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1
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:13,768 --> 00:00:16,136
- What?
- No. Nothing.
3
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:18,200
Flies like a dream.
4
00:00:19,799 --> 00:00:23,341
Well, she did before you
crashed her into a goddamn street
5
00:00:23,343 --> 00:00:25,510
anybody with the sense
God gave a goddamn duck
6
00:00:25,512 --> 00:00:28,046
could tell was nowhere
near wide enough.
7
00:00:28,048 --> 00:00:31,383
- Ugh, ducks.
- Don't start your racist bullshit.
8
00:00:31,384 --> 00:00:33,217
- You know I'm right.
- And I'm in no mood.
9
00:00:33,219 --> 00:00:34,687
In some kind of mood.
10
00:00:34,688 --> 00:00:36,720
Yeah, you want to guess why?
11
00:00:36,722 --> 00:00:38,923
- Sterling?
- Like in general, or...
12
00:00:38,924 --> 00:00:40,058
- Bird.
- Sterling!
13
00:00:40,059 --> 00:00:43,061
What?!
Sorry. What can I do for you?
14
00:00:43,062 --> 00:00:46,397
Well, you can start by watching
that tone, mister.
15
00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:49,267
And then, you can tell me
why I'm looking at the package
16
00:00:49,269 --> 00:00:51,769
you were supposed to fly
to Tahiti today.
17
00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:53,904
Oh, did I not do that?
18
00:00:53,906 --> 00:00:58,776
Do I need to remind you just who
exactly owns that flying crate?
19
00:00:59,945 --> 00:01:04,281
So wherever you idiots are,
and whatever idiocy you're up to...
20
00:01:04,283 --> 00:01:05,684
- I...
- I don't think idiots
21
00:01:05,685 --> 00:01:07,851
know how to find
a million dollar treasure.
22
00:01:07,853 --> 00:01:09,187
A what?!
23
00:01:09,188 --> 00:01:10,688
What'd she say, what treasure?
24
00:01:10,689 --> 00:01:14,024
What are you two up to?
Sterling?
25
00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:15,792
Because you're both
company employees
26
00:01:15,794 --> 00:01:19,929
using company resources on
company time, and so, legally,
27
00:01:19,931 --> 00:01:23,333
anything of value,
be it monetary or otherwise,
28
00:01:23,335 --> 00:01:25,802
that you may happen to make,
find, stumble upon,
29
00:01:25,804 --> 00:01:27,204
or otherwise obt...
30
00:01:29,774 --> 00:01:32,208
I, uh, probably shouldn't
have said anything, huh?
31
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:35,812
- Yeah, but was that necessary?
- No, Crackers, it wasn't.
32
00:01:35,814 --> 00:01:38,347
In fact, it was wildly unnecessary.
33
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:41,650
Like radish roses,
or Pam running her fat mouth.
34
00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:43,820
- I like radish roses.
- Right?
35
00:01:43,821 --> 00:01:45,322
- Typical.
- Of what?
36
00:01:45,323 --> 00:01:47,790
Of assholes.
Now get out your shitty map
37
00:01:47,791 --> 00:01:49,426
and get us to that goddamn idol
38
00:01:49,427 --> 00:01:51,594
so I can lie to my mother
about finding it,
39
00:01:51,596 --> 00:01:55,163
and begin living a life of
luxury where she can't find me.
40
00:01:55,165 --> 00:01:58,066
Okay. God.
And it's not a shitty map.
41
00:01:58,068 --> 00:01:59,235
It'll take us right to the idol.
42
00:01:59,236 --> 00:02:01,924
Just set old Lucy down
in Dead Man's Cove.
43
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,724
Seriously?
What, did somebody have dibs
44
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:10,331
- on Foreshadowing Lagoon?
- Hmm. It doesn't say.
45
00:02:43,438 --> 00:02:46,485
9x05 - Strange Doings in the Taboo Groves
46
00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,435
I just want to reiterate
47
00:02:54,437 --> 00:02:57,205
that I think it was a pretty
bad idea to shoot the radio.
48
00:02:57,207 --> 00:02:59,507
Jesus, talk about foreshadowing.
49
00:02:59,509 --> 00:03:01,542
Yeah, or don't.
In fact, how about you two
50
00:03:01,544 --> 00:03:03,111
don't talk about any...
51
00:03:03,282 --> 00:03:07,351
- What the hell was that?
- Maybe howler monkeys?
52
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,556
Hopefully howler monkeys?
