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1
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The '80s was the peak
of the sports comedy,
2
00:00:03,369 --> 00:00:04,733
and my favorite, Major League.
3
00:00:04,775 --> 00:00:07,780
I loved the classic underdog
story of a team of misfits
4
00:00:08,462 --> 00:00:11,507
who used questionable methods
and voodoo to become champions.
5
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,359
They actually make sports tolerable
6
00:00:13,401 --> 00:00:15,335
with their on-field shenanigans.
7
00:00:15,376 --> 00:00:18,792
And Barry loved the unhinged,
badass pitcher, "Wild Thing. "
8
00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:22,209
Dude, Wild Thing can't control
his rage or his fastball.
9
00:00:22,291 --> 00:00:23,526
That's just like me.
10
00:00:23,609 --> 00:00:25,337
Yep, there was nothing
better than rooting
11
00:00:25,372 --> 00:00:27,065
for the ragtag team with the evil owner.
12
00:00:27,148 --> 00:00:28,348
You want us to lose?
13
00:00:28,383 --> 00:00:31,676
What I want is for us
to finish dead last.
14
00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:33,527
And then one day, Major League
15
00:00:33,569 --> 00:00:34,928
became a major reality.
16
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,450
You wanted to see me, Earl?
17
00:00:36,532 --> 00:00:38,755
Ah, there's my favorite shop teacher.
18
00:00:38,838 --> 00:00:40,360
We should cut the chitchat.
19
00:00:40,395 --> 00:00:41,883
I have 63 birdhouses to grade.
20
00:00:41,966 --> 00:00:45,176
See, that is just the kind of
statement that leads me to believe
21
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,621
- you're the perfect man to help me out
- With?
22
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,032
- I want to get rid of the baseball team.
- Sure.
23
00:00:50,115 --> 00:00:52,420
See, Coach Mellor's departure
has left the team in shambles.
24
00:00:52,455 --> 00:00:53,490
Sure.
25
00:00:53,572 --> 00:00:55,959
They're so bad that
even the school paper
26
00:00:56,042 --> 00:00:58,148
has stopped trying to spin the losses.
27
00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:00,487
If our team keeps
playing like hot garbage,
28
00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:03,368
I could convince the
board to drop the program
29
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:05,716
and spend that money
fixing our budgeting issues.
30
00:01:05,841 --> 00:01:06,434
Sure.
31
00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:09,049
Which is why you're gonna
be our new baseball coach.
32
00:01:09,084 --> 00:01:11,124
What? I don't know
anything about the game.
33
00:01:11,159 --> 00:01:13,165
All I played growing
up were timber sports.
34
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:14,316
Timber sports?
35
00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:15,881
Log rolling, speed felling,
36
00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:17,198
speed whittling, speed sanding.
37
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,162
Yeah, you help me lose and
that absurd radial arm saw you
38
00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:22,960
- have been requesting is all yours.
- Batter up.
39
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:25,265
I have taken the
liberty of tracking down
40
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:27,135
some new recruits for the team.
41
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,970
They all happen to be students
42
00:01:29,052 --> 00:01:31,686
who have been dodging
their athletic requirements,
43
00:01:31,769 --> 00:01:34,121
if you catch my drift. Good luck.
44
00:01:34,156 --> 00:01:36,708
And with that, Mr.
Crosby set out to assemble
45
00:01:36,790 --> 00:01:38,730
the worst high-school team of all time.
46
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,906
Would you look at that?
My shoes are untied.
47
00:01:40,941 --> 00:01:43,211
Better lace these up before I trip.
48
00:01:43,293 --> 00:01:45,187
That is a wrap on
whatever the hell this is.
49
00:01:45,269 --> 00:01:46,645
Get your hands and
feet to the gym, boys.
50
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,314
All right, you've died of
dysentery. Time to play sports.
51
00:01:49,349 --> 00:01:50,631
- Can I save my...
- Go! Get your ass to the gym.
52
00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:52,195
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
53
00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:53,571
Come with me, Dave Kim.
54
00:01:53,606 --> 00:01:54,912
Is this about my birdhouse?
55
00:01:54,994 --> 00:01:56,770
I need an extension.
56
00:01:56,805 --> 00:01:58,945
David Sirota, Jessie Wudders,
stop playing pretend government
57
00:01:58,980 --> 00:02:00,609
and start playing real baseball.
58
00:02:00,644 --> 00:02:02,238
But I only own penny loafers.
59
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,719
This is gonna be easier than I thought.
60
00:02:03,754 --> 00:02:04,713
Needless to say,
61
00:02:04,748 --> 00:02:06,807
my brother wasn't thrilled
with our team's new rookies.
62
00:02:06,889 --> 00:02:08,041
I don't get it.
63
00:02:08,123 --> 00:02:10,147
We haven't won a game all season.
64
00:02:10,182 --> 00:02:12,239
Now they're hamstringing
us with you turds?
65
00:02:12,274 --> 00:02:13,968
Hey, we don't wanna be here either.
66
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,826
And what are you wearing?
67
00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:18,825
Coach was a uniform short, so I'm
wearing my costume from Damn Yankees.
68
00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:20,883
Adam, today is my first pitching start,
69
00:02:20,965 --> 00:02:22,659
and they are not gonna ruin it.
70
00:02:22,694 --> 00:02:25,411
Relax. We're just here to
satisfy our sports requirement.
71
00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:27,551
There's no chance Coach
will ever put us in.
