All language subtitles for Noelle (2019) 1080p.WEBRip.x264.AC3-EVO

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SANTA: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

NOELLE: When I was little girl,

Christmas Eve was my favorite night
of the year.

I'd wait up with my brother for Santa.

Sometimes we would fall asleep,
but I'd be dreaming of presents.

I really love presents.

(THUDDING)

- Nick, he's here.
- Stop.

Come on. Wake up.

- No.
- Come on, come on, come on.

(SANTA GULPING)

(GASPS AND GIGGLES)

(SANTA LAUGHING)

What a jolly card.

I wonder which child made this?

Over here! Right here! I caught you.

You did.

But let's keep it between us,

because my job depends
on not getting caught.

Totally get it.

So, I see you have some presents...

Oh, I do. Um...

Have you been naughty or nice this year?

In my personal opinion, very nice.

SANTA: Well, let me check my list.

(MUMBLES)

Oh! Oh!

Um, checking it twice.

(SANTA CHUCKLING)

- Dad!
- (LAUGHING)

You know I'm nice.

(CONTINUES LAUGHING) Give me a hug.

Dad! You're home!

SANTA: Come here, my boy!

Oh! Welcome home, Santa.

(SING-SONG)
I see Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

How was your night, dear?

Jolly. The presents were all delivered.

Except for two.

(SANTA LAUGHING)

Oh, my garland. This is amazing!

What'd you get, Nick?

Dad?

Congratulations, my boy.
It's time to start your Santa training.

Try it on.

I'm not sure this fits.

It will fit you when you fit it.

There you go. That looks jolly, Nick.

And red is totally your color.

- (ELVES EXCLAIMING)
- Oh!

That must be the elves
to welcome you home!

No, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Jackets, everyone.

Pole weather report,
snow and eight degrees.

Forever.

That's cold. Come on, honey.

Thank you, Santa.

- Merry Christmas, Polly.
- Dad?

- Uh-huh?
- I was just wondering, Mom is Mrs. Claus,

Polly is our nanny,

someday Nick will be Santa.

What do I do?

Well, what do you want to do?

I would like to do what you do.

You mean, be Santa?

No, Nick is Santa.

But I would like to help decide
what toys to make,

and fly the sleigh,
and do something really important.

You do, Noelle.

You make everyone jolly with your cards
and your Christmas cheer,

and you know how much your brother
depends on you. So you can help him,

and always keep his Christmas spirit up.

Sure. I can do that.

I'm counting on you.

(SANTA LAUGHING)

Merry Christmas, Noelle.

- Merry Christmas, Dad.
- (SANTA CHUCKLES)

NOELLE: Now that I'm grown up, Christmas
is still my favorite time of the year.

Although, this Christmas is a sad one.

Dad passed away five months ago,
and I miss him every day.

But Dad always told us
that Christmas must go on,

especially for us Kringles,

because for 2,000 years,

our ancestors have been the Santas that
bring joy to children all over the world.

And now it's my big brother's turn,

as Nick becomes the 23rd Kringle
to wear the red hat.

(EXCLAIMING)

NOELLE: He's been practicing
his sleigh flying here in the Pole.

Am I supposed to land on the house?

(CONTINUES EXCLAIMING)

Slow down! Slow down! No, no, no!

(GRUNTS)

We can work with that, right?

(ALARM RINGING)

NOELLE: Believe it or not,
that's actually an improvement.

Everyone's been working super hard
to help him get ready,

- including Mother.
- Well, dear, that was, um...

Well, you know.

NOELLE: And Santa's Helpers are singing...

Crashing all the way
Ha, ha, ha!

NOELLE: My geeky cousin, Gabe,
and his Tech Elves are doing something.

I don't know.

- They're really excited about it.
- Oh, my God! We did it!

NOELLE: And as for me, I'm still making
my cards and spreading Christmas cheer,

just like Dad told me to.

(CHUCKLES) I don't know what everyone
would do without me.

(SIGHS)

(VOCALIZING)

Yo! Snowcone! Dude!

(SNOWCONE WAILING)

(CHUCKLES) Oh!

Yes, who's my hyperactive little reindeer?
You are! Oh! You got it.

- (BLEATING)
- (GASPS) What do we think?

"Merry Christmas.
What are you getting this year?"

(BLEATS)

I know, it totally captures the essence
of Christmas, getting the perfect present.

- (BLEATS)
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)

- ELF POLLY: Noelle!
- Mmm.

Morning, princess.

Thank you, but I don't want breakfast.

- Yes, you do.
- I'm very busy.

I have been out in the forest,
chopping firewood, carting it on my back,

so that I could heat up the cottage
and make your breakfast waffles,

while I picked up all the dirty clothes,
but none of that's really been a problem.

- (CLATTERING)
- (BLEATS)

I don't need you to do
any of that stuff. Honestly.

You would starve and die
if it weren't for me.

That's what you think.
Oh, my garland. This is delicious.

Oh, my partridge-in-a-pear-tree underwear
needs washing.

Oh, well, then my Christmas wish
has been granted.

Hmm.

- Come on, Snowy. I'll race you.
- (BLEATS)

NOELLE: Whoo!

(KIDS EXCLAIMING)

(BELL RINGING)

- NOELLE: Puffins, scatter!
- (ALL SQUAWK)

NOELLE: Sorry, guys!

Noelle! Elf Carol. Daily Carol.

- Can I ask you a few questions?
- I'm all earmuffs. Fire away.

We know it's been a whirlwind preparation
since your father,

and our dearly beloved Santa Nicholas,
passed away.

How is your brother doing?

So jolly. We're all very proud of him.

And the big question is:
will he be ready by Christmas?

Of course! He's a Kringle.

- MRS. CLAUS: Under. Under.
- NICK: Ah! Okay.

Under your tongue.
All right. There you go. Ooh!

Santa, I got you a new scarf.

And check this out.
Three Weeks To A Jelly Belly...

What happened? Mother!

Santa, I thought

- you were at sleigh practice.
- (MUFFLED)

Santa tried to land again

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

He missed the roof and hit the den

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Thank you, Santa's Helpers.

It was a horrible example of what can
go wrong when you're using, well,

outdated technology.

- After Cousin Nick crashed, the...
- NOELLE: Oh!

I'm sorry. Did you just refer to him
as Cousin Nick?

Shouldn't you be
calling my big brother "Santa"?

Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought
that since we were all family, that...

Well, he's Santa to you,
he's Santa to everyone.

He's even Santa to himself.

Well, actually, I'm pretty informal
when I'm alone.

I'm just Nick.

Alone. That's a jolly idea.

Why don't we all just give Santa a moment.

(MOUTHS) Okay.

MRS. CLAUS: Excuse me, Gabe.

(WHISPERS)
This is not going well at all, dear.

Dasher nearly broke an antler.

And we're way, way behind schedule
at the workshop.

You need to do your job and give
your brother some Christmas spirit,

or else we're not gonna be ready
for Christmas.

NOELLE: Oh, this is heavy.

The Book of Santa.
I've read it. I've memorized it.

I've listened to it on tape.
I just don't get it.

Okay. Well, we are gonna read it together
and we're gonna figure this out.

Let's start at the top.

(CHUCKLES) The top is chimney access,
that's funny.

"The chimney will expand when you tap
three times with the magical candy cane

"and sing the first line
of We Wish You A Merry Christmas,

"assuming that you stay in key."

- NICK: Hold your reindeer.
- Yeah.

How am I supposed to know which is
the right present to give each child?

If I haven't determined
who's naughty or nice,

how can I pick their present?

You see, it's kind of a vicious circle.

Okay.