53
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:15,626
Yeah, except howler monkeys only live
in Central and South America.
54
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,262
Not only.
Monkeys live everywhere.
55
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:18,430
- No, they...
- Shut up.
56
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:21,832
One time, I saw a monkey in a bar,
in Paris, France, Europe.
57
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,900
- Wha...?
- Dressed as a teeny tiny waiter.
58
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:27,538
Well, then I obviously stand corrected.
59
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:30,541
- Yeah. Like an idiot.
- I'm sorry?
60
00:03:30,542 --> 00:03:33,410
- Hello. Breakfast?
- Oh, do tell.
61
00:03:33,412 --> 00:03:35,579
I will have a crispy
golden Belgian waffle,
62
00:03:35,581 --> 00:03:37,447
drizzled with melted
Belgian chocolate,
63
00:03:37,449 --> 00:03:40,283
with a side of Belgian endive.
64
00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:42,185
And I feel like I'd feel a lot better
65
00:03:42,187 --> 00:03:44,053
if you were maybe
writing this down.
66
00:03:44,055 --> 00:03:46,623
No need, that's just
The King Leopold.
67
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:50,494
Really?
That's, like, a dish you have?
68
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:55,631
Oh, sarcasm. Well, then
I'll just have champagne.
69
00:03:55,633 --> 00:03:57,801
- Fresh out.
- Can you check again?
70
00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,702
Or, I could have
the Germans rip up
71
00:03:59,704 --> 00:04:02,671
the walls and floors
helping you look?
72
00:04:02,673 --> 00:04:08,165
- What kind?
- Mm... most expensive.
73
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,715
Speaking of which, has Sterling
mentioned anything to you
74
00:04:12,717 --> 00:04:16,519
about coming
into some money, or, say...
75
00:04:16,521 --> 00:04:18,353
treasure?
76
00:04:18,355 --> 00:04:21,056
Oh, you mean since the night he
defiled my young, supple body,
77
00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:24,359
destroyed my marriage, and
sentenced me to a life of shame?
78
00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:28,463
Or whenever.
And why the hell are you in here?!
79
00:04:28,465 --> 00:04:31,634
- Uh, breakfast?
- Not in here. You're 86'd.
80
00:04:31,635 --> 00:04:33,402
But I'm very hungry,
81
00:04:33,404 --> 00:04:36,671
and for some verdammt reason,
Luigi is not open.
82
00:04:36,673 --> 00:04:41,376
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
83
00:04:41,378 --> 00:04:45,212
I also overheard you mention
something about hidden treasure?
84
00:04:45,214 --> 00:04:47,549
- Nope.
- And also, I could not help
85
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:50,384
but notice you have there
a map of the island?
86
00:04:50,386 --> 00:04:52,319
- Nope.
- And so, naturally, I wonder
87
00:04:52,321 --> 00:04:55,490
if you think there is some treasure
hidden somewhere on the island.
88
00:04:55,491 --> 00:04:58,225
Like in the book
by Robert Louis Stevenson?
89
00:04:58,227 --> 00:04:59,927
"Weir of Hermiston?"
90
00:04:59,929 --> 00:05:01,929
Wha...?
Nein, Treasure Island.
91
00:05:01,931 --> 00:05:03,631
I don't know
all his goddamn books!
92
00:05:03,632 --> 00:05:06,200
- Move!
- But what I know
93
00:05:06,202 --> 00:05:09,270
is that unless you want Manu
to scramble your eggs...
94
00:05:09,272 --> 00:05:12,407
Yeah, I would love some scrambled...
Oh, I see.
95
00:05:12,408 --> 00:05:14,341
You mean my testicles.
96
00:05:14,343 --> 00:05:18,011
Schreckliche Stadt
zum Frühstück.
97
00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:20,847
Well? Which way,
"insert obscure reference
98
00:05:20,849 --> 00:05:22,216
to a famous cartographer"?
99
00:05:22,217 --> 00:05:24,586
- Ooh, Hendrik Hondius?
- Sure. Pam?
100
00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:27,354
- I don't know who that is.
- No. Which way?
101
00:05:27,355 --> 00:05:30,190
Okay, so...
okay, so, the thing is...
102
00:05:30,192 --> 00:05:32,859
Give me that.
Oh, my God.
103
00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,096
- Is that... shit?
- What?
104
00:05:35,097 --> 00:05:38,299
- Ew!
- No, dumb-ass. It's barbecue sauce.
