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1
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,111
Oh, yes, that's funny.
2
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,156
Oh, that was so funny.
I like that one.
3
00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:32,033
Henry. Henry Phillips.
4
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,910
Hey, John, man,
I'm a huge fan.
5
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:35,328
Oh, thanks.
These are my friends.
6
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,913
We're all gonna see
your show tonight.
7
00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,390
Hey, how's it going?
Thanks for coming.
8
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:40,294
We drove all the way from
Greensboro to see you.
9
00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:41,626
Oh, wow.
We reserved the table.
10
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,878
I called ahead. We got
a table front row and center.
11
00:00:43,962 --> 00:00:45,922
I was like, "We wanna
be right up front
12
00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:47,006
to see Henry Phillips.
13
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,609
That's really cool.
Thanks, thanks so much.
14
00:00:48,633 --> 00:00:51,469
Please tell me you're
gonna sing the bitch song.
15
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:54,180
Uh, you know what, that one
hasn't really grown on me.
16
00:00:54,264 --> 00:00:55,984
So, I don't think
I'm gonna play it tonight.
17
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:57,141
Come on, man.
18
00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:00,353
Oh shit.
19
00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:02,897
Are you okay, man?
Oh, shit.
20
00:01:02,981 --> 00:01:04,148
Oh, shit.
21
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,900
Oh, my God, you're bleeding.
22
00:01:05,984 --> 00:01:08,069
What the hell.
We have to go to the hospital.
23
00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,445
God.
Oh, my God.
24
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:11,614
- Oh, no.
- Tilt your head back.
25
00:01:11,698 --> 00:01:13,825
Yeah. It's like
your nose is broken.
26
00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,660
Are you okay?
Are you guys... are you...
27
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,871
So, we're going to the
fucking hospital?
28
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:20,081
I hope it gets better, man.
29
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,666
We drove all the way
from Greensboro.
30
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,836
I'm sorry, Henry.
31
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:32,010
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
32
00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:35,805
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
33
00:01:36,723 --> 00:01:39,267
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
34
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:43,062
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
35
00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:46,204
This is Sharon Levine
and you're listening
36
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:49,360
to Mouth Fuck and I'm here
with comedian Henry Phillips.
37
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:53,406
You call yourself a rambling
troubadour extraordinaire.
38
00:01:53,489 --> 00:01:54,198
What's that?
39
00:01:54,282 --> 00:01:56,576
Uh, yeah, that's...
my manager says that.
40
00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:58,369
I don't even know
what that means exactly.
41
00:01:58,453 --> 00:02:01,873
I mean I'm a troubadour
and that... l guess
42
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,583
I play music and I travel,
43
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:04,792
so that's the rambling part.
44
00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:06,294
I don't know
about extraordinaire.
45
00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:08,480
Extraordinaire, that seems
like it might be subjective.
46
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:09,964
- Yeah.
- It's like calling
47
00:02:10,048 --> 00:02:11,633
yourself the king of pop
or something.
48
00:02:11,716 --> 00:02:13,635
Well, for a while there
I was calling myself
49
00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:16,387
the king of hit-and-miss
comedy folk music
50
00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:17,722
at shitty one-night bar gigs,
51
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,892
but apparently I'm not
the first to own that one.
52
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,477
You got to Google that stuff
53
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,770
to make sure it's not taken.
54
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:26,356
- That's true.
- My trick.
55
00:02:26,439 --> 00:02:27,607
Gonna do a song for you now,
56
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:31,069
um, that I wanna dedicate
to anybody out there
57
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:35,073
in this room,
and I hope you enjoy it.
58
00:02:41,663 --> 00:02:42,663
Sorry.
59
00:02:49,712 --> 00:02:51,255
Shit.
60
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:56,219
♪ Don't you wish they just
had some kind of pill that
you could just take? ♪
61
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:59,206
♪ And you could instantly be
able to be one of these guys ♪
62
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:02,642
♪ Who just kicks ass
on the fucking guitar? ♪
63
00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:07,146
♪ Just like Eddie Van Halen
or Stevie Ray Vaughan ♪
64
00:03:07,605 --> 00:03:09,605
♪ You wouldn't have to practice
all the damn time ♪
65
00:03:09,691 --> 00:03:11,192
♪ You just take
one of these pills ♪
66
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,035
♪ And play like that guy
for, like, an hour ♪
67
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:16,298
♪ Like, let's say
you're at a party
and it's late at night ♪
68
00:03:16,322 --> 00:03:18,242
♪ You wanna impress
some hot chick at the party ♪
69
00:03:18,825 --> 00:03:20,743
♪ Or maybe later on
in the relationship ♪
70
00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:24,348
♪ You gotta impress the parents
'cause they didn't think you had
any other redeeming qualities I'
71
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,892
♪ And they thought
you drank too much ♪
72
00:03:25,957 --> 00:03:26,958
♪ And just overall ♪
73
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,877
♪ They just thought
you were kind of a douchebag ♪
74
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:31,521
Ma'am, you can't use
your phone in here.
75
00:03:31,587 --> 00:03:35,007
♪ And you wouldn't
have to worry about all
the paying dues for years I'
76
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:36,843
♪ And the suffering
for your art ♪
77
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:40,430
♪ Any by suffering,
like, I don't know ♪
78
00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:41,907
♪ For example,
playing on a Saturday night ♪
79
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,771
♪ In front of like 12 people
at a comedy club ♪
80
00:03:43,850 --> 00:03:46,018
♪ And you wouldn't have to
worry about all the shit ♪
81
00:03:46,102 --> 00:03:49,188
♪ That goes along with trying
to get that fucking good ♪
82
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,358
♪ Wouldn't that be great
if they had a pill like that? ♪
83
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,778
♪ Wouldn't that be neat? ♪
84
00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,257
All right, everybody,
I actually happen to have
85
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,641
one of these pills
on me right now.
86
00:03:59,699 --> 00:04:01,339
We're gonna take this
and see if it works.
87
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:03,911
I've never
tried this before, but...
88
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:09,876
Chug, chug, chug, chug...
89
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,087
Thank you...
90
00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:17,258
for supporting what's clearly
a problem that I have.
91
00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:26,809
Ow!
92
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:30,953
Thank you. I wanna say
I sell these pills
93
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:34,192
for $10 a piece after the show
if you guys wanna come up
and, uh...
94
00:04:36,277 --> 00:04:37,987
How do you describe
what you do?
95
00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:42,158
Well, I've always like to say
that what I take from my life
96
00:04:42,492 --> 00:04:44,368
I give back through my art.
97
00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:48,623
And so far, I've taken
nothing but shit.
98
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:54,212
Thanks, everybody.
99
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:02,053
- Ellen?
- Henry?
100
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:02,678
Hey.
101
00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:04,472
It's so good to hear your voice.
102
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,598
Same here. How are you?
103
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:07,099
- I'm great.
- Hey.
104
00:05:07,183 --> 00:05:08,952
Okay. Hey, how are you doing?
Are you on the phone?
105
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,496
I am. I'm sorry Ellen.
Hold on one second.
106
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,104
Okay.
Listen. I thought you were
107
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:13,481
really, really,
really funny.
108
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:15,417
Thanks for coming to the show.
I was laughing and stuff.
109
00:05:15,441 --> 00:05:17,485
I've had four beers
and, um, eight shots.
110
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,820
No
But listen,
111
00:05:18,903 --> 00:05:20,005
you just got to keep trying.
112
00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:21,906
- Henry, are you...
- Hey, man.
113
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,950
What's up, man?
Guess what, guess what.
114
00:05:24,033 --> 00:05:25,159
What's that?
My name is Phil.
115
00:05:25,243 --> 00:05:26,637
Oh, awesome.
My name is Henry Phillips.
116
00:05:26,661 --> 00:05:28,764
Same difference, who cares.
Dude, come have some beer.
117
00:05:28,788 --> 00:05:30,224
No, no, no, I got to...
Dude, come on.
118
00:05:30,248 --> 00:05:31,374
My friends are super funny.
119
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,018
They should be comedians.
I know. Man, I...
120
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,728
Dude, come on,
we're going to the city bars.
121
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,128
It's gonna be fun.
Come on, dude.
122
00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:37,689
No, I got a gig.
Don't be a pussy, bro.
123
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,549
Next week.
You're so weak bro.
124
00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:40,424
No, I suck.
125
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:41,926
Hey, I'm out now. Sorry.
126
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,094
I can hear you. What's up?
127
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,929
Well, let me just cut
to the chase.
128
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,212
Do you know who Jay Warren is?
129
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:47,723
Jay Warren, the director?
130
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:49,433
Well, he's not
just a director.
131
00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,102
A producer, major producer.
132
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,562
He wants to meet with you.
133
00:05:52,645 --> 00:05:53,855
He wants to meet with me?
134
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:55,189
Yes.
Why?
135
00:05:55,273 --> 00:05:56,482
He heard what happened to you
136
00:05:56,566 --> 00:05:58,109
out here five years ago and,
137
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,863
well, he's fascinated
and he wants to see your act.
138
00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:04,240
Let me guess, this means
that I have to go out to LA?
139
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,158
I know you have a bad
taste in your mouth
140
00:06:06,284 --> 00:06:07,159
about last time
141
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,443
but if nothing else you get
to meet a big time producer.
142
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:12,164
I mean, are things really
going that great out there?
143
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,933
Yeah. No, I mean,
things are going good.
144
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,419
I've got, you know,
people coming out.
145
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:19,422
I had a whole bunch of people
coming out from Greensboro
146
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:20,590
just to see me so.
147
00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:22,091
If you need a place to stay,
148
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,174
you could stay with me.
149
00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,862
No, we don't... we wouldn't
have to do that.
150
00:06:24,886 --> 00:06:26,613
I have this friend Jillian
who just moved out there
151
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,806
and she's been pressuring me
to go out and visit.
152
00:06:28,890 --> 00:06:30,057
So, I could stay with her.
153
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:33,519
Mouth Fuck is brought
to you by Read to Me.
154
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,021
Read to Me is our sponsor,
155
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:37,690
and we love them,
and they will read to you
156
00:06:37,773 --> 00:06:40,526
if you can't read,
or you don't feel like reading,
157
00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:42,653
or you're too lazy
or too stupid.
158
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:43,863
Listen to a book
159
00:06:44,030 --> 00:06:46,699
in your earholes, Read to Me.
160
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,367
- Sorry.
- Oh, that's all right.
161
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:49,994
I know you got to pay
the bills.
162
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,538
So, how does
the misconception
163
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:56,918
about being racist, uh, occur?
164
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,587
It had to do with...
165
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,297
Being racist?
Yeah.
166
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,633
No, I think
that people wanted me
167
00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:05,551
to be racist because it's sold,
168
00:07:05,635 --> 00:07:06,636
you know, advertising.
169
00:07:06,719 --> 00:07:08,930
See, I came out to LA
a few years ago
170
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,348
and it started out pretty good.
171
00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,599
I even got a record deal.
172
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,225
But one day
I was at a meeting,
173
00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:14,894
and I asked this guy
at the label
174
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,771
where they got their bagels,
and the truth is
175
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,694
I didn't give a shit
where they got the bagels.
176
00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:21,901
I was just trying to make
small talk but, anyway,
177
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:23,486
the guy started yelling
at people,
178
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:25,237
you know, power tripping.
Saying like,
179
00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:27,573
"Henry Phillips needs
to know where the fucking
180
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:28,908
bagels are from," or whatever
181
00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:30,952
and it made me look like
an asshole.
182
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,245
Anyway, eventually there
was an article in the paper
183
00:07:33,329 --> 00:07:35,706
saying that I was a Neo-Nazi
or something.
184
00:07:35,790 --> 00:07:38,292
Uh, you know, there was a lot
of stuff that happened
185
00:07:38,376 --> 00:07:40,336
in between there
but either way,
186
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:42,880
it ended up with me
getting run out of town
187
00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:45,424
but I'm back
now to try it again
188
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:47,510
and I'm just hoping
it goes better.
189
00:07:50,012 --> 00:07:51,931
- Oh, my gosh.
- Hey.
190
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:53,766
You look the exact same.
191
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:54,976
Thanks, you too.
Yeah.
192
00:07:55,059 --> 00:07:57,228
Oh, it's so good to see you.
It's so good to see you.
193
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,521
Come on in.
Yeah.
194
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:00,481
This is Zoe.
Hi.
195
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,440
Zoe, this is Henry.
196
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,608
Yeah, nice to meet you too.
197
00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:03,609
Yeah, finally.
198
00:08:03,693 --> 00:08:05,778
I'm so glad you're here.
It's so good to see you.
199
00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:07,822
It's funny I feel,
like I just...
200
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,032
No.
Oh.
201
00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:12,243
- I'm sorry about that.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
202
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:13,661
Um, was that expensive?
203
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,287
Yeah, it's a glass tomato.
204
00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:17,415
Of course, it is.
I can take your guitar for you.
205
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:19,709
Sorry, I have this new case,
it's bigger.
206
00:08:19,792 --> 00:08:21,210
Be careful. Yeah.
207
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,170
All right.
Why don't you take a load off.
208
00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:26,215
Go sit down and maybe take
Henry out to the patio...
209
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,717
Yeah. I'll show you the patio.
Okay.
210
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:28,968
Oh, that sounds amazing.
211
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:32,013
Again, I'm sorry about
that whatever that was.
212
00:08:32,388 --> 00:08:34,157
Well, fast-adopt allows
for you to foster a child
213
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:37,393
or even a baby and then after
certain amount of time,
214
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:39,603
the judge decides if you
can keep a child or not.
215
00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,982
Oh, wow. So, you could
actually have a child,
216
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,483
and become attached
to the child,
217
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,694
and then the judge
can just take it away
218
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:47,777
from you like that?
219
00:08:47,820 --> 00:08:49,613
Yeah. They try
to reunite the kids
220
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,407
with the biological parents
221
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:52,533
as much as possible.
222
00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,493
But what happens then?
223
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,954
I mean, that would
just be so painful
224
00:08:57,038 --> 00:09:00,082
and then we'd have to
start completely over.
225
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:02,877
Boy, that would be really sad.
226
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:06,088
You seem like
a pretty upbeat guy.
227
00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:08,215
Yeah... oh, you're joking.
I'm sorry.
228
00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:09,592
I'm gonna perk up,
I promise.
229
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,719
I've just been
on a long road trip here.
230
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:14,889
I was just telling him
about our adoption plans.
231
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,307
Oh, yeah, dude, sorry,
232
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,070
I should have warned
you that's pretty much
233
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,311
all we talk about
around here these days.
234
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,563
That's okay.
It sounds really promising
235
00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:23,481
and exciting.
236
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,317
Yeah, it is exciting
and promising.
237
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,820
Um, but it also
can be very grueling
238
00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:33,574
and at times, painful.
239
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,576
That's awesome.
240
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:38,621
It can be awesome at times.
241
00:09:38,704 --> 00:09:40,039
Are you okay?
242
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,665
Well, I'm pretty sure
243
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,417
that's where I parked my car.
244
00:09:43,501 --> 00:09:44,752
Is it not there
anymore?
245
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:45,669
No, it's gone.
246
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,130
I parked it right
in front of that house.
247
00:09:48,214 --> 00:09:50,132
Oh, man.
Did you lock it?
248
00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,718
I mean, I should
have locked it, right?
249
00:09:52,802 --> 00:09:53,677
You didn't lock it.
250
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:58,015
Suzuki Forenza 2006 and silver.
251
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,643
I ran your VIN number
through the system
252
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,436
and nothing came up
and so I'm gonna
253
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:03,395
the designate the vehicle
as stolen.
254
00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:05,648
Well, that sucks.
So, what happens now?
255
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,942
Well, I mean, I can't make
any promises
256
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,736
but often times whoever
extracted the vehicle
257
00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,613
just wanted to take it
on a joyride
258
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,282
and most likely
a group of juveniles.
259
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:17,910
It is possible that
the vehicle will reemerge
260
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,245
somewhere in the neighborhood
261
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:21,330
and you will be notified
when it's located.
262
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,226
Well, that would be great.
Is that normally what happens?
263
00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:25,650
I mean, it's the best
case scenario.
264
00:10:25,835 --> 00:10:28,629
I can't attest to what would
be designated as normal
265
00:10:28,838 --> 00:10:30,256
in this particularly situation.
266
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:33,175
Well, I guess I meant
in your personal experience.
267
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,969
My personal experience,
268
00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,346
if I tell you something then
you're gonna hold me to it
269
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,015
and so, I'd prefer not
to get into any predictions
270
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,101
or conjecture, okay?
271
00:10:42,226 --> 00:10:44,520
Okay. Thanks.
272
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,857
That guy is a dick.
What did they say?
273
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,776
Well, he said he ran
the, uh, registration number
274
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,195
into the system
or something and, uh,
275
00:10:53,279 --> 00:10:55,614
he said it's definitely
stolen.
276
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:56,490
Oh, my God.
277
00:10:56,574 --> 00:10:58,993
The good news is he seems
to think it's just some
278
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,744
teenagers out on a joyride.
279
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:01,996
Okay. I don't know
what joy
280
00:11:02,079 --> 00:11:04,331
there would be in
driving your shit
281
00:11:04,415 --> 00:11:05,833
basket car around town.
282
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:08,294
Well... shit,
I guess, I got to,
283
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,713
if it's okay,
get a ride to the place
284
00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:11,898
tonight on Sunset Boulevard.
285
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,174
Is that...
Yeah, of course.
286
00:11:13,257 --> 00:11:14,717
Yeah. I mean,
we could drop you off
287
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,094
on our way to the, uh,
adoption
288
00:11:17,178 --> 00:11:18,929
Okay.
Not a problem.
289
00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:21,682
You know what this means
is your cassette player
290
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:22,892
is gone for good.
291
00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:25,436
Yeah. I don't know how
I'm gonna get over that one.
292
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,980
Tell me you didn't
have a tape in there.
293
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:29,440
Thank God I did not.
294
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,651
I had taken the tape out
and put it in the glove box.
295
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:34,278
So, we're good.
Good.
296
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,113
What's the story with Jillian?
297
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:38,073
Is she an ex?
No.
298
00:11:38,157 --> 00:11:40,784
Jillian is a musician
and we used to play
299
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:41,988
in bands together years ago.
300
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,997
One of the things that's
so great about our friendship
301
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,042
is that she is always
been, sort of,
302
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:52,504
my last connection to...
303
00:11:52,588 --> 00:11:54,048
my youthful days of music
304
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,674
which was a big part
of my life.
305
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:58,677
As a matter of fact,
she's pretty responsible
306
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,471
for me going into comedy.
307
00:12:01,055 --> 00:12:02,765
All right.
Mr. George Michael.
308
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:05,100
♪ I got a zit on my face ♪
309
00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:06,894
♪ I'm gonna guess
your body weight ♪
310
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:11,440
♪ I'm gonna go and masturbate
right in the bathroom ♪
311
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,613
♪ The dick has gone
from six inches before ♪
312
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,782
♪ And now it's ready to soar ♪
313
00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:26,413
♪ Baby I can't fight
this penis anymore ♪
314
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,671
Are you Guitared!
315
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,135
All right, Guys.
316
00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:42,554
Thank you so much.
317
00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:44,515
Have a great set and, um,
318
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,892
don't forget to get
guitar-ded.
319
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:48,727
See you later.
Very nice to meet you Zoe.
320
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,271
I'll see you guys
in the morning.
321
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,689
Thanks again.
322
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,983
- Henry.
- Hey. How are you doing?
323
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,277
- It's been so long.
- Five years.
324
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,861
- Yeah. You look great.
- Thanks.
325
00:12:58,070 --> 00:12:59,530
So, Jay Warren is inside.
326
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,614
You're going up third.
327
00:13:00,698 --> 00:13:02,491
Everything is coming
together perfectly.
328
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,702
- Okay.
- So, come with me.
329
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,870
A joyride? What,
are they gonna return it?
330
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:10,791
I don't know.
Well meet the man himself.
331
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,252
Jay Warren, Mega-TV producer.
332
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,128
Henry Phillips,
333
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:16,255
singer-songwriter, troubadour
334
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,007
extraordinaire, plays clubs
335
00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:19,800
and coffee houses nationwide.
336
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,011
Great to meet you.
Yeah. Good to meet you.
337
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:23,470
How's LA treating
you so far?
338
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:25,180
- Uh, well.
- Would you believe
339
00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:26,390
he just got his car stolen.
340
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,766
- Really?
- Yes.
341
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:29,435
That's hilarious.
342
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,478
- Yeah.
- So, Jay says he's working
343
00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:33,564
on a new show idea
about the life
344
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,898
of a struggling performer.
345
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:35,983
Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh,
346
00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,669
it's something I've been
thinking about for quite
347
00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:39,671
a while now, and then I heard
about what happened to you,
348
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:42,990
and I thought, "Wow, I mean,
this is an incredible story."
349
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:45,659
Yeah, I know, I've
had some pretty bad luck.
350
00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:46,618
Yeah. I'll say.
351
00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:48,972
I don't wanna interrupt but
I just wanna say hi to this guy.
352
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,372
Hey, Charlie.
How are you doing?
353
00:13:50,456 --> 00:13:51,975
How are you doing, man?
This is Charlie.
354
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:52,999
He's a fellow comedian.
355
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:54,352
That's Ellen,
my manager and, uh...
356
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:55,753
Hi.
This is Mr. Jay Warren.
357
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,380
Uh, I'm a big fan
of your work.
358
00:13:58,464 --> 00:13:59,381
Thank you. Thanks.
359
00:13:59,465 --> 00:14:00,758
Uh, everyone,
this is Erica.
360
00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:01,925
Hey.
Nice to meet you.
361
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,261
Uh, I didn't interrupt
some type of industry
362
00:14:04,345 --> 00:14:05,512
Oh, no. Yes,
363
00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:06,836
so Charlie
is a fellow comedian.
364
00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,766
He's very funny.
We've done the road together.
365
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:13,145
Good times. And remember
the, um, the Assassinator?
366
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,064
Oh, he's the assassinator.
367
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:15,939
We were in Omaha
368
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,816
and there was this
champion UFC fighter
369
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,402
called the Assassinator
and, uh,
370
00:14:20,486 --> 00:14:21,779
he got up to Henry
and says,
371
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,715
"You have to wish my
girlfriend a happy birthday
372
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:26,575
from the stage
or I'll kick your ass."
373
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,994
Henry is on stage and
he just doesn't say it
374
00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:32,831
and afterwards
the Assassinator is pissed.
