Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:02:43,016 --> 00:02:45,057
Hey, James.
2
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,680
12-32-14!
3
00:02:52,054 --> 00:02:53,845
Jake, thank God, let me out.
4
00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:55,761
Did you get my mail?
5
00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,760
Math test.
6
00:03:00,384 --> 00:03:03,841
A minus.
You made it look just good enough.
7
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:06,881
Did you score me
backstage passes to Dave Matthews?
8
00:03:08,964 --> 00:03:11,629
That's my man. All right.
9
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:16,419
12-32... what was that last number
again? 168?
10
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:18,668
14, Jake.
11
00:03:18,793 --> 00:03:20,834
All right, calm down, I got you.
12
00:03:22,625 --> 00:03:24,457
Thanks.
-You're welcome.
13
00:03:24,582 --> 00:03:28,331
Ian, what is the deal with you being
sardined into your locker again?
14
00:03:28,456 --> 00:03:30,621
Eddie Taffett
and his troglodyte trio.
15
00:03:30,746 --> 00:03:32,912
They're bugged
about the phoney lDs we sold.
16
00:03:33,037 --> 00:03:35,494
l'll take care of them later.
Get on the net.
17
00:03:35,619 --> 00:03:37,744
Change that ticket my dad got me
to New York
18
00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:39,909
and book two seats to Cabo San Lucas.
19
00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:43,116
Will you be taking Allie?
-Working on that now.
20
00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:48,531
Morning, ladies.
21
00:03:48,656 --> 00:03:50,946
Do those things work?
-Yeah, wanna see?
22
00:03:51,071 --> 00:03:53,112
No, it's OK.
23
00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:07,648
Zone defence? Guess l'm not
going to be able to get in.
24
00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:10,605
Unless... What's this?
25
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:13,479
Cherry crunch?
-Would I bring you anything else?
26
00:04:20,851 --> 00:04:24,683
l'm sure that tastes good here.
lt would taste better someplace else.
27
00:04:49,048 --> 00:04:50,839
What are you doing here?
28
00:04:50,963 --> 00:04:54,046
You said you wanted to see what it
would be like to wake up next to me.
29
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:56,503
Oh, good line.
30
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,669
Premeditated or spontaneous?
31
00:04:58,794 --> 00:05:00,585
Totally off the cuff.
32
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:03,667
l was inspired by the lovely sight
of you drooling.
33
00:05:03,792 --> 00:05:06,207
l wasn't drooling, I was sleeping.
34
00:05:08,165 --> 00:05:10,830
Sleeping?
l can't sleep, l've got to study.
35
00:05:10,955 --> 00:05:13,121
You were studying subliminally.
36
00:05:13,246 --> 00:05:15,953
You were absorbing it off the page
through osmosis.
37
00:05:16,078 --> 00:05:17,494
Give me that.
38
00:05:17,619 --> 00:05:19,660
Look, my final is in three hours.
39
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:22,575
You're here, just distracting me,
so get out of here.
40
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,533
No problem. Suit yourself.
41
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:28,073
l just wanted to let you know
there's a freak storm. Snowing.
42
00:05:28,198 --> 00:05:29,698
Snowing?
43
00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,280
We're in southern California.
lt's not...
44
00:05:33,696 --> 00:05:35,737
My God.
45
00:05:36,528 --> 00:05:38,569
lt's snowing.
46
00:05:40,526 --> 00:05:43,567
Jake, you lunatic.
Where did you get a snow machine?
47
00:05:52,147 --> 00:05:54,396
lt's a white Christmas,
just like home.
48
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,603
And here's a little Christmas cheer.
49
00:05:57,186 --> 00:05:59,893
Egg nog?
My mother makes this from scratch.
50
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:02,601
And one more thing.
51
00:06:02,726 --> 00:06:06,432
More? Do I detect
an overage of niceness going on here?
52
00:06:06,557 --> 00:06:08,015
Just read it.
53
00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:11,555
Two tickets to Cabo San Lucas,
Christmas on the beach.
54
00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:14,346
Amazing.
-I knew you'd be...
55
00:06:15,762 --> 00:06:17,220
Pissed.
56
00:06:18,719 --> 00:06:20,843
This is the most inconsiderate thing.
57
00:06:20,968 --> 00:06:22,842
l have plans
that are important to me.
58
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:25,633
lt's not like l'm asking you
to sleep in a Porta Potti.
59
00:06:25,758 --> 00:06:27,757
A condo overlooking the ocean.
60
00:06:27,882 --> 00:06:30,964
Forget it. You know I am driving home
to visit my family.
61
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:32,547
Tell them what I told my dad.
62
00:06:32,672 --> 00:06:35,254
You're gonna be in the gym
for the next two weeks
63
00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,044
in preparation for Ultimate Fighting.
64
00:06:38,169 --> 00:06:40,918
That's what you told him?
-Sure.
65
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:44,708
When he found out I wanted
to stay here, he was relieved.
66
00:06:44,833 --> 00:06:46,624
But I want to go home.
67
00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:49,873
l want a traditional Christmas
with snow and stockings
68
00:06:49,998 --> 00:06:51,497
and egg nog and carollers.
69
00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:54,121
l thought we could have fun
this Christmas.
70
00:06:54,913 --> 00:06:56,953
You thought that you could have fun.
71
00:06:57,078 --> 00:06:59,078
But what about everybody else?
72
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:01,660
Mom and Dad would be crushed
if I didn't come home.
73
00:07:01,785 --> 00:07:05,158
What about your dad
and your sister and Carolyn?
74
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:08,824
Bringing up my dad's new wife
drains me of my Christmas spirit.
75
00:07:09,781 --> 00:07:13,113
All l'm saying is, don't you think
it's time you went home?
76
00:07:15,279 --> 00:07:17,362
Hey, there. Looking good today.
77
00:07:17,487 --> 00:07:20,194
Thanks, Eddie,
you're looking nice today, too.
78
00:07:20,819 --> 00:07:23,068
l'm not talking to you, Wilkinson.
79
00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,358
Allie, what perfume
are you wearing today?
80
00:07:25,483 --> 00:07:26,816
Excuse me?
81
00:07:26,941 --> 00:07:30,398
l got three words for you.
New. Car. Smell.
82
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:33,522
lt would smell so good on you.
Come here and check it out.
83
00:07:34,771 --> 00:07:37,520
l got one word for you. Beemer.
84
00:07:40,186 --> 00:07:41,768
Stand away from the vehicle.
85
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:44,142
You got to be kidding me.
86
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,804
So it's Disco lnferno Night
at the Viper Room, right?
87
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:59,636
lt's me and the Murph Man
and the Ed Man and the Ken Man.
88
00:07:59,761 --> 00:08:02,343
We were waiting in line
for half the night.
89
00:08:02,468 --> 00:08:04,759
The bouncer finally gives us
the nod.
90
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:08,549
We go over there
and debut our brand-new lDs.
91
00:08:08,674 --> 00:08:10,881
The dude goes...
-Bye-bye.
92
00:08:12,672 --> 00:08:16,004
No one says bye-bye
to the Brandt Man.
93
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,587
Fellas.
94
00:08:17,712 --> 00:08:20,919
What can I say? My subcontractor
has been slacking off.
95
00:08:21,044 --> 00:08:22,585
l want to make this up to you.
96
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,084
l have a foolproof method
97
00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:27,125
that will guarantee
you ace your History final.
98
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:30,082
But if you'd rather see
your grades crash and burn.
99
00:08:30,207 --> 00:08:32,248
lt's up to you.
100
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:35,871
No cost?
101
00:08:36,621 --> 00:08:38,703
Of course there's no cost
for the answers.
102
00:08:38,828 --> 00:08:41,410
l couldn't do that to you.
You guys are my buds.
103
00:08:41,535 --> 00:08:44,659
However, there is a nominal fee
for the beeper rental.
104
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:53,572
Wilkinson residence.
105
00:08:53,697 --> 00:08:56,363
l'm sorry,
he can't come to the phone right now.
106
00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,653
He's busy accessorising.
107
00:09:00,403 --> 00:09:01,819
Jake, it's your dad.
108
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,359
See you.
109
00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:16,230
How are things at the office?
-We're all off for the holidays.
110
00:09:16,354 --> 00:09:17,979
l sent everybody home at noon.
111
00:09:18,104 --> 00:09:20,478
Great. Getting ready for ski season?
112
00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:22,602
Yeah, I just got my bindings fixed.
113
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:24,976
Look, l'm calling to find out
about you.
114
00:09:25,101 --> 00:09:27,808
Are you still planning
to come home for Christmas?
115
00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:33,181
l'd like to but I gotta stay on
campus and finish up that lab work...
116
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:35,930
Cos I got a call from my
travel agent.
117
00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:39,928
He says the ticket I sent you was
cashed in for two to Cabo San Lucas.
118
00:09:40,511 --> 00:09:43,635
He says somebody
sabotaged his computer file.
119
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,926
What kind of a world
are we living in?
120
00:09:46,051 --> 00:09:49,258
Is the convenience of technology
worth the loss to our privacy?
121
00:09:49,383 --> 00:09:52,173
Who would do such a thing?
Where will it end?
122
00:09:52,298 --> 00:09:54,880
l agreed to let you go off
to school in California.
123
00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:58,754
But you haven't been home
for the holidays since Mom died.
124
00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:01,419
l think it's time
that we become a family again.
125
00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:06,667
lf you were 18, where would you
rather be for Christmas?
126
00:10:06,792 --> 00:10:08,208
At home with your family
127
00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,790
or in Cabo
on the beach with a beautiful girl?
128
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:13,748
Allie's parents say she is coming
home like always.
129
00:10:15,955 --> 00:10:17,996
l just really want you home, son.
130
00:10:18,621 --> 00:10:20,370
Me too.
-As does Carol.
131
00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:23,785
No.
-And Tracey, we all want you home.
132
00:10:25,035 --> 00:10:27,534
Well, I just don't think
l can get there.
133
00:10:28,658 --> 00:10:33,365
Not even if l... give you the Porsche?
134
00:10:34,322 --> 00:10:36,238
Excuse me?
135
00:10:36,363 --> 00:10:38,696
The Porsche?
136
00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:40,778
The 195 Porsche?