This is the list. It's filled with names.
Some are nice and some are naughty.

Some of the names
haven't been filled in yet,

and that's gonna be your job, okay?

Dad said, "It's not about
what the kid looks like.

"It's what's on the inside
that's important.

"You need to connect with their heart."

Oh, I love that. (CHUCKLES)
How's that done?

I have no idea.
Just focus really hard, I guess?

Okay.

Uh... Nice.

She cheated on every math test
she ever took.

That's a... stocking full of coal
if ever I've seen one. (LAUGHS)

Yeah. He saved a kitten from a tree,

after visiting his grandmother
in the nursing home.

So, nice?

Okay, we need to figure out what people
want for Christmas. Here we go.

- Football tickets.
- iPad.

Really think about this next one.
Take your time.

NICK: She looks like
she likes playing guitar,

and that looks like, uh, an old guitar.

So, I'm gonna say, um...

- New guitar?
- iPad.

(GROANS)

You can do this.

- iPad?
- Polly!

- Okay, let's say I'm in Germany.
- Yeah.

A child wakes up, wants to talk to me,
I don't speak their language.

Yeah, but, um,
Santa understands all languages.

And so do you.
I saw you speaking Arabic to Elf Tippy.

Yeah, but that's because Gabe showed me

how to use this thing
called Google Translate.

NOELLE: Okay, Nick, I know
you're scared of the reindeer,

but you need to Santa up.
You've gotta show them who's boss.

"Grip the reins with both hands
while firmly saying 'On Dasher!'"

(GRUNTING)

- (BLEATS)
- Grip, command.

Can't treat them like your cuddly pets.

You're almost in.
Look how good you're doing!

I don't wanna do this. No!

- This is great! Let it happen!
- No!

No! (SCREAMS AND GROANS)

Great job, buddy. That looked great.

- You okay?
- NICK: No!

(EXHALES HEAVILY) Ugh.

ELF SERGE: All right.

- Two double hot chocolates.
- Great.

One with extra whipped cream.

And... peppermint.

Thank garland for hot chocolate
and peppermint.

NOELLE: Mmm.

I feel like I've been shivering
my whole life, you know?

Sometimes, I... I dream about getting out
and finding someplace warm,

where I can stretch and relax
and just breathe, you know?

- Then you should.
- How?

I'm Santa. I don't get a vacation.
I don't even get Christmas off.

You can't be Santa
if you're having a nervous breakdown.

Nobody wants you sliding into
their fireplace crying and weeping.

Nothing merry about that.

Can't go down chimneys.
I'm claustrophobic.

You remember those magazines
Dad used to bring me on Christmas?

Yeah, like People? That's how I found out
Jennifer Aniston's nice.

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)
Travel And Leisure had those sections

about the perfect Christmas getaway.

Warm weather, swimming pools,
sun-kissed mountains.

You need to look in that magazine,
pick a place, get away for the weekend.

Bring me back some issues
while you're down there.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Ah! Cousin Gabe.

Hello.

I wanted to install GPS
and USB-C portals on the sleigh,

and was wondering if you knew
where Cousin... Santa, you know, was.

I think he probably took the sleigh
for a practice flight.

Well, the sleigh came back,
and all the reindeer are here,

but there's no Santa.

Well, it's not like him to just leave.

What's with all these magazines?

"InStyle, Travel and Leisure,
Martha Stewart's Living."

Um, I was helping Santa train,

and he seemed a little overwhelmed.
So I mentioned, almost as a joke...

(CHUCKLES) Ho, ho, ho.

That he should go somewhere
and relax for the weekend.

And maybe bring back some new magazines.
That's probably what that's about.

But they're for all of us to enjoy.

It's not just for me.

But you guys seem mad.

- (ELVES CLAMORING)
- WOMAN 1: I hope he's okay!

MAN 1: Where is he?

MAN 2: When was the last time you saw him?

WOMAN 2: Seven days and counting.

MAN 3: It's Noelle's fault.

BOY 1: What's gonna happen with Christmas?

- GIRL: I hope it's okay.
- MAN 4: What happened to him?

BOY 2: This never happened before.

- ELDER ELF ABE: Quiet.
- MAN 5: Where is he?

(GAVEL BANGING)

- ELDER ELF ABE: Quiet!
- (MURMURING)

Silent night.

(ELDER ELF BILLY GRUNTS)

- (SCOFFS)
- For the first time in 2,000 years,

- a Santa has disappeared.
- (ELVES GASPING)

At the urging of his sister, Noelle.

I just said he should take
the weekend off.

You put Christmas in jeopardy, young lady.

- MAN 1: She did.
- WOMAN 2: That's so naughty.

ELDER ELF ABE: Rest ye, merry gentlemen.

As Christmas is just six days away,
we must have a new Santa.

Wait. What about a rescue mission?

My brother could be hurt.
He might've fallen out of the sleigh.

No one but Santa has ever left the Pole.

And we have no idea where Santa is.

We could lose the sleigh or the reindeer.
Then there'd be no Christmas.

- WOMAN 1: No Christmas?
- A rescue attempt is far too dangerous.

Leaving me no choice but to call upon...

Gabriel Kringle.

- ELVES: Gabriel?
- Me?

Please, approach the council.

But I'm in the Tech department.
And loving it.

Nevertheless, you must approach

because we must select
the next adult male Kringle

as specified by the Christmas covenant.

- That's not exactly what it says...
- (SHUSHES)

They're elder elves.

- They know what they're talking about.
- Please.

Gabe.

By order of the council,
the pom-pom now rests upon your head.

- WOMAN 1: Really?
- WOMAN 2: Seriously?

ELDER ELF BILLY:
I don't know about this guy.

Noelle, why did you
tell your brother to leave?

I thought he would come back.

You didn't think about
how he listens to you,

and how your advice affected Christmas
and all of the children in the world.

I just said, "Take the weekend."

- WOMAN 1: She had one job.
- WOMAN 2: To look after her brother.

- (CROWD GASPING)
- WOMAN 3: What a princess.

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

I just said, go for the weekend.

(SOBBING)

Oh, Serge, hot chocolate,
double whip cream, and peppermint,

in honor of my brother?

We're all booked up.
Maybe try back in... July.

Oh, okay.

It can't possibly be that much.
What about my Kringle discount? (CHUCKLES)

That's only for Santa's immediate family,
not cousins.

I want it shut.

It's been shut, which is why
this room smells like old stockings.

(GRUNTS) Uh...

Mother's furious, and everybody hates me
because I've ruined Christmas.

And I don't know if my brother's okay.

What do you want from me?

Stockings, sheets, and pillow cases.

Ho, ho... Ow!

Princess, for once in your life,

try cleaning up your own mess.

How do you suggest I do that?

ELF POLLY:
"Take a journey to a better you."

Ugh. Glitter all over the floor.

And stop eating waffles in bed.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hot chocolate and peppermint.

Nick.

Maui and San Juan.
What's between Maui and San Juan?

"Phoenix."

Phoenix, Arizona.

Princess, do you mind telling me
what you're doing?

I'm going to get my brother,
and you're coming with me.

(CHUCKLES)

No, I'm not.

Your mother will not be jolly with this,
and it is my job to keep you safe.

I left her a card explaining everything,

and you can't keep me safe
if you're here and I'm in Phoenix.

Phoenix? That sounds horrible.

(BLEATS)

Oh, hey, little guy.

Uh, I've gotta go away.

(BLEATING)

I know you wanna be on the team,
you're just not ready yet.

So keep practicing, okay?

(WHIMPERS)

- (BLEATING)
- Okay.

(BIRDS SQUAWKING)

Yes, I know. I'm going to get him.

