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ADULT ADAM:
Ever since I was a kid,
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00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,804
Billy Joel
was my musical idol.
3
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,473
I loved
every album and video,
4
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,909
but he blew my mind
when he released a song
like no other.
5
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:10,944
* We didn't start the fire
6
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,347
We Didn't Start the Fire
was an instant classic.
7
00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,549
The moment I heard it,
I was obsessed.
8
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,752
* Joseph Stalin, Malenkov,
Nasser, and Prokofiev... *
9
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:20,221
What is he doing?
10
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:23,357
It's like
Billy Joel is singing,
but also rapping.
11
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:27,428
No, it's like he's rapping,
but also singing.
12
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:29,563
ADULT ADAM:
It became a point of pride
to memorize the lyrics.
13
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,765
* ...Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
(TAPE REWINDS)
14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:33,067
ADULT ADAM:
And back before the Internet,
15
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,369
the only way to learn them
was to just listen.
16
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,870
The hell are you doing?
17
00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:37,938
It's the middle
of the night!
18
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,006
Dad, thank God!
19
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,974
Is it "Pumajob"?
"Pacman job"?
20
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,610
Put on the damn headphones.
What is he saying?
21
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,044
He's saying you're a moron.
22
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:46,880
Now go to bed,
and also learn some history!
23
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:49,117
And the best part? I did!
24
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,552
Billy Joel actually made me
good at school.
25
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:52,620
So, yes.
26
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,455
We didn't start the fire.
27
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,557
In fact, it burned right
from Harry Truman
28
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:57,958
to the great cola wars.
29
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,695
Normally, I am not a fan
of popular music,
30
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,764
but this song teaches
and entertains.
31
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,266
You don't like music?
32
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,202
No. I enjoy the dulcet tones
of AM talk radio.
33
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:11,038
That's sad.
I feel sad for you.
34
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,707
I mean,
traffic, sports, weather,
you've got it all!
35
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:14,808
But most importantly,
36
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,711
Billy Joel taught me
girls dig rock stars.
37
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:21,749
* Rock and roller cola wars,
I can't take it anymore *
38
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,884
Wow! That was
totally badass.
39
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,653
You like how I flipped over
the He-Man table?
40
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:28,556
You know what?
You should perform that song
in the holiday talent show.
41
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,090
You think?
I know.
42
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,892
Not to completely
objectify you,
43
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,462
but the whole thing
was insanely hot.
44
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,863
Me, hot?
45
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,366
Yeah, oh!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
46
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,134
Never thought I'd hear that
from a girl.
47
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:42,136
Is it warm?
My cheeks are burning.
48
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,305
What can I say?
You make quite the Billy Joel.
49
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:45,973
More like Boopie Joel.
50
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:48,809
* Schmoo didn't start
the fire
51
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,945
* But his cheeks are gushy
and his tushy's squooshy *
52
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,013
Give me a little nibble.
53
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,315
Just look away, Jackie!
Look away!
54
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,350
I am looking away,
but there's a mirror
right there.
55
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,518
(GROWLING)
Aah!
56
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,019
(LAUGHS)
57
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:00,554
* I'm twisted up inside
58
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:04,292
* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
59
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,995
* I don't know the future
60
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:11,899
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
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00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,302
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 13,
1980-something,
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00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,870
and Erica
was back from college
for winter break.
63
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,206
I have an announcement.
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00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,607
We've spent
a lot of time together
65
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,709
this holiday break...
Too much in fact.
66
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:22,776
You've been home
for one day.
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00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:23,944
You're feeling it, too.
68
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,413
Which is why
I will be spending
69
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,748
the first night of Hanukkah
at Geoff's house.
What?
70
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:29,917
His parents invited me,
and I don't want to be here,
71
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,385
so it's all lining up.
72
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,753
Murray, your daughter
wants to spend
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00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,622
the holiest day of the year
without the family.
74
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,123
Say something!
Holy?
75
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,091
Most years,
we give up halfway through.
76
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,860
Murray, don't interrupt.
