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Ever since I was a kid, Billy
Joel was my musical idol.
2
00:00:02,656 --> 00:00:05,419
I loved every album and
video, but he blew my mind
3
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:07,818
when he released a
song like no other...
4
00:00:07,923 --> 00:00:09,890
♪ We didn't start the fire ♪
5
00:00:09,925 --> 00:00:12,226
"We Didn't Start the Fire"
was an instant classic.
6
00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:14,228
The moment I heard it, I was obsessed.
7
00:00:14,263 --> 00:00:17,364
♪ Joseph Stalin, Malenkov,
Nasser, and Prokofiev ♪
8
00:00:17,399 --> 00:00:18,765
- ♪ Rockefeller, Campanella ♪
- What is he doing?
9
00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:21,868
It's like Billy Joel is
singing, but also rapping.
10
00:00:21,904 --> 00:00:25,505
No, it's like he's
rapping, but also singing.
11
00:00:25,541 --> 00:00:28,442
It became a point of pride
to memorize the lyrics.
12
00:00:28,477 --> 00:00:29,910
♪ ...Sugar Ray,
Panmunjom ♪ [Tape rewinds]
13
00:00:29,945 --> 00:00:31,278
And back before the Internet,
14
00:00:31,313 --> 00:00:33,647
the only way to learn
them was to just listen.
15
00:00:33,682 --> 00:00:35,148
The hell are you doing?!
16
00:00:35,184 --> 00:00:36,149
It's the middle of the night!
17
00:00:36,185 --> 00:00:37,150
Dad, thank God!
18
00:00:37,186 --> 00:00:39,086
It is "Pumajob?" "Pacman job?"
19
00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:40,654
Put on the damn headphones.
What is he saying?
20
00:00:40,689 --> 00:00:42,055
He's saying you're a moron.
21
00:00:42,091 --> 00:00:44,591
Now go to bed, and
also learn some history!
22
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:47,027
And the best part? I did!
23
00:00:47,062 --> 00:00:49,463
Billy Joel actually
made me good at school.
24
00:00:49,498 --> 00:00:52,199
So, yes. We didn't start the fire.
25
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:54,134
In fact, it burned
right from Harry Truman
26
00:00:54,169 --> 00:00:55,602
to the great cola wars.
27
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,204
[Applause]
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Normally, I am not a
fan of popular music,
29
00:00:59,174 --> 00:01:01,141
but this song teaches and entertains.
30
00:01:01,176 --> 00:01:02,609
You don't like music?
31
00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,479
No. I enjoy the dulcet
tones of AM talk radio.
32
00:01:05,514 --> 00:01:07,414
That's sad. I feel sad for you.
33
00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:09,883
I mean, traffic, sports, weather,
34
00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:11,918
you've got it all! But most importantly,
35
00:01:11,954 --> 00:01:14,755
Billy Joel taught me
girls dig rock stars.
36
00:01:14,790 --> 00:01:18,725
♪ Rock and Roller cola wars,
I can't take it anymore ♪
37
00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:20,827
Wow! That was totally badass.
38
00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:22,396
You like how I flipped
over the He-Man table?
39
00:01:22,431 --> 00:01:24,131
You know what? You
should perform that song
40
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,232
in the holiday talent show.
41
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:26,867
- You think?
- I know.
42
00:01:26,902 --> 00:01:28,602
Not to completely objectify you,
43
00:01:28,637 --> 00:01:31,138
but the whole thing was insanely hot.
44
00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:32,506
Me, hot?
45
00:01:32,541 --> 00:01:34,975
Yeahhh, oh! [Chuckles nervously]
46
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Never thought I'd hear that from a girl.
47
00:01:36,712 --> 00:01:38,679
Is it warm? My cheeks are burning.
48
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,781
What can I say? You make
quite the Billy Joel.
49
00:01:40,816 --> 00:01:42,416
More like Boopie Joel.
50
00:01:42,451 --> 00:01:45,185
♪ Schmoo didn't start the fire ♪
51
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:48,155
♪ But his cheeks are gushy
and his tushy's squooshy ♪
52
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:49,156
Give me a little nibble.
53
00:01:49,191 --> 00:01:50,590
Just look away, Jackie! Look away!
54
00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:51,558
I am looking away,
55
00:01:51,593 --> 00:01:52,592
but there's a mirror right there.
56
00:01:52,628 --> 00:01:53,827
[Growling] Aaaah!
57
00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,095
[Laughs]
58
00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:56,763
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
59
00:01:56,799 --> 00:02:00,133
♪ But nonetheless, I
feel the need to say ♪
61
00:02:02,671 --> 00:02:04,004
♪ I don't know the future ♪
62
00:02:04,039 --> 00:02:08,108
♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪
63
00:02:08,143 --> 00:02:10,444
It was December 13, 1980-something,
64
00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:13,013
and Erica was back from
college for winter break.
65
00:02:13,048 --> 00:02:14,348
I have an announcement.
66
00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:15,749
We've spent a lot of time together
67
00:02:15,784 --> 00:02:17,984
this holiday break, too much in fact.
68
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:20,087
- You've been home for one day.
- You're feeling it, too.
69
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,556
Which is why I will be spending
the first night of Hanukkah
70
00:02:22,591 --> 00:02:24,024
- at Geoff's house.
- What?!
71
00:02:24,059 --> 00:02:26,059
His parents invited me,
and I don't want to be here,
72
00:02:26,095 --> 00:02:27,527
so it's all lining up.
73
00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:28,795
Murray, your daughter wants to spend
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00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,764
the holiest day of the
year without the family.
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00:02:30,799 --> 00:02:32,265
- Say something!
- Holy?!
76
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:34,234
Most years, we give up halfway through.