137
00:10:40,903 --> 00:10:43,152
The same one we rebuilt by hand
together
138
00:10:43,277 --> 00:10:47,151
with the kid-glove interiors
and the original paint?
139
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:51,232
l tell you what, if you're home
when we sit down to dinner,
140
00:10:51,357 --> 00:10:55,064
6:00, Christmas Eve, the car's yours.
141
00:10:55,189 --> 00:10:57,313
6:00.
Not one minute past. Understand?
142
00:10:57,813 --> 00:10:59,979
Yes, sir.
-We'll see you then.
143
00:11:00,104 --> 00:11:02,144
Great. Bye.
144
00:11:04,019 --> 00:11:05,601
You are mine.
145
00:11:05,726 --> 00:11:07,309
All mine.
146
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:15,347
He cashes in the tickets
and you offer him a bribe?
147
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:17,971
Do you see anything wrong
with this picture?
148
00:11:18,096 --> 00:11:20,470
Yeah, I do, but...
-But what?
149
00:11:22,053 --> 00:11:24,094
Jake's coming home for Christmas.
150
00:11:29,716 --> 00:11:32,465
OK, I got to go pack, you guys.
See you in an hour?
151
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:39,546
Nice try but no chance.
152
00:11:39,671 --> 00:11:41,711
Must be defective.
153
00:11:41,836 --> 00:11:45,710
l estimated it would be another five
hours till you tried to make up.
154
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,126
That's funny.
155
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:50,916
l estimate that it takes five hours
to fly to Larchmont, New York.
156
00:11:52,041 --> 00:11:53,998
l thought you cashed your ticket in.
157
00:11:54,123 --> 00:11:56,414
l cashed it back in
for tickets to New York.
158
00:11:56,539 --> 00:11:58,371
Will you please accept my apology
159
00:11:58,496 --> 00:12:00,495
and come home with me for Christmas?
160
00:12:04,119 --> 00:12:05,410
You're unbelievable.
161
00:12:05,535 --> 00:12:08,242
Tell me about it.
Ripley is doing a special on me.
162
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:10,949
So, why the sudden change of heart?
163
00:12:11,074 --> 00:12:14,781
l guess you got to me with
all that sentimental family stuff.
164
00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:16,739
l'm glad you're coming around.
165
00:12:16,864 --> 00:12:19,613
lf you don't have family,
what do you have?
166
00:12:19,737 --> 00:12:22,528
So, do you want to come over
and help me pack?
167
00:12:25,485 --> 00:12:28,484
l can't. I gotta go tutor some jocks.
168
00:12:28,609 --> 00:12:30,400
You're such a compassionate man!
169
00:12:30,525 --> 00:12:32,316
l am a giver.
170
00:12:32,441 --> 00:12:34,481
Pick you up tomorrow morning, 8:00.
171
00:12:41,645 --> 00:12:43,478
This better work.
172
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:48,392
Run.
173
00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:58,888
Look out.
174
00:13:04,844 --> 00:13:06,135
What's taking so long?
175
00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:14,049
Sorry, Ms Peterson.
-Coach likes to stay in touch.
176
00:14:01,154 --> 00:14:04,444
Driving a Porsche, it's like
you have a relationship with it.
177
00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:07,360
lt knows you. It's listening
and just responding.
178
00:14:07,485 --> 00:14:08,693
So true.
179
00:14:08,818 --> 00:14:10,067
Downshifting?
180
00:14:10,192 --> 00:14:13,108
You don't know what it is
until you downshift a Porsche.
181
00:14:13,233 --> 00:14:16,440
You are a lucky man.
-So true.
182
00:14:18,231 --> 00:14:19,980
So, Jake, are you feeling lucky?
183
00:14:20,105 --> 00:14:21,604
Immensely.
184
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,770
l think that's all about to change.
185
00:14:27,019 --> 00:14:28,726
Something wrong, fellas?
186
00:14:28,851 --> 00:14:30,642
You think you're a wiseguy?
187
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:33,391
lt's real funny to make us
look like morons?
188
00:14:33,516 --> 00:14:36,515
What are you talking about?
-The beepers, dipstick.
189
00:14:37,181 --> 00:14:38,597
Where's lan?
190
00:14:38,722 --> 00:14:42,720
12-32-14.
191
00:14:45,678 --> 00:14:48,551
l'm sure there's some explanation.
Let me make a call.
192
00:14:48,676 --> 00:14:50,176
We're done explaining.
193
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:53,591
Boys.
194
00:15:02,754 --> 00:15:05,211
All right, see you later.
Have a good break.
195
00:15:08,585 --> 00:15:10,626
All right, Jake, where are you?
196
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,069
God, I wish I were dead.
197
00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:52,317
l said I wished I were dead.
198
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,227
Let's see you sweet-talk your way
out of this.
199
00:16:07,352 --> 00:16:08,602
Eddie and the boys.
200
00:16:09,851 --> 00:16:12,475
The last time
l do business with those guys.
201
00:16:13,142 --> 00:16:14,974
Go on, get out of here.
202
00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:22,763
You glued it on, didn't you,
you jerks?
203
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,219
The hat too?
204
00:16:27,344 --> 00:16:29,177
This is not acceptable.
205
00:16:41,672 --> 00:16:44,837
Sit. Roll over.
206
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,003
Die.
207
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:54,833
Hey, it's Jake, you found me.
208
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,290
ldiot.
-Who's an idiot?
209
00:16:59,081 --> 00:17:00,081
l am.
210
00:17:00,206 --> 00:17:02,413
Jake flaked, huh?
211
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:06,995
What a surprise. Lucky for you,
the Ed Man is here to the rescue.
212
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,910
What do you say we blow
this Popsicle stand?
213
00:17:11,118 --> 00:17:13,284
You're loving this, aren't you?
214
00:17:13,409 --> 00:17:14,783
Pretty much, yeah.
215
00:17:16,616 --> 00:17:18,282
OK, let's go.
-All right.
216
00:17:19,115 --> 00:17:21,614
No, allow me. I got it.
217
00:17:23,404 --> 00:17:25,029
The ultimate in irony.
218
00:17:25,154 --> 00:17:27,778
1 Academy kids
are driving back east this winter
219
00:17:27,903 --> 00:17:29,610
and I get a ride with you.
220
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:33,734
Just the two of us, riding
the crest of destiny's rainbow.
221
00:17:33,859 --> 00:17:38,107
Sharing. Caring. A pair for the ages.
222
00:17:39,148 --> 00:17:41,814
OK, hold on, first the ground rules.
223
00:17:41,939 --> 00:17:45,021
lf you say to me things like that,
l'll have to slug you.
224
00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:48,061
lf you say anything nasty about Jake,
l'll have to slug you.
225
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:50,852
lf you try to feel me up,
l'll have to slug you.
226
00:17:50,976 --> 00:17:55,391
lf you make me listen to any sexist,
racist or homophobic jokes,
227
00:17:55,516 --> 00:17:57,099
l'm gonna have to slug you.
228
00:17:57,224 --> 00:18:00,389
And finally, I might have to slug you
from time to time
229
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:04,762
simply because I find the prospect
of this incredibly stressful.
230
00:18:06,095 --> 00:18:08,219
All right, sounds like a party to me.
231
00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:12,426
So, what shall we listen to?
232
00:18:12,551 --> 00:18:16,549
Jewel, Sarah, Fiona?
l'm in a sensitive mood, aren't you?
233
00:18:16,674 --> 00:18:19,215
Cut the crap. l'm already in the car.
234
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:22,713
All right, let's burn this baby.
New York, yeah!
235
00:18:57,991 --> 00:18:59,407
See you, lovebirds.
236
00:19:15,858 --> 00:19:18,607
Hey, it's Allie. You got the machine.
237
00:19:18,732 --> 00:19:21,106
Allie, it's me. Listen, I am so...
238
00:19:29,644 --> 00:19:32,102
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
239
00:19:33,559 --> 00:19:35,600
This totally sucks.
240
00:19:36,808 --> 00:19:39,015
You got a mean disposition
for a Santa.
241
00:19:39,557 --> 00:19:41,473
l need to make another phone call.
242
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,389
Long distance?
243
00:19:43,514 --> 00:19:47,429
What from here is not long distance?
244
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:02,422
lt's Jake.
-Where are you?
245
00:20:02,547 --> 00:20:05,255
l'm in the middle of nowhere,
dressed like Santa,
246
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:06,962
being attacked by tumbleweed.
247
00:20:07,087 --> 00:20:09,211
Cool.
-Get me Dad.
248
00:20:09,336 --> 00:20:12,502
When did I become your slave?
-The day you were born.
249
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:14,792
Right.
250
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,665
lt's the prodigal son.
251
00:20:22,248 --> 00:20:24,164
Hello, Father.
252
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,996
Jake, you sound funny.
Are you at the airport?
253
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:32,493
l've had some setbacks but if you
wire me money, l'll make it home.
254
00:20:32,618 --> 00:20:34,701
Just what kind of a bind are you in?
255
00:20:34,826 --> 00:20:37,200
He's in the middle of nowhere
dressed as Santa
256
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:39,032
being attacked by a bumblebee.
257
00:20:39,157 --> 00:20:40,657
Tumbleweed!
258
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,406
Otherwise, like she said.
259
00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:46,738
That is the worst alibi
in a long line of bad alibis.
260
00:20:46,863 --> 00:20:49,570
But it's all true.
-That's what you always say.
261
00:20:50,070 --> 00:20:53,110
l know, but I really need your help
to make it home on time.
262
00:20:53,235 --> 00:20:54,693
Look, we had a deal.
263
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:57,233
lt is up to you to get home
on Christmas Eve
264
00:20:57,358 --> 00:20:59,149
or forget about the Porsche.
265
00:21:04,147 --> 00:21:07,729
Excuse me.
l couldn't help overhearing.
266
00:21:07,854 --> 00:21:09,936
You're trying to get home
for Christmas
267
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,727
and your father won't help you?
268
00:21:12,602 --> 00:21:14,643
lt's not that, it's just...
269
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:22,270
He's so worried about the operation.
270
00:21:22,395 --> 00:21:25,936
He's not thinking clearly.
-Operation?
271
00:21:26,061 --> 00:21:27,643
Yeah.
272
00:21:27,768 --> 00:21:32,141
The whole family chipped in and got
him a triple bypass for Christmas.