72
00:02:27,592 --> 00:02:29,079
Okay, listen up, team.
73
00:02:29,114 --> 00:02:31,090
There's been some changes
to the starting lineup.
74
00:02:31,173 --> 00:02:32,819
Shortstop... Dave Kim.
75
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,431
No!
76
00:02:34,466 --> 00:02:37,017
He's, like, the worst Dave
Kim of all the Dave Kims.
77
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,335
Moving on.
78
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:39,981
Playing right field, Adam Goldberg.
79
00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:41,298
What?
80
00:02:41,339 --> 00:02:44,344
He's got a lazy eye
and the body to match.
81
00:02:44,426 --> 00:02:47,348
Normally, I'd object
but I'm desperate here.
82
00:02:47,383 --> 00:02:50,236
Look at it. These eyes
cannot catch a baseball.
83
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:53,317
Oh, God. Put back on the
corrective lenses, man. Please.
84
00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:55,869
♪ Wild thing ♪
85
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Synced and Corrected by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
86
00:02:59,409 --> 00:03:01,219
It was January 30, 1980-something,
87
00:03:01,301 --> 00:03:03,195
a landmark day for Gerica.
88
00:03:03,277 --> 00:03:05,253
Happy Kissa-versary.
89
00:03:05,336 --> 00:03:07,270
Here are some tulips
to celebrate the day
90
00:03:07,305 --> 00:03:09,204
these two lips first
kissed those two lips.
91
00:03:09,239 --> 00:03:10,933
Ew. But also aww.
92
00:03:11,016 --> 00:03:12,215
And wait, there's more.
93
00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:14,226
I also booked us a romantic
getaway to the Poconos.
94
00:03:14,308 --> 00:03:15,919
Poconos?
95
00:03:15,954 --> 00:03:18,094
That's our most scenic and
budget-friendly mountain range.
96
00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,741
You know it. Get packing, lady.
97
00:03:19,823 --> 00:03:21,434
This is amazing.
98
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,528
The two of us, alone.
99
00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:25,668
How did you convince
your dad to say yes?
100
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,808
Oh, it was easy. Uh, mostly
because I haven't done it yet.
101
00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:29,455
But I have a foolproof plan.
102
00:03:29,537 --> 00:03:30,278
I'm going to lie to him.
103
00:03:31,842 --> 00:03:33,447
Well, this was a fun ride.
104
00:03:33,482 --> 00:03:35,017
I'll just rent us a movie.
105
00:03:35,052 --> 00:03:36,946
Oh, come on. What, are
you implying I can't lie?
106
00:03:37,028 --> 00:03:38,181
I can lie. I lie all the time.
107
00:03:38,263 --> 00:03:39,910
You really don't. And when you do,
108
00:03:39,991 --> 00:03:41,885
you bail immediately
and then overcompensate
109
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,778
by revealing a deeply personal secret
110
00:03:43,813 --> 00:03:45,177
that nobody wants to know.
111
00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,977
Surely you're thinking of
some other unskilled liar.
112
00:03:48,059 --> 00:03:49,705
Hey, Mom, Geoff has some thoughts
113
00:03:49,788 --> 00:03:51,352
on your new Jazzercise ensemble
114
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:52,751
that he wants to share with you.
115
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,809
Ah, don't you just love it, Geoffrey?
116
00:03:54,892 --> 00:03:56,703
The Lycra is form-fitting,
117
00:03:56,785 --> 00:03:58,431
but it still gives me the freedom
118
00:03:58,466 --> 00:03:59,878
to explore all my moves.
119
00:03:59,913 --> 00:04:02,423
Uh, well, I suppose I
enjoy the bold colors
120
00:04:02,458 --> 00:04:04,934
and the sleeve length and... Oh, my God.
121
00:04:05,017 --> 00:04:06,381
Also, one time at summer camp,
122
00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:08,474
I took a puff of a cigar and
then it made me really nauseous
123
00:04:08,557 --> 00:04:09,791
and I threw up in a lake.
124
00:04:10,873 --> 00:04:12,685
And there it is.
125
00:04:12,767 --> 00:04:15,812
And so it was up to my sister
to concoct the perfect lie.
126
00:04:15,895 --> 00:04:19,435
The Eastern Pennsylvania
Scholastic Achievement Awards?
127
00:04:19,517 --> 00:04:21,781
That's fantastic, but
it doesn't surprise me
128
00:04:21,822 --> 00:04:23,633
my Geoffrey is receiving such an honor.
129
00:04:23,674 --> 00:04:25,362
Well, it's really an award for you, too.
130
00:04:25,444 --> 00:04:26,515
You raised a smarty.
131
00:04:26,596 --> 00:04:27,954
Take some videos.
132
00:04:27,996 --> 00:04:29,560
Okay, well, we'll see ya when we see ya.
133
00:04:29,642 --> 00:04:31,947
While Erica and Geoff lied
their way to a dream weekend,
134
00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:34,217
I was living a true nightmare.
135
00:04:34,252 --> 00:04:35,569
Please don't let the ball come to me.
136
00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:37,463
Please. Oh, balls.
137
00:04:37,504 --> 00:04:39,932
I don't got it! I don't got it!
138
00:04:39,967 --> 00:04:41,249
I definitely don't got it!
139
00:04:42,648 --> 00:04:44,672
Turns out, our underdog team
140
00:04:44,707 --> 00:04:47,341
wasn't as bad as the
one in Major League.