- Princess, get out of here.
- No.

Listen, you've never been
out of the North Pole.

- Polly.
- You do not know how to fly this sleigh.

Fine. Then it'll all be on Dasher.

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH YELP)

(SNOWCONE BLEATING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

Turn this thing around.

No. Not going back without my brother.
And it's your job to help me.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Destination, Phoenix, Arizona.

(NOELLE GRUNTING)

(BOTH GASPING)

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH SIGH IN RELIEF)

I guess this is their village.
Where is everybody?

- What do you think you doin'?
- Hi. I'm Noelle.

Stay right where you are.

We are looking for Santa Claus.

AUTOMATED VOICE 1: You've got presents.

AUTOMATED VOICE 2: Merry Christmas.

AUTOMATED VOICE 3: Feliz Navidad!

How are you planning on having Christmas
without the reindeer and the sleigh?

- Noelle took the reindeer?
- Mmm-hmm.

- And the sleigh?
- Mmm-hmm.

Huh...

That's so interesting.

What if not having the sleigh
or the reindeer is a blessing in disguise?

I don't think so.

This could be the perfect time
to start an online delivery platform.

- I don't think so.
- What if the reindeer have Lyme disease?

What if an asteroid
crashes into the sleigh?

These are real concerns,
statistically speaking,

and I think our customers deserve better.

We don't have customers.

We have children who need the magic
of a Santa coming down the chimney

and arranging each present
with love and care under the tree.

Okay, well, now you sound
like a crazy person.

Gabe, aren't you even worried about
your cousins, Nick and Noelle, and Polly?

Who knows what terrible things
have happened to them?

(SIGHING)

Uh, hi, thank you, yes, I...
My name is Helen Rojas,

I'm the manager
of the Desert Ridge Marketplace.

- Oh, it's nice to meet you.
- Yes.

Uh, you cannot perform or solicit here
on these grounds without a permit.

Can you stop, please? Or I will have to
have you arrested.

Can you... This is my desk.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Thank you, thank you.

- Here, I have a...
- Oh!

Yes, thank you. Mmm-hmm.

Okay, now, uh... (EXHALES)

Where were we? Um, arrested.

Okay, that sounds bad, but can you
just tell me, have you seen this man?

- HELEN: Santa?
- Yeah.

He looks nice and polite,
so I haven't dated him.

Listen, miss,

this isn't the first time someone's tried
this kind of promotional stunt.

About two months ago, we had a guy
with a sleigh and a reindeer

- show up outside of Chase Field...
- That's him!

That's who I'm looking for.
Where did he go?

The North Pole.

Now, vacate the premises
or I'll have to call the police...

- Hey, Helen.
- Oh, yes.

Was it your idea to bring that sleigh
and reindeer in here?

Uh, yes, Dan. I'm dealing with it...

People are rushing into my Petco
trying to find reindeer food.

We don't have any,
so I just relabeled the birdseed.

They love birdseed.

This is going to be
our best Christmas yet.

You'll probably get a raise.

You might finally get to
take that trip to Hawaii.

Gosh, I'd love to go myself one day.

I've never tried this before,

so I don't know
if I'm gonna do it right, but...

Ooh.

Can you not do that, please? Thank you.

Did I do it wrong?

This release form protects
Desert Ridge Marketplace

from any liabilities
as a result of your presence.

Thank you.

Oh, Helen, which way is Phoenix?

Okay. Let's go find my brother.

Hold on.

Someone has to stay
and keep an eye on Dasher and company.

They're used to a strict regimen
of North Pole hay and training.

So, who knows what will happen
when they're faced with temptation?

So, you want me to go out there alone?

Noelle, you go out there and you be merry,

and you don't tell anybody who you are
or where you came from.

And always be ready to run away.

(HORN HONKING)

- I hate you.
- No! I am done talking with you about...

Every frickin' time. I'm gonna lose it.

Oh!

Thank you.

Ah! Mmm!

There's something wrong with that.

Don't drink that. That's awful.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Nick?

Nick. (PANTING)

Fifty percent off everything.
More you buy, the merrier you are.

Sir, it's a privilege to wear that suit.

Put some pants on.

- So naughty.
- (BELLS JINGLING)

NOELLE: Have you seen this man?

Mmm-mmm. (SCOFFS)

Definitely not one of ours.

Cheap suit, no one's gonna believe that.

MAN: Sorry I'm late, dude.
Forgot my pants.

(MAN CRYING)

- (JAKE SIGHS)
- (MAN CRYING)

You know, Mr. Ortega, I think it's better
you know the truth about your brother

stealing all of your money
than to live in a fantasy.

I disagree.

Um...

Merry Christmas. Noelle Kringle. Jake?

Saw your name on the sign.

(CHUCKLES) Why are you so red?

And why are you wearing a winter hat
and mittens in Phoenix?

Because it's an ensemble.

But I'm here
'cause I'm looking for my brother.

I'm worried something
might have happened to him.

Like what?

Well, my father ran a business,

and after he passed,
my brother was supposed to take over,

but he left and came to Phoenix,

'cause he said he needed to breathe
and stretch and relax.

But we have to find him because I know,

in his heart, he wants to
run the family business.

I find most people, they don't know
what's in their own hearts.

Let alone anyone else's.

That's if they even have a heart
in the first place.

Oh!

That's pretty stocking half empty.

Yeah, well, I'm a private detective.

You get "stocking half empty"
pretty quick.

- Do you have a picture of this brother?
- Yes. His name is Nick Kringle.

- Nick Kringle?
- Mmm-hmm.

- You're Noelle Kringle?
- That's me.

- You're pretty deep into Christmas.
- Best day of the year, right?

Yeah, well, it's definitely
a day of the year.

I'm on the way out, but I'll see
what I can do for $150 a day.

Money, yes. You cannot put a price
on what this is worth to me.

- Up front.
- (MOUTHS) Okay.

"In Santa We Trust"?

That's real gold on the outside.
And chocolate in the middle.

Look, lady, um, with all due respect...

Get some sunblock fast.

NOELLE: Uh...

- Jake, you don't understand, see...
- My phone died. Can I borrow yours?

I don't have a phone.

Oh, of course, probably hard to dial
with mittens on.

Only get two days with him before
Christmas, and now I'm late.

- With who?
- My son, my boy,

I'm supposed to take him
to a basketball game

and now my ex-wife's...

Let's find you a phone.
I'm sure somebody will let us...

No, people don't just let people
borrow phones.

- It doesn't work that way.
- It's Christmas.

Oh, I forgot it's Christmas.

Okay, excuse me, ma'am,
may I please borrow your phone?

Like I want your germs.

- Okay.
- See what I mean?

Excuse me, sir,
may I please borrow your...

Um...

See what I mean? Kringle?

Kringle?

Kringle?

Ask him.

- Who?
- That man, he's nice.

- He's nice?
- Yeah.

How do you know?

I don't know, I just know.

Excuse me.

- Sir, hi.
- MAN: Hi.

My friend has an important call
to make, his phone died.

Is there any way he could borrow yours?

Sure, no problem.

Oh.

- Oh, thanks.
- It's okay.

- Thanks a lot.
- No problem.

Noelle Kringle. I hope you get
what you want for Christmas.

- Matt Bautista. I'm actually a Buddhist.
- Oh, jolly!

My dad always said,
"Christmas is like sushi,

"the Japanese invented it,
but now everybody loves it."

Well, I do love sushi.

Thank you, I really appreciate that.

My pleasure. You guys have a great day.

- Bye, Matt.
- MATT: Bye.

Thank you, Kringle. Uh, I gotta run.

Give me that picture of your brother.