273
00:21:32,266 --> 00:21:36,140
l sent home every last dollar l
earned as a shopping mall Santa.
274
00:21:37,556 --> 00:21:39,847
The operation's on Christmas Eve.
275
00:21:39,972 --> 00:21:43,512
Now I won't be home until after
the anaesthesia wears off.
276
00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:46,511
Oh, dear.
277
00:21:47,718 --> 00:21:53,008
You know, me and the girls are
driving to Vegas to see Tom Jones.
278
00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:55,382
We're Tom Tom Girls.
279
00:21:55,507 --> 00:21:57,131
You want to ride with us?
280
00:21:58,047 --> 00:21:59,838
Do you have What's New, Pussycat?
281
00:21:59,963 --> 00:22:03,420
Do we have
What's New, Pussycat?
282
00:22:03,545 --> 00:22:05,586
� What's New, Pussycat?
283
00:22:14,707 --> 00:22:16,415
Can we crack open a window?
284
00:22:16,540 --> 00:22:17,914
Do you think it's funny
285
00:22:18,039 --> 00:22:20,746
how easily old people
can catch pneumonia?
286
00:22:20,871 --> 00:22:22,454
Do you think that's a joke?
287
00:22:23,162 --> 00:22:27,285
No, it's just I had a hard night
and l'm not feeling so well.
288
00:22:28,702 --> 00:22:31,076
Get out of there.
289
00:22:32,533 --> 00:22:35,740
Mama's teeth have fallen
out of her mouth again.
290
00:22:35,865 --> 00:22:38,156
Just wedge them back in, dear.
291
00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:41,613
OK, Santa Claus.
Make yourself useful.
292
00:22:41,738 --> 00:22:43,737
Put those right back in her mouth.
293
00:22:44,570 --> 00:22:46,861
Gherkins, anyone?
294
00:22:47,819 --> 00:22:49,401
For Pete's sake!
295
00:22:51,151 --> 00:22:54,274
Oh, well, that's lovely.
-What happened?
296
00:22:54,399 --> 00:22:57,107
Santa just yammied in your handbag.
297
00:22:58,314 --> 00:23:00,980
There he goes again.
-Stop him.
298
00:23:03,729 --> 00:23:04,770
Get up.
299
00:23:08,144 --> 00:23:10,934
Did I hurt you, Santa? Good.
300
00:23:11,684 --> 00:23:14,433
All right, buster. Out you get.
301
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,848
Get out of here.
302
00:23:20,847 --> 00:23:22,763
And take your beard with you.
303
00:23:22,888 --> 00:23:25,470
l never heard of such a thing.
lmagine.
304
00:23:25,595 --> 00:23:27,927
Yammying in my sister's handbag.
305
00:23:36,882 --> 00:23:38,631
There you go, that's five.
306
00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:42,296
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
307
00:23:45,337 --> 00:23:48,627
Oh, I love this game.
Which word is not like the others?
308
00:23:48,752 --> 00:23:51,209
Santa?
-No, idiot.
309
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:53,750
lt's a message Jake left
on my machine.
310
00:23:56,082 --> 00:23:58,123
Bizarre, huh?
311
00:24:27,111 --> 00:24:28,527
Oh, my God.
312
00:24:31,443 --> 00:24:33,275
What's wrong with you?
313
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,191
We gotta go.
We're way behind schedule.
314
00:24:36,816 --> 00:24:38,273
Wait!
315
00:25:36,208 --> 00:25:38,748
This is the worst day of my life.
316
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,955
And it just got worse.
317
00:26:32,726 --> 00:26:34,767
Ho-ho-ho, tubby.
318
00:26:34,892 --> 00:26:37,058
Secret fat-man handshake. All right.
319
00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:41,848
Confidentially speaking,
between us Santas,
320
00:26:41,973 --> 00:26:43,763
don't you get tired of this suit?
321
00:26:43,888 --> 00:26:46,846
Every year, it's the same suit.
Red, red, red.
322
00:26:47,887 --> 00:26:49,928
Does any guy really look good in red?
323
00:26:50,053 --> 00:26:52,093
l don't think so.
324
00:26:53,260 --> 00:26:54,967
Got room in the sledge for two?
325
00:26:56,008 --> 00:26:57,425
Thanks.
326
00:26:57,549 --> 00:26:59,882
l really appreciate it. You're a pal.
327
00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:37,117
You're not so cute in the morning.
l'm glad nothing happened.
328
00:27:38,658 --> 00:27:41,740
You just slugged me.
-As per our agreement.
329
00:27:46,779 --> 00:27:49,611
Wake up, chief, time to feed
the reindeer.
330
00:27:53,860 --> 00:27:55,692
All right, l'm going.
331
00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:31,959
Merry Christmas to you too.
332
00:29:27,728 --> 00:29:29,768
l went and killed Santa.
333
00:29:48,802 --> 00:29:50,427
Thank God.
334
00:29:53,009 --> 00:29:55,050
Hang on, Santa, l'm coming.
335
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,214
Hold on.
336
00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:07,128
Am I alive?
337
00:30:07,253 --> 00:30:10,043
l have never been happier
to answer that question.
338
00:30:10,168 --> 00:30:12,751
Yes, you are alive.
339
00:30:12,876 --> 00:30:17,999
You've been asked that before?
-Maybe ten, 12 times.
340
00:30:35,575 --> 00:30:38,823
Allie, can I ask you something?
-Shoot.
341
00:30:38,948 --> 00:30:41,614
Look, l'm a millennial type of guy.
342
00:30:41,739 --> 00:30:44,446
l dig world music,
l think freons should be banned,
343
00:30:44,571 --> 00:30:46,862
l'm all about yoga
and macrobiotic food.
344
00:30:46,987 --> 00:30:49,194
l'm in touch with my inner child.
345
00:30:49,319 --> 00:30:51,943
Is the question coming before Ohio?
346
00:30:52,526 --> 00:30:54,650
What l'm getting at is...
347
00:30:54,775 --> 00:30:57,066
what does Jake have
that I haven't got?
348
00:30:58,940 --> 00:31:01,689
lt's the stuff he comes up with.
349
00:31:01,814 --> 00:31:03,563
Funny things.
350
00:31:03,688 --> 00:31:07,312
Amazing things.
Things that just give me the chills.
351
00:31:08,311 --> 00:31:10,560
Give me an example
of one of these chills.
352
00:31:13,726 --> 00:31:16,516
There was this one time
l was feeling really bad.
353
00:31:16,641 --> 00:31:19,598
lt was really just a down day.
354
00:31:19,723 --> 00:31:23,388
Jake took my hand in his
and being really sweet he said...
355
00:31:24,138 --> 00:31:26,887
Not even the rain
has such small hands.
356
00:31:27,845 --> 00:31:30,136
Not even the rain
has such small hands?
357
00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:32,926
What a nerd.
358
00:31:33,301 --> 00:31:35,050
lt's E.E. Cummings.
359
00:31:36,216 --> 00:31:37,716
Poetry, Eddie.
360
00:31:38,924 --> 00:31:40,590
That gave you chills?
361
00:31:41,673 --> 00:31:43,339
You wouldn't understand.
362
00:31:47,212 --> 00:31:48,920
What?
363
00:31:49,877 --> 00:31:51,835
Not even the corn has such big ears.
364
00:31:53,876 --> 00:31:55,958
That's beautiful. l'm really moved.
365
00:31:56,083 --> 00:31:59,290
Cos if it's poetry you want,
l got it, baby.
366
00:31:59,415 --> 00:32:01,373
There once was a man from
Nantucket...
367
00:32:01,498 --> 00:32:02,955
Just drive the car, Eddie.
368
00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:12,701
Man, oh, man.
l was sure you were a goner.
369
00:32:12,826 --> 00:32:16,825
Nolan, it's been two hours. I can't
have this conversation any more.
370
00:32:16,950 --> 00:32:18,366
What conversation?
371
00:32:18,491 --> 00:32:20,865
The one where you go you were sure
l was a goner
372
00:32:20,990 --> 00:32:22,656
and I go, that was a close one.
373
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,860
A Pathfinder. Catch up with them.
-Who's them?
374
00:32:31,985 --> 00:32:34,776
My girlfriend.
-No kidding. All the way out here?
375
00:32:36,817 --> 00:32:40,107
Wait a minute. Are you saying
that's Mrs Claus in that car?
376
00:32:40,232 --> 00:32:41,565
With another guy?
377
00:32:41,690 --> 00:32:43,605
Mrs Claus stepping out on Santa?
378
00:32:43,730 --> 00:32:46,021
Letting some other guy
down the chimney?
379
00:32:46,646 --> 00:32:48,520
Why, that two-timing ho!
380
00:32:49,186 --> 00:32:50,852
Nolan, reality check.
381
00:32:51,644 --> 00:32:53,643
Say no more, Santa. l'm after them.
382
00:33:02,931 --> 00:33:05,513
Nolan, I said catch them,
try not to kill us.
383
00:33:09,137 --> 00:33:11,677
There's a cop behind us. Slow down.
384
00:33:13,968 --> 00:33:16,467
Cops make me nervous.
l'm gonna make a run for it.
385
00:33:16,592 --> 00:33:17,841
Are you nuts?
386
00:33:17,966 --> 00:33:21,048
Daddy always said, it's better
to go out in a blaze of glory
387
00:33:21,173 --> 00:33:23,631
than to rot
in a state correctional facility.
388
00:33:26,005 --> 00:33:29,087
You're about to tell me
the stuff in the back is stolen?
389
00:33:31,128 --> 00:33:32,794
l won't if you don't want me to.
390
00:33:33,752 --> 00:33:35,667
Stop the car, Nolan.
391
00:33:43,706 --> 00:33:45,872
All right, come on, Jake. Think.
392
00:33:46,788 --> 00:33:49,120
l know. Put this on. Act like my elf.
393
00:33:51,702 --> 00:33:53,743
How do elves act?
-I don't know.
394
00:33:53,868 --> 00:33:56,242
Happy.
-Happy?
395
00:34:06,946 --> 00:34:09,570
Merry Christmas, officer. Problem?
396
00:34:10,278 --> 00:34:12,527
ln a bit of a hurry, aren't you?
397
00:34:12,652 --> 00:34:15,026
That's my fault.
Busy time of year for me.