77
00:02:34,269 --> 00:02:36,069
Murray, don't interrupt.
78
00:02:36,105 --> 00:02:38,572
It's a very special day,
so at the very least,
79
00:02:38,607 --> 00:02:39,706
we should come with you.
80
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:41,408
Ooh, one problem...
81
00:02:41,443 --> 00:02:42,676
- You're not invited.
- Please.
82
00:02:42,711 --> 00:02:44,611
Linda and Lou Schwartz are friends.
83
00:02:44,646 --> 00:02:45,712
They'd love to have us.
84
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:46,913
You've never even talked to them.
85
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:49,116
Well, I sent Linda a
beautifully-worded note
86
00:02:49,151 --> 00:02:50,484
when Murray ran over her foot.
87
00:02:50,519 --> 00:02:51,985
I signed my name at the bottom.
88
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,720
You are not crashing their dinner,
89
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,222
end of story!
90
00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:56,656
Damn it! Quick, grab your pants.
91
00:02:56,692 --> 00:02:58,725
The Schwartzes are clearly
making a play to take Hanukkah!
92
00:02:58,761 --> 00:02:59,559
Who's doing what now?
93
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:00,894
Murray, it is crucial
94
00:03:00,929 --> 00:03:03,263
that we establish
ourselves as the fun parents
95
00:03:03,298 --> 00:03:04,698
who host all the holidays.
96
00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,933
That way, if Geoff and
Erica ever get married,
97
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:08,168
they come to us.
98
00:03:08,203 --> 00:03:09,970
Not those bastards. Us.
99
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,872
Okay, I'm hearing a lot of worry
100
00:03:11,907 --> 00:03:14,808
about things far in the
future that I don't care about.
101
00:03:14,843 --> 00:03:16,243
Oh, you better care!
102
00:03:16,278 --> 00:03:18,078
Hanukkah is a gateway holiday.
103
00:03:18,113 --> 00:03:19,980
If they take that, then
they take Thanksgiving,
104
00:03:20,015 --> 00:03:21,715
then the 4th of July, then we're left
105
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,817
with some crap holiday, like Labor Day!
106
00:03:23,852 --> 00:03:26,553
What's wrong with Labor Day?
It's quiet and we eat hot dogs!
107
00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:29,322
And so my mom swore she'd win Hanukkah.
108
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:31,324
Meanwhile, I was ready
to win over the crowd.
109
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,359
Ow!
110
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[Laughs]
111
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That's the best.
112
00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:37,097
Still getting used to
wearing my shades indoors
113
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:38,031
like the Piano Man.
114
00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:39,332
You're no Piano Man.
115
00:03:39,368 --> 00:03:40,700
Tell that to Jackie,
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who strongly urged my hot
bod to do the talent show.
117
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:47,040
Come on! What upside-down
world are we living in here?
118
00:03:47,075 --> 00:03:49,409
How do you have a
girlfriend and confidence
119
00:03:49,445 --> 00:03:51,077
and a modest amount of popularity?
120
00:03:51,113 --> 00:03:52,446
Hello!
121
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:53,713
Pops!
122
00:03:53,749 --> 00:03:55,315
He's helped me with all of it.
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00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:58,285
He's even the one who gave me
the idea to serenade Jackie,
124
00:03:58,320 --> 00:03:59,986
and like always, he was right.
125
00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:03,356
Wait, you take love
advice from our old grandpa
126
00:04:03,392 --> 00:04:05,959
who uses an entire tin of
cream cheese on one bagel?
127
00:04:05,994 --> 00:04:08,595
He helps me every day. You're
just realizing that now?
128
00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:10,063
That's why you're
always chatting him up?
129
00:04:10,098 --> 00:04:11,231
What did you think I was doing?
130
00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:12,532
I thought you were
trying to get his gold.
131
00:04:12,568 --> 00:04:13,700
He doesn't have any gold.
132
00:04:13,735 --> 00:04:15,802
All old people have gold.
133
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,504
The gold is his wisdom.
134
00:04:17,539 --> 00:04:18,738
- Lame!
- Fine.
135
00:04:18,774 --> 00:04:20,173
Pops is lame, and so am I.
136
00:04:20,209 --> 00:04:22,609
Lame or not, Barry couldn't
deny Pops had helped me,
137
00:04:22,644 --> 00:04:24,211
and so, with great humility,
138
00:04:24,246 --> 00:04:25,779
he asked for guidance.
139
00:04:25,814 --> 00:04:26,746
Hey! My bagel!
140
00:04:26,782 --> 00:04:27,814
Forget the bagel.
141
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,250
Schmear me with knowledge, old timer.
142
00:04:30,285 --> 00:04:33,553
Wait. Are you actually
coming to me for advice?
143
00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:36,656
I realized you made Adam suck way less.
144
00:04:36,692 --> 00:04:37,791
Be my sensei,
145
00:04:37,826 --> 00:04:40,126
and I will follow
whatever ancient wisdom
146
00:04:40,162 --> 00:04:42,529
you have in that tired
old frame of yours.
147
00:04:42,564 --> 00:04:45,198
As insulting as that is, why not?
148
00:04:45,234 --> 00:04:46,867
I like a good challenge.
149
00:04:46,902 --> 00:04:48,535
I am a challenge.
150
00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:51,705
He was, but my mom faced
an even bigger challenge,
151
00:04:51,740 --> 00:04:55,141
making sure she didn't lose
Hanukkah to the Schwartzes.
152
00:04:55,177 --> 00:04:57,878
Linda, my God, these
latkes are to die for!
153
00:04:57,913 --> 00:04:58,845
Oh, it was nothing.
154
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,113
She's not one to toot her own horn,
155
00:05:00,148 --> 00:05:01,681
but I will... Toot-toot!
