,719
maybe I have missed out
on a real, live social experience
403
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:52,039
for 48 hours of mental torture,
but that is my choice.
404
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:57,439
And I don't appreciate
your negative attitude.
405
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,679
Right then. Where are we?
406
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:08,679
Oral hygiene, which is yellow.
407
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,679
So is Chateauneuf du Pape.
408
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,799
Excellent!
409
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,759
What about if I shaved my head.
410
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,119
I bet people will believe I'm
a lesbian if I shaved my head.
411
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,599
Or a neo-Nazi.
412
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:23,599
Shit!
413
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,519
No, or a cancer patient.
414
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,919
They'll feel sorry for you
and stop the hate campaign.
415
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,799
Yeah, because faking cancer will
really get people on her side.
416
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,159
It's just a suggestion.
417
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,439
Why is there a cupboard
in front of the window?
418
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,959
JP's laying claim to his birth right.
419
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,279
He's pulling a lockdown.
420
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:47,479
JP, is that right?
421
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,799
Vod said something about you
barricading us all in the house.
422
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,399
Yeah, the bitch is going ahead
with the sale.
423
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,959
Give me a hand with this, mate.
Come on!
424
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,559
Possession is 9/10 of the law,
that is a legal fact.
425
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:04,559
It's not. That's just what people
who don't know anything about the law say.
426
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,599
Whatever, Kings! This house is my
birthright and, whilst I'm in it,
427
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,839
there will be no Russian takeover.
Capiche?
428
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,999
So what happens when he turns up
for the viewing?
429
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,999
Well, we'll just have to make sure
this place has got the wow factor.
430
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,568
This shit just got
shooty shooty gun gun.
431
00:23:26,722 --> 00:23:27,781
You're going to shoot him?
432
00:23:27,861 --> 00:23:30,740
You are allowed to defend your
property in the country, Knutsford.
433
00:23:30,741 --> 00:23:33,380
Sure, yeah, but you are
actually going to shoot him.
434
00:23:33,477 --> 00:23:36,436
- They're just here as backup.
- In case your legal argument collapses?
435
00:23:36,437 --> 00:23:38,796
You are either with me
or against me, dude.
436
00:23:38,797 --> 00:23:41,636
So, some rich guy wants to
give your mum millions of pounds
437
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:44,276
to buy your house
and you are going to shoot him?
438
00:23:44,277 --> 00:23:46,116
Look, I don't know
who I'm going to shoot.
439
00:23:46,117 --> 00:23:48,916
You don't know who you're going to
shoot until you shoot them.
440
00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:50,596
You're planning to stay here
and shoot
441
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:53,156
everyone who comes near the
house in case they want to buy it?
442
00:23:53,157 --> 00:23:55,796
What happens when term starts?
Are you going to be based here
443
00:23:55,797 --> 00:23:59,276
in the killing fields and commute to
Manchester? Say something to him!
444
00:23:59,277 --> 00:24:01,436
What is there to say?
He's thought it through.
445
00:24:01,437 --> 00:24:05,356
What the hell is this? Have you
forgotten about the clearance?
446
00:24:05,357 --> 00:24:06,636
This wine isn't going to drink itself.
447
00:24:06,637 --> 00:24:09,596
You can't drink
147 bottles of wine by tomorrow.
448
00:24:09,597 --> 00:24:10,876
Oh, we can have a go.
449
00:24:12,237 --> 00:24:16,236
And if we can't drink, we'll taste.
450
00:24:16,597 --> 00:24:19,756
Mm.
451
00:24:19,757 --> 00:24:23,756
Let the freak-out escalate.
452
00:24:28,357 --> 00:24:29,196
What are you doing?
453
00:24:29,197 --> 00:24:31,516
I'm going to get some dinner.
454
00:24:31,517 --> 00:24:35,516
You're on point, bitch.
455
00:24:37,557 --> 00:24:39,276
He's not coming.
456
00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:41,636
Joost.
457
00:24:41,637 --> 00:24:43,196
Business problem of some kind.
458
00:24:43,289 --> 00:24:44,608
I'm feeling very frustrated.
459
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:46,768
It's been three months.
460
00:24:46,769 --> 00:24:49,848
And, generally speaking, I'd like
to do sex at least two times a month
461
00:24:49,849 --> 00:24:52,688
as I believe it's beneficial
for the heart and nervous system.