375
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,958
He's prowling
around this club,
376
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,877
like, "I'm gonna kick
that guy's ass.
377
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,379
I'm gonna break
that guy's guitar.
378
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:39,862
I'm gonna crush
that clown's skull."
379
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:42,091
And I'm like, "Oh, whoa,
I didn't even know the guy.
380
00:14:42,174 --> 00:14:44,510
I don't know where he is."
And I really didn't know
381
00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:47,221
where you were. It was hours
before anyone found him.
382
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,932
The janitor goes to the
utility closet to get his mop
383
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:52,643
and there's Henry,
lying on his side, crying.
384
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,978
He's shitting himself.
Just, oh...
385
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,772
the Assassinator
is coming to get me.
386
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,482
The Assassinator
is coming to get me.
387
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,943
I don't even,
uh, remember that.
388
00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,026
Are you sure that was me
389
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,421
because it's not
sounding familiar.
390
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:06,949
No, no, that was you.
All right, okay.
391
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,492
I'll see you after
the show and just
392
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,119
really great meeting both of you.
393
00:15:10,202 --> 00:15:11,703
Pleasure.
All right, man.
394
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:14,623
Hey, you watch out
for the Assassinator.
395
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:18,001
I still don't even know
if that was me, really.
396
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:18,919
It's weird.
397
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,129
How long ago was that?
398
00:15:20,212 --> 00:15:21,630
I'm not sure
that it happened.
399
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,257
You must have a lot
of good story.
400
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:26,051
I don't think
that's one of them.
401
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,679
Billy...
402
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:34,309
you had to do it didn't you?
403
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,729
You finally had to do
it Billy.
404
00:15:37,813 --> 00:15:38,981
Just when ma was starting
405
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:42,276
to get up on her own
two feet, Billy.
406
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:44,403
You son of a bitch.
407
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:47,990
Why, why, why
did you have to do that?
408
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,283
And with Bob's 38,
409
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,953
what was that supposed
to be, huh?
410
00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,496
Irony?
411
00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:57,332
You selfish coward.
412
00:15:57,416 --> 00:16:00,252
Why? Why, Billy,
why would you leave me
413
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:03,589
and ma like this?
414
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:07,718
You were always good
at ruining the party Billy.
415
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:09,887
Well...
416
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:13,599
fuck you Billy, fuck you.
417
00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:17,644
Fuck you Billy.
418
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:20,272
Fuck you.
419
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:33,869
Okay, wow.
420
00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,454
That was some heavy stuff.
421
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,581
We're gonna change gears
a little bit here.
422
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,333
We have a singer-songwriter
423
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,667
who's gonna come out and sing
424
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,461
a little funny song
for you guys.
425
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:45,005
Everybody, let's give
a warm hearty welcome
426
00:16:45,088 --> 00:16:47,341
to Henry Phillips.
427
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:49,510
Whoa.
428
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,513
Thanks everybody.
429
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,392
All right, um, well,
430
00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,078
I'm gonna do a little song about
431
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,771
my current financial situation
432
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,564
and I hope you guys enjoy it.
433
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:12,866
♪ I just got a letter
in the mail ♪
434
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:15,285
♪ Saying that I've failed to pay
435
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:17,287
♪ My credit card in time ♪
436
00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:20,249
♪ And that's a $40 fine ♪
437
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,459
♪ Which would have been okay ♪
438
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,545
♪ Except for that it cost me ♪
439
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:26,505
♪ To exceed my credit line ♪
440
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:31,176
♪ And that's another $40 fine ♪
441
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:36,390
♪ So, then I got another
piece of mail ♪
442
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:38,976
♪ This one said my balance
due is drawn ♪
443
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,311
♪ From my checking account
which caused ♪
444
00:17:41,395 --> 00:17:43,647
♪ A bunch of checks to bounce ♪
445
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,566
♪ Which would have been okay ♪
446
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,402
♪ Except the fact
that one of those checks ♪
447
00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:53,615
♪ Was to the DMV
for my registration fee ♪
448
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,493
You suck.
449
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,160
All right.
450
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,789
That's, uh,
one guys opinion, anyway,
451
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:03,250
they might be right.
I don't know.
452
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:07,170
♪ So the next day,
I was on my way to work ♪
453
00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:09,840
♪ And I couldn't find my car ♪
454
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,925
♪ It wasn't where I parked it ♪
455
00:18:12,009 --> 00:18:15,721
♪ Just the day before... ♪
Give it up.
456
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,850
♪ And then I got another
piece of mail ♪
457
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:24,396
♪ This one said the registration
tax were out of dates ♪
458
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:28,233
It's over focal bird.
459
00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:31,320
♪ So, they had to tow
my car away ♪
460
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:33,280
♪ Which wasn't quite okay ♪
461
00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:34,615
♪ I called them to explain ♪
462
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,618
♪ And when I finally
got through ♪
463
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:40,912
♪ They just made me
wait on hold ♪
464
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,623
Nice sneakers you
dipshit.
465
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,374
All right, you know what, um,
466
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:45,658
maybe this wasn't meant to be.
467
00:18:45,709 --> 00:18:46,877
I, uh, I wanna say thanks
468
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,760
to everybody, especially
that guy in the back.
469
00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:50,481
Come back when you grow
a set of balls man.
470
00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,275
I hope you guys all enjoy
the rest of your night,
471
00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,092
thank you.
472
00:18:57,888 --> 00:18:58,805
There he is.
473
00:18:58,889 --> 00:18:59,681
Oh, guys,
474
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:01,475
I am so sorry about that.
475
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,435
That was just awful.
476
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,728
It was perfect.
477
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,688
Well, that was just terrible.
478
00:19:06,772 --> 00:19:08,106
That guy was being
such a dick.
479
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,900
Hey, you know, it happens.
Yeah.
480
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,693
Listen, uh,
I got to run, I'm sorry,
481
00:19:11,777 --> 00:19:13,379
but, uh, you should get
a call from my office
482
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,881
this week, okay?
I'm gonna set something up
483
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,449
in the network and we're gonna
tell your story Henry.
484
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:18,950
Okay.
I can't wait to get started.
485
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,762
That sounds good.
Hey, very nice to meet you.
486
00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:23,580
- See you soon.
- Bye Jay.
487
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,916
He loved it.
Why?
488
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,376
Well, because...
489
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,503
he doesn't care
about a good set.
490
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,713
I mean, sure you
tanked but he's more
491
00:19:31,797 --> 00:19:35,592
interested in you,
your story, your struggles.
492
00:19:35,676 --> 00:19:37,511
You heard him,
he's so excited.
493
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,805
I mean, let's just see what
he says about this meeting
494
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:42,766
with the network.
I can't believe it.
495
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,893
This is great.
Now look, I have to go too,
496
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,646
but let me introduce you
to Stupid Joe before I go.
497
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:49,773
No, I'm good.
No, no, no, no, no.
498
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,485
Hey, Joe.
Hey. How are you?
499
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,904
I'm good.
I wanna introduce you
500
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,532
to Henry Phillips,
singer-songwriter,
501
00:19:58,615 --> 00:20:00,158
troubadour extraordinaire,
502
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,410
and Jay Warren
was just here
503
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:02,953
to check him out
for a new TV Show.
504
00:20:03,036 --> 00:20:05,789
Wow, impressive.
Nice to meet you.
505
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,208
Hey, I got to apologize
about that heckler guy.
506
00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,502
What an asshole, you know.
507
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:12,230
I guess we all figured out
why he's brother
508
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,755
killed himself, right?
509
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:14,464
Oh, Joe.
510
00:20:14,548 --> 00:20:16,508
Oh my God, I'm too old
for this comedy game.
511
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,319
It's a young man's game,
but you got to make money.
512
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,470
You know what I'm actually
thinking to do in getting
513
00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:21,680
into making a little money?
514
00:20:21,763 --> 00:20:23,282
Commercial jingles.
Oh, that's so smart.
515
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,034
And actually, I got one
I've been working on,
516
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,911
I'm gonna throw into the ring.
Tell me if you guys
517
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,788
think this is good, you know,
the Hollywood Casino?
518
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,939
They have... their
slogan is satisfaction.
519
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,483
Tell me if you guys just
think this is a good jingle.
520
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:35,736
♪ Come on in
and get some action ♪
521
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,654
♪ Satisfy your satisfaction ♪
522
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:39,448
Oh, that'll work.
That's very catchy.
523
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:40,824
Yeah, pretty good,
all right.
524
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,200
Anyways, I got
to get going,
525
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,577
please come by
here anytime,
526
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:44,911
work out your stuff,
you know.
527
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:46,955
We got to get some come
back lines for you, like,
528
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,373
"Hey, I don't come
to your job
529
00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:49,875
and knock a dick
out of your mouth."
530
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,126
Stuff like that,
you know.
531
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,609
Show these assholes
who's in charge.
532
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:55,547
Well, I got to catch
the last bus on that note.
533
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:56,798
And how are you
getting home?
534
00:20:56,882 --> 00:20:58,216
Uh, I'm just gonna
take a cab.
535
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,342
You're a bus and a cab,
536
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:00,469
What is this, uh, 1990?
537
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:01,872
Don't... you guys
don't have Uber?
538
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,781
Anyways, listen, I got to
start kicking people out.
539
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,390
Okay.
Nice to meet you.
540
00:21:05,474 --> 00:21:06,850
Ellen always a pleasure.
Always.
541
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,019
You're beautiful.
Thank you.
542
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,896
Look, I have a card
for EZ Cab.
543
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,814
They're really good.
Okay, great. By the way,
544
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:15,108
you don't have to say
all my credits every time
545
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:16,485
you introduce me
to somebody.
546
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:17,444
Oh, but if I don't,
547
00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:18,880
no one would ever
wanna talk to you.
548
00:21:18,904 --> 00:21:21,490
Yeah, I guess so.
That's a good point.
549
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,498
♪ Come on in,
get some action ♪
550
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:33,752
♪ Satisfy your satisfaction ♪
551
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,713
Hey, you still here?
552
00:21:36,797 --> 00:21:37,547
Oh, hey, yeah.
553
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,174
I've been waiting
for a cab for, like,
554
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:40,133
an hour and a half.
555
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:41,577
Why don't you just
call them again,
556
00:21:41,635 --> 00:21:43,345
tell them you're
somebody else.
557
00:21:43,428 --> 00:21:44,262
What does that do?
558
00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,181
Well, then there'll
be two cars showing up,
559
00:21:46,264 --> 00:21:47,264
it doubles your chances.
560
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:48,725
Yeah, maybe I'll try that.
Yeah.
561
00:21:48,809 --> 00:21:50,393
Hey, and, uh, Henry,
uh, anytime
562
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,686
you wanna come by the club,
563
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:52,854
the door is always open.
564
00:21:52,938 --> 00:21:56,441
It's a $10 cover,
two drink minimum.
565
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,912
EZ Cab.
Yeah, hey, uh,
566
00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:09,995
I got to get a cab.
567
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:11,581
Yeah, what's your location?
568
00:22:11,665 --> 00:22:13,416
I'm at, uh,
Stupid Joe's Comedy
569
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,252
and Music Club on Sunset.
570
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:20,048
Stupid Joe's, did you just
call... uh, is this Henry?
571
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,383
- No.
- Are you sure?
572
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:22,801
Because I just scheduled
a pick up
573
00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:24,761
at Stupid Joe's for a Henry.
574
00:22:24,845 --> 00:22:26,555
What's your name?
575
00:22:26,638 --> 00:22:29,057
Manny.
Danny?
576
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:30,433
Yeah, Danny.
577
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:31,852
And you're sure
you're not part
578
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:33,103
of the Henry party at all?
579
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:35,272
I'm not sending two cabs
for no reason.
580
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,774
No, this is definitely Danny.
581
00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,734
Yeah.
582
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:10,015
3835 Tracy Street, please.
583
00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:15,270
Do you mind, uh, if we take
Silver Lake Boulevard?
584
00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,063
You got it.
585
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,327
- Hello?
- Yeah, is this Danny,
586
00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:31,536
or should I say Henry,
587
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:33,260
or should l... should
I just say dickhead?
588
00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:35,373
You just had me send
two cabs for nothing.
589
00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:38,084
Dude, I was standing there
for like an hour and a half,
590
00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:39,753
and nobody was coming
to pick me up.
591
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:41,171
I mean, I'm sorry
to put you out,
592
00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:42,672
but frankly
this isn't my problem.
593
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:44,549
Sorry to put me out,
how about you apologize
594
00:23:44,633 --> 00:23:47,052
to my cab driver who just
had to hump his way
595
00:23:47,135 --> 00:23:49,054
through the canyon
because you're over there
596
00:23:49,137 --> 00:23:53,141
getting a laugh at
Stupid Mike's comedy shithole.
597
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:55,560
You know, these guys have
to pay for their own gas.
598
00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:57,729
Hello?
599
00:24:00,941 --> 00:24:05,195
I was very reluctant
to go LA because...
600
00:24:05,403 --> 00:24:07,155
it's a little too, uh,
601
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:10,325
I don't know how you'd
say it, like, too...
602
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,576
opportunistic.
603
00:24:11,910 --> 00:24:13,179
I don't know.
I've always found that
604
00:24:13,203 --> 00:24:16,081
if you just put
positive energy out there
605
00:24:16,873 --> 00:24:20,710
then people will definitely
take advantage of you.
606
00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:31,137
EZ Cab.
Hi, yeah.
607
00:24:31,221 --> 00:24:32,621
I'm pretty sure
I left my cell phone
608
00:24:32,681 --> 00:24:34,432
in one of your
cabs last night.
609
00:24:34,516 --> 00:24:36,643
What was the, uh,
location of the pick up?
610
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:39,020
Uh, it was at Stupid
Joe's Comedy
611
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:40,605
and Music Club over on Sunset.
612
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:42,065
Oh, Stupid Joe's,
let me guess,
613
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:45,944
you're the fucking genius
that called two cabs aren't you?
614
00:24:46,027 --> 00:24:47,027
Yeah.
615
00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:49,406
Uh, I guess, I, um...
616
00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:51,908
I guess I really owe
you an apology about that.
617
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:53,158
I'm sorry, I, uh...
618
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:54,244
Oh, you're goddamn right
619
00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:55,328
you owe me an apology.
620
00:24:55,412 --> 00:24:58,164
Yeah, I was just,
uh, being selfish, um...
621
00:24:58,248 --> 00:24:59,332
You were being a dick man.
622
00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:02,168
Yeah, I think you're
right about that.
623
00:25:02,252 --> 00:25:04,587
You know how much
aggravation and shit I get
624
00:25:04,671 --> 00:25:06,381
from my driver's when
they have to drive
625
00:25:06,464 --> 00:25:07,966
all the way
to the fucking valley?
626
00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:09,652
Actually, you know what man,
I take it back.
627
00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:12,220
I don't apologize.
I was standing there for,
628
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,346
like, a fucking hour
629
00:25:13,430 --> 00:25:14,597
and nobody was picking me up.
630
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:16,158
I could've gotten mugged
or something.
631
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:17,702
I'm tired of hearing you
bitch about it
632
00:25:17,726 --> 00:25:19,477
and everybody's telling me
this Uber thing
633
00:25:19,561 --> 00:25:20,979
is a million times
better anyway,
634
00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:23,565
so why don't you go
fuck yourself.
635
00:25:28,945 --> 00:25:30,739
Today, 10:17 AM.
636
00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:32,282
Hey, sorry
about last night,
637
00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:33,992
I wind up banging
that Erica chick.
638
00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:35,994
She is okay.
She's gonna be the last girl
639
00:25:36,077 --> 00:25:37,704
in LA who still
has a hairy crotch.
640
00:25:38,496 --> 00:25:40,915
Come on, lady, shave that thing
down there, um, all right?
641
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,376
Shave the cooch.
I went down under though.
642
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:45,128
Um, what did I call about?
643
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:47,922
I just wanna say hi.
Let's hang out soon.
644
00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:49,424
Bye.
645
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:52,343
Today, 10:18 AM.
646
00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:55,346
You hang up on me you
piece of shit coward.
647
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,932
You tell me to go fuck
myself to my face,
648
00:25:58,016 --> 00:26:00,477
why don't you do that?
Come down here...
649
00:26:01,394 --> 00:26:02,020
Hey.
650
00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:03,372
You got home
all right last night?
651
00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:06,733
Yeah. I, uh, just wound up
taking a taxi.
652
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:08,610
Cool, how did the gig go?
653
00:26:08,693 --> 00:26:11,488
Well, let's see.
I got basically booed off
654
00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:14,783
the stage but Jay Warren
loved it, so.
655
00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:16,993
Well, I'm sorry,
656
00:26:17,368 --> 00:26:20,455
but congratulations?
657
00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:22,040
Yeah. Thank you.
658
00:26:22,123 --> 00:26:24,209
Listen, um, my band
Clit Fit
659
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:27,045
is performing
at this really cool
660
00:26:27,128 --> 00:26:29,214
house party
on Saturday night.
661
00:26:29,297 --> 00:26:30,298
Would you wanna open?
662
00:26:30,381 --> 00:26:32,634
It pays like 50 bucks.
Oh, that's awesome.
663
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:33,968
Yeah.
I would love to do that.
664
00:26:34,052 --> 00:26:36,346
That's actually the first
time I've ever been offered
665
00:26:36,429 --> 00:26:37,509
money to do a gig out here.
666
00:26:37,555 --> 00:26:39,140
Yeah. And maybe
you can get booed off
667
00:26:39,224 --> 00:26:40,225
of our stage and wind up
668
00:26:40,308 --> 00:26:42,685
with a three-picture deal
with Paramount Pictures.
669
00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:44,646
That's... l wouldn't
be surprised.
670
00:26:44,729 --> 00:26:46,773
I would, but for sure
it won't happen.
671
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:49,400
Anyway, uh, obviously,
I need to get a ride with you,
672
00:26:49,484 --> 00:26:51,778
if that's all right?
Totally. That's perfect
673
00:26:51,861 --> 00:26:53,988
because I've been wanting
you to see our stuff.
674
00:26:54,072 --> 00:26:56,407
Yeah. And I'm looking
forward to it.
675
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:59,619
Um, are you missing
something?
676
00:26:59,702 --> 00:27:01,538
Yeah, have you seen
my wallet?
677
00:27:01,621 --> 00:27:02,621
I have not.
678
00:27:02,664 --> 00:27:05,542
Did you by chance
leave it in the cab?
679
00:27:06,334 --> 00:27:08,211
Uh,
680
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:09,628
Hmm.
681
00:27:10,463 --> 00:27:11,798
I bet you did.
682
00:27:11,881 --> 00:27:13,508
Yeah, shit.
683
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,231
Oh, hey, it's, uh, Henry.
684
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,151
I'm the guy who left his wallet.
685
00:27:31,234 --> 00:27:33,611
Oh, Henry Phillips.
Yes.
686
00:27:33,695 --> 00:27:35,530
Yeah, my good buddy,
Henry Phillips.
687
00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:38,283
You called two cabs on me,
screwed my driver,
688
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,827
cursed me out,
hang up in my face.
689
00:27:41,452 --> 00:27:43,538
How many cabs did it take
you to get here today?
690
00:27:44,539 --> 00:27:48,251
Jesus, I was, uh... l was
expecting more of a stoned
691
00:27:48,459 --> 00:27:50,211
drunken dumb Bon Jovi.
692
00:27:50,295 --> 00:27:53,506
Did you lose your hair
in one of my cabs as well?
693
00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:54,883
Yeah.
Old two cab Henry.
694
00:27:54,966 --> 00:27:56,551
It's an old picture,
so, uh...
695
00:27:56,634 --> 00:27:58,195
I guess, that's you.
I think the last time
696
00:27:58,219 --> 00:28:01,139
we talked you were telling me
I should go fuck myself.
697
00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:02,557
You told me to go
fuck myself
698
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,309
and then you rubbed
Uber on my face.
699
00:28:04,392 --> 00:28:06,144
The company
that's single-handedly
700
00:28:06,227 --> 00:28:07,979
destroying
my fucking industry?
701
00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:09,731
Let me ask you
a question, Hank.
702
00:28:09,814 --> 00:28:11,691
Do you think your good
friends over at Uber
703
00:28:11,774 --> 00:28:13,443
would've returned
your wallet?
704
00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:15,236
Do you think
those scumbag
705
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,280
pirating unlicensed
criminals
706
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:18,990
would have returned
your fucking wallet?
707
00:28:19,449 --> 00:28:21,993
Why don't you take your last
six dollars in this wallet
708
00:28:22,243 --> 00:28:23,328
and, uh, take an Uber cab,
709
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:26,206
and I hope you get fucking
Chlamydia from it.
710
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,376
Oh, and go fuck yourself.
711
00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:46,768
Do you mind if I
join you here?
712
00:28:46,851 --> 00:28:49,312
Oh, yeah, sure.
Oh, thank you.
713
00:28:58,947 --> 00:29:00,573
Hmm, the chicken's
really good.
714
00:29:00,657 --> 00:29:03,201
I wouldn't know,
I got the eggplant.
715
00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,494
Oh, are you a lesbian?
716
00:29:04,577 --> 00:29:07,997
I mean a vegetarian?
I'm sorry, God.
717
00:29:08,081 --> 00:29:09,499
That was awful.
That's okay.
718
00:29:09,582 --> 00:29:12,877
Um, yes,
lam and yes, I am.
719
00:29:12,961 --> 00:29:13,961
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
720
00:29:14,003 --> 00:29:16,005
God, stupid.
Hey, you guys.
721
00:29:16,089 --> 00:29:17,882
Hey, guys,
how's it going?
722
00:29:17,966 --> 00:29:19,926
Have you met each
other yet? Henry...
723
00:29:20,009 --> 00:29:21,219
Not officially.
Sascha.
724
00:29:21,302 --> 00:29:23,554
Hey, how you doing?
Nice to meet you.
725
00:29:23,638 --> 00:29:26,516
Sascha plays bass
in our band and, uh
726
00:29:26,599 --> 00:29:30,019
Henry is my old friend
from like 20 years ago.
727
00:29:30,103 --> 00:29:31,229
He's opening for us tonight.
728
00:29:31,312 --> 00:29:32,689
Oh, yeah, I heard
a lot about you.
729
00:29:32,772 --> 00:29:34,291
Yeah, it'll be cool.
I'm looking forward
730
00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:37,193
to seeing you guys play,
the Clit Fit.