105
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:40,166
- Wha...?
- Kansas City or Carolina?
106
00:05:40,168 --> 00:05:43,270
- What am I, an asshole?
- Already established, and so,
107
00:05:43,271 --> 00:05:44,838
what was already
the world's worst map
108
00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,273
you somehow made
even worse by...
109
00:05:47,275 --> 00:05:48,609
Wait, where'd you get barbecue?
110
00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,310
- What?
- I haven't had barbecue
111
00:05:50,311 --> 00:05:52,377
since we left Spain,
where the hell did you get it?
112
00:05:52,379 --> 00:05:54,047
- Oh. Uh...
- Pam.
113
00:05:54,048 --> 00:05:55,381
- Look, it's not...
- Oh, my God.
114
00:05:55,382 --> 00:05:56,617
- Did you...
- Oh, no.
115
00:05:56,618 --> 00:05:57,751
Eat a person?
116
00:05:57,752 --> 00:05:59,719
- What? No!
- Ew!
117
00:05:59,721 --> 00:06:02,388
- Then, where'd you get barbecue?
- I didn't.
118
00:06:02,389 --> 00:06:04,289
Then why'd you have
barbecue sauce?
119
00:06:04,291 --> 00:06:06,191
I don't... I mean,
I've been drinking it.
120
00:06:06,193 --> 00:06:07,360
- What?
- Oh, for the...
121
00:06:07,361 --> 00:06:09,562
As an aperitif.
Happy?
122
00:06:09,563 --> 00:06:13,299
- Happy you drink barbecue sauce?
- It's basically V8.
123
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:15,134
It's brown sugar and ketchup.
124
00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:18,338
- Goddamn it, which way, Pam?
- That way.
125
00:06:18,339 --> 00:06:21,506
- You're sure?
- Positive.
126
00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:23,441
Well, you totally sold that.
127
00:06:23,443 --> 00:06:24,744
I'm gonna miss
that dopey confidence
128
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:27,445
once we find this damn idol...
129
00:06:27,447 --> 00:06:28,681
- What the...?
- Archer?
130
00:06:28,682 --> 00:06:31,650
Oh! Ow! Oh!
Oh! Ugh!
131
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:35,821
- Oh...
- Archer?
132
00:06:35,822 --> 00:06:38,223
- Be careful.
- Thanks, dummy.
133
00:06:38,224 --> 00:06:42,360
- Eh.
- Oh, shit. It's a big, steep-ass ravine.
134
00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:44,495
Okay, I'm gonna
have to rappel down.
135
00:06:44,497 --> 00:06:45,830
Should I come with you?
136
00:06:45,831 --> 00:06:50,001
- Yeah. Or your dumb ass could fly.
- Oh, right.
137
00:06:57,643 --> 00:07:00,945
- Come on, you got it, just hurry up.
- Why, is he hurt?
138
00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:02,380
- No, but...
- Shut up.
139
00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:06,249
- Archer? You okay?
- Uh, yeah, currently.
140
00:07:08,029 --> 00:07:10,655
What do you mean, "currently"?
141
00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:13,056
Holy shitsnacks!
142
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,592
- Yeah.
- Quicksand!
143
00:07:15,594 --> 00:07:21,023
Yeah.
And that's still going on.
144
00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:24,179
Which... so great.
145
00:07:27,617 --> 00:07:30,617
You can not be serious.
Archer?
146
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:31,885
Is out there looking for the idol?
147
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,253
How does he even know
where to look?
148
00:07:33,254 --> 00:07:35,287
Well, I have no way
to know this, but, uh...
149
00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:38,791
But meanwhile, instead of
searching the jungle for the idol,
150
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:40,659
your men are getting drunk
every night
151
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,729
and shtupping
the crazy coconut lady.
152
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,731
They are really möndsuchtig.
153
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,051
- "Moonstruck"?
- Moonstruck.
154
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:50,935
- Besotted.
- I know what it means.
155
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,804
But I can't help wonder
if Japanese soldiers
156
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,906
wouldn't be much more disciplined.
157
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,910
All right. I get your point.
I will find it.
158
00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:00,011
Now, how about a little frühstück,
159
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:03,782
- my little passion fruit?
- Not until you pay me for the idol.
160
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:07,618
Oh, but that makes our
relationship sound so transactional.
161
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,654
It is transactional.
162
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,990
I know, but it hurts to hear it.
163
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:17,048
No idol, no money, no fruit.
