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1
00:00:02,691 --> 00:00:04,558
Roy, is that what you're eating
for lunch... caramel corn?
2
00:00:04,592 --> 00:00:06,626
- Damn right.
- Well, I thought your cardidiologit
3
00:00:06,661 --> 00:00:07,895
told you to eat healthier.
4
00:00:07,930 --> 00:00:08,631
What does he know?
5
00:00:08,665 --> 00:00:10,865
Well, he knows you're a heart
attack waiting to happen.
6
00:00:10,866 --> 00:00:12,399
Give me a break!
This is healthy!
7
00:00:12,434 --> 00:00:15,870
Look...
Corn is a vegetable.
8
00:00:15,904 --> 00:00:19,239
Peanuts... protein.
The caramel's non-fat.
9
00:00:19,274 --> 00:00:21,976
It's basically
a salad in a box.
10
00:00:22,010 --> 00:00:23,911
So what prize did you get?
11
00:00:23,946 --> 00:00:25,780
I got this stupid
plastic spider.
12
00:00:25,814 --> 00:00:28,082
That's a rip! In my day,
you got a real prize!
13
00:00:28,116 --> 00:00:31,052
A little, uh, pinball machine,
a fake tattoo.
14
00:00:31,086 --> 00:00:33,921
- Once I even got a real diamond ring.
- Really?
15
00:00:33,956 --> 00:00:35,255
Well, it was attached
to a finger.
16
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,024
I think it might have been
a factory accident.
17
00:00:38,493 --> 00:00:42,296
Hey, you know who we could
freak out with this, right?
18
00:00:42,330 --> 00:00:44,799
Owen... he's got
terrible arachnophobia.
19
00:00:44,866 --> 00:00:47,702
Oh, we're all afraid of people
from Ahmed's country.
20
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:52,006
I'm not from Iraq.
I'm from Egypt.
21
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,274
Sand is sand.
22
00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:56,276
Yeah, this would scare
the crap out of him.
23
00:00:56,344 --> 00:00:57,678
He always falls for this stuff.
24
00:00:57,713 --> 00:00:59,080
Let's put it down his shirt.
25
00:00:59,114 --> 00:01:00,347
- Let's put it in his peanuts.
- Ooh, that's good.
26
00:01:00,381 --> 00:01:01,549
Oh, here he comes.
Here he comes.
27
00:01:01,584 --> 00:01:03,818
Hey, Steve, what do you think?
I'm looking for a job.
28
00:01:04,252 --> 00:01:05,820
And there's something here
for a computer company
29
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:07,221
that intrigues me.
30
00:01:07,288 --> 00:01:10,457
Now, aside form porn,
what is the Internet?
31
00:01:10,492 --> 00:01:12,392
It's not just for that!
32
00:01:12,427 --> 00:01:14,095
The Internet has changed the world.
33
00:01:14,129 --> 00:01:16,263
It's connected us
with people and places
34
00:01:16,297 --> 00:01:18,699
that were unimaginable before.
35
00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,368
Wow, Hank. I didn't realize
you were so Internet-savvy.
36
00:01:21,402 --> 00:01:22,469
Oh, yeah...
That's where I buy and sell
37
00:01:22,504 --> 00:01:24,839
all my Nazi war memorabilia.
38
00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:28,843
What the...?
39
00:01:32,014 --> 00:01:34,115
I told you he'd freak!
40
00:01:34,149 --> 00:01:36,383
- That's not funny, Ahmed!
I hit my head! - So?
41
00:01:36,451 --> 00:01:38,218
My head's different
than everybody else's.
42
00:01:38,286 --> 00:01:39,820
Yeah, it's bigger,
and there's less in it.
43
00:01:41,456 --> 00:01:43,758
No, I have a soft spot
back there.
44
00:01:43,792 --> 00:01:46,160
- You mean like a baby?
- Exactly. I hit my fontanel.
45
00:01:46,194 --> 00:01:48,763
You hit Roy's sister?
46
00:01:50,032 --> 00:01:52,366
- Fontanel...is that
even a real thing? - Yeah.
47
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,168
So the baby's head
can squish down
48
00:01:54,202 --> 00:01:56,336
when you're giving birth.
49
00:01:56,371 --> 00:01:58,039
You got to get
that baby out of there
50
00:01:58,073 --> 00:02:00,007
as quickly as possible.
51
00:02:00,042 --> 00:02:02,176
I was lucky.
52
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:04,411
You had a tiny little head...
53
00:02:04,445 --> 00:02:08,015
And delicate, little hips.
54
00:02:08,050 --> 00:02:10,951
You slipped right out
like a bar of soap.
55
00:02:10,986 --> 00:02:13,154
Thanks for sharing.