398
00:34:16,776 --> 00:34:19,441
l'm an elf.
-So it seems.
399
00:34:19,566 --> 00:34:23,648
Do you realise
you were going 9 in a 65 mph zone?
400
00:34:23,773 --> 00:34:25,855
You should try catching me
in my sleigh.
401
00:34:28,771 --> 00:34:30,936
You see, officer,
my elf Snow Puff and l
402
00:34:31,061 --> 00:34:33,977
are heading to the children's
hospital in the next town.
403
00:34:34,102 --> 00:34:36,684
You mean Redcliff?
-Exactly.
404
00:34:36,809 --> 00:34:39,724
To distribute toys to the youngsters.
405
00:34:39,849 --> 00:34:41,682
Sorry if in my haste I sped up a bit,
406
00:34:41,807 --> 00:34:44,597
but every second counts
to a bedridden child.
407
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,554
All right, l'll tell you what.
408
00:34:48,679 --> 00:34:51,095
No more speeding, OK, Santa?
409
00:34:51,220 --> 00:34:52,886
65 stay alive.
410
00:34:54,010 --> 00:34:56,343
Merry Christmas.
-Thank you, officer.
411
00:34:57,675 --> 00:35:00,216
And that is how the big boys do it.
412
00:35:00,757 --> 00:35:02,340
You know what?
413
00:35:02,465 --> 00:35:04,506
My shift ends in a few minutes.
414
00:35:04,631 --> 00:35:07,047
Follow me.
l'll get you there in no time.
415
00:35:09,545 --> 00:35:11,211
That's how the big boys do it?
416
00:35:12,253 --> 00:35:14,294
Shut up, Nolan.
417
00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:26,039
So close yet so far.
418
00:35:33,619 --> 00:35:35,660
Please stay in the car.
419
00:35:38,492 --> 00:35:40,533
l guess he couldn't hear you.
420
00:35:46,197 --> 00:35:47,738
Thank you, officer.
421
00:35:47,863 --> 00:35:49,862
Do y'all mind if I go in there
with you?
422
00:35:49,987 --> 00:35:53,236
l'd like to see the kids' faces
when you give them their gifts.
423
00:35:54,319 --> 00:35:55,943
The more, the merrier.
424
00:35:58,192 --> 00:36:01,649
l want a pony
and a Barbie dreamhouse...
425
00:36:01,774 --> 00:36:05,273
That's all great stuff but Santa
will give you something better.
426
00:36:06,814 --> 00:36:08,646
A KitchenAid Classic Plus toaster
427
00:36:08,771 --> 00:36:10,604
with exclusive AcuToast sensor
428
00:36:10,729 --> 00:36:12,978
for consistent toasting
time after time.
429
00:36:13,686 --> 00:36:15,477
Sweetie, this toaster is extra wide
430
00:36:15,602 --> 00:36:18,600
so you can get four bagels in there
instead of the usual two.
431
00:36:19,475 --> 00:36:21,349
Thank you, Santa.
-You're welcome.
432
00:36:21,474 --> 00:36:25,389
Santa, this toaster was already
promised to a cowpoke named Nolan.
433
00:36:29,513 --> 00:36:31,470
Hand it over to the kid, Snow Puff.
434
00:36:35,885 --> 00:36:38,801
All right, let's get this line
moving. Who's next?
435
00:36:38,925 --> 00:36:41,633
All-righty,
and what do you want for Christmas?
436
00:36:43,174 --> 00:36:48,505
And finally... Ho-ho-ho.
Merry Christmas.
437
00:36:48,630 --> 00:36:51,420
What's your name, little boy?
-Esteban.
438
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:56,668
All right, let's see what we have
here today for Esteban.
439
00:36:58,459 --> 00:37:00,125
Look at this.
440
00:37:00,250 --> 00:37:03,207
A Eureka Boss cordless
rechargeable vacuum cleaner.
441
00:37:03,332 --> 00:37:05,206
No, thank you.
442
00:37:07,039 --> 00:37:08,497
Well...
443
00:37:08,622 --> 00:37:11,204
l don't know what else
l have here for you, buddy.
444
00:37:11,329 --> 00:37:13,245
What do you want for Christmas?
445
00:37:13,370 --> 00:37:14,744
To go home.
446
00:37:18,826 --> 00:37:22,033
l want to be with mi mama,
mi papa...
447
00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:34,153
Grandmothers and grandfathers,
448
00:37:34,278 --> 00:37:38,609
and my dog,
and have a Christmas tree,
449
00:37:38,734 --> 00:37:42,316
and lights, and angels,
and Christmas cookies.
450
00:37:42,441 --> 00:37:45,523
With little red and green sprinkles
on top,
451
00:37:45,648 --> 00:37:48,772
and plum pudding,
and Christmas carols...
452
00:37:48,897 --> 00:37:51,396
Aw, sugar doll, I miss you so much.
453
00:37:51,521 --> 00:37:53,895
l don't want to fence stolen goods
no more.
454
00:37:54,020 --> 00:37:55,852
l'd like you to come home.
455
00:37:55,977 --> 00:37:58,684
Please,
you know I didn't mean to hurt you.
456
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:00,850
How will I get through the holidays?
457
00:38:00,975 --> 00:38:03,766
l just needed to talk to my dad
or Tracey.
458
00:38:03,891 --> 00:38:05,432
Are either of them there?
459
00:38:06,681 --> 00:38:09,513
Gee, your dad and Tracey
went to the mall.
460
00:38:09,638 --> 00:38:11,679
lt's just me, holding down the fort.
461
00:38:13,095 --> 00:38:15,677
We are all so excited
you're coming home.
462
00:38:15,802 --> 00:38:18,968
We've got the tree all set up.
lt looks great.
463
00:38:19,093 --> 00:38:22,508
I've just been shopping and cooking,
cooking and shopping.
464
00:38:23,049 --> 00:38:29,047
Speaking of which, your sweater size,
you're a 38, right?
465
00:38:29,505 --> 00:38:31,088
Yeah, I guess.
466
00:38:31,921 --> 00:38:34,128
Where are you now?
Are you on your way home?
467
00:38:34,253 --> 00:38:35,919
Yeah, look, I gotta run.
468
00:38:36,377 --> 00:38:38,918
So you take care, now. OK?
469
00:38:39,043 --> 00:38:41,250
OK.
-Bye.
470
00:38:41,375 --> 00:38:42,375
Bye.
471
00:38:54,870 --> 00:38:58,951
l gotta tell you, although l've only
been your elf for a short time,
472
00:38:59,076 --> 00:39:01,117
l feel like a new man, changed.
473
00:39:02,033 --> 00:39:03,699
Do I look changed to you?
474
00:39:06,698 --> 00:39:08,822
Maybe on the inside, where it counts.
475
00:39:08,947 --> 00:39:11,529
That's it. l've changed
on the inside.
476
00:39:12,362 --> 00:39:15,361
l'm going home for Christmas.
-Home?
477
00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:18,568
I thought you were going east.
-Back the other way.
478
00:39:18,693 --> 00:39:20,859
Nolan, I saved your butt back there.
479
00:39:20,984 --> 00:39:22,858
Don't you owe me something?
480
00:39:24,024 --> 00:39:26,232
Yes, I do.
481
00:39:27,814 --> 00:39:29,689
Didn't mean to leave you hanging.
482
00:39:31,563 --> 00:39:33,604
Merry Christmas.
483
00:39:36,019 --> 00:39:37,852
What?
-Can I have a word with you?
484
00:39:37,977 --> 00:39:40,851
What is it?
- lt's my wife, Marjorie.
485
00:39:40,976 --> 00:39:42,725
She left me last month.
486
00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:46,473
lf I got her back home for Christmas,
l know we could start again.
487
00:39:46,598 --> 00:39:49,597
Why are you telling me this?
-She won't listen to me.
488
00:39:49,722 --> 00:39:52,013
l got a hunch
she might listen to Santa.
489
00:39:52,138 --> 00:39:54,012
lf you walked into her restaurant
490
00:39:54,137 --> 00:39:56,678
and asked her to forgive me,
she'd come home.
491
00:39:56,803 --> 00:40:00,509
She left you, right?
So where's your dignity?
492
00:40:00,634 --> 00:40:04,091
Don't go crawling back to her.
Let her come grovelling back.
493
00:40:04,216 --> 00:40:08,131
Maybe you're right. Why drive to
Nebraska just to get slammed again?
494
00:40:09,256 --> 00:40:11,671
Wait, Nebraska? As in east of here?
495
00:40:11,796 --> 00:40:13,587
lt's about a six-hour trip.
496
00:40:13,712 --> 00:40:15,420
What's the matter with you?
497
00:40:15,545 --> 00:40:18,335
You married her
but you won't take a little drive?
498
00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:22,500
Max, what did you do
that made your wife so mad
499
00:40:22,625 --> 00:40:24,874
that she'd take a job 300 miles away?
500
00:40:25,416 --> 00:40:27,790
l stayed at Smitty's
till 3:00 one morning.
501
00:40:27,915 --> 00:40:29,664
That doesn't seem so bad.
502
00:40:29,789 --> 00:40:31,830
With an old girlfriend.
503
00:40:32,996 --> 00:40:34,412
Here's the deal.
504
00:40:34,537 --> 00:40:38,369
lf I get Marjorie to come home,
you buy me a bus ticket to New York.
505
00:40:38,494 --> 00:40:41,159
lf you can get Marjorie
to come home for Christmas,
506
00:40:41,284 --> 00:40:43,325
l'll buy you a bus ticket
to the moon.
507
00:40:44,116 --> 00:40:45,116
All right.
508
00:40:50,006 --> 00:40:51,547
Looking good.
509
00:40:51,672 --> 00:40:54,712
l got kind of a weird call
from Jake while you were out.
510
00:40:54,837 --> 00:40:57,003
He didn't say where
he was calling from.
511
00:40:57,128 --> 00:40:59,169
l'm pretty sure he's on the road.
512
00:40:59,294 --> 00:41:00,877
l hope he's gonna make it.
513
00:41:01,002 --> 00:41:03,084
There is not an obstacle
in this world
514
00:41:03,209 --> 00:41:05,125
that will keep my son from this car.
515
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:07,665
My God, there's a scratch.
516
00:41:07,790 --> 00:41:08,790
Where?