77
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:42,430
It's a very special day,
so at the very least,
78
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,564
we should come with you.
79
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,266
Ooh, one problem...
80
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,534
You're not invited.
Please.
81
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,469
Linda and Lou Schwartz
are friends.
82
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,570
They'd love to have us.
83
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,771
You've never even
talked to them.
84
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,973
Well, I sent Linda
a beautifully-worded note
85
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,141
when Murray ran over
her foot.
86
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,676
I signed my name
at the bottom.
87
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,511
You are not crashing
their dinner,
88
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,012
end of story!
89
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:00,581
Damn it!
Quick, grab your pants.
90
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,516
The Schwartzes are clearly
making a play
to take Hanukkah!
91
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,752
Who's doing what now?
Murray, it is crucial
92
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:07,187
that we establish ourselves
as the fun parents
93
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,622
who host all the holidays.
94
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,858
That way, if Geoff and Erica
ever get married,
95
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,025
they come to us.
96
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,727
Not those bastards. Us.
97
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,663
Okay, I'm hearing
a lot of worry
98
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,599
about things far in the future
that I don't care about.
99
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,033
Oh, you better care!
100
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,869
Hanukkah is
a gateway holiday.
101
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,771
If they take that,
then they take Thanksgiving,
102
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:25,506
then the Fourth of July,
then we're left
103
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:27,608
with some crap holiday,
like Labor Day!
104
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,344
What's wrong with Labor Day?
It's quiet
and we eat hot dogs!
105
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,113
And so my mom swore
she'd win Hanukkah.
106
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:35,048
Meanwhile, I was ready
to win over the crowd.
107
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,149
Ow!
108
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,885
(LAUGHS)
109
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,152
That's the best.
110
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,821
Still getting used to wearing
my shades indoors
111
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,922
like the Piano Man.
112
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,123
You're no Piano Man.
113
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,492
Tell that to Jackie,
114
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,027
who strongly urged my hot bod
to do the talent show.
115
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,763
Come on!
What upside-down world
116
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,931
are we living in here?
117
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,200
How do you have a girlfriend
and confidence
118
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,102
and a modest amount
of popularity?
119
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,370
Hello!
120
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,505
Pops!
121
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,106
He's helped me
with all of it.
122
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:02,142
He's even the one who gave me
the idea to serenade Jackie,
123
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:03,877
and like always,
he was right.
124
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:07,315
Wait, you take love advice
from our old grandpa
125
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,950
who uses an entire tin
of cream cheese on one bagel?
126
00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,653
He helps me every day.
You're just realizing
that now?
127
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,154
That's why you're always
chatting him up?
128
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,356
What did you think
I was doing?
129
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,690
I thought you were trying
to get his gold.
130
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,891
He doesn't have any gold.
131
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:20,027
All old people have gold.
132
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,662
The gold is his wisdom.
133
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,063
Lame!
Fine.
134
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,498
Pops is lame,
and so am I.
135
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,000
Lame or not, Barry couldn't
deny Pops had helped me,
136
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,970
and so, with great humility,
he asked for guidance.
137
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,038
Hey! My bagel!
138
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,340
Forget the bagel.
139
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,808
Schmear me with knowledge,
old timer.
140
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,178
Wait. Are you actually coming
to me for advice?
141
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:41,349
I realized you made Adam
suck way less.
142
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,516
Be my sensei,
143
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,918
and I will follow
whatever ancient wisdom
144
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,154
you have in that
tired old frame of yours.
145
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:50,090
As insulting as that is,
why not?
146
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,825
I like a good challenge.
147
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,594
I am a challenge.
148
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:56,797
ADULT ADAM:
He was, but my mom faced
an even bigger challenge,
149
00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,334
making sure she didn't lose
Hanukkah to the Schwartzes.
150
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,103
Linda, my God,
these latkes are to die for!
151
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,171
Oh, it was nothing.
152
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:05,373
She's not one to toot
her own horn,
153
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,040
but I will. Toot-toot!
154
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,208
(CHUCKLING)
155
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,344
Am I crazy, or is this
actually going well?
