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1
00:00:02,401 --> 00:00:05,336
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:15,106
¶
3
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,416
I don't know, Alex.
4
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:27,952
I think I should be doing
something better with my life.
5
00:01:27,986 --> 00:01:30,021
You know, I've been thinking
about going to college.
6
00:01:30,055 --> 00:01:31,556
Really?
7
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,925
Hey, that's great, Tony, I'm
glad to hear you talk like that.
8
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,860
I only wish I knew
how to go about it.
9
00:01:35,928 --> 00:01:37,896
Well, you find a college,
you get an application,
10
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:39,264
you make it out and send it in.
11
00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:40,932
Yeah, boy,
12
00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,901
nothing worthwhile
comes easy, does it?
13
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,238
Come on, let's get out of here,
let's settle up.
14
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,339
What does this
come to?
Well, let's see,
15
00:01:48,373 --> 00:01:50,274
we had two pitchers of
beer at 3.65 a pitcher.
16
00:01:50,309 --> 00:01:51,409
Uh-huh.
17
00:01:52,344 --> 00:01:54,279
Oh.
18
00:01:54,313 --> 00:01:55,614
Uh...
19
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,516
3.65, three-sixty...
20
00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,683
Thank you.
21
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:01,452
Uh...
22
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,754
three-sixty-five
23
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:06,257
times two,
24
00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:07,893
carry the seven.
25
00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:09,861
Um, they don't ask
this kind of stuff
26
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,963
on college applications,
do they?
27
00:02:13,265 --> 00:02:15,000
Tony,
28
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,969
you're making this
far too difficult.
29
00:02:18,003 --> 00:02:21,006
There's a simple
and easy way
30
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,008
to figure this out.
31
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:25,010
Tommy?
32
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:26,344
What do we owe you?
33
00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:28,112
Seven dollars and thirty cents.
34
00:02:29,148 --> 00:02:31,516
Sure, you went
to college.
35
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,385
Thanks.
Hey, guys.
36
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,520
Hey, Elaine.
37
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:37,355
Well, I finally
did it.
38
00:02:37,389 --> 00:02:39,357
I made an appointment
with my psychiatrist
39
00:02:39,391 --> 00:02:41,292
for this afternoon
for Latka.
40
00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:43,461
Psychiatrist?
Mm-hmm.
41
00:02:43,495 --> 00:02:45,630
You don't think it's really
that serious, do you?
42
00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:46,664
Serious?
43
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:49,467
Come on, the man changes
personalities every day.
44
00:02:49,502 --> 00:02:51,403
I know, but he's
harmless, isn't he?
45
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:52,537
Yeah, besides,
46
00:02:52,571 --> 00:02:54,406
one of his personalities
is a friend of mine.
47
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,374
And another one
owes me 50 bucks.
48
00:02:56,408 --> 00:02:57,742
(phone ringing)
49
00:02:57,777 --> 00:03:00,044
Guys, I think Latka should see
Dr. Jeffries.
50
00:03:00,078 --> 00:03:02,047
Come on, no one can help him
but us.
51
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,749
What time are we leaving?
52
00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:06,317
Elaine, it's a phone call
for you.
53
00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:07,852
It's your babysitter.
54
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:08,787
Oh, okay.
TOMMY:
Take it in the back.
55
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:11,556
Wait, what...?
As soon as I finish this.
56
00:03:11,590 --> 00:03:13,825
Come on, Alex, maybe this guy
can help Latka.
57
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:14,759
Aw.
Come on,
58
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:16,361
don't you believe
in psychiatrists?
59
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,830
Tony, I really don't have any
opinion about psychiatrists,
60
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,332
because I've never been to one.
61
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,801
I've never really felt
I had to go to one.
62
00:03:22,835 --> 00:03:25,670
I believe you can get through
life by common sense, coping,
63
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,540
and taking 30 showers a day.
64
00:03:28,574 --> 00:03:30,107
Oh, you know something?
65
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:31,609
Those children of mine
are gonna kill each other
66
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:33,177
one of these days.
67
00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:36,481
Jason put Jennifer's Pokey doll
in the microwave.
68
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:38,116
Oh.
69
00:03:38,150 --> 00:03:39,783
Oh.
And she found it.
70
00:03:39,818 --> 00:03:42,953
Now she's got to live
with that nightmare.
71
00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:45,723
Elaine, I don't want to
seem unsympathetic
to your problems,
72
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:47,826
but don't we have to get
to an appointment?
73
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:49,594
Oh, oh, Alex,
about that, uh,
74
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:52,430
I promised Jennifer
I'd go home.
75
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:54,599
Hmm?
Pokey's funeral is
this afternoon.
76
00:03:54,633 --> 00:03:55,900
Elaine!
77
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:57,835
You're kidding-- you're
indulging that kid!
78
00:03:57,869 --> 00:03:59,003
Pokey is a...
79
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:00,771
Was Alex, was.
80
00:04:00,806 --> 00:04:01,706
Forgive me.
81
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:04,009
Pokey was a rubber toy.
82
00:04:04,043 --> 00:04:07,912
With feelings and emotions
like any other rubber toy.
83
00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:10,415
What am I saying?
84
00:04:10,449 --> 00:04:11,783
Look, why don't I
85
00:04:11,817 --> 00:04:13,151
just give you
Dr. Jeffries's address,
86
00:04:13,185 --> 00:04:14,352
and then you can...
No, no wait,
Elaine,
87
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:16,021
I just promised...
Come on, Alex, come on, do this.
88
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,489
Do this favor and I'll owe you
a big favor.
89
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:20,058
I'll see you.
Bye, Tony.
Oh...
90
00:04:20,092 --> 00:04:23,027
now I'm stuck with this thing.
91
00:04:23,062 --> 00:04:26,364
I have to take Latka
to a psychiatrist.
92
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,000
So he hasn't been
acting like himself
lately-- big deal.
93
00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:30,835
Big deal.
94
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:32,536
All right, I'll
take him.
95
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:35,339
I'm telling you Tony, Elaine is
making much too much of this.
96
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,710
Are you finished, Arlo?
97
00:04:39,745 --> 00:04:41,746
Finished?
98
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,748
Uh, partner, I'm
as finished
99
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,249
as a white suit
on a sissy
100
00:04:45,284 --> 00:04:47,218
who's been wrestling a
half-breed in pig slop.
101
00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:54,125
On the other hand, Elaine
may have a point there.
102
00:04:54,159 --> 00:04:56,093
¶
103
00:05:10,275 --> 00:05:12,309
Congratulate me.
104
00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,246
This is my last
cigarette.
105
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,918
Is, uh, toward you
masculine
106
00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:21,920
and away from me
feminine?
107
00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:23,754
I can never remember.
108
00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:25,723
Mmm.
109
00:05:28,794 --> 00:05:31,262
Would you like to know
how I quit?
110
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,198
Why?
111
00:05:33,232 --> 00:05:34,299
(stammering)
112
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,067
I just said to myself,
113
00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:38,069
I'm gonna do it all today.
114
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,837
You know, the first day
115
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:42,907
of the rest of your life
kind of thing.
116
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,010
From now on,
it's no more cigarettes,
117
00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:49,080
no more promiscuity.
118
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:52,751
No more Doris Marie Winslow
giving her phone number
119
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:56,121
when it's listed
anyway.
120
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:06,964
You know
I don't miss it.
121
00:06:06,999 --> 00:06:09,934
I thought this was
gonna be tough.
122
00:06:11,169 --> 00:06:13,438
My taste buds are returning.
123
00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:15,206
I admire your
willpower.
124
00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:19,611
Hello?
125
00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:21,312
Where am I?
126
00:06:21,346 --> 00:06:24,315
What-- why am I dressed
like the poop-kicker?
127
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,653
Latka, is that you?
128
00:06:28,687 --> 00:06:30,421
Of course it is.
129
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,157
Dr. Jeffries will be ready
for you in a minute.
130
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:33,558
Thank you.
Dr. Jeffries?
131
00:06:33,592 --> 00:06:34,759
Is somebody sick?
132
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:35,927
He's a psychiatrist.
133
00:06:35,961 --> 00:06:37,629
Uh, remember, we made
an appointment?
134
00:06:37,663 --> 00:06:39,830
Oh, why do I need
a psychiatrist?
135
00:06:39,864 --> 00:06:41,499
Well, for, uh,
for openers,
136
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:43,501
there's this split
personality thing.
137
00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:46,036
Oh, no, no, that was
just a joke.
138
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:47,672
Joke?
Joke, yeah,
take a joke.
139
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:48,940
You mean you were
just kidding?
140
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:50,508
Yeah, just telling
a joke.
Oh, really?
141
00:06:50,542 --> 00:06:52,544
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
142
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,346
You mean, you Latka, were just
pretending to be Arlo?
143
00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,148
Only pretend, yes.
Oh, really.
144
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,549
Why don't you
just show me?
145
00:06:58,584 --> 00:06:59,784
Show you?
Yeah, prove it,
please.
146
00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:01,052
Prove it?
Yeah.
147
00:07:01,086 --> 00:07:02,720
Okay.
Go ahead,
right now.
148
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:04,689
Prove it to you?
Yeah.
149
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,636
All right, buckaroo.
150
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:24,709
There is not room enough
in this town
151
00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:28,713
for the-the-the...
the both of us.
152
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,715
There is no room.
153
00:07:30,749 --> 00:07:32,049
(grunting)
154
00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:33,918
Wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
155
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,921
This gets better.
156
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,391
We both-both going to have to go
to the other town.
157
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:42,960
No, Latka, no.
158
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,128
No good?
No.
159
00:07:44,162 --> 00:07:45,329
Come on, Latka.
160
00:07:45,363 --> 00:07:47,164
All right.
161
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,733
Dr. Jeffries will see you now.
162
00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:49,867
Thank you.
Oh, no,
163
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:51,002
he will see my dust.
164
00:07:51,036 --> 00:07:53,338
No, no, no, no, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
165
00:07:53,405 --> 00:07:56,774
Look, Elaine thinks this is
important, and maybe it is.
166
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,110
Latka, there's nothing
to be afraid of.
167
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,845
I mean, you-you have
a stomachache,
168
00:08:00,879 --> 00:08:02,413
you go to a doctor,
right?
Yeah.
169
00:08:02,447 --> 00:08:04,415
You have a toothache,
you go to a dentist.
170
00:08:04,449 --> 00:08:06,918
You have primary and
secondary ego diffusion,
171
00:08:06,952 --> 00:08:08,753
you go to a psychiatrist.
172
00:08:08,787 --> 00:08:10,554
Look, Latka, you're here
right now, okay?
173
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:11,889
Just-just talk
to the man.
174
00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:13,224
All right.
175
00:08:13,258 --> 00:08:15,093
You know, I'm glad
you are my friend, Alex.
176
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,661
I'm glad you are here
with me.
Latka,
177
00:08:16,695 --> 00:08:18,228
there's nothing I
wouldn't do for you.
178
00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:19,363
Oh, good!
179
00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:20,731
Then I'm going
to need someone
180
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:22,700
to cut these pants off.
181
00:08:26,271 --> 00:08:29,206
(sobbing)
182
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:41,152
And I-I have never felt
so emotional in my life.
183
00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:46,291
I cry and I cry
every time I think about them.
184
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,059
Latka, I think we were all moved
185
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:52,030
when Prince Charles
kissed Lady Di,
186
00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:55,232
but, uh, perhaps we ought to,
you know,
187
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,501
take this time
to talk about you.
188
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,971
Oh no, go on,
189
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,606
I don't want to seem
like a bore.
190
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,240
No, no, no, no.
191
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,843
No, I'd-I'd just--
I'd be--
192
00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:07,512
I'd be fascinated.
193
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:08,646
Why don't you tell me
194
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,349
what it was like growing
up in your country?
195
00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:13,184
Well, it was--
196
00:09:13,218 --> 00:09:15,186
it was a full childhood.
197
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,188
We had-- we had the wood,
198
00:09:17,222 --> 00:09:20,157
we had the bucket,
we had the chair.
199
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,394
Then when I was eight,
my father got a raise,
200
00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:26,964
so we moved someplace indoors.
201
00:09:29,668 --> 00:09:33,270
Boy, I'm glad I got that
off my chest.
202
00:09:33,304 --> 00:09:35,339
You're good.
203
00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:41,645
Were you happy
as a child?
204
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,213
What's not to be happy?
205
00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:45,883
We had the wood, we had the
bucket, we had the chair,
206
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:47,651
and we had the mother
who forced me to--
207
00:09:47,685 --> 00:09:49,319
oh, hello!
208
00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:51,222
This might be something.
209
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,423
Yes, Latka, yes, go on.
210
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,226
Oh, no, no, it is nothing.
211
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,593
This is okay, Latka.
212
00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:59,097
If you don't feel like talking,
you don't have to.
213
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:01,799
But the more you talk,
the more I can help you.
214
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,634
(as Vic Ferrari):
Okay, what do you want
to talk about?
215
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,736
I love talking to shrinks.
216
00:10:09,074 --> 00:10:12,110
Uh, we-we haven't met, have we?
217
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,044
Vic, Vic Ferrari.
218
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:21,986
Whoa!
219
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,755
Somebody blew a bundle
at the Dodge City Sears.
220
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:26,723
(laughs)
221
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:29,994
Vic, uh...
222
00:10:30,028 --> 00:10:33,865
I'm-I'm Dr. Jeffries,
Latka's psychiatrist.
223
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,132
Oh, really, eh?
224
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:38,069
What is this, the "I'm okay,
you're okay" corral?
225
00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:41,939
Book this boy on Merv.
226
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,943
Vic, it was great seeing you.
227
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:49,280
But, uh, now I'd like
to talk to Latka.
228
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,615
Oh, Latka Gravas?
Yes.
229
00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:53,283
Hey, he's a cute little guy,
but between you and me, Doc, uh,
230
00:10:53,318 --> 00:10:56,286
he's all oatmeal north of the
eyebrows, you know what I mean?
231
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:59,289
But, uh, if you want him,
you got him.
232
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:01,859
(as Latka):
Why are you writing so fast?
233
00:11:01,894 --> 00:11:04,629
Huh?
234
00:11:04,663 --> 00:11:05,963
Uh, Latka?
235
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:07,598
Yes?
I just met Vic.
236
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,033
Oh, yeah?
237
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:11,969
Well, I have some messages
for him.
238
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,308
Latka, uh, you had the wood,
239
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,810
you had the bucket,
you had the chair,
240
00:11:19,844 --> 00:11:23,047
and you had the mother who--
who what?
241
00:11:23,081 --> 00:11:24,916
Latka, I think you
want to tell me.
242
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,584
Well...
243
00:11:27,619 --> 00:11:30,721
she forced me to spend the
summers with my Uncle Bobka.
244
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,126
Listen, would--
245
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,729
is it possible for me to speak
with Uncle Bobka?
246
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:41,632
Well, you can try,
but you have to talk loud.
247
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,600
You see, they buried him
12 years ago.
248
00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:47,838
Well, uh, could you tell me
249
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:51,141
what, uh, uh,
Uncle Bobka was like?
250
00:11:51,176 --> 00:11:53,377
Oh sure, I can do that.
251
00:11:53,411 --> 00:11:54,645
I show you.
252
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,813
(clears throat)
253
00:11:55,847 --> 00:11:57,849
He would say to me,
254
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,517
(in deep voice):
"Don't be such
a crybaby, Latka.
255
00:12:00,552 --> 00:12:03,588
"I will make a man
of you.
256
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:04,555
"Come with me.
257
00:12:04,589 --> 00:12:07,391
I will put hair on your yanick."
258
00:12:07,425 --> 00:12:10,795
Then he would take me
down to the river
259
00:12:10,829 --> 00:12:12,797
and pretend
to throw me in.
260
00:12:12,831 --> 00:12:15,633
(as young Latka):
"But I don't know how to swim,
Uncle Bobka."
261
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,101
(in deep voice):
"Oh, come on,
262
00:12:17,135 --> 00:12:20,070
everybody knows how to swim
if they have to."
263
00:12:20,105 --> 00:12:22,506
Then, he would
throw me up in the air
264
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:25,575
and catch me at the last minute.
265
00:12:25,610 --> 00:12:29,146
You see, he had no children
of his own to destroy.
266
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:32,749
Every night
I would lie in bed
267
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:36,854
awake and I would wish
I was never been born.
268
00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:38,022
Yeah,
269
00:12:38,056 --> 00:12:39,924
what a terrible time
you must have had.
270
00:12:39,958 --> 00:12:41,592
Well, not so bad.
271
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:45,363
Some children never
get to see their uncles.
272
00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:47,331
Latka, this, you know,
273
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,599
this has been
a remarkable session.
274
00:12:49,601 --> 00:12:52,203
Thank you very much.
275
00:12:52,237 --> 00:12:55,639
But, uh, now, I'd, uh,
276
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:58,308
I'd like to see
Alex Reiger, please.
277
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,077
Okay.
278
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:04,681
Could you send, uh,
Alex Reiger in, please?
279
00:13:04,716 --> 00:13:05,950
(as ALEX):
Hi, Doc, Alex Reiger.
280
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:07,551
Pleased to meet you.
281
00:13:09,487 --> 00:13:10,554
Excuse me.
282
00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:12,323
You're, you're Alex Reiger?
283
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,591
That's right,
I'm a cab driver
and I don't mind.
284
00:13:16,161 --> 00:13:21,031
Well, Alex, uh,
you know it's...
285
00:13:23,735 --> 00:13:25,435
...good meeting you.
286
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:28,105
But I was just talking
to Latka and I'd,
287
00:13:28,139 --> 00:13:29,907
I'd really like
to see him again.
288
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:32,310
Well, uh, I'd like
to oblige, Doc,
289
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:33,678
but I'm afraid
that's impossible.
290
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,279
You see, Latka's gone.
291
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:36,313
He's gone?
292
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:38,649
I see. Oh...
293
00:13:38,683 --> 00:13:41,618
Could I see Vic?
294
00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:43,454
Arlo?
295
00:13:43,488 --> 00:13:45,890
Anybody?
296
00:13:48,159 --> 00:13:50,661
Doctor Jeffries?
Yes, yes, come in.
297
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:53,331
Uh, could you excuse us
a minute?
298
00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,265
I, uh...
299
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,807
I, uh...
300
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:05,076
I'd like to have a word
alone with your friend.
301
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,577
Sure, Doc.
I'll be waiting outside.
302
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,714
Excuse me.
303
00:14:10,748 --> 00:14:12,549
Certainly.
304
00:14:18,556 --> 00:14:21,359
Doctor, excuse me.
305
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:23,194
Who does he remind me of?
306
00:14:23,228 --> 00:14:25,362
Sit down.
307
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,497
Uh, first of all, Mr. Reiger.
308
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:29,366
Who was that guy?
309
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,936
I just want to set your
mind at ease that,
310
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:35,139
uh, Latka, Mr. Gravas,
is in no danger.
311
00:14:35,173 --> 00:14:36,340
It wasn't Arlo.
312
00:14:36,374 --> 00:14:37,741
It wasn't Vic.
And, uh...
313
00:14:37,775 --> 00:14:38,875
Who was he?
314
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:40,277
Yeah, he'll, he'll be okay.
315
00:14:40,345 --> 00:14:42,179
Just as long as he has
all his friends
316
00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:43,647
around him to give him support,
317
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:44,781
as long as he--
Fine.
318
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:45,983
But who is he?
319
00:14:46,017 --> 00:14:49,719
Alex... he's you.
320
00:15:00,832 --> 00:15:02,466
Hi, Alex.
Hi, Tony.
321
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:04,668
Alex, I'm worried.
322
00:15:04,702 --> 00:15:08,339
I got to take my college
aptitude test next week.
323
00:15:08,373 --> 00:15:11,676
In my high school, they
didn't even teach aptitude.
324
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:15,378
Well, Tony, not everybody
should go to college.
325
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,748
That's what it said under
my picture in the yearbook.
326
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:21,885
It's so tough.
327
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,286
You know, when
I was in the ring,
328
00:15:23,321 --> 00:15:24,788
I knew that's
what I wanted to be.
329
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,024
Now, I don't know what I'm
going to do with my life.
330
00:15:27,058 --> 00:15:28,725
Wait a minute, Tony.
331
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,262
If you miss boxing so much,
332
00:15:31,296 --> 00:15:33,063
have you ever
considered being a ref?
333
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:34,564
...eree?
334
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,369
Yeah, you remember
the referee.
335
00:15:38,403 --> 00:15:39,937
He was the one in the ring
336
00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:42,707
who wasn't
beating you senseless.
337
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,875
(laughing)
338
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:46,343
A ref, huh, Alex?
Yeah.
339
00:15:46,377 --> 00:15:48,412
You know, I like that idea.
340
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:49,346
I'm gonna think about that.
341
00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:50,380
Thank you.
342
00:15:50,414 --> 00:15:52,316
A ref...
343
00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:56,620
(AS ALEX):
Here you go, Lou.
Ooh.
344
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:58,589
Ooh!
345
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:00,757
Another lollapaloosa night
346
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:04,428
for Reiger number two!
347
00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,864
I kiss the day you went
off your nut, Alex.
348
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,401
Hey, Lou, uh, what do you
think of the human race?
349
00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,936
I'd like an outsider's opinion.
350
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,544
Funnier than you.
351
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:24,781
A buck and a half
for your thoughts.
352
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,018
Inflation.
353
00:16:28,052 --> 00:16:29,220
Ah, it's nothing.
354
00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,921
I had a little problem,
I got it all solved.
355
00:16:30,955 --> 00:16:32,423
I'm going to be a referee.
356
00:16:32,457 --> 00:16:33,991
Sure you want to be a referee?
357
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:35,392
I don't know, I mean,
358
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:38,128
the money ain't that great
and fans hate them.
359
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,464
Oh, why do you want
to be a referee?
360
00:16:40,498 --> 00:16:41,498
I don't know.
361
00:16:41,532 --> 00:16:43,600
Somebody thought it
was a good idea.
362
00:16:43,634 --> 00:16:45,669
Sounds like terrible
advice to me.
363
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:47,437
Me, too.
364
00:16:50,875 --> 00:16:52,609
A referee?
365
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:55,179
I thought it was a good idea.
366
00:16:55,213 --> 00:16:56,480
Oh, hey, Alex?
367
00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:57,581
Yeah?
368
00:16:57,615 --> 00:17:00,451
Uh, no, no, no,
not you, Alex, this Alex.
369
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,286
Oh, right.
Oh, but that reminds me.
370
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,420
Alex?
Yeah?
371
00:17:03,454 --> 00:17:04,688
Uh, no, no, no,
not you, Alex,
372
00:17:04,722 --> 00:17:06,490
this Alex.
Oh, right.
373
00:17:06,524 --> 00:17:08,992
That advice you gave me
worked out beautifully.
374
00:17:09,026 --> 00:17:11,328
I kept Jason and Jennifer
apart until they begged me
375
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:12,963
to let them play
with each other again.
376
00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:14,965
Well, I'm just glad
it worked out.
377
00:17:14,999 --> 00:17:16,433
Thanks.
378
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:18,802
They're making you a card
for your refrigerator.
379
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:22,373
Now, Alex, guess what?
380
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:24,975
I have two tickets to see
Lena Horne tonight.
381
00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:26,143
You want to go?
382
00:17:26,177 --> 00:17:27,410
Uh, oh, no, I'm sorry Elaine,
383
00:17:27,445 --> 00:17:29,279
I, uh, I'm going to
the hockey game tonight.
384
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:30,581
Sorry, I can't make it.
385
00:17:30,615 --> 00:17:31,882
Oh, that's okay.
386
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:34,284
I-I can find somebody else.
387
00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:38,455
Um...
388
00:17:38,489 --> 00:17:40,423
I have two tickets
for Lena Horne tonight.
389
00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:41,992
Would you like to go?
390
00:17:42,026 --> 00:17:43,060
Sure, great.
391
00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:44,461
I got tickets to
the hockey game,
392
00:17:44,495 --> 00:17:46,663
but I'll just give
them to some kid.
393
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,538
I should have done that.
394
00:17:54,572 --> 00:17:56,806
Okay, Alex, then it's a date.
395
00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,309
Uh, take your ticket 'cause I
have to meet you there, okay?
396
00:17:59,343 --> 00:18:00,644
All right.
Okay.
397
00:18:00,678 --> 00:18:02,279
Thank you.
398
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,482
Elaine, Elaine!
399
00:18:05,516 --> 00:18:07,685
You just made a
date with Latka!
400
00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:10,821
Uh, yeah, I guess I did, huh?
401
00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:12,956
I don't believe this!
402
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,225
I don't believe that
you're not more concerned.
403
00:18:15,259 --> 00:18:17,360
You were the one that
got him to go to see
404
00:18:17,395 --> 00:18:19,029
a psychiatrist because
you were so upset.
405
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:21,298
Yeah, I know, I, I did.
406
00:18:21,333 --> 00:18:22,867
You know, it's kind of strange,
407
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:26,337
but, now that he's you,
somehow it seems okay.
408
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:27,804
Wait a minute!
409
00:18:27,838 --> 00:18:31,375
Are you making a case
for multiple personality now?
410
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:33,544
You know, you're getting
awfully emotional about this.
411
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:35,045
You're damn right I am!
412
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,880
How would you like someone
living your life?
413
00:18:36,914 --> 00:18:38,449
And having more fun at it?
414
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:42,119
I mean, I might
not have been much,
415
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:45,122
but at least I was
the only one being me.
416
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:47,024
How come he's smarter than I am?
417
00:18:47,058 --> 00:18:49,692
How come he's booking
more money than I am?
418
00:18:49,727 --> 00:18:51,261
How come he's, uh...
419
00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:51,995
More fun.
420
00:18:52,029 --> 00:18:53,530
Thank you. More fun.
421
00:18:53,564 --> 00:18:56,700
Maybe I should be the
one giving up being me!
422
00:18:56,734 --> 00:18:58,102
You seem upset about
something, Alex.
423
00:18:58,136 --> 00:19:00,771
Yes, I am!
424
00:19:00,805 --> 00:19:02,206
You know, I'm on my way
to see Dr. Jeffries now
425
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,540
and he's helped me a lot.
426
00:19:03,574 --> 00:19:04,774
Maybe he'll help you, too.
Oh?
427
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:06,310
Would you like to come
and talk to him?
428
00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:07,144
Would I like to come...
429
00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:08,579
(stammering):
Yes, right now.
430
00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:10,480
Hi, Alex.
431
00:19:10,514 --> 00:19:12,549
Hi, Jim.
Hi, Jim.
432
00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:17,388
Where are they going?
433
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,189
To see their psychiatrist.
434
00:19:19,223 --> 00:19:23,593
Boy, what do you think
the odds are
435
00:19:23,627 --> 00:19:26,129
of two guys
having the same name,
436
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,797
in the same garage,
437
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:30,067
going to see
the same psychiatrist
438
00:19:30,101 --> 00:19:32,569
at the same time?
439
00:19:32,603 --> 00:19:35,406
Gotta be three to one.
440
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,546
Dr. Jeffries,
441
00:19:42,580 --> 00:19:44,381
you've been seeing
Latka for a month now
442
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:45,849
and I'm getting worried
about his health.
443
00:19:45,883 --> 00:19:47,217
Oh, I don't think there's
444
00:19:47,251 --> 00:19:48,785
any need to worry
about his condition.
445
00:19:48,819 --> 00:19:49,786
Well, I do.
446
00:19:49,820 --> 00:19:51,021
I'm going to strangle that guy.
447
00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,656
Now, how long is this
going to last?
448
00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:54,290
Well, from what I know about it,
449
00:19:54,325 --> 00:19:56,793
I'm surprised
it's gone on this long.
450
00:19:56,828 --> 00:20:00,363
But this is a fascinating case.
451
00:20:00,397 --> 00:20:04,067
(chuckling):
I'm a lucky guy.
452
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:08,005
Hey,
453
00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:10,207
maybe you can help.
454
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:10,941
Hmm?
Yes.
455
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:12,376
Would you mind,
456
00:20:12,410 --> 00:20:14,944
would you mind staying
through his session?
457
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:19,483
All right.
458
00:20:23,921 --> 00:20:25,155
Uh, Mr. Reiger?
459
00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:27,791
Would you step in now please?
460
00:20:31,429 --> 00:20:34,097
Would you mind sharing
this session with him?
461
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:36,300
Not at all.
462
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,537
Don't hog the therapy.
463
00:20:41,806 --> 00:20:45,275
Well, Alex, what's it
been like this week?
464
00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:46,643
Well, Doc,
465
00:20:46,678 --> 00:20:49,045
I've been thinking
about my life a lot.
466
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,182
Where does Alex Reiger
go from here?
467
00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:54,784
I mean, uh, I don't
want to crab
468
00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:57,054
uh, we're here,
we take a shot.
469
00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:59,289
But when you
examine my life,
470
00:20:59,323 --> 00:21:02,493
I had a bad marriage, my
wife was cheating on me.
471
00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:03,660
Which was probably my fault,
472
00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:05,395
I mean, I should have
caught her sooner.
473
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:09,166
My daughter's grown, and, uh,
474
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,101
we're not as close as I'd like.
475
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,503
She does seem grateful,
476
00:21:12,537 --> 00:21:14,504
but, uh, I think
that's primarily
477
00:21:14,538 --> 00:21:16,773
for not inheriting my nose.
478
00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:18,575
Are you self-conscious
about your nose?
479
00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:20,610
No!
Well, I sure am!
480
00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:22,412
I got a honker here
that won't quit!
481
00:21:22,446 --> 00:21:24,514
I mean, who are we kidding?
482
00:21:24,548 --> 00:21:26,750
But forget about how
I screwed up things right now.
483
00:21:26,784 --> 00:21:28,485
I was thinking just
the other night,
484
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:30,820
I got a mediocre job
which I do very well.
485
00:21:30,855 --> 00:21:32,156
Yeah.
486
00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:34,091
But it doesn't stimulate me.
That's right.
487
00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:37,093
I like my friends, but the
nature of the relationship
488
00:21:37,127 --> 00:21:39,228
seems to be that I'm some
kind of authority figure.
489
00:21:39,263 --> 00:21:40,431
Right.
490
00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,098
I listen to their problems
491
00:21:42,133 --> 00:21:43,534
and I'm not supposed
to have any!
492
00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:44,768
Yeah!
493
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:48,639
I take pride in accepting
things the way they are,
494
00:21:48,673 --> 00:21:51,007
but I just realized that
maybe that's because, uh,
495
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:53,276
it's an excuse for not
having any ambition.
496
00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:55,579
(whistles)
497
00:21:55,613 --> 00:21:56,947
I'm starting to realize
498
00:21:56,981 --> 00:21:58,815
that my love for life
is unrequited.
499
00:21:58,849 --> 00:22:02,119
Oh, God, yes.
500
00:22:02,153 --> 00:22:04,888
Oh, he's pouring out
my heart here.
501
00:22:06,691 --> 00:22:08,658
So, I was really down
502
00:22:08,692 --> 00:22:10,727
till suddenly it came to me.
503
00:22:10,761 --> 00:22:13,896
The exact thing
that I should do
504
00:22:13,931 --> 00:22:16,099
to put my whole life in order!
505
00:22:16,133 --> 00:22:17,301
What's that?
506
00:22:17,335 --> 00:22:19,136
And I feel like
a million bucks!
507
00:22:19,170 --> 00:22:20,537
What?
508
00:22:20,571 --> 00:22:22,139
And you know what it is?
509
00:22:22,173 --> 00:22:22,973
What?
510
00:22:23,007 --> 00:22:25,776
It's so damn simple!
511
00:22:25,810 --> 00:22:26,944
What, what, what, what, what?
512
00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:30,113
The answer to it all is...
513
00:22:30,147 --> 00:22:31,749
What?!
What, what?!
514
00:22:31,783 --> 00:22:34,451
(as LATKA):
So, we had the bucket,
we had the wood...
515
00:22:34,485 --> 00:22:37,020
No, no, no, no!
516
00:22:37,055 --> 00:22:38,188
No, no, no!
517
00:22:38,222 --> 00:22:40,657
What was it? What?!
518
00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:43,127
(babbling)
No!
519
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:44,361
Mr. Reiger.
He almost had it,
520
00:22:44,395 --> 00:22:45,795
you heard him,
he almost had it!
521
00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:47,064
What? What's simple?
522
00:22:47,098 --> 00:22:48,665
Alex, you're squeezing me.
523
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:51,034
Huh? Oh.
524
00:22:51,068 --> 00:22:53,403
Thank you very much.
525
00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:56,807
What is this?
526
00:22:57,775 --> 00:22:59,876
Ooh, could I please go now?
527
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:02,478
I think I have a good
seat to see Lena Horne.
528
00:23:02,513 --> 00:23:03,980
Yeah.
529
00:23:04,015 --> 00:23:07,184
I think we've accomplished
a lot in one day.
530
00:23:07,218 --> 00:23:10,253
Yeah, must've been placed
here by a "put-pocket."
531
00:23:13,991 --> 00:23:16,126
Bye-bye.
532
00:23:17,395 --> 00:23:19,997
Thanks, Alex.
533
00:23:20,031 --> 00:23:21,398
Good seeing you again.
534
00:23:21,432 --> 00:23:23,200
Huh? Oh, yeah.
535
00:23:23,234 --> 00:23:24,634
It was good seeing you, too.
536
00:23:28,472 --> 00:23:32,976
Doctor, since there is time
left in the session...
537
00:23:33,010 --> 00:23:35,645
Have a seat.
538
00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:38,915
(as LATKA):
Thank you very much.
539
00:24:15,653 --> 00:24:17,354
WOMAN:
Good night,
Mr. Walters!
540
00:24:17,388 --> 00:24:18,355
(grumbling)
36965
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