164
00:08:17,863 --> 00:08:22,366
Deine Freizeit.
Ist kaputt!
165
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:24,868
Erste Sache,
nicht mehr mit deiser
166
00:08:24,870 --> 00:08:28,138
verrückten Kokosnussfrau
shtuppen!
167
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:29,708
Was willst Du?
168
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:32,176
Uh, we were wondering
if, perhaps, as a group,
169
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,444
we could speak English?
170
00:08:33,445 --> 00:08:35,378
- Yeah, English.
- Warum?
171
00:08:35,380 --> 00:08:38,748
Well, as you call her,
this "crazy coconut lady,"
172
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:41,885
does not speak German, so we
would like to practice English.
173
00:08:41,887 --> 00:08:43,722
- Yeah.
- Why not?
174
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:44,655
Why, do you think this woman
175
00:08:44,656 --> 00:08:46,824
would ever marry
one of you dummkopfen?
176
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,795
- I mean...
- Fine. English, then.
177
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,363
We march today into the jungle,
178
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:54,230
where we will search for
and find,
179
00:08:54,232 --> 00:08:58,535
something vital to the future
of our great fatherland.
180
00:08:58,537 --> 00:09:02,305
But the jungle is very
dangerous, full of lizards
181
00:09:02,307 --> 00:09:05,208
and snakes and cannibals
and what else, Gott weiß?
182
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:08,145
- Can we shoot the lizards and snakes?
- Yes, of course.
183
00:09:08,146 --> 00:09:11,881
- Can we shoot the cannibals?
- You can shoot anything you want!
184
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:13,850
Now are there
any other questions?
185
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:17,854
That are not
about shooting things?
186
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,889
Then, let's go.
187
00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:21,890
The American pilots may
have a head start on us.
188
00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:24,860
They also may be smarter
than they look.
189
00:09:24,862 --> 00:09:27,136
Because get the hell off me, bird!
190
00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:28,748
But I'm hugging you,
with my talons.
191
00:09:28,783 --> 00:09:30,065
- Why?
- 'Cause I'm here for you.
192
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:32,067
Well, "be here" somewhere else.
193
00:09:32,069 --> 00:09:34,370
Yeesh. With friends like you.
194
00:09:34,372 --> 00:09:36,805
Case in point, what'd
you mean when you said
195
00:09:36,807 --> 00:09:38,874
you were gonna miss me
once we found the idol?
196
00:09:38,876 --> 00:09:40,409
I... can we talk about this later?
197
00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:42,744
No. Why'd you say you'd miss me?
198
00:09:42,746 --> 00:09:44,046
I... look, you're gonna miss me
199
00:09:44,047 --> 00:09:45,881
if I drown
in this goddamn quicksand.
200
00:09:45,883 --> 00:09:49,717
Yeah, try not to thrash around,
it makes you sink faster.
201
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,954
- How would you know?
- Cowboy movies.
202
00:09:51,955 --> 00:09:53,688
Can you please
just get me out of here?
203
00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:55,123
And how's this
even supposed to work?
204
00:09:55,124 --> 00:09:56,725
Oh, my God, Elisha Otis,
205
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:59,093
you throw the rope
over that branch up there.
206
00:09:59,095 --> 00:10:01,562
I catch the rope,
I hold onto the rope.
207
00:10:01,564 --> 00:10:04,332
You hold on to your end of the rope,
and then you pull me to safety.
208
00:10:04,333 --> 00:10:06,267
But wait, I mean,
I can't pull you out
209
00:10:06,269 --> 00:10:10,371
- if you weigh more than I do.
- Excuse me?
210
00:10:10,373 --> 00:10:11,839
I mean, that's like science-physics.
211
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,276
- You think I weigh more than you.
- Uh, yeah.
212
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:17,195
- You're a man.
- Crackers?
213
00:10:17,196 --> 00:10:18,813
- Nope.
- Bird?
214
00:10:18,814 --> 00:10:22,016
Wait, what? You think
I weigh more than him?
215
00:10:22,018 --> 00:10:24,419
I mean...
No, not in a...
216
00:10:24,420 --> 00:10:27,894
Come on, you're big-boned.
And easily six five.
217
00:10:27,929 --> 00:10:28,823
Now can you please use
218
00:10:28,824 --> 00:10:31,090
those big-ass bones to get
me out of this bullshit?
219
00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:33,059
Okay, smart guys, I'll bet you.