141
00:04:47,376 --> 00:04:48,822
No, we were worse.
142
00:04:51,127 --> 00:04:52,691
I'm as mad at me as you are.
143
00:04:52,773 --> 00:04:55,655
Boys are looking lousy out
there, Crosby. Good coaching.
144
00:04:57,549 --> 00:04:59,606
Whoa. Kremp can actually play.
145
00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:01,465
Yeah, that's on me.
146
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:02,776
Kid was making a weird
movie with Goldberg.
147
00:05:02,811 --> 00:05:04,092
I made some assumptions.
148
00:05:04,134 --> 00:05:06,110
Kremp, you're benched for showboating.
149
00:05:06,651 --> 00:05:10,526
- Penny loafer, you're in.
- In my defense, I have cleats,
150
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,278
- but you insisted I wear these.
- Uh-huh. Move it, penny loafer.
151
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,623
Can I just stand in the grass
area? They're getting all dusty.
152
00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:17,887
Yeah, you do what you need to do, kid.
153
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,616
And the cherry on top
of our suck sundae,
154
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:21,427
my brother's pitching.
155
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,691
Just a bit outside.
156
00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:27,654
Ball four.
157
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,012
Ball eight.
158
00:05:29,053 --> 00:05:30,453
Honestly, I've lost count.
159
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:35,639
I just couldn't stop
wondering why Crosby and Ball
160
00:05:35,721 --> 00:05:38,767
didn't seem to care that
our team was so epically bad.
161
00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:40,496
And then it hit me.
162
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:45,188
The ball just punched me.
163
00:05:45,270 --> 00:05:47,129
They wanted us to lose,
like in Major League.
164
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:50,456
Meanwhile, my sister was
on a major romantic getaway.
165
00:05:50,539 --> 00:05:53,831
You know, I gotta admit, the whole
time you were lying to my dad,
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00:05:53,914 --> 00:05:56,631
I had this feeling that something
terrible was gonna happen.
167
00:05:56,713 --> 00:05:59,182
Stick with me, Schwartz.
I'll never lead you wrong.
168
00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:03,381
Oh, my God!
169
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,308
Yep, this is 100% true.
170
00:06:07,390 --> 00:06:10,272
My oldest sibling snuck
off on a romantic getaway
171
00:06:10,307 --> 00:06:12,576
and actually did this to my dad's car.
172
00:06:15,211 --> 00:06:16,939
- Oh, God!
- What are we gonna do?
173
00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:19,820
Cars don't just fall off cliffs
at scholastic award shows!
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00:06:19,902 --> 00:06:21,055
Forget the awards!
175
00:06:21,138 --> 00:06:22,702
My dad's car just rolled off a cliff!
176
00:06:22,784 --> 00:06:24,395
Oh, my dad's gonna kill me!
177
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:26,982
Please make sure some nice
lady gets my eyes! Promise me!
178
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:28,135
Okay, let's just take a deep breath
179
00:06:28,217 --> 00:06:30,357
of the fresh mountain air and think.
180
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,580
I lied my way into this mess.
181
00:06:32,662 --> 00:06:34,273
I can lie my way out of it.
182
00:06:34,308 --> 00:06:36,743
And just as the
scholastic gala was ending,
183
00:06:36,778 --> 00:06:39,989
Geoff and I walked outside and
found a sack of abandoned puppies.
184
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:42,622
Naturally, we raced the
car to the animal hospital,
185
00:06:42,705 --> 00:06:44,927
but there was a drawbridge being raised
186
00:06:44,962 --> 00:06:47,150
and we tried to jump it for the puppies
187
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:49,537
because we're good people,
but the car didn't make it.
188
00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:52,748
Luckily, we're fine
189
00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,148
and so were the two dozen puppies
190
00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:55,999
that have now all found homes.
191
00:06:56,034 --> 00:06:57,769
Drawbridges are death ramps.
192
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,814
My nail girl's brother
tried to jump a drawbridge.
193
00:07:00,849 --> 00:07:03,778
They found his head and
torso on a fishing trawler.
194
00:07:03,861 --> 00:07:06,825
He's in culinary school now,
but every day is a struggle.
195
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,471
Thank God the two of you were not hurt.
196
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:09,670
It's a lie.
197
00:07:09,705 --> 00:07:11,646
We were in the Poconos
on a secret getaway.
198
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:13,821
We parked your station wagon on
the hill without the parking brake,
199
00:07:13,904 --> 00:07:15,632
and also I copied part
of my Bar Mitzvah speech
200
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:17,526
from a Winston Churchill biography.
201
00:07:17,608 --> 00:07:19,748
So you lied right to my face, Geoffy?
202
00:07:19,831 --> 00:07:22,054
Wait, no. It... It's not Geoff's fault.
203
00:07:22,136 --> 00:07:24,235
It's all mine, and I'm so sorry.
204
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:26,207
And then my sister braced herself
205
00:07:26,242 --> 00:07:28,145
for a nuclear Murray meltdown.
206
00:07:28,973 --> 00:07:31,690
You sent my car off a cliff!
207
00:07:31,725 --> 00:07:33,419
Wow, he's taking this really well.
208
00:07:33,501 --> 00:07:35,230
I figured that he would
be screaming his head off.
209
00:07:35,313 --> 00:07:37,171
Off a cliff! Who does that?
210
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:40,334
Oh, no. Your father has
reached a stage beyond anger.