156
00:05:01,717 --> 00:05:02,949
[Chuckling]
157
00:05:02,985 --> 00:05:04,885
Am I crazy, or is this
actually going well?
158
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,920
Oh! Almost forgot.
159
00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,688
Presents!
160
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:09,823
Whoa! Whoa, whoa! Wait! Wait, wait.
161
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:11,858
No one said anything
about a gift exchange.
162
00:05:11,894 --> 00:05:13,493
- We didn't bring anything.
- Oh, don't worry.
163
00:05:13,529 --> 00:05:15,095
We just got you a
little something,
164
00:05:15,130 --> 00:05:17,797
classic first night gift, no big deal.
165
00:05:17,833 --> 00:05:20,133
Holy crap! Streisand tickets?
166
00:05:20,168 --> 00:05:21,501
Summer sausage?!
167
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:22,636
Who are you?
168
00:05:22,671 --> 00:05:25,639
An indestructible rubber
Sony Sports Walkman?!
169
00:05:25,674 --> 00:05:27,807
I always get crappy
socks on the first night.
170
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:28,909
Not always!
171
00:05:28,944 --> 00:05:30,610
Last year, we forgot
about it completely,
172
00:05:30,646 --> 00:05:32,812
and then on the fourth night,
we were like, "Hanukkah!"
173
00:05:32,848 --> 00:05:35,649
Ha! She's wrong. She's
a big stupid liar.
174
00:05:35,684 --> 00:05:38,752
Point is, the holidays
are just as special to us.
175
00:05:38,787 --> 00:05:40,086
A savings bond?
176
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,388
I can't touch this for 10 years!
177
00:05:41,423 --> 00:05:43,957
- So sensible!
- Look at that punim!
178
00:05:43,992 --> 00:05:45,892
We're like twins! Look at us!
179
00:05:45,928 --> 00:05:47,627
Well, look at this! [Laughs]
180
00:05:47,663 --> 00:05:49,262
[Sing-song] We're twins, too!
181
00:05:49,298 --> 00:05:50,830
Mm!
182
00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:53,533
See this? This is the real gift...
183
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:56,269
Erica and the Goldbergs
here for the holidays.
184
00:05:56,305 --> 00:05:59,272
It's the best! You guys are the best.
185
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:00,840
Those people are human trash!
186
00:06:00,876 --> 00:06:03,710
Come on! All the man did was
give you Streisand tickets.
187
00:06:03,745 --> 00:06:05,345
Third row center?
188
00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:07,480
Best seats in the house?
189
00:06:07,516 --> 00:06:10,183
These people are monsters
who will steal our children.
190
00:06:10,218 --> 00:06:12,719
While my mom envisioned a lonely future,
191
00:06:12,754 --> 00:06:14,087
Pops was reminding Barry
192
00:06:14,122 --> 00:06:16,556
of his epic freshman year
talent show routine...
193
00:06:16,592 --> 00:06:18,047
- Hyah!
- ...when he karate-kicked
194
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:21,428
- his way to glory.
- That was quite a night, huh?
195
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,430
It was the first night
Lainey noticed me.
196
00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:24,631
Best of my life.
197
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:26,433
What if I said I could help you top it?
198
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:28,468
You think if I do that
show, I can get a new Lainey?
199
00:06:28,503 --> 00:06:30,704
If Adam can impress a
girl with a serenade,
200
00:06:30,739 --> 00:06:31,905
so can you.
201
00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:34,107
And so, Barry took Pops' advice,
202
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:35,642
perhaps a little too literally.
203
00:06:35,677 --> 00:06:36,543
Mr. Glascott!
204
00:06:36,578 --> 00:06:38,945
Oh, my God... Oh, my Pop-Tart!
205
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,280
Today was my cheat day!
206
00:06:40,315 --> 00:06:41,648
I have huge news.
207
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:43,249
I'm signing up for the talent show.
208
00:06:43,285 --> 00:06:44,351
I know it's last minute,
209
00:06:44,386 --> 00:06:46,052
but I will not take "no" for an answer.
210
00:06:46,088 --> 00:06:48,588
And you won't have to.
There's like 14 spots left.
211
00:06:48,624 --> 00:06:50,457
Then consider it your lucky day
212
00:06:50,492 --> 00:06:52,359
'cause you just got
yourself your opening act.
213
00:06:52,394 --> 00:06:54,728
Okay, you seem way too
fired up about this.
214
00:06:54,763 --> 00:06:56,162
Let me be painfully clear.
215
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,964
This is a holiday talent show.
216
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,299
None of it matters.
217
00:06:59,334 --> 00:07:00,900
Oh, it matters.
218
00:07:00,936 --> 00:07:02,402
This is the game-changer I need
219
00:07:02,437 --> 00:07:04,638
to become the most popular
kid in high school once again!
220
00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:05,705
It's really not.
221
00:07:05,741 --> 00:07:07,641
Honestly, this isn't some high-stakes,
222
00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:09,142
life-defining event.
223
00:07:09,177 --> 00:07:10,343
It's just a wasted night.
224
00:07:10,379 --> 00:07:12,479
Then it's up to me to prove you wrong.
225
00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:15,215
No! Do not use me to raise
the stakes any further.
226
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:16,650
Just sign up and move on.
227
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:17,917
Mr. Glascott!
228
00:07:17,953 --> 00:07:20,320
Big news, I'm gonna sing
"We Didn't Start the Fire"
229
00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:21,388
at the talent show.
230
00:07:21,423 --> 00:07:22,722
No one cares!
231
00:07:22,758 --> 00:07:24,290
What he means to say is
232
00:07:24,326 --> 00:07:26,026
you can do anything but that song.
233
00:07:26,061 --> 00:07:27,227
I'm opening the show with it.