156
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,212
Oh! Almost forgot.
157
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:13,914
Presents!
158
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,248
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Wait! Wait, wait.
159
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,317
No one said anything
about a gift exchange.
160
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,986
We didn't bring anything.
Oh, don't worry.
161
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,554
We just got you
a little something.
162
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,323
Classic first night gift,
no big deal.
163
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,693
Holy crap!
Streisand tickets?
164
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,194
Summer sausage?
165
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,529
Who are you?
166
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:31,432
An indestructible rubber
Sony Sports Walkman?
167
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,534
I always get crappy socks
on the first night.
168
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,668
Not always!
169
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:36,404
Last year, we forgot
about it completely,
170
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,672
and then on the fourth night,
we were like, "Hanukkah!"
171
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,742
Ha! She's wrong.
She's a big stupid liar.
172
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,745
Point is, the holidays
are just as special to us.
173
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,113
A savings bond?
174
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,415
I can't touch this
for 10 years!
175
00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:50,017
So sensible!
LOU: Look at that punim!
176
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,019
We're like twins!
Look at us!
177
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,821
Well, look at this!
(LAUGHS)
178
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,456
(SING-SONG)
We're twins, too!
179
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,090
Mmm!
180
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:59,827
See this?
This is the real gift...
181
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,730
Erica and the Goldbergs
here for the holidays.
182
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,799
It's the best!
You guys are the best.
183
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,401
Those people
are human trash!
184
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:10,337
Come on!
All the man did was give you
Streisand tickets.
185
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,105
Third row center?
186
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,174
Best seats in the house?
187
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,944
These people are monsters
who will steal our children.
188
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,513
While my mom envisioned
a lonely future,
189
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,914
Pops was reminding Barry
190
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,451
of his epic freshman year
talent show routine...
191
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:26,720
Hyah!
...when he karate-kicked
his way to glory.
192
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,422
That was
quite a night, huh?
193
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,624
It was the first night
Lainey noticed me.
194
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:31,725
Best of my life.
195
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,527
What if I said
I could help you top it?
196
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,596
You think if I do that show,
I can get a new Lainey?
197
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,898
If Adam can impress a girl
with a serenade,
198
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,132
so can you.
199
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,368
And so, Barry took
Pops' advice,
200
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,803
perhaps a little
too literally.
201
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:43,871
Mr. Glascott!
202
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,306
Oh, my God.
Oh, my Pop-Tart!
203
00:06:46,373 --> 00:06:47,675
Today was my cheat day!
204
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,076
I have huge news.
205
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,711
I'm signing up
for the talent show.
206
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:51,812
I know it's last minute,
207
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,547
but I will not take "no"
for an answer.
208
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:56,149
And you won't have to.
There's like 14 spots left.
209
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,051
Then consider it
your lucky day
210
00:06:58,118 --> 00:06:59,987
'cause you just got yourself
your opening act.
211
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,322
Okay, you seem
way too fired up about this.
212
00:07:02,389 --> 00:07:03,757
Let me be painfully clear.
213
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,759
This is a holiday
talent show.
214
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:06,960
None of it matters.
215
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:08,629
Oh, it matters.
216
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,163
This is
the game-changer I need
217
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,399
to become the most popular kid
in high school once again!
218
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,501
It's really not.
219
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,603
Honestly, this isn't
some high-stakes,
220
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:17,137
life-defining event.
221
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,338
It's just a wasted night.
222
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,508
Then it's up to me
to prove you wrong.
223
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:23,310
No! Do not use me to raise
the stakes any further.
224
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,778
Just sign up and move on.
225
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,514
Mr. Glascott!
226
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,583
Big news, I'm gonna sing
We Didn't Start the Fire
at the talent show.
227
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,951
No one cares!
228
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,553
What he means to say is
229
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,287
you can do anything
but that song.
230
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,523
I'm opening the show
with it.
231
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,857
You can't just
take my song.
232
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,927
I'm just doing as my sensei,
Pops, commands.