Come by the office tomorrow at 9:00.
Bring non-edible money.

Do they make that?
I'm kidding. I know they do.

And I'll find some. I will bring some.

Thank you for helping me,
you're being so nice.

It's a big day for nice.

Yeah. Big day for nice.

GABE OVER SPEAKERS: Merry Christmas,
Elf-folk, it's Santa. Santa Gabe.

As you may know, my cousin Nick,
the ex-Santa,

never completed the Nice or Naughty list,
but that's jolly.

Because it allowed us to develop...

FALALA.

Forensic Algorithm for Lateral Analysis
of Latent Altruism.

It's a digitized metric

which allows us to determine
a child's Nice or Naughty quotient.

For instance...

MRS. CLAUS: Holy night.

This is Kali from Brooklyn.

Using his internet activity,
school records,

and satellite surveillance,

FALALA was able to ascertain that
he is Nice. And he wants a PlayStation.

We're now standardizing
all packages in green, red,

or the best of both, swirl.

(CROWD CHEERING)

- Oh, what's this?
- HELEN: Uh, guacamole?

- Guaca-what? Gua...
- Guacamole?

Guacamole? What is it made from?

Hi, Helen.

- Can I have $150 a day, please?
- (CHOKES)

Hey, Helen. We're all out of bird food.

They seem to
really be enjoying the churros.

Uh, you could buy some churros,
cut them into little pieces

and sell them as reindeer treats,
like you said, Helen?

Um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well... (GIGGLES)

Don't keep these little nuggets
of brilliance all to yourself.

How many great ideas
have you been sitting on?

Three.

Let's get together. I'd love to hear
anything else you have to say.

You're full of surprises. Mmm.

- (INHALING DEEPLY)
- DAN: Oh.

HELEN: Mmm-hmm.

- You're the best.
- Oh, yeah.

- Helen.
- (GIGGLING) Yes.

I wouldn't... Um...

I can't give you $150 in cash.

But I can give you $150
in retail merchandise.

What would you like?
Bath Bar, Cinnabon, Chrysler Pacifica?

I don't know what those things are,
but I will take all of them.

Also, can we stay here tonight?

WOMAN: Come on. It's a Secret Santa party.

(POLLY SNORING)

Huh.

Matt Bautista is nice.

ELDER ELF ABE:
Santa, we're still not clear

how you plan to deliver billions
of presents with no sleigh or reindeer.

First of all, there aren't actually
billions of presents, Elder Elf Abe.

Our research indicates

that there are only 2,837 nice children
in the world.

(GASPING)

What?

Gabe, how is that possible?

Nearly every child fibbed,

refused to eat their vegetables,

or failed to practice
proper dental hygiene.

Joy to the world
Except for you

'Cause you forgot to floss

Oh, no, you can't measure
a child like that.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Which is why each naughty child
will be receiving an evaluation notice

explaining the decision

and encouraging them
to do better next year.

CROWD: No!

- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- (DOOR OPENS)

JAKE: Kringle, come in.

Was just lookin' at your case.

Oh.

Oh, hi! Who are you?

Oh, this is my son. Alex, this is Noelle.

- Hi.
- Hi!

Oh, I totally see the resemblance.

I couldn't find any money,
but I did bring all this stuff.

- Did you steal this stuff?
- Of course not. Stealing's naughty.

- Is that the new Madden?
- I don't know, maybe.

And also, I had all these
extra Christmas decorations

in the sleeve... of my jacket.

And I thought they might
brighten the place up a little.

Oh, thanks, that's kind. I haven't
come up with much on your brother.

I'm gonna need some more time, not today,
'cause Alex and I are going to laser tag.

- I'd rather go to work with you, Dad.
- Me too!

I never get to go to work.
Unless it's at the workshop.

But we're not going to a workshop. Are we?

I never get to see what you do.
It'll be interesting.

So interesting.

Um...

I don't know about that. But, uh...
Sure, if that's what you want to do.

Let me get your other file, Kringle.

So, Alex, are you excited about Christmas?

I have mixed feelings, honestly.

About Christmas? How's that possible?

It's complicated.

Maybe you're just not eating enough.

I can't. It's terrible.

The eggs are rubbery,

the bacon is burnt on the outside,
and raw in the middle.

Pancakes bounce, I don't even know
what that is, and there's no seasoning.

Would you like a candy cane?

No, I have to eat this.

I don't wanna hurt my dad's feelings,
he worked hard on it.

Oh, well, maybe I can help.

Just get a couple pancake...

- Oh!
- JAKE: Kringle!

Hey! Good appetite.

That is how you grow up
strong and healthy.

So, Kringle, I called the police,
the hospitals,

the morgue,
the bureau of records, nothing.

Only place left to check are the shelters.

Shelters like igloos?

WOMAN: Good morning,
welcome to Phoenix shelter.

How can I help you?

Morning, my name's Jake Hapman.
I'm a licensed private detective.

We're looking for a Nick Kringle.

WOMAN: A Nick Kringle?

JAKE: He's about 6'2",
he's dressed in a red suit,

he's got a beard, pom-pom.

I have a picture.

And, yes. I know how strange that sounds.

- That's so beautiful.
- She can't hear you.

- Oh. (LOUDLY) That's...
- She's deaf.

Sorry.

It's really a lovely picture, though.

(MOUTHING)

My daughter says thank you,
and she wants to know what your name is.

My name is Noelle.

Do you know sign?

No. Not that I'm aware of, no.

It's nice to meet you too, Michelle.
What do you want for Christmas?

I need to go get her lunch,
but it was nice to meet you.

An iPad. You got it.

How did you just do that?

I don't know. I don't.

- Did you study it in school?
- No, I majored in calligraphy,

I had a minor in popcorn stringing.

(PANTING) And I...
None of this make sense.

What kind of world is this? This is awful.

You have people without homes
and food, and I'm so hot. God!

Uh, do you have any ice in this town?

Kringle, two minutes.

Hello. Merry Christmas.

- Can I get some fruit pops?
- Sure.

Ooh, fruit pops. There you go.

Do you want anything else?
Any gelato or...

No, I think I'm good. Thanks.

I like your pants, they're jolly.

Yeah. They're yoga pants. Like yours.

Yes. And these are my yogurt pants.

No. Yoga... pants.

Oh, yeah. I love yogurt pants.

- Never mind.
- (GIGGLING) Okay. Bye.

She was weird, right?

ALEX: Where are you from?

A little town up north.

- You mean Canada?
- Canada wishes.

Mmm, instant hot chocolate?
Is this for real?

It's a powder. You pour hot water in it
and it becomes hot chocolate, instantly.

Mmm, sounds naughty.

It's way better when you make it
with real melted chocolate.

Yeah, I agree.

- That's how we used to make it.
- With your mom and dad?

We tried to keep my dad
out of the kitchen,

but he was in charge of
putting lights in the tree

and we'd hang stockings together.

This toy is messy.

I don't think
we're gonna be doing that this year.

'Cause it's complicated?

Yeah. Well, it's still Christmas,
you know?

And you still get a present from Santa.

Oh...

It's kind of offensive.

- I don't think I still believe in Santa.
- Santa's real.

He's under a lot of pressure right now,
but he's very real.

In fact, if you tell me what you want,
put in a good word for ya. Hmm?

Come on, give me a shot.

Try me, come on.

- Okay. I think I want...
- Hey, Kringle.

- I found your brother.
- What?

- Yep.
- How?

The yoga pants.

- Why do people keep saying that to me?
- Yoga.

You said Nick wanted to breathe,
stretch and relax? I did some googling,

and I found a Christmas Yoga Class
taught by a Nick K.