234
00:07:27,262 --> 00:07:28,662
You can't just take my song.
235
00:07:28,697 --> 00:07:31,564
I'm just doing as my
sensei, Pops, commands.
236
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,266
Pops isn't your sensei.
237
00:07:33,301 --> 00:07:34,834
He's my Jedi Master,
238
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:37,370
and he'd never tell you
to do the same song as me!
239
00:07:37,406 --> 00:07:38,471
Hey, Barry, heard you were
240
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:39,939
opening the talent show with Billy Joel.
241
00:07:39,975 --> 00:07:42,342
Why, yes, I am, Jamie Weisman.
242
00:07:42,377 --> 00:07:43,543
See you there.
243
00:07:43,578 --> 00:07:45,245
What do you know? It's already working.
244
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,213
How the hell did she already
know you were doing the show?
245
00:07:47,249 --> 00:07:48,481
It literally just happened.
246
00:07:48,517 --> 00:07:50,583
She knew because Barry woke up early
247
00:07:50,619 --> 00:07:52,952
and posted a few
fliers around school --
248
00:07:52,988 --> 00:07:53,953
a few hundred.
249
00:07:53,989 --> 00:07:55,021
Balls!
250
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,390
"Holiday Talent Show
featuring Barry Joel?"
251
00:07:57,426 --> 00:07:59,159
Don't worry. I'm still
gonna sing our song.
252
00:07:59,194 --> 00:08:01,027
It's kind of feeling
like your brother's song.
253
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:02,362
It does feel that way.
254
00:08:02,397 --> 00:08:05,498
[Music played]
255
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:07,597
It was the second day of Hanukkah,
256
00:08:07,795 --> 00:08:09,504
and my mom had her
eyes on the prize,
257
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,675
stealing the holiday
back from Lou Schwartz.
258
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:14,491
Thank you so much for seeing
me last minute, Dr. Schwartz.
259
00:08:14,526 --> 00:08:16,726
That's Lou to you. We're
practically family now.
260
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:17,894
Aww. Speaking of,
261
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:20,130
I wanted to thank you for last night
262
00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:21,298
by hosting you guys
263
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,999
for the second night of Hanukkah.
264
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,734
Hold still for drops.
265
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,603
While I do appreciate the offer,
266
00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:28,839
night two is a Schwartz family favorite,
267
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:29,906
so we'll be hosting it.
268
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:32,776
Well, your son already formally RSVP'd.
269
00:08:32,811 --> 00:08:35,045
I cornered him at school, and
he signed the response card.
270
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,313
Fine. You take night two.
271
00:08:36,348 --> 00:08:37,848
We'll do nights three through eight.
272
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:39,783
Six nights and the closer?
273
00:08:39,818 --> 00:08:41,318
Okay, then you can take night four.
274
00:08:41,353 --> 00:08:43,620
The hump day of Hanukkah? How dare you.
275
00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:44,688
How dare me, what?
276
00:08:44,723 --> 00:08:46,623
I don't understand why
you're so worked up.
277
00:08:46,658 --> 00:08:48,058
Cut the crap, Schwartz!
278
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:50,327
You're trying to steal
Hanukkah, and it ain't happening.
279
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:52,529
Like always, my mom had spiraled out,
280
00:08:52,564 --> 00:08:54,197
but this time, she was right.
281
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,765
- Fine!
- I knew it!
282
00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,235
- You got me.
- You are not taking Hanukkah.
283
00:08:58,270 --> 00:08:59,736
Oh! I'm taking it.
284
00:08:59,771 --> 00:09:01,805
I'm taking all the big-ticket holidays,
285
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:02,939
and you can't stop it.
286
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:04,307
Oh, I'll stop it when I throw
287
00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:07,377
the most mind-blowing night
two in Hanukkah history!
288
00:09:07,412 --> 00:09:09,779
- You'll see.
- Too bad you won't.
289
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:11,314
What did you do?
290
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,818
In a few minutes, your pupils
will dilate up real nicely.
291
00:09:14,853 --> 00:09:17,821
Good luck frying up a
latke in a hazy blur.
292
00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,289
You blinded me from Hanukkah?
293
00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:21,057
Yes. For three whole hours.
294
00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:23,326
You have made a dangerous
mistake, Lou Schwartz!
295
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:25,262
Blinding me has only fueled my anger,
296
00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,531
and I will use my rage
to peel more potatoes
297
00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:29,533
- than I've ever peeled!
- Better watch your fingers.
298
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:31,368
And you better bring your appetite,
299
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:34,137
'cause once I sour cream
and applesauce up a latke,
300
00:09:34,172 --> 00:09:36,339
it is game, set, Hanukkah!
301
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:40,610
[Music played]
302
00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,245
This is a war you won't win!
303
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,180
I already have!
304
00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:46,383
As my mom stumbled off
to dominate Hanukkah,
305
00:09:46,418 --> 00:09:49,219
my brother was mastering
Billy Joel's lyrics.
306
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:51,021
♪ Harry Truman, Doris Day ♪
307
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:53,790
Back before Google, it took
patience and a good ear.
308
00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:56,092
Sadly, Barry had neither.