211
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,721
All my family does is wreck my car!
212
00:07:42,756 --> 00:07:45,026
Third time this year!
213
00:07:45,108 --> 00:07:46,919
Oh, this is not good.
214
00:07:47,002 --> 00:07:48,154
The Poconos.
215
00:07:48,189 --> 00:07:49,271
You could've been killed.
216
00:07:49,306 --> 00:07:51,365
To be honest, I'm digging this way more
217
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:52,894
than the screaming and
the "moron" calling.
218
00:07:52,929 --> 00:07:55,522
My insurance is gonna
go through the roof!
219
00:07:55,557 --> 00:07:58,115
Okay, I got to get him inside
and try to calm him down
220
00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,349
with warm milk and Steak-umms.
221
00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:01,901
I don't know if it'll work,
but I'm a desperate woman.
222
00:08:01,984 --> 00:08:06,182
Anyway, I'm sorry about
the bending the truth thing.
223
00:08:06,217 --> 00:08:07,217
It probably won't happen again.
224
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:09,028
The only reason Geoff is in this mess
225
00:08:09,063 --> 00:08:12,768
is because of your terrible
influence, and it stops now.
226
00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:14,332
This relationship is over.
227
00:08:14,414 --> 00:08:17,377
- What?
- You can't break up with my girlfriend.
228
00:08:17,412 --> 00:08:18,859
Wait, can you? Can he?
229
00:08:18,941 --> 00:08:20,835
I don't know. I've never
been in this situation before.
230
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,469
Let's go, son.
231
00:08:23,552 --> 00:08:25,198
While Erica's lies had
finally caught up to her,
232
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,573
I was catching up the guys
on my major revelation.
233
00:08:28,655 --> 00:08:31,371
Gentlemen, Principal Ball and Mr. Crosby
234
00:08:31,454 --> 00:08:34,006
- are Major Leagueing this team.
- What?
235
00:08:34,088 --> 00:08:36,770
Just one glaring
problem with your theory.
236
00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:39,562
If he wanted us to lose,
they'd never let me pitch.
237
00:08:39,597 --> 00:08:42,320
Barry, he let you pitch
because of how bad you are.
238
00:08:42,361 --> 00:08:43,732
Adam. A word?
239
00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:46,195
Just between us, the
last thing I would want
240
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,624
is for me to seem weak
in front of the team,
241
00:08:48,747 --> 00:08:51,999
but what you just said about
my pitching hurt me to the core.
242
00:08:52,034 --> 00:08:53,280
Uh, bro?
243
00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:55,086
We can hear everything you're saying.
244
00:08:55,126 --> 00:08:56,197
You're, like, not that far away.
245
00:08:57,926 --> 00:08:59,819
I'm sorry.
246
00:08:59,901 --> 00:09:01,218
I just thought it was important
you all know the truth.
247
00:09:01,259 --> 00:09:03,441
But I don't suck.
248
00:09:03,482 --> 00:09:05,581
I'm literally gonna cry right now.
249
00:09:05,664 --> 00:09:07,474
Guys, it's not so much a distance thing
250
00:09:07,556 --> 00:09:09,862
as a volume thing, 'cause
we're getting every word.
251
00:09:09,944 --> 00:09:12,743
Damn it! I'll prove
how good I am right now!
252
00:09:12,778 --> 00:09:13,813
Who's got a ball?
253
00:09:13,895 --> 00:09:15,130
I've got a tangerine.
254
00:09:15,212 --> 00:09:17,888
But it's supposed to be for
emergency dips in my blood sugar.
255
00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:19,781
This is an emergency.
256
00:09:19,822 --> 00:09:21,880
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna throw
257
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,021
this little embarrassing
emergency orange at you
258
00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,243
so you can feel how much I don't suck.
259
00:09:29,783 --> 00:09:32,053
Dude. We're being Major League'd.
260
00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:33,816
- What are we gonna do?
- I'll tell you what.
261
00:09:33,851 --> 00:09:35,875
We're gonna Major League 'em right back.
262
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,603
'Cause in the end, it turns out
263
00:09:37,686 --> 00:09:39,908
that ragtag bunch of losers win it all!
264
00:09:39,943 --> 00:09:41,554
And so will we!
265
00:09:41,637 --> 00:09:45,012
Or we put all our faith
in our amazing pitcher
266
00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:46,658
to take us to the championship.
267
00:09:46,699 --> 00:09:48,057
Wild Thing.
268
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:49,333
Look alive, Shernicke.
269
00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:54,703
Okay, we can just go with his thing.
270
00:09:56,618 --> 00:09:58,372
Even though Earl Ball wanted us to lose,
271
00:09:58,454 --> 00:10:01,433
I'd use my favorite sports
movie to help us win.
272
00:10:01,473 --> 00:10:05,145
Okay, our Major League
journey from underdog scrubs
273
00:10:05,186 --> 00:10:07,552
to skilled champions
begins with one thing.
274
00:10:07,593 --> 00:10:11,020
Meet Jobu, the idol that
Pedro Cerrano prays to
275
00:10:11,101 --> 00:10:12,775
that helps you hit the curve ball.
276
00:10:12,815 --> 00:10:16,487
Uh, bro? That doll seems
a little super insensitive.
277
00:10:16,569 --> 00:10:18,411
He's hilarious in the movie,
278
00:10:18,446 --> 00:10:20,771
but presenting it now just
makes me feel kinda weird.