Nick K? Nick K! That's him! Ah!

Let's go find him.
Ready, and one, two, three...

- I'm gonna drop Alex at my sister's...
- Okay.

- ...and I'll drive you up there.
- Um, sir...

This says Santy Claus.

You know it's Santa Claus. I...

These'll just get sent back if you
don't fix that. Okay, thank you, bye.

You know what you need to do? You need to
get Alex the perfect Christmas present.

What about a cheese grater for Alex.
Or a George Foreman Grill?

Alex doesn't cook.

Oh.

Are you sure?

He analyzed the breakfast you gave him
this morning in great detail.

He really warmed up to you.

- He's a great kid, isn't he?
- Yeah. Oh, steak knives.

Sometimes, I feel like a hyped-up
camp counselor when he's around.

I have to make sure
he's havin' a good time

since we don't get to
see each other as much.

And I feel guilty and...

And then I overcompensate and...

I don't know.

That must be hard.

Anyway, here we are.

Oh, hey, there it is.

Okay.

You were so great with Alex,
I wanted to give you this.

NOELLE: This, thank you.

Wow. Um, it's, uh...

Oh, mmm...

Yeah, it's... Oh, okay.

(GIGGLING)

Oh, my gosh, it's magical. Look at that.

- Uh...
- Ugh. (COUGHS)

Stuffed chimneys!

It smells like it should taste good,
but it doesn't.

You're supposed to put in on your face.
Haven't you ever used sunblock before?

Yeah, sunblock. No, I love sunblock.

It's for blocking the sun.
It's great. Is that good?

You might wanna spread it around.

Oh, no, yeah, I forgot to
spread it around. Just like that.

It's burning. Oh, my God, it's in my eye.

- Well, you wanna...
- It's in my eye.

- What do you like about this product?
- Stay still. Let me...

- Stop. Just gotta rub it in.
- Okay, yep!

- Just stay still.
- Worse than getting hit with a slush ball.

Just gotta... You got a couple of
extra coats, but...

Never know when you're gonna need
an extra coat. It is winter.

- Thanks!
- No problem.

All right. Good luck in there.

Say hello to your brother for me.

Will do. Merry Christmas.

MAN: Breathe in through your nose,
out your mouth.

Now assume... downward facing reindeer.

Very good, Cindy. Pete?

- (SCREAMS)
- STUDENTS: Ow!

Hey, hey! (LAUGHING)

- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?
- What are you doing here? This is crazy.

- What's on your face?
- Oh! Oh, it's sunblock.

Yeah, the heat here, right?

It's like being locked in the cookie
cottage during toll-house season, right?

- Oh, by the way... You scared me so much.
- Shh!

- Come on.
- Yoga voice.

- You had me worried sick.
- Yoga voice.

- Mom's been beside herself.
- Yoga voice. Stop. Wait. Ellie, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, okay. Just hold on.
Can't let anybody hear.

Listen, I like it here. Okay?

I like the weather. I like yoga, I mean,
I donated all my thermals to charity.

Weird, you can tell me about it
in the sleigh.

No, listen. I'm...

I'm not going back.

I'm sorry, I must have
cotton candy in my ears.

I know. I can't pretend to be
someone I'm not anymore.

I could, but I start to break out
in a rash, and my hair starts to...

Okay, Nick, I understand.

You're under a lot of pressure and I know
what it's like to be a Kringle,

- this family legacy we have to live up to.
- Not the same thing.

Well, I am Santa's daughter, so...

Well, no one's ever expected anything
of you, Noelle.

I mean, I've been training
to be Santa my whole life.

While you've been... What?
Cutting ribbon,

and making your silly cards?

- Thought you liked my cards.
- I do.

I'm sorry I said that.
I do like your cards.

They're very creative.
I admire your shakti.

- My what?
- Your female energy.

Besides, you're the one
that told me to go.

You said, you, you said,
"Go! Take some time."

I said take the weekend.
Nobody listens to me.

You know how hard this has been?

Everybody at home is blaming me,
yelling at me,

and nobody's giving me
my Kringle discount anymore.

So it doesn't matter
that I'm finally happy

or that me leaving the Pole was the
best thing I could've done for Christmas.

All that matters
is what's happening to you.

Oh, you better not pout,
you better not cry.

All I have ever done is try to help you.

You're a coward who's too afraid
to be Santa Claus!

Exactly! Bingo! Partridge in a pear tree!
That's what I've been trying to tell you!

- Then I guess, that's all there is to say.
- Wait, where are you going?

I'm going to the North Pole
where nobody expects anything from me.

Do you know what?
If I wasn't so enlightened,

I'd be seething with anger right now.

- Oh, ho, ho!
- Yeah!

- So now you don't like my shakti?
- No!

You don't like my female energy?

- Is this too much for you?
- Relax.

Oh, I'll give you female energy.

Oh!

Get ready, 'cause I...

Don't do that. Please.

(ALL GASPING)

Wow! That's a big deal in here.

NOELLE: Merry Christmas!

WOMAN ON PA: Come see
and play with Santa's reindeer,

only at Desert Ridge Marketplace.

Ooh!

WOMAN: Look at the reindeer!

NOELLE: Nick's happy here.
Yeah, he wants to stay.

You know what? Maybe it'll be fine.
Maybe Gabe will be a great Santa.

- Hey, Noelle.
- What are you guys doing here?

We heard about these amazing reindeer
at the mall.

Are you a part of this?

Well, yes, I know these reindeer.

(GRUNTING)

Who are these people?

Oh, Jake, Alex. This is Elf...

This is my aunt, Polly.
She plays an elf in the show.

A grumpy, bitter, miserable elf.

I thought elves were
supposed to be like, uh...

Cute? That's a common misconception.

Now wait a minute.
I wanna show you something.

See this? What do you think it does?

Nothing. It's just for show. Try those.

So, how'd it go with your brother?

Oh, not great. Yeah, we got in
a big argument. So...

- The holidays can be tough.
- Mmm.

Alex is spending Christmas
with his step-dad and my ex, Jessie.

This is the first holiday
since the divorce.

So he's havin' a rough time.

She's invited me over
for Christmas morning.

That's amazing!
Oh, Alex would love that so much.

- You're gonna go, right?
- I think she just feels obligated.

It'll probably be awkward,
I don't wanna ruin Christmas for Alex.

I'm gonna stay at home,
put a frozen pizza in the oven

and watch some basketball.
Like a total loser.

Dad! The sleigh is amazing.

JAKE: I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I don't wanna be a party pooper,
but I think it's time we get goin'.

When are we gonna see
Noelle and Polly again?

- Probably never.
- Polly! That...

Well, I do have somewhere
I need to be for Christmas.

But you're gonna get your wish and spend
Christmas with your whole family.

Because you're nice. I mean, officially.

Come on. Thanks, guys. It was...

It was jolly.

Oh, I hope their Christmas works out.

Oh, well, look at you.

Worrying about someone else's Christmas
and not your own.

Now that is very mature.

Thank you, Polly.

(SNOWCONE BLEATING)

- (WOMAN GASPS)
- Oh! Snowcone!

(SNOWCONE BLEATING)

What are you doing here?

How did you get here?

Did you fly here all by yourself?

Polly! Look who it is.

You're so brave. You must have picked up
my scent from all the people in Phoenix.

How many people
wear gingerbread deodorant?`

Oh. What have you got? It's from Mother.

"Noelle, I know I was angry,
but even though you acted selfishly

"and foolishly and immaturely, and..."

Right, I'm gonna skip ahead.

"Disrespectfully, childishly.

"You must find your brother
and bring him home because...