233
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,662
Pops isn't your sensei.
234
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,230
He's my Jedi Master,
235
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,799
and he'd never tell you
to do the same song as me!
236
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:48,401
Hey, Barry, heard you were
opening the talent show
with Billy Joel.
237
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,838
Why, yes, I am,
Jamie Weisman.
238
00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:51,972
See you there.
239
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,641
What do you know?
It's already working.
240
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,576
How the hell did she already
know you were doing the show?
241
00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:56,977
It literally just happened.
242
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,812
She knew because Barry
woke up early
243
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,448
and posted a few fliers
around school...
244
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:02,516
A few hundred.
245
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,684
Balls!
246
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,953
"Holiday Talent Show
featuring Barry Joel"?
247
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,721
Don't worry.
I'm still gonna sing
our song.
248
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,590
It's kind of feeling
like your brother's song.
249
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:10,924
It does feel that way.
250
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,165
It was the second day
of Hanukkah,
251
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,267
and my mom had her eyes
on the prize,
252
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,536
stealing the holiday back
from Lou Schwartz.
253
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,305
Thank you so much
for seeing me last minute,
Dr. Schwartz.
254
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,340
That's Lou to you.
We're practically family now.
255
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:31,078
Aw. Speaking of,
I wanted to thank you
for last night
256
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,047
by hosting you guys
for the second night
of Hanukkah.
257
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,016
Hold still for drops.
258
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,851
While I do appreciate
the offer,
259
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:41,088
night two is a Schwartz
family favorite,
so we'll be hosting it.
260
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,957
Well, your son already
formally RSVP'd.
261
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,493
I cornered him at school,
and he signed
the response card.
262
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,828
Fine. You take night two.
263
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,362
We'll do nights
three through eight.
264
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,398
Six nights
and the closer?
265
00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:52,966
Okay, then you can
take night four.
266
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,368
The hump day of Hanukkah?
How dare you.
267
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:56,536
How dare me, what?
268
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,438
I don't understand
why you're so worked up.
269
00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,940
Cut the crap, Schwartz!
270
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,275
You're trying
to steal Hanukkah,
and it ain't happening.
271
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,578
Like always,
my mom had spiraled out,
272
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,346
but this time, she was right.
273
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,981
Fine!
I knew it!
274
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,517
You got me.
You are not
taking Hanukkah.
275
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:12,085
Oh! I'm taking it.
276
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,187
I'm taking all
the big-ticket holidays,
277
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,388
and you can't stop it.
278
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,824
Oh, I'll stop it
when I throw
279
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,960
the most
mind-blowing night two
in Hanukkah history!
280
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:22,930
You'll see.
Too bad you won't.
281
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,364
What did you do?
282
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,635
In a few minutes, your pupils
will dilate up real nicely.
283
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,738
Good luck frying up a latke
in a hazy blur.
284
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,239
You blinded me
from Hanukkah?
285
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,074
Yes.
For three whole hours.
286
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,409
You have made
a dangerous mistake,
Lou Schwartz!
287
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,411
Blinding me has only
fueled my anger,
288
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,714
and I will use my rage
to peel more potatoes
289
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,750
than I've ever peeled!
Better watch your fingers.
290
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:44,618
And you better
bring your appetite,
291
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:47,487
'cause once I sour cream
and applesauce up a latke,
292
00:09:47,554 --> 00:09:49,723
it is game, set, Hanukkah!
293
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,796
This is a war
you won't win!
294
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,665
I already have!
295
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,933
As my mom stumbled off
to dominate Hanukkah,
296
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,936
my brother was mastering
Billy Joel's lyrics.
297
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,805
* Harry Truman, Doris Day
298
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:07,875
ADULT ADAM:
Back before Google, it took
patience and a good ear.
299
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,043
Sadly, Barry had neither.
300
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,745
* Joe is stallin'
Mellor's cough
301
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,580
* Nose hairs
and pro coffee pots
302
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,282
* Rock your fella,
salmonella
303
00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:16,950
* Chickens say "Bock!"