462
00:25:03,729 --> 00:25:06,248
If you like,
you could come upstairs to my room
463
00:25:06,249 --> 00:25:10,248
and we could have intercourse.
464
00:25:10,369 --> 00:25:12,008
There is an opportunity
465
00:25:12,009 --> 00:25:16,008
since Heather's not in
and I'm feeling very sexual.
466
00:25:17,209 --> 00:25:19,648
Probably to do
with my menstrual cycle.
467
00:25:19,649 --> 00:25:20,888
Usually I would masturbate
468
00:25:20,889 --> 00:25:24,568
but I've been feeling a certain
469
00:25:24,569 --> 00:25:28,568
energy between us.
470
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:34,528
I may be wrong but, anyway,
I will be in my room.
471
00:25:35,129 --> 00:25:39,128
It's up to you.
472
00:26:02,609 --> 00:26:03,848
Howard, where are you?
473
00:26:03,849 --> 00:26:06,408
I've got two dead chickens
and they've got feathers.
474
00:26:06,409 --> 00:26:07,448
Is that right?
475
00:26:07,449 --> 00:26:09,728
And what do you do with the feet?
476
00:26:09,729 --> 00:26:12,088
Do they fold back in?
477
00:26:12,089 --> 00:26:16,088
Call me back when you get this.
478
00:26:28,809 --> 00:26:30,848
Hold on. Hold on.
479
00:26:30,849 --> 00:26:34,848
Turn around, turn around!
480
00:26:34,929 --> 00:26:38,928
Harder. Yes, yes, yes, no.
Ja, ja, ja!
481
00:26:40,249 --> 00:26:44,248
Jumanji!
482
00:26:44,929 --> 00:26:46,528
'Hello?
483
00:26:46,529 --> 00:26:49,208
Hello? Is there someone on the line?'
484
00:26:51,769 --> 00:26:55,768
OK, I'd like to propose a toast.
485
00:26:55,969 --> 00:26:58,768
I don't think that's
how you make coq au vin.
486
00:26:58,769 --> 00:27:00,368
Do you want to do it?
487
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:01,928
Ladies and gentlemen.
488
00:27:01,929 --> 00:27:04,088
Still not interested.
489
00:27:04,089 --> 00:27:07,488
What?
490
00:27:07,489 --> 00:27:09,008
I'm not getting off with you.
491
00:27:09,009 --> 00:27:09,808
Final answer.
492
00:27:09,809 --> 00:27:12,288
Why are you two talking about
getting off with each other?
493
00:27:12,289 --> 00:27:13,448
No reason.
494
00:27:13,449 --> 00:27:15,888
Come on, toast.
495
00:27:15,889 --> 00:27:18,448
Dad,
496
00:27:18,449 --> 00:27:22,448
you may have been a bit of a shit,
but you were the most
497
00:27:23,609 --> 00:27:27,608
loyal, faithful and dedicated dad
498
00:27:28,529 --> 00:27:32,528
that any son could hope to have.
499
00:27:32,769 --> 00:27:35,168
I love you, Daddy.
500
00:27:35,169 --> 00:27:36,488
To my dad.
501
00:27:36,489 --> 00:27:38,168
To your dad.
502
00:27:38,169 --> 00:27:39,488
To your dad. To my dad.
503
00:27:39,489 --> 00:27:43,488
To your dad.
504
00:27:50,609 --> 00:27:52,928
What are you going to do
with these photos, anyway?
505
00:27:52,929 --> 00:27:55,768
Tweet them? Pretend I'm your
lezzer mate or your girlfriend?
506
00:27:55,769 --> 00:27:59,768
No. I've been thinking about it
and, anyway, I've decided...
507
00:28:00,049 --> 00:28:01,728
you're not my type.
508
00:28:01,729 --> 00:28:02,328
Kingsley.
509
00:28:02,329 --> 00:28:05,288
I think I'd rather do it
with someone a bit more girly.
510
00:28:05,289 --> 00:28:06,888
It's happening.
511
00:28:06,889 --> 00:28:09,288
I'd probably rather be
with someone like Josie.
512
00:28:09,289 --> 00:28:10,928
Oh, yes.
513
00:28:10,929 --> 00:28:13,808
Can I get a picture, Jose?
514
00:28:13,809 --> 00:28:15,328
Yeah, babe.