"Gabe says there are
only 2,837 nice children,

"and wants to deliver their presents by
drone or something called Amazon Prime.

"As Kringles, for 2,000 years,

"we've dedicated ourselves to bringing
the joy and happiness that is Christmas

"to the world and we must make sure
nothing changes that.

"So I sent you the last flying reindeer in
the Pole to help you rescue your brother."

NOELLE: Okay, Snowy,

you found me, so I know
you can find Santa, okay?

He smells like hot chocolate and
peppermint, now it's mixed with incense.

He's on a whole journey.

But I need you to track him. Okay?

But we can't take you out
looking like this.

(DOG BARKING)

Just walkin' my dog, you know.

His name is Rover. Which is a dog's name.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

That's why I named him that.
It's a very rare breed.

- He's a white Polar Poodle.
- (BLEATS)

You smell something? What do you smell?

Whoa! Rover!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

- WOMAN: Merry Christmas, everybody.
- NOELLE: Rover!

WOMAN: Please make a donation.

(PANTING)

What do you smell, boy? Was Santa here?

Yeah? What do you smell?
Where'd he go? Did he go this way?

He go this way?

(BLEATING)

I don't understand.
It's very professional,

you look very Dasher junior.
We gotta find Santa.

(BUS HONKS)

Next stop, Desert Botanical Gardens.
Yoga retreat.

NOELLE: Okay!

After you.

Oh, okay. Great job, little guy.
Wish me luck.

(BLEATS)

(SIGHS)

Nick.

Hi, I know you're mad at me.

Um...

There's things going on at home
that... only Santa can fix.

Really. See for yourself.

Okay. I realize I wasn't seeing things
from your point of view.

Nobody asked you
if you wanted to wear the hat.

We all expected you to take the reins
and that's not fair.

And... I'm sorry.

But we really need you.

Nick, won't you even speak to me?

Silent for how long?

When the flowers, yeah, when...

It's the... Is this a...

- And a... A hand comes in.
- (WHISTLING)

Is that a bird landing?

You were always bad at charades.
This will take forever.

Two words? Two words.

Two words. First word, me.

Until sunrise.

Shh!

Okay. Well, I can wait till sunrise.

- No!
- Talk at sunrise. Yeah.

- I'll wait until sunrise.
- You gotta go.

- I'll be quiet as a mouse.
- You've never been quiet. Get outta here.

- I'm quiet all the time.
- One, two, three, be quiet.

- I was only...
- (GRUNTS)

- I was talking 'cause you were talking.
- See! You can't do it.

Noelle, I'm sorry, you gotta go.

Okay.

I'm just gonna leave this.
You don't have to read it.

Just, if you want to.

I love you.

Whatever you wanna do.

Relax.

COMMENTATOR: Team tracks for Texas.

He drives down the court,
it's an easy lay-up.

- It helps if you put salt on it.
- No one has that much salt, Dad.

Oh.

What did I do wrong?

You can make the pan hotter
before you put the meat in.

Don't press the patties down so hard.

It loses the juices and gets dried out.
And if you toast the bun,

and put some butter on it, it gives it
this crunchy texture each bite.

Oh, why didn't you tell me
you were into cooking?

I thought maybe you wouldn't like it.

Hey, man, I like everything you do.

Hey, maybe you could give me some lessons.

MAN ON PA: Guess who's coming
to the marketplace. Santa!

Hope you've been nice this year.

WOMAN: Let's go over there.

Supercuts. How do I look?

Like Prancer.

More like Vixen,
with that tuft of hair up there.

Santa!

- Nick. Hey!
- Hey.

- (SNOWCONE BLEATING)
- I'm so sorry.

Look. What's happening at the Pole
is very naughty.

But I can't be Santa.

The Santa that they hired isn't here yet.

Sit with a couple of kids,
you'll feel The Twinkle.

And if you don't, no more pressure.
I will leave you alone. I almost promise.

- I can't, Ellie.
- Nick Kringle,

this is in your blood. It's in your stars.

It's in your destiny.

I left the suit in the North Pole.

That's a problem, Nick. Come on.

This costume is ridiculous.

I don't see any difference
from what you usually wear.

- Excuse me?
- Or...

You think I look like this all the time?

Worst thing anyone's ever said to me.
You, gather the reindeer.

- We're doing this and going home.
- Well, how is it different?

Little lower and to the right, please.

NICK: I just don't think
it's that great of an idea.

KIDS: Santa!

- It'll be great.
- NICK: There's a lot of them.

- I don't know...
- You're gonna be great.

Santa is so excited to meet you guys.

(BLOWS)

You got this. Come on up.

Go ahead. Go on.

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Hi!

Merry Christmas. What's your name?

(SPEAKING PUNJABI)

Right back at you.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING PUNJABI)

- His name's Ajeet. He's from India.
- Wait, how do you know that?

I don't know. You pick stuff up.

For Christmas, he wants his cousin
to come live with him

- in Phoenix, Arizona.
- Okay.

(SPEAKING PUNJABI)

- And an iPad.
- An iPad. I got that.

That was fun, right? Merry Christmas.

- Do we break for lunch now or is that...
- No!

- Hello!
- Let's not make a meal out of this.

I'm only doing it so my parents
can practice using Snapchat.

Got it. So, Merry Christmas.
What's your name?

Tonya. Tonya Cooperman.

Tonya Cooperman.
And have you been a good girl?

I really don't see
how that's your business.

You're right. I'm sorry.

That was over the line, um...

Let's say you were a good girl,

what do you want for Christmas?

Why? You're gonna get it for me?

A pathetic mall Santa?

You're right.
He's not gonna get it for you.

Because you were so mean to Jennie Stalts
just 'cause she has a lisp.

Tonya, Jennie is your best friend.

Get over here.

How'd you know about Jennie Stalts?

She had a Jennie Stalts vibe,
I don't know.

Usually, it takes people years of yoga
to get that kind of awareness.

Oh, I see my friend. I'll be back.

- Wait, no!
- You're doing great!

No, I'm not. Please,
I don't know what I'm doing.

Next.

Hi, Merry Christmas. What's your name?

Why did you write this to me, Santa?

"Dear Roberto, due to your
continuous failure to make your bed,

"you will not be receiving
a present this year.

"We invite you
to correct this naughty flaw

"and reapply for present status
next Christmas."

Yeah, I didn't write that.

"Best wishes, Santa." Hmm. Right there.

- BOY 1: I got one too.
- BOY 2: I got one too.

- GIRL 1: I got one.
- BOY 3: I got one too.

Hey! Oh, my God! I'm so jolly you're here.

Did you tell Alex that I would spend
Christmas with him and my ex-wife?

Yeah. It's his Christmas wish
to go to that Chinese restaurant

you guys always go to
on Christmas day, Sun Ming,

and have the red and green egg rolls.

But I told you,
Jessie and I don't get along.

She has a new life with her husband
and Alex, and I can't go over there.

Yeah. But if you use Christmas
to open up and talk about it...

Me? Open up?

Kringle, you're the one who omits things.

Like how you can speak sign language,
or chocolate money.

No. That's fair, um, yeah.

My dad was Santa Claus, he was great.

Every Christmas Eve,
he would slide down the chimney.

Could've come in the front door, but he
wanted to give us the full treatment.

Nick and I would peek out from our rooms,
I'd say I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

And then Dad would sit with us

and tell us about his night,
and that was my favorite present.

And then, Elf Polly, now Aunt Polly,

um, she would take us to bed.

Six months ago, Dad died,

so, Nick became Santa
and he was feeling overwhelmed,

so I told him that he should
take some time off,

get away for a while and he wound up here,

and now he wants to stay and do yoga,

and, um, everybody in the North Pole
is really mad at me.