731
00:29:37,277 --> 00:29:39,988
Uh, Jillian says you tour
all around the country.
732
00:29:40,071 --> 00:29:44,075
Uh-hmm.
Shit room to shit room.
733
00:29:44,617 --> 00:29:45,410
Hold on.
734
00:29:45,493 --> 00:29:47,704
Perfect timing,
whoever that was.
735
00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:50,456
I'm sorry,
I'll be right back.
736
00:29:50,540 --> 00:29:51,666
Hey, Ellen, how's it going?
737
00:29:51,749 --> 00:29:54,168
Henry, I just got a
call from Jay.
738
00:29:54,252 --> 00:29:55,295
You won't believe this.
739
00:29:55,378 --> 00:29:57,130
We have a meeting
Monday afternoon
740
00:29:57,213 --> 00:29:58,298
with the Now Channel.
741
00:29:58,381 --> 00:30:00,383
That's amazing.
That's fantastic.
742
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:03,511
See, I told you this was
gonna be exciting.
743
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:04,929
Where are you?
I'm at a party
744
00:30:05,013 --> 00:30:07,265
with my friend Jillian,
and actually her band
745
00:30:07,348 --> 00:30:09,475
is gonna play,
and I'm gonna open for them.
746
00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:11,561
Oh, well,
go knock them dead.
747
00:30:12,353 --> 00:30:15,898
What was the first comedy
song you ever wrote?
748
00:30:16,232 --> 00:30:17,608
Well, years ago,
749
00:30:17,692 --> 00:30:19,412
uh, my friend Jillian,
she was going through
750
00:30:19,485 --> 00:30:21,904
a break up or something and I
was trying to cheer her up,
751
00:30:21,988 --> 00:30:24,115
so I just, like,
pulled out the guitar
752
00:30:24,198 --> 00:30:27,660
and I started singing
headlines
753
00:30:27,744 --> 00:30:28,870
right out of the newspaper,
754
00:30:28,953 --> 00:30:32,081
and she was laughing
at it, and, uh,
755
00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:35,251
she was, like, you know,
"Maybe you should go around the,
756
00:30:35,335 --> 00:30:36,878
like, open mic nights
and do that."
757
00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:39,088
Can we hear it,
your first comedy song?
758
00:30:39,172 --> 00:30:43,676
I have a guitar behind you,
if you don't mind.
759
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,345
- Yeah.
- Yay.
760
00:30:45,428 --> 00:30:49,682
I wanna hear the song
that cheered up Jillian.
761
00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:50,933
Yeah.
762
00:30:51,476 --> 00:30:53,019
So, yeah,
I was just, like, uh,
763
00:30:53,102 --> 00:30:55,980
playing these chords
and trying to cheer her up,
764
00:30:56,064 --> 00:30:57,231
and I was, like,
765
00:30:57,315 --> 00:31:01,861
♪ I know it's getting late
at night ♪
766
00:31:01,986 --> 00:31:06,324
♪ And I know you're bummed out ♪
767
00:31:06,783 --> 00:31:09,285
And then I grabbed the newspaper
and it was, like,
768
00:31:09,869 --> 00:31:13,081
♪ And I know that
General Motors just shed 14% ♪
769
00:31:13,164 --> 00:31:15,333
♪ Of its automotive
components operations ♪
770
00:31:15,583 --> 00:31:18,586
♪ To accelerate the overall
unprofitable North American ♪
771
00:31:18,711 --> 00:31:20,838
♪ Expenditures resulting
in a loss of nearly ♪
772
00:31:21,005 --> 00:31:23,966
♪ 14,000 American jobs ♪
773
00:31:25,301 --> 00:31:29,180
♪ But what do you want me
to do about it? ♪
774
00:31:29,931 --> 00:31:33,768
♪ And I know there's unrest
in the Middle East ♪
775
00:31:35,478 --> 00:31:39,440
♪ And I know that atmospheric
temperatures are changing ♪
776
00:31:41,150 --> 00:31:44,529
♪ And I know that most
environmental scientists ♪
777
00:31:44,612 --> 00:31:46,656
♪ Agree that increased
carbon dioxide levels ♪
778
00:31:46,739 --> 00:31:48,950
♪ Caused by the excessive
burning of fossil fuels ♪
779
00:31:49,033 --> 00:31:51,095
♪ That caused the glaciers
to melt and the sea levels ♪
780
00:31:51,119 --> 00:31:53,871
♪ To rise is rendering mankind
destined to extinction ♪
781
00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:57,125
♪ And the vast death
of the entire solar system ♪
782
00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:02,213
♪ But what do you want me
to do about it? ♪
783
00:32:03,339 --> 00:32:05,967
In Spanish.
784
00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:30,366
It's real Spanish.
785
00:32:42,753 --> 00:32:43,796
Thanks, everybody.
786
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,882
Thank you so much. Thanks.
787
00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:47,258
That's amazing.
788
00:32:56,601 --> 00:32:59,187
♪ Hey ♪
789
00:33:22,043 --> 00:33:23,628
Hi.
790
00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:28,966
You guys, uh, hi.
791
00:33:29,050 --> 00:33:30,635
Okay-
792
00:33:36,557 --> 00:33:39,185
This is the modern day
Sisyphus.
793
00:33:39,936 --> 00:33:42,104
A road weary entertainer,
794
00:33:42,188 --> 00:33:43,648
pushing the boulder of hope
795
00:33:43,731 --> 00:33:46,776
up the rocky mountain
of desperation.
796
00:33:47,401 --> 00:33:50,404
Only to have it roll back down
on him time after time,
797
00:33:50,905 --> 00:33:53,449
after time, but we like him.
798
00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:54,450
We're on his side.
799
00:33:54,534 --> 00:33:55,451
We want him to succeed
800
00:33:55,535 --> 00:33:57,286
because we identify with him.
801
00:33:57,703 --> 00:34:00,331
He's, like, a real life
Charlie Brown.
802
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:03,084
Only instead of Snoopy
and Linus,
803
00:34:03,167 --> 00:34:06,754
his friends are failure
and despair.
804
00:34:06,837 --> 00:34:08,339
So, he's a blockhead?
805
00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:10,299
Yeah, sure yeah,
he's a blockhead.
806
00:34:10,383 --> 00:34:11,383
Yeah.
I see you.
807
00:34:11,425 --> 00:34:12,718
Yeah.
And we're rooting for him.
808
00:34:12,802 --> 00:34:14,845
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Because he sacrificed
809
00:34:14,929 --> 00:34:17,306
the good life
to do what the rest of us
810
00:34:17,390 --> 00:34:18,432
could only dream of.
811
00:34:18,516 --> 00:34:19,725
Yeah, he has no friends,
812
00:34:19,850 --> 00:34:21,018
no money, no love life,
813
00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:23,271
not even the respect
of his peers.
814
00:34:23,354 --> 00:34:24,647
But we care about him
815
00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:27,483
simply because he's doing it.
816
00:34:27,567 --> 00:34:30,820
Sisyphus meets Charlie Brown?
817
00:34:31,237 --> 00:34:32,989
I like it.
I like it, too.
818
00:34:33,072 --> 00:34:35,992
I do, I like it.
I mean, if a normal person
819
00:34:36,075 --> 00:34:37,511
had that life,
they would do something
820
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:39,203
- to change it, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
821
00:34:39,287 --> 00:34:40,413
Or just
822
00:34:40,496 --> 00:34:43,958
you know,
but this guy just keeps,
823
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:46,168
kind of, going on,
and on, and on,
824
00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:48,170
- and God knows why, right?
- Yeah.
825
00:34:48,254 --> 00:34:50,423
Yeah.
He's like a laser's loser.
826
00:34:50,506 --> 00:34:51,591
Sure, yeah, yeah.
827
00:34:51,674 --> 00:34:53,092
- Or a loser's hero.
- Yeah.
828
00:34:53,175 --> 00:34:57,013
Or a loser who could make
a loser feel like a hero.
829
00:34:57,096 --> 00:34:59,140
Guys, I'm right here.
830
00:35:00,683 --> 00:35:03,019
Right?
"Guys, I'm right here."
831
00:35:03,102 --> 00:35:04,729
Sincerely, I have not been
this excited
832
00:35:04,812 --> 00:35:07,189
about an idea
in a very long time.
833
00:35:07,273 --> 00:35:08,691
You're excited?
I'm excited.
834
00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:10,901
I like it.
Jay, it is so good
835
00:35:10,985 --> 00:35:12,361
to see you again.
Thanks, Carl.
836
00:35:12,445 --> 00:35:14,131
Thanks for that.
Thanks for bringing this to us.
837
00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:15,549
Yeah, you bet.
Henry, nice to meet you.
838
00:35:15,573 --> 00:35:17,116
Mara, I need you
to wrap this up.
839
00:35:17,199 --> 00:35:18,701
- Okay.
- Okay. Put a bow on it.
840
00:35:18,784 --> 00:35:20,453
- I will do that.
- Great.
841
00:35:20,536 --> 00:35:22,288
Okay.
Well, where do we start?
842
00:35:22,371 --> 00:35:23,623
Well, we'll do
a pilot, right?
843
00:35:23,706 --> 00:35:25,475
And I'll direct it.
I guarantee you it will be...
844
00:35:25,499 --> 00:35:26,876
You know, my suggestion
845
00:35:26,959 --> 00:35:28,252
is we get Henry's materials
846
00:35:28,336 --> 00:35:29,670
over to the new
media department,
847
00:35:29,754 --> 00:35:33,007
because we wanna
create a lot of buzz.
848
00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:35,092
Right now,
our most successful show,
849
00:35:35,176 --> 00:35:36,886
An Idiot Dad,
that's based
850
00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:39,805
on a 15-year-old
kid's video blog.
851
00:35:39,889 --> 00:35:42,141
This kid managed
to get a million
852
00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:43,726
friendlings to his Chumpster,
853
00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:46,103
just by social media
alone, what?
854
00:35:46,812 --> 00:35:48,356
So, when the Chumpsterverse
found out
855
00:35:48,439 --> 00:35:49,732
that we were doing a TV show,
856
00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:52,109
well, they went nuts.
And those friendlings
857
00:35:52,193 --> 00:35:53,611
they turned
into Nielsen ratings...
858
00:35:53,694 --> 00:35:55,988
Wait, I'm sorry.
Uh, Chumpsterverse?
859
00:35:56,072 --> 00:35:57,281
Is that a TV station?
860
00:35:57,365 --> 00:35:58,699
Okay. That's an online community
861
00:35:58,783 --> 00:36:00,701
that the younger demographic
is going to,
862
00:36:00,785 --> 00:36:02,703
to get their entertainment
right now.
863
00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:05,414
Yeah, these guys are real
wizards at this.
864
00:36:05,498 --> 00:36:09,251
They were the real geniuses
behind getting Idiot Dad
865
00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:10,419
to be An Idiot Dad.
866
00:36:10,503 --> 00:36:12,713
Uh, I'm sorry,
what does that do?
867
00:36:12,797 --> 00:36:14,197
Uh, when you make it
"An Idiot Dad?"
868
00:36:14,256 --> 00:36:15,466
Oh, I'm sorry, Henry,
869
00:36:15,549 --> 00:36:16,759
it's called alpha stacking.
870
00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:19,261
So, if you have a title
that starts with A for example,
871
00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:21,722
like, An Idiot Dad,
then all of a sudden
872
00:36:21,806 --> 00:36:23,974
now it really optimizes
the search engines
873
00:36:24,058 --> 00:36:25,601
- and the VoD placement.
- Okay.
874
00:36:25,685 --> 00:36:27,353
- Right. Yeah, good.
- Alpha stacking.
875
00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:28,813
So, uh, what do you want
from us?
876
00:36:28,896 --> 00:36:31,774
Well, I think if we can get
one of Henry's little,
877
00:36:31,857 --> 00:36:34,610
um, silly songs
over to Matt and Zack,
878
00:36:34,694 --> 00:36:36,779
and they could put it up
on Chumpster.
879
00:36:36,862 --> 00:36:37,488
Uh-hmm.
880
00:36:37,571 --> 00:36:38,989
I don't know,
let's see how it does.
881
00:36:39,073 --> 00:36:40,967
Right? Can't hurt.
And everything these guys touch
882
00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:43,119
really does go viral.
Did you guys happen to catch
883
00:36:43,202 --> 00:36:44,745
what they did
with the American skin...
884
00:36:44,829 --> 00:36:46,848
Oh, I love that one.
...promo campaign could... yeah.
885
00:36:46,872 --> 00:36:48,457
It's where the Hollywood
masseur has sex
886
00:36:48,541 --> 00:36:49,625
with all of his customers.
887
00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:50,876
Yeah, tattoo artist, yeah.
888
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,753
And these guys
are just really amazing.
889
00:36:52,837 --> 00:36:54,296
And, you know,
if we could get a song
890
00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:56,340
actually it's got some
good keywords in it,
891
00:36:56,424 --> 00:36:57,984
that would really help
with trafficking,
892
00:36:58,050 --> 00:36:59,844
you know, something,
like, cocks, balls
893
00:36:59,927 --> 00:37:02,263
- and tits, farts, uh...
- Oh.
894
00:37:02,346 --> 00:37:06,517
...clits.
Maybe And Balls and Tits, right?
895
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,728
You know, I'll call Stupid Joe,
896
00:37:08,811 --> 00:37:10,479
and we could set up
a taping there.
897
00:37:10,563 --> 00:37:12,040
I mean, if he knows
it's for Now Channel...
898
00:37:12,064 --> 00:37:13,904
Well, that's a good place
to shoot, good sound,
899
00:37:13,983 --> 00:37:15,901
good lighting, yeah,
and we could knock it out.
900
00:37:16,152 --> 00:37:17,903
Okay. Terrific.
901
00:37:17,987 --> 00:37:19,363
Great. Excellent.
Terrific.
902
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:20,948
Thanks, Mara.
903
00:37:21,407 --> 00:37:22,908
- Great meeting you.
- Pleasure.
904
00:37:22,992 --> 00:37:25,619
Oh. Nice to see you.
Thank you.
905
00:37:25,703 --> 00:37:26,787
Well, welcome to LA.
906
00:37:26,871 --> 00:37:27,871
Yeah.
907
00:37:28,289 --> 00:37:29,415
Did you park in the garage?
908
00:37:29,498 --> 00:37:31,667
Actually, um...
His car got stolen.
909
00:37:31,751 --> 00:37:32,751
Oh, no, when?
910
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:34,462
It was literally
like a half hour
911
00:37:34,545 --> 00:37:36,589
after I got to LA.
912
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,341
Cops are trying to find it.
913
00:37:39,425 --> 00:37:41,469
Well, yeah, that'll happen.
914
00:37:42,136 --> 00:37:43,846
Sucks.
915
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:44,764
Oh, I'm sorry.
916
00:37:44,847 --> 00:37:47,975
That should be
the first episode.
917
00:37:48,058 --> 00:37:49,685
So, here I am,
a young guy,
918
00:37:49,769 --> 00:37:51,604
basically fresh
off the bus, right?
919
00:37:51,687 --> 00:37:53,522
Here in LA.
No clue.
920
00:37:53,606 --> 00:37:54,482
Wet behind the ears.
921
00:37:54,565 --> 00:37:56,650
Uh-hmm.
But I know one thing.
922
00:37:56,734 --> 00:37:58,235
I know what I want.
923
00:37:58,360 --> 00:37:59,945
Unfortunately,
I got a distant cousin
924
00:38:00,070 --> 00:38:02,448
who manages to set me up
a meeting with the guy,
925
00:38:02,615 --> 00:38:05,117
a producer who's pretty high
up the ladder at MGM.
926
00:38:05,284 --> 00:38:07,369
Okay.
So, we're having lunch
927
00:38:07,495 --> 00:38:10,581
and it's going fine,
you know, small talk.
928
00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:13,292
And then I don't know
where I got the nerve
929
00:38:13,417 --> 00:38:14,418
to do this, but, uh,
930
00:38:14,543 --> 00:38:15,663
right in the middle of lunch
931
00:38:15,711 --> 00:38:16,796
I just dropped my fork,
932
00:38:16,921 --> 00:38:18,672
I looked the guy in the eyes
and I go,
933
00:38:18,798 --> 00:38:20,466
"I want in."
934
00:38:21,091 --> 00:38:22,384
And he's looking at me, like,
935
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:24,345
"What in? In what?"
You know.
936
00:38:24,470 --> 00:38:26,472
And I go, "You know
what I'm talking about,
937
00:38:26,597 --> 00:38:27,348
in the business.
938
00:38:27,473 --> 00:38:30,518
And I know you're a guy
who can get me there."
939
00:38:30,643 --> 00:38:32,770
I said,
"Hey, I might be nobody,
940
00:38:32,895 --> 00:38:34,772
but a few years from now?
I'm gonna be somebody
941
00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:36,273
to be reckoned with
in this town
942
00:38:36,398 --> 00:38:38,442
and if you don't
help me out now,
943
00:38:38,567 --> 00:38:40,167
I might not be
all that easy to deal with
944
00:38:40,194 --> 00:38:42,988
when our paths cross again."
That was it.
945
00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:44,656
I was in.
946
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:46,742
Wow, that's how
you do it.
947
00:38:46,867 --> 00:38:48,035
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll say, yeah.
948
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,763
I mean, people can sense
when you're determined,
949
00:38:49,787 --> 00:38:51,097
you know.
And they don't wanna get
950
00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:52,808
in the way of that.
Yeah, I wish I had a little bit
951
00:38:52,832 --> 00:38:54,792
more of that in me.
952
00:38:55,376 --> 00:38:56,377
You see this before?
953
00:38:56,502 --> 00:38:58,170
The celebrity tombstones?
954
00:38:58,295 --> 00:38:59,088
Merv Griffin,
955
00:38:59,213 --> 00:39:01,549
"I will not be right back
after this message."
956
00:39:01,674 --> 00:39:03,259
- All right, that's good.
- That's good.
957
00:39:03,384 --> 00:39:04,986
My absolute favorite
is Rodney Dangerfield,
958
00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:07,972
he knew his plaque
was next to Dean Martin
959
00:39:08,097 --> 00:39:09,223
and, uh, Marilyn Monroe.
960
00:39:09,348 --> 00:39:11,183
So, the epitaph,
there goes the neighborhood.
961
00:39:11,308 --> 00:39:14,103
- Oh, yeah, it's very...
- I love Rodney.
962
00:39:14,228 --> 00:39:16,730
Who's Arnie "Rimshot" Roberts?
963
00:39:16,856 --> 00:39:18,124
You see,
he was another comedian.
964
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:20,276
People don't really talk
about him here anymore.
965
00:39:20,401 --> 00:39:25,197
Always a gentleman,
but never a gentleman.
966
00:39:25,698 --> 00:39:27,616
I think I know
why nobody talks about him.
967
00:39:27,741 --> 00:39:29,061
No, there was a story
behind that.
968
00:39:29,159 --> 00:39:31,370
Apparently,
what Arnie really meant was,
969
00:39:31,495 --> 00:39:35,124
always a gentleman,
but never a gentle man.
970
00:39:35,249 --> 00:39:36,667
Oh, okay.
Okay?
971
00:39:36,792 --> 00:39:37,792
And then, after he died,
972
00:39:37,835 --> 00:39:39,962
some moron assistant
just typed it up wrong
973
00:39:40,087 --> 00:39:41,565
and sent it off
to the mortuary like that.
974
00:39:41,589 --> 00:39:44,633
Wait, so, this guy's
got a typo on his tombstone?
975
00:39:44,758 --> 00:39:48,679
Because this idiot assistant
didn't get the joke?
976
00:39:48,762 --> 00:39:50,306
Yeah, pretty much.
977
00:39:51,557 --> 00:39:52,975
Well, that bums me out.
978
00:39:53,100 --> 00:39:55,436
- Depressing.
- Yeah.
979
00:39:59,899 --> 00:40:00,899
Oh, hey, uh, Stupid.
980
00:40:00,941 --> 00:40:03,611
Hey, look at this,
the big TV star, get in here.
981
00:40:03,736 --> 00:40:05,613
Oh, yeah.
Heard about the network deal.
982
00:40:05,738 --> 00:40:07,156
Congratulations to you, sir.
983
00:40:07,281 --> 00:40:08,824
- Thanks.
- Hey, uh, ask them
984
00:40:08,949 --> 00:40:10,409
if they need
a theme song.
985
00:40:10,534 --> 00:40:12,012
Actually, you know what?
I got a new one.
986
00:40:12,036 --> 00:40:13,370
I think it's gonna be
a big hit.
987
00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:15,015
Tell me what you think of this.
Uh-hmm.
988
00:40:15,122 --> 00:40:18,542
♪ Let Jesus in your life
with elation ♪
989
00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:21,795
♪ Sanctify your sanctification ♪
990
00:40:22,504 --> 00:40:25,341
Okay. So, it's like... yeah, yeah.
A Christian song?
991
00:40:25,424 --> 00:40:27,092
Christian,
Christian song, yeah.
992
00:40:27,217 --> 00:40:29,553
Oh, are you Christian or?
No, no, here's the deal.
993
00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:31,805
I love religions of all type.
Yeah, yeah.
994
00:40:31,931 --> 00:40:33,474
As long they're good people,
you know.
995
00:40:33,599 --> 00:40:34,808
Oh, sure.
But the deal is,
996
00:40:34,934 --> 00:40:36,226
nobody's music anymore.
997
00:40:36,352 --> 00:40:39,730
Except for Christian rock.
Christians.
998
00:40:39,855 --> 00:40:41,106
Exactly.
So, I'm thinking, hell,
999
00:40:41,690 --> 00:40:44,026
I can probably write the shit
out of a Christian song.
1000
00:40:44,234 --> 00:40:46,445
Why not throw my hat
into the ring, right?
1001
00:40:46,570 --> 00:40:48,280
- Sure.
- Anyways, congratulations
1002
00:40:48,405 --> 00:40:49,740
on your success.
Oh, thanks.
1003
00:40:49,865 --> 00:40:51,301
Well, it's still
just a development deal.
1004
00:40:51,325 --> 00:40:53,005
Just a development?
What is wrong with you?
1005
00:40:53,035 --> 00:40:54,595
You just sold a show
to the Now Channel.
1006
00:40:54,662 --> 00:40:57,957
Why don't you live a little?
Hey, can I help you?
1007
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,760
Yeah. Hi, I'm Dave.