56
00:02:13,188 --> 00:02:15,389
If your dad didn't catch you
in his apron,
57
00:02:15,456 --> 00:02:17,925
you would have slipped
right into the jukebox.
58
00:02:20,831 --> 00:02:23,831
sync and corrected by bellows
www.addic7ed.com
59
00:02:23,832 --> 00:02:27,568
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da, da da ♪
60
00:02:27,602 --> 00:02:31,906
♪ da, da da da, da da da ♪
61
00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:35,976
♪ da da da da,
da da da, da da da ♪
62
00:02:36,011 --> 00:02:41,548
♪ da da da da, da da da,
da da da, da da da, hey! ♪
63
00:02:41,583 --> 00:02:43,984
Steve, I really need your help.
64
00:02:44,019 --> 00:02:45,385
What's up, Carol?
65
00:02:45,420 --> 00:02:48,455
I got a call from the IRS,
and they're auditing me.
66
00:02:48,489 --> 00:02:51,192
All right, Carol, don't panic.
Most of these are just routine.
67
00:02:51,226 --> 00:02:53,060
But I work at the DMV!
68
00:02:53,095 --> 00:02:54,328
We're all government workers...
69
00:02:54,362 --> 00:02:56,330
We're supposed to
help each other out.
70
00:02:56,364 --> 00:02:58,032
If an IRS person comes in,
71
00:02:58,066 --> 00:02:59,600
I don't care
if they're legally blind.
72
00:02:59,634 --> 00:03:02,336
I'll give them
a driver's license anyway.
73
00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:05,305
It's not personal, Carol.
It's random.
74
00:03:05,340 --> 00:03:07,908
Oh, you're naive.
75
00:03:07,976 --> 00:03:11,178
The government
has eyes everywhere.
76
00:03:11,246 --> 00:03:14,949
They want to know
all your business.
77
00:03:14,983 --> 00:03:17,184
But I'm smarter than them.
78
00:03:17,252 --> 00:03:19,186
As far as the IRS knows,
79
00:03:19,254 --> 00:03:23,290
Ok Cha Sullivan died in 1979.
80
00:03:25,127 --> 00:03:27,594
Is there, uh, anything about
your return that's unusual?
81
00:03:27,662 --> 00:03:30,464
No...
I report all my income.
82
00:03:30,498 --> 00:03:32,233
I deduct all
the normal things...
83
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:35,602
Hair, makeup, outfits, shoes.
84
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,037
Why do you deduct those, again?
85
00:03:37,072 --> 00:03:38,605
Because they're expensive.
86
00:03:40,175 --> 00:03:43,210
And people expect a certain
amount of glamour from me.
87
00:03:43,245 --> 00:03:45,212
I'm not sure if you could technically
write off for "glamour."
88
00:03:45,247 --> 00:03:46,346
Oh, great.
89
00:03:46,381 --> 00:03:47,948
The next thing
you're gonna tell me
90
00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:50,317
is I can't claim my son, Owen,
as a dependent.
91
00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:52,486
Well, he is 30.
92
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,488
Oh, no, no.
I don't declare him as my son.
93
00:03:54,522 --> 00:03:55,990
You see, Steve...
94
00:03:56,024 --> 00:03:57,858
And, uh,
don't spread this around
95
00:03:57,926 --> 00:04:00,161
because it would
embarrass Owen terribly...
96
00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:03,998
But he and I,
we have a civil union.
97
00:04:04,032 --> 00:04:07,134
You're married to your son?
98
00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:09,436
Well, I checked the box off
one year by mistake,
99
00:04:09,470 --> 00:04:11,872
and they sent me
this huge refund,
100
00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:13,640
so I've done it ever since.
101
00:04:13,675 --> 00:04:16,543
Seriously,
with that kind of money,
102
00:04:16,577 --> 00:04:20,380
you'd be crazy
not to marry your kids.
103
00:04:20,415 --> 00:04:22,649
I'm thinking this isn't gonna be
as easy as I thought.
104
00:04:22,717 --> 00:04:24,084
Well, what am I gonna do?
105
00:04:24,119 --> 00:04:25,352
Honestly, Carol, I'm a lawyer.
106
00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:26,954
What you need is an accountant.
107
00:04:26,988 --> 00:04:28,422
Oh, why don't you ask Susan?
108
00:04:28,456 --> 00:04:29,690
Why her?
109
00:04:29,724 --> 00:04:31,458
Because your sister
is an accountant.
110
00:04:31,492 --> 00:04:33,527
Oh, right.
She is.
111
00:04:33,561 --> 00:04:36,496
You know, your family doesn't
give Susan enough credit.
112
00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:39,033
Susan was a partner
at a big accounting firm.