304
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,686
* Toy bone, on the phone
305
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,553
* Tossed panini, yay scones
306
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,322
* Ben's friend Lew Falls
307
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,024
* Walk around the block
308
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,693
* Barf-O, booed a breast
309
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,494
* Slamma Jamma, crew's chest
310
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,229
* Prince is great,
paper plates
311
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,131
* Trouble with Aunt Suzy
312
00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,901
* We didn't start the fire
313
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,003
* Blah-blah-blah-blah,
blah-blah-blah
314
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:37,437
* Blah, blah, blah
315
00:10:37,504 --> 00:10:38,505
* Blah, blah, blah
316
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,240
You get it!
What do you think?
317
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,308
I think it's amazing.
318
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:43,143
Do this song exactly
like that, pal.
319
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,178
Never let me stand
in your way again.
320
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:49,049
A more insecure man
would wonder
why he's so pleased.
321
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:50,684
But I'm not such a man.
322
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,754
Um, Bar, I...
I think you messed up
a couple of lyrics there.
323
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,023
Mmm... No.
324
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,158
Dude, who's awful idea
was this?
325
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,492
That'd be me.
326
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,128
I... I'm his sensei.
327
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,629
Mr. Grandpa, sir,
I would like
328
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,664
to go on record
and respectfully say
329
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:07,167
that your advice
will destroy Barry's life
330
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,736
and that you suck at this.
331
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,537
While Pops was regretting
the talent show,
332
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:11,671
my mom couldn't wait
(DOORBELL RINGS)
333
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,707
to show the Schwartzes
a real Hanukkah.
334
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:14,908
Knock, knock!
335
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,644
Not sure if you can see us,
but we're here!
336
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,746
Doesn't matter!
337
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,580
I can cook dinner
with my eyes closed.
338
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,783
Come on in.
Sorry the place
is such a mess.
339
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,218
A mess?
Oh, look at this house.
340
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,654
It's like a Hanukkah
winter wonderland.
341
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,157
Yeah, what's the deal?
We usually just
light a candle
342
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,892
and get a lame gift,
like dental floss.
343
00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:34,594
Stop. When it comes
to the Festival of Lights,
344
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,364
the Goldbergs really know
how to turn it on.
345
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:38,465
(CLICKS)
346
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,700
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
That is so festive.
347
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,002
And dangerous.
348
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,971
Last thing I'd want is
for you to burst into flames
349
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,573
so we'd have to host Hanukkah
every year.
350
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,842
You know what's even better?
Presents!
351
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:49,943
(BEVERLY CHUCKLES)
352
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,745
A hundred dollars?
That's insane!
353
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,680
That's what you get
when you do Hanukkah here.
354
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:54,748
Remember that.
355
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,150
And, uh,
we have a gift for Erica.
356
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,651
We do?
357
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,220
Thirty-two dollars.
358
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,923
And a shammy
for your glasses.
359
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,624
Don't be silly.
It's time for dinner.
360
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,660
I hope you have enough room
for eight courses.
361
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,962
Prepare your tummies!
362
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,864
Whoa!
GEOFF: Damn!
363
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,732
Face it, Schwartz,
you're out of your league.
364
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,267
That's it. We settle this
the way our people
365
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,069
have settled fights
for thousands of years.
366
00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,204
In court?
No.
367
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,505
With a game of dreidel.
368
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,407
Winner takes
all eight nights.
369
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,676
And I never lose
with my lucky spinning top.
370
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,045
Until now.
371
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,246
Let's light this candle.
372
00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:27,747
(CLICKS)
373
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,317
(DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL
PLAYS)
374
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,188
(QUIETLY)
* Together, we will play
375
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,725
Hey, kiddo.
376
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,161
I... I've been thinking
about the talent show.
377
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,897
Maybe we should give
that little song back to Adam.
378
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,332
No can do.
379
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,700
I already sent Billy Joel
the parking directions.
380
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,902
No, that's smart,
381
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,404
but I think you'd make
a much bigger splash
382
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:52,940
by doing something funny.