279
00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:22,418
Yeah, I'd... I'd put it away.
280
00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:23,968
Okay, we're gonna lose.
281
00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:25,600
Not if we have a sexy
incentive for us to win.
282
00:10:25,681 --> 00:10:27,192
Aw, yeah, like in the movie.
283
00:10:27,232 --> 00:10:28,619
Whenever the Indians would win,
284
00:10:28,660 --> 00:10:31,148
they would remove a sliver of
clothing from a cardboard cutout
285
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,317
of the team's super hot yet evil owner.
286
00:10:33,352 --> 00:10:36,860
Which is why I made a
cardboard cutout of our nemesis,
287
00:10:36,895 --> 00:10:38,860
school principal and
avid swimmer, Earl Ball.
288
00:10:42,654 --> 00:10:44,571
Relax. We're only gonna take a piece off
289
00:10:44,613 --> 00:10:45,755
when we don't win.
290
00:10:45,836 --> 00:10:47,061
This team shall never lose again.
291
00:10:47,142 --> 00:10:48,856
We can't let it happen, guys.
292
00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:51,059
For sure! But also, where
did you get that picture?
293
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,854
Finally, we have to band together
294
00:10:52,936 --> 00:10:54,323
and address each of our weaknesses.
295
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,791
Like in the movie
296
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:57,670
when the team had to convince
Wild Thing to wear glasses.
297
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,763
Bro, I think someone would
know if they needed glasses.
298
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:03,741
Not to be this guy, but
we're all painfully aware
299
00:11:03,823 --> 00:11:05,945
that you're super nearsighted
but refuse to acknowledge it.
300
00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,576
I can see just fine.
301
00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:09,861
I'll prove it. I'll read your
shirt. "Spice Inventors. "
302
00:11:09,943 --> 00:11:11,493
- No.
- "Spork Investors"?
303
00:11:11,574 --> 00:11:13,125
- No.
- "Shark Incisors"?
304
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:15,573
- No.
- "Snake Inhalers. " Yeah?
305
00:11:15,654 --> 00:11:17,368
- Nope.
- "Spanish Inquisition"?
306
00:11:17,403 --> 00:11:18,691
- No, that's...
- "Saint Ignatius"?
307
00:11:18,726 --> 00:11:19,979
What? How have you made it this far?
308
00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:21,366
- "Spare Bedroom"?
- No.
309
00:11:21,401 --> 00:11:22,509
"Spanakopita"?
310
00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:23,815
Here. I'm nearsighted, too.
311
00:11:25,528 --> 00:11:29,036
Oh, it's "Space Invaders. "
312
00:11:29,118 --> 00:11:30,587
That makes sense.
313
00:11:30,669 --> 00:11:32,708
So you're finally admitting to
yourself that you need glasses?
314
00:11:32,743 --> 00:11:35,565
I've always known! I
can't believe you all knew
315
00:11:35,646 --> 00:11:36,625
and never cared enough to tell me.
316
00:11:37,849 --> 00:11:38,910
Why?
317
00:11:38,992 --> 00:11:40,507
I'll get us each a new pair.
318
00:11:40,542 --> 00:11:42,990
Yep, our team was ready
to end our losing streak,
319
00:11:43,072 --> 00:11:45,846
and Erica was determined
to win over Geoff's dad.
320
00:11:45,928 --> 00:11:49,110
Thank you, Dr. Schwartz, for
joining us today in your home.
321
00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:52,374
We've all heard some murmurs that
I'm not good enough for Geoff.
322
00:11:52,409 --> 00:11:54,298
What's happening right
now? You may think you know
323
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,713
the whole story of Geoff and
Erica, but do you really know
324
00:11:56,954 --> 00:11:58,751
- Geoff and Erica?
- Yes.
325
00:11:58,983 --> 00:12:00,616
But I think once you
see my presentation,
326
00:12:00,697 --> 00:12:02,417
you'll see that I'm the
perfect girl for Geoff.
327
00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:03,994
_
328
00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:07,347
Long before I was a free spirit
329
00:12:07,382 --> 00:12:09,751
who treated life as one big party,
330
00:12:09,786 --> 00:12:12,120
I actually used to be a doofy bookworm
331
00:12:12,203 --> 00:12:14,242
who went to bed by 9:00,
just like Geoff here.
332
00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:15,875
So you think my son is a doof?
333
00:12:15,956 --> 00:12:17,874
Uh, Geoff, you wanna maybe jump in here
334
00:12:17,909 --> 00:12:19,792
- and talk about our love?
- You bet.
335
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:22,239
Erica's a great influence on me.
336
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,299
Are you drinking a beer?
337
00:12:23,382 --> 00:12:25,654
Moving on. Look. Last week,
338
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:28,114
she took me mini golfing
for half-price Tuesdays.
339
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:29,338
But Tuesday's a school day.
340
00:12:29,438 --> 00:12:32,158
Moving on. See, Erica's
really thoughtful, Dad.
341
00:12:32,193 --> 00:12:33,183
She threw me a surprise party,
342
00:12:33,218 --> 00:12:34,768
and it was the best night of my life.
343
00:12:34,850 --> 00:12:36,074
Is that my living room?
344
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,930
Did you throw a party
when I was in Miami?
345
00:12:39,012 --> 00:12:41,867
- Erica, please take over again.
- No! I've had enough.
346
00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:43,092
This just confirms what I already knew.