517
00:41:08,915 --> 00:41:10,706
Get a life, Dad.
518
00:41:14,788 --> 00:41:16,329
See you.
519
00:41:22,993 --> 00:41:25,033
She's ready for you, son.
520
00:41:26,283 --> 00:41:28,407
Wherever you are.
521
00:41:35,987 --> 00:41:37,986
There she is, right there.
522
00:41:38,111 --> 00:41:41,193
Isn't she the most beautiful thing
you've ever seen?
523
00:41:41,318 --> 00:41:44,067
Yeah, no doubt.
What do you want me to tell her?
524
00:41:44,192 --> 00:41:46,733
That if she doesn't come home,
525
00:41:46,858 --> 00:41:48,274
l'll die.
526
00:41:48,399 --> 00:41:49,690
Good. Die.
527
00:41:49,815 --> 00:41:52,647
Now, don't you think
you're being a little bit harsh?
528
00:41:52,772 --> 00:41:56,146
Harsh? He kissed that tramp
in front of everybody at Smitty's.
529
00:41:58,020 --> 00:42:01,019
l'm sure it was a friendly kiss.
Brother-sister.
530
00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:03,393
There was tongue.
-There was not.
531
00:42:04,892 --> 00:42:06,558
There was too, you big pig.
532
00:42:06,683 --> 00:42:08,724
Everybody saw it.
533
00:42:08,849 --> 00:42:10,515
It wasn't me kissing her.
534
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,181
It was the J�germeister.
535
00:42:12,805 --> 00:42:14,596
We made a commitment, Max,
536
00:42:14,721 --> 00:42:17,095
to honour and obey
for better or for worse.
537
00:42:17,220 --> 00:42:19,261
OK, this is worse.
538
00:42:20,219 --> 00:42:22,260
He really burns my biscuits.
539
00:42:22,385 --> 00:42:24,217
Let me handle this one.
540
00:42:25,883 --> 00:42:28,507
Don't you think you should give Max
another chance?
541
00:42:28,632 --> 00:42:30,465
Maybe this is a misunderstanding.
542
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:33,047
He kissed her.
How do you misunderstand that?
543
00:42:33,172 --> 00:42:35,921
l'm sure
he didn't mean to hurt you.
544
00:42:36,046 --> 00:42:39,544
This other couple I know
were upset about a misunderstanding.
545
00:42:39,669 --> 00:42:42,668
What's wrong with them?
-They had a trip back east.
546
00:42:42,793 --> 00:42:46,958
He cancelled last minute. He wanted
to take her to Cabo San Lucas.
547
00:42:47,083 --> 00:42:50,290
She thought he was being selfish,
which was a misunderstanding.
548
00:42:50,415 --> 00:42:51,831
No, he sounds like a jerk.
549
00:42:51,956 --> 00:42:54,622
No, he's not.
lf she had understood,
550
00:42:54,747 --> 00:42:58,037
she would have realised he has
a stepmother he doesn't like.
551
00:42:58,162 --> 00:42:59,536
What's wrong with her?
552
00:42:59,661 --> 00:43:02,535
The dad married her
ten months after his wife died.
553
00:43:02,660 --> 00:43:04,701
She must be a babe.
554
00:43:04,826 --> 00:43:07,533
Why is he mad at the stepmother?
lt's not her fault.
555
00:43:07,658 --> 00:43:09,532
Isn't ten months a little soon?
556
00:43:09,657 --> 00:43:11,531
Not if she's a babe.
557
00:43:13,364 --> 00:43:15,571
What does this have to do
with me and Max?
558
00:43:16,029 --> 00:43:19,278
Misunderstandings can be overcome
if both people just try.
559
00:43:21,735 --> 00:43:24,068
Right now, Max has a broken heart.
560
00:43:24,193 --> 00:43:26,525
All he's asking for
is a second chance.
561
00:43:27,233 --> 00:43:28,858
Just give him another shot.
562
00:43:32,689 --> 00:43:34,522
How's about a top-up on this coffee?
563
00:43:36,063 --> 00:43:38,104
You know what, l've got a job to do.
564
00:43:44,684 --> 00:43:47,392
How did it go?
-You know what a swirly is?
565
00:43:47,517 --> 00:43:50,724
You mean when somebody jabs your head
in a toilet bowl?
566
00:43:50,848 --> 00:43:53,139
lt was pretty much like that.
567
00:43:53,264 --> 00:43:55,597
Get in there
and say something romantic.
568
00:43:56,846 --> 00:43:58,179
Something apologetic.
569
00:44:00,053 --> 00:44:01,469
Something in English.
570
00:44:03,052 --> 00:44:04,759
All right, already.
571
00:44:16,505 --> 00:44:18,545
l got an idea.
572
00:44:29,499 --> 00:44:33,664
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie
573
00:44:34,331 --> 00:44:39,828
� I need to have you home
574
00:44:41,536 --> 00:44:46,826
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, Marjorie
575
00:44:46,950 --> 00:44:52,615
� I need to have you home
576
00:44:53,781 --> 00:45:00,986
� l'm sorry I was just
an insensitive jerk that night
577
00:45:01,528 --> 00:45:09,483
� I hope that singing this song
will make everything all right
578
00:45:09,608 --> 00:45:11,899
You're not the only one.
579
00:45:12,023 --> 00:45:19,062
� Oh, Marjorie, oh, baby
580
00:45:19,187 --> 00:45:22,811
� Oh, baby, oh, baby
581
00:45:23,602 --> 00:45:33,598
� l'll make it up to you on the
velvet skirt of the Christmas tree
582
00:45:36,180 --> 00:45:44,593
� See you're my wife
l'd give my life
583
00:45:46,134 --> 00:45:57,546
� lf you'd just come home
584
00:45:57,671 --> 00:45:59,712
Now on your knees.
585
00:45:59,837 --> 00:46:01,711
� Now on your knees...
586
00:46:01,836 --> 00:46:03,627
Do it, don't sing it!
587
00:46:09,958 --> 00:46:12,998
l'm so sorry, baby.
Won't you please...
588
00:46:29,450 --> 00:46:32,657
Here's your ticket.
Your bus will be here in ten minutes.
589
00:46:40,779 --> 00:46:42,403
Well, see you.
590
00:46:43,153 --> 00:46:45,069
Hey, Santa.
-Yeah?
591
00:46:45,194 --> 00:46:47,651
l hope that other couple you know
592
00:46:47,776 --> 00:46:50,108
works through their
misunderstandings.
593
00:46:51,399 --> 00:46:52,857
Me too.
594
00:46:55,939 --> 00:46:57,980
What other couple?
595
00:46:58,105 --> 00:47:01,603
lt doesn't matter.
lt's just you and me, baby.
596
00:47:09,100 --> 00:47:11,100
You know what l've always wondered?
597
00:47:11,225 --> 00:47:12,807
What?
598
00:47:12,932 --> 00:47:15,140
Out of all the planets
in the universe,
599
00:47:15,265 --> 00:47:18,888
how is it that this is the only one
that spawned intelligent life?
600
00:47:20,262 --> 00:47:22,053
Yeah.
601
00:47:22,178 --> 00:47:24,094
You know what I always wonder about?
602
00:47:24,219 --> 00:47:25,260
What?
603
00:47:25,385 --> 00:47:28,634
How come more breakfast joints
don't serve you food in the skillet.
604
00:47:28,759 --> 00:47:30,467
Like Betty's.
605
00:47:30,592 --> 00:47:33,382
They give you your meat,
eggs, spuds in the pan.
606
00:47:33,507 --> 00:47:34,673
That rocks.
607
00:47:34,798 --> 00:47:37,380
Like when a homeless guy
says he's the messiah.
608
00:47:37,505 --> 00:47:40,004
Then he asks for money
and you want to walk away.
609
00:47:40,129 --> 00:47:43,128
Then you think to yourself,
what if he is the messiah
610
00:47:43,961 --> 00:47:46,252
and l'm just blowing the dude off?
611
00:47:47,210 --> 00:47:48,459
Think about it.
612
00:47:49,917 --> 00:47:53,041
l take back what I said
about intelligent life on earth.
613
00:47:56,206 --> 00:47:57,664
Hey, look at that.
614
00:47:59,788 --> 00:48:01,995
Velveeta! Come on, now.
615
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,411
That's why we have to stay there.
616
00:48:04,536 --> 00:48:07,785
Come on, where would you rather go?
Another dumpy motel
617
00:48:07,910 --> 00:48:10,700
or a fake Bavarian village
in the middle of nowhere?
618
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:13,241
l don't think it's Eddie.
619
00:48:14,074 --> 00:48:15,531
l think it's totally Eddie.
620
00:48:15,656 --> 00:48:18,239
lt's completely cheesy
and trying to be cool.
621
00:48:19,571 --> 00:48:21,904
When will you stop
being mean to the Ed Man?
622
00:48:22,362 --> 00:48:25,277
When you stop referring to yourself
in the third person.
623
00:48:39,147 --> 00:48:41,188
Maybe I should just go with it.
624
00:48:53,308 --> 00:48:55,473
Check this out.
Tell me what's better.
625
00:48:56,223 --> 00:48:58,139
Merry Christmas.
626
00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:09,426
Well, the first one's good
for really little kids,
627
00:49:09,551 --> 00:49:11,467
like my sister, who's three.
628
00:49:12,217 --> 00:49:15,507
The second one's good for big kids
like my friends and me.
629
00:49:15,632 --> 00:49:18,381
The third one's good
if you want to scare people
630
00:49:18,506 --> 00:49:20,546
and watch them run away screaming.
631
00:49:21,838 --> 00:49:24,628
OK, cool, thanks.
-Whatever.
632
00:49:27,877 --> 00:49:29,918
...New York, New York due in...
633
00:49:53,866 --> 00:49:55,116
Look at that.
634
00:49:55,241 --> 00:49:57,948
The clock man
is sexually harassing the clock lady.
635
00:49:58,073 --> 00:49:59,614
How typical.
636
00:49:59,739 --> 00:50:02,154
Don't witness it.
You might have to testify.
637
00:50:04,029 --> 00:50:06,361
Wow, Eddie, that was actually clever.
638
00:50:06,944 --> 00:50:08,568
l'm a witty guy.
639
00:50:08,693 --> 00:50:13,191
You think this astonishing physique
is all the Ed Man has to offer?