383
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,875
But it took me forever
to perfectly memorize
384
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,743
every word of that song!
Bup, bup, bup.
385
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,479
You promised to do
everything I say, right?
386
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,548
Yes. Forgive me, sensei.
387
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,016
So, what's your idea?
388
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,619
The greatest
Abbott and Costello routine
of all time,
389
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,822
guaranteed to kill.
390
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,457
It's a famous skit
391
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,826
about the players
and their funny names.
392
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:14,995
It's called Who's on First?
393
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,564
Who?
Exactly! So you know it?
394
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,798
What?
Yes!
395
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:19,933
"What's" on second.
396
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,869
You started this thing!
You tell me!
397
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,636
Okay.
Let me clear this up.
398
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,605
"Who" is the player.
399
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,140
"Who" is on first.
400
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,009
Why won't you tell me?
401
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,811
You know what, I think
you're gonna need
some visuals.
402
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,580
Then you'll know
who's on first.
403
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,848
Who?
404
00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,583
Ah.
405
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:39,452
Okay, now you can
clearly visualize
406
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,488
where each
and every player is.
407
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,123
So, who's on first?
408
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,357
Easy. Von Hayes.
409
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,692
No. It's Who.
410
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:46,960
Who is on first.
411
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,696
I just told you,
Von Hayes.
412
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,665
I'm not asking you
about the Phillies lineup.
413
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,501
I'm telling you.
It's Who!
414
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,568
Von Hayes.
415
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:56,937
Okay, look at me.
416
00:13:57,004 --> 00:14:00,673
Ask me the name of the player
on third base.
417
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,342
I don't need to ask you.
418
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:03,676
It's Mike Schmidt, right?
419
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,413
Wrong.
This is "I Don't Know."
420
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,615
How do you not know
Mike Schmidt?
421
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,984
He's a Gold Glove winner
and a perennial All-Star!
422
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:13,353
Barry! Just listen!
423
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,055
Who is on first!
424
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:16,924
Who! I'm telling you!
425
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,825
Who is the name!
426
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,827
And I told you!
His name is...
427
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,296
Don't you dare say
Von Hayes!
428
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,364
(MUTTERING) Von Hayes.
429
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,866
Okay.
430
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,369
Now we're literally
on a baseball field
431
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:31,939
with your friends holding up
the names.
432
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,107
It cannot be any clearer.
433
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:38,378
So, tell me the name
of the player on third.
434
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,479
I Don't Know.
435
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,848
Barry, do you
really not know
436
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,517
or do you know
it's I Don't Know.
437
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,852
It's I Don't Know.
438
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,187
And What's on second.
439
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:49,022
And Who's on first.
Yes!
440
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,091
Yeah, baby!
Only two hours!
441
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,225
Can we go home now?
442
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,594
One question.
Why is it funny?
443
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,130
No one on Earth
would name their son Who!
444
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,331
He's right.
Kind of lame.
445
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,399
Okay, here's what
I'm gonna do.
446
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:00,900
I'm gonna make this
actually funny
447
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,035
by changing all the names.
448
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:03,136
Don't change the names.
449
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,305
First base is
Mr. ClownFarts.
450
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,274
Second base is
Bob Frapples.
451
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,242
And third base
is Giant (BLEEP) Face.
452
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,744
No!
Those aren't real names!
453
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:14,614
They're more real than
your first baseman, Mr. Who!
454
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,249
It makes no sense!
455
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,851
No parent with the last name
of (BLEEP) Face
456
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,288
would name
their child Giant! Ever!
457
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:22,922
Then what would
they name him?
458
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:24,524
Josh!
Screw it!
459
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,993
I'm going back to being
Barry Joel.
460
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:27,794
Barry, don't do that show.
461
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,729
I'm just trying
to protect you here.
462
00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:31,864
From what?
From yourself!
463
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,367
You don't know
any of the words
to that song,
464
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,769
and I can't help you
like I did with the karate!
465
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:37,904
What do you mean, help?