I'm from the Now Channel
1008
00:40:59,833 --> 00:41:01,269
- to check...
- Oh, yeah, you're here
1009
00:41:01,293 --> 00:41:02,670
to tape this guy, right?
Yeah.
1010
00:41:02,753 --> 00:41:04,338
Oh, good.
Well, just go talk to Lance,
1011
00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:05,297
he'll take care of everything.
1012
00:41:05,381 --> 00:41:06,981
Okay, great.
Because I just wanna ask him
1013
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:08,926
about lighting
and then some sound issues
1014
00:41:09,051 --> 00:41:12,471
and, uh, my penis is in my anus.
1015
00:41:12,596 --> 00:41:13,847
There you go.
1016
00:41:13,973 --> 00:41:14,973
Big fan.
1017
00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:17,142
I appreciate it.
Penis in my anus.
1018
00:41:17,267 --> 00:41:19,478
Thank you very much.
Wow, that's an oldie.
1019
00:41:19,603 --> 00:41:22,815
Well, I used to intern
at X Company Record, so.
1020
00:41:22,940 --> 00:41:24,358
Hey, Fabian man,
I love him.
1021
00:41:24,483 --> 00:41:25,752
And I ran to him
at a coffee shop
1022
00:41:25,776 --> 00:41:26,819
the other day.
Uh-hmm.
1023
00:41:26,944 --> 00:41:28,224
I asked him
how things are going.
1024
00:41:28,278 --> 00:41:31,240
He asked me if I needed
room for cream.
1025
00:41:32,157 --> 00:41:33,367
Fucking rich.
All right, Dave.
1026
00:41:33,492 --> 00:41:34,732
Go take yours.
Nice meeting you,
1027
00:41:34,785 --> 00:41:36,262
I appreciate you, good luck.
Likewise.
1028
00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:39,248
All right. Bye.
Dickies, let's go-es.
1029
00:41:43,293 --> 00:41:45,879
I think your persona
definitely matches
1030
00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:46,880
the jokes that you do.
1031
00:41:47,006 --> 00:41:48,966
And I've seen a lot of comics,
1032
00:41:49,091 --> 00:41:51,093
that try to avoid that.
And I don't know,
1033
00:41:51,176 --> 00:41:52,278
I think
what you're doing's great.
1034
00:41:52,302 --> 00:41:53,637
Really?
That's so good to hear.
1035
00:41:53,762 --> 00:41:55,242
Because a lot of my friends
and family
1036
00:41:55,347 --> 00:41:56,515
think that I'm not fat enough
1037
00:41:56,640 --> 00:41:58,434
to tell fat jokes
about myself.
1038
00:41:58,559 --> 00:41:59,559
Oh, I think you are.
1039
00:41:59,643 --> 00:42:01,061
- I mean, uh...
- Hey, like, hey,
1040
00:42:01,186 --> 00:42:02,521
there you are.
Oh, gosh.
1041
00:42:02,646 --> 00:42:03,646
Come, come with me.
1042
00:42:03,689 --> 00:42:05,566
I invited some people
from my tennis club
1043
00:42:05,691 --> 00:42:08,652
and they're right over here.
Let me introduce you.
1044
00:42:08,777 --> 00:42:10,946
- Hi, everybody.
- Hello.
1045
00:42:11,071 --> 00:42:13,574
This is Henry,
and this is Frank.
1046
00:42:13,699 --> 00:42:14,783
Hi, Frank.
Uh, Phil.
1047
00:42:14,908 --> 00:42:16,326
Oh, Phil.
I'm sorry.
1048
00:42:16,452 --> 00:42:17,661
You're Frank.
No.
1049
00:42:17,786 --> 00:42:20,289
Mark?
I'm Jim, this is my wife, Mary.
1050
00:42:20,414 --> 00:42:22,416
Uh, I'm sorry.
Who are you?
1051
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:24,168
Oh, I'm Ellen.
1052
00:42:24,293 --> 00:42:26,837
And this was Henry,
you know,
1053
00:42:26,962 --> 00:42:28,130
singer or songwriter.
1054
00:42:28,255 --> 00:42:29,506
Troubadour extraordinaire.
1055
00:42:29,631 --> 00:42:31,111
And let me make sure
I get this right.
1056
00:42:31,216 --> 00:42:34,386
He's a singer, songwriter,
troubadour extraordinaire
1057
00:42:34,511 --> 00:42:37,681
who plays clubs
and coffee houses nationwide.
1058
00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,433
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's give it up
1059
00:42:39,558 --> 00:42:41,852
for Henry Phillips.
1060
00:42:46,565 --> 00:42:48,901
Hey, thanks, everybody.
1061
00:42:49,026 --> 00:42:50,027
This is just a song
1062
00:42:50,152 --> 00:42:52,571
that I wrote
and I hope you enjoy it.
1063
00:42:55,699 --> 00:42:58,994
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1064
00:42:59,620 --> 00:43:03,040
♪ No one knows
what she's all about ♪
1065
00:43:03,540 --> 00:43:06,376
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1066
00:43:07,086 --> 00:43:11,423
♪ No one knows what she does ♪
1067
00:43:11,548 --> 00:43:14,718
♪ She says she doesn't
have a job ♪
1068
00:43:14,843 --> 00:43:16,220
♪ But she drives a Ferrari ♪
1069
00:43:16,345 --> 00:43:19,640
♪ And she lives
in Beverly Hills ♪
1070
00:43:19,765 --> 00:43:22,518
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1071
00:43:23,185 --> 00:43:26,146
♪ No one knows
what she's all about ♪
1072
00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:29,483
♪ She comes home
late in the evening ♪
1073
00:43:29,817 --> 00:43:33,445
♪ Says she's not in the mood
for love ♪
1074
00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:36,782
♪ She got rug burns
on her knees ♪
1075
00:43:36,907 --> 00:43:40,035
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1076
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:44,915
♪ No one knows what she does ♪
1077
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,543
♪ Once I found this weird ♪
1078
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:48,836
♪ Fucking dildo thing ♪
1079
00:43:48,961 --> 00:43:51,255
♪ In the top drawer
of her dresser ♪
1080
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:54,424
♪ She got a tattoo
on her ass that says ♪
1081
00:43:54,716 --> 00:43:56,385
♪ Insert cock here ♪
1082
00:43:56,510 --> 00:43:59,179
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1083
00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:02,266
♪ No one knows
what she's all about ♪
1084
00:44:02,558 --> 00:44:05,227
Hey, Henry,
so I just spoke to Jay.
1085
00:44:05,352 --> 00:44:07,146
And he said Mara
at the Now Channel
1086
00:44:07,271 --> 00:44:08,271
really liked the video
1087
00:44:08,355 --> 00:44:09,940
and they're ready
to make an offer.
1088
00:44:10,065 --> 00:44:11,665
Oh, that's awesome.
Did they say anything
1089
00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:13,053
about when we were
gonna get paid?
1090
00:44:13,152 --> 00:44:14,903
Well, Jay said
it might take a little while,
1091
00:44:15,028 --> 00:44:16,655
but I could get you
some regional gigs
1092
00:44:16,780 --> 00:44:18,490
to sign you over
if you're up for it.
1093
00:44:18,615 --> 00:44:21,493
How about next Thursday
at the Nugget Hotel in Nevada?
1094
00:44:21,618 --> 00:44:24,580
I had a client in there earlier,
but he pulled out,
1095
00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:26,081
so this would be perfect.
1096
00:44:26,206 --> 00:44:27,374
And that pays 500 bucks.
1097
00:44:27,499 --> 00:44:30,169
And then, if you go up there
the night before,
1098
00:44:30,294 --> 00:44:34,214
uh, there's a place called
The Folk House in Ukiah.
1099
00:44:34,339 --> 00:44:36,633
And they $250 and both of these,
1100
00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:37,801
of course, include hotel.
1101
00:44:37,926 --> 00:44:40,095
I guess, I should
probably write this down.
1102
00:44:40,220 --> 00:44:41,346
Oh, nonsense, Henry.
1103
00:44:41,471 --> 00:44:42,472
I'll send you an email.
1104
00:44:42,598 --> 00:44:43,974
Come on,
this is the 20th century.
1105
00:44:44,099 --> 00:44:46,452
Oh, and here's the best news.
You could take the Greyhound bus
1106
00:44:46,476 --> 00:44:48,145
for the whole trip
and it won't cost you
1107
00:44:48,270 --> 00:44:49,313
more than a hundred bucks.
1108
00:44:49,438 --> 00:44:51,481
So, should I lock it in
for next weekend?
1109
00:44:51,607 --> 00:44:53,066
Yeah, let's do it.
1110
00:44:56,695 --> 00:44:57,487
Hey. Good morning.
1111
00:44:57,613 --> 00:44:59,656
- Oh, hey, guys, how's it going?
- Good.
1112
00:44:59,781 --> 00:45:02,826
Just making some gourmet coffee
that I bought.
1113
00:45:02,951 --> 00:45:05,537
Ooh, congrats.
Yeah.
1114
00:45:05,662 --> 00:45:07,539
Hey, um, do you have
a minute?
1115
00:45:07,664 --> 00:45:09,374
Yeah. ls everything okay or?
1116
00:45:09,499 --> 00:45:13,086
Yeah, we just wanna
talk to you.
1117
00:45:13,212 --> 00:45:15,923
Nothing bad.
Okay. Yeah.
1118
00:45:16,924 --> 00:45:18,342
Okay-
1119
00:45:19,134 --> 00:45:22,679
What's happening?
Well, um,
1120
00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:24,389
our, uh,
adoption plans
1121
00:45:24,514 --> 00:45:26,892
are starting to look
kind of iffy
1122
00:45:27,017 --> 00:45:30,229
and we... we're, kind of,
getting cold feet
1123
00:45:30,354 --> 00:45:32,814
about the. Fest-Adopt process.
Yeah.
1124
00:45:32,940 --> 00:45:35,776
- Sorry to hear that.
- Yeah, thanks.
1125
00:45:35,901 --> 00:45:38,946
And so, Zoe and I
1126
00:45:39,071 --> 00:45:42,950
were thinking about...
1127
00:45:43,075 --> 00:45:44,534
Well, we're wondering
1128
00:45:44,660 --> 00:45:47,704
if you would father
our child.
1129
00:45:48,247 --> 00:45:50,916
Yeah, I mean,
if you think about it, Henry,
1130
00:45:51,041 --> 00:45:53,877
it makes perfect sense.
1131
00:45:54,002 --> 00:45:55,420
I mean, you and I are...
1132
00:45:56,129 --> 00:45:57,589
No.
I know what you guys
1133
00:45:57,673 --> 00:45:59,400
have been going through
and how hard it's gonna be
1134
00:45:59,424 --> 00:46:02,010
and, you know,
I would do anything for you.
1135
00:46:02,302 --> 00:46:04,930
Thanks.
But, um,
1136
00:46:05,055 --> 00:46:07,975
I mean, that's a pretty heavy
thing to think about.
1137
00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:10,477
Like, would l...
would I be involved
1138
00:46:10,602 --> 00:46:12,479
in the child's life?
Oh, God, no.
1139
00:46:12,604 --> 00:46:15,065
We wouldn't let you
near the child.
1140
00:46:15,190 --> 00:46:16,483
Oh, yeah.
1141
00:46:16,608 --> 00:46:19,111
Um, I, uh...
1142
00:46:19,236 --> 00:46:21,363
and then,
how does that work?
1143
00:46:21,488 --> 00:46:22,281
Like, is it, like,
1144
00:46:22,406 --> 00:46:24,783
a in vitro or...
No, no.
1145
00:46:24,908 --> 00:46:27,452
Actually, that's
a very expensive procedure
1146
00:46:27,577 --> 00:46:29,079
and it's not
always successful.
1147
00:46:29,204 --> 00:46:30,872
Uh-hmm.
So, what we were hoping for
1148
00:46:30,998 --> 00:46:34,710
was that we could do it
the old-fashioned way.
1149
00:46:34,835 --> 00:46:36,962
You know, wearing bonnets.
1150
00:46:37,087 --> 00:46:39,298
I'm sorry.
Old-fashioned
1151
00:46:39,423 --> 00:46:40,841
and that would mean,
1152
00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:43,260
unfortunately, you'd have
to have sex with Zoe,
1153
00:46:43,385 --> 00:46:45,595
so my apologies ahead of time.
1154
00:46:45,721 --> 00:46:46,930
You know,
we're both okay
1155
00:46:47,055 --> 00:46:49,891
with the idea of you
guys having sex
1156
00:46:50,017 --> 00:46:53,854
and, um, we just really
wanna make sure
1157
00:46:53,979 --> 00:46:54,979
you're comfortable
1158
00:46:55,063 --> 00:46:56,106
and that you know
1159
00:46:56,231 --> 00:47:00,110
that there is zero obligation
on your part.
1160
00:47:00,235 --> 00:47:02,529
And that we're more
than happy
1161
00:47:02,654 --> 00:47:05,282
to have a contract
with you,
1162
00:47:05,407 --> 00:47:07,576
or just...
Well, that's not the issue.
1163
00:47:07,701 --> 00:47:09,328
I mean, um,
1164
00:47:09,453 --> 00:47:10,847
I guess, it's just...
it's pretty heavy.
1165
00:47:10,871 --> 00:47:12,414
- So, I'm trying to kind of...
- Yeah.
1166
00:47:12,539 --> 00:47:14,666
And honestly, we don't
need an answer right now.
1167
00:47:14,791 --> 00:47:18,003
You can think about it.
If you have any questions,
1168
00:47:18,128 --> 00:47:18,879
there's no rush.
1169
00:47:19,004 --> 00:47:20,172
Yeah, I mean,
you know,
1170
00:47:20,297 --> 00:47:22,215
finish your coffee
and then give us an answer.
1171
00:47:22,341 --> 00:47:24,718
Might need more time than that,
but how about this,
1172
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:28,013
I promise that I will give it
a lot of thought,
1173
00:47:28,138 --> 00:47:30,307
and I'll consider it,
and I'll ask if I have any
1174
00:47:30,432 --> 00:47:32,184
- other questions about it.
- Thanks.
1175
00:47:32,309 --> 00:47:34,102
- And, um...
- Great.
1176
00:47:34,227 --> 00:47:35,520
We'll, then
it's out there and...
1177
00:47:35,645 --> 00:47:36,855
Uh-hmm.
Yeah.
1178
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:39,149
- Let's move on, shall we?
- Okay.
1179
00:47:39,232 --> 00:47:42,319
His name was Arnie
"Rimshot" Roberts.
1180
00:47:42,402 --> 00:47:44,946
So, anyway,
he wanted it to say,
1181
00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:46,365
"Never a gentle man."
1182
00:47:46,448 --> 00:47:49,201
So, this poor guy's got a typo
on his tombstone
1183
00:47:49,284 --> 00:47:52,120
for all of eternity
because, uh“.
1184
00:47:52,204 --> 00:47:53,747
Hey, how's it going?
1185
00:47:53,830 --> 00:47:54,581
Hi. Good.
1186
00:47:54,664 --> 00:47:57,751
Oh. Somebody smells good.
1187
00:47:57,834 --> 00:48:00,504
Who is it?
Come here.
1188
00:48:03,048 --> 00:48:05,092
All right, next round on me.
Drinks for everyone.
1189
00:48:05,175 --> 00:48:06,802
- So, Henry.
- Yeah.
1190
00:48:06,885 --> 00:48:08,428
Do you have a girlfriend?
1191
00:48:08,512 --> 00:48:09,137
I don't.
1192
00:48:09,221 --> 00:48:12,140
I did for a couple of years.
But it's hard, you know,
1193
00:48:12,224 --> 00:48:13,704
with all the road work
and everything.
1194
00:48:13,767 --> 00:48:15,807
- I don't know how you do it.
- Dude, you know what?
1195
00:48:15,852 --> 00:48:17,580
There's this girl
in my acting class called Hanna.
1196
00:48:17,604 --> 00:48:19,731
You would love her,
I should introduce you.
1197
00:48:19,815 --> 00:48:20,482
Sure.
1198
00:48:20,565 --> 00:48:22,067
- How about I do it right now?
- No.
1199
00:48:22,150 --> 00:48:23,586
No, no, I'm gonna ask her
to come down.
1200
00:48:23,610 --> 00:48:25,171
I'm not even dressed up.
Yeah, you look right.
1201
00:48:25,195 --> 00:48:26,547
What are you worried about?
Come on.
1202
00:48:26,571 --> 00:48:27,882
I'm wearing a jersey.
Okay. l... it's ringing.
1203
00:48:27,906 --> 00:48:29,157
It doesn't matter.
Come on.
1204
00:48:30,617 --> 00:48:31,827
Hi, Hanna.
1205
00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:34,162
What are you
up to tonight?
1206
00:48:34,246 --> 00:48:35,486
Great. Well, why don't you come
1207
00:48:35,539 --> 00:48:37,874
down at Stupid Joe's
and meet my friend?
1208
00:48:39,876 --> 00:48:43,630
Uh, I would say he's in his 40s,
1209
00:48:43,713 --> 00:48:44,965
40-ish.
1210
00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:47,759
Uh, blonde type hair.
1211
00:48:49,219 --> 00:48:50,679
Uh, comedian.
1212
00:48:51,054 --> 00:48:52,782
- But he does music.
- And he also does music
1213
00:48:52,806 --> 00:48:53,723
as well. He's...
1214
00:48:53,807 --> 00:48:55,308
well, half comedian,
half musician.
1215
00:48:55,392 --> 00:48:56,726
So, he does both.
1216
00:48:57,644 --> 00:48:58,728
Oh.
1217
00:49:01,398 --> 00:49:03,400
Okay. All right then.
1218
00:49:03,483 --> 00:49:05,193
Well, feel better.
1219
00:49:05,277 --> 00:49:06,319
Okay. Bye-bye-
1220
00:49:07,446 --> 00:49:09,448
Yeah.
She's not feeling good.
1221
00:49:09,531 --> 00:49:12,200
Let's not do that again.
1222
00:49:24,921 --> 00:49:27,132
Guys, I'm gonna go
to the, um,
1223
00:49:28,091 --> 00:49:29,885
just go to the bar.
Yeah.
1224
00:49:29,968 --> 00:49:31,595
Come on, man.
1225
00:49:39,102 --> 00:49:42,105
Hey, can I, uh,
get one more?
1226
00:49:42,189 --> 00:49:43,648
Yeah.
1227
00:49:45,442 --> 00:49:46,776
Thanks.
For you.
1228
00:49:46,860 --> 00:49:48,236
Thank you.
1229
00:49:48,987 --> 00:49:51,323
So, are you from LA
originally or?
1230
00:49:51,740 --> 00:49:54,701
No, I'm from Iowa actually.
1231
00:49:54,784 --> 00:49:56,620
Oh, what part
of Iowa?
1232
00:49:56,703 --> 00:49:57,621
It's a small town.
1233
00:49:57,704 --> 00:49:59,414
You've never heard of it.
1234
00:49:59,498 --> 00:50:00,582
Try me.
1235
00:50:00,665 --> 00:50:02,000
Okay. Burlington.
1236
00:50:02,083 --> 00:50:03,919
Burlington. Yeah.
Right by the river there,
1237
00:50:04,002 --> 00:50:05,587
south of Bettendorf
and all of that.
1238
00:50:05,670 --> 00:50:06,671
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
1239
00:50:06,755 --> 00:50:08,507
Have you heard of Chopper's
Billiards there?
1240
00:50:08,590 --> 00:50:11,259
Yeah. I worked there
in high school.
1241
00:50:11,343 --> 00:50:12,093
Oh, weird.
1242
00:50:12,177 --> 00:50:14,304
Wow. How do you
know Burlington?
1243
00:50:14,387 --> 00:50:16,014
I travel for a living.
1244
00:50:16,097 --> 00:50:17,432
Okay-
1245
00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:20,519
So, are you single or, uh...
1246
00:50:20,602 --> 00:50:23,188
lam. Yeah, uh,
just recently actually.
1247
00:50:23,271 --> 00:50:25,315
- Just recently? Okay.
- Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm.
1248
00:50:25,398 --> 00:50:28,985
Seeing this guy and I just...
I had to break things off.
1249
00:50:29,069 --> 00:50:30,654
Oh, why is that?
1250
00:50:30,737 --> 00:50:32,697
He traveled for a living.
1251
00:50:32,781 --> 00:50:33,448
Oh.
1252
00:50:33,532 --> 00:50:35,742
You know, we're closing
in like 10 minute, so...
1253
00:50:35,825 --> 00:50:37,619
Okay.
If you could just finish up.
1254
00:50:37,702 --> 00:50:39,371
Thank you.
No problem.
1255
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,623
Hey, guys.
1256
00:51:00,809 --> 00:51:02,602
Hey, Jillian.
1257
00:51:02,686 --> 00:51:05,146
Um, I wanted to call
and say that, uh,
1258
00:51:05,230 --> 00:51:06,815
I was thinking
about what you guys
1259
00:51:06,898 --> 00:51:08,149
were saying earlier.
1260
00:51:08,358 --> 00:51:09,358
And, um,
1261
00:51:09,943 --> 00:51:12,362
I've always wanted
to be there for you,
1262
00:51:12,445 --> 00:51:14,531
and I know
what you're going through,
1263
00:51:14,614 --> 00:51:17,617
and I just have
thought about it,
1264
00:51:17,701 --> 00:51:20,036
and I wanted to say that, um,
1265
00:51:20,704 --> 00:51:21,830
I'll do it.
1266
00:51:22,247 --> 00:51:23,832
Uh, I'll have sex with Zoe.
1267
00:51:27,586 --> 00:51:29,588
I mean, tonight.
1268
00:51:30,797 --> 00:51:33,091
Owls can rotate
their heads and necks
1269
00:51:33,174 --> 00:51:35,969
as much as 270 degrees.
1270
00:51:36,595 --> 00:51:39,097
So, I just wanna be
a hundred percent certain
1271
00:51:39,264 --> 00:51:42,267
that you guys
are totally fine with this.
1272
00:51:42,350 --> 00:51:43,560
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
1273
00:51:43,643 --> 00:51:45,270
And she's fine with it?
Yup, yeah.
1274
00:51:45,353 --> 00:51:46,605
Okay.
That's fine, it's fine.
1275
00:51:46,688 --> 00:51:47,688
All right.
1276
00:51:48,607 --> 00:51:49,482
Okay?
Okay,
1277
00:51:49,566 --> 00:51:51,151
Okay. Great.