347
00:12:43,127 --> 00:12:44,361
You may love my son,
348
00:12:44,479 --> 00:12:45,588
but it doesn't mean you're good for him.
349
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,021
I'm.
350
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:49,258
As Erica's apology project fell apart,
351
00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:52,149
our team's big Major League
plan was coming together.
352
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,909
How's it going, Coach?
353
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:56,147
Are we gonna win at sucking or what?
354
00:12:56,229 --> 00:12:57,534
Got my worst men on it, sir.
355
00:13:00,472 --> 00:13:02,700
Strike! Three, three!
356
00:13:03,522 --> 00:13:04,484
Yes!
357
00:13:04,689 --> 00:13:06,827
Two down, two down. Play's at second.
358
00:13:07,734 --> 00:13:10,427
They can play and know the lingo.
359
00:13:10,462 --> 00:13:11,570
It seems they've figured out
360
00:13:11,651 --> 00:13:12,957
that you're Major Leagueing them,
361
00:13:13,038 --> 00:13:15,079
and now they're Major
Leagueing you back.
362
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,914
Unless we change the schedule.
363
00:13:16,949 --> 00:13:18,669
We have to play Meadowbrook High?
364
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:19,484
They're the best team in the city.
365
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,117
This is bad.
366
00:13:21,198 --> 00:13:23,075
Ball knows we know
he's Major Leagueingus
367
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,952
and that we're Major Leagueing him back.
368
00:13:25,034 --> 00:13:27,318
I'm confused, but
ready to act with anger.
369
00:13:27,353 --> 00:13:29,603
Good. 'Cause now we're
at the top of our game,
370
00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:30,843
and nothing can bring us down.
371
00:13:30,990 --> 00:13:32,622
Well, look who it is.
372
00:13:32,704 --> 00:13:34,254
It's the JTP,
373
00:13:34,336 --> 00:13:36,422
AKA the Jenkintown Posers.
374
00:13:36,457 --> 00:13:38,742
You know that's not
what it stands for, bro!
375
00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:40,537
Balls, balls, this just got bad fast.
376
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:42,216
It was the Meadowbrook Mafia,
377
00:13:42,251 --> 00:13:45,107
the JTP's rival posse
from one town over,
378
00:13:45,189 --> 00:13:46,388
and they were led by theater star
379
00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:48,776
and hotshot athlete, Bradley Cooper.
380
00:13:48,968 --> 00:13:51,661
Word on the suburban street is
the baseball schedule changed
381
00:13:51,696 --> 00:13:54,925
and now we get to destroy you on Friday.
382
00:13:55,006 --> 00:13:56,230
Doesn't matter who we play,
383
00:13:56,312 --> 00:13:58,026
'cause as long as I'm pitching,
384
00:13:58,061 --> 00:14:00,556
we're guaranteed the "W."
385
00:14:00,637 --> 00:14:02,351
Can't wait to see you
on the mound, four-eyes.
386
00:14:02,432 --> 00:14:03,784
Shows what you know.
387
00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:05,777
I'm pitching, not my nerd brother.
388
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:07,655
No, you're the four-eyed nerd.
389
00:14:07,736 --> 00:14:09,042
I can't wait to hit your first pitch
390
00:14:09,123 --> 00:14:11,816
all the way to the school library.
391
00:14:11,897 --> 00:14:13,366
Where you'll probably
find it the next day,
392
00:14:13,448 --> 00:14:15,453
because you have glasses
393
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,493
and thus an uncool love of reading.
394
00:14:17,528 --> 00:14:19,976
Well, I'll have you
know Barry never reads.
395
00:14:20,057 --> 00:14:21,608
He's more of a TV guy.
396
00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:24,219
"I have glasses, and I'm a Dork Lord. "
397
00:14:26,585 --> 00:14:29,441
They just called me
a four-eyed nerdling.
398
00:14:29,522 --> 00:14:31,365
That's so hurtful.
399
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,981
Who talks to people like that just
400
00:14:32,982 --> 00:14:34,851
because they wear corrective lenses?
401
00:14:34,886 --> 00:14:37,321
You? Almost every single day of my life?
402
00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:39,478
Well, yeah, 'cause you're
a four-eyed nerdling...
403
00:14:39,513 --> 00:14:42,497
Oh, no!
404
00:14:42,579 --> 00:14:43,966
I get it now!
405
00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:47,148
You're just now getting that
being called a nerd is hurtful?
406
00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:49,352
Yes. Now that I'm affected, I care.
407
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:51,718
Great. 'Cause we actually have a chance
408
00:14:51,753 --> 00:14:53,350
to stand up and fight back.
409
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:56,043
No, guys... I can't wear these things.
410
00:14:56,078 --> 00:14:58,246
What's the worst that happens?
411
00:14:58,327 --> 00:15:01,102
Look, there's a reason I refused
to admit I needed these things.
412
00:15:01,183 --> 00:15:03,270
Yeah, I act all cool, but I'm not.
413
00:15:03,305 --> 00:15:05,344
And these glasses will
just make it worse.
414
00:15:05,427 --> 00:15:07,385
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
415
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,832
Turns out my overconfident brother
416
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,470
was more insecure than I thought.
417
00:15:13,505 --> 00:15:15,626
And while glasses made
Barry quit the team,
418
00:15:15,708 --> 00:15:17,829
Geoff was determined to see Erica.
419
00:15:17,864 --> 00:15:19,345
No matter how risky.
420
00:15:19,380 --> 00:15:21,216
Gah! Geoff, what are you doing?