466
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,907
I swapped in a board
made of balsa wood!
467
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,476
Balsa wood better be
the strongest of all woods.
468
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,245
Bro, it breaks
like a Kit Kat bar.
469
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,614
That better be the strongest
of all candy bars.
470
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,915
It's not, dude.
471
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:52,719
Look, if I didn't actually
break that board,
472
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,788
then the best night
of my life
is nothing but a lie.
473
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:56,889
That's not true, kiddo.
474
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,391
No. I get it.
475
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,693
Even you can't help me.
476
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:02,762
I'm unfixable.
477
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:09,569
ADULT ADAM: As everyone
waited for dinner,
478
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,739
my mom's plans to win Hanukkah
were spinning out of control.
479
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,474
Boom! Squiggly again!
480
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:16,743
Send the bread to Fred,
the Schwartzes win.
481
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,046
Okay, double or nothing.
You win, you get Thanksgiving.
482
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,247
You're on!
Okay.
483
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,414
My turn, I'll spin.
484
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:22,815
No, no, no.
It's my dreidel!
485
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,385
I'm the spinner!
No, no! (CHUCKLES)
486
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,054
Yes! Squiggly! (LAUGHS)
487
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,588
The Goldbergs are back
on the board.
488
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,689
Look at that!
You got one.
489
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:30,790
Game's over.
Happy Hanukkah.
490
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,459
Hey! Hey, wait! Wait!
491
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,361
That's six squiggles
in a row.
492
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,428
What?
493
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,896
Is this a loaded dreidel?
No!
494
00:16:36,963 --> 00:16:40,500
Did you bring a loaded dreidel
into my home?
495
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,569
There's no such thing.
Is that right?
496
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,645
(GASPS)
You can prove nothing!
497
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,147
Okay, what is all
the yelling about?
498
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,615
I thought we were supposed
to have dinner.
499
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,650
Lou, what is going on?
The kids need to pick!
500
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,352
Which one of us is gonna be
the fun in-laws
501
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,820
you spend
all the holidays with?
502
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,589
What are you talking about?
Why is your shoe off?
503
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,224
He was cheating at dreidel!
504
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:05,792
Okay, everybody stop!
505
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,328
There is no holiday house!
We're just dating!
506
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,330
Pick right now!
Erica, say us.
507
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,031
Say us
or I have no daughter.
508
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:13,100
You have
to pick me, Geoffrey,
509
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,401
or you're out
of my will forever!
510
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,935
You know, the whole point
of this holiday
511
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,004
was for our families
to get to know each other.
512
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,972
Yeah.
Thanks for ruining it.
513
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,947
(DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL
PLAYS)
514
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,818
My mom may have lost
her precious holiday,
515
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,287
but I had found my new act
for the talent show.
516
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,056
Okay. What am I
looking at here?
517
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:38,658
Not that it's any
of your business,
518
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,562
but I'm working on
a new super-sexy act
for the talent show.
519
00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,397
Put the scarves away, kiddo.
520
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,599
You can do
the Billy Joel song.
521
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,067
What? Barry gave up?
522
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,402
Mmm, just on me.
523
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,003
He finally came to me
for help,
524
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,505
and I let him down.
525
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:53,606
No, don't do that!
526
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,841
Don't make me feel sad
for him.
527
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,610
The guy stole my song
and my Jedi grandpa.
528
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,979
Kiddo, I've helped you
your whole life,
529
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,949
and now...
I need your help.
530
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:07,920
Hey, can we talk
about the talent show?
531
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,556
Look, if Pops sent you
in here,
532
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,824
tell him I'm not doing
his stupid comedy routine.
533
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:13,426
Forget about
Who's on First?
534
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,262
I'm here to tell you
to do the song.
535
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,996
Please.
We both know I suck at it.
536
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,866
That's why we're gonna
combine your rap skills
and showmanship
537
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:23,803
with my greatest talent,
audio-video wizardry.
538
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,973
And so, united by
our sensei granddad,
539
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:29,542
me and Barry decided
he wouldn't just rap.