Yeah, let's...
1278
00:51:51,234 --> 00:51:52,027
Let's have sex.
1279
00:51:52,110 --> 00:51:53,236
Yeah.
1280
00:51:58,116 --> 00:51:59,826
Here. Um, oh, yeah.
1281
00:51:59,951 --> 00:52:00,952
Let me.
1282
00:52:05,874 --> 00:52:07,375
Okay-
1283
00:52:07,834 --> 00:52:09,502
Um...
1284
00:52:12,172 --> 00:52:13,923
this.
Yeah.
1285
00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:15,342
Okay-
1286
00:52:16,092 --> 00:52:17,344
All right.
Okay.
1287
00:52:17,427 --> 00:52:18,887
Is this fine? Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
1288
00:52:18,970 --> 00:52:22,140
And do you want me
to do anything or.
1289
00:52:22,223 --> 00:52:24,392
Uh, just... it's fine.
Whatever.
1290
00:52:24,517 --> 00:52:25,894
Okay-
1291
00:52:31,858 --> 00:52:33,568
And thanks again.
1292
00:52:33,652 --> 00:52:35,737
Oh, yeah, no problem.
1293
00:52:37,072 --> 00:52:41,660
Unite in a very large
anastomosis or junction.
1294
00:52:43,078 --> 00:52:44,204
Okay.
I think it's.
1295
00:52:44,287 --> 00:52:46,039
Yeah? Okay.
Yeah.
1296
00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:47,832
I think it's ready.
1297
00:52:48,625 --> 00:52:49,834
Great.
1298
00:52:57,592 --> 00:52:59,135
- Oh.
- Oh.
1299
00:52:59,219 --> 00:53:01,596
- Oh, no.
- Are you okay?
1300
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,431
Shit.
1301
00:53:03,515 --> 00:53:05,475
I'm sorry.
I, um,
1302
00:53:06,393 --> 00:53:07,560
I might have fucked up.
1303
00:53:07,644 --> 00:53:09,104
What just happened?
1304
00:53:09,187 --> 00:53:10,522
I, uh...
1305
00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:14,109
What?
Um, I pulled out.
1306
00:53:14,943 --> 00:53:15,735
Are you serious?
1307
00:53:15,819 --> 00:53:17,404
Yeah,
I think it was, like,
1308
00:53:17,487 --> 00:53:19,322
an instinctive thing.
Oh, my God.
1309
00:53:19,406 --> 00:53:22,492
I'm sorry.
Unbelievable.
1310
00:53:22,575 --> 00:53:23,868
What's going on in here?
1311
00:53:23,952 --> 00:53:26,621
Um, it's just, uh.
1312
00:53:26,705 --> 00:53:27,789
He pulled out.
1313
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:29,124
What does that even mean?
1314
00:53:29,207 --> 00:53:30,207
He pulled it out.
1315
00:53:30,250 --> 00:53:32,210
Well, can't you
just put it back in?
1316
00:53:32,293 --> 00:53:33,878
I... uh, it's too late.
1317
00:53:33,962 --> 00:53:34,879
Too late for what?
1318
00:53:34,963 --> 00:53:36,464
Are we on a time crunch
or something?
1319
00:53:36,548 --> 00:53:38,299
- We basically just had sex.
- So awful.
1320
00:53:38,383 --> 00:53:40,468
Like it was
a complete waste.
1321
00:53:40,552 --> 00:53:41,845
Jerk.
I'm so sorry.
1322
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:45,724
I just... maybe I'm just used
to doing that or something.
1323
00:53:45,807 --> 00:53:47,976
I guess,
I just wasn't thinking,
1324
00:53:48,059 --> 00:53:49,059
um, but I mean,
1325
00:53:49,102 --> 00:53:50,538
I could try it again
like in the morning.
1326
00:53:50,562 --> 00:53:53,148
No, we're not trying this
again in the morning.
1327
00:53:53,273 --> 00:53:54,273
Well.
1328
00:53:54,357 --> 00:53:55,942
Gross.
1329
00:54:10,915 --> 00:54:13,084
♪ Mouth fuck ♪
1330
00:54:13,168 --> 00:54:14,437
You're listening
to Sharon Levine
1331
00:54:14,461 --> 00:54:15,879
and you're listening
to Mouth Fuck
1332
00:54:15,962 --> 00:54:19,382
and I am here with comedian,
Henry Phillips.
1333
00:54:19,466 --> 00:54:22,260
Henry, you are, um,
1334
00:54:22,343 --> 00:54:23,678
in this area why?
1335
00:54:23,762 --> 00:54:24,596
Why are you up?
1336
00:54:24,721 --> 00:54:26,222
I'm doing a little bit
of a tour,
1337
00:54:26,347 --> 00:54:27,347
a mini tour if you will.
1338
00:54:27,432 --> 00:54:29,058
As a matter of fact,
actually tomorrow,
1339
00:54:29,184 --> 00:54:30,727
I'm gonna be in Northern Nevada
1340
00:54:30,852 --> 00:54:32,854
at a place called The Nugget.
1341
00:54:32,979 --> 00:54:34,564
It's in, uh, Carson City.
1342
00:54:34,689 --> 00:54:37,442
Check out
Henry Phillips tomorrow
1343
00:54:37,567 --> 00:54:39,068
at the Golden Nugget
and I love...
1344
00:54:39,194 --> 00:54:41,112
No, it's, uh, just The Nugget.
1345
00:54:41,237 --> 00:54:42,822
I guess,
it's like The Golden Nugget,
1346
00:54:42,947 --> 00:54:44,073
but without all the glitz.
1347
00:54:44,199 --> 00:54:45,968
It's a place called The Nugget
that's not a part
1348
00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:47,410
Yeah.
...of The Golden Nugget?
1349
00:54:47,535 --> 00:54:49,746
I don't think
it's even remotely related.
1350
00:54:49,871 --> 00:54:51,031
I think it's just this place.
1351
00:54:51,122 --> 00:54:52,499
I don't know.
My manager set it up
1352
00:54:52,624 --> 00:54:55,919
and she is my manager
extraordinaire.
1353
00:54:56,044 --> 00:54:59,339
It's pretty typical of a lot
of the gigs that I do.
1354
00:54:59,464 --> 00:55:02,467
Like, uh, instead
of the Madison Square Garden,
1355
00:55:02,592 --> 00:55:06,262
I play at a place
called the Square Garden.
1356
00:55:15,146 --> 00:55:16,564
Hi. I'm performing tonight.
1357
00:55:16,689 --> 00:55:19,067
Um, do the performers
get a discount
1358
00:55:19,192 --> 00:55:20,401
on drinks
by any chance?
1359
00:55:20,485 --> 00:55:21,861
Hey, Jack.
It's another comedian
1360
00:55:21,945 --> 00:55:23,029
trying to mooch
free drinks.
1361
00:55:23,154 --> 00:55:25,698
Well, no, I was, uh...
No free drinks, buddy.
1362
00:55:25,782 --> 00:55:27,242
But you can get a discount.
1363
00:55:27,367 --> 00:55:28,243
That's all right.
1364
00:55:28,368 --> 00:55:29,887
Well, I'll take
a Heineken then... thanks.
1365
00:55:29,911 --> 00:55:31,496
Got it.
Also, who do I talk to
1366
00:55:31,621 --> 00:55:32,497
about sound check?
1367
00:55:32,622 --> 00:55:34,499
Go talk to Ed
right over there.
1368
00:55:36,876 --> 00:55:39,462
Hey, how's it going, Ed?
Yes, sir.
1369
00:55:39,587 --> 00:55:41,756
Yeah, I just need
to plug in a guitar.
1370
00:55:42,632 --> 00:55:44,759
No. We don't have
a guitar here.
1371
00:55:45,468 --> 00:55:46,668
Oh, no.
I've got my own guitar.
1372
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:48,030
I just need a place
where I can plug it in.
1373
00:55:48,054 --> 00:55:49,694
Do you have, like,
a quarter inch input on
1374
00:55:49,722 --> 00:55:50,882
the stage somewhere or, uh...
1375
00:55:50,974 --> 00:55:53,434
No. No, we're not
set up that way.
1376
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:55,329
Well, what do people do
when they need to plug in
1377
00:55:55,353 --> 00:55:57,564
their instruments
when they're doing music here?
1378
00:55:57,689 --> 00:56:00,608
The musicians come
with their own equipment.
1379
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:02,569
You're a stand-up
comedian though, right?
1380
00:56:02,694 --> 00:56:04,153
Yeah.
Just do it
1381
00:56:04,279 --> 00:56:05,822
without the guitar then.
1382
00:56:05,947 --> 00:56:07,490
I can't do it
without the guitar.
1383
00:56:07,615 --> 00:56:09,200
I sing songs
and I play the guitar.
1384
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,327
That's my whole act.
And you're coming to me
1385
00:56:11,452 --> 00:56:12,829
two hours before the show
1386
00:56:12,954 --> 00:56:14,622
with technical issues?
1387
00:56:15,164 --> 00:56:17,959
I could get another mic,
but I've only got one
1388
00:56:18,084 --> 00:56:20,545
long cord
and the console
1389
00:56:20,670 --> 00:56:23,673
is way up there
and, I mean,
1390
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:25,174
we only have two hours.
1391
00:56:25,300 --> 00:56:28,261
Well, we got to figure
something out, man.
1392
00:56:28,386 --> 00:56:30,805
All right.
1393
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:32,307
Look, you fucked up.
1394
00:56:32,432 --> 00:56:34,601
Um, I thinknl got an idea though.
1395
00:56:34,726 --> 00:56:36,352
Here, come here.
1396
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:38,520
All right.
1397
00:56:39,397 --> 00:56:41,649
Here's what I'm gonna have you
go ahead and do.
1398
00:56:42,734 --> 00:56:45,069
You find the end
of that cable.
1399
00:56:45,445 --> 00:56:48,364
I will find the end
of this cable.
1400
00:56:48,489 --> 00:56:50,825
If I hook them together,
1401
00:56:50,950 --> 00:56:54,287
we will end up with one cable
1402
00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:55,788
that is long enough
1403
00:56:55,914 --> 00:56:58,207
to reach the...
1404
00:56:58,333 --> 00:56:59,834
console.
1405
00:56:59,918 --> 00:57:00,918
Dammit.
1406
00:57:02,420 --> 00:57:04,130
Hey, you guys
having a good time tonight?
1407
00:57:05,089 --> 00:57:07,009
Sorry. We have a little bit
of a technical issue.
1408
00:57:07,091 --> 00:57:08,676
That's why I have to kind of...
1409
00:57:09,552 --> 00:57:11,304
anyway, this is a song
for my dog
1410
00:57:11,387 --> 00:57:13,264
and, uh,
I hope you enjoy it.
1411
00:57:16,893 --> 00:57:20,605
♪ Well, they say that your dog
is a man's best friend ♪
1412
00:57:21,230 --> 00:57:24,734
♪ For better or for worse,
all the way to the end ♪
1413
00:57:25,276 --> 00:57:28,655
♪ But you can't just go out
and marry your dog ♪
1414
00:57:29,280 --> 00:57:32,158
♪ Because among other things,
it's against the law ♪
1415
00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:34,994
♪ But I think
I found a way ♪
1416
00:57:35,161 --> 00:57:37,705
♪ To have the best
of both worlds ♪
1417
00:57:37,789 --> 00:57:42,293
♪ All you got to do is find
a dog type girl ♪
1418
00:57:42,377 --> 00:57:46,422
♪ I'm gonna get me
a dog type girl ♪
1419
00:57:47,090 --> 00:57:50,218
♪ Dog type girls are the finest
in the land ♪
1420
00:57:50,510 --> 00:57:51,928
♪ You just give them
little treats ♪
1421
00:57:52,011 --> 00:57:54,430
♪ And they'll obey
your commands ♪
1422
00:57:55,306 --> 00:57:58,226
♪ They always cheer you up
when the day is going crummy ♪
1423
00:57:58,977 --> 00:58:01,038
♪ And they shake their little
leg when you scratch them ♪
1424
00:58:01,062 --> 00:58:02,981
♪ On the tummy ♪
1425
00:58:03,648 --> 00:58:06,651
♪ They could travel in and out
through the doggy girl door ♪
1426
00:58:08,027 --> 00:58:11,406
♪ So, they never have to poop
on the living room floor ♪
1427
00:58:11,656 --> 00:58:13,658
♪ I'm gonna get me
a dog type girl ♪
1428
00:58:13,741 --> 00:58:15,576
♪ Dog type girl,
dog type girl ♪
1429
00:58:15,660 --> 00:58:17,203
And this is gonna be
your part, guys.
1430
00:58:17,286 --> 00:58:18,121
You're gonna go...
1431
00:58:18,204 --> 00:58:20,665
♪ He's gonna get him
a dog type girl ♪
1432
00:58:20,748 --> 00:58:21,916
Let's try that.
Three, four...
1433
00:58:22,000 --> 00:58:25,545
♪ And he's gonna get him
a dog type girl ♪
1434
00:58:25,628 --> 00:58:27,130
It's creepy as he'll,
but I like it.
1435
00:58:27,797 --> 00:58:30,925
♪ They know not to bark
and they know not to beg ♪
1436
00:58:31,175 --> 00:58:32,593
♪ And when you come home
from work ♪
1437
00:58:32,677 --> 00:58:35,096
♪ They will hump
your leg ♪
1438
00:58:35,930 --> 00:58:38,933
♪ They always like to play
with their big floppy ears ♪
1439
00:58:39,308 --> 00:58:43,354
♪ And they could only
get pregnant two times a year ♪
1440
00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:44,748
♪ But you better not cheat ♪
1441
00:58:44,772 --> 00:58:47,150
♪ Because I'm gonna
tell you what ♪
1442
00:58:47,734 --> 00:58:48,877
♪ They could tell
where you've been ♪
1443
00:58:48,901 --> 00:58:50,987
♪ Just by sniffing
on your butt ♪
1444
00:58:51,529 --> 00:58:53,364
♪ I'm gonna get me
a dog type girl ♪
1445
00:58:53,531 --> 00:58:55,783
♪ Dog type girl,
dog type girl ♪
1446
00:58:55,867 --> 00:58:56,576
Three, four.
1447
00:58:56,659 --> 00:59:00,580
♪ He's gonna get him
a dog type girl ♪
1448
00:59:10,339 --> 00:59:11,549
I'm good, man. Thanks.
1449
00:59:11,924 --> 00:59:12,967
Take it, man.
1450
00:59:13,051 --> 00:59:14,051
I'll save it for later.
1451
00:59:14,093 --> 00:59:16,387
Okay.
You guys giving me a...
1452
00:59:16,471 --> 00:59:18,431
Well, you're crazy.
1453
00:59:18,514 --> 00:59:20,892
♪ Well, they say
that you're... ♪
1454
00:59:21,100 --> 00:59:22,852
Oh, this is... ah.
1455
00:59:23,186 --> 00:59:24,312
Is this lit?
1456
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:25,855
God, it's...
1457
00:59:40,828 --> 00:59:43,039
Hello. How may I help you?
Hi, there.
1458
00:59:43,122 --> 00:59:44,373
Uh, it's Henry Phillips.
1459
00:59:44,457 --> 00:59:45,457
Okay-
1460
00:59:50,254 --> 00:59:53,007
Um, okay.
1461
00:59:53,257 --> 00:59:56,094
I'm not finding
that reservation.
1462
00:59:56,177 --> 00:59:57,303
Of course, you're not.
1463
00:59:57,386 --> 01:00:00,765
Um, let's see, you're sure...
It's two Ls?
1464
01:00:00,848 --> 01:00:02,725
Yeah.
Okay.
1465
01:00:02,809 --> 01:00:04,143
Let's check again.
1466
01:00:04,227 --> 01:00:06,521
I'm the entertainment tonight
at The Fantasy Lounge,
1467
01:00:06,604 --> 01:00:09,565
so maybe they put it
under Fantasy Lounge?
1468
01:00:09,649 --> 01:00:10,649
Okay-
1469
01:00:11,442 --> 01:00:14,070
Um, yeah, well,
1470
01:00:14,153 --> 01:00:15,571
we do have a room
that's under
1471
01:00:15,655 --> 01:00:17,990
The Fantasy Lounge,
but, um,
1472
01:00:18,074 --> 01:00:21,160
it's under someone named
Funny Guitar Boy.
1473
01:00:21,994 --> 01:00:23,454
Okay. Yeah.
1474
01:00:23,871 --> 01:00:24,997
I'll take a wild stab at it
1475
01:00:25,081 --> 01:00:26,499
and say they're talking
about me.
1476
01:00:26,582 --> 01:00:30,086
So, I'm sorry.
I have to perform at 8:00,
1477
01:00:30,169 --> 01:00:31,629
and I need to take a nap,
1478
01:00:31,712 --> 01:00:34,632
and shower, and stuff,
so if you don't mind,
1479
01:00:34,715 --> 01:00:36,884
I'd like to get checked in.
1480
01:00:36,968 --> 01:00:39,345
Okay. Okay.
So, you're Funny Guitar Boy.
1481
01:00:39,428 --> 01:00:41,430
Usually, you need
to have your full...
1482
01:00:41,514 --> 01:00:43,474
I know.
Name, but that's okay.
1483
01:00:46,561 --> 01:00:49,397
♪ And every time I call her up ♪
1484
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,232
♪ Her voicemail says ♪
1485
01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:54,944
♪ Fellatio can't come
to the phone ♪
1486
01:00:55,403 --> 01:00:58,948
♪ But she told me
her name was Lisa ♪
1487
01:00:59,157 --> 01:01:04,287
♪ She's a mystery girl ♪
1488
01:01:05,246 --> 01:01:07,915
So, how many hits
on that video?
1489
01:01:07,999 --> 01:01:09,542
Just over 11,000 views.
1490
01:01:09,625 --> 01:01:10,625
Wow. That's great.
1491
01:01:11,127 --> 01:01:13,629
Well, actually, we were hoping
for it to do a little better.
1492
01:01:13,796 --> 01:01:15,506
We tried everything.
We growled it out
1493
01:01:15,590 --> 01:01:16,990
to our hundred
thousand friendlings.
1494
01:01:17,049 --> 01:01:19,427
We had it featured
on the front page of Chumpster
1495
01:01:19,510 --> 01:01:21,387
and the appreciate
to connect to share ratio
1496
01:01:21,470 --> 01:01:24,557
is nowhere near what we had
for even the outtakes
1497
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:25,640
on An Idiot Dad.
1498
01:01:25,683 --> 01:01:26,883
Yeah, but aren't people buying
1499
01:01:26,934 --> 01:01:28,853
their friendlings
on Chumpster nowadays?
1500
01:01:28,936 --> 01:01:29,854
Oh, yeah.
1501
01:01:29,937 --> 01:01:31,230
We've already accounted
for that.
1502
01:01:31,314 --> 01:01:32,148
Yeah, listen.
1503
01:01:32,231 --> 01:01:33,417
Here are your friendlings here.
1504
01:01:33,441 --> 01:01:34,901
Now, for every hundred
of these,
1505
01:01:34,984 --> 01:01:36,819
30 are verified.
That's good.
1506
01:01:36,903 --> 01:01:39,864
Now 28, ironic,
that's not good.
1507
01:01:39,947 --> 01:01:40,990
Forty are us.
1508
01:01:41,073 --> 01:01:42,575
That looks good,
that's not good.
1509
01:01:42,658 --> 01:01:44,118
Well, why don't we have
a big show
1510
01:01:44,202 --> 01:01:45,411
and invite these people?
1511
01:01:45,494 --> 01:01:46,704
Well, unfortunately, Ellen,
1512
01:01:46,787 --> 01:01:49,081
these are not actual
human beings,
1513
01:01:49,165 --> 01:01:50,917
you know,
who will like go places.
1514
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,294
They're just computer clicks.
1515
01:01:58,466 --> 01:01:59,634
Hi.
Hi.
1516
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:01,552
I should
have a reservation.
1517
01:02:01,636 --> 01:02:03,095
Okay.
What's the name?
1518
01:02:03,179 --> 01:02:04,680
Funny Guitar Boy.
1519
01:02:06,057 --> 01:02:06,974
So, what'd they say?
1520
01:02:07,058 --> 01:02:09,435
Well, it didn't go
as well as I'd hoped.
1521
01:02:09,518 --> 01:02:11,938
I mean, it's all
about internet numbers.
1522
01:02:12,021 --> 01:02:14,273
You had 11,000 people
watching your song,
1523
01:02:14,357 --> 01:02:17,318
but that wasn't enough for Mara
and her whiz kids.
1524
01:02:17,401 --> 01:02:19,320
Yeah, I kind of figured
as much.
1525
01:02:19,403 --> 01:02:21,322
I mean, 11,000 people, Henry.
1526
01:02:21,405 --> 01:02:23,241
I mean,
you could fill a stadium.
1527
01:02:23,324 --> 01:02:24,724
Yeah. But it's all relative,
I mean,
1528
01:02:24,784 --> 01:02:26,452
- they need a viral hit.
- Exactly.
1529
01:02:26,535 --> 01:02:28,704
That's all they talked about,
friendlings,
1530
01:02:28,788 --> 01:02:29,872
and connect to favorites,
1531
01:02:29,956 --> 01:02:31,666
and buddies, and pals.
I mean,
1532
01:02:31,749 --> 01:02:34,126
Jay had to translate
the whole thing for me.
1533
01:02:35,211 --> 01:02:37,129
Hold on.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
1534
01:02:37,213 --> 01:02:39,048
There's somebody at my door.
1535
01:02:39,715 --> 01:02:40,715
Yeah.
1536
01:02:40,967 --> 01:02:42,843
Um, we have
a problem.
1537
01:02:42,927 --> 01:02:45,721
This gentleman
is supposed to be in this room
1538
01:02:45,805 --> 01:02:47,890
and we don't have
a reservation for you,
1539
01:02:47,974 --> 01:02:50,518
so I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
1540
01:02:50,601 --> 01:02:51,686
Who is this?
1541
01:02:51,769 --> 01:02:53,271
I'm Funny Guitar Boy.
1542
01:02:53,938 --> 01:02:55,564
Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much.
1543
01:02:55,648 --> 01:02:57,900
You guys have been amazing.
Please follow me on Twitter
1544
01:02:57,984 --> 01:02:59,610
and Vine and friendling me
on Chumster.
1545
01:02:59,694 --> 01:03:02,446
Also, I have bumper stickers
out back that say,
1546
01:03:02,530 --> 01:03:04,657
"My Penis."