113
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:40,467
She did the books for the bar
114
00:04:40,501 --> 00:04:41,902
back when she was
in high school.
115
00:04:41,937 --> 00:04:43,337
I remember that.
116
00:04:43,371 --> 00:04:44,671
She never went to prom
because of tax season.
117
00:04:44,706 --> 00:04:46,606
Yeah. That's why.
118
00:04:48,343 --> 00:04:51,445
Susan?
119
00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:53,347
I'm in a little trouble
with the IRS,
120
00:04:53,381 --> 00:04:55,582
and I was just wondering
if I could get your help.
121
00:04:55,616 --> 00:04:57,384
Of course, Carol.
122
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,220
Why don't we set up a time
to review your past returns
123
00:04:59,254 --> 00:05:01,222
and any accompanying
documentation you have...
124
00:05:01,256 --> 00:05:02,622
Your long forms, your form C's.
125
00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:04,491
I'll prepare a report,
and I'll accompany you
126
00:05:04,525 --> 00:05:06,727
to your meeting
with the auditor.
127
00:05:08,029 --> 00:05:10,397
Carol?
128
00:05:10,465 --> 00:05:12,166
Sorry.
129
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,701
You know, I didn't realize
that you knew so much.
130
00:05:14,736 --> 00:05:16,370
From listening to your mom,
131
00:05:16,404 --> 00:05:19,106
I just assumed you were
basically institutionalized.
132
00:05:37,558 --> 00:05:39,126
Can I get a beer, please, Steve?
133
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,962
Sure, Owen.
134
00:05:42,030 --> 00:05:45,366
Uh...
It's a protective helmet!
135
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,501
I got a concussion from that
little prank Ahmed played on me,
136
00:05:47,535 --> 00:05:51,205
so I have to wear this
to protect my fontanel.
137
00:05:51,239 --> 00:05:53,207
Go ahead, fellas.
Laugh it up.
138
00:05:53,241 --> 00:05:54,641
Make fun of stupid Owen.
139
00:05:54,675 --> 00:05:58,312
Hey, we're your friends.
We're not gonna make fun of you.
140
00:05:58,346 --> 00:06:00,314
But if the other sperm
come in here looking for you,
141
00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:01,615
where should we tell them you are?
142
00:06:05,787 --> 00:06:08,088
Sorry. I'm sorry.
We're done.
143
00:06:08,123 --> 00:06:09,756
Absolutely.
144
00:06:09,791 --> 00:06:11,392
So, Owen...
145
00:06:11,426 --> 00:06:13,427
What time are you getting
shot out of the Cannon?
146
00:06:13,461 --> 00:06:16,397
Look, I'm done with you guys!
147
00:06:16,464 --> 00:06:18,132
Come on, Owen.
We're just joking around.
148
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:21,201
Hey, look!
It's a walking tampon!
149
00:06:22,703 --> 00:06:24,704
Why is the joke always on me?!
150
00:06:24,739 --> 00:06:26,173
- 'Cause it's so easy!
- Yeah, but I'm sick of it.
151
00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:28,575
I'm tired of being
everyone's target.
152
00:06:28,609 --> 00:06:30,177
Owen, you want me
to be honest with you?
153
00:06:30,211 --> 00:06:32,279
- You kind of ask for it.
- Do not.
154
00:06:32,347 --> 00:06:33,547
Well, you don't fight
your own battles.
155
00:06:33,614 --> 00:06:35,115
You don't stick up
for yourself.
156
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:38,052
You're lucky my mom
didn't hear you say that.
157
00:06:38,086 --> 00:06:41,555
Owen, focus for a minute.
158
00:06:41,622 --> 00:06:43,223
Who are you really mad at?
159
00:06:43,291 --> 00:06:46,427
I'm mad at Ahmed for putting
a spider in my peanuts.
160
00:06:46,461 --> 00:06:48,062
Exactly...
So get him back.
161
00:06:48,096 --> 00:06:51,231
But how? He's a powerful
and successful tow-truck driver.
162
00:06:52,633 --> 00:06:54,701
Owen, come on.
You know what to do.
163
00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,503
He gives you a wedgie,
you give him a swirly.
164
00:06:56,571 --> 00:06:58,705
He gives you a pink belly,
you give him a titty twister.
165
00:06:58,773 --> 00:07:00,441
That's the Pittsburgh way.
166
00:07:00,475 --> 00:07:02,509
Yeah. I'm from Pittsburgh.
I can do that.
167
00:07:02,543 --> 00:07:03,777
Of course you can, Owen.
168
00:07:03,811 --> 00:07:05,545
You're just as smart
as they are.
169
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:08,282
Just need to put on
your thinking cap.
170
00:07:10,251 --> 00:07:13,354
You're right. I'm sick of being
the butt of everyone's joke.