640
00:50:13,316 --> 00:50:15,649
Well, take this, Ed Man.
641
00:50:17,065 --> 00:50:20,189
Oh, my God, you're so dead.
You're gonna get it so bad.
642
00:50:25,270 --> 00:50:28,060
Wendy Richards
reporting from Edelbr�ck, Iowa,
643
00:50:28,185 --> 00:50:30,768
site of the world-famous human clock.
644
00:50:31,559 --> 00:50:34,349
The temperature outside
stands at 31 degrees
645
00:50:34,474 --> 00:50:38,514
but the temperature is always warmer
underneath the mistletoe arch.
646
00:50:38,639 --> 00:50:42,055
Here's a couple now.
You kids know where you're standing?
647
00:50:48,385 --> 00:50:50,385
l'll kill him.
-Your attention, please.
648
00:50:50,509 --> 00:50:53,592
The bus to New York is now boarding.
All passengers...
649
00:51:00,006 --> 00:51:02,296
l think you just stopped being mean
to me.
650
00:51:17,575 --> 00:51:20,366
Excuse me. Conway?
-Get behind the yellow line.
651
00:51:20,491 --> 00:51:23,615
Just a second. I need a favour.
-Behind the yellow line!
652
00:51:23,739 --> 00:51:26,572
l realise you're on a schedule,
it being the holidays.
653
00:51:26,697 --> 00:51:28,654
Would you take a detour to Edelbr�ck?
654
00:51:28,779 --> 00:51:30,945
l think everyone would enjoy it.
655
00:51:31,070 --> 00:51:32,861
But I wouldn't.
656
00:51:32,986 --> 00:51:35,027
What if we...?
-No.
657
00:51:35,776 --> 00:51:37,484
No, got it.
658
00:51:42,398 --> 00:51:45,522
That is very good. Look at that.
659
00:52:03,015 --> 00:52:07,263
Sorry we only had one room left
tonight, it being Christmas.
660
00:52:07,388 --> 00:52:09,637
You'll find that it's very special.
661
00:52:12,553 --> 00:52:15,052
Wilkommen to your honeymoon suite.
662
00:52:36,418 --> 00:52:38,209
Is this yours?
663
00:52:39,042 --> 00:52:41,041
No. Not yours either?
664
00:52:41,999 --> 00:52:44,040
Then whose is it?
665
00:52:45,164 --> 00:52:46,705
Human liver?
666
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:51,953
Organ donation?
My God, we've got a live liver here.
667
00:52:52,078 --> 00:52:54,827
Deliver to Allie Henderson in
Edelbr�ck ASAP.
668
00:52:54,952 --> 00:52:56,701
Think it's real?
-Take a look.
669
00:52:58,784 --> 00:53:01,241
We need to get to Edelbr�ck.
670
00:53:01,366 --> 00:53:03,115
OK, everybody sit down.
671
00:53:04,615 --> 00:53:06,364
What is wrong with you?
672
00:53:06,489 --> 00:53:09,030
Behind the yellow line.
-Don't give me your lip.
673
00:53:09,155 --> 00:53:13,986
l don't believe you. A girl in
Edelbr�ck needs a liver transplant.
674
00:53:14,111 --> 00:53:15,569
We got a schedule to keep.
675
00:53:15,694 --> 00:53:17,693
Schedule schmedule.
-Shame on you.
676
00:53:17,818 --> 00:53:20,025
This isn't about schedules, man.
677
00:53:20,150 --> 00:53:23,399
lt's the gift of life,
the greatest Christmas gift ever.
678
00:53:23,524 --> 00:53:25,898
We even have Santa
to bring it to her.
679
00:53:26,023 --> 00:53:27,855
This is a non-stop bus to New York.
680
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:29,563
This is happening for a reason.
681
00:53:29,688 --> 00:53:32,978
We were put on this bus
to take this organ to Edelbr�ck.
682
00:53:38,976 --> 00:53:42,224
You think I don't care
about that little girl? You're wrong.
683
00:53:42,349 --> 00:53:45,140
We're going to Edelbr�ck
but because I say we are.
684
00:53:48,430 --> 00:53:51,346
Everybody, behind the yellow line
and sit down.
685
00:53:57,301 --> 00:53:59,009
lt's funny, Eddie.
686
00:53:59,134 --> 00:54:02,049
l never thought l'd end up
in the same bed with you.
687
00:54:02,174 --> 00:54:04,673
Yet, somehow with you here,
l feel safe.
688
00:54:06,339 --> 00:54:08,505
Want me to put on any more clothes?
689
00:54:08,630 --> 00:54:10,421
No, that should be fine.
690
00:54:23,291 --> 00:54:25,165
l'm giving you ten minutes.
691
00:54:25,290 --> 00:54:27,914
You find that girl, Santa!
692
00:54:28,039 --> 00:54:30,080
Go, Santa!
693
00:54:30,954 --> 00:54:32,620
Everybody, sit down.
694
00:54:47,822 --> 00:54:50,946
Can you tell me
if there is an Allie Henderson here?
695
00:54:51,071 --> 00:54:54,445
Sorry, Santa, l'm not allowed
to give out information on guests.
696
00:54:54,570 --> 00:54:57,110
Listen, I have a full plate
of activities tonight,
697
00:54:57,235 --> 00:54:59,486
not to mention a pesky grinch
who was kidnapped Mrs Claus,
698
00:54:59,674 --> 00:55:01,076
in attempt to make
my life miserable.
699
00:55:01,297 --> 00:55:03,566
l'm sorry, Santa, but that's policy.
700
00:55:04,024 --> 00:55:07,689
Policy? Policy does not apply to me.
l override policy.
701
00:55:07,814 --> 00:55:09,980
l want to know
where my girlfriend is.
702
00:55:57,086 --> 00:55:58,085
Maintenance.
703
00:56:02,375 --> 00:56:04,291
Where is he?
704
00:56:04,999 --> 00:56:07,040
What are you doing here?
705
00:56:07,165 --> 00:56:09,039
Why are you dressed like Santa Claus?
706
00:56:09,164 --> 00:56:10,663
l had to hijack a bus.
707
00:56:10,788 --> 00:56:13,787
Eddie and his buddies
left me in the desert like this.
708
00:56:14,453 --> 00:56:16,703
Desert, Santa, buzzard, tumbleweed.
709
00:56:16,827 --> 00:56:19,493
What gives with you
kissing that slimy moron?
710
00:56:19,618 --> 00:56:22,575
lt's not what you think.
-What are you doing here?
711
00:56:22,700 --> 00:56:25,949
This lovenest is full.
-Calm down, nothing happened.
712
00:56:26,074 --> 00:56:27,948
Whoa, where's the trust, man?
713
00:56:28,073 --> 00:56:30,738
l saw you kissing her on TV,
you dirtbag.
714
00:56:30,863 --> 00:56:33,820
He got me under the mistletoe
for two seconds, big deal.
715
00:56:33,945 --> 00:56:35,986
lt was more like five seconds.
716
00:56:36,569 --> 00:56:38,319
And they were good.
717
00:56:40,443 --> 00:56:42,484
Foul. Fighting foul.
718
00:56:45,108 --> 00:56:47,398
How could you let that idiot
give you a ride?
719
00:56:47,523 --> 00:56:49,272
l thought you left me high and dry.
720
00:56:49,397 --> 00:56:52,063
What was I supposed to do?
Beam myself home.
721
00:56:52,188 --> 00:56:54,645
l was stuck in the desert.
l couldn't get to you.
722
00:56:54,770 --> 00:56:56,270
l had no choice.
723
00:56:58,894 --> 00:57:00,934
OK, I forgive you.
724
00:57:07,348 --> 00:57:09,389
So, are you still mad at me?
725
00:57:10,389 --> 00:57:13,013
Yo, if anyone should be mad here,
it should be me.
726
00:57:13,138 --> 00:57:16,303
l had to listen to Natalie Merchant
and Easy Cummings.
727
00:57:16,428 --> 00:57:17,553
EE Cummings.
728
00:57:17,677 --> 00:57:20,052
l've been stuck in a Santa suit
for two days
729
00:57:20,176 --> 00:57:23,592
fighting off buzzards, dentures
and thugs in lederhosen.
730
00:57:23,717 --> 00:57:25,508
l'm tired, l'm hungry, I stink.
731
00:57:25,633 --> 00:57:29,381
Because of you, l'm not going
to be home by 6:00 tonight.
732
00:57:29,506 --> 00:57:32,130
Why do you have to be home by 6:00?
733
00:57:32,255 --> 00:57:33,671
What's that?
734
00:57:34,254 --> 00:57:36,961
You heard.
Why do you have to be home by 6:00?
735
00:57:39,044 --> 00:57:41,418
Because that's when dinner
will be ready?
736
00:57:42,875 --> 00:57:45,541
lf you had even one decent chromosome
in your DNA,
737
00:57:45,666 --> 00:57:47,290
you will not lie to me.
738
00:57:47,832 --> 00:57:49,165
All right.
739
00:57:51,664 --> 00:57:54,038
lt's just that, if I get home by then
740
00:57:54,912 --> 00:57:56,786
my dad's gonna give me the Porsche.
741
00:58:00,202 --> 00:58:01,368
Wait.
742
00:58:01,493 --> 00:58:04,283
So you didn't trade Cabo for me,
you traded it for a car.
743
00:58:04,408 --> 00:58:06,949
lt's not like that.
-You deserve each other.
744
00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:12,863
Allie, wait.
745
00:58:12,988 --> 00:58:15,029
Will you stop and listen to me?
746
00:58:15,154 --> 00:58:19,360
lf I had to do it all over again,
l probably wouldn't mention the car.
747
00:58:20,777 --> 00:58:22,109
What? I was kidding.
748
00:58:22,234 --> 00:58:24,067
You don't care about anybody.
749
00:58:24,192 --> 00:58:26,024
You're a manipulator and a liar.
750
00:58:26,149 --> 00:58:28,565
I am not a liar.
-Wait a minute.
751
00:58:28,690 --> 00:58:30,689
You're the transplant girl?
752
00:58:30,814 --> 00:58:32,688
Is that what Santa told you?
753
00:58:35,062 --> 00:58:36,104
Right.
754
00:58:36,229 --> 00:58:39,644
l'm taking his place on the bus.