540
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,211
He wouldn't just sing.
541
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,079
He'd rap-sing
the most important song
542
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,947
in our school's history.
543
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,616
* Barry Goldberg, JTP
544
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,351
* William Penn Academy
545
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,086
* Fighting Quakers,
North Philly
546
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:41,688
* Principal Ball
547
00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:43,556
* Coach Mellor
is good at sports
548
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,392
* And he wears
those tiny shorts
549
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,761
* Cecil the janitor
is mopping up the hall
550
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:49,996
It's true!
(ALL CHEERING)
551
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:51,931
He mopped up something
I spilled this morning!
552
00:18:51,998 --> 00:18:53,600
* Mr. Glascott is a nerd
553
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:55,335
* Feather Locklear is his bird
554
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:57,204
* Miss Tabs habla Espanol
555
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:58,938
* Lunch lady is really old
556
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,673
* Mr. Woodburn is so mean
557
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,509
* Cinoman's the drama queen
558
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,277
* Then there's Doc
throwin' chalk
559
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:06,112
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
* That guy is out of control
560
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,847
* Burnouts, nerds, and jocks
561
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,516
* Jamie Weisman's really hot
562
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,251
* Taz Money, Dave Kim
563
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,052
* Chad Kremp,
what's up with him?
564
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,821
* Jackie and my brother Ad
565
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,589
* My sensei is my granddad
566
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,191
* Watch me flip this
on the floor
567
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,327
* I can't take it anymore
568
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,094
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
569
00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,064
Yeah!
570
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,068
Whoo!
571
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,370
Mr. Glascott!
Come quick!
572
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:31,438
It's super important!
573
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,240
No, it's not.
None of this matters.
574
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,874
But Barry started a fire!
575
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:37,176
Dang it!
It does matter!
576
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,378
It matters real bad!
577
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,615
* We didn't start the fire
578
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,251
Oh. Hello.
579
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,686
* Always burning
since the world's
been turning *
580
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:49,356
Hi. My wife
made you a kugel.
581
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,425
Mmm. Smells delicious.
582
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,994
You both really know your way
around a Hanukkah dish.
583
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:57,597
Right back at you.
You were right.
584
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,633
Never take
on Beverly Goldberg
in a Hanukkah war.
585
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,902
What do you say we stop
worrying about the future
586
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:06,072
and just enjoy the great kids
we have right now?
587
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,374
I'd love that.
(CHUCKLES)
588
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,008
* We didn't start the fire
589
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:11,077
What?
590
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,412
You'll get used to it.
591
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:13,980
We're family now.
592
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:17,016
That night, my mom started
a new holiday tradition,
593
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,319
and Barry didn't just
start a fire...
594
00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,820
He started his comeback.
595
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:24,824
* And on and on and on
and on and on
596
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,761
* We didn't start the fire
597
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,363
* It was always burning...
598
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,764
And as for my mom,
599
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:34,100
she realized the best way
to spend the holidays
600
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,268
was together.
601
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,336
What's all this?
602
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,338
We decided to share
the holiday.
603
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,972
There's enough nights
to go around.
604
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,140
(CHUCKLES)
605
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:42,742
In the end,
the holidays aren't about
606
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:44,677
the number of nights
you have to celebrate.
607
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,813
All that matters is
you're together,
608
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,549
laughing, eating,
and making memories.
609
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,751
(ALL CHEERING)
(LAUGHTER)
610
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:55,488
(INAUDIBLE)
611
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:56,589
(BELL DINGS)
612
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:11,738
ADAM: Mom!
Stop watching me sleep!
613
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,272
BEVERLY: Can I just
get one head sniff?
614
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:15,274
Mom, just say
"Night, night."
615
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:16,443
Night, night.
616
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,514
I know you're still there!
I see the sweater!
617
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,215
Fine! I'll go for real!
618
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:25,952
(DOOR CLOSES)
619
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,520
(DREIDEL, DREIDEL, DREIDEL
PLAYS)
620
00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:29,188
This is my worst nightmare!
42474
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