309
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,761
♪ Joe is stallin' Mellor's cough ♪
310
00:09:57,796 --> 00:09:59,563
♪ Nose hairs and pro coffee pots ♪
311
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,231
♪ Rock your fella, salmonella ♪
312
00:10:01,266 --> 00:10:02,966
♪ Chickens say "Bock!" ♪
313
00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:04,668
♪ Toy bone, on the phone ♪
314
00:10:04,703 --> 00:10:06,403
♪ Tossed panini, yay scones ♪
315
00:10:06,438 --> 00:10:08,104
♪ Ben's friend Lew Falls ♪
316
00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:09,839
♪ Walk around the block ♪
317
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,408
♪ Barf-O, booed a breast ♪
318
00:10:11,443 --> 00:10:13,143
♪ Slamma Jamma, crew's Chest ♪
319
00:10:13,178 --> 00:10:14,844
♪ Prince is great, paper plates ♪
320
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,713
♪ Trouble with Aunt Suzy ♪
321
00:10:16,748 --> 00:10:19,516
♪ We didn't start the fire ♪
322
00:10:19,551 --> 00:10:21,451
♪ Blah-blah-blah-blah,
blah-blah-blah ♪
323
00:10:21,486 --> 00:10:22,852
♪ Blah, blah, blah ♪
324
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:23,887
♪ Blah, blah, blah ♪
325
00:10:23,922 --> 00:10:25,589
You get it! What do you think?
326
00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:26,623
I think it's amazing.
327
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:28,425
Do the song exactly like that, pal.
328
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,427
Never let me stand in your way again.
329
00:10:30,462 --> 00:10:34,164
A more insecure man would
wonder why he's so pleased.
330
00:10:34,199 --> 00:10:35,298
But I'm not such a man.
331
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,367
Um, Bar, I think you messed up
332
00:10:37,402 --> 00:10:38,735
a couple of lyrics there.
333
00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:40,971
Mmm... no.
334
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:43,006
Dude, who's awful idea was this?
335
00:10:43,041 --> 00:10:44,307
That'd be me.
336
00:10:44,343 --> 00:10:45,909
I'm his sensei.
337
00:10:45,944 --> 00:10:47,310
Mr. Grandpa, sir, I would like
338
00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:49,279
to go on record and respectfully say
339
00:10:49,314 --> 00:10:51,715
that your advice will
destroy Barry's life
340
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,216
and that you suck at this.
341
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,352
While Pops was regretting
the talent show,
342
00:10:55,387 --> 00:10:57,038
my mom couldn't wait to show the
343
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:58,039
Schwartzes a real
Hanukkah. [Doorbell rings]
344
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,356
Knock, knock!
345
00:10:59,391 --> 00:11:02,058
Not sure if you can
see us, but we're here!
346
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:03,059
Doesn't matter!
347
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,794
I can cook dinner with my eyes closed.
348
00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,163
Come on in. Sorry the
place is such a mess.
349
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,299
A mess? Look at this house.
350
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,801
It's like a Hanukkah winter wonderland.
351
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:12,769
Yeah, what's the deal?
352
00:11:12,804 --> 00:11:14,070
We usually just light a candle
353
00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:15,972
and get a lame gift, like dental floss.
354
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,608
Stop. When it comes to
the Festival of Lights,
355
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,478
the Goldbergs really
know how to turn it on.
356
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:24,347
Wow. [Chuckles] That is so festive.
357
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:25,482
And dangerous.
358
00:11:25,517 --> 00:11:27,717
Last thing I'd want is for
you to burst into flames
359
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:30,286
so we'd have to host
Hanukkah every year.
360
00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:32,555
You know what's even better? Presents!
361
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:33,556
[Chuckles]
362
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:35,258
$100? That's insane!
363
00:11:35,293 --> 00:11:37,160
That's what you get when
you do Hanukkah here.
364
00:11:37,195 --> 00:11:38,194
Remember that.
365
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,530
And, uh.... we have a gift for Erica.
366
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:41,998
We do?
367
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,533
$32.
368
00:11:43,568 --> 00:11:46,102
And a shammy for your glasses.
369
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,737
Don't be silly. It's time for dinner.
370
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:50,707
I hope you have enough
room for eight courses.
371
00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:52,075
Prepare your tummies!
372
00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:53,877
- Whoa!
- Damn!
373
00:11:53,912 --> 00:11:55,712
Face it, Schwartz,
you're out of your league.
374
00:11:55,747 --> 00:11:57,180
That's it, We settle
this the way our people
375
00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:58,948
have settled fights
for thousands of years.
376
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:00,116
- In court?
- No.
377
00:12:00,152 --> 00:12:01,551
With a game of Dreidel.
378
00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:03,353
Winner takes all eight nights.
379
00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:06,356
And I never lose with
my lucky spinning top.
380
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:07,657
Until now.
381
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:09,225
Let's light this candle.
382
00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:10,293
[Clicks]
383
00:12:10,328 --> 00:12:12,762
["Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" plays]
384
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,901
♪ [Quietly] Together, we will play ♪
385
00:12:17,936 --> 00:12:19,202
[Music played]
386
00:12:19,237 --> 00:12:21,104
Hey, kiddo.
387
00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:23,373
I've been thinking
about the talent show.
388
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:26,176
Maybe we should give that
little song back to Adam.
389
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:27,444
No can do.
390
00:12:27,479 --> 00:12:29,746
I already sent Billy Joel
the parking directions.
391
00:12:29,781 --> 00:12:30,914
No, that's smart,
392
00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:33,349
but I think you'd make
a much bigger splash
393
00:12:33,385 --> 00:12:34,884
by doing something funny.
394
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,753
But it took me forever
to perfectly memorize
395
00:12:36,788 --> 00:12:38,588
- every word of that song!
- Bup, bup, bup.
396
00:12:38,623 --> 00:12:41,257
You promised to do
everything I say, right?
397
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:43,259
Yes. Forgive me, sensei.
398
00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:44,427
So, what's your idea?
399
00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:48,131
The greatest Abbott and
Costello routine of all time,
400
00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:50,300
guaranteed to kill.
401
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:51,868
It's a famous skit
402
00:12:51,903 --> 00:12:54,404
about the players and their funny names.
403
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:56,372
It's called "Who's On First?"
404
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,207
Who?