515
00:28:15,329 --> 00:28:17,648
OK, if it kicks off,
it's every man for himself.
516
00:28:17,649 --> 00:28:20,408
First come, first served.
517
00:28:20,409 --> 00:28:21,968
You can kiss me if you like.
518
00:28:21,969 --> 00:28:25,248
I don't mind. If you think
it'll make people stop hating you,
519
00:28:25,249 --> 00:28:26,368
I'm definitely drunk enough.
520
00:28:26,369 --> 00:28:29,128
She won't do it, Josie,
look at her shoulders.
521
00:28:29,129 --> 00:28:30,528
Shut up about my shoulders.
522
00:28:30,529 --> 00:28:32,728
I'm not afraid to snog Josie.
523
00:28:32,729 --> 00:28:35,728
I just want to make sure
that it's the right thing to do.
524
00:28:35,729 --> 00:28:38,248
Yes, of course it's the right
thing to do, you know?
525
00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:39,608
Just relax, do it.
526
00:28:39,609 --> 00:28:41,168
JP, we're not doing this for you.
527
00:28:41,169 --> 00:28:44,368
We are doing this so Oregon can
pretend she doesn't hate gay people.
528
00:28:44,369 --> 00:28:45,568
Yeah, well, I literally
529
00:28:45,569 --> 00:28:49,528
couldn't give a nun's hymen
why you're doing it. Just do it.
530
00:28:49,529 --> 00:28:52,048
Just so you know, snogging a girl
531
00:28:52,049 --> 00:28:55,608
for an audience of men
doesn't count.
532
00:28:55,609 --> 00:28:58,008
She's right.
533
00:28:58,009 --> 00:29:00,288
Let's do it in the snug.
534
00:29:00,289 --> 00:29:02,048
What?
No, no, you can't go there!
535
00:29:02,049 --> 00:29:04,088
Stop it! No, where are you going?
536
00:29:04,089 --> 00:29:06,248
Please, come out!
537
00:29:06,249 --> 00:29:07,328
This is my house.
538
00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:11,328
I forbid you to snog in the snug.
Get out here now.
539
00:29:13,649 --> 00:29:17,648
What's happening? Are you doing it?
540
00:29:20,609 --> 00:29:22,848
Well? What happened?
541
00:29:22,849 --> 00:29:24,448
Did you do it?
542
00:29:24,449 --> 00:29:26,528
I don't believe you.
Show me the photo.
543
00:29:26,529 --> 00:29:27,968
I don't think so.
544
00:29:27,969 --> 00:29:31,968
What kind of a lesbian kiss is that?
What do I get out of it?
545
00:29:32,089 --> 00:29:33,608
Did you like it?
546
00:29:33,609 --> 00:29:35,888
Yeah, it was quite good actually.
547
00:29:35,889 --> 00:29:37,968
Yeah, I'm a good kisser, I reckon.
548
00:29:37,969 --> 00:29:39,288
You're all right.
549
00:29:39,289 --> 00:29:40,688
Pretty good.
550
00:29:40,689 --> 00:29:42,488
I can't believe you didn't show us.
You are so selfish.
551
00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:45,528
Well, we'll do it again if
552
00:29:45,529 --> 00:29:49,528
you kiss Kingsley.
553
00:29:50,849 --> 00:29:53,048
I don't think so.
554
00:29:53,049 --> 00:29:54,328
Come here, big boy.
555
00:29:54,329 --> 00:29:56,888
Why?
Why do we want them to do it again?
556
00:29:56,889 --> 00:29:59,728
Are you gay?
Two girls getting it on.
557
00:29:59,729 --> 00:30:03,728
I mean, if you are gay, fine. But if
you're not gay, you have to kiss me.
558
00:30:04,289 --> 00:30:05,448
No.
559
00:30:05,449 --> 00:30:07,408
If she's diddling Big Dick Mike,
you might as well get some action.
560
00:30:07,409 --> 00:30:08,568
No.
561
00:30:08,569 --> 00:30:10,408
Well, I demand that you do it.
562
00:30:10,409 --> 00:30:13,128
It's my house and...
563
00:30:13,129 --> 00:30:14,408
I've got a gun.
564
00:30:14,409 --> 00:30:15,608
Come on.
565
00:30:15,609 --> 00:30:16,848
Against the wall.