171
00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:16,623
For once, I just want to
get one over on you guys.
172
00:07:16,657 --> 00:07:19,593
Hey, Owen.
Does that thing vibrate?
173
00:07:21,463 --> 00:07:24,465
Steve, can I plug my phone in?
Can't let it die.
174
00:07:24,499 --> 00:07:27,701
That's the burden of being
a first responder.
175
00:07:27,768 --> 00:07:31,271
Ahmed, tow-truck drivers
are not first responders.
176
00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:32,739
Uh, yeah, we are.
177
00:07:32,773 --> 00:07:34,908
It goes police, fire,
tow truck, coast guard.
178
00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:37,478
I got it.
179
00:07:37,512 --> 00:07:39,480
Roy!
Come here a second!
180
00:07:39,514 --> 00:07:41,315
Melanie, you're a paramedic.
181
00:07:41,349 --> 00:07:43,317
You get me, as a fellow
first responder.
182
00:07:43,351 --> 00:07:46,453
I don't even get you
as a second responder.
183
00:07:46,521 --> 00:07:48,355
You clean up
after everybody's left.
184
00:07:48,390 --> 00:07:50,491
You're like an asphalt bus boy.
185
00:07:53,561 --> 00:07:55,195
Steel town towing.
186
00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:57,231
Yeah.
Sure.
187
00:07:57,298 --> 00:07:59,233
Downtown.
188
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,802
The Nigerian ambassador's
limo broke down.
189
00:08:02,837 --> 00:08:06,273
The limo with
all the flags on it.
190
00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:09,776
Got it.
Yeah. I'll be right there.
191
00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:11,245
It is a blessing
192
00:08:11,279 --> 00:08:14,281
that you are coming to get us.
193
00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:18,519
How long? Half-hour? Good, good.
My wives are scared.
194
00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:20,154
And we need you
to come very fast.
195
00:08:20,188 --> 00:08:22,156
We are depending on you
as a first responder.
196
00:08:22,190 --> 00:08:25,625
Praise by Jesus.
Thank you.
197
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:28,895
Guys, seriously, I thought
you got over prank calls
198
00:08:28,930 --> 00:08:30,397
back in high school.
199
00:08:30,465 --> 00:08:31,798
Yeah, where did you guys
really send Ahmed?
200
00:08:31,832 --> 00:08:33,333
Obama's in town.
201
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,869
Sent him to go tow
the president's limo.
202
00:08:37,705 --> 00:08:39,239
Impressive, Owen...
203
00:08:39,274 --> 00:08:40,774
You've involved
the federal government.
204
00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,477
Wait. I-I don't get
why that's funny.
205
00:08:43,511 --> 00:08:45,779
'Cause he's an
arab-American driving a huge tow truck
206
00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:48,348
right at the presidential limousine!
207
00:08:50,452 --> 00:08:53,153
He could be arrested or shot!
208
00:08:53,188 --> 00:08:54,455
That's the joke!
209
00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:02,523
And this is for my nighttime
moisturizing serum
210
00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:05,559
with Alpha-hydroxy acids.
211
00:09:06,393 --> 00:09:09,629
Hey, this doesn't happen
by accident.
212
00:09:09,664 --> 00:09:11,465
You know, I've got to be
honest with you, Carol.
213
00:09:11,499 --> 00:09:13,633
It's gonna be really hard
to convince the auditor
214
00:09:13,668 --> 00:09:16,670
- that these are legitimate
business expenses. - Why?
215
00:09:16,704 --> 00:09:19,473
Because they're not
legitimate business expenses.
216
00:09:19,507 --> 00:09:21,341
That's not the way
I look at it.
217
00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:23,477
Susan, have you
noticed something
218
00:09:23,511 --> 00:09:25,144
about people these days?
219
00:09:25,179 --> 00:09:28,014
They walk around
in their awful t-shirts
220
00:09:28,048 --> 00:09:29,282
and their dirty jeans.
221
00:09:29,316 --> 00:09:31,518
Everything is so drab.
222
00:09:31,552 --> 00:09:35,689
There's no pizzazz,
no glamour, no allure.
223
00:09:35,723 --> 00:09:38,324
That's where I come in.
224
00:09:38,392 --> 00:09:40,760
Work at the DMV ends
at 5:00,
225
00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:44,263
so I clear out by 3:30.
226
00:09:44,298 --> 00:09:47,968
I head straight home.
I take a long bath.
227
00:09:48,035 --> 00:09:50,236
I lay out that night's outfit.
228
00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:55,041
I choose my powder and my scent,
and I bring it all together.
229
00:09:55,075 --> 00:09:58,311
I sit in this bar, and I glow.