So, I took the sleigh and the reindeer
to bring him back.

All right, thank you
for being so nice to Alex.

Good luck, Kringle. Merry Christmas.

BOY: Look, there's another Santa!

MALL SANTA: What're you doing?
This is my gig. Time to move.

NICK: Can I just say one thing?

- MALL SANTA: I'm certified.
- Sorry.

MALL SANTA: I have a diploma
from the Phoenix Santa school.

NOELLE: Sit back down.
This is where you belong.

- MALL SANTA: I belong in that chair.
- NOELLE: Excuse me. You sit down.

You are not even a real Santa.
I need you to show some respect.

- He's the real Santa.
- GUARD: Let's discuss this over here.

- Hey! You...
- (GUARD SCREAMS)

(CROWD GASPING)

- GUARD: You're coming with me.
- Oh, sorry!

- NICK: Leave her alone.
- This is unnecessary.

- NICK: Noelle!
- NOELLE: Nick, stay where you are.

- NICK: Sorry!
- These kids need to meet the real Santa.

- NICK: I'll give you a free yoga class.
- Uh...

Ho, ho, ho! Who is next? You, come on.

Look, my sister didn't mean any harm,
okay? She just...

She used to beat me up
for fun all the time.

She's just having fun, okay?
She's fun-loving.

I guess that's why she assaulted a cop.

She's talkin' about crazy things
like the North Pole and elves.

What's so crazy about elves?

They're holding her
for psychiatric evaluation.

Wait, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, though.

Thanks for the reminder.
I still gotta shop.

You still need to shop? Well, you know,
I can get you whatever you want.

You know? Straight from the workshop.

You want a My Little Pony Explore
Equestria Crystal Empire Castle playset?

Done.

I'll get it for you. With accessories.

I don't have any kids.

What a shock.

- (ELVES CLAMORING)
- (GAVEL BANGING)

WOMAN 1: There's only two days
till Christmas.

Why don't you just eat
the whole gavel, Elder Elf Abe?

Now, I say we take all 2,837 presents,

put them on a motorized ice floe
with GPS coordinates and...

- (MURMURING)
- WOMAN 2: He can't do it!

GPS coordinates!

Gabe, for the last time,

there're more than 2,837 nice children.

ALL: Yeah!

However many presents there are,
we have no way to deliver them.

No, listen to me. I can do this.

We just need to do a reboot or maybe
get an appointment at the Genius bar.

Please, I can do it!

Reports are filing in
from all over Phoenix

of emails denying children presents
and signed by Santa Claus.

Young Evelyn Ramirez received one
because she bites her fingernails.

Another boy was rejected
because of his failure to floss.

It seems like there's a real shortage
of Christmas spirit this year.

Hopefully, we'll have some more
cheerful stories for you soon.

SANTA ROBOT: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
Merry Christmas!

(SANTA ROBOT WHIRRING)

REPORTER ON TV:
There was a disturbing scene

at the Desert Ridge Marketplace today.

A hysterical woman...

Listen, I know we can't hang
this Christmas,

but I got you something.

Thanks, Dad. This is great.

I know you told Noelle
you wanted me to come over

and do our traditional Sun Ming
red and green eggroll thing, but I just...

Dad, I never told Noelle that.

Well, then, how did she know?

She said I'd get what I wanted
for Christmas, but I never told her.

- Come on, Alex. That's ridiculous.
- Dad, it's true!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

(SIGHS)

- Good morning.
- Good morning. (CHUCKLES)

Can I come in?

Sure, Aunt Polly.

Thank you.

Or should I say... Elf Polly?

Sit.

Now, I see she told you,

and I see that you don't believe her.

That she lives in the North Pole?

No. I tend to believe what I can see.

Well, if that's the only problem.

JAKE: Oh!

You should get that looked at.

Let me ask you a question, Detective.

Can you see love?

Can you see sorrow?

Can you see joy?

Is there anything realer than that?

Like what you feel for your boy?

How can I help?

Get her out of that hospital,
and I will take care of the rest.

Why do you think
you're here today, Noelle?

Because I kicked a policeman,

which isn't illegal where I'm from.
Because we don't have policeman.

I see.

And where are you from?

The North Pole, and my dad is Santa Claus,

and now my brother is Santa Claus.
You can start laughing now.

I'm not gonna laugh, Noelle.

I've dealt with many patients
who have unusual identities.

I treat a man who believes
he's the tooth fairy.

Well, that's ridiculous.

And a woman who's certain
she's Mother Nature.

Wow. Some real nuts out there.

And I have another patient who's convinced
he's Frosty the Snowman.

Frosty's here?

No, no. Come on. Nice try.
Frosty couldn't survive in Phoenix.

At home, he doesn't even go indoors.

He's terrified of fireplaces.

Drama queen. Miss that guy.

You know, the thing is,

I just thought this was my chance
to do something right.

You know? I wanted to prove
I'm not some spoiled princess

who just thinks about herself and writes
her silly cards all day, you know?

I always thought, eventually,
I'd do something important.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

- Yes?
- Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Sussman,

but I need Miss Kringle
on official police business for a second.

That's fine.

OFFICER: Right outside if you need me,
Jake. You got two minutes.

(DOOR LOCKS)

Look, I don't know how you knew
about me and Alex,

- and our red and green eggroll tradition.
- I shouldn't have interfered.

You know, but you made him happy.
And you made me...

Deliriously joyful.

Laugh... mostly at you.

Which still makes it my best Christmas
in a long time.

So, when Polly came to see me
about getting you out of here...

Wait, so you believe what I told you?

I believe that you believe.

But to get out of here,
stop talking about the North Pole,

- and Santa Claus.
- (BELLS JINGLING)

- Yeah. And sleighs.
- And sleighs.

Oh!

What? What?

Oh, the sleigh. You've seen it before.
You saw it at the mall.

You haven't seen it hovering
11 stories up, that's the only difference.

You okay?

Miss Kringle, I think that
we should resume and... Oh!

- Hi.
- Hi.

That's unusual.

(BLEATING)

CLARA: Jake? It's Clara. Open up.

Quick, get in your...

- Sleigh, yeah.
- Sleigh.

You're not a total loser.
You're a nice person.

And a wonderful dad.

And you're very generous with sunblock.

CLARA: Jake? Open up.

- Just go!
- Yeah.

Come on.

ELF POLLY: Careful.

- Oh, boy.
- NICK: Okay.

- (MOUTHING) Bye.
- Okay, let's go.

- Whoa! I'm not good at this!
- ELF POLLY: Yes, yes you are.

(NICK SCREAMING)

SANTA'S HELPERS:
I'll have a Blue Christmas without you

MAN: We miss you, Santa.

SANTA'S HELPERS: I'll be so blue
just thinking about you

MAN: Candy just doesn't taste the same
without you, Santa.

SANTA'S HELPERS: Decorations of red

On a green Christmas tree

Won't be the same, dear

If you're not here with me

MAN: Just come back, we got
the milk and cookies for you, Santa.

And when those blue memories start calling

Snowball fights, the Coco. All the fun.

You'll be...

CROWD: Santa's back!

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

Ooh!

My children are home! (LAUGHING)

I missed you! Oh, my goodness!

You did it, Noelle. Polly!

Uh...

I... I know I let you all down,

but while I was away, I...

I learned what it takes to be Santa.

It's about understanding people,
and, uh...

and really listening
to what they have to say.

And, um...

And just making everyone feel jolly.

Which is why I know that we have
a real Santa right here in the Pole.

CROWD: Yes!

My sister, Noelle.

- What?
- MAN: What did he say?