566
00:30:16,849 --> 00:30:20,848
Move.
567
00:30:35,249 --> 00:30:37,168
Hot.
568
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:41,168
OK, your turn.
569
00:30:41,169 --> 00:30:43,128
I don't really feel like it.
570
00:30:43,129 --> 00:30:47,128
That OK, I don't really fancy it
either.
571
00:30:48,849 --> 00:30:52,848
You bitches.
572
00:30:52,929 --> 00:30:56,928
You clever, clever bitches.
573
00:31:12,929 --> 00:31:16,928
That was excellent. Thank you.
574
00:31:22,489 --> 00:31:25,608
OK, it's my bedtime. Out you go.
575
00:31:25,609 --> 00:31:28,528
That's...
576
00:31:28,529 --> 00:31:30,168
all?
577
00:31:30,169 --> 00:31:31,648
Come on, Howard.
578
00:31:31,649 --> 00:31:33,448
The fuck buddy doesn't stick around.
579
00:31:33,449 --> 00:31:34,888
Yes?
580
00:31:34,889 --> 00:31:36,048
Chop, chop.
581
00:31:36,049 --> 00:31:40,048
Yes, right.
582
00:31:46,209 --> 00:31:50,208
Good night.
583
00:31:50,889 --> 00:31:52,448
Where are you going?
584
00:31:52,449 --> 00:31:54,048
Wales.
585
00:31:54,049 --> 00:31:57,408
Really? Again?
Don't head-butt the driveway.
586
00:31:57,409 --> 00:31:58,928
It's only 200 miles.
587
00:31:58,929 --> 00:32:02,688
And the last time you came
up 200 miles short, remember?
588
00:32:02,689 --> 00:32:04,288
You can't even open the door.
589
00:32:04,289 --> 00:32:06,568
Look, you screwed it all up
between me and Dave!
590
00:32:06,569 --> 00:32:08,368
You drive me to Wales!
591
00:32:08,369 --> 00:32:10,328
What? Josie.
592
00:32:10,329 --> 00:32:13,088
I want to apologise to Dave on
what would have been our wedding day
593
00:32:13,089 --> 00:32:15,888
but is now his wedding day to
someone else for sleeping with you.
594
00:32:15,889 --> 00:32:18,128
I think it would be
a nice wedding present.
595
00:32:18,129 --> 00:32:19,288
What could be better?
596
00:32:19,289 --> 00:32:20,368
Salad spoons.
597
00:32:20,369 --> 00:32:21,808
Shut up.
598
00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:25,648
You drive me or I drive myself
and then I might die and
599
00:32:25,649 --> 00:32:29,648
you'll have that on your conscience
as well as everything else.
600
00:32:39,169 --> 00:32:42,448
Clear.
601
00:32:42,449 --> 00:32:44,688
See this cupboard?
602
00:32:44,689 --> 00:32:46,928
Me and my brother
used to sit in here.
603
00:32:46,929 --> 00:32:50,928
When we were hiding from
Nanny Prue in one of her moods.
604
00:32:51,329 --> 00:32:53,808
Weird.
605
00:32:53,809 --> 00:32:57,808
And look. See this?
606
00:32:59,569 --> 00:33:01,888
This...
607
00:33:01,889 --> 00:33:04,448
This is my crying step.
608
00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:08,448
I used to sit here and cry
when the 'rents were arguing.
609
00:33:12,049 --> 00:33:14,128
Shit.
610
00:33:14,129 --> 00:33:17,848
And this is my other crying step.
611
00:33:17,849 --> 00:33:20,288
I used to sit on this one
612
00:33:20,289 --> 00:33:22,688
when I had to go back to Stowe
at the end of the holidays.
613
00:33:22,689 --> 00:33:24,088
See, look.
614
00:33:24,089 --> 00:33:26,848
The banister's all chewed.
615
00:33:26,849 --> 00:33:29,168
That's because dad
didn't like me crying
616
00:33:29,169 --> 00:33:33,168
so I used to bite on it
to hold back the blubs.
617
00:33:36,209 --> 00:33:40,208
Is it normal
to have two crying steps?
618
00:33:41,609 --> 00:33:45,608
I didn't even have one.
619
00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:18,808
You going in?
620
00:34:18,809 --> 00:34:21,648
I was going to.