220
00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:38,298
- 50 bucks says Archer's heavier.
- Make it a hundred.
221
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,734
- You're on.
- Well, but there's his actual weight,
222
00:10:40,736 --> 00:10:42,736
plus you also have to overcome
the suction power
223
00:10:42,738 --> 00:10:45,238
of the quicksand, and I don't
know if that's expressed
224
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,907
in foot-pounds,
or newton metres, or...
225
00:10:47,909 --> 00:10:49,410
I don't care if it's in ergs.
226
00:10:49,411 --> 00:10:51,477
- It's not.
- She still weighs more than me.
227
00:10:51,479 --> 00:10:55,915
- Then, let's make it 200.
- Bring it.
228
00:10:55,917 --> 00:10:57,917
The real problem here, though,
isn't which one of you
229
00:10:57,919 --> 00:11:01,587
weighs more, it's your combined
weights in relation to the...
230
00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:03,589
- Whoa!
- Oh, no, no, no. Ow!
231
00:11:03,591 --> 00:11:05,591
Oh! Ooh! W-Whoa.
232
00:11:08,329 --> 00:11:10,763
Yeah, I was gonna say
the branch.
233
00:11:13,468 --> 00:11:15,968
I mean, first Pam mentions treasure
234
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:19,237
and then that sneaky little
kraut gets all flustered,
235
00:11:19,239 --> 00:11:21,340
like he's heard of the treasure?
236
00:11:21,342 --> 00:11:23,782
What if there's actually
treasure on the island?
237
00:11:23,836 --> 00:11:25,511
Think it is a good story.
238
00:11:25,512 --> 00:11:28,046
I mean, it is no
"Weir of Hermiston," but...
239
00:11:28,048 --> 00:11:31,717
- Oh, shut up. What about him?
- He's not read it.
240
00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:34,051
No. Ask him about the treasure.
241
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:36,220
Like if there's a native legend
or something.
242
00:11:36,222 --> 00:11:41,542
_
243
00:11:42,328 --> 00:11:46,731
- He says yes.
- Where? Ask him where.
244
00:11:46,733 --> 00:11:48,900
Où, Doudou, où?
245
00:11:48,902 --> 00:11:52,769
He says somewhere
in this area here,
246
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,039
close to La Crique De I'Homme Mort.
247
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:57,274
It means Dead Man's Cove.
248
00:11:57,276 --> 00:12:01,483
"Dead Man's Cove"?
What, did somebody
249
00:12:01,518 --> 00:12:04,448
already have dibs
on Harbinger Harbor?
250
00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:08,438
- He say he don't know.
- Because why'd you say
251
00:12:08,439 --> 00:12:11,154
you'd miss me
once we found the goddamn idol?
252
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:12,557
- Oh, my God.
- Well?
253
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,725
I... wait. Crackers.
254
00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:16,560
If I can tie the rope
around this heavy branch,
255
00:12:16,562 --> 00:12:18,962
can you fly it up
into the notch of that tree
256
00:12:18,964 --> 00:12:20,398
and kind of wedge it in there?
257
00:12:20,399 --> 00:12:23,067
I don't know.
Can you bench-press a train?
258
00:12:23,068 --> 00:12:24,701
"I don't know.
Can you bench-press a train?"
259
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:27,937
Hey, but what I could do is
use the radio in the plane to...
260
00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:31,074
wait for it...
261
00:12:31,076 --> 00:12:33,109
- You know...
- I could fly back to town and get help.
262
00:12:33,111 --> 00:12:34,578
- I'm sure your mother would...
- No.
263
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:37,347
All Mother cares about
is getting her Manu-hooks
264
00:12:37,349 --> 00:12:40,950
into whatever money the idol's
worth thanks to Pam, so no.
265
00:12:40,952 --> 00:12:43,953
- Nobody's going anywhere.
- Certainly not you two.
266
00:12:43,955 --> 00:12:46,989
Will you shut up and let me think?
267
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:51,527
- Why'd you say you'd miss me if you...
- Goddamn it! Because!
268
00:12:51,529 --> 00:12:55,164
Pam! I'm currently up
to my ears in quicksand!
269
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,166
And before that,
I flew here in a plane
270
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:59,468
made out of literal garbage,
and before that,
271
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:02,471
my eyeball got shot out
in Spain, and before that,
272
00:13:02,473 --> 00:13:04,940
I went bust on those
goddamn chinchilladas.