WOMAN: Did he say "Noelle?"

(CROWD MURMURING)

Nick. I appreciate the gesture,
but what are you doing?

That's why I came home, you know.

The minute I saw you with those kids,
I knew.

No. Okay. Maybe I inherited a couple
of Dad's powers,

- but what...
- You have The Twinkle, Ellie.

A girl? Santa's not a girl!

Whoa!

(CLAMORING)

Silent... night!

I rechecked the Christmas covenant.

And it turns out there's nothing there
that says a woman can't be Santa.

WOMAN: See?

It's just a tradition we've been
blindly following for thousands of years.

- These things happen.
- Oh, man!

The question is,
what really makes a Santa?

Ultimately, the one thing all Santas share
is the ability to inspire us

with the Christmas spirit.

Noelle, can you inspire us?

What does Christmas mean to you?

I used to think Christmas
was the best day of the year.

Presents and caroling.

But I met people for whom
it isn't the best day

because it reminds them they don't have
enough food to eat or a place to live.

Or maybe even someone
to share the day with.

And it got me thinking.

For thousands of years,
we've jingled bells and delivered toys,

and the world just gets more awful
and miserable. So what's the point?

But I also met a girl at a shelter
who drew these beautiful pictures,

and her Christmas wish wasn't for herself.

It was for her mother
to be able to find a job.

And I met a woman at a marketplace

who worked so hard to fill Christmas
with fun and music,

even though she knew she might not have
anyone to spend it with.

And I met this sweet, wonderful boy
who has this big heart.

And his father

who doesn't even believe in Christmas,
but made sure we could be home for it.

We have this list of nice people
from Hong Kong to Houston

doing wonderful, selfless things.

And I know Christmas
can't solve all our problems.

But it gives us hope.

It inspires us to be nice.

That might not seem like much, but...

when someone's sad or just lonely,

it can be the biggest thing in the world.

And presents are part of it.

I like presents as much as anybody.

Okay, more.

(ALL LAUGHING)

WOMAN: Oh, yeah, that's true.

But now, I think it's not just about
the presents we get.

It's about the presents we give.

The presents of love and understanding.

(CRYING)

And also, iPads.

My little girl.

Looks like we got a Santa, guys!

- WOMAN: Yeah, finally!
- (CROWD CHEERING)

Ho, ho, ho.

If a child wakes up, try to coax them
gently back to sleep.

(GRUNTING)

MRS. CLAUS: I want everyone
to double-check everything.

NOELLE: Mother.

Um...

I'm not sure about this.

You know how it works.
It fits you when you fit it.

Sweetie, you have nothing
to be nervous about.

Um, son,
why don't we go check the reindeer?

The reindeer? They have ticks.

- That's... Come on.
- It's not...

- Let's just go.
- No.

Come on. Go.

What're you doing? You know
Santa has to fly solo on Christmas Eve.

Force of habit.
Once a nanny, always a nanny.

Elf Polly.

Yes?

I don't know if I'm ready, Polly.

You know what I'm really scared of?
Some kid's gonna wake up, look at me,

and say, "You're not Santa."

From the first moment
that I held you in my arms,

I could see something in your eyes,
and I said to myself,

"This girl has The Twinkle."

You're ready.

Oh!

- Pull yourself together.
- (CHUCKLES)

Wait. Someone's missing.

(VOCALIZING)

(CONTINUES VOCALIZING)

Dude, this is supposed to be our song,
come on!

Okay, Snowy.
I need all the help I can get.

You're my guy, right?

Fly straight?

You're facing the wrong way.

I'm really glad it's not me.

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

On Snowcone!

(BLEATS)

(GRUNTING)

NOELLE: Puffins, scatter!

(GRUNTING)

(NOELLE SCREAMING)

No! Snowy! Snow...

All right.

We wish you a merry Christmas
We...

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMING)

(PANTING)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

(BARKS)

(NOELLE SPEAKING FRENCH)

(ALARMS BLARING)

Did we miss Greece?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(ALARM BLARING)

We're Jewish.

I'm sorry, Dad.

(TOY PLAYING TUNE)

(WHISPERING) No, no, no, no.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Go back to sleep.

- Seriously. Go back to... Oh!
- WOMAN: Ow!

Ma'am, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
No. Go back to sleep!

Hi.

(MOUTHING)

She says, "Merry Christmas, Santa."

Santa?

Thank you, Michelle.

I needed that.

Now you go to sleep. Okay?

- Merry Christmas, Santa.
- GIRL: Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Santa.

Merry Christmas.

PEOPLE: Merry Christmas.

Go to sleep. You go to sleep.

(CHUCKLES)

NOELLE: Sometimes, all you need
is a nice word from a friend

to make you feel comfortable
in your own boots.

But once that happened,
I was ready to go to work.

I went back to Greece,

and visited a few other places I'd missed,

and then I made sure to keep a promise
I'd made to Alex.

Oh, wow.

Your stop, I believe.

Yeah. Aren't you supposed to bring Alex
a Christmas present or something?

I did. He's sitting right next to me.

I don't know if this is a great idea.

I don't want my ex
and her husband to feel weird.

Traditions change. Right?

The new ones are scary.

But they might be great.

And if you know
what Christmas means to you,

the tradition's just the wrapping.

Christmas means spending time with Alex.

There you go.

That's jolly! Okay! Now get in there.

I'm serious. You get one ride. Get out.

- Go.
- Okay.

- Very busy. Very busy woman.
- Pushy Santa.

So, will I see you again?

Every December 24th.

I don't know what that is.

It's what you do when you think
someone's awesome.

Aw. Well...

- All right.
- Oh, right.

Got it.

Okay.

- On Snowcone!
- (SNOWCONE BLEATING)

NOELLE: Merry Christmas!

Man, that's fun to say!

I was so happy that Jake
got to see Alex for Christmas.

- Merry Christmas!
- Dad!

I knew you'd come.

And Helen finally got her vacation.

(CHEERING)

NOELLE: And when Michelle and her mom

woke up the next morning,
they found a present under the tree

with a job listing
at a school for the deaf.

Oh, and an iPad. Obviously.

Dad always said you never forget
your first Christmas as Santa.

Okay, he said it to Nick,

but I overheard it,
and oh, my garland, was he right!

I hoped he'd be proud of me.

And I hoped everyone at home had
come around to the idea of a girl Santa.

(ALL CHEERING)

BOY: Look, Santa's back!

NOELLE: Turns out, I didn't have to worry.

Santa Noelle!

KIDS: Merry Christmas, Santa Noelle!

Well, guess who came to town!

- (NICK CLEARS THROAT) Namaste, sis.
- Um, Namaste.

Congratulations, Santa.

NOELLE: Now that I was the 24th Kringle
to wear the red hat,

I had a couple small changes
I wanted to make.

We opened the first yoga studio
in the Pole.

(LAUGHING) Sorry.

I made Polly the first female elder elf.

Hey! Get out of my garden, now! Go!

NOELLE: Which I slightly regret.

These are high-intensity
infrared Santa goggles

which allow you to detect any lasers
between you and a tree.

Very impressive. Have we come up with
anything to deal with big, mean dogs?

Just this bone.

Okay. Keep working.

And as for me,
I mean, I'm Santa. It's great!

- Keep it coming.
- Thanks, Santa.

Thank you very much.

Okay, a letter from
Jake and Alex, everybody.

Alex is into music now,

so a slow cooker is out
and drum kit is in.

And throw in a pair of noise-cancelling
headphones for dad. Great.

When I was a little girl,

Christmas Eve was always
the best night of the year.

But this time, it was better than ever.

Because instead of getting the presents,

I was giving them.

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