-Give me another chance.
755
00:58:40,394 --> 00:58:43,351
Why?
-Because I care about you.
756
00:58:43,476 --> 00:58:44,808
You gotta believe me.
757
00:58:45,558 --> 00:58:48,140
lf you showed up
in a one-horse open sleigh,
758
00:58:48,265 --> 00:58:49,890
l wouldn't believe you.
759
00:58:50,015 --> 00:58:51,847
l'm sorry.
760
00:58:51,972 --> 00:58:53,638
l can't take fake remorse
761
00:58:53,763 --> 00:58:56,554
from a fake Santa
making fake apologies.
762
00:58:56,678 --> 00:58:58,511
You might be a fake boyfriend.
763
00:58:58,636 --> 00:59:00,885
l tell you,
you're a genuine butthole.
764
00:59:26,666 --> 00:59:28,291
� I got rolled
765
00:59:28,415 --> 00:59:31,206
� The one I love is gone
766
00:59:31,331 --> 00:59:32,955
� I got rolled...
767
00:59:34,580 --> 00:59:37,453
Man, l've seen guys get dumped
but that was nuclear.
768
00:59:37,578 --> 00:59:40,952
She wasn't even aiming at me
and l'll be walking funny for a week.
769
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:42,826
How do girls do that?
770
00:59:42,951 --> 00:59:46,325
lts like that whole chick
verbal skills thing. It's deadly.
771
00:59:47,283 --> 00:59:49,324
Man, I gotta tell you, bro,
772
00:59:49,448 --> 00:59:51,698
l would never have thought
l'd help you out.
773
00:59:51,823 --> 00:59:54,738
After that massacre,
l just wouldn't be human.
774
00:59:54,863 --> 00:59:57,279
God, I never thought
l'd drive home with you.
775
00:59:57,404 --> 00:59:59,319
lt's pretty wild.
-Sure is.
776
00:59:59,444 --> 01:00:01,818
All right, I get back in time
to get the Porsche.
777
01:00:01,943 --> 01:00:03,318
l drive it back in January.
778
01:00:03,443 --> 01:00:06,858
Figure out how to get Allie back.
Everything will be great.
779
01:00:06,983 --> 01:00:09,107
Thanks, Ed Man.
780
01:00:09,649 --> 01:00:11,398
Sure.
781
01:00:16,604 --> 01:00:18,062
Get out.
-What?
782
01:00:19,061 --> 01:00:20,477
All that stuff.
783
01:00:20,602 --> 01:00:24,767
Sorry, man, I just can't do that much
good stuff for another person.
784
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:26,975
lt'd be bad for my rep.
785
01:00:27,100 --> 01:00:28,807
What are you talking about?
786
01:00:28,932 --> 01:00:32,264
What about that stuff you said
about being human?
787
01:00:32,389 --> 01:00:34,138
l just took you to Wisconsin.
788
01:00:34,888 --> 01:00:36,929
Besides, what am I doing
helping you out
789
01:00:37,054 --> 01:00:40,053
so you can get a Porsche
and be cooler than me?
790
01:00:40,178 --> 01:00:41,885
Not very smart.
791
01:00:42,010 --> 01:00:43,468
Not very Eddie.
792
01:00:49,007 --> 01:00:50,923
You're gonna have to take that off.
793
01:00:51,048 --> 01:00:53,089
Yeah, I know that.
794
01:01:04,334 --> 01:01:07,333
Father Christmas, just tell me
what you want from me.
795
01:01:21,150 --> 01:01:22,525
Better hurry.
796
01:01:50,513 --> 01:01:52,221
lt's called carbo-loading.
797
01:01:52,346 --> 01:01:54,845
Best thing you can do
before a race like this.
798
01:01:55,928 --> 01:01:57,302
Hi, l'd like a number, please.
799
01:01:57,427 --> 01:01:59,801
OK, that'll be a $10 entrance fee.
800
01:01:59,926 --> 01:02:01,634
You know, I mailed that in.
801
01:02:01,758 --> 01:02:04,008
Oh, OK, so we sent you a receipt.
802
01:02:05,049 --> 01:02:08,089
Yes, you did, but, you see,
here's the dilly.
803
01:02:08,214 --> 01:02:10,796
There was a house fire.
Everything got torched.
804
01:02:10,921 --> 01:02:13,504
Personal papers.
-Excuse me.
805
01:02:13,629 --> 01:02:16,211
The clay handprint ashtray
l made at three.
806
01:02:16,336 --> 01:02:19,709
Tragic tale. l'll cover the kid.
807
01:02:20,584 --> 01:02:22,458
Thanks. Jake Wilkinson.
808
01:02:22,583 --> 01:02:23,999
Jeff Wilson.
809
01:02:24,707 --> 01:02:26,082
Your hat and beard.
810
01:02:26,207 --> 01:02:29,289
You've got to have them on
when you cross the finish line.
811
01:02:29,705 --> 01:02:31,746
Here we go again.
812
01:02:34,870 --> 01:02:36,869
Can anyone in this race actually run?
813
01:02:37,286 --> 01:02:40,368
Sparky Fanoloni won the state
marathon ten years ago.
814
01:02:40,493 --> 01:02:43,783
That was before the two-pack-a-day
habit and the lung removal.
815
01:02:45,865 --> 01:02:48,114
This guy will give us a run
for his money.
816
01:02:49,031 --> 01:02:51,571
Kenyan?
-Yes.
817
01:02:51,696 --> 01:02:53,987
All Santas to the starting line.
818
01:02:58,319 --> 01:03:00,693
See you at the finish line.
819
01:03:00,818 --> 01:03:02,900
Go, Santas, go!
820
01:03:07,731 --> 01:03:09,772
Santas, to your marks.
821
01:03:13,063 --> 01:03:15,103
On your marks.
822
01:03:16,186 --> 01:03:18,227
Get set.
823
01:03:59,585 --> 01:04:00,876
Hey, Jingleballs.
824
01:04:01,001 --> 01:04:03,250
Move your candy canes.
825
01:04:20,202 --> 01:04:22,242
Come on, guys, keep going.
826
01:04:22,784 --> 01:04:24,200
Want a cookie?
827
01:04:56,562 --> 01:04:57,728
That's the end of that.
828
01:05:02,309 --> 01:05:03,850
Or not.
829
01:05:06,974 --> 01:05:08,723
Looks like it's you and me now.
830
01:05:08,848 --> 01:05:11,847
Ready to run for it?
-I was born ready.
831
01:05:27,174 --> 01:05:29,132
Your hat!
832
01:06:10,781 --> 01:06:12,822
Congratulations.
833
01:06:27,691 --> 01:06:31,148
Jake, thank God.
They're gonna try to arrest me.
834
01:06:31,273 --> 01:06:33,439
Come down and meet me
at the station.
835
01:06:34,646 --> 01:06:36,396
Taxi.
836
01:06:38,187 --> 01:06:40,227
Santa says, take me to the airport.
837
01:06:56,304 --> 01:06:57,429
Hey, there.
838
01:06:58,137 --> 01:07:01,260
Hey, you're the kid who beat
Mayor Wilson in the Santa 5K.
839
01:07:01,385 --> 01:07:03,759
Yep, that's me.
840
01:07:03,884 --> 01:07:06,300
Wait a minute. Mayor Wilson?
-You didn't know?
841
01:07:06,425 --> 01:07:09,799
He wins every year. A lot of us folks
wish he'd won this year too.
842
01:07:09,924 --> 01:07:11,423
He seemed a good guy.
843
01:07:11,548 --> 01:07:13,422
Keeps the potholes filled?
844
01:07:14,505 --> 01:07:17,046
He also donates his entire winnings
every year
845
01:07:17,171 --> 01:07:20,211
to buy turkeys
for people who can't afford them.
846
01:07:22,502 --> 01:07:24,334
He had to be the man.
847
01:07:28,374 --> 01:07:30,415
Can you turn around, please?
848
01:07:37,954 --> 01:07:39,995
l'll be right back.
849
01:08:04,568 --> 01:08:06,900
When did Santa start
using the mailbox?
850
01:08:07,025 --> 01:08:09,649
Didn't you hear
about the new exchange program?
851
01:08:09,774 --> 01:08:12,231
The postman will come down
your chimney later.
852
01:08:13,148 --> 01:08:15,480
You got someplace to go?
853
01:08:15,605 --> 01:08:17,646
Yeah, it's Christmas Eve.
Who doesn't?
854
01:08:19,812 --> 01:08:21,852
l could set a place for you.
855
01:08:23,310 --> 01:08:25,351
No, thanks. l'll be fine.
856
01:08:29,641 --> 01:08:32,390
Merry Christmas.
-You too.
857
01:08:51,090 --> 01:08:53,673
Yes, operator,
it's collect from Jake.
858
01:08:55,297 --> 01:08:57,130
Tracey, accept the... Thank you.
859
01:08:57,671 --> 01:09:00,462
My, dear brother,
you are sounding slightly stressed.
860
01:09:00,586 --> 01:09:02,627
Is it the bumblebees again?
861
01:09:02,752 --> 01:09:05,876
Tracey, l'm not going make it home.
l want you to tell Dad.
862
01:09:06,001 --> 01:09:08,500
What do you mean
you're not going to make it home?
863
01:09:08,625 --> 01:09:10,624
Is this about Carolyn?
-No.
864
01:09:10,749 --> 01:09:14,539
lt's about being stuck in the middle
of nowhere with no money.
865
01:09:14,664 --> 01:09:16,955
At the rate l'm going,
l'll show up in January.
866
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:19,495
Merry Christmas,
Happy New Year, see you.
867
01:09:19,620 --> 01:09:21,661
Wait. What about the Porsche?
868
01:09:22,702 --> 01:09:26,409
What about it?
-You really must be in trouble.
869
01:09:27,492 --> 01:09:29,366
Would you fly home now if you could?
870
01:09:29,908 --> 01:09:31,157
Like, yeah.
871
01:09:31,282 --> 01:09:35,239
l've got four years of birthday money
upstairs in my ballerina bag.
872
01:09:35,364 --> 01:09:38,571
lf I went to a ticket agent now
and bought you a ticket home,
873
01:09:38,696 --> 01:09:40,612
you'd make it in time for Christmas?
874
01:09:40,737 --> 01:09:42,278
You'd do that for me?