405
00:12:57,242 --> 00:12:58,842
Exactly! So you know it?
406
00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:00,176
- What?
- Yes!
407
00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:01,411
"What's" on second.
408
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,179
You started this thing! You tell me!
409
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:04,781
Okay. Let me clear this up.
410
00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,683
"Who" is the player.
411
00:13:06,718 --> 00:13:08,218
"Who" is on first.
412
00:13:08,253 --> 00:13:10,053
Why won't you tell me?
413
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:12,822
You know what, I think you're
gonna need some visuals.
414
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:14,491
Then you'll know "Who's On First."
415
00:13:14,526 --> 00:13:15,692
Who?
416
00:13:17,562 --> 00:13:20,396
Okay, now you can clearly visualize
417
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:22,198
where each and every player is.
418
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:23,967
So, who's on first?
419
00:13:24,002 --> 00:13:25,168
Easy. Von Hayes.
420
00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:26,402
No. It's Who.
421
00:13:26,438 --> 00:13:27,771
Who is on first.
422
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:30,507
I just told you, Von Hayes.
423
00:13:30,542 --> 00:13:33,276
I'm not asking you about
the Phillies lineup.
424
00:13:33,311 --> 00:13:35,078
I'm telling you. It's Who!
425
00:13:35,113 --> 00:13:36,012
Von Hayes.
426
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:37,247
Okay, look at me.
427
00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:41,117
Ask me the name of the
player on third base.
428
00:13:41,153 --> 00:13:42,786
I don't need to ask you.
429
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,020
It's Mike Schmidt, right?
430
00:13:44,055 --> 00:13:46,656
Wrong. This is "I Don't Know."
431
00:13:46,691 --> 00:13:48,892
How do you not know Mike Schmidt?
432
00:13:48,927 --> 00:13:51,127
He's a Gold Glove winner
and a perennial All Star!
433
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,429
Barry! Just listen!
434
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,031
Who is on first!
435
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,733
Who! I'm telling you!
436
00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:58,601
Who is the name!
437
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,770
And I told you! His name is...
438
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,972
Don't you dare say Von Hayes!
439
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,107
[Muttering] Von Hayes.
440
00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:05,141
[Music played]
441
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,609
Okay.
442
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:09,078
Now we're literally on a baseball field
443
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,581
with your friends holding up the names.
444
00:14:11,616 --> 00:14:13,850
It cannot be any clearer.
445
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:18,054
So, tell me the name
of the player on third.
446
00:14:18,089 --> 00:14:18,955
I Don't Know.
447
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:21,291
Barry, do you really not know
448
00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:24,027
or do you know it's I Don't Know.
449
00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:25,228
It's I Don't Know.
450
00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:26,529
And What's on Second.
451
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:28,298
And Who's on first. Yes!
452
00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,466
- Yeah, baby!
- Only two hours!
453
00:14:30,502 --> 00:14:32,402
- Can we go home now?
- One question.
454
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:33,770
Why is it funny?
455
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:36,272
No one on Earth would
name their son Who!
456
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:37,440
- He's right.
- Kind of lame.
457
00:14:37,475 --> 00:14:38,474
Okay, here's what I'm gonna do.
458
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,109
I'm gonna make this actually funny
459
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,077
by changing all the names.
460
00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:42,111
Don't change the names.
461
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,214
First base is Mr. ClownFarts.
462
00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:46,149
Second base is Bob Frapples.
463
00:14:46,184 --> 00:14:48,084
And third base is Giant [bleep]face.
464
00:14:48,119 --> 00:14:50,553
No! Those aren't real names!
465
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,389
They're more real than
your first baseman, Mr. Who!
466
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,124
It makes no sense!
467
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,560
No parent with the
last name of [bleep]face
468
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,963
would name their child "Giant"! Ever!
469
00:14:59,998 --> 00:15:01,231
Then what would they name him?
470
00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:03,333
- Josh!
- Screw it!
471
00:15:03,368 --> 00:15:04,601
I'm going back to being Barry Joel.
472
00:15:04,636 --> 00:15:06,402
Barry, don't do that show.
473
00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,504
I'm just trying to protect you here.
474
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,473
- From what?
- From yourself!
475
00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:12,976
You don't know any of
the words to that song,
476
00:15:13,011 --> 00:15:15,511
and I can't help you like
I did with the karate!
477
00:15:15,547 --> 00:15:16,613
What do you mean, help?
478
00:15:16,648 --> 00:15:19,682
I swapped in a board made of balsa wood!
479
00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:22,218
Balsa wood better be the
strongest of all woods.
480
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:24,053
Bro, it breaks like a Kit-Kat bar.
481
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,422
That better be the
strongest of all candy bars.
482
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:27,624
It's not, dude.
483
00:15:27,659 --> 00:15:31,327
Look, if I didn't
actually break that board,
484
00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:34,397
then the best night of my
life is nothing but a lie.
485
00:15:34,432 --> 00:15:35,498
That's not true, kiddo.
486
00:15:35,533 --> 00:15:38,001
No. I get it.
487
00:15:38,036 --> 00:15:40,270
Even you can't help me.
488
00:15:40,305 --> 00:15:41,804
I'm unfixable.
489
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:46,264
As everyone waited for dinner,
490
00:15:46,459 --> 00:15:49,146
my mom's plans to win Hanukkah
were spinning out of control.
491
00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,096
Boom! Squiggly again!
492
00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:53,228
Send the bread to Fred,
the Schwartzes win.
493
00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:55,464
Okay, double or nothing. You
win, you get Thanksgiving.
494
00:15:55,499 --> 00:15:56,631
- You're on!
- Okay.
495
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:57,799
My turn, I'll spin.
496
00:15:57,835 --> 00:15:59,134
No, no, no. It's my dreidel!