421
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,052
I'll stop at nothing to see you!
422
00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:25,744
That's sweet, but you could've
just used the front door.
423
00:15:25,826 --> 00:15:27,540
It's your dad who
doesn't want us together.
424
00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:29,987
Oh, God, I'm so upset
I'm not thinking straight.
425
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:32,273
Relax. You're forgetting
that I have parents, too.
426
00:15:32,354 --> 00:15:34,883
And once Beverly Goldberg
hears that your dad
427
00:15:34,918 --> 00:15:36,678
called her baby girl a bad influence,
428
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:38,311
she'll unleash such unbridled fury
429
00:15:38,392 --> 00:15:39,943
that your dad will
wish he was in that car.
430
00:15:41,085 --> 00:15:44,757
- Yeah, not my place.
- Not your place?
431
00:15:44,839 --> 00:15:47,124
Everywhere's your place!
You have no boundaries!
432
00:15:47,205 --> 00:15:49,735
Schmoo, how do I put this delicately?
433
00:15:49,770 --> 00:15:51,448
We agree with Lou.
434
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,243
You're a horrible influence on the boy.
435
00:15:53,325 --> 00:15:55,446
What? You're supposed to be on my side.
436
00:15:55,528 --> 00:15:57,696
Oh, how do I put this delicately?
437
00:15:57,731 --> 00:16:00,750
Geoff is a college-bound future doctor.
438
00:16:00,832 --> 00:16:02,994
You're a drop-out liar
who can't even hold a job.
439
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,157
Would you just let her
put it delicately one time?
440
00:16:05,238 --> 00:16:06,590
Look, Erica,
441
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:08,502
we don't think you're
not good enough for Geoff.
442
00:16:08,584 --> 00:16:10,099
It's just that, right now,
443
00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:12,908
it seems Geoff is too good for you.
444
00:16:12,943 --> 00:16:15,193
Thank you, Mom.
445
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,662
Wait. That's exactly the same thing.
446
00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:19,110
You just said it in a nicer tone.
447
00:16:19,191 --> 00:16:20,218
For the first time,
448
00:16:20,253 --> 00:16:22,537
My mom said no to defending her kids
449
00:16:22,619 --> 00:16:24,006
and then felt so bad, she caved.
450
00:16:24,087 --> 00:16:28,250
Hey. Wanna talk about it?
451
00:16:28,331 --> 00:16:30,091
Everyone was right.
452
00:16:30,126 --> 00:16:32,247
Geoff deserves someone better than me.
453
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,533
Schmoo, when I see that boy
454
00:16:34,614 --> 00:16:38,367
and how much he loves
you and how hard he tries,
455
00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:42,398
makes me wonder if maybe you could
be trying a little harder, too.
456
00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:46,312
I love Geoff so much.
457
00:16:46,393 --> 00:16:48,270
The last thing I want
to do is hold him back.
458
00:16:48,305 --> 00:16:50,717
And, in this case, maybe that means
459
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,268
I don't get to be with him,
460
00:16:52,350 --> 00:16:54,390
no matter how much I want to.
461
00:17:00,243 --> 00:17:01,888
The big game against
Meadowbrook was starting,
462
00:17:01,969 --> 00:17:04,766
and everyone was there...
Everyone, that is, except Barry.
463
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:08,138
Goldberg, you're up.
Swing or don't swing.
464
00:17:08,220 --> 00:17:09,537
How you strike out is up to you.
465
00:17:09,618 --> 00:17:11,181
The moment had arrived.
466
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:12,744
I'd never been a sports hero,
467
00:17:12,826 --> 00:17:14,718
but Major League taught
me anything was possible.
468
00:17:16,198 --> 00:17:17,103
- Just not this time.
- Oh, God!
469
00:17:17,138 --> 00:17:20,028
- My tender boy body.
- Adam?
470
00:17:20,063 --> 00:17:22,942
- Barry? Are you dead, too?
- Oh, I'm alive.
471
00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:27,183
And I'm sick of being a joke.
I'm gonna get revenge for you,
472
00:17:27,218 --> 00:17:28,823
and every other
four-eyed nerd out there.
473
00:17:30,755 --> 00:17:33,634
Coach, I'm pitching next inning.
474
00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:35,608
Good thinking. They're only up a run.
475
00:17:35,648 --> 00:17:37,464
Go get us into a jam.
476
00:17:37,499 --> 00:17:39,849
Barry didn't just come back
to our team to defend my honor,
477
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:40,999
he returned to show the world he was
478
00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:43,153
finally done with
hiding who he really was.
479
00:17:44,613 --> 00:17:46,711
♪ Wild thing
480
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:48,849
♪ You make my heart sing
481
00:17:50,494 --> 00:17:51,775
Yep, it's true.
482
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:54,771
After years of calling
me a four-eyed Dork Lord,
483
00:17:54,806 --> 00:17:57,608
Barry Norman Goldberg now had glasses.
484
00:17:57,649 --> 00:18:00,774
What is this song? Where
is it even coming from?
485
00:18:00,815 --> 00:18:03,042
Oh, yes. Just like his hero,
486
00:18:03,077 --> 00:18:04,805
Rick "Wild Thing"
Vaughn in Major League,
487
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,737
Barry could finally see clearly,
488
00:18:06,778 --> 00:18:09,328
and he'd use it to win once and for all.