Now, I wanna introduce
1547
01:03:04,740 --> 01:03:05,574
my new friend.
1548
01:03:05,658 --> 01:03:08,703
Feels like an old friend,
Mr. Henry Phillips.
1549
01:03:09,912 --> 01:03:12,206
- Thanks.
- It's all right, man.
1550
01:03:12,832 --> 01:03:14,709
Hey, thanks, everybody.
1551
01:03:14,792 --> 01:03:17,295
And give it up again
for Funny Guitar Boy.
1552
01:03:17,378 --> 01:03:18,963
He was hilarious.
1553
01:03:19,547 --> 01:03:22,133
And a nice guy, too.
He's letting me crash
1554
01:03:22,216 --> 01:03:23,718
to his hotel room tonight
1555
01:03:23,801 --> 01:03:26,887
because apparently
my manager smokes crack.
1556
01:03:27,847 --> 01:03:29,390
Oh, I'm supposed
to tell you guys this
1557
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:32,518
from the management
here at the Fantasy Lounge,
1558
01:03:32,601 --> 01:03:34,478
this is not actually a show.
1559
01:03:34,562 --> 01:03:37,565
Um, it's just that
everybody has died
1560
01:03:37,648 --> 01:03:39,400
and gone to hell.
1561
01:03:39,859 --> 01:03:40,776
Sorry about that.
1562
01:03:40,860 --> 01:03:42,653
But anyway, this is a song
about growing up.
1563
01:03:42,737 --> 01:03:44,322
And I hope you enjoy it.
1564
01:03:51,954 --> 01:03:55,916
♪ I remember growing up ♪
1565
01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:00,254
♪ Didn't have a care
in the world ♪
1566
01:04:00,338 --> 01:04:01,464
♪ Smoking cigarettes ♪
1567
01:04:01,547 --> 01:04:04,550
♪ Out by the old church
parking lot ♪
1568
01:04:04,884 --> 01:04:08,637
♪ While the other kids
were going to kindergarten ♪
1569
01:04:10,806 --> 01:04:13,351
♪ Slashing Father
Patrick's tire ♪
1570
01:04:13,434 --> 01:04:16,062
♪ With a rusty, old knife ♪
1571
01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:20,858
♪ And throwing rocks
into old Lady Watson ♪
1572
01:04:23,402 --> 01:04:26,280
♪ Embezzling money
from my dad's flower shop ♪
1573
01:04:26,405 --> 01:04:29,158
♪ And using it
to buy hookers and drugs ♪
1574
01:04:30,993 --> 01:04:32,912
♪ I guess there's some things ♪
1575
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:35,039
♪ That'll never change ♪
1576
01:04:35,623 --> 01:04:36,874
Hey, man, I'm really excited
1577
01:04:36,957 --> 01:04:38,357
that we get to do
the show together.
1578
01:04:38,501 --> 01:04:39,501
I, uh,
1579
01:04:39,752 --> 01:04:40,920
I'm a big fan
back in college.
1580
01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:42,505
My buddy, he burned
your CD for me
1581
01:04:43,297 --> 01:04:44,882
and it was
inspiring for me.
1582
01:04:46,384 --> 01:04:47,551
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I think
1583
01:04:47,635 --> 01:04:49,512
they're gonna
have you back here.
1584
01:04:49,595 --> 01:04:51,430
You had a really
good set.
1585
01:04:51,514 --> 01:04:52,598
Well, you know,
1586
01:04:52,681 --> 01:04:53,557
I mean, this isn't,
1587
01:04:53,641 --> 01:04:55,684
you know, really what
I wanna be doing
1588
01:04:55,768 --> 01:04:56,852
exactly, you know?
1589
01:04:56,936 --> 01:04:58,521
What do you
wanna be doing?
1590
01:04:58,604 --> 01:05:00,064
Michael, by the time I'm 30,
1591
01:05:00,147 --> 01:05:02,441
I wanna be headlining
A clubs only.
1592
01:05:02,525 --> 01:05:03,943
You know what I mean?
Big cities.
1593
01:05:04,026 --> 01:05:06,737
New York, Chicago,
San Francisco, Orlando.
1594
01:05:06,821 --> 01:05:07,988
By the time I'm 35,
1595
01:05:08,072 --> 01:05:10,574
hell, man, I'll be doing
theaters, TV show.
1596
01:05:10,658 --> 01:05:12,427
Well, it sounds like
you got it all mapped out.
1597
01:05:12,451 --> 01:05:14,286
Oh, I tell
you, you got to do it.
1598
01:05:14,370 --> 01:05:15,746
In this business, oh my God,
1599
01:05:15,830 --> 01:05:17,206
set goals, achieve the goals.
1600
01:05:17,289 --> 01:05:19,250
So many people just drift.
1601
01:05:19,333 --> 01:05:20,918
They just
1602
01:05:21,001 --> 01:05:22,001
drift off into nothing.
1603
01:05:22,044 --> 01:05:23,772
I'll tell you one thing,
I don't wanna be in my 40s
1604
01:05:23,796 --> 01:05:26,077
paying shitty rooms like this
for a hundred bucks a night.
1605
01:05:26,132 --> 01:05:28,259
You know what I'm saying?
1606
01:05:28,843 --> 01:05:30,177
Yeah.
1607
01:05:37,268 --> 01:05:39,061
Gray.
1608
01:05:41,939 --> 01:05:43,816
Haven.
1609
01:05:48,154 --> 01:05:49,363
Gray.
1610
01:05:54,034 --> 01:05:55,536
Haven.
1611
01:05:58,873 --> 01:06:00,332
Gray.
1612
01:06:02,668 --> 01:06:04,253
Front desk, this is Danielle.
1613
01:06:04,336 --> 01:06:05,212
Yeah, um,
1614
01:06:05,296 --> 01:06:07,131
there's somebody
making all kinds of racket
1615
01:06:07,214 --> 01:06:08,299
in the hallway right now.
1616
01:06:08,382 --> 01:06:10,050
- Haven.
- Oh, I'm sorry
1617
01:06:10,134 --> 01:06:11,134
about that, sir.
1618
01:06:11,177 --> 01:06:12,845
Um, what are they doing?
1619
01:06:12,928 --> 01:06:15,848
Uh, just like, uh,
1620
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:17,099
just yelling, and screaming,
1621
01:06:17,183 --> 01:06:19,351
and banging
on the walls and shit.
1622
01:06:19,435 --> 01:06:20,686
What are they yelling?
1623
01:06:20,811 --> 01:06:21,896
Um,
1624
01:06:22,188 --> 01:06:23,189
gray haven
1625
01:06:23,272 --> 01:06:24,482
or something.
What?
1626
01:06:24,565 --> 01:06:27,860
Uh, sounds like
they're saying gray haven.
1627
01:06:27,943 --> 01:06:29,278
She's saying, uh...
1628
01:06:29,361 --> 01:06:30,279
Could spell that?
1629
01:06:30,362 --> 01:06:32,490
H-I... H-A-V... I don't know.
1630
01:06:32,573 --> 01:06:34,116
Who cares how
you spell it? Can you...
1631
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:35,385
is there a way you can make them
1632
01:06:35,409 --> 01:06:36,887
stop doing it?
Yeah. Oh, you know what,
1633
01:06:36,911 --> 01:06:38,591
could you hold on one second?
I'm so sorry.
1634
01:06:40,039 --> 01:06:42,416
- Front desk, this is Danielle.
- Yeah, it's still me.
1635
01:06:42,500 --> 01:06:44,043
I'm so sorry.
Hold on one second.
1636
01:06:44,168 --> 01:06:45,377
Front desk, this is Danielle.
1637
01:06:45,544 --> 01:06:46,420
Still me.
1638
01:06:46,504 --> 01:06:47,171
Haven.
1639
01:06:47,296 --> 01:06:49,548
Lady, shut the fuck up.
1640
01:06:51,842 --> 01:06:53,886
You know what,
I can send somebody up there
1641
01:06:53,969 --> 01:06:55,447
and see if they can do...
Uh, you know what,
1642
01:06:55,471 --> 01:06:57,111
actually, I think
it's been taken care of.
1643
01:06:57,181 --> 01:06:58,474
Well, I'm very sorry
1644
01:06:58,557 --> 01:07:00,184
for the inconvenience.
1645
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:02,937
Thanks, man.
1646
01:07:07,441 --> 01:07:09,318
Matt, Matt.
1647
01:07:09,735 --> 01:07:11,529
Come here,
look at this.
1648
01:07:13,072 --> 01:07:13,948
Awesome.
1649
01:07:14,031 --> 01:07:15,491
Oh, you're crazy.
1650
01:07:15,574 --> 01:07:16,909
Uh, uh, got it.
1651
01:07:17,368 --> 01:07:18,577
This is lit.
1652
01:07:18,661 --> 01:07:19,662
Oh, shit.
1653
01:07:37,471 --> 01:07:39,723
Hey.
Hey, how's it going?
1654
01:07:41,058 --> 01:07:42,685
Can I get a cup of coffee
1655
01:07:42,768 --> 01:07:43,936
to go, please?
1656
01:07:44,019 --> 01:07:45,521
Right on.
1657
01:07:50,150 --> 01:07:51,150
Hey, uh.
1658
01:07:51,694 --> 01:07:54,280
You have a video
on the internet right now.
1659
01:07:54,363 --> 01:07:55,363
I actually do, yeah.
1660
01:07:55,406 --> 01:07:57,700
- I knew that was you.
- Really?
1661
01:07:57,783 --> 01:07:58,783
Oh, it was so funny.
1662
01:07:58,826 --> 01:08:00,303
- You've seen it?
- Yeah, I've seen it
1663
01:08:00,327 --> 01:08:01,870
- over and over.
- Uh, I've seen
1664
01:08:02,037 --> 01:08:03,038
your video, too.
1665
01:08:03,372 --> 01:08:04,456
I showed it to everybody.
1666
01:08:04,540 --> 01:08:06,142
Well, that's great.
Well, what do I owe you
1667
01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:08,335
for the, uh...
Oh, um, have it.
1668
01:08:08,419 --> 01:08:10,421
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1669
01:08:10,504 --> 01:08:11,672
- Okay.
- Uh,
1670
01:08:11,755 --> 01:08:12,881
be careful with that.
1671
01:08:16,677 --> 01:08:17,970
I was, uh, talking about how...
1672
01:08:18,053 --> 01:08:19,823
You were talking about
the beauty of what you do.
1673
01:08:19,847 --> 01:08:23,017
Yeah, yeah,
and just how amazing it is
1674
01:08:23,100 --> 01:08:26,312
that I can make so many people
1675
01:08:26,520 --> 01:08:28,188
so happy, you know?
1676
01:08:28,522 --> 01:08:30,107
It's just...
But it's true.
1677
01:08:39,867 --> 01:08:41,285
Ow.
1678
01:08:46,832 --> 01:08:47,832
Front desk.
1679
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:49,084
Hello. Yeah, I'm sorry.
1680
01:08:49,293 --> 01:08:51,754
I'm having a problem
with flies in my room.
1681
01:08:52,421 --> 01:08:53,714
You have what problem?
1682
01:08:53,839 --> 01:08:54,839
Like, flies.
1683
01:08:55,007 --> 01:08:56,717
There's a whole
infestation of them.
1684
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:58,302
They're buzzing around and shit.
1685
01:08:58,385 --> 01:08:59,845
Flies, flies in room?
1686
01:08:59,928 --> 01:09:01,639
Yeah. Can we do something?
1687
01:09:01,722 --> 01:09:02,848
What room number?
1688
01:09:02,931 --> 01:09:04,808
- 125.
- I send someone.
1689
01:09:04,892 --> 01:09:06,852
He take care of it.
Thank you.
1690
01:09:17,821 --> 01:09:19,323
Today, 10:02 AM.
1691
01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:22,284
Henry, I have
your check from the network.
1692
01:09:22,493 --> 01:09:25,412
They took out a lot
of taxes, but still.
1693
01:09:25,496 --> 01:09:27,706
Anyway, come by
my place anytime
1694
01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:28,957
and bring your checkbook.
1695
01:09:29,041 --> 01:09:30,793
I want my cut in this.
1696
01:09:31,752 --> 01:09:33,087
Today, 10:26 AM.
1697
01:09:33,170 --> 01:09:35,047
Good morning, Mr. Phillips,
1698
01:09:35,130 --> 01:09:36,173
Detective Delgado here.
1699
01:09:36,256 --> 01:09:40,010
Well, good news,
we found your 2006 Forenza.
1700
01:09:40,094 --> 01:09:41,095
It was not stolen.
1701
01:09:41,178 --> 01:09:42,346
It looks like the vehicle
1702
01:09:42,429 --> 01:09:43,430
was actually towed
1703
01:09:43,514 --> 01:09:45,849
for obstructing a driveway.
1704
01:09:45,933 --> 01:09:47,559
It's gonna be a hundred
and seven dollars
1705
01:09:47,643 --> 01:09:49,228
for the towing,
plus an additional
1706
01:09:49,311 --> 01:09:51,980
one hundred dollars
for each day in storage.
1707
01:09:52,064 --> 01:09:54,650
Have a nice day.
Congratulations.
1708
01:09:55,442 --> 01:09:57,695
Message saved.
1709
01:10:03,701 --> 01:10:04,701
This is Delgado.
1710
01:10:04,868 --> 01:10:07,037
Yeah. It's Henry Phillips
calling about my car.
1711
01:10:07,121 --> 01:10:08,997
Yes, Mr. Phillips,
1712
01:10:09,081 --> 01:10:10,499
2006 Forenza.
1713
01:10:10,582 --> 01:10:11,834
You can pick up your vehicle
1714
01:10:11,917 --> 01:10:13,669
at 2309 West Temple.
1715
01:10:13,752 --> 01:10:16,296
Okay. Well, but what
I was thinking is, like,
1716
01:10:16,380 --> 01:10:19,466
I shouldn't have to pay
the $2,000 fee if, uh,
1717
01:10:19,550 --> 01:10:21,677
it's technically
not my fault, right?
1718
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:23,220
It's not your fault
you obstructed
1719
01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,556
- someone else's driveway?
- Well,
1720
01:10:26,473 --> 01:10:28,201
no, I'm not denying that part.
I'll take your word for it.
1721
01:10:28,225 --> 01:10:30,060
But that's beside the point.
1722
01:10:30,144 --> 01:10:31,228
Uh-huh.
1723
01:10:31,311 --> 01:10:32,396
Nobody ever told me
1724
01:10:32,479 --> 01:10:33,897
that my car was stolen.
1725
01:10:33,981 --> 01:10:36,400
Hold on a second.
What is this shit?
1726
01:10:41,530 --> 01:10:43,532
Yeah. Thanks.
1727
01:10:44,575 --> 01:10:46,034
You know what I mean?
It's, like,
1728
01:10:46,118 --> 01:10:47,703
if somebody had told me
1729
01:10:47,786 --> 01:10:48,871
that my car was impounded,
1730
01:10:48,954 --> 01:10:51,331
then I would have picked
it up that day, you know?
1731
01:10:51,415 --> 01:10:52,499
Okay.
1732
01:10:52,583 --> 01:10:53,917
I mean, you can fight it
1733
01:10:54,001 --> 01:10:55,127
with the adjudicator.
1734
01:10:55,210 --> 01:10:56,628
But I wouldn't recommend it
1735
01:10:56,712 --> 01:10:58,005
considering that every day
1736
01:10:58,088 --> 01:10:59,465
that your car is in storage,
1737
01:10:59,548 --> 01:11:01,133
you're gonna be
incurring higher fees.
1738
01:11:01,800 --> 01:11:04,720
All right. Well, I think I have
a pretty strong case here, so,
1739
01:11:04,970 --> 01:11:08,390
can we set up,
uh, an adjudicator meeting?
1740
01:11:08,474 --> 01:11:09,975
Yes, sir, I will set up
1741
01:11:10,058 --> 01:11:11,393
your adjudicator meeting.
1742
01:11:11,727 --> 01:11:13,103
Thank you.
1743
01:11:15,564 --> 01:11:18,317
♪ We're in the money ♪
1744
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:19,400
All right.
1745
01:11:19,777 --> 01:11:21,445
♪ And 10%'s for me ♪
1746
01:11:21,528 --> 01:11:23,739
Oh, yeah, let me, uh,
I can cut you a check.
1747
01:11:23,822 --> 01:11:25,783
Yeah. Well, come
into my office.
1748
01:11:25,866 --> 01:11:27,618
Here, would like
some coffee?
1749
01:11:27,701 --> 01:11:28,786
Yeah, that'd
be great.
1750
01:11:28,869 --> 01:11:29,995
How do you take
your coffee?
1751
01:11:30,078 --> 01:11:32,039
Uh, just black.
Oh, that's easy.
1752
01:11:32,122 --> 01:11:33,749
So, isn't this
exciting, Henry?
1753
01:11:33,916 --> 01:11:34,916
Yeah.
1754
01:11:36,293 --> 01:11:38,962
Oh, I'm gonna let
the machine get it.
1755
01:11:40,756 --> 01:11:41,757
Hi, this is Ellen
1756
01:11:41,965 --> 01:11:43,383
from Ellen Pinsky Management.
1757
01:11:43,467 --> 01:11:46,345
I'll get back to you ASAP.
1758
01:11:46,637 --> 01:11:48,096
Hey, Ellen, it's Jay Warren.
1759
01:11:48,180 --> 01:11:51,225
Um, you know...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1760
01:11:51,308 --> 01:11:52,518
Uh, um, hi, Jay.
1761
01:11:52,601 --> 01:11:53,727
Oh. Oh, you're there.
1762
01:11:53,811 --> 01:11:55,354
- Yeah, I'm here.
- Great.
1763
01:11:55,437 --> 01:11:56,939
In fact,
I'm screening my calls,
1764
01:11:57,022 --> 01:11:58,690
but I'm actually here
with Henry right now
1765
01:11:58,774 --> 01:11:59,983
and I just gave him his check.
1766
01:12:00,067 --> 01:12:01,235
Uh, yeah, that's great.
1767
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:02,945
Listen, are you guys
able to make it
1768
01:12:03,070 --> 01:12:04,571
to Now Channel
today at 2:00 P.M.
1769
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:05,906
which I know is short notice,
1770
01:12:06,031 --> 01:12:07,574
but they wanna see us
right away.
1771
01:12:07,699 --> 01:12:09,326
Uh, sure. Is it something good?
1772
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:11,429
Let's just say
I've never heard of a network
1773
01:12:11,453 --> 01:12:13,163
calling an emergency
meeting like this
1774
01:12:13,288 --> 01:12:14,331
to tell somebody no.
1775
01:12:14,456 --> 01:12:15,999
You know what I'm saying?
1776
01:12:17,751 --> 01:12:19,378
Hold up.
Hold up. Hold the door.
1777
01:12:19,503 --> 01:12:20,712
Okay. Okay.
Got it.
1778
01:12:20,838 --> 01:12:22,506
Oh, thanks.
Oh, hey.
1779
01:12:22,631 --> 01:12:23,507
Oh, hey.
1780
01:12:23,632 --> 01:12:25,384
On, hey. Hi.
1781
01:12:25,509 --> 01:12:27,219
Have you heard the good news?
1782
01:12:27,344 --> 01:12:28,804
No. Clue us in.
1783
01:12:28,929 --> 01:12:31,390
Uh, well, your video went viral.
1784
01:12:31,515 --> 01:12:32,558
Oh, you're kidding.
1785
01:12:32,683 --> 01:12:33,683
Wow.
1786
01:12:33,767 --> 01:12:37,062
Those whiz kids
really came through, huh?
1787
01:12:37,187 --> 01:12:39,147
I'll tell you what,
I'll save it for later.
1788
01:12:39,273 --> 01:12:40,816
- Awesome.
- Yeah.
1789
01:12:41,066 --> 01:12:42,568
Crazy.
1790
01:12:42,776 --> 01:12:44,069
What?
1791
01:12:44,486 --> 01:12:46,905
Oh.
This is lit.
1792
01:12:50,284 --> 01:12:51,743
Wait, so this is
the video you guys
1793
01:12:51,869 --> 01:12:53,453
- are talking about?
- It... it's got
1794
01:12:53,579 --> 01:12:54,746
the three steps of virality.
1795
01:12:54,872 --> 01:12:55,956
Step one,
the join.
1796
01:12:56,081 --> 01:12:57,121
Get your hand
on the mouse.
1797
01:12:57,165 --> 01:12:58,458
Step two, the fuck up,
1798
01:12:58,542 --> 01:12:59,978
moves the mouse over
to the share button.
1799
01:13:00,002 --> 01:13:02,546
Step three, the epic
face-plant, fires the click.
1800
01:13:03,005 --> 01:13:04,464
It's a fucking masterpiece.
1801
01:13:04,590 --> 01:13:05,966
Guys, this is really good.
1802
01:13:06,091 --> 01:13:07,735
We're ready to take this
to the next level.
1803
01:13:07,759 --> 01:13:09,487
We have one little tweak.
Mara, why don't you
1804
01:13:09,511 --> 01:13:11,013
tell them about it?
All right. So what
1805
01:13:11,138 --> 01:13:12,472
we're gonna do
is we're gonna take
1806
01:13:12,598 --> 01:13:14,808
the day's hottest viral videos
1807
01:13:14,933 --> 01:13:16,602
and then we're going to have
1808
01:13:16,727 --> 01:13:18,770
famous actors reenact them,
1809
01:13:18,896 --> 01:13:21,565
but who better
to introduce them
1810
01:13:21,690 --> 01:13:24,192
than Mr. Epic Fail himself,
1811
01:13:24,318 --> 01:13:25,152
Henry Phillips?
1812
01:13:25,277 --> 01:13:26,486
So Henry, you would come out
1813
01:13:26,612 --> 01:13:28,655
and you do like a little bit
and maybe a stunt
1814
01:13:28,780 --> 01:13:30,675
where you trip and fall over.
Wait, wait, uh, hold on.
1815
01:13:30,699 --> 01:13:32,284
So, I'm the host of this show
1816
01:13:32,409 --> 01:13:33,744
doing my songs and having...
1817
01:13:33,869 --> 01:13:35,120
Dude, fuck your songs.
1818
01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:36,805
This is what people
wanna see you doing.
1819
01:13:36,872 --> 01:13:38,457
- Yeah.