875
01:09:42,736 --> 01:09:43,735
No.
876
01:09:43,860 --> 01:09:45,401
l'd do it for Dad.
877
01:09:45,526 --> 01:09:47,401
Plus, think of the pleasure l'll have
878
01:09:47,526 --> 01:09:50,274
holding this over your head
for the rest of our lives.
879
01:09:50,899 --> 01:09:52,232
OK, whatever you want.
880
01:09:52,357 --> 01:09:56,064
l'm near Madison, Wisconsin.
l'll hitch a ride to the airport.
881
01:09:56,189 --> 01:09:58,854
Wait, I don't have lD.
How will I pick up the ticket?
882
01:10:00,229 --> 01:10:04,227
l know. l'll make up a secret
password that only you would know.
883
01:10:04,727 --> 01:10:06,018
Great, what?
884
01:10:06,143 --> 01:10:10,849
l am a smelly and revolting jerk
who doesn't deserve to live.
885
01:10:10,974 --> 01:10:13,515
Bingo. Wilkinson, Jake.
886
01:10:14,306 --> 01:10:17,180
lt's an unusual password.
-Unusual everything.
887
01:10:17,305 --> 01:10:19,554
What time's the flight leave?
-20 minutes.
888
01:10:19,679 --> 01:10:22,594
l'll need a picture lD.
-I just gave you my password.
889
01:10:23,053 --> 01:10:26,218
Right, but I can't let you on the
plane without proper lD.
890
01:10:26,343 --> 01:10:28,217
What was the point of my password?
891
01:10:28,342 --> 01:10:31,966
I don't make the rules, it's...
-Policy, I know.
892
01:10:32,091 --> 01:10:33,715
Thank you.
893
01:10:35,048 --> 01:10:37,047
Next.
894
01:11:03,536 --> 01:11:06,701
Good Ringo.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
895
01:11:10,658 --> 01:11:12,699
Bad Ringo.
896
01:11:22,112 --> 01:11:23,736
Hey, a dog.
897
01:11:49,392 --> 01:11:51,725
Excuse me.
898
01:12:01,179 --> 01:12:03,511
Merry Christmas, Santa. Got a ticket?
899
01:12:03,636 --> 01:12:05,094
No.
900
01:12:07,885 --> 01:12:09,259
This is Pelham.
901
01:12:09,384 --> 01:12:12,466
Next stop, New Rochelle,
followed by Larchmont...
902
01:12:23,045 --> 01:12:25,544
Even a bribe couldn't get him home.
903
01:12:27,168 --> 01:12:28,918
He still has 15 minutes.
904
01:12:38,372 --> 01:12:41,579
Lady, give me a ride? Please?
905
01:12:44,161 --> 01:12:46,202
Give Santa a ride?
906
01:12:47,785 --> 01:12:49,826
Will anybody take me to Larchmont?
907
01:13:08,193 --> 01:13:09,817
Hi, Santa Claus.
908
01:13:20,563 --> 01:13:23,354
Wait, don't turn left.
909
01:13:25,020 --> 01:13:27,060
Don't turn. Go straight.
910
01:13:56,423 --> 01:13:59,089
The package people,
do not unwrap yourselves.
911
01:13:59,922 --> 01:14:02,213
l repeat, do not unwrap yourselves.
912
01:14:02,754 --> 01:14:05,128
You unwrap yourself,
you are out of my parade.
913
01:14:05,253 --> 01:14:07,294
Do I make myself clear?
914
01:14:18,102 --> 01:14:21,059
All right.
-What do you think you're doing?
915
01:14:21,184 --> 01:14:22,600
Buddy.
916
01:14:27,515 --> 01:14:29,889
l could have sworn
l parked that sleigh here.
917
01:14:38,677 --> 01:14:42,384
� All is calm
918
01:14:42,509 --> 01:14:46,507
� All is right
919
01:14:46,632 --> 01:14:53,088
� Round yon Virgin,
Mother and Child...
920
01:14:55,545 --> 01:14:57,086
Sorry.
921
01:15:05,083 --> 01:15:07,124
Come on, Jake. You can make it.
922
01:15:47,857 --> 01:15:49,148
Nice ride.
923
01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:51,022
Thanks.
924
01:15:51,147 --> 01:15:53,188
Just got him back from the shop.
925
01:15:53,313 --> 01:15:56,437
The elves upgraded his shoes
to the new Firestone radials.
926
01:15:58,061 --> 01:15:59,519
Not bad.
927
01:15:59,644 --> 01:16:02,351
Maybe you should have thought
about snow tyres.
928
01:16:05,183 --> 01:16:08,765
You said even if Santa showed up
in a one-horse open sleigh,
929
01:16:08,890 --> 01:16:11,639
you still wouldn't believe
that I cared about you.
930
01:16:13,138 --> 01:16:15,179
So I don't expect this to work.
931
01:16:17,012 --> 01:16:19,052
But I gotta give it a shot.
932
01:16:19,177 --> 01:16:21,218
You know, l'm not the real Santa.
933
01:16:21,801 --> 01:16:24,925
Contrary to all appearances,
this is not a real sleigh.
934
01:16:28,132 --> 01:16:31,339
But, Allie, for all the times
l've been a genuine jerk...
935
01:16:33,546 --> 01:16:35,587
this is a real apology.
936
01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:38,961
lf you'll accept it.
937
01:16:40,877 --> 01:16:42,293
l might.
938
01:16:45,708 --> 01:16:47,374
And this...
939
01:16:48,915 --> 01:16:50,956
is a real kiss.
940
01:17:10,115 --> 01:17:12,614
Come with me to my house.
l have two minutes.
941
01:17:12,739 --> 01:17:14,738
This isn't about the Porsche?
-Come on.
942
01:17:14,863 --> 01:17:17,320
I don't want...
-Trust me.
943
01:17:17,903 --> 01:17:21,777
� Shepherds quake
944
01:17:21,902 --> 01:17:23,484
� At the...
945
01:17:39,394 --> 01:17:41,435
Let's eat.
946
01:17:54,138 --> 01:17:56,179
What time is it?
947
01:17:56,721 --> 01:17:58,637
lt's 5:59.
948
01:17:58,761 --> 01:18:00,761
You made it.
949
01:18:00,886 --> 01:18:03,301
Yeah, I guess I did.
950
01:18:03,426 --> 01:18:05,467
Tell me when it's after 6:00, OK?
951
01:18:06,467 --> 01:18:08,383
What do you mean,
aren't you going in?
952
01:18:08,507 --> 01:18:10,465
No, not yet.
953
01:18:11,340 --> 01:18:13,380
But I thought...
954
01:18:13,505 --> 01:18:16,546
Just watch.
-Watch what?
955
01:18:18,462 --> 01:18:20,003
My family.
956
01:18:42,535 --> 01:18:45,326
l guess it's about time
l went home for Christmas.
957
01:18:45,451 --> 01:18:47,075
Care to join me?
958
01:18:47,533 --> 01:18:49,574
You bet.
959
01:18:58,404 --> 01:19:00,653
Hey, everybody! Merry Christmas.
960
01:19:02,694 --> 01:19:04,068
He made it.
961
01:19:07,983 --> 01:19:09,441
You made it.
962
01:19:10,357 --> 01:19:12,106
l'm glad you're here.
-Me too.
963
01:19:12,856 --> 01:19:15,022
Hard time getting here?
-Piece of cake.
964
01:19:17,104 --> 01:19:19,936
What's with the Santa suit?
-Long story.
965
01:19:23,143 --> 01:19:24,934
You stink.
966
01:19:25,059 --> 01:19:27,308
Farting dog, cargo hold,
longer story.
967
01:19:28,058 --> 01:19:30,349
Son...
968
01:19:30,474 --> 01:19:32,223
She's yours.
969
01:19:32,348 --> 01:19:34,264
But I didn't make it home on time.
970
01:19:34,389 --> 01:19:35,847
You were seconds late.
971
01:19:35,972 --> 01:19:38,970
A deal's a deal.
Besides, she isn't ready yet.
972
01:19:40,053 --> 01:19:41,428
What do you mean?
973
01:19:41,553 --> 01:19:44,301
We're not really finished fixing her
up yet, are we?
974
01:19:44,426 --> 01:19:47,883
l'm sure it'll take a bunch more
Christmases to get the work done.
975
01:19:49,091 --> 01:19:50,924
Don't you think?
976
01:19:52,173 --> 01:19:54,381
30 or 40 at least.
977
01:19:55,797 --> 01:19:56,838
36.
978
01:19:58,171 --> 01:20:01,003
Excuse me?
-My sweater size. l'm a 36.
979
01:20:01,128 --> 01:20:02,960
Or a medium. Either will work.
980
01:20:05,653 --> 01:20:07,985
What's yours?
981
01:20:08,110 --> 01:20:11,859
Mine?
-Yeah, for future information.
982
01:20:14,608 --> 01:20:15,649
Eight.
983
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:20,230
l'll remember that.
984
01:20:21,938 --> 01:20:23,396
What is that?
985
01:20:23,521 --> 01:20:25,145
That would be my parade.
986
01:20:25,270 --> 01:20:27,311
Your parade?
-Excuse me?
987
01:20:38,431 --> 01:20:40,472
Wait a minute, that's our sleigh.
988
01:20:41,846 --> 01:20:44,887
That's the guy. Come on.
989
01:20:46,011 --> 01:20:48,052
Let's get him.
990
01:20:49,468 --> 01:20:51,717
Buddy, you stole our sleigh.
991
01:20:52,634 --> 01:20:54,799
You're lucky you're wearing
that suit.
992
01:20:56,590 --> 01:20:59,256
A few days ago,
l might not have agreed with you.
993
01:20:59,756 --> 01:21:01,338
Nice wings.
994
01:21:01,463 --> 01:21:02,630
Thanks.
995
01:21:03,296 --> 01:21:05,795
I took a sewing class.
- lt shows.
996
01:21:06,420 --> 01:21:07,628
Peace.
997
01:21:09,502 --> 01:21:11,251
Santa, give me a ride home.
998
01:21:11,376 --> 01:21:12,792
Let's all go for a ride.
999
01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:16,499
l love it. l've never been
in a sleigh before.
1000
01:21:21,955 --> 01:21:23,996
Make this buggy rip, bro.
74179
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