230
00:09:58,345 --> 00:10:03,249
I give people something sensual
and radiant to look at.
231
00:10:03,283 --> 00:10:05,585
And often I get laid.
232
00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:09,222
But that's not why I do it.
233
00:10:09,256 --> 00:10:11,457
All right, that's one of
the reasons why I do it.
234
00:10:11,492 --> 00:10:13,092
But the main reason
235
00:10:13,127 --> 00:10:15,629
is that people need beauty
in their lives.
236
00:10:15,663 --> 00:10:18,364
And I'm here
to bring it to them.
237
00:10:18,399 --> 00:10:21,100
I don't think the IRS
is gonna see it that way.
238
00:10:21,135 --> 00:10:22,502
I'm sorry, Carol.
239
00:10:22,537 --> 00:10:24,370
I think you're gonna owe
a lot of money.
240
00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:27,240
Oh, this is terrible.
I don't have any money.
241
00:10:27,274 --> 00:10:31,645
What am I gonna do now,
divorce my son?
242
00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,513
Look, Carol, in my experience,
243
00:10:33,548 --> 00:10:35,348
a lot of these audits come
down to the relationship
244
00:10:35,382 --> 00:10:37,250
between the accountant
and the auditor.
245
00:10:37,284 --> 00:10:40,086
So, we'll just go down
and talk to James Franklin
246
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,220
and hope for the best.
247
00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:43,189
James Franklin?
248
00:10:43,223 --> 00:10:44,223
Yeah, do you know him?
249
00:10:44,258 --> 00:10:47,561
I know he's a man.
250
00:10:47,595 --> 00:10:49,328
Honey, we've got no problem.
251
00:10:49,363 --> 00:10:51,565
- What do you mean?
- He's a man.
252
00:10:51,599 --> 00:10:53,567
I can get him to do
anything I want.
253
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:55,334
That's my superpower.
254
00:10:55,369 --> 00:10:56,703
I don't think
that's a superpower.
255
00:10:56,771 --> 00:10:58,137
Honey, trust me.
256
00:10:58,172 --> 00:10:59,806
It's a superpower.
257
00:10:59,874 --> 00:11:04,110
It's right up there with flying
and squirting spider webs.
258
00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:07,080
Ok Cha, tell your daughter
what my superpower is.
259
00:11:07,114 --> 00:11:09,082
You're a big slut.
260
00:11:12,687 --> 00:11:15,088
Boy, Ahmed's been gone forever.
261
00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:17,624
This is going better than I
could have ever dreamed.
262
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:20,159
Well, for your sake,
I hope it turns out okay.
263
00:11:20,194 --> 00:11:21,628
Hey, he started it.
264
00:11:21,662 --> 00:11:24,130
Dad, I'm sure Ahmed's
laughing about it right now.
265
00:11:28,235 --> 00:11:30,203
Hey, Ahmed.
What happened?
266
00:11:30,237 --> 00:11:32,672
That wasn't the Nigerian
ambassador on the phone.
267
00:11:32,707 --> 00:11:36,542
Somebody here sent me
to tow the president's limo.
268
00:11:36,577 --> 00:11:41,280
Gotcha!
Boom!
269
00:11:41,315 --> 00:11:42,782
Yeah... thanks, Owen.
270
00:11:42,817 --> 00:11:45,151
Homeland Security
thought I was a terrorist.
271
00:11:45,185 --> 00:11:48,387
Well, if it walks like a duck
and it talks like a duck...
272
00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:52,692
They threw me in a room.
They interrogated me for hours.
273
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:54,260
They strip-searched me.
274
00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:55,829
Hey, that's the Pittsburgh way.
275
00:11:57,297 --> 00:11:59,499
Owen, I was anally probed!
276
00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:00,767
Did they find anything?
277
00:12:02,302 --> 00:12:03,670
You guys have no idea
278
00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:05,138
what it's like to be
Arab-American.
279
00:12:05,172 --> 00:12:06,506
People take one look at you,
280
00:12:06,540 --> 00:12:08,407
and they just think
you're carrying a bomb.
281
00:12:08,442 --> 00:12:11,144
Ahmed, y-you're right.
That's terrible.
282
00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:13,179
This got way out of hand.
283
00:12:13,213 --> 00:12:14,848
Owen, you wanted to get one
of the guys, and you did it,
284
00:12:14,882 --> 00:12:16,482
but I think you went
a little too far.
285
00:12:16,517 --> 00:12:20,353
So just apologize to Ahmed
and be done with it.
286
00:12:20,387 --> 00:12:21,721
Wait, what?
287
00:12:21,756 --> 00:12:23,623
The one time I get
one of you guys back,
288
00:12:23,658 --> 00:12:25,324
I have to apologize?