497
00:15:59,169 --> 00:16:01,636
- I'm the spinner!
- No, no! Mnh-mnh.
498
00:16:01,672 --> 00:16:03,271
Yes! Squiggly! [Laughs]
499
00:16:03,307 --> 00:16:04,873
The Goldbergs are back on the board.
500
00:16:04,908 --> 00:16:05,874
Look at that! You got one.
501
00:16:05,909 --> 00:16:06,808
Game's over. Happy Hanukkah.
502
00:16:06,844 --> 00:16:08,176
Hey! Hey, wait! Wait!
503
00:16:08,212 --> 00:16:10,312
That's six squiggles in a row.
504
00:16:10,347 --> 00:16:11,146
What?
505
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,881
- Is this a loaded dreidel?
- No!
506
00:16:12,916 --> 00:16:16,418
Did you bring a loaded
dreidel into my home?
507
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:17,619
There's no such thing.
508
00:16:17,654 --> 00:16:18,420
Is that right?
509
00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,727
[Music played]
510
00:16:25,763 --> 00:16:28,230
[Gasps] You can prove nothing!
511
00:16:28,265 --> 00:16:29,698
Okay, what is all the yelling about?
512
00:16:29,733 --> 00:16:31,133
I thought we were
supposed to have dinner.
513
00:16:31,168 --> 00:16:33,101
- Lou, what is going on?
- The kids need to pick!
514
00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:34,770
Which one of us is
gonna be the fun in-laws
515
00:16:34,805 --> 00:16:36,204
you spend all the holidays with?
516
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,939
What are you talking
about? Why is your shoe off?
517
00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:39,441
He was cheating at dreidel!
518
00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:40,976
Okay, everybody stop!
519
00:16:41,011 --> 00:16:43,478
There is no holiday
house! We're just dating!
520
00:16:43,514 --> 00:16:45,413
- Pick right now!
- Erica, say us.
521
00:16:45,449 --> 00:16:47,149
Say us or I have no daughter.
522
00:16:47,184 --> 00:16:48,116
You have to pick me, Geoffrey,
523
00:16:48,152 --> 00:16:49,384
or you're out of my will forever!
524
00:16:49,419 --> 00:16:50,886
You know, the whole
point of this holiday
525
00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:52,888
was for our families to
get to know each other.
526
00:16:52,923 --> 00:16:55,157
Yeah. Thanks for ruining it.
527
00:16:55,192 --> 00:17:00,428
[Music played]
528
00:17:00,464 --> 00:17:02,898
["Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" plays]
529
00:17:04,301 --> 00:17:06,401
My mom may have lost
her precious holiday,
530
00:17:06,436 --> 00:17:08,837
but I had found my new
act for the talent show.
531
00:17:08,872 --> 00:17:11,540
Okay. What am I looking at here?
532
00:17:11,575 --> 00:17:13,108
Not that it's any of your business,
533
00:17:13,143 --> 00:17:16,011
but I'm working on a new super-sexy act
534
00:17:16,046 --> 00:17:16,945
for the talent show.
535
00:17:16,980 --> 00:17:18,647
Put the scarves away, kiddo.
536
00:17:18,682 --> 00:17:20,916
You can do the Billy Joel song.
537
00:17:20,951 --> 00:17:22,350
What? Barry gave up?
538
00:17:22,386 --> 00:17:23,652
Mmm, just on me.
539
00:17:23,687 --> 00:17:25,220
He finally came to me for help,
540
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:26,688
and I let him down.
541
00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:27,756
No, don't do that!
542
00:17:27,791 --> 00:17:28,990
Don't make me feel sad for him.
543
00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:31,693
The guy stole my song
and my Jedi grandpa.
544
00:17:31,728 --> 00:17:34,029
Kiddo, I've helped you your whole life,
545
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:37,098
and now... I need your help.
546
00:17:37,134 --> 00:17:40,101
[Music played]
547
00:17:40,137 --> 00:17:41,736
Hey, can we talk about the talent show?
548
00:17:41,772 --> 00:17:43,338
Look, if Pops sent you in here,
549
00:17:43,373 --> 00:17:45,574
tell him I'm not doing
his stupid comedy routine.
550
00:17:45,609 --> 00:17:47,142
Forget about "Who's On First."
551
00:17:47,177 --> 00:17:48,944
I'm here to tell you to do the song.
552
00:17:48,979 --> 00:17:50,645
Please. We both know I suck at it.
553
00:17:50,681 --> 00:17:53,448
That's why we're gonna combine
your rap skills and showmanship
554
00:17:53,483 --> 00:17:57,052
with my greatest talent...
Audio-visual wizardry.
555
00:17:57,087 --> 00:18:00,388
And so, united by our sensei granddad,
556
00:18:00,424 --> 00:18:02,891
me and Barry decided
he wouldn't just rap.
557
00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:04,526
He wouldn't just sing.
558
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,361
He'd rap-sing the most important song
559
00:18:06,396 --> 00:18:08,196
in our school's history.
560
00:18:08,232 --> 00:18:09,831
[Tune the tune of "We Didn't Startthe Fire"]
♪ Barry Goldberg, JTP ♪
561
00:18:09,867 --> 00:18:11,533
♪ William Penn Academy ♪
562
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,235
♪ Fighting Quakers, North Philly ♪
563
00:18:13,270 --> 00:18:14,803
♪ Principal Ball ♪
564
00:18:14,838 --> 00:18:16,638
♪ Coach Mellor is good at sports ♪
565
00:18:16,673 --> 00:18:18,440
♪ And he wears those tiny shorts ♪
566
00:18:18,475 --> 00:18:21,743
♪ Cecil the janitor is
mopping up the hall ♪
567
00:18:21,778 --> 00:18:22,944
It's true!