- Yeah, like no offense,
1820
01:13:38,582 --> 01:13:39,782
but when we uploaded
your song,
1821
01:13:39,833 --> 01:13:40,834
the response
was garbage,
1822
01:13:40,959 --> 01:13:42,186
like it was like
trying to give away
1823
01:13:42,210 --> 01:13:42,878
an old mattress
or something.
1824
01:13:43,003 --> 01:13:44,296
Uh, we love your songs
1825
01:13:45,005 --> 01:13:46,256
and we think they're so silly,
1826
01:13:46,381 --> 01:13:47,925
but I think
that we can all agree
1827
01:13:48,050 --> 01:13:49,593
that they're not testing
very well
1828
01:13:49,718 --> 01:13:51,678
in the viral universe.
So, we just really wanted
1829
01:13:51,803 --> 01:13:54,973
to take advantage of this really
remarkable opportunity.
1830
01:13:55,098 --> 01:13:57,392
People are doing
parodies of your video.
1831
01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:07,945
Look, that's the thing though,
1832
01:14:08,070 --> 01:14:08,946
it's not my video.
1833
01:14:09,071 --> 01:14:10,948
- Not...
- No, this is your video,
1834
01:14:11,073 --> 01:14:11,949
this is your face.
1835
01:14:12,074 --> 01:14:13,241
People are
recognizing you.
1836
01:14:13,367 --> 01:14:14,785
They're talking about you.
Yeah.
1837
01:14:14,910 --> 01:14:16,012
Well, they aren't
talking about me.
1838
01:14:16,036 --> 01:14:17,036
Here's a guy
1839
01:14:17,371 --> 01:14:19,665
who calls me
a douche canoe.
1840
01:14:19,790 --> 01:14:21,416
I don't even know
what that means.
1841
01:14:21,541 --> 01:14:22,751
All right, here's a good one.
1842
01:14:22,876 --> 01:14:25,629
I'm a shit-eating
twat waffle.
1843
01:14:25,754 --> 01:14:26,797
I do know
what that means
1844
01:14:26,922 --> 01:14:28,006
and it's not flattering.
1845
01:14:28,131 --> 01:14:29,150
You got to get over it, man.
1846
01:14:29,174 --> 01:14:30,494
Negative comments
are how you know
1847
01:14:30,550 --> 01:14:32,260
you're a somebody.
If everyone
1848
01:14:32,344 --> 01:14:33,470
was being nice, that means
1849
01:14:33,553 --> 01:14:34,793
they don't see you as a threat.
1850
01:14:34,846 --> 01:14:36,223
- This is a compliment.
- Oh, yeah,
1851
01:14:36,348 --> 01:14:37,548
it's a compliment. Okay, well,
1852
01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:38,826
I'm gonna compliment you, guys,
1853
01:14:38,850 --> 01:14:40,936
and say that you're
a couple of, uh,
1854
01:14:41,061 --> 01:14:42,354
ass-gobbling cunt balloons.
1855
01:14:42,479 --> 01:14:44,564
Nothing's set in stone, okay?
1856
01:14:44,648 --> 01:14:46,125
I mean, this is just
spitballing here.
1857
01:14:46,149 --> 01:14:47,025
Henry, how about this?
1858
01:14:47,109 --> 01:14:48,309
We're gonna get
you some water,
1859
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:49,403
we'll get you
some coffee,
1860
01:14:49,486 --> 01:14:50,606
I'm just sensing
you're maybe
1861
01:14:50,654 --> 01:14:52,131
getting a little upset.
I'm extremely upset.
1862
01:14:52,155 --> 01:14:53,758
As a matter of fact,
I don't wanna have anything
1863
01:14:53,782 --> 01:14:55,075
to do with any
of this shit.
1864
01:15:00,580 --> 01:15:01,933
Well, I think
he feels like he, kind of,
1865
01:15:01,957 --> 01:15:03,375
got blindsided,
you know? And it's,
1866
01:15:03,500 --> 01:15:05,544
uh, it's an adjustment.
We'll work it up.
1867
01:15:05,669 --> 01:15:07,004
Ellen, we'll
talk to him
1868
01:15:07,129 --> 01:15:08,005
and we'll be good.
1869
01:15:08,130 --> 01:15:10,257
Fuck your songs?
You kidding me?
1870
01:15:14,386 --> 01:15:16,763
I know this is not what you
originally envisioned,
1871
01:15:16,888 --> 01:15:18,724
what any of us
originally envisioned,
1872
01:15:18,849 --> 01:15:20,267
but this is just
the way things
1873
01:15:20,392 --> 01:15:22,019
shake out sometimes.
I mean, this is...
1874
01:15:22,144 --> 01:15:24,229
this is an opportunity,
this is serendipity.
1875
01:15:24,354 --> 01:15:25,522
Well I mean, the thing is,
1876
01:15:25,647 --> 01:15:27,274
my songs are my life, you know.
1877
01:15:27,357 --> 01:15:28,942
- That's what I enjoy doing.
- I know.
1878
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:30,503
I get that, I do,
and I love them,
1879
01:15:30,527 --> 01:15:32,738
but here's what I think
you're missing.
1880
01:15:33,238 --> 01:15:34,448
If this show was a hit,
1881
01:15:34,573 --> 01:15:36,013
you can write
all the songs you want.
1882
01:15:36,074 --> 01:15:37,367
I mean, you're
gonna be famous.
1883
01:15:37,492 --> 01:15:39,244
That's what you want, right?
1884
01:15:39,369 --> 01:15:40,620
I never said that.
1885
01:15:40,746 --> 01:15:41,788
Hey, guys.
1886
01:15:41,913 --> 01:15:44,291
Hey, Henry, I just saw
that viral video of yours.
1887
01:15:44,416 --> 01:15:46,209
Is that, uh, what the TV show
is all about?
1888
01:15:46,293 --> 01:15:48,104
Well, it's not what
it was supposed to be about,
1889
01:15:48,128 --> 01:15:49,129
but apparently it is.
1890
01:15:49,212 --> 01:15:50,252
Well, it was funny as hell
1891
01:15:50,297 --> 01:15:51,757
and you got tons
of views. Congrats.
1892
01:15:52,007 --> 01:15:53,467
Yeah, but it's
unintentionally funny.
1893
01:15:53,967 --> 01:15:55,403
Unintentional?
The... what does that...
1894
01:15:55,427 --> 01:15:57,113
do you know... you know
who Arnie Roberts is?
1895
01:15:57,137 --> 01:15:58,865
- There you go. Rimshot.
- Oh, yeah, tombstone guy.
1896
01:15:58,889 --> 01:16:00,307
Arnie "Rimshot" Roberts.
1897
01:16:00,390 --> 01:16:00,932
You know what he used to say?
1898
01:16:01,099 --> 01:16:02,579
It doesn't matter
why they're laughing
1899
01:16:02,768 --> 01:16:04,561
as long as they're laughing.
1900
01:16:05,062 --> 01:16:06,146
Have a good stay.
1901
01:16:06,605 --> 01:16:08,106
Well, listen,
why don't we shoot
1902
01:16:08,398 --> 01:16:09,398
for a compromise, like,
1903
01:16:09,441 --> 01:16:11,241
let's say they have you sing
one of your songs
1904
01:16:11,318 --> 01:16:13,612
and then on the way out,
you slip on some paint
1905
01:16:13,695 --> 01:16:14,988
or something?
Oh, I don't know.
1906
01:16:15,072 --> 01:16:16,990
I'm just spitballing
out of my ass.
1907
01:16:17,074 --> 01:16:18,909
- Hey, buddy.
- Oh, hey.
1908
01:16:18,992 --> 01:16:20,494
Your hair is on fire.
1909
01:16:21,870 --> 01:16:23,205
See? Like this is
the kind of shit
1910
01:16:23,288 --> 01:16:25,832
I
JAY: Yeah, that was ridiculous.
1911
01:16:25,916 --> 01:16:28,293
But do you really have
a choice now at this point?
1912
01:16:28,376 --> 01:16:30,337
Well, what do you mean?
1913
01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:31,671
Well, I mean, we signed on
1914
01:16:31,755 --> 01:16:33,006
to develop
this thing, you know.
1915
01:16:33,090 --> 01:16:35,175
If you just walk away now,
you're pissing off
1916
01:16:35,258 --> 01:16:36,426
some pretty
important people.
1917
01:16:36,510 --> 01:16:38,428
- This is big business here.
- Henry,
1918
01:16:38,512 --> 01:16:39,679
you got to think
about this.
1919
01:16:39,763 --> 01:16:41,403
All right. Well, look,
I got to go on now,
1920
01:16:41,431 --> 01:16:43,475
but, uh, let's talk
about this another time.
1921
01:16:43,558 --> 01:16:45,102
Okay, well, knock them dead
1922
01:16:45,185 --> 01:16:46,311
and don't worry, Henry,
1923
01:16:46,394 --> 01:16:47,562
I got your back.
All right.
1924
01:16:47,646 --> 01:16:49,064
Well, thanks, Ellen.
Thanks, guys.
1925
01:16:49,147 --> 01:16:50,357
I'll see you
in a little bit.
1926
01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:52,651
We got a very
funny guy coming up now.
1927
01:16:52,734 --> 01:16:54,611
He just sold the show
to the Now Channel
1928
01:16:54,694 --> 01:16:56,172
and he's here tonight,
give him a hand,
1929
01:16:56,196 --> 01:16:59,783
make him feel welcome,
Mr. Henry Phillips.
1930
01:17:06,790 --> 01:17:08,667
Hey, thanks, Stupid.
1931
01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:10,292
Um...
1932
01:17:11,086 --> 01:17:13,380
well, I've only been in LA now
for a couple of weeks
1933
01:17:13,505 --> 01:17:14,923
and it's weird
because I've noticed
1934
01:17:15,006 --> 01:17:16,133
that I think hailing a taxi
1935
01:17:16,216 --> 01:17:17,736
must look exactly
the same as trying...
1936
01:17:17,801 --> 01:17:20,137
Do the
light-your-hair-on-fire bit.
1937
01:17:20,220 --> 01:17:21,429
- The what?
- The bit,
1938
01:17:21,513 --> 01:17:22,782
where you light
your hair on fire.
1939
01:17:22,806 --> 01:17:23,849
That's not actually a bit.
1940
01:17:23,932 --> 01:17:25,058
She's talking about a video
1941
01:17:25,142 --> 01:17:26,226
where, uh, somebody gave me
1942
01:17:26,309 --> 01:17:27,352
a marijuana cigarette
1943
01:17:27,435 --> 01:17:28,770
and I
Hey, man,
1944
01:17:28,854 --> 01:17:29,854
were you really stoned?
1945
01:17:29,896 --> 01:17:31,022
No, I wasn't stoned.
1946
01:17:31,106 --> 01:17:32,542
Like I get...
I didn't know it was lit
1947
01:17:32,566 --> 01:17:33,960
and I put it on my hair
and I wound up
1948
01:17:33,984 --> 01:17:35,068
damn near killing myself...
1949
01:17:35,152 --> 01:17:36,319
Feeling like
you were stoned.
1950
01:17:36,403 --> 01:17:37,403
If you don't mind,
1951
01:17:37,571 --> 01:17:38,947
I'd rather not do
a whole Q and A
1952
01:17:39,030 --> 01:17:41,491
about this fucking
video right now.
1953
01:17:41,575 --> 01:17:43,201
I'd rather just do my act.
1954
01:17:43,285 --> 01:17:44,786
That was so funny.
1955
01:17:44,870 --> 01:17:46,329
Was it fake?
Okay. Uh, so anyway,
1956
01:17:46,413 --> 01:17:49,082
yeah, I've only been
in LA for a couple of weeks now
1957
01:17:49,249 --> 01:17:51,018
- and, uh, it's funny...
- So why did you come up
1958
01:17:51,042 --> 01:17:52,395
here if you weren't
gonna talk about the...
1959
01:17:52,419 --> 01:17:54,021
All right, dude,
if you wanna talk about it,
1960
01:17:54,045 --> 01:17:55,046
you can talk about it.
1961
01:17:55,130 --> 01:17:56,464
Everybody just go
fuck themselves.
1962
01:17:56,548 --> 01:17:57,924
I'm done with this shit.
1963
01:18:00,343 --> 01:18:01,343
Hey,
1964
01:18:01,511 --> 01:18:03,322
what did I tell you guys
about heckling the performers?
1965
01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:05,765
- I was just trying to go...
- I was trying to
1966
01:18:05,849 --> 01:18:06,850
that's not up to you.
1967
01:18:06,933 --> 01:18:08,518
Why don't you guys
pretend this is TV
1968
01:18:08,602 --> 01:18:10,812
and shut the fuck up, huh?
You know what?
1969
01:18:10,896 --> 01:18:11,896
Get out of here, buddy.
1970
01:18:11,938 --> 01:18:13,315
Oggy, get this idiot
out of here.
1971
01:18:13,398 --> 01:18:14,983
- I'm a customer.
- Not at my club,
1972
01:18:15,066 --> 01:18:16,127
- you're not. Get out.
- That's so unfair.
1973
01:18:16,151 --> 01:18:17,152
Oh, you, too, asshole.
1974
01:18:17,277 --> 01:18:18,877
Oggy, this one, too.
It's a little harsh.
1975
01:18:19,029 --> 01:18:19,654
So is your makeup.
1976
01:18:19,779 --> 01:18:21,174
We just wanted to see...
Yeah, shut up.
1977
01:18:21,198 --> 01:18:22,115
Why don't you guys
go and have sex
1978
01:18:22,199 --> 01:18:23,200
in the parking lot?
1979
01:18:23,283 --> 01:18:24,802
Thank you, guys,
for being human beings,
1980
01:18:24,826 --> 01:18:25,827
not like those idiots.
1981
01:18:25,911 --> 01:18:27,311
Give yourselves
a round of applause.
1982
01:18:30,749 --> 01:18:33,084
Are you guys Guitared!
1983
01:18:33,919 --> 01:18:35,670
The front end of the vehicle
1984
01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:36,922
was over 20 inches
1985
01:18:37,005 --> 01:18:39,007
into a private driveway.
1986
01:18:39,090 --> 01:18:40,090
It's a violation.
1987
01:18:40,133 --> 01:18:41,301
It's clear cut.
1988
01:18:41,801 --> 01:18:42,636
Mr. Phillips?
1989
01:18:42,719 --> 01:18:44,804
Well, yeah, I'm not disputing
that part of it.
1990
01:18:44,888 --> 01:18:46,365
I'm just saying
that nobody ever told me
1991
01:18:46,389 --> 01:18:48,808
the car was impounded.
You see what I mean?
1992
01:18:48,892 --> 01:18:50,435
So it's like
the cops are looking
1993
01:18:50,518 --> 01:18:51,518
for a stolen vehicle
1994
01:18:51,603 --> 01:18:52,604
when meanwhile my car
1995
01:18:52,687 --> 01:18:53,873
is sitting on their impound lot
1996
01:18:53,897 --> 01:18:56,524
racking up $2,000
worth of charges...
1997
01:18:56,608 --> 01:18:58,318
When did the police contact you
1998
01:18:58,401 --> 01:18:59,569
about finding your car?
1999
01:18:59,653 --> 01:19:01,404
I got a message two days ago.
2000
01:19:01,488 --> 01:19:03,323
- I see.
- Now, hold on.
2001
01:19:03,448 --> 01:19:04,448
When the car was towed,
2002
01:19:04,658 --> 01:19:05,784
I entered it into the system
2003
01:19:06,117 --> 01:19:08,370
so there's absolutely
positively no way
2004
01:19:08,453 --> 01:19:10,914
the police would not
have notified him that day.
2005
01:19:10,997 --> 01:19:13,500
Mr. Phillips, do you still
have the message?
2006
01:19:14,251 --> 01:19:15,585
I should, yeah.
2007
01:19:15,669 --> 01:19:17,545
Can you play it for us?
2008
01:19:17,629 --> 01:19:18,797
Sure.
2009
01:19:20,548 --> 01:19:23,677
Sunday,
September 18, 10:17 AM.
2010
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:24,970
Sorry about last night.
2011
01:19:25,053 --> 01:19:26,721
I wound up banging
that Erica chick.
2012
01:19:26,805 --> 01:19:27,805
Oh, sorry.
2013
01:19:27,847 --> 01:19:29,557
She's gonna be
the last girl in LA
2014
01:19:29,641 --> 01:19:30,841
that still has a hairy crotch.
2015
01:19:30,892 --> 01:19:33,603
Shave the cooch,
shave the cooch.
2016
01:19:33,687 --> 01:19:36,106
I went down on that...
I'm sorry. Um...
2017
01:19:36,189 --> 01:19:39,651
You hang up on me,
you piece of shit coward?
2018
01:19:39,734 --> 01:19:41,111
You little fucking weep...
2019
01:19:41,194 --> 01:19:42,404
Hold on.
2020
01:19:43,238 --> 01:19:44,948
Hey, Henry, I feel bad.
2021
01:19:45,031 --> 01:19:46,157
I know we haven't talked
2022
01:19:46,241 --> 01:19:47,284
since you ejaculated
2023
01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:48,535
on my girlfriend's leg...
2024
01:19:48,618 --> 01:19:50,203
- Mr. Phillips, it...
- ...but, um...
2025
01:19:50,287 --> 01:19:51,955
- One sec.
- ...I'd love to talk
2026
01:19:52,038 --> 01:19:53,665
to you or see you.
2027
01:19:53,748 --> 01:19:54,874
Message saved,
2028
01:19:54,958 --> 01:19:58,044
Monday, September 26, 10:26 AM.
2029
01:19:58,420 --> 01:19:59,296
Good morning, Mr. Phillips,
2030
01:19:59,379 --> 01:20:00,839
Detective Delgado here.
This is it.
2031
01:20:00,922 --> 01:20:02,507
Well, good news we found
2032
01:20:02,590 --> 01:20:04,843
your 2006 Forenza.
2033
01:20:04,926 --> 01:20:05,927
It was not stolen.
2034
01:20:06,011 --> 01:20:07,345
It looks like the vehicle
2035
01:20:07,429 --> 01:20:08,555
was actually towed
2036
01:20:08,680 --> 01:20:11,349
for obstructing a driveway.
2037
01:20:11,433 --> 01:20:13,268
You can retrieve it at 2309
2038
01:20:13,351 --> 01:20:16,688
- West Tampa Boulevard.
- Okay then.
2039
01:20:16,771 --> 01:20:18,857
Can you read that
back to me, please?
2040
01:20:20,692 --> 01:20:23,653
Sunday, September
18th, 10:17 AM.
2041
01:20:23,737 --> 01:20:24,863
Hey, sorry about last night.
2042
01:20:24,946 --> 01:20:26,406
I wound up banging
that Erica chick.
2043
01:20:26,489 --> 01:20:28,450
Just the last message is fine.
2044
01:20:28,825 --> 01:20:30,160
Sorry.
2045
01:20:31,119 --> 01:20:33,246
Monday, September 26, 10:26 AM.
2046
01:20:33,330 --> 01:20:35,540
Good morning, Mr. Phillips,
Detective Delgado here.
2047
01:20:35,623 --> 01:20:38,668
Well, good news we found
your 2006 Forenza.
2048
01:20:39,169 --> 01:20:41,087
It wasn't stolen.
It looks like the vehicle
2049
01:20:41,171 --> 01:20:43,465
was towed for obstructing
a driveway.
2050
01:20:44,549 --> 01:20:46,176
Well, there you go.
2051
01:21:05,695 --> 01:21:06,863
So I guess somebody
2052
01:21:06,946 --> 01:21:08,656
uploads this stupid video
2053
01:21:08,740 --> 01:21:10,033
of me making
an ass out of myself
2054
01:21:10,116 --> 01:21:12,160
and it turns out
that that's what the network
2055
01:21:12,243 --> 01:21:15,455
wanted to make a show
about, not my songs,
2056
01:21:15,538 --> 01:21:16,456
just some asshole
2057
01:21:16,539 --> 01:21:18,041
whose hair caught
on fire, you know,
2058
01:21:18,124 --> 01:21:20,835
so just because of this dumb
viral video, you know?
2059
01:21:20,919 --> 01:21:22,837
Yeah, I know.
I saw the video.
2060
01:21:22,962 --> 01:21:23,962
It was hilarious.
2061
01:21:24,255 --> 01:21:27,133
You saw it?
Yeah. Somebody uploaded it
2062
01:21:27,217 --> 01:21:28,593
on Facebook and I was like,
2063
01:21:28,676 --> 01:21:30,178
oh, there's the guy
2064
01:21:30,261 --> 01:21:31,805
that screwed my girlfriend.
2065
01:21:31,888 --> 01:21:32,806
Oh, no.
2066
01:21:32,889 --> 01:21:34,099
I hope Zoe's
gonna forgive me
2067
01:21:34,182 --> 01:21:35,183
about all that.
2068
01:21:35,850 --> 01:21:38,853
I think when she finally
stops vomiting,
2069
01:21:38,937 --> 01:21:41,106
she'll probably
come around.
2070
01:21:41,940 --> 01:21:44,275
I was gonna put
a fresh pot of coffee on.
2071
01:21:44,401 --> 01:21:45,401
Would you like some?
2072
01:21:45,443 --> 01:21:46,444
I would love that.
2073
01:21:46,528 --> 01:21:48,405
All right. Well, um,
2074
01:21:48,780 --> 01:21:50,532
here comes a little
visitor for you.
2075
01:21:50,657 --> 01:21:51,657
Aw.
2076
01:21:54,160 --> 01:21:56,955
Make sure he doesn't
jump off the ledge.
2077
01:21:57,580 --> 01:21:58,580
Oh, he's fine.
2078
01:21:58,998 --> 01:22:00,792
I was talking to the cat.
2079
01:22:03,294 --> 01:22:06,172
Jay, whatever happened
to your TV show
2080
01:22:06,256 --> 01:22:07,882
about that loser guy?
2081
01:22:09,217 --> 01:22:10,468
Just a little FYI, uh,
2082
01:22:10,927 --> 01:22:13,096
you talking to a guy
in my business,
2083
01:22:13,179 --> 01:22:14,389
it's not the best idea to say,
2084
01:22:14,472 --> 01:22:15,912
hey, whatever
happened to your blank,
2085
01:22:15,974 --> 01:22:17,701
you know, because
if you didn't hear about it,
2086
01:22:17,725 --> 01:22:20,103
that story is not gonna have
a happy ending.
2087
01:22:20,186 --> 01:22:21,855
Duly noted.