289
00:12:25,392 --> 00:12:26,726
I'll apologize to his butt
290
00:12:26,761 --> 00:12:28,862
when he apologizes
for my brain.
291
00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:32,165
They took my buttginity.
292
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:37,470
They took Roy's grandmother?
293
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:40,740
You guys need to grow up and
stop with this pranking crap.
294
00:12:40,775 --> 00:12:42,809
You're all a bunch
of man-babies.
295
00:12:42,877 --> 00:12:45,178
- Why, when I was your age, I had
already fought in a war. - Me, too.
296
00:12:45,245 --> 00:12:47,180
- I had two kids.
- Me, too.
297
00:12:47,247 --> 00:12:48,614
- I had a mortgage.
- Me, too!
298
00:12:48,649 --> 00:12:50,884
And I didn't sit around in
a bar drinking all day.
299
00:12:50,918 --> 00:12:53,753
Here's where we part ways.
300
00:12:53,821 --> 00:12:55,655
You know what this is about?
301
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:57,190
This is about the fact
that, for once,
302
00:12:57,224 --> 00:12:59,358
Owen Walsh got
one of you guys back.
303
00:12:59,393 --> 00:13:02,461
And you know what, Ahmed?
You can't take it.
304
00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:03,863
Oh, I can take it.
305
00:13:03,898 --> 00:13:06,232
I took it in the basement
of the federal building.
306
00:13:06,266 --> 00:13:08,601
And I took it in my own,
personal basement.
307
00:13:08,635 --> 00:13:11,571
Hey, hey.
Drop it.
308
00:13:11,605 --> 00:13:13,873
Look, if anything,
you both should be mad at Roy.
309
00:13:13,908 --> 00:13:16,475
It was Roy with the spider.
It was Roy on the phone.
310
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:18,178
So, let's just shut it down.
311
00:13:18,245 --> 00:13:21,581
Oh, no. This isn't over.
I'm just getting started.
312
00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:25,351
And no one in the bar is safe.
313
00:13:25,385 --> 00:13:27,821
I won't forget this.
You're dead.
314
00:13:27,855 --> 00:13:30,857
I'm not afraid of you.
315
00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:32,458
I'm not afraid of him.
316
00:13:32,492 --> 00:13:35,261
Oh, give Ahmed some time.
He'll get over it.
317
00:13:35,295 --> 00:13:37,496
Oh, yeah, his people
are known for that.
318
00:13:47,741 --> 00:13:49,675
I've looked through
your tax returns
319
00:13:49,743 --> 00:13:51,610
and your supporting
legal documents,
320
00:13:51,645 --> 00:13:53,712
and I fail to understand
how all these beauty products
321
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:55,848
constitute allowable
tax deductions.
322
00:13:55,882 --> 00:13:58,017
Well, as my client says
in her letter,
323
00:13:58,051 --> 00:14:00,019
one of the requirements
of her public persona
324
00:14:00,053 --> 00:14:01,820
is to maintain
a glamorous and...
325
00:14:01,855 --> 00:14:03,155
Alluring.
326
00:14:03,189 --> 00:14:05,157
Alluring appearance,
as well as to...
327
00:14:05,191 --> 00:14:07,159
Radiate sex appeal.
328
00:14:07,193 --> 00:14:09,161
Well, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to disallow
329
00:14:09,195 --> 00:14:10,963
all these deductions.
330
00:14:10,997 --> 00:14:13,866
Which means that you are
gonna owe the government...
331
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:18,003
Now would be
a good time to use your superpower.
332
00:14:18,038 --> 00:14:20,773
Mr. Franklin.
333
00:14:22,241 --> 00:14:23,909
Mr. Franklin.
334
00:14:25,545 --> 00:14:27,146
Mr. Franklin,
look at me.
335
00:14:28,514 --> 00:14:31,550
Hello there, James.
336
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:33,752
Hello there.
337
00:14:33,787 --> 00:14:36,488
Do you know what I do, James?
338
00:14:36,522 --> 00:14:38,623
I love.
339
00:14:38,658 --> 00:14:41,459
That's why I was
put on this earth...
340
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:44,863
to give and receive
341
00:14:44,898 --> 00:14:48,767
deep and lasting pleasure.
342
00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:57,642
Wait.
What am I doing?
343
00:14:57,677 --> 00:14:59,511
You're about to ask me
out to dinner.
344
00:14:59,579 --> 00:15:00,879
Will you go out
to dinner with me?
345
00:15:00,914 --> 00:15:03,048
Of course I will, James.
346
00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:08,821
Oh. Well, I guess I'll see you
tonight at 6:30.
347
00:15:08,888 --> 00:15:11,690
Don't be late. I won't.
I'm leaving right now.