273
00:13:04,942 --> 00:13:07,443
And the common denominator
in every bad thing
274
00:13:07,445 --> 00:13:11,547
that's ever happened to me
is you! And you know why?!
275
00:13:11,549 --> 00:13:14,950
Because the only two kinds of
luck you have are bad and none
276
00:13:14,952 --> 00:13:18,053
because you are a jinx!
277
00:13:18,055 --> 00:13:21,355
And that idol is my ticket
out of Loserville,
278
00:13:21,357 --> 00:13:24,425
population you!
279
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:35,002
- Goddamn, dude.
- Shut up, bird! And as for you...
280
00:13:35,004 --> 00:13:40,208
Hey. Hey, come on.
Knock it off. I-I-I'm sorry.
281
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:42,110
I didn't mean that.
I-I just meant...
282
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,278
Ow! What the...?
283
00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:50,283
So great.
284
00:13:56,861 --> 00:13:58,561
Ow.
285
00:13:58,562 --> 00:14:00,329
What the hell
are you doing over there?
286
00:14:00,331 --> 00:14:03,698
- Waiting for your pitch?
- I'm doing the best I can.
287
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,467
Which I'm sure
isn't good enough for you
288
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:09,071
because apparently, it never is,
but don't worry.
289
00:14:09,073 --> 00:14:11,273
If we get out of here alive...
290
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:13,741
you and me are quitsies.
291
00:14:13,743 --> 00:14:16,077
Well, that suits me just fine.
292
00:14:16,079 --> 00:14:19,180
- Ow!
- Well, it's been not so nice knowing you.
293
00:14:19,182 --> 00:14:21,516
Guys, come on, you're talking crazy.
294
00:14:21,518 --> 00:14:23,218
Well, why should I
stick around somebody
295
00:14:23,219 --> 00:14:26,121
- who doesn't appreciate me?
- No, about getting out of here alive.
296
00:14:26,122 --> 00:14:27,989
Uh, I've been in tougher
scrapes than... ow!
297
00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:30,091
He's right. We can't do this forever.
298
00:14:33,096 --> 00:14:36,263
That is very strange.
299
00:14:36,265 --> 00:14:38,332
It sounds like howler monkeys,
300
00:14:38,334 --> 00:14:41,068
but they are not indigenous
to the Pacific.
301
00:14:41,070 --> 00:14:45,271
[groans] Yes, damn it,
you can shoot the monkeys!
302
00:14:45,273 --> 00:14:47,440
Then what?
What was your question?
303
00:14:47,442 --> 00:14:52,045
Sorry. I was just going to ask
if we can shoot the monkeys.
304
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:54,047
- What?!
- He just said that.
305
00:14:54,049 --> 00:14:58,018
Ah, I know, but I was going
to ask it before he said that
306
00:14:58,020 --> 00:15:01,788
and then he asked me what my
question was and...
307
00:15:03,458 --> 00:15:06,126
Any other questions?
308
00:15:06,128 --> 00:15:07,495
Well, then what would
you suggest?
309
00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:09,723
- That I fly back to town for help.
- No!
310
00:15:09,758 --> 00:15:11,097
- What?
- What do you mean, "no"?
311
00:15:11,099 --> 00:15:12,999
You go back for help,
Mother's gonna find out,
312
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:16,102
get her nosy beak all up in it
and the next thing you know,
313
00:15:16,104 --> 00:15:18,504
she tricks us out of our
million dollar treasure.
314
00:15:18,513 --> 00:15:21,140
- What?
- Wait. So, you'd rather just die?
315
00:15:21,142 --> 00:15:23,442
Than to see her spending
my fortune on boy toys
316
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,411
and artisanal gin? Ow!
317
00:15:25,413 --> 00:15:26,680
- Oh, my God.
- Well?
318
00:15:26,681 --> 00:15:27,781
- I'm going for help.
- No!
319
00:15:27,782 --> 00:15:29,416
- Yes!
- No!
320
00:15:29,417 --> 00:15:32,084
- Yep. Yep, yep, yep.
- Goddamn it, Crackers.
321
00:15:32,086 --> 00:15:33,687
And you get the bird, by the way.
322
00:15:33,688 --> 00:15:36,221
- Who says I want him?
- I can still hear you.
323
00:15:36,223 --> 00:15:38,542
- Shut up, bird!
- Eh.
324
00:15:38,577 --> 00:15:41,427
- Excuse me?
- I said I'm going with you
325
00:15:41,429 --> 00:15:43,429
to look for hidden treasure
or whatever.