2088
01:22:22,605 --> 01:22:24,023
I owe you one.
2089
01:22:24,399 --> 01:22:25,567
I'll take it.
2090
01:22:27,444 --> 01:22:28,653
I'll tell you what happened.
2091
01:22:28,736 --> 01:22:29,654
We had Carl Rohmer
2092
01:22:29,737 --> 01:22:30,822
and the whole Now Network
2093
01:22:30,905 --> 01:22:32,240
chopping at the bit
to make a show
2094
01:22:32,323 --> 01:22:33,867
about a guy,
we're in the homestretch
2095
01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:35,618
and the guy just bails.
2096
01:22:35,702 --> 01:22:37,745
Well, all I can say
is he's damn lucky
2097
01:22:37,829 --> 01:22:38,955
he's working with you, Jay,
2098
01:22:39,038 --> 01:22:40,516
not one of those
other sharks out there
2099
01:22:40,540 --> 01:22:43,543
They'd have him pedaling
hotdogs in Kalamazoo right now.
2100
01:22:44,127 --> 01:22:45,587
You know what,
at the end of the day,
2101
01:22:45,670 --> 01:22:47,714
I kind of get it. I mean...
2102
01:22:47,797 --> 01:22:49,340
not everybody is dying
to be famous
2103
01:22:49,424 --> 01:22:51,134
just for the sake
of being famous.
2104
01:22:52,051 --> 01:22:53,094
So pop one open
2105
01:22:53,178 --> 01:22:55,430
for that cool,
refreshing taste.
2106
01:22:55,513 --> 01:22:57,682
♪ Satisfy your satisfaction ♪
2107
01:22:57,765 --> 01:23:00,894
♪ Pacify your pacification ♪
2108
01:23:01,603 --> 01:23:02,603
Look at that.
2109
01:23:02,812 --> 01:23:03,998
Stupid Joe does make more money
2110
01:23:04,022 --> 01:23:06,524
in 10 seconds than we're
gonna make all weekend.
2111
01:23:06,608 --> 01:23:09,110
Well, good for him,
I guess, huh?
2112
01:23:18,745 --> 01:23:20,079
Hey, did you leave
the lights on?
2113
01:23:20,163 --> 01:23:21,706
No, they turn off
automatically.
2114
01:23:21,789 --> 01:23:23,541
Are you sure?
Yeah.
2115
01:23:23,625 --> 01:23:25,376
Yeah, come on,
let's go.
2116
01:23:45,063 --> 01:23:46,814
Okay. It just didn't.
2117
01:24:04,249 --> 01:24:05,309
I'm going to go
to the bathroom.
2118
01:24:05,333 --> 01:24:06,417
Yeah.
Is it all right
2119
01:24:06,501 --> 01:24:07,919
if I just drop
this here for a sec?
2120
01:24:08,211 --> 01:24:10,046
Okay.
Thank you.
2121
01:24:13,675 --> 01:24:14,509
Hey, what's up man?
2122
01:24:14,634 --> 01:24:15,468
Hey, bathroom?
2123
01:24:15,552 --> 01:24:16,792
Yeah, but this
section is closed
2124
01:24:17,095 --> 01:24:18,346
for a private
party, sorry.
2125
01:24:18,429 --> 01:24:20,098
Uh, is there another
bathroom or...
2126
01:24:20,181 --> 01:24:21,181
No.
So,
2127
01:24:21,474 --> 01:24:23,035
what would somebody do
if they have to go
2128
01:24:23,059 --> 01:24:24,578
to the bathroom?
I got some VIPs back here
2129
01:24:24,602 --> 01:24:26,312
and I'm gonna tell you, sir.
This is crazy.
2130
01:24:26,396 --> 01:24:27,522
I mean, is that even legal?
2131
01:24:27,605 --> 01:24:28,885
Don't you have
to have a bathroom
2132
01:24:28,940 --> 01:24:30,860
for the people? I mean...
Yeah, I'm not a lawyer.
2133
01:24:32,694 --> 01:24:34,195
That's crazy.
2134
01:24:40,201 --> 01:24:41,201
All right.
2135
01:24:41,953 --> 01:24:43,037
I want in.
2136
01:24:43,621 --> 01:24:45,039
But you're not getting in.
2137
01:24:46,541 --> 01:24:47,750
You know, right now,
2138
01:24:47,959 --> 01:24:49,119
I might be a big nobody here,
2139
01:24:49,210 --> 01:24:51,438
but few years down the line,
I might be selling out shows
2140
01:24:51,462 --> 01:24:54,841
all over the country
and our paths may cross again.
2141
01:24:55,550 --> 01:24:57,218
And if you're not nice
to me now,
2142
01:24:57,302 --> 01:24:59,220
I might not be
so easy to deal with
2143
01:24:59,304 --> 01:25:00,805
a little bit down the line.
2144
01:25:01,139 --> 01:25:02,139
So,
2145
01:25:02,890 --> 01:25:04,350
what's it gonna be?
2146
01:25:13,109 --> 01:25:14,152
Bullshit.
2147
01:25:15,403 --> 01:25:17,113
Hey, man.
Hey, man, how's it going?
2148
01:25:17,238 --> 01:25:18,238
Good, good.
2149
01:25:18,573 --> 01:25:20,241
What do you want
for your introduction?
2150
01:25:20,325 --> 01:25:22,660
Oh, just say
Henry Phillips.
2151
01:25:22,744 --> 01:25:24,245
Cool. You want me
to tell them
2152
01:25:24,329 --> 01:25:25,489
to turn off
their cell phones?
2153
01:25:26,748 --> 01:25:28,082
Yeah, if you want.
2154
01:25:28,875 --> 01:25:30,460
I got it. All right.
Cool.
2155
01:25:30,543 --> 01:25:32,104
Hey, can I have a glass
of water real quick?
2156
01:25:32,128 --> 01:25:33,128
Oh, thanks.
2157
01:25:33,671 --> 01:25:34,964
Hey.
Well, hey, man,
2158
01:25:35,048 --> 01:25:36,883
where did you go?
Bathroom.
2159
01:25:37,175 --> 01:25:38,718
Did that guy let you in?
Yeah,
2160
01:25:38,801 --> 01:25:40,887
I had to tell him
I was with Henry Phillips.
2161
01:25:41,929 --> 01:25:44,057
Oh, um, by the way,
2162
01:25:44,307 --> 01:25:46,267
Arnold tell me to tell you...
2163
01:25:46,809 --> 01:25:47,809
hotdogs.
2164
01:25:48,019 --> 01:25:49,395
Don't forget to mention hotdogs,
2165
01:25:49,479 --> 01:25:50,519
two for a dollar in a bun.
2166
01:25:50,688 --> 01:25:51,773
Put it in there somewhere.
2167
01:25:51,939 --> 01:25:53,399
- Good deal.
- All right.
2168
01:25:53,775 --> 01:25:55,485
This guy coming up here,
Henry Phillips,
2169
01:25:55,568 --> 01:25:59,864
wants you to turn
your cell phones off, okay?
2170
01:25:59,947 --> 01:26:01,908
He came all the way
out here from LA.
2171
01:26:01,991 --> 01:26:03,701
I expect you
to give him the respect
2172
01:26:03,785 --> 01:26:06,454
that somebody from LA deserves.
2173
01:26:06,537 --> 01:26:08,873
Don't need to be
talking on your cell phones
2174
01:26:08,956 --> 01:26:10,083
like a bunch of jackasses,
2175
01:26:10,166 --> 01:26:11,501
so give it up.
2176
01:26:16,297 --> 01:26:17,298
Oh, thanks.
2177
01:26:17,715 --> 01:26:19,175
You guys having a good time?
2178
01:26:20,343 --> 01:26:23,054
I'm not from LA.
I, um, I was just there
2179
01:26:23,179 --> 01:26:24,222
for a little while though.
2180
01:26:24,347 --> 01:26:25,991
I think LA is this place
where everybody feels
2181
01:26:26,015 --> 01:26:27,951
like they're just like sleeping
their way to the top
2182
01:26:27,975 --> 01:26:29,119
and I always felt
like I'm just like
2183
01:26:29,143 --> 01:26:30,895
masturbating my way
to the bottom
2184
01:26:31,062 --> 01:26:32,302
for no other reason. And, um...
2185
01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:34,917
but I've always had the worst,
like, when it comes to meeting
2186
01:26:34,941 --> 01:26:36,627
new people for the first time,
and this is a true story.
2187
01:26:36,651 --> 01:26:38,611
I was in the elevator recently
2188
01:26:38,695 --> 01:26:40,047
and there were a couple
of girls there
2189
01:26:40,071 --> 01:26:42,740
and some other people
and I was trying
2190
01:26:42,865 --> 01:26:43,865
to talk to these girls
2191
01:26:43,950 --> 01:26:46,160
and there wasn't
really happening
2192
01:26:46,285 --> 01:26:47,285
and so, um,
2193
01:26:47,370 --> 01:26:48,955
when I got to my floor,
I didn't know
2194
01:26:49,080 --> 01:26:50,560
if I was supposed
to go right or left,
2195
01:26:50,665 --> 01:26:52,226
but I just wanted to get out
of there so I thought,
2196
01:26:52,250 --> 01:26:53,370
well, I'm just gonna go left
2197
01:26:53,418 --> 01:26:54,418
and deal with it later.
2198
01:26:54,752 --> 01:26:56,152
So I get to my floor
and I was like,
2199
01:26:56,671 --> 01:26:58,840
well, you guys have
a good one, whatever.
2200
01:26:58,965 --> 01:27:00,925
And then I went out
and I went left,
2201
01:27:01,050 --> 01:27:03,886
but there's just
a wall right here
2202
01:27:04,011 --> 01:27:05,096
and I was like, oh, shit.
2203
01:27:05,221 --> 01:27:06,907
But I didn't think they
could see, so I thought,
2204
01:27:06,931 --> 01:27:08,099
well, maybe what I'll do,
2205
01:27:08,224 --> 01:27:09,618
I'm just gonna, kind of,
like stand here
2206
01:27:09,642 --> 01:27:12,645
and hide up against the wall
just for a second
2207
01:27:12,770 --> 01:27:14,010
and wait for the doors to close
2208
01:27:14,063 --> 01:27:15,314
so that way they don't know
2209
01:27:15,440 --> 01:27:16,482
that I fucked up.
2210
01:27:16,607 --> 01:27:17,967
So, I'm just
kind of standing here,
2211
01:27:18,067 --> 01:27:19,652
hiding against
the wall, waiting,
2212
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:22,321
and the doors weren't closing
for the longest time,
2213
01:27:22,447 --> 01:27:23,687
but while I was standing there,
2214
01:27:23,740 --> 01:27:26,784
I looked across here
and there's this giant mirror
2215
01:27:27,660 --> 01:27:29,346
and I could see them,
and they're staring at me
2216
01:27:29,370 --> 01:27:31,581
and I'm just standing here,
hiding up against this wall,
2217
01:27:31,664 --> 01:27:33,541
I didn't know
what to say, I was like, uh,
2218
01:27:34,083 --> 01:27:35,083
oh, hey.
2219
01:27:35,752 --> 01:27:37,592
And then the doors closed
right at that moment,
2220
01:27:37,628 --> 01:27:39,589
so that's the last thing
anybody saw
2221
01:27:39,714 --> 01:27:40,840
and I was like, oh, man.
2222
01:27:42,633 --> 01:27:44,677
I don't think that happens
to normal people.
2223
01:27:44,761 --> 01:27:45,845
So is it worth it?
2224
01:27:46,721 --> 01:27:49,891
As long as I'm doing
what I like to do,
2225
01:27:50,016 --> 01:27:52,769
you know, I think that if
somebody came up to me and said,
2226
01:27:52,894 --> 01:27:55,938
"Hey, I'll give you $10,000,
2227
01:27:56,063 --> 01:27:57,732
"but you have to say a joke
2228
01:27:57,857 --> 01:27:59,609
that you don't think is funny,"
2229
01:28:01,277 --> 01:28:03,037
I would do it, obviously.
Yeah, I would, too.
2230
01:28:03,070 --> 01:28:04,405
That was a bad example.
2231
01:28:04,489 --> 01:28:05,531
I was stupid.
2232
01:28:05,615 --> 01:28:06,824
What I meant was, um,
2233
01:28:06,908 --> 01:28:08,034
like, if you...
2234
01:28:08,951 --> 01:28:10,453
You wanna fail
at doing what you love
2235
01:28:10,578 --> 01:28:13,122
- and not compromising.
- Exactly,
2236
01:28:13,206 --> 01:28:15,541
and I think
I'm feeling very well
2237
01:28:15,625 --> 01:28:16,542
doing what I love.
2238
01:28:16,626 --> 01:28:18,211
You're listening to Mouth Fuck.
2239
01:28:18,294 --> 01:28:20,296
That was Henry Phillips
2240
01:28:20,546 --> 01:28:22,089
who I believe is...
2241
01:28:22,799 --> 01:28:25,134
a rambling troubadour
extraordinaire.
2242
01:28:25,343 --> 01:28:26,343
Oh.
2243
01:28:26,427 --> 01:28:27,970
And, uh, thank you so much
2244
01:28:28,137 --> 01:28:29,722
for coming in.
2245
01:28:29,889 --> 01:28:31,724
- Yeah.
- Playing your song
2246
01:28:31,808 --> 01:28:34,310
- and talking about your life.
- Sure.
2247
01:28:34,393 --> 01:28:35,895
Thank you for having me.
2248
01:28:40,983 --> 01:28:43,486
♪ Sometimes ♪
2249
01:28:43,569 --> 01:28:45,822
♪ We all make mistakes ♪
2250
01:28:45,905 --> 01:28:47,240
♪ And sometimes we catch ♪
2251
01:28:47,323 --> 01:28:50,117
♪ The real tough breaks ♪
2252
01:28:50,868 --> 01:28:54,539
♪ But here's a trick
that I've been working on ♪
2253
01:28:54,872 --> 01:28:58,501
♪ Just say oops and move on ♪
2254
01:28:59,836 --> 01:29:02,088
♪ Ran out of gas ♪
2255
01:29:02,171 --> 01:29:03,589
♪ Or maybe you stepped ♪
2256
01:29:03,673 --> 01:29:06,634
♪ On broken glass ♪
2257
01:29:07,468 --> 01:29:10,972
♪ Or managed to lose
a fucking Malaysian plane ♪
2258
01:29:11,389 --> 01:29:14,725
♪ Just say oops and move on ♪
2259
01:29:15,810 --> 01:29:17,979
♪ Or maybe you're a movie star ♪
2260
01:29:18,062 --> 01:29:22,275
♪ And you end up
in some Hollywood bar ♪
2261
01:29:23,192 --> 01:29:26,279
♪ Next thing you know
you're getting blackout drunk ♪
2262
01:29:26,696 --> 01:29:29,949
♪ And talking shit
about the juice ♪
2263
01:29:30,741 --> 01:29:31,993
♪ Don't you even sweat it ♪
2264
01:29:32,076 --> 01:29:35,288
♪ Have a gin and tonic
and just try to forget it ♪
2265
01:29:35,371 --> 01:29:37,540
♪ Because it's all good ♪
2266
01:29:38,624 --> 01:29:39,876
♪ Or crash the cruise ship ♪
2267
01:29:39,959 --> 01:29:42,545
♪ Off the coast of Italy ♪
2268
01:29:42,628 --> 01:29:44,839
♪ Just say oops and move on ♪
2269
01:29:44,922 --> 01:29:47,758
♪ Sometimes there's nothing
else to do ♪
2270
01:29:48,676 --> 01:29:51,429
♪ Besides, there might be
people suing you ♪
2271
01:29:51,512 --> 01:29:55,892
♪ Because you might've killed
the King of Pop ♪
2272
01:29:56,225 --> 01:29:58,561
♪ By giving him too much drugs ♪
2273
01:29:58,644 --> 01:30:00,479
♪ Just say oops ♪
2274
01:30:01,814 --> 01:30:03,208
I wanna apologize
about my voice tonight,
2275
01:30:03,232 --> 01:30:04,609
by the way.
2276
01:30:05,151 --> 01:30:06,694
Every night,
it's a shitty voice,
2277
01:30:06,777 --> 01:30:08,529
so I apologize
about that, but...
2278
01:30:10,072 --> 01:30:13,784
♪ Or tweeted your boner
to some college girl ♪
2279
01:30:14,243 --> 01:30:18,331
♪ Just say oops and move on ♪
2280
01:30:22,543 --> 01:30:24,462
Thank you guys very much.
2281
01:30:24,545 --> 01:30:26,130
Thank you so much.
2282
01:30:37,475 --> 01:30:38,893
♪ I'm in Minneapolis ♪
2283
01:30:38,976 --> 01:30:40,770
♪ You're in Hollywood ♪
2284
01:30:41,729 --> 01:30:45,358
♪ And I heard, for you,
nthings were going pretty good ♪
2285
01:30:46,692 --> 01:30:48,736
♪ You're screening your calls ♪
2286
01:30:48,819 --> 01:30:50,947
♪ I'm freezing my balls off ♪
2287
01:30:51,030 --> 01:30:52,448
♪ Because I'm in Minneapolis ♪
2288
01:30:52,531 --> 01:30:54,659
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2289
01:30:55,660 --> 01:30:57,161
♪ I'm in Amarillo, Texas ♪
2290
01:30:57,244 --> 01:30:59,246
♪ You're in La-La Land ♪
2291
01:30:59,956 --> 01:31:01,624
♪ And I just did a show
and got heckled ♪
2292
01:31:01,707 --> 01:31:03,918
♪ By the Ku Klux Klan ♪
2293
01:31:04,251 --> 01:31:06,921
♪ You're having sex
on the beach ♪
2294
01:31:07,004 --> 01:31:08,422
♪ I'm opening for screech ♪
2295
01:31:08,506 --> 01:31:10,424
♪ Because I'm in
Amarillo, Texas ♪
2296
01:31:10,508 --> 01:31:12,593
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2297
01:31:13,636 --> 01:31:16,263
♪ I'm in Opelousas, Louisiana ♪
2298
01:31:16,347 --> 01:31:18,140
♪ You're in Tinseltown ♪
2299
01:31:19,350 --> 01:31:20,851
♪ And I just saw
your face on TV ♪
2300
01:31:20,935 --> 01:31:22,770
♪ While I was flipping around ♪
2301
01:31:23,854 --> 01:31:25,856
♪ You're signing
some girl's boob ♪
2302
01:31:26,273 --> 01:31:27,733
♪ I'm reaching for some lube ♪
2303
01:31:28,359 --> 01:31:30,736
♪ Because I'm in
Opelousas, Louisiana ♪
2304
01:31:30,861 --> 01:31:33,322
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2305
01:31:34,073 --> 01:31:36,450
♪ I'm in Truth
or Consequences, New Mexico ♪
2306
01:31:36,701 --> 01:31:38,744
♪ You're back in LA ♪
2307
01:31:39,370 --> 01:31:43,082
♪ And I heard you were making
$3,000 a day ♪
2308
01:31:44,166 --> 01:31:46,377
♪ You're at the
Beverly Hills Hotel ♪
2309
01:31:46,502 --> 01:31:48,421
♪ I'm next door
to an Al Qaeda cell ♪
2310
01:31:48,713 --> 01:31:50,756
♪ There's blood coming out
the waterspout ♪
2311
01:31:50,923 --> 01:31:52,800
♪ And the toilet paper
just ran out ♪
2312
01:31:53,009 --> 01:31:55,219
♪ So excuse me if I sound
just a little off-kilter ♪
2313
01:31:55,469 --> 01:31:57,513
♪ I've been wiping my ass
with a coffee filter ♪
2314
01:31:57,722 --> 01:32:00,057
♪ Because I'm in Truth
or Consequences, New Mexico ♪
2315
01:32:00,224 --> 01:32:02,393
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2316
01:32:03,394 --> 01:32:04,729
♪ I'm in a bowling alley ♪
2317
01:32:04,812 --> 01:32:06,897
♪ Somewhere near
Oskaloosa, Iowa ♪
2318
01:32:06,981 --> 01:32:09,442
♪ You're on the Walk of Fame ♪
2319
01:32:10,151 --> 01:32:11,610
♪ And the people here
seem to think ♪
2320
01:32:11,694 --> 01:32:13,946
♪ My songs are lame ♪
2321
01:32:14,572 --> 01:32:16,782
♪ I just did a show
and they hated my guts ♪
2322
01:32:17,033 --> 01:32:19,243
♪ Some chick with a mullet
just kicked me in the nuts ♪
2323
01:32:19,410 --> 01:32:21,746
♪ Same damn song
for the 2,000th time ♪
2324
01:32:21,871 --> 01:32:23,432
♪ You are the blossom
and I am the vine ♪
2325
01:32:23,456 --> 01:32:25,916
♪ I'm gonna go to the bar
and drown my sorrow ♪
2326
01:32:26,083 --> 01:32:28,044
♪ Does anybody have a rope
I can borrow ♪
2327
01:32:28,169 --> 01:32:29,754
♪ Because I'm in
a bowling alley ♪
2328
01:32:29,837 --> 01:32:31,672
♪ Somewhere near
Oskaloosa, Iowa ♪
2329
01:32:31,881 --> 01:32:34,133
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2330
01:32:34,842 --> 01:32:36,218
♪ Yeah, I'm in a bowling alley ♪
2331
01:32:36,302 --> 01:32:38,512
♪ Somewhere near
Oskaloosa, Iowa ♪
2332
01:32:38,637 --> 01:32:40,848
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2333
01:32:42,391 --> 01:32:44,101
♪ Now, I'm coming up
on Little Rock ♪
2334
01:32:44,393 --> 01:32:46,479
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2335
01:32:48,481 --> 01:32:50,081
♪ I think I'll stop
at the waffle house ♪
2336
01:32:50,232 --> 01:32:52,401
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2337
01:32:53,319 --> 01:32:54,987
♪ I'm in Minneapolis ♪
2338
01:32:55,738 --> 01:32:58,324
♪ And you're in Hollywood ♪
2339
01:33:07,666 --> 01:33:09,168
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
2340
01:33:11,378 --> 01:33:12,880
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
2341
01:33:15,299 --> 01:33:16,842
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
2342
01:33:18,886 --> 01:33:20,429
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
2343
01:33:22,681 --> 01:33:24,308
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
2344
01:33:26,352 --> 01:33:27,895
♪ Mouth Fuck ♪
170577
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