348
00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:16,228
Carol, that was awesome!
349
00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:17,730
Well, it was okay.
350
00:15:17,797 --> 00:15:21,499
Usually I get them
to give me their car.
351
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:24,069
Hi.
I'm Mrs. Deitmuller.
352
00:15:25,739 --> 00:15:27,572
Where's James?
353
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,974
He just walked straight
out of the building.
354
00:15:29,008 --> 00:15:31,143
I'll be your new auditor.
355
00:15:31,177 --> 00:15:33,912
Let me just finish
totaling up what you owe.
356
00:15:42,155 --> 00:15:45,023
Mrs. Deitmuller.
357
00:15:45,058 --> 00:15:47,025
Mrs. Deitmuller.
358
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:50,295
Mrs. Deitmuller,
look at me.
359
00:15:51,831 --> 00:15:54,133
Do you know why
I was put on earth?
360
00:15:54,167 --> 00:15:55,667
Don't give a shit.
361
00:16:00,206 --> 00:16:03,041
bottom of the ninth,
bases loaded, two outs.
362
00:16:03,076 --> 00:16:04,309
And it's a strike.
363
00:16:05,311 --> 00:16:06,711
Why didn't he swing?
364
00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:08,947
That was right down the middle.
365
00:16:08,982 --> 00:16:11,583
How did you get to be
such a big baseball fan?
366
00:16:11,617 --> 00:16:14,920
Oh, everybody plays
baseball in South Korea.
367
00:16:14,954 --> 00:16:16,321
But nobody hits a home run
368
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:18,323
because it goes
into north Korea,
369
00:16:18,357 --> 00:16:20,893
and you never
get the ball back.
370
00:16:22,295 --> 00:16:25,130
Let's go! Yeah! Yeah!
371
00:16:25,165 --> 00:16:27,699
Ah! The satellite's out!
You got to be kidding me.
372
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:30,002
- Owen, it's your turn to go up on the
- On it.
373
00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:31,736
And while you're up there,
374
00:16:31,771 --> 00:16:35,174
jiggle me some
free "Game of Thrones."
375
00:16:35,208 --> 00:16:36,641
Did you do it?
376
00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:38,043
Oh, yeah.
Did it this morning.
377
00:16:38,077 --> 00:16:39,311
I put the spider
right on the dish.
378
00:16:39,345 --> 00:16:40,813
Awesome.
379
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:41,980
Owen's gonna climb
all the way to the roof,
380
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:43,782
see the spider, and freak.
381
00:16:43,850 --> 00:16:45,217
Yeah, you're finally
gonna get him back.
382
00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:46,985
Aah! Spider!
383
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:53,091
Oh, my God!
384
00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,126
Owen!
Is he okay?
385
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,593
He's not breathing.
386
00:16:55,628 --> 00:16:56,695
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
387
00:16:56,729 --> 00:16:58,130
This isn't happening.
388
00:16:58,164 --> 00:16:59,932
You couldn't stop!
You had to do one more!
389
00:16:59,966 --> 00:17:01,934
You happy now?
390
00:17:01,968 --> 00:17:04,303
I can't believe
I'm saying this.
391
00:17:04,337 --> 00:17:06,905
He's gone.
392
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:12,577
Oh, my God.
Owen.
393
00:17:12,611 --> 00:17:14,146
I should have never
put that spider up there.
394
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:15,613
This is my fault.
395
00:17:18,218 --> 00:17:21,119
I'm sorry, buddy.
396
00:17:21,154 --> 00:17:24,156
Aah!
Aah!
397
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,892
Gotcha!
398
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:28,260
I got you, finally!
399
00:17:28,328 --> 00:17:29,995
Owen Walsh, master prankster.
400
00:17:30,029 --> 00:17:31,129
Thanks for the assist, Ahmed.
401
00:17:31,164 --> 00:17:32,297
It was my pleasure.
402
00:17:32,365 --> 00:17:35,033
Just a little
short of breath here.
403
00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:38,303
S-so you two aren't mad
at each other anymore?
404
00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:41,173
No, we got over it
by getting you.
405
00:17:41,207 --> 00:17:42,875
So you were all in on this?
406
00:17:42,942 --> 00:17:45,911
Well, mostly I'm against
this kind of jackass stuff.
407
00:17:45,945 --> 00:17:48,413
But, uh, you should have
seen your face!
408
00:17:50,816 --> 00:17:53,185
So what flew by the window?
Oh, CPR dummy.
409
00:17:53,219 --> 00:17:54,953
Thanks for that
mouth-to-mouth, by the way.
410
00:17:54,988 --> 00:17:57,990
Yeah, next time,
lay off the tongue.
411
00:17:58,057 --> 00:18:00,092
Got to admit, Roy,
that was pretty funny.