568
00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:24,846
He mopped up something
I spilled this morning!
569
00:18:24,882 --> 00:18:26,481
♪ Mr. Glascott is a nerd ♪
570
00:18:26,516 --> 00:18:28,183
♪ Feather Locklear is his bird ♪
571
00:18:28,218 --> 00:18:30,018
♪ Miss Tabs habla espanol ♪
572
00:18:30,053 --> 00:18:31,720
♪ Lunch lady is really old ♪
573
00:18:31,755 --> 00:18:33,421
♪ Mr. Woodburn is so mean ♪
574
00:18:33,457 --> 00:18:35,223
♪ Cinoman's the drama queen ♪
575
00:18:35,259 --> 00:18:36,892
♪ Then there's Doc throwin' chalk ♪
576
00:18:36,927 --> 00:18:38,693
[Audience cheering] ♪ That
guy is out of control ♪
577
00:18:38,729 --> 00:18:40,395
♪ Burnouts, nerds, and jocks ♪
578
00:18:40,430 --> 00:18:42,030
♪ Jamie Weisman's really hot ♪
579
00:18:42,065 --> 00:18:43,732
♪ Taz Money, Dave Kim ♪
580
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,500
♪ Chad Kremp --
what's up with him? ♪
581
00:18:45,535 --> 00:18:47,235
♪ Jackie and my brother Ad ♪
582
00:18:47,271 --> 00:18:48,970
♪ My sensei is my granddad ♪
583
00:18:49,006 --> 00:18:50,672
♪ Watch me flip this on the floor ♪
584
00:18:50,707 --> 00:18:52,641
♪ I can't take it anymore ♪
585
00:18:52,676 --> 00:18:53,775
[Cheers and applause]
586
00:18:53,810 --> 00:18:56,244
[Music played]
587
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,212
Yeah!
588
00:18:57,247 --> 00:18:59,614
[Cheers and applause continue]
589
00:18:59,650 --> 00:19:01,283
Whooo!
590
00:19:01,318 --> 00:19:02,484
Mr. Glascott! Come quick!
591
00:19:02,519 --> 00:19:03,551
It's super-important!
592
00:19:03,587 --> 00:19:05,453
No, it's not. None of this matters.
593
00:19:05,489 --> 00:19:06,922
But Barry started a fire!
594
00:19:06,957 --> 00:19:09,190
Dang it! It does matter!
595
00:19:09,226 --> 00:19:10,659
It matters real bad!
596
00:19:10,694 --> 00:19:14,529
♪ We didn't start the fire ♪
597
00:19:14,564 --> 00:19:16,131
Oh. Hello.
598
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:18,533
♪ Always burning since
the world's been turning ♪
599
00:19:18,568 --> 00:19:21,169
Hi. My wife made you a kugel.
600
00:19:21,204 --> 00:19:24,205
Mmm. Smells delicious.
601
00:19:24,241 --> 00:19:26,741
You both really know your
way around a Hanukkah dish.
602
00:19:26,777 --> 00:19:29,511
Right back at you. You were right.
603
00:19:29,546 --> 00:19:32,280
Never take on Beverly
Goldberg in Hanukkah war.
604
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:34,516
What do you say we stop
worrying about the future
605
00:19:34,551 --> 00:19:37,686
and just enjoy the great
kids we have right now?
606
00:19:37,721 --> 00:19:38,954
I'd love that. [Chuckles]
607
00:19:38,989 --> 00:19:41,489
♪ We didn't start the fire ♪
608
00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:42,624
Wha...
609
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:43,925
You'll get used to it.
610
00:19:43,961 --> 00:19:45,493
We're family now.
611
00:19:45,529 --> 00:19:48,496
That night, my mom started
a new holiday tradition,
612
00:19:48,532 --> 00:19:50,532
and Barry didn't just start a fire.
613
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:52,434
He started his comeback.
614
00:19:52,469 --> 00:19:57,539
♪ And on and on and
on and on and on ♪
615
00:19:57,574 --> 00:20:00,275
♪ We didn't start the fire ♪
616
00:20:00,310 --> 00:20:01,776
♪ It was always burning... ♪
617
00:20:01,812 --> 00:20:03,178
And as for my mom,
618
00:20:03,213 --> 00:20:05,513
she realized the best
way to spend the holidays
619
00:20:05,549 --> 00:20:06,781
was together.
620
00:20:06,817 --> 00:20:07,882
What's all this?
621
00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:09,884
We decided to share the holiday.
622
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,386
There's enough nights to go around.
623
00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,620
[Chuckles]
624
00:20:12,656 --> 00:20:14,322
In the end, the holidays aren't about
625
00:20:14,358 --> 00:20:16,157
the number of nights
you have to celebrate.
626
00:20:16,193 --> 00:20:18,360
All that matters is you're together,
627
00:20:18,395 --> 00:20:20,962
laughing, eating, and making memories.
628
00:20:20,998 --> 00:20:23,565
[All cheer, laughter]
629
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:26,901
_
630
00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:28,236
[Ding!]
631
00:20:28,271 --> 00:20:30,572
[Music played]
632
00:20:40,231 --> 00:20:42,483
Mom! Stop watching me sleep!
633
00:20:42,518 --> 00:20:44,251
Can I just get one head sniff?
634
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,086
Mom, just say "Night, night."
635
00:20:46,122 --> 00:20:47,621
Night, night.
636
00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:52,426
I know you're still
there! I see the sweater!
637
00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:54,595
Fine! I'll go for real!
638
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:56,697
[Door closes]
639
00:20:56,732 --> 00:20:58,532
["Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" plays]
640
00:20:58,567 --> 00:21:00,401
This is my worst nightmare!46463
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