326
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:46,932
- Have you lost your mind?
- I think maybe I have,
327
00:15:46,967 --> 00:15:49,034
yeah, because if you leave me here,
328
00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:51,670
I am gonna burn down
your goddamn hotel!
329
00:15:51,672 --> 00:15:56,174
- You can't! Arrest her.
- Oh, no. Never again.
330
00:15:56,176 --> 00:15:58,402
I say bring her along.
With any luck,
331
00:15:58,437 --> 00:16:01,112
she will be torn apart
and eaten by wild animals.
332
00:16:01,114 --> 00:16:02,914
Mm-mmm!
333
00:16:04,785 --> 00:16:08,486
- Aw, shit.
- Oh, for... way to go, idiot.
334
00:16:08,488 --> 00:16:10,488
How is that my fault? Ow.
335
00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:12,756
How is everything your fault? Ow!
336
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:14,692
- Exactly.
- Wait, what?
337
00:16:14,694 --> 00:16:16,427
You're the one who's always
shooting off his...
338
00:16:16,429 --> 00:16:18,801
- Hey, wait. Where's your gun?
- Why?
339
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,265
You need something that's
full of goddamn quicksand?
340
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:22,934
You can at least show it to them.
341
00:16:22,935 --> 00:16:24,603
What good would that possibly do?
342
00:16:24,604 --> 00:16:26,336
I don't know.
It might scare them off.
343
00:16:26,338 --> 00:16:28,505
They don't know what a gun is.
Ow!
344
00:16:28,507 --> 00:16:30,207
You don't know that.
345
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,375
For all you know, they broke
out of some top secret lab.
346
00:16:32,377 --> 00:16:34,311
They might be super intelligent.
347
00:16:34,313 --> 00:16:37,347
- Do they look super intelligent?
- Oh.
348
00:16:37,349 --> 00:16:39,950
Who among us... ow!
349
00:16:39,952 --> 00:16:41,951
Come on.
Show them the heater.
350
00:16:41,953 --> 00:16:44,421
But only because
this is the last time
351
00:16:44,423 --> 00:16:48,291
I do one of your stupid ideas.
There. Happy?
352
00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:53,197
What the...?
Holy shit.
353
00:16:53,198 --> 00:16:54,732
- They're running away.
- See?
354
00:16:54,733 --> 00:16:56,466
It wasn't because of the gun.
355
00:16:56,468 --> 00:16:58,534
Yeah. I mean, maybe
they were just as sick
356
00:16:58,536 --> 00:17:00,703
of your bullshit as I am.
357
00:17:00,705 --> 00:17:02,505
They sound very excited, no?
358
00:17:02,507 --> 00:17:06,809
Must be
with the crazy coconut lady.
359
00:17:06,811 --> 00:17:10,880
Doudou!
Idiot, regards la route!
360
00:17:10,882 --> 00:17:14,250
Oh, my God, and if you see
any oysters, we have to stop.
361
00:17:14,252 --> 00:17:16,285
I am starving.
362
00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:18,754
Wh... where the hell
would we see oysters?!
363
00:17:19,756 --> 00:17:21,823
Wherever.
364
00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:23,759
- Oh, whatever.
- Then tell me.
365
00:17:23,761 --> 00:17:25,628
Tell me one time us being partners
366
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:29,465
got us out of a bad situation
instead of deeper in it.
367
00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:33,002
Oh, great.
Maybe you could float us out.
368
00:17:33,003 --> 00:17:36,088
I'm sorry. It just hurts
to hear your best friend
369
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:41,009
in the whole world say it's
just been a big fat waste of time
370
00:17:41,011 --> 00:17:45,446
and he'd be better off
if he never even met you,
371
00:17:45,448 --> 00:17:50,951
even after you gave him
the best years of your life
372
00:17:50,953 --> 00:17:56,724
and you got nothing...
nothing to show for it
373
00:17:56,726 --> 00:18:01,429
except for half
an old magical bird!
374
00:18:01,431 --> 00:18:04,865
- Magical?
- Well, how else can you explain it?
375
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:08,770
- That's not normal bird behavior.
- He's a parrot.
376
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:11,455
- Still, though.
- Well, but, come on,
377
00:18:11,456 --> 00:18:12,439
the best years of your life?
378
00:18:12,441 --> 00:18:14,575
I mean, it's not like
we were a couple.