489
00:18:09,410 --> 00:18:10,479
♪ Wild thing
490
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:13,399
Ooh. Except he didn't.
491
00:18:13,439 --> 00:18:15,085
♪ Wild thing ♪
492
00:18:15,167 --> 00:18:17,470
That day, Barry didn't
use his new glasses
493
00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:19,214
to strike out the other team.
494
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:20,924
Instead, he struck 'em down,
495
00:18:21,007 --> 00:18:23,556
and it felt glorious.
496
00:18:26,764 --> 00:18:28,203
You're out of here!
497
00:18:28,243 --> 00:18:31,122
In that moment, I had
a new sports hero...
498
00:18:31,164 --> 00:18:32,767
Barry "Wild Thing" Goldberg.
499
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,563
- Hey, get up.
- What?
500
00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:37,620
You heard me. Get up. Get dressed.
501
00:18:37,655 --> 00:18:39,102
Maybe run a comb through your hair.
502
00:18:39,135 --> 00:18:40,245
Why? Where are we going?
503
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,371
- To get Geoff back.
- What about Lou?
504
00:18:43,452 --> 00:18:46,249
If he thinks he's gonna keep
my baby from the man she loves,
505
00:18:46,284 --> 00:18:49,662
then he's gonna find out
what a bad influence I can be.
506
00:18:52,088 --> 00:18:54,432
Yep, no one messes
with Beverly Goldberg.
507
00:18:54,473 --> 00:18:56,036
Sure, it took her a
while to get onboard,
508
00:18:56,076 --> 00:18:59,325
but now Geoff's dad was about
to face off with our Wild Thing.
509
00:18:59,408 --> 00:19:00,477
Evening, Lou.
510
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,767
Thank you for coming to this ambush.
511
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:06,522
How dare you say my daughter
isn't good enough for your...
512
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:09,194
Mom, wait. I know I
begged you to fix this,
513
00:19:09,277 --> 00:19:11,005
but this is something
I have to do on my own.
514
00:19:11,086 --> 00:19:12,073
But I'm all revved up.
515
00:19:12,155 --> 00:19:13,930
Please, rev down. I got this.
516
00:19:13,965 --> 00:19:16,926
Look, I know I get Geoff into trouble
517
00:19:17,008 --> 00:19:18,324
and force him out of his comfort zone
518
00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:21,285
and have him throw parties
in your living room.
519
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,423
But there is not a
slide show in the world
520
00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:25,561
that will make you see just
how much I love your son.
521
00:19:25,644 --> 00:19:27,700
Even though I'm selfish and moody
522
00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,756
and have so much growing up to do...
523
00:19:29,838 --> 00:19:31,859
You still love me.
524
00:19:31,894 --> 00:19:35,554
So, yeah, I'm not nearly good
enough for a guy like you.
525
00:19:35,595 --> 00:19:38,227
But you make me wanna do whatever
it takes to prove I can be.
526
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,504
Maybe they do bring out
the best in each other.
527
00:19:42,539 --> 00:19:46,451
No maybe, Lou. They just do.
528
00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:49,042
Sometimes we've got to
fight for what we love,
529
00:19:49,083 --> 00:19:51,880
but what good is a fight
without a little backup?
530
00:19:51,915 --> 00:19:53,648
Just a bit outside.
531
00:19:53,689 --> 00:19:55,580
That's the thing about family.
532
00:19:55,663 --> 00:19:57,020
You're a team...
533
00:19:57,061 --> 00:19:59,117
A team that never stops
believing in each other.
534
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,762
And when that happens,
535
00:20:00,844 --> 00:20:03,229
it makes everything
a little more groovy.
536
00:20:03,264 --> 00:20:04,710
♪ Wild thing ♪
537
00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:09,526
_
538
00:20:09,561 --> 00:20:11,043
How come when I wear
glasses, you call me a nerd,
539
00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:12,605
but when you wear
glasses you look awesome?
540
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,209
That's not very fair.
541
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,402
I like the glasses.
542
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:16,403
_
543
00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,255
- Okay.
- Move, dumbass. We can't see.
544
00:20:21,296 --> 00:20:23,180
I know. I was once like you.
545
00:20:23,215 --> 00:20:26,510
But thanks to major advances
in contact-lens technology,
546
00:20:26,545 --> 00:20:29,805
I now have the vision of an
eagle holding a telescope.
547
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,438
Now that I have
better-than-perfect vision,
548
00:20:31,473 --> 00:20:33,976
a whole new world of
careers has opened up for me.
549
00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:35,143
Be hold.
550
00:20:35,185 --> 00:20:37,604
I can now be a fighter pilot, umpire,
551
00:20:37,639 --> 00:20:40,023
professional Where's Waldo-finder,
552
00:20:40,065 --> 00:20:43,568
Avid reader, guy who
writes things on rice,
553
00:20:43,603 --> 00:20:46,213
long-distance peeping
tom, and Olympic athlete.
554
00:20:46,248 --> 00:20:48,824
It's a tad late to start
training for the Olympics.
555
00:20:48,859 --> 00:20:51,243
Not with these
laser-focused baby browns.
556
00:20:51,278 --> 00:20:53,495
Oh, God, my contact lens popped out.
557
00:20:53,530 --> 00:20:55,963
Help. Help me.
558
00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:58,417
Mark my words, if Barry
somehow makes it in,
559
00:20:58,500 --> 00:20:59,584
it will be the most memorable thing
560
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:01,219
to ever happen at the Olympics.
42763
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