621
00:34:21,649 --> 00:34:24,768
Only, thing is, on the way here
622
00:34:24,769 --> 00:34:28,768
I remembered
about Dave's bad shoulder.
623
00:34:29,329 --> 00:34:30,568
Right.
624
00:34:30,569 --> 00:34:34,568
And how I always used to do him
a massage before bed,
625
00:34:34,609 --> 00:34:36,288
you know, when it was bad.
626
00:34:36,289 --> 00:34:38,208
Even if I was tired,
I always did it.
627
00:34:38,209 --> 00:34:42,208
Cause I didn't want him
to be in pain, you see?
628
00:34:43,049 --> 00:34:46,888
But this one time,
I really hurt my neck because
629
00:34:46,889 --> 00:34:50,888
I was shaving my armpit and you
sort of have to, like a sort of...
630
00:34:52,969 --> 00:34:56,968
Anyway, I asked him to give me
a neck massage...
631
00:34:57,089 --> 00:34:58,608
once, mind...
632
00:34:58,609 --> 00:35:02,608
and he did it for like five seconds
and then said his fingers hurt.
633
00:35:14,009 --> 00:35:15,288
Just waiting for a text.
634
00:35:15,289 --> 00:35:18,008
God, Kingsley, stop worrying.
635
00:35:18,009 --> 00:35:21,488
Heather's not interested in
Sexy Mike or Mike with the big dick.
636
00:35:21,489 --> 00:35:23,208
She...
637
00:35:23,209 --> 00:35:24,848
She really likes you.
638
00:35:24,849 --> 00:35:26,128
She actually said that?
639
00:35:26,129 --> 00:35:28,488
She basically moved in with you,
like, after a week.
640
00:35:28,489 --> 00:35:31,728
What more do you want?
A tattoo of your face on her arse?
641
00:35:31,729 --> 00:35:34,688
My face on her arse?
642
00:35:34,689 --> 00:35:38,688
It's double-edged, really, isn't it?
643
00:35:42,329 --> 00:35:44,168
Home?
644
00:35:44,169 --> 00:35:46,208
Now?
645
00:35:46,209 --> 00:35:50,208
Yeah.
646
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:54,248
Little sleep, then home.
647
00:35:59,489 --> 00:36:03,488
'I just wanted to say
sorry about before, the way I left
648
00:36:04,409 --> 00:36:08,408
'and, for the record, in case
you didn't know,'
649
00:36:08,649 --> 00:36:12,648
I really like you.
In fact, I really, really like you.
650
00:36:16,649 --> 00:36:20,648
In fact,
I think I probably love you.
651
00:36:44,409 --> 00:36:47,328
Bye, rugby.
652
00:36:47,329 --> 00:36:50,448
I never really got into you.
653
00:36:50,449 --> 00:36:54,448
I played you a lot but I never
really knew what was going on.
654
00:37:57,142 --> 00:37:58,541
Is that the last bottle?
655
00:38:14,342 --> 00:38:16,421
Well, that's it then.
656
00:38:16,422 --> 00:38:19,461
My house is gone.
657
00:38:19,462 --> 00:38:23,461
You still have a house in Manchester.
658
00:38:26,302 --> 00:38:29,741
Plus the villa in Tuscany.
659
00:38:29,742 --> 00:38:33,741
And the apartment in Dubai.
660
00:38:36,822 --> 00:38:40,301
What's going to happen to him?
661
00:38:40,302 --> 00:38:43,661
I thought, I don't know, I...
662
00:38:43,662 --> 00:38:47,101
I might be able to take him with me.
663
00:38:47,102 --> 00:38:50,781
My dad.
664
00:38:50,782 --> 00:38:52,941
He really loved me.
665
00:38:52,942 --> 00:38:56,941
I mean, I know he never showed it
666
00:38:57,142 --> 00:38:59,701
or said it
667
00:38:59,702 --> 00:39:02,461
or even implied it
668
00:39:02,462 --> 00:39:04,741
but he really did.
669
00:39:04,742 --> 00:39:08,741
Of course he did.
670
00:39:09,502 --> 00:39:13,501
Come on, let's get you a jumper
and we'll get in the car.
671
00:39:30,342 --> 00:39:32,661
Hold on.
672
00:39:32,662 --> 00:39:36,661
Where's my car?
673
00:39:55,113 --> 00:40:00,510
674
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:05,110
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