412
00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:02,327
Not really. I'm starting to feel
a little bad here, Steve.
413
00:18:02,362 --> 00:18:04,196
My... my arm's tingling.
414
00:18:04,264 --> 00:18:06,664
Feels like an elephant's
sitting on my chest.
415
00:18:06,699 --> 00:18:07,933
Seriously?
416
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,067
You're gonna pull
a fake death prank
417
00:18:09,102 --> 00:18:10,936
after a fake death prank?
418
00:18:11,004 --> 00:18:13,671
You're better than that, Roy.
419
00:18:13,739 --> 00:18:15,807
Guys, I'm serious.
420
00:18:15,841 --> 00:18:18,343
It's starting to hurt here.
421
00:18:18,378 --> 00:18:21,846
Guys?
Guys?
422
00:18:21,881 --> 00:18:24,016
Call 911.
423
00:18:28,054 --> 00:18:29,854
Yeah, it was a heart attack.
424
00:18:29,889 --> 00:18:32,391
It was a mild one,
but it was real.
425
00:18:32,425 --> 00:18:34,059
Thank God for the defibrillator.
426
00:18:34,093 --> 00:18:35,693
Your uncle was there?
427
00:18:37,363 --> 00:18:39,998
Hank, cut it out.
His uncle's name's not defibrillator.
428
00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:41,266
Actually, it is.
429
00:18:43,036 --> 00:18:46,405
See? Those people
don't have normal names.
430
00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,308
So we've pranked
the whole body...
431
00:18:49,342 --> 00:18:51,410
The ass, the head, the heart.
432
00:18:51,477 --> 00:18:52,777
Are we done now?
433
00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:54,446
Yeah.
434
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,715
I was thinking about that
as I was headed to the light,
435
00:18:57,750 --> 00:18:59,918
towards my grandma
and Michael Jackson.
436
00:18:59,953 --> 00:19:03,255
And I thought about you, Owen,
and you're right.
437
00:19:03,323 --> 00:19:05,757
We always did make you
the butt of the jokes,
438
00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:07,259
and I'm sorry for that, man.
439
00:19:07,327 --> 00:19:09,394
So I'm glad you got me.
I'm glad you got me good.
440
00:19:09,429 --> 00:19:11,229
And I'm glad I'm still alive.
441
00:19:11,264 --> 00:19:12,730
Thanks, man.
442
00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:14,732
I'm glad you're still alive, too.
443
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,001
See? This is nice.
444
00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:18,470
Everybody's friends,
no more pranks.
445
00:19:18,504 --> 00:19:20,038
Just sitting, hanging,
drinking beer.
446
00:19:20,106 --> 00:19:22,907
Speaking of which,
round on me, Steve.
447
00:19:22,942 --> 00:19:24,476
Coming up.
448
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,285
And the winner
of the wet-t-shirt contest...
449
00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:35,487
Miss Steve Sullivan!
450
00:19:35,521 --> 00:19:36,955
Okay, okay.
Good one. Good one.
451
00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:38,957
You got me.
Are the pranks done now?
452
00:19:38,992 --> 00:19:41,059
Yeah.
Yeah. They're done.
453
00:19:41,094 --> 00:19:43,895
Ugh.
454
00:19:43,929 --> 00:19:45,497
Good.
455
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,382
Hey, Carol. I just got
a call from the IRS.
456
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:04,018
Your audit is complete,
and you owe nothing.
457
00:20:04,053 --> 00:20:05,286
Isn't that amazing?
458
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,122
Well, I kind of knew
I was going to skate.
459
00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:10,024
How?
When we left that office,
460
00:20:10,059 --> 00:20:12,794
Mrs. Deitmuller seemed like
she had made up her mind.
461
00:20:12,828 --> 00:20:14,361
Yes, but then
I called her later,
462
00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:16,798
and we met for coffee, and...
463
00:20:16,832 --> 00:20:18,933
Things went from there.
464
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,802
Wait a minute...
465
00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:23,170
You have a superpower
with women too?
466
00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:24,839
Well, yes.
467
00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:28,977
I discovered it a few years ago
at a Subaru dealership.
468
00:20:30,045 --> 00:20:32,279
But that's not what happened.
469
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,115
I asked her about herself,
470
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,516
and it turns out
she was lonely.
471
00:20:35,550 --> 00:20:37,518
So I gave her a few tips.
472
00:20:37,552 --> 00:20:41,222
There's beauty in there.
It just needed to blossom.
473
00:20:41,256 --> 00:20:43,257
And she's a quick learner...
Watch.
474
00:20:55,203 --> 00:20:57,471
Look at me.
475
00:20:57,472 --> 00:21:00,472
sync and corrected by bellows
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