379
00:18:14,577 --> 00:18:17,644
No. I was never a couple
with anybody
380
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:20,380
because I put everything into us
381
00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:24,918
and I have nothing, Archer!
Nothing!
382
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,321
Well, Jesus Christ, what
am I supposed to do, Pam?
383
00:18:27,323 --> 00:18:30,324
- Ask you to marry me?
- Wait, what?
384
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:31,492
What?
385
00:18:31,493 --> 00:18:32,860
- Are you...?
- Oh, no, no, no.
386
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,795
- No, I...
- Oh-ho! I get it!
387
00:18:35,797 --> 00:18:40,499
You'd have to be some kind
of giant flapping asshole
388
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:43,803
to ask that big dumb
Pam Poovey to marry you!
389
00:18:43,805 --> 00:18:46,405
No, come on.
You're a great... gal.
390
00:18:46,407 --> 00:18:48,808
You're smart.
You're funny.
391
00:18:48,810 --> 00:18:50,777
Any guy would be lucky to have you.
392
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:54,780
- You didn't say pretty.
- In your own way you are,
393
00:18:54,782 --> 00:18:57,316
if you'd ever put on
some makeup or a dress.
394
00:18:57,318 --> 00:18:58,818
And I mean, I assume you've got
395
00:18:58,819 --> 00:19:00,853
a pretty colossal set of tits
under there.
396
00:19:00,855 --> 00:19:03,889
They are.
They are goddamn colossal.
397
00:19:03,891 --> 00:19:06,993
And we are best friends.
You're actually the only person
398
00:19:06,994 --> 00:19:08,093
I don't hate to be around.
399
00:19:08,095 --> 00:19:11,529
I guess we do kind of make
a pretty great team.
400
00:19:11,531 --> 00:19:16,802
Wait. What are you...
what are you saying?
401
00:19:16,804 --> 00:19:19,604
I-I mean... I-I don't know.
402
00:19:19,606 --> 00:19:23,008
If-if I did ask you
to marry me someday,
403
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:26,069
wh-wh-what would you say?
404
00:19:29,616 --> 00:19:34,153
Okay.
405
00:19:34,755 --> 00:19:36,821
Oh, my God.
406
00:19:36,823 --> 00:19:39,324
- You goddamn idiot.
- Okay.
407
00:19:39,326 --> 00:19:41,493
I can't believe
I got you to say that.
408
00:19:41,495 --> 00:19:45,629
That is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard in my life.
409
00:19:45,631 --> 00:19:48,966
- I mean, that idea sucks.
- Okay!
410
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:53,771
That idea would suck a dick
just to cut in line
411
00:19:53,773 --> 00:19:57,341
- to suck a bigger dick.
- Okay, Pam.
412
00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:59,343
Oh, man.
413
00:19:59,345 --> 00:20:02,514
Thank you.
I needed that.
414
00:20:02,515 --> 00:20:05,450
Yeah, well, you know what I need?
415
00:20:05,451 --> 00:20:07,484
Oh, my God, it's up to my mouth.
416
00:20:07,486 --> 00:20:10,587
W-Wait. Why isn't it
up to your mouth?
417
00:20:10,589 --> 00:20:11,889
- What?
- The quicksand.
418
00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:14,792
- Why aren't you sinking?
- I can touch.
419
00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,860
- What?!
- My feet are touching the bottom.
420
00:20:16,862 --> 00:20:20,263
Then why didn't you
just walk out?!
421
00:20:20,265 --> 00:20:23,033
Well, I was going to,
then you started blubbering
422
00:20:23,035 --> 00:20:25,335
about how you wanted
to get married and shit and...
423
00:20:25,337 --> 00:20:27,437
Get your big ass out
of this goddamn quicksand
424
00:20:27,439 --> 00:20:30,664
- and then get my ass out!
- Okay, geez.
425
00:20:30,699 --> 00:20:32,208
- Lighten up already.
- Hurry up!
426
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:34,609
You can't go through life
pissed off all the damn time.
427
00:20:34,611 --> 00:20:37,636
It'll give you ball cancer.
I had an uncle once,
428
00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:40,362
Norm, always pissed off and...
Whoops!
429
00:20:41,752 --> 00:20:45,987
- And?
- Um...
430
00:20:48,291 --> 00:20:50,425
What happened to Norm?
431
00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:54,769
Let me guess.
Did you annoy him to death?
432
00:20:55,464 --> 00:20:59,559
sync & correction